Stories of the Legendary Humans

by Almighty Mudkip

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 27988

Humans, one of the many legends told about in Equestria like Ghosts, Vamponies, or Amaterasu from Okami getting into Smash Bros 4 (It can happen!). This is a collection of human stories passed down from all corners of the Equiss multiverse.

The stories in here have no relation to each other, all are taken from the different reaches of the Multiverse. I created this for when I have writers block on my bigger projects but not for smaller things so the release dates on here are completely unpredictable, rate and comment because unlike everywhere else on the Internet not counting this site, opinions matter and are always welcome! Rated mature for sexual jokes and language, but no sex! I may draw a mugshot for each new story, as I do like to draw on occasion.

Published 2015-07-31 23:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-02 14:11:45 UTC

The Legend of the Inkblot Imp: Part 1

"I demand that this... This hoodlum be apprehended immediately! He completely ruined my art show and sullied my work with his paint brush, painting male genitalia and rude remarks over my artwork!" The noble said with anger in his voice, he even brought one of his works and it was indeed ruined. The original work was a painting of Canterlot Mountain from a bird's eye perspective, now it was covered by a crudely ink-drawn penis and had 'Nice painting, but your still stupid!' painted below the penis.

"Not this again." Celestia thought to herself. She was fully aware who did this because this is the third report this week involving the infuriating little gremlin. Ponies called it the 'Inkblot Imp' for it's amazing ability to breath life into it's own and even other's creations of art, but it doesn't do this often as most of the cases involving this either involved the royal guard or Luna, the imp enjoyed infuriating ponies but it especially loved teasing Luna. Celestia still remembered the memory Luna projected for her while she was asleep...

Luna had just started to wake up, Celestia's sun sinking over the horizon signaled her to raise the moon for the night. Her horn glowed brightly, illuminating the darkness of her bedroom, and with a burst of light she teleported to the balcony. Luna activated her magic and the moon rose from the horizon, along with the countless stars of her night. However, she wasn't done with that alone, her horn glowed again and she began to arrange the stars to form constellations. She shaped animals, objects, even certain ponies that she knew at one time or another; it's just something she liked to do with her limitless time as ruler of the night. "Hmm... A few minor details here... A star there..."

Voom!

"Ah!" Luna was knocked back by a sudden force, which revealed itself to be a Pegasus Sun Guard. "What in the name of Equestria are you doing!?" She received her answer in the form of a large bird that tailed the guard. The bird itself was not normal, it appeared to only be a black outline and anything that wasn't was paper white and completely void of color, it was like a drawing that hadn't been colored in yet. The bird resembled a Crane with the large wing span and long beak and the lanky legs drifting below it, a figure was mounted on it's long neck, but from her view it was just a shadow in the night sky. The bird ceased it's chase once it drove the guard far away from the castle and turned toward Luna's balcony. It flew overhead and slowly depended onto the railing, the bird's large talons firmly latched onto the rail as it folded it's wings to roost. Luna was astonished at the bird's size, it's beak alone looked to be about half her body length and the sheer height of this thing trampled her sister's in comparison! The figure on the bird's neck jumped off and landed on the balcony, then the bird burst into a black substance similar to sludge or a really thick ink. It didn't fly far enough to reach Luna but there was still a mess. The figure itself was not like the bird, it had natural coloring like everything else but it was definately not a pony. It was a bipedal creature that wore an open robe that was a little to long for his height resulting in the robe dragging behind him, from the robe's opening it wore underclothes that consisted of a T-shirt and pants with no shoes, revealing it's strange feet. It looked directly at Luna, it's face hidden behind a wooden mask that had two eye holes and a zig-zag line going across the bottom, it was likely a carved-on mouth since a tongue was also carved on like it was sticking out of the side of the mouth, it was cute in a strange way. The last thing worth noting was the short, rough black hair it had on the top of it's head. The two simply stared at each other without making a sound, the figure tilted it's head to the side displaying curiosity. Luna now noticed the staff in it's hand, it had spiral grains embedded in the wood with the tip ending in a silver ring, the ring separated the wood from the fine hairs that had a black liquid dripping from the tip. All in all it looked like a giant paint brush.

"... Ehehehehe." The creature giggled, a tone of mischief was present in it's laugh. From the pitch of the giggle Luna assumed it was a child, possibly explaining it's short height and mask design.

"Who are you, little foal?" Luna asked. The creature in response lifted it's mask up just enough to reveal it's mouth, it stuck out it's tongue and blew a loud raspberry at Luna. "W-what I... Why, I never!" The creature giggled and lowered the mask, then it ran at Luna. Before it could make contact it brought the staff down and slammed the tip onto the floor, then it jumped and effectively pole-vaulted over Luna using the staff. It ran to the door while Luna was distracted, but she soon got her act together ran after the creature. "Stop, I command you!" She made it to the hall and saw the creature running down the hall, the night guard looked very confused. "Don't just stand there, after the intruder!" The guards saluted and charged after the creature without hesitation, easily out-speeding the thing. The creature swiped the floor in front of it, covering the area in a slick goop. It jumped in it and began skating using the goop's slick surface, quickly picking up speed and leaving a trail of black slime in it's wake. The Unicorn guards tried avoiding the slime but one misplaced hoof turned the grounded guard into a pile of ponies.

"Ack! Stupid slime!" The guards got off of each other and tried running again, but their hooves were already coated in black slime along with random spots on their bodies. They couldn't move without tripping over themselves so it was up to the pegasi to apprehend the intruder.

"Halt in the name of the moon!" The creature started picking up speed, then it jumped and started spinning at high speeds. As it spun the brush sloshed goop everywhere and in all directions. The pegasi couldn't avoid the onslaught and were grounded, covered in the black substance.

"Oh Celestia, it got in my mouth!" A Pegasi shouted, being the unlucky one who landed face-first into the slimy substance. The creature landed with grace and halted his momentum, turning around to see all the guards wallowing in the slime in an effort to chase the creature.

"Ugh... Guard, cease your chase and rest." Luna teleported to the intruder directly, it showed no signs of flinching, in fact it seemed to act a tad eager. "I suppose if you want something done right you must... How you say, do it yourself." The creature was...Well, it didn't act afraid nor did it show any hostel signs, it just giggled slightly louder and longer than last time with a little skip to it's step. "Do you find amusement in toying with me?" The creature nodded vigorously, then began skating away from her. Rather than going fast, it seemed to swerve from side to side in a lazy way, it truly didn't fear Luna in the slightest! "Hmm... So you want to play? Fine," Luna took off after the creature using her wings to avoid the slime. "The game is chase!"

"Ahahaha!" The creature laughed with a slight echo to it's voice, it would've been cute had the echo not make it creepy as all hell. It pushed the head of the brush against the floor like a hockey stick, creating a surface for it to slide across for as long as it wants while adding to the already large mess of the hall. A wall was fast approaching and the creature was going too fast to stop on a dime.

"I have you now..." The creature swiped the brush causing a blob of slime to fly and hit the oncoming wall, it didn't slow down, rather increased it's speed! "What in Equestria is it doing?" The creature ran right into the wall, and dove through the slime like it was a portal! Luna dive-bombed into the slime in an attempt to-

Crack!

"............" Luna went face first into the slime, and didn't go through the substance. No, she flew right into the solid wall at high speeds, a sickening crack sounded from the impact and plopped onto the ground shortly after. Her face was literally black and blue with red all over, as her nose bleed mixed with the slime and her own indigo fur. She slowly stood up and placed a gentle hoof on her nose, then regretted it when a sharp pain spiked in her poor muzzle. "Owch......"

"Ahahahaha!" The echoed laugh of the creature could be heard right above her, she looked up and saw the mask of the creature staring down at her, sticking out of the rippling goop like it was a pool of water. It leaped out and landed back-first into the slime that coated the floor and began playing in it, drawing faces, flinging the stuff around, wallowing in it like a pig, it even started sliding around on it's rear end, all the while giggling like a little foal as it played in it's artificially created filth. Luna saw this and she felt her heart swell slightly, then the swelling immediately stopped and was replaced with the burning rage that she had against this... This thing! The thing in question looked over to Luna's seething glare and giggled, then it does the unspeakable. It scoops up a good amount of goop and throws it right into Luna's face. "Ahahahaha!" The creature laughed, seeing visible steam coming off of Luna's head. It grabbed it's brush and booked it before she exploded in rage, skating on the sludge as fast as it could go.

"I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THAT!!!" The creature looked back to see Luna approaching at blinding speeds, the creature drew a circle in the air and surprisingly the goop stuck to the thin air! It then drew a short line coming from the side of the circle and ended the line with a smudge with smaller smudges surrounding the large one. It reached into the painting and pulled out a large cherry bomb with a lit fuse, the bomb painting disappeared and the creature tossed the explosive at Luna. The bomb went off mid-flight and a blast of slime nearly coated her, but she put a force field around herself before it could catch her in the blast. "You... You can summon objects!?"

"Ahahahaha!" The creature drew something different this time, a large rectangle with 'TNT' written on the front. It reached in and pulled out exactly that, a box filled with sticks of dynamite! If it was anything like the cherry bomb, this would leave a VERY big mess to clean up.

"Oh sweet mother of Celestia!" The hall ended and they reached the throne room, the creature standing in the middle of the room with the box of lit dynamite. "N-Now let's not do anything we'll regret... Thing? Just put the box down..." Luna asked with the nicest tone she could muster, the creature tilted it's head to the side, still holding the box.

"... I like you," The creature said. "Your a much better play-mate than the guards."

"P-play-mate!?"

"Yep! Your really fun to play with... But," The creature jerked the box up, the sticks of TNT flying in all directions. They were everywhere, dotting the throne room floor with the fuses growing short. In Luna's state of panic she took her eyes off the creature, and when she looked to the center of the room where it originally stood it was no where to be seen! She looked all around the room, but all she accomplished was wasting precious time. The creatures voice echoed in the room, the source's location unknown due to the echo. "Ehehehe... Bye." With that last message echoing through the air, Luna put up a force field and braced for impact!

BOOM!!!

"Your Highness!"

"Wha!? Where!?... Oh, sorry, I was lost in a memory." Celestia explained.

"Day court is over for today, you are dismissed." The guard told her.

"O-Oh! Already!? Where is the noble I was talking to?"

"He left a few minutes ago in a huff of rage, he was the last pony so court is dismissed rather early today." The guard said.

"I see... Well, report back to your post then." Celestia ordered, the guard did a quick bow and returned to his post. "Sigh... The mess one child can make in a single night amazes me..." Celestia told herself, remembering the black gunk that coated the halls and throne room along with the initial clean-up. "Oh well, I'll just put a bounty on this creature's head after I enjoy my cake." Celestia journeyed to the kitchen and made sure no pony was in the room, she opened a bread box and hit a small hidden button in the back of said container that opened a hidden passage in the wall. "Oh, I can't wait to feast on you my... Delicious... Cake?" Just like how Sonic 06 turned out, what was left of her cake was a sad mess, but unlike Sonic 06, it didn't have an epic final boss theme which makes this cake even sadder. She saw a small creature sitting against the enchanted preserving pedestal that her cake had sat upon, eating a chunk of the delicious treat. It had scraggy black hair with green eyes and had icing around it's mouth. Celestia didn't know what it was until she saw an over-sized paint brush next to it. "You!"

The creature looked her way and smirked, lowering it's mask. "Ehehehe... Bye." The creature grabbed the paint brush and drew a large rectangle with a dot on the left side on the wall, he grabbed the dot and the wall opened up like a door, it ran inside and closed the door behind it. Celestia ran to the wall and tried to open it, but it was just wet paint! Then a mysterious voice sounded in the empty room, but she knew who it really was. "Oh... And tell Luna I said hi, Cake Flank... Ahahahaha!..."

"........." Celestia had visible stress veins poke out of her head, she exited the secret room and was heading straight to the royal sketch artist.

Author's Note

The imp is not Bowser Jr. nor Shadow Mario, but I based it off of them from Super Mario Sunshine. Also, here is the mugshot that Celestia had published.

I know, I don't have the drawing skills of a japanese manga writer, but that isn't my type of drawing style, I prefer cartoonish as you can see in the above drawing. Yes my handwriting is bad, I tried to be as careful as possible but even at my best it's still sloppy, so I'll translate what it says in the comments section. Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to add that character suggestion ideas are all welcome, who knows, they may give me an idea of what to write! If you do type me a suggestion and I create a human based on the idea I'll be sure to mention you in the Author's notes!

The Legend of the Inkblot Imp: Part 2

"Gentlecolts, I have gathered you here today to discuss a matter of importance. I'm sure your all aware of the creature that's been causing mischief all throughout Canterlot, as a few of you here have had the displeasure of trying to fight it off." Celestia said, using her telekinesis to take hold of a rolled-up banner behind her. "The creature has a name as I'm sure your all aware of, and that name-" Celestia unfurled the banner, revealing a carefully drawn image of the creature. "-is the Inkblot Imp!"... Or rather, that's what it was intended to be.

"...Um... Princess Ce-"

"Please keep all questions to yourselves until the end of the presentation." Celestia said, completely unaware of what was behind her. You see, the image WAS of the creature, but a message was drawn over it, and in thick ink, it read 'Thunder Thighs' with an arrow pointing down at Celestia from the guards perspective. Not a single soul dared to laugh as she blindly continued her presentation. "This... Is public's number one enemy. It's destroyed public property, taunted the citizens of Canterlot, and has created numerous messes in the aftermath of it's rampage." Each individual guard was using every bit of their fiber to keep their faces as straight as a board, all were successful... For now. "Most ponies have seen it in person, but none so far have even come close to touching it. It is very quick and agile as opposed to it's size, and it is not afraid to fight dirty regardless of it's situation... But above all the reasons I've given, there's one key factor that truly makes this thing a force of nature, it's sadistic. From the reports I've received from several of you, including my own sister, is that it isn't satisfied with ending the fight quickly... It likes to play with it's victims, and loves to see their frustrated faces even more." Not only was the guard trying to hold back the laughs that were building up, but now they had to suppress the mental image that their ruler had unknowingly cursed them with. "Yes, this thing has committed dozens of foul deeds, but with our combined effort we can overpower it, and thoroughly punish it once and for all!"

'thud!'

Celestia looked to the back and saw that a guard had passed out, his face was a pale blue and he had a bit of a nose bleed. He had almost lost it during Celestia's speech so he chose to hold his breath to keep the laugh in his throat, thus he accidentally asphyxiated himself. "... What's wrong with him?"

"He's... Uh, he's a little under the weather, your highness." One of the stronger willed guards answered.

"I understand. You two, carry him to the barracks." She ordered.

"Um... There's one last thing, your highness." The guard said.

"What is it?" He pointed toward the banner behind her, she turned and saw the message as clear as day. "Oh... Did I just...?"

"Yes, your highness." The guard answered.

"So the guard wasn't really..."

"I'm afraid not, your highness, he most likely passed out from holding his breath as to not... Laugh at you." The guard hesitantly answered.

"So... All of you are...?"

"We're all holding it in as much as we can bare. We dare not laugh in front of our ruler, that would've been an act of disrespect." The guard answered.

"I... I see... Attention guard, you all may resume your original post, we'll try this again tomorrow." Celestia said, the others quickly left the room before they exploded in laughter, but she stopped the guard she was talking to. "Tell me, my little pony... Um, what pray tell are... Thunder Thighs?" The guard turned beat red at this, but he whispered the answer in her ear. She went wide eyed, a blush had started to form as she put her speech into context with the banner. "Oh... By my sun, I'm so embarrassed... You are dismissed, I'll be in my room if I'm needed."

"I understand, your highness." The guard left for his post, as he did Celestia cast a spell on the banner behind her and it burst into flames.

"Infuriating creature... First my cake, and now my very dignity has been destroyed by this thing." Celestia mumbled to herself. "I swear, once I find this creaton I will make sure he feels the wrath of the sun."

"Ahahaha! That was so much fun!" The creature shouted to itself, currently purched on the 'God of Chaos' statue in the royal garden. "That one was my best prank yet, it couldn't have gone any better! Although, Cake Flank's little speech had some flaws... I mean, come on, a few harmless pranks here and there and I'm labeled a sadist? Talk about no sence of humor... Man, I do feel bad for Moona though, she really hurt herself last night..." The creature grabbed his paint brush and sighed. "I didn't expect the poor thing to smash her face into the wall, I figured she knew that my powers only work on me."

"I think it came from the garden, come on!"

"Hm? Ah, crap." The creature grabbed it's mask from one of the statue's mismatched horns and painted the surface completely black, it equiped the mask and vanished, the invisibility effect of the paint enchanting the mask.

"Hm... Nothing here, sir." The guard said.

"Nothing? Blast it, I thought I heard a child's voice." The other guard said.

"It was probably a parrot or something, nothing to worry about." The guard assured. "...Hey, what was with that incident in Ponyville a few days ago? Heard there was some sort of commotion."

"Yeah, I heard about that, apparently an Ursa Minor attacked because a few colts woke it up." The guard said.

"Yikes, glad I wasn't there when that happened, heard those things can demolish houses!"

"You havn't seen fully grown ones, those things can level towns if enraged." The guards walked off, talking amongst themselves. The creature removed the mask, wiped off the paint, and put it back on.

"Hmm... Ponyville, eh? Sounds like my kind of town from the guard's description..." The creature looked at the sun's current position. "Hmm... Yeah, I got enough time before mom wants me home, but where is it?"

'Traaaiiiiin.'

The creature jumped and looked around, but nothing was there besides the ugly statue. "Creepy voice says to take the train... Yeah, I'll just fly there, maybe follow the train tracks as I go... Definately not gonna listen to a creepy voice, though." The creature looks at the statue with a questioning gaze, it winks at the creature causing him to jump a little. "... Uh... I must be seeing things... Yeah, just my imagination." The creature finds a blank spot on the ground and begins drawing a large falcon, once completed he backs up a bit, twirls his staff above his head, then brings the staff's pointed end down onto the ground with a loud crack. A huge blob of ink explodes from the ground and soars through the air, it exploded mid-flight, and with a loud screech a large, colorless falcon dive-bombed and bursted forward before it hit the ground. It's talons grabbed the creature who climbed up the leg of the bird and mounted it's back. "Alright, fly to Canterlot Station and follow the train tracks to Ponyville, I wanna have a little fun before momma wants me home!"

'KAAAAWW!!!'

The creature and the bird soared across the sky at mach 2 speeds, easily covering great distance as they found the station and followed the tracks to Ponyville. As they were following the tracks a clump of cloud obscured the bird's vision.

'KAW! KAW!'

"What!? What do you...! Oh blasted clouds, just keep going straight!"

'KAAAWW!!!' The bird did as told and kept at a constant pace. The clouds eventually broke off and what the creature saw was a vast desert or savanna with a train track right below them.

"Crap, I hope we didn't overshoot it." The creature said to himself. They saw a town in the horizon and the bird decended a distance away so it wouldn't attract any unwanted attention. "Fly overhead, but use the clouds to hide from the town folk, I'll whistle for you if I need help."

"Krawh." The bird responded, then it took to the sky, using the clouds to hide itself.

The creature walked the distance to the small town, it appeared to be one of those ol' west towns you'd see in cowboy movies but not as run down. "Ugh, freaking hot as the sun out here... This better not be Ponyville, I'll die of freaking heat stroke before I get to have any fun arou-"

"WELCOME TO APPLELOOSA!"

"Wha-"

A yellow pony wearing a setson took the creature by surprise, he vigorously shook the creature's hand. "Pleasure to meet ya, partner! My name's Braeburn, and ah don't rightly recall seeing your face 'round these parts, you new here!?"

"Hey! Let go of my ha-"

"Well, no reason to sit around like two fish in the dry gulch, lemme give ya the grand tour!"

The creature had little patience, he swiped his brush across Braeburn's mouth and the paint stuck firm, silencing him. "Geez, freaking..." The creature wiped the paint off of Braeburn's mouth. "Alright, where is ponyville?"

"Um, it's a few doven miles that-a-way, you miss your stop, partner?"

"Yeah, something like that." The creature turned to leave.

"Wait, yer leavin' already? But you jus' got here!" The creature whistled and a loud 'kaw' sounded, then a huge falcon swooped down and snatched the creature, taking off in the direction to ponyville. Braeburn was silent for a few moments before walking off. "Ah swear, the weirdest stuff comes outta that town..."

"Okay, fly low so we won't miss the place!"

'KAW! KAW!'

The savanna quickly flew by, being replaced with plains of grass. Eventually they found a fairly large cloud house just floating in the air. "Darn it, maybe I should have just snuck on the train, a lot less of a hassle than this." A pegasus flew by, not even batting an eye about the oversized colorless falcon hovering a few yards away. The pegasus had a gray coat with a mane and tail that had different shades of... gray, surprisingly. She seemed to be toting around a cloud for some reason. "Hey!"

"Yeah?"

"You know where Ponyville is?"

"Um, yeah, I think it's that way." She pointed to a town but... Something was off about it.

"Um... Okay, thanks." The creature said.

"Whatever." The mare replied, taking her cloud with her.

"Tch, sounds like someone's got a pole stuck up their butt." The falcon quickly decended into the... Well, in it's current condition one wouldn't call it a town. It was like a town that took an acid trip, houses were floating, the grass was interchanging from one material to another, the clouds were raining what the creature hoped wasn't diarrhea, everything had just gone to hell in a nutshell. "Geez, what the heck happened here!?"

Author's Note

Welp, here's a new chapter for the story, so what will our little friend do now? Will he help restore Ponyville to it's normal state? Will he not give a shit and enjoy the chaos? Well he get to his mom's place before he's late!? Answer, spork. Does that not answer your question? Too bad, cause it answers mine!

(Also, shoutout to Castok the Shadow for giving me the idea to... Well, I wouldn't wanna spoil the surprise now, would I? Go on, read his comment, you won't figure it out either way.)

The Legend of the Inkblot Imp: Part 3

The creature wandered around the town, the numerous oddities and strange townsfolk whittling away at his psyche. He had passed by a lot of strange shit so far, like the red pony that thought he was a dog, or that herd of winged pancaked wearing top hats. Nothing made any sense here, which meant one of two things; either this was a normal town to pony folk, or something's in possession of seriously strong magic. Either way, though, the creature didn't like it. Why, you ask? Well for starters this wasn't some prank you pull for shits and giggles, this was the work of a god who needed to be knocked off his high horse. "Geez, I come to a new town to get a chuckle or two and some jackhole's turned it into this mess before I did."

"And who are you calling a jackhole, you little ankle biter?"

The creature turned around and beheld the Frankenstein reject floating out of his reach, this... Thing? Yeah, let's go with thing. This thing was an amalgamation of different creatures, and it was not like a normal amalgam. Instead of having features that seemed to fit a normal fusion (ie look up Elemental Heroes from the Yugioh series), he was, for a lack of better words, a very sad Mr. Potato Head display but instead of a potato body it was a dragon's torso. "Well, I guess I can't call you a Jackhole, 'cause frankly I dunno what to call you.... Oh, I know, how about ugly?"

"Excuse me!? I'll have you know that you're talking to the God of Chaos himself, Discord! So you're in no position to diss my beautiful work!... Hmmm... Speaking of beautiful work, I'd like to know who you are." Discord asked, with a sudden mood swing.

"Screw off, I'm not telling you anything! And, judging from your godly title and ugly face I assume you had something to do with all this?" The creature asked.

"Oh, yes, give me a moment to regain my memory... Oh, here it is!" Discord reached down and picked up a pink, slimy... Thing. Honestly, it looked like a big, pink sea slug but it didn't look nearly as cute as one... What? Sea Slugs can be cute, they're like big, colorful sponges filled with toxins! Anyway, Discord grabbed the slimy object and then unscrewed the top of his head like it was a bottle cap. He dropped the head and used the now free hand to reach inside. "Now, where did I put that stupid thing... Aha!" He pulled out a rubber duck, giving it a few squeaks. "So that's where I put you... But not what I'm looking for." He tossed the duck and as it started to fall gravity did a 180 on it and it started falling into the sky, then it exploded... Said explosion then imploded and a black hole formed, the black hole collapsed on itself resulting in what I, the narrator, can only describe as a tear in the very fabric of reality.

The creature ignored the catastrophic scene after a few seconds of looking at it and turned his attention to Discord who was still throwing things out of his head. "Can you hurry up, I have places to be, you know!"

"Ugh, where did I put that blasted thing!? Wait... Aha!" At last, Discord found what he was looking for, which was his brain. He simply slapped the slimy thing onto his brain, put it back in his head, and sealed it all up with the top of his head. "Now, where were we... Ah, yes, you see I was sealed in that stone statue you were laying on earlier because the public couldn't handle my little pranks, but thanks to your antics that drove the citizens of Canterlot absolutely bonkers I've come back stronger than ever!" Discord shouted with glee, but then he grew a questioning look. "However, your chaotic energy wasn't nearly enough to fuel me... In fact, most of the energy I absorbed was raw energy that you practically oozed out of your tiny body... Or rather-" Discord suddenly adjusted his body so that he was face to mask with the creature. "-your paint brush..." Discord's pupils changed to swirls, spinning at a constant pace. "Now, be a good child and give it to me."

"........... Alright." The creature slashed Discord with his brush, coating his face with black ink. "Well, you asked for it."

"You little-... Wait, how did you resist my hypnosis!?"

"I have my ways, and your not getting this brush. Besides, it wouldn't do you any good even if you had it!"

"Really now, and what makes you so sure that I can't use it? I mean, with my power I can do anything, literally anything! Yet, I cannot use a magic brush?"

"No, you can't, and the reason is because your not one of my kind." The creature said mockingly.

"Alright, a simple thing such as shape-shifting is not beyond my power, Voala!" Discord transformed into a copy of the creature, from the mask to the robe. The creature shook it's head in disappointment.

"It's not that simple, idiot. Either way, I'm not gonna give you my brush, so why don't you do me a favor and clean up this mess you made, and go back to your prison before I take you there myself!" The creature commanded, Discord turned back into his original form and laughed.

"You think that you have any authority on me? I'm over a thousand years old and an all-powerful God, you're just a kid, thinking he can get away with whatever he wants because he has a magic brush. But I guess that is to be expected with youth these days, especially with the examples you set toward all of Canterlot."

"What's that suppose to mean!?"

Discord deadpanned at the creature's reaction. "Really?... Fine, let's review what you've done so far." Discord materialized a piece of paper and put on a pair of glasses "You've tormented most of Canterlot's citizens, covered the castle in ink, insulted the Princess of the Sun, and you even ate her cake to boot... Well, from what I have gathered here you enjoy being a pain in everyone's flank, just like a certain irresistibly handsome God of Chaos that everyone knows and loves." Discord said, while a pompadour and shades magically appeared on his figure.

"Hey, my pranks are awesome Franky, and I don't need some walking freak-show telling me otherwise!"

"Franky? Is that even a joke or did you just... Oh, now I get it, Frankenstein pun... Well, name puns aside, I believe I need my check book." Discord pulled out a check book and handed the creature a slip of paper from the book. "Because I need to write you a reality check. Now for starters, your pranks aren't awesome, they're destructive and harmful to everypony. Though I'll admit, that 'Thunder Thigh' bit with Celestia was very humorous, but that's the only thing you've done that is relatively close to a prank. Secondly, your awesome pranks had a big part in my ressurection, which requires dis-harmonic energy, and that kind of energy only comes from mortals experiencing frustration, anger, basically those kinds of emotions that stir up trouble. I could go on and you could learn a life lesson then we let the screen pan out with us fishing together in a father and son bonding moment, but I'll just save us both some time and give it to you straight." Discord placed a finger on the creature's head. "You don't know the difference between a good prank and taking it too far, now if you'll excuse me I have a world to rule." Discord disappeared in a flash of light, leaving his check book to fall to the ground with a thump, sprout wings, and fly away.

"... Wow, I... Did I just get scolded by the God of Chaos himself?..." The creature thought more in depth about it's past actions and behavior, realizing he's been acting like a complete asshole. "I guess when you reawaken a God of Chaos the universe is telling you that you screwed up, huh?... Maybe I was taking it too far with my pranks." The creature looked at it's brush, he knew what had to be done. "Well, I caused all of this so I might as well go and fix this mess, then apologize to the princess or something... Right, chances are she's at the castle so..." The creature whistled and his falcon snatched him off the ground, he mounted it and pointed to the mountain in the distance. "To the castle, now!"

"Imp, surrender now or you will be forced to comply!"

"Hmph, you gonna come over and make me?" The creature taunted.

"If you are not going to surrender peacefully I will not hesitate to make you." Princess Celestia took to the air, the creature slashed the air with it's brush, resulting in a blob of ink flying off and nearly hitting Celestia. She activated her magic and shot a beam of pure magic at the creature, it hit dead on but the creature's body collapsed on itself, turning into ink and splattering on the floor. "Drat, a clone."

"Surprise!" The creature somehow fell from the sky and mounted her back, when she looked up she saw the splatter of his first attack where he came out of.

"Infuriating creature!" She easily bucked the creature off after a bit of struggling, it hit the floor with a thump, but this time it didn't turn into goop.

"......Heh... Ehehe, Ahahahaha!"

"What is so fu-..." Out of the corner of her eye, Celestia saw a black creature crawling down her back, it started glowing red. After that, Celestia heard a series of short bangs, each bang resulted in a sharp pain coming from her back, then the one crawling down her back exploded with a bang of it's own. Celestia's wings gave out and she started falling. "N-no..."

'thump'

"Mhmhm, and the Sun Goddess has been defeated." The creature chuckled, slowly walking toward her. It's red eyes staring through her, eyeing her very soul.

'Shatter!'

Celestia heard the sound of a window shatter, and the next thing she knew a set of enormous, white talons were blocking the creature's path, mere inches away from her body. "I... What?"

"You!" The creature called out.

"Yeah, what about me?" An unknown voice responded. "And what about you? First you try and steal my brush, but now your trying to steal my looks?" A robed creature fell in front of Celestia, wielding a familiar paint brush. "Your a reeeal peace of work, Franky."

"For the last time, it's not Ugly, it's not Franky, it's Discord!... Oh, I said that out loud, didn't I?"

"Discord!?"

"Oh drat, now she knows." The creature with red eyes turned back into Discord. "Originally I was gonna turn Canterlot into a chaotic wonderland like I did with Ponyville and frame our friend here for both, but I guess that won't be happening anytime soon thanks to him. Oh, and Princess, I already knew about your elements of harmony from seeing my own defeat in an alternate reality and made sure they won't interfere, so don't even try and play that old shtick. So, since plan A was ruined, onto plan B." Discord snapped his fingers and a black bucket poofed out of thin air, it landed on Discord's head and he wore it like a helmet. Then he pulled out a gas mask which stuck firmly to his face and then a red mop handle poofed into his hand. "Join me, unnamed creature, and together we shall cause chaos as unknown creature and God of Chaos!"

"Alright, cut the crap, Discord, I'm not joining you for two reasons. The first reason is your stupid, and the second reason is you don't know the difference between a good prank and taking it to far!" The creature looked back at Celestia, it's green eyes showing guilt. "And apparently, I don't know it either." The creature turned back to Discord. "My kind like causing mischief, to others and even our own kind, sure some stunts we pull may be more intense than the last but we never harm the victim if we can help it. What you're doing isn't a simple prank, this... This is just complete chaos!"

"No duh, Sherlock, I'm the friggin' God of Chaos!"

"Yes, I know. I may have screwed up but I still have a shot at redemption." The creature hit the floor with the wooden end of his brush, the fine hairs of said brush were engulfed in flame. "And I'll start by pounding your ugly face into the ground where it belongs!"

Discord was quiet for a moment, until a grin formed on his face. "Mhmhmhm, cute, but I'm sorry to say that your efforts at defeating me are useless, for you see," Discord snapped his fingers and chains made from pure disharmonious energy shot out from the ground and coiled around the creature, binding his arms and yanking him to the ground. "I am the God of Chaos, and your just a little brat with a head full of hot air. Only the Elements of Harmony can defeat me, and I made sure that they won't ever interfere." Discord grabbed the brush from the creature , pointing the flaming tip at his masked face. "So, any last words before I erase you from existence?" Discord wiggled his eyebrows and nudged the creature with his elbow, wearing the stupidest grin he ever had. His grin deflated after a moment of silence. "Really? Not even a chuckle of pity?"

"Your pun is bad and you should feel bad!" An unknown voice shouted from far away.

"Oh hush you!" Discord shouted back. "Now, speak your dying words! Oh, and if you say 'never should have come here' I'll make sure you die in the most morbid way possible."

"sigh... Princess, I'm sorry for everything I've done; to you, your sister, your citizens, everyone... I don't care if you still hate me, I probably deserve as much, but know that I admit I was a fool and I'm deeply sorry... And Discord? Your still an idiot beyond comprehension." The creature said.

"Hm, one last insult before I kill you? Fair enough, I guess. Now, die!" Discord commanded, but the brush didn't do anything besides just sitting there and dripping orange paint.

"I told you, the brush only listens to my people." The creature said with venom in his words.

"... Hm, so you really weren't bluffing. To think, there's an item that cannot bend to my reality warping powers, I'm honestly shocked!" Discord threw the brush to the side. "But, I do not require this little mess-maker to destroy you, I will simply do so myself."

"Discord!"

"Oh, now what?"

There stood Princess Luna in all her glory, eyes glowing white and horn flaring with magic. "I shall not stand by idly while you terrorize my subjects, family, and even this mysterious creature!"

"Fine, than don't." Discord snapped his fingers and-

SNAP!

...............................................

"There, now you don't need to stand, in fact, you won't need to stand ever again!" Luna's eyes ceased their glow, reverting back into cold, lifeless eyes that gave the thousand-yard stare. It was then that blood fell from her mouth, in light dribbles that pattered onto the floor, then she fell over onto the castle floor with a loud thump.

"... L-... Luna?" Celestia asked, but her sister gave no response. "Luna!?"

"Oh yes, I forgot to mention! You see, when I was looking at my alternate universe self I saw one major flaw in his methods." Discord gave a sinister grin. "He didn't spill blood, he was too arrogant to consider that certain beings could easily surpass him, and instead played with the Elements like they were mere kittens!"

"...N-...no, this can't be..."

"Oh, but it is! I assure you, no pony can live with their neck vertebrae severed, and apparently not even goddesses!"

"You... Your no God." The creature said, with tears of sadness mixed with anger hidden behind the mask. "Your a monster!"

"Yes, and Celly over there has a broken leg, anything else to point out, Captain Obvious?"

"... Luna was my friend... And you took her away from me!"

"Oh cry me a river. I don't care if she was your friend, besides, no pony's gonna miss her. Almost everypony fears her besides you and Celestia and you two will be joining her very soon." Discord looked at the reader. "And I don't care if YOU liked her either, your hatred only empowers me!"

"Discord, I swear in the name of my people... In the name of all that is good, that even after death, I will not rest until I see you suffer for all that you have done!" The creature snarled, Discord simply shrugged it off.

"I. Don't. Care. Now, it's time to put an end to this little story!"

"Hm... So, this is the fabled God of Chaos?" Discord heard a feminine voice and turned around, but saw no one else was in the room. "I have to say, it's a bit of a let-down if YOUR the God of Chaos. I mean, at least Sheogorath can do his job right, being the Daedric prince of madness is an easy role to play I would assume. I'll admit you do have the powers of chaos, but why do you not ACT like a god of chaos?"

"Who are you? Show yourself!"

The voice simply giggled. "Aw, what's wong? Does the big bad Dwaconequus not wike it when he's being teased?"

"You dare mock the God of Chaos!?"

"Well if your going to act like a baby I might as well treat you like one, right? Although I guess there was a reason you were in that stone prison, did the princess put you in time-out?... Hm, well being a mother myself I can tell you've been acting a little cranky, but if she is unable to put you to bed then I would be happy to do so." A pillar of flame erupted from the ground, which was extinguished as soon as it had risen. A bipedal creature stood where the flame had been, it had long, flowing golden hair and wore a masquerade instead of a full mask, revealing only her mouth and beautiful blue eyes. The masquerade was made of wood like the creature's was, but the only decoration it had were cheek carvings that resembled whiskers. She wore a white robe with a belt that had a sheathed sword attached to it, and behind this mysterious woman were nine long, golden fox tails that were as fluffy and well-groomed as the woman was beautiful. "Hmm... Well now, it looks like someone has been playing roughly with the other goddesses, and even my own little kit has been putting up with you... Oh?" The tailed woman walked over to the dark blue corpse of Luna, placing her index and middle finger to her neck. "... Oh, you poor thing..." The creature gently picked up Luna's head and kissed her cheek, causing her body to glow. "From the ashes she will rise..." The glowing ceased, and the creature turned back to Discord. "YOU have been a very bad boy."

"I... How... You brought her back to life!?"

"I am NOT done talking to you mister, you have been a very bad boy and as punishment I am putting you in time-out for a VERY long time." The creature held out it's open palm and Discord froze, his color turned a more indigo shading and a hexagon engraved itself on his chest. He fell to the floor, landing on his side. "Firstly, I am taking away your powers with a magic regeneration hex so you don't break free again. Now, I shall turn you to stone so you can think about how you've acted." Before Discord could speak he flashed in a bright light, when the light receded he was a stone statue once more. A light rumbling could be heard, and after that the creature bound to the chains near Celestia was freed as the shackles dissipated, signaling that order had been restored. "Now son, do you have anything to say before we go?"

"Could you fix Celestia's broken leg?"

"Hmm... She seems more than capable of moving around to me." Celestia had run to her sister, who was gasping for breath. "See?"

"My dear sister, please say something!"

"cough cough... S-...so-..... something..."

"... Oh, my sister is back!"

"D-dearest sister, please... let go of me..." Luna said, struggling for breath.

"Let us depart, Kit. We must get back to the forest and let my people know that you're safe." The tailed creature said.

"Wait," The creature's son ran to the princesses. "Celestia, Luna, I'm really sorry for all that I've done. You see, this kind of stuff is normal for my species, I should have considered that you wouldn't enjoy it."

"Wait, ponies don't like pranks?" The tailed creature asked.

"They like them, but to an extent." Her son explained.

"Oh... Um, this is embarrasing... A little word of advice, don't go into the third floor bathroom, I may have laced the toilet seat with itching powder while I was navigating the halls here." The tailed creature said with a blush.

"... Noted, and we forgive you... Um, I'm sorry but you two haven't introduced yourselves." Celestia said.

"Oh, yes, I am the Empress Sonya, ruler of the Kitsune of the Everfree, and this is my son Kit... By the way, I thought I told you to stop wearing those rags, they hide your fwuffy wittle tail." Sonya teased, Kit was not amused but Celestia was trying to suppress a grin.

"Don't say it like that..." Kit monotoned.

"What's wrong with cough... with your f-fwuffy wittle tail?"

Kit scoured at his mother. "Your enjoying this, aren't you?"

"A wittle..."

"That's it, I'm done." Kit started walking toward the door.

"Wait, I'm not finished!" Sonya ran after her son, one of her long tails grabbing the paint brush on her way out.

"Can you get up on your own, Luna?"

`"Y-yes, I believe I can... Um, what is that?" Luna noticed a big drip of an unknown substance fall from outside of the open doors and after shakily getting up on her hooves went to investigate. "Sister? Could you come out here for one second?"

Celestia walked out to meet her sister who was looking up at the castle, prompting Celestia to follow her... "What in... Is that written in ink?" Yes, drawn in thick ink was a message that said 'Kitsune rule, Ponies suck!' With Sonya's face along with Kit's mask drawn on with crude detail. Below that, it wrote 'P.S., I lied about it being the third floor, good luck figuring out which toilet it was!'

"sigh... I'll go get the custodian." Luna walked off as Celestia's face was getting red with anger. However, her peripheral vision caught something in the distance. It was a drip of paint, and another, and another...

"Is this... A trail?" Celestia decided to follow it, wondering if it will take her to the obvious culprit of the graffiti. She followed it until it went over one of her walls, the wall to her garden. Past the wall she found two things, one was a small fox, just any ordinary fox she'd see scamper through her garden. The other was a golden fox, an oversized golden fox that looked about as tall as her! That golden fox also had nine long, golden tails and a paint brush in it's mouth.

"I can't believe I pulled that off, did you see the look on her face!?" Sonya spoke with telepathy.

"You say that I'm irresponsible with the brush, aren't you suppose to be an Empress?" Kit retorted with his own telepathy.

"Don't deny your blood, Kitty, as long as nobody got hurt it's fine!"

"Oh really?" An unknown voice sounded, which made Sonya seize up in fear. "Well I suppose a few years in my dungeon wouldn't hurt you, right?"

"Oh, bullocks." Sonya quickly disappeared in an eruption of flame, along with Kit.

"Hmph, that's one way to get rid of pests..." Celestia walked back to her castle, eager to try and forget this day ever happened.

Author's Note

That's the legend of the Inkblot Imp ladies and gentlemen, hope you liked it!

Halloween Special, too Sp00ky! The Legend of the Kuchisake-onna

The Highlands, one of the bigger places to get eaten alive by wild animals... Unless your a carnivore of course, then you have a fighting chance. Of course, the Highlands are in the griffon region, and the locals sometimes go and hunt in this plot of land. Today, two hunters in particular are in this hunting ground, a griffon and a human. The griffon's name was Black Wing, an older Griffon with black-tipped quills, armed with a cross bow and his talons. The human was named Kage, brown hair and a pair of yellow shades, wearing skinned animal hide light-armor. The armor was skinned from wild boar, the various bones added in for detail and more protection. Kage looked like a savage, and played the roll to boot as he was currently gutting a dead boar, soaking his kukri in animal blood. "Ah, god it stinks... Kinda smells like you, Blacky!"

"Shut up, least I don't smell like a dead yak!"

"Ey, they don't have deodorant out 'ere..." A spurt of blood came out of the beast's stomach, nailing Kage in the face. "Gah! Mother FUCKER!"

"Woah, what the hell's your problem?"

"Bloody... Nothin', nicked an artery and the bastard splashed me... Pie-chuckin' piece o' shit was enough trouble trackin' down."

"The fat-ass puts up a fight too, took three freaking arrows, then I had to pin it so you could mutilate it."

"Well at least he's a plump bastard, we'll be eatin' plenty tonight." Kage licked his lips, hearing the sound of flesh rip. "Yeah, I'd say this lil' piggy's got fifteen extra pounds on 'im. Oi, Black, make yourself useful an get the bloody cooler."

"Yeah, I got it."Black got the cooler and popped the lid, revealing uncooked meat that smelled as bad as it looked.

"Alright Black, help me get fat-arse off the ground." Kage took it by the tusks and Black grabbed it by it's back legs, hovering off the ground with his wings, a bit shakily but he held.

"Holy shit, you weren't joking! This waddling pork-pie weighs a ton!"

"Quit ya belly-achin', just tip his stomach over the cooler and let it spill." They tipped the boar and let the meat spill into the cooler, the sloshing and other disgusting noises filling the air.

"God, sounds like a mean shit doesn't it?"

"Smells like one, too... Oi, you alright? Lookin' a tad pale, mate." He didn't answer, all he did was stare in shock. Kage looked to what he was staring at. "Bloody hell?" In the cooler, stabbed within the boar entrails, was a pair of hedge trimmer handles covered in blood and rust. "Holy Dooley... Did this lard arse really eat a hedge trimmer?" Kage grabbed the handles and pulled it out.

"Oh... That ain't no hedge trimmer, Kage." Black said.

"Yeah, it's an over-sized pair o' scissors... No wonder we found him squealing, ol' waddles swallowed 'em whole! Ahahahaha, he's as dumb as the dirt he eats!"

".............."

"Ehehe... Oi, you doin' alright Black?"

Black's wings froze up and he dropped to the ground, a look of horror on his face.

"Seriously Black, you okay? You look like you seen a bloody ghost." Kage placed the dead boar down and stood up.

pat

As he stood, he bumped into something. His hands instinctively reached behind him and he grabbed that certain something, it felt toned and sleek like a human leg, yet cold and lifeless like stone. It was kind of like a tree, a smooth, fleshy tree. "Black?... What the devil am I grabbing?" Black didn't answer, but the being behind Kage did, non-verbally however. It placed something cold over over his hand. It was cold like clay, it wasn't ice-cold, just... cold. Kage looked to see what had touched his hand and beheld the long sleeve with a hand at the end, it's skin white as snow with long nails painted red. It's fingers slowly curled between the spaces of Kage's own, eventually binding him in a hand-hold. The hand lifted Kage's hand off of it's... Trench-coat? Yeah, it was wearing a trench-coat. It let go of him when his hand was separated. "................" The being was silent, and Black just stood there paralyzed in fear.

Kage decided to take a risk and, knowing well in his mind that he would regret doing so, quickly turned around to meet his unknown companion. He was met face-to-face with... the thing's waist? "Eh... Wha?..." Kage traveled up the being's waist, past it's chest, and believe it or not he had to bend his head all the way back to finally be greeted with it's face. The being was without a doubt human, in fact it was female! She was, as you would have guessed, very tall. Here's a comparison, Kage was average height for a guy, but he only came up to her waist at best, that's just not natural! She had long, straight black hair and the creepiest hazel irises Kage ever saw, she also wore a surgical mask with a few blood stains in the material, so she could have been a doctor... Maybe. Her brown trench-coat covered her body, not counting her shins which were concealed in her rugged jeans, she also had no shoes to speak of. Looking back to her eyes they appeared to be slanted, a possible sign of Asian heritage, but her extremely pale skin said otherwise. Kage forced a smile as to be polite and held out his hand. "Eh... G'day ma'am, names Kage... Did you migrate here from Earth?"

The woman nodded slowly and grabbed his hand, she shook it slowly, her cold hands absorbing the warmth from Kage's own. Her eyes never left his, until they looked to his other hand. She just stared at his unoccupied hand until Kage realized what she was really staring at. He held up the over-sized scissors, her eyes followed along with it.

"Um... Does this... Belong to you?"

She slowly nodded.

"Well... Um... Here?"

The woman released Kage's hand and slowly grabbed the scissors, after she took them she looked at her hand to see it was covered in blood, the blood that Kage had caked his hand with from gutting boars and other game all day.

"O-oh, sorry 'bout that Sheila... Hang on a tic," Kage reached into his pocket and got his bandanna, he cleaned the woman's hand until the blood was gone from her pale hand then put the bandanna back in his pocket. "Sorry 'bout the mess, been huntin' game all day. Them scissors were in that boar over there." The woman looked at the boar for a moment, then back to Kage. "Yeah, uh... You can keep the boar I guess, still got some meat in 'em... Uh, but I guess you wouldn't want a dead boar, bloody thing smells like-"

"Hey," The woman said, stopping Kage mid-speech. She leaned down so she can see him more clearly with her haunting eyes. "little man," She continued, Kage felt hurt by here remark but... Well, she was bigger than him... And intimidating. "Do you think I'm... Pretty?"

"Erm... Come again?" Kage said, visibly blushing.

Her eyes narrowed. "I said... Little man." She paused for a moment, observing Kage very closely. "Do you think I'm... Pretty?"

"Um... Pretty?"

"Beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, fabulous, godly, attractive... Sexy, even." She paused again, carefully eyeing Kage. "But, to keep it simple... Am I... Pretty?"

"Um... Uh." Kage knew not to say no, that was guy 101. But his gut told him not to say yes, chances were she would see through this lie or take it the wrong way... Plus it just seemed abnormal for a woman to just go up and ask some random person if they were attractive or not, something wasn't right... But, he didn't want to anger the woman and say no... "Um... Average?"

"A-... Average?"

"Y-yeah, you know, fifty-fifty, so 'n so?"

The woman got the most confused look in her eyes. "..... I... I must leave." The woman rose to her full height, she then grabbed the boar and hoist it over her shoulder, belly up... I'm dead serious, she effortlessly lifted a boar that took a man and a griffin to barely get off the ground and propped it on her shoulder. "Goodbye, Kage, and thank you for finding my tool." She walked into the woods, showing no signs of struggle as she carried the boar. Good lord, she's friggin' strong!

"......... Black?"

"Yeah?"

"Where the bloody hell were you?"

"Cowering in fear." Well at least he was honest. "Um... Wow, I... I've never seen a human female before... Are they normally that tall?"

"Um..... Well, I can't say it's impossible... Usually the blokes are taller than the sheilas..." Kage put the lid on the cooler, then used some straps to lock it. "Ya know, she kinda reminds me of an ol' legend I heard about when I went huntin' in China."

"What's the legend?"

"The legend of the Slit-Mouth woman, an ol' legend that was told to children to keep 'em from wandering around by their lonesome." Kage explained, grabbing the cooler handle and dragging it back to their camp. Black followed behind, growing nervous as Celestia's sun began to set.

"So, how does the legend go?"

"Curiosity killed the cat, mate. You sure you wanna know?"

"... Yeah, I ain't scared!"

"Well then," Kage dropped the cooler, then sat down on the lid. "Gather 'round, and I'll tell ya a touchin' story, mate." Black shifted a little out of fear, but he approached and sat down on his haunches. "Alright kitties, here's how it goes." Kage cleared his throat. "Once upon a time, there was a strange land filled with magic, gumdrops, and soda machines that dispenced girl's grundies instead of soda cans. A place that was home to ninjas, giant monsters, and people who think Americans are bloody drongos, just like everybody else in the world... Well, except for those bloody Duke Nukems in the U.S. Yes, this was the land... Of Japan." Kage paused to add effect to his story. "Alright, I was pullin' ya leg about the monsters, ninja, and magic... Not kiddin' 'bout the panty machines though, or the Nukems... Anyway, this story takes place in Japan, not sure where the bloody hell in Japan though, bloody towns are a tongue-twisters along with more than half the names of the bloody Japs livin' there... Well, it's said that there was once a gorgeous skirt married to a bloody samurai."

"What's a samurai?"

"Think knights, but they got some sword called a katana and they look a lot more badarse... Well, the skirt was married to the samurai, but she wasn't exactly 'fair' if ya catch what I'm throwin' at ya."

"..... Oh, so she was a cheat!"

"That's usin' the ol' noodle there, mate. She was a loose skirt she was, slept with a different man every chance she got. But one day, fate decided she wasn't the sly fox she thought she was... Her husband caught her red-handed, he let the man go but the wife was in some deeeeep shit." Kage took out his kukri. "She begged and begged for forgiveness like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar, but the samurai wasn't as dumb as he let on, he knew she was a cheatin' bitch right from the start." Kage positioned his kukri on his cheek. "So, the bloke took out his sword," Kage moved his kukri across his face in a swift motion. "and sliced her mouth, giving her a gash across her mouth going ear-to-ear." Kage sheathed the kukri, noticing the sun had set and the moon was hanging high in the sky. "As he looked down at her writhing body, he said, 'Let's see if anyone would ever love a face like yours.' then he killed himself by stabbing himself with his own katana. The woman died from drowning in her own blood or blood loss, can't remember which one though."

"....... He... just, killed himself like that?"

"The Japs are very honorable people, mate. They'd rather die than live with shame, and this goes double with samurai because of their code of honor or some shit." Kage explained, Black just gave a confused look. "Yeah, I never understood it either, mate. But the legend doesn't end there, the woman was angry after death, she was so consumed by hate and revenge that she came back as a malicious spirit... They say that if you wander the streets of Japan alone, you'll find her. She's described as being very tall with long black hair and hazel eyes, her mouth covered by a surgical mask to hide her mutilated mouth. She hides a large, bladed object in her sleeve... I think it was a knife or somethin'... Anywho, if she takes an interest in ya, she'll ask ya one question."

"Am I pretty?"

"Woah!" Kage jumped off of his cooler and fell backwards, his face pale from shock. A voice had startled him, it wasn't Black's nor his but he had a good idea who's voice it was, the accused person was currently looking down at him. "You!... Eh..."

"Kuchisake-onna." It was the woman from before, her hazel eyes looking down at him with no emotion. "You were talking about the legendary Kuchisake-onna, yes?"

"Bloody hell, you scared the dick offa me!"

The woman knelt down and held out her hand, he took it and she helped him too his feet. "I'll take that as a yes." She said in monotone

"Alright, what the bloody hell is a Kuchi-whatzit, Sheila?"

"Kuchisake-onna" She corrected. "And it means, 'Slit-mouthed woman' in your language."

"Oh... You know the story then?"

"I am from Japan, the legend is well known... You know, they even made a movie about the spirit." She informed.

"Huh... Well, I reckon you know how the story goes, Sheila?"

"Yes, I know the legend...Also, she does not use a knife, she uses a large pair of scissors." She informed again.

"Well, how 'bout you tell it then? See if you can give me an' Black a good scare." Kage challenged.

"Very well then, I will finish where you left off... She will ask you 'Am I pretty?' and you can answer in two ways. If you answer no, she will brutally stab you to death with her scissors." She said, poking at Kage's stomach.

"W-what if you answer yes?"

"Well, cowardly griffin..." She paused to build-up the ominous setting. "She will remove her surgical mask and reveal her bloody, mutilated mouth and ask 'How about now?'. If you answer no or scream in horror she will cut you in half and leave you to bleed to death, and if you think you're smart and answer yes then she will cut your mouth open from ear-to-ear like hers and say 'Now you are as pretty as I', leaving you to bleed as was her fate..." The story ended, black was pale but Kage stood strong. "Anyways, I should be going, it is very late and it is dangerous to wander in the woods this late." She leaned down to get closer to their faces, then narrowed her eyes. "You never know what you might find out here at night... You could be staring death in the face right now and not even know it..." The woman stood back to her full height and walked past them, her destination unknown to Black and Kage.

"Oi!"

The woman stopped, and looked back to Kage.

"Who are you, anyway?"

".....Me?... You want my name?"

"Um... Yeah?"

The woman looked a bit shocked, like asking for her name was the same as complimenting her. Yeah, that expression. "................ I need to get going."

"Now wait a second, I just asked for your name!"

"You're sweet..." She started to walk away. "But... It would be best if you didn't know me..."

"It's just a name. I told ya mine, didn't I?" Kage said, she turned her head halfway to meet his gaze. "It's not like I'm askin' for ya number or somethin'."

`"M-My number?"

"Yeah, it's not much is it?"

"... Perhaps there is a misunderstanding between us." She turned her head back around and started walking away. "I said it would be best if you didn't know me..." She disappeared into the night, Kage didn't bother chasing her.

"What's up with her?"

"Eh, dunno mate. Seems kinda... Secretive?"

"She's definitely hiding something... Hey, you don't think?..."

"That she's Slit-mouth?"

"Yeah." Kage slapped Black in the back of the head. "Ow! Why'd you do that!?"

"Because you're thinking like a dumb-arse, bird-brain." Kage scolded. "If she was the monster she'd have already murdered us, not only that, but she is a legend. From bloody Asia, not Equiss."

"But she matches the description perfectly!"

"If I had on a hockey mask, would you automatically assume I was a bloody Canadian?"

"Um... Yes?"

"Sigh...... Bleedin' idiot... My point is, don't judge a book by it's cover." Kage grabbed the cooler handle and started walking to their camp. "C'mon, let's get this meat back to camp."

"I still don't trust her." Black retorted.

"Shaddup." Kage ordered. Eventually, they got back to their camp, a large tent and a lit fire... "Oi, did you put out the fire this mornin'?"

"I never started it in the first place, Kage." Black said, loading his crossbow.

"Hmph, 'bout time you started showing some back-bone." Kage pulled out his Kukri, ready to spill blood. "Black, stay outta the fray and cover me, I'll ambush the bloody drongo."

Black nodded and took to the sky, his sights locked on the tent's zip-door. Kage slowly approached the tent, he didn't see any movement inside so it could have been empty. All in one motion, Kage quickly unzipped the entrance and thrust his blade inside. Of course, it was empty, and everything was untouched.

"Huh... Nothin'..."

"See anything, Kage!?"

"Nothin 'ere!" Kage yelled, he zipped the tent back up and took a look around. "Hm... Must've left somethin' behind... Oh?" Kage saw something glimmer near the fire, he went to investigate and found a rusty pair of scissors. "Oi! Think I found a lead!"

Black descended beside Kage. "What is it?" Kage showed him the rusted cutters, his eyes widened.

"Look familiar?"

"That woman's scissors..."

"Yeah, looks like she knows where our camp is." Kage said. "You think she was waitin' for us?"

"I-I think she still is!" Black pointed to the path leading to their camp, there was the silhouette of a tall figure with long hair moving with the wind. It's yellow eyes glowing in the darkness and setting it out from the rest of the night. it was the woman, no doubt.

"Piss..."

"Kage..." The woman said. "I believe you have something that belongs to me... Please, return it."

"Why were you in our camp?"

"... Please, return my tool." She responded.

"I asked you a question, now answer it!"

The woman was silent, she slowly started walking toward Kage, getting taller as she did. She stopped right in front of him, looked down, and stared. "I wish for you to return my tool, then I will tell you."

".............. Fine." Kage gave her the scissors and she stored them away in her coat pocket. "Now, tell me why you were in our camp."

"Goodbye." She turned to walk away, but Kage grabbed her hand. It was cold like before, and the cold absorbed the warmth of his hand which made his spine shiver.

"You're not goin' anywhere, Sheila. You gotta do your end of the bargain." Kage said, she stopped and remained silent.

"........................ Your hand..... it's warm..."

"Don't change the subject, you ain't leavin' until I get an explanation!" Kage said, but the woman was... Distracted, by her own hand as it was clasped onto Kage's, almost hypnotized. "Oi! I'm talkin' to you!"

This seemed to snap her out of her trance and she responded. "Bathroom."

"... Bathroom?"

"Your camp had a bathroom..." Their camp DID have an out-house.

"... Well why didn't ya say so?"

"It was embarrassing..." Well she certainly didn't sound embarrassed, but Kage decided to believe her. "....................." They stood in silence.

"Eh... What?"

"You can let go of my hand now." She said.

"Huh? Oh! S-sorry..." Kage let go of her hand, it was as pale as the moon's surface.

"............." She stood in silence, simply looking at her free hand.

"Uh... You alright, mate?"

"......Why were your hands warm?"

"Um... Pardon?"

"... Nothing." She said. "Forget I said anything, goodnight." she then walked back down the path.

"... Oi, you think you can tell me ya name?"

The woman stopped, and half turned her head to face him. Her eyes glowed with an ominous yellow. "You want my name?"

"You didn't tell me when we talked last time, you said somethin' about 'being for the best.'" Kage said.

The woman stared in slight shock, she muttered something under her breath but her surgical mask prevented her lips from being read. "I... I must leave... Right now... Goodnight." She turned her head and ran, not walked, ran away... She was fast, like, really fast. Within half a second, she disappeared down the path and into the darkness... The path was a straight line, with it going up-hill if one were starting from the camp and it went for about twenty yards until the next turn... She covered twenty yards going up-hill in less than a second...

"Holy Dooley..."

"Okay, that wasn't natural." Black said in shock.

"You think?" Kage said. "The boar was one thing, but that... Bloody hell, she ain't human." Kage grabbed Black's crossbow and his quiver. "Stay 'ere and keep an eye out, I'll be back."

"Where are you going, Kage!?"

"I'm huntin' bigger game, much bigger game... If I ain't back by sunrise, don't come after me like a bloody jackarse." Kage said.

"Are you serious!? If you fight her you're a dead man!"

"And if I don't than she'll find us eventually, and when she does...! Well, I got a feelin' are funerals ain't gonna be open casket." Kage said, now wanting to think too hard about that scene.

Black was silent for a moment. "... If you don't come back alive, I'm gonna be really pissed not having my drinking buddy when we get back to Talon Rock!"

Kage nodded and ran down the path as fast as he could, not nearly as fast as the woman did but fast none the less. He eventually reached a fork in the road and pondered on what to do. "Alright, let's see..." He noticed a the tracks on the ground, they lead to the right side. "Hm, big mistake, didn't even cover your tracks."

"Cover who's tracks?"

Before Kage could turn around he was struck in the back of the head, he fell to the ground with his vision blurring.

"Oh, did you mean my tracks? I'm sorry to say, but you've seen too much..."

"S-... Slit-Mou..."

"Don't worry, after I'm done with you, I'll send you on your way with a halo and a set of wings... I'll even let your friend go along with you!"

"N-... No..." Kage was fading in and out of consciousness, he saw the woman's feet step in front of him. He was picked up by his waist and held in front of his captor, her eyes glowing yellow.

"Mhmhm, you're mine now..." That was the last thing Kage heard before he passed out.....

(An undetermined amount of time later)

"...........Mnh..... Huh?" Kage woke up feeling stiff as a brick, probably because he was tied to a tree... "Aw, bloody hell... Mnh! C'mon...! Dammit, no good." Kage said as his attempts of breaking the vines that bound him failed.

"Struggle all you want, you'll never break free of your restrains." A tall woman stepped in from the shadows. "About time you woke up as well, I was getting rather impatient with you."

"Y'know, I always thought that I'd go belly-up at the paws of a wild bear, not some psychotic she-demon." Kage scoured, the woman only laughed.

"Ahaha, oh Kage, you flatter me so!... Hm..... Kage..." The woman pondered on that name. "... Kage...... Kaaaage..... Hmm......." No, the woman wasn't trying to freak Kage out, she was genuinely thinking about that name. "Hmm...... Kage... That name..... So distant, yet... For some odd reason..." The woman looked down at Kage. "Hey, Kage. Did I know you when I was alive?"

"...Eh... When you were... Alive?"

"Yes, when I was still a fair maiden in Kyoko, back when I wasn't dead... Hmm....... Nah, I highly doubt we've ever even met... But-"

"Wait, you're actually dead!?"

"Hm?... Oh! Oh, yes, I am very well dead. Murdered by an oncoming truck I'm afraid..."

"Huh... You're a lot more... Open, when you're alone." Kage pointed out.

"Hm?... Open?... You do have a point..." The woman shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I'm just more comfortable around you."

"... You said an oncoming truck killed you?"

"Yes, I did." She answered.

"And not an angry husband?"

"Angry Husb-... Ohhhh, that old chest-nut... You know, you're not the first of my victims to bring up that false story." The woman pulled out her rusty scissors, filing her nails with it. "Oh course, with all my victims, I always set the record straight with them... You should know, I am somebody you've been talking about all night... An ol' legend told to children to keep 'em from wandering around their lonesome. as you put it... Ring any bells?"

"You're... Oh Christ Almighty..." Kage said in shock.

"Yeeeeesssss?" She hissed, suddenly invading his space bubble.

"..... Slit-Mouth..."

"BINGO! You guessed right! Now, do you know what your prize is my sweet?"

"Um... Freedom?"

"Like I haven't heard that a thousand times... No Kage, you will still be brutally murdered. But, not at this very moment! I will let you live a little longer... At least, until I finish my story." The woman stabbed her scissors into a wooden stump, then lowered her mask... It... Wasn't as bad as Kage had thought. The huge, bloody gash of legend was stitched up in the appropriate places, she practically looked normal besides the stitch-job. "Surprised? I did it myself... Personally I don't think it's too bad for a first time patch-up. It especially helps when your dead flesh can't feel pain, you know..." the demon felt her own handiwork, admiring it for a brief moment, or rather, remembering that day. "Sigh... Let me tell you my true legacy... The true tale of the Kuchisake-onna... I was twenty-two when that day came, I had just finished my hours at my quilt shop... I was known back then, as Miyama Nago, a shy girl married to a stupid, lying, CHEATING SONE OF A-....... ahem, sorry... I'll get to him soon enough... I was closing up shop when the kids made their rounds, throwing hurtful insults at poor little ol' me... Oh, how they destroyed my self-esteem, mocking me and my height... Later, I murdered them- Oh, look at me, already spoiling the story. Well, on my way home to meet my wonderful, loyal husband I discover that he went and cheated on me like the cold, little SHIT-STAIN I TURNED HIM INTO-!............ Sorry, I have some, malicious issues with a certain man..." The Demoness calmed down after that little moment.

"Sooo... You never cheated on your husband..."

"He cheated on me... Yes, after finding that out I blindly ran outside crying my heart out and BOOM! Next thing I know, I'm lying next to my mutilated corpse with a bloody truck bumper lodged in my torn mouth and a panicking driver... I didn't attend my own funeral, I was too saddened by the fact that I'll never have the experience of raising my own children... Or meeting my grandchildren... Or seeing my own mother and sister crying... It was a real downer that day. Of course, I got to see my grave, and I meet those hoodlums desecrating it....." Miyama chuckled to herself. "It's funny, of all the things that happened to me... I had one positive thought... I'm dead, and I would never have to worry about those... those little brats, and my stupid husband......... Calm down Miyama... Anyway, I thought they would leave me alone... I thought that I could be at rest... But my stupid husband started altering the story saying I cheated on him and that he was a great samurai. Then the kids came by and mocked me even after death... I guess I... I finally snapped. Those kids were my first victims, out of many, many others........ To be honest, I'm not really sure why I came all the way out here, I just had a feeling in my gut..... I guess, It was fate that brought us here." She took her scissors and removed them from the stump, tracing them along Kage's mouth. "Wouldn't you agree, my sweet?"

"Ey! Banshee reject!" A voice called out, the source intentionally snapped a branch with it's talon to give away it's location. "Why don't you be a good little ghost and untie my bro before I scratch your eyes out with my talons!" Yep, it was Black Wing.

"Black!? What the bloody hell did I tell you!?"

"Oh, you're that Griffin I scared the shit out of... How pleasant, my victims making my job easier by coming to me." Miyama's personality did a complete 180, she was now her unemotional cold self.

"Black! I told ya to get the hell outta 'ere!" Kage shouted.

"No can do, Kage. One, bros never leave another bro hangin'. Two, I'm not alone." At that moment, a tall figure rushed in and circled around Miyama, spreading a white powder into a ring surrounding the demon. Once the circle was complete, the figure stopped and rose to it's full height.

It was the woman? "Salt circle has been set, the spirit is trapped."

"Wait a bloody minute! Who are you!?"

Miyama was about to ask that as well until she processed what she was trapped in. "Salt circle!?" The demon tried punching through but an invisible wall blocked her path.

"Demons cannot cross salt, you are trapped until I release you." The woman said in monotone.

"No! Nonononono!" Miyama tried punching through the wall again and again and again, all efforts in vain. "LET! ME! GO!" Miyama saw the woman pull out a silver cross, her eyes shrinked. "NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO MEEE!!!"

"In the name of the lord, I purge you!"

"Get away from meee....... GET AWAY!"

"HANG ON A BLOODY MINUTE!" Everyone stopped what they were doing, seeing Kage had cut himself free with his Kukri. "Let me talk to her... I dunno who the devil you are, Sheila. But lemme talk to her... Please..."

"......... Why?"

"Because, I know her story... She's been through some deep shit, I just wanna talk to her." Kage said.

"... Fine, you may speak with the Demon." the Miyama Look-alike stepped aside and let Kage talk to Miyama.

"Miyama... I'm sorry for what you had to put up with... But you have to stop this, it's not right!"

"No! I!......I..... Can't." Miyama fell to her knees. "I just can't!"

"Miyama, look at yourself!" Kage pointed to her scissors, which showed her reflection. "You're a bloody demon! You kill people for no reason, just because you can't get over your past!... What the hell happened to you?"

"......... I pushed back." Miyama attempted to strike Kage, but the salt protected him from the attack. "I pushed back! I was a pushover, I should have murdered those brats long before I died!" Miyama screamed at Kage, he wasn't intimidated.

"Miyama, stop... This ain't right, this ain't who you are!"

"It... It... Isn't... This isn't me..." She tried to strike Kage again, the attack once again being deflected by the salt barrier. She kept swinging regardless. "This isn't me! This isn't me! This isn't me! This isn't me! This isn't ME!......" She stopped her assault, panting and taking in sweet air. Once she got her breath under control she started to speak. "... This isn't me....... It's the new me... I'm a..." She started to cry, softly at first but it only grew over time. "I'm a Monsterrr! I k-killed so many, just because of my stupid hunger for revenge!... I... sniff I can't go back to how it was... I've killed so many, I've spilled too much blood to gain redemption..." Miyama stopped to cry some more, then she wipe her face of tears. "I... I miss my mommy, I miss my sister, I miss my old life! I didn't want to die, there was so much too see, so many experiences to live through..."

"You weren't out for revenge, mate." Kage grabbed the woman's cross, showing it to Miyama. When she saw her reflection in the silver, she didn't see her demonic hazel irises. She stared back at soft, green irises, her true irises. "You just wanted to live... You thought it was to exact your revenge, but that was just your judgement bein' clouded by hate..." Kage retracted the cross and crossed the barrier, Miyama started pushing him out.

"Get away from me! I'm a monster!"

"Now that's enough!" Kage shouted, Miyama flinched back in responce. "You ain't no bloody monster!... You wanna see a real monster, than look at me. I kill animals for bloody fun and I wear their skins like a damn wack-job!... I ain't no better than you, princess." Kage pushed the cross into Miyama's stomach, it sizzled like a hot iron. "In the name of whatevah bloody god watches over us, I purge you of sin!" Miyama felt a warmth overtake her, her eyes glowed as she witnessed a vision of the best day of her past life. "Bloody repent! Whatevah the hell that means!"

(Twenty years ago, Kyoko playground)

"Hah! Look at you, you're way too tall to be our friend!"

"B-but-"

"Can't you take a hint, Giant-chan? Nobody likes you, you're a freak!" The kids left the playground, and with it, a very sad little girl named Miyama Nago.

"I... I just wanted to play a little..." Tears threatened to leave little Miyama's eyes.

"Oi! You alright there, lil' girl!?" A tall man called out to her, he had scruffy hair and a pair of yellow shades. He wore a red T-shirt with a brown, sleeveless jacket that had various pockets lining the front. She noticed a symbol on the right side of the jacket, it looked like a ram skull. He had light-brown cargo pants and dusty boots, he certainly didn't dress like a Japanese man and his language wasn't Japanese either, so he must have been a foreigner. He eventually reached Miyama, a little winded but he wasn't panting for breath. "Oi... I saw what happened just now... You... Hang on, lemme catch my breath..." He took the time to catch his breath before speaking. "Okay... You alright there, miss? I saw those lil' brats givin' ya an ear-full, they rough ya up any?"

"U-um... Mommy said not to talk to strangers..."

"She did, eh? Well she's raisin' ya right... Now c'mon, tell me what's troublin' ya." The man said.

"W-well... Everyone hates me! Nobody wants to play with me, j-just because I'm tall!"

"Huh... The white wolf singled outta the pack 'cause he's different, eh?" The man turned and looked around. "Hmm... Oi, Kage!" A child came out of the big jungle gym with a candy bar in his mouth. He ran to the man with the candy hanging from his mouth.

"Whash up, popsh?" He said with the candy bar still in his mouth, making his speech sound like this.

"Git the bloody food outta ya mouth when ya talkin' to me." The man ordered. the boy took a bite out of his food and swallowed the piece. "Good. Now, this 'ere girl's got no one to play with, why don't ya keep 'er company?"

Kage looked at the girl, who looked away from him in shyness. "Akay." He walked up to the girl and held out his hand, giving a bright smile. "Names Kage, Sheila!"

"U-um... Sheila?"

"Yeah, yer a Sheila aren't ya?"

"Boy, they don't say Sheila round 'ere, call 'em ladies." The man said.

"Ohhh, Akay." The boy held out his candy bar to Miyama, which upon closer inspection, wasn't candy at all. "Oi, want some jerky, ladies?"

"Now don't git smart with me, boy." The man said, Kage just smirked. "Well, you waitin' for a bloody signal flare? Get to it, I'll be back 'ere when ya mum's done sight-seein'."

"You just want me gone so you and mum can go to that 'love hotel' you were talkin' about." Kage said, which made the man quickly cover Kage's mouth.

"L-Love Hotel!?" Miyama said with a blush.

"Ahahaha! Bloody joker, you are!" The man gave Kage some yen. "This'll shut ya up, right?" Kage gave him a thumbs up and took the money. "Right then, I'll be back later." The man walked off and left the two children to themselves.

"M-my names... Miyama Nago, it's nice to meet you." Miyama said with a bow.

"Names Kage, nice meetin' ya!" Kage took her hand and vigorously shook it, flustering Miyama.

"O-oh! Um, that was-"

"C'mon, let's go!"

"Wait, where are we- Woah!" Kage took off with Miyama in tow, they went into the castle where a large hole was dug up. Kage let go of Miyama's hand and jumped in.

"I dug a hole!"

"... Why?"

"Dunno... Just felt like digging!" He climbed out, taking a bite out of his jerky and then stuffing the rest into Miyama's mouth. "C'mon, have a bite! It's beef flavor!"

"Ack! Phea! Don't just shove things into my mouth like that, idiot!"

"Why? It's good jerky, ain't it?"

Miyama opened her mouth to yell further, but then she paused once the taste hit her. "... Huh, it's not bad..."

"Yeah, that meat's the fair dinkum... You know what that means, right?"

"No, what?"

"Means it's the real thing, mate." He explained.

"Oh... Well, you said it was beef flavored earlier, right? So isn't that a bit redundant?"

`"... Oh yeah, I said that already... Guess I got a Kangaroo loose in the top paddock, mah right?"

"Um..." Miyama was very confused by his jargin.

"... Right then. So whataya Japs do for fun round 'ere anyway?"

"I take offence to that." Miyama warned.

"I can go a lot worse, mate. People round 'ere aren't exactly throwin' out the welcome wagon for foreigners. Hell, some guy called my pop Gator-bait a while ago!" Miyama couldn't help but giggle a little. "Oh, you think it's funny when I'm hurt, mate? I'm serious, some of these blokes are mean as cat piss!"

"Pffh- What!? Mean as cat pee!?"

"Yeah, it's a sayin' we got down under. Let's see... How 'bout 'dryer than a nun's nasty' or 'as useless as tits on a bull', we got loads of 'em!"

"Ehehe, your language is very..."

"Shit-mouthed?"

"I was gonna say colorful." Miyama said.

"Huh... Still, why the bloody hell do your people hate us?"

"... Well, we get a lot of foreigners here in Japan... Some businesses have to know English to accommodate for them." She said.

"Like yours?"

"Yeah... My mom is a seamstress she taught me English to help out." She explained. "Japan... Has a bit of a foreigner problem..."

"Hah! That's rich, you think you have it bad? Look at them Seppos in the U.S., they made a border to keep the bloody immigrants out but they still sneak in!" Kage lounged back on the castle walls. "So, like I said, whataya do for fun round 'ere?"

Miyama tried to think of something, but nothing came to mind.

"You don't know either, mate?... Can't say I didn't see that coming... By the way, what's up with those dogs you were talkin' to?"

"Dogs?"

The Sheila's that nearly gave ya an ear-bashin', they just up 'n left ya!"

"You mean the girls I was talking to?... Well, um..."

"I thought so, mate." Kage said.

"... I just wanted to be friends with them." Miyama said. "But they said I was too tall..."

"Too tall? Bloody hell, that's the dumbest excuse I ever heard!" Kage shuffled beside her and patted her back. "Aw, don't beat yourself up like this, those hard-arse dropkicks ain't worth the trouble."

"But I have no friends, just because I'm tall!"

"Yeah, and I ain't got no friends round here either just because I'm a dinkum Aussie, it's a sorry excuse ain't it?"

"Well... How do you cope?"

"Me? I just ignore 'em, the drongos can stir up shit somewhere else. Hell, the dogs you were talkin' to weren't nobody's cobblers, especially yours." Kage said.

"A cobbler?"

"A friend, buddy, mate, ringin' a bell?" Kage said, tapping his head.

"So you're saying they weren't my friends to begin with?"

"I figured you knew that when they denied your friendship, but yeah... Oi, I know what'll cheer ya up!" Kage got up and ran out of the castle, he went back after a moment. "C'mon, let's go get an ice-block!"

"Ice-block?"

"Ice-cream, popcicle, whatever ya call it round 'ere. My throat's as dry as a dead dingo's doodle and you could use some cheerin' up." Kage held out his hand and smirked. "How 'bout it, mate?"

Miyama was silent, but soon she took his hand and nodded. "I'd like that."

"Aw, how adorable." A girl walked into the castle, blocking the entrance. "The Giant is friends with the Hick, who would've guessed!"

"Hick!? Why don't you say to my face ya half-eyed ankle-biter!"

"Half-eyed!? At least I don't smell like a dead rat!"

"Least I don't act like a rat, you bloody coward!" The girl was obviously getting angrier, as was Kage. "Why you messin' with us anyway? Don't you have somethin' better to do than to meddle with us?"

"The castle's MY turf, Aussie." The girl said, trying to act tough. "Why don't you beat-it before I get angry."

Kage just stood there with a confused look. "....... Is she serious? Does she seriously think she can scare me? Hah! I bet you've never even been in a scrap before!" Kage simply moved her aside with a little push, escorting Miyama out.

"I-I have so been in a scrap!... Hey, don;t ignore me!"

"I'll believe it when I see it, come talk to me when you earn a few scars and a set o' ovaries." Kage and Miyama left the bully, who was fuming with anger. "See that? That's how ya piss off a bully, don't give 'em any attention."

"....... T-Thank you, Kage." Miyama said.

"Don't sweat it, I had a bully too when I was younger. He was a mean bastard." Kage chuckled at the memory. "Yep, kicked my arse every bloody day at recess, but one day, I hit 'im back... Worse mistake I ever made, he beat my arse like a bloody mule that day... But, I earned his respect by taking that beatin' like a man... "

'chu'

"Huh?" Kage touched his cheek, feeling the wet spot on it. He looked back at Miyama who was blushing like a tomato. "Did you just..."

"It was... I just... I felt so thankful that..."

"Woah now, cool ya jets there. No harm done, you were just thankful." Kage said with a comforting tone. "Besides, we're mates right? Don't need to be embarrassed when ya mate's involved... Unless it's somethin' inappropriate..."

"Mate..... As in, friend?"

"Whataya think it means?"

"Oh..... Right." Miyama looked down and then away from Kage, she seemed nervous.

"What's wrong?"

"Um......... N-nothing, let's just get some ice cream." She said.

"Certainly doesn't sound like nothing... C'mon, tell me what's bitin' ya." Kage asked.

"..... Kage, have you ever... Liked someone?"

"You mean love?... Eh, I've had my fair share of crushes, nothin' serious though." He said halfheartedly. "Why, you fond of someone?"

"... Well, I guess..... Does love make you wanna throw-up?"

"Yep, that's love alright... Sucks, doesn't it?"

"Especially when the person I like is completely oblivious..."

"So he's an idiot, eh?"

"Well...... He's a funny idiot, I guess..."

"..... Ya know, I just realized somethin'." Kage looked around for a moment, then sighed. "Yep, I have no idea where the bloody hell the ice-cream place is."

Miyama looked around for a landmark to identify their location. "Over here."

Kage followed her back a distance until they came to a brightly colored building with a large Ice-cream cut-out on the sign. "How the hell did I miss that?"

"It's fine, you couldn't read it anyways. Come on, let's get some ice-cream." After they got their frozen treats the two walked around town a little. The sun was close to setting which meant they didn't have much time left. "... Hey, did you hear about the new planet that was discovered?"

"You mean that Equesta-whatsit place? Yeah, they said that a few men were sent there. Came back alive, they did... Said there were beings there like us in the brains department." Kage licked at his cone. "They said in a few years we'll be able to go there..."

"Space travel?... Sounds kind of scary to me." Miyama said.

"Well, that's where I'll be when I leave the nest. I'll hunt me some nasty beasts and mount 'em on my wall!"

"You wanna kill them?"

"The animals, not the sentients. My ol' man was a hunter and I plan on bein' one too... You know Miyama, I'm leavin' today..."

"You're leaving Earth?"

"No, I'm leavin' Japan. Gotta go back home, you know?"

"Oh..." Miyama took his hand. "Don't worry Kage, no matter what happens we'll always be friends!"

"... Yeah, you're right. Don't matter where we go, we'll always be friends." Kage smirked. "Hell, maybe when I go to the planet we can meet up an' share a gutful o' piss!... That means share a few drinks... Or get wasted, though I'm referin' to the first thing... So, whataya say Miya?"

"... Yeah, I'd like that very much." Miyama said, smiling at Kage's antics. "But how will I know it is you?"

"Simple, you'll know me the minute you shake my hand!... Oh, wait." Kage spit in his hand and held it out to her. "Now, do what I did and let's shake on it!"

"Eh..... That was... Gross..... Why would I shake your spit-covered hand?"

"It's called a spit-shake, pops told me nothin' is more sacred than a spit-shake. He told me doin' a spit-shake is like swearing your life on somethin'. So let's shake on it, that you and me will meet in that planet!"

Miyama was hesitant, but she spit in her own hand and grabbed Kage's own. "It's a deal."

"Oi! Kage, s' time to go!"

"Ah piss..... Ah I'm sorry Miya, I wanted to hang out some more but..."

"Will I ever see you again?"

"Course ya will! We shook on it!" Kage gave her a hug and started walking to his dad. "Oh, and about that idiot ya like... Tell 'im how you feel, blubberin' air-head probably won't figure it out on his own."

"Wait, um..... About that idiot..." Miyama was shifting around nervously. "Well..... What if he says no?"

"You won't know until you try, right?"

"......... Kage, we're... Mates, right?"

"Yeah." He said.

Miyama ran up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Thanks for being my friend... I'll always remember you... you...you...

(End of Flashback.)

"Miyama's vision returned to her, all those memories of that boy, her only... friend she ever made when she was young. "That day..." She said. "That day was the happiest moment of my life..." She looked down at Kage, she started to shed tears. "It's... It's you... That boy that... Kage, I'm so sorry, I would have killed you if your friend and..." Miyama looked at the woman near Black. "....... Tsu... Tsubaki...? Is that..."

"Yes." She said in monotone. "It's me... Sister."

"Tsubaki... It's so good to see you again, and you became a priestess like you wanted..."

"Yes, and you are looking much better now, your mouth has returned to normal." Tsubaki pointed out.

"I see that now..." Miyama looked down at Kage. "Kage... It really was fate that brought us together."

"Uh, it was?"

"Do you not remember? You went to Japan when you were little, and you met a girl there... You became friends with her, and did a spit-shake promising to meet her at Equiss." Miyama said.

"..... Yeah, I remember that day... Was that...?"

"It was me, Miyama Natsu... Well, you weren't wrong about the spit-shake, we DID meet up here..."

"Ehehe, yeah, guess we did... Say, what did you mean when you said I'd be better off not knowin' ya name?"

"That would be me, Kage." Tsubaki said. "I said that to you to try and scare you away from this place... I knew my sister was here and I didn't want you to get hurt."

"... Coulda just told us a bloody murderer was 'ere, but alright." Kage turned back to Miyama. "Say, whatever happened to that boy you liked?"

Miyama chuckled a little. "Oh Kage... You're such an idiot..."

Kage raised a brow in confusion. "..... Wait a minute..."

"For now... Goodbye..." Miyama bent down and kissed Kage on his forehead. Her body became spectral and a halo hovered over her head, her body was slowly disappearing. "My love..." She finally faded away, leaving behind little sparkles of light.

"Bloody hell... I was that idiot..." Kage turned to the woman, who was putting her mask back on. "So, you're her sis?"

"Yes, I was her sister before she passed away... I suppose I still am as well." She said.

"Huh... Does height run in the family?"

"We were identical twins, technically she was older since she came out first." She explained "I was her twin, our height was a mere coincidence, not hereditary."

"And the bloody mask?"

"I have a lung condition that makes me cough up blood, I use this to contain my bloody coughs and protect my lungs from harmful things in the air." She explained.

"..... Well, how the bloody hell did you and Black meet?"

"I stumbled into your camp, Black freaked out and I explained myself as a priestess. He told me the situation and we formed a plan to help you." She explained.

"Well how did you find me out 'ere?"

"Wings bro." Black said. "And eagle eyes."

"....... Huh, well Black, I owe you a drink." Kage stepped out of the ring of salt. "Too bad I couldn't share that drink with Miya... Poor thing."

"Yes..... By the way, what are your feeling toward her?"

"Feelings?... You askin' weather I love her or not?" Tsubaki nodded. "Course I don't... I mean, we barely knew each other, she wasn't hard on the eyes but love isn't something that just happens, you gotta fall into it over time... I don't hate her, far from it. I just..."

".......... I understand, but what if you spent more time with her?"

"... Dunno, we were good friends for a short time, we could make it work... Probably can't now, she's gone." Kage said.

"..... Interesting." Tsubaki took back her cross and left without another word, leaving Kage and Black by themselves.

"... Huh, weird." Kage remembered something important that he'd forgot about. "Oh bloody hell, the cooler!"

"Oh shit, we forgot didn't we?"

"Yep... Bloody hell... Probably rotted by now too..."

"Don't sweat it, we can just grab some grub at my place in Talon Rock." Black offered.

"Yeah, you're right... Ehehe, hell of a week, come out huntin' for game and we find a bloody demon." Kage said with a smirk.

"Ain't no rest for the wicked, right?"

"Yeah, ain't no rest for the wicked... Okay, I'm bored now." Kage stated.

"You wanna go get wasted?"

"You know I do." The two walked down the path Tsubaki took, made it back to their camp, and went back to the Griffin town of Talon Rock to get tanked, and they lived happily ever after. As for Miyama, she could finally rest in peace while watching over Kage until his inevitable demise. Since she couldn't meet him on Equiss, maybe they could catch up in eternity...

(Ending Song: Boats and Birds by Gregory and The Hawk. Look it up, this cute song fits well here.)

Author's Note

Happy Halloween my Pretties! Ahahahaha!!!..... Yep, it's Halloween and all that that good stuff. Anyway, I am NOT Australian, so Kage's accent and jargon are things I looked up. I'm sorry to keep you guys waiting for so long, I'm a disorganized train wreck of stress and school work! Yay, school work... Well, this has been the Halloween special, good night and don't walk alone out there... Or she's gonna get you... Tootles!

The Legend of the Murder.

Fear for your life tainted soul, if you have a bounty on your head. For the Murder will come, and put you to bed.

You can run, but cannot hide, the scent of guilt is his guide. You may persuade, but will never convince, he shows no mercy and sees through all tricks.

He is the shadow that you cast during the day, reminding you of sin that you can atone. He is the paranoia that haunts you at night, reminding you that you are never alone.

He does not target every sinner, for everyone has evil in their soul. But when the bad outweighs the good, well... You must pay a toll.

If one gains a reputation he may catch wind, and target that who has sinned. He will find them and make them pay in fear and blood, then leave their lifeless corpse to rot in a shallow grave of mud.

You will know if you've been targeted, for he will appear with a murder of crow. He will introduce himself and grant you two two choices, stay and accept fate, or go.

Those who choose to stay are spared of hell's damnation, and are sent to heaven with a painless decapitation. But to those who choose go... They cannot be saved, by choosing to run from him they have sealed their fate.

Those who run are given one last day of life, but it does not come without a price. At exactly 24 hours from then, the Murder will reveal himself... But, he won't be as nice.

He will capture you, and he will kill you in the most morbid way. Your soul will be sent to hell... And he will tell you, 'You should have chose stay...'

Within the city of Manehatten, a pony named Gear Head resides... Gear Head was a simple mechanic, fixing things that needed to be fixed, but he also lived another life...

He was a Serial Killer.

Right now, you're probably wondering why he's such a thing. Well, he's a mentally disturbed lunatic! But he hides it very well, no one ever suspects the tinkerer..... But, why he does it? Well... He just gets a kick out of murdering. I don't know why he does, but he does...

Today, he's been a little on-edge. Yesterday he was met with a strange sight, a tall... Thing? Greeted him, wearing an ominous cloak that covered all but it's eyes, and it held a black, rusty lantern in it's left hand which was lit with a blue flame. It called itself, the Murder... Not only that, but it knew Gear's name, and what he's... Well, been doing. It said that he wasn't long for this world, and it asked if he would like to stay and accept fate, or go. Naturally, Gear ran away, it didn't have evidence on him, and who'd listen to a tall freak like him anyway?

But still, ever since he met that thing he's been jumpy. For instance, there's this stupid crow that's been following him, squawking and flying overhead until it needed to roost. Ponies gave him strange looks, all because of that damn bird, and he couldn't kill anyone because of it's constant squawking! He also feels like he's always being watched... But every instance he tried to look for a culprit, there were none. Gear just couldn't work like this, it's maddening! "Grrr... Stupid freak..." The ring of his door bell snapped him out of his grumbling, there was a little filly with a broken toy plane.

"Mister? Could you fix my toy?"

"(Hmm..... Maybe I just need to relieve some stress...)" The crow wasn't around... Gear gained a warm smile. "Why certainly, little filly!" He motioned her into the back room, opening it with his horn. "Come, I'll have it fixed in a jiffy!" The clueless little filly went into the room, and he followed closely behind with a knife in his saddlebag.

The filly was never seen again after that...

(Sunset)

Gear Head was at the harbor, carrying a large sack over his back. He threw it into the ocean, watching as it sank into the murky depths. "Hmph, should have stayed at home, kid..." He turned to leave, when he saw he wasn't alone. That creature from yesterday was there... Just staring at him. "You!" He heard the sounds of flapping, and when he looked around there were dozens of crows. They dotted the tops of the boat houses and storage units, and there was one crow perched on the creature's shoulder... They all stared at Gear, no, glared at him. He could feel their piercing eyes, staring into his very soul... "What the hell..." He could hear his heart race, the constant thumping against his ear growing faster and faster as the seconds passed. Those eyes were mocking him, he could hear the word 'monster' from a voice inside his head, echoing again and again. He was starting to sweat very heavily, and shake with rage. "I'M NOT A MONSTER!" He screamed at the creature, it just continued to stare, and the voice grew in numbers and in volume. "JUST STOP THE VOICES! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Gear tried to cover his ears, but it did no help. He curled up into a ball, shaking and crying. The voices started calling him different things now, like murderer, lunatic, or crazy. He closed his eyes to try and force them out, but that didn't help. "STOP IT! STOP IT! STOOOOOP!!!"

The voices... Ceased..... He opened his eyes and the creature was standing, no, floating over him, mere inches from his shaking form... It didn't have any feet. The being looked down at him with an emotionless gaze. "....... Mortal..." The being's deep voice spoke in Gear's head. "Do you know whose voices those were...?"

Gear just stared at him.

"..... Those were the cries of your numerous victims... All of them, prematurely ended by your hooves." The creature shook it's head in pity. "Such a tragedy. Twas not their time to depart for the spirit world... Tell me, mortal, do you know what becomes of a spirit who is not ready to leave this world...?"

Gear said nothing, he was too freaked-out to say anything.

"..... They do not ascend to the cloud city you mortals call 'Heaven'... Nor do they fall into the blazing inferno you mortals call 'hell'" The creature scratched the neck of the little crow perched on it's shoulder, it seemed to be enjoying the attention. "They turn into Black Harbingers..... Or, as you mortals like to call them, Crows."

"........ I..... I don't-"

"Understand?... I told you before, mortal, I am the Murder. An Arch-Angel sent to cleanse this filthy world... I also told you that you will die soon, and I gave you two choices, either to stay and accept your fate or flee and delay the inedible... You chose to flee, which means you will be sent to the blazing inferno where you belong..."

"The Murder... World of the living...... You're no angel!" Gear claimed. "Angels are at least pleasant to look at, and they certainly do NOT kill! What are you really? A demon!? A wandering ghost!?"

"..... Angel... What do you know about Angels, mortal?" The Murder questioned with a glare. "Not only that, but how would you, you of all mortals, claim to know what an Angel should look like?"

Gear just stared at him with an evil eye "..... What are you, and why do you torment me like this?"

"....... Mortal..." the Murder spoke, it's speaking voice deep and powerful. "I am the Murder, an Arch-Angel sent to cleanse this filthy world..." The crows started gliding down, circling Gear. "..... This world... Riddled with disgusting stains... It makes me sick to think that blemishes like you would ruin the beauty of life..... Hmm, speaking of disgusting stains, I believe it's time to... Clean-up your act." The crows all took too the sky, the orange glow of sunset was engulfed by the murder of crows, turning the skies black. "......... Gear Head..... You will die here, at the talons of all you have wronged... They shall exact revenge upon you, and send you to the blazing inferno... The Murder turned away. "You should have just stayed when you were given the option... I would have been much less painless than your harbinger-turned victims." The crows dived onto the stallion, tearing his skin, poking his eyes out, and maiming him with sharp talons. He screamed and kicked, but after taking enough pain he passed-out, and eventually he died... After hours of kaws and flapping, the crows flew their separate ways. As for Gear Head, only a skeleton remained, picked clean of any meat... Later, after the officials found what was left of him, they went to investigate his workshop. They found photos of all the missing victims, along with bloody rut-sacks and multiple hair samples.

Manehatten lost a lot of ponies to that criminal... Most never questioned why he was found like he was, after what he did they thought he deserved as much.

Author's Note

[Photo coming soon, sorry.] He sounds like Black Doom from Shadow the Hedgehog.

The Legend of The Collector: Part 1

Time.....

Time is... A unique conscept...

There is no natural occurrence of 'time', it cannot be 'created'... Yet... It exists...

How can something exist... If there's no proof of it?...

(Canterlot City)

Silver Hoof, a twelve year old colt, was having another nightmare. In fact, this is the third one this week, and it's always the same thing. He's outside playing, and then he hears a loud, deep bang... Then, a wall of fire engulfs the sky, turning it red in a scarlet inferno. The trees in the city combust into flame, ponies start screaming all around. He's scared, afraid, and confused... Then, silence falls, and he's floating in a black void. Of course, he's not alone, a light in the distance breaks the darkness. He meets a very tall bipedal creature, with a ball of pure light hovering over it's open palm. It has no mouth or nose, but it has three eyes, two normal ones and an additional eye on it's forehead. It's skin was pale blue, and it's eyes were completely black minus it's pupils, which were pink vertical slits... This being never harmed him, it just stared at him for a few moments with it's soulless eyes, and walked back into the darkness.

But this time, it approached him... It knelt down to him, and held out it's free hand. Silver Hoof was afraid, he didn't know this creature that haunted his dreams nor why it did so in the first place... But it felt different this time. It didn't feel like he was in a dream, he felt as if he was wide awake... His sleeping conscious had awoken, but he still remained in a comatose state, this scared him further. "..... Fear not, young one... I am not an enemy..." A ghostly voice whispered in the colt's head. "In fact, I have come to save you..."

"S-s-save... M-me?" The colt was shaking in fear, like a puppy enduring it's first thunder-storm. "S-save me from w-what?"

Silver's mother had entered her son's room to check and see if he was having another nightmare... She witnessed something that nearly made her scream. There was a... A thing, standing over her son's bed, watching him sleep. This thing stood on it's back legs and had three pink, glowing slits, more than likely it's eyes. The rest of it's body was hidden in darkness, a black silhouette against the moonlight from the window. Judging from the black appendage and fingers, it was touching his forehead for an unknown reason... She couldn't move, she was completely paralyzed in fear.

Her son started to shift, and eventually he woke up. Silver stared into the eyes of his watcher... He sighed. "So it's true?"

The creature slowly nodded it's head, then it motioned to Silver's mother.

"..... Mommy..."

"S-Silver?" She whispered.

The young colt jumped out of bed and ran to his mother, hugging her fore-hoof. "M-Mommy..."

The creature slowly approached, Silver's mother stood in a defensive stance. "Get away from my baby you monster!" She yelled.

The creature complied and halted it's advance, but remained silent.

"I don't know what you are, but I swear if you lay a finger on my baby I'll-!

"Mommy!" Her son yelled... He had ears going down his cheeks. "Please... Please stop..." Her son let go of her hoof, and walked to the creature.

"... Silver?"

Silver turned his head. "..... Mommy... I love you..." The creature raised it's arm and snapped it's fingers, a black void opened up out of thin air. "I... I have to go..."

Silver's mother started shedding tears, she charged on reflex in an effort to get her son away from the creature. "No, get away from him!" She was halted, and lifted up by an unknown force. She started thrashing against this force, but it did little to nothing. "Silver!" Tears ran down her face as she watched her only son approach this unknown being. "No, stop! Get away from that thing!" Silver was now beside it, tearing-up from seeing his mother like this. "No! Please don't take my baby away from me! Please!

The creature motioned Silver to step into the portal, he nodded. "Bye, Mommy... I'll miss you."

"SILVER!!!" The colt stepped into the void, enveloped by the murky blackness. The void closed and his mother dropped to the floor, released by whatever force was holding her up. She slowly got up, shaking with anger. "No... You..." She glared at the creature. "You give me back my BABY!" She leaped at the creature, but was thrown back by an unseeable force. She hit the wall with a loud thud. "Oof!... My baby..." She shakily got up again. "GIVE ME BACK MY BABY!" She yelled, the creature just stared at her... Her strength gave out, and she collapsed in a sad heap. "Silver... Why?" She looked up at the creature. "Why did you take my baby from me...?" The creature remained silent. "..... Answer me!" The creature vanished, no smoke or a flash of light, he just disappeared. "..... No... This can't be happening..." She was lifted into the air once again, completely confused. That is until the creature reappeared mere inches from her face, staring her dead in the eyes. Her heart was racing, body shaking like a leaf, fear completely silenced her and overridden any and all sorrow. She lost control of her bladder and soiled herself, urine running down her back-leg and onto the floor.

The creature ignored her fear-stricken state placed a finger on her forehead. "... Your child will be saved....." A voice whispered in her head. The mare was dropped onto the floor, released from the unknown force and landing in the yellow mess she made earlier. The creature disappeared one last time, leaving the mare to whimper in utter fear...

(Canterlot Castle, one moon later)

"Your highness, we got another one." A guard reported.

"An abduction?" She questioned.

The guard nodded. "The mother was traumatized by the incident and her son is missing, she claims that a tall, bipedal demon took him." He further explained. "I believe this is the fourth case today involving a tall, bipedal foalnabber."

"Fifth." Celestia corrected in an agitated tone. "This is the fifth report I've had today of an apparent 'demon' foalnabbing somepony's child."

"Aren't you going to do something about it? This sounds like a very serious problem, if you don't mind me saying." The guard asked.

Celestia gave a long, heavy sigh. "I would, but there's just one problem... The one I just received was from this very city, the one before that was from Fillydelphia, and the one before that was all the way in Manehatten... This flightless creature somehow abducts five children from different reaches all across Equestria, all over the course of a single night." The princess was baffled, she just couldn't understand how this could even be possible. "What kind of being is capable of traveling such great distances without the aid of flight?"

"I'm... Not sure if ANY creature is able to do that... Even with wings, it's impossible to travel so far in such a short time." He said.

"My point exactly... Whatever we're dealing with, it must be very powerful." Celestia thought out loud. She used her magic to retrieve some paper and a quill. "I want you to awaken my sister and inform her of all this, she may know what kind of creature we're dealing with. I'll send a message to my student about this immediately."

The guard saluted. "Yes your highness." He rushed to Luna's room to awaken her while the princess quickly scribbled down a message.

"Whatever you are, I won't allow you to terrorize my subjects any further." She turned her head- "AH!" She stumbled back in surprise... Whatever she was looking at, it wasn't a pony. "..... What... I..." She realized it was standing on it's hind legs. "I-It's you!" The demon vanished. "No! Where-!" Something grabbed the back of her head, then a sudden shift in gravity forced her legs to buckle and pin her to the floor.

"..... Goddess of the sun..." A ghastly voice whispered in her head. "I highly advise you cease this insubordinate behavior immediately..." Celestia struggled to stand, but the gravity intensified and made her collapse once more. "Fighting back is pointless... Very few can ever match the psychokinetic prowess of my species..."

"You... Release me at once!"

"..... I'm afraid that would be a very poor choice of judgement on my part... I can predict the outcome of that scenario, even without the assistance of my foresight..."

"I... Foresight..... Who are you, and what are you!?" She asked.

"... My name cannot be comprehended by a species as dull-minded as yours. One would require telepathic abilities to even pronounce it, as vocalizing it is impossible... But, you may refer to me as, the Collector..."

"Why are you taking my subjects, Collector?" She further questioned.

"... Why?..... I believe it's better for you to be unaware of my reasons. But in time, you will learn..."

"Stop speaking in riddles!" She demanded. "Tell me your reasons, now!"

"..... As I said, Equestrian..." The voice spoke. "It is best that you remain unaware... But I assure you, my reasons are justified..." The hand holding the back of her head vanished, and so did the gravitational hold. The creature had already disappeared before Celestia could meet it, leaving no traces of it's presence.

"..... Unaware... Justified... I refuse to believe such lies." The princess stood up, gaining a serious look. She sent the letter with her magic and marched straight to the court room.

A drowsy Luna met her halfway. "Ugh, sister, why have you awoken me?"

"There is no time to explain, just follow me." She ordered.

Luna looked surprised, and a little hurt from her sister's sternness, but she complied. "No need to be so harsh, sister. The world isn't ending, you know."

"I know, Lulu. But the lives of many may be at stake." Celestia informed. "I'll explain everything once Twilight arrives, just bear with me for now."

Author's Note

[Working on picture, sorry.]

The Collector, a mysterious biped with PSI abilities. Why is he taking colts and fillies from their parents, and where exactly is he taking them? What exactly is he? Is he really a demon, or... Is he something far worse?

The Legend of Mike and the Really Stupid Crack Fic with some Surprisingly Decent Plot and Really Fucked-Up Morals

Author's Note

Warning: I completely went to town and bought a carton of milk on this fic, so this shit's edgy, like really edgy, hell it's edgier than a fucking rhombicosidodecahedron. Now, it does have some nudity... HOWEVER, it doesn't cross the border of being porn, well at least not fappable porn. (You can try, though!) The characters are nothing like how they're suppose to be, and there are ass-play jokes out the ass (Hardy Har Har, I made a funny!)... So yeah... You know, you've been warned. (Story takes place before their banishment for those nit-picky scrotum slappers who might harass sick-headed people like me for info about the crack fic in the future... Also I will warn you a THIRD time, if you are NOT here for a lot of sick humor with half-assed but 'eh'-ish plot, turn back around before someone get's hurt... Naw, I'm just yankin' your chain, all are welcome to this cluster-fuck story! Also, if you think my last crack fic Sunshine and Lollipops... with Ponies. Now in Theatres. was crazy, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret... Shh! No no, come closer...closer..... Just a liiiiittle bit closer now... Yeah, perfect, now let me whisper into your ear- THAT SHIT'S FUCKING TAME COMPARED TO WHAT I CAN REALLY DO!) This time though, you better bite the fucking pillow, because I'm going in dryer than a nuns hymen! Yeah, I broke out of the parentheses! Why!? Because fuck you all!.... Remember to fill the comment section with your loving praise so I may have sweet dreams tonight! And remember... No matter what you think from this just remember. I am a heterosexual... Yes, even with all the anal jokes I am physically straight. But mentally, I am a fashion... Oh my would you look at the time! I suppose I've kept you all waiting with my nonsensical rambling long enough, so without further delay, let the insanity... COMMENCE!

The Legend of Mike and the Really Stupid Crack Fic with some Surprisingly Decent Plot and Really Fucked-Up Morals

The city of Canterlot, a shining example of the fancy life in Equestria. This city has the stuffiest of citizens who live life to the fullest, with fake friends and expensive wine that you could buy at a Wal-Mart for ten dollars. They used words like 'eccentric' or 'exquisite' to not only repel real friends but also attract tax collectors and vacuum salesmen. It's a wonder why they believe they're better than other ponies. Hell, I'd imagine that they have difficulty explaining why they're better because their voices are always so muffled from their heads being so far up their asses, but who am I to judge?

This story is about a human, a human who is trapped in eternal torment... A human, named Mike.

"Mike? Could you be a dear and search the archives for me? I request an erotic BDSM book."

........ Oh, sorry. Let me correct myself, a human 'slave'. Yes, you see why he's in eternal torture? Oh, and he's not serving a pony either, he's serving a Siren named Adagio. He and the rest of his kind lived in harmony with the ponies, but three Siren sisters arrived and threatened to do some ne'er-do-welling in Canterlot. So, like the pussy Celestia was, she caved and gave up her crown.

Now, there were two types of people in this horrible totalitarian society, the ones who rebelled and were forced to do whatever their Siren Mistress' twisted heart's desired, and the ones who actually listened to them because they didn't have piss for brains like the rebels. People like our protagonist, for example, actually heeded their command because he'd rather pick slavery over sex slavery, and it wasn't the pleasurable kind either...

"Mike? Do I have to get the coat-hanger out again?"

"Just hold on! Your fucking smut shelf is taller than Aria's shish kabob strap-on!"

Yep, definitely not the pleasurable kind... Hell, I heard Aria's killed a few... Anyway, our protagonist is white with short brown hair and green eyes. He wears an ugly orange jacket with a big 'A' on the back, signaling he was a higher ranked slave and Adagio's hand-picked personal assistant. Yep, ever since day one he's been kissing Adagio's ass to earn her liking, after a few months he was taken out of Aria's territory (the other reason he was sucking-up to Adagio) and given the ugly cloak. Of course, like any miserable slave given power, Mike cranked his asshole level to eleven as soon as everything was finalized so he couldn't be sent back... Oh, and he's screaming because he's in another room, in case you were curious.

"..... Mike, what did I tell you about using that kind of language?"

"Well mother, you told me if I talked to you like that you'd rape me! Then I told you to go fuck a Sea Urchin and that you can't rape the willing! Which, as promised, was followed by very angry sex where you called me daddy as you-!"

"Mike!..... I didn't ask for a full report." Adagio said, clearly losing her patience.

"And I didn't ask for your weird fishy vagina, but we don't always get what we want! Now what fucking book do you wanna masturbate to!? I gotta five o' clock meeting with the nearest shitter, so unless you want literal shit stories I suggest you hurry up!"

"Just... Pick something for me." She ordered, then a book flew through the door and landed in front of Adagio. She used her magic to pick it up. "....... The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar?... Really?"

"It's one of those pornos you can read in public, It even has pop-up pictures!"

"Pop-ups?"

"Yeah! Like on page three, he's eating his girlfriend! Not very arousing because it just looks like two bean pods having a stroke but it's a pop-up picture!"

Adagio turned to page three and saw the Hungry Hungry Catterpillar eating- "Oh my god, that's cannibalism!" She closed the book and tossed it out the window. "What the hell, Mike!?"

"Ahahaha! Didn't expect that did ya!? Ahahahaha!"

"T-This isn't a joke! I mean, what the hell!?"

"Actually it IS a joke, because I'm laughing! See? Ahahaha!... Ooh, this looks interesting... The Little Whore that could?"

"That's it you sick fuck, we're going to see my sister." Adagio used her magic to retrieve him from the archives, he was reading 'The Little Whore that could' as he floated to her.

"..... Huh, guess the little whore really could." He tossed the book to the side. "So you said what now?"

"Oh, nothing... How do you feel about being sodomized?"

"We're going to see Aria, aren't we?"

Adagio said nothing, the two levitated down the hall and into Aria's section which was built with obsidian blocks and had various bone piles scattered here and there. Really gives visitors that 'escape while you can' feel. The two came upon a huge door with skull door knobs and a dead pony hanging from a noose to the left... No, it wasn't a prop, it was an actual dead pony that reeked of rotting flesh. Hard to tell who it was because it was skinned. Now there WAS a pony-skin rug in front of the door but who's to say it was that pony's skin? Oh well, back to the door! There was a blood-soaked banner above the door that read 'Hell Sweet Hell' in rotting intestines, and usually you would hear the screams of many, many victims of her wrath, but it was quiet today... There were also many torture devices hanging from the ceiling, like bear-traps, cat o' nine whips, brimstone cages, and a few others that she invented herself. All in all this door was simply inviting, '10/10 would play again' by IGN reviews!

Now, Mike used to be scared shitless of Aria and her... Creepiness. Then again, everyone was. But he got to know her through their common interest in Chess, and through Mike's punishments, and she wasn't bad once you got to know her... Still creepy though, but Adagio claims it's just a phase.

Adagio knocked on the door and it opened, an eye peeked from the crack of the door. "What?" Aria asked. "..... Oh, hey sis." The eye drifted to Mike, who was doing flips in his levitation bubble to entertain himself. "... Hello, Michael..."

"How ya doing, Aria." He said, not giving a singular fuck about his surroundings. "As you can see, I'm in trouble."

"Again?" Aria asked in a dry voice. Not dry as in stoic, dry as in sickly. "What did you do this time?"

"I was being a Fuck-Boy and tricked my beautiful mistress here into reading bloody cannibalism porn." He said, halting his spinning

"Yes, I believe he has crossed the line... Again..." Adagio explained. "I want you to do your worst..."

"........... Okay." There was the click of a lock, and the door opened up enough for Mike to fit inside. "Do you want the body-bag now or later?"

"Don't kill him, just... Do your thing, I guess." Adagio levitated away, and Aria stared at Mike as he fell to the floor.

"............. Michael." Aria said. "As you can clearly tell, I have strep-throat today and cannot tend to destroying your asshole at the moment. Go see Sonata for punishment so Adagio will be happy."

"Sonata?... I've never met her before." He's definitely heard that name before, Adagio constantly warns him to never go to Sonata's half of the castle. The reasons why are unknown because he didn't fucking ask/care.

"You can't miss her, she's down the hall and to the left in the colorful hallway... Best wishes to you, and try to come back alive." Aria's door slammed shut, and then locked back up again.

"Strep, huh? Poor girl..." Mike felt genuinely sorry for her, thinking about her condition as he walked down the obsidian slabs that absorbed the warmth from his feet.... You know, despite Aria being Aria Mike thinks about whether leaving her territory was a good idea, sure he and his ass were clouded by fear back then, but back then his ass could still clench itself shut... Hell, back then it also couldn't take Aria's bloody fake dick without bleeding and crying like a little bitch. Eat your heart out Mr. Slave!... You know, this is what people in the psychological field call Stockholm syndrome, little known fact by the by. See, it's where the victim... You know what, just google it you lazy fuck, I have a crack fic to narrate.

To Mike, Aria was the closest thing to a friend he had in this god forsaken world, and though it's sad to think about, the feeling is more than likely mutual... Yes, a real tear-jerker isn't it? Hell, it was sad enough to make my dick cry, and that hard-headed fucker never cries.

"Damn, and I was hoping to visit her today too... Fuck it, I'll go see her after Sonata does whatever the hell she's gonna do to me, a surprise visit never hurt." Mike journeyed down the hall and followed Aria's directions, arriving at a pink and yellow hallway. He arrived at a large door that had a huge rainbow arch across it, he opened the gay pride door and was greeted to an empty room with a large throne. A blue siren sat at the throne, smiling as Mike entered. "Um, are you Sonata?"

"Yes." She answered, having no malice in her voice... The lack of malice disgusted Mike for some reason. "Do you have a reason for entering my throne room, Fuck-Face?"

"I- Wait, what?"

"You heard me!" Her voice still sounded happy, which made this conversation offensive yet cute... Oh, and mildly disturbing as a bonus! "Unless you're here for play-time or punishment than get the fuck out of my throne room before I make you my bitch!"

"Aria's sick so she told me to go here." He answered.

"Ohh... Well that changes everything!"

"So what, you gonna plow my ass or something?"

"What? No, I would never do that, Silly!" She glowed white and her form changed. Mike has seen Aria do this many times, she would transform into a human so she could fit the strap-on onto herself, but why is Sonata doing it? "Hey, you're Aria's Fuck-Slut, right?" Sonata began shrinking down. "For a Fuck-Slut, you sure do get along with her!" The glow faded, and a cute blue-skinned girl stood in the Siren's place, wearing nothing but cargo shorts and a bra. "But you're in my world now, bitch." Sonata's cute smile turned into a psychotic grin, she had a chef's knife in her hand. "Hey, let's play a game." She proposed, scaring Mike a tad. "You have thirty seconds before I start chasing you... If I catch you," She pointed the blade at her own crotch. "I'm gonna cut-off your scrotum and use the new bloody hole as a vagina, then I'll give myself a dick with a special spell and break it in!" She then pointed it at her psychotic face. "Then, if you're still alive, I'll mend every injury I caused, including your balls....." She lowered the knife to her side. "And I'll let you go, with aaaall the memories you wish you could repress. But no matter how much you wish them away, the memories... they never leave... No matter how much you silence them with a knife to the throat, they still gurgle... Reminding you that you can't forget them no matter how much YOU TRY!!!" Sonata started going on a traumatic episode, pacing back and forth and fidgeting in different ways. She was possibly at the brink of going on a psychotic rampage. "THEY'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE! THEY STAIN YOUR BRAIN WITH THE BLOOD OF THE NEVER ENDING NIGHTMARE! NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU TRY AND END EVERYTHING THE NIGHTMARE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE IT ALL ALONE!..." Sonata finally calmed down enough to stop shouting. "But than again... I don't want it to stop."

Mike, along with (I assume) every sane fucking brony reading this, including myself, was extremely disturbed. "..... Sooo... What if I win?"

This seemed to snap Sonata back into reality. "Oh? Well I've never had a winner before..... Ohhh, I got an idea! I'll fuck your weiner until you scream for me to stop!" She giggled at the thought, then she gained a sultry gaze. "Is that tempting enough for you?" Mike was already out the door, scared out of his fucking mind and running like all hell broke loose. Sonata licked her lips. "Mmmm, I just love it when my prey is this eager, makes catching them all the more satisfying..." She tossed the knife away, than held her chin in thought. "Hmm..... Now, where did I put Mr. Buzz-Buzz?"

(Hall Way)

"No! Fuck! No! Fuck that shit!" Mike was shouting as he ran for his fucking life. "Absolutely not! No fucking way! Just NO!" Now, Mike wasn't just blindly running to god knows where, he was running directly to his mistress... "God dammit! Adagio fucking Dazzle, control your insane fucking sister!" He saw Adagio's door on the horizon, a ray of hope! "Fucking YES!" He body-checked the door, failing to break it down and injuring himself. "Adagio! Open! The door!"

"I'm busy!" She shouted back. "Wait, Mike!? Why aren't you being babysat by Aria!?"

"Open! The! God! Damn! DOOR!" He emphasized each word by slamming the door with his fist.

"Oh! There's Mr. Buzz-Buzz!" A buzzing could be heard, which made Mike panic.

"ADAGIO DAZZLE IF YOU HAVE A SHRED OF PITY FOR ME THAN OPEN THE GOD FORSAKEN DOOR!"

"I said I'm busy!"

"Gh, fuck it!" He knew the doors were large to accommodate a Siren's massive height, but were also made of thin wood, so with a good tackle he could bust a hole in one with some effort. He backed away a bit, than charged at the door with all his might. He flung himself at the wooden frame, successfully busting a hole in the door and flying inside with some cuts and plenty of splinters. "FUCK!... Ah... Owwy Five-Thousand... Ow." He shakily got to his feet and bear witness to Adagio... In her human form... Fully naked and tied to some sort of BDSM limb spreader/restrainer, leaving her completely incapable of covering herself. "....... Uh..."

"Y-You!" Adagio started blushing hard, than turned her head away. "Don't... Don't look at me!"

"Kinda hard not to, Fifty Shades of Blush." He shot, smirking as he did.

"Shut up!" She yelled in embarrassment, trying to close her legs but failing due to the leather binds. Her blush deepened a bit as she started to tremble. "Don't... Fucking...Look!"

"What the fuck?" He questioned, not really sure why Adagio looked like she was constipated. "Are you like, trying to take a shit or somethi-"

"Ah-!..... AAUGH!~"

Mike said nothing for a moment. "..... Did you just-"

"Nuh!~ N-...No!"

"You did... And you still are." He accused with an uncaring voice, sure he should be surprised like 'Oh, I'm so sorry for barging in like that!' or 'What the hell is wrong with you, you fucking pervert!' but he's been through a lot of shit today... He got an erection from it though. "Alright, while your... Um..."

"OH YESSS!!!~"

"'Sigh' And here I am without a fucking camera..... Wait." Mike took out his phone and started recording Adagio as she thrashed and moaned. She saw the phone, and the mere thought that she was being recorded like this... Made her a little... Um, let's just say she liked it. "Christ, guess there was a reason you read those stupid books, fucking exhibitionist pervert. Oh well, I'll just save this nice little video for future blackmail and masturbatory material."

"Ohhh~... Oh my..." Adagio calmed down enough to piece together what he just said. "W-Wait a minute, wha-"

Mike showed her his phone, than he hit play. 'AUGH!~ OH GOOD GOD, YES!~' She stared at it, seeing herself act like that on film... She was ashamed. "A proud Siren... Reducing herself to a flat-chested pervert." Mike spat, enjoying every sweet second of tormenting her. Normally he isn't a sadist, but that was when Celestia still ruled, and in this time and age he's simply a broken toy held together by cheap tape and used gum; (mentally) broken, fragile, and definitely used... Sex jokes.

"..... Tch, W-were't you here for something else besides making a fool of me!?"

"Your psychotic sister's out for my balls, literally." He explained, making Adagio groan.

"Ugh... Dammit Sonata... Look, I'll make her leave you alone, just untie my binds." She promised, sounding more pissed at her sister than Mike. "And delete that video, too!"

"No." He answered. "The deal is that you help me and I won't show this to Aria."

"You motherfucker..." Adagio sneered.

He shrugged. "Hey, I could do worse."

"....." She knew he could do worse... A lot worse. "... Alright, what do I have to-"

"Oh don't worry, when the time comes I'll let you know." He informed, pocketing his phone. "If you steal my phone, I'll tell Aria all this-"

'Buzzzz!'

"Oh, fuck!" He quickly undid her binds. "Now stop your insane sister!"

'slap!'

Adagio slapped him. "That's for recording me!" She grabbed him by his shoulders. "And this," She kissed him deeply. "Is for recording me..." She stared at him with a look of longing.

"Uh..... N-never mind. Now go control your sister!" He said over the loud buzzing.

"Hm, so she brought Mr. Buzz-Buzz? She must really like you, than." Adagio commented, as a saw blade pierced her door and slowly cut across the frame. "Oh my, she REALLY likes you!"

"WILL YOU STOP HER ALREADY!?"

The blade retracted, than she punched through the door, next to Mike's hole. She peaked through the hole, her blood-shot eye staring directly at it's prey. "Heeeeere's SONNY!... Oh, hi Adagio!"

"Sonata, leave this one alone. He doesn't want to play with you." Adagio said in a calm tone.

"Reeeally?..... Okay!" She head-butted the door, making the hole she made earlier larger. "I loved playing with him, he's really good at playing 'run from the homocidal maniac'."

"I'm sure he is, you even got out Mr. Buzz-Buzz." Adagio pointed out. "And nearly destroyed my door with it as well."

"Yep!" She used Mike's hole to show them Mr. Buzz-Buzz, which was a bloody buzz-saw painted with a yellow and black pattern similar to a honey bee. "It's too bad he won, I really wanted his testicles... Oh well, I'll just fill my part and rape him one night." She looked at Mike with innocence plastered on her face. "The best part is you'll never know when it'll happen... And no one will hear you scream." She retracted her head and went about her day again, humming to herself.

"Good fucking God... What the hell's wrong with her?"

"It's... Let's just say it's not one of the best decisions I had made." She looked at him with that gaze of lust again. "But, now that we're... alone.~"

"Um... You know, any other day I'd be glad to fuck, but after meeting your psychotic sister..."

"I understand... But just so you know, you don't know what you're missing.~" Adagio turned and walked to her dresser, swaying her hips a bit more than normal. "You can go now, Sonata will leave you alone."

"Right, I... Right." He exited through the hole Sonata created. "Keep it together Mike... Make her work for it." He didn't see Sonata anywhere, so that's good... But now what? "..... Guess I'll go see Aria, see what she's doing and shit." So he went to see Aria, but than realizing she was sick. "Shit, that's right, Aria's feeling shitty today... Fuck it, I'm gonna go cheer her up."

Yeah, cheering Aria up. Good fucking luck, Mike... No seriously, good fucking luck, last time I tried cheering her up she kicked me square in the balls and called me a sorry excuse for a human being... No, wait, that was my birthday. Shit, what'd she do to me when I tried cheering her up?... My point is he has a better chance at breaking a concrete slab with his flaccid human dick than cheering up the purple fucking antichrist with a vagina... Hm, that's rather harsh now that I think of it... Fuck it, I've made Adagio an exobitionist pervert and Sonata a happy psychotic train wreck, Aria the antichrist it is!

Mike had navigated the halls and found the blood-splotched obsidian floor, fresh blood splotches I might add, which meant the body bags from today were incarserated in the furnace... Remember when I said she's killed a few? Yeah, I fucking lied, she kills at least one person a week at minimum. Today was Sunday, which meant the used trash had to be thrown away, hence the blood..... Whatever, Mike wasn't fucking afraid, he was too broken to comprehend that the situation he's about to get himself into is potentially a one-way ticket to hell... Or, he just knows that the main characters in stories only suffer, never die... Usually.

He opened the door as far as the chain lock would allow, and squeezed through the gap. "Aaaariaaa!" Another human came running, looked at Mike, and grabbed him.

"Listen man, you gotta run, now!"

"Who the fuck are you?" Mike questioned.

"No time! Aria's after me, I gotta-"

'twack!'

Mike bashed him on the side of the head, knocking the man out in one strike. He was malnourished, so he went down relatively easy. "News flash, asshole. There's no fucking escape from this asylum." Mike left him there, and walked through the torch-lit halls while ignoring the pleas of suffering victims... Trust me man, you go through this hall enough times the begging and shit starts to get more annoying than pitiful, desensitization does that..... "Aaaariaaaa! It's Miiiiike!"

"Behind you, Michael." Mike turned around and looked up, Aria hovered over him in her siren form. "Now, what do you want?"

"Still sick, huh?"

Aria levitated a bloody rag to her nose and blew the drainage out, tinting the blood with traces of yellow. "Very....." The rag combusted into flame, then was tossed away. "Now, why do you bother me, Michael?"

"Well; Sonata nearly sliced me down south, I got blackmail on Adagio, and I shit myself when Sonata broke down the door to chop me..."

"........."

"..... I ditched the underwear off-screen." Mike said.

"Wait, off-screen?"

"My point is, Aria, I'm here to cheer you up!" Mike cheered, ignoring her original question. "I'll go through the depths of hell and back if it'll make you feel like indifferent Aria instead of miserable Aria, and since I'm already in hell I've already fulfilled half of that!"

"..... Michael, I appreciate the offer, but... Well, I doubt you could help." Aria nudged him out of the way with her serpentine tail. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some business to tend to."

Mike grabbed her tail. "Come on, Aria! Gimme a chance!"

"I could kill you in eighty-six different ways using nothing but your own penis." She warned, glaring at him.

Of course, he was used to it. "Come on, one chance!"

Aria exhaled deeply. "Fine. What did you have in mind?"

"Remember last week when you shoved a kazoo up my ass?"

"Michael, no." She ordered."I absolutely forbid you to-"

Mike bent over, and started to (badly) play Camp-town Races with his ass kazoo... He finished the first verse of the song, and when he did everything was quiet. "Eh? Am I good or am I good?"

"..... Michael, you're lucky that I like you, otherwise I would have skinned you and left you to hang in my gallows... Alive."

"But it was funny, wasn't it?"

"..... Shut-up." She'd never admit it, but it was really funny seeing him play ass-kazoo. The concept itself sounds impossible, and it probably is, but I have a counter argument for any present and future arguments asked.

'Take your fancy-shmancy logic and bludgeon it with a fucking donkey dong, if you've lasted this long than you know that logic is a joke in this universe.' Still wanna try rustling my jimmies? I'll throw a potato at you. Yeah, doesn't sound that bad, right? Well I'm chucking this thing at Mach 10 because fuck you and fuck physics, and by my calculations this potato will rip your torso right off your body and/or obliterate it into various sized chunks of flesh and bone... So yeah, you know, shut your mouth... Fuck me, I started ranting again, back to the story!

Mike saw through her stubborn nature, he knew he'd won. "Knew it." He looked around. "Hm... Not too many mutilated bodies."

"I've been a little preoccupied with suffering as of recent, so I've been taking it easy." She explained, wrapping the end of her tail around Mike's hand. He walked along side her, listening to Aria with his hand gently wrapped in her tail. "It's actually been very boring around here, my lust for sadism has... Faded, ever since I became sick."

"So you have nothing to do?"

"Basically." She answered. "I have no desire to cause misery, so I've been a little frustrated due to being unable to vent my stress. I know it's hard to see, but this frustration is killing me."

"Well, it'll end eventually." Mike reassured.

"..... I know that, but I fear that my lust for sadism will die along with it." Aria said with some sadness in her voice. "What am I to do if it comes to that?"

"I wouldn't worry about it, Aria." Mike said. "I doubt you'd change your ways so easily, but if it does come to that than you'll just have to live with it."

"..... I see." She nodded to herself. "If I did change, would you still be my..." She started to struggle. "M-my... Fre-... Frie...nd?"

......... She's not used to using nice words. She has no trouble with things like 'thank you' or 'excuse me', but mainly because that's being polite.

"First off, that was incredibly cute." This made her blush, but her expression never changed. She's a soldier to the bloody, bitter end. "Secondly, of course I'll still be your friend."

"... You're... Very k-kind, Michael." She said with some struggle.

"You don't need to hurt yourself like that, you know." He said.

"..... Right." We arrived at her room, she let go of Mike's hand. "Well Michael, you should be on your way. I... I have some thinking to do."

"You sure?"

She nodded.

"Alright, Aria. Now get some shut-eye and take it easy on yourself, and drink some honey, it'll clear your throat up like that." He snapped his fingers at the word 'that'.

Aria nodded. "Right... And again, thank you for the visit."

"It's no trouble, man. You need anything, you know where to find me." Mike said, knowing full-well that Aria's room was a place he could not go into. He's seen peeks of her room though, and she had a cool fucking bed. It was a giant hanging cage with a barred-door and everything, painted black to make it even cooler. Of course, that's all he's seen of it, and of her room.

Aria unlocked the door (via a tumbler system that had to be manipulated using magic) and opened it up. There was her cage-bed across from the door, with some of the sheets hanging from the large bar gaps. "I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast, Michael." The door slammed shut, and the sounds of the locking system activated, then stopped when the door was completely locked.....

Mike shrugged and walked out of the torture chamber. "It's getting late, I should get ready to go to bed..."

Aria was in her bed (human form, her siren form is too big for the cage) simply thinking..... Many things flew by in her head, most of them about life and the point of it. But more specifically, the point of life for those who do not have an eternal heart like her. She thought about whether her immortality was a curse or not, she'd live forever but... Her friend wouldn't. She also thought about if she DID lose interest in killing others, what would she do then? It's not like she'd just die one day and end her legacy, she was immortal... "..... He said he lived in hell... Does that mean I do to?"......... Maybe this is what hell is? You live with nothing to do, unable to die... Certainly sounded like hell to her... Of course, her thoughts weren't all bad. "..... He said I was cute..." Just saying that made her blush. "He said I was cute..." She... Smiled. "He said I was cute... He said I was cute..." The smile grew the more she said it, both in size and in... Creepiness. "Ehehehehe... Ahahahahaha! He said I was cute!" She hugged her bed sheets, trying to repress a shreak of excitement. "I hate myself for loving him, but... He's just so considerate of me, so sweet and funny and caring!" She reached into her pillow case and pulled out a framed photo.

It was Mike, taking a picture of himself with a toothy, wild grin. Aria was in the background, sulking as she always did. "Mikey... Everyone always judges me, they think I'm just an emotionless rock..... But not you.~" Aria hugged the photo, squeezing it with all the power her current form could give. "Oh Mikeeeey! I love you, I love you, I love you!" She took the picture out from her breast and began licking it. "My little Mikey, I'll do anything to be with you... Ehehe, and I mean anything." She started licking the photo again, slathering the glass with spit. Her eyes snapped open and she hid the picture in the covers."No!... I need to control myself." She regained herself, being able to vent made her feel so much better, but she needed to control herself. "Ugh, the fact that I can't have you frustrates me so so much..... I'm afraid that I'll lose myself if I can't kill!" Aria said to the covers, then she turned in the sheets. "Not like you'll love me back, I'm a monster... Inside, and out." She sighed heavily. "Guess he was right after all. We're already in hell... All of us are." Her heart started to swell-up. "Emotions... Why am I cursed with the ability to feel?" She started to tear-up. "I... I don't want you to leave me... Because you'll never come back!" She hugged the picture frame again. "Don't go... Please..." She kissed the frame, repeatedly. After a few dozen pecks or so, she held the picture to her heart. "I love you... So, so much... I love you, Mikey..... I'll always love you..." The tears stained her pillow. "... I'll..... I'll miss you... My love..." Eventually, sleep ended her torment, and through her slumber she never let go of the picture... But even though the tears stopped, her heart still cries.

Mike finally made it out of the labyrinth that was Aria's torture chambers, then he heard a distant scream coming from them... He smiled. "Guess she got her spark back." He nodded to himself. "Good for her..."

......... Yep, I lied to every single one of you bastards. No anti-christ here, we get Gasai Aria, sad yandere siren! Wanna bitch about it? I gotta fresh bag of potatoes ready for potato on brony contact, fucking try me assholes!

Anyways! Mike was happy that Aria had gotten her spark back, she was now happy once more. So, with his feelings of accomplishment, he felt he deserved a good night's sleep. It wasn't long before he found his room, which was down the hall from Adagio's own. His room had a large bed (a blessing in this world), a nightstand with a lantern, and a picture of Aria next to the lantern. "Well Mike, time to hit the sack." He got into bed, tired and ready to sleep. He turned the lantern off and darkness enveloped the room..... The lantern relit itself, and when the room lit up he saw Sonata at the foot of the bed holding the lantern, just staring at him with an innocent smile.

"........."

He didn't scream, he didn't panic, he just... Stared back at her.

"........... Weiner." She pounced at him like an ally cat. Her eyes shrank and her smile widened. "Ehehe... Weeeiiineeeer....." She covered his mouth before he could call for help. "Shhh..... Don't wanna wake the Wardens..." Mike bit her hand... This only seemed to excite the dimented psychopath "Oooh, I love it when my prey fights back! Makes the kill so much more... satisfying."

And so, Mike was raped..... Nothing really new there, but it wasn't Aria this time so... Yeah, the fucking end......... You losers can go now, this seriously is the end... Seriously go, really creeping me the fuck out.

(Author's Fucking Notes II: The Search for More Word Count)

Heeeey!... So, that happened. Anyways, I really had a lot of fun writing this little train-wreck, it's been so long since I've been able to just go nuts with the other stories I've been writing. I've finally told myself to go all-out and... I still failed at it, but this is pretty damn close to my 'all-out' mode. I resisted, because first of all my crack has a fine line that I try not to cross... Fucking shut-up! It's not my ass-crack you immature piece of shit! Secondly, if I actually went 'all-out' than you could actually masturbate to this shit... And I tested that myself, thank you very much. Trying to jerk-it to this shit only left me frustrated and unsatisfied, like watching porn and then the video cuts to fucking Rick-Roll. You hear me you sorry sonova bitch!? I'll fucking find you, and I'll 'Rick-Roll' your sorry ass to the deepest recesses of hell!... Yeah, the Dagi scene gave me a stiffy but then Sonata came through and killed it so... Yeah; fine-line, masturbation, Rick-Trolled, stupid sexy Dagi, etc... Oh! I nearly forgot, the sirens got theme songs! So I'll list them as they are so you can look them up because I don't wanna deal with the risk of Copyright stuff, if you already know them than good on ya... 'Ahem'

Adagio: Black Magic Woman by Santana (Seductive, yet ominous. When I hear this song I think of her, that and I'm a lazy boner-buster that couldn't think of another song for her.)

Sonata: Down with the Sickness by Disturbed or Sweating Bullets by Megadeth. (One song's about falling into madness, the other's about dementia. Take your pick.)

Aria: Another Way Out by Hollywood Undead (I honestly had a hard time finding a song for her, I was just gonna be a lazy boner-buster again and give her Down with the Sickness but I thought 'No, I'll save that for Sonata...' Then I remembered this song and thought, '... Hyeah, I'm a fucking genius.')

Oh, one last thing before I go! Just out of curiosity, do you wonder how they all became what they are? Well, you can probably guess that Mike's a case of Stockholm syndrome, but what about the sirens? We all know Sonata was a precious cinnamon bun, and before all this happened she still was. But when they took over Equestria, she'd witnessed something that she wasn't quite used to... Death. People died, ponies died, children, foals, everyone and everything started dying. You know shell-shocked veterans, right? They're put through boot-camp because it hardens them, because if they survive the fucking war they usually become shell shocked, so the camp is sort of like a mental training thing... Sonata was not mentally prepared for all of this, she just... Crumbled. Her sense of right and wrong were warped beyond repair, the deaths of so many innocent beings and the misery of the ones that survived... She honestly believes that those things are good things, she doesn't realize she's doing something wrong, because she doesn't know the meaning of that word anymore...

The next one hit was Aria, after the step of taking over Equestria there were still rebels, which needed to be exterminated. She was the executioner, and she was honestly scared to actually end the life of someone. When she actually killed someone, she hated herself for it... But over time, she got used to it. She started experimenting with different ways of killing after a while, and eventually she stumbled into the art of torture... Through this process, she learned to hide her true emotions with a stoic face, both to strike fear into others and as a result of being used to killing. Her sense of empathy was dead and forgotten, along with the many victims of her wrath... But then she met Mike, she never cared for him but Adagio explicitly told her NOT to kill him. Over time, they started to bond, and she grew a feeling she hadn't felt in a very long time... Empathy. She didn't know how to react to it, this feeling in her stomach was foreign to her. More and more, Mike would be put in her care to be tortured, and each time the feeling would grow. Then he got to know his torturer, and though small, her empathy for Mike would grow and grow until it evolved into a much stronger emotion... Eventually, she started to long for him to visit for reasons she did not know, these new feelings confused her to no end. She never understood the feelings, but they made her feel strange... Strange in a good way, that is. She felt noticed, she felt complete, she felt..... Loved. Now, that empathy has evolved. She's absolutely obsessed with the human, she wants him, needs him... But she knows she can't have him, because he's not eternal like her... The saddest part of this is the fact that when he dies, Aria will as well. She'll be an empty husk of what she was, and you could imagine that she'll probably want to be with him again... Even if she must sacrifice something to do so, and I can tell you with absolute honesty that she really will do a anything to be with him.

Now, Adagio is a different case. She wasn't crazy, she was probably, and still is, the sanest of them all... And you'd be right to assume that, her will and determination has proven to be greater than what this world has thrown at her. But she does suffer from this, because she's not crazy... Imagine having a sibling, a sibling that you love dearly. What if that sibling becomes traumatized by your rash decisions, and is now mentally insane? What if you had another sibling, a sibling that you assigned to be an executioner of thousands of innocent lives, simply because you thought they were tough enough to endure. But that very sibling is now incapable of feeling ANY sense of empathy?... What if you have to see them every day, every single day, and knowing that you were the one that broke them, you had to treat them like they were normal? You had to treat them like they were normal, but you knew full-well in your mind they were not... But those siblings of yours? They don't see anything wrong with themselves, they think they're perfectly normal! Yep, absolutely nothing wrong with them, they were just like everyone else! This is the life of Adagio, having to watch as her sisters fall apart... But she did not have the bliss of insanity, she could still feel. She felt the guilt, it clawed the back of her head every time she saw her sisters... Hell, I'd imagine the reason she's so perverted is because she dived into that sick world in an effort to try and forget everything that's going on in her life, and now she's constantly thinking about perverse thoughts as a result. In a nutshell, she hates herself, absolutely despises what she's become...

Yeah, not so fucking funny now, is it? With all this in mind try reading it again, you'll probably still laugh but that's because you've read seven thousand words of utter shit and lost your sense of humanity. See you assholes in hell.

[I'll draw Mike later, workin' on some other shit.]