Chapter one: Twilight Discovers Search Engines
"I really want to thank you, Rarity." Twilight said as she watched the other unicorn's plot bounce around, her front half hidden under the desk.
"Oh, it's really no trouble, dear." Came the white pony's reply. "I had nothing to do today anyway, what with the shop being closed for repairs."
Twilight winced. "So how did the fire start in the first place?"
"Sweetie Belle and her friends. I know they meant well, trying to cook me breakfast in bed and all, but I wish they would remember their limitations and wait for supervision."
"What were they trying to cook for you?"
Rarity pulled her head out from under the desk, staring at her work with detached bemusement as she recalled the event. “Alfalfa flakes.”
Twilight was taken aback. “Alfalfa flakes? Isn't that a cold cereal? How in the name of Celestia do you set fire to...”
“DON'T get me started.” Rarity snapped, cutting off Twilight's inquiries. “Anyway. It's finished. It's just starting up now.”
“Thank you again, Rarity. It's something I've wanted to try but I've never had access before.”
It had been a month since the announcement that Ponyville would be getting internet access. Twilight had instantly squealed in delight when she heard the news. All the research she would be able to get done with an Equestria-wide reference library at her hooves! All she could learn with the brightest minds of her time just a click away! It had been an unbearable wait, but a week previously they had finished running the cables. And just today, Twilight had finally saved enough to purchase a computer and have it delivered.
That's when the first hurdle presented itself. She had reverently removed the component parts from their boxes. The gleaming black screen that would be her window into this new world. The keyboard that would be her voice. The speakers that would serve as her ears. All laid neatly arranged before her.
Then she realized she didn't have the first clue how to assemble the bucking thing.
Spike spent a half hour trying to calm the panicked librarian enough to understand why she was so flipped out. Blowing every bit she had on something she couldn't put together did seem like a large problem, but not enough to justify all the yelling. In hindsight, she blushed at acting so foalish. But Spike. Dear little long-suffering Spike had gotten her back in touch with her senses and made the suggestion that had solved everything.
“Why don't you go ask Rarity?” The dragon had offered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “She used to live in Manehattan. She probably knows loads about computers. Or at least the basics.”
And so, realizing that he was right, she had thanked him and rushed out the door, rocketing straight to the home of the only pony she knew who had lived in the town where the internet had first caught fire.
And now she looked at the gleaming, fully assembled machine. Rarity showed her the button to turn it on and Twilight giggled uncontrollably, to her further embarrassment, as the click of the button was followed by the device whirring to life.
Rarity showed her the basics of computer use, like logging in and using the mouse, patiently humoring every beginner mistake while Twilight assaulted her with a barrage of questions. But after a few short hours, she was at last moderately proficient.
“Ok.” Twilight declared once she had gained some confidence. “Now. Show me how this internet thing works.”
“Of course, Darling. That is what this whole exercise has been about, after all. You see this icon? It's your internet browser. It's the program that displays the information you request.”
“And how do I request information?” The purple unicorn asked as she deftly launched the indicated program. Twilight was practically glowing at the thought that, soon, the answer to any and every question her formidable mind could pose would be answered almost instantaneously.
“All in due time, Darling. You see that text box in the middle of the window?”
Twilight looked to the middle of the white page displayed on her FireFilly window. “Yeah?”
“That's the search box. It allows you to search for anything on the internet. Just type in the keywords you're looking for and click search. For instance, if you're trying to find a recipe for apple pie, you would type in “Apple pie recipe” and click search.”
Twilight followed the suggestion and reeled as a jumble of words filled the screen. “Rarity! I think I did something wrong!"
Rarity chuckled in amusement. “Not at all, dear. These are your search results. Tell me, darling. How many books in this library would you say contain all three words 'Apple', 'Pie' and 'Recipe?'”
Twilight thought for a moment. “Probably like 100 or so?” she estimated.
“Exactly. And the same is true for the internet. You can't expect to search a worldwide resource open to anypony and expect to only get one result. This is a list of every page the search turned up that has all three of those words on them. Now you choose which one you want to view.”
Twilight puzzled at the terminology. “Page?”
“Yes, Sweetheart. Think of it like this. The internet is a book. And each person that wants to put something on the internet adds a page to the book. That page contains everything they want to contribute to the internet. Everything they want to display. But in this book there's no order to the pages. People keep adding new things so the pages keep shuffling themselves. You see?”
Twilight looked apprehensive. “I think so....”
“Don't worry. It will become second nature soon enough. Another thing you have to know is that the pages are tied together. You see here the blue words with the underline? That's called a link. And it takes you to another page that's related to the link text. So if you click on a link that says something about dragons, it will most likely take you to a page involving dragons. That first link looks like what we're looking for. Why don't you click on it?”
Twilight did as instructed and was rewarded with a recipe for hot apple pie. She beamed a smile at her companion, silently beseeching her for approval for a job well done.
“Very good, Twilight. Seems like you've got the general principals. Now one last thing. Do you see this button here? The one that looks like a house?”
“Yes.”
“That's the 'home' button. Just click that and it will take you back to the search page where you started. And this little star here will bookmark a page so you can come back to it later. You find your bookmarks here under this menu. Is there anything else you need to know or do you want to experiment on your own?”
Twilight didn't hear Rarity's question. She had clicked on a link promising a recipe for an unbeatable pumpkin cake and was engrossed in reading over the description. Rarity chuckled in understanding and left her to her studies, making a mental note to check in on the inquisitive mare the next morning.
Chapter two: Twilight Discovers E-mail
Rarity sashayed towards the library, worry painting her fabulous countenance. She had left Twilight alone the night before. There was no telling what that pony had gotten into during the night.
Rarity knocked primly on the door to the library and after a few moments, was pulled unceremoniously through the door so fast her mind hadn't even had time to register that the door had opened.
Twilight stood there, still gripping Rarity's shoulders. "Rarity! Thank Celestia you're here! I need your help! I don't know what to do!"
Rarity tensed, her worst fears confirmed. To what had she subjected this poor, innocent pony? What horrors had the boorish denizens of the web visited upon her dearest friend? "Calm down, Twilight. It's going to be alright. Rarity is here to help. Now tell me... and no need to go into an extraneous amount of detail here... what is it that happened?"
Twilight looked to be on the verge of tears. "Rarity. I need help. I can't figure this out. How do I get an e-mail address?"
Rarity sighed in relief, her entire body relaxing. "That's it? You're worried because you don't know how to set up an e-mail account?"
Twilight cocked her head incredulously, misinterpreting Rarity's relief as condescension. "I only got the internet 8 hours ago, Rarity. You don't have to rub it in."
Rarity freed herself from Twilight's grip and made her way across the room. "Oh no, dear. It's not that. It's just that I thought you had stumbled across... Well never mind what I thought. Why are you so desperate to get an e-mail account?"
Twilight's frustration flowed from her mouth in a stream-of-consciousness babble. "I was on this website and people were talking about magic and I wanted to talk about it too but it said I needed to sign up so I went to register but I couldn't register because I don't have an e-maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiil!" Twilight positively whined this last word, drawing it out to convey the depth of soul-crushing agony inherent in the deficiency of such a basic internet tool.
"Very well, dear. We'll set you up with an account." Rarity woke the computer by nudging the mouse and then opened the internet browser.
"Uh... Rarity? I kinda spent my last bit on the computer. Could I maybe... borrow some money for the account?" The obvious hesitance of the young unicorn to ask for money in this way made Rarity giggle.
"Oh dear. I shouldn't laugh. But it's just too cute how naive you are about such things! You can set up an e-mail account for free. Here. I think we'll give you a Hoofmail account." Rarity showed her charge how to get to the Hoofmail.com main page and where to go for the e-mail section. Then she spent a few minutes filling out the basic information the site required. "Now." She announced. "Let's choose your address. What would you like your address to be?"
Twilight looked around nervously. "I don't know... What are the options?"
Rarity chuckled again. "It's anything you want it to be, darling. Just so long as it ends in Hoofmail.com you can use it. My address back in Manehattan was StuddedSeamstress@hoofmail.com. you just have to pick something that speaks to you."
Twilight thought for a moment. "Ok. I want it to be magic student hoofmail.com."
Rarity frowned with thought. "I think you mean magic student AT hoofmail.com." she corrected gently.
"Oh... Uh... sure!"
Rarity entered the address Twilight had chosen and then leaned back so Twilight could see the screen. "It's as I feared, dear. That address is taken. you need to think of something more creative. Something nopony has used yet."
After a few long minutes of Twilight throwing out names, only to have them already in use, they were finally able to register the address "CelestiasSparklingPupil@hoofmail.com" after which it only took another minute for Rarity to teach Twi how to type the @ symbol. And then another fifteen to teach her how to sign in and out to check her e-mail as well as compose e-mails of her own.
Once Twilight seemed more than capable of commanding her e-mail account, Rarity excused herself to go deal with the contractors who were repairing the boutique, and charging a hoof and a leg to do so.
She trotted happily back to Carrousel Boutique and merrily laid into the first stallion she saw wearing a hard hat, allowing herself access to the stock of very un-ladylike phrases she had reserved for just this sort of situation. It only took her an hour to bicker the foreman down to a third of his current estimate and secure his promise that he would have the work finished in three more days as well.
Still, after only being gone for an hour, she felt a creeping dread come over her as the library came into view. She couldn't put her hoof on what made the inviting tree she had so recently departed seem so foreboding but nonetheless she hastened her trot to a full gallop.
She arrived at the door and knocked in such a way that it betrayed a lot more urgency and worry than she had intended. When Twilight opened the door, looking drained, Rarity immediately embraced her. "Darling! Why do you look so gloomy? You were so chipper when I left!"
Twilight lazily pulled out of the hug and walked over to the computer. She reached up beside the speaker and flipped the audio device on. Instantly, Rarity was hit with a blizzard of the phrase "You've got mail!" being repeated over and over and over again.
"I don't know how to make it stop." Twilight said in a deadpan tone that spoke of resignation and defeat. "Please make it stop."
Rarity walked over to survey Twilight's work. She opened her friend's inbox and her eyes went wide with morbid fascination. "Twilight! I was only gone an hour! How do you already have over 9000 e-mails?!"
Twilight shrugged. "I don't know. I signed up for that website with the ponies talking. then I started to wonder what else was out there that I could sign up for. So I looked around. I used my e-mail to register for a few things. and then it started to tell me I had mail. Just a couple times at first. Then more. And more. And more."
Rarity got the picture. "Oh you poor dear. You were just a tiny bit over-enthusiastic and now look at this. I'd be surprised if there were a single spam mailing list without you on it."
"Spam?" Twilight asked, trying to get up the energy to learn after her ordeal.
"Yes, dear. Advertisements. These unscrupulous businesses collect every e-mail address they can possibly find through a variety of underhooved means and then sell those lists to advertisers, sending the advertisements to everypony on the list. So soon you get an inbox full of useless junk, like this."
"So how do we stop it?"
"Like this!" Rarity quickly selected all the messages and hit the "block sender" button. Twilight's ears perked and life returned to her expression as the constant droning mantra of new mail notifications was suddenly silenced. "There you are, sweetie. I blocked the people who were sending you all that garbage. You won't be getting any more. And just so you know for the future, let me show you how to spot a website that's just going to bog you down with junkmail."
Rarity spent a few hours going over the finer points of detecting the fishy websites and pretty soon, Twilight had even that mastered. Rarity was secretly impressed. Twilight was a quick learner. And she never had to tell the brilliant mare anything a second time. She just absorbed the information, and applied it. Rarity was even more impressed as Twilight got another new e-mail and hastily scanned it before adding the sender to her blocked list.
She stayed for the rest of the afternoon, keeping careful watch over Twilight's internet usage to make sure nothing else was going to crop up, before she had to go as Luna raised the moon on the far-off horizon. "I think you pretty much have the basics down now, dearie. I must get my beauty sleep. Just come to Fluttershy's cottage if you have any more questions for me."
And with that, Rarity made the trek to her host's abode, ready to relax and finally get some shut-eye.
