Cadance snuggled backwards, as a weight shifted onto the bed next to her. It was a little sad that she had gone to bed, alone—on Hearts and Hooves eve, no less—but Twilight had needed her BBBFF.
Poor Twilight.
Spike had sent the letter to Cadance and Shining Armor earlier in the week, explaining how Twilight had been bemoaning the fact that she was the only one of her friends that didn’t have a date for Hearts and Hooves day. She had been moping around her castle for weeks, and in Spike’s words, “seriously messing up his funky flow with Scootaloo.”
So Cadance had invited Twilight up, that she might enjoy the Crystal Empire’s Hearts and Hooves day celebration. Who knew, maybe Twilight would even find a cute crystal stallion… or mare! Cadance certainly wasn’t going to judge; it wasn’t like she hadn’t indulged in that little pleasure before Shiney. And then once, with Shiney, who’d been surprisingly open to gender polymorphism.
But alack, such was not to be, as Twilight spent most of the night bemoaning her impending spinsterhood, while Shining Armor and Cadance reassured her that she would find her special somepony one day.
Not even the Crystal Heart bursting with love, and showering the entire Empire in its glow was enough to pull her out of her slump.
“I’ll never experience true love!” Twilight had wailed, as the magic of the true love of an entire empire washed through them all.
Cadance had feigned sleepiness, nodding to her husband. She’d see him in the morning.
So finally feeling somepony’s arms around her, even if it was close to dawn, was wonderful. And when he started nibbling the back of her neck, and licking her ear, she had to suppress the delightful shudder that ran up her spine. A hoof ran it’s way down her back, sliding past her tail.
“Mmmm, somepony’s in a good mood,” she whispered.
“Mmmmm,” a decidedly not-Shining-Armor’s voice replied. “My lady-bug’s awake, and needs her sunshine.”
Cadance rolled over in abject horror, as she found herself muzzle-to-muzzle with Twilight Sparkle. She said nothing as the lavender mare pressed her lips against Cadance’s, darting her tongue into the pink alicorn’s mouth. War raged itself inside Cadance’s mind, as she moaned into the fiercely passionate kiss.
Of course, that would be the point when her husband would open the door to their bedroom.
“What are you doing‽” Shining screamed, seeing his wife and his sister locked in mortal lip combat.
Two sides of his mind vied for dominance of his rage. One one hoof, his wife was kissing his sister! On the other hoof, his wife was kissing his sister! Both indignations waged battle in his psyche, both scrambling to be the first to be vented.
Neither had a chance, when something was thrown at him, held aloft by his sister’s magical aura.
“What the heck, Shiney! Didn’t you see the tie on the doorknob?”
With that, the door slammed shut.
Shining looked down at the floor, to the thing his sister had thrown at him. He ran down the hall, not wanting to look anymore at the shattered picture of the happiest day of his life.
His wedding day.
Twilight hid under the pink duvet covering her bed. She had spent hours lamenting to Shining Armor how she just wished she could tempt somepony into her bed.
This was decidedly not what she had in mind.
Somepony was excitedly jumping up and down on her bed. What was worse, that somepony was calling her ‘Auntie Twilight’, and asking her to come out and play.
She had barely any time to sleep, having only gotten to bed less than an hour earlier.
High pitched voice, lots of energy.
Time-travelling Pinkie Pie?
Not outside the realms of possibility… sadly… but I don’t think so.
She(?) called me Auntie Twilight. Did Shining Armor and Cadance have a foal I was unaware of?
No, not possible. They’d have told me about something that impor—
Twilight thought back to the wedding invitation she’d received two years earlier.
Okay, so totally with the realms of possibility. So, Shining Armor and Cadance have had a foal.
I’m ready to deal with this.
Twilight poked her head from out of the covers, and realised she was certainly not equipped to deal with this. The foal bouncing up and down on her bed had a dark black carapace and cerulean mane; long, holed legs, and two gossamer wings flitting on her back, buzzing with energy.
“CHANGELING!” Twilight screamed, as she threw a bolt of magic towards the little tartarus-spawn. The changeling flipped away with surprising dexterity, and assaulted Twilight on her muzzle with a hoof.
“Boop!” the changeling squealed. “You’re it!”
In shock, Twilight sat there on the bed watching the small changeling quickly flew out of her bedroom. Her brain finally registered what had happened.
“CHANGELINGS IN THE CASTLE!”
Twilight jumped to her hooves and dashed out her bedroom door with so much speed that the door slammed behind her.
I have to find Shiney! Have to warn hi—
“There you are!” a voice echoed throughout the corridor. “I told you not to wake your aunt— you know how she is in the morning.”
“Sorry, momma.”
Twilight turned around, eye’s wide, and spied the owner of the very familiar voice.
“Chry—”
Twilight turned tail and ran back the way she came. Which would not have been a problem, had she not just ran straight into her closed door.
Twilight came to, feeling the cool touch of something on her forehead. She tried to sit up, but felt herself pressed back to the bed.
“Careful, Twilight,” Cadance cooed. “You took a nasty bump to the head.”
“C-Cadance?” Twilight asked. “Is it really you?”
Cadance booped Twilight on the nose. “Of course it’s me, silly. Who else would I be?”
“Chrysalis!” Twilight yelped, scooting away from the mare in front of her.
“Why would I be…” the mare asked, trailing off. “Oh, don’t tell me she’s been pranking you again!”
“I have done no such thing!” Chrysalis called out from the ensuite. “Well, not this time.”
“What… what…” Twilight stammered. “What is she doing here?”
“Why wouldn’t she be here?” Cadance leaned forward and sniffed Twilight’s breath. “You haven’t been drinking again, have you?”
“Have I been— have you been drinking?” Twilight grasped Cadance by the ear with her magic and pulled her down. “What. Is. Chrysalis. Doing. Here?” she whispered harshly.
Cadance pulled away from Twilight, a confused look on her face. “Uhh, she lives here, along with your brother.”
“With my brother?”
Cadance nodded.
“And Chrysalis?”
“And little Peleides, yes.” Cadance scowled. “Maybe you hit your head harder than we thought.”
“MY BROTHER?” Twilight yelled.
A flash of light and a boom shattered the bedroom door. A red-eyed, tear stained Shining Armor staggered in, glaring at the two.
“I… I didn’t want to believe it. I thought, ‘No, Shiney, you’re just imagining things.’ It couldn’t be true. But it is, isn’t it.”
Shining glared at the two.
“Shining, have you been drinking?” Cadance asked.
“Who wouldn’t‽” Shining shouted. “I spend all night consoling my little sister former best friend forever because she couldn’t get some… an’, an’ now, I find her with my wife!”
“Your wife!” Cadance swung her gaze towards Twilight, the fires of tartarus in her eyes.
“Wait, what—” Twilight replied.
At that point, Chrysalis came trotting out of the adjoining ensuite. “My ears are burning,” she said in a sing-song voice. “Oh, good morning dear.”
As Chrysalis gave Shining Armor a peck on the cheek, both Twilight and Shining Armor fainted.
Chrysalis turned to a still very angry Cadance.
“What’s up their craw this morning?”
Henchling one, twenty one and twenty four sat awkwardly in the barrack mess-hall since Shining Armor had joined them for breakfast.
“I swear, boys, twelve times last night. She is insatiable!”
Even though the three disguised changelings had been undercover as Crystal Empire guards for a week, this was the first time the prince had come down to the barracks, dressed in full guardsstallion armor.
“The princess?” Henchling one asked with trepidation.
Shining Armor looked at him like he’d grown a second head.
“No, not the princess.” Shining Armor shuddered. “Ewww! I meant Chrysalis. You boys ever had a changeling lover. I tell you.”
Three ears swiveled towards the prince.
“I mean, like… doesn’t matter how much love I give her—” he dug his elbow into twenty-one’s ribs “—she doesn’t gain one ounce of fat. And trust me, I give her a lot of lovin’.”
“Changelings. Man, changelings. You boys gotta learn, there isn’t nothing this stallion don’t love about changelings.” Shining Armor levitated the last chunk of pancake to his mouth. “Well, good catchin’ up with you boys, but I gotta head out on patrol.”
Shining Armor put his helmet back on, and trotted out of the mess.
“How did he know?” Henchling One asked himself.
“Well, this mission’s a bust,” Henchling Twenty-One said. “Time to bail.”
“But we still haven’t completed the Dark S Seven maneuver,” Henchling One replied.
“You can keep going, but I’m not dying for this,” Twenty-Four added.
“Fine, I’ll go it alone.”
“‘I’ll go it alone,’ he said,” Twenty-One chuckled.
“Right before he stood on a landmine,” Twenty-Four chuckled. “Boooom!”
“I’m not going to die!”
“Of course you will,” twenty-one chuckled. “You don’t even have a name!”
“Scout Hall!” Henchling One shouted. “My name… is Scout Hall.”
“See, now you told us your name, you’re sure to die. And we’ll be like ‘Noooo, Scout… he had one day left to retirement.’” Twenty-one stood, putting his helmet back on his head. “I’m outta here.”
“Yeah, good luck with your Dark S Seven,” twenty-four added, following his portly companion. “Try not to die!”
The two chuckled at number one as they left the mess.
“I’m not going to die.”
Cadance ran down the corridor, trying to find her hopefully-still-husband. She passed a nervous looking pegasus guard, and called to him for assistance.
“Excuse me,” she said as she trotted towards the stallion. “Have you seen my husband?”
The guard shivered, sweat pouring from his brow. “Uhh, no, Your Highness, I ha—”
“Excuse me,” a very familiar voice called out. “Have you seen the castle doc—”
Cadance stared straight at the Cadance who was standing before her. Cadance did the same.
“What on Equus—” both said in unison.
“Chrysalis!” they said at the same time; one with snarl, and one with an eyeroll.
“I’m not Chrysalis, you are!” they said, pointing at each other.
“Stop her!” Cadance ordered.
“Stop me? No, stop you!” Cadance ordered.
“That doesn’t even make sense!” Cadance replied.
A green light burst from the forehead of the guard, knocking both mares unconscious. His disguise broken, the changeling examined both mares. Both were ponies, and neither one was his Queen.
“Thank the first mother!” he chirped, before galloping down the hall.
Twilight stepped from the shadows, having followed her panicked wife out of the bedroom. She looked over the two mares, then back towards the fleeing changeling.
“No pony messes with my hot-wife,” she said, before giving chase.
Seconds later, she trotted back, intertwining the two Cadances together, leaving them muzzle to muzzle, hooves in all sorts of obscene places. That’d be one for the memory banks later.
Chrysalis galloped behind her fleeing husband and sister-in-law.
Cadance had left to find a doctor, and Shining Armor had come to, screaming at her that she’d never control him again, and fled with his unconscious little sister on his back.
“Shiney! Wait, stop running!” Chrysalis yelled, trying to catch the pair. She was still dreadfully worried about Twilight’s concussion. Bouncing around on Chrysalis’ crazed husband was not likely to help matters.
“Sweetie, please, slow down…” Chrysalis huffed. “I’m still… sore… from… last night.”
“You’ll never take us ali—”
Chrysalis wondered what had stopped her screaming husband when she turned the corner and came upon the strangest sight she’d ever seen. Her husband had collided with her husband, who was standing over her sister-in-law (Cadance) who was in the arms of her sister-in-law (also Cadance) with a topping of an unconscious sister-in-law (Twilight Sparkle).
Henchling One crept along the corridors, thankful he had managed to slip the two Cadances. He wasn’t even sure what that was about, but he could hardly understand ponies as it was.
He had re-donned his pegasus guardspony disguise, and made his way towards the Crystal Heart. It had taken weeks of planning, not helped by those two bumbling drones the Queen insisted on him taking. He had swapped the shifts and schedules of every guardspony, carefully ensuring that this morning, of all morning, when the Crystal Heart was at it’s fullest power, would be completely unguarded.
He was going to steal it, and Chrysalis would make him her King!
He reached out his hoof to take the heart, when he heard the clop of a hooffall on the crystal ground behind him.
A lavender aura lifted him from the ground, away from the heart. He hung there, muzzle to muzzle, with an inquisitive looking Twilight Sparkle.
“Hmmm.” She took a quick sniff of the changeling, then glared at him. “You smell like number one, but you can’t be, because he is visiting his wife this week! Who are you?”
“I’ll never tell!” Henchling One screamed, not willing to give in to the mare’s head games.
“Fine then,” Twilight replied, then incinerated him. “I wonder if Chryssy has breakfast ready…”
“Hey, Chryssy, is breakfast ready?” Twilight stopped as she caught up with her shell-shocked sister-in-law. “What’s up your cra—”
Twilight looked down at the pile of unconscious brothers, wives, and selves lying on the floor, and frowned.
“Okay, so, aside from the two Shining Armor’s, I can’t say I haven’t clopped to this kind of fantasy before— but what in the hay is going on?”
“Mmmm, Twilight,” one of the Cadances moaned, as she pulled the other in for a kiss.
“Yeah, if I wasn’t before, I’ll definitely be clopping to this later,” Twilight chuckled.
Cadance opened her eyes and noticed she was not kissing her wife, but kissing herself. While her wife looked on with a leer, and her sister-in-law looking in horror.
“What’s clopping?” the small changeling asked.
“That’s when—” Twilight started, but was immediately silenced by Chrysalis’ magic aura.
“It’s something adults do when they are adults and your father can explain it to you when you are older.”
Twilight rolled her eyes, Chrysalis had always been a bit of a prude.
The other Cadance opened her eyes, saw Cadance, two Twilights, two Shining armors, and one Chrysalis.
“I think… I think I need my morning coffee before I can process this.”
After a quick decision to call each party Universe-A and Universe-1 respectively, the Twilights, Cadances and Shining Armors sat on their sides of the table. Chrysalis sat leaning against her husband, and Peleides was bouncing on her Auntie Twilight’s lap, regaling her with the tale of being chased after by Fakelight.
Twilight-1 resented being called Fakelight.
“So, let me get this straight,” Cadance-1 said, nursing her much needed coffee. “You two—” She pointed to the other Twilight-A and Cadance-A “—are married.”
Cadance-A put her hoof over Twilight-A’s, and they both nodded, a cheesy grin crossing both their muzzles. Shining Armor-1 balked when he saw the two nuzzle.
“And y-you and Chrysalis—” Twilight-1 said, looking towards her not-brother and his bug bride.
“Married and proud parents of one beautiful little hybrid!” Shining-A replied, ruffling the mane of his daughter.
“And you…” Cadance-A, still holding Twilight-A’s hoof, asked, “are married to Shining Armor? Him! Really?”
“Hey!” both Shining Armors shouted.
Twilight-A and Cadance-A looked at each other, and blanched.
“So, then, Twilight, are you and this universe’s Chrysalis—”
“Certainly not!” Both pony and bug replied, before looking at each other.
The pair glared at each other.
“I’m sorry, but I just don’t do gay,” Chrysalis said.
“There was that time you turned into a sta—”
“That is not breakfast conversation Shiney,” Chrysalis hissed as she closed her husband’s mouth her magic. Both Twilight’s covered their ears and voiced their agreement.
“So,” Twilight-1 started, “Do we have any idea how this all happened?”
“I am guessing it is some kind of convergence…” Twilight-A replied. “But what could have been the catalys—”
A wave of familiar energy washed over the room, and the visitors from another universe were gone.
Shining chuckled, staring at the spot where their guests had just disappeared. Twilight and Cadance soon followed. Now that they were gone, it seemed so surreal.
“I can’t believe you married bug-breath!” Twilight chortled, tears in her eyes.
“Hey, am I going to have to keep an eye on you two?” Shining Armor chuckled.
“Hey! She came on to me!” Both Twilight and Cadance yelled, before looking at each other and giggling.
“Well, Shiney, we’ll have to get started on our own little hybrid,” Cadance tittered. “Can’t have the neighbour-universe beating us.”
“As cute as she was”—Twilight started gagging—“I’m so glad our Shiney never had a foal with our Chrysalis.”
Twilight, Shining Armor and Cadance dug into their breakfast, glad the ordeal was finally over.
Chrysalis sat in her throne room, gently brushing her daughter’s hair. Henchling Twenty-One and Twenty-Four had returned without the Crystal Heart, and worse yet, Henchling One had suffered Death-by-Sparkle.
And he was one day away from retirement, too.
“So I’ll really get to meet daddy soon?” the little changeling asked.
The operation had failed, but it was just a set back.
“Soon, my sweet,” Chrysalis replied. “Very soon.”
