Arc 2- 12 (Mare-Do-Well Returns [A])

“...Shining Armor’s audio journal whatever entry whatever date. I don’t care. I don’t even know the date. I don’t know Celestia. I don’t know Luna. I don’t know Equestria. I don’t know anything anymore.” Shining Armor sighs depressingly. ”This is not Equestria, anymore. This is Tartarus. Celestia isn’t Celestia anymore, she’s somepony else who has become so afraid that she’s micromanaging everything, and using the EIB and CDA to do so. I... I don’t know what to say anymore. This is becoming too much. Between Brisk Wind and the EIB and CDA, to the surge of disappearances and Roar Shock, Pinkie Pie waiting to die in a coma, and the goddesses choosing to mope rather than fight... I can’t... I want to save Equestria... but I don’t know if I can. I mean what point is there in fighting if even our goddesses quit?... Nevermind. Stupid question... I can only hope that Pinkie Pie wakes up soon and that Brisk Wind doesn’t do anything stupid. I swear, there’s more to her than we know. I just... nevermind. I’m done.”

Click.

++++++++++

“Private Sparkle, a word with you, please,” said an old unicorn wearing an officer’s uniform whose tag said "Fuller". Despite his intimidating appearance and his rough voice, he still radiated trust and surrogate fatherhood.

A young Shining Armor in his enlisted uniform and mane cropped to regulation, excused himself from other recruits celebrating their graduation and approached the elder unicorn. Once in front, he snapped to attention.

“Sir, Private Sparkle reports, as ordered.”

Fuller smiled. “Private, you don’t need to do that right now, but I do want to ask you something.”

Shining Armor followed Fuller away from the partying crowd, to a secluded area in the barrack. When the old unicorn closed and locked the door, Shining Armor looked at him nervously out of the corner of his eye while retaining his attention stance.

“Out of all the recruits that came here, you were the only one who never changed their answer.”

“Answer to what, sir?” asked Shining Armor, gulping nervously.

"Why you joined the Royal Guard. Care to be honest with me or are you going to keep using that same excuse to make yourself feel good?"

===

Shining Armor is sitting on his living room room couch, eyes bloodshot and mane matted down on his face from sweat. His uniform is also messy and darker in spots from sweat. His eyes may be locked on the Equestrian flag, but he’s staring off into space with tormented scowl, drinking from an almost empty bottle of hard, Sweet Apple Acre Cider. He’s levitating the bottle with his magic while holding his medal in his hoof.

"This is all I am," he whispers while looking down at his Captain medal, gently rubbing it with his hoof.

===

"Sir, I joined because I love Equestria and want to protect her, the Royal Family, and all the subjects of Princess Celestia from harm."

           Fuller shook his head, pacing around Shining Armor, unconvinced of his answer. "No, that can't be it. That is what the others said, but as time went on, as I asked each of them, their answers always changed. The intellectuals felt worthless and wanted to prove to everypony else that they weren't. The jocks wanted to travel. The desperate wanted an escape from their personal Tartarus." He stopped in front of Shining Armor. "But not you? You don't want to prove to your bookworm family that brawn is as good as brain? You don't want to travel?" He leaned closer to Shining Armor, and the younger stallion held his stance, although sweating profusely from nervousness. "You have no Tartarus you're trying to escape from?"

===

Shining Armor’s glazed eyes lift up to the flag, now angry with himself as all of his failures seem to be spilling out of their closet and poisoning his mind with negativity.

"And I can't do it right."

===

Shining Armor stared straight ahead, still holding his stance.

"With all due respect, sir, we all have our own slice of Tartarus following us," said Shining Armor respectfully, yet his voice was quavering slightly.

"Ah, so you are trying to escape Tartarus," said Fuller. "Just like my boy. He tries to hide it by preaching about loyalty to Equestria and Harmony, but I know his heart is not right. Most of these bucks' hearts around here aren't right. They might become right down the road, that is if they stay on this path, but you? As much as I don't want to believe it, you are one of the few who truly believes in guarding Equestria, aren’t you?"

===

Shining Armor takes a gulp from his bottle, still staring at the flag, his anger now sorrow and regret.

"Why can't I protect Equestria?"

===

"Why don't you want to believe, sir?" asked Shining Armor.

"Sometimes its harder to believe in good things," replied Fuller, "but if you're honest with me, Private Sparkle, then you will have a good future for yourself. With what I've seen in you during basic, your determination, honesty, integrity, selflessness, and loyalty are some of the best in the Royal Guard. And that is with you just getting started! With those kinds of traits, I won't be surprised if you lead the Royal Guard someday."

===

Shining Armor slumps in his seat, laughing and crying sadly and angrily as he runs his hoof through his mane, dropping his empty bottle and medal on the ground.

“'Lead the stallions to protect Equestria', he said. 'I believe in you', he said. 'Trust in Celestia', he said. Celestia abandoned us!" Shining Armor stands up and throws the bottle against wall, specifically at the picture of Celestia appointing him as Captain of the Royal Guard; the glass shatters and the picture falls to the ground, breaking the frame. "Our own bucking goddess abandoned Equestria! What kind of goddess abandons her own people, huh!?"

===

Fuller put his hoof on Shining Armor's shoulder. "If you truly joined out of love and loyalty for Equestria, the Royal Family, and the Solar Doctrine, then you will be one of the finest Royal Guard Captains we've ever had. Just promise me you'll never give up. No matter what."

===

Shining Armor paces around the room, furiously screaming at the ceiling. "Do you want me to quit? Is that it, huh? Do you want me to resign and let you and Brisk Wind fix everything with your divine powers?"

===

Shining Armor saluted Fuller with a burst of determination in his eyes. "I promise I will never quit, sir. I took an oath to defend Equestria, the Royal Family, and the Solar Doctrine with my life, and that is what I plan to do."

Fuller grinned and returned the salute. "Glad to hear that, son. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to meet up with Glimmer. He gets worried when I'm late. You, in the meantime, enjoy the party with your friends."

"Of course, sir," said Shining Armor with a big smile.

Fuller unlocked the barrack door with his magic, still smiling. "Dismissed."

===

“Shining? You’re home early.”

Shining Armor’s ears perk up and he sees Cadence standing in doorway, looking worried sick about the state he’s in. He chuckles angrily and walks past Cadence while chucking the picture away and giving her a cold stare.

“Sorry to disappoint, Cadenza,” sneers Shining Armor.

Cadence’s ears droop and her nose wrinkles when she smells the strong scent of alcohol. “Are you drunk?”

“Sure am! Celestia and Luna have quit on us and Roar Shock must be allied with the Stars because both are hellbent on wiping out Equestria, so I’m going to drink!” Shining Armor goes into the kitchen and grabs the first bottle of liquor he sees and pops it open, not caring about Cadence’s horrified expression. “And I’m going to keep on drinking!”

“Okay, I think you’ve had enough,” says Cadence worryingly as she tries to yank the bottle from him.

Shining Armor shakes his head and defiantly takes a large gulp of alcohol, despite Cadence’s magical tugging. When she does get the bottle away from him, he laughs irritably and stomps on the ground.

“There’s no point, Cadence! Luna herself said that the Stars have planned Equestria’s destruction for centuries! The Stars! The same cosmo-mysterio-crazy-thingies in space that created Nightmare Moon and destroyed Roam! And what does Celestia do? She locks herself away and cries!”

Cadence cautiously takes a step to Shining Armor, but he mutters unintelligibly, grabs his bottle and storms out of the kitchen, cursing Celestia and Luna. Cadence follows him to the living room and sees him staring at the Equestrian flag, drinking from his bottle of hard cider with gusto.

Cadence approaches Shining Armor carefully with her concern growing. “Shining, what’s wrong?”

He starts towards the stairs.

“It’s over. It’s all done! Finished!” says Shining Armor, waving his bottle around and splashing the area with alcohol.

Cadence walks after him. “What do you mean ‘it’s done’? What’s done? Is this about the Stars dooming Equestria rant?”

Shining Armor stops and glowers at a photo hanging on the hallway wall. Its of him with his group when they graduated from basic. Despite the crisp uniforms they are wearing, they are all still grinning and having a good time with Fuller next to them, looking proud that he turned a bunch of scrawny colts into buff warriors. Behind the group is the clear blue sky with the Canterlot Palace behind them.

“Glad you were listening,” scoffs Shining Armor as his eyes focus in on himself. “Celestia and Luna are lost. Now it’s just me to fight the Stars and Brisk Wind and Roar Shock.” He looks at Cadence angrily, but he’s not angry at her. He’s angry at himself. “I took an oath to protect Equestria, the Royal Family, and the Solar Doctrine, but I can’t!”

“Shining, you are the most capable soldier-”

“STOP!” Cadence jumps back with tears swelling in her eyes and Shining Armor stares at her for a moment before he walks away from the stairs with his head down. “Don’t you see that I’m not capable? I couldn’t stop Nightmare Moon from doing whatever it is she did to Celestia all those years ago. I couldn’t convince Celestia to move Discord from the gardens. I couldn’t protect you from Chrysalis or stop the changeling attack-”

“Okay, Shining, stop right there!” cries Cadence as she stomps after him.

Shining Armor stomps around the living room, each heavy stomp giving him a twinge of pain in his injured hoof.

“I couldn’t stop Eclipse or Gilda or all those other criminals from taking Equestria’s streets.” He marches into the living room, knocks over the flag of Equestria and glares at the broken picture. “I couldn’t save Blueblood-”

“Shining Armor Sparkle, stop this NOW!” orders Cadence. She yanks the bottle away from him as he tries to chug it down and slams it on the coffee table, then she grabs his head and makes him look her in the eyes. “I know you want to be Superstallion to everypony, but you can’t! You can’t be carrying the weight of Equus on your shoulders!”

“You don’t understand, I have to do it!” says Shining Armor as he pulls away and points at himself. “Its my job!... But Quill Pen was right... I am incompetent.”

Cadence shakes her head, closing her eyes and hugging Shining Armor as tears roll down her cheeks. “No, no you’re not incompetent. Not even close. Most would have resigned already, but not you.” Cadence puts her hoof over his heart and looks into his eyes; she remembers when his blue eyes were easy going and now they are filled with pain and regret. “You stopped Chrysalis. You pushed the changelings out. You convinced Celestia to modernize the Royal Guard.”

Shining Armor shakes his head. “Cadence, you don’t get it.”

“Who found Blueblood’s killer? You did! Who’s leading the charge against crime and corruption? You are! Who defeated the League of Justice? You did! That was all you!”

Shining Armor pulls away from Cadence again and slides on the floor, by the fireplace, staring at the ceiling.

“I didn’t defeat the League of Justice. They survived. Their leader is still alive and now he’s going to kill Equestria,” mutters Shining Armor. “He told us justice was coming for us and he was right. He’s coming, and he’ll wipe out Equestria. I don’t know how. I just know he’s going to do it...”

Cadence sits in front of Shining Armor, trying to look him in the eyes, but he keeps shifting his head away.

“Shining, look at me,” says Cadence softly while guiding his face with her hoof so he can see her. When he closes his eyes she says: “Honey, look at me.” Shining Armor reluctantly opens his eyes. “You stopped him once, you can do it again.”

“Do you know how I stopped him last time?” Cadence shakes her head. “Torture. Torture is what saved Equestria last time. I allowed it... I stood by... I watched as they tortured her for information... I did nothing. I want to blame my injuries for not stopping it,” he sighs, “but I don’t think that’s the truth. I think I allowed it because I knew she wouldn’t talk unless we put her through pain, but now we have nopony to torture for information. Now he’s coming with the help of the Stars and the only ones who can stop them have quit, leaving me to fight a war that’s been in the making for a thousand years.”

Cadence stares at Shining Armor, eyes wide and jaw dropping from shock. Then she looks away and both sit in silence, looking at the floor, unmoving and unable to find the strength to look at each other. The seconds ticking by seem to be minutes, and finally, after an indefinite amount of time, Cadence gets up and leaves without saying another word with her head down and tail and wings dragging behind her. Shining Armor watches her walk up the stairs and when the door to their bedroom closes and locks, he closes his eyes, bangs his head against the wall and sips his hard cider.

“Just me...”

=**********=

Brisk Wind, wearing her barding, steps into a large hangar bustling with activity. Ponies are running around, doing last minute check ups on EIB vehicles, loading up gear, checking equipment and attendance, and other things whereas nobody but the ones doing it know what they are doing. She walks up to a line of EIB unicorns standing at attention in front of three black, armored, covered mini-trains with the EIB logo on them. wearing barding with the EIB logo on it, each armed with a battle saddle and headsets connected to radio packs on their backs. Brisk Wind smiles proudly and approaches a black unicorn mare with a mane made up of different shades of gray; her cutie mark is hidden underneath her barding and she is armed with a standard battle saddle.

“Andromeda, I trust your ponies are ready to go,” says Brisk Wind smugly.

The black unicorn turns around and her golden eyes widen from surprise. “Oh, Director Wind, I wasn’t expecting you to come along on this mission.”

“You didn’t think I came up in my barding to give you detailed information about Gilda’s stronghold for show, did you?” says Brisk Wind with a slight teasing tone.

“Actually, I kinda did,” admits Andromeda with a nervous chuckle.

Brisk Wind frowns and when Andromeda apologizes, she turns to the line of unicorns.

“You all already know what to do, and I’ll apologize again for having this such short notice, but after last night’s fiasco, we cannot take any more chances. Gilda needs to go down. And she needs to go down today.” Brisk Wind starts to pace in front of the group and they remain at attention. “Now just to recap. Griffins are dangerous, very dangerous, and if you let them they will kill you, so immobilize them before they can touch you. If you have to, kill them. Gilda is located on the highest point and we’ll strike in two places. Andromeda will lead the ground team to storm Gilda’s manor and I will lead the pegasi to take them from the sky. Clear?”

The group acknowledges her simple recap of the briefing. When that’s said and done, Brisk Wind dismisses them and heads towards the EIB pegasi.

“Excuse me, Director.”

Brisk Wind stops and turns around with a roll of her eyes.

“What is it Andromeda?” asks Brisk Wind impatiently.

Andromeda paws the ground. “I was just wondering why we’re rushing to do this. I mean, I heard the reasons in the briefing, but this is the kind of operation that cannot be rushed.”

Brisk Wind steps dangerously close to the black unicorn, making her shrink back. “Are you telling me how to do my job?”

“N-no, ma’am, I’m just worried that this thing will go wrong since we’re rushing into this.”

“Nothing will go wrong. The griffins won’t know what hit them. They’ll be done with by the end of the day and Equestria will be one criminal empire safer. Now get to your group.”

Andromeda salutes and trots back to her group while Brisk Wind flies to a catwalk to overlook the main attraction of the hangar.She stares at a massive steampunk zeppelin sitting before her in the hangar with a small smile as it is loaded up by the crew. The zeppelin’s cylinder is covered in metal sheets and the back has four fins, each facing a different direction like a basic compass. In between the fins are turbine engines and underneath the cylinder is the area where the passengers reside, which is a couple of stories tall. To top it off, the big ship is decorated in a base of white with gold decorations all along its hull with an eloquent sun and the EIB symbol painted on either side of the cylinder.

A pegasus mare wearing an air captain’s uniform flies over the working crowd of ponies, towards the catwalk Brisk Wind is on.

“Ma’am, we’re ready to launch,” says the mare as she approaches Brisk Wind.

Brisk Wind gets an evil smile at the prospect of doing a complete beatdown. “Excellent, Captain, we’re leaving immediately.”

The Captain nods and flies down, alerting the crew and passengers that they are leaving. Brisk Wind flies down with the pegasus and goes towards the zeppelin’s bridge, located on the front of the ship for an excellent view of the journey that entails. Inside, unicorns and pegasi work the controls by turning wheels, pulling levers and giving orders through intercoms. The bridge’s polished floors, clear glass, and sleek instruments would make one find it hard to believe that such a beautiful location controls a deadly vehicle.

While Brisk Wind is marveling at the feat of engineering she’s standing in, warning alarms ring out in the halls and after a muffled whine and boom, the ship lurches forward at a steadily increasing angle out of the hangar and into the sky.

“Ladies and gentlecolts, we are off!” says the captain proudly over the intercom.

The ship’s halls echo with cheers and praise and Brisk Wind pats the captain’s back.

“Gilda is screwed,” snickers Brisk Wind.

=**********=

Pinkie Pie trudges through an endless field covered in a blanket of thick snow with Laughter’s necklace clamped securely around her neck. In a normal situation of trudging through snow, she would be exhausted to the point of collapse because of the bitter conditions, but the necklace is melting away all the snow around her, revealing healthy, green grass and flowers. However, when they fall out of the necklaces range, they wither and die from the cold. Pinkie Pie is not cold in the slightest sense since the necklace is making her feel warm and cozy, like a personal sun next to her to keep her warm at all times. She only wishes that her mane and tail would puff out again, she hates them when they are straight. It reminds her too much of Pinkamena, and she knows she turns into a monster when that side comes out. She also wishes she didn’t hear the outside world. Its faint when she doesn’t pay attention to it, but its the background noise that never ends and is forever annoying. Occasionally she would feel the ghostly hooves and pressure of the nurses, doctors and machinery working on her body, doing whatever it is they are doing to keep her alive.

Pinkie Pie stops walking on the crest of a hill and sees a familiar site. An old farmhouse in desperate need of fresh paint, possibly new wood, a next to nonexistent fence, and rusting quarry equipment all surrounded by stones varying shapes and sizes. Not to Pinkie Pie’s surprise, the endless snow stops at the border of the rock farm, leaving the stone’s gray colors to add an impossible level of bleh and dread to the area. However, she is surprised to see smoke rising from the crooked chimney and that the lights are shining through the house’s grungy windows.

The closer she gets to the structure, the more her footsteps become reluctant. She’s loathing her approach to the farmhouse, the source of her miserable childhood wracked with poverty, miserable rock farming, and cold, hungry nights. She doesn’t want to go there, being that each step is a heavy reminder of what the place is and why she left, but her feet are moving on their accord. Her breath freezes in the air as, now, not even Laughter’s necklace can keep her warm, and her hooves feel like there’s frost growing on them as she walks through the miserable, rocky field. When she steps on the rickety patio, she’s shaking and her teeth are chattering with frost all over her coat, and when she reaches out to open the door a torpedo of clothing blast through the door and tackles Pinkie Pie dead on. They fly off of the patio, hit the ground rolling over each other, and come to a stop with the bundle on top and Pinkie Pie on her back.

When Pinkie Pie’s eyes stop rolling and she stops seeing doubles, she sees the large bundle of clothing staring down at her with muscular arms on either side and a pointy tail wagging. The thing looking down at her also has the sweetest lizard eyes anyone could ever see.

Pinkie Pie gasps and her mane and tail inflate with an audible pmph and she joyfully cries out “Spike!” while hugging him tightly around his neck.

“Hey there, Pinkie,” says Spike happily, returning the hug and his voice being muffled by the layers of clothes around him. He stands up, easily picking up Pinkie Pie in the process, and carries her to the old farmhouse. “Want some hot chocolate?”

When they are inside the farmhouse, everything is exactly as Pinkie Pie remembers; the old, worn down furniture, the sparse photos, the abundance of farming equipment waiting to be cleaned, and a stack of food stamps resting in a basket poorly nailed into the wall. She walks around she hears the third floorboard to the left of the door creak, exactly as she remembers. Then she sits on her father’s easy chair and feels the lumps and springs, just as she remembered. She also notices that the fireplace is burning nicely and that the fuel is, of course, the fire logs and the daily newspapers that no one ever read.

“This is a copy of my old house, isn’t it?” asks Pinkie Pie as she messes with the lamp that never turned on, no matter how many time the light bulbs were changed.

Spike walks out of the kitchen, no longer bundled and carrying two mugs of hot chocolate with marshmallows in them.

“Yep,” he says while carefully handing a cup to Pinkie Pie. When she balances it on her nose they both sit by the fireplace. “And I have to say, this place really sucks.”

Pinkie Pie takes the cup off of her nose and sips it, smacking her lips and moaning from how good it is moments after.

“You always make great hot cocoa, Spike,” says Pinkie Pie with a warm smile.

Spike shrugs like its no big deal. “Meh, part of the trade. Being Twilight’s assistant I had to learn to cook.” Then he looks down at his marshmallows, smiling sadly. “I’ll never forget that day she burnt the waffles to ash.” Then he looks at Pinkie Pie. “How’s Twilight?”

Pinkie Pie sighs. “I don’t know. We kinda had a falling out after you... died.”

“Oh.” Spike sips his hot chocolate. “I’m guessing Rarity was-”

“Really mad and sad? Yeah, you could say that, but that would be a ridiculously flimsy understatement. They didn’t want to listen to me when I tried to explain what happened. I guess I can’t blame them, though, since I dragged you into my fight and got you killed.”

Spike stares at Pinkie Pie as she looks at the floor, her mane and tail once again deflated. They finish their hot chocolate in silence, and when the mugs are empty, Spike takes them back to the kitchen with Pinkie Pie following.

“I don’t know why you keep blaming yourself,” says Spike as he sets more water to boil. “I mean, you told me you didn’t want me involved, but I helped you anyway. You told me to stay away from whoever that psycho was, but I went ahead and chased her anyway. You see a pattern here?”

Pinkie Pie looks down, not wanting to answer Spike. She knows the answer, but she also knows that she got him into it by not being effective in her attempts to talk him out or to stop him from going after Terra. While she’s moping, she feels a claw go under her chin and her head is gently lifted up so she can look in Spike’s eyes. He’s smiling sadly and Pinkie Pie’s eyes tear up as he strokes her cheek with his claw. Despite his predatory nature, his stroking proves that he was anything but a predator. Pinkie Pie closes her eyes as bliss overtakes her and continues to let Spike rub her cheek.

“It was all me, Pinkie,” says Spike softly. “I made my own choice because a certain pink pony was willing to sacrifice herself to protect the ones she loved and others she didn’t know from someone who wanted to hurt them.”

Spike kneels down to Pinkie Pie’s eye level and she opens her eyes to look into his.

“Spike, I-”

Spike gets a warm smile as he puts his claw over Pinkie Pie’s mouth, giving her a big sign to stay quiet.

“You inspired me to do go above and beyond to protect Twilight and Rarity and all my friends. I know you can continue on, just please stop beating yourself up for what I did. It really sucks seeing a role model do that.” Pinkie Pie nods as she averts her eyes from the dragon. “Besides, you and I know the truth, that should be enough.”

Pinkie Pie pulls away while shaking her head and she sits at the table with her hooves folded over each other. Spike gives her a fresh mug of steamy, delicious hot chocolate a second later.

“What good is there of knowing the truth if nopony else knows it?” mutters Pinkie Pie before gingerly sipping her warm drink.

Spike scratches his head. “Where the heck did you hear that?”

“My head.”

“Oh... Well, you kinda ruined a great, cliched thing there.”

“But everypony -I mean everyone-” Pinkie Pie looks at Spike apologetically, and he merely dismisses her slip-up with a wave of his hand, “everyone talks about only a select few knowing the truth to be good enough when there really is no point in knowing the truth if no one else knows it.”

Spike smacks his lips together, stands up, cracks his fingers, and then he pounces on Pinkie Pie and starts searching through her mane, ignoring her thrashing and colorful protests. When he manages to get Pinkie Pie under control by pushing her to the ground and sitting on top of her, he thoroughly shifts his fingers through her mane while mumbling incoherently.

“Spike, what are you doing!” cries Pinkie Pie as she squirms under him.

“I’m checking to make sure you’re not Twilight,” says Spike playfully as he checks the roots of her mane. “Nope, pink and pink all the way through.”

Pinkie Pie stops squirming and lets her face fall flat on the floor.

“Did I sound like a snobby bookworm?” asks Pinkie Pie, her voice being muffled by the floor.

“Kinda. I knew you were a goofy party animal who had a hidden intellect, but I never thought you’d spew something like that.” Spike crawls off of Pinkie Pie and lies down in front of her so that they are eye to eye again. “Speaking of ‘party animal’, where is she? I see Pinkamena Diane Pie, but not Pinkie Pie.”

Pinkie Pie looks up, glaring at Spike. “Pinkie Pie’s dead, Spike, I made sure of it.”

Spike and Pinkie Pie sit up with Spike sitting with his legs crossed and his head propped against his hand. He stares at Pinkie Pie as if in deep thought while shaking his head.

“You may have painted yourself green and changed your name and cutie mark, but I know that the party meister is in there somewhere.”

“I got you killed, Spike. It’s better if Pinkie Pie stays dead.”

Spike arches an eye ridge. “Really? Is that what you truly believe or is this another way for you to hide from your past?”

Pinkie Pie frowns. “You better not be going philosophical on me.”

Spike shrugs. “I’m just saying that you hate your real name and nobody knows much about your past. The only consistencies in your stories are that you grew up on the bottom of the barrel rock farm and that you got your cutie mark after Rainbow Dash’s sonic rainboom. I can play the mysterious origins card to near perfection because I truly don’t know where I came from. But you? You don’t-”

“STOP!” yells Pinkie Pie suddenly, breathing heavily and eyes narrowed with gritted teeth. Spike holds up his hands defensively and she jumps to her feet. “As much as I am glad to see you -like wordlessly glad- I do not need people telling me what they think my problem is when I know what I am! Everypony thinks that just because I want to see others happy that I’m trying to make up for some horrible mistake! Well I’m not! I’m not making up for anything! I’m not some nutjob! I’m not-”

Pinkie Pie doesn’t finish her sentence as she storms out of the kitchen with an aggravated scream. She heads straight to her old room, slams the door shut, and then she hops on her bed and curls up into a ball. The bed snaps at the legs and collapses to the ground.

“Figures,” mutters Pinkie Pie angrily as she scrunches up tighter in her ball.

Moment’s later, there is a light knocking on the door and Spike pokes his head. Pinkie Pie looks at him briefly before slumping in her spot and poking her old childhood pillow, its shaped as a pink balloon.

“Are you going to try to make do something random to get the old me back?” asks Pinkie Pie moodily. “Because if you are, my random generator is shot to dust.”

“Nope, not here for that,” Spike says coolly as he walks in her room, looking at all of her doodles, most of which are pictures of her mother. He picks up a little old, yet elegant, figurine of a dancing pony with a sun and rainbow behind it with an inscription on the worn, gold plated base, saying: “Sunshine and Rainbows”. There is “To: Pinkie, Love: Mom” underneath the base, too. He puts the figurine down and looks at the moping pony. “I just wanted to apologize for ticking you off.”

“Apology accepted. Can I mope now?”

“You can mope, but can I hear you sing first?”

Pinkie Pie looks at Spike as she arches an eyebrow and sits up. Spike grins as he sits against the wall, tossing one of the random balls in her room between his hands.

“You want me to sing when I’m incredibly depressed right now?” asks Pinkie Pie skeptically.

“Well, you didn’t have a problem singing to Trixie when she had her meltdown,” points out Spike.

“That was different. That was a pony who needed to be comforted.”

“And what about you?” Spike points at Pinkie Pie with the hand holding the ball. “Why don’t you want to be comforted? You have no problem comforting others and being their friends, but when it comes to you, you are very reluctant in making yourself happy. Even going as far as pretending to forget about your birthdays.”

“Since when are you a psychologist?” says Pinkie Pie sourly.

“I lived with a walking library for thirty years, I was bound to pick up something.”

Pinkie Pie sighs, figuring Spike had a point, and she turns away from the dragon as she lies down and pulls a ratty blanket over her. Spike frowns and tosses the ball to her. It bounces off of her head, but she doesn’t react and Spike mumbles “Oh boy” while approaching the depresses mare. Spike sits on the bed, next to Pinkie Pie and drums his fingers while trying to think of something to do to cure the former happiest mare’s depression.

“You know, I never thought I would be the one to help you out of a depression,” says Spike, genuinely surprised about the task at hand. “Twilight? Sure, I’ve done it plenty of times. Rarity also had her fair share of down moments.”

Pinkie Pie starts shaking as she tries to contain her tears. She had always been the one tasked with trying to make others happy, not because she was elected to, but because she just did it out of a default reaction. In her mind, no one deserves to be miserable. No one but her.

“They were right,” says Pinkie Pie in a low whisper as she tugs the blanket tighter around her. “Its all my fault. You. Mom. Octavia... All me. It’s better for everypony if I stay dead.”

Spike hugs Pinkie Pie and gently rocks her as she quivers while crying softly in his arms, apologizing for getting him killed and wishing for things to return to normal. They sit on her old bed for what seems like hours, Spike constantly stroking Pinkie Pie in his hug while she sobs quietly.

“Please forgive me,” whimpers Pinkie Pie.

Spike closes his eyes and rests his head on top of Pinkie Pie’s. “We already have.”