Adagio Dazzle and the Scourge of the Naan Bread

by Lesbian Adagio Dazzle

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Aria Blaze, Comedy, Adagio Dazzle, Random, Crossover, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sonata Dusk, Alternate Universe, Human, Other
Length: 2627

Adagio Dazzle infiltrates Sunset's fortress/castle of Doom in order to retrieve the legendary Equestrian Naan.

The stunning end to the Naan Bread trilogy, not that anyone really gives a crap.

Adagio Dazzle is so close to finally recapturing the naan bread, there's just one final obstacle in the way of true ultimate power...

Co-writers and editors: Vitalspark and Lesbian Sonata Dusk

This story is a crossover between Kill Bill Vol 2, Doctor Who, Transformers, Underworld and The Shining.
Written in memory of Wubcake. 2015 - 2015

Cover art done by some villainous fish woman. It's me~

"It's been a long journey. It's been emotional. But the wild ride has come to an end." - Katie Price.
"My mama is a llama" - The Dalai Llama
"Oh yes, you girls are so tight~" - Adagio Dazzle
"Cactus" - Wucake's spooky scary ghost
"I will fuck you with a duck, and the duck WILL enjoy it." - Octavia H Discordia
"10/10 would fucking read the shit out of this thing again" - Not IGN

Published 2015-07-21 21:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-21 21:00:01 UTC

Something.

Something.

The day Adagio lost her naan, she lost her dignity, her self respect, and her naan. She decided to do what any normal person would do: steal it back. Her target: Sunset Shimmer, the half cat, half sex, half demon, half phoenix, who was currently in possession of that most prized naan bread.

She stalked the unicorn-turned-human back from school to her palatial home, set in a hundred acres of woodland and surrounded by a moat full of sharks.

The siren was such a boss, that she knocked out a nearby stationed guard, stole their uniform, and crept into Sunset's really super expensive castle compound thingy. Pretending to be a guard she made it past the gate and onto the land owned by her enemy. Despite her disguise, all the guards looked at her funny — or at something behind her rather. Looking back she saw her hair, in all its poofy glory, obviously giving her identity away and the guards wasted no time drawing their swords and engaging the siren intruder in combat.

Afagio had been training with legendary martial arts master Pai Mei for months, and used the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique to take out the first two guards before spinning around, katana drawn, slicing open the stomach of any guard stupid enough to come near.

She stabbed one of the mindless soldiers in the anus, making the guard cum all over Afagio. "Wait... I know who likes anal!" the gold siren screamed before taking off the guard's helmet. "Aria feeling it! I mean Blaze! How dare you betray me?! And for Sunset, no less!"

Aria, who'd been quiet ever since she got penetrated in a surprisingly pleasant way, finally spoke up. "H-her hourly pay is... really good." Orgasming one final time, the purple traitor pulled the sword out of her butt by the blade, surprising Adagio and gaining her sword.

She took a hold of it properly, her sharp teeth giving away the fact that she was no longer the siren Adagio once knew and hated. She'd become infected with lycan DNA, and was now a robotic werewolf warrior. Not just that, but a robotic werewolf warrior currently armed with Adagio's razor-sharp katana.

Adagio did three quick backflips, landing on top of Sunset's garden fountain, a stone cherub between her thighs, shooting a stream of water into the air gracefully. She paused for a moment and thought. What is Aria's one weakness? Why of course… her love/hate relationship with Sonata. She pulled Sonata out of her poofy hair and threw the legless siren at Aria.

"Weeeeeee! This is so fun!" Sonata giggled. She collided with Aria, making the emo werewolf stumble back and fall to the ground.

Aria looked up at the blue idiot currently straddling her, and let out a fierce roar. Unfazed by this, Sonata simply learned forward and sweetly kissed the wolf girl on the lips. Aria let out a strange squeak and looked away, blushing madly.

Sonata giggled again "Awww! You're so cute when you do that!" She hugged Aria and looked over at Adagio. "Can I keep her? Please!? Please!? Please!? I promise I'll look after her and everything!"

"Fine. But keep it out of my room!"

"Sure thing!" Sonata chirped as she took the werewolf's cybernetic paw and started to drag herself toward the exit. Aria — in a moment of mixed feelings — picked the blue idiot up and carried her onto the street, her legs turning into a bad-ass motorcycle as they drove off.

With several guards dead, Aria taken care of, and the rest of them fleeing for their lives in panic, Afagio took up her katana again and strode up the path towards the palace itself, a look of determination on her face.

She reached the moat, teaming with sharks, stingrays, crocodiles and goldfish — really scary haunted goldfish.

"Relying on sea creatures to defend yourself, Sunset? That's a low blow. Too afraid to face me one on one?" she called out across the water.

As an answer, the draw-bridge descended. Adagio placed a cautious foot on the wooden bridge.

The bridge suddenly gave way and Adagio fell into the spooky water. Immediately all the aquatic life attempted to maul Afagio.

Luckily for her however, her cell phone playing Justin Bieber's "Baby" went off and made all the attackers commit mass seppuku. "Ha! Suckers!" the fish woman swam into a small underwater hole in the castle wall, leading into the castle's Roman-like baths.

When Adagio reached the surface, she found a bunch of hot naked girls. "Ladies," she said with a smirk.

They all screamed and beat the shit out of Afagio.

Adagio, being forced back by the loudly screaming girls, but pushed forward by the stream, decided she had had quite enough of them and bit into one of their fists just before it hit, ripping off the hand, taking the hand into her hand then handing that hand to another girl handily standing close by, the blood and severed hand causing her to pass out.

Adagio climbed out of the water looking down at another set of defeated foes.

She shook the water off her like a dog would and searched for a way out of the room. Spotting some stairs, she strode towards them and climbed the staircase, two steps at a time. "I'm coming for you, Sunset," she muttered under her breath.

At the top of the staircase, she found herself in a grand hall, lit by flaming torches. Tapestries adorned the walls, embroidered with illustrations showing all of Sunset Shimmer's achievements — becoming Celestia's personal student, coming to the human world, winning the Fall Formal three times, dating Flash Sentry, and singing in a really awesome band.

Adagio walked down the hall kicking open every door she passed, but finding each room empty. She came to the door at the end of the hallway and pushed it with her foot, but it would not budge. Locked.

She grabbed an axe from a nearby suit of armour and smashed a hole in the door. She poked her head through and shouted in a crazed voice. "Here's Dagi!"

Inside that room was the scary gold fish from earlier. It bared its jagged teeth and hissed before lunging at Adagio. The fish bit into her neck, chomping through tissue, muscle and arteries.

She tore the murderous fish off her and clutched her wound; blood leaked through her fingers. She ran back to the tapestry and tore off the section with Flash's stupid face and threw it at the demon fish. Instantly, it was set alight and screaming in agony as its flesh melted off its body leaving nothing but charred remains.

She then proceeded to take some of her glorious poofy hair and wrapped it around the torn flesh as a makeshift bandage, and got back to the door she was working on, chopping it a few more times before it gave way. She stepped through and found another long hall, this one considerably less well lit. In fact there was no light at all except for the little streak of light that poured in from the other room behind her. Adagio stepped forward into the darkness, her eyes slowly adjusting to it to reveal more and more of the room's interior design.

Now that her eyes were fully adjusted, it was so clear to her: Sunset had decorated the room to exactly resemble the interior of Doctor Who's TARDIS. She's never realized that Sunset was such a Doctor Who fan.

She walked the length of the TARDIS, and opened the door at the other end to reveal yet another room. Her eyes blinked as they adjusted to the bright light.

There was her enemy: the stealer of naan, the scourge of Naania, Sunset Shimmer, sitting atop her harsh, spiked black-iron throne. It was so edgy it made Aria look like Pinkie Pie. Also Sunset was wearing a lot of eyeliner today. Adagio was secretly jealous.

"Stop right there, criminal scum!" Adagio shouted. "You stole my naan bread, you big fat meanie!"

Sunset, not intimidated at all by Dagi's childish demeanor, slumped back, looking almost disinterested. "Little girl, I never stole the naan bread from you. It was never yours to begin with. We both know the power it holds — Indian spices and dough of the highest quality!" She got up and pointed to the sky in order to amplify her statement.

Adagio scowled at Sunset. "But you and I both know that you, Sunset, cannot be trusted with that power. Celestia in Equestria knew it. That's why you had to come here. And look at what you did when you came here! You cannot be allowed to be around objects of such strong magical power. I'm not here to try to claim the naan bread and its Equestrian magic for myself — I'm here to save the world by stopping you from having it, because… because…"

Adagio fell to her knees and copious tears rolled down her cheeks. She continued in barely more than a whisper. "Because I love you, Sunset. And I cannot allow you to become the monster you once were."

"Awww Dagi… I love you too…" Sunset got up from her throne and descended the steps. She kneeled down and pulled Adagio into a tight hug. "Though… it's a shame your princess is in another castle."

Before Adagio could ask what her love meant, 'Sunset' plunged her fangs into Adagio's throat, sucking the red life force dry. Afagio fell to the ground and stared up at the creature, unable to move. The disguise was off and behind it was none other than the evil gay emo vampire mistress herself: Wubcake.

She laughed sinisterly. "Not only have you lost your naan, but soon you'll lose yourself to me and become nothing but a drooling slave eager to please her mistress." She smirked down at the drained siren.

Adagio knew she was right and she needed to act fast if she wanted to prevent her fate from being sealed. Without hesitation she unleashed her siren form and made it crash into the vampire to knock her down. The Dazzling was joined by her own true form. The siren bit into itself to draw blood and poured it into the girl's wound, slowly refilling her with blood. Adagio's skin that had paled after the attack slowly regained its colour, her energy revitalized. Her siren form, sadly forever gone, its sacrifice having taken its life.

Adagio stood up, slightly unsteady on her feet. She grabbed a chair and smashed it over the table, taking a part of it to use as walking stick. She limped towards Wubcake. "Sonata told me to expect you to be here. I didn't believe her of course. What a fool I was."

She took another few steps closer. "Luckily, she insisted I brought this along anyway." She reached into her poofy hair and pulled out a naan bread.

Wubcake's eyes widened. "It can't be… it's not…?"

Adagio smirked. "Equestrian naan bread?" She paused for effect. "No. It's something much worse. Garlic naan bread!"

She threw it at the vampire mistress, and Wubcake exploded into ashes.

"Now... Where did the real Sunset go...?"

A strange door caught Adagio's eye. She walked over to it and hesitantly opened it, half expecting a spooky golden furry to jump out at her, but what she found instead was her one true love lying on a bed, the rise and fall of her chest indicating she was alive.

Adagio gasped. "Someone must have cursed her with eternal sleep! I'll save you, my love!" The golden siren rushed over to Sunset's side, but she slipped on a banana skin and landed face first on Sunset's breasts.

The sleeping girl awoke with a start. She pushed the siren off of her and screamed. "What the hell, Adagio?!" Sunset slapped the intruder across the face, leaving a bright red imprint. "Wait, Adagio, how did you get in here? Do you know how much security this place has?! I can't believe you got through it all. No matter — you're still not touching my naan bread!" Sunset got up and walked towards a weapon rack, holding various weapons and torture devices. The weakened siren only able to take a single step in her direction, knowing a direct confrontation would mean the end.

Sunset grabbed something small from the weapons rack and confidently walked towards Adagio, a glint in her eye.

Adagio cowered in fear and put her hands up to protect her face — her beautiful, sexy face.

Sunset crouched down — no doubt in Adagio's mind that she was making an attack — and pulled out the weapon in her hand, aiming it at Adagio.

Adagio's eyes widened when she saw what Sunset was holding — a white gold engagement ring studded with diamonds.

"You're not touching my naan bread… you're touching our naan bread. Marry me, Adagio, and the naan bread can be ours… together."

Adagio couldn't believe what she had just heard — was she dreaming?

She felt like she had been staring at that that beautiful ring for an eternity, though in reality, it was no more than five minutes. She finally snapped out of her trance. "M-marriage?" Adagio asked breathlessly. "O-of course I'll marry you, Sunset… I–I love you." The siren grabbed Sunset by the collar of her leather jacket and pulled her into a passionate kiss.

A few heated seconds passed, then a few minutes — hours even — had days passed? Who knew? Sunset was the one to finally pull back, looking into Adagio's deep rose eyes. "May I?" she asked holding the ring between her fingers.

The siren, was crying tears of joy "y-YES!" was all her mouth could form as she stretched out her hand for Sunset, who took a hold of it, sliding the ring around the slender finger.

The pair kissed passionately before Sunset led Adagio out of the back door of the castle. There, on the lawn, were gathered all their friends: the Elements of Harmony, Twilight Sparkle (both of them), Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and the other one; the Crusaders, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo; various school staff such as Principal Celestia, Vice-Principal Luna, Mr Discord and Mr Doodle Donkey; and all their families. They were all seated on white chairs, under an elaborately decorated marquee set in the palace’s beautiful rose garden.

At the front of the crowd, were Aria and Sonata, standing beside each other and gazing into each other’s eyes.

“Come on!” called robotic werewolf Aria. “It’s supposed to be a double wedding!”

“You… you had this planned all along?” Adagio asked, smiling at Sunset, a happy tear rolling down her cheek.

"You got that right." Sunset grinned. "I knew you wanted the naan this entire time, and what better way to lure you to me than by using the Equestrian Naan itself?"

"Y-you knew…” Adagio stammered. “Then what was with all the security and gay vampires?"

"Oh, you didn't think this was going to be easy, did you? And hey — I'm not going to marry just any wimp. I had to test you a little." She quickly placed a kiss on the baffled siren's nose. "I can tell you that you passed it with grace. Shall we join Aria and Sonata then?" Sunset spoke offering her arm.

Afagio still taking it all in merely nodded, taking Sunset’s arm, leaning on it slightly as she was still weakened, and walking down the aisle together.

After the ceremony, the happy couples sat down and cut the wedding cake, which was actually a giant naan bread.

And then they all fucked.

The end.