Rise of the Planet of the Fleas
“Huh… a flea,” Twilight said, picking the insect off her fur. “Where did you come from?”
“Say something, Twi?” Rainbow said, prompting her to look up.
Twilight glanced around the map-table, seeing all her friends’ eyes on her. With a shrug, she shook her head. “Oh, nothing. Just talking to myself.”
Applejack shot her a curious look. “Something on your mind? Maybe something to help with tracking down Starlight?” she said, gesturing to the map.
“No, no, nothing like that.” With a shrug, she added, “Just found a flea.”
Silence.
Twilight found herself glancing at each of her friends again, unable to help but feel that she’d said something wrong. The faces of unbridled shock and horror on each of their faces would do that. Only seconds ago, they’d been discussing the most recent threat to Equestria, a certain unicorn by the name of Starlight Glimmer, but now all the focus shifted to her—And over something so small, too, she thought.
“Um, girls?” she said. “Is something the matter?”
Rarity cleared her throat. “Twilight, dear? How do I put this?”
“Did you just say you ‘found a flea’?” Applejack said.
Twilight’s eyes darted left to right, taking a moment to view each of their faces. “Uh, yes? I have it right here.” Lighting her horn, she levitated the bug above the table. “Is there a problem… girls?”
No one answered her, their eyes locked onto the tiny little glow that held a flea.
“Oh my Celestia…” Rarity muttered.
“It can’t be,” Applejack whispered.
“It’s like being trapped in a field of singing sunflowers,” Rainbow gasped.
“My eyes!” Pinkie screeched as smoke starting spewing from her burning sockets.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. With a hint of annoyance in her voice, she spoke again. “Okay, can somepony explain what’s going on already? Why are you all obsessing over this?”
“Um, well… You found a flea,” Fluttershy answered. “You don’t know what that could mean?”
“Mm… I need to buy a better brand of shampoo?”
“…Technically yes.” She cleared her throat. “You weren’t here the last time Ponyville had a flea problem, were you?”
“I don’t think so…?”
Rainbow hmphed as she spread her wings and launched herself from her seat. Aimed right at the lavender alicorn, she stopped just shy of their noses touching. Twilight, meanwhile, cracked open an eyelid once she realized she wouldn’t be plowed into the ground by a mad pegasus. “First…” Rainbow raised her hoof and slugged Twilight across the foreleg. “Two for flinching.”
Twilight deadpanned.
“Second…” With a righteous fury in her eyes, she stated, “Where’d you find that flea?”
“…” She blinked. “Fluttershy. Please explain to me what’s happening.”
The canary pegasus nodded. “Ponyville, and other rural towns like it, are notorious for flea outbreaks every few years. The last one must have been before you moved here.”
“Flea outbreaks?” Twilight repeated, furrowing her brow. “How are there flea outbreaks at all? Aren’t there precautions like in Canterlot?”
“Like I said, rural towns are notorious. They don’t have the advances in place that cities do.”
“Exactly,” Rainbow said. “Now let me repeat. Where’d. You. Find. That. Flea?!”
Twilight gulped under her friend’s mad glare. If the definition of insanity could be summarized in a picture, she figured that this was it. From the corners of her eyes, she could see that the rest of her friends would be of no help, a few even looking like they would happily join in with Rainbow. Just because you’re not the Element of Loyalty doesn’t mean you can’t be loyal, ‘friends,’ she muttered to herself.
With a sigh of helplessness, she answered. “I found it on my fur. My foreleg to be exact.”
Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “…I knew it,” she hissed.
“Right… So what are we going to do about—”
“Capture the tainted one!” Rainbow shrieked, flying high above the table.
“What?! Do you—whoa!” Twilight gasped as a wave of blue magic tossed her to the floor. “Rarity!”
“Sorry, darling! But we have no choice!”
“No choice?!”
Pinkie pounced on top of Twilight, pinning her to the floor. “I’m super-duper sorry about this Twilight! I promise I’ll throw you the bestest please-forgive-us-for-assaulting-you party ever!” She glanced away in thought for a moment. “Speaking of which, what’s your favorite flavor of icing? I’ll need it for the cake.”
“How about get off me!
“Can’t say I’ve heard of that flavor.”
“Pinkie!” Applejack called. “Got my lasso?”
“Right here,” she yelled, tossing it back.
Twilight’s face could only be described as what the hay?! “Where’d you even get that from?”
“Same place Pinkie Sense comes from.”
“Dangit, Pinkie! I—oomph!” she moaned, having been pushed to the side… and right into Applejack sights. In a few lasso-filled seconds later, Twilight laid on her side and hog-tied, complete with an apple Pinkie had stuck in her mouth.
“Mmph mph!” she said.
Rainbow descended, planting her four hooves beside Twilight. “Mm… not bad. I guess that answers the question of if we’d be able to take her out when she goes mad with power.”
“Mmph?!”
“Don’t worry about, Twi. We definitely don’t think that will happen one day.”
Twilight’s own righteous fury came forth in her glare.
“Um, girls?” Fluttershy said, still huddled in her chair. Between her hooves sat the flea Twilight had held in her magic. “Are you sure we had to do that? I know the last flea epidemic kinda sent Ponyville into a civil war between the infected and the pure that ended in bloody anarchy... but was this really necessary?”
“Yes.”
“Eeyup.”
“Totally.”
“You bet!”
“Mmph!”
Fluttershy frowned, but she didn’t push it further; she shrugged. “If you say so…”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed. Enough of this. She scrunched up her face in concentration, channeling her innate magic into her horn. She would’ve smirked if not for the fruit stuffed in her mouth.
In a flash of blinding light, Twilight burst free of her confines. Her eyes glowed a stark white as she levitated herself above her group of friends, each of their faces frozen in surprise. Then, as quick as it started, she landed on the castle flooring and returned to her usual, less-godly self. “…Are we done?”
Rainbow gaped. “Twilight! You don’t understand! We’re trying to prevent the end of Ponyville as we know it!”
“By tying me up?” Twilight rolled her eyes. “This is just absurd. End of Ponyville? Civil war? Anarchy? You expect me to believe a simple flea problem caused all that?
“Yes! You could be infected with those little bastards. You’re putting everyone you know and love at risk!”
The alicorn deadpanned. “It can’t possibly be as bad as you say. In fact, I’m putting my hoof down.” She stamped said hoof just to prove her point. “Unless Princess Celestia herself arrives and demands that I’m placed under quarantine, I’ll handle this on my own. I think a simple bath will remedy the problem—if there actually is a problem.”
The five friends glanced between each other, sharing a knowing look. With an intake of breath, Rarity called out, “Oh, Spikey Wikey! Would you come out, wherever you are? I could use a helping claw!”
“And… sent,” Spike said as the last of his fiery breath fizzled out. “Anything for you, m’lady.”
“Oh, such a gentledrake!” Rarity giggled, prompting Rainbow to fake vomit.
A smirk on her lips, Twilight spoke up. “There we are. The letter to the Princess is sent. Just watch, when she writes back, you’ll all see how ridiculous your actions are.”
“We’ll see about that, Twi,” Applejack replied. “We’ll see about that…”
“Uh-huh.” Returning to her seat at the table, Twilight point out a few spots on the map. “Why don’t we take some time and return to why we’re even here. So, we have supposed sightings of Starlight in—”
A “pop!” suddenly echoed throughout the hall, sending a jolt through the ponies and dragon present. As a flash of golden light faded away, the regal image of an alicorn stood in its place. Tall as a horse, coat as white as the sun, and a flowing rainbow mane around a spiraling horn, Princess Celestia made her entrance.
“Princess!” Twilight called, grinning like a foal in a candy store. “I didn’t expect you to arrive so soon. Actually, I didn’t expect you to arrive at all! I thought you would’ve sent a letter.”
Celestia didn’t respond right away, instead glancing around the room to everyone present, taking in each of their faces. Finally, she turned to Twilight. “You mentioned fleas?”
“A flea, your highness.”
The sun goddess nodded slowly. “A flea… And you said you found it in your fur?”
“Right,” she answered.
Without a moment more, Celestia’s eyes darted from face to face. “Spike, bring me Twilight’s daily schedule for the past week—no, month.”
Spike blinked. “Uh… wha—”
“Now.”
“Yes, ma’am!” he said before scurrying off.
“Rarity, Applejack, lock up this castle physically as well as magically. Let nothing in or out.”
“Right away!”
“Yes, your majesty!”
After watching the two hurry away on their task, Celestia turned to the remaining ponies. “Fluttershy, Rainbow, Pinkie, help me take care of Twilight.”
“Me?” Twilight repeated, voice a note too high. “With all due respect, princess… What in the hay are you doing?!”
Celestia cocked her head. “Don’t you know? You sent the letter after all.”
“…Huh?”
She nodded. “Why, we’re quarantining you, of course. After the last Great Flea War, I made an oath. I promised that Ponyville will never know the horror of fleas again, and I intend to stay true to my word…” She marched to Twilight, standing over her as she stared down with cold, solemn eyes. “At any cost.”
Twilight felt herself sinking into her chair.
With a warm, motherly smile appearing on her lips, Celestia added, “You understand, right?”
“…Yes?” she replied, her voice somewhere between a whisper and a squeak. In other words, a perfect Fluttershy impression.
“Splendid,” Celestia said. “Now then…” Her horn alit, preparing to conjure forth whatever the sun goddess so desired. “Let’s get down to business.”
With nothing to do but stare up at her former mentor, Twilight had only one thought.
Oh… buck me.
Author's Note
This story was originally meant to be a multi-chapter fic, but I have since changed my mind for the time being. The ending is a bit sudden as is, but I believe the story is fine on its own otherwise. If this does become a chapter fic, it'll be some time down the line.
Thank you!
