Wartime, Pt. 1by WarspiteChaptersFucking Taco BellFucking Rainbow'sFucking PoniesFucking Prince BitchFuckMORE FUCKING QUESTIONS!FUCK YOU DICKNUT BLUBITCH. ALSO REST IN PIECES, LITERALLY.The Enemy Fucking Frogfoot.The Fucking ShowdownExplosions, Bombs, And a Sequel.A Fucking Happy Ending?Fucking Taco BellI was just resting in a repair hanger when my humans came back from there 20 minute vacation. My pilot was named Bill, every aircraft knew that. Oh yeah, machines can talk to each other. Humans may think we are just machines, we tried telling them, but it didnt work. Honestly I was actually kinda happy we can't talk to them. Some humans are annoying, Billy is one of them. He wasn't all bad, until he eats burritos. Chicken, Extra cheese. But, out of all of them, Extra Beans.....oh God. He needs to find something else to eat other than that. I have been a training aircraft forever, I swear he needs to eat something else, spaghetti, burgers, kerosene, anything! OK maybe not kerosene. "Oh God he got Taco Bell again." An F-22 said in a upset tone. I groand as, of course, he's my pilot, it's going to be a fun day of training. He had two large bean burritos and a chicken burrito. I swear if he farts in me I will fly myself to the ground. He was a burrito fanboy, it's actually quit hilarious. Heh, even when he doesn't fart he still stinks. How do I know? HE SITS IN ME! Anyway as he was eating, and I was passing the time by talking to my fellow comrades. "Did you guys here about that poor Abrams that got sold for scrap?" I said as I, was trying to get rid of the boardom. "I heard that his crew was killed." A Raptor said. "I thought a human took a shit in him or something?" A Nighthawk stated amused. "Thats disrespectful ya know!?" A very loyal Tomcat said, he's also a dick most days. "Meh...I still think he shit in him." Nighthawk said unamused now. "Hey look, he's finished already." Tomcat said. He was right, in a matter of 1 minute, Billy was finished with all of his food. Well shit... "Heheheh...good luck Warthog, and ah, you might want to get cleaned afterward." Tomcat, that fucktard. "Yeah well, fuck you Tomcat." I swear I hate that fucker, but, he was the favored one out of all of us sadly. Billy made his way twords me. He looked at me, admiring my 30mm cannon. "Well...might as well get you ready for training." "Good luck War-." "Shit the fuck up Nighthawk." 20 minutes later on the test range.... "Is it ready Billy Boy?" "Yes General! I loaded it, cleaned it, and checked to perfection!" "You semm quite optimistic Billy." ""Ye-s sir *hughh* I am r-ready to..." Billy was clutching his stomach. "Boy are you OK?" The general asked. "Yeah, just eaten something bad I guess." I watched in amusement as Billy was trying to make his way towards me, each step seemed like he was going to puke. "Sure you can fly Billy?" General was trying to not laugh. "Yeah I just-" Billy was cut off when he let out the biggest fart imaginable twords Warthog. Warthog soon dissapeard in a flash of Taco Bell magic. And Taco Bell smell. "Billy...how did you do that?" General asked. Billy couldn't think of anything so he simply said. "My Taco Bell farts are magical, sir" Fucking Rainbow's"Ahhhhhhhhh! Oh shit I'm in the air! Turn on engines, now, now, now, NOW DAMMIT!!!" I was trying to turn over my engine's. But the angle I was falling from was 90 degrees facing down, and I was accelerating. My engine's we're trying to turn on but I was falling to quickly. Lets see, think, think, think... Bingo! I would glide down, set myself at a nice 180 degrees. OK, flaps up....check, engine's start....meh, now manuvre to 120, 160, come on. I was only 2000 feet in the air, START DAMMIT! 1200 feet and dropping, 170 degrees, updraft is stong. 175 degrees and up, YES! 1000 feet and closing. FUCKING START YOU PIECE OF SHITS! 789 feet, so close! Ahhhhhh shit! *wrttttt* "FUCKING FINNALY!!!" I pulled myself from the incoming ground. I felt my- wait I can feel? I know I can think and see before, but what the hell is going on? I scanned the area as I was at nice height, and after a brief calming session, looked around. "Huh, actually looks beautiful. So colorful other than seeing a dumbass falling 30 feet of a building, ah, that's fun. Earth is beautiful. Beats seeing my hanger and Billy's farts, yes I can see them, thermal. Well might as well return to base with- what the fuck? We're the hell is Billy? Wait, he wasn't in the cab? How the fuck am I in air? I am so confused. Hey look a town....what the fuck? Am I in Europe? 25 minutes earlier in Ponyville.... "Hey Twilight, want to work on your flying some more?" Rainbow asked, trying to get Twilight active. She's been cooped up in this castle at least for 3 weeks. "No Rainbow, I'm busy at the mom- GHAA!" Twilight put a hoof on her head, it was like she was shot by a danm magic missile! "Twilight! Are you OK!?" Rainbow asked, concerned for her friend. "I FEEL LIKE I WAS SHOT BY A MAGIC MISSILE TO THE HEAD! HOW DO YOU THINK IT FEELS!?" Rainbow was a little taken back by her friends outburst. "Sorry Rainbow, it just hurts!" Then as on que, it was gone. "That, was very weird." Twilight was rubbing her head in exhaustion. "What was that!?" They both heard a loud noise in the sky, above Ponyville. "Let's check it out!" Rainbow started to go when Twilight held her down. "Is it supposed to thunderstorm later?" Twilight asked Rainbow, struggling to get out of her magical grip. Then she stopped. "Oh yeah, they must be setting the clouds up. Semmes a bit early though." They both relaxed, Twilight let go of Rainbow from her magic. Both just rummaged through the pile of books on the ground. Rainbow saw the new Daring Do book called 'Daring Do and the Glass Pelvis'. "Hey Twilight, can I buy this new Daring Do?" Rainbow asked, getting gitty. "Sure! It cost 35 bits." Rainbow handed over the bits. Fucking 35 bits for a book? The hell. "Thanks Twi, I'll see you around. But you should seriously try to get out, not to be rude, but your getting....round." Rainbow scratched her head, then she left the castle. Twilight had to admit, she was losing exercise. Well, she would make time to practice flying and get exercise at the same time. Maybe later this evening. Warthog's POV.... Ahhhhh, it's nice to feel. Never thought Billy's farts were magical. Heh, guess I was wrong about it being only stinky. Well, I'm going to enjoy thi-. Is that...a rainbow? But it hasent rained yet. Is it moving? Wait...is it coming twords me!? Ahhh shit, arm cannon! Rainbow's POV.... 'Yay! Finnaly a new Daring Do! I'm goi-. What the buck is that!?' She noticed a large, gray creature. And it was coming strait at her! "BRRRRRRRRT!!!" It was attacking her! It was so loud that all of Equestria could hear it. It was spitting hot fireballs at her to. She decided to- "FRRRRRRT!" That was behind her! She turned around and saw smoke in the Everfree Forest, and there was a lot of it. The creature was now above her, she went after it. It was slower than her, but, it was like a dragon roaring in the sky. She got to the point we're she past it and got a good look. It was a machine, gray, and had to weird things behind it's wings. What really got her attention was a big, black, rod, sticking out in front of it. She was far ahead of it, she turned to face it below her. "Take this you ugly metal beast!" She was now flying full speed twords the evil thing. She was now about to......SONIC RAINBOOM DAT ASS! *KAAAAAABOOOOOOYAAAAHHHHHH* She broke the sound barrier and expected the thing to fall out the sky (because of the force near the aircraft would knock it out of the sky, unless it is stable enough to withstand a missile to it's ass, the A-10 is one of them.) It didn't, she only pissed it off. Warthog's POV.... "MOUTHERFUCKING RAINBOW CUNT!!!!!" 'I'm so pissed now! Fuck whatever it is! I'm blowing that son of a bitch to kingdom come!' Warthog was now on afterburner's and was lining up for a spraying shot. He found it flying twords the little village. "Come hear you blue piece of shit!" He was warming up his cannon. "You can talk!?" Rainbow asked. "Fucking come hear you little shit!" Warthog was now firing at her. "Ahhh! What are you doing!?" She nearly got naild by one of his fireballs. "GET OVER HERE!" Yup, he's that pissed. Twilight's POV.... Twilight could hear thunder in the distance. Must be a big storm. She decided to go out and practice flying before the storm arrives. She walked out of her castle. "What a wonderful-." She was cut off by Rainbow's screaming. Rainbow landed next to her and was panting. "Twilight! There's a creature attacking me! You got to help me!" "Were is-." "I'M GOING TO ENJOY WATCHING YOU BLEED!" Fucking Ponies"Ahhhhh! Twilight! Please help me!" Rainbow was now shaking Twilight as the gray monster was closing in on them, slowly but surely. "OK, but stand back!" Twilight was charging up her horn to fire a magic missile. *pewwwww* ............... "YOU WANT SOME TO PURPLE BAT!?" .......... Well buck..... "SPIKE GET PRINCESS CECELESTIA! RAINBOW RUN!!!!!" Twilight was now running with Rainbow through the town. Ponies we're looking at what they we're running from, and started running like it was a sale on black Friday. "Run for your lives!" "Its going to eat us!" "Its so ghastly! Oh dear!" "THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU THINGS? GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Warthog was chasing the purple and blue bitches. "Not so fast..." Celestia appeard in the middle of the towns square with Luna and Cadence (why cadence? because fuck logic). That was fast. Warthog was confused, there's more of them alicorn things? "We want you to stop! Please, you are scaring everypony!" Luna said pleadingly. Warthog was hovering over the ground now, his cannon just inches away from Celestia's horn. (He can go into hover mode, he's futeristic.....ish) "We can talk this out! No more violence, please, let's negotiate." That pink one, reminded him of his first pilot. Dramatic Flashback.... "Its alright Bert. I will fix you up. Wow you took quit the bett'n from the hail storm." She was wonderful, pink hair, glitter in her eyes, sweet voice, a lot like the pink alicorn. She was patching up my dents from the hail, and giving me a new coat of paint. At the time, she was the only human to care for me. And I guess she sensed that, somehow, like she knew I had feelings. "There you go! And as a treat, I polished your cannon for you, and uranium rounds!" She was like a mother to me, if she was a plane. Back to the present...... Warthog then turned to Cadance, cannon on horn. Scaring Cadence a bit, but stopped rotating his cannon. And just stared at Cadence. "He doesn't seem.....hostile." She was awkwardly staring back. "But he was attacking me!" Rainbow said wile giving Warthog a glare. He suddenly started spinning his cannon and turned to Rainbow. And was spinning his cannon faster in anger. "You were coming at me at a high speed, I suspected an attack." I retaliated. "So you can speak? Well, tell us. Why did you attack Rainbow Dash?" Luna asked. "I....may have lost my temper when she tried to knock me out of the sky when she tried to break the sound barrier on me." Warthog admitted. "Well, at least your honest. But that doesn't mean you can use...uhhh....whatever that is." Celestia was pointing a hoof at his big, black, sleek, peni- I mean! Uhh...cannon! Yeah cannon! "Well she souldent have pissed me off!" Warthog was getting agitated. But Cadence softly said something in a whisper to Warthog, and seemed to calm down. At this point Rainbow flew off in anger. "please try to keep calm." Cadence said, winking at Warthog. "Uh..." Warthog breathed softly. "Well now that's out of the way, let me introduce myself. I am Princess Celestia, diarch of Equestria and raiser of the sun." "I am Princess Luna, also a diarch of Equestria and raiser of the moon." "I am Princess Cadence, ruler of the Crystel Empire and Princess of love." 'Princess of love? Well that clears a few things...' "I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship." 'Didn't seem like a friend to me' "Now I must ask you a question, what are you?" Twilight asked curiously. "Actually Twilight, I want to ask him questions at the castle. Please, I wish to discuss something with you." Celestia said in a motherly tone. 'Oh God and baby tomahawks, I hope she doesn't rub my cannon!' Fucking Prince BitchFuckWarthog's POV..... "In the meantime, you can stay with my student Twilight Sparkle. Twilight, you wouldn't mind would you?" Celestia asked the nervous Twilight. "Of course not! I will need to figure out how to get him in though." Twilight gazed upon me and claped her gives together. "I will use a teleportation spell to teleport you to a large chamber in my castle!" She looked proud, I was unamused. "Tommorow around noon?" I asked Celestia. "Of course. I will set up a national greeting council in the meantime. Have fun you two!" She teleported off. Cadance asked if she could stay, I already knew why and I didn't want her to leave anyway. Luna also telported off with her sister. "Already to go?" Twilight was charging up her horn. "Yeah...let's go." I might as well get some rest. She opened a large portal to a crystal basement. "Lets go." She urged me into the portal. I just turned on my engines and taxied myself into the basement. It was actually quite quiet. Cadance plopped on top of me and laied on my left wing as we entered. "All right! You can stay here for the night until Celestia sends a letter to Cantorlot. OK?" Twilight was looking eager. "It sounds like you want to ask me some questions don't you?" I asked. "Yes as a matter of fact, just let me get some parchment and ink." She left me and Cadance to ramble. "So how do you have emotion if your a machine?" Cadance asked. "I don't know actually, I could think and see back we're I came from but no felling or emotion." I was still confused on how I can feel. "Hmmmmm, either way, I'm happy that you can feel emotion, because you can feel this." She kissed my wing, it felt good, comforting, my feelings we're exploding in happiness. Twilight came back with her writing supplies. "Alright, time for questioning!" She looked eager as ever. "Fine, let's get this over with." I might as well realese myself.......what? Its not sexual! "First, we're did you come from?" "Planet Earth, Ohio, United States air force base." "An entirely different planet? Wow. OK next, what are you?" "I am A 10 Warthog, support for the ground forces, my weapon is a 30mm cannon capable of braking the sound barrier. I'm not fast but with afterburners, I can be quick." "Your a living weapon? Interesting." "Next, my personal question, since your a weapon, what we're you made for?" ........ "Warhog?" ........ "Hey, are you OK?" "I was a weapon of war, we we're fighting the Taliban army, relentless people. I was built by many engineers who wanted a ground support. Heh, I had caretaker who would look over me like a mother. And every time she would come to give me a daily check up, I would always feel.....happy. I guess I could feel even then. She would always repaint me every time." "Then they killed her, the Taliban. She was deployed with six other soldier's. I was also deployed to support her squad. I was piloted by a random guy at the time. She went through hell and back and sufferd. She and I always supported each other, like we had a connection. Until she was ambushed." "She was shot in her torso and head, she died and buried in a soldier cemetery. I heard all of it when all when the hanger caretakers cleaned my hanger. I felt sorrow for the first time. I lost all hope that day." Warthog was now depressed. "...I....I'm so sorry....that's enough questions for now, get some rest." Twilight left with Cadance who gave me a kiss on my nose. 'Uhhhhhhhh.......more talking tommorow.' The next day....... "Rise and shine big boy!" "Uhhhhhhhhh.........metal...aching. Cadance 5 more minutes?" "No, Celestia wants you at the castle with the rest of the Mane Six and me! This a big deal for Equestria! You need to get up and introduce yourself to the citizens of oure fair and peaceful nation." Cadance was litteraly bouncing on top of Warthog. "Fine I'll get up." And with that he turned on his engines. "Finnaly, lazy hog." "Whatever Cadance. Ponyville square 3rd person.... Twilight was waiting on Pinkie to finish with her cupcakes. "Is everypony here?" Twilight called. Everypony was staring at Warthog, except for Cadance and Rainbow. "Is....it an animal?" Fluttershy asked Twilight. "No." Warthog said flatly. "IT CAN TALK!?" The 4 mares yelled and jumped back in surprise, except Pinkie. "Ohhhhhhhhh! Igottothrowyouapartysoonanditwillbeasmassiveasyouar-" "Does she always talk like that?" Warthog asked Twilight. "Only when she's excited." She smiled. "What are we waiting for?" Warthog asked Twilight. "I don't know, hey do you think you can fly us?" Twilight asked curiously. "Yeah, but as long as you don't touch anything." Warthog stated. "Of course, but, how do we get in you?" They all looked at Warthog curiously. There was a snap, and a swosh noise. The cab opend. "Here, watch your step earth ponies." They all got in, Fluttershy almost tripped on the latter but managed. "Wow, look at all the shiny things in here!" Rarity exclaimed. "Rarity, remember what he said 'Don't touch anything'." Applejack reminded Rarity. "You guys ready?" Warthog asked. "Yup!" They all said. "Want to leave the fun way? Or the boring way?" Warthog asked. "THE FUN WAY!" Pinkie screamed excitedly. "You might want to hold onto something." Warthog said. As Warthog was starting to move, everypony was holding on to the seats, bars, anything that wasn't shiny. Warthog turned to face the flat land behind the castle. His engines got louder and louder, then he started to move extremely quick. Everypony felt the machine lift off the ground as they got higher. "Enjoying the view?" Warthog asked. "Can you go faster?" Rainbow asked, figures. "Press the big green button Rainbow the one with the number 2 on it." Warthog told the eager pegasus. She did and she immediatly heard his engines get louder. And was forced back as he was now going 1 mock. Holy shit. "Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh haaaaaaaaawwwwwwww." Applejack yelled in joy. "I think that's Cantorlot right?" Warthog asked as he was facing the mountain. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!" Twilight struggled to speak. Cantorlot Castle Gates...... "Blueblood! Don't he so disrespectful to the creature who is coming here." Luna demanded. "Yes aunty Luna. I will be respectful to this creature." Blueblood said. "Were are they? They should've been here by now." Celestia said. Just then they heard the sound of thunder in the distance. Poines instantly looked to see Warthog who was in hover mode. He landed in front of Princess Luna. "Hello Luna. I broght some frein-" Warthog was cut off by Blueblood. "Oh lords of Tarterus, what are you!?" Blueblood yelled. "You deserve to be made into swords and shields for practice! You are ghastly!" Warthog was starting to lose it. "If you had a family I'm pretty sure you we're abandoned." 'RATED M FOR MATURE' "YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!!!" Warthog brought the cannon out and pointed it strait for Blueblood's head. "I WILL BURY YOU TEN FEET UNDER THE FUCKING GROUND YOU INCONSIDERATE PRICK! YOU WILL BURN WHEN YOU ARE FACE TO FACE TO ME, YOU SHOULD BOW TO ME YOU SCUMBAG!!! YOU DESERVE TO BE RIDDEN OF YOU LIFE FOR WHAT YOU SAID TO ME DICKWEED!!" Warthog was warming up his cannon when Cadance spoke in a soft voice" Its OK, I'm here sweetheart." "AUNTY TIA!!!" Blublood was crying and running into to the castle. Not realizing she was next to him. "I am so sorry for his behavior! Please! Forgive mg nefew." Celestia begged. "I will not forgive him in a million years, but he's gone so let's get to why I'm here." Warthog told Celestia harshly. "Of course, please follow me through this portal." Everyone followed. MORE FUCKING QUESTIONS!Warthog's POV.... We entered in a large chamber with what looked like beds and a hit tub. This a spa? Well I don't think they have anything for me, did feel good in here though. "So, want to relax while we talk or what?" Celestia asked me. "I guess so." I said. "Good, girls relax in the hotub while me and Warthog talk." Celestia smiled happily. "Sister, can I go with them?" Luna looked pleadingly. "Of course Luna! Go enjoy yourself." Luna did a cannonball into the nearby pool. "Now, questioning." Celestia looked at me with a smile. After some already said annoying questions..... "So, do you go by anything else other than Warthog?" Celestia was writing my answers down. "Well, there 'The Cross of Death', 'The Hand of God', 'The Thunderbolt', 'Tank Buster' and many others, but those are a few." I staded proudly. "Those are pretty meanesing names, next, are you male or female?" "Ummm.....male?" "Good, do you eat?" "Yeah but I don't starve or die of thirst." "Impressive! Now, what are your intentions here?" "I'm not hostile, might be trapped here anyway." "Good, can you mate?" "Exscuse me?" "Um, can you mate? "I......guess?" "OK, what is that on your muzzle?" "My fake shark mouth?" "Fake shark mouth?" "Intimidation mostly." "Your intimidating enough, don't you think?" "I suppose so." "Alright, are you the only one here?" "Yeah, I'm the only one here." "OK, that's enough questioning, now, let's go introduce you to Equestria!" She sounded so happy. "......what......." Well shit. "We got to introduce you to the ponies so they don't take you as a monster!" She sounded like a having monster. "Alright, when will I meet the ponies then?" I was starting to feel uncomfortable. "In about 10 minutes." She was smiling, trying to stifle my anxiety. "OK, now how are we going to do this?" I asked the white princess, no snow white. "Well we we're going to introduce you, say your a guardian of Equestria, find a place to live and that's it. "Easier said than done." I said in a sarcastic tone. After all the ponies got cleaned and dressed for the presentation, Celestia, Luna, the Six, and the guards escorted me to the middle of town to present 'The Guardian of Equestria'. "Citizen's of Equestria! We present our new guardian of Equestria! Please respect him as if he was your last savour on Equis! He will protect each and every one of you! He will live amongst us as if he was our own! He is Warthog!" Celestia proclaimed. All the ponies begin to stomp on the ground in approval and excitement. Then they begin to cheer. "And as a celebration, we will be throwing a party in Warthog's honor!" Luna and Celestia announced. "And everypony is invited!" They added. They all fucking freaked out. And started talking amoung themselves. "Oh my Celestia what am I going to wear!?" "I still got to get my hooves polished!" "I still need to beat Candy Crush!" Wait....what? Nevermind. Later at the party......In 3rd person. "Welcome Warthog!" Everypony cheerd as he enterd through Luna's portal. He settled as the portal closed behind him. Fillies started rushing over to him and started asking him random questions. Filly 1: "Is it true that if I scratch under your wing, will you get 'fidgety'?" "Oh come one who told you that lie? Ahhh!" The filly was scratching the bottom of his wing and he was adjusting his flaps rapidly in excitmint. "Ahahahahah-stop!-oh,ahahahahahaha" Warthog was laughing uncontrollably. Cadence then landed on top of Warthog. "Alright my little fillies! The adults want to talk now." Cadance told the fillies. "Awwwwwwwwww." They all jumped off of Waerhog and back to there places. "They are to adorable for my taste Cadance." She only chuckled in response. A gray mare with a black mane walked up to Warthog. "Sir Warthog, do you want to have us play some music?" She asked in a English accent. "Actually, I was planning on playing some music, if you don't mind of course." Warthog asked. "Really? You can play music to?" Luna suddenly apeard out if nowhere. "Of course! Would you like me to play you some?" Warthog asked. "Yes please!" Everypony fell silent, waiting for you to play the music. You knew about Billy's secret digital music player. You chose your favorite song. 'Rusty Cage by Jhonny Cash.' (Don't own the song, also YouTube is being a dick to me and not letting me post vida so just enjoy the lyrics) Song starts.... / You wired me awake And hit me with a hand of broken nails. /You tied my lead and pulled my chain To watch my blood begin to boil. /But I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my! Gonna break my rusty cage, and run. /I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my! Gonna break my rust cage, and run. /To cold to start a fire I'm burning diesel, burning dinasoure bones. /I'll take the river down to still water, and ride a pack of dogs. /I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my! Gonna break my rusty cage, and run. /I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my! Gonna break my rusty cage...... And run. /When the forest burns along the road, Like gods eyes in my headlights. /When the dogs are looking for there bones. /And it's raining icepicks on your steel shore. /I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my! I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run! X4 End song.(I DON'T OWN IT) "Wow, that was amazing! Who performed that song?" Octavia asked. "A very popular gentlemen names Jhonny Cash, he is very famous." "Wow, do you have other songs?" Luna asked. "You name it, Classical, Heavy Metal, Nightstep, Techno, Dubstep, Nightcore, Country, list goes on and on Luna." Warthog stated. "I heard Dubstep, it sounds a lot like Hoofstep, at least that's what Vinal calls it." Octavia mentioned. "Vinal?" Warthog asked. "She has a nickname, Dj PONI3, I think, but she would be very interested in a competition, if your up for it?" Octavia challenged, Warthog never backs down from fight! Stronk Plane! 'Merican made! ( If you don't play World of Tanks you will have no idea what I'm talking about.) "Well, I guess it's challenged accepted!" Warthog agreed. "See you at the match! Oh and watch for her bass cannon!" Octavia warned. "I will get the challenge stage up!" Celestia said happily. FUCK YOU DICKNUT BLUBITCH. ALSO REST IN PIECES, LITERALLY.Warthog's POV...... also all songs in this chapter I don't own, and is owned by their respective owners. After the party, eveypony was inside waiting for Vinal to show up, speak of the devil. "Alright everypony! I got this." She walked up on stage with her wubs and bass cannon, how could I tell? Just by looking at it. "Well, well, well.....looks like I got me a challenger, and it's Warthog!" She said excidely. "Should we get started?" I said. "Ill go first." She got everything set up and chose her first song. (Find a Pet by Foozogz) (Also go type the songs in, seriously, YouTube is being a dick again) After some time, she finished. And looked triumphet. My turn (Bangarang by Skrillex.) The ponies jaws dropped and cheerd. Her turn (Discord by The Livingtombstone) Ponies went nuts and turned to me. Alright (Kyoto by Skrillex feat. Sirah) We went at it for like 2 hours and we were at a stalemate. "Well, I'm out of music ideas. Want to go and party?" Vinal asked. "Yeah, I'm pooped, tie"? "Tie." The next day at the castle.... "Blueblood! You are in trouble!" Luna yelled. Blueblood pissed in Luna's bedroom, he drank to much cider. "But I wasn't in control, Applejack was the one more that brought cider!" He said. "After y'all asked for it." Applejack said angrily. "Guys....shhhhhhh, I need rest." Warthog said in the room. "He's still here!? After what he said to me!? To the dungeons with you!" Blueblood said stupidly. "I'm surprised you have the nerve to even speak to me after what you said to me the other day." Warthog said harshly. "Are you threatening me!?" Blueblood yelled. "Blueblood! Stand down!" Celestia said as Blublood was charging up his horn. He fired and teleported Warthog outside and teleported himself. Courtyard...... "You have disrespected a prince and deserve to die!" "Blueblood you don't have to do this!" "Bring it on mutant." Blueblood then transformed into a dragon and flew twords Warthog, picked him up, and threw him into the air. Warthog turned his engines on and chases after Blueblood, and Warthog snapped. "YOU WILL SUFFER AND DIE BEFORE ME!!" Blueblood blew fire at Warthog, Warthog was dodging all attacks. "STAND DOWN OR DIE!" Warthog yelled. "No!" "Fine by me!" Warthog lined up and- BRRRRRRRRRRRT! Blueblood didn't stand a chance, he was forced back into his pony form and he was obliterated to hell. His soul was eaten in Tarturus. Warthog had blood on his muzzle. He was starting a scene. "He just killed prince Blueblood!" "He is a monster!" "Your not a guardian! Your a killer!" Warthog then flew off into the distance. The Enemy Fucking Frogfoot.Somewhere, in Russia..... "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, fucking russian taco bell! A random Russian pilot farted twords a random Frogfoot. Again with the taco bell magic.....and vodka. Back in equestria........ "Holy shit! Were am I?" Fogfoot was in equestria for 3 days..Still oblivious to we're he's at. "I must be dreaming again, but do I see ponies?" He was near ponyville. "Hehehe, I am dreaming a good dream! I get to kill my most hated animal" Frogfoot hated ponies, no matter the reason. He started to advance towards the town. Ponies stared at him thinking it was Warthog. "Is that Warthog!?" "It doesn't look like him, almost." "Wait, what's he doing!?" Frogfoot was starting to spin HIS 30mm cannon and - BRRRRRRRRRRRT!!! He killed 3 ponies in a matter of seconds. "He's killing ponies! Everypony run!" Twilight's POV.. Twilight was busy trying to get the image of Bluebloods splatterd organs against the white wall, when spike ran in. "TWILIGHT! THERE IS A MONSTER ATTACKING PONYVILLE AND KILLING PONIES! And it looks like Warthog to, but, more triangular shaped!" "Were is it Spike?" Twilight asked. "Its- BRRRRRRRT! "COME BACK LITTLE PONIES! I WANT TO PLAY!" It definitely wasent Warthog. Twilight ran outside her castle to see, indeed, a trianguler version of Warthog, but it sounds different. Like it was from Stalliongrad. "MY NAME IS FROGFOOT, AND YOU WILL ALL DIE BEFORE ME, MUHAHAHAHAH!" Its called Frogfoot? Well still looked intimidating. As Twilight looked at the creature in utter shock. Spike was writing a letter to the other princesses, yes and Shinning Armour. 15 minutes later in Twilight's castle...with everypony cowering for there lives..... "Get out here little ponies! I still want to play!" Twilight, the princesses, some other ponies that were still alive, the rest of the original elements, and Spike. They we're trying to figure out how to defeat Frogfoot. They came up with many ideas but resulting in death or heavy failure. "Well, I have no other ideas. I guess we need to wait it out for a bit. See if he stops." Luna said. "Could we just use the combination of all of our powers on me again, like what we did for Tyrek?" Twilight asked. "We could, we have no other choice." Celestia admitted. "Well, I have no other ideas, let's do it. Are you sure you want to do this Twilight?" Cadanc asked Twilight. "I'm positive! We have no other choice." All the princesses nodded in agreement, and stood up from the ground. Twilight was in the middle of the trio and was ready to unleash hell itself. The princesses did the ritual and streams of pure magic flowed from there horns. Twilight was being filled again with pure, delicious, magic. She stood before the princesses powerful. "Elements! Follow me! Everypony else, stay here!" Twilight was ready to face the evil Frogfoot. They made it outside and Frogfoot was hovering, like Warthog. He faced the six. "Well, well, well! My next victims! Go ahead take your best shot!" Twilight didn't hesitate and was charging up her horn, the other five closed there eyes and was chaniling pure friendship magic. She fired pure harmony magic as a single, powerful beam. She was being forced back to the castle because of the absolute force she was exerting. The beam was so bright, it overtook the sun. She settled, and looked to see Frogfoot, unaffected. "Bwahahahaha! Thats all you got!? I didn't fell jack-shit! Hahahahaha!" Frogfoot was laughing uncontrollably. "Impossible........how?" Twilight asked exhausted. "Hahahahaha! I have no sense of friendship!" Frogfoot was warming up his cannon when a distent voice yelled at Frogfoot. "But I have a sense of friendship Frogfoot!" "Warthog...." Frogfoot growled The Fucking Showdown"Warthog...." Frogfoot was about to shoot Twilight and her friends when Warthog showed up. "Fight me like the Russian you are!" Warthog challenged. "Fine, you ugly American!" Frogfoot growled. Warthog noticed something under Frogfoot's wing, a bomb. That says Trinity. Back on Earth....In Russia..... "D, we're the hell is our plane!?" "I don't know jackass!" "Uggg, fine whatever. Just get another and load the experimental bomb." "Uhhhh, about that." "Ohhh, you fucking dumbass of all asses, no vodka!" "Dammit!" Back to Equestria...... "Leave the ponies alone!" Warthog threatend. "Why should I listen to you? These beings are weaker than grass!" Frogfoot said. "They are not weak! They are very strong! These beings deserve to live no matter what!" "You Americans are so pitiful! You help other nations wars, you are always fighting. Don't you want to release some of that energy on them!? Or are you to much of a helicopter to do so?" Warthog was getting a weird sensation in his belly. "Do you think I care for these beings!? There weaker than you, no, there weaker than everything. They don't deserve to live! They don't help out in anyway! They are WORTHLESS!!!" Warthog saw Frogfoot point his cannon twords Fluttershy, who was bawling like a chiled lost there parents. Warthog lost his temper before, but not like this. He lost all sense of cooperation and reason tworda Frogfoot. He more pissed than an asion who got an F on a math quiz. Warthog was bloodthirsty for Frogfoot. "FIGHT ME YOU COMMUNIST SCRAP HEAP!!!!" Warthog yelled. That made Frogfoot pissed. They both took to the sky's as gunfire becam more distant. Twilight just watched in awe at all the bright lights in the sky, but she knew something Warthog might not know. Frogfoot is almost identical to Warthog in power...... In the sky...... Clouds began to appear out of nowhere and cover the sky. What sounded like thunder was Warthog's and Frogfoot's cannon. Rockets we're being launched from under there wings. But Frogfoot still had Trinity..... Warthog was ready for a dogfight. He lined himself behind Frogfoot and unleashed everything. Twilight's POV.....in the castle. Ponies we're outside watching the fight from the ground. Somthimes they would see some firework things fall from the sky, but exploded near them. Some houses we're burning and pegesi were getting clouds to douse them out. But ocasionaly took glances at the fight above. Twilight was inside with her friends and princesses as they to watched from inside the castle. They didn't know why Warthog came back, maybe to apologise. It was accepted if he can defeat Frogfoot. Then she heard ponies outside screaming bloody murder as a barrage of missiles. In the sky.... Warthog was still shooting Frogfoot, both had given each other a beating of a lifetime. Frogfoot sufferd 30 rounds on his wing and body, Warthog was shot with 3 missiles to his lower body. They we're constantly dropping flares. Frogfoot then was dropping to the ground, firing missiles. Warthog chased after him, firing his cannon. He saw Frogfoot miss the ponies, but oblideraded their homes. Warthog was trying to shoot him down, but the accuratcy of the cannon proved to be an ass. Frogfoot was now back in the air, going strait up. 'No, he's attempting it is he!?' Frogfoot was attempting to drop the Trinity bomb. Warthog was now above Frogfoot, using the last of his ammunition in rockets, he killed Frogfoot. But before he exploded, Frogfoot said. "Warthog......." "Frogfoot." *Boom* Warthog was happy the nightmare was over. Then he saw a stream of smoke heading twords Ponyville. Trinity! Warthog chased after it, knowing what would happen. Twilight's POV... Twilight could see be explosions in the sky, but one in particular made her happy. Warthog defeated Frogfoot. Ponies started cheering for Warthog, but stopped when they saw him chasing a bigger version of the rockets. Twilight started to panic, if the smaller ones could do that much damage. What could that one do!? Her mind was black when she saw a bright light that outlook Celestia's sun and sounded like Cerberuses roar. Hot wind was blowing across her face as she looked to see a big cloud of black smoke. And she saw a stream of smoke heading strait for them. Twilight moved and saw a huge figure crash into the ground. It looked like Warthog. She franticly ran outside with everypony else to see him on his side, missing a wing and holes in his body. She saw the head, it was triangular. She was confused now, we're is Warthog? Her answer was given by the sound of thunder in the distance. She silently whispers, "Thank you Warthog..." The End? Explosions, Bombs, And a Sequel.Hello everybody! So I was thinking that since this is a story I'm most entertained on I could make a sequel. Lets face it I do comedy better than anything, grimdarks I'll give a shot sooner or later. So anyway I was just saying that I'm not dead, because I had the stomach flu for a bit, still feel the after effects. But I'm back! And there will be a sequal in the near future! As soon as I figure out the plot. Anyways, see y'all later! -------—---—--------- http://www.fimfiction.net/story/303465/wartime-pt-2 There. A Fucking Happy Ending?It has been three weeks sense anypony has seen Warthog. Celestia decided to make a statue in his honor in the middle of Ponyville. Everypony who was there payed there respects. Even made a holiday we're pegesi can make thunderstorms with multi colored lightning, they called it 'War Day'. Everypony believed he was dead, even the princesses. Rainbow took it hard, saying she won't have another flying buddy. The other five felt bad that they hated him, he risked his life for them, they didn't even say thanks. They will never know, but Warthog was still alive. "I may not be the best guardian, but I will protect them at all cost...." He flew off into the distance and swore he will eventually reveal himself. Some things are best left forgotten for now....... The End.......
Fucking Taco BellI was just resting in a repair hanger when my humans came back from there 20 minute vacation. My pilot was named Bill, every aircraft knew that. Oh yeah, machines can talk to each other. Humans may think we are just machines, we tried telling them, but it didnt work. Honestly I was actually kinda happy we can't talk to them. Some humans are annoying, Billy is one of them. He wasn't all bad, until he eats burritos. Chicken, Extra cheese. But, out of all of them, Extra Beans.....oh God. He needs to find something else to eat other than that. I have been a training aircraft forever, I swear he needs to eat something else, spaghetti, burgers, kerosene, anything! OK maybe not kerosene. "Oh God he got Taco Bell again." An F-22 said in a upset tone. I groand as, of course, he's my pilot, it's going to be a fun day of training. He had two large bean burritos and a chicken burrito. I swear if he farts in me I will fly myself to the ground. He was a burrito fanboy, it's actually quit hilarious. Heh, even when he doesn't fart he still stinks. How do I know? HE SITS IN ME! Anyway as he was eating, and I was passing the time by talking to my fellow comrades. "Did you guys here about that poor Abrams that got sold for scrap?" I said as I, was trying to get rid of the boardom. "I heard that his crew was killed." A Raptor said. "I thought a human took a shit in him or something?" A Nighthawk stated amused. "Thats disrespectful ya know!?" A very loyal Tomcat said, he's also a dick most days. "Meh...I still think he shit in him." Nighthawk said unamused now. "Hey look, he's finished already." Tomcat said. He was right, in a matter of 1 minute, Billy was finished with all of his food. Well shit... "Heheheh...good luck Warthog, and ah, you might want to get cleaned afterward." Tomcat, that fucktard. "Yeah well, fuck you Tomcat." I swear I hate that fucker, but, he was the favored one out of all of us sadly. Billy made his way twords me. He looked at me, admiring my 30mm cannon. "Well...might as well get you ready for training." "Good luck War-." "Shit the fuck up Nighthawk." 20 minutes later on the test range.... "Is it ready Billy Boy?" "Yes General! I loaded it, cleaned it, and checked to perfection!" "You semm quite optimistic Billy." ""Ye-s sir *hughh* I am r-ready to..." Billy was clutching his stomach. "Boy are you OK?" The general asked. "Yeah, just eaten something bad I guess." I watched in amusement as Billy was trying to make his way towards me, each step seemed like he was going to puke. "Sure you can fly Billy?" General was trying to not laugh. "Yeah I just-" Billy was cut off when he let out the biggest fart imaginable twords Warthog. Warthog soon dissapeard in a flash of Taco Bell magic. And Taco Bell smell. "Billy...how did you do that?" General asked. Billy couldn't think of anything so he simply said. "My Taco Bell farts are magical, sir"
Fucking Rainbow's"Ahhhhhhhhh! Oh shit I'm in the air! Turn on engines, now, now, now, NOW DAMMIT!!!" I was trying to turn over my engine's. But the angle I was falling from was 90 degrees facing down, and I was accelerating. My engine's we're trying to turn on but I was falling to quickly. Lets see, think, think, think... Bingo! I would glide down, set myself at a nice 180 degrees. OK, flaps up....check, engine's start....meh, now manuvre to 120, 160, come on. I was only 2000 feet in the air, START DAMMIT! 1200 feet and dropping, 170 degrees, updraft is stong. 175 degrees and up, YES! 1000 feet and closing. FUCKING START YOU PIECE OF SHITS! 789 feet, so close! Ahhhhhh shit! *wrttttt* "FUCKING FINNALY!!!" I pulled myself from the incoming ground. I felt my- wait I can feel? I know I can think and see before, but what the hell is going on? I scanned the area as I was at nice height, and after a brief calming session, looked around. "Huh, actually looks beautiful. So colorful other than seeing a dumbass falling 30 feet of a building, ah, that's fun. Earth is beautiful. Beats seeing my hanger and Billy's farts, yes I can see them, thermal. Well might as well return to base with- what the fuck? We're the hell is Billy? Wait, he wasn't in the cab? How the fuck am I in air? I am so confused. Hey look a town....what the fuck? Am I in Europe? 25 minutes earlier in Ponyville.... "Hey Twilight, want to work on your flying some more?" Rainbow asked, trying to get Twilight active. She's been cooped up in this castle at least for 3 weeks. "No Rainbow, I'm busy at the mom- GHAA!" Twilight put a hoof on her head, it was like she was shot by a danm magic missile! "Twilight! Are you OK!?" Rainbow asked, concerned for her friend. "I FEEL LIKE I WAS SHOT BY A MAGIC MISSILE TO THE HEAD! HOW DO YOU THINK IT FEELS!?" Rainbow was a little taken back by her friends outburst. "Sorry Rainbow, it just hurts!" Then as on que, it was gone. "That, was very weird." Twilight was rubbing her head in exhaustion. "What was that!?" They both heard a loud noise in the sky, above Ponyville. "Let's check it out!" Rainbow started to go when Twilight held her down. "Is it supposed to thunderstorm later?" Twilight asked Rainbow, struggling to get out of her magical grip. Then she stopped. "Oh yeah, they must be setting the clouds up. Semmes a bit early though." They both relaxed, Twilight let go of Rainbow from her magic. Both just rummaged through the pile of books on the ground. Rainbow saw the new Daring Do book called 'Daring Do and the Glass Pelvis'. "Hey Twilight, can I buy this new Daring Do?" Rainbow asked, getting gitty. "Sure! It cost 35 bits." Rainbow handed over the bits. Fucking 35 bits for a book? The hell. "Thanks Twi, I'll see you around. But you should seriously try to get out, not to be rude, but your getting....round." Rainbow scratched her head, then she left the castle. Twilight had to admit, she was losing exercise. Well, she would make time to practice flying and get exercise at the same time. Maybe later this evening. Warthog's POV.... Ahhhhh, it's nice to feel. Never thought Billy's farts were magical. Heh, guess I was wrong about it being only stinky. Well, I'm going to enjoy thi-. Is that...a rainbow? But it hasent rained yet. Is it moving? Wait...is it coming twords me!? Ahhh shit, arm cannon! Rainbow's POV.... 'Yay! Finnaly a new Daring Do! I'm goi-. What the buck is that!?' She noticed a large, gray creature. And it was coming strait at her! "BRRRRRRRRT!!!" It was attacking her! It was so loud that all of Equestria could hear it. It was spitting hot fireballs at her to. She decided to- "FRRRRRRT!" That was behind her! She turned around and saw smoke in the Everfree Forest, and there was a lot of it. The creature was now above her, she went after it. It was slower than her, but, it was like a dragon roaring in the sky. She got to the point we're she past it and got a good look. It was a machine, gray, and had to weird things behind it's wings. What really got her attention was a big, black, rod, sticking out in front of it. She was far ahead of it, she turned to face it below her. "Take this you ugly metal beast!" She was now flying full speed twords the evil thing. She was now about to......SONIC RAINBOOM DAT ASS! *KAAAAAABOOOOOOYAAAAHHHHHH* She broke the sound barrier and expected the thing to fall out the sky (because of the force near the aircraft would knock it out of the sky, unless it is stable enough to withstand a missile to it's ass, the A-10 is one of them.) It didn't, she only pissed it off. Warthog's POV.... "MOUTHERFUCKING RAINBOW CUNT!!!!!" 'I'm so pissed now! Fuck whatever it is! I'm blowing that son of a bitch to kingdom come!' Warthog was now on afterburner's and was lining up for a spraying shot. He found it flying twords the little village. "Come hear you blue piece of shit!" He was warming up his cannon. "You can talk!?" Rainbow asked. "Fucking come hear you little shit!" Warthog was now firing at her. "Ahhh! What are you doing!?" She nearly got naild by one of his fireballs. "GET OVER HERE!" Yup, he's that pissed. Twilight's POV.... Twilight could hear thunder in the distance. Must be a big storm. She decided to go out and practice flying before the storm arrives. She walked out of her castle. "What a wonderful-." She was cut off by Rainbow's screaming. Rainbow landed next to her and was panting. "Twilight! There's a creature attacking me! You got to help me!" "Were is-." "I'M GOING TO ENJOY WATCHING YOU BLEED!"
Fucking Ponies"Ahhhhh! Twilight! Please help me!" Rainbow was now shaking Twilight as the gray monster was closing in on them, slowly but surely. "OK, but stand back!" Twilight was charging up her horn to fire a magic missile. *pewwwww* ............... "YOU WANT SOME TO PURPLE BAT!?" .......... Well buck..... "SPIKE GET PRINCESS CECELESTIA! RAINBOW RUN!!!!!" Twilight was now running with Rainbow through the town. Ponies we're looking at what they we're running from, and started running like it was a sale on black Friday. "Run for your lives!" "Its going to eat us!" "Its so ghastly! Oh dear!" "THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU THINGS? GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Warthog was chasing the purple and blue bitches. "Not so fast..." Celestia appeard in the middle of the towns square with Luna and Cadence (why cadence? because fuck logic). That was fast. Warthog was confused, there's more of them alicorn things? "We want you to stop! Please, you are scaring everypony!" Luna said pleadingly. Warthog was hovering over the ground now, his cannon just inches away from Celestia's horn. (He can go into hover mode, he's futeristic.....ish) "We can talk this out! No more violence, please, let's negotiate." That pink one, reminded him of his first pilot. Dramatic Flashback.... "Its alright Bert. I will fix you up. Wow you took quit the bett'n from the hail storm." She was wonderful, pink hair, glitter in her eyes, sweet voice, a lot like the pink alicorn. She was patching up my dents from the hail, and giving me a new coat of paint. At the time, she was the only human to care for me. And I guess she sensed that, somehow, like she knew I had feelings. "There you go! And as a treat, I polished your cannon for you, and uranium rounds!" She was like a mother to me, if she was a plane. Back to the present...... Warthog then turned to Cadance, cannon on horn. Scaring Cadence a bit, but stopped rotating his cannon. And just stared at Cadence. "He doesn't seem.....hostile." She was awkwardly staring back. "But he was attacking me!" Rainbow said wile giving Warthog a glare. He suddenly started spinning his cannon and turned to Rainbow. And was spinning his cannon faster in anger. "You were coming at me at a high speed, I suspected an attack." I retaliated. "So you can speak? Well, tell us. Why did you attack Rainbow Dash?" Luna asked. "I....may have lost my temper when she tried to knock me out of the sky when she tried to break the sound barrier on me." Warthog admitted. "Well, at least your honest. But that doesn't mean you can use...uhhh....whatever that is." Celestia was pointing a hoof at his big, black, sleek, peni- I mean! Uhh...cannon! Yeah cannon! "Well she souldent have pissed me off!" Warthog was getting agitated. But Cadence softly said something in a whisper to Warthog, and seemed to calm down. At this point Rainbow flew off in anger. "please try to keep calm." Cadence said, winking at Warthog. "Uh..." Warthog breathed softly. "Well now that's out of the way, let me introduce myself. I am Princess Celestia, diarch of Equestria and raiser of the sun." "I am Princess Luna, also a diarch of Equestria and raiser of the moon." "I am Princess Cadence, ruler of the Crystel Empire and Princess of love." 'Princess of love? Well that clears a few things...' "I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship." 'Didn't seem like a friend to me' "Now I must ask you a question, what are you?" Twilight asked curiously. "Actually Twilight, I want to ask him questions at the castle. Please, I wish to discuss something with you." Celestia said in a motherly tone. 'Oh God and baby tomahawks, I hope she doesn't rub my cannon!'
Fucking Prince BitchFuckWarthog's POV..... "In the meantime, you can stay with my student Twilight Sparkle. Twilight, you wouldn't mind would you?" Celestia asked the nervous Twilight. "Of course not! I will need to figure out how to get him in though." Twilight gazed upon me and claped her gives together. "I will use a teleportation spell to teleport you to a large chamber in my castle!" She looked proud, I was unamused. "Tommorow around noon?" I asked Celestia. "Of course. I will set up a national greeting council in the meantime. Have fun you two!" She teleported off. Cadance asked if she could stay, I already knew why and I didn't want her to leave anyway. Luna also telported off with her sister. "Already to go?" Twilight was charging up her horn. "Yeah...let's go." I might as well get some rest. She opened a large portal to a crystal basement. "Lets go." She urged me into the portal. I just turned on my engines and taxied myself into the basement. It was actually quite quiet. Cadance plopped on top of me and laied on my left wing as we entered. "All right! You can stay here for the night until Celestia sends a letter to Cantorlot. OK?" Twilight was looking eager. "It sounds like you want to ask me some questions don't you?" I asked. "Yes as a matter of fact, just let me get some parchment and ink." She left me and Cadance to ramble. "So how do you have emotion if your a machine?" Cadance asked. "I don't know actually, I could think and see back we're I came from but no felling or emotion." I was still confused on how I can feel. "Hmmmmm, either way, I'm happy that you can feel emotion, because you can feel this." She kissed my wing, it felt good, comforting, my feelings we're exploding in happiness. Twilight came back with her writing supplies. "Alright, time for questioning!" She looked eager as ever. "Fine, let's get this over with." I might as well realese myself.......what? Its not sexual! "First, we're did you come from?" "Planet Earth, Ohio, United States air force base." "An entirely different planet? Wow. OK next, what are you?" "I am A 10 Warthog, support for the ground forces, my weapon is a 30mm cannon capable of braking the sound barrier. I'm not fast but with afterburners, I can be quick." "Your a living weapon? Interesting." "Next, my personal question, since your a weapon, what we're you made for?" ........ "Warhog?" ........ "Hey, are you OK?" "I was a weapon of war, we we're fighting the Taliban army, relentless people. I was built by many engineers who wanted a ground support. Heh, I had caretaker who would look over me like a mother. And every time she would come to give me a daily check up, I would always feel.....happy. I guess I could feel even then. She would always repaint me every time." "Then they killed her, the Taliban. She was deployed with six other soldier's. I was also deployed to support her squad. I was piloted by a random guy at the time. She went through hell and back and sufferd. She and I always supported each other, like we had a connection. Until she was ambushed." "She was shot in her torso and head, she died and buried in a soldier cemetery. I heard all of it when all when the hanger caretakers cleaned my hanger. I felt sorrow for the first time. I lost all hope that day." Warthog was now depressed. "...I....I'm so sorry....that's enough questions for now, get some rest." Twilight left with Cadance who gave me a kiss on my nose. 'Uhhhhhhhh.......more talking tommorow.' The next day....... "Rise and shine big boy!" "Uhhhhhhhhh.........metal...aching. Cadance 5 more minutes?" "No, Celestia wants you at the castle with the rest of the Mane Six and me! This a big deal for Equestria! You need to get up and introduce yourself to the citizens of oure fair and peaceful nation." Cadance was litteraly bouncing on top of Warthog. "Fine I'll get up." And with that he turned on his engines. "Finnaly, lazy hog." "Whatever Cadance. Ponyville square 3rd person.... Twilight was waiting on Pinkie to finish with her cupcakes. "Is everypony here?" Twilight called. Everypony was staring at Warthog, except for Cadance and Rainbow. "Is....it an animal?" Fluttershy asked Twilight. "No." Warthog said flatly. "IT CAN TALK!?" The 4 mares yelled and jumped back in surprise, except Pinkie. "Ohhhhhhhhh! Igottothrowyouapartysoonanditwillbeasmassiveasyouar-" "Does she always talk like that?" Warthog asked Twilight. "Only when she's excited." She smiled. "What are we waiting for?" Warthog asked Twilight. "I don't know, hey do you think you can fly us?" Twilight asked curiously. "Yeah, but as long as you don't touch anything." Warthog stated. "Of course, but, how do we get in you?" They all looked at Warthog curiously. There was a snap, and a swosh noise. The cab opend. "Here, watch your step earth ponies." They all got in, Fluttershy almost tripped on the latter but managed. "Wow, look at all the shiny things in here!" Rarity exclaimed. "Rarity, remember what he said 'Don't touch anything'." Applejack reminded Rarity. "You guys ready?" Warthog asked. "Yup!" They all said. "Want to leave the fun way? Or the boring way?" Warthog asked. "THE FUN WAY!" Pinkie screamed excitedly. "You might want to hold onto something." Warthog said. As Warthog was starting to move, everypony was holding on to the seats, bars, anything that wasn't shiny. Warthog turned to face the flat land behind the castle. His engines got louder and louder, then he started to move extremely quick. Everypony felt the machine lift off the ground as they got higher. "Enjoying the view?" Warthog asked. "Can you go faster?" Rainbow asked, figures. "Press the big green button Rainbow the one with the number 2 on it." Warthog told the eager pegasus. She did and she immediatly heard his engines get louder. And was forced back as he was now going 1 mock. Holy shit. "Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh haaaaaaaaawwwwwwww." Applejack yelled in joy. "I think that's Cantorlot right?" Warthog asked as he was facing the mountain. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!" Twilight struggled to speak. Cantorlot Castle Gates...... "Blueblood! Don't he so disrespectful to the creature who is coming here." Luna demanded. "Yes aunty Luna. I will be respectful to this creature." Blueblood said. "Were are they? They should've been here by now." Celestia said. Just then they heard the sound of thunder in the distance. Poines instantly looked to see Warthog who was in hover mode. He landed in front of Princess Luna. "Hello Luna. I broght some frein-" Warthog was cut off by Blueblood. "Oh lords of Tarterus, what are you!?" Blueblood yelled. "You deserve to be made into swords and shields for practice! You are ghastly!" Warthog was starting to lose it. "If you had a family I'm pretty sure you we're abandoned." 'RATED M FOR MATURE' "YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!!!" Warthog brought the cannon out and pointed it strait for Blueblood's head. "I WILL BURY YOU TEN FEET UNDER THE FUCKING GROUND YOU INCONSIDERATE PRICK! YOU WILL BURN WHEN YOU ARE FACE TO FACE TO ME, YOU SHOULD BOW TO ME YOU SCUMBAG!!! YOU DESERVE TO BE RIDDEN OF YOU LIFE FOR WHAT YOU SAID TO ME DICKWEED!!" Warthog was warming up his cannon when Cadance spoke in a soft voice" Its OK, I'm here sweetheart." "AUNTY TIA!!!" Blublood was crying and running into to the castle. Not realizing she was next to him. "I am so sorry for his behavior! Please! Forgive mg nefew." Celestia begged. "I will not forgive him in a million years, but he's gone so let's get to why I'm here." Warthog told Celestia harshly. "Of course, please follow me through this portal." Everyone followed.
MORE FUCKING QUESTIONS!Warthog's POV.... We entered in a large chamber with what looked like beds and a hit tub. This a spa? Well I don't think they have anything for me, did feel good in here though. "So, want to relax while we talk or what?" Celestia asked me. "I guess so." I said. "Good, girls relax in the hotub while me and Warthog talk." Celestia smiled happily. "Sister, can I go with them?" Luna looked pleadingly. "Of course Luna! Go enjoy yourself." Luna did a cannonball into the nearby pool. "Now, questioning." Celestia looked at me with a smile. After some already said annoying questions..... "So, do you go by anything else other than Warthog?" Celestia was writing my answers down. "Well, there 'The Cross of Death', 'The Hand of God', 'The Thunderbolt', 'Tank Buster' and many others, but those are a few." I staded proudly. "Those are pretty meanesing names, next, are you male or female?" "Ummm.....male?" "Good, do you eat?" "Yeah but I don't starve or die of thirst." "Impressive! Now, what are your intentions here?" "I'm not hostile, might be trapped here anyway." "Good, can you mate?" "Exscuse me?" "Um, can you mate? "I......guess?" "OK, what is that on your muzzle?" "My fake shark mouth?" "Fake shark mouth?" "Intimidation mostly." "Your intimidating enough, don't you think?" "I suppose so." "Alright, are you the only one here?" "Yeah, I'm the only one here." "OK, that's enough questioning, now, let's go introduce you to Equestria!" She sounded so happy. "......what......." Well shit. "We got to introduce you to the ponies so they don't take you as a monster!" She sounded like a having monster. "Alright, when will I meet the ponies then?" I was starting to feel uncomfortable. "In about 10 minutes." She was smiling, trying to stifle my anxiety. "OK, now how are we going to do this?" I asked the white princess, no snow white. "Well we we're going to introduce you, say your a guardian of Equestria, find a place to live and that's it. "Easier said than done." I said in a sarcastic tone. After all the ponies got cleaned and dressed for the presentation, Celestia, Luna, the Six, and the guards escorted me to the middle of town to present 'The Guardian of Equestria'. "Citizen's of Equestria! We present our new guardian of Equestria! Please respect him as if he was your last savour on Equis! He will protect each and every one of you! He will live amongst us as if he was our own! He is Warthog!" Celestia proclaimed. All the ponies begin to stomp on the ground in approval and excitement. Then they begin to cheer. "And as a celebration, we will be throwing a party in Warthog's honor!" Luna and Celestia announced. "And everypony is invited!" They added. They all fucking freaked out. And started talking amoung themselves. "Oh my Celestia what am I going to wear!?" "I still got to get my hooves polished!" "I still need to beat Candy Crush!" Wait....what? Nevermind. Later at the party......In 3rd person. "Welcome Warthog!" Everypony cheerd as he enterd through Luna's portal. He settled as the portal closed behind him. Fillies started rushing over to him and started asking him random questions. Filly 1: "Is it true that if I scratch under your wing, will you get 'fidgety'?" "Oh come one who told you that lie? Ahhh!" The filly was scratching the bottom of his wing and he was adjusting his flaps rapidly in excitmint. "Ahahahahah-stop!-oh,ahahahahahaha" Warthog was laughing uncontrollably. Cadence then landed on top of Warthog. "Alright my little fillies! The adults want to talk now." Cadance told the fillies. "Awwwwwwwwww." They all jumped off of Waerhog and back to there places. "They are to adorable for my taste Cadance." She only chuckled in response. A gray mare with a black mane walked up to Warthog. "Sir Warthog, do you want to have us play some music?" She asked in a English accent. "Actually, I was planning on playing some music, if you don't mind of course." Warthog asked. "Really? You can play music to?" Luna suddenly apeard out if nowhere. "Of course! Would you like me to play you some?" Warthog asked. "Yes please!" Everypony fell silent, waiting for you to play the music. You knew about Billy's secret digital music player. You chose your favorite song. 'Rusty Cage by Jhonny Cash.' (Don't own the song, also YouTube is being a dick to me and not letting me post vida so just enjoy the lyrics) Song starts.... / You wired me awake And hit me with a hand of broken nails. /You tied my lead and pulled my chain To watch my blood begin to boil. /But I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my! Gonna break my rusty cage, and run. /I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my! Gonna break my rust cage, and run. /To cold to start a fire I'm burning diesel, burning dinasoure bones. /I'll take the river down to still water, and ride a pack of dogs. /I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my! Gonna break my rusty cage, and run. /I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my! Gonna break my rusty cage...... And run. /When the forest burns along the road, Like gods eyes in my headlights. /When the dogs are looking for there bones. /And it's raining icepicks on your steel shore. /I'm gonna break, I'm gonna break my! I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run! X4 End song.(I DON'T OWN IT) "Wow, that was amazing! Who performed that song?" Octavia asked. "A very popular gentlemen names Jhonny Cash, he is very famous." "Wow, do you have other songs?" Luna asked. "You name it, Classical, Heavy Metal, Nightstep, Techno, Dubstep, Nightcore, Country, list goes on and on Luna." Warthog stated. "I heard Dubstep, it sounds a lot like Hoofstep, at least that's what Vinal calls it." Octavia mentioned. "Vinal?" Warthog asked. "She has a nickname, Dj PONI3, I think, but she would be very interested in a competition, if your up for it?" Octavia challenged, Warthog never backs down from fight! Stronk Plane! 'Merican made! ( If you don't play World of Tanks you will have no idea what I'm talking about.) "Well, I guess it's challenged accepted!" Warthog agreed. "See you at the match! Oh and watch for her bass cannon!" Octavia warned. "I will get the challenge stage up!" Celestia said happily.
FUCK YOU DICKNUT BLUBITCH. ALSO REST IN PIECES, LITERALLY.Warthog's POV...... also all songs in this chapter I don't own, and is owned by their respective owners. After the party, eveypony was inside waiting for Vinal to show up, speak of the devil. "Alright everypony! I got this." She walked up on stage with her wubs and bass cannon, how could I tell? Just by looking at it. "Well, well, well.....looks like I got me a challenger, and it's Warthog!" She said excidely. "Should we get started?" I said. "Ill go first." She got everything set up and chose her first song. (Find a Pet by Foozogz) (Also go type the songs in, seriously, YouTube is being a dick again) After some time, she finished. And looked triumphet. My turn (Bangarang by Skrillex.) The ponies jaws dropped and cheerd. Her turn (Discord by The Livingtombstone) Ponies went nuts and turned to me. Alright (Kyoto by Skrillex feat. Sirah) We went at it for like 2 hours and we were at a stalemate. "Well, I'm out of music ideas. Want to go and party?" Vinal asked. "Yeah, I'm pooped, tie"? "Tie." The next day at the castle.... "Blueblood! You are in trouble!" Luna yelled. Blueblood pissed in Luna's bedroom, he drank to much cider. "But I wasn't in control, Applejack was the one more that brought cider!" He said. "After y'all asked for it." Applejack said angrily. "Guys....shhhhhhh, I need rest." Warthog said in the room. "He's still here!? After what he said to me!? To the dungeons with you!" Blueblood said stupidly. "I'm surprised you have the nerve to even speak to me after what you said to me the other day." Warthog said harshly. "Are you threatening me!?" Blueblood yelled. "Blueblood! Stand down!" Celestia said as Blublood was charging up his horn. He fired and teleported Warthog outside and teleported himself. Courtyard...... "You have disrespected a prince and deserve to die!" "Blueblood you don't have to do this!" "Bring it on mutant." Blueblood then transformed into a dragon and flew twords Warthog, picked him up, and threw him into the air. Warthog turned his engines on and chases after Blueblood, and Warthog snapped. "YOU WILL SUFFER AND DIE BEFORE ME!!" Blueblood blew fire at Warthog, Warthog was dodging all attacks. "STAND DOWN OR DIE!" Warthog yelled. "No!" "Fine by me!" Warthog lined up and- BRRRRRRRRRRRT! Blueblood didn't stand a chance, he was forced back into his pony form and he was obliterated to hell. His soul was eaten in Tarturus. Warthog had blood on his muzzle. He was starting a scene. "He just killed prince Blueblood!" "He is a monster!" "Your not a guardian! Your a killer!" Warthog then flew off into the distance.
The Enemy Fucking Frogfoot.Somewhere, in Russia..... "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, fucking russian taco bell! A random Russian pilot farted twords a random Frogfoot. Again with the taco bell magic.....and vodka. Back in equestria........ "Holy shit! Were am I?" Fogfoot was in equestria for 3 days..Still oblivious to we're he's at. "I must be dreaming again, but do I see ponies?" He was near ponyville. "Hehehe, I am dreaming a good dream! I get to kill my most hated animal" Frogfoot hated ponies, no matter the reason. He started to advance towards the town. Ponies stared at him thinking it was Warthog. "Is that Warthog!?" "It doesn't look like him, almost." "Wait, what's he doing!?" Frogfoot was starting to spin HIS 30mm cannon and - BRRRRRRRRRRRT!!! He killed 3 ponies in a matter of seconds. "He's killing ponies! Everypony run!" Twilight's POV.. Twilight was busy trying to get the image of Bluebloods splatterd organs against the white wall, when spike ran in. "TWILIGHT! THERE IS A MONSTER ATTACKING PONYVILLE AND KILLING PONIES! And it looks like Warthog to, but, more triangular shaped!" "Were is it Spike?" Twilight asked. "Its- BRRRRRRRT! "COME BACK LITTLE PONIES! I WANT TO PLAY!" It definitely wasent Warthog. Twilight ran outside her castle to see, indeed, a trianguler version of Warthog, but it sounds different. Like it was from Stalliongrad. "MY NAME IS FROGFOOT, AND YOU WILL ALL DIE BEFORE ME, MUHAHAHAHAH!" Its called Frogfoot? Well still looked intimidating. As Twilight looked at the creature in utter shock. Spike was writing a letter to the other princesses, yes and Shinning Armour. 15 minutes later in Twilight's castle...with everypony cowering for there lives..... "Get out here little ponies! I still want to play!" Twilight, the princesses, some other ponies that were still alive, the rest of the original elements, and Spike. They we're trying to figure out how to defeat Frogfoot. They came up with many ideas but resulting in death or heavy failure. "Well, I have no other ideas. I guess we need to wait it out for a bit. See if he stops." Luna said. "Could we just use the combination of all of our powers on me again, like what we did for Tyrek?" Twilight asked. "We could, we have no other choice." Celestia admitted. "Well, I have no other ideas, let's do it. Are you sure you want to do this Twilight?" Cadanc asked Twilight. "I'm positive! We have no other choice." All the princesses nodded in agreement, and stood up from the ground. Twilight was in the middle of the trio and was ready to unleash hell itself. The princesses did the ritual and streams of pure magic flowed from there horns. Twilight was being filled again with pure, delicious, magic. She stood before the princesses powerful. "Elements! Follow me! Everypony else, stay here!" Twilight was ready to face the evil Frogfoot. They made it outside and Frogfoot was hovering, like Warthog. He faced the six. "Well, well, well! My next victims! Go ahead take your best shot!" Twilight didn't hesitate and was charging up her horn, the other five closed there eyes and was chaniling pure friendship magic. She fired pure harmony magic as a single, powerful beam. She was being forced back to the castle because of the absolute force she was exerting. The beam was so bright, it overtook the sun. She settled, and looked to see Frogfoot, unaffected. "Bwahahahaha! Thats all you got!? I didn't fell jack-shit! Hahahahaha!" Frogfoot was laughing uncontrollably. "Impossible........how?" Twilight asked exhausted. "Hahahahaha! I have no sense of friendship!" Frogfoot was warming up his cannon when a distent voice yelled at Frogfoot. "But I have a sense of friendship Frogfoot!" "Warthog...." Frogfoot growled
The Fucking Showdown"Warthog...." Frogfoot was about to shoot Twilight and her friends when Warthog showed up. "Fight me like the Russian you are!" Warthog challenged. "Fine, you ugly American!" Frogfoot growled. Warthog noticed something under Frogfoot's wing, a bomb. That says Trinity. Back on Earth....In Russia..... "D, we're the hell is our plane!?" "I don't know jackass!" "Uggg, fine whatever. Just get another and load the experimental bomb." "Uhhhh, about that." "Ohhh, you fucking dumbass of all asses, no vodka!" "Dammit!" Back to Equestria...... "Leave the ponies alone!" Warthog threatend. "Why should I listen to you? These beings are weaker than grass!" Frogfoot said. "They are not weak! They are very strong! These beings deserve to live no matter what!" "You Americans are so pitiful! You help other nations wars, you are always fighting. Don't you want to release some of that energy on them!? Or are you to much of a helicopter to do so?" Warthog was getting a weird sensation in his belly. "Do you think I care for these beings!? There weaker than you, no, there weaker than everything. They don't deserve to live! They don't help out in anyway! They are WORTHLESS!!!" Warthog saw Frogfoot point his cannon twords Fluttershy, who was bawling like a chiled lost there parents. Warthog lost his temper before, but not like this. He lost all sense of cooperation and reason tworda Frogfoot. He more pissed than an asion who got an F on a math quiz. Warthog was bloodthirsty for Frogfoot. "FIGHT ME YOU COMMUNIST SCRAP HEAP!!!!" Warthog yelled. That made Frogfoot pissed. They both took to the sky's as gunfire becam more distant. Twilight just watched in awe at all the bright lights in the sky, but she knew something Warthog might not know. Frogfoot is almost identical to Warthog in power...... In the sky...... Clouds began to appear out of nowhere and cover the sky. What sounded like thunder was Warthog's and Frogfoot's cannon. Rockets we're being launched from under there wings. But Frogfoot still had Trinity..... Warthog was ready for a dogfight. He lined himself behind Frogfoot and unleashed everything. Twilight's POV.....in the castle. Ponies we're outside watching the fight from the ground. Somthimes they would see some firework things fall from the sky, but exploded near them. Some houses we're burning and pegesi were getting clouds to douse them out. But ocasionaly took glances at the fight above. Twilight was inside with her friends and princesses as they to watched from inside the castle. They didn't know why Warthog came back, maybe to apologise. It was accepted if he can defeat Frogfoot. Then she heard ponies outside screaming bloody murder as a barrage of missiles. In the sky.... Warthog was still shooting Frogfoot, both had given each other a beating of a lifetime. Frogfoot sufferd 30 rounds on his wing and body, Warthog was shot with 3 missiles to his lower body. They we're constantly dropping flares. Frogfoot then was dropping to the ground, firing missiles. Warthog chased after him, firing his cannon. He saw Frogfoot miss the ponies, but oblideraded their homes. Warthog was trying to shoot him down, but the accuratcy of the cannon proved to be an ass. Frogfoot was now back in the air, going strait up. 'No, he's attempting it is he!?' Frogfoot was attempting to drop the Trinity bomb. Warthog was now above Frogfoot, using the last of his ammunition in rockets, he killed Frogfoot. But before he exploded, Frogfoot said. "Warthog......." "Frogfoot." *Boom* Warthog was happy the nightmare was over. Then he saw a stream of smoke heading twords Ponyville. Trinity! Warthog chased after it, knowing what would happen. Twilight's POV... Twilight could see be explosions in the sky, but one in particular made her happy. Warthog defeated Frogfoot. Ponies started cheering for Warthog, but stopped when they saw him chasing a bigger version of the rockets. Twilight started to panic, if the smaller ones could do that much damage. What could that one do!? Her mind was black when she saw a bright light that outlook Celestia's sun and sounded like Cerberuses roar. Hot wind was blowing across her face as she looked to see a big cloud of black smoke. And she saw a stream of smoke heading strait for them. Twilight moved and saw a huge figure crash into the ground. It looked like Warthog. She franticly ran outside with everypony else to see him on his side, missing a wing and holes in his body. She saw the head, it was triangular. She was confused now, we're is Warthog? Her answer was given by the sound of thunder in the distance. She silently whispers, "Thank you Warthog..." The End?
Explosions, Bombs, And a Sequel.Hello everybody! So I was thinking that since this is a story I'm most entertained on I could make a sequel. Lets face it I do comedy better than anything, grimdarks I'll give a shot sooner or later. So anyway I was just saying that I'm not dead, because I had the stomach flu for a bit, still feel the after effects. But I'm back! And there will be a sequal in the near future! As soon as I figure out the plot. Anyways, see y'all later! -------—---—--------- http://www.fimfiction.net/story/303465/wartime-pt-2 There.
A Fucking Happy Ending?It has been three weeks sense anypony has seen Warthog. Celestia decided to make a statue in his honor in the middle of Ponyville. Everypony who was there payed there respects. Even made a holiday we're pegesi can make thunderstorms with multi colored lightning, they called it 'War Day'. Everypony believed he was dead, even the princesses. Rainbow took it hard, saying she won't have another flying buddy. The other five felt bad that they hated him, he risked his life for them, they didn't even say thanks. They will never know, but Warthog was still alive. "I may not be the best guardian, but I will protect them at all cost...." He flew off into the distance and swore he will eventually reveal himself. Some things are best left forgotten for now....... The End.......
