Random Batshit I did

by Sage Probo

Rating: mature
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1039

Something that happened after meshing my face on the keyboard.

After doing some face-meet-keyboard sessions, this happened as the result. I blame my own stupidity for this.

Pre-/Proof(?)read by Fransesca and Delanor from the IRC channel.

Published 2015-07-16 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-16 18:30:01 UTC

Lolwut?

It was late at night and Spike was inside Golden Oaks Library, getting ready to sleep inside his basket. Unfortunately, Twilight seemed to have over plans for tonight.

"SPIKE!" came a yell from the library's basement. "SPIKE! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE! I HAVE ONE LAST EXPERIMENT TO DO, AND I NEED YOU HELP!"

More like one more try to find a way to kill me, Spike thought and remembered the last couple days. "I'M CUMMING!" he yelled back down, as a sudden huge load broke free from his nether regions and covered his basket in liquid pride.

Sighing, he made his way down to the basement, half expecting some deathtap apparatus built she wanted him to test out. To his surprise, Twilight was just brewing another potion and busy scribbling down some notes. The potion puffed a smoke that looked exactly like Pinkie Pie and started talking just like the real thing. Experiencing a kind of dread, he slowly approached the still writing unicorn.

When he was close enough to poke her, the unicorn spun around and held the dragon in a strong magical grasp. Twilight grabbed the potion with her magic and forced it down Spike's throat. He coughed up clouds of Rainbow Dash and got a strange feeling he couldn't describe in his gut.

"Urgh, Twilight, what was that potion?" Spike finally asked after the coughing subsided. "Another poison you want to test if it kills me?"

Twilight, simply levitating the scroll and quill beside her, answered the question with a lustful moan.

"No silly. It's a stamina enhancing potion for stallions to last longer during intercourse." She explained what Spike just drank. "With this, even stallions flaccid as you will enjoy fucking around. Well, not that you will ever get some vag."

Spike, still dazed that his master just forced him to drink a potion of liquid viagra, only stood there thinking about how the hell to get out of there when suddenly his member sprung to life so fast, he basically fell on his ass. On a side note, Spike noticed that his member quite literally sprung to life… it sprung of his crotch and did a dance routine that would make Discord proud… if said spirit of disharmony and chaos wasn't dancing along with it. Twilight just sat there, writing furiously fast, while both came to a stop. Applause was heard from somewhere and both bowed low before Discord snapped his claw and vanished to be someone else, most likely Fluttershy (if the screams of delight that can be heard at night are any indication).

Spike sat on his ass. Dumbstruck, and tried to think of something to recover from his dismemberment. Twilight, on the other hoof, simply stood up, went for his member… and sat down on it. As soon as it entered her, Pinkie burst through the basement door screaming: "I CAME… to see what you are doing.." which caused Spike to burst… his nuts into his surrogate sister. Or he would have, if his dick currently wasn't about 5 feet away from him. So instead he burst into tears… and melted into the ground, never to be seen again. Twilight took that with the stoic expression Celestia was famous for: she didn't even bat one eye. Instead, she sat there, with late Spike's dragenspear still inside her, writing her finding on parchment so fast, the paper caught fire. Pinkie, ever the helpful one, put the fire out… in a natural way: she pissed on it.

Being done, she hopped back up, humming a merry tune, and was never seen again (at least not in Twilight's basement). The lavender pony simply shrugged and murmured: "I knew I should've used chimera spunk instead of chaos jizz… too unpredictable."

Signing, she made her way upstairs as well. As she entered the main space of the library, Rainbow Dash was sitting in a corner reading the latest smutmagazine and clopping like a madmare she was. Spike's spear decided that this moment is the best moment to attach itself to Twilight's crotch, complete with nuts, and made quite a mess on the floor, when Rarity came through the door, dropped on the jizz covered floor and DID THE DINOSAUR! Applejack came a few seconds later from the display, and went on the floor, didn't walk through the door, but did the dinosaur!

Rainbow, having taken notice of the lavender mare's extra leg, continued reading her magazine, but spread her legs nonetheless, which said mare took as an invitation. Lustful moans were heard, bodies clapping together were seen, much cream was eaten. It was then when Celestia decreed that no fucks are to be given when the Harmony-Bearer were doing stupid things again, like trying to reform Queen Chrysalis with a sex-embargo. The queen clearly had no fucks to give as she had no fucks to get. Luna simply stood like a statue on the moon and wanked like there was no tomorrow. Which, given that she was ON the moon wanking, would never come.

Pinkie, not seen but heard, screaming from the other side of the planet: "AND THAT'S HOW EQUESTRIA WAS MADE!"

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" came the yell of a little purple dragon as he awoke from his slumber. Breathing heavily, all he did was sitting in his basket, trying to calm his pounding heart. He felt as he just ran the Running of the Leafes marathon. Unfortunately, his scream woke up the other occupant of the bedroom.

Looking at her number one assistant, Twilight drowsily rubbed her eyes. "What's wrong, Spike? Another nightmare?" she asked. This was the third one in a row this week, after the fiasco with Luna's tantibus escaping.

"Yeah… This is getting ridiculous, what is Luna doing? Sure she can spend a few minutes to dispel my nightmares." Spike replied with a small yawn. Shaking his head, he laid back into his basket and was sound asleep a few minutes later.

Twilight merely smiled as she levitated a flask over to her. It was good to have a few spare assistants after all.

Author's Note

I literally have no idea what I wrote. If you can make head or tails out of this, let me know.