“Whatcha talkin’ about?”
Twilight was rubbing her temples in frustration. “That is exactly what I’m talking about. ‘Whatcha’ is not a word and talking happens to have a gee at the end of it.”
“Now Pinkie didn’t mean nuthin’, y’all just need ter settle down, Twilight”
“Y’all? nuthin’!?” she groaned, nearly snorting in irritation. “First of all, ‘y’all’ is a horrible contraction, and even if you did decide to use it, it would only be applicable when addressing a group, not an individual. There’s only one of me, Applejack.”
“Geez Twilight, seems like some egghead needs a timeout,” Rainbow said, hovering near the Daring Do section of the library.
“I don’t need a timeout,” Twilight pouted, “I just want my friends to sound as intelligent as I know they are. We will be meeting with royalty from the Southern Lands and we need to make a good impression.”
“Oh darling, we’ve always managed before, irregardless of our speech.”
“Regardless!” she nearly screamed at the vain unicorn, who put hoof to chin seemingly mulling over the correction.
Applejack wrapped her foreleg around her aggravated friend. “I reckon that irregardless of whether she says regardless or irregardless, A’hm sure our visitors will hold us in high regard.”
Twilight shook her head, trying to grasp the rubbish that had just assaulted her ears. “What?” she looked incredulously at her cowpony friend.
“Well, let’s face it Twilight,” Pinkie chimed in, “you can’t expect us to do a complete 360 by tomorrow.”
“A complete 360 Pinkie? A complete 360,” she repeated. “That would put you back in the same spot you are now!”
“Oh, geez, I never thought of that. Oh well!” With that the hyperactive pony began jumping and spinning in the air “Complete 360! Complete 360!”
“Oh, Celestia!” Twilight dulled the insanity by pinning her ears to her head; she even thought about resorting to magic to block out the madness! Rainbow landed next to her with a slightly concerned look for her friend.
“Don’t worry so much egghead. I’m sure everything will go as smooth as me performing a double barrel-roll into a nice bell tailslide.”
Twilight had no idea what that meant, but she appreciated her friend’s attempt to ease her worries.
“You know what would make you feel better?” Rainbow asked, eyes nearly popping from her head. “Dinner at Boats of Oats. I’m so hungry I could literally eat a horse!”
Twilight let an annoyed chuckle escape. “Well, you couldn’t literally eat a horse.”
Rainbow looked at her, confused. “Well no, I’m not planning on eating a horse, Twilight.”
“I know, you just said you ‘could literally eat a horse.’”
Rainbow gave her a condescending pat on the head. “It’s just something everypony says sometime. It’s not supposed to be taken seriously.”
“I know, but you said ‘literally.’”
“Twilight, Twilight,” Rainbow gave a patronizing shake of the head, “I wasn’t being serious, I was talking met-, metagor-, mephatoric,” she said smartly, “-cally,” she added at the blank stare from Twilight.
“Metaphorically, Rainbow,” she corrected, exasperated. “And if you meant to speak metaphorically then you should not have used the word literally.”
“Why not?”
“Because using the word ‘literally’ means something is literally going to happen. You can’t use it when attempting to use a metaphor.”
Rainbow shot her an unconvinced look. “I don’t know, egghead. Are you sure about that?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” she answered becoming more riled. “You ponies are driving me crazy!”
“Literally?”
“BAH!!” she threw her hooves up, at an end with patience for the nonsensical conversation. Rainbow chuckled softly as Twilight returned to her worried pacing.
“Ah, come on Twilight,” Spike jumped in, “you know she’s just giving you a hard time. Have a little fun. Don’t let it get to you.”
Twilight was too incensed to take the, quite rational, advice. Instead she turned to her last remaining hope.
“Fluttershy, please tell me that you see where I’m coming from. We NEED to make a good impression.”
“Oh... well... umm, I’m not sure...” the poor Pegasus hated confrontation and didn’t want any part in this debate.
“Come on Fluttershy, you’ve got to back me up,” Twilight begged, eyes pleading.
“Well, they are coming to meet the elements of harmony, and so I think we should act like ourselves. We shouldn’t pretend to be something were not.”
Twilight’s jaw unhinged at this point. “What!? I thought you, at least, would agree with me!” Fluttershy retreated back into herself and away from those accusing eyes.
“Okay, okay y’all. I say we take Rainbow’s advice and head on o’er to the Boats of Oats and git us some vittles. I have to admit, I may eat a horse to.”
“Too, Applejack,” Twilight corrected.
“Wait... how’d ya know-“
“Oh, whatever. I think some food would be great. Maybe I can eat my way out of worry.”
“That’s the spirit, Twi. Eating is how I deal with my worry too,” Pinkie shared, bouncing alongside the princess. “It’s also how I deal with being happy, and sad, and... and hungry too!”
“I think we all deal with hunger by eating, Pinkie Pie,” Dash injected, eyes rolling.
Boats of Oats was bustling as usual for this time of evening. The Raspberry Butteroat waffles were the special for the night. Breakfast for dinner. The waitress went around the table taking the orders, which all happened to be for the nightly special. That is until she got to Twilight.
“I’ll take the spice rice and refried beans, thank you.”
The meal was delicious as the friends were finally able to convince Princess Twilight to stop worrying so much about their speech. They all enjoyed each other’s company immensely and all too soon, it was time to say goodnight.
The dignitaries were charmed to meet each of the elements of harmony. They loved Applejack’s rural charm, Rarity’s gushing over their clothing, Rainbow Dash’s impenetrable confidence, Fluttershy’s kind demeanour, and Pinkie Pie’s randomness. Twilight truly felt bad for making such a big deal over nothing the day before. She’d have to make it up to her friends.
She felt a distressing disturbance as the dignitaries made their way over to her. “Princess Twilight, it is a pleasure and honor to meet both you and your wonderful friends.” The disturbance grumbled and growled, demanding to make itself noticed. A spicy fragrance filled the air as the disturbance finally, loudly made its presence known. Time stopped along with everything else as everypony looked her way. Twilight gave a nervous smile, terrified.
The dignitaries led everypony in a chorus of raucous laughter.
Author's Note
Yeah, I don't know what the hell I was thinking during this. Oh well.