To Find A Light
Written by TheCrimsonDM
The cool night air blew gently across her back. The dark cloak hid her face from sight, and her light blue hooves were barely visible from underneath the drab fabric. The sky only darkened as she pressed onward towards the end of her journey. The top of the hill drawing even closer with each, trudged step.
They always ostracized me, they never accepted me. I know how weak I actually am, I am aware of how pathetic I’ve become. It’s not fair that they just keep pushing me around, reminding me of my place. It always seems that no matter what I do to try and pull myself free from this bottomless pit, I always seem to fall straight back in.
Her saddlebags rattled slightly with every slow, strained step. Ferocious winds howled all around her, echoing the jounce of her bags. Pressing onwards, she reminded herself that this was the final destination, and then her long, weary journey would finally be over. Nothing else would ever matter if only she could get to the top of this hill.
I remember how things used to be, when I had just arrived here shortly after my schooling had finished. All I wanted to do was to make other ponies happy, to fill their hearts with joy and their bellies with laughter. To inspire them to work hard and to see them achieve their dreams. My plan would’ve come to fruition, but then those three came in and ruined everything! All of my hopes and dreams were dashed.
Little droplets of water fell onto the unicorn’s face, running its course down her snout and onto the ground beneath her. As the rain began to fall heavier, the road ahead became sodden with puddles and the dirt under hooves was suddenly thicker than before, making the pony’s journey even more difficult.
It was not uncommon for her luck to turn on her, but this would all be over soon enough, she just had to promise herself that things would be all right after this.
Then those brats summoned a monster to Ponyville, I didn’t tell them to go out and find a mythical beast of legend, and then bring it back to town. That was all their fault. How could the entire town actually blame me for what happened? Didn’t anypony even realize that I had lost my home because of that beast. I lost everything because of it.
The slipperiness of the ground beneath her propelled the unicorn forward, causing her to fall head first into a large puddle of murky water. As she rose to her hooves, the mare’s chest and forelegs were drenched, mud clung to her fur and mane.
What am I even doing here? Is this even important anymore? If all I can do is fail, is get hurt. Then why should I continue getting back up? I have never once succeeded at something that I wanted to, I’ve only failed. Is this what it takes for me to realize that everything is crap, that my life as it is doesn’t matter. I barely even have a friend in this world, so what the heck am I doing here?
She thought about the letter she sent to Twilight Sparkle a few weeks ago, It was her final attempt to get the princess to see the truth. If the Princess of Friendship couldn’t help her, than nopony could. Sadly, the princess had simply ignored the letter and she never received a reply.
I’m still all alone in this world. If I don’t stand up for myself, than nopony will. I have to finish what I’ve started.
Grudgingly, she slowly pushed herself up. The howling wind fought brutally against her, forcing her to slide down the slippery slope of the hill. The unicorn dug her hooves firmly into the earth and stood her ground. The rain roared as the droplets slipped down her muzzle and fell to the ground below as she forced her way forward.
I won’t stop now. I can’t stop now. Even the universe won’t stop me here!
Slowly she continued pushing her way up the hillside. She was almost there, she could see the top of the hill now. Even with her silver mane soaking wet and stuck to her fur she pressed onward. Cold and wet, covered in mud, and hating every moment of this desperate attempt she still pushed her way forward. She couldn’t stay still, if she quit now, she’d never try again.
The wind fought her, and the rain pelted down so hard that it began to hurt. She didn’t give up though.
If there is one good virtue about myself, it’s my determination. I don’t ever give up, no matter what.
Finally she reached the top of the hill overlooking Ponyville. There was a sheer drop that went down over a hundred feet and into a hard rock packed gully. This was her destination. It had been difficult to get up here, but now that she was here, she could finally get rid of all of the pain that resided deep within her.
It would only take one step, just one, but she couldn’t do it. She was finally here, finally at the top of this hill, she was ready to end it all. Why couldn’t she just take that one last step off the edge? What could possibly be stopping her?
Is there anything that could be stopping me? I don’t have a home. I don’t have any real friends. I don’t have a family. There is nothing that could possibly be stopping me from doing this… unless it’s my own stubborn determination.
It was true, her determination was the only thing keeping her going even after all this time. The only thing that stopped her giving up after all those failed attempts. And the only thing that kept her standing on the edge of the cliff, looking over the town that had destroyed her, unable able to take that one final step.
In the end though, the choice wasn’t left up to her as the mud shifted under her weight. Suddenly she slid forward and tumbled over the edge. Her heart stopped as she saw the ground racing towards her, and she opened her mouth but her scream was drowned out over the sound of crackling thunder.
A light blue streak flashed across her vision and something impacted her side. With the breath knocked out of her, she felt herself being lifted up into the air. She looked down and saw that a certain rainbow maned pegasus was holding onto her, the mare’s mane was all matted and wet as it clung to her soaked fur.
Holding tightly onto the pegasus’s torso, she felt the air rush beneath her as they flew over the town. All the buildings looked so small from this high up, making everything else seem so insignificant. Trixie wondered if anypony could see her, and if so what would they think? Perhaps they wondered what business a pegasus had carrying a cloaked pony around town?
A large, crystal castle stood proudly against the rain’s endless assault. A large balcony situated on the right hand side of the castle, came slowly into view as they flew towards it.
The pegasus gently lowered the cloaked pony onto the balcony. Thankfully, the rain wasn’t landing on the balcony, instead it was like the rain was being redirected by some invisible force. Perhaps Twilight had placed a barrier around the balcony to prevent any weather damages.
All of her pain was gone now, there was no going back. Finally have a moment to rest, she collapsed on the cold balcony floor. Drifting into a sort of haze, she felt somepony pick up the tip of the cloak’s fabric, slowly drawing it back.
I can’t believe that I was so close, so close...and yet it was taken away from me at the very last second.
“Trixie,” the pegasus said.
Great, figures they’d know my name. Not only do I have to continue suffering now, but I get to be picked on again.
“What?” Trixie replied bitterly.
The rainbow maned pegasus landed near the pony’s side and stared down, the anger gleamed in her eyes .
“How could you do that?” the mare spat. “Twilight told us to find you immediately as soon as she got your letter. You know you can’t just off yourself, what would your friends think?”
But Trixie’s attention turned to the sound of hooves approaching her from behind. A purple alicorn appeared from the doorway. “Rainbow Dash, I think you should leave me and Trixie alone for a little while.” she spoke gently, careful not to raise her tone as she dismissed the pegasus.
Rainbow Dash shot her an angry glance and then looked down at Trixie again. “I better not catch you doing something like this again. I’ve never met a unicorn that could I could call a rival, and I’d hate to lose that.”
Rival? All you did was make fun of me for my show. It’s not like you actually cared anyway.
Rainbow Dash gave a small smile to Trixie before adding, “And if you need a friend so badly I’ll be your friend.” she said before launching herself off the balcony, leaving the unicorn to sit and ponder the pony’s words.
“Would you like to come inside? It’s awfully cold out here.” the alicorn offered.
Trixie looked over at the princess. Why is Twilight Sparkle being nice to me? Why did Rainbow Dash take me here? I just wanted this to end and now I’m here… why?
Twilight walked over and laid down beside her. “I got your letter.”
“I sent it two weeks ago,” Trixie said. “Why didn’t you do anything?”
“I just received it today, Trixie. If I had known I would’ve acted a lot sooner,” Twilight replied apologetically. “I am the Princess of Friendship, I’m supposed to be there for ponies who really need me. But I’ve recently learned that I’ve made a lot of mistakes, some of them have been monumental. Trixie, if there is anything I can do to make it up to you, just let me know.”
Trixie gave a defensive look at Twilight. If there is anything you can do?
“You actually think you can make up for all the damage that’s happened to me, to my reputation, to… everything since that very first day that I came to Ponyville?” Trixie asked.
“I don’t know,” Twilight admitted. “But after all that you’ve been through, I would sure like to try.”
A chilling sensation shot down the unicorn’s spine, her body trembled violently as she felt the warmth of the other mare’s body as it flowed through hers. She closed her eyes and she could vividly see the searing height of the cliff as its rough, jagged edges closed in on her as she fell, the ground racing towards her. I almost died…
“I was so scared.” Trixie admitted meekly, opening her eyes once more.
As Twilight draped a wing over the small of the mare’s back, Trixie felt the warm, feathery sensation as it wrapped around her like a soft blanket. Her soft sniffling quickly turned into a manic sobbing as she wailed loudly on the floor. Unable to properly process anything, she sat there, barely able to form words.
Oh, why do I have to behave like such a foal? she thought to herself, feeling the mare’s warm embrace tightened as the pony nuzzled into Trixie’s cheek.
“It’s going to be alright now,” Twilight said. “I’ll help in any way that I can.”
Twilight embraced the crying unicorn and whispered softly into her ear, “I won’t ever let you be alone again, Trixie. I didn’t see your pain before, I only saw your strength, your conviction. To be truthful I admired it. But now I see just how broken you are on the inside, and I’m going to do my best to put you back together.”
Trixie looked up into the mare’s eyes and saw that a certain warmth and kindness glowed brilliantly inside of them. For the first time, she saw a friend in the pony she least expected to. Not only was she just somepony to talk to, but also somepony who deeply cared for her.
Slowly, the alicorn’s head moved in towards her. Her eyes were closed as Twilight’s lips lightly brushed the side of Trixie’s cheek. She could feel the heat rush to her face, turning her usually docile cheeks into a burning blaze of fiery crimson.
She watched as the mare’s cheeks flushed a soft, rosy pink as she turned away, slightly embarrassed.“I’m sorry, was that a bit too much? I’ve never really been any good at this sort of thing.”
Trixie nuzzled into the alicorn’s chest and listened to the soothing tone of the mare’s heartbeat. She could hear the slow, gradual pace of it rising and falling. With each passing second it pounded even harder.“It’s okay… that was… nice.”
The unicorn’s eyes widened as she stared into Twilight’s, suddenly her eyes had grown cold and a certain fear lingered in the mare’s mauve irises.“I… um, what was that?” she asked, finally coming out of her dazed state.
But the princess remained silent, causing a long, awkward silence to grow between them. She just kissed me. I just tried to kill myself and she kisses me? What the hay is that supposed to mean?
“I can’t lose you again, Trixie,” Twilight murmured quietly. “I’ve always been scared of you rejecting me, but after today… please don’t do that ever again.”
Trixie closed her eyes and leaned into Twilight. After finding a warm place to rest her head against the mare’s chest, her heart began to warm up to the affectionate gesture. “Twilight, please don’t be shy, that was actually kind of… nice.”
“So, it wasn’t weird at all?” Twilight asked.
“Maybe a little bit,” Trixie admitted, but with a new warmth in her heart she had to admit that it wasn’t bad. “Did you always want to kiss me?”
Twilight let out a nervous laugh and admitted awkwardly, “Who wouldn’t?”
That’s a nice lie.
The rain began to let up as the pair lay in the warm, open space that made up the castle’s balcony. Together they watched as the sun slowly appeared from behind the clouds. It’s golden rays shined down upon the two ponies as they held onto each other tightly. The sun warmed the unicorn’s fur just as Twilight’s presence had warmed her heart.
Despite having lost so much up to this point, it seemed that she had finally found a source of light in her eternally dark world. With Twilight by her side, Trixie could only feel the warmth of the princess's love and welcome it. The sun’s reappearance could only be a good sign that things were going to get better from now on, and a new hope was born inside of her. A hope that maybe with a little help from Twilight, that she could finally succeed at something, something beautiful.
~ * ~ The End ~*~
