It's Always Snowy in Manehattan

Recipe for banana split:

Take a banana. Peel. Cut along in two halves. Take vanilla ice cream. Place two scoops on each side of the banana. Repeat.

Recipe for strawberry lemonade:

Take five strawberries. Cut. Take a lemon. Peel. Cut. Take mint. Place ice in two glasses. Place syrup/flavouring in the glasses. Place the strawberries, the mint, and the lemon into the glasses. Fill with sparkling water.

Recipe for love:

Take two lovers. Make banana split and strawberry lemonade. Make tea. Take a plaid. Turn off the lights. Wait till the evening. Make sure the windows are closed. Put the snacks and the drinks on the table by the sofa. Turn on a sappy film. Enjoy.

Octavia Philarmonica certainly enjoyed her lemonade, staying next to Vinyl under the plaid. The only thing that would make this better would be if Vinyl were to undress her really softly and gently and kiss her where she liked to be kissed. But she was way too confused to suggest something like that. Evidently, Vinyl wasn’t about to suggest it herself.

Octavia: Mmm, Vinyl, fuck me.

Vinyl: Shh, the film.

Octavia: Vinyl, come on, fuck me.

Vinyl: Go wash that mouth of yours!

Octavia, in a jester’s suit, is in a bathhouse. She brushes her teeth eagerly and puts a cake of soap in her mouth.

Octavia: Brush brush mhmm mhhm!

Done!

Octavia: Vinyl, will you fuck me now?

Vinyl: When pigs fly.

The scientist: This phenomenon, lately named Porcos Aeolus, consists of a pig suddenly growing wings, soon after a rain that took place on a Thursday, in particular, the first Thursday of every month. It entails the pig growing wings and taking flight, thereafter, as soon as…

Octavia: Vinyl, come on, I’m burning.

A singer: Oh, I saw a city burning!

The fire brigade arrives on the site of the fire. They work towards fighting the rapidly spreading force of nature. A band of criminalists arrives on site. They speak in forensic terms, suspecting arson. The scared nation prays to the gods that there were no deaths.

Octavia: (Gets undressed.) Vinyl, take me now, take me hard.

Vinyl: (Chews popcorn.) Mmhm, get started without me, I’ll come along.

Octavia: Vinyl!

So, having spent about half an hour in complete silence, Octavia felt it necessary to nudge Vinyl on the righteous path. That is, on the path that she felt was righteous. At the moment. Ugh. She nudged Vinyl gently, but the deejay merely shrugnodded, keeping her eyes on the film. Octavia kissed the kind shoulder of the kind deejay kindly. Kindly, the kind deejay nodshrugged kindly, with kindness. Slowly, slow Octavia kissed the slow neck slower slower…

“Mm?” Vinyl asked, finally throwing her attention at her lover.

“Vinyl? Maybe we could?..”

“Could what, love?”

“We could, you know?”

“Um. Are you cold? Do you want a blanket?”

“No, I mean, you and me, we could together?”

“Ah! No, I don’t think I’m in a mood to dine out. It’s late and-”

Sighing at her lover’s stupidity, Octavia rose from the sofa and, standing in the light from the screen, took off her robe in one swift motion, remaining naked before the blushing deejay.

“Aah. We could do that.”

“That,” my fair and gentle reader, no doubt entailed what has come to be known as a “sexual encounter.” A “sexual encounter,” to be precise, is a happening between, originally, a man and a woman, but, given the recent trends in some parts of the world, a woman and a woman, or a man and a man, or, sometimes, among numerous men and women - a noble tradition carried from the times of Antiquity - that is, a happening where a coitus happens, that is, is evoked as a matter of fact, in order to… One way or another, a sexual encounter is, usually, quite a pleasant and time-consuming way of spending time.

The nature of a sexual encounter should not make us stray from the initial procreative function. For quite a long time, it has been believed that the aforementioned procreative function is the essence of a S.E., whereas modern science believes that the main point of the coitus is pleasure derived from the aforementioned act by the participants. While the act in itself is a stimulator, sometimes people will seek more extreme ways of committing a S.E., often including the employment of such traits of our psyche as sadism (see p. 45) and masochism (see pp. 46-47).

A S.E. is considered a very private act, committed in the privacy of one’s home, but adventurous types have gained the notion of performing such acts in public, which, in many countries, is an offence, ranging from minor to major. In Manehattan, it is merely a misdemeanour, which is punished by a fine and up to five days of imprisonment-in-custody, as well as obligatory public notice that the aforementioned persons are exhibitionists, and that such traits… [далее неразборчиво]

“So they were going to mark their love,” the Narrator narrated, “with the act of pure lust, of mad desire. For want of a horseshoe a city fell, but for want of such deep, forbidden knowledge, the city lived, lived within the two women, marked by their lust, tainted by joy, by appreciation, by expectation and the anticipation of pleasure and ecstasy.”

“So we must come to the understanding,” the Lawyer pontificated, “that they were about to put their signatures on the contract, all without contacting the able public notary, which, as all contracts pertaining to such matters concluded without the verification of a public notary, was voidable, that is, possible to be nullified in a court of law.”

“Our sammeltation around the bushing of the crackenpower of lust that commanded the visiory and the visarre,” the Writer wrote, “excsumed the exemplary notion of mismeldenness, which is to say, the ratoficarren of recipiousness, given the recent dastenbalden tropf of their love.”

Vinyl grabbed her lover by the back, dragging her into a kiss. Octavia lay on top of her, smiling into the kiss, her nose rubbing against the tender skin as she pressed into her lover’s face.

I swear, my good men, what I seen next, I never seen before! I mean, what, I’m a plain window cleaner, and I telling ya, what I haven’t seen when I’m cleaning windows- but that, my men, I never seen something like that. Two sirens, mark my words, two sirens at lust with each other. Barney, where’s that pint? Ah, there you go! … Aaah. I swear, me tum was aching without this here pint. But what was I? Ah! Two sirens! Sure, I done seen lesbians before and you know, mates, that nothing gives you a boner more than two women going at it, that’s why the gods invented lesbians, I tells you. But those two! Ah, that pint, I’d give a bit or two to have another. There you go, Barney. What I says, I was cleaning that window real good there and sure they didn’t have no curtains to shield, and you know what?, I guess they didn’t need it, they kinda saw that it was all right for everyone to see it, and so I witnessed, my lords, a mighty commotion of light and splendour, and shielded my eyes lest they be blinded, and fell I on my knees before them and cried, “Goddesses! I hear thee!” - and oh that goddamn pint was just the thing I needed. Thanks, Barney.