MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP HAS CONSEQUENCES

by Kelvin Shadewing

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Derpy Hooves, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3226

Derpy tries her hoof at fan fiction.

Derpy Hooves decides she wants to write fanfiction, and asks Twilight to be her pre reader.

This is something I made out of complete boredom. I know it's terrible. I'm just so bored that I felt like writing something that was bad on purpose.

Rated teen for Derpy's suggestive typo, just in case.

Enjoy!... or don't.

Published 2012-05-24 12:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-10 02:41:44 UTC

The Fanfic

MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP HAS CONSEQUENCES!

Twilight Sparkle, who was Shining Armor's sister was one day a graham cracker in a tree, writing reports of friend shipping and love when her assist tent burped up a scroll with a letter from her brother that said that parasprites and changelings were attacking his royal place, and axed her to help.

She put away her shipping notes and got on a chariot, but had no pegasi to pull it, so she had to pull it herself and Spike drove. She got to the Everfree Forest which was moved between her and Canterlot because it was evil inside and wanted to eat ponies.

Twilight shined her horn bright and pulled the chariot real fast like speed of rainbow, and made a sonic rainboom that made the forest Quake with Doom. The woods were safety when Twilight's rainboom scared away all the animals and birds and trees and the Everfree was now friends of Twilight for her to write shipping reports on, which she did.

A sun was moving through the sky like a clock and said to Twilight "you are running out of time and need to run real fast to Canterlot."

And Twilight trotted at super speed which left Spike behind in the woods, but it was OK because they were good woods again and gave Spike a hug.

Twilight came to the statue of Discorn who said "Twilight Sparkle my dear! Why are you trotting so fast? Let's have fun chaos together."

And Twilight told Discord that she had no time for chaos and shot the dragon horse in the head with Elements of Friend Ships and he got laid dead on the ground with pants and chocolate milk.

"My brother is in trouble there!" Twilight said stoutly, and decided that pulling her chariot was too slow, so she carried it instead in her saddle bag.

Canterlot was at war with itself because it was full of evil and nasty things.

"Changelings!" Twilight said with hoof in air, "Leave my peace city and I will not shoot you with Elements of Friend Ships!"

And the changelings, "but this is our city now and you must go home!" The changelings turned green and glowed with light around their heads and charged at Twilight.

Twilight ran away for cover and found a new better chariot that had pegasi in it this time, so she threw the old one at the changelings and make them go squish.

Just then a giant changeling came that had parasprites in a gun pointed at Twilight's head. Twilight shot lasers at the new changeling but they didn't work because this one was a boss level and had more strength and power and muscle than her. It shit its changelings and parasprites real fast at her face, and she had to roll sideways in a barrel to dodge them, but her chariot blew up and the pegasi flew away.

Shining Armor called her with a ribbon and waved. "Twilight Sparkle! Run away! The city is lost to changelings!"

She turned to run and then run back to her brother and said "I will fight you as long as there is a boss under the sun! You are my brother and I love you like peas!"

They did everything together to stop the boss changeling, but then the evil queen appeared and said "I just beat Celestia! The world is mine!"

Twilight shot an Element of Friend Ships in her eye and turned her into a blind changeling that flew into a wall and knocked it over on itself and died. The changelings saw their queen was a red stain and walked out fast as they could to escape the friend ships.

Rainbow Dash appeared and told Twilight she was a winner for saving the world, but Twilight didn't care none because the would always need her to save it.

Then a big hole opened up in the sky with lights and cracker booms and the ground shook as monsters came from magic and outer space to destroy Equestria!

Twilight needed more Elements of Friend Ships to stop them, so she made Shining Armor, Celestia and Derpy into elements too, and they fought with cans of do to kill the alien ghosts. The alien ghosts were evil like the forest was, but they were immune to sonic rainbooms and it didn't bother them that much.

The alien ghosts used science to shoot ponies, and the ponies shot back and hit them sometimes with magic and rocks. The pegasi used clouds to fight, but Discord came back and turned them into cotton balls that the alien ghosts burned with lasers.

Twilight Sparkle knew there was only one thing to do! She grabbed Discord with magic and threw him over the sky into outer space to break the evil alien ships and safe the friend ships.

Equestria cheered except for Spike who was lost in the woods that wanted to eat him again.

Then Twilight came from the future and said "Twilight! The future needs you!"

Rainbow Dash picked up both Twilights and flew at 88 miles per hour to break the time barrier and safe the future again!

To be continued...

"Well?" Derpy asked, looking expectantly at Twilight.

The purple unicorn stared at the parchment in her hoof. What the buck did I just read? She smiled weakly at the wall-eyed pegasus and chuckled. "Well, Derpy, it's... something."

Derpy's eyes lit up.

"But I don't quite think writing fan fiction has anything to do with your cutie mark," Twilight said, "Not that it wasn't an... interesting read."

"Oh, I see," Derpy said, sadly looking down. "I'll go try something else."

Twilight bid the mail mare farewell as Spike glossed over the scroll.

"This fanfic needs to be condemned!" he said snidely, then sneezed as a feather that had fallen off Derpy's wing fluttered by and tickled his nose, causing a green flame to burn the story and send it off to Canterlot. "Um... Oops."

Twilight watched the puff of smoke float off towards the mountains. "Oh dear. Well, I hope the princess enjoys comedy."

Author's Note

If you'd like to support my writing, please visit my site!

The Prequel

MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP HAS CONSEQUENCES 2: WHAT HAS TO BE BAKED!

Derpy sat at her writing desk, pondering Twilight's review of her last fanfic. She said it was something, right? That must mean it's good! Picking up her quill and ink, she found the motivation to write again...

In the bee gunning, there were pwnys of thee kinds, magic pwnys, flying pwnys, and the kinds of pwnys that can't fly or do magic because they are stuck on the earth.

Twilight Sparkle was one of the kinds that could do magic because she had a sharp horn on her face. Her brother said to her "Sister we are sorry, but I must join the guard to keep Equestria safety from changelings."

Twilight was was sad becase she loved her brother al the times they had together and gave him a hug. "I will miss you brother and be sad. Stay saved or I will use Elements of Friend Shipping to come get you."

"I will be fine," said Shining Armor, "And we will be in a pod when I have made Equestria safety from changelings."

Twilight Sparkle said, "Why are changelings so evil bad?"

Because, Shining Armor said, "Twilight, changelings are bugs from magic and outer space that love to eat pwny loves because they are empty inside like nut shells."

Twilight went to Pwnyvil to live with other pwnys because she had no friends and the princess didn't want her to be emo and sad. She made lots of new friends which was good because Nightmare Moon was in the sky and wanted to destroy the daytime with hate and stars.

Nkghtmare Moon said "I am back from the moon over the sky and want it to stay night all the time so pwnys can rave whenever they want!"

Everypwny thought this idea was 20% cooler and thought that Nightmare Moon was OK in a book, except Twilight Sparkle who was not an happy egghead.

"Nightmare Moon! You are evil from space and I will kill you with friend ships!" She got the Elements together but Rainbow Dash was missing, so she had Spike be Rainbow Dash, and shot Nightmare Moon in the wings and made her fall off the ky and go squish. Nightmare Moon became Luna in ten seconds flat like a pancake, but she didn't pay attention and dropped the moon so the world ran out of cheese because now it was on the ground and dirty.

Luna was very sad so much that she hid from a whole season and came back hot. The brwnys wanted to be Lunas boyfriends but cudent because she was a pwny and they were humens and because Tara Strong said no.

Celestia said that Twilight was a good student for making her sister hot. Twilight was so happy that she asked Derpy to arry her, but it couldn't because a brwny was already Derpy's special somepwny that lived in a tree too.

Twilight became much jealous and said "if I can't not have my love then friend ships is dead!" And Twilight was suddenly a changeling! but a cool one so everypwny was OK.

The Great and Powerful Tricksy came to Pwnyvil and did magic that was so big it gave Discord a heart attack and he died again. Twilight saw that without Discord the balance of friend ships and KOs was broken so she turned into Discord to spread KOs for him.

Spike was very sad because Twilight was Discord now and asked Celestia for a new Twilight Sparkle, but got the old Twilight from G1 instead.

"This Twilight is not my friend," Spike said, so he ate her up on a burger and then he got eaten by a forest of Fluttershys. Celestia was sad and had to make a new Spike out of a Yoshi.

Princess Luna was sleeping one day when she heard a sonic rainboom wake her up and give her a new cutie mark that let her eat spaghetti super fast and win pasta contest.

Discord Sparkle was visiting her brother when Steven Magnet said "Ha! I am the dude that got Rarity!" And Discord said "But I wanted to marry Derpy!"

Oh sorry a brony got her.

Discord Sparkle turned Steven Magnet into a Steven Hawking which meant that he couldnt swim like C pwnys anymore and had to live on dirt. Then she said "With these powers, I could be a super hero!"

But first she needed money because costumes were not cheep much for her. She instead put on a paper bag like Derpy so she could fight crime and be adorable and maybe Derpy would--

Twilight put down the paper and stared uneasily at the cross-eyed pegasus, not sure how to respond. "Um... D-Derpy?... Why do I want to marry you in this story?"

Derpy turned her head to Twilight, and ever so slowly, her eyes moved together until they were completely focused forward. There was an uncomfortable silence as Derpy's mind seemed to take ages to come up with an answer. Then, she opened her mouth.

"Ship happens."

Author's Note

If you'd like to support my writing, please visit my site!

The Sequel

MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP HAS CONSEQUENCES 3: ONWARD TO THE PAST!

Princess Celestia burst through the library door, her face stricken with panic. "Spike! I came as soon as I heard. Where is Twilight?"

"She's upstairs! Hurry!" the small purple dragon cried. He led the princess upstairs into Twilight Sparkle's bedroom where the unicorn stood motionless, staring blankly ahead.

"Twilight?" Celestia prodded her catatonic student, receiving no response. "Twilight Sparkle! Answer me!" Her voice grew more anxious.

"Wh-what's wrong with her?" Spike asked fearfully, clinging to Celestia's leg.

Celestia's eyes wandered from her student to the piece of parchment on her desk. "What is that?"

"Oh this?" Spike said, picking up the paper, "It's a letter Derpy Hooves brought to Twilight. She just read it and--" As soon as the dragon's eyes met the paper, Celestia snatched it away with her magic.

"Don't read it!" she warned, rolling up the paper, "Until we can verify the power within this note, there is no telling what it has done to Twilight, and what it would do to anypony else who read it." She touched her horn to it. There was no magic, no traps, no poison. The words inside, could they really be so terrible that they would plunge the Element of Magic into a waking coma?

"Stand back," Celestia said, cautiously opening the scroll, "And if anything happens to me... make sure Luna never sees this paper."

Spike nodded nervously, watching Celestia as she read.

Rain Bow Dash pulled the two Twilights through the time port all that was orange and came out one that was blue in the future! The year was over 9000, and Equestria was full of humens and pwnys were living in friend ships and harm a knee.

Twilight asked, "The future looks sure pretty, what is wrong?"

Future Twilight said "It's not the future thats bad, its your kids!" She got into a De Lory Anne so that she could time travel easier than Rain Bow Dash and went back to Twilight's time but only a few years later. There Twilight Sparkle was queen and Celestia and Luna were her special somepwnys.

Celestia's eyes slowly widened as she read, making Spike whimper in fear. "Spike, leave me, and lock the door."

Spike obeyed, but couldn't help leaning against the door, listening for Celestia's reactions to the mysterious document.

Twilight adopted Derpy and brought her to live as a prince S in the Canterlot Castle. Derpy was training to become queen bee once Luna and Celestia turned her into a alicorn. Past Twilight said "No! This can not be! I must gather the Elements of Friend Ships!"

But the future Elements were not where to be found. There were humens using them as beach ball, but that didn't work because they were rocks, and the humens decided that since the Elements sucked, they should eclair war on the pwnys!

Past Twilight held her head and shook it like marbles. "No! My children is Derpy! Is this because I didn't marry her?"

Panic in the streets was running away as humens shot their lasers as pwnys and pwnys shot back with magic pummels. Derpy appeared with the Elements of Friend Ships which gave the pwnys Hop to see her. But Hop was a bad movie so they trampled it which made humens madder at pwnys because they were stupid and thought Hop was a good movie.

The brwnys came and obeyed Derpy when she said to fight with me and humens were scared and ran away to the sky.

Celestia and Luna said that Twilight's time was over, but Past Twilight said that she didn't never want this all and Pinkie Promised to take the Elements of Friend Ships back in time to defeat Derpy. But they sad "No you are Discord!" and blew her to bits which destroyed Future Twilight and Derpy became queen.

BUT THEN A PAIR OF DOCKS APPEARED! It ripped open time and space and everything and Derpy became the princesses all at once and Discord was in her too and she became a diet tea.

Princess Derpy ruled Equestria until the year 9000 when humens came back with avenge ants.

Princess Celestia facehoofed, then rubbed her forehead as a migraine set in. Taking unsteady steps, she went to Twilight's bed and sat on it, wondering if her student had made it this far in the story.

The Derpy diet tea was best pwny in the future but humens were warring her to death because they did not like being ruled by pwnys none. I think they should have liked it, but that's me.

A further Past Twilight came and said "This is not right time," and went away which was pointless but that is because Twilight was not very important because she said things that no pwny could get and she was purple and Derpy was gray and gray was good and purple was puny pwny pelt that was not very nice to look at.

A humen sneaked up and threw punk in bomb at Derpy, and made her go FOOM! Derpy was black from smoke but bucked the humen to the moon.

Princess Celestia said "I am sorry I ever doubted you. You are muffin queen from now on and I love your hooves." She is very smart princess.

And Spike was there again and not made of anything silly but dragons this time. He had new Fluttershy with him who was mean and scary and said nasty things but Celestia gave her a muffin which made her good and gave Derpy a muffin too which was delicious and had filled with cake stuff.

AND THEN DISCORD CAME BACK! I do not like Discord! He is mean and he wanted to hurt pwnys and brwnys cuz they loved Derpy. Derpy needed to use the Harm A Knee stones to hit Discord in the face and banish him but he was fast and the stones went through him and missed.

Derpy said "Please humens! Do not fight me our enemy is this cord!"

So the humens felt sad because they were stupid and they all turned into brwnys and helped Derpy win before Discord could make corn pop and clouds rain stuff that you are supposed to drink and not be rain.

Derpy was happy now and was friend shipped with every humen so much that her heart exploded twice and was full of muffin love.

When she went to the king dumb of a quest tree uh...

Luna placed her force field charm over Twilight's library. Spike clung to her leg as he watched his big sister being sealed up inside with Princess Celestia.

"Will they... be OK?" he asked, his voice trembling with concern.

"Do not fear, Spike. They will be fine." After a thousand years, maybe. She turned and unfurled her wings, lifting off into the sky, leaving the small dragon alone as he went to stay with Rarity.

The princess of the night landed in front of Derpy's house and knocked on her door.

The cross-eyed pegasus opened the door and smiled. "Oh, hi Luna! What are you doing here?"

Luna smiled. "The deed has been done. I am forever in your debt. As promised," she levitated a ticket to Derpy, "free muffins for life, by order of Princess Luna of Equestria." She scuffled Derpy's hair playfully. "Thanks for the stories, by the way. They were quite entertaining."

Derpy beamed at Luna's compliment. "Thank you!"

"Oh, don't thank me," Luna grinned, "If not for you, I would not be the ruler of Equestria now."

She lifted off and flew back to Canterlot castle to take her sister's place as the sole monarch of Equestria.

Author's Note

If you'd like to support my writing, please visit my site!