Insults Are Magic

by WoodLore

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 10007

Anon teaches Twilight that insults can be a magnificent expression of friendship.

When Anon teaches Twilight that insults can be fun, she goes a bit overboard. See how she offends everyone in Ponyville in this expletive-ridden story.

Rated M for the use of the word "poussoir" (and other very explicit language). There are no sexual themes or gore.

Published 2015-07-21 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-21 20:50:01 UTC

Insults Are Magic

Author's Note

This story was first written in the context of the /mlp/ board and makes use of the "Anonymous" naming convention for the second-person surrogate character.

Insults Are Magic

"Come on, Twi. I comply with your social customs all the time."

She's still a little teary-eyed from you calling her a stupid bitch. She sniffles and tries to pull herself together. "I'm not sure I entirely understand the concept."

"It's simple. We're such good friends that we would never be mean to each other, right?"

"Well, yeah."

"So the idea of insulting one another is so crazy, that it's kind of funny. Get it?"

She cocks her head and knits her brow. "I... um... no. Not exactly."

"Twilight, just call me a faggot."

"What?? No! Why would I do that?"

"Twilight. As a friend. I need you to call me a dumb testie-tickling faggot. Please."

She is visibly conflicted. Everything she's learned about friendship is telling her not to call you a faggot. But she also wants you to be happy.

"Please, Twilight. I need this."

"Okay Anon. I'll do it."

"Go ahead."

She takes a deep, exaggerated breath. "Anon..."

"You are a faa-..." She's holding back more tears.

"What was that, Twi?"

"You are a fff-..." Her voice is wavering.

"Are you trying to say I'm a faggot, Twilight?"

Hearing the word 'faggot' makes the tears come pouring out. "BUT YOU'RE NOT, ANON! YOU'RE MY FRIEND! I'M SO SORRY!" She breaks down and buries her sobbing face into your shoulder, wrapping her front hooves around you.

"We'll work on it, you incapable bitch."

She's slowly calming down. It's probably not helping that you're gently whispering insults into her ear while she sobs.

"Hey. You're extra ugly when you cry."

"Why do you smell like vomit today?"

"Purple is a fucking gay color."

She sniffles and heavily exhales. "Anon, as a student of friendship, I promise that I will call you a fa-... you know."

"Sure you will, Twi."

The two of you go about your daily business. That night, you enter Twilight's place to see her cleaning up her bookshelves and snacking on some hay fries.

"You'd better be careful with those fries, Twilight. Don't want your cutie mark to turn into a supernova."

Her jaw drops as she whips her head towards you. As she begins losing her composure, you give her a gentle smile.

"Ohhhhh. I get it."

"Do you have a response for me? Is there anything you want to call me, perhaps?"

She turns to you confidently. "Why yes, Anon. There is something I want to call you."

"I'm listening"

"Anon, you are a big fagg-..." Her confidence fades. "WHY DO I HAVE TO DO THIS?"

"Twilight, I'm starting to think that you're not even my friend."

"ANON."

"Say it."

"I don't..."

"Say it."

"ANON YOU'RE A HUGE FAGGOT."

As soon as the words left her mouth, she collapses in misery. "I'M SO SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN IT."

You kneel down to Twilight and hold her. "It's okay Twilight. I'm not mad. Because there's one thing - one thing that will never ever change."

She looks up at you innocently. "What's that, Anon?"

You hug her tightly. "It's that you're an insufferable faggot, Twilight"

--

She locks the closet door behind her. "Why are you locking us in a closet again?"

"Anon, I'm your friend. And as your friend, I vow that I will not leave this room until I'm comfortable calling you a faa-..."

You interrupt her to avoid an imminent breakdown. "I mean... I appreciate that and all, but why do we need to be in here to do it?"

"It's self-discipline, Anon. I read about it all last night! Now, insult me."

"What?"

"INSULT ME AND DON'T STOP UNTIL I SAY THE 'F' WORD."

"This is fucked, Twilight. This isn't a normal way to go about it. A NORMAL pony would be able to say the word 'faggot' without breaking down like a retard. A NORMAL pony wouldn't have to isolate herself from the rest of the world just to force a lesson into their dense fucking skull. And it's not just now. That's just how you are. The only reason you know so much shit is because you're afraid of the world. Somewhere along the line, somepony hurt you, or insulted you, or something, and that caused you to hide away like a childish fucking coward. And you read books all day because a book has never hurt you. Well let me tell you something, bitch. Books DID hurt you. They made you a socially inept hermit who has to lock herself in a closet just to learn how to say a fucking word. You little freak."

As you were saying this, you saw her face go from confident, to scared, to sad, and then finally, to enraged.

"YEAH WELL AT LEAST I'M NOT A FUCKING FAGGOT."

You immediately smile in disbelief. After she realizes what just happened, she smiles too. The two of you stare at each other silently, slightly winded and still smiling, for about twenty seconds.

"Nuh uh. You are. Fucking faggot."

--

Soon after the two of you left the closet, you realize that you just opened some kind of floodgate. For the rest of the afternoon, Twilight pranced around the house with a big goofy smile on her face dishing out insult after insult after insult.

"Hey Spike, why don't you get your claws off your tiny dick and make yourself useful?"

"Anon, thanks for helping me today. It's nice to know that you'll always be a way bigger faggot than I'll ever be."

She was so disgustingly pleased with herself

You loved it. When she wasn't insulting you or Spike, she was just melodically murmuring the word 'faggot' under her breath. You've created a monster.

You convince her to spread her new expressions of friendship all across Ponyville. She gallops along, giving everypony she sees a chipper 'faggot'. She saves her most friendly expressions for her dearest pals.

"Pinkie! You always brighten my day. Nothing like seeing a fat chick to boost your self image! Keep being a faggot!"

"Oh, hi Fluttershy! Is that a new brand of animal piss I smell? Yeah, keep crying faggot!"

"What was that, Rarity? I couldn't hear what you were saying over the disgusting sticky-sounding flapping of your desperate and abused loose-ass vagina!"

Where did she even learn this stuff? You've never been more proud in your life. After a long and prolific day of new-age friendship, you and Twilight return to her house.

"I can't wait to share what I've learned about friendship with Princess Celestia!"

No way.

"Faggot, take a letter."

Should you stop her?

"Dear Princess Celestia. You're a faggot. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

--

"Twilight, we need to talk." Rainbow Dash assertively enters Twilight's house with a serious look on her face.

"What's the matter, you little faggot?" Twilight proudly smiles at you while Dash is clearly taken aback.

"Well, uh... I went to Fluttershy's place earlier, and she was crying and wouldn't stop washing her mane. She told me you said she smelled like animal pee. Do you know anything about that?"

"Sure I do! I was being friendly!"

You already know this is going to be a breathtaking discussion, so you take a front row seat and look on attentively.

Dash cocks her head in confusion. "Uh... friendly?"

"And by the smell of things, Dash, it might have done you some good give your crusty old vagina a scrub or two while you were visiting her."

As Dash bashfully closes her hind legs, Twilight giggles playfully. Dash angrily grimaces at Twilight. "Is there a reason you've been such an asshole today?"

You take a moment to appreciate the majesty that you're about to behold. You're about to witness an argument wherein Rainbow Dash is serious, but Twilight thinks is a joke.

Dis gon' be good.

Twilight squeals in delight at Dash's insult. "At least I don't SMELL like an asshole. For fuck's sake, Dash, you control rain clouds. How hard would it be to get a quick shower?"

"Listen, egghead. I know Fluttershy and Pinkie will deal with your shit, but you're barking up the wrong tree if you start fucking with me."

"Rainbow Dash, calm down. I can explain."

"You better start explaining, then."

Twilight gives you a quick glance, and you nod to her expectantly. "The truth is... the reason I've been being so mean to you..."

Rainbow Dash stands down a bit.

"...is because you're a massive fucking faggot."

Twilight gives Dash a big, sweet smile. Dash zooms across the room and tackles Twilight into a bookshelf. You laugh and clap your hands like a monkey. Rainbow Dash aggressively pins Twilight against the bookshelf.

"What the FUCK is your problem, Twilight?!"

Twilight is now terrified and on the verge of tears because of Dash's tackle. As Dash violently shook her, she looked to you and desperately yells to you. "ANON!!!!"

"Don't worry Twilight! This just means she really really likes you! You're doing great!"

Dash is too enraged to hear you. Twilight is now seemingly extremely touched by Dash's aggressive expression of friendship, despite her possible concussion. As Dash is trying to bash Twilight's head against a shelf, Twilight is lovingly fighting back by trying to give Dash a big, best-friendy hug.

"What are you... get off of me! You're such a fucking weirdo!"

Twilight squeezes Dash in a tight embrace while a very confused Rainbow Dash struggles to escape it. "And you're the biggest faggot I've ever met!"

As you start to see some blood slowly come from Twilight's nose, you realize that she is literally beginning to cry from being emotionally overwhelmed by Dash's aggressively friendly actions. At this point, Dash is done trying to hurt Twilight, and instead just wants to escape from her hug.

"You... are such... a freak!" Finally, Dash breaks free and shoots out of the room as fast as she can.

You kneel down and hand Twilight a tissue for her nosebleed as she smiles heartily. "Your friends sure do love you, Twilight."

"Yeah..." She sighs and gently hugs you, her head resting on your chest.

"Too bad you're still a faggot, though."

--

"Anon, thank you so much for helping me with this. You really are a great faggot."

"Well what are faggots for, Twilight? I'm glad to help."

You and Twilight lounge on the couch after a long day of friendship "I just feel so RELIEVED. I mean, not only am I being a better friend than I've ever been before, but I'm just getting so much off my chest, too."

"We all appreciate it, Twilight. I know Rainbow Dash sure did. What a cunt, am I right?"

"Well you are what you eat. The dyke."

As the two of you chuckle, Spike belches up a letter. "Twilight, it's a letter from the princess!"

Oh dear lord.

"No shit, Sherlock. Has it ever not been?"

Spike bashfully looks at his feet. "Well-"

"You know what? Don't answer that. You sound like an old lady trying to pretend to be a little boy. It's fucking annoying. Just give me the letter."

Twilight opens the letter and reads it out loud. "Dear Twilight Sparkle, in light of your most recent report, as well as reports from several of your friends, I feel it is in my best interest to pay you a visit. I will arrive at noon tomorrow. Your friend, Princess Celestia."

Oh dear lord.

Twilight squees in delight. "Ooohhhhh! The princess must be so proud of me! And I can't wait to tell her that I learned it all from you! The biggest faggot I know! She's going to love you!"

Oh dear lord.

"Twi... maybe you should just tell her that you figured it out on your own, right? You value Celestia's affection way more than I do anyway."

"Oh, nonsense, Anon! You deserve all the credit! Why, you've helped all of Ponyville transcend to a whole new level of friendship!"

"Really, Twilight. I-"

"Now, Anon. I insist. Now let's get some shut-eye. You could use some beauty sleep, you ugly faggot."

--

"Ooh! The princess is here! Eeeee! I'm so excited!"

As Twilight gallops to the door, you feel your pulse skyrocket. You cannot for the life of you even imagine a scenario here in which you're not totally fucked.

You're totally fucked.

"Welcome, princess! Come on in, your faggotness!"

Twilight turns to you and winks. You force out a supportive smile and take a seat. If Celestia's going to kill you, you might as well be in a comfy chair for it.

"Twilight, take a seat. There's something we need to address."

"Sure, princess. And here, you can have the whole sofa for yourself and your big, fat, cellulite-ridden ass."

Oh dear lord.

"Twilight Sparkle, just what has gotten into you? Last we spoke, you-"

"I'm going to stop you right there, Princess Sucklestia."

Wow, good one, Twi.

"I want you to know right now that the reason I would have never learned to act this way if it weren't for this faggot right here." Twilight walks to you and drapes a hoof around your shoulders. Celestia looks you dead in the eyes.

"Is that so?"

This is it.

You don't respond.

You don't even panic.

You just sit still and await death.

"That's right, Princess Cum-Coat. It's all because of Anon."

"I see."

Your only wish is that it is a swift and painless death.

"Twilight, it truly hurts me to say this. But I'm afraid I can no longer allow you to study friendship under my mentorship any longer. Until I hear a genuine apology for your actions, both you and your friend are hereby banned from entering Canterlot. I do not wish to see you or hear from you until I see a real change in behavior. Do I make myself clear?"

Doe-eyed, Twilight very gently nods.

"Good."

The princess poofs away.

Ohhh fuck.

Although you managed to escape any sort of consequential punishment from Celestia, you have a feeling Twilight may not be so merciful.

"Wow."

"Twilight, I-"

"That was the most hurtful thing I've ever heard."

"I'm so sorry. I-"

"Celestia must value me as a friend even more than I thought."

"I'm sorry... what?"

"Princess Celestia has NEVER been that mean to me before. What a monumental expression of friendship!"

You have learned today that Twilight is a dumbass.

You're not exactly sure how to move forward from here. You could cut your losses and confess now, or you could ride it out. In other words, Twilight will either kill you now or kill you later.

Let the ride continue.

"Yeah, totally. I was practically tearing up over here."

Twilight hugs you. "This is the best day of my life Anon. Thank you for being such a faggot."

You hesitantly hug back. "Um... right back at you, fuckbucket."

"Anyway, it's almost two so I have to head over to the school."

"Wha- what? Why?"

"I told you about this, didn't I? I'm giving a presentation about the library."

Oh dear lord.

"To... to the children?"

"Of course!"

You should put a stop to this. You should put a stop to this right now. Think of the children.

"The auditorium is open to the public for the presentation. You're welcome to come."

The children, Anon. The children.

Nah, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. The ride continues.

"Well, I'm off. The presentation is at two thirty if you're interested. I'm pretty sure Applejack will be there!"

It's a good day to die. "I'll be there, Twi. Good luck!"

"See ya, faggot!"

--

You spot a familiar cowboy hat as a small crown files into the auditorium. You're not sure if you should try to sit with her.

"Oh, howdy Anon!"

Never mind. "Hey there A.J. What brings you here?"

"Oh, I try to be at all of Applebloom's school events."

"Well it's good to see you. I have a feeling Twilight's got a good presentation in store."

The two of you take your seats just behind the schoolchildren. Twilight peeks her head from backstage and excitedly waves at you.

"By the way, Anon. Do you know what happened with Rainbow Dash yesterday? She was yelling something about Twilight, but she was too upset to really understand."

"Oh, you know Rainbow Dash. She gets worked up over anything."

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sure it was nothing."

Cheerilee walks on stage and does that stupid 'clap, clap, clap clap clap' thing that magically makes children shut the fuck up. "Alright, children. I'm... excited to announce a very special guest for this afternoon."

Cheerilee seems a bit off. As if a certain purple pony just called her a cunt.

"Please give a warm Ponyville Schoolhouse welcome to everypony's favorite town librarian - Twilight Sparkle!"

Twilight approaches the podium through the half-hearted applause. "Thank you, children. I'm so happy to be here! Let's get started, shall we?"

She leaves the stage for a second and then returns with a big pad of easel paper for her presentation. Twilight gives you a quick wink.

Applejack might have just heard you sphincter clench.

Oh dear lord.

"You alright Anon? Ya'll are squirmin' more than an eel in a gearbox."

What the fuck does that even mean, Applejack? "Yeah, yeah. Just... a little warm."

Twilight very slowly opens the easel pad to the first page. Here we go.

It has a picture of a stack of books and it says "The Library". Oh, okay, that's not bad at all. Maybe Twilight knows her limits after all.

"My little faggots!"

Oh dear lord.

You look around the room to see everypony's jaws dropped in disbelief. But no one stops her. Everyone just stares, dumbfounded as she swears at children. It's as if you're inside a cartoon or something.

"The fact is that you are all fucking stupid. You're children. That's just the way you cunts are. You walk around breaking shit and hurting yourselves all the time. No one likes you jizz dwarves, and frankly the only reason you all exist is because fucking kicks ass."

She turns the page to a picture of a brain with a bunch of mathematical formulas floating around it. "Luckily, there's still hope for you little faggots. Hell, if a cunt like Cheerilee can land a steady job, you'll all be fine. Anyway, the idea is that if you twatwaffles actually pick up a book every once in a while, you might be able to go from a useless sack of shit to a sack of shit that at least has one use. For example, you."

Twilight points to one of the fillies in the front row. "What's your name? Yeah, you. The one who looks like a living embodiment of her parents' regret."

"I'm Twitht."

"Alright, TwiTTTHTHTHTHTHt. What are you interested in? Other than actively boycotting hygiene products."

"Well, I really like candy."

"Candy? You like CANDY? What, is your THuper THpecial talent, having type 2 diabetes?"

"What'th dia-"

"Okay, she's a bad example. Literally unsalvageable. Who else we got?" Twilight scans the crowd while everyone continues staring in disbelief. "Ah, okay. You three. The Cutie Mark Cumguzzlers or whatever the fuck you're called. Get up here."

The three fillies slowly head onto the stage while there's FINALLY some shuffling and murmuring in the crowd. Twilight's still sporting the same friendly smile as always.

"So I look at the three of you, and I see two normal, healthy fillies."

The whole room then falls silent for about ten seconds

"What happened to you, cheese puff? Parents drop you into a blender when you were born?"

Silence. Silence and sphincter clenching.

"But really, Crippaloo. What do you want to do when you grow up?"

The sound of Scootaloo's gentle whimpering echoes through the auditorium.

"For fuck's sake... Cheerilee! Aren't you supposed to be teaching these faggots how TALK? Ugh! What about you, whitey?"

"I... like... singing..."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Sweetie Belle? Are you fucking kidding me? Look at me. Look at me. This entire town sings a song every other fucking day. If you can name ONE good reason why you think anyone would ever be interested in hearing a little wank sniffer like you scream into a microphone, then I swear to Celestia I'll buy everyone in this room tickets to your first big concert. No? That's what I thought. You're going to die a worthless faggot just like your worthless cripple friend."

Cheerilee breaks into tears as the rest of the crowd grows restless.

"And that leaves us with you. Last and objectively least, the earth pony. I want to start off by saying that you smell like you slept in a cow's asshole last night. I mean, I know you live on a-"

"THAT'S IT." Applejack tramples your testicles on her way to the aisle before she sprints directly towards Twilight.

Literally each child in the room is crying.

Twilight gazes into the crowd with joy as she hears dozens of ponies yelling at her the most genuine insults and threats that have ever graced her ears. The audience is very clearly forming an angry mob. You watch in a state of numb apathy as Applejack swiftly tackles Twilight and stomps her out of consciousness.

Oh dear lord.

--

"Alright Twilight. Keep that wound covered and get plenty of rest!"

"Oh gee, thanks, doctor faggot. Couldn't have figured that one out myself."

You check Twilight out of the hospital and start walking home.

"I think it's safe to say that I am officially the most well-liked pony in Ponyville."

"Twilight, you could have died."

"I know! I'm starting to think that ponies might like me SO much, that they might kill me! You know, out of friendship!"

How can Princess Celestia's ex-prodigy be this dumb? Maybe she bases her choices 100% off of learned information and 0% off of social cues, and she trusts you so much, she takes what you tell her at face value.

"You should... I mean... try to avoid that. Right?"

"Probably, yeah."

As you turn the last corner towards Twilight's place, you see something you honestly should have expected at this point. About fifty ponies were waiting for the two of you holding pitchforks and other blunt objects, standing in front of Twilight's house.

Which was on fire.

You wonder to yourself if this has perhaps gotten a tiny bit out of hand. Applejack stands in front, just as pissed off as when she decked Twilight. "Twi, you're not welcome here no more. Either leave town right now, or we're making you. I guarantee."

Twilight falls to the ground in tears, staring at her razed house. "Applejack... I had no idea you felt this way."

"I'm dead serious, Twi."

Twilight very timidly approaches Applejack, while the mob stays on guard but doesn't react. Applejack's face turns from anger to confusion as Twilight throws her front hooves around her in embrace. "Thank you, Applejack."

No fucking way.

"It must have taken you all day to learn the word 'guarantee'. The fact that you'd put yourself through that for our friendsh-"

"FUCKING GET HER."

The ride continues.

--

Holy fuck ponies are fast. You put all your effort into sprinting along with Twilight away from the bloodthirsty mob.

"DO YOU BITCHES... EXPECT US... TO BE AFRAID... OF A BUNCH OF... PASTEL COLORED..."

Twilight please stop.

"... FART SUCKING..."

Twilight.

"... FILLY FONDLING..."

pls.

"... PUS POUCHES?!"

"TWILIGHT WHY ARE YOU TRYING... TO MAKE THEM ANGRIER?"

"Why would they be getting angry?"

"HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU?!"

Twilight blushes. "Aw, Anon. Is now really the time for flattery?"

"JUST... FUCKING... TELEPORT US AWAY FROM HERE."

Poof. The two of you end up in some treeline outside of Ponyville. You slump down against a tree.

"Twilight. I need to tell you something. Something I should have told you a long time ago."

"Yeah? What's that, faggot?"

You unbuckle your figurative seatbelt and prepare to get off the ride. "Twi... oh man. How should I put this? Um... insults and threats... aren't ALWAYS friendly. Sometimes ponies really do think you're just being mean."

"Yeah, no shit, Anon."

What. The. Fuck.

"How dumb do you think I actually am? Do you honestly think I've been oblivious to all the ponies I've been pissing off? I know what I'm doing."

You calmly and cautiously rebuckle your figurative seatbelt.

"You should see your face right now."

"I firmly believe that I have every right to be confused right now."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"How... just... what?! You knew?"

"Of course!"

You didn't know whether to hate her or be proud of her.

"It felt SO GOOD to get some of those things off my chest. Seriously, I've wanted to call Rarity a whore since I met her."

"Okay, sure. Rarity's a whore. But you mocked a filly's physical disability directly to her face. You can't tell me that felt 'SO GOOD'."

"Well, no. It didn't. But I knew the only way for me to get off the hook for all this was to get you to confess. But I guess I expected too much from you by thinking that you'd stop me from bullying children to tears. Jackass."

"Wha- ME?"

"Listen. I think we can agree that we're both in the wrong here. But unless we want to go start a new life in a new kingdom, we need to find a way out of this." Twilight is disturbingly calm considering everything that just went down.

"Sure. Okay. But how the FUCK are we gonna do that?"

"I have a plan. But before I tell you, just keep in mind that you are not at all morally qualified to be upset at me for this."

Oh dear lord.

"Fine. Okay. Just tell me."

"I'm going to play dumb, and you have to take the hit."

"What?! No! Why would I ever agree to that?"

"It's the only way, Anon. If ponies actually believe that that's how you treat their friends, then they can't be mad at us. They don't know anything about your social customs, so they'll have to believe you. So if you can lie better than you can sprint, neither of us will get into any trouble."

Fuck, she's right.

"Okay. So what exactly are you suggesting I do?"

"Exactly what I did."

"Fuck. No."

"Just listen. You need to go insult everybody in Ponyville with a big friendly smile on your face. Eventually, word of it will have to get back to Celestia. You tell her you didn't know any better and that you were just trying to be nice, and she'll forgive both of us."

Why does she have to be so right? "And what if they kill me, Twilight? They're all faster than I am. You saw it yourself."

"Just don't piss off anyone holding a weapon. Or any angry mobs. Try to target small and defenseless ponies."

Jesus christ, Twi.

"And we both know you deserve this, so don't even try getting out of it."

Can't argue with that. "And what are you planning on doing?"

"I don't know. I guess I'll go stay with Zecora or something. I'm sure she hasn't heard about all this. Nobody ever talks to her. Just come get me once you think you've pissed everypony off enough."

"That's it? You're going to go hang out with Zecora while I walk around verbally terrorizing every defenseless pony I can find?"

"Uh huh. Any issues with that?"

Yes.

"No."

"Good. I'll see you when you're done."

Round 2: START.

--

This is going to be really really hard unless you just embrace it. No mercy. No guilt. Only insults.

You decide to start easy. Who will get upset the easiest?

"Hey Fluttershy." You put on a big friendly smile.

"Oh, hi Anon. Do you know a-"

"...cunt."

Fluttershy immediately releases a fountain of tears, wailing all the way back to her house.

That was easy.

You take a deep breath. You try to look at this as more of a game and not so much real life. It's only going to get harder from here.

You decide to go try to make Pinkie's hair deflate. You find her in Sugarcube Corner, actually not eating for once.

"NONNY!" Pinkie energetically bounces over to you and gives you hug.

Fuck this is going to be hard.

"You want a cupcake? Ooh! What about a donut! Or, we just made the most delicious looking fudge!!!"

"Christ, Pinkie. Lay off the bouncing huh? These floorboards can only take so much. Don't wanna cause a seismic event, do you?"

"Woah, no way! Twilight, like, JUST brought that up the other day! So I've been trying to eat better, and I already lost four pounds! Isn't that great, Nonny?"

Oh my god this hurts to do. "Yeah? Hard to tell. You still just look kinda like a big chewed up wad of bubblegum."

Pinkie giggles. "Oh, Nonny. You're the silliest Nonny I know."

Oh my god she's too cute. "Well you're the fattest cunt I know."

OH MY GOD I'M SORRY.

"Well... you're the saltiest OYSTER I know!"

What?

"What?"

"What? I thought we were playing a game! Weren't we?" Pinkie starts bouncing in a circle around you.

"No, you dumb bitch. We weren't playing a game."

"Then whyyyyy are you smiling?"

Fuuuuck, what should you say? "Because we're just... such good friends!" Was that part of the plan? "And... you're a huge faggot!"

FUCK. WAS THAT PART OF THE PLAN?!

You just smile and wait as Pinkie gleefully laughs. "Well... then you're a huger faggot!"

This was not part of the plan.

Just keep insulting. Twilight just told you to keep insulting. "Pinkie. Just by volume, you are without a doubt the biggest faggot in this room."

"Nonny. Just by the amount of time we've each spent staring at Big Mac's jumblies, I would beg to differ."

THIS ISN'T WORKING. S.O.S. FALL BACK.

"I'd love to stay and chat, Piggy Pie, but I honestly think calories are being transferred from your body to mine just through osmosis, so..."

"What? No! We were having fun!"

What the fuck is happening?

"Nonny, call me a faggot!"

"No."

"Come on Nonny! Just call me a dumb testie-tickling faggot!"

"WHY DO YOU WANT THAT?"

"Because it's fun!"

"PINKIE. I'M NOT GOING TO CALL YOU A DUMB TESTIE-TICKLING-" You're interrupted by Rainbow Dash barging through the front door.

"Oh, look, Nonny! You're not the biggest faggot in the room anymore!"

Dash knits her brow. "What the hell, Pinkie?"

"What's'a matter Dashie? No one ever called you a faggot before?"

Dash growls and grimaces at Pinkie.

"Oh, calm down, Dashie. We're having fun!"

Dash cocks her head. "Huh?"

"Just call me a faggot."

"Alright... faggot."

Pinkie giggles as Dash cracks a smile. "See? Didn't that feel good, faggot?"

Dash gently giggles. "Yeah, I guess it did, you little faggot!"

This could not be going any worse.

Pinkie presses her head against your arm. "Have anything to add, Nonny?"

You look at the two ponies excitedly waiting for you to call them faggots. Honestly, their ride looks a whole lot more fun the the ride Twilight dragged you on. You're jumping ship.

"Only that you two are a couple of massive fucking cunts."

Pinkie lights up. "Come on!" She bolts out the door and Dash quickly follows her. You strap into the new ride and head out with them.

Pinkie turns to you and whispers, "watch this!"

She turns back forward and takes a deep breath. "HEY DAISY! HEY! WE ALL KNOW WHY YOU BUY A CUCUMBER EVERY NIGHT, YOU SICK BITCH!"

Daisy wasn't even outside. Pinkie just literally yelled it towards her house as loud as she could.

You, Pinkie, and Dash all break into laughter as Daisy peeks her head out of a window, appalled. "Pinkie Pie! How dare you!"

"Oh come on, Daisy! Say what's on your mind! It'll make you feel better!" Pinkie gives an encouraging smile to egg her on.

Daisy catches on and smirks. "Well... at least I can FIND my hoo-ha, you... you big whale!" You all fall to the ground in laughter.

Amethyst Star is giggling down the road having overheard you. "Hey Daisy! Next time you're buying your cucumber, maybe you could pick up for clams for Rainbow Dash to use!"

Oh my god this ride is so much better. Everyone who's out around town starts insulting one another and laughing.

"Golden Harvest! Stop laughing so much, I can smell your breath from here!"

"Oh, I'd better write that one down. Oh wait, Davenport sucks at his job and is out of quills again!"

"MAYOR MARE REMINDS ME OF AN OL' SCAB."

What a beautiful sight. The three of you are rolling on the ground in laughter. This is the same town that just ran out Twilight for saying shit like this.

Granted, she did say that shit to children.

Dash rolls over towards you. "Hey, you know who'd love this? Applejack."

You flash back to Applejack knocking out Twilight. "Fuck yeah, let's go."

--

The three of you walk through a laughter-ridden Ponyville towards Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack is outside bucking apples as always.

Dash flies ahead of you and Pinkie to greet her. "Gosh, AJ. Don't you ever wish you had a fulfilling life that WASN'T totally repetitive?"

Applejack raises an eyebrow. "Uh... no. Not really."

Pinkie yells to her from back next to you, still about fifty feet away. "WELL DON'T YOU EVER AT LEAST WISH YOU WEREN'T A FAGGOT?"

Pinkie snorts in laughter as Applejack shifts her eyes in aggravated confusion. "Are ya'll here for a reason, or are ya'll just looking to bother me?"

Dash flies right up to her face. "I don't know. What do you think, you stupid redneck cunt?"

Right after saying it, Rainbow Dash lets out one of those obnoxious 'pbfbpbfbb' sounds through her lips for five full seconds, literally soaking Applejack's face in her lousy saliva, before breaking into laughter along with you and Pinkie.

Applejack eventually lets out a goofy chuckle. "Well, Rainbow, you're just lucky my papa's not around no more. If he ever found a homosexual on his property, he'd skin her alive faster'n you can say 'it just ain't natural'."

Dash falls out the sky laughing. Holy fuck this is fun. You want in.

"Apples are fucking disgusting."

The laughter halts.

"Don't push it, sugarcube."

"Oh. Um..."

"HEYY!! Let's go get Rarity and Fluttershy and have some more FUN!"

The four of you prance off to keep spreading joy and laughter.

--

You find them both in the Carousel Boutique. Fluttershy starts tearing up at the sight of you, and Rarity defensively hugs her. "Anonymous! You have got some explaining to do!"

Pinkie looks at you and cocks her head. "What happened?"

Oh yeahhhhh, you called Fluttershy a cunt earlier.

"I called Fluttershy a cunt earlier."

Fluttershy whimpers helplessly.

Rarity scowls. "Now why would you say something like that to poor old Fluttershy?"

"It's kinda true sometimes."

Rainbow Dash joins in. "And news flash, Fluttershy. Maybe if you cut your tail shorter like the rest of us so it didn't drag on the shit-covered ground all day, you wouldn't smell like Applejack's asshole."

That one irked Rarity. "That is quite enough! If you brutes MUST go around picking on ponies, I ask that you KINDLY keep it away from dear Fluttershy."

Oh come on Rarity, you're practically asking for it.

Pinkie tags in. "Mm-kay. Hey Rarity. Is your name supposed to be ironic? Because I think that like... half the stallions in town have had you."

Rarity's jaw drops.

"...and like a quarter of the mares."

"WELL. At least I can GET... that kind of attention! I bet nopony could even FIND your poussoir! Not that they'd WANT to."

"Sorry, Rarity. Try again. Daisy already did that one."

Rarity jerked in confusion. "Wh- Daisy? Why in Equestria were you arguing with Daisy?"

"Everyone's insulting each other! It's fun!"

Rarity turns up her nose. "That doesn't sound like any kind of fun I'VE ever heard of."

"Um... Anon? You're a faggot." You, Pinkie, Dash, and Applejack all turn to Fluttershy with massive smiles.

Rarity gasps in disgust. "Fluttershy! Darling! What did you just say?"

"He's a faggot. Anon is a faggot." Fluttershy wasn't even laughing. She was just confidently looking at everyone in the room. This is the best ride ever.

"Why am I a faggot Fluttershy? I really want to know."

Even Rarity was interested at this point. "Yes, dear... please. Do elaborate."

"Um... okay..." Fluttershy takes a deep breath as you prepare for what may possibly end up being the best thirty seconds of your life.

"Well for starters, Anon, it's really uncomfortable how insecure you are. You always just follow Twilight around with your hands in your pockets and watch everypony else interact. I mean, I know it might be a little hypocritical coming from me, but at least I stay in my house most of the time. You pretty much force everypony to see how awkward you are. And the only reason Twilight doesn't mind is because she's kind of awkward too and doesn't understand it. And what makes it even worse is how obvious it is when you look at everypony's rear ends all the time. I know you're probably lonely, and I'm sorry, but just because you're attracted to us doesn't mean that we're ever going to be attracted to you. We won't. So you should just come to terms with that now. We shouldn't be made to feel guilty over your sexual frustration. And the only reason no one's brought it up in the past is because you're a guest, and no one wants to make you feel unwelcome or look like they're discriminating against you. But the fact is Anon, it kind of feels like you're overstaying your welcome a little bit. You've been mooching off of Twilight for a while now, and unless you start actually contributing to the community, ponies are going to start getting more and more bothered by you. I mean, were you this lazy before you got here? Did you just sit around and do nothing every day? Well if you did, then that has to change if you plan on staying here. We're not just here so you can lurk around and stare at us all day. We're not just here for your entertainment, okay? So... that's why I think you're a faggot, Anon. It's because you're lazy, useless, and perverted."

Everyone silently stares at you. You've never felt such a powerful combination of pain and excitement.

After ten seconds of quiet, Rarity runs up and gets right in your face. "DO YOU HEAR THAT, ANONYMOUS?! YOU!! ARE A FAGGOT!!!"

The tension vanishes as everyone, even Rarity and Fluttershy, break into a hearty laugh.

"See? Told you she was a cunt."

Pinkie nudges your leg. "Speaking of Twilight... where'd she go?"

You promptly look at Applejack and raise your eyebrows.

"Oh, we ran her outta town."

Pinkie gasps. "What?! Why?!"

"She called Scootaloo a worthless cripple in front of half the ponies in town. Among other things."

"Oh. Okie-dokie-lokie!"

You feel a teensy bit guilty about Twilight's situation in all this. You could just abandon her, but you feel slightly obligated to help her out. You figure the best thing to do is to try to bring this new ride to her and see how it pans out. "Wanna go call her a cunt? She's at Zecora's."

As good a plan as any.

Applejack looks you right in the eye. "More then anything in the world, Anon."

The six of you head out towards the Everfree, and Fluttershy walks besides you. "Um... do you hate me now?"

"Hate you? No. Do I think you're a dirty cunt? You better fucking believe it."

She shyly grins. As if you just called her pretty or something. What the fuck is happening to Ponyville?

Applejack looks back towards you. "By the way, sugarcube. Do ya'll know what got into Twilight making her say all that?"

lol maybe.

"No, I'm not really sure. It kind of came out of the blue." Would you look at that, you're a huge jackass.

Dash began flying backwards in front of you, now facing you. "Whatever it was, hopefully she's over it now. It was like every word out of her mouth was an insult! What a fucking bitch, am I right?"

The girls casually laughed, seemingly missing the irony.

--

When you get to Zecora's house, Twilight must have heard you coming. She slowly emerges from the front door wearing a menacing smile. Somepony's a little upset. Zecora urgently slams the door behind Twilight, suggesting that Twilight just put her through hell.

"Anon! Why are- you brought guests!"

Well, life was fun while it lasted. "Twilight. I can explain."

"TWILIGHT. YOU'RE A MASSIVE CUNT." God damn it, Applejack.

"Anon. You didn't follow the plan."

"Twilight..."

"YOU DIDN'T FOLLOW THE PLAN, ANON. WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?" Apparently she's been realizing the magnitude of the situation.

"Do you want the truth?"

"No, Anon. I want you to lie to me. OF COURSE I WANT THE TRUTH"

"We're here because Applejack wanted to call you a cunt." Everyone but Twilight laughs.

Twilight's eye twitches. Apparently she's in no mood to joke. "You're laughing. WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?"

Applejack chuckles. "'Cause you're a cunt."

Twilight growls.

Pinkie bounces over to Twilight and drapes a hoof over her shoulder. "Come onnnnn Twilight. It's funny!"

"Funny?! It's FUNNY now?! When I insult Rainbow Dash, she physically assaults me, but when you do it, it's FUNNY?!"

Dash recoils defensively, then starts looking a little guilty. "Well... we changed our minds!"

Any traces of laughter subside as everyone starts understanding how pissed Twilight must be.

"Just calm down, Twilight. Why don't we don't just put all this behind us and try to make amends?"

"That would be great for you, wouldn't it Anon? Try to trick me into becoming 'public enemy #1', let me get run out of town, and then just call it even?"

Oh, yeah. You forgot this was all your fault

Pinkie looks at you and cocks her head. "I'm confused."

Oh yeah. No one knows this was all your fault.

Well fuck.

How are you going to get out of this one?

"Twilight, I get that you're mad, but I have a solution."

She raises an eyebrow.

"I know you have a lot of bottled up aggression. So how about we all let you tear us a new asshole? Just say all the shit to us that you've wanted to say for years, and then we go back to how everything was before this started. We'll help you fix your house and everything."

There's no way she'll settle for that. You can see Twilight's gears grinding her face slowly turns to an evil smile

"Fine."

"R- really?"

"Yes, really."

You turn to the other five. "Is... that cool with everyone?"

They all gently shrug and nod compliantly.

Wow. You can't believe that worked.

"And why don't we start with you, Anon? Why don't we start by talking about how fucking useless you are? Why don't we talk about how your little tiny human penis gets hard every time one of us is nice to you? Well guess what, Anon. We're not interested. And I think that, deep down, you know that. You know that none of us would ever be interested in the town creep. And before you start making excuses for yourself - no. It has nothing to do with the fact that you're a different species. You could be the most handsome stallion in Equestria, but if you still walked around breathing through your mouth staring at our vaginas all day like you do now, we'd be just as repulsed as we are right now. Except maybe Rarity, but we can talk about that later, can't we?"

Rarity nervously gulps as Twilight glares at her.

"I'm sure none of this is news to you, Anon. But the problem is, you're SO desperate, that you manage to delude yourself about it. Whenever one of us says anything nice to you, or, Celestia forbid, touches you, you get it into your head that maybe we did it because we're interested in you. You think that, maybe, something magically changed that suddenly made you attractive. And you spend the rest of the day fantasizing, holding onto this little shred of hope that you synthesized, spinning stories in your mind about how great you'd treat us. Like an immature little boy. And then you play with your pathetic little penis, go to bed, and do it all over again the next day. What do you think, Anon? Sound pretty spot-on?"

"Uh..."

"Shut up. I'm not done. Because there's something else you need to know. Your sad little life? It's not a secret. EVERYONE talks about it. We talk about how you're never going to find love. We talk about how fucking ugly your hairless skin is. We talk about that, even though you know you have nothing to offer, you absolutely never make any attempts to improve yourself. And that's really the biggest problem, isn't it, Anon? That even though you know that you're an irredeemable loser, you're never going to change. You're just going to keep blaming the world for your shitty life. Instead of taking control of your own fate, you're just going to continue to complain that the universe didn't just hand you happiness for free. Never mind that I'm giving you a free place to live and free food to eat - you want more. So next time you're moping around wondering why nopony wants anything to do with you, remember this conversation. And then, maybe, if the stars align, you'll actually blame yourself. You won't blame anypony else, you won't blame fate, you'll blame YOURSELF. And then, JUST MAYBE, you'll grow the fuck up and start acting like a man. But, considering your track record Anon, I'm not holding my breath."

You're frozen. Twilight grinned at your defeat. The tense silence was at last broken by a nervous giggle from Pinkie.

Wrong move

"Oh, what a surprise. Pinkie Pie is trying to make a bad situation go away by laughing. Let's find out if it worked, shall we?" Twilight menacingly strolls over to Pinkie, not breaking eye contact.

"Hmm... well you're still fat. And you're still totally dead inside. So it looks like laughing didn't help all that, did it? As much as you wish it would. Oh, and before you ask, no - overeating won't help either."

Pinkie's ears flop down.

"Living inside a shell sounds great, doesn't it Pinkie? If you smile and laugh at everything, then it all becomes a joke. Nothing can get inside. None of the suffering and death in the world. None of the hate and aggression. None of the injustice. None of it seems real if you laugh at it, does it Pinkie? Well, there's two problems with living like that. The first problem - the obvious problem - is that those things ARE real. The world can be an awful place. But I know you know that. The SECOND problem, Pinkie, is that if you don't let anything get in, nothing can get out either. Your psyche becomes an isolated wasteland, as the monsters in your head just become stronger, because you won't let anything in to fight them. Get it? Let me put in a way you might actually understand. Your pantry is full of pastries and candy, right? Of course it is. Now let's say I nailed it shut, and we didn't open it for ten years. What do you think would happen? Everything inside would rot. If there was ever anything worthwhile in that pantry, it would be left to just idly fester there in the dark. Then it starts to mold. The bugs will start to get to it. Everything will be destroyed from the inside out. But all the while, the door to the pantry looks just as inviting as ever. And, inevitably, somebody will come along and open that pantry, regardless of how difficult it is, expecting delicious treats. And then they'll see everything. They'll see the awful secrets that pantry has been holding for all these years. The decay. The disease. The disaster. And no matter how much they try to clean it out, it's no use. That pantry will always be tainted. You'll never be able to rid that place of traces of the disrepair that you let happen. It's ruined. Forever."

Pinkie's face had become emotionless. She stares off into the depths of the forest as Twilight watches her with pride.

"But it gets harder every day, doesn't it Pinkie? The demons are getting bigger and stronger, and the walls of your mind are getting thinner and weaker. Which means you have to work harder to keep everything inside. You have to make jokes more often, and laugh more loudly. Don't think we haven't noticed, Pinkie. You've been acting out more and more over the past couple of years, because you have you scream louder than your demons. And I understand that. You wouldn't want your friends to see inside your head, would you? So you go ahead and keep making more and more obnoxious jokes. But know that it won't last forever, Pinkie. Because soon, we're going to get sick of it, and it'll chase us all away. And when you have no one left to tell jokes to, your defense is gone. And your demons will have no one to attack but you. And they'll win. I promise you that, they will win."

Pinkie remains emotionless while her breathing becomes heavier. Twilight grins and begins pacing in front of the rest of the group. "And while we're on the topic of ponies hiding behind masks..." She stops in front of Rainbow Dash.

"Just how much DO you hate yourself, Rainbow Dash?"

Dash grimaces. "I... I don't."

"You're lying."

Dash is clearly shaken, but tries to remain looking confident. Twilight locks eyes with her. "What do you think you'd do, Rainbow Dash, if no one complimented you for an entire week? Do you think you'd survive, Dash? Seven days?"

Dash begins to try to answer, but nothing comes out of her mouth. She clenches her jaw, trying to fight back emotion.

Twilight snickers. "What would you be forced to think about, Dash? Your faults? Your insecurities? All the ways in which you might not be good enough?"

Dash looks towards the ground angrily. "Stop..."

"No. Day one. You go show off in front of your friends like you always do. When no one compliments you, you turn to your backup plan. Scootaloo. That's all she is to you anyway, right Dash? An easy way to get compliments? But you have no luck with her either. Who knows, maybe she's gotten tired of you doing the same old shit all the time. You try to shrug it off and sleep. Day two. You start forcing ponies to pay attention to you. You fly in front of Mayor Mare making a speech, or crash a party. But no one wants to watch you, do they? You're boring. They don't care about you. So you go work out all night to distract yourself, and go to sleep. Day three. You start making excuses for yourself. Maybe ponies are just too intimidated by you to compliment you. Maybe they're complimenting you, but you just haven't heard them. So you feed off of your pathetic denial for the day, and spend the night having nightmares. Day four. You're desperate and tormented. You confront everypony you see, interrupting everything they're doing to get them to pay attention to you. You show off, and try to lead them into praising you. But, naturally, everyone gets sick of your childish attempts at getting affirmation. The harder you try, the less attention you get."

Dash's eyes are tightly closed as tears sneak between her eyelids. "Stop."

"No. Day five. You spend the morning curled up on a cloud feeling sorry for yourself. In a last desperate attempt, you tell everyone you can find that you're going to do a sonic rainboom. After you finally find a few ponies to watch, you fail. You fail because you weren't good enough. You watch your audience laugh at you as they walk away."

"Please stop."

"Day six. You remember all the times you disappointed your parents. You remember all the things your classmates said about you. 'Cause this isn't the first time you've failed, is it Rainbow Crash? You don't sleep that night."

"Twilight..."

"Day seven. You try to hurt yourself again."

Rainbow Dash's entire body shakes as you all listen to the eerie sounds of the Everfree. It's interrupted by Twilight mercilessly pacing towards her next victim. "Why don't we continue with our theme of insecurity?"

Rarity quickly jerks her head to look at Twilight, knowing she's next. "There is nothing you can say that could hurt me, Twilight."

"You're wrong. You just think I'm going to call you a slut. And you are a slut, but that's not what I hate about you."

"Then what, pray tell, DO you hate about me, love?"

"I hate how fucking fake you are. You are just so ashamed of the mare who lives underneath all that makeup, aren't you?"

"Not at all, dear."

"Okay. Then go wash off the make up. Let's see who you really are."

Without waiting for a response, Twilight walks to Zecora's door and knocks. Zecora hesitantly answers. "Sorry for bothering you, Zecora. Can Rarity use your bathroom? It's an emergency."

Zecora nods and gestures for Rarity to enter. Rarity gives Twilight a threatening glare before slowly entering Zecora's house. As the door closes, all that can be heard is whimpering coming from Fluttershy.

"What's the matter, loser? Having flashbacks?"

Fluttershy makes no attempt to stifle her tears.

"Fluttershy, you've been getting made fun of by everypony for your entire life. Have you ever considered that, just maybe, the problem is YOU? NOT everypony else?"

As Fluttershy turns her head away from Twilight and sobs, Rainbow Dash steps towards them. "Back off, Twilight."

"Calm down, Rainbow Dash. I don't have much to say to poor Fluttershy."

Twilight uses her front hoof to turn Fluttershy's head towards her and locks eyes with her. "She already knows she's a weak, socially retarded outcast who has been pitied by everyone she's ever met. And nothing I can say will ever change that."

Twilight maintained eye contact until Fluttershy closed her eyes and helplessly whimpered.

Everyone's eyes turn to Zecora's door as Rarity emerges. She didn't make eye contact with any of you. The only differences in her makeup are the streams of eyeliner running down her face from her tears. She gently sits down beside Fluttershy, defeated.

Applejack steps forward. "Well, Twilight? I'm waiting."

Twilight smiles. "Oh, Applejack. The golden mare. You've got it all figured out, don't you?"

Applejack squints.

"You'd be making your parents so proud. Little miss responsible." Everyone recoiled at Twilight's cheap shot.

"Then again... what can go wrong? In a life without risks, there's not a whole lot at stake, is there? It's not that hard to wake up and do the same thing every day, is it?"

"You couldn't do what I do, Twilight. None of you could."

"And that's the only thing that keeps you going, isn't it Applejack? It's just this bloated sense of pride that gets you out of bed in the morning. Now, I'm not saying you've had it easy. I'm really not. All I'm saying is... is it REALLY all that hard to kick trees all day? Do you REALLY think that makes you STRONG? Do you REALLY think that if your mother could see you right now, that she'd be proud of you?"

Applejack maintains her composure. "Yes. I do."

"I don't. You know what I think, Applejack? I think that when your parents died, you died with them. When your parents died, you committed your entire life to that farm, because that's what you think they'd want. But what's happened to you? You've become a machine. You've become a pony who has completely lost her sense of wonder for the world, and you've become content with reliving the same chapter of your life over and over. And that's not living. That's existing. There's a difference. You're wasting the one life you get on a bunch of trees. And if I was your mother, it would break my heart to see what a soulless robot you've become."

The silence that followed that sentence was indescribable. Everyone was left to reflect on what they'd just been through. Pinkie sat in fear, imagining the demons that lived within her mind. Rainbow Dash's thoughts were flooded by memories of self loathing as she lies shaking on the ground. Rarity sat in tears, ashamed of both the mask of makeup she wore as well as the mare beneath it. Fluttershy looked on, desperate for the courage to rescue both herself, and her friends. Applejack looked to the stars, questioning every choice she's made that brought her to where she is now. And Twilight is left watching it all. Watching the misery she brought to all of her best friends.

In seconds, Twilight becomes just as agonized as the rest of you. She becomes filled with regret and disgust at the monster she'd just become. The terrible silence lasts for probably about twenty minutes as the sun begins to set above the forest. No one has said a word. No one has even moved. The tears have for the most part passed, and eyes begin to wander.

Twilight shyly looks at her friends in guilt. The six of them, for perhaps the first time, are seeing one another in an entirely decomposed and vulnerable state. Before long, their sadness turns to empathy. The grief fades from their faces, and all that's left is the silent appreciation that they're still surrounded by their best friends.

Perhaps due to an oversaturation of emotion, Pinkie can't help but begin to softly giggle. As with all groups of friends, the laughter grows contagious, as the seven of you revel in a bout of amusement that seems very out of place.. As painful as it was, a very heavy weight has seemingly been lifted from all of your shoulders through all this.

Through teary-eyed laughter, Twilight finally spoke up. "I'm... so sorry girls." This triggered the release of even more laughter as everyone joined into a group embrace.

As the hug continued, Dash was the first to sarcastically speak up. "We really are a bunch of faggots, aren't we?" All of you instinctively laugh.

The seven of you eventually make your way back to Ponyville. You all spent the night at Rarity's place. Not a lot of talking happened. But the surprising part was that there was absolutely no animosity. It was understood that everyone was sorry for what happened, and the whole group seemed to put the whole situation behind them.

The next day, everyone worked on fixing up Twilight's house. It wasn't perfect, but it would do. Everything pretty much returned to normal. The only thing that changed was that everyone was a whole lot more comfortable using the words 'faggot' and 'cunt' jokingly. If anything, this whole situation improved the social dynamics around town

And eventually, word of the amends got back to Celestia. Celestia ended up writing a letter of apology and accepting Twilight as her student once again

Twilight never got to read it though, because Spike actually died in that house fire.