Author's Note
Written in about an hour, so I'd be grateful for any comments regarding stray punctuation, missing words, and the like. The idea popped into my head this morning and I got the basic story down quickly, and then did some editing until I was satisfied with the result (wrote this as an exercise in trying to get back into the swing of things, as well as shaking off some of the dust that has collected on my brain since I last wrote something for this site).
Home
Discord sat in the tall tree overlooking Fluttershy's cottage, ignoring the painful splinters jabbing into his back from where the bark was tearing; he could, of course, choose not to feel the discomfort if he so wished, but right now he wanted – no, needed – the reminder. Most of the birds who made these branches their home were slumbering and he was careful not to startle them into wakefulness with any sudden moves or loud noises.
Oh, who did he think he was kidding? He didn't want to alert Fluttershy to his presence. It was … too soon. He looked up at the brilliant canopy of stars above him just in time to catch the first drops of rain on his face. Discord closed his eyes, wishing that the droplets could wash away the mental dirt as easily as the physical grime clinging to his coat.
Plumes of white smoke billowed into the night sky from the cottage's chimney; the draconequus pictured Fluttershy fooling around in front of the fireplace with that annoying bunny of hers, catering to his every frivolous whim rather than roasting him up as a chunky rabbit stew like he so richly deserved. Discord clutched his stomach as the loud rumbling of his innards reminded him of the fact that he hadn't eaten in quite some time.
Another reminder of how he'd been domesticated by the ponies.
Millennia ago, he had been an all-powerful god with no use for trivialities like pain, hunger and … other things. Things that the lowly beings he'd found himself affiliated with treasured, such as love, respect and compassion. Ugh.
“You should go and talk to her,” said Twilight Sparkle, the only sound breaking the stillness was the soft swishing of her wings as she hovered nearby. “She'd probably appreciate your company more than anypony else's at the moment.”
“Maybe,” replied Discord, trying not to show just how startled he was by the alicorn princess' sudden arrival. Either she'd mastered the art of silent teleportation, or he'd been even more lost in his thoughts than he'd imagined. “I'm not so sure, though. It's all-” his talon wavered in the air for a moment as he searched for the right words in the stars of Luna's night “-terribly complicated.”
“You can't avoid her forever. She's going to need all of us if she's to recover from … from what happened.” Twilight landed on a branch opposite Discord, tucking her wings by her side. “I dare say that you could use some therapy yourself. Celestia knows, we all do.”
“What makes you think that I'm the slightest bit bothered by what happened?” Even a couple of years ago, he might've been able to pull off the Draconequus of Mystery act, but Twilight Sparkle knew him much too well now to be fooled by the casual disdain his words evinced.
The Princess of Friendship raised her left hoof in the air, then used her right hoof to pretend that she was ticking things off of an imaginary checklist. “You sit here night after night watching her house. You refuse to speak to anypony about what went on. You don't eat. You don't, you know, cause chaos. When was the last time you did something just for the fun of it?”
It had been a while, Discord had to admit that. Probably not since before Fluttershy had been returned to them. “Have you spoken to her about … you know?” Discord asked, finding it difficult to go into specifics.
“Yes, a little,” Twilight said softly, her breath forming a vapour in the chilly air, sounding unhappy. “She was reluctant to divulge too many details, but she swears that they didn't harm her. At least, not physically. I'm inclined to believe her on that, though whatever else they did is clearly taking its toll on her emotions.”
“So. We should leave her be is what you're saying?” asked Discord, disgusted by the note of hope creeping into his voice. “Give her time to work things out on her own?”
“No, I'm saying exactly the opposite is what we – you – should be doing.” Twilight realised that her voice was becoming strained and she fought for calm, employing Princess Cadance's breathing technique to quieten her raging emotions. “After almost a year of isolation, she needs to be resocialised with ponies. Gradually, yes, but I do think that you're the best candidate for the job because of … because of your relationship with Fluttershy.”
“It's exactly because of my relationship-” Discord made sarcastic-looking air quotes at that “-with her that I can't go in there. How can I face her after what happened? After what I did?”
“All of us were fooled. All of us feel … violated.” Twilight realised as soon as she'd said the word that it was in poor taste and she desperately wished that there was a convenient spell to erase the last few moments of time. “I'm sorry, that was ...”
“No, you're right as always, Princess.” Discord laughed a low, harsh bray, unable to find it in himself to be angry with Twilight. Her phrasing had been inelegant, but it was oh, so accurate. “The Changelings screwed us – me – over quite royally, didn't they? None of us noticed, not me, not you, not her fillyhood friend Rainbow Dash, that we'd been hanging around with an impostor for nearly a whole year!”
“There was no way to know,” Twilight replied protestingly, though the guilt gnawed at her stomach. It did for all of them. Pinkie Pie had taken it especially harshly, as she prided herself on knowing everything about everypony and being so attuned to their anima that she was usually the first to spot when there was a problem with them. “Changelings are near-impossible to detect, even to the most powerful of mages. They had her plugged into their Hive Mind so they knew everything that she did. Everything about us. We're just lucky that the connection slipped when it did or … or we'd never have gotten our friend back.” She did not want to think about the particulars of what being in the Changeling Hive Mind for a year might've done to Fluttershy's sanity.
She didn't want to think about what a year in their custody might've done to her soul.
“I should have known.” Discord's voice was barely above a whisper. Racked with bitter condemnation at himself for not being able to tell the difference between his best friend and a damned bug.
“How?” asked Twilight quietly. “How are you any different to the rest of us? We were with her – it – practically every day.”
“Were any of you sleeping with her?” asked Discord bluntly.
“Well, no.” Despite her foreknowledge that this subject was going to come up eventually, Twilight reddened slightly at the draconequus' naked candour. The physical aspect of Discord and Fluttershy's relationship had been a relatively recent occurrence, and now he was faced with the probability that it was all just an illusion to further an enemy's aims. The Changelings, it seemed, had been after Discord's love for some time as it was rumoured to be an even more potent food-source than that of the royal family. Through Fluttershy, they had finally succeeded at their goal. “But ...” she trailed off, not really knowing what to say.
Silence reigned. Rain fell. Neither of them noticed.
“For a year, I was in bed most nights with that creature and I didn't know.” Unbidden tears began to roll down Discord's face. He had never cried before, not properly, only knowing what the trickle of salt water represented because he'd seen how they had affected Fluttershy so many times. “Tell me, Twilight, Princess of Friendship, how do I go in there and tell her that?”
“She'll understand,” replied Twilight. “It's a situation that nopony could've predicted happening. You have nothing to feel ashamed about.”
“And yet, I do,” said Discord quietly, his neck sagging. “Intellectually, I know that I'm supposed to be angry at the Changeling that masqueraded as her. Emotionally …” He chuckled without humour at the concept of having an emotional range beyond gleeful indulgence. “Emotionally, I hate myself. I feel like I've betrayed her somehow.”
“Excuse me?” A timid, yet somehow also authoritative voice, cut in to their conversation. “I'm terribly sorry to barge in on you like this, but some of my animals are trying to sleep. Would you mind keeping it down?”
“Sorry, Fluttershy,” said Twilight, as taken aback by the pegasus' sudden appearance as Discord had been earlier at hers. “Are you …?”
“I'm fine,” she said, too quickly.
A moment passed where Fluttershy and Discord just looked at each other until he finally mumbled something.
“What was that, Discord?” the pegasus asked sternly, putting on a tone of mock huffiness.
“I said, Sorry, Fluttershy,” he repeated, a bit louder this time.
“Twilight, it's very late,” Fluttershy said, turning to face her friend. “Perhaps you should go home and rest? We'll have a lot to talk about in the morning.” She gave the alicorn a meaningful look.
“Of course,” Twilight replied with a slight incline of her head. Normally, she would've embraced the pegasus before leaving, but she got the feeling that it was much too soon for that. In a burst of purple light, she was gone.
“You and I, on the other hoof,” said the pegasus, noticing that Discord was just about to make his own departure, “have a lot of talking to do right now. Now come inside.” While the words were issued in a commanding manner, the draconequus understood that she was making him an offer. One that he was perfectly free to refuse … if he wished. He looked at the eager foreleg she was extending toward him.
Discord took it in his talon, gripping it hard and savouring the warmth of her flesh. He was about to say something, but instead settled for merely smiling softly at the pegasus and following her inside the quiet cottage.
Wounds on the surface faded with time, often leaving scars in the process; wounds of the heart were slower to heal, and the scars ached for ages afterwards. The pain was made infinitely more bearable by having somepony to share it with.
“Would you like some tea, Discord?” Fluttershy asked politely, gesturing toward a hammock that appeared to have been fashioned from bits of discarded clouds. It was by no means perfect – the pegasus' control of weather magic had always been clumsy at best – but the draconequus offered her a thin smile, appreciating the effort involved. “I was just about to make some for myself. Twilight brought back a new variety of mint from Canterlot and I've been itching to try it.”
Discord didn't respond at first, so engrossed was he in testing the springiness of the cloud sling that she had created. When he caught her inquisitive look, he said, “You know that you don't have to go to any trouble for me.”
“I don't mind.” Fluttershy shot him a sweet smile, but the draconequus wasn't slow to spot the darkness lurking behind her eyes. Anypony who didn't know her would assume that all was well with her, but Discord wasn't just anypony.
She's trying. She really is, bless her.
As the pegasus disappeared into the kitchen to prepare the brew, Discord became aware of something small, fluffy and energetic dancing around his feet. Angel Bunny scampered to and fro, blissfully munching on a sugar-coated carrot that was one of his many vices. “You're only supposed to have those on special occasions,” said the draconequus doubtfully, but the rabbit just shot him a dirty look and bounded off happily.
Even you were fooled. How many years have you known each other? How much time have you spent alone together in this cottage … and you didn't know? It did little to assuage Discord's sour mood; nothing, he suspected, would. Fluttershy's closest companion – the one who had been with her since she'd first fallen from the sky and into Ponyville – had been ignorant to the fact that she had been replaced by a Changeling. Discord sat on the hammock and sighed loudly.
If you were taken in, what chance did I have? What chance did any of us have?
In addition to the deeply personal pain that they were all feeling, Discord knew that there was a more general anxiety pervading Fluttershy's closest friends: if someone they knew well could be replaced so easily, how many more replicas were there scattered throughout Equestria's borders?
“Tea'll be ready in just a few minutes,” said Fluttershy, poking her head into the living room to check that all was well. “I just put the kettle on.”
“I didn't even know that you could fit into it.”
Giggling echoed out from the kitchen; that tiny chuckle was enough to break Discord out of his funk, and he started laughing, too. It didn't seem to matter how bleak a situation was, the sound of Fluttershy's melodious voice always warmed his heart.
Of course, the Changeling had spoken with that same voice. Had laughed that same laugh. Had even vocalised plaintively under its breath just as Fluttershy would probably done so at the point of …
It had gotten everything else right, after all, why not that, too?
Discord's foreboding train of thought was only broken when his ears picked up the sound of a mug being placed on the wooden table in front of him. He looked up to see Fluttershy staring at him with a sympathetic expression etched onto her muzzle. “Thinking about it isn't going to help anypony, least of all you,” she said, her hoof wavering in the air for a moment, wondering whether or not it would be inappropriate to grasp the draconequus' shoulder.
Even though he fought for calm, it was clear that his body was wrought with tension; Fluttershy couldn't help thinking that he had the air about him of somepony who wanted, needed, to lash out at something, but he wasn't sure where to start. The pegasus sat down next to him, exhaling lightly as her haunches sank gratefully into the soft, spongy material of the cloud. “Talk to me.”
“I don't have anything to say,” Discord replied, disgusted when he found himself wanting to move away from Fluttershy. She had done nothing wrong, yet … looking at her, feeling that warmth that her body generated, he couldn't help but think of the Changeling and how perfectly it had copied every detail of the pegasus' form. Even down to the graceful curves of her flanks and the bright pink butterflies depicted there-in.
“You always have something to say,” Fluttershy said, putting an edge of challenge into her voice. Realising that she was straining, the pegasus strove for a sense of composure that she wasn't really feeling, taking several deep breaths until the weight lifted from her chest. “Keeping things bottled-up serves no purpose, Discord. We can talk about it now, or we can talk about it later, but we have to talk about it one day.”
“So that you can tell me I didn't do anything wrong?” Discord folded his arms, not quite able to look at Fluttershy.
“You didn't do anything wrong,” she said. “If anything, I'm the one who is at fault here.”
“What? How did you come to that conclusion?” asked the draconequus incredulously, his eyes narrowing in shock. How typically Fluttershy, trying to take all of the responsibility.
“If I wasn't your friend, the Changelings wouldn't have had any reason to kidnap me.” Fluttershy felt the weight return; looking around the cottage, normally so safe and secure, she couldn't help but think of it as something … alien. Something infected. The Changeling's vile influence had touched everything.
Even Discord.
“I betrayed you,” said the draconequus, his voice so low that it rivalled Fluttershy herself for quietude.
“You did not.”
“Fluttershy, don't you get it? I slept with that thing.”
“Only because you thought it was me.”
“Yes, but … wait, you knew?”
The pegasus didn't answer right away; instead, she took her now-lukewarm mug of tea in her hooves and took a small sip. Though it was tepid, it was refreshing and helped to clear the lump that was forming in her throat. Even the cool, spicy scent was invigorating. “I knew,” Fluttershy finally said with a confirming incline of her head, placing the cup back on the table.
“How?” Discord wasn't sure what he was feeling; anger, certainly, but something else, too. A grim curiosity, perhaps? He looked at Fluttershy, saw her gorgeous pink mane fall over her pretty beryl eyes. “How did you know?”
“When Twilight and the others found me, I was connected to their Hive Mind. They needed a copy of all of my memories and experiences in order to create a convincing duplicate, but in addition to that they also needed to know how I would react in certain situations, so they would occasionally feed me different scenarios and relay my responses so that the replica would behave appropriately.” Fluttershy trailed off, taking a deep breath, unable to meet Discord's suddenly intense gaze. “One of those scenarios-” the pegasus' muzzle reddened.
“Was us having a physical relationship.”
Fluttershy nodded dejectedly, unable to speak.
“Those misbegotten, shape-shifting hellions!”
“Discord!” Fluttershy felt her eyes go wide, never having heard the draconequus curse with such vitriol before.
“Oh, please,” he said, narrowing his eyebrows dangerously, “that's mild compared to what I should be saying. Compared to what I should be doing to them.” He stroked his chin thoughtfully as he contemplated a thousand different tortures he could visit upon the Changeling scum and their loathsome Queen.
“Look at me,” said Fluttershy.
“Don't bother trying to use the Stare on me either, you know that it doesn't work,” replied Discord smugly.
“I'm not staring. I mean, I'm staring, but I'm not Staring.”
Discord turned to look at Fluttershy; her blue eyes were shiny and wet with tears, and her bottom lip was trembling. It was a look that he was all-too-familiar with. “Promise me,” she said, her body quavering, “that you will not seek revenge on the Changelings for what they did.”
“I can't make that promise, Fluttershy,” replied Discord, unable to look away. He could feel his resolve wavering, but the anger surging within him was so raw. It needed release. It demanded expression. “This rage is so new … it's unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I want to hurt the Changelings so badly for what they did to us.”
“So do I,” said Fluttershy tacitly, her voice filled with shame at disclosing this weakness. “I also want to travel back in time and give the flight school bullies a piece of my mind, but … what would it accomplish to do so, Discord? We have to accept things as they are and do our best to move on with our lives.”
“I don't have to accept anything.”
Fluttershy made a noise in the back of her throat. “How do you feel about wolves?”
“Huh? What does that have to do anything?” Discord's face registered confusion.
“Or bears? Or sharks? Or … well, any animal, really? Do you hate them because they feed on the flesh of other animals?” asked the pegasus.
Discord thought for a moment. “Well, no … I suppose I don't. I've never really considered it before.”
“I don't hate them either. Even though it repulses me far more than I ever let on,” Fluttershy said, her eyes half-closed, her posture slumping. “However, I understand that it is part of their nature. Just as it is with the Changelings. They are forced to act in a certain manner because, like all animals, they have evolved to survive by feeding in the way that is most efficient to them. While we can be disgusted by their actions, we have to be … forgiving.”
“So. What you're saying,” Discord said slowly, “is that I should just compartmentalise all of this away? I should just accept that they kidnapped you, stole your memories, and took something important from me because, hey, they're just hungry animals in need of a decent meal?”
Fluttershy's ears flattened against the side of her head, wishing that this didn't have to be so difficult. “Yes.”
“They hurt you, Fluttershy.”
“I know.”
“They hurt your friends, too.”
“I know.”
“They hurt me.”
On impulse, the pegasus reached out to embrace the draconequus. “I know. And I'm sorry. But revenge will not make you feel better.”
“Will it ever stop hurting?” asked Discord, leaning into the nape of Fluttershy's neck and allowing her to stroke his scraggly hair. “I don't want to feel this way any more.”
“Eventually, it will pass,” said Fluttershy soothingly.
“Are we still friends?”
“Yes, of course. That'll never change.”
Discord twisted his neck until he was looking up at Fluttershy. Red met blue. “I give you my word that I will not harm the Changelings, now or ever.”
Even though she knew it had no effect on him, the pegasus gave Discord a half-Stare, anyway, just to make sure that she was getting her point across. “Discord, I meant what I said. I'm using Harm as a catch-all term for any act of chaos, whether it causes them permanent injury or not. No loopholes or tricks. Please?”
Immunity or not, the draconequus knew that there were very few beings in Equestria who would be capable of ignoring those large, pleading eyes. “Okay,” he said finally, banging his clenched fists together. “I will do as you ask, Fluttershy. Your friendship is far more important to me than getting revenge on the Changelings.”
“Thank you.”
“Fluttershy ...”
“Mm?”
“With you – the Changeling, rather – it was, um, my first time,” Discord said quietly, a mixture of embarrassment and distaste colouring his muzzle. He couldn't quite raise his eyes to meet Fluttershy's as he spoke, so acute was his discomfort.
“First ti... oh.” Fluttershy's cheeks flushed.
“Oh, there were always plenty of offers from the beings that I ruled over. They hoped that I would show them leniency if they were to enter into a sexual relationship with me, but I always spurned those advances. I never saw the point in intimacy before.” He smiled ruefully at her. “Chaos was always my first love.”
Fluttershy hesitated, unsure as to how to respond to this new information. She'd always taken the draconequus for one of the most experienced beings in Equestria. She saw now why these events had so wounded him. “I'm sorry.”
Discord blew out a sigh through clenched lips. “I just don't know how to cope, knowing that none of it was real.”
“Discord-” Fluttershy took the draconequus' talon and paw in her hooves “-the Changeling that impersonated me was meant to duplicate me down to the last detail. It had to be perfect so that neither you, nor Angel, nor any of my friends, would notice the difference.”
“It wasn't you.” Discord looked away, unable to cope with the stare. His heart felt heavy and he wanted to be on the other side of Equestria rather than suffer this a moment longer.
“No, it wasn't,” Fluttershy said, nodding in agreement, “but in a way, I was in there.”
“Are you …? What are you saying?” asked the draconequus, hope welling up in his eyes.
Fluttershy smiled kindly at him. “I'm saying-” she kissed him affectionately on the cheek, giggling lightly as he turned red “-small steps.”
Without even thinking about it, Discord pulled Fluttershy into a hug, entwining his arms, legs, and even his tail around her as salt water poured from his eyes.
