You may only purchase two cats per day.

by Agni Blossom

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Fluttershy, Random
Length: 951

Some random god decides to create an alternate universe to experiment with ponies. This should be amusing.

After well over 500 attempts at getting a working planet down, some idiot god decides to steal ponies to put them on said planet. This will not end well.

Published 2015-07-15 18:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-15 18:40:01 UTC

Leave blank for auto-named second chapter

Some time later, because god-narrator stopped keeping track-

Stop calling me "god-narrator".

Some time later, because the guy in the italics stopped kee-

That's worse.

Some time later, a second pony, not too far away awakens, yawning.

"Ugh... shouldn't have eaten that before be-" she says interrupting herself out of confusion by her surroundings. "... Note to self: Never eat at that restaurant again."

Hi there.

The bewildered alicorn immediately turned to the source of the voice, even though there isn't actually a source.

Ok, I guess we've established that not everypony I brought here is so scared of me that they immediately hide. That's good. Do you have a name?

The pony, completely lost in terms of what's happening right now, manages a slew of nothing more than gibberish as a response.

Well then, I guess I'll ask your name later. Anyway, since the other universe I was getting ponies from decided to shut itself off from me, I had to pull you out of a completely separate universe. Still pony-based, but you're not going to know either of the other two ponies at all. Consider yourself lucky I managed a livable planet this time, by the way. You're one of the first three ponies to survive, and that's saying a lot, considering at least 500 died before you were here due to... technical difficulties, let's say.

The alicorn, somewhat disturbed by this speech, immediately begins fashioning some rudimentary tools from her surroundings.

What are you making?

"Earplugs, so I don't have to listen to you ranting on about your god complex. Just tell me the way home before I put them in." She holds up the finished product, which is admittedly far too large for any pony to have in their ear for any length of time.

Well, thing is, you're from a different universe. There is no "way home" for you, because as far as anyone in this universe should really be concerned, everywhere on the planet is home.

"Prove to me you're a god and I'll believe you."

Moments later, a tree exploded nearby.

"Welcome aboard, you're my new demolitions expert."

Demolitions expert?

"Weren't you applying to become a part of my heist crew?"

Wait, you were a criminal?

"I still am," she said, with a smirk on her face.

Not in this universe, unless you've killed the third pony.

"Good luck finding their corpse, I'm undetectable."

I'm looking at you right now. And on top of that, you were asleep from the time you got here, until we started this conversation.

"Or so you thought."

You're not really a criminal, are you?

The alicorn hesitates for a second, before pouting. "Fine, I admit it... I just wanted to sound tough..."

Well, I'd build a shelter if I were you. Either that or you can find the easily scared pony and mooch off of her if you want.

"Which way?"

The god-narrator flings the presumably nameless pony in the direction of Fluttershy, as she screams every obscenity ever written.

Okay, now to find the third pony.
Oh, and stop calling me that.

Leave blank for auto-named chapter

In the beginning, there was nothing. And then suddenly two weeks later we had a whole bunch of ponies. Putting aside the exact logic behind that happening, we now go live to watch the denizens in this dense white void. After all, we only have ponies. It's not like we gave them houses, or resources, or even a planet...
Wait, that means they have no air. Great. Just great. We have to start over, and go two more weeks without a story because of this.

Two weeks pass, and god-narrator is currently bouncing a makeshift planet on a table-tennis paddle.

Okay, planet? Check. Water? Check. Food source? Check. Light? Check. Okay, we're ready to go now. Finally.

In the beginning, I screwed up and created a bunch of dead ponies in a white void. This has been corrected. In this new beginning, they're starting out with a planet, some water, and a limitless food source as they live in a constant ambient glow that doesn't seem to come from anywhere. Let's see how well they're faring now.

God-narrator looks over to the planet, now suspended, with a dozen pony corpses floating away from it, along with all of the food and water, as it slowly falls apart.

Right...
Two more weeks, this time add air and gravity.

Seven hundred attempts later, god-narrator finally manages to get it right.

Actually, seven hundred forty-three.

Meanwhile, on the planet, some of the ponies are just now waking up.

"W-what is this place...?" Fluttershy asks no one in particular, confused, and a little scared.

Hi.

Fluttershy, in response, immediately runs and hides behind the nearest tree.

Oh, whoa. Not the reaction I was hoping for at all.

Fluttershy continues hiding, shivering, hoping she isn't found.

Anyway, welcome to this planet, welcome to my universe. There's nothing to be afraid of, because you and the others are actually the highest in the food chain.

"Others?!"

Yeah, you're one of three ponies I decided to bring here to test this planet out. Good thing it worked, too, otherwise all of the people reading this would be really mad at me. Anyway, I'm... well, my name doesn't matter. I suggest you build a shelter before nightfall, because the monsters get pretty hostile.

"I thought you said there wasn't anything to be afraid of!" Fluttershy yells, cowering.

Nah, I'm just kidding. There is no nightfall. Don't want to have to bother with keeping up with time here. Anyway, build a shelter. Kind of want to see what you're capable of.