The Friendship Express' Annual Service
Torque Wrench awoke from his peaceful slumber at a reasonable seven o'clock in the morning, which did not bother him too much, as he knew he had a lot of maintenance work to do.
Torque threw the covers from his unrealistically comfortable bed and forced himself to get up, much to his chagrin.
Stumbling to his hooves, Torque rubbed his eyes with his good right-hood while balancing on his other three, facing his bedroom window that still had its curtains drawn.
Mentally preparing his eyes, he ripped open the curtains, to only be greeted by Celestia's glorious sunshine to be burned directly into his retinas.
"Ah! My eyes..." Torque mumbled under his breath, turning his head away from the sunlight in a natural reflex to extremely bright sources of light.
Torque's gaze eventually fell on his calendar that was on top of his chest of drawers.
July 13th. A Monday.
"Brilliant." Torque thought to himself as he mindlessly wandered to his kitchen to arrange his first and certainly not last fix of caffeine for the morning.
Half an hour, one shower, two slices of toast and three coffees later, Torque Wrench was awake enough to be considered competent.
Torque opened his front door, only to be greeted by a ominously looking scroll placed perfectly on his doormat.
Being sealed by the Princess of Friendship's seal, this piqued Torque's interest.
Opening the scroll, Torque scanned through it's contents briefly before shutting his front door and continued on his original path to work.
However, after walking fifteen feet from his home, Torque stopped and pondered for a few seconds, as what he had just read on that scroll had managed to filter through all the caffeine in his brain.
Torque had to double-take what he had just read, making sure that his brain was not pulling tricks on him again.
Dear Torque Wrench,
It is with most importance that you meet me at Ponyville Train Station at 8AM sharp.
Due to your affinity's unique talents, you are required to fill in an absence that was unforeseen that only you can fulfil successfully.
Kind regards,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Torque was astounded, as he was a standard run-of-the-mill pony. But if Princess Twilight sees potential in him, he wasn't not about to let her down.
Glancing down at his watch, Torque realised that he had only twenty minutes to reach the Station, and it was on the other side of town.
Torque would have to put on a mild power-walk to reach the Station on time. And everybody knew that Princess Twilight possessed an incredibly anal personality, especially about her times and schedules.
Eighteen minutes later. Torque arrived at the Station building and oddly enough, he saw The Friendship Express waiting at the platform, but wasn't bellowing any steam.
He trotted up to the platform and looked around anxiously, awaiting one of Princess Twilight's infamous jumpscare teleportation introductions.
Seconds turned into moments, but still, no sign of Princess Twilight and no movement from The Friendship Express.
Was she broken? Was it a Celestial Holiday Monday that Torque had completely forgotten about?
Whilst deep in his own thoughts, trying to rationalise a reasonable explanation for what was occurring before him, Torque was indeed, jumpscared by Princess Twilight's teleportation that happened at exactly eight o'clock.
"Oh, you are here! Great!" Twilight continued, not acknowledging that she nearly scared Torque off of the platform in her actions.
Once catching his breath, Torque was trying to think of a snappy response to what Twilight has said and done, but was also fearful that if he back-chatted to a princess before he could even start his work, it could mean that he would have to relocate yet again in order to find more work to sustain himself.
"Morning Princess. What would you like me to do today?" Torque replied, trying his hardest to ignore the blood rushing around his veins after such a scare.
"I have a very special job for you today. You see, I usually have a certain pony for this job that he performs very well. But today is the only window that this operation can be performed and he happens to fall ill on this very same day." Twilight muttered, getting slightly carried away with herself, as she always did.
"May I ask why it must be on this day? Why not wait until he is better and do it then, as you are certain he can complete the job to the standard that you wish to see." Torque questioned, legitimately curious as to why today was so specific.
"Today is the only day that The Friendship Express does not complete her rounds, and is given an entire engine service. Every pony around Equestria knows that today is Service Day and everypony must find alternate travel to work." Twilight answered with smugness hidden within her verses.
"Well, why not move it?" Torque asked again, proceeding to be his natural, arrogant self.
"Because, all of Equestria will not know that Service Day has been delayed, all work flow will be interrupted for the following week, inducing a knock-on effect for nearly the entirety of Equestria's primary services, including water, power and magical regulation." Twilight edged out, drawing in a deep inhale after uttering the last syllable.
"So the end of the world as we know it?" Torque muttered accidentally before realising it was too late to stutter off mid-sentence or quieten down so that Princess Twilight never heard.
Instead, Princess Twilight heard every single word and was looking directly at Torque with a solemn face, causing Torque to cringe internally to a point where he thought he almost became a black hole.
"In a word, yes!" Twilight responded, revealing that she was calculating the knock-on effects of moving Service Day in her head.
Torque sighed with relief as he could easily recover from this situation.
"I'd better get to work then. Is it a standard model steam train that I have seen in Canterlot and Marehatten?" Torque asked, approaching the Engine Car and quickly analysing the conduction of the wheels and tracks.
"Yes, exactly the same. Apart from obvious magical spells that extend the dexterity and resistance of the metals that make up the Engine Car." Twilight answered simply.
"Brilliant, sounds like an easy day then." Torque stated cockily before jumping on the Engine Car and equipping his All-In-One 1001 Toolkit.
"I look forward to the end result! I wish you the best of luck!" Twilight exclaimed before quickly teleporting away again.
Torque chuckled to himself as he reminded himself of his previous knowledge of Princess Twilight's anal personality. More in one way than the other.
As Torque neared the furnace cover, The Friendship Express gave a weird shudder that rocked the entire car.
Torque pushed on, concluding that it might have been either a heavy impact nearby or a micro-earthquake.
Torque equipped his flathead screwdriver and aligned up to undo the first of four screws like he had done thousands of times before.
But as soon as the screwdriver touched the surface of the screw-head, The Friendship Express shuddered again but this time, also spontaneously ignited a roaring flame within the furnace.
This caused The Friendship Express to suddenly jolt forward and begin to bellow steam from the chamber. Torque was unimpressed with this, as he did not take kindly to jokes or pranks.
"Haha, very funny, you immature filly. Now stop this nonsense, so I can get on with some actual work." Torque shouted out loud so that any pony that was in the vicinity could hear him.
Except there was no ponies in the vicinity, and The Friendship Express had begun to pull away from the platform on what seemed like on it's own accord.
After speaking the last work of his sentence, Torque was greeted by a loud whistle of the train and a rapid increase in speed.
Torque panicked, as The Friendship Express was somehow, moving itself.
The first thing that sprung to Torque's head was the thought of an emergency brake, as they had to have them in every car.
Torque galloped to the conversing car and scanned all around; no sign of even a indicator of where an emergency brake was placed.
Torque glanced outside through passenger windows and discovered that he had left Ponyville long ago, and was now traveling at the train speed limit; twenty miles-per-hour.
Torque had to find the brake soon, or he would not be in his new hometown for very long. Since he didn't see a brake in the Engine car, Torque continued to rapidly scan each car in sequence, in hopes of finding a red sign stating the obvious.
It wasn't until the last car that Torque spotted the obvious red cord, dangling freely in the corner, occasionally being blown around by a rogue gust of wind.
Torque galloped to the cord, placed a firm grip around the cord and it's bright red handle and gave a sharp tug downwards, causing the brakes to slam shut and scream as metal ground against metal.
The blood was being rushed around Torque's body in a state of panic, but was now subsiding steadily as the train brakes continued to squeal and bring The Friendship Express to a complete stop.
Torque breathed a sigh of relief and poked his head out of the open window, watching as the carriages steadily stopped one by one.
Torque's victory was only short lived as the strangest event occurred before his very eyes; the carriages warped upwards and inwards in sequence as if The Friendship Express was taking a deep inhale.
But as the warping got to the Engine car, it began to warp higher than any of the other carriages and delayed for only a mere few seconds.
Upon relaxation, the Engine car bellowed out large amounts of steam, blew it's whistle once again and impossibly, started again.
But this time, The Friendship Express reached the speed limit much quicker and was now seeming to even exceed it, with not a single other soul on board.
All the blood in Torque's body turned cold as he watched the pistons pump faster than he had ever seen them move before.
However, a small glimpse of purple magic essence caught his eye that seemed to be in the Engine car.
Torque pulled his head in from the windy countryside, and galloped as fast as he could to the Engine room, once again.
Once back in the Engine room, Torque discovered that the furnace was now housing an extremely powerful flame, and was not doing to stop anytime soon.
Torque looked around to see what the source of the magic was, and was satisfied to see what looked like a scroll, laying on the floor of the Engine car.
In a hurried frenzy, Torque ripped open the seal and read the scroll three times over before information began to start register in his brain.
Dear Torque Wrench,
I forgot to mention this to you!
The spells that keep The Friendship Express working also give her artificial life. And she does not enjoy her services.
This is normal behaviour exhibited by The Friendship Express on Service Day.
I spotted that you have completed Stage One, which was pulling the emergency brakes.
I believe that Steamer once mentioned that the next stage involved a lever and a small handle...?
Something along those lines.
Anyway; best of luck!
Regards,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Torque was now curious. He saw various instruments on top of the furnace and according to Twilight's scroll, one of the handles or levers will engage the brakes again.
But before he could read the scroll again for confirmation, a rogue gust of wind caused him to lose grip of the scroll and was blown directly into the furnace.
Torque climbed the small ladders and stood on top of the furnace and ogled at the many various levers, handles and switched in front of him.
There were so many to choose from, Torque had nearly no idea. But he vaguely remembered that there was something to do with a handle and a lever at the same time?
Torque glanced around and eventually saw a lever that looked like another emergency brake switch and a small red handle beside it.
Panicking between which lever or handle to pull, Torque did the next best thing; pull both at the same time.
The result was the familiar screeching of brakes as The Friendship Express once again, ground to a standstill.
Torque glanced outside the window hatch and saw that he was now in the middle of The Badlands, which was not good for furnace temperatures.
As the carriages clattered to a halt again, Torque looked into the furnace and discovered that the huge flame has been completely extinguished.
But what caught it his eye, was a gleaming chrome instrument that was installed in the top-centre of the furnace which also looked eerily similar to a pilot light.
The similar warping sound was getting scarily closer and Torque had just enough time to slam the furnace cover shut before an even bigger flame erupted within the furnace and was followed yet again, by the signature sound of pistons working overdrive.
The Friendship Express was now reaching ridiculous speeds, even topping sixty miles-per-hour on one of the various instruments.
But Torque had discovered a plan.
If Torque could activate both the red cord and both the lever and handle within a short period of time, that should buy him enough time to remove, dislodge or even forcefully destroy the pilot light that seems to be re-igniting the furnace after every emergency stop.
Torque galloped and reached the red cord in what seemed like record time and mentally prepared himself as he clung onto the cord, ready to give a sharp pull at a moment's notice.
Observing that there was a long straight of track ahead of him, Torque realised that this was the perfect moment and pulled the cord.
Exerting all his stamina, Torque sprinted for the Engine car, trying to keep a small timer going in his head.
Thirty five seconds later, Torque reached the Engine room and galloped straight for the lever and handle.
Once composed, Torque pulled both lever and handle in one swift motion.
Due to concentrating on the task at hand, Torque didn't realise that the brakes were not squealing as they did last time.
Ignoring the fact that The Friendship Express was now coasting along the tracks without brakes, he ripped open the furnace hatch and immediately reached in, trying to swing his hoof at the pilot light.
Torque did not care for accuracy or salvation of equipment at this point, as he just wanted off this train.
After a few tense moments, Torque's hoof clipped the tip of the pilot light and that caused it to bend slightly.
Noticing that it must be very frail, Torque continued to swing his hoof around wildly before the furnace re-ignited in his face.
Blood rushed from his face as he heard the now, chilling sound of warping approach rapidly.
Straining out of survival and adrenaline, Torque gave one final stretch and swung as hard as he could towards the pilot light, clipping the base hard enough that the pilot light instantly sheared off it's fixings and clanged around in front of Torque, bouncing around on top of odd coal piles.
Torque heard the warping envelop the Engine car and braced himself for anything but pain and suffering.
But what came next was a complete relief.
Instead of re-igniting, the steam was released from the funnel continually for a solid ten seconds as The Friendship Express coasted along.
He climbed out of the furnace, gaining a sooty appearance on top of his light brown coat and exhaled deeply while collapsing to his haunches.
"Thank you ever so much for stopping The Friendship Express! This was her worse case yet, and you tackled it completely!" Twilight spoke proudly to a bored and very uncomfortable Torque Wrench that had been awaiting rescue from the Frozen North for three hours.
"Well, I hope I get paid properly for this." Torque sighed, shivering slightly.
"Even better! We have another job lined up for you, similar to this as you also calmed The Friendship Express in record time! I hope you are not scared of bullet trains!" Twilight exclaimed excitedly.
Torque sighed heavily and looked down at his still sooty hooves.
"Mama Mia."
Author's Note
In memory of Satoru Iwata.
May you now rest in peace.
Thank you ever so much for some of the world's most brilliant games.
