Pinkzilla

by theswimminbrony

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Random
Length: 2977

Pinkie Pie discovers radioactive waste and uses it as frosting, turning her into a hulking monster.

While looking for cooking ingredients one day, Pinkie Pie discovers a strange barrel filled with something that looks like frosting. But looks can be deceiving, especially to such an oblivious pony...

A ridiculous idea that came up on the IRC chat one day.

Cover art by Grumbeerkopp on Deviant Art.

Published 2012-05-24 21:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-24 21:24:02 UTC

Pinkzilla

Pinkzilla

by theswimminbrony

It started off as just another normal day for Pinkie Pie. The bubbly baker was on the way back to Sugarcube Corner after shopping for baking supplies for the surprise party she had planned at Sweet Apple Acres that night. This would be the twelfth one this week, and it was only Tuesday! The earth pony squealed in excitement at the thought. At this rate, she would be at--she counted on her hooves--eleventy hundred by the end of the week!

Pinkie Pie rather liked the pony she was throwing the party for that night. She was a unicorn that had moved to Ponyville a week ago, only a few days after the conclusion of the Royal Wedding. Although Pinkie Pie liked the new mare, she couldn't deny the fact that she was a little...strange. She was always cackling, with lightning bolts mysteriously appearing behind her. But anypony that liked to laugh was good enough in her book.

The baker crossed the bridge that led back into town, her saddlebags filled with all sorts of baking necessities. Being the extra careful pony that she was, Pinkie Pie decided it best to go over the checklist in her head once more to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything important.

Flour? Check.

Sprinkles? Check.

Cinnamon? Check.

Frosting? Ch...wait a second.

The baker quickly fumbled through her saddlebags, desperately searching for some kind, any kind, of frosting. Without the frosting, she couldn't decorate the cupcakes. And without frosting, cupcakes were just-

"-muffins," Pinkie Pie said in disgust. Unless the mare in question was Derpy Hooves, Pinkie couldn't possibly think of showing up to a party with muffins! It would be a disaster!

But what could she do to solve the problem? Sugarcube Corner was out of frosting thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Cake's nighttime games (which for some reason, they would never let Pinkie be a part of) and there wasn't enough time to go back to the market!

Fretting, the mare galloped back and forth on the bridge, screaming and flailing her arms, much to the dismay of the ponies around her.

Mid-panic, a shining object caught Pinkie's eye.

In the river below her sat something that looked like-

"-a barrel?" Pinkie said. Sure enough, a barrel that looked to be about half as tall as her lay aside the river bank, completely resistant to the pull of the current.

Curiosity got the best of the mare, so she decided to take a better look of the barrel. Upon further inspection, Pinkie saw an unfamiliar black and yellow symbol on the barrel. She tried to rack her memory to find some sort of match to the symbol, but she came up empty hoofed. The symbol befuddled the mare, but another, far more interesting thing caught her attention. There was something strange leaking out of the side of the barrel, slowly seeping into the flowing river. Something that was colored a sickly green. Something that the pink mare recognized immediately.

She gasped.

"Frosting!" she squealed with delight. It was unlike any frosting she had ever seen before, but that just made it all the more exciting. Not only would she be baking delicious treats for half the town, but she would also be trying out a new recipe herself!

Barely able to control herself, Pinkie Pie hauled the barrel out of the river, carefully balancing it so that none of the precious frosting would be spilled. She then proceeded to push the barrel along the streets with her formidable earth pony strength, her anticipation boiling higher with each step she took.

The barrel was surprisingly light for its size. Pinkie was able to reach Sugarcube Corner with relative ease, only taking a few minutes to reach the bakery. Or was it a cakery? Or a Bake-a-cakery? Pinkie shrugged. She would ask Applejack later, along with her opinion on the Chimicherrychonga.

What puzzled Pinkie Pie was that the...whatever it was seemed a little smaller than normal. As she pushed the barrel of frosting through the door, she had to duck in order to fit through the doorway. She was greeted by a very surprised Mr. Cake.

"P...Pinkie?" he said in disbelief. "Have you...grown?"

"I don't think so!" Pinkie replied. "The doctor told me last year that I was all done growing! So wouldn't it make sense that the ENTIRE WORLD shrunk instead?"

"I don't...er, sure, Pinkie," Mr. Cake replied, still troubled by the issue. His attention was then captured by the barrel that stood in front of his tenant.

"Um...Pinkie?" he asked, pointing a hoof at the barrel. "What is that?"

"Huh? Oh, this? It's frosting, silly!" the mare responded.

"You sure about that?"

"As sure as Rainbow Dash is straight!"

"Thank you!" a muffled voice called from off in the distance.

Mr. Cake grinned nervously, still unsure as to everything that stood in front of him.

"Well, if you're sure, Pinkie. Just make sure you leave a little bit for the missus and I, okay?"

"Okey dokey lokey!" she agreed. "Do you need it for your nighttime games?"

"Um...yes, Pinkie."

"Can I play?!"

"...no, Pinkie."

"Oh, well. Your loss!" Pinkie's smile remained on her face as she hummed her way into the kitchen behind Mr. Cake, who still appeared to be dumbfounded.

Pinkie plopped the barrel onto the table in front of her and emptied the contents of her saddlebags beside it. After gathering her now-too-small apron and chef's hat, along with some miscellaneous cooking utensils, she was ready to begin cooking her new recipe. A determined look appeared on the baker's face as she prepared herself for the spectacle that was about to occur.

"Let's. Get. BAKING!" she screamed, flying into a frenzy of pastry mastery. She flawlessly wielded instruments such as a rolling pin and a whisk, adding ingredients to the bowl at a speed invisible to the naked eye. This part she was all to familiar with--the adding of each individual ingredient was like a separate piece in one of Rarity's ensembles, or a paragraph in one of Twilight's essays, each containing their own special contribution to the final product.

After Pinkie had added what she felt was a perfect amount of each ingredient, she divvied up the cupcake batter into the many cooking trays she had lined up (not without stealing some for herself, of course). When she felt satisfied with the portions in each indent, she placed the trays inside the oven and began waiting.

This was Pinkie's least favorite part of being a baker, hands down. Things always took longer to happen when you were waiting for them, so naturally it always felt like days before the cooking was finished.

Even worse, she had to clean the cooking utensils while she waited. If there was ever a bane to the mare's existence, it was cleaning things. She just found it so...boring.

As the baker reluctantly began piling the many utensils into the sink, she noticed that everything seemed even smaller than before. In fact, the house was getting so small that her mane was almost touching the ceiling! Pinkie brushed off the issue, telling herself that she would ask mini-Twilight why this was happening. Maybe she just forgot to set the oven to Wumbo or something.

After twenty grueling minutes of washing and waiting, the oven finally let out a satisfactory DING, meaning that the cupcakes were finally finished.

"Hooray!" Pinkie rejoiced as she slipped tiny oven mitts onto her hooves. The golden brown cupcakes were removed from the oven and placed on the counter in the blink of an eye.

Now was the time for Pinkie's favorite part of baking--decorating. There were just so many combinations and possibilities for each cupcake that decorating never seemed to get old. And since she was trying out a new frosting, this would prove to be even more fun for Pinkie than usual.

Her excitement bubbling inside of her, Pinkie Pie removed the lid of the frosting barrel to expose its glowing contents. Pinkie couldn't help but marvel at its contents, ooooh-ing and ahhhh-ing over and over again. Slowly and carefully, the baker distributed the frosting equally amongst each cupcake, making sure to leave a little for Mr. and Mrs. Cake.

After adding a few green sprinkles for extra measure, Pinkie's new cupcakes were finally finished. Not only was it a new recipe, Pinkie noticed, but it also flawlessly matched the new unicorn's eyes and magic color. It was a nice touch.

Since this was a new recipe, Pinkie decided that she should be the first one to try the new creation. She was the one who put all the work into it, after all.

She tossed one of the tiny cupcakes into her mouth.

"So...good..." the mare moaned in delight, stuffing cupcake after cupcake into her gaping maw.

"So...GOOOOD!" Pinkie felt as if something had awoken inside of her. Something ancient, something primal. She groaned and roared as she saw the ground below her growing farther and farther away, getting higher and higher with each passing second. Eventually, the structure of Sugarcube Corner was not enough to contain her, and she burst through the ceiling in all of her pink glory, letting out a mighty roar.

"GRRRRAAAAAAGGHHHH!!!" the massive pony growled, her mouth opening to the sky. Oblivious to the screaming ponies around and beneath her, she had only one thought on her mind.

More.

"Where is she?" a confused Twilight Sparkle asked, addressing her friends. Around her, a party was in full bloom in Applejack's barn, the only thing missing being the treats Pinkie Pie had promised to bring. "It isn't like Pinkie Pie to miss a party."

"Let alone a party she put together herself," Rainbow Dash agreed.

"I hope nothing bad happened..." Fluttershy worried.

"Oh, this is just awful!" Rarity cried, putting a hoof over her forehead in a dramatic fashion. "Cocoon, dear, I...er, we...are so sorry that our friend hasn't shown up with the treats yet. I bet you're just starving."

"Er, what Rarity said," Applejack agreed, addressing the blue unicorn that stood beside her. "Ah'm technically the host here, so Ah really must take full responsibility for this." She extended her hoof for the unicorn to shake, but the unicorn flinched away as if she were disgusted.

The unicorn laughed nervously and smiled, masking her true emotions. "It's really not that big of a deal," Cocoon protested, waving a hoof at Applejack.

"Well, of course it is!" the southern pony countered. "This is your welcome party to Ponyville, and it needs to be as good as equine-ly possible!"

Somewhere, somepony facehoofed.

"No, no, I insist," Cocoon replied. Then she sighed. "I suppose I've kept up this charade for long enough, anyways..."

"Charades?" Twilight asked. "That's not planned until later."

Cocoon sighed again. "That's not what I mean. I meant charade, as in facade. Faking. Trickery. You know, deception."

She was met with blank stares.

"Oh, for the love of-" she smacked a hoof to her face. "I'm not really Cocoon, you see. In reality, I'm-"

A familiar ring of green fire surrounded the unicorn as she underwent a terrifying transformation. Her once-blue coat turned jet black, holes littering her hooves. Her horn turned from fine-tuned to ragged, and translucent insect wings sprouted from her back. The one thing that stayed the same was her eyes, which had an emerald green color similar to that of Spike's scales. The figure touched down on the barn floor in all her wretched glory.

"Muahahahaha!" she cackled.

Everypony gasped.

"Chrysalis!" Twilight said.

"Right you are, Twilight," Chrysalis affirmed. Sparks of green magic crackled at her horn, ready to fire at any hostiles.

Twilight, meanwhile, felt like kicking herself. "I should have known! There was way too much foreshadowing!" Twilight said, lowering her head in a threatening pose. "I thought we taught you a lesson last time in staying out of Equestria!"

The Changeling Queen laughed. "Oh, Twilight. You're so naive. You see, I may have been defeated last time by your brother and his dreadful bride...but now that they're not here to help you, you don't stand a chance against me!"

"Not so fast, Chrysalis!" Twilight retorted, a look of determination on her face. "I think you're forgetting one teensy little detail...The Elements of Harmony!"

Chrysalis merely laughed at Twilight's speech.

"What's so funny?" Twilight inquired.

"Your so-called 'Elements of Harmony'...I thought they might be a problem, so I found a way to take care of them."

"And just what might that be?"

"I made Spike eat them!"

"WHAT?!" Twilight turned to her assistant, who was rolling on the floor in pain. "Spike! Did you REALLY eat the Elements of Harmony?"

"Rare...gems...so...tasty..." he groaned.

Chrysalis cackled again, sure that she had won. "Ahahaha! So, you see, Twilight-"

She was interrupted by a loud thumping noise.

"Hm? What's that?"

All of a sudden, the roof of the barn was torn off, revealing a giant pink monster, who released a beastly howl.

"Pinkie Pie?!" everypony shouted, save for one Neighponese pony.

"Raaaan! Iss Pinkzilla!" he screamed.

The gargantuan Pinkie Pie roared again, this time right in the Changeling Queen's face, her mane blowing behind her in the hurricane of a roar.

Chrysalis acknowledged the beast with narrowed eyes and a presumptuous tone in her voice. "Hmph. This is all you have to stop me? A monster? I've seen far worse living under a rock! I-"

Pinkie ate her whole before she was able to finish.

Everypony cheered.

"Pinkie!" Twilight screamed in delight, running up to her friend to congratulate her. "You did it! You may not exactly be yourself, but...you did it! You beat Chrysalis! You saved Ponyville! No...you saved all of Equestria! I don't believe it! You-"

Pinkie stomped Twilight flat.

Silence followed.

"Well, this has been fun, but I really must be getting to the spa," Rarity said, dashing off before anypony could protest. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash flew off quickly, with Applejack in tow.

And then panic broke loose.

The hulking monster that was Pinkie Pie began to destroy everything in sight, from the entirety of the Apple family's barn to Granny Smith's favorite rocking chair.

"Not mah rockin' chair!" the elderly mare threatened. "Why you little-"

She made a tasty snack for Pinkie.

Satisfied with the mayhem she had caused, Pinkie Pie turned back to Ponyville to search out her next target. Her eyes darting back and forth, she finally decided on a structure that looked like a cake.

Carousel Boutique.

"MOOOOOOAAAAAARRRR!!!!" Pinkie Pie roared, as if she were a greedy FIMFiction user commenting on a well-written story.

Instinct taking over Pinkie's brain, the monstrosity made her way back to town, ponies running around in panic. Houses burned amidst the chaos, and families fled their homes in an effort to save themselves. Some ponies, like the swift unicorn Lyra, were lucky. Others, like lazy Thunderlane, were not.

Pinkie Pie slowly made her way to Carousel Boutique, a wave of destruction in her wake.

"MOOOOOAAAARRRR!!" she howled again, tearing into the cake-like structure. The roof broke off with ease, and Pinkie began chowing down on her latest snack.

In the midst of her feast, a voice reached the beast's ears.

"STOP!" it commanded.

Trumpets sounded, and out of the sky came Princess Luna in all of her glory. Ponies cheered in chorus for their Princess, believing that the destruction would finally be ended.

"WE WILL NOT PERMIT THOU TO TORMENT OUR SUBJECTS!" the Princess of the Night spoke in the Royal Canterlot Voice. "WE DO NOT CARE WHO THOU ART. THOU MUST BE STOPPED."

Princess Luna began barraging Pinkie Pie with magic bolts that came from her horn. The beast shrieked in agony, each bolt hitting a sweet spot. Luna's eyes narrowed in focus, sure that she had bested her opponent.

However, Pinkie Pie was just as unpredictable in Pinkzilla form as she was when she was a normal pony. To Luna's surprise, Pinkie's mane began to glow, radiating pure energy.

In a mighty howl, Pinkie Pie let loose a humongous atomic energy beam from her maw, blinding the eyes of anypony who watched.

"Fuck us," Luna managed to say.

To the horror of everypony watching, the Princess was vaporized and fell to the ground in a pile of ashes. Groans of disbelief and screams of terror rang through the town as Pinkie continued her undisputed rampage. However, she was only able to snack for a few moments before she was again interrupted.

"STOP!" another voice ordered.

Down from the heavens came the ruler of Equestria, Princess Celestia herself. The cries of hope were even louder this time, knowing that Celestia was infinitely more powerful than her sister, and therefore stood a better chance.

"YOU MAY HAVE BESTED MY SISTER," Celestia said, "BUT YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BEST ME. I AM IN MY ELEMENT, THE SUNLIGHT, AND YOU HAVE ABOUT AS MUCH OF A CHANCE AS-"

Another atomic beam vaporized Celestia to an identical pile of ashes.

"Sister, NO!" the first pile of ashes screamed.

With both Princesses out of the way, Pinkie knew that there was nopony left to stand in her way. She had single hoofedly done what not even Discord could accomplish--take over Equestria. For now, Ponyville was the only thing in her grasp, but with the Princesses and the Elements of Harmony out of the picture, she was nearly invincible. Letting loose another roar of victory, she realized that she was free to feast on the buffet that was Equestria for all eternity, her only obstacles being sleep and time.

"D'oh!" Homer Simpson exclaimed. The barrel of atomic waste had disappeared, and he knew his boss would be infuriated with him.

"Oh, why do bad things always happen when I use interdimensional teleportation thingies?" he lamented.

The End