This is Why There's Only One Draconequus

by CelestialTremolo

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 1591

Not all essences are created equal. The Spirit of Destruction is meeting his match with the ponies after a thousand years of being completely out of practice.

It's impossible to be inactive for something in so long and be good at it. Event Horizon, the Spirit of Destruction is just returning to Equestria after a thousand years of being in hiding and now his manipulation skills are lacking. However his overly dramatic nature doesn't help, either, especially when it comes to deal with "high class" ponies.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-22 14:40:01 UTC

No, I'm still not Discord

A cab pony pulled the two in the back along the autumn cool road. The chirps of birds tweeted and twittered, and the swish of the thin leaves brushed along the carriage and wheels. The cab pony's hooves were timidly trotting on the cobblestone. The only disturbing noises to be heard, were the two ponies in the back. Not because they were causing a ruckus, oh, far from that.

"So then I told him," the mare who was sitting on the right was saying, "'Darling, you simply must change that outfit, why it looks like you dressed yourself to match a raw smoothie!'" The two Canterlot mares laughed with their completely obnoxious, lifeless laughs. The cab pony snorted in disgust at their existence, and mumbled something under his breath. The trees around them became more frequent, as they were getting deeper into the forest.

"Hey you two, since we're pretty far out Manehattan, any further is going to be triple the mile," he called back.

"Oh, why of course, it's fine, this is a business trip," the mare on the left said, fanning herself with a sun hat on, "We'll just write it off." The cab pony didn't respond, which was a mistake because they started talking again.

"You know, Farelin," one of them said.

"Yes, Valerie?" was the response.

"The funniest thing happened to me the other day," Farelin said, and paused for her friend to respond.

"Oh do tell, Valerie," came the response. The cab pony's trotting became faster as he became more aggravated, just listening to their voices.

"My butler came up to me last Friday morning with the most peculiar news," Valerie started, and gave another dramatic pause.

"Well what was it, Valerie?" The wheels on the cab started to smoothen their rotation because of the speed they were going, and now that they had transferred on dirt road, there were no bumps.

"Somepony had forgot to add grapes to the Jazz salad last Friday," she was cut off by her friend's gasp, "But then, somepony dressed like Mare Do Well jumped to the ground from the roof top, added them, and then swished away." They both started laughing at the same time again. The cab pony was steaming, his frustration bending to the point where he turned around to interrupt them,

"Hey will you two knock it o-" WHAM! A heavy mass crushed him from the sky, completely knocking the breath out of him which cut off his yelp of surprise. Even more surprising, it stood up; it was taller than the height of the cab, and it spoke.

"What the hell was that?!" it exclaimed, sounding wild. It had the head of a pony, but with two long black horns on the top. It had a vulture's talon and a spider leg it used as an arm connected to the body of a snake. At the bottom was a dragon tail and leg, and the back leg of a lion, all decorated with an insect wing it looked like, a weird white one, and glowing green eyes. The two mares stared at it in surprise as the cab pony got up only giving a "wha?"

"There I was in my tree," it started, pacing back and forth on the road, "Doing some... thinking stuff, and then my very careful process was disturbed, by the most annoying," he took a breath, "obnoxious," he took another breath raising his voice, a look of bewilderment crossing his face, "dare I say mediocre, sound to ever reach these ears!" His teeth were grit and his eyes wide and staring, looking around, waiting for some response.

"So you fell out of your tree?" the cab pony asked, dumbfounded.

"OF COURSE I FELL OUT OF MY TREE!" he exploded, and then settled again, wrapping his arm around the cab pony, and stared off into the sky,

"Just imagine it, perfect breeze, perfect silence, perfect ponyless place to please the plight of me," he rambled, "and then comes," he threw the cab pony at the ground who grunted, "Ms. 'Mare Do Well, Savior of the Jazz Salad', to come ruin a perfectly perfect day."

There was silence for a few more seconds until Valerie said,

"Ew, what a positively vile looking creature." He could only give a blank stare as Ferelin agreed,

"Why if I didn't know any better, I'd say you look like a hydra who spent too much time in the sun."

"Why that's a marvelous way to place it darling," Valerie said, and the two laughed their uptight laugh.

"No," he said, "no, that! STOP DOING THAT!" He reached with his vulture talon and placed it over Valerie's muzzle, "Perhaps you're not understanding," he said mildly. He backed away when they stopped making noise, and threw his arms up and lifted his head,

"I am Event Horizon," he took a quick breath, "Draconequus Spirit of Destruction. Keeper of Entropy and Ruin." There was more stunned silence as a wind whipped up leaves.

"You're all a bunch of freaks," the cab pony said, dusting himself off while turning around to walk back to Manehattan. A slick smile slithered across Horizon's face as he teleported in a flash in front of the stallion's face, "Oh you think I'm the freak?" A talon grasped the pony's head and turned him around to watch a portal open up. It was bright and overwhelming. Leaves began to whip up even further as an image slowly came into view.

"Tell me what you see," Event said in a dark tone. At first the cab pony resisted, but then he became mesmerized by the image.

"I see... artwork."

"Elaborate."

"I see artwork of us... drawings of all styles... wow this a had a lot of work done."

"Keep looking."

"But... what are these 'nightly discussions'?" he started to sound nervous, "They're clearly important but I don't have the desire to find out more! I find myself occupied with other problems like posted spoilers, without warning!" he began to sound horrified, "Comments that have nothing to do with the content posted, but rather, the picture that's at the top; promotion of a lazy, inconsistent, badly animated, money making scheme with never ending sequels!" he was shaking now, clearing wanting to get away,

"THE IRONY!" he screamed, and slipped from Event Horizon's grasp and took off down the road in the direction of Manehattan, "The irony!" he kept screaming.

The three of him watched him disappear down the dirt road, sprinting full force back to Manehattan. They kept staring off in the distance until Farelin asked,

"What did you show him, out of curiosity?"

The smile returned to the Spirit of Destruction's face as he turn towards both of them, dwarfing their height.

"That my little ponies," he widened his eyes, "Is the land of EquestriaDaily.com."

"Sounds simply dreadful," Valerie said, taking out her parasol. As she did that, Farelin began to fan herself and Event Horizon could do nothing but watch... completely lost.

"Why, do you have a parasol?" he pointed at it, "It's Fall and we're in a forest." He turned to Farelin,

"Why are you fanning yourself?" he pointed to it, "It's Fall and we're in a forest."

"Fashion, darling," Valeire answered, pulling out a magazine from her bag, "Perhaps you've heard of it." She looked up from her magazine which she pulled out seconds earlier and said, "Oh... that's right. You haven't." He became angry and met her face to face,

"I look better, on Tuesdays, at 3 am, after a breakup, then you at the Grand Galloping Gala," he growled softly. She kept her lips tight and refused to look him in the eye,

"What a ruffian," was her only answer. There was the a thud behind him, and Event Horizon whipped around to see Farelin laying on this beautiful golden lined sofa with red cushions and exclusive lavender pillows. She, too was reading a magazine. There were four trails in the dirt ground that ended at the legs like it had been dragged to its spot.

"Where did you get that?!" he exclaimed, backing away. She looked at him slowly, not amused,

"It's a resting couch, dear; you should never leave home without it." He didn't even have time to register that comment before crisp sound of a Harpsichord began playing Coatzart Piano Sonata No. 16 in C. He whipped his head around, to see Valerie playing just that. She was intently focused on the score in front of her with her tongue poking out slightly locked in her lips, like she just started a practicing session.

"Are you serious?" He rose to the air, staring at the two on these heavy items that came from nowhere. Neither one of them were paying him any mind.

"I think you two are forgetting that I am the Draconequus here?" They continued to not hear him as they kept reading and playing.

"By Celestia," he grumbled and went back to the grounding, trudging his way in the direction of the city, dragging his heavy tail in the dirt. The voice of a small colt came from his right and made him turn,

"Mista, do you have spare food or change? 'Ah haven't eaten since yestaday..." he asked in a small, weak voice, "Please, think of the children." Event Horizon frowned and answered,

"No."

A swift kick in between his legs was the reaction, leaving him numb in throbbing pain.

"Asshole," and the child ran down the road, disappearing.