Only the Beginning

Dear Idiots,

How's life been during the Summer Holidays so far? My one's been kinda boring but I get great nap times. My bro Bionic Blitz is in Spain performing in an orchestra so there's no random science lesson in the middle of the night about flapping butt cheeks. My mom just resigned from her previous job and is looking for a new one; she said it's because her boss is a dick. My dad's still eating a lot of my moomoos because he likes...cows?

Anywho, life's still as odd as usual and nothing much has changed. I guess I'll see you all at PGL when we return to Canterlot Academy!

From Rainbow Dash

P.S.Has Pinkie gotten ANY fatter? Like at all?

Dear MC5,

Life's been okay here in Sweet Apple Acres. We got a new herd of cows so there will be more MOOMOOS Rainbow. By the way, I got a new sister last week and w decided to name her Applebloom. Hopefully she won't be a pain in the ass like those smiling piles of shit in Ponyville Prep.

We had a major harvest yesterday and got a lot of apples for Cider Season so I look foward to seeing you guys there! I'll give you all a free drink so don't worry about having to pay. The only pony you kind of have to decieve is Granny Smith. She may be old but she can still be quite sharp and alert.

I'll see you all sooner or later!

From Applejack

Dear Ponies/People/Living Things(that's what she said) /What Are You?/Whatevs

So, I see that Dashie is interested in our lives! Well let me tell you Dashie...you don't need to know anything.

JUST KIDDING!

Why shouldn't I tell you anything? Well, I mean we're telling you guys on paper but we're not talking  face to face right? The only problem is that the mailpony's so clumsy he always posts the wrong things in our boxes but sometimes I read other pony's letters because I'm always curious to know what's going on with my friends! I do get some mixed reactions sometimes but that's not the problem! The mail pony is just sloooooooooow. I think it's because he goes to The Applejack Daniel Pub every night cos I see him there whenever I finish a whole stock of apple juice. That's right, if I don't do that he isn't there.

Back to the point. My life is great! I got a new pet aligator and I named him ZE DESTROYA OF WORLDZ but I thought that that was too much of a mouthful so I came up with a nickname: Gummy (It's because he has no teeth! Don't tell anyone else except for the 671 ponies I've already mentioned him to).

I'm also going on a quest! The brave quest to create...

...Mr Chicken Pie

That's right folks: I am going to make a chicken OUTTA PIE!

JUST SO YOU KNOW HE IS NOT MY BROTHER.

I've already finished the body and that took 267 pies. It took longer than I had originally thought because I didn't know how to glue the pieces together so in the end I just squashed them all together. The pies don't look appetising anymore but I tried a piece and it was okay. It wasn't as good as it was before though (maybe because I ate the butt) so whatevs!

I can't wait to see all of you Ponies/People/Living Things(that's what she said) /What Are You?/Whatevs again!

From ZE OWNER OF ZE DESTROYA OF WORLDZ

A.K.A. Pinkie Pie

P.S. And no Dashie! I haven't gotten any fatter!

Dear Friends,

Thank you for reading my letter to you all. I really appreciate it! But if you don't want to read, that's okay...I'm not stopping you for making your choice, hopefully! I'm sorry! I really didn't want to bother you all. It's just that I've received letters  from you all and I just wanted to write back! I didn't want to be rude...

Well, my life is still joyous with my animals and I'm having a great time with them! The only problem are the stink bugs... How do I get them to stop farting? Does anyone know? Even the Internet is useless! The stink bugs told me that they just fart randomly! I fear that his butt may have a few problems since the air just comes out (apparently, the fart is obliged to come out otherwise they get sick). I've already studied their butts and the hole is so small! Maybe it's something they eat! I don't know!

That's all I have to say so...bye...

From Fluttershy

Dear Friends,

Can all of you stop filling up the chatroom?! I do NOT want to read all of your nonsense stories when I'm in this situation! I thought I told ALL of you that I'm attending fashion week! This time it's in England so I won't be home for a week as you can guess!

Yes, I may be out of town but all of you must not stuff my phone with loads of crap like Pinkie Pie! In fact, Pinkie! ZIP YOUR MOUTH! You're wasting THIRTY DOLLARS just to send a random messages to us that doesn't even matter. Also, may I remind you all, if you don't let me attend fashion week in peace, then I will not be making any of your Nightmare Night costumes! That's right Rainbow! You won't be able to sneak around at night to prank ponies!

Now, all of you SHUT UP!

From your annoyed friend, Rarity

P.S. I think I will be going to PGL after all...