They

by Pumpkinonimous

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 1829

Creepy ponies in black suits show up in Ponyville.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-13 21:20:02 UTC

They

Derpy stepped cautiously over to the still hot and glowing object, watched the whiffs of smoke that rose from it. She wanted to get closer to it but it was still too hot. She stared at it.

She had watched it fall from the sky, burning like a meteor as it came. But, it didn’t crash like a meteor because it slowed to almost a crawl until it touched down on the ground in the bare field outside of Ponyville where she’d been playing with her bottle of bubbles.

Just then two black suited stallions wearing Raybans stepped briskly up to her.

“Excuse me, ma’am, but this area is now restricted. You’ll have to leave”, said one of them in a flat monotone, his face expressionless.

Yes. Leave. Now”, said the other black-suited-raybanned-equally-expressionless stallion.

Derpy didn’t know why but these strange, black suited stallions made her very nervous, even creeped her out a little.

Maybe it was because their expressions never changed? Maybe it was the way they walked? Maybe it was because of the odd little antennas they had just barely showing under their manes? She didn’t know. She turned and ran as fast as she could back to Ponyville.

“Kryptids?”, asked one, flatly a moment later

“Kryptids!”, said the other, equally flatly.

“We better contact Retrieval”, said the first pony, in that strange monotone of his. He raised a hoof to his left ear, touched a small device sitting in it.

“Yes. This is Tom. Send Lir and Lela”, he said, “we have an object. Yes. Kryptids. Maybe space krill too. We need a pick-up”

The two black suited stallions looked blankly at each other for a moment then back at the object.

Suddenly those strange antennas extended outward from their heads and they rose from the ground, floating. They drifted closer to the still glowing and smoldering object.

Black Suit number one took a device from his pocket that looked like a cross between a smart phone, a blow dryer and one of those old portable TVs from the 80s, with antennas sticking out of it.

He touched some icons on the touchpad. Lights began to blink and flash and it emitted a strange, warbling hum. It stopped a moment later, he turned the device toward him, looked at it.

“Quantum croutons?”, asked black-suit-pony two

“Quantum croutons”, nodded black-suit-pony one

“We’ll need to isolate it”, said black-suit-pony two.

He reached into his jacket pocket, pulled something out that just kept coming out, getting bigger and bigger as he brought it forth. A moment later, a large, black bull-dozer looking thing rested on the ground next to the now not-so-glowing-or-hot object.

Black-suit one floated over, sat down in the drivers seat, laid his hoof on a touch panel. The machine roared to life with a loud but strange whimpering whir.

A moment later, he rolled it to within inches of the almost-not-glowing-or-hot object, now, hoofed the control pad, again.

The odd, black machine rolled slowly forward, bumped the  not-hot-or-glowing-anymore object but failed to move it.

Just then a tiny hatch opened in the top of the not-quite-warm-but-almost-cold-now thing on the ground. A strange head with six eyes popped up out of the hatch. It was some kind of weird, green, oddly shaped semi ponious... Thing... But not like anything that had ever been seen in Equestria, before.

The two Black Suits quickly glanced blankly at each other for a moment, back at the semi poneous green thing.

“Hey! I’m sleeping here!”, it shouted angrily at them in a tiny little voice that had a very distinct Brooklyn twang to it, “Go bother somebody else!”

“You are in violation of planet contact protocols”, said Black Suit one, “Prepare for containment.”

“Hey!”, said the small green semi-ponious thing, “I’m on my vacation! I was tired! I just pulled over to rest my eyes for a while! You can see why!”

With that the semi-ponious alien thing grabbed the hatch.

“This planet’s  gone to shit since the Arachnoids bought it!”, it muttered, as it slammed the hatch shut.

A moment later the not-even-slightly-warm-even-to-the-touch object began to hum and whir. It rose from the ground, hesitated for a moment, then shot off into space. It was gone in a blink.

A second later, Black Suit One raised a hoof to his ear. He remained expressionless.

“Our little visitor has just strongly suggested that I commit an extremely inappropriate sexual act upon my female parental unit”, it said in that monotone.

Neither expression changed, even in the slightest, as Black Suit one grabbed the large black tractor thing, began crumpling it up like a piece of paper. He stuck it back in his coat pocket.

They quickly glanced at each other one more time then slowly faded away until they were gone, taking all signs of the visitor with them.

It wasn't an hour before Derpy, followed by dozens of excited and curious ponies from town, arrived back at the site where she'd first seen the object.

Seeing nothing she began nervously casting about, sniffing the ground like a dog in persuit of a squirrel. She hoofed the dirt in the spot where she was certain the object had been, sniffed it again. Nothing.

"I think you're a victim of your own imagination, Derpy", called one pony from the crowd. Derpy's ears fell, she looked hurt.

"But it was here! I sawwit! It was wite here! And two bwack suited stawwions, too!"

"Was there a little green pony too, Derpy?", called another from the crowd, sarcastically.

"I'm tewwing you!", she said more emphatically, "They was here! I swear!"

"You're just making stuff up to get attentiion", said one last pony from the crowd sarcastically.

They all looked at her with annoyed frowns before they turned to head back to Ponyville. "Next time get pictures first!" shouted a pony back over their shoulder.

Derpy's ears fell, she frowned in sad confusion as she hung her head. 'But, I did see it! I did!' she thought, before turning and walking back toward town. She shuddered. It would be quite a while before she was able to live this down!

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Derpy stepped cautiously over to the still hot and glowing object, watched the whiffs of smoke that rose from it. She wanted to get closer to it but it was still too hot. She stared at it.

She had watched it fall from the sky, burning like a meteor as it came. But, it didn’t crash like a meteor because it slowed to almost a crawl until it touched down on the ground in the bare field outside of Ponyville where she’d been playing with her bottle of bubbles.

Just then two black suited stallions wearing Raybans stepped briskly up to her.

“Excuse me, ma’am, but this area is now restricted. You’ll have to leave”, said one of them in a flat monotone, his face expressionless.

Yes. Leave. Now”, said the other black-suited-raybanned-equally-0expressionless stallion.

Derpy didn’t know why but these strange, black suited stallions made her very nervous, even creeped her out a little.

Maybe it was because their expressions never changed? Maybe it was the way they walked? Maybe it was because of the odd little antennas they had just barely showing under their manes? She didn’t know. She turned and ran as fast as she could back to Ponyville.

“Kryptids?”, asked one, flatly a moment later

“Kryptids!”, said the other, equally flatly.

“We better contact Retrieval”, said the first pony, in that strange monotone of his. He raised a hoof to his left ear, touched a small device sitting in it.

“Yes. This is Tom. Send Lir and Lela”, he said, “we have an object. Yes. Kryptids. Maybe space krill too. We need a pick-up”

The two black suited stallions looked blankly at each other for a moment then back at the object.

Suddenly those strange antennas extended outward from their heads and they rose from the ground, floating. They drifted closer to the still glowing and smoldering object.

Black Suit number one took a device from his pocket that looked like a cross between a smart phone, a blow dryer and one of those old portable TVs from the 80s, with antennas sticking out of it.

He touched some icons on the touchpad. Lights began to blink and flash and it emitted a strange, warbling hum. It stopped a moment later, he turned the device toward him, looked at it.

“Quantum croutons?”, asked black-suit-pony two

“Quantum croutons”, nodded black-suit-pony one

“We’ll need to isolate it”, said black-suit-pony two.

He reached into his jacket pocket, pulled something out that just kept coming out, getting bigger and bigger as he brought it forth. A moment later, a large, black bull-dozer looking thing rested on the ground next to the now not-so-glowing-or-hot object.

Black-suit one floated over, sat down in the drivers seat, laid his hoof on a touch panel. The machine roared to life with a loud but strange whimpering whir.

A moment later, he rolled it to within inches of the almost-not-glowing-or-hot object, now, hoofed the control pad, again.

The odd, black machine rolled slowly forward, bumped the  not-hot-or-glowing-anymore object but failed to move it.

Just then a tiny hatch opened in the top of the not-quite-warm-but-almost-cold-now thing on the ground. A strange head with six eyes popped up out of the hatch. It was some kind of weird, green, oddly shaped semi ponious... Thing... But not like anything that had ever been seen in Equestria, before.

The two Black Suits quickly glanced blankly at each other for a moment, back at the semi poneous green thing.

“Hey! I’m sleeping here!”, it shouted angrily at them in a tiny little voice that had a very distinct Brooklyn twang to it, “Go bother somebody else!”

“You are in violation of planet contact protocols”, said Black Suit one, “Prepare for containment.”

“Hey!”, said the small green semi-ponious thing, “I’m on my vacation! I was tired! I just pulled over to rest my eyes for a while! You can see why!”

With that the semi-ponious alien thing grabbed the hatch.

“This planet’s  gone to shit since the Arachnoids bought it!”, it muttered, as it slammed the hatch shut.

A moment later the not-even-slightly-warm-even-to-the-touch object began to hum and whir. It rose from the ground, hesitated for a moment, then shot off into space. It was gone in a blink.

A second later, Black Suit One raised a hoof to his ear. He remained expressionless.

“Our little visitor has just strongly suggested that I commit an extremely inappropriate act upon my female parental unit”, it said in that monotone.

Neither expression changed, even in the slightest, as Black Suit one grabbed the large black tractor thing, began crumpling it up like a piece of paper. He stuck it back in his coat pocket.

They quickly glanced at each other one more time then slowly faded away until they were gone, taking all signs of the visitor with them.