Chapters Cries of a Self-Tormented Soul
Author's Note
Disclaimer: I do not own "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic," or its characters. They are property of Hasbro Studios and DHX Media.
She's Hiding Something
"Cries of a Self-Tormented Soul"
By TwilightSparkle3562
Chapter 1
"She's Hiding Something"
It had been several days since Luna had recaptured the Tantabus, a creature that had the ability to infect pony's dreams like a virus. However, in order for the virus to be weakened, Luna had to confront her guilt over the acts she had caused as Nightmare Moon. Although Luna had expressed her feelings for her actions, she somehow could not share her feelings with the one pony that was the most important to her: Princess Celestia.
It all started when the two sisters had their nightly dinners together in the main dining hall. Celestia could see that Luna was hiding something from her and wanted to find out the truth. After all, they were both sisters and had to be open to one another.
"Luna," said Celestia. "There seems to be something on your mind and I would like to know what it is."
Luna stopped eating upon hearing those words and instead, closed her eyes and pretended not to hear what Celestia had said.
"If you are referring to the Tantabus," replied Luna, hastily. "It is over and done with. Twilight Sparkle and her friends helped me catch it and nothing more."
"Don't hide your feelings from me, little sister," insisted Celestia. "For the past few nights, you've been acting strange and I just want to make sure everything is all right."
Luna was starting to grow impatient with Celestia and she could feel a boiling anger that was growing inside of her. Out of all the princesses, Luna was the one with the fiercest temper and nopony wanted to be around her when she was angry.
"I've told you that nothing was wrong and that is it," said Luna, her anger rising. "Why can't you just leave me alone, big sister?"
Luna stormed away from the table and using her magic, slammed the door of the dining hall shut. But, Celestia was not going to let her sister get away and quickly followed her, determined to find out the truth.
"Because I care about you, Luna," she said as she blocked Luna from going any further. "If you have something on your mind, then tell me. Is it something that I have done?"
"No," replied Luna, bitterly and wanting to get back to her private quarters. "You have not done anything. This doesn't concern you at all."
"It does Luna," cried Celestia, her voice filled with concern. "If you think I caused you to become second rate to me, then I'm sorry if I did. I know you have feelings of guilt towards me and you have every right to be angry with me."
But Luna said nothing and continued to walk off. In her mind, she knew that Celestia was not the one who caused her to go down the dark path. Luna knew very well that it was herself and herself alone that caused her to act the way she did.
But if there was one weakness that the Princess of the Night had, it was keeping her feelings private from those that were close to her, especially Celestia.
"If you will excuse me, dear sister," Luna said, quietly and not looking back at Celestia. "I have to attend my duties as Princess of the Night. I will see you at daybreak."
Using her magic, Luna disappeared in a flash from Celestia and left the Princess of Day feeling very downhearted. Celestia wanted to help her sister with the feelings she was harboring, but didn't know how. But, Celestia knew that something was happening.
"Luna is hiding something from me," she thought as Celestia sat in her quarters that night. "Something must have happened while she was in everypony's dream and I am going to find out what it is if it is the last thing I do."
At that moment, Celestia began to write a scroll to the one pony that witnessed her sister's emotional breakdown, Princess Twilight Sparkle. Twilight had been the pony who helped Celestia in the past and had always been there for her. Not to mention that she was the pony who had reunited Luna with Celestia to begin with. Once she had written the scroll, she activated her magic and it disappeared.
"I hope Twilight can help us again," thought Celestia and she removed her royal accessories and tiara before climbing into bed and going to sleep.
Meanwhile, Twilight was asleep in her bed, finally being able to sleep peacefully following the events with the Tantabus. However, her sleep didn't last very long when she heard Spike, her baby dragon assistant, burp out something from all the way down in his bedroom. Thinking that he was throwing up, Twilight ran out of her bedroom and down to his bedroom.
"Spike, are you okay?" cried Twilight, seeing Spike hanging from the side of his bed. "I heard you throwing up. Are you sick?"
"No," moaned the baby dragon. "Celestia must have sent you a late night message or something."
Twilight took the scroll and read it out loud:
"My Dearest Twilight,
I am sorry to be writing to you this late at night, but there is something that has been bothering me for some time. I know that something had happened when you and your friends helped Luna confront the Tantabus, but she is refusing to tell me what it is. If there is one pony who could help me get her to tell me what is wrong, it is you and your friends. Please let me know as soon as possible if you could help me.
Your mentor and fellow princess,
Princess Celestia."
Putting the scroll down, Twilight grabbed a scroll of her own and quickly wrote down a response to it. However, Spike didn't think it was a good idea and wanted to go back to sleep.
"Aw, come on, Twilight," he yawned. "Can't you worry about this in the morning or something?"
"I can't Spike," she replied, completing the scroll. "I guess Luna doesn't want to tell Celestia about what had happened against the Tantabus. Remember we made a pact to always tell each other what was on our minds?"
"Yeah," said Spike. "So what?"
"Apparently, Luna refuses to tell her own sister what is wrong," replied Twilight, giving the scroll to Spike for him to send back to Celestia. "Sooner or later, she is going to have to confess to Celestia about what had happened."
Spike yawned again as he sent the scroll to Celestia with his fire breath and climbed back into bed, determined to get back to sleep. With the message sent, Twilight also returned to bed, eagerly awaiting what was going to happen next.
Cries of a Self-Tormented Soul
Asking the Princess of Friendship
Chapter 2
"Asking the Princess of Friendship"
As soon as she had finished raising the sun, Celestia departed for Twilight's castle, determined to get her to help break through to Luna and get her to reveal what was on her mind that night against the Tantabus. Luna's behavior at dinner the previous night was just an indication of the self-harm that she had been hiding. In fact, Twilight was thinking and considering about what Celestia had wrote to her the night before.
"I still don't get it, Twilight," said Spike as they had breakfast. "Why would Celestia want to get Luna to open up about what happened in our dreams? Personally, I think she is being a little nosy, do you think?"
"Well, Spike," replied Twilight. "I think Celestia has every right to be nosy, but in a good way. I mean, she is Luna's older sister after all and their parents have been gone for over a thousand years. So, what else do you think Celestia should do?"
The baby dragon got up to get himself a drink as Twilight used her magic to eat another bite of her breakfast. It took a few moments, but Spike had managed to find an answer.
"Well, I think she should let us try to persuade Luna to open up," suggested Spike. "I mean, we know what Luna said against the Tantabus, so maybe if we are present, Celestia can learn what Luna had on her mind?"
Twilight considered the matter, but she realized that just because they would be in the same area with Luna, it wouldn't mean that she would tell everything that was on her mind to Celestia.
"I don't know if that would be a good idea, Spike," sighed Twilight. "I want to help Luna get over her past as much as Celestia does, but it's not going to be easy. If we were in the same room as Celestia, Luna might not be willing to talk."
Twilight then walked from the table over to a picture that was on her kitchen counter of her and the other princesses at her princess coronation. She couldn't help but notice that Luna was very uncomfortable in the picture, almost as if she didn't want to be at Twilight's coronation because Celestia was there. In fact, at all the previous events in Canterlot: her brother's wedding to Cadence and her princess Coronation in Canterlot; the Equestria Games in the Crystal Empire and even the recent summit in Canterlot, she noticed how uncomfortable Luna was around Celestia.
"I'm saying maybe we should get the others in on this as well," said Spike, looking over at Twilight. "They listened to her reveal on how Luna created the Tantabus after all, you know."
"You're right, Spike," said Twilight, turning back towards him. "They were also there and are probably thinking the same thing as us that we have to help Luna overcome this obstacle."
It was at that moment that a knock was heard at the door and Twilight ran to open the doors to her castle to reveal Princess Celestia at the door, with two guards for protection on each side of her.
"Princess Celestia," gasped Twilight, trying to catch her breath from all the running she did. "We weren't expecting you this early. I read your notice last night."
Acknowledging the fact that Twilight read her note brought a smile to Celestia's face as she stepped into the castle. It seemed to Celestia that Twilight and her friends would help get her to open up about her feelings or at least in her mind.
"I am glad you did, Twilight," replied Celestia as she followed Twilight into her castle. "Luna has been hiding something from me and I can't get her to tell me what it is. I know something had happened a few nights ago and I want her to tell me about it."
Twilight led her mentor into her throne room and bolted the doors to give them uninterrupted privacy from anypony outside. Once the doors were closed, Twilight began to relay her thoughts to Celestia.
"Something did happen a few nights ago," said Twilight, sitting at her throne. "Luna revealed that she had created the Tantabus to harm herself out of guilt for what she did as Nightmare Moon. My friends and I, along with the rest of Ponyville, had to convince her that she had to let go of her past in order to defeat the Tantabus and get it to weaken."
Celestia could not believe what she had been hearing, but it was enough for her to take in and absorb into her mind. It seemed with every word Twilight said, it made the elder princess of Equestria even more determined to help get through to Luna.
"I don't understand," sighed Celestia, her head lowering in despair. "Why would she say that to you and not to me, Twilight?"
"I've often wondered about that myself," replied Twilight. "It seems maybe she is afraid of you reacting to something like this."
Celestia was shocked by what Twilight had said. Yes, she learned what was on her little sister's mind, but why Twilight would say this and not Luna herself made her think of what was going through Luna's mind.
"Then, we have to figure something out," said Celestia, firmly. "I need her to open up to me and me alone. That's why I need the help of you and your friends, Twilight."
Twilight thought about what Celestia had said for a moment. Seemingly, having Twilight and her friends help Luna open up was a last resort for Celestia.
"If we can do anything to help, Celestia," said Twilight, walking over to Celestia and nuzzling her gently. "By all means, we can. You have helped us many times in the past and I need to once again return you the favor. Let me get together with the rest of my friends and together, we can help find a way to get Luna to open up to you."
Celestia smiled at this and after hugging each other, Celestia departed knowing that she was going to have the help of her most faithful student and her friends.
Cries of a Self-Tormented Soul
Chapter 3
"A Visit from the Master"
While Twilight and Celestia had joined forces to get her to reveal her feelings, Luna laid in her bed at Canterlot Castle once again tossing and turning in her sleep as the Tantabus created another dream for her suffer through. Despite all that she went through initially, Luna was still feeling a sense of guilt for what she had done as Nightmare Moon and it showed. As Luna slept, tears formed in the night princess' eyes and the cries of agony were heard.
"This is what I deserve!" she mumbled, tossing and turning roughly. "Yes, Tantabus, let me suffer your wrath! I deserve all that I have caused!"
After a few moments, Luna opened her tear filled eyes and thrust herself up, heavily panting and breathing with sweat dripping down her face wildly. After a few moments, Luna shut her eyes again and once again silently started crying.
"My sister will never know what I go through!" Luna cried to herself. "It is none of her concern! She controls the day, I control the night and what I witness, she cannot."
Just then, Luna felt a strong wind blow across her room as it slammed the windows shut with a loud bang. It was a wind that seemed all too familiar for her as Luna hadn't felt this wind since she, Celestia and Cadence were imprisoned in Tartarus, courtesy of Tirek. Suddenly, a bright light came through the windows, causing them to open once again with a loud bang.
"Who is there?" asked Luna, shielding her eyes from the light with her wings. "If you come on behalf of my sister, I-."
"I come in peace, Princess Luna," said a calming voice and Luna lowered her wings to reveal a figure on two legs, dressed in white and had long brown hair and a beard. "Why do you show hostility to me?"
Luna could not believe what she was seeing and the figure stood in her room with a smile on his face. Seeing the figure before her caused Luna to climb out of bed and bow to him.
"Master," whispered Luna, bowing to the figure. "You have returned to me. How may I serve you?"
The figure bowed down to Luna and placed his hand on her chin, lifting her head to his face.
"You serve no one but yourself," replied the figure as Luna raised herself up. "But, I fear that you refuse to believe such a purpose. Why do you trouble yourself, my young mare?"
Luna swallowed nervously as she was being forced to reveal her feelings to the figure, but she could see that the master was only doing this out of love for Luna.
"I know what you are suffering from," continued the figure. "You suffer from your own wounds that you yourself have inflicted."
"Yes, master," replied Luna. "I suffer because I let the darkness inside of me take control of my mind. All I wanted was for ponies to love the night and I was met with regret and hatred. I couldn't control my emotions and I vowed to suffer the consequences for my actions."
The figure then floated over to Luna and sat next to her on her bed. He then stroked her mane and continued to smile at Luna warmly.
"My young mare," said the master. "We all sometimes suffer from our mistakes that we have made in the past. But, it is much worse to hide the feelings from those we care about."
He then stopped stroking Luna's mane and looked over a picture from Twilight's coronation that showed Luna looking uncomfortable. It had happened to be the same picture that Twilight had in her kitchen.
"Since you were freed from the evil spirit that controlled you," continued the master, grabbing and looking at the picture. "I have seen you hide your feelings from your loved ones, day after day and I say this: the longer you hold your feelings, the more pain your soul will suffer."
The master then put the picture down and looked back towards Luna, who had felt a small tear trickle down her face.
"What do you want me to do, master?" begged Luna, looking over to him. "Tell me, and I will do anything you say."
The master closed his eyes for a moment and then for the first time, his smile disappeared and his voice turned wise.
"You must face your fears," he said wisely. "It is as you once said to that young pony Scootaloo that everypony must face their fears or their nightmares will continue. That is what you need to do right now."
Luna wanted to protest, but this was her master, her guardian angel that watches over herself, Celestia and all the loved ones that she held so dearly to her heart, despite all she did as Nightmare Moon. Lowering her head and closing her eyes once again, she knew that she needed to face her ultimate fears and that was to tell Celestia everything that had been inside of her for so long. But, of course, Luna was hesitant about it.
"But, master, what if…" Luna started to say, but when she opened her eyes, she found that the master was gone. Luna called out to the master several times, but she got no response. She was alone with her thoughts, thoughts that she would eventually have to get out into the open.
Meanwhile, Celestia had returned to Canterlot after meeting with Twilight and getting her support in trying to get Luna to reveal her feelings to her.
"Where is Luna?" she asked one of the guards.
"In her quarters, probably sleeping," replied one of the guards. "However, I heard her crying in her sleep and I wanted to report what I heard to the royal doctors. I thought she was being attacked or something."
Celestia sighed at that moment, knowing that what the guard was telling her was nothing more than her sister's continual nightmares, unaware that Luna had conversed with the spirit that had helped them survive their ordeal in Tartarus.
It was only a matter of time before a plan was put in place to help Luna overcome her inner feelings for good…
Cries of a Self-Tormented Soul
Chapter 4
"Coming Up with an Idea"
Twilight's friends arrived at the castle later in the day to help her come up with an idea to get Luna to open up to Celestia. Although they had all witnessed Luna confess her feelings of guilt that created the Tantabus, they all agreed that Luna needed to tell Celestia what she told them and all of Ponyville.
"I completely agree with you, Twilight," said Fluttershy as they all sat in the throne room. "Princess Luna needs to tell Celestia the whole truth about her feelings."
"Wow, Fluttershy," remarked Pinkie Pie, jumping into the air. "You are becoming more and more assertive by the day. Guess what I told you during the Pony tones really got to you, didn't it?"
The other ponies gave a hard stare at the pink party pony, who chuckled nervously and floated back down to her seat. Choosing to ignore the interruption, Twilight continued the meeting.
"What we need to do is to find a way to get Luna to open up," she continued. "If she could be open with us, why can't she be open with her own sister?"
"That's a good point, Twilight," suggested Rainbow Dash, who knew how bad it was to hide ill feelings firsthand. "Don't forget what happened to me after Tank hibernated."
"How could I forget?" huffed Rarity, folding her forelegs. "I still can't that repulsive behavior of yours out of my head. If there is one nightmare Luna has to protect me from, it's that."
Rainbow Dash merely rolled her eyes and refocused on the task at hand. In a sense, the element of loyalty had a good reason for going along with this. For she knew, that Luna was doing the same thing that she did which was hiding her feelings by self-harm.
"I actually have an idea," said Pinkie Pie, raising her hoof to talk. "Would you like to hear it?"
All the other ponies nodded in agreement and the pink party pony gave out her idea on what to do.
"Why don't we have Luna believe that we are inviting her for a sleepover?"
An awkward silence fell on the throne room upon hearing that suggestion. Everypony knew that Luna was the princess of the night and was nocturnal, so the idea of a sleepover was not a good one.
"Uh, maybe you're right," she chuckled nervously. "She does have duties or something."
"How about we invite both of them over for tea or something?" suggested Fluttershy. "Discord and I could provide the tea and cakes."
Rarity was not really keen on having the spirit of chaos help them out. After all, Discord was reformed, but he was still the chaos causing creature he always was.
"Having Discord help us out?" remarked Rarity. "If there was ever a time for no games, it is this one. This is the Princess of the Night we are taking about, you know."
"Come on, Rarity," said Applejack, groaning in frustration. "Discord is reformed now and he is not going to do anything to upset us. Besides, aren't he and Princess Celestia friends now?"
Rarity groaned and sat back down in her throne, wanting to leave out of frustration. However, she had a duty to fulfill and that was to deal with this friendship problem.
"Applejack does have a point," remarked Spike as Pinkie Pie was writing down possible ideas. "If Discord is friends with Princess Celestia, then maybe he and Luna have become friends too, perhaps?"
"I don't know," said Twilight. "Luna wasn't at the Grand Galloping Gala because she says that her duties get in the way. But, I think it has to do with her feelings."
At that moment, Twilight motioned for Spike to go into the kitchen to get the picture from her coronation that Luna was featured in. Once Spike had returned, Twilight placed the picture in the center of the map and rotated it around so that each of her friends could get a good look.
"I forgot about this picture," gasped Rarity, ignoring Luna's look and focusing on the other details about the photo. "I remember Photo Finish took this picture. She really admired your gown, Twilight."
"Don't focus on me, Rarity," said Twilight. "All of you take a good look at Luna. She wasn't smiling in the picture."
So, they all took a good look at the picture and carefully studied how Luna was feeling in the picture. They all took note of the fact that Celestia was standing next to Luna in the picture, seemingly unaware of what Luna was feeling at the time.
"Maybe she was having an off day," suggested Applejack, inspecting the picture and scratching her chin. "You know how demanding princess life is, Twilight."
"It wasn't that," replied Twilight. "When I was dancing with my dad at my coronation reception, I saw how Luna just couldn't look at anything and nopony seemed to notice."
It was then that Rainbow Dash suddenly had an idea. She knew of somepony that could try and get Luna to help her open up to Celestia.
"I've got an idea," said Rainbow Dash as they all looked at her. "Remember that therapist that helped me get over Tank's hibernation?"
"Who? Sweetheart?" replied Fluttershy. "I remembered how nice she was to you, Rainbow Dash. Sweetheart could help us out with the Princesses."
All the ponies nodded in agreement over this and began to make plans for Sweetheart to mediate over the impending conversation between Luna and Celestia. After writing a scroll to Celestia, Twilight had Spike send it to her with his fire breath, eagerly awaiting what Celestia would say about their plans for Rainbow Dash's therapist to help them in their situation.
Back in Canterlot, Celestia was in her quarters when the scroll appeared and she read it quietly to herself, so as to not let Luna spy on her. A small tear came in Celestia's eyes when she finished reading the scroll.
"Finally, at last," she thought to herself, smiling and putting the scroll down on her desk. "I can finally get Luna to talk to me about her feelings so I can help her."
It would only be a matter of time before this conversation would take place…
Cries of a Self-Tormented Soul
Chapter 5
"Contacting Sweetheart"
Early the next morning, Twilight and her friends travelled to find Sweetheart, the pony who had helped Rainbow Dash overcome her drinking problem and deal with Tank's hibernation. They soon learned that Sweetheart had left the Wonderbolt Academy and had relocated to Canterlot, eager to help out the elite of Canterlot get through their lives.
"Spitfire said that Sweetheart was here," said Rainbow Dash, as they came up to a large blue building that was about mid height. "She sure has outdone herself, you know."
"Indeed," remarked Rarity as they walked in. "Her waiting room looks first class too."
They all sat in the waiting room and waited for Sweetheart to become available for them. After a while, the doors of her office opened to reveal Lyra and Bon Bon walking out of the office, with dirty looks on each other's faces.
"What's up with them?" asked Pinkie Pie to Fluttershy. "I thought ponies get smiles again after they get help from other ponies."
But, Fluttershy merely responded with a nod that she wasn't sure and that she was the wrong pony to ask. Just then, the door opened to reveal a white pony with a pink mane and tail peeking out and producing a smile on her face. Rainbow Dash got up from where she was sitting and trotted over to give the pony a hug.
"It's good to see you again, Sweetheart," she chuckled.
"Me too, Rainbow Dash," replied Sweetheart as they broke apart. "I see you have been doing well."
Rainbow Dash then beckoned her friends to come over and meet the pony who helped her get over her addiction.
"These are my friends, Sweetheart," said Rainbow Dash. "Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Princess Twilight Sparkle."
Twilight was uncomfortable with this thinking that Sweetheart would be one of those ponies who would get close to her because of her princess status. Surprisingly, it was not to be.
"Rainbow Dash has told me a lot about you, Twilight," said Sweetheart. "You are quite the leader."
"Well," chuckled Twilight. "You might say that I try to be a good leader."
"I have no doubt about that," replied Sweetheart as they all walked into her office. "Princess Celestia is very lucky to have you as the Princess of Friendship."
Twilight could smile at this as they all sat down on the large sofa. It was at that moment that Twilight cut right to the chase on why they were there.
"Actually, Sweetheart," said Twilight. "The reason we are all here is because of Princess Luna is hiding some feelings she shared with us from Celestia."
Sweetheart had taken a pen and paper and was writing down what Twilight was saying to her. The therapist was very careful to add as much of what Twilight was saying as possible, so as to have an idea of what was happening.
"It seems to me that Luna has ill feelings that she doesn't want to share with everypony," suggested Sweethear. "I must warn you that I can't force anypony to share their private thoughts. If Luna doesn't want to reveal anything that is private, then I must honor her request."
The ponies sighed dejectedly at this, thinking that they had come all the way to Canterlot for nothing, but Sweetheart decided to set them right.
"Hold on a second," she chuckled. "When I say anything that is private, I only mean the ones that she really doesn't want to talk about."
"Oh, that's a relief," sighed Applejack, wiping sweat from her head.
"What we are trying to say," said Twilight. "Is that a few nights ago, Luna had been chasing after a creature that she created to give herself the same nightmare every night to punish herself for what she did as Nightmare Moon."
Sweetheart took this note very seriously and wrote it down on her piece of paper. Although she had been living in Ponyland, news of what Nightmare Moon did in Equestria had spread to her hometown like wildfire. In fact, her friend Patch thought that it was cool to have a pony who wanted eternal night forever.
"It seems to me that Princess Luna has been what we therapists call 'very shady' to others," replied Sweetheart, putting her paper down. "Ponies like her will use self-harm as a way of hiding their feelings from those around them."
"Kind of like me with the alcoholic cider," said Rainbow Dash.
"That's right, Rainbow Dash," added Sweetheart. "We all tend to hide our feelings from others because we are afraid of what will happen when the truth does eventually come out. But, as I said before, we can't force everypony to reveal their darkest secrets. However, what needs to be done is that Luna and Celestia must improve on their communication with each other."
All the ponies nodded in agreement on that part. Celestia and Luna were more than princesses, they were sisters and communication between them was extremely key in not only being good monarchs, but also good ponies in general.
"So, do you think you can help them, Sweetheart?" asked Twilight.
"I think its best if I meet with both of them," replied Sweetheart. "I will have them meet with me first thing in the morning and I will see what I can do with them."
All the ponies got up at that moment and walked towards the door of Sweetheart's office, opening it up and stepping back out into the waiting room.
"Thank you again for helping us, Sweetheart," said Twilight. "I'm sure you will do your best."
"That is what I am here for, Princess," replied Sweetheart. "My job is to calm the minds of Equestria. See you in the morning."
As they left, Twilight and her friends could not help but wonder how Luna was going to react to the news that she and Celestia were going to be facing each other in a therapist's office.
Little did they all know, however, that there was another pony who was also aware of the tension between the royal sisters and who was also good at detecting lies, the ruler of the Crystal Empire, Princess Cadence herself…
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Cries of a Self-Tormented Soul
Princess Cadence, the Princess of Lie Detectors
Chapter 6
"Princess Cadence, the Princess of Lie Detectors"
While Twilight and her friends were with Sweetheart and telling her about Luna's situation, Princess Cadence had come to Canterlot for her weekly visits with Celestia and Luna. Out of all the four princesses that rule over Equestria, Cadence was the one who had the ability to somehow detect if somepony was lying. The recent events in the past few months had made Cadence very suspicious of Luna just as much as Celestia.
"She just hasn't been the same, Cadence," sighed Celestia as they had their afternoon tea and cakes. "I don't know what is going on, but I think she can be hiding something from me."
"Whatever Aunt Luna is hiding," remarked Cadence, drinking a sip of tea. "She needs to talk to us about it."
"More of that she needs to talk to me," sighed Celestia, a hint of frustration in her voice. "Ever since Twilight and her friends freed Luna from her Nightmare Moon persona, Luna has been more and more distant from me. I want to help her, but every time that I do, she just distances herself from me."
Cadence continued to listen to what Celestia said and began to get an idea over how this animosity that Luna was hiding from Celestia was starting to drive a rift between them. If there was one talent that Cadence had aside from spreading love, was the ability to detect lies. She had detected numerous lies from Spike during the Equestrian summit not too long ago and this was just another example of it.
"Why don't I talk to her, Aunt Celestia?" suggested Cadence. "I'm sure she will listen to me."
"Very well, Cadence," replied Celestia, taking a sip of tea. "But, don't be surprised if she doesn't talk to you. Besides, Twilight and her friends are asking somepony that helped Rainbow Dash to help solve our situation."
Cadence nodded in reply that she got the message before leaving to find Princess Luna later that day. Cadence eventually found the Princess of the Night in the Canterlot gardens just wandering around aimlessly. She could tell that Luna had the thoughts of despair on her mind and was determined to get to the bottom of it.
"Aunt Luna!" she called, causing Luna to break out of her trance. "What are you doing out here?"
"That is none of your concern, Mi Amore Cadenza," replied Luna, sharply. "I was merely admiring the structures that make up these gardens. This was where Discord was imprisoned once."
Instead of responding right away, Cadence walked over to Luna with a look of suspicion on her face in which she was known to give when somepony was indeed telling a lie and Luna was no execption.
"Aunt Luna, I'm concerned you might be hiding something from Aunt Celestia," said Cadence, a hint of stern in her voice. "Tell me, what is on your mind?"
Nevertheless, Luna remained her defiant self and refused to answer her niece's question.
"There is nothing for me to tell you," cried Luna, looking away from Cadence. "Whatever I am hiding, it is nothing more than the stress of being the Princess of the Night."
Luna then walked farther and farther into the maze, desperate to get away from Cadence, but the Crystal Princess of love was not going to back down that easily.
"I know you are hiding something from us, Aunt Luna," cried Cadence, using her magic to teleport in front of Luna. "I can tell when somepony is lying to me and right now, you are hiding something from Aunt Celestia. Something happened and I want you to tell me what it is right now."
Nevertheless, Luna remained defiant and the more times she avoided Cadence, the more times Cadence hounded Luna down. Finally, Cadence had grown frustrated and decided to leave Luna alone in the maze.
"I can't understand it!" she cried, pounding her hoof on the floor of the throne room. "She won't even say anything to me, Aunt Celestia. What can I do?"
"We have to keep trying, Cadence," replied Celestia, sitting on her throne with her mind filling up with despair. "I want to help Luna with whatever is on her mind, but I can't help Luna unless she tells me what is going on."
Just then, a scroll appeared in front of Celestia and the Princess of Day opened the scroll and read it aloud for Cadence to hear:
"Dear Princess Celestia,
My friends and I have found somepony who could help Luna talk to you about her problems. Her name is Sweetheart and she is a therapist who had helped Rainbow Dash in her situation with alcoholic cider and dealing with Tank's hibernation. She is a pony that specializes in situations like this and who we all believe could be a big help in helping your relationship with Princess Luna. She wants to meet with you and Luna first thing in the morning. My friends and I will accompany you to her office.
Your student and youngest equal,
Princess Twilight Sparkle."
Feeling a sense of accomplishment, Celestia made the scroll disappear and looked down at Cadence warmly. This was a sign that things were moving in the right direction for them.
"Twilight has found somepony that can help us," said Celestia, stepping off of her throne. "She is a therapist who had helped Rainbow Dash."
"When will you both go?" asked Cadence, her voice filled with excitement to a degree.
"In the morning, first thing," replied Celestia walking over to the stained glass window that made her feel warm: Twilight's coronation window. "Twilight has helped me yet again, Cadence."
Cadence walked over and draped her wing over Celestia's neck, getting closer to her and hugging her tightly. They were both happy that the reality of getting Luna to open up to them was getting more and more realistic.
Meanwhile, Luna was back in her quarters preparing herself to assume her duty as Princess of the Night. Her brief confrontation with Cadence had made her realize that she couldn't hold in her fears for much longer.
"It is time for you to face your fears, Princess Luna," she heard the master say in her head. "You cannot hide for feelings for much longer."
Hearing the voice in her head continuously repeating, Luna sighed and gave herself in to confess what was on her mind.
Soon, her feelings would be revealed to all who loved and cared for her…
Cries of a Self-Tormented Soul
Chapter 7
"In the Waiting Room"
As morning dawned on Equestria, Luna returned to her chambers thinking of what was going to happen in the very near future. She knew that her feelings were going to be revealed to Celestia and those closest to her, but was still afraid to go through with it. Hearing a knock at her bedroom door, Luna allowed whoever was on the other side to pass through.
"Enter," she said, firmly and one of Celestia's guardsponies was revealed to be on the other side.
"Your highness," he said quietly, saluting Luna. "It is time. Princess Celestia is waiting for you."
Sighing heavily, Luna followed the guard to where Celestia and several guardsponies were waiting to leave. Luna swallowed nervously as Celestia offered her a spot on the chariot.
"Good morning, sister," she said nervously, thinking that Celestia would have ill feelings. "I think we both know what is going to happen."
Celestia said nothing as they departed for Sweetheart's office, where Twilight and her friends were waiting along with Princess Cadence, who had stayed in Canterlot the night before.
"I hope Luna can tell Celestia what she told us," said Twilight, sitting in the waiting room.
"It's going to be fine, Twilight," replied Cadence, who was sitting next to her. "Although, I will have to admit that I am a little nervous myself. Aunt Luna was really bothering me yesterday in the Canterlot Gardens."
But before she could freak out just as much as Twilight, Cadence used her breathing technique that she taught her, calming herself down. It was after this did Cadence notice a humanoid figure sitting across from her.
"Master?" she whispered as the figure smiled at her and quickly disappeared. Seeing the master gave Cadence a sense of hope that maybe things will turn out for the better.
"He must be aware of what is going to happen here today," she thought as several guardsponies came into the office to herald Celestia and Luna's arrival.
Outside the office, Celestia got off the chariot first as Luna looked up at the office nervously. Taking yet another enormous gulp, Luna stepped off the chariot and followed her older sister into the office. Upon entering the office, Luna looked at all the ponies gathered around the waiting room, who were staring at her with keen expressions.
"This is for your own good, Princess Luna," said Applejack. "Sometimes its best to release our feelings, rather than keep them hidden."
Luna said nothing and sat down next to Celestia, who then placed her hoof on Luna's hoof and looked over at her with a smile on her face.
"It's all right," she whispered. "We are trying to help you be more open with everypony and I'm doing this because I love you, little sister."
Luna stayed silent, but Celestia could see that she was starting to get the message somewhat. Nevertheless, the Princess of the Night was anxious to the point where she didn't say anything. Deep down, Luna knew that she needed to confess her feelings that she harbored as a result of her actions as Nightmare Moon to Celestia, but she didn't know what to say.
From across the room, Rainbow Dash couldn't help but wonder if even the pony who had helped her get over the hibernation of her pet tortoise would help Celestia's younger sister open herself up to those she loved.
"She seems so sad," remarked Fluttershy. "Who knew Princess Luna could muster so much guilt in such a long time?"
"In a way," sighed Rainbow Dash, looking over at Luna and Celestia. "She is kind of like me in terms of hiding our feelings."
Fluttershy turned over to Rainbow Dash when she heard her say that. Rainbow Dash was right, Luna was somepony who tried to keep her feelings hidden and it was when Fluttershy had told Rainbow Dash was going to be "petless" did she release all of her emotions.
"I know it's hard to release your emotions, Fluttershy," continued Rainbow Dash, her voice quieted. "But, it's as what you said to me, Fluttershy, that Luna will never get better unless she lets it all out."
At that moment, the door opened and Sweetheart looked out and saw Luna and Celestia sitting next to each other.
"Hello, princesses," she said in a sweet voice, smiling. "Care to come in?"
Luna and Celestia looked at each other one last time before getting out of the seats and following Sweetheart into her office. Once the door closed, the waiting game had begun.
"Well, it's all or nothing now," said Cadence, a hint of nervousness in her voice. "Who knows what is going to happen in there?"
"I really don't know, Cadence," replied Twilight. "But, I am afraid that all we can do is wait for them to come out."
However, as quickly as the door opened, it opened again and Sweetheart came back out, this time looking at Cadence and Twilight.
"I know this sounds improper, but would join us as well?" she asked. "Both Celestia and Luna would appreciate it."
Although it was against their better judgment, Cadence and Twilight followed Sweetheart into her office and the door closed, leaving her friends and Spike in the waiting room.
"This is going to be nerve wracking," moaned Pinkie Pie, trying to keep her excitement in check. "I don't know how long I can hold it."
But, the rest of the ponies gave Pinkie a look, saying that it was neither the time nor the place for her to go bananas. This was a serious matter that needed to be attended to and thus, there was no time for fooling around. However, Pinkie had thought otherwise.
"Come on, I'm serious!" she groaned.
"Aw, shoot," moaned Applejack. "I guess we all are a little nervous. We just have to be there for Luna and the other princesses."
"I agree with you, Applejack," said Rarity. "It is nerve wracking to say the least, but let's wait here and be supportive of Twilight and the others. Although I wonder how things will go in there."
"I don't know, Rarity," sighed Spike, his eyes fixated on the door to Sweetheart's office. "I just don't know."
Cries of a Self-Tormented Soul
Chapter 8
"Luna Faces the Music"
From the moment the door to Sweetheart's office had officially closed, Luna realized that there was no turning back now. She knew that her feelings were going to be coming out and there was nothing she could do about it. Luna found herself sitting across from Celestia, Cadence and Twilight who stared at her carefully.
"Now, we all know why we are here," said Sweetheart. "Luna, your sister and fellow princesses have been worried about you and you have been acting strange around them and your subjects."
Everypony could see that they were going to be in for a bumpy ride. Luna's body language showed that this wasn't going to be an easy meeting between Equestria's four monarchs.
"That is not true," protested Luna, turning away rudely from everyone around her. "I don't act strange around my subjects. Tis a lie!"
"Luna, it is true," cried Celestia, rising from her seat. "Many of our subjects can sense that you are hiding something from them. We need to move on from the past and we can't do that unless you learn to let go!"
The sounds of Celestia's voice were enough to send chills down Cadence and Twilight's spines. Out of the princesses affected by Luna's behavior, Celestia was the most affected.
"Why should I let go?" protested Luna, rising to her feet and storming towards Celestia. "Everypony didn't have to suffer of my actions, but I couldn't control myself and I greatly regret it! This is something for me and me to suffer to alone, so back off, sister!"
This caused Celestia to grow very cross upon this insulting remark. She did not like being told what to do and not even her younger sister was subjected to her wrath.
"No," hissed Celestia, her horn glowing and tears forming at the corners of her eyes. "I will not back off, Luna! I'm your older sister and I am responsible for you along with the rest of Equestria! I will continue to be this way until you speak to me what is truly on your mind!"
Celestia continued to glare at Luna as the princess of the night scrunched herself to the ground. It was at this point that Cadence got up and raised a wing to push Celestia back slightly, in an effort to maintain peace and to keep the session from going out of control.
"Don't you see, Aunt Luna?" she cried, keeping Celestia at bay. "This is what is happening to us! I don't want us to be fighting amongst ourselves like fillies. We are princesses and we need to be open with each other. Hiding our feelings is wrong and you know it."
With each word that was spoken to her, Luna felt more and more like breaking down and crying. For she was beginning to realize that there was no turning back now.
"They are right, Luna," said Sweetheart, who along with Twilight, was staying calm amidst the tense atmosphere. "Its very unhealthy for ponies to hide their feelings. It affects our mind and our ability to live our normal lives."
Luna tried to cover her ears and attempted to use a spell to make herself disappear, but Twilight used a counter spell to prevent it from happening.
"You cannot hide any longer, Luna," cried Celestia, who used her magic to put Luna back in her seat. "Tell us what is on your mind!"
At that moment, Luna finally gave herself in and with tears flowing out of her eyes, she subjected herself to reveal exactly what she had said during the battle with the Tantabus.
"All right, sister!" she sobbed, her head lowering in shame and sorrow. "I'll tell you! I'll tell you! Just stop talking, please! All of you!"
The entire room fell silent with Luna scream for silence using her royal Canterlot voice. Taking a raggedly deep breath, Luna began to reveal what was in her mind.
"Sister," she cried, her eyes closed trying to hold back her flowing tears. "I created the Tantabus to give myself the same nightmare every night…to punish myself for the evil I caused as Nightmare Moon!"
A hushed gasp came from Celestia and Cadence's mouths upon hearing those words. Twilight didn't respond for these were indeed the same words that Luna uttered during the battle against the Tantabus, however even she felt a small tear form in her eyes.
"Why?" cried Celestia, who was already crying herself. "Why would you do that, Luna? You could have come to me and we could have talked about this long ago! I love you and so does all of Equestria!"
"I wanted to make sure I never forgave myself for how much Equestria suffered because of me!" sobbed Luna, who crumpled onto the floor and buried her head in the carpet. "But it seems I have not learned my lesson, for now I have only made you suffer more!"
Celestia then bended down and joined her sister on the floor as Cadence stepped back slightly, allowing the sisters to have some space.
"Luna, don't you see?" sobbed Celestia. "Do you know what you are doing now? You are only hurting yourself and I can't allow myself to see you like this! I love you and we have a chance to rebuild our lives to the way it was before all this happened."
"Celestia is right, Luna," said Twilight, talking to them from the couch. "We can't turn back time, but we can improve ourselves of our mistakes. Who is the pony who helped the Cutie Mark Crusaders when they had their nightmares? Who is the pony that made Nightmare Night fun for all of Ponyville? Don't you see? Nopony cares about Nightmare Moon anymore. All they care about is Princess Luna. Can you make yourself realize that?"
Luna continued to sob quietly as she absorbed all that everypony in the room was saying to her. For the first time in her life, Luna felt the weight of her guilt leave her body and she felt the Tantabus struggle inside her body, knowing that it was dying from the lack of Luna's guilt.
"I can make myself realize that," cried Luna, who felt exhausted from all the hard crying she had done. "I don't know what I would do without you all and I promise…to be more open…to you all. I love you, big sister."
Celestia then pulled her sister close to her chest and the two sisters sobbed in happiness for the first time since their reunion after Luna was freed from her Nightmare Moon persona.
"I love you too, little sister," cried Celestia.
As they watched the sisters reconcile with Sweetheart, Twilight and Cadence looked over to see the master standing in the far corner of Sweetheart's office and smiled.
"Well done, Luna," said the master, smiling warmly at what he was seeing. "Well done."
Cries of a Self-Tormented Soul
Chapter 9
"In the Days After"
Following their emotional breakthrough, Luna and Celestia committed themselves to each other in moving forward instead of dwelling in the past. The guilt that Luna had in her mind was completely gone with the tears that flowed from her eyes. Now, Luna was at peace with herself and for the first time since the breakthrough, she could think happy thoughts about the future.
"I can't believe I hid all those thoughts from my mind," she thought to herself as she looked up at the moon one night from a hill overlooking her and Celestia's old castle as well as Winsome Falls. "My sister is right, I need to move on from the past. All I have done was bring harm to myself and everypony suffered because of it. From this day forth, I will not let my past catch up to me again."
Luna then activated her magic to lower the moon, concluding her nighttime rule over Equestria. As she lowered the moon, Luna took notice of several ponies who were camping out by Winsome Falls, where she had mentored Scootaloo in conquering her fears. This brought a smile to Luna's face, seeing that there were ponies after all who admired the night.
"I'm glad to see you happy again, little sister," said Celestia, as she came up to the hill. "You see now why dwelling on the past is not what we need to do."
"I know," sighed Luna as she saw her sister use her magic to raise the moon. "All I ever brought to you was heartache and sorrow, nothing of the good that we had done since we were fillies."
Once the sun was raised, Luna was just about to depart for her slumber, but Celestia wanted to talk. It had been a long time since the two of them had a friendly conversation together as sisters and as a family in general.
"All we can do now is look to the future, Luna," said Celestia, looking at her sister with compassion. "I know we can be the best rulers we can possibly be and even though we will have our moments, we will learn from them and move on."
"If that's what you say is true, sister," replied Luna, shutting her eyes. "Then, that is what we should do. My subjects need me to protect them from their dreams. Besides, those three fillies need me to teach them how to obtain their cutie marks."
A small look of confusion came onto Celestia's face, as Luna had never told her about her relationship with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Who are you talking about?" wondered Celestia. "What three fillies?"
For the first time in a while, Luna had let out a small giggle upon hearing those words come from her big sister's mouth.
"Why, have I not told you about them?" remarked Luna. "There is Scootaloo, a young pegasus who I taught to face her fears. Then, there is Sweetie Belle, Rarity's sister, who I taught that it can be hard to be in the shadow of somepony who is older than you."
All Celestia could do was nod silently at this, realizing just how she had made herself outshine Luna to the point of becoming Nightmare Moon. But, after a moment, she rebounded to listen to what her sister continued to say.
"Then, there is Apple Bloom," continued Luna. "Who is fair Applejack's sister and is the most determined out of the three to earn their cutie marks."
"I can't wait to meet them all at some point," replied Celestia. "Yes, I know I have seen them at Cadence's wedding and at the Equestria Games, but it would be nice to finally get to know them."
So, the two sisters came down from the hill before taking to the sky and returning to Canterlot. By this point, Luna had begun to get tired as a result of her duties and the time would soon come for her to take her rest.
"Perhaps we can discuss this over dinner tonight," suggested Luna. "I'll even have the royal baker put in our favorite desserts: Angel and Devil's food cake."
Both sisters shared once last giggle before they eventually made it to Luna's quarters. Knowing the time had soon come, Celestia and Luna crossed their horns together before going into an embrace that lasted for a good few minutes.
Eventually, Luna quickly fell asleep in her bed and began to dream of the realm that she was in after finally conquering her past and the Tantabus as well. Luna continued to sleep soundly when a shadow came up to her and a hand began to gently rub her flowing mane.
"Well done, Princess Luna," said the voice and Luna opened her eyes to see the master standing before her with a smile on his face. "You have conquered the demons that plagued your mind."
"You mean my past, master?" asked Luna. "I needed to get what was hurting me out of my mind. It was thanks to those closest to me that I was able to understand that we can't change the past and instead we have to focus on the future."
"Indeed, you are correct, young mare," replied the master. "I know that you are a strong pony and I know that you are dedicated to your kingdom and your family. No one will care about your past and even if they do, they will think of it as a way to turn something that was evil into something that will enlighten those who were once frightened."
Luna could understand that the master was referring to Nightmare Night, the night that she was perceived by but later embraced thanks to Twilight Sparkle.
"Remember, Luna," said the master as he started to float away. "In times of darkness, in times where you feel lost and alone, look to the skies and look into your heart. For lo, I am with you, your family and friends always, even to the end of time itself."
With one flash of light, the master disappeared as Luna rested her head and was once again left alone in her realm of peace and tranquility. She was now free of the torment that had plagued her mind and it was all thanks to her fellow princesses, her sister and most importantly, herself, for realizing what was really important:
That it is better to focus on the present and the future, not the past.
