Fear Itself

by korisfa

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Princess Luna, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1273

Luna attempts to reconnect with her sister after returning from her banishment.

While awaiting the verdict from the Council of Unicorns as to whether or not she can have her titles and powers returned to her, Luna attempts to mend fences with her estranged sister.

Published 2015-07-15 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-15 21:50:01 UTC

How Sorry One Is

Author's Note

Yes, I suppose it's a bog-standard story; the genre is pretty well-mined at this point, and I'm not really offering anything new, but I'm trying to get my rusty writing gears whirring once more. I'm a huge fan of "Day One" type stories, where Luna has just returned from the Moon and is attempting to get herself back into the swing of Equestrian society, so it's only natural that I would start there.

Your comments, critiques and thoughts are welcomed.

How Sorry One Is

Luna buried her muzzle as deeply as she could into the fluffy, silken pillow, twisting and turning until her sinewy purple body was enmeshed amongst the midnight blue covers, wishing futilely that she was tired enough to actually get some sleep rather than just tired enough to notice how tired she was; it was the sort of tiredness that allowed one's unguarded mind to be assaulted by all manner of wayward thoughts, and considering the events of the past millennium these were not thoughts that she wanted to have rattling around in her mind right now … or, indeed, ever. With a muffled grunt, she pleaded with all of her heart that, even if it was just for the sake of a moment's respite, she could banish all of her depressing memories of that time to the … no, don't think about that, not right now.

But it was impossible not to think about it; a thousand years sheathed within the viscid core of the moon had passed in the blink of an eye from her point of view, and while Equestria itself was more or less the same, the ponies that inhabited it were very different. New culture, new rules. They probably didn't even have Pancake Tuesdays any more, and that really bothered her.

“Am I disturbing you?”

“Yes, sister, you are,” Luna said, craning her long neck until she could see Celestia standing in the threshold; the waxen moonlight wreathing her tall, slender form like an aura. She was amazed at how little the passage of time had changed her over the years: still radiantly, almost ethereally, beautiful, still as self-possessed as ever. “But it is all right,” she continued. “One does not wish to endure this solitude with only one's own thoughts for company any longer.”

“I can't begin to imagine,” replied Celestia, a tinge of guilt colouring the gentle rhythms of her voice, still not daring to fully enter the room that had been unoccupied for so long. It was an exact replica of Luna's chambers from the Castle of the Two Sisters in the Everfree Forest; to her way of thinking, it was cold, picked out in shades of beryl and violet, but those colours had always represented comfort and stability to Luna. “I thought you'd want to know: the Council still haven't made their minds up yet.”

“Such a decision requires much time and thought,” Luna said sagely, “but one imagines that certain events will make them reticent to ever fully trust one again, and in so doing return to one their titles and powers.” She had spent most of the last couple of days talking until her voice was hoarse, trying to convince the stiff-necked Council of Unicorns that she should be reinstated as Princess of the Night. She had spoken the words well enough – hours spent being advised and coached by her sister, to say nothing of a superfluity of trained pedants – but it had been clear to all that her heart just wasn't in them; somewhere, deep inside, Luna felt that perhaps it would be better to leave the affairs of state in her sister's hooves. She'd apparently done quite well guarding over Night and Day for the last one thousand years by all accounts.

“They have my testimony, as well as the sworn statements of Twilight Sparkle and her friends, that the Nightmare's influence on you has been eradicated by the Elements of Harmony,” said Celestia, barely keeping a lid on her frustration. “They have no reason not to.”

“Fear has always been an adequate excuse to justify distrusting somepony. One is sure that hasn't changed in the years since one has been … away.”

“Is that why …? No, forget it.” Celestia sucked in a lungful of air, wishing she could do the same with the question she had almost asked. Her younger sister's mental state was bound to still be fragile, and there would be plenty of time to talk about things later. No need to go into it on the first weekend that she was back.

“Yes.” Luna answered the unfinished inquiry, anyway, earning herself an irritated scowl from her sister. “One was afraid of being forgotten, of being cast into the very shadows one had adopted as their own kin, of never being loved or appreciated as much as one's pure, unblemished sister. Fear led one down a very dark and twisted path, and-” she felt the prickle of tears forming behind her eyes “-no amount of apologising can ever make up for what one did to you, and for what one made you do in turn to protect the land that one had sworn an oath to.”

“It wasn't you.”

“You wish to believe that?”

“I have to believe that,” Celestia said firmly, resolutely.

Luna considered that statement for a moment. She wasn't even that sure she knew what the truth of the events that led her to becoming Nightmare Moon and waging war on the Princess of the Day were any more. The feelings of dread, of anger and bitterness, those had definitely been hers, but something else had pushed her over the edge. Or was that merely a comforting lie she told herself? “Sister, please, you do not have to lurk in the doorway like a serf awaiting one's leave,” said Luna, growing impatient with Celestia's unwillingness to enter any further. “Come in. Sit down. The bed's big enough for two.”

With a certain amount of trepidation, Celestia did as her sister had requested. She sat down, resting only the merest fraction of her rump on the edge of the crescent moon-shaped bed, maintaining a stolid and stiff pose, and hefted a soft whine into the quiet room. “I'm sorry. I wasn't sure if you'd welcome my companionship or not just yet.”

“One has endured the aching loneliness without your presence for ten centuries, dear sister,” Luna said, suddenly unfurling herself from the tangle of blankets and pillows, throwing her forelegs around Celestia's graceful alabaster neck, “and one does not think that one could stand to be away from your divine self for a moment longer.” She pressed herself close to her sister's breast, listening to her heartbeat as she'd once done as a filly. Nothing had made her happier than spending time with Celestia; whether it was exploring the lands around the castle, trying their newly-acquired magical tricks out on each other, or quarrelling tempestuously as sisters were wont to do on occasion. Luna looked down at the floor, a disconsolate expression forming on her muzzle. “Could things ever be as they once were between us, dear sister?”

“My sweet Luna,” Celestia said soothingly as she placed a hoof on her younger sister's chin, guiding her head upwards until their watery eyes met, “nothing shall ever be as it was, for that is just how life is meant to be. But the most important things, such as my feelings for you, are eternal.” She wrapped both her forelegs around her sister, pulling her into a tight embrace, determined to never let her go again.