I'm Back

by SatanSaysHello

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 1391

Yo Whats up? my name is Declipse, im a dark angel. An angel that control darkness and all that shit, basically i'm a black angel. i was assigned a few things, then god became an utter asshole.

A-yo Whats up? my name is Declipse, i'm a dark angel. An angel that control darkness and all that ****, basically i'm a black angel. I was assigned a few things, then god became an utter ***hole. I was assigned to protect a pony named Luna from demons and ****, by God and (at the time) my elders, also at the time (a f****ng long time ago) we were allowed to go and live with our assignments, and grow and learn with them.

Of course I chose that, normal angels have like the biggest f****ng silver spoons up their ***es, and even when I was holy and stuff I couldn't take it. I met her when she was born (she wouldnt talk to me) and met her older sister sister too , who didn't seem to like me, in the least. Met her parents and all that jazz. so after that god becomes the d*** of all d*** and harnesses his ***holyness to f**k me over, sending me flying into an unknown universe while stripping me of my ability to travel through dimensions and the multiverse, ill explain more later when I have a chance .

Now I bet your thinking What kinda stupid author makes an angel talk like this? Well, this is my life, angels can be corrupted to you know. I just happened to be corrupted by humans, you know them bastards, yea I created them. In the past which is my future. Eh that's enough you get to know for now. but one Very important thing is I'm back Bitch.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-28 21:26:54 UTC

Chapter one: Aww Hell no!

This Is how I got home, This is how i got into Equestria .

As I stood on top of a hotel in Washington DC setting up an Anti Tank rifle in the direction of the White house, in which President Obama resided in the Oval Office I asked one of the 12 souls bound with mine “Mijak mind telling me why the fuck we have to kill Obama before we finally go home?” I asked while aiming my weapon at the white house, checking the sight.

This weapon was a beauty modified chrome lined barrel, its dark wooden finish and black matte on the metal was a true sight to behold, bearing a 14.5 mm armor piercing round, the PTRD-41 was a beauty, If you cant tell i'm American. “Because the asshole he is wont stop ruining America! He’s going to make it a communist country!” he practically screamed. Mijak was the type that would as soon as seduce a girl as shoot one, he was a Genogerian, a reptile race that is hell bent on killing all alien life and living on their planet, at least until he became part of me, he has been in my head for about a billion and a half years or so.

Me not really giving a shit about what the fuck he is spouting replies “well that’s a good enough reason for me, I guess” as I started testing the distance with a military spotting scope. Despite common belief these things are fucking hard to use I thought to myself. “so we are a good 357 meters away, that’s three and about six tenths of a dot, correct Mijak?” as I double checked the distance. “yea pretty much, but don’t forgot wind! and the fact you have an Anti Tank rifle not a sniping rifle. Also we have to go as soon as we shoot, we don't want to go to jail and not get home.” he responded with a bored tone

“ Also remember you have to aim for the seam in the window so it can go through, even an anti tank rifle can’t make it through a direct hit to modern bulletproof glass.” and with that I reset my scopes sight again “Ok mom, so would you say around two and a half dots down? and there is no wind out, it’s the perfect day to shoot somebody, also no shit Sherlock, about that seam detail” I responded with a chuckle this is too damn easy

  “I might as well prepare the rip as well.” “ sounds about right” he responds with a tone that just screams ‘GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT!’. And with that I let my senses delve into the universe as I rushed to the weak spot in the universe that I have been preparing to send me flying through the Void into my home, Equestria. this is so going to fucking hurt.

With that i began sending the black matter there through dimensions as fast as i could creating as much friction possible, I could feel the sweat grow on my body as it took all of my energy that I have been saving up for thousands of years to do so. This shit fucking hurts! The result of this would be an explosion in the universe that would make the death of a star look like a marshmallow cannon. as it was near the explosion point, I froze time in that small section of the universe.

Me, feeling mostly empty from all of the strain it took to do such a thing, took aim, placed the seam of the window two and a half dots down on my scope steeled myself, and fired. Fuck that hurt. As the recoil dropped and the smoke cleared I looked through the scope to see my profit. A window that has been caved in, and a lifeless body folded over a desk with a gaping hole in its back, and blood splattered all across the paperwork, and the walls.’Murica Fuck Yea! Satisfied with my work I quickly unfroze the piece of space that was close to blowing up and tied my body and soul including all the souls bound to mine to the piece of universe, and continued the shifting of matter. It took two seconds and it blew.

I felt an intense burning pain as my body mind and soul was ripped through the multiverse, I kept my eyes closed because having your eyes open in the void is like killing yourself it hurts that much, and into the universe which held Equestria I went. I quickly took the last bit of energy and scanned for Equis, ahah! found you now! I had been thrown relatively close to it, only one point seven light years away! I quickly threw my body in the direction creating a small shield around me. Now I can fucking sleep i've been awake for nearly two days now.And with that I fell asleep, i would be home in a matter of hours now.I cant wait to get to that world, with the Everfree to explore, as I do so love exploring. the big ass castle that I would probably have to sneak around to explore, make fun of the castle's guard, because they are stupid

“GET THE FUCK UP!” yelled Mijak “WE CAN’T BE ASLEEP NOW DUMBASS! YOU WANT TO DIE!?”  in shock i woke up, you know that feeling you get when you stay asleep in peace only to have a family member start yelling in a threatening manner? That's what I felt. I quickly took view of my surroundings.

I saw, right in front of me, was a big ass planet. So this is what Equestria has come to look like, huh “what now Mijak?” I responded, to which he responded back with an ever so sarcastic “ Mother fucker you better get up and at em, we are almost there and we will die if you don’t slow us the fuck down”. Oh fuck, he is right, we need to slow down now or else we will die as soon as we break into the atmosphere I though to myself.

So I began giving the shield a bit of a gravitational tug, fuck we must have gotten close to a star or something, the shield is nearly broken. As I took gravity and slightly tugged against my clothes It took alot out of me but I was able to slow down just enough to break into the atmosphere safely, fuck god! that was close! we are nearly inside the planet's atmosphere, in Three… Two… One... *CRACK* and I fell, feeling an intense pain as the wind howls with menace as I smash through it. As I fell I noticed I was falling towards a brown patch yay I get to be dropped off in a fucking desert! first this body is born in Arizona and now this shit?! I thought I had enough desert!

I was nearing the ground, and fast. I needed to pull some badass shit to survive this. I have next to no energy left, but I do have just enough to make a small shield it would protect me from hitting water by dispersing the force into the air. I forced the energy to wrap around my body and made it malleable but solid, and I braced myself. it might work, if I hit water that is. fuck this is going to hurt. from then I spotted a small dark patch with what looked like an oasis, seeing this I slanted my body making me fly towards the oasis, then it all went black.

in my mind

“Oh now we are fucked” Mijak oh so helpfully stated. Now, my mind is like a movie theater, looks like one, and has the atmosphere of one too! I tried to make it look like Equis, but we just couldn't handle how fucking boring it was. So we just stuck with this. “Well thanks for that great information Mijak!” I yelled back. Then another person materializes out of no where and yells “AW HELL NO!” this person is a man wearing jeans, work boots, and a black tee shirt, he is 6’ 2” and his name is Happy, and he ain’t happy.