You can feel it sometimes. Nagging at the back of your mind like a worm in an apple core. That little flicker of envy you know you should never feel. We all experience it at least once. But you never think it would be directed towards your own family.
And yet there it was. Scratching at my thoughts, over and over again. Envy. All of it directed at her. It was an irritation for certain, and the longer I left it unchecked the more minute changes I noticed in my daily actions.
They were so little at first. A second glance at my sister every now and then at breakfast. Taking an extra second to channel my magic when raising the moon. Losing track of time when I groomed myself in the evening.
The evening.
The end of the day. Time to return home. Have a family dinner. Read the children a story. Tuck yourself in with the one you love most. The daily ritual of many.
Not the ritual of Princess Luna.
The evening was once my favourite time of the day. It was when I would be making the final preparations for my night-time sky, little last minute changes to the positions of the stars and moon for example. All to result in a perfect night every night.
Tonight was not perfect.
Tonight something was wrong, and it wasn't the sky.
Something is wrong with me. I know it. It's that nagging. The scratching. It won't go away. It won't stop. I'm usually able to block it out. Turn it off. But tonight it won't let me.
It's just there. Scraping at the door. Those thoughts and feelings towards her just bursting open from their confines. And as much as I want to I can't contain it.
I need help.
I want it.
But I can't have it.
Little sister doesn't need help. Little sister is able.
Celestia would want that. She'd want me to come running. I always came running. She was Big Sister. The responsible one. She was always there. She would always know what to do, always had the right answer, the right course of action. It was who she was.
I never had the answer, or at least not the answer she wanted.
Little Lulu and her stupid answers.
It was hurtful. But petty of me to think so. So what if she was the smarter one? We are both in possession of far more magic and power than any pony that ever was or ever will be. We are like Gods. Deities among them.
Then why is it suddenly not enough anymore?
Why do I want more?
Because as much worth as I am. It's still second to Celestia.
It's always second to Celestia.
Second at flying. Second at magic. Second in height, and second in age. I was even second in getting my cutie mark.
Celestia was always first.
She was always better. Superior in every way that was cared for. In every way they cared for. After a while I stopped noticing, after we both found our new purposes in life. She would raise the sun, and I raised the moon. We were equals. We were addressed as equals. Treated as equals, and worshiped as equals.
Equals.
It was laughable.
I look at us now... and we are not equal.
They always addressed her first. Looked her way first. Asked for her first. I was never first. Princess Luna was always the remnant. Princess Celestia was always the predominant.
My head.
It's still scraping.
Why won't she just shut up!
She? I mean It.
Celestia would help me. She would always help me. She always helped everypony. Always loyal. Always noble. Always peaceful. Always Celestia.
Isn't it just hateful?
Biases and prejudice, that's all it was. Bask in her glory and ignore the lesser of the two. Nopony cared for me. Nopony cared for Luna and her offerings.
Why didn't they care for pitiful little Lulu?
Luna the lesser. Luna the second. Luna the other, and Luna the undesirable. It was always and always is.
Appreciated. That's all I want. To be appreciated. To stand as one and not as opposites. Why can't they grant me that?
Why do they hide away at night?
It's hurting now... The scraping. I can feel it.
I need to concentrate, it will soon be time to lower the moon. Morning is almost upon us.
It's beautiful is it not? The nighttime sky. I labour over my plans every waking moment, no exquisite detail overlooked, no preparation forgotten.
So why did they shun and sleep?
I work, and I sweat. Yet they hide themselves away. Why? What more do they want from me? Why is it not enough? It is never enough!
They never see my work. My beautiful creations.
They see the sun, every day they see the sun. Even at night all they do is wait for the sun!
It's not fair.
I labour longer, work harder, I always have and always will.
Yet they hide away.
Why do they have to hide? I can make sure that on this night they won't. I will ensure it.
The moon can stay up a bit longer. Celestia won't mind. She was Big Sister, she always forgave and forgot.
They just need to see it. See me. They always see her. Always Celestia. They need to stop.
So I perserved. The moon stayed in the sky, and the night lasted longer than ever before. Time passed me by, but I barely noticed. I couldn't hear anything but the scraping.
Where's Big Sister now then? Ever reliant Celestia, hiding away when Lulu needs her.
This is not Lulu. This is not Luna. This is something else.
I am a Princess. I am the Princess.
I will not be second. I am not second.
Never again. Never Celestia.
I then heard a creaking in the dark, the doors to the hall were opening. Somepony was coming into the throne room. I know who it is. And I will not stand idly by any longer.
I am the night, and I am eternal. I am the one worthy, she is no longer.
Celestia's here now. But something else came also.
"Not. Another. Step."
Author's Note
I plan to do more of these for each of the villains. Ten in total, including a few you probably wouldn't expect. So keep a look out for them!
What was it like for Luna to slowly lose her mind? Which was kind of the point of this story. I tried to leave it ambiguous if Luna was being possessed or not, since in the comics the Nightmare's an entity, and in the show we really don't know yet. Appreciate any feedback!
Edit: Now have a similar story about Queen Chrysalis, check it out! The Queen's Hunger.
