You're not alone

by Phantom Dragon

Rating: everyone
Tags: Tantabus, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna
Length: 4073

Luna isn't the only one living with hidden guilt.

Luna being free from her guilt, visits Celestia in her dream to have a talk.
Luna notices something off in Celestia's dream, so she uses the Tantabus find the source of the problem. The Tantabus gets loose and causes Celestia to live her worse nightmare.

What will this reveal about Celestia?
What it change between these two?

Written as a writing prompt to Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?

Cover art by 90Sigma
http://90sigma.deviantart.com/art/Celestia-and-Luna-Hugging-Luna-Major-Ver-308484087

Special thanks for EloquentElephant http://www.fimfiction.net/user/EloquentElephant for editing this!

Published 2015-09-01 04:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-01 04:20:01 UTC

Unburdened

Luna stretched, feeling rejuvenated as well as lighter and more relaxed. She knew
it was caused by a metaphoric weight having been lifted from her shoulders.

She actually felt... giddy.

I have not felt this way since... my first Hearth's Warming Eve! Luna thought to herself.

Luna then looked around, and for a moment did not know where she was. The feeling only lasted a second, however, as she remembered that she had spent most of the night - and she guessed most of the day - in Twilight's castle.

Luna groaned. "This is going to throw off my whole sleep schedule."

The alicorn was just about teleport out when a thought suddenly occurred to her. Should I not thank Twilight Sparkle for letting me stay here?

She paused for a moment before giving a mental shrug. I suppose I could just send her a letter later.

So with that she teleported out of the room.

______________________________________________________________________________

Luna traveled to Canterlot via Batpony carriage; the moon was already up when she made it there. Walking inside, she heard a mare sobbing and managing only broken sentences in between hiccups and sniffles. “Luna isn’t here… Celestia already… set and raised the sun and moon…” The short, sputtering sentences were followed closely by a loud wail.

The mare stopped crying for long enough to actually speak. "Don't panic, she'll be here. But ...what if she won’t?! What if… she doesn’t… doesn’t come?" The mare wailed again and began crying hysterically.

"Oh no, Time Keeper,” Luna said as she face-hoofed herself.

A dark teal Earth Pony mare was sitting by Luna's throne bawling, a vast amount of tears flowing nonstop from her eyes. She had a light green mane with violet highlights styled in two buns on the back of her head. Her cutie mark was a watch that was always stuck at noon (or at midnight, if you looked at it another way).

This was Time Keeper, Her and her brother Tight Shift were chosen for Royal Schedule Maintenance. They were chosen by the princesses, for the princesses.

Twilight was the only princess who didn’t have a schedule manager. Luna knew, however, that Twilight could manage her own schedule on her own or have Spike help her.

Time Keeper's job was to make schedules for Luna to make sure everything went according to plan.
Tight Shift was in change of Celestia's schedule.

One interesting thing Luna observed as consistent was that anypony chosen as Royal Schedule Maintenance, would have nervous breakdowns unique to them.

Time Keeper was a crier; she was the kind of pony who would cry at the drop of a hat. Whenever something was not according to plan, she would cry, and cry hard.

Tight Shift was a little better, as he would only mumble to himself. Although Luna did find that a little more irritating.

Time Keeper stopped crying and bowed when she saw Luna.

"Oh good," Time Keeper said, wiping her bloodshot eyes. "You're here,” the mare worked out between dwindling sniffs. “Celestia already raised the moon. She tried...” she let out a hiccup and continued, “waiting for you, but she fell asleep.”

"Yes, Time Keeper, thank you. I'm going to the dream realm now."

"Okay, Princess. You don't have anything scheduled tonight."

Princess Luna stretched all four of her legs and dwelt on the fact that she would have to admit to Celestia that she was torturing herself.

She was not looking forward to it.

Luna knew Celestia would be very angry, but it was an important conversation, and she had to talk to her about this.

Luna sighed as her horn lit up, summoning a door; she went inside and closed the door behind her, entering the dream world.

Luna looked quickly into other ponies dreams, to make sure that the inhabitants of Equestria were not having nightmares. Since nightmares were very rare, it was no surprise when she found none.

So she found herself staring hard at a white door with Celestia's cutie mark on it. She let out another sigh and opened it to enter Celestia's dream.

Luna saw Celestia putting down her crown as she walked towards several ponies who were calling her name, wanting to play. Luna cocked her head slightly; she knew this dream. It showed the desire to hang with regular ponies, but not being able to.

The secret desire to not be a Princess, to have no responsibility. Luna had the power to view past dreams as well, so she knew this dream wasn’t very frequent.

“I share this as well, the desire to just 'hang out' with other ponies. Why would you not dream of this more often, dear sister?” Luna whispered to herself .

Celestia gave a big smile, starting to reply to them, but then suddenly stopped and let the smile fall from her face. "NO! I shouldn't dream this; how can I? I'm so… selfish." She fell to the ground and put both hooves on her muzzle.

This piqued Luna's interest. Selfish? Why would she say that?

Something was bothering Celestia, something that Luna had failed to discover. What was it?

‘I had wanted to talk about what happened in Ponyville, but I'm curious about what you might be hiding, and I am the protector of dreams. So, I suppose it is my duty to find the root of this problem.’

As Luna finished her thought, she felt the Tantabus quickly awaken within her. It was trying to escape, and it was hungry.

But that couldn’t be right. Luna had eased her guilt. Unless... could it be...

“I’m going to do something that I should not do… let it out. I am going to let Tantabus lead me. I have a hunch as to what this is.”

Luna took a deep breath and let the Tantabus outside her body. It was in only the first stage of its growth, which meant it was easier to manage.

Luna immediately captured the small, black, teardrop-shaped creature, casting a self-contained magic sphere around the Tantabus, not giving it a chance to get away from her.

The Tantabus repeatedly smashed itself against the sphere, trying to break it, but it was useless.

A look guilt came upon Luna’s face 'It is not your fault that you behave this way, Tantabus.You were created to torture me with nightmares, so could you could remind me of my folly'.

'Now you have nowhere to go, so what will happen to you? I cannot abandon you, or bring myself to destroy you, so you don’t have anywhere to go'.

Luna saw the Tantabus grow a little and quickly summoned another layer to the magic sphere to make sure it did not break.

Luna sorrowfully used her magic to float the sphere towards her and nuzzled it with her muzzle. "Tantabus, I will take responsibility for you and make sure you become something better, as it is my fault you are like this."

Luna again felt the guilt go, which caused the Tantabus to shrink to its original size.

However, it was still hitting itself against the walls of the sphere. Luna followed the direction it was smashing.
The Tantabus lead Luna deeper into the subconscious, and the farther they went the more violent its thrashing was.

Luna was led to a humongous brown door that looked a lot like some of the doors in Canterlot castle.

On the door were big, thick black chains and a huge lock holding them. However, whatever was behind door was huge, and the pressure of it made the door groan. It looked like it would blow open any second now.

Luna gazed at door in disbelief . "How… how long has this been here?" Luna bit her lip. "Why... why would... she..." Luna broke down crying before she could finish her sentence.

The consistent bashing of Tantabus made it’s prison weak, and one more smash against the sphere was enough to break it. If Luna was paying attention she would have seen Tantabus' prison break. The sphere breaking caught Luna's attention.

The Tantabus rammed the huge door, breaking it with no effort. Then a flood of something black and formless flooded out of the door.

The Tantabus looked like it was going consume the black, whatever it was. Luna stopped it by trapping it inside another magic sphere.

This time she made sure to put many, many layers to make it was not going anywhere, and for good measure added a safe which she put several chains and locks on. Quickly, Luna caused a small opening into her own dream. She put the safe inside and closed the opening.

The… thing let out an evil laugh composed of many voices
.
Luna raced away from it while it started take form.
______________________________________________________________________________

'Must.... fly faster…have to reach... have to warn...'Luna thought, flying as fast as she could.

Luna spotted Celestia, still some distance away from her, and was just about to say something when she saw the sky turning as black as ink.

Then Luna saw something she had never seen before - Celestia looking absolutely terrified.

"No… no, please, not now," Celestia said in horror

"What would make my sister so frightened?" Luna asked herself.

Then a huge monster came. It was about the size of an Ursa Major and was shaped like an Alicorn. It looked like a mirror copy of Celestia. Its' mane was multicolored but in dark colors, most of its body was the darkest black, and its eyes were uncaring and red.

Luna gasped and tried to go faster, but it was too late; it had reached Celestia already.

There were thousands of ponies and other races bowing in fear around it.

"I AM TYRANT CELES, ALL WILL FEAR AND RESPECT ME; ALL WHO DON'T WILL FEEL MY WRATH!!!!!" it roared with utmost authority.

Many rectangular shaped objects shot across the sky, forming a straight line. Luna looked at them curiously, wondering what they were, and what their purpose was.

Luna wanted to confront Celestia at that moment, but she knew this was Celestia’s nightmare. Whatever this thing was, it was what Celestia feared the most, and to figure out how to get over this problem, she had to see it through. So Luna disguised herself in the dream.

"No. You... you shouldn't be here..." Celestia said, cowering before it.

The monster grinned menacingly

It held its’ head high in a manner that let the subjects know that they was beneath it.

“FEAR AND WORSHIP ME, FOR IF YOU DON’T, YOU WILL BE BLASTED TO THE MOON!!!” it announced.

The thing’s horn lit up and blasted one of innocent the subjects away with a beam of light.

Celestia looked on in horror.

The monster shot another beam at another citizen.

“STOP!!!” Celestia cried in desperation, jumping in front the citizen then blocking the shot with her magic

"And why should I, Celestia?" the thing asked in a sinister, mocking tone.

"Because these are my citizens and I will protect them!”

It laughed “Just like you protected your sweet little baby sister?”

A part of the undefinable monster broke off of it and turned into a shape about size of a small filly.

“Tia!” it cried, sounding a lot like a demented version of a young Luna.

Celestia’s determined expression vanished, and she stared at the piece, looking distraught.

“Tia, why? Why did you banish me?”

“Lu Lu,” Celestia said in sorrow.

The main monster glowed and grew bigger.

“Why did I have be there for such a long time, Tia? I was... so lonely...” the false Luna cried.

“I’m sorry Luna. I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to do it,” Celestia replied with streams of tears falling down her face.

“You failed to protect me Tia. You promised you would protect me,” the smaller, filly-like creature continued.

At that moment the rectangular object started showing images of a younger Luna.

Celestia said nothing, simply staring at the floor.

“You think you won't become me?" Tyrant Celes asked mockingly. “Because you will.”

"I..." Celestia said weakly.

"You remember holding her in your hooves when she was a foal, when you said yourself that you would protect her."

Images of a younger Celestia holding a baby Luna flashed on the screen .

Celestia laid down in shame.

"There, there sweet Celestia... if only you were strong enough to free her."

“Why couldn’t you protect me, Tia?” the small filly version of Luna asked again. “You’re supposed to be my big sister. A thousand years, Tia, that’s what I had to go through. I was there alone, while you stayed behind! It should have been you!” the filly continued, growing louder until she was approaching yelling.

"Do you think the loneliness you felt when I was gone was anything close to what I felt?"

Images came again, showing Celestia opening the door to Luna’s empty room and looking depressed.
Luna was shocked. Tia felt lonely while I was on the moon?

"You probably were glad I was gone, so you could get all the attention!"

"That is not true! Every day I missed talking to you! Everyday I missed my sister," Celestia countered.

"Then why couldn't you save me? Why was I the one blamed? It should have been you! The darkness should have taken take you instead. After all, you will become that Tyrant someday."

"No..." Celestia tried to deny.

"Don't lie to yourself! If you were able to give that horrible fate to your sister, what's stopping you from giving to others?" Tyrant said.

"Did you think that not fighting when Nightmare Moon came to kidnap you makes up for what you did?" Tyrant continued savagely.

Luna gasped. "She didn't even fight us?"

Luna thought to that moment, when she was Nightmare Moon. She remember every moment of the ordeal. She remembered being filled will nothing but bitterness, jealousy and hatred. She remembered coming in to face Celestia. There were no guards around, only Celestia. At the time Nightmare Moon did not find this odd; she figured that Celestia probably knew Nightmare Moon would come, and made the guards leave so they would not get hurt.

"You know why I'm here, right, sister?” Nightmare had asked, saying the word ‘sister’ in a demeaning tone.

At first she wanted to kill Celestia, but then she thought of a much more sinister plan. "I will not kill you, dear sister. I will transport you to the moon and make sure I crush the last hope you have."

She had fired a magic beam at Celestia to transport her. Now Luna remembered it Celestia did not even fight back, she would just let Nightmare Moon take her.

Which meant if Nightmare Moon had decided to kill Celestia, she would just let it happen.

Again another image flashed on the screens. This time it was a little filly Luna did not recognize. The filly was a yellow unicorn with a yellow and red mane. She had a cutie mark of a red and yellow sun.

“Princess Celestia?” asked the filly.

“Yes, Sunset Shimmer?” answered Celestia.

‘Ah, yes Sunset Shimmer was her student before Twilight...’

“Could you teach me the spell you used to banish Nightmare Moon?” Sunset Shimmer asked.

“No; Absolutely not! Don’t ever ask me that again!” Celestia shouted back.

Luna knew that never happened. Celestia would never treat a student like that. Sure, she might be disappointed, but outright shouting at one? That never happened.

The screen Sunset Shimmer froze in complete shock, not knowing what just happened.

Another part of the Tyrant broke off, this time looking like Twilight.

“I’m going to be just like you, Celestia!” said Twilight with a terrible smile.

“Yes.” Another part of the Tyrant formed its own shape, this one looking like Sunset Shimmer. “Just like you!”

“After all, I only learned from the best.” Twilight said mockingly.

“Yes from the best.” agreed Sunset Shimmer.

"I understand, dear sister," Luna said, observing the scene.

The Tyrant spread its wings. "Come on, Celestia! It's only a matter of time."

"A matter of time," the other forms of the Tyrant echoed.

"Or maybe..." the Tyrant grinned evilly from ear to ear. "Maybe it's to time step down and let Luna rule instead of a failure like you"

Celestia just stood there, looking helpless and feeble, but suddenly there was a shout that sounded a lot like a royal proclamation.

"SOLAR CELES!"

‘Solar Celes? That name hasn't been used in many years; I thought it was long forgotten' Celestia thought.

Celestia then saw Luna soaring towards her, flying faster and faster.

Seeing this reminded Celestia of and old, half forgotten memory.

Flashback

A dark blue alicorn filly with purple markings looked at an older, white, pink-haired alicorn filly nervously.

"Tia, I'm scared!" said the dark filly.

The white alicorn lifted off the ground with her wings and reached out to the other filly, almost as if she was expecting a hug.

"You can do it, Lu Lu, just fly to me," said the white filly.

"But what if I fall?"

"Then I’ll catch you! I'm your big sister, Lu Lu, and I will always be there."

The blue filly cautiously begin to flap her wings towards her sister, flying closer and closer...

End flashback

Celestia, still caught up in that old memory, opened her hooves just in time for Luna to dive into them and embrace her.

Celestia came out the memory and saw Luna giving her a big hug.

"L… Luna... what are you doing here?" Celestia asked, letting go of Luna.

"You're dreaming, Tia, did you forget that?"

"No, I..."

Luna took one long look the dark alicorn-like creature as well the other creatures that had been torturing Celestia.

"Sister, is what you fear the most? But this thing isn't only your fear, it’s also your repressed guilt, isn't it?"

Celestia said nothing but simply lowered her head.

"Tia, you were repressing all this for my sake, did you not? You didn’t want me to feel guilt, so you buried your own." Luna sighed.

"Yet, it does not matter. I still felt the weight of guilt; that is why I was punishing myself."

As soon as Luna said that Celestia rose her head and stared at Luna in shock. In the same moment Tyrant glowed and grew bigger.

"What… what are you talking about, Luna?" asked Celestia in shock.

"You see, after I was reformed, every night in my dreams, I would torture myself, and constantly remind myself of my failings, to prevent myself from falling again. I even made a creature named Tantabus for this task."

"Why would you do that to yourself?!" The creature and Celestia shouted at the same time. Celestia slammed one of her front hooves on the ground.

"Why you did you do that to yourself, when I'm the one the blame?!" Celestia asked again, tears of anger and sadness flowing down her cheeks.

"I'm reason why you got jealous! I'm the reason you were hated by others! I'm the reason you turned into Nightmare Moon!"

"Tia, maybe that’s true, but you are not the only one to blame. I let the darkness come to me, just because I was jealous. I would have let ponies suffer just because they didn't appreciate me."

"But Lu Lu, all you wanted was love! How is that wrong?"

"You're right but, it did not mean I had the right to punish everypony. You did to what you had to to protect them. Do not blame yourself. If our situations were reversed, I am sure I would have had to do the same thing." She smiled.

"Besides, if you did not do what you did, I would have never gotten the love I have now."

"But if I was only strong enough..." Celestia countered.

"Tia, even the strongest creature can fall into darkness. This tragedy would still have happened, even if you were strong enough. Let go of your guilt, Tia."

"How can I do that, Lu Lu? I can't... I have to..."

"Celestia!" Luna demanded. Celestia, surprised, gave Luna her undivided attention.

"You will never become that thing,Tia!" Luna said, pointing at the dark alicorn-like monster. "Do you know why?"

Luna waited for an answer. When she received none, she continued.

"Because of your guilt. Do you see how big this monster is? I told you before, this creature is built up from your suppressed guilt. If you were really on the way of becoming... that, wouldn't it be smaller?"

“Also,” Luna said, pointing at the awful versions of Twilight and Sunset Shimmer.

“Because of your teaching, dear sister, Twilight was able to become the first friend I had. And about Sunset Shimmer, I heard from Twilight she was able to turn a new leaf, which again happened because of you. Did you forget how Twilight was before she made friends?”

Luna’s horn lit up and the black screens turned blue. It started showing Twilight back when she was a unicorn filly, her muzzle buried in a book.

“You remember all she cared about was her studies. And now look her, a Princess! Who was there every step of the way?”

“We were both involved in that, Luna” Celestia said.

“True,” Luna replied, smiling softly, “but again your teaching has helped her become better.”

"Oh, and another thing! Stop blaming yourself for banishing me. You did what you had to!" Luna proclaimed. "Do you remember that fight? You tried your best to try to not fight me! You pleaded with me to stop. If you were really cruel, you would have banished me the second I opposed you, without even trying to save me."

As Luna speech continued, the Tyrant and its offshoots started shrinking. "No, no don't listen her...." it said in desperation. "YOU are the one to blame!"

"Tia, I heard you were lonely during my... absence. Tell me about it."

"It's...." Celestia started.

"Do not dare to tell me it is not a big deal! Because it is. Maybe I did get it little worse than you did, but that does not mean you should demean the pain you felt. And it certainly does not mean the loneliness you felt means nothing!"

Celestia then confessed. "Oh, Lu Lu, I... it's true. I felt so lonely. You… you were the only one I could actually talk to! You were the one who was always there for me."

Luna gave her another embrace.

"Tia, we both suffered because this tragedy. However, we forgot the most important thing - to share our burden with each other and talk about it. We both could have prevented this, if we only remembered that that we were not alone in our suffering. Instead, we decided to torture ourselves, you by keeping all your guilt locked up, and me by making sure I never forgot what I did."

"We still need to talk about that Luna," Celestia said sternly, both of them of letting go again.

“We’ll do that later,” Luna replied. "For now, I think it's time this thing goes away, my sister.”

The once menacing creature had shrunk to the size of a foal. It gathered the other parts of itself and united them again, desperately trying to survive.

"You can't let go of me! Someway or somehow, you can still turn into me!" it said in desperation.

"No… because Luna and I will try our best to rule with love, and no matter what happens we will be there for each other from now on," Celestia said with pride.

Celestia and Luna joined hooves and, with a burst of light from their horns, the monster was destroyed.

"I guess this means that we both learned something ...huh?" Celestia asked, leaning her muzzle against Luna's in way that only close family can do.

"Does that mean we both have to write letters to ourselves?" asked Luna.

They looked at each other for a moment then shared a laugh.

"Let's promise to not keep something like this from each other ever again," Luna said.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," replied Celestia with a grin.

Luna look at her, a bit confused.

"It’s called a Pinkie Promise. I learned from one of my subjects," Celestia replied.

Luna laughed again, trying it herself, and with that promise, the bond between the two sisters became stronger.