The Terrarian Tank

by DJ A String

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sex, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 31446

[Displaced Story] Join Richard as he fights his way through hordes of enemies that just don't belong in this cartoon horse world.

[Displaced Story]
I didn't want to go to that convention. I mean, I'm a Terraria fan, and I got dragged out to Minecon, all because my friend said he 'had an extra ticket'. I mean, no offense to Minecraft, I just prefer Terraria. And hey, look where going to a Minecraft convention got me! One second I'm playing a game, next I'm approached by some shady merchant and given a copy of the Star Wrath from Terraria, and then the NEXT second I'm teleported to some weird cartoon horse land as my tanky Terraria character!
What the heck is going on here?!

Starts at the end of Season 4, during the time Tirek is taking magic.

To note, the gear of said tank character is as follows (All are warding. I told ya I made a tank, try it out!):
-Solar Flare Armor
-Worm Scarf
-Celestial Shell (But because how I play, does not show transformations, just the buffs for this one.)
-Flesh Knuckles
-Ankh Shield
-Paladin Shield
-Star Veil (Because real life is the TRUE Expert mode. XD)

Mature, Sex, and Gore for language, horrible bloody messes, and that one Nightmare Fuel boss.
Current cover art is up, thanks to Golden Script for finding it. If the owner of the image wants it taken down, I will take it down. In that respect, still would like some personalized cover art. If anyone's up for that, that'd be great.

Published 2015-07-31 17:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-01-06 08:59:09 UTC

It's Always More Fun with Friends

        The Terrarian woke up in a different environment than when he passed out. This environment was less like a battlefield and more… homey. The bed he had been placed on gave off a rustic feel, what with it having a quilted sheet. It was tempting for him to go back to sleep, if it were not for the pressing urge for him to both thank whoever had moved him to this comfortable environment….

        … And his growing need to use the bathroom.

        “The hell?” The Terrarian stirred. “Hello? Anyone here? I just kinda woke up in your house…”

        Just outside the door, the sounds of hooves against wood could be heard. It wasn’t long before the door opened and an elderly green pony stuck her head in.

        “Hello there, sonny. I hope you’re doing better.” Said the elderly pony. “When Applejack dragged your sorry hide back in, you were in pretty bad shape. How are you feeling now?”

        “Like I need to use the bathroom.” The Terrarian said, bluntly as he attempted to get up, only for the elderly pony to hold him back down.

        “Now now, don’t be getting up too quickly.” The elderly pony said as she held the Terrarian down. She let off her grip on him and walked back to the door. “Your things are on the nightstand, and the bathroom’s down the hall to the left. If ya need anything else, just call Applejack or Big Mac, I’m going back to my napping chair.” She opened the door and started to step out of it.

        “Wait!” The Terrarian called to the elderly pony. “I’m sorry, it was rude of me to just try and leave. What’s your name?”

        “I’m Granny Smith. You can just call me Granny.” Said the elderly pony.

        “I’m Richard.” The Terrarian stated. “It’s nice to meet you Granny.”

        “Likewise. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really must go back to my napping.” Granny said before walking out the door, the door closing behind her.

        Immediately after the door closed, Richard rolled out of the bed he was in, being careful not to pull any of the bedding off with him. He looked at the nightstand and found his sword, Meowmere, in charm form and the Last Prism, as well as a random bullet.

        “What the heck? I don’t have a gun on me.” Richard said as he picked up and examined the bullet. “Where did you come from, little bullet?” All of a sudden, the bullet started reacting to Richard’s presence.

“I am Vash the Stampede. I am a hunter of peace. If you fight to defend peace and the lives of others then I will be more than willing to help. Just call on me and together we will create… LOVE AND PEACE!”

        “... Okay, the fuck? You are not a bullet of mine” Richard said before tossing the bullet over his shoulder and grabbing charm Meowmere and the Last Prism and putting them in his pockets before hearing a loud bang. When he turned around, he saw what made the bang.

        Apparently, the bullet went off when it struck the floor… and opened a portal. The bullet, itself floated above two halves of the casing that was originally on the casing, forming a triangle-shaped, swirling, green portal. Out from the portal stepped a tall man wearing a red coat and sunglasses with orange tinted lenses and frames bent stylistically. The portal closed behind him. The man looked to be about six foot nine, and had blond hair. The blonde man looked around for a moment and seemed confused about his surroundings.

        “Uhh, I didn’t think I made a wrong turn at Albuquerque, where am I?” He said to no one in particular.

        “Who the hell are you?” Richard said, drawing Meowmere, turning it into its full size form and pointing it at the new intruder who came through the portal. The intruder’s eyes seemed to widen behind his glasses and threw his hands up in a panic.

        “Gaaaah! H-hey, there’s no need to point anything that dangerous at me! Weren’t you the one that summoned me?!”

        “The hell are you talking about?! I didn’t summon anyone!” Richard yelled at the man. “Just who the hell are you?!”

        “Keep it down in there! Some of us are trying to nap!” Came the angry scream of Granny Smith.

        “Sorry Granny!” Richard yelled before turning back to the intruder and talking softly. “Who are you? And what do you mean, ‘I summoned you’?”

        The intruder’s head drooped slightly and let out a sigh while keeping his arms extended. “Didn’t you get the message on my bullet? I’m Vash… well that’s not my original name, but it’s what I go by now.”

        “Mhm. Alright, I don’t believe that.” Richard said. “Seriously, who are you?”

        “Really, you don’t believe that?” Vash said as he let out a little huff. “I guess this is your first time running into another Displaced, huh?”

        “The hell’s a Displaced?” Richard questioned.

        “Well, I’d be more inclined to answer that If there wasn’t a sword pointed right at my jugular,” Vash replied with a weak grin.

        “Fine. But don’t do anything… questionable.” Richard said, lowering his sword. He then remembered the whole reason why he got out of bed. “And you can wait for me to use the bathroom first.”

        “Yeah, take as long as you want.” Vash replied with a sigh of relief as put his arms down and sat on the bed. “It’s not like I can leave and go anywhere.”

        After taking a quick trip to the bathroom and taking Vash outside -as well as explaining why he was here-, Richard and Vash were out in the Apple Family orchard, walking around and talking about things.

        “So… Again. The hell’s a Displaced?” Richard asked Vash.

        “Well, a Displaced is someone who gets something from a shady individual and gets sent to a version of Equestria. Once there a Displaced can make a ‘token’ with a message that serves as a sort of business card I guess and allows us to be summoned to other Equestrias. And from what I understand all of us were in a costume of sorts when we became displaced. I’m guessing you dealt with someone who ran a stall at a convention? Possibly dressed as the Merchant from Resident Evil 4?”

        “Eh. It was a shady merchant. I was at Minecon.” Richard explained. “All I know is that he kinda just handed it to me while I was playing Terraria in a corner.”

        “Really? Because I had to deal with a creepy guy giving me a pedo smile before I had to deal with my merchant.” Vash admitted as he slumped over slightly, “And then the merchant took fifty bucks off of me for my gun.”

        “You still have the gun?” Richard asked. “I got handed a replica of Star Wraith from Terraria. Got trapped in one of my items via Discord and lost all my stuff. Hell, I even lost my cell phone, and that was the last of my possessions from Earth!”

        “Yikes, well I still have my phone, but considering there aren’t any outlets in my Equestria it’s about as useful as a plastic brick at the moment. Plus, I helped the Celestia and Luna of my Equestria trap Discord in stone and turned him into an ornament for the castle garden.”

        “Sounds like fun.” Richard said. “Well, anyways, anything else I should know about Displaced?”

        “Well, I’d recommend wearing a helmet or something. All of the tokens I’ve gotten so far have hit me right in the head. Also, if you make a token then be prepared to get summoned at anytime. I’d say that you should be careful what you do in your private time.”

        “Right…” Richard said before stopping in his tracks and grabbing Vash by the shoulders. “Wait a second, is that a dick joke?!”

        Vash turned his head and scratched his cheek a little. “What, of course not.” He said with a weak chuckle. “I was just warning you not to do anything embarrassing like playing with dolls that you would claim to be action figures, or ‘collectibles’ when really you know you’re lying to yourself to spare your ego.”

        “... I thought you were talking about…” Richard said. “Nevermind. You sure that’s all I need to know about Displaced?”

        “Well, I’m fairly new to all this myself so I can’t tell you all that much. I suppose I could help you make a token.”

        “And how, exactly, do I do that?” Richard asked.

        “Well, you first have to pick something that represents you, like my bullet does.”

        “Well, the only thing I can think of is the Last Prism, here…” Richard said, taking out the Last Prism. “But it’s a bit too powerful for me to turn it into a token, considering what you told me… Then again, people would only know what it does if I told them… No. I can’t use this. I’m sorry Vash, but I don’t have anything to use as a token.”

        “Don’t worry about it too much, I’m sure you’ll find something to use eventually. Until then, do you still want me to explain the process?” Vash said as he gave Richard a pat on the back.

        “Sure, why not. Afterwards maybe we can actually go look for something.” Richard said dejectedly. “Might find something good.”

        “Hey, buck up there little buddy. You just learned about tokens and you’re acting like it’s the end of the world that you don’t have one.” Vash replied with a chuckle as he tried to cheer Richard up. “Anyway, after you have a token picked out you concentrate on it and record your message on it. Oh, and a word of advice from another Displaced, don’t make your message stupid like Wade’s.”

        “What’s his message?”

        “I don’t know exactly,” Vash admitted, “but apparently it’s pretty bad. ‘Pathetic’ was the word the guy who told me about it used.”

        “Sounds interesting. I’ll keep an eye out for the guy.” Richard said. “So, about that little ‘adventure’. You have any ideas?”

        “Hmm, well I don’t know where we are in this version of Equestria so I wouldn’t know about any hotspots or anything. Well, considering we’re on a farm civilization can’t be too far behind. Wanna just look around the nearest town and see what we can find there? Elements from the IP your costume is based on are supposed to show up in this Equestria so we might find a suitable token in a shop.” Vash suggested.

        “... I wasn’t wearing a costume.” Richard said. “I mean, I did get my Terraria character’s equipment, but I lost all of it when Discord trapped me in the Last Prism. Don’t ask me about it, I don’t like talking about it.”

        “Okay, well I’d still be willing to bet that this Equestria is going to incorporate elements from Terraria, maybe because you were playing it when the merchant essentially slipped you a dimensional roofie?” Vash wondered.

        “That’d be the Star Wraith replica. I told you that’s what he did!” Richard said. “And you’re right, elements of Terraria did make it over here. I had to fight off cultists and the Moon Lord! You know Cthulhu? Well the Moon Lord is Space Cthulhu! Fucking dick!”

        Vash blinked at that and tilted his head. “Uhh, isn’t Cthulhu already Space Cthulhu?” He questioned with a strange look on his face.

        “Shut up. This guy shot lasers at me and had eyes in his palms. Was NOT fun.”

        “Okay,” Vash replied as he threw up his hands defensively, “sorry if I touched a nerve there. Still, what do you think about exploring the local town?”

        “Sounds like fun.” Richard said. “I mean, I was stuck in what’s now the Tree of Harmony for a thousand years.”

        “Yikes, from what I’ve been told, being trapped for a thousand years isn’t all that uncommon for a Displaced. Still, I have to imagine that’s not a pleasant experience-”

        “Since I was part of the Tree of Harmony, if not the cause, I was connected to it and its assets.” Richard said. “That means the Elements of Harmony. I watched what happened to Discord. I FELT what happened to Luna. I saw everything… and I know that shadow is still alive...”

        “Wait, what are you talking about?” Vash asked as he grabbed Richard’s shoulders. “What happened to Luna? What shadow are you talking about?”

        “I’m not talking about it.” Richard hissed. “What happened to me and my world while I was in my prison, stays with me. You’re better off not knowing, anyways. Just drop it and let it go.”

        “Damn it, Luna is one of my best friends and you just want me to drop this?!” Vash growled. “How do you expect me to just do nothing when I might be able to help her?”

        “Because I don’t know anything about it. I only know what happened in the end, not how it happened or why.” Richard said. “Sorry Vash, I just don’t know. I only know the pain that I felt when it happened… I… I’m sorry…” Richard started to break down crying at that point, unable to contain his feelings.

        Vash’s expression softened at that point and he relinquished his grip on Richard’s shoulders, allowing him to fall to his knees. “No Richie, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It’s just.... I want to be able to protect my friends. I don’t want to lose them before I have to.” Vash finished as a tear rolled down his own cheek.

        “Trust me, I feel the same. I just wish I could have been there to prevent everything.” Richard said, drying his eyes and getting back on his feet. “L-let’s just get to that ‘adventure’.” Richard took a few more steps before falling down a hole that he didn’t see.

        Vash looked over the edge of the hole to see if Richard was okay. “Hey, you didn’t break anything did you?”

        “Just my legs!” Came Richard’s voice. “Don’t worry, I’m just joking! Just come on down here. I think I found our adventure!”

        A devious grin worked its way on Vash’s face. “Okay, but I have to warn you that I don’t have much experience exploring holes with other guys!”

        “You’re missing out on an awesome threesome, then!”

        “Ha,” Vash replied with a light chuckle, “whatever you say dude. I’ll just hop down there and we can get started on our adventure.” He finished as he jumped into the pit.

        “Welcome to mole town, population two weirdos.” Richard said when Vash reached the point where he had fallen to. “Now come on. I think I saw a light further down this way.” Richard started walking deeper into the darkness.

        “Yeah I’ll be right there,” Vash said as he slipped his glasses into his pocket and followed after Richard. “Because nothing says good idea like walking towards the light in a long, dark tunnel. Where is this ‘light’ you saw anyways?”

        “What do you mean? It’s just around the corner.” Richard said. “What, you can’t see it?”

        Vash squinted a bit and tried to see what Richard was talking about. “Uhh, you might’ve hit your head during that fall because I can’t see anything.”

        “Oh great, it’s this shit again.” Richard complained aloud. “Let me explain, this shit happens from time to time. Sometimes I can see things that the others can’t. Like, sometimes things in Terraria give off light. Apparently, no one else can see the lights, though. Makes me think I’m crazy now and then. I mean, I could have given you a potion, but I lost all my potions when I got trapped.”

        “Umm, the both of us were ripped from Earth and are suddenly in a world of magical, technicolor ponies. The jury is still out on whether or not either of us is crazy.” Vash said flatly.

        “Yeah.” Richard grumbled as he ducked through a hole in the underground passage. “It’s just over here. In fact, it should...”

        Vash ducked into the passage as well and quirked an eyebrow at Richard. “It should what? You’re not suddenly suffering from a concussion are you?”

        “No way in hell. There’s no way.” Richard said eying something on the floor. “Vash, check it out. See that flower? Look what’s around it.” Richard pointed to a rather large and out of place bulb that was growing out of a small patch of grass in the underground tunnel they were in. Around the base of the bulb was a strange red-pink necklace.

        “Well, that’s certainly conspicuous. Is there anything I should know about that thing?”

        “Which one are you talking about? The bulb or the necklace?” Richard asked as he bent over the bulb and attempted to take the necklace off the bulb, only to find it snuggly stuck onto the plant. “This necklace is my Star Veil. It’s one of my items that Discord took away from me when he trapped me.” Richard went back to trying to take the necklace off of the flower bulb without damaging the plant.

        “I was talking about the bulb. I’m no botanist, but I’m pretty sure that flowering plants don’t usually grow underground. Also, sounds like Discord pulled a Metroid on you and spread all your equipment all across this world.”

        “Yeah, pretty much.” Richard said as he attempted, and failed, once again to take the necklace off the bulb. “Ugh. Wanna give me a hand with this?”

        “Alright, stand back I think I know a way to get that thing to let your necklace go,” Vash said as he pulled out his revolver and leveled it at the bulb. He let off a shot right beneath the necklace in an attempt to get the thing loose. The bullet, however, ricocheted off the ground and into the bulb, somehow destroying it completely.

        “... You IDIOT!” Richard yelled as he quickly picked up the necklace and put it on as a monstrous roar echoed through the underground tunnel. “As happy as I am for having this back, do you even KNOW what you just unleashed upon us all?! That thing summons a boss from Terraria known as Plantera! She’s a near endgame boss, and thanks to you, we just summoned her in noobish conditions! Everyone knows to summon her in a large open space, otherwise she can corner you in a small tunnel!” Just then, the flower started growing back at an alarming rate, growing even past the bulb that was originally there. “RUN!” Richard took off back through the tunnel as fast as he could.

        Vash was close behind and proceeded to scream as loudly as he could. “Why didn’t you tell me about that damn thing?! I’ve never played Terraria before!” Vash screamed.

        “Well sorry! I didn’t know!” Richard screamed as he ran for his life. “Just know that if that thing gets close to the surface, it’s not gonna be fun to fight.”

        “I’ve got a crazy idea… maybe we can cause a part of the tunnel to collapse and trap the thing so it can’t follow us.” Vash suggested.

        “Well, it might work. I’ve only ever fought the normal creatures and Moon Lord, and Moon Lord was out in the open. Hopefully she doesn’t do what she does in Terraria and just phaze through the wall.” Richard said as he drew Meowmere and charged energy into it. “Here goes nothing.” Richard slashed his sword out in front of him, sending out the usual strange cat-shaped rainbow projectile that exploded upon contact with the ceiling of the tunnel. Dust started to fall a little from the ceiling before it started to shake and rocks came tumbling down in a torrent of stone.

        Vash and Richard heard an aggravated roar as Plantera came upon the impromptu blockade. Vash looked at Richard with a hopeful expression. “Do you think it worked?”

        “I’m not sure. If I had my phone, I’d have a map that would have told me.” Richard said. “The maps in game translated to being on my phone, and that map always displayed bosses… Well, it displayed Moon Lord. But to answer your question-” Another roar from Plantera caused Richard to pause. It sounded a bit more far off and… not there. “I think it worked. Sounds like Plantera is going back to whatever state she was in. Hopefully no one else summons her on accident.”

        “I know what you mean… maybe we should tell the Apples about this hole on their property and help them fill it. Do you think they have cement in this Equestria?”

        “Not a clue.”

        One hole filling later, as well as enough time to explain what the hell just happened…

        “So, Vash. Mind explaining the whole token thing again?” Richard asked as he looked at the Star Veil that was hanging around his neck.

        Vash nodded as  he scratched his chin in thought. “Well you hold what you want to use as your token and concentrate on it while recording your message.”

        “Yeah. Now, here’s a question, will I get a copy of it?” Richard asked.

        “Uhhh, I wouldn’t know. I used a bullet and for some reason I don’t think I can run out of the things. Like I said before, I’m fairly new to this whole Displaced thing myself.”

        “Ah. Great.” Richard said, taking off the Star Veil. “Well, might as well see. So, just say an oath or something that tells people about me?”

        “Yup, just say whatever comes to mind. Don’t be afraid to get hammy with it either.” Vash replied with a nod and a grin.

        “Alright then…” Richard said. He started to concentrate energy into the Star Veil before saying his ‘oath’.

“For those of you who need someone to take a hit for you, those of you who need an extra hand, call on me, the Terrarian Tank, to help. And while I may not be the nicest of people, I can still help out in a pinch.”

        “How’s that?” Richard asked.

        Vash had a big smile on his face as he gave Richard a thumbs up. “That’s perfect! Now, concentrate on sending that across the ether and toss it as hard as you can.”

        “... Really? That’s it?” Richard questioned. “No demonic ritual, no crazy summoning, just toss it?!”

        “Well, once you’re done with that we’ll have to sacrifice a goat and chant in ancient Sumerian to Baal, but other than that, yeah, that’s all.” Vash replied with a shrug and a chuckle.

        “Oh ha ha. Very funny.” Richard groaned before chucking the Star Veil as hard as he could, a portal opening up and accepting it. Immediately afterwards two identical portals opened up, one in front of Richard, the other behind Vash. Identical Star Veils shot out of the portals. Richard caught the one that came at him, while Vash got pelted in the back of the head. “WOO! I get to keep the damn thing!” Richard put his on right afterwards.

        “Ow! why do I always get hit in the head with these things?!” Vash cried as he picked up his Star Veil. “Does the Multiverse hate me?!”

“Dude. That sounds hilarious.” Richard chuckled. “Anyways, you might want to know what the Star Veil does. Basically, if you get hit, ‘stars’ will be called from the heavens to strike whoever hit you and you’ll be given a minute of invincibility, and that’s pretty much it.”

Vash grinned a little as he slipped the necklace into one of his pockets. “I’ll have to save that for later. Never know when a minute of invincibility will come in handy. I could get a lot done in that amount of time.”

“Well, I mean, it’s not a one time use, so yeah.” Richard explained. “All you need to do is wear it.”

        “Really, well I’ll still put that on later. My marefriend likes to use me as a sparring partner and the last thing I need is for her to get attacked by stars.” Vash replied with a chuckle.

        “Alright then, glad to see you care about someone… Just makes me think if she still cares about me the same way as she used to…”

        Vash saw the look on Richard’s face and tried to cheer him up. “Hey,” he started with a slap on the back, “don’t you worry about that kind of thing. A guy like you can’t be so easily forgotten by whatever lady-friend you’re thinking of.” He finished with a massive grin.

        “Yeah, probably not. Hell, she and her sister carved their marks on the Tree of Harmony when they realized what happened to me.” Richard exposited. “I miss her so much… Her cheery smile… Always brightened up my day. Maybe I’ll see her again soon.”

        “Here’s hoping you do.”  Vash said with another pat on the back. “So, is there anything else you need from me?”

        “Well, considering summoning you in the first place was an accident, not really.” Richard said. “So, uh… How do I send you back?”

“Well, first you grab a chicken and cut its head off. Then you draw a pentagram in its blood and…”

        “Dude. Enough of the cult jokes.” Richard said, annoyed.

        “Alright, there really isn’t much to it.” Vash replied with a chuckle. “All you have to do is say, ‘Vash, our contract is complete,’ and I’ll go back from whence I came.”

        “Well, that seems simple enough.” Richard said. “Vash, our contract is complete.”

        A swirling, green, triangular portal opened up behind Vash and he turned to start walking into it. Right when he was just about to enter it he turned back to Richard with a smile and a wave. “See ya later Richie. Use that bullet to call on me whenever you need me.... or when you just need someone to remind you that you’re not as insane as you’re thinking you are at the moment.” He said with a chuckle.

        “Later, weirdo!” Richard called back as Vash stepped through the portal. “Now… What to do with the rest of the day. Maybe I could-”

        “Dickie!” Came the serene yell of a white alicorn before she slammed right into Richard.

        “C-celestia?!”

I Can Explain!

        Celestia ended up dragging Richard to Sugarcube Corner where Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were all waiting. Apparently she had summoned them there when she arrived in Ponyville unexpectedly. Upon arriving inside the bakery, they were immediately assailed by Twilight with her ‘question cannon’.

        “Princess Celestia-”

        “Twilight, please. I’ve been trying to get you to drop the formalities for months now.” Celestia said. “Just Celestia will do.”

        “Ugh. Celestia, what are you doing in Ponyville?” Twilight asked. “I sent you the letter about what happened yesterday and you just sent back a message saying to meet here at noon. What’s the problem? And why’d you bring him? I thought he was still recovering! And you just got out of Tartarus!”

        “I was.” Richard deadpanned.

        “Oh he’s just fine. My little Dickie is just ridiculously durable.” Celestia cooed as she nuzzled his hair. “I was more concerned about the state of everything else really, and finally seeing my dear Dickie again.”

        “It’s nice to see that you still care about me after all these years, Celly.” Richard said as he wrapped an arm around Celestia and hugged her close.

        “Of course I do Richard. I never forgot you.” She raised a leg to pull him into her chest as her head hooked behind his neck, the two just quietly enjoying the embrace like the long-lost friends they seemed to be.

        “Princess?” Twilight said, ruining the moment the two were sharing. “Is… Is there something going on between you two that we should be aware of?”

        “W-well, yes…” Celestia stuttered as she and Richard pulled apart to address the group while the Cakes feverishly set about providing the impromptu tables with all manner of sweets. “Y-you see-.”

        “Celestia, please, let me.” Richard said. “Just know that it’s a long story, girls, so just sit back and listen for a bit. It all started about a thousand years ago, before Discord trapped me in the Last Prism. Before I even showed up in Equestria…”

        [One Thousand, Fifteen years (or so) ago]

        It started out as a normal Saturday for me. I was sitting in front of my computer, playing one of my favorite games: Terraria. I had been attempting to play the game with the constant distraction of my friend constantly messaging me over an interface called Steam about a different game called Dark Souls. He kept saying that I should stop playing the game about crafting, mining, and slaying horrible demons and creatures, and just go for the game that only focussed on slaying things, but I paid it no mind.

        I was about to summon the game’s final boss, a creature who resembled Cthulhu called the Moon Lord when I was interrupted by my mother pulling me out of ‘the zone’ to tell me one of my other friends was at the door. Sure enough, when I got to the door, there was standing my old friend Andy. Now, he was there because he said he had an extra ticket to a convention called ‘Minecon’, which was about this three dimensional game called Minecraft. It had the same basic principles as Terraria, but was less combat-centric. Honestly, I never caught on to it, I just agreed to go with him because he kept begging me. The thing was, he didn’t tell me when it was, so when he showed up that day, he told me that he was there to take me and that I should get out of my pajamas and come with him. Of course, my mother forced me to go quickly change and get ready. And while it may seem insignificant, on my way out, I grabbed my laptop computer and a backpack and left.

        I didn’t really do much when we got there. I just found a place to sit down and plug in my computer and turned on Terraria. At some point during the convention, I was approached by some shady guy. I didn’t really get a good look at him, but I did hear him ask me to ‘hold onto this for him’ and he handed me what I now know is a perfect replica of a sword known as Star Wraith. Right afterwards, there was a flash of light from my computer and the sword at the same time, and I ended up standing in Celestia’s parents throne room wearing armor essentially made of sunlight and a shield on my left arm and holding Star Wraith in my right hand.

        This is where the whole tale of how me and Celestia got together really starts. See, Celestia was in the throne room with her parents when I appeared. We fought. We somehow stalemated. And then we laughed it off like it was nothing. It was the start of something beautiful.

        Solaris and Faust took to me quickly, and Celestia was ecstatic to have a real friend for the first time in a long while. But among the sunny family was the ‘black sheep’ so to speak. I noticed her of course and tried to reach out to her, but she wanted to remain a polite distance, so Luna and I only ever became good friends rather than close ones like I wanted.

        However, things changed over the 15 years I stayed in Equestria, exploring, discovering things that not even Faust and Solaris knew, and eventually discovering something I never thought I would know.

        Love.

        Celestia and I, we grew closer continuously. It was like we were drawn to each other naturally. When one was sad, the other comforted, when one was happy, we both were. When she kissed me for the first time. I kissed her right back. I didn’t care that she was a pony, I loved her so much what she was never mattered, she was Celestia, my Sun, my heart’s warmth.

        But then. Discord came.

        He came from out of nowhere, like that unwanted sneeze in somepony’s face- “Hey!” -and swept across the land with stupidity and randomness his tools of destruction. Fillies and colts got tummy-aches from eating all the candy, buffalo tap-danced everywhere, and the strawberry milk, oh, the horror. -“I was going through a phase!”-

        Shut up Discord, anyway, where was I? Oh yes. During all of this, I was currently working with Luna to purge the monstrosity that dared to infest her moon; the Moon Lord, a creature that resembled the Lovecraftian horror Cthulhu.

        Luna and I had spent months hunting down Lunar Cultists, who dared to say they revered Luna, but in reality sought the favor of that disgusting parasite that had taken root on her moon. As her friend I fought alongside her, and Celestia came with us as often as she could, since unlike Luna, her parents wanted her to run the country so Luna could remain free to do as she pleased, saying the Moon is a protective presence rather than a guiding one and Luna was too glad to mingle with the populace even if distantly.

        Anyhow, the battle was long, and harsh, but eventually the Moon Lord fell, and it was from his corpse that gratuitous amounts of lewt- “Excuse me, but could you-?” -no interrupting! Anyway, among the lewt was the Last Prism. Which brings me to the part where I leave center stage.

        When we got back, we were devastated to find the land we loved turned upside-down, sometimes quite literally. We rushed to the castle to find no trace of Solaris or Faust, and upon the thrones laid that snake bastard Discord.- “You WILL tell us what you did with them!” “Okay, I’ll help, but it’s been a long time….” -We faced him with all we had, and while in sheer power I outmatched him, his trickery and the sheerly modular nature of his abilities made fighting him almost impossible.

        We retreated, but not until I got a good blow on him with Star Wrath. But he wasn’t through, at least with me. Discord followed us into the Everfree away from the castle discreetly, and he ended up separating us, eventually leading me into the canyon just next to the castle where he trapped me, and sealed me into the Last Prism. With a cruel laugh, he said it was the least I deserved for harming him, and he then had the gall to bury me six-feet under in the nearby cave.

        For years I saw nothing, heard nothing. It was so dark, and cold. Only the thoughts of my beloved Celly and dear friend Luna kept me sane, until eventually I saw light, and then the cave, and felt over years that I was growing into something wonderful. I became what would be known by all who found me as the Tree of Harmony. When my aura became strong enough, Celly and Luna snuck past Discord’s wards and found me as I had become, so distraught that they could not help me, they instead wished to let me know they still cared, and etched their cutie marks on my trunk.

        I was so touched, I felt so astoundingly loved that even years after practically dying they still cared, that I, well, can’t really describe it too well, but what became known as the Elements of Harmony were borne of me that day, and it was with them that Celly and Luna sealed Discord in stone. But without them, I grew weaker, the Elements had manifested of myself. I’m not too sure what happened over the next millennia other than what happened near me and whenever the elements were used, but time and again, Celly would come to me, and cry upon my trunk, and I was helpless to do anything but watch.

        Now though….

        Richard kissed Celestia full on the mouth, and she quietly cried tears of joy as she pressed into him as all the girls were crying. Save Dash, Dash doesn’t cry. She releases liquid pride.

        “Well, that’s my story” Richard stated as he finally broke off the kiss and held Celestia close. “I hope it answered your question. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a question of my own. Who are all of you?”

        “I’m sorry.” Twilight said as she wiped her eyes. “My name is Twilight Sparkle. I’m a former student of Celestia’s. These are my friends.” Twilight motioned to the five ponies gathered around her. “Rainbow Dash.”

        “Sup.” Said the prismatic mare as she tried to hide the fact that she had been crying.

        “Fluttershy.”

        “H-hello.” Said the buttercream mare through her sobs.

        “Rarity.”

        “Darling... “ The pristine white mare said as she stopped her sobbing for a moment. “Your story is so… so…” She broke down into tears again.

        “Pinkie Pie.”

        “So sa-ha-had!” Came the sobs of the pink mare that Twilight motioned to.

        “And I think you already met Applejack.”

        “H-howdy, partner.” Came the orange mare’s hello as she calmed down a bit. “It’s nice to formally meet the feller staying in my house.”

        “It’s nice to meet all of you.” Richard said. “I don’t think I’ve really introduced myself properly. My name is Richard, or as Celestia likes to call me, Dickie. Please, I’d like to keep that nickname reserved for her. If you want to call me anything, call me Richard or Dick, alright?” The girls all said their own ‘okays’. “Now, does anyone else have any questions?”

        “I do, Dickie. Won’t you come back with me to Canterlot?” Celestia asked before Twilight could say anything. “I’ve been without you for so long, having you back now… I just don’t think I could continue without you nearby. Please, come back with me.”

        “I would love to, Celly.” Richard said in a reserved tone. “But…”

        “But?” Celestia questioned. “What could be stopping you from joining me?”

        “It’s what I found. There are things in this town that I know could cause mass panic, and a ton of damage, let alone deaths.” Richard explained. “I’m sorry, Celestia, but I can’t join you in Canterlot until I’m sure the dangers of Terraria do not come to light again.”

        “Again?! But you said once the Moon Lord was vanquished-.”

        “That was over 1000 years ago Celly...it seems that the monsters of Terraria have regrouped in the time I’ve been dormant. Just earlier, Plantera, she’s back. I barely evaded her. To my knowledge, she went back to sleep, but I’m not sure how long that’ll last.”

        “That monstrosity?! Oh...oh no...you’re right. I can’t risk leaving such things to wander, and you are the only one who can slay the monsters with any ease.” Celestia said dejectedly. “I guess that means you’ll have to stay here, then… But what about your armor? Your other items? Don’t you need them to defeat evils like her?!”

        “I do… and we don’t have the materials to make new ones... “ Richard said, letting go of Celestia and pushing out of her grasp. He turned to look at the Draconequus that had a very discontent look on his face. He took out Meowmere and extended it to full length before bringing it up to Discord’s chin, an action that elicited a collective gasp out of everyone. “You’re going to help me find all of the things you took away from me. Understand?”

        “Richard! You don’t have to-” Came the protest from Fluttershy who was trying to protect Discord again.

        “No, no, it’s alright, Fluttershy.” Discord said. “He has his reasons to be mad with me. She does have a point, however. I’ve given up my old ways, and in light of my recent… betrayal… I’ve given it up even further. You don’t need to threaten me, Richard. I will assist you willingly. And if I may, might I present to you a token of my good will?”

        “Fine.” Richard growled. “But no funny business, Discord. You know I can kill you.”

        “Don’t worry, nothing wrong here.” Discord said. “Just… don’t hate me for the gift’s drawbacks.”

        “What are you-”

        Discord snapped his fingers and a flash of light enveloped Richard. When the light died down, there stood Richard, apparently the same, until a loud ‘POMF’ was heard and the light kicked up a bit more. Everyone began staring at Richard, who thanks to Discord’s magic had grown wings that appeared to be made of sunlight. Another ‘pomf’ was heard from Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight, as well as an especially loud ‘pomf’ from Celestia, who’s face had turned from a pristine white to a bright shade of pink. The light died down again a few seconds later as Richard’s wings stopped glowing.

        “W-wings?!” Richard screamed in surprise. “Why did you give me wings?! And how the hell did you get the materials for these?! Last I checked-”

        “Last you checked, they were part of a game and made of the same material as your armor was.” Discord mocked. “Also last I checked, they could be removed. Those ones on your back? Those are fully biological now. No need to thank me, you’re welcome.”

        “I… I… I…” Richard stuttered, unable to wrap his mind around his new appendages.

        “Ooooh! Thank you, Discord!” Celestia squealed as she tackled Richard whose brain was still short circuiting. “Of all the things you’ve done over the years, this is one of the better ones!” Celestia looked up at Discord with a serious look in her eyes. “It’s only behind you helping me find my parents. The ones that you ‘misplaced’.”

        “R-right.” Discord said, obviously scared of the Matriarch of the Sun. “But just so you know, it has been over 1000 years. They’re just as lost to the four winds as Richard’s lewt. It’ll be an adventure….” Discord’s eyes began to sparkle as his stroked his goatee. “The journey to find the tools to protect the world! To find the lost founders of the land! This is going to be epic!”

        “Sounds a bit too much like D&D.” Richard complained. “Never really caught on with that.”

        “Oh, don’t be a party pooper. I’ll be back in a jiff, need to pack my bags, so long Fluttershy, I am off on a grand venture!” Discord actually walked out the door like a normal being, and Fluttershy rapidly pranced about before chasing after him, quietly calling out to him.

        “Since when does Discord use doors?” Dash asked in bewilderment as Twilight huffed.

        “Since it was unexpected.” Twilight grumbled. “Well...we’re still settling down and fixing up after Tirek’s rampaging across the country, so we’ll be busy. But if you’re in town, look us up for any help you may need.”

        “Yeah, especially with Twilight crashing at my place since her house got toasted.” Dash commented, getting Twilight to glare at her. “What? It did.”

        “A Princess without even a home? Well…I think I can fix that.” Richard said. “If you can just get me some wood, I can make you a house in no time.”

        “R-really?” Twilight gasped, her eyes widening in equal parts amazement, excitement and disbelief.

        “Yeah, you get me the materials and I’ll make you a house, no problem.” Richard said. “Doesn’t even matter what it’s really made of. I’ve made things out of wood, stone, metal, you name it. In fact, I can get started on in now, if you want.”

        “Oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please.” Twilight said as she started giddily bounced around Richard and Celestia. She eventually caught what she was doing and gave an embarrassed smile. “Ahem, I mean, would you please? I can get you the materials right away. And, if it’s not too much trouble, could you put a library in it? I kinda used to live in the town’s library…”

        “Yeah, why not.” Richard said. “Now, if Celestia would let me up-”

        “Not happening until you say please.”

        “Really, Celly?” Richard moaned.

        “I’m not moving until you say please.” Celestia responded. “And give me another kiss… and maybe a snuggle later…”

        “Ugh, fine. I relent.” Richard said, giving Celestia another kiss. “Celestia, would you please let me up and get off of me?” Celestia contently got up and assisted Richard to his feet. “Thank you. Now, where to, kid?”

Doorways and Diamonds

        “So Twilight, how do you like the new house?” Richard said as he brought Twilight to the freshly made house he had built in the exact location her old house was located. “Luckily for you, I was able to salvage your basement, seeing as how it was pretty much completely intact. Ton of fun objects down there, and I’m not talking about your science equipment. Gotta ask, what’s up with all the tacks?”

        Twilight lit up in a nearly body-wide blush, her wings ‘pomf’-ed out, and she began looking in every direction that Richard did not occupy while Celestia sniggered at her expense but also held a knowing grin. “Well, I… You see…”

        “Don’t worry, kiddo. You’re secret’s safe with me.” Richard assured, all the while knowing it gave Twilight no peace of mind to know. “So what do ya think?” The Terrarian human with shiny golden sunlight wings asked with pride and Twilight looked back at the new house.

        “It’s… Not what I expected.” Twilight commented, staring at the large new building that had taken the place of her old tree shaped home. It was a five-story solid wood tower-like building. More like a cheap fortification than a home. It was the second-tallest building in town after town hall, and the wood panelling was sealed with some sort of green goo, giving it a natural and earthy look, like it was plucked right out of the Everfree. But it did have a few windows a side and per floor, so lighting wasn’t going to be an issue….

        “Well, I’m sorry. I couldn’t find a Living Wood wand, so I couldn’t make you a new tree home.” Richard said indignantly. “I mean, it’s not like I just built you a brand new freaking house in less than two hours!” Richard gave a small harumph. “Well, anyways, I have to ask you stay out of the floor before the top. And don’t let anypony come in through the skyloft on the roof. Among things, those rooms aren’t finished, and I’d like to keep the fourth floor as a whole a secret.”

        “But why the fourth floor and not the top floor? Is there a stairwell past the fourth floor?” Twilight asked as she approached the heavy front double-doors that she guessed she would have to get used to over her more friendly old front door.

        “Of course there is. Heck, I even put in a stairwell out back and a way through the center of the building for those of us that can fly.” Richard explained as the group entered the new building. “You have no idea how hard it was to plan this while I was grabbing up the materials.

        “Speaking of, what is this stuff?” Twilight asked, pointing to the line of green that sealed some floorboards together as she looked around, admittedly impressed with how the first floor was easily twice the size of her old home’s library as it was, and the shelves lining the walls were much larger. It would take some getting used to, not having the shelves carved into the walls.

        “Well, mixed materials. This floor’s made of birch.” Richard said. “The next floor is made of mahogany, the third floor is made of willow, and the fifth floor is made of oak. In fact, your room is up there, and I used what was left of your tree to make certain aspects of it. Ya know, give you a reminder that this is home.”

        “What about the fourth floor, Dickie?” Celestia asked, seeing as how Twilight was just marvelling over how diverse and amazing the house was from the inside, considering she was gazing upwards through the huge atrium-like hole in the center of the ceiling that went straight up to a skylight, carved to look like a stylized sun for each floor.

        “Again, the fourth floor is a secret, and it’s going to stay like that until I finish it up with the proper materials.” Richard stated, not flinching from his original position on that floor. “Speaking of such, where is the nearest meteor strike site?”

        “Just North of town, why?” Came Twilight’s sudden response as she snapped back into ‘nerd mode’. “Also, I meant the resin you used, I’ve never seen it before.”

        “No reason that you should be concerned of.” Richard said. “And that? Well… that’s slime.”

        “SLIME?! Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew!” Twilight girled-out as she used her wings to falteringly hover away from all the green surfaces much to Richard’s annoyance and Celestia’s amusement. “Why did you use slime?!”

        “Because I had no nails? Also it makes a great adhesive and sealant. Soon these walls will be as firm as that tree you used to live in.” Richard explained.

        “Oh don’t be so silly Twilight! Come down, I’ll have you know that slime is just fine, and also tasty in some cases.” Celestia assured with a lick of the lips. “Some taste like lime, others strawberry, it depends on coloration and region.”

        “But if a pony eats too much they become a slime pony!” Twilight freaked out, looking herself over to make sure any she got on her wouldn’t stick and start sliming her or some other paranoid reason.

        “And? Those things are cute as hell!” Richard said. “As long as they don’t go feral, that is. Plus, have you ever heard of an alicorn slime pony?”

        “Well, there was that one, Dickie.” Celestia reminded. “Remember? She called herself Squishy?”

        “Yeah, but she ascended as a slime pony and never went feral.” Richard countered. “Speaking of her, is she still…?”

        “Oh yes, I actually have tea scheduled with her next week.” Celestia said, much to Richard’s happiness. “I’m sure she’d love to see you again as much as you would love to see her, considering she still cuts and shares her mane and tail as taffy.”

        “Well, yeah. Last I checked she kind of had a thing for me.” Richard said. “Anyways, how are you liking the place, other than the slime?”

        “-No signs of slimification, new information on alicorn slime pony named Squishy, add to potential studies….” Twilight mumbled to herself as she telekinetically wrote on a scroll and looked to Celestia. “And give slime a try if Celestia likes it.”

        “It’s like taffy, jelly, and liquorice all in one.” Celestia admitted, poking her flank and showing Richard how despite her firm muscle tone, her hoof sank in a bit. “And Richard, slime can still convert alicorns, I’ve had to hold off long enough to recover now and then I’ll admit. As much as the thought of me being a slime is fun, I need to keep appearances for my little ponies.”

        “Yeah, yeah. I know. The nobility care so much about what you look like, it has nothing to do with the fact that you would have turned into a slime and given them an opportunity to attempt to dethrone you and take over Equestria.” Richard said sarcastically. “Speaking of that, how big is the country now? Last I checked, the griffons still held the title as having the largest country.”

        “Not since their fall. Now Equestria is the single largest country, right above the united Zebra tribes of Zebrica, followed by the nomads of Chineigh, and finally the Minotaurs of Bullgaria.” Celestia said. “Speaking of that, you became a legend of theirs. I’ve even heard from their dignitary that there’s cults that supposedly follow you.”

        “Wait, what? Seriously? The hell are they fooling?” Richard said flabbergasted at the aspect that there might be people praying to him at any moment. “Kinda creepy if you ask me.”

        “Well, don’t let the dignitary hear that. He’s apparently the head of one of the sects.” Celestia said.

        “Great. Now, shall we get on with the-” Richard started before being interrupted by something taping on his head and going ‘plink’ on the ground. “The hell? What just popped me on the head?”

        “Um, I think this is a nose ring?” Twilight said, levitating what was indeed a nose ring up to Richard’s face. “Um, do you know who this belongs to?”

        “Not a clue.” Richard said as he took it in his hand. A voice called out from the nose ring the second he touched it.

“If you need Asylum, someone to talk to, or if I can; direct assistance, then feel free to call upon me. Bronze Brave of Space, master of spacial distortion.”

“... It’s one of those guys again.” Richard said with a groan. He started shouting at the nose ring. “Are you guys all just asking to come see me or something?! Vash never really explained how it works.”

“Ow! My ears! Hey, whoever’s saying that, could you I don’t know, explain how I’m hearing you?” The voice echoed out from the nose ring that seemed to actually have the boars engraved on it running around the ring, it turning around in Richard’s hand until it flipped over, and the boars were running widdershins.

“Yeah, how bout you come over here and you explain it to me.” Richard said, and suddenly the ring flew out of his hand, becoming huge and hanging in the air, before a bronze holster appeared in it’s piercing portion, and it lifted, before falling and making three knocks against the air, which then split open seamlessly as if it were a door, and it opened to reveal a black alicorn with silver shaggy and spiky hair wearing the same nose ring look out at the group in bewilderment from someplace out in a field.

“Huh...I was under the impression that Displaced traveled through the void….” The alicorn commented but paused to look at the seam between realities. “Ah, I see it. Barely within the visible spectrum, but the void’s still there, separating our realities.” He the punched the frame of the Doorway, it making a solid strike like he’d just hoofed a wooden door frame. “Interesting.”

“Um… The hell?” Richard said, bewildered. “How the hell-? The last guy came in through a portal! The fuck?!”

“And so is this. What is a Doorway, but a portal? Access to endless possibility just laying in wait on the other side. I learned that the hard way.” The alicorn chuckled as he stepped through and the door slammed shut behind him, making everyone but him flinch as the knocker shrank back down into a copy of the pony’s nose ring and hovered back to Richard. “So you found my token I see. I’m glad it’s so much more sophisticated than the ‘tumbling through the void’ version I’m guessing most Displaced have. What God of Space would I be if my dimensional transit wasn’t smooth?” He joked, but was obviously just as surprised as his audience.

“... Again, I say: the fuck?!” Richard said.

“Look, I’m not going to explain the whole sad story, but see these things?” The alicorn gestured to his wings and horn. “I didn’t ask for them, they kinda forced themselves on me. Hey sis, hey Twi.” The alicorn said to the other two alicorns in respect. “Though, I guess only by dimensional standards we’re siblings, considering my body was basically copied from Luna to save my life. Oh, and Twilight, please tell me you don’t know what internet is. My Twilight’s driving me crazy.”

“Dude, if you ruin my world right now with shit like that, I will not hesitate to stab you clean through.” Richard warned at the mention of the internet. “This world hasn’t been tainted by that shit, and I’m glad about that. And do you not know how unsound that whole siblings theory is?! Different dimensions can mean millions upon millions of different possibilities! That includes different genetic make ups!”

        “Good, keep it that way. It’ll happen naturally eventually, but at least the ponies will try to keep it wholesome on the whole unlike humanity. Also, you don’t seem to grasp that dimensional variation isn’t as vast as you imagine. Similarities exist between dimensions because they follow a similar blueprint. If my DNA is not in any way related to your Celestia and Luna, I would be earnestly surprised. Until proven otherwise, I’ll do as my adoptive/new genetic siblings demand and call them sister in any instance.” The black alicorn insisted before he turned his dark blue eyes on Twilight and wilted a bit. “Ah man...even Twilight’s taller than me….”

        “Alright, can we stop it with the whole ‘fucking with everyone’s brains’ bit?!” Richard complained. “I’d rather not have the second dimensional visitor to be the one who breaks everyone. Thank you.”

        “In all fairness, I respect Tia and Twi’s mental capacities to not break from me spouting exposition. For instance, in my world, Twilight’s a unicorn, but yours is an alicorn? Good for you Twilight! You deserve it.” The black stallion congratulated before his legs started trembling and he sat down with a tired sigh. “Pardon my rudeness, I am Bronze Brave.” It was from that display that everyone noticed how scrawny he was. He WAS shorter than Twilight, even given her new growth what with her ascension, she was still only as tall as the average stallion now, but he was easily shorter than most mares too, and his muscles were so thin and weak, it was surprising he could even walk.

        “Uh dude. Why you so short?” Richard asked bluntly with a chuckle. “What, the alicorns still a thriving race back where you’re from and you’re the runt?”

        “Dickie!” Celestia chided with a severe frown.

        “Oh come on! You’re thinking it, too!”

        “Yes, but it’s not polite to say out loud! Also I was thinking of how much he looks like my father in his childhood if I remember his magical pictographs right...I’ll have to look in the archive.”

        “Well, to answer the situation; no, alicorns are likely just as scarce in both our worlds. And as for that Tia, my body is basically a hastily created copy of Luna using my old body as well. I was ascending, and my minotaur body couldn’t handle the strain, and I was unraveling at the very seams. I was in too much pain to know how they did it, but my sisters used Luna as the template to guide my ascension safely. So teechnically...I’m actually Luna’s son. But, she insists on calling me her brother, even if she babies me like I’m her son.” Bronze rolled his eyes with a loving smile.

        “So wait, how did you ascend through? Mine was through creating new magic, and coming to understand the true meaning of Friendship.” Twilight eagerly asked as her wings fluttered and her scroll continued to document in the air next to her.

        “So by Enlightenment! Good for you Twilight. Mine was...there’s other ways to ascend, and unfortunately I found the route of Fate. I didn’t have a choice. Two worlds picked me, through utter chance, and I was constantly fed by the leylines of two worlds until I nearly quite literally burst and about caused a resonance cascade that could’ve destroyed two universes.” Bronze said sadly and wiggled his forelegs about. “Look at these noodly limbs! I used to be a 12-foot minotaur that could lift a 300 Stone safe with ease! Now I’m a scrawny nothing. How AJ is still attracted to me I have no clue.”

        “And how many pounds is that?” Richard asked, unamused.

        “281.25.” Both Bronze and Twilight answered at the same time, getting them to blink in surprise at each other.

        “Goodie. Now, you wouldn’t happen to have any platinum, would you?” Richard asked out of the blue.

        “Uh, maybe? I have a LOT of crap, hold on.” Bronze lifted himself off the floor, actually visibly struggling to stand back up to Twilight’s and Celestia’s concern, and he was panting by the time he managed to get back up.

        “Well, if ya do. I need ten bars of it, a diamond and an anvil.” Richard said as if it were nothing out of the ordinary. “Oh! And a hammer, if ya can! But not too large!”

        “Smith eh? Hold on.” Bronze opened one of his bat-like wings and used the largest joint to somehow knock on the air, and a ridiculously tiny door suddenly appeared and opened up, showing a ridiculously small humanoid golem in a tuxedo. “Jeeves, I need a shipment of things.”

        “Of course sir. What would you be needing?” A clearly audible Braytish accented voice responded, and Bronze gestured with a hoof for Richard to repeat his order.

        “Um… I need an anvil, ten bars of platinum, a diamond, and a hammer…” Richard repeated.

        “How many ounces does each bar need to be, what karat and/or size of diamond, what kind of hammer, and what condition do you wish the anvil to be in? Scarred for aesthetics, or clean and fresh?”

        “... Last time I did this, I just took it from the smithy…” Richard said, completely stumped.

        “Things were indeed much simpler back then….” Celestia commented, clearly wistful with some nostalgia. “I simply had to ask something and it was done, but now I have to be utterly specific. I’m glad intelligence is much more prevalent these days, but some ponies just make things so complicated….”

        “Yeah…” Richard said. “Well, if I have to be super specific, the diamond can be 12 karats, if ya can. I mean, 16 would be nicer, but-”

        “A selection of blood diamonds then.” Jeeves stated before a sort of trapdoor opened over the floor, dumping a small pile of precious uncut diamonds on the floor. “From the compound of some mercenaries formerly based in Africa.”

        “... The hell.” Richard said, staring at the collection of jewels. “Well, I guess this one will do.” Richard picked up a rather large diamond and held it to the light. “Ah, yes. This will do nicely. Now, about that platinum and the anvil.”

        “Actually, there’s a smithy not too far from here. We could do it over there.” Twilight informed but then thought on it. “Or actually, let’s take these to Rarity. She’s the best jewel cutter I’ve ever scene, and I used to live in Canterlot, where everypony wears some form of jewelry more often than not.”

        “Alright then.” Richard said to the group. He then leaned over to Bronze and Jeeves. “Although, I would like that anvil and hammer, though. I could use it in my private room.”

The trap door impossibly dropped a huge ancient anvil with scarring that would make anything beaten against it look like it’d been used for war, and a traditional smithing hammer clanked onto it before a small pile of platinum ingots clattered onto it all, and the doors vanished, Jeeves closing the tiny door he was in as well.

“... Not questioning it. Just. Not questioning it.” Richard said as he turned to walk out the front door with the chosen diamond in hand. “Just want to get this shit done with!”

Bronze, Twilight, and Celestia stood around for a moment. “He HAS to be Dox’s alternate universe counterpart. Way too similar.” Bronze commented in astonishment.

“Who is Dox?” Twilight asked as Celestia turned to follow Richard and make sure he found Rarity’s place alright as Bronze sat back down.

“Well, when I met him; Dox was a Changeling King who had an unusual fetish for thongs, and was ridiculously terrified of Pinkie Pie and existential anomalies….”

        “I believe, from memory, that the third-tallest building in town is Rarity’s boutique. Well, fourth tallest now I suppose.” Celestia commented as she walked alongside Richard, ignoring ponies bowing to her as they passed. “The tallest is town hall, the second was Filthy Rich’s Barnyard Bargains. So that means this delightful place must be Rarity’s home from Twilight’s descriptions.” Celestia said as she and Richard paused in front of a three-story circular business/home.

        “...Celestia, WHY is it designed after an age-old pony bondage game?” Richard asked in reference to the pony designs arranged around the exterior wall. “I mean, does this Rarity mare specialize in tack?”

        “Well I’m not sure. I know that she makes magnificent dresses and incorporates gems in most of her work. I’ll have to ask. I need a new saddle and bridle~.” Celestia lilted, making Richard blush as she giggled and trotted towards the building. “Especially if I’m going to be helping you like in the old days.”

        “Celly that was out of necessity, I don’t want you to demean yourself, especially with you being Equestria’s primary ruler...you are, right? I figured that much from your sobbing on my trunk.” Richard asked as he followed his marefriend up to the door, and Celestia scoffed.

        “Please, Luna can handle the nobles now, especially since she terrifies them. They’re not scared of soft and kind old me, but my mercurial sister? Oh, she sends them fleeing.” Celestia giggled again. “Besides, I’ll have you know that Luna actually enjoyed it when she flew you around on her back. She never admitted it, but she felt so proud to help her friend and to be able to supply such direct combat advantages over most foes with a simple tactic as rider and mount.”

        “Wait, that was you?! The famous creature that was said to have ‘tamed’ the Princesses?!” Twilight blurted out, revealing she and Bronze had followed them at a fair distance, Twilight actually letting the panting and exhausted stallion lean against her for support.

        “I… Um… Well, you see...” Richard mumbled, getting very embarrassed over the entire spectacle. “Celestia… Help me…”

        “Oh no Dickie, it’s quite true. Your adventures and I and Luna aiding you on them really calmed us down. Didn’t you notice I was becoming much less of a firebrand after our first ride together? Or Luna actually started warming up to you? There’s something obscenely calming of having experienced a true rider/mount relationship. Knowing you rely on each other, it’s a sort of teamwork we’ve tried emulating since, but most ponies still foolishly deride it as being undignified, or humiliating.” Celestia rolled her eyes.

        “Yes, and I’m just fine with being rode on myself. I let Spike do it all the time.” Twilight commented cheerfully as she helped Bronze sit down without collapsing, said stallion too busy gasping for air and sweating buckets to add anything.

        “Anyways! Let’s just get on with this!” Richard said. He walked up to the door and gave it a few knocks. A few seconds later the distinct ‘clip-clop’ of hooves could be heard from behind the door. The door opened a few seconds later, a small filly having answered the door. About five seconds after the door opened it was slammed shut, followed by screaming, probably from said filly. “And as usual, I’m a hit with the foals. I’m not even wearing armor or holding weapons this time for Pete’s sake.”

        “To be fair dude, you kinda cut a rather intimidating vibe.” Bronze commented after having gotten enough air back.

        “He has a point, Dickie. Might want to try and drop the air of being in combat from time to time.” Celestia said. “Just calm down, take a break or something. Go for a walk, drink some herbal tea, get laid.”

        “What was that last one?” Richard said, snapping his gaze towards Celestia.

        “Drink some herbal tea?” Celestia asked in what seemed to be earnest confusion. “I know you’re not a tea man Richard, but-.”

        “Apologies!” Rarity practically screeched as her door flung open and she bowed. “I am SO sorry for my sister’s behavior! Please, come inside, it’s starting to get dark.”

        “Yeah, thanks, um…” Richard said, forgetting the mare’s name.

        “Rarity, darling. It’s Rarity.” She said as she ushered them inside. “And might I say, welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique. How can I help you?”

        “Well firstly, is it true that you are a skilled gem cutter Lady Rarity?” Celestia asked politely, and the unicorn practically inflated with pride.

        “Yes Princess, I am perhaps the most skilled jeweler in town. I also do fittings, rings, necklaces, the whole lot.” Rarity said, putting on a little pose in her pride. “What, are you in need of some more jewelry? Perhaps a gown and a tuxedo? Or even some more utilitarian wear for your coltfriend?”

        “N-no! No!” Richard squealed, his face having turned a bright crimson. “No, we just need you to cut this diamond. I’m using it in a staff.” He then took a second to take a deep breath and compose himself. “Actually, how hard would it be to make me some armor for me? In fact, Bronze, can you get me some obsidian?”

        “W-wait! Obsidian? But that would shatter and just be so useless for armor!” Rarity said aghast, but then blinked and rubbed a hoof under her chin. “Then again, in the right amounts, melded with silk...I could easily make durable, very stylish and warm clothes from it, is that what you mean?”

        “Yeah actually. The stuff itself is great for making sharp blades, but for anything else it’s best as being part of a formula. The original recipe I know of does in fact use silk.” Richard admitted with some expressed impress. “I’m amazed you figured that out just from the primary material and the intention.”

        “Oh darling, I’ve done just about any crazy thing with my craft. I’ve made diamond thread before. I can easily make obsidian thread and weave together a suitable outfit for you. I just need the material. There’s no volcanos near here I’m afraid.” Rarity said before finally turning her attention to Bronze and she gasped as her cheeks turned pink. “Oh my! Might I ask your name sir?”

        “Um, I’m Bronze Brave, Rarity...wow, meeting another version of one of my best friends is really surreal….” Bronze admitted with some astonishment, before he suddenly recognized some of the signs and blushed. “Oh, um. Sorry ma’am, but I’m already in a relationship with two mares...who kinda didn’t give me the option really.” Bronze chuckled. “AJ just kinda admitted her affection for me out of the blue, then while I was hospitalized she and Zecora hooked up and I found myself being snuggled by them both-wha-hey!”

        “W-what are you doing?!” Richard flailed about as both he and Bronze were levitated by an excited Rarity who began trotting to her back room.

        “Measurements! I must have them if I’m to get started designing~!”

        As the boys wailed in fear of the dreaded fitting room, Twilight and Celestia both looked to each other and shrugged. “Rarity is Rarity.” Twilight stated, and then giggled, her mentor joining in with her.

        “I hope she doesn’t take too long, I need to have my own measurements taken for my new tack.” Celestia casually stated, getting Twilight to blush as she followed her friend and mentor into Rarity’s drawing room, only to pause at the sight.

        There, right in the middle of the room, sat Sweetie Belle, Rarity and the two boys only barely in the door and looking at her too, because something seemed off. Sweetie Belle did not respond to any stimuli such as Rarity calling out to her, she just sat there. Well, there was that and the fact that her eyes currently had no pupils… or irises. No, her eyes were pure white, as if she were possessed. Everyone stood around her, staring. She made no move, until Richard approached, and when he did, Sweetie Belle turned to him and said:

"This is going to be a terrible night..."

We're Not Twins, They Are!

        Everyone stood stock still, Sweetie’s unusual behavior and her extremely ominous words having unnerved the whole group. After about a minute of silence and shock, Rarity broke the metaphorical dam of panic, releasing the floodgates of fear and unease.

        “What has happened to my sister?!” Rarity screamed as she rushed over to Sweetie Belle who sat stock still, her eyes a bright white. “Sweetie Belle! What is going on with you?!”

“This is going to be a terrible night….”Sweetie repeated, and Celestia neighed, actually NEIGHED in panic.

        “No! NO! This can’t be! Guards! I need to bring in a battalion!” Celestia whinnied before she quickly teleported away.

        “Why is Celestia freaking out?!” Twilight panicked. “What’s going to happen?! Why is Sweetie repeating the same thing over and over again?! WHY IS SHE SAYING IT’S GOING TO BE A TERRIBLE NIGHT?!”

        “She’s possessed, clearly. But not by a malevolent spirit….” Bronze stated, having had to deal with the Nightmare brainwashing him before.

        “Yeah, not a malevolent spirit my ass. Always being so fucking cryptic.” Richard said, walking over to Rarity and grabbing her. She flailed in his arms for a second before he slapped her across the face. “Calm the shit down. This is only temporary. She’ll be fine in a second, but if we don’t get ready before they show up, we’re all going to die. Now, how fast can you make that armor?”

        “We’re all going to die?!” Rarity screamed. “But I have-”

        “No! Pay attention to the task at hand.” Richard commanded, delivering another slap to Rarity’s cheek and snapping her back into the real world. “How fast can you make that armor?! We only have so long before the Twins show up, so you need to get to work on it NOW!” Richard released Rarity, who ran to her fabric station, and then he turned to Bronze. “Bronze, gonna need that obsidian. We don’t have long and we need to get this done now.”

        “J-Jeeves, JEEVES!” Bronze shouted, and suddenly a trapdoor in the air dumped a pile of obsidian clumps in the middle of Rarity’s drawing room floor as she hastily scanned Richard and bronze with a spell while also levitating out bolts of silk and bits of obsidian.

        “Alright, I can get this done in an hour or so for the two sets of armor-”

        “One set.” Richard said. “For now, we need one set. I’m sorry Bronze, but you’re going to have to go into this naked. You’re an alicorn, you’ve got good magic. Use it. In fact...” Richard reached into his pocket and pulled out the Last Prism, then tossed it to Bronze. “Use this if you have to. It’ll respond if need be, just pour as much magic into it as you have and point it towards the enemy.”

        Bronze took the prism into his magic’s blue aura worriedly. “O-okay, oh gog, I’ve never been this tense before. Not even rushing that hydra with nothing but a sledgehammer made me this-.”

        “Fifteen minutes at best!” Rarity called out as she was magically infusing the black gem-like stones into the bolts of white silk, turning them a shiny black, and also having formed a mannequin wireframe of Richard with her magic, sweat pouring from her brow.

        “You have at least twenty from when Sweetie started repeating shit.” Richard stated. “If we’re lucky, you’ll have forty minutes. But no guarantees.

        “So approximately 17 minutes! On it!” Rarity swore as she rapidly cut and shaped sections of the obsidian silk.

        “Okay, since I don’t know how to actually fly yet, Twilight, can I use you as a mount for aerial combat?” Richard asked, his tone not faltering.

        “Y-you’re asking to r-ride me?!” Twilight stuttered out, a blush appearing on her face. “I-I don’t know about that, I mean I’m fine with it, but you and Celestia-”

        “Enough of the dirty thinking!” Richard yelled at the fantasizing alicorn and giving her a slap on the face. “We don’t have time for that! I’m sorry for slapping all of you but we only have so long! We need to get ready NOW! If we’re still fucking around like morons when Retinazer and Spazmatism get here, we will die. I’m not sure about you, but I’d rather not have you, Rarity, Bronze, Sweetie, or anyone else in town die. I’m willing to make the sacrifice of myself, but no one else is allowed to die. Do you understand that?!”

        “Y-yes, but I’m a horrible flier! The only reason I stood a chance against Tirek earlier was because of all the magic I had surging through me making even idle wing flaps keep me aloft! I’d just crash us!” Twilight admitted with intense worry. “I-I’m still a very capable battlemage though! It came with the lessons Princess Celestia taught me.”

        “Great. Use it.” Richard said with a harumph. “I’ll battle on the ground, then. Keep its attention.”

        “What about me? I can-.” Bronze was interrupted by the sounds of numerous ponies screaming, loud crashes and fwooshing sounds synonymous with swathes of fire.

        “Oh great, they showed up early.” Richard moaned. “We’re out of time! Rarity! Status on the armor!”

        “It’s not done! I-I still have to finish the longcoat! If you can buy me a few more minutes I can get it done quickly, but it won’t be that good!” Rarity shouted as she removed the slacks and black stockman hat off her wireframe mannequin, and hastily cut and sewed together a sort of scarf that she also had ready within seconds, Richard guessed as a temporary replacement for any facemask she had in mind.

        “That’s alright. Just give me everything else and we’ll get out there and distract it before it starts killing ponies.” Richard insisted and Rarity practically threw the slacks, hat, and scarf at him.

        “Dressing room’s right there! Hurry!” Rarity pleaded as she kept forming the longcoat and undershirt.

        “We’ll head out right away! Come on Bronze!” Twilight stated as she levitated Bronze out the door.

        “But I can-!” Richard didn’t hear what Bronze said as Twilight had rushed out the door while he quickly got behind the privacy screen to get dressed.

        “Damn jeans! Did I somehow gain weight as a tree?!” Richard complained to himself as he got undressed. “You wouldn’t have happened to have made me a shirt, would you?”

        “Just finished it, darling.” Rarity said as she tossed the shortsleeve undershirt over the privacy screen, Richard fumbling to catch the sudden incoming shirt, especially considering the thing was as heavy as a chestpiece of light metal armor despite it’s thin and soft feel.

        “Thanks.” Richard said as he hurriedly put the shirt on, then wrapped the scarf around his face, tying it in the back. He marveled at the pitch-black yet shimmering clothes in the mirror for but a moment before he dashed out from behind the privacy screen and to the door, only stopping to talk to Rarity. “When the coat’s done, either call me over or do the stupid thing and bring it to me, just don’t get caught in the battle. I don’t want anyone getting badly injured because of me or any of my fights.” Richard then darted out the door, down the hall, across the entrance room, and out the front door. Richard could see the fight just down the street, the giant cybernetic eyeballs that were the Twins were making their way over towards him, albeit slower than normal because of the extra interference from Twilight and Bronze.

        The mare wasn’t kidding, even with her barely-recovered magic from Tirek’s demise, she was still visibly slowing Spazmatism down with her magic blasts, and Bronze was frustrating Retinazer by somehow seamlessly appearing out of nowhere, bucking it, and then vanishing to dodge it’s laser to repeat the act again. Considering how weak he was, he was flying rather well. “Time to send you to hell again.” Richard growled as he gripped Meowmere’s charm, and she formed in his hand with a ‘nya!’.

        Richard charged towards the Twins, sword charged and at the ready. The moment he was about to attack Spazmatism, it changed its focus to him and charged at him, cancelling Richard’s attack and sending him flying a few yards, only to suddenly find himself over Spazmatism instead of the ground where he’d been the instant before, and he yelped as he brought Meowmere under him, stabbing the blade into the ghostly machine, getting it to jerk before it rolled and tossed Richard to the ground, but again he found himself not hitting ground, and landed atop Retanizer. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“ATTACK DUMBASS!” Bronze screamed, his horn shining brightly before he vanished and panted next to Richard before he wrapped all of his hooves around him, and lifted him off the abomination before it could toss him off. “I gave you a good opening and you wasted it with a question?!”

“THE FUCK KIND OF TELEPORTATION IS THAT?!” Richard yelled at the top of his lungs.

“I’M THE FUCKING ALICORN OF SPACE! LISTEN TO PONIES WHY DON’T YA?!” Bronze angrily shouted before dropping Richard several dozen feet in the air, and he was instantly plopped hands-first into soft grass like he’d just rolled over. “No time to explain! Just go with it!” The winded stallion shouted before he vanished out of the way of a massive fireball fired by Spazmatism.

“He’s merely displacing sections of the physical plane around! It’s basically the highest form of teleportation!” Twilight shouted as she jerkily flapped her wings and managed to evade Retanizer’s beams due to her erratic flight pattern. “Swap cube A with cube B! It’s nothing beyond magical metaphysics!” Twilight yelled, more likely to keep herself calm as she dove hooves first right into Spazmatism’s pupil, getting an unearthly hollow sort of echo of anger from it in response.

“I’m over it, thanks. Getting back to the fight now.” Richard said as he charged back in, sword ready once more. It looked like the same thing was going to happen, but this time, Richard was ready. He swung Meowmere in a large arc in front of him right as Spazmatism came into range, slashing the giant bio-mechanical eye and sending a beam of rainbow energy into its face, forcing it to cut off its attack. Retinazer noticed its twin’s hesitance and went for Richard instead, shooting lasers at him as it approached.

Only for Bronze to surprise Richard by tackling him from behind, and suddenly he found Meowmere stabbing INTO the pupil of Retinizer as if he’d been launched at the thing like a missile with Bronze as his guidance system. The red-irised monstrosity sparked and emitted a forlorn grinding sound before it dropped like a rock, vanishing into the ground and leaving Richard and Bronze with the freed Meowmere crashing into the dirt road like they’d been suplexed.

Spazmatism though, was NOT happy, and suddenly the eye’s iris, pupil and all, had giant metal fangs sprout from all around it, literally eating it’s own pupil and iris to reveal a bottomless pit within as it roared with a grinding mechanical keening sound like a thousand knives being put through a giant blender, the enormous teeth serving a grim similarity with a quick spin inside the maw.

“Aaaand...Phase 2...fuck.” Suddenly, an elongated version of Retinizer’s laser cannon phased clean out of the ground, barely feet away from Richard’s head. “Double fuck! You cheating bastard!” Richard rolled himself and the exhausted alicorn away just in time to evade a scattershot of red lasers, and the barrel retreated back underground. “They’re smarter this time! Last time one just charged and the other tried to stay overhead!”

“Shit. I’m spent dude. I can barely move anything but my wings.” Bronze admitted, before gasping and aiming the Last Prism over Richard, the familiar rotating rainbow blast flashing out and shoving the giant floating bottomless maw from them, visibly searing it and causing it’s bloodshot outer layer to bruise. “Okay...yeah...no more magic….” Bronze weakly wheezed as his horn started sparking weakly from magic overdraw and he dropped the prism as he collapsed into Richard.

“Tough shit, buddy.” Richard said. “Sadly, we don’t have the option to let you rest right now. You’re gonna have to fly me, okay? Hopefully it’ll get Spazmatism to follow and drag Retinazer out of the ground.” Richard pointed at the barely-visible cord of pure necromantic magic connecting the two and looking like a ghostly optic nerve, and Bronze took a steadying breath as he got a devil-may-care grin on his face.

“Heh...tried to say I’m a good flier. Nobody let me say it. Get on.” Bronze stated as he weakly rolled upright as Twilight distracted the two monsters.

“Wait!” The two quickly looked up to see Rarity galloping towards them, the finished longcoat and an obsidian saddle in her magic. “Quick, put this on. Come here Bronze!” The stallion yelped as she levitated him to her, and Richard turned away as he put on and buttoned the heavy, strong, and shimmering black longcoat that went down to his ankles, and even had sewn-in gloves. It fit perfectly.

“D-don’t touch me there!” Bronze’s voice nervously shouted and Richard groaned when he heard Rarity titter. “Okay, saddle’s on, get on!” Bronze demanded as he trotted next to Richard with a burst of embarrassment-fueled energy. Richard nodded and despite the size difference, settled into the saddle that was thankfully due to pegasus/thestral physiology, behind the wings but still on his back, and the stallion surprised him with the strength of his takeoff. Then again, the wings were bat-like, and bigger than most he’d seen on ponies of Bronze’s size. He’d be a huge babe magnet since a lot of mares like big wings apparently.

“Okay, here’s the plan! You dive in and I’ll sideswipe Spaz, hopefully we can anger him enough to charge and drag his ground-sniping brother out. We need to take care of Retinazer first, especially if we leave him down there and he can just keep sniping at us.” Richard explained, and with just a nod, Bronze dove towards Spaz as Twilight barely dodged a long stream of fire coming from the living giant mouth, and Richard swung Meowmere at it as they passed, gouging out a side of the great beast and drawing it’s ire, but it just attempted to breathe fire at them as Retinazer fired another scattershot at them from below ground with it’s protruding barrel.

“Going for another pass!” Bronze shouted as he pulled a hairpin turn, managing to twist around Spaz’s flamethrower and Richard slashed another line into the ghostly biomachine’s unnatural hide, and this time Spazmatism roared and charged after them, forcefully dragging Retinazer out of the ground, clearly to the sniper’s dismay as it tried to pull back on it’s charging partner. “Going for it!” Bronze announced, and Richard prepared to make a decisive blow as Bronze dove down under Spazmatism.

“TASTE THE RAINBOW!” Richard yelled as he took aim for the eye’s laser barrel and charged energy into the Last Prism, firing off the rainbow lasers that rapidly spun into the huge spiralling one. The laser barely hit Retinazer, due to another charge from Spazmatism forcing Bronze to change course suddenly. “Keep it steady, will ya?!”

“Sorry, but I’d rather not find out if that thing IS bottomless!” Bronze shouted in reply as Retinazer dragged Spaz back down and both proceeded to fire at them, Twilight having landed someplace to recover a moment. “We need help! These two are just trying to pull a battle of attrition, and there’s no way we can outlast them in a face-to-face shootout!”

“THOU CURS DARE TO RETURN AND HARM OUR LITTLE PONIES!?” An imperious mare’s voice echoed through the night, and the light of the moon grew brighter, framing the silhouette of a mare Richard hadn’t seen in over a millennium. “WE SHALL SMITE THEE! FOUL REMNANTS OF THINE PARENT PARASITE!” The Mare of the Moon, Princess Luna, practically roared in the Royal Canterlot Tone before firing a massive beam of her cerulean magic into Spazmatism, smashing the eye so hard it flew into the ground with it’s partner. “GUARDS! EVACUATE THE AREA!”

“YES MA’AM!” Came the collective shout of guards as they all fanned out to help evacuate the immediate area of town.

“Luna! You are a sight for sore eyes!” Richard exclaimed as Spazmatism warily surfaced. “I wish we could catch up, but first we need to kill these bastards!”

“Agreed! We shall be glad to reunite as battle-kin once we are through with these charlatans!” Luna exclaimed before dodging a laser blast courtesy of Retinazer, only for the barrel to suddenly receive a gigantic golden energy arrow as punishment, and Richard turned his gaze to see Celestia wearing armor akin to her guards only specifically for her, levitating a gigantic greatbow and with a fierceness in her that Richard hadn’t seen since the old days.

“We hath thy backs!” Celestia called as she deftly evaded a fireball from Spazmatism as the gaping maw regained it’s bravado despite the circumstances. “Draw it out and we shalt slay it with our sunlight arrows!”

“Right!” Richard called back, getting his focus back in on the fight at hand. He took aim again at Retinazer with the Last Prism, only for Bronze to jerk them both out of the way to avoid a burst of flame from Spazmatism. “Keep Spazmatism off me and Bronze! I don’t want to miss another shot!”

“Right!” Both Celestia and Luna simultaneously replied as Luna prepared several spells while Celestia kept her eyes searching for Retinazer.

“BUCK YOU YA UGLY PILE OF PLOP!” A bolt of rainbow crashed into Spazmatism out of nowhere, practically tossing the gigantic thing through the air to reveal the impact had been one of Twilight’s friends; Rainbow Dash. “How dare you burn some of Twi’s feathers?!” She was so angry, her mane and tail were flowing with the surge of pegasus magic running through her. “I am going to KICK YOUR PLOT!”

“Alright then…” Richard said, the sudden attack from Rainbow Dash throwing him completely off guard. “The more the merrier, I guess.” Richard then tapped his ankles into Bronze’s flanks, the stallion nodding before he swooped down at Spazmatism alongside Rainbow, and while Rainbow flew hooves first into the beast’s ‘cheek’ on one side, Richard slashed the edge of it’s other cheek, and again it agroed and charged Dash this time, dragging Retinazer out as the sniper eye focused on Bronze and Richard since it knew they were going to try for it again.

But it was thrown off-target by a huge shaft of sunlight slamming it’s barrel aside, and several moonlight missiles impacted it, which bought Richard the time he needed, aiming the Last Prism again as Bronze dove at the eye again. When it turned it’s barrel on them, Richard shouted in pure determination and adrenaline. “SUCK IT YOU MECHANICAL PIECE OF CRAP!”

Retinazer fired at them rapidly, scoring several hits on Bronze and making him scream and accidentally toss off Richard who continued his flight path towards Retinazer. A laser hit Richard, causing him to flinch for a second in pain, only for the pain to subside as the Star Veil kicked in immediately afterwards, making him temporarily invincible and sending a small flurry of three tiny stars at Retinazer, damaging it slightly. Retinazer kept firing in vain as Richard plunged towards it and readied his sword as the prism began it’s firing sequence.

“DIE YOU PILE OF SCRAP!” Richard yelled as he plunged into Retinazer’s laser cannon before pouring as much mana as he could into the Last Prism, speeding up its rotation and firing the spiralling laser beam directly into the center of the bio-mechanical monstrosity, ripping it apart from the inside-out, sending blood, eye jelly, and assorted mechanical parts everywhere as Richard landed softly with his wings in the blood-soaked grass below..

“INCOMING!” Came the shout of Celestia, causing Richard to look up to see Spazmatism rapidly charging towards him.

“INCOMING YOURSELF!” Richard yelled as he forced the Last Prism’s beam upwards and across Spazmatism’s open maw. The laser cut the circular maw in half, which promptly exploded, raining more viscera everywhere. And a bloated storage sack, which fell neatly on the ground at Richard’s feet. “...Still won’t get used to that…Terraria and it’s odd loot mechanic.”

“Richy~!” Richard barely managed to brace himself as his old friend Luna barreled into him with a powerful hug, tackling him to the ground as her wings happily fluttered and she nuzzled his face. “We missed thee so much!”

“I… missed… you… too… Luna.” Richard choked out. “But… could you… dial it back… you’re choking… me!”

“Oh thou can take it. Let us have our treasured snuggles.” Luna hummed happily as she at least rolled off of him, but kept hugging him on the bloody grass, not caring about the sanguine possibly staining her coat. “We art so glad thou are free of thine own imprisonment.”

“Me too Luna.” Richard then quietly enjoyed the moment, the relaxation under the moon much like when they would take a breather after a harsh battle way back when.

“Yeah...just...ignore the scorched and weak stallion in favor of snuggling the princess….” Bronze weakly snarked from his smouldering place several yards away. “Buck...burned fur stinks horribly….”

“Stop whining.” Richard said. “You’re ruining the moment.”

“You can snuggle my sister later...I need help now….” Bronze said even more weakly, and Richard quickly bolted upright to see the stallion was way worse off than he thought. His left wing was bent the wrong way, his neck was at an odd angle, and one of his forelegs wasn’t supposed to be sideways. “Seriously...help….”

“Alright, fine. Thanks for ruining my snuggles.” Richard said as he pushed Luna away and got up as she looked on worriedly while Celestia landed next to her. “Just… don’t start complaining about my help. The healing is not as rewarding as the hurting.”

“Just do it….” Bronze managed to roll his eyes as they started drifting shut, telling Richard he didn’t have long.

“Don’t forget that I warned you.” Richard said as he took hold of Bronze’s messed up leg. “Celestia, if you could please help me with this. I need a healing spell going constantly so he doesn’t pass out.”

“Oh...yes, right….” Celestia nervously stated as she readied a spell. “I am SO sorry in advance young colt.”

“What’s happening?” Rainbow asked Princess Luna as she hovered nearby, her high having gone down and her mane and tail back to their shaggy selves.

“Something thou really doesn’t want to see….” Luna stated right as a resounding ‘crack’ came from the direction of Bronze’s downed body, followed by a loud yelp of pain. “Richy’s healing magic is-.” Another loud ‘crack followed by a pained cry was heard. “-unorthodox at best…” A third and final crack was heard along with a wailing cry of ‘WHY~’.

“I warned you.” Richard said as he stood up.

“Buck...whatever...I’ll live, and that’s better than dying on my first summoning.” Bronze commented as he stood up weakly, hissing as he psychosomatically felt pain in his healed foreleg. “Ew...blood everywhere. That whole fight was bucking metal though. I need to git gud son.” Bronze joked as he flapped some of the blood off his wings. “But seriously, ugh, we all need showers, or baths. Who’s up for bugging the spa ponies for a late-night session?”

“Wait...thou art familiar...sister, does he seem familiar to you?” Luna asked Celestia as she approached alongside Rainbow Dash.

“He bears a striking resemblance to our father Luna. Apparently he’s somewhat your son from another dimension, even though his version of us treat him as a sibling.” Celestia informed, and Luna blinked in amazement as she looked at Bronze with awe.

“Then thou art mine progeny?” Luna asked as she got closer to him and sniffed his mane to his blushing embarrassment. “Thou are...we smell it.” Luna grinned before she started nuzzling his head. “Oh our little foal is all dirty.”

“Sis~!” Bronze whined as he wilted under Luna’s teasing

“Whoa, Luna’s son is hot….” Rainbow commented, and Bronze curled into himself a bit, his face flushed. “I mean, he’s a bit scrawny, but his face, and those wings.”

“I agree, his general appearance is quite appealing.” Twilight commented as she slightly limped towards the group, one of her wings heavily singed and missing a lot of feathers. “His horn is nicely shaped, and his muzzle is well chiseled.”

“Do either of you require some medicine?” Richard asked as he turned to the blushing alicorn and pegasus, an ominous look on his face.

“I’m good.” Rainbow hastily said as she stopped staring at Bronze.

“I can restore my feathers later, the singed bits just need washed out, a trip to the spa sounds good.” Twilight smiled as she looked at Bronze. “You were very brave out there.”

“I-it’s my talent...to be brave in the face of adversity.” Bronze Brave admitted, smiling softly as he tried not to look at Twilight. “Now...about that spa trip?”

        “Ah...this is nice….” Bronze sighed out as he submerged with only his head out of the hot water of the huge tub.

        “I agree. It’s been so long since I’ve had a nice bath like this.” Richard said.

        “I apologize again for the trouble Aloe.” Rarity said as the pink earth pony mare gently kneaded rarity’s scalp and horn, she’d exhausted herself making the obsidian attire on the fly.

        “Again, it’s no problem. Your friends and the princesses killed those things that were setting fire to the town, a good shower, bath, and massage is just what you all need.” Aloe said as she leaned down to whisper, and Rarity tittered while Bronze’s ears twitched and he sighed.

        “They’re talking about me….” Bronze quietly muttered, and in response Luna sidled up to him in the bath and nuzzled him.

        “Tis only natural my child. Thou art a fine specimen, even if thine musculature is lacking.” Luna preened at the idea if she had a son he’d be so handsome, and Bronze groaned as he looked away from the lunar princess.

        “Oh leave him be sister, he’s had a trying time in the short period he’s been here.” Celestia said from the other side of the tub next to Twilight and Rainbow. Both she and Rainbow had been helping twilight preen and mend what was left of her wing’s feathers before starting the slow magic process of restoring them.

        “So, now that we’re all clean and just relaxing now, could you explain a bit more about Displaced?” Richard asked as he splashed his face.

        “Not really, this was my first time being summoned. All I can say is be wary of random summonings at probably inopportune times, and also apparently ‘beware the Architect’, whatever that means, Dox was pretty insistent on that point.”

        “Okay, who’s Dox?” Richard asked. “Is he that weird Displaced you mentioned earlier? The changeling?”

        “Yeah, the guy who likes thongs. He said to beware him, and others like him who would only bring calamity to my world, and any who unintentionally encounter their machinations. Also there are apparently a lot of bad eggs out there, so there’s that too.” Bronze stood up and climbed out of the bath, Dash, Twilight, and Rarity all shamelessly staring as he flipped his mane out of his face. “Well, I think I’m good. Do you know how to send me back? I don’t want Dash and Gilda to think I got lost or something.”

        “Yeah, you’re in luck.” Richard said. “I met a Vash Displaced that-”

        “ZOMIGOSH WHAT?! A VASH THE STAMPEDE?!” Bronze suddenly jumped back into the bath, practically shaking Richard’s shoulders. “Was he?! Really?! Tell me! How do meet him?!” Bronze practically squealed in a total fanboy moment, making Rainbow cringe at seeing what everypony else sees when she goes all gaga over the wonderbolts.

        “Stop shaking me!” Richard yelled at the fanboying Bronze. “You’re an alicorn, or do you forget that?! Act like it!” To Richard’s dismay, Bronze would not yield. “Bronze Brave! Our contract is complete!”

        Suddenly, a door opened in the tub, draining the water as it sucked Bronze through, but he held onto the invisible frame. “Must...know! No~!” Bronze was yanked through the door and it slammed shut, but the water had already mostly drained from the tub, exposing everyone and making them all sigh.

        “Every party needs a pooper and that’s why they invited you. Party pooper~. Party pooper~.”

        “Where’s the Party Pooper?!” Pinkie Pie shouted angrily as she was summoned by the song, still wearing her candy-print pajamas. “Oh, hey girls! Can I join?” Nobody disputed it, and Lotus refilled the tub.

        “Well… You’re certainly… a thing.” Richard deadpanned.

        “Thanks!” Pinkie Pie giggled.

The Day After

        Once Bronze had been sent home rather suddenly, and everybody felt most of their tension had gone, it was soberingly depressing to leave the spa and witness the destruction wrought by the Twins.

        From here, Richard could see several utterly demolished and burnt-out buildings that not even rapid response by weather ponies could save, and Sugarcube Corner seemed to be missing a whole section of it’s top floor and roof. Above and to the northwest, Rainbow wilted at the sight of what must’ve been her cloud home, the bottom was sheared off or likely evaporated by intense heat, and her rainbow fountain was dumping the remains of its bounty to the ground below. This resulted in the pegasus getting a comforting wing-hug from Twilight in response to Dash’s sadness, and that wasn’t even mentioning the orchards to the northeast closer to the Everfree that were on fire, thankfully it was the western parts away from the forest that had been set aflame, if the Everfree caught fire…*shudder*, the retribution….

        Luckily, most of the other homes were intact, if not a bit singed. The biggest mess though was the remains of the ghostly robotic eyes, blood, eye jelly, and all sorts of thready, disgusting viscera was everywhere around the site of their demise, which everypony, including the cleanup crews, were avoiding like the plague. Just as well, it’d be easier to clean up later when it had dried up a bit.

        “My house...I...I can’t afford that right now….” Rainbow sniffled as Twilight nuzzled her friend.

        “Hey, Rainbow. It’ll be okay. You can stay with me since Richard built me a new house. It even has roof access.” Twilight offered as she looked to Richard searchingly, and he understood the implied question.

"Yeah, just let me prepare you a room. Most of them haven't been furnished." Richard said.

        “You don’t have to do that...I could just grab some of my cloud furniture and bring it down real quick.” Rainbow said with a hitch in her voice. “At least...what might be in my guest room or bedroom. My kitchen, my living room...that’ll have gone poof once it hit the ground if whatever blew up my home’s foundation didn’t-.” Rainbow’s words were halted at the horrifying sight of the rest of the foundation giving way, and the denser clouds of the home itself, having lost its buoyant gravity-defying base, tumbled down and crashed into the earth like a cheap doughy mess. “...N...nevermind….” Dash began crying, trying not to as she leaned into Twilight.

        “Hey, don’t cry.” Richard said. “I can help you make a new one. I could probably even make you a new cloud-like bed to sleep on.”

        “That’s cool of you dude, but...I got that house with my own money, I built it with my own hooves. I can’t just...replace it. I don’t think I could have someone else just make me a new one.” Dash sniffled as she considered her options.

        “Eh, I can just do it.”

        “Look, I appreciate the idea, don’t get me wrong. But I want to build my own place, I’m fine with crashing with Twilight while I get my things in order, but I’d be glad to have some help with it.” Rainbow admitted, clearly she didn’t want her home to lose any sort of personal affection by having it made solely by someone else.

        “Suit yourself, then.” Richard said with a shrug, since he could understand somewhat. “At least let me get you set up in a room for tonight.”

        “Or as long as you need.” Twilight insisted, nuzzling her teary friend. “You’re a friend Rainbow, I’d never leave you out to dry.”

        Rainbow smiled and sniffled as she nuzzled back. “And here I thought I was Loyalty….”

        “Alright, enough of poking around. You two can do the dirty later.” Richard said, causing both Twilight and Rainbow to blush deeply. “Let’s just get home already. Hopefully pick you up a bed from that shop we saw earlier.”

        “Sleep well you all, we shall remain to oversee progress on preserving and repairing the town, you get some sleep as well sister.” Luna bid farewell to everyone, and Celestia yawned before nodding and teleporting back to her castle for some rest. ‘Richard.’ Luna’s telepathic voice echoed over to the human as he was walking towards his new pad with his housemates, and he paused to look back. ‘I have terrible news, I shall speak with you in your dreams of them.’

        ‘Why not now?’ Richard thought clearly, so she could hear his surface thoughts, due to him being unable to use telepathy himself.

‘I was unsure of the implications until tonight, I shall tell you when there are not others around who would panic. Sleep well and I shall see you soon Richy.’ Luna took off on her wings over the besieged town, and Richard turned back around to follow the quietly speaking mares, likely about house rules or arrangements or whatnot.

        ‘I hope it isn’t what I’m thinking of….’

        Dreaming was always a surreal affair, it was never the same every time. Especially when Luna got her hooves on Richard’s dreams, she was an artist to be sure. As the Terrarian, Richard never actually needed to sleep, but rather he chose to because Luna showed him how fun dreams could be, and he also enjoyed the rest that came with it. This time, the darkness faded into a view of a movie theater, it’s been forever since he’d even been to the opera, but this wasn’t a proper theater, the giant screen and lack of a stage being testament to that.

        “Luna! Lulu, you here?”

        “Richie~!” Luna squealed and Richard was once again tackled from behind, tumbling down rows of dream-quality seats that felt like clouds rather than firm seating until he ended up sitting in the front row next to Luna somehow.

        “Lulu! How has it been old friend?” Richard asked. “I so missed our nightly meetings in the realm of dreams.”

        “Oh, it’s been grand dear Richard! The past couple of years, we have reintegrated into society, and ponies love us again! We are so glad you are home too. Now if only mother and father were back. The whole family would be together again.” Luna cheered as she nuzzled Richard’s face. “Let us look at thee. You seem to have gained weight...were you being overwatered?”

        “You know that’s not a thing and I know that I’m not fat.” Richard said defensively. “Come on. Anyways, didn’t you have something to tell me? Something about dreams recently?”

        Luna backed away a bit and pouted at Richard with crossed forelegs, making Richard stifle a snicker at how adorable she was after so long. “Of course, ‘tis always business with you first.” Luna rolled her eyes

        “You know that’s not true!” Richard said defensively. “You know how fun I am!”

        “Then why haven’t you bed our sister yet?” Luna asked, causing Richard’s face to erupt into a fierce blush. “Or better yet, why have you not even tried with me either? Haven’t I been obvious?” Luna raised an eyebrow as Richard sputtered. “Hm...art thou perhaps a colt-cuddler? We could arrange a blind date with our guard captain! He’s such a stick in the mud, he needs to get-.”

        “I am not into males! I have nothing against colt-cuddlers, but I am NOT one of them!” Richard yelled. “And what the hell are you talking about?! I- Luna- I thought- I’m in a relationship with your sister!”

        “And?” Luna asked perplexed, genuinely perplexed. “Tis normal, even to this day. If thou not wish for a more romantic relationship we will be fine with that.” Luna happily conceded to, apparently not at all let down by Richard’s apparent refusal, which he was just completely confused over.

        “Please. Can we just stay friends?” Richard asked politely. “I mean, back where I’m from, all of this is considered strange, weird… I’m just really not used to it. And while I’ve been here for so long, I’m still not over all of it.”

        “Very well, but we still demand platonic snuggles!” Luna declared with a hug, crushing Richard’s perceived lungs.

        “Ask nicely.” Richard joked.

        “Never! You are our Richy cuddle-bear. If we cannot have you for more devious things, then snuggles are a must.” Luna laughed as she pulled him to the floor, which suddenly turned into an amphitheatre of sorts with a projector aimed up at the concave interior of a dome. “Behold friend Richie, the dream of our sister!”

        Before Richard could question it, the projector turned on and it was apparently of a cheesy scene between Richard and Celestia, having a picnic, making Richard smile as he sighed from between Luna’s still hugging forelegs. “You haven’t changed a bit in over a thousand years.” The dream Richard said to Celestia as he fed her pieces of double fudge cake.

“... Wow. That is cheesy as hell.” Richard said. “Is that really how she thinks I act? After all these years? Hell, we actually WENT on a picnic before I got trapped. She should know me better than this.”

        “You would not believe how often sister has dreams like this. We’re afraid that time has eroded her memories of you more than mine, considering we were alone on the moon, hibernating most of the time. She however, has had to run the country that whole time, and loneliness is a monster we both have experience with in different ways.” Luna admitted sadly to Richard who nodded.

        “Uh huh. Can you pop me into her dream?” Richard asked casually as he continued to watch the dream Richard feed Celestia more cake. “You know… For old time’s sake.”

        “In a moment. But I feel I have drawn out the pleasantries enough...I really do not wish to ruin any happiness your return may have had, but I must warn you….” Luna sadly said as the dome suddenly shattered outward, the stone it was made of falling up into a void instead, and revealed a writhing mass seemingly composed of every enemy Richard had ever faced, before a giant slitted green eye opened among them all, piercing them with raw hatred and power before the dome suddenly reappeared, all of it gone. “He is returning….”

        “No… We killed him…” Richard said, shocked at what he had just saw. “I… I saw his bones… He’s dead, Luna. There’s no way he could return. He’s DEAD!”

        “And yet, here we are, having witnessed a mere fragment of a nightmare I have seen in several of the realm’s children, many of them in Ponyville, happening around the time just before my sister came teleporting in demanding a battalion of soldiers to move on Ponyville to protect the town.” Luna explained. “Twas quite a sight, seeing our sister in such a panic after having witnessed this nightmare. I cannot say it was a coincidence, either. If you recall, this same nightmare that happened so frequently back before we vanquished the Moon Lord.”

        “Yes… I remember that… But he’s dead!” Richard said, continuing to beat his argument into the ground.

        “So were the Twins, yet they came back.” Luna countered with dead seriousness as she continued to hug her friend, trying to keep hold on him so he couldn’t eject her from his dream.

        “... But how?! We killed all of the bosses, destroyed all of the summoning items…” Richard explained. “We even killed all of the-..... No…. NO! Do you remember that one cultist we found so long ago? You know, the first one? The one we actually held captive?!”

        “Yes. He escaped soon after and was never seen or heard from again. Why?” Luna asked curiously. “Surely he is dead. It has been over a thousand years.”

        “I can use your own argument for that: So were the Twins.” Richard said. “Do you remember what their goal was? That whole, summon the Moon Lord thing using that ‘cosmic power’ saying that he was going to give them eternal life when he came?!”

        “Certainly you are not insinuating he succeeded! If that was so, where were they all for a thousand years?” Luna was aghast at the idea, but it did make some sort of sense.

        “I’m not even sure. But I know one thing, the terrors of Terraria will not go away so long as any of those Cultists or their Lord exist….” Richard growled, before slumping into Luna’s chest, glad her dream form wasn’t wearing her peytral.

        “‘Tis a distressing thought indeed. We shall inform the Guard and our sister of your theory.” Luna stated. “For now, though, let us enjoy what time is left in the dream realm. Such as~!” Richard suddenly found himself falling face-first at Celestia, who gasped and caught his lips with her own on accident, and they broke away with rapid blinking to see Luna laying off to the side, grinning cheekily as the picnic turned into a rather sensual bedroom setting, and she waved before vanishing, leaving the two lovers alone.

        “LUNA!” Richard and Celestia yelled together.

        Thankfully, after Luna left, Celestia was more than in agreement with Richard to keep things chaste, even in a dream that was compelling them to do naughty things. They enjoyed what was left of the dream, snuggling and talking until finally they both woke up.

        To Richard’s surprise, there was someone else in his bed when he awoke, especially considering his room was locked, and sealed with magic against intruders.

        “Hi there!” Came the cheery voice of the pink colored intruder.

        “GAH!” Richard screamed before rolling out of the bed, taking the sheets with him as he fell to the floor in a tangled mess. “HOW?! HOW?!”

        “I don’t know, I’m just Pinkie Pie!” Replied the pink pony. “You’re Richard right? It’s so nice to actually meet you, even if I just broke into your room. But who cares! Anyways, I know you’re new in town, and that you just came back from being trapped in the Tree of Harmony, but I think I should throw you a welcome party! You know like a welcome back party mixed with a welcome to Ponyville party, and then we could go from there. So, what’syourfavoritecoloryourfavoritecookiecakesodaicecreamchimicherrychongaicecreamIsaidicecreampie-”

        “WHAT KIND OF SUGAR COATED HELL DID YOU SPAWN FROM, WOMAN?!” Richard yelled.

        “I don’t know…” Pinkie said. “I remember this one ratchety old stallion who said-”

        “GET OUT OF MY ROOM!” Richard yelled at Pinkie Pie.

        “Oh… Right…” Pinkie said, finally realizing where she was. “I’ll just…wait for you downstairs....” And with that, she ran into the closet, and disappeared… to Richard’s amazement.

        “... What a crazy pony.” Richard said in bewilderment. “Reminds me of Surprise from all those years back… I miss that crazy party girl.”

        While Richard did miss his friend Surprise, her being the fun little party girl she was….

        He did NOT enjoy the company of this one. He was standing now in the foyer in his boxers and undershirt, hoping to get some coffee before she bugged him again, but no, his trip to the kitchen had been interrupted by the pink menace.

        “So, like I was asking…” Pinkie Pie started. “What’s your favorite-”

        “Don’t ask me things right now.” Richard warned. “If you pester me after THAT kind of wake up, I will not hesitate to drop kick you out of the house. The only reason I’m not is because you remind me of my old friend. Got it?”

        “Aw...but, party?” Oh no! No she wouldn’t-she did! The biggest Puppy-Dog-Pout Richard had ever seen… Well, since Surprise.

        “... The hell do you want from me?!” Richard finally yelled after about five minutes of getting the puppy-dog look. “Just let me get some fucking coffee first!”

        “Of course!” Pinkie said cheerfully. She then reached into her mane and pulled out a mug filled with coffee. The coffee was hot, if the steam coming off the cup was any indication.

        “... I am NOT drinking that.” Richard said. “Just let me-” A coffee cup levitated out of one of the nearby rooms that was designated as the bottom floor kitchen.

        “You’re welcome!” Came the somewhat angry voice of Twilight. “Now can you two stop fighting in there? You’re giving me a headache.”

        “Not fighting, purple smart!”

        “Don’t call me that!”

        “No guarantees!” Richard said, taking a sip of coffee. “Now, what the hell did you want to know?”

        … 30 minutes. Never felt so long before.

        30 minutes of complete mind-fuckery of questions. Somehow, Pinkie got all of her questions out, auto-shotgun style, not letting Richard get even a syllable out before just saying the correct answer and moving onto the next question. Somehow, she knew he liked Red-Velvet cake, did not care for huge parties, apologized in advance for a large party, and still got about everything else that was to know about Richard in the small amount of time she took. Right after she finished, she dove into an empty bookshelf and exploded into confetti, dumbfounding Richard even more.

        And that is where he had stood for the next ten minutes. The coffee he had been sipping was now on the floor, the cup long ago dropped when Pinkie had somehow exploded into bits of colorful paper and not impacted on the solid wood object. It wasn’t until a knock at the door was heard that he snapped out of his daze.

        “Excuse me?” Came a muffled voice from behind the door. “Is Richard home? I heard he was living here and so was Twilight.”

        Before Richard could move to answer the door, Rainbow, who he’d completely didn’t notice due to Pinkie taking up his attention, moved to the door and opened it. “Hey Rarity. What are you doing here?” She asked.

        “I’m looking for Richard, is he here?” Rarity asked. “It’s kind of urgent. I need his help with crafting something.”

        “And how the hell could I help with that?” Richard asked as he walked up to the door.

        “Ah~! Oh-oh my! Richard! H-how can you be so scandalously clothed in the presence of mares?!” Rarity squealed as she blushed and covered her eyes, while Dash blinked before looking at Richard, and her wings stiffened a bit as her face flushed.

        “Oh, uh...dude? I don’t know how things worked back when, but nowadays, somepony wearing underwear is kinda...insinuating something.” Richard blinked in a little surprise at both mare’s words, but then again, a thousand years is kind of more than long enough for social graces to change.

        “Eh, fine. Do you have the clothes I left at your house? I came home in the obsidian.” Richard asked. “I kinda need to clean the obsidian clothes, too. Combat leaves a horrible stench.”

        “Of course, darling!” Rarity said, reaching into her saddlebags with her telekinesis and pulling out Richard’s normal shirt, jeans, shoes, and duster before shoving the garments into Richard’s chest. “Now do go put those on, darling. It’s not right to be standing in front of an open door in your… eugh, undergarments.”

        “Nice choice though, the bagginess leaves the imagination open.” Rainbow unhelpfully pointed out.

        “Thanks.” Richard said as he walked out of the room and back to the staircase. He took about ten minutes to get fully dressed, then came back downstairs, where everyone had moved to the kitchen, leaving an annoyed Spike to clean up the coffee mess in the foyer, oddly enough, he even licked it up, humming a bit once he was done. He must be at that age where he tried almost anything with that ridiculously overpowered draconic digestive system of his. “Now, what did you want?”

        “Well, darling. First off, I never finished your outfit, and I; Rarity, never leave a task unfinished.” Rarity reached into her saddlebags, and took out a full-head face mask of the shimmering black armor-like silk, but it had no eye holes. “I felt a full covering was best, considering this is for combat situations. Put it on.”

        “Thanks.” Richard said, taking the mask and putting it and slipping it on. To his approval, he could see clear out thanks to the fabric either being permeable enough for his eyes to see through it, or the unicorn had enchanted it to do so, because he wasn’t seeing any fibers. “This is nice, thank you.” ‘I feel like Rorschach, just without the dying.’

        “Don’t thank me yet.” Rarity beamed before she took out a pair of black obsidian-layered combat boots! Richard couldn’t tell what was under the obsidian, but he quickly accepted them and shucked off his slip-ons and put on the new boots.

        “Sweet, new shoes.” Richard said happily. “Thanks again, Rarity.”

        “Now then, if it would be no trouble, could you help me with acquiring the materials to make more?” Rarity asked politely. “It seems that seeing you run around in the attire inspired some kind of trend. Though, some ponies asked about it, rather than ordering it… You may have become a star and acquired a fan base.”

        “Huh. Freaky.” Richard said. “Not sure if I wanna meet them…”

        “Also, the town Guard have specifically asked me to make them sets of obsidian attire to compliment their own armor, and that’s not even mentioning the ponies of the Equestrian Army putting in orders….” Rarity wilted slightly, the pressure of the massive orders clearly weighing on her.

        “Coolio.” Richard said simply. “But there are much better materials and armor types than obsidian.”

        “Are they as light?” Rarity asked, getting Richard to raise a finger only to blink, and consider the fact that aside from the robe-like sets and the lunar sets, not really. “Are they as easy to craft?”

        “Well, the beetle and turtle shell sets are.” Richard stated.

        “Beetle?! What is wrong with you?!” Rarity screamed.

        “What?! The materials aren’t really easy to get, but it’s good freaking armor!” Richard explained. “Plus, in the correct design, it gives a REALLY good bonus!”

        “Still! Ew!” Rarity screamed. “Aside from foreign chitin jewelry, killing bugs for something like armor is not only gross, but time consuming. And turtles? Fluttershy would disown me as a friend before even letting me consider it.”

        “Not to mention I’d buck you to death!” Rainbow shouted with fury, the nearby tortoise on the floor being a clue as to her anger.

        “Geez, sorry. Well, there’s still the problem that I don’t know where to find obsidian and lack the tools to mine it if I somehow do.” Richard said. “I mean, seriously. Isn’t there a mine or something around here? How about asking a smithy, or, I don’t know, asking for help from a princess? Your friend?!”

        “Actually, that’s a good point Richard.” Twilight interjected as she left the attached bathroom, whatever she was doing in there, it didn’t smell right...like a cleaning chemical cocktail, blech, she must’ve been cleaning. OCD much? “Girls, remember? The dragon migration?”

        “Oh hey, yeah!” Rainbow perked up as she tossed a treat to the tortoise, which proceeded to slowly nibble. “It wasn’t that far...if you consider a few day’s travel by foot as not being far, but with these things!” Rainbow hovered behind Richard, and he gasped as she flared his wings out for him, the sunlight-like wings behaving as organically as possible. “We could totally get there and back in a day.”

        “Hey! Let go of those! They’re sensitive as hell!” Richard protested. “And second off, I don’t know how to freaking fly! So there goes your plan, genius!”

        “Rainbow! That was such a mean thing to do! You just wanted to touch his wings!” Twilight accused, getting the prismatic pegasus to sputter at realizing what she did, and groan as she face-hoofed. “Regardless, actually Richard, since I’ve been there before, I can just teleport us there, I just need a minute to prepare a stabilization array, since I’ve never teleported a human before, I have no idea what you’d come out the other end as. Unicorns have accidentally turned griffons and other races into pony hybrids or even full ponies when they weren’t careful enough to avoid blending molecules.” Twilight then blinked, and hummed as she tapped her chin. “I wonder...what if I teleported something with...hm….”

        “Yeah, no thanks.” Richard said. “I’d rather not be turned inside out, thank you very much. If you could just get me Celestia-”

        “Hm? Oh no, that isn’t the issue. Teleportation is beyond safe, it’s just...well, ponies usually only teleport other ponies, or physical objects that don’t-”

        “Just get me Celestia.” Richard said. “I’d rather not hitch a ride on that experimental spell.”

        “Well...fine...I’ll send Celestia a letter...but I’ll need some hair or nail clippings to help me devise a safe version that won’t turn you into a pony, unless either of the Princesses already know one.” Twilight then trotted out of the kitchen and back into the library.

        “Trust me, they do!” Richard called to her. “Now, back to the subject that I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FLY WITH MY OWN WINGS!”

        “Well, I can help teach ya, but, one key thing to know about flying. Is you’re going to crash. A lot.” Rainbow said seriously.

        “Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to take lessons from you, Ms. Positive Thinking.” Richard deadpanned. “Maybe I could get that shy pony to teach me. Or maybe even Celestia! Yeah! That’d be nice.”

        “I… But I’m a great teacher!” Rainbow protested, the tortoise nodded in reinforcement of her claim.

        A fwoosh of fire was heard in the library and Twilight reentered. “Okay, I’ve sent Celestia the letter Richard. I also overheard and added on that you’d like her to teach-.”

        A blur of white fur and feathers interrupted Twilight as she burst into the room with speed that signalled that she had just divebombed through the air and smashed through the skylight at the top of the wooden tower that had been stylized to look like Celestia’s cutie mark, only to have pulled up at the last second and sped into the room. The blur crashed into Richard, knocking him out of his chair and pinning him to the ground. “DICKIE~! I would love to teach you!”

        “Hi Celly.” Richard groaned. “Ow. Did you have to burst in like that? I think you might have broken something.”

        “THERE’S GLASS EVERYWHERE!” Came Spike’s cry from the other room. “Glass tastes like water! I’m not thirsty!”

        “UGH! I’ll go clean that up.” Twilight moaned. “Spike! That’s not for eating!”

        “Anyways, I’d love to teach you how to fly!” Celestia cheerfully exclaimed.

        “OH COME ON!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed before finally accepting defeat and floating down to the ground.

        “But… Oi. I guess I have to learn sometime.” Richard said defeatedly. “I was just going to ask you for my rod back. I guess learning how to fly works too.”

        “Your what?!” Rainbow Dash and Rarity screamed simultaneously, both seeming rather scandalized for some reason as Celestia held back a small giggle.

        “My teleporting rod. The… Rod of Discord.” Richard explained. “It was one of the tools I got while I was fighting elementals a long time ago. Why? What did you think I was talking about?” The pegasus and unicorn did not say anything. “Lewd~!”

        “Well sorry dear if such spells to safely and painlessly remove anatomy exist!” Rarity huffed, looking flustered as she turned to leave. “Just please help me and I’ll pay you for your trouble. I must see to making what I can with what I have at the moment.”

        “I’m, uh...just going to go...yeah….” Rainbow awkwardly excused herself as she grabbed the compliant tortoise and flew out of the kitchen, leaving Richard and Celestia alone.

        “... You let that spell go public?” Richard asked. “I thought you jailed those two ponies!”

        “Yes, I did. But the spell seemed harmless and the ponies were having fun with it!” Celestia explained. “You should have heard the noises coming from Princess Cadence’s room after she got married! I could hear her and Shining Armor’s moans and screams from across the castle.”

        “Yeah, didn’t need to know that.” Richard said. “So, about that lesson.”

        “We begin at once!” Celestia shouted before grabbing Richard and teleporting them both up high above Ponyville. “First lesson: Gliding! Just open your wings and float down!” Celestia let go of Richard.

        “WHY?!” Richard screamed as he fell.

Lessons Aplenty

        Why did it have to be this way?

        That was all Richard could think about throughout his little ‘lesson’ with Celestia. In total, she had taken about 4 hours out of his day for flight ‘training’. Said ‘training’ including an hour at the beginning of just picking Richard up, teleporting him high off the ground, and telling him to open his wings and glide. After about the 15th attempt, Richard had hit the ground after Celestia having failed for the first time to catch him. To his relief, he seemed unharmed, though very frazzled. This caused Celestia to stop her first method of training, and instead move onto different ways, the first being teaching Richard how to even move his wings.

        The rest of the training was uneventful -other than the conversations that Celestia and Richard were having-, Richard was able to get off the ground at the third hour, and was actually able catch himself when he was dropped from a great height when the fourth hour came to a close.

        “Never should have mentioned not being able to fly...” Richard muttered to himself as he and the gleefully cheerful Celestia approached the Blendwood Library, which Twilight had so creatively named and made a sign for apparently while Richard had been taking his lesson. She even had the double-doors pointed red! Stained the glass with candles too. Then again, from the remains of the door he’d seen, it must’ve been to make it more homey for her.

        “Twilight! I’m home!” Richard called as he stepped in the home. Strangely enough to him, all of the lights were off, and no one responded. “Twilight? Hello?” Richard didn’t notice Celestia remaining outside as he entered, silently closing the doors behind him. “Whoa...it got dark in here….”

“SURPRISE!” The lights suddenly flashed on, revealing what seemed to be EVERYPONY IN TOWN!

        “GAH~!” Richard screamed before clutching his hand to his chest. “DON’T DO THAT! You almost gave me a freaking HEART ATTACK!”

        “Good thing I invited Doctor Horse!” Pinkie beamed as a tan unicorn nodded, his doctor’s coat pointing out his profession.

        “... I’m not even going to ask.” Richard deadpanned as his blood pressure began to slowly lower. “Though, I will ask this: What the heck is going on here?! Why is the whole town in my house?!”

        “It’s your Welcome-Back-And-Welcome-To-Ponyville-And-Thanks-For-Saving-The-Town Party!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully. “We all wanted to say hi and say thanks! So here we are!”

        “... I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I told you I don’t like big parties or the fact that you threw me one.” Richard said dully. “Listen, I just got done with a crash course in flying, so can we not-”

        “Woo! Show us those wings, big boy!” Called a drunk mare’s voice from within the crowd of townsponies.

        “WHO LET BERRY PUNCH INTO THE BOOZE?!” Screamed another mare with toothpaste hair.

        “Lighten-*hic*-up Colgate~! Ish a Par-tay~!” The drunken voice responded as the toothpaste-themed mare growled and muscled towards the back of the crowd.

        “Pinkie…” Richard deadpanned.

        “Yeah, Richy?” Pinkie responded, already using a nickname.

        “Did you throw me a party with booze in it and invite ALL of the town?” Richard asked plainly.

        “Yepper-doodles I did Richy!” Pinkie responded cheerfully. “Is that a bad thi-oh~… I see what you mean.”

        “Yeah, so could you either get the booze out of the party or tell the kids here to go home?!” Richard demanded angrily.

        “Don’t worry kidsh! Auntie Berry’ll keep teh evil drinksh out of reach!” The resounding chorus of disappointed foals would’ve been comical if the pony saying it wasn’t already wasted.

        “No! Don’t let her get to the booze! She’ll drink all of it!” Came the voice of the mare dubbed Colgate as she ran back in and tackled Berry Punch. “Berry! You were supposed to limit yourself!”

        “Shut up! Teh probation offi...offi...pony shaid shum now an’ then ish fine!”

        “... What is my life?” Richard said to himself outloud.

        “Oh! Do you want me to tell you?” Pinkie cheerfully said.

        “... I really don’t like you right now.”

        About an hour later into the party, Richard had called it quits and sat down on a couch in the middle of everything. The noise, the crowding, the beer that he didn’t want to drink, it was too much. The velvet cake was delicious though.

        “Ugh. Why do things always happen like this to me?” Richard asked himself aloud.

        “What are you so upset about?” Said a random approaching mare who sat down next to Richard. She had a dark blue coat, a black mane, and blue eyes. Her cutie mark was that of several stars.

        “Oh nothing. Nothing important at least.” Richard said. “Just thinking about how my life has been going so far.”

        “Oh really? And how has it been?” The mare asked.

        “Well, it was all going fine until the party rolled around.” Richard said simply. “And then some random mare showed up and started bugging me. And just a little note, I know it’s you, Luna.”

        “W-what?!” The mare almost screamed. “I-I’m not Princess Luna! What in Equestria-”

        “Luna, drop the act. Celestia is already here in the party undisguised. There’s no need to hide yourself.” Richard stated. “Seriously, though, you’re too obvious. Plus, I’ve seen you before when you used to sneak out at night, remember?”

        “I did always use the same form, didn’t I?” The mare said before glowing a subtle white light and transforming into Princess Luna. “So, are you enjoying your own party?”

        “You know my answer. I’ve never had a big thing for huge parties like this.” Richard responded, and he sighed as even sitting on the couch, he was almost bumped into.

        “We remember, Richy. We wish we could help you out here.” Luna said sadly, since she was never one for big gatherings either.

        “Well, there is something. And I do need to talk to you about it.” Richard said as he draped an arm around Luna’s neck. “You see, Celestia was talking to me a lot during the time she spent teaching me how to fly. Among the things we talked about, we talked about you.”

        “What about me?” Luna asked suspiciously, knowing that he and Celestia used to pull pranks on her.

        “Well, among things, relationships.” Richard explained. “In all, it just came down to a saying back from Earth which goes, ‘when in Rome’, which apparently also exists here as ‘Roam’. So, if you get what I mean…” Richard moved his free hand in a circular motion.

        “Oh… Oh~!” Luna said, blushing slightly with a small smile. “So, you have come around to the idea of courting us as well as our sister?”

        “Well, let’s just say I’m willing to see where it leads.” Richard said simply.

        “Y-you are? Truly?” Luna said, tears of joy forming in her eyes. “Richard...we...we are so happy.” Luna quickly grabbed Richard’s face and gave him an amorous kiss on the mouth, getting him to flail and whine as he tried to push the much more physically powerful mare off of him. Terrarian he may be, but ponies have them muscles for reasons.

        “MMMFF!”

        “I see you told her the news.” Came the voice of Celestia who emerged from the crowd of ponies, some of whom were gawking, others cheering them on. “It’s nice to see you’d become active with her first before me, the one you’ve loved for years longer.” Luna immediately pushed off of Richard after Celestia’s comment.

        “S-sister! ‘Tis not as it seems!” Luna objected fiercely.

        “Yeah! She shoved herself on me!” Richard accused. “Seriously! If this is how a relationship with both of you is going to be, let it be known I’m already getting second doubts.”

        “N-no! We’re sorry, Richard! Please, please! Let us make it up to-”

        “Luna. It’s okay. Celestia already convinced me to try it out. Stopping everything here and now wouldn’t be giving it the fair try I promised Celestia.” Richard explained.

“Besides, I was only teasing.” Celestia said with concern. “Don’t take everything I say to heart Richard. Though, did you really have to be so forward about everything, sister?”

“We’re sorry, Celestia. We’ll make it up to you later.” Luna stated. She then directed her gaze towards Richard, her look becoming filled with want, one of more than innocent intent that made Richard gulp. “Hopefully we shall make it up to you with Richard.”

“... I need an adult?” Richard asked nervously.

“We are adults.” Luna and Celestia said simultaneously before grabbing Richard in their magics and carrying him upwards into the higher levels of the tower-like house.

“Alright, I think it’s time we wind this party down a bit and everyone gets on home! Sorry to be a downer, everypony, but it’s getting late and we all have things to do!” Pinkie asserted to all the rowdy late-stayers that kept partying to a point where even she felt it was rude. There were certain parties you don’t become a wastrel, and this was one of them. Her belief: if the Pink Pony doesn’t get drunk at a party, it isn’t that kind of party.

“Oh c’mon Pinksh, we’re havin’ sho much fun!” Berry complained as Colgate, only slightly tipsy, was dragging her wasted friend towards the door.

“Thanks for the great party as usual Pinkie.” Colgate said with an apologetic look involving her friend’s behavior tonight.

“No problem, Colgate. Just remember to give Berry some tylenol when she wakes up.” Pinkie said, casually tossing Colgate a couple of tablets.

“I’ll be sure to remember.” Colgate said, catching the tablets in her hammerspace and exiting the building.

        “Dickie~! Where are you?” Came the lustful call of Celestia from the fifth floor, just as Richard crashed down onto the bottom floor through the central skylight pillar in nothing but his boxers.

        “Pinkie, you have to help me.” Richard said. “As much as I love them, I’m not so ready for-”

        “Oh, stop being such a scared virgin dealing with his first time, Richy.” Pinkie said, laying down a sick burn on Richard. “Now you get up there and stallion up, or you’ll be missing out on the rest of your life.”

        “... Ow, my pride.” Richard said.

        “Besides! You have two of the princesses of Equestria fawning over you!” Pinkie casually reminded Richard. “There’s nothing here that could be better than that! Except maybe Cadence, but she’s married. Now you get up there and get your man card and afterwards I’ll give you a gift!”

        “Why didn’t you use a pony pun?” Richard asked, considering Pinkie didn’t know him or his race enough to even use the word Man.

        “What? Stallion is a mouthful compared to man. Now get up there!” Pinkie cheered before shoving Richard, and he blinked at suddenly finding himself back upstairs, in bed with the sisters rounding the central ‘pillar’ and spotting him.

        ‘I don’t know what scares me more. Terraria returning, or that pink pony….’

        Richard groaned as the gentle sunlight woke him up from his deep slumber, he was alone, and considering the Sisters had to move the sun and moon around, he could understand him waking up alone. “Richie.” Richard turned to the voice to see the door to the stairwell opening and Luna enter his floor of the tower. “It is good to see that you’ve woken up. Sorry to have left you, but we didn’t want to wake you up as soon as we need to.”

        “Ugh...what happened last night? I’m so tired I can’t remember why I’m so tired….” Richard said, blinking a few times and sniffling, catching wind of a horrid stench. “Oh good lord, what died?!... Oh… Now I get it. So… How was it? Heh.”

        Luna wrinkled her nose at the smell, and shrugged. “You were actually quite impressive, given your size compared to stallions.” Luna swept a spell through Richard and the bed, the stench suddenly gone. Magic is awesome.

        “Yeah, thanks. There goes the man card.” Richard said.

        “On the contrary, the amount of stamina you possess is rather impressive.” Luna admitted, rubbing her neck for some reason.

        “Does that mean you’ve been getting around, Luna?” Richard teased.

        “While I am no strumpet, I have had more than a few stallions back then, and in this new era. Being ‘Mistress of the Night’ makes many rather...presumptuous of my prowess for ‘nightly activity’.” Luna giggled into a hoof.

        “... So, dirty dreams?” Richard assumed. “Makes sense. Ponies are perverts sometimes.”

        “Oh yes, quite so. ‘Tis amusing sometimes, other times offensive, but usually it is quite flattering.” Luna stated. “On that note, a certain squadron of my guard are quite obsessed with me. ‘Tis quite flattering of the mares, though still somewhat strange.” Luna admitted, since homosexuality was something unheard of back in the day.

        “Heh, looks like I have some ‘competition’ then.” Richard joked. “But in all honesty, I’m glad you enjoyed last night. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a shower.”

        “Yes, I understand. But first, the former Element of Laughter left you a gift.” Luna said, levitating over a pink box topped with a darker pink bow.

        “Cool.” Richard said, taking the box from Luna’s magic. He untied the bow and took off the lid and peered inside. “Let’s see what she-” Richard did not expect Pinkie’s gift. Inside the box was a pair of reddish-orange boots with a white feather attached to each boot’s heel.

        “W-what? How...where did she get those?!” Luna gawked at the boots, utterly shocked at their very presence. “Tia said they’d gone missing when a thief broke into the castle vault so long ago!”

        “Hell if I know!” Richard yelled. “Hell, I even remember when they went missing! You two had me track down the thief! I ended up meeting Surprise and losing the-.” Richard came to a sudden realization. “... Damn it Surprise! She was the one who stole them! And what with her crazy ‘abilities’ she probably knew that this would happen some day! Damn it!”

        “Well, it works out in the end, anyways. Sister shall be by soon to take you to a volcano in Dragon Territory.” Luna said as if it were nothing big.

        “WHAT?!”

        “Yes, she said something about helping out an element and giving her more time to be with you.” Luna stated. “Ah, reminds me of when we were young. Every chance she got, she’d run off and join you on one of your adventures, much to our parents dismay.”

        “Yeah, I remember.” Richard groaned. “But seriously? A freaking volcano in DRAGON TERRITORY?! That’s just asking for something to go wrong!”

        “Oh relax, actually, either of us need to head out there and remind them why they do not land in our territory at all. That dragon that roosted on the Smokey Mountain and the one who decided to make the Everfree his home had to be made examples of.” Luna smouldered angrily.

        “Right, multiple ulterior motives. Great.” Richard said. “So, how long until she shows up?”

        “Considering she took your armor with her to have cleaned and pressed, I’m not sure.” Luna responded. “Though, we could

        “Luna, no. I’m sore from last night and no matter what spell you cast on me, I need a shower.” Richard stated.

        “As am I. Of course, I could join you in the bath.” Luna said. “‘Twould be nice to have someone get between my wings.”

        “... Fine. Just don’t try and pull something on me. I’m still WAY too sore for something like last night.” Richard said.

        “Also, this would be a good time to teach you about preening.” Luna idly mentioned, getting Richard to groan.

        “Fine!”

        Richard and Luna took an hour in the shower cleaning themselves and each other. Most of the time, however, was spent teaching Richard how to preen wings properly. When they got out, Celestia was sitting on the bed waiting for them with a scowl on her face.

        “I certainly hope you weren’t up to any ‘wet fun’ in the bath without me.” Celestia said coldly.

        “Not at all sister, I was merely teaching Richard how to preen his new wings.” Luna said factually, to which Richard nodded since he was still trying to retain what he’d learned so he wouldn’t need multiple lessons to remember something that intimate.

        “Oh, took the chance to feel up his new wings hm?” Celestia teased with a grin.

        “Celestia! I’m surprised! Being so vulgar and perverted!” Came a smooth voice similar to a famous actor from Earth. “Ta-Da~!” Discord popped into the room, wearing an Indiana Jones outfit, pith helmet and all, multiple suitcases piled behind him. “Ready for adventure! We have things to locate and parents to find! So let’s get to it!” Discord snapped his taloned hand and suddenly Richard was dressed in his Obsidian attire and Lava Waders, and the sisters were fully garbed in their royal armor. They all looked questioningly at Discord, as if he had just proposed an impossible feat. “What? What is wrong?”

        “Well… We were actually going to go do something.” Richard stated. “Actually, we were going to go help a friend by grabbing some obsidian from a volcano in Dragon Territory.”

        “Oh? Well, that sounds like one of the places I was going to take you, actually. So allow me to assist you.” Discord said, snapping his talons again, teleporting them all to an obsidian island in the middle of a volcano, probably formed by rain or something. “There we go. Middle of Dragon Territory. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must be off before the ambassador comes along and attempts to ‘slay me’ like his father tried years ago.” Discord snapped his talon fingers again and disappeared.

        “DISCORD! WHERE ARE YOU?! I FELT YOUR CHAOS!” Came a deep booming voice as a very large dragon accompanied by two smaller dragons flew up to greet Celestia, Luna, and Richard with the intent of murdering Discord. The dragon visibly calmed down when it saw the sisters and Richard. “Oh! The Equestrian Princesses! And the rider of legends? I did not think I would see the day when my father’s tales of greatness would be presented in front of me as reality. How goes you all?”

        “We are fine, Lord Dirkine. How are you?” Celestia said as she rose off the platform to greet the large dragon.

        The second she rose of the platform, however, the platform started shaking and three purple orbs rose from the lava. One at a time, they broke. The first one sent a chill down everyone’s spines, the second one caused screams to echo out. The third and final orb did nothing, instead a loud monstrous roar echoed from underground before a massive worm with multiple eyes jumped from one side of the volcano, devoured one of the small dragons flanking Lord Dirkine, and dove back into the ground on the opposite side of the volcano. This caused the other small dragon to panic, and Lord Dirkine and Celestia to land on the obsidian island in the center of the massive volcano. The poor panicking dragon had no chance as a massive mechanical worm bursted out of the lava with a mechanical roar that sounded like a million cicrularsaws, catching him in its mulching mouth and diving back into the lava.

        “... Shit.” Richard said. “Just… shit.”

Super Worm Brothers

        “Monsters! They devoured my clansdrakes like they were nothing!” Dirkine roared, quite literally, and the Destroyer leapt up out of the lava at him, only for the angry Elder Dragon to spin and smack it off course with his tail.

        “Holy shit! Not even Grand Elder Seether could do that to Destroyer last time!” Richard gawked, especially since Dirkine was barely half Seether’s size. “Either he’s got some good genes, training, or Terraria is weaker if smarter this time around.”

        “Doubtful.” Came a foreign voice.

        “What?” Richard said, looking around for the source of the voice, only to just barely notice the Eater of Worlds jumping at him in time to dodge it, causing the Eater to jump back off of the obsidian platform and into the side of the volcano again. “Who’s out there?! Show yourself, coward!”

        “Fool. I’ve always been here.” Came the voice from directly in front of Richard, just as the Destroyer came barrelling towards him from the same direction as the voice. Suddenly, the air in front of him started emitting particles of black and green before revealing a humanoid shaped figure wearing special armor. Just as it looked like the Destroyer was going to crash into both this new figure and Richard, the figure raised a hand, and the Destroyer stopped its advance.

        “V-vortex armor?!” Richard said in surprise as the Destroyer retreated back to a spot to ‘watch’ as Celestia, Luna, and Dirkine kept their attention on it, and it’s hissing fleshy twin reared out to join its brother. “H-how?! That armor hasn’t been seen since-”

        “The Battle of the Pillars. Yes, I remember that battle.” The figure said as it started to walk around Richard. “It was great fighting with you so long ago. To have fought alongside you all those years ago. How you could rally the troops in such a time of need is beyond me, but you did it. You could be of so much more use to the other side, you ever consider that?”

        “W-what?!”

        “TRAITOR! Betraying your fellow dragons!” Came Dirkine’s yell at the figure. “How dare you!”

        “How dare I? How dare you! Working with these two weaklings! Might is Right has always been our way, and I’ve watched as our race grew content, and fat on their jewels, scattering to the four winds. We used to be a nation! We had a culture! You and yours have condemned us! The Moon Lord would’ve been the right choice!”

        “... The… Moon Lord?...” Richard parroted, somewhat in thought. “... Ar-... Argonius? But how?! And why?! You were one of my most trusted allies!”

        “Not enough to be in the ‘final fight’ against the Moon Lord! And even then, do you know what he could have done for us?!” The dragon figure now identified as Argonius screamed. “He would have brought order! Given us POWER! Let us rule how we wanted to! Liberated all the nations from any sort of tyranny! And for what?! To be worshipped like the god he is! No! Instead you gave me this armor, gave that dog the Stardust set, and gave the Nebula set to that shitty wizard!”

        “Clover deserved that armor, damn you! She would have died without it!” Richard yelled at Argonius.

        “That shitty wizard died with it! Her mortality led to her dying of old age and being buried with that armor.” Argonius lilted a bit, and everyone audibly growled at what he insinuated. “So, a lot of good it did her then, hm? If she’d joined the other side, she’d still be here today. The Moon Lord is about stasis even in a state of rot. Zombies are a beautiful thing, aren’t they? Rotted as they are, they still live, in a way.”

        “You sick bastard.” Celestia yelled. “They should be left to their eternal slumber! Left to lay in their eternal peace!”

        “You mean like the current state you think your precious Equestria is?!” Argonius shouted back. “Your little ‘utopia’ is worse than you think, you horrible cu-!”

        “Finish that word and it’s your life.” Richard deadpanned as he placed the edge of Meowmere to Argonius’ throat.

        “Ironically, you’re a little late on that.” Argonius chuckled darkly, only to be silenced by Richard shoving Meowmere into his throat…

        Or it would seem like that, because as Richard plunged his legendary blade into Argonius’ armor, he was only met with more laughter.

        “I see you don’t get it yet. I died years ago!” Argonius shouted with a cackle as he vanished, and with a snap the Destroyer and Eater were roaring and back on the charge, making everyone dodge as they dove at them.

        “Possessed armor?! How were you able to perform such dark magic?” Celestia cried as she deflected the laser of one of Destroyer’s nodes. “Where is the cult that brought you ba-”

        “SILENCE, WHORE!” Argonious shouted angrily, the Destroyer lunging at Celestia in response to Argonious’ anger.

        “Hey! Your fight is with me, Argonius! Leave Celestia alone!” Richard shouted.

        “As if I’d leave your little breeding slave alone.” Argonius snarked. “She deserves to die, as does her sister, and the bastard of a king!”

        “W-what the fuck?! We’re not even the same species!” Richard blushed vividly as he felt the air move, and managed to parry an invisible strike from Argonius, but his responding swipe and following Nyan cat struck nothing to his frustration.

        “Transformation magic!” Luna quipped hurriedly as she dodged the Eater and bucked it hard enough to dislodge the segment she kicked, and the Eater quickly dove back down to regroup and strike again.

        “Oh no, we’re NOT talking about this NOW of all times!” Richard shouted in embarrassment as he seethed and tried to figure out where Argonius was. “C’mon Richard, you’ve fought invisible enemies before….”

        “But you’ve always had a hard time sensing them.” Argonius mocked. Richard took a swing in the direction his voice came from, just missing, but nailing home enough to break off the tailpiece of the Vortex armor, causing Argonius to forcibly de-cloak. “YOU INSOLENT LITTLE MAGGOT!”

        “Says the guy who forgets that he’s wearing RANGED armor!” Richard said, shrinking Meowmere and putting it in his pocket before charging Argonius and pushing him just over the edge of the obsidian island and into the lava before diving in after him.

        “YOU FOOL!” Argonius shouted. “You must have a deathwish! I’m immune to the lava!”

        “But whatever’s keeping you in that armor isn’t!” Richard shouted, taking out Meowmere again and extending the blade out directly into the middle of the armor that Argonius’ spirit was inhabiting, allowing lava to seep into the Vortex armor.

        “DAMN YOU!” Argonious shouted, his voice now softer than before, a sign his spirit was no longer connected to the armor. “I’LL BE BACK! BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU?!” The Vortex armor shut off immediately afterwards, becoming nothing but a lifeless suit of armor once more, floating on the thick molten surface.

        Back on the surface of the obsidian island, without their ‘master’ to guide them, the Eater and Destroyer were going crazy, attacking Celestia, Luna, and Dirkine in random patterns, but the Destroyer managed to maintain some level of tactics in comparison to it’s fleshy sibling. There was that, and it’s attacks were more rapid and dangerous, considering it could dive into the lava and jump back out, all while superheated.

        “What happened down there?!” Dirkine yelled.

“Richard must have disabled Argonius!” Luna screamed. “But he’s still in the lava! He must have sank several meters!”

“He’s been in there for five seconds! How could he have disabled Argonius in FIVE SECONDS?!” Dirkine yelled.

“The better question is how is he going to get out of that!” Celestia screamed as she dodged one of the Destroyer’s dives for her, several drones deploying and attempting to fry her with lasers as she shot it with her magic. “He has the lava waders on. But those will only last him SEVEN seconds! TAKE CARE OF THE WORMS, I’M GOING IN!” Celestia then erected a barrier around her and dove into the lava around where Richard had jumped in with Argonius.

“Your sister is as crazy as ever, Night Mother!” Dirkine yelled at Luna.

“You are not one of my thestrals! Do not call me that!” Luna yelled back at Dirkine as she summoned a large broadsword with a crescent shaped guard and taking a swipe at the Eater. “And you do not dare focus on my sister while there is a battle in front of you! Get your head out of your- WATCH OUT!” Luna screamed, throwing her blade at Dirkine, missing him and nailing one of the Destroyer’s drones that had decided to target him.

“Thank you, Luna! Mind if I use it?” Dirkine asked, taking the sword out of the broken drone as he dove to avoid a laser shot from one of the other drones. “Where is your sister?! It has been WELL over the time where Richard would have perished! Where is-”

“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK ILL OF HIM!” Luna yelled, dodging a lunge from the Eater and directing her momentum into a kick to Dirkine’s jaw, an audible crack resounding from the impact. “He has save your kind and mine multiple times, all before you were even born! Now focus on the battle or the next visit I take to my moon shall be to say hello to YOU!”

“Very well, Princess.” ‘Didn’t know the legendary Terrarian was into herds… Note to self, send daughter over.’

        ‘Where is he?!’ Celestia thought to herself as she floated through the lava. ‘The seven seconds are up! I should have seen something by now!’ Her dive took her even deeper into the lava, to the point where she was nearing the bottom of the caldera of the volcano, and was able to make out small tubes where the lava fed into the volcano through the magic barrier that was keeping the lava off of her. [And to be meta as fuck, why did it allow her to see through a solid? Fuck if I know, it’s magic. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a story to read, and ‘eggnog’ to finish drinking.] ‘Scorched armor, that fire resistant black cloth turning into a crisp, ANYTHING!’

        As if to answer her question, a small flash of light emitted from one of the tubes leading into the caldera.

        ‘THERE! It has to be him!’ Celestia screamed in her head as she forced herself and her magical bubble through the lava and into the tube. As she emerged into the pocket of lava that fed into the tube, she noticed the flash go off again above her. She forced herself up through the lava to what appeared the ‘surface’ of a small air pocket in the lava pocket, only to be met with a happy sight. “Richard! You’re alive!” She screamed with joy.

        “Yeah, what did you expect? A charred corpse?” Richard joked darkly. “Don’t answer that. Just be happy I got in here. Turns out, Discord’s being a little prick and watching all of this. He noticed I was in danger, and gave me that.” Richard pointed to a red orbed staff that was lying on the ground. “Yeah, that’s a Rod of Discord, ha ha. So yeah, he teleported in, gave me that, got singed a bit, and teleported away right after I took out Argonius. In the next two seconds, I blindly teleported into this pocket, hurting myself all the while, and then QUICKLY dug out this tiny pocket with Meowmere and this random ass copper shovel I found in the armor. Honestly, I’m just amazed I got in here. I personally thank the bullshit magic that is being the Terrarian. Still don’t understand all of it myself.”

        “... So, among things, where’s the shovel, and where’s the armor?” Celestia questioned.

        “The shovel burned the second I dropped it in the lava, and the armor is over in the corner over there.” Richard explained. “Now, I have a question for you, how are we getting out of here, and are the Destroyer and Eater dead?”

        “I was thinking the same way I came in, and no. They’re not dead.”

        “FUCK!”

        “WHERE ARE YOU SISTER?!” Luna shrieked as she attempted to dodge another lunge from the Destroyer, only to have her wing clipped. The Eater followed up on it’s ‘brother’s’ attack and slammed into Luna, sending her tumbling into the obsidian platform below.

        “Are you alright, Luna?” Dirkine asked in concern as he evaded another shot from a Destroyer probe. “It would be a shame if a lowly worm were to take out the mighty Lunar Princess.”

        “Ha ha. You are not as amusing as you think, Dirkine.” Luna snidely remarked. “Focus on the battle so you do not die yourself.” Luna chided, but she then noticed something new. “Where has the machine gone?”

        “I do not know, last I saw it had been diving towards me.” Dirkine responded as he whipped his serpentine head about, trying to spot it, and only seeing the writhing Eater along the caldera’s rim. “It would have dove into the lava at the angle it was in. Why would it not surface?”

        “It is made of some kind of metal, Dirkine. Based on how it’s been showing very little damage, and all we’ve been doing is hitting it, I’d say tungsten.” Luna suggested, slipping into a more intellectual rather than combative tone.

        “While I do appreciate the guess, now is not the time to slip into your forge mistress mentality!” Dirkine yelled as the Eater dared to jumped at them from the caldera’s rim.

        Just as the Eater neared the two, the Destroyer burst out of the lava, crashing into the middle of the Eater and cleaving it in two, sending half of it flying back towards the rim of the caldera while the other was sent flying towards Dirkine and Luna, only for a blast of red-tinted-rainbow magic to burst out of the lava and incinerate the worm. Following the blast came Richard riding Celestia inside of a bubble of magic. Celestia’s horn was glowing brightly, and Richard’s sword was radiating a rainbow aura.

        “THAT’S why we combine attacks, dear.” Celestia said nonchalantly as she landed on the obsidian island and Richard dismounted her.

        “Shush. We need to figure out how to kill these fuckers.” Richard said angrily. “Argonius was their puppet master, and with them dead they’re-”

        “Automated puppets running rampant?” Luna finished. “Yeah, we know. They’ve been running around crazily since you jumped in the lava. Speaking of that, how did you even survive?”

        “Discord popped in. Gave me this thing.” Richard said, holding up the staff that Discord had given him. “It’s called the Rod of Discord and it allows me to teleport short distances.”

        “Hold up, if the Lord of Chaos gave you that, how did he know how to find you?” Dirkine questioned.

        “That’s an excellent question, dear King of Dragons.” Came a very whimsical voice from out of seemingly nowhere. “An excellent question that only I, Discord, could answer.” And as how Discord was, so he appeared.

        “You cheeky dick. You BETTER be here to help.” Richard threatened. “Otherwise, I’m killing you instead of the worms. Got that?”

        “Oh, trust me, I’m just here to help.” Discord said, snapping his fingers just as both worms attempted to dive at him. They both teleported into the air and became stock straight. “Now now, you two. Don’t you know how to die with dignity?” Discord snapped his fingers again, creating an obsidian block around the worms. “There, that’s much better. So, while they’re in the death room, how about I get you and your loot out of here.” And with another snap of his fingers, Discord teleported himself and everybody on the obsidian island, as well as the island itself, out of the caldera and back to the area directly outside of Richard’s huge house. Two loot bags popped into existence in front of them a few seconds later.

        “... COULDN’T YOU HAVE DONE THAT EARLIER?!” Richard yelled at Discord as he jumped onto the draconequus and began strangling him. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

        “I’M THE LORD OF CHAOS!” Discord struggled to scream out. “EVERYTHING IS -ECH- WRONG WITH ME!”

        As Richard continued to strangle Discord, Twilight and one of her friends came out of his house and began to greet them. “Welcome back everypo- WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY DISCORD?!” Came a very petite voice that turned into a fierce shriek, just as a yellow blur tackled Richard to the ground. “NOPONY HURTS MY DISCORD!”

The Hero Emerges!

        Twilight’s fight with Tirek was going nowhere.

        Tirek’s strength and spells countered, if not matched her own. And while she held a great agility advantage, what with her wings, his stamina countered it out greatly. If only there was a way to stop this madness!

        “It seems we are at an impasse.” Tirek declared as he glared down at Twilight, who in turn glared back at him. “How ‘bout a trade, Princess Twilight.” Tirek snapped his fingers, causing multiple flashes of light that signalled teleportation. What now appeared in front of Twilight was all of her friends in bubbles. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Spike, and even Discord floated above and around Tirek in bubbles. “Their release, for all the alicorn magic in Equestria.”

        Twilight gasped in shock. All of her friends started to object, except for Discord, who was hunched over with a look of resignation and despair floated solemnly.

        “What’s it going to be, Princess?” Tirek asked. Immediately after, Twilight’s friends all started conversing, all while still saying ‘Don’t do it, Twi!’ to their friend. “Enough!” Shouted Tirek with a stomp of his front hooves. “I want an answer, and I want it now!”

        Twilight looked on at all of her friends for a moment longer before saying, “I will give you my magic. In exchange for my friends.”

        “As you wish.” Tirek mocked as he snapped his fingers, releasing all but Discord from their bubbly prisons.

        “All of my friends.” Twilight demanded, glaring at Tirek.

        “After the way he has betrayed you, you still call him a friend?” Tirek questioned.

        “Release him!” Twilight demanded once more.

        “If that’s what you want.” Tirek said with venom in his voice as he snapped his fingers once more, releasing the draconequus from his prison.

        “Thank you, Twilight.” Discord said, then turned to look at his friend Fluttershy. “I’m sorry.”

        “I know…” Fluttershy responded.

        “Your turn.” Tirek declared with a dark glee as he ripped the alicorn magic from Twilight’s body. His body began reacting afterwards, growing huge in size and power. When his transformation was complete, he wandered off to wreak havoc on his new ‘playground’.

        “Twilight! What were you thinking?” Spike yelled as he ran up to Twilight and gave her a small hug.

        “Tirek tricked me into believing that he could offer me something more valuable than friendship.” The well voiced draconequus stated as he began to explain himself. “But there is nothing worth more. I see that now. He lied when he said that this medallion was given as a sign of gratitude and loyalty. But when I say that it is a sign of our true friendship, I am telling the truth.” Discord then took the gold medallion that Tirek had given him off of his neck, only to drape it over Twilight’s own. The medallion shimmered a rainbow colored light for a second.

        “Ya think that might be the last one we need?” Applejack spoke up.

        “We have to get to the chest.” Twilight stated. She then ran off in the direction of the Tree of Harmony, her friends in tow.

        When the group got to the chest, they all huddled around the mystery box presented to them by the Tree of Harmony that currently had five keys in it. Twilight took off the medallion and placed it close to the mystery box, only for some unseen force to take it out of her hoof and turn it into a key before placing it in its proper keyhole. Outside, Tirek stormed about, destroying all that he wished.

        “Together! I think we all have to do this, together.” Twilight said.

        The group walked up to the box, all putting hooves on their separate keys and turning them as one. With a jolt and a flash of rainbow light, the box popped open to reveal…

        A charm. A charm in the shape of a strange sword.

        “What in tarnation?” Applejack said. “What are we supposed to do with this little thing?”

        “I’m with Applejack on this one.” Rainbow Dash stated, voicing her unhappiness. “I mean, what is this supposed to do? Annoy Tirek into giving back all of the magic while we relentlessly poke him in the ankles?”

        “I don’t know, deary.” Rarity said with a sort of disgusted curiosity. “Maybe it’s supposed to be a sign of something. Like, maybe we should craft a fabulous sword… or something.”

        “Um, girls?” Fluttershy said, timidly.

        “Oh! I know!” Pinkie Pie blurted out. “Maybe Dashie’s right! Maybe we need to poke Tirek in his meanie mean pants a lot until he gives up! Then we can teach him about friendship, and cupcakes, and parties. Oh! I love parties!” Pinkie Pie continued on like this for a while.

        Eventually Twilight snapped. “Enough!” She screamed. “I don’t know what this thing is supposed to be, I don’t know why it’s in the box, and I could care less right now! Right now we need to figure out how to beat Tirek, and if the box won’t help us, we’ll need to do it on our own!”

        “But Twilight! Look!” Fluttershy said as she pointed to the Tree of Harmony, causing the group to look.

        The Tree of Harmony was glowing brightly in different colors on each branch. Those colors bled down to the center of the tree where they converged on the Element of Magic. The colors swirled around the gem, then bled down further to where Celestia and Luna’s cutie marks were chiseled into the tree made of crystal. The area around the cutie marks lit up, and obvious outline appearing around them. All of a sudden, the the Tree of Harmony flashed an intense light. When it faded, the Tree had stopped glowing different colors and a new slot appeared on the Tree, right in between Celestia and Luna’s carved in marks. The shape seemed oddly familiar to the six ponies, dragon, and draconequus that stood in the cave containing the Tree of Harmony.

        “I think it wants us to put the little thing in that there slot.” Applejack said.

        “Well, it’s not like we have any other options.” Twilight said with a sigh. She levitated the charm out of the box and placed it into the sword shaped slot on the Tree.

        There was another flash of light as the slot accepted the strange sword charm into it. Right afterwards, bits of crystal started to protrude from the tree around the charm, forming into digits of some sort. They extended outwards, with more crystal emerging, the palm of what appeared to be a hand pushing the sword out of it’s slot and the digits curling around and gripping it tightly as it continued to protrude out. More crystal pushed out from the Tree of Harmony, now forming an arm… part of a torso… another arm and hand… legs and strange feet… a strange, monkey-like head. At last, a being of crystal stood before them. It stood still for a moment longer as more crystal emerged from the tree, wrapping around the creature’s and forming what appeared to be simple clothing.

        “Um, hello? A-are you-” Twilight tried to say as another flash of light occurred, this time centered around the being.

When the light settled, no longer stood a crystalline being made from the same gem as the Tree of Harmony. No, now stood a fleshy, light skinned being with dark brown hair and equally dark brown eyes. The being was not the only thing to have changed, however. The charm it once held had changed into a massive sword that might have reached up to the being’s broad shoulders from tip to pommel.

“H-hello?” Twilight said timidly to the fleshy creature before her. She was experiencing true fear now, not like the fear of screwing up earlier, or of Tirek. Now she felt true fear, xenophobia, the fear of the unknown. This being could be friend or foe, and it was armed. The look in its eyes betrayed no emotion, save anger as it glared forward….

At Discord.

“You.” Came a deep voice from the being. “You solidified my body in crystallized mana, you psychopathic freak of nature!” The being strode up to Discord, raising the sword in its arm in preparation to strike.

“Don’t hurt him!” Fluttershy yelled at the creature and ran to get in the way, only stopping when she was directly in between the creature and Discord. “I don’t care what he did to you in the past, he’s a different person now!”

“Move aside, pony. I know you mean well, but he’s had this a long time coming.” The creature said menacingly, not lowering the sword. “I will not stand aside as he walks this planet without getting the punishment he deserves.”

“No! I said I-” Fluttershy started to say, only to get silenced by a paw from Discord.

“It’s alright, Fluttershy. He’s right, I have this coming to me.” Discord said in acceptance as he moved Fluttershy to the side. “Do with me what you will, but please, do not harm my friends.” Discord closed his eyes and held his arms out wide, preparing himself for whatever abuse this being had in mind for him.

But it never came. Instead, Discord opened an eye to see the tip of the strange sword in his face, but not moving.

“I-I don’t under-”

“Don’t. You don’t need to understand.” The being said. “I know what you did to me, and I know how you were. You were correct pony, he is different. He even remembered me after all these years and accepted what’s coming to him. It looks like someone already gave it to you, however. And if my guess is any bit right, my hunch is that my release from the crystal tree that grew from my ‘tomb’ involves whoever did it. Tell me, who did this?”

“T-t-tirek.” Came the meek reply from Fluttershy.

“Yeah! He’s a real meanie pants!” Said Pinkie Pie.

“Pinkie! How are you not scared?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well, remember my little Giggle at the Ghosties thing?”

“Yeah? What’s that got to do with this?” Rainbow Dash asked in reply.

“Absolutely nothing!” Pinkie Pie said as her happy ‘mask’ broke down. “I’m absolutely terrified right now. I even peed myself.” Everyone in the immediate area of her backed away slightly.

“Ew.” Came the being’s voice. “In any case, thank you for telling me who deserves Discord’s punishment, instead, and I can see where they are. Tirek, you cheeky bastard, while I may not be at full strength right now, I know I can take you. Thank you ponies, drake, and Discord. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a centaur to kill. I suggest you stay here unless you want to be caught in the blows.”

“W-wait!” Came a yell from Twilight. But it was too late, the being had run off into the forest to go fight Tirek. She attempted to give chase, but was stopped by Discord. “Let me go! I have more things to ask it and I can’t risk it getting killed! I just met it!”

“Him, Twilight. He doesn’t like being called an ‘it’.” Discord deadpanned. “I don’t think you realize who he is. Trust me, his suggestion is more of an order. When he starts fighting with Tirek, it’s going to be just like your little duel with him, just more… deadly. Just listen to me when I say he’ll come out alive.”

“I hope you’re right…” Twilight said solemnly.

Kill it with Rainbows!

        The strange being that had emerged moments ago from the Tree of Harmony walked casually through the Everfree Forest towards his destination and his target, Tirek. As he calmly strolled through the woods, he was able to get a good look around, and a good feel for his once again mobile body.

        “It has been so long. Everything has changed.” Said the being as he continued his path towards Tirek through a more swampy area of the Everfree. “The forest is more wild now. The flora has become more vicious. The fauna has become more dangerous.” As if on cue, a cragodile appeared from the muddy pond and lashed out at the being. Without even blinking, the being slashed the cragodile’s face with his sword, causing a large gash that split open its maw and left a cut that reached from its mouth to its eye. The cragodile fell back into the water, motionless. “They are even sneakier than I remember, too. Stupid beast.”

        The being walked on, away from the dead cragodile for a few more steps before he heard something splash into the water directly behind him.

        “Hm?” He turned back to the pool, and blinked in shock at the sight of something he both treasured and despised. “Oh...hello there… Did you come out with me?”

        The area that Tirek had been rampaging in was a now burnt landscape littered with uprooted and burning trees. To any other creature in the area, this would have been an obvious sign to stay away, but not to the creature that wielded the strange sword with a cat-shaped crossguard. He walked into the field with no fear, only walking around calmly with his sword drawn.

        “Tirek!” The being yelled. “Tirek! Come and face me!”

        “Ah, the old hero. Tell me, Terrarian, what happened to you after all these years?” Tirek asked mockingly as he approached the comparatively pathetically sized ‘Terrarian’. “Last I heard, you had disappeared after a chance meeting with Discord. Now here you are, up and living once again, but where is your armor? Where are your tools? You seem to have misplaced them in your ‘return’. Yet here you are, calling out to face me, a being who now dwarfs whatever power you had with all of those silly toys. Do you finally wish to truly die, Terrarian?”

        “No, I wish to get what is mine, and to return something to you, Tirek.” The Terrarian declared. “I have come to kill you, Tirek, like I should have done years ago when you first attempted to take over Equestria.”

        “As if, Terrarian. I am more powerful now than I ever was.” Tirek boasted. “You have no hope of killing me. Even if you somehow did, I know you. You would never kill me because of them. They asked you to swear an oath that you would not kill a single living being. Our last encounter ended as such because of that oath.”

        “Do not test my patience Tirek, and do not mistake my patience with following a long old oath that has not been renewed.” The Terrarian warned coldly. “I shall not show mercy today. You forget that other oath I swore. I remember it perfectly. I swore on my honor, on my life, on my blood, that I would kill you if you dared to show your face in Equestria again with the goal of taking over. I swore to them that I would break their oath if you came, now I shall honor my word. Tirek, prepare to die.”

        “Ha! You must be joking. I have obtained what I could not last time.” Tirek declared. “The alicorn magic, and all of the other magic in Equestria is mine. What could you possibly have now that could defeat me?”

        “I have a sword!” The Terrarian yelled as he charged Tirek. He slashed at Tirek with reckless abandon, doing next to nothing against his gigantic foe, the wounds healing up almost instantly.

        “You fool!” Tirek laughed as he looked down at the Terrarian’s futile attempts to harm him. He kicked the Terrarian away, sending him several yards away only to land with a thump on the hard ground. “Your puny sword cannot harm me when I have this much power. I am invincible now!”

        “Yeah? Well let’s see how your ‘invincibility’ stands up to this blade’s true strength!” The Terrarian said as he poured energy into the blade. ‘Please work.’ The Terrarian raised his sword and brought it down in one fluid motion, letting go a projectile of rainbow colored energy that took the form of a common overdone internet meme.

        The obscenely adorable abomination conjured of LSD, cats and pop-tarts flew at the gobsmacked centaur, cutely screaming- “NYAAAAAAN~!” -In potentially the most absolutely cute voice ever, before plunging paws-first right through the stunned centaur’s chest, cleanly piercing through him like the lightning spear of Zeus, and Tirek was standing for several seconds before he held his hands to his chest and coughed up blood in wide-eyed horror and incomprehension. “W-what was that?” Tirek questioned as the wound shined brightly and began to stitch together. “That magic, I must have it!”

        “Pffft. Magic? I call it energy, mana… No wait. That exact thing? I call it Nyan Cat.” The Terrarian mocked.

        “Whatever you call that impossibly precious creature, I will have it!” Tirek declared.

        “As if, you giant cow morph!” The Terrarian mocked.

        “I AM A CENTAUR YOU PEON! MOTHER WAS JUST HUSKY!” Tirek screamed angrily before snorting and rearing back, stomping the earth and sending a tide of stone spikes rising from the earth at the Terrarian. He jumped over the spikes, landing amongst them and charging forward even as they erupted beneath him, using the explosive force to leap into the air at Tirek, who backhanded him out of the air and causing him to dig a trench with his body across the field between Ponyville and Everfree. “Learn the difference between a morph and a genuine species, it’s insulting.”

        “I will when you finally can tell what you are, you monkey-horse freak!” The Terrarian yelled at Tirek as he climbed out of the trench. “The rest of your kind accepted the ponies! Yet here you are, even after your original defeat! How dare you attack Equestria again?!”

        “How? Because they didn’t even have the decency to kill me upon my defeat! They instead threw me into an eternal prison where time means nothing, and so not even age is an escape! There is Kindness, and then there is cruelty masked with Kindness! If these ponies were not such hypocrites, I would not have bothered trying this again because I would have passed on as I should have!” Tirek fumed. “They brought this on themselves, the fools. They should have finished me off when you left me bleeding into the dirt, but no! The little asses healed me, and then threw me into Tartarus to suffer forever!”

        “It was punishment, Tirek!” The Terrarian shouted. “They were trying to teach you a lesson-”

        “FOR MILLENNIA?!” Tirek roared before firing a massive orange energy beam from an orb summoned between his towering horns, the beam of destruction digging up the earth even more as it trailed the running Terrarian. “If they’d let me out several years after, I’d have definitely been changed, I would have accepted I was wrong, but as time wore on, I grew bitter! Even more infuriated! I won’t stop now until every pony’s magic is mine, and this land crumbles upon it’s weak foundation!” His beam finally found it’s mark, impacting the Terrarian, sending him into a new trench and digging him deeper by focusing the beam for a few moments longer before ending the attack. Tirek snorted and turned around to continue his rampage.

        “And then what?!” The Terrarian’s voice called from the trench. Tirek turned back around to see a battered Terrarian in now utterly destroyed clothing save the part covering his pelvis climbing out of the hole he had put him in. “Destruction leads nowhere, Tirek. All it does is call upon an end! I am yours!” The Terrarian raised his sword and charged at Tirek once again, slashing and sending several more cat-shaped rainbow projectiles at Tirek as he ran.

        Tirek boredly watched the adorable attacks approach before smacking them aside on their flat pastry bodies, making the cats yowl in despair at their flight being disrupted. “Powerful you may be, but if even Discord could put you down, then me as I am now is more than you can fathom. He wouldn’t shut up about that either, how he fooled you by sealing you into the Last Prism.” Tirek mocked as he levitated dozens of boulders out of the ground and idly began launching them at his opponent who deftly dodged them and tried to approach again.

        “You forget Tirek! I’m back now! And my true power has not waned at all!” The Terrarian shouted before holding out a hand, and a pyramid-shaped crystal prism floated out of his open palm.

        “How?!” Tirek screeched in surprise and fright. “How did you get that back?!”

        “Not a clue, big guy!” The Terrarian yelled at the scared centaur. “Guess it just wanted out with me. I can tell you this, though, I’m gonna use it!” The Terrarian started pouring energy into the prism floating in front of his palm. “Now, face the wrath of the Last Prism!”

Beams of light of all the rainbow fired out of the prism in a perfect circle, growing stronger and spinning together, trapping Tirek in the center as he stomped his hooves and put several tons of stone between them, as if that’d help. The beams then rapidly spiraled inward, eating away at the stone faster than would normally even be thought possible before they all converged into a focused rainbow beam that pierced through the remaining stone and the Terrarian heard Tirek roar in mortal agony moments before the special legendary weapon’s attack ended.

        “That should do it.” The Terrarian commented, observing the scene in front of him that was covered in dust. As the dust settled, he was able to see the damage he had done.

        Before him laid Tirek, broken. A large hole marked the center of his chest, burn marks all around it, sadly though, his head was still mostly intact, and the eye that wasn’t seared shut was crying, and when it opened, The Terrarian was shocked to realize he was STILL alive. “E-end it...this time...please…. Have mercy....”

        “You don’t deserve my mercy, Tirek. Not now, not in a million years.” The Terrarian said with venom. “But you also don’t deserve to live, especially like this.”

        “I’d eventually recover, but that isn’t the point...I’m tired, Terrarian. I don’t want more of the pony’s ‘mercy’.” Tirek cried, tears openly streaming down his only open eye. “I want true mercy. My brother is long gone, I...I want to apologize, but I can’t on this side, but I can’t let go either. If you let me live, I will still try to destroy everything. Please, Terrarian… End it.”

        “As a last request, I shall honor your wishes.” The Terrarian said. “Goodbye, Tirek. May we meet again in another life on better terms.”

The Terrarian raised his sword, charged it with energy, and brought it down and into Tirek’s head. The projectile that came out into Tirek’s skull detonated in a rainbow colored explosion, sending blood and chunks of his skull everywhere, and releasing the magic that was trapped within Tirek. The magic flowed out openly from Tirek’s corpse in different directions, seeking out their owners wherever they might be.

“It is done.” The Terrarian said before falling backwards onto his behind before pulling out a large bottle of red liquid that had three rings on it and downing the contents. “Once again, I save the day. Oh how I missed moments like this. I just wish you could have seen the light, Tirek…” With that, the Terrarian flopped over onto his back, and promptly fell asleep.