The life and stories of a traveling mad man.

Now. Let me start with a little bit of backstory about why and how this came to be. First, I'd like to make sure that you all quite understand that I did not agree to this in any way possible. I was just simply put under a lot of pressure and circumstances that prevented me from ever saying no in the biggest way possible to prevent, or probably not when I actually think about since I was never quite sure if she was playing the bluff game or not, this from consuming me and my life.

Second. I consider myself a man full of experience from a young age to now, including things I wish I didn't know at a young age, and have conducted myself pretty well, based upon said experience, in this land I so loathe and hate. Though I guess hate is quite the strong word to use in this situation. How about... feel strongly bad about. I'm getting approving comments in my head so It's staying.

Third. I'd like to say that i was actually quite crazy before I even ended up here. I was depressed, a schizophrenic, and was constantly berated by most people I met. Easy to say, i didn't have a lot of confidence in myself or my actions despite how I've acted tot his point. Some people say acted as in I act like this for funs and giggles. I just figured if I took one step at a time, I'd eventually fine myself at home and happy as can be.. Sad to say that that wasn't the case at all.

Anyhow. Putting the more borish facts behind, I believe I promised a starting point. So I guess it all began on a rainy afternoon as I was dropping a friend of mine, a girl I so lovingly loved an did everything for due to her circumstances, at her abusive asshole family's home. After receiving a kiss for showing her a good time, and no I mean as in taking her away from there for quite the hours and taking her to places to eat, I pulled out the drive way and onto the road that doesn't really see to many cars. I'm driving around the bend when I notice the weather is getting increasingly worse. Knowing that I'm not the best of drivers, due to my medicine and fear of driving, I start to consider what would be the best course of actions. I don't know these roads so well, but I keep driving to get as far as I can before the weather prevents me from going any further.

Now. The area I was in wasn't really known for it's rain. If it got a huge storm, the storms would probably last all day since the area near them is known for flooding. Now I couldn't afford to be in this area all day, because I wasn't even suppose to be with her or even be over here,  so i pushed the car forward as the rain seemed to ease up a bit. Now here was my first mistake. If I wasn't so worried about it flooding, how she was fairing, or whether I'd get stuck or not; I'd have noticed the fucking sound of heavy ass rain coming in from the right as well as wind that was bending trees over the car. I had my mind focused on driving forward and others things so. What can ya do?

So needless to say the storm took me by surprise as it pushed me into the other driving lane. Now this is what I mean by being afraid to drive. Cause this was quite the ordeal to deal with. A normal person would probably throw on their emergency lights, pray, and stop the car in order to reduce the chance of them spinning out of control.

But I'm not that normal.

No no no. Instead I simply did what my brain told me to do. Jump out the car. So I took off my seat belt, threw open the car door, and jumped out as if my life depended on it and proceeded to throw up what I had eaten hours earlier as well as blood. My heart rate increased to a what felt like a giant's. You know. If he was having a heart attack or something and his heart wanted to be free from his body to prevent it's inevitable death.

The truck, a Checy truck I was borrowing from my dad, goes on down the street and slam into the bridge that connects the two roads. I couldn't move my body and I was paralyzed with free. My mind was racing a million miles per hour as why I had done this along with the voices putting in their own comments. I figured if I returned home, I'd be dead. If I stayed here, I'd be dead. But one death seemed pleasant than the other so I attempted to will my body to move to no avail.

Now here was my second mistake. I was driving around forty miles per hours, the speed limit being forty five, when i decided to jump out of a moving vehicle that was going down a hill towards a bridge and was in the other lane. Now I know I shouldn't have been driving, but I can hide my disabilities pretty well seeing as I've had them for so long. Also lying never really hurt anyone. Well. Except for the ones that managed to get into jail for it and met their roommate who was a little bit too much into anal sex. But I digress as I regress into the story.

Now I rolled down this hill like a motherfucker. And wanna know what else was on this hill? Glass. Lots of it too. And that glass went into my back and arms after I threw myself head first down the hill that was off the road. I landed on a couple of huge rocks on my stomach which is probably why I started throwing up in the first place. It's just it happened so fast I never really realized that I had quite literately thrown myself down a hill. Now to show you how rotten my luck was and still is, I had knocked a few more rock loose with my stunt and they came down and landed on my right leg around the knee cap.

Now I'm used to pain. Quite used to it that in fact I allowed a few of my classmates, an a earlier age, to play tick tack toe on my arms with a sharpened pencil. Yes. I am quite the badass thank you. Oh I'm sorry I meant dumbass. Anyway, what I'm saying is that I never registered how much pain I should be in, but my body did.

I muttered, "Well fuck." As I laid there wondering why I'm a piece of shit and now dead yet. I'm pretty sure I'd punctured something and pretty sure I'd be here for a while seeing as my phone was still in the truck. I wonder if that thing is still there. Probably not. Be pretty shitty if it was. So I guess you can call never having my phone on me as my third mistake.

So here i am, laying in my own blood and vomit staring at the grass and pebbles in front of me when i suddenly got an idea. I had been trying to study and get into the christian faith, never having been part of any religion before hand because I'm not very religious, and decided to call upon God himself. And after about thirty minutes of nothing and praying, I gave up on the idea and went back to the original idea of converting with myself upon why I'm such a piece of shit.

I started of thinking of different way I'd die soon after though. Wolves, birds, worms, insect crawling in my wounds and ears, wasps, ants, another car driving off the road and crushing me, the rain washing me away into the mouth of a hungry croc. You know. The usual stuff that can happen, when I see some light.

Now let me say when I saw this I thought this was the all might Jesus himself rewarding me for my patience and endurance. The storm had gotten worse and worse and worse. There were these pitch black clouds everywhere, bursts of lighting where arching from cloud to cloud, some were striking the ground, and I could hear the roar of water behind me where the bridge is. So you better know it when I started praising god in my head while the other voices where debating to either be sad or happy for this saving from death.

That soon changed as I noticed this light was locked on to me and was getting closer at an alarming rate. A part of my mind called it about the car and I just let my body go limp with despair. I closed my eyes and just laid there waiting for the inevitable. I mean, what else could I do. My body won't move and I'm sure I would die a different way based upon how things have been going for me. So eyes closed and body ready, I wait for the car to take me. But it never does. Instead, I feel light. almost weightless. That's saying something seeing as I weigh two sixty three. Though I'm sure most of that is from muscles that I've accumulated from working out and jerking off a lot.

What? I'm not ashamed. You should be ashamed. It's an easy way to work out without paying money and with all the pleasure and adorphines of having sex. Well. Maybe not all. But. Yea. You get the point.

... I was a virgin okay!? Jeez get off my back!

Anger aside, I fell asleep in this weightless and warm environment. Which was mistake number four seeing as that was the moment I should've been awake to answer a few questions that I never realized I had gotten asked. Low and behold the luck. It appears before me like a fat chick at last call. Horribly late and aggressive.

But I should put this aside. Now that you've gotten a little bit of a start on how my life was in the human world, not really but hey I'm not one with long intros, let's move on to the... not so human world... I'm still not quite sure what to call this place. I keep saying Equestria, but I'm pretty sure that's the landmass and not the planet. But that barks up the question every time when I ask Twilight more about this world. If the land is called Equestria, what do I call the country? Like you have the griffiyonia or something like that and the capital and the crystal empire, but what about pony land?

I digress. So the first memories I have of Equestria is the great sense of cleanliness. The second being that of great fear. I had awoken in that blasted cursed forest of theirs. Not too deep, but far back enough that it took me quite the while to actually find the entrance or well exit to the place. Anytime I would think I would be going towards the edge, I'd find myself going in circles. I know this because I took a stone and marked several trees in order to mark where I have been and to make sure that such a thing, despite my hardest attempts, happened.

Well after discovering a path, having been lead there by the fear of something constantly growling at me till I made it to it, I start to go the way I had originally planned to go. Upon coming closer to the exit, marked by the sign and wide opening at the end of the path I was following, I came across the very first creature that would welcome me to this foreign land. There before me stood a Zebra that came up to about my chest level.

Yes. A zebra. Oh is this the point you call me mad! I tell you it was a goddamn zebra here of all places. White and black stripes and everything! Except that she wasn't normal. Oh boy was she not normal at all. She spoke in rhymes and wore tribal jewelry on her like the golden neck jewelry and piercings in her ears. To make things even worse, she even sounded African.

So. Being used to strange shit I did what my mind said to do. Spark up a conversation. I missed the first bit of the dialogue but I'm pretty sure it went along the lines of "Strange beast approached from the forest, and you do not look malnourished. Tell me, are you predator or prey." or something like that. Honestly, I could be way off or on.

So I replied in earnest.

"Sick rhymes. A bit freaky, but I can deal with that. Um to being predator and prey, I guess you could say I'm both. But of the forest ehhhh. I'm not really much of a outdoors person. I mainly go hunting in our local Wal-Mart or Target. Sometimes Dollar General if I'm feeling cheap."

"Both predator and prey. Something that is not new to me."

"Uh. Yea right. So where are we? I kind of just woke up around here somewhere and I'm a little bit freaked out if you couldn't tell haha. Between you and me, I think somebody drugged me or something magical talking Zebra."

I just figured that was my version of the pink elephant.

"Taking I may be, but magical in nature I am sorry. As to where we are, I am sure you do not know of Equestria."

Oh boy. Equestria. Gods above how many times will I have to see that name before it dawns upon me that I'm not going home nor will this ever become my home.

"Can't say that has ever wrung a bell. Well, I didn't wake up with a parachute on me, so It can't be something like Btoom."

"I do not remember you from any of my books, and nothing is similar to your looks. Perhaps you are out of this world. Now that would throw us for a whirl."

"Oh I'm sure it would. Now. If you would be so kind as to point me in the direction you think I should go, that would be wonderful."

And she used her hoof thing, which I say isn't real because those things can do some really freaky shit, and pointed me off in the direction of my fate without another word. I took off in a light jog hoping to find something to bring me down, because the high idea was still in my brain, and I came across a building far off from any other with it's own river and bridge. As I took the decor in, all of which are amazing to look at to this date, I started noticing  a bunch of animals around the hut including a bear currently walking out the door of said home on the hill with a bridge out front.

I figured I could do one of two things. Leave or investigate. Well. I really chose the latter since I'm not one for singular choices.