Party with pinkie!

by Lavender Goo

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Human, Dark
Length: 2296

Pinkamena meets her equal, and has some fun!

Jeffrey woods has always been a strange child. But after he went insane… His strangeness levels… quadrupled. The same goes for our favourite pink pony, pinkie pie! Who has a sinister secret behind her delicious cupcakes. Both are insane, eccentric, young and full of fresh ideas. So… What happens when they cross paths?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-28 10:47:42 UTC

"Do you like cupcakes?"

A loud giggle erupted through the basement.

"Oh, silly, of course I can talk!", pinkie said through bursts of laughter. The thingy in front of her seemed not to know what ponies were.

Jeffrey woods stared back at the talking pink pony in amazement. Had... Had... He drunk too much the night before or something? This couldn't be real right. Although he'd seen crazier... He immediately lowered the knife that was pressed deeply against the pony's throat. She coughed in response.

"Wow, that knife is really sharp! What do you use to sharpen it?", pinkie said still smiling extremely widely, even though her life had been in danger moments before.

Jeff stared for a moment then responded cautiously, "A, um, metal buffer... ". This pony seemed to be interested in knives... And things. Pretty morbid for a talking pony, Although, he couldn't exactly talk.

Pinkie clapped her hooves excitedly and pointed to a saw in the corner. "I use that!", excitement was well etched into her voice now. Oh goody! A thingy that shared her love for sharp things!

Jeff thought for a moment. "Okay, so do you... Use knives and things often?". He tilted his head as he waited for her response.

Pinkie's eyes widened in response. "YES, YES! I love all my knives and cleavers and spikes and saws... ", She could list for hours if she hadn't been interrupted.

Jeff held out his hands dismissively. "Okay, okay! Hm. I like using those things too... What do you use them for?". He let a grin stretch slightly across his already smiling face.

Pinkie jumped up and down, her straight mane flopping with the movement. "Oh, I thought you'd never ask! I use them to play with other ponies and then make them into delicious treats! Mainly cupcakes".  She felt so professional when she explained her work. Hopefully she wouldn't have to kill this creature, he seemed fun!

Jeff let the grin spread into a smile, that stretched his mouth to almost impossible lengths. "How do you play with them?".

Pinkie twitched with excitement, her neck frantically moving in sharp motions side-to-side. "Oh, I use my tools to make them look funny! Or I sing to them whilst I harvest their organs to make cupcakes!", she closed her eyes contently as she thought about her victims. Each one didn't play along too well... But it was still fun!

Jeff was starting to like this pony... "My, that does sound fun! Do you think I could... Maybe help you with a victim sometime?". He flipped his knife up in the air and caught it as he said this. He couldn't wait to hurt people in knew ways... Or rather ponies in knew ways. "My name is Jeff by the way, and your's?".

Pinkie stopped jumping up and down and the twitching in her neck intensified. "Sure! Oh my name is pinkie pie! Or pinkamena diane pie, or the greatest party pony in all of equestria! Nice to meet you Jeff!", she said the words so fast it sounded like a loud mumble, slightly gurgled by her twitching. "But to get somepony down here I might need your help, since lately ponies have noticed the disappearances happening around this area, and I wouldn't want to seem tooooo suspicious because then I wouldn't get to play any more!", she said the last bit with imminent sadness in her voice. She couldn't bare to loose her playtimes!

Jeff nodded to most things said, even though he didn't understand some parts. "Sure, I'll help you, But... Won't it seem strange for someone like me to be seen by... Ponies?". Even though she seemed calm and collective around him, he doubted other ponies would be.

Pinkie put a hoof thoughtfully to her bottom lip. "I could just tell them you're a new creature I found and that you help me with secret parties!".

Jeff tilted his head. "Will they believe that?".

"Of course they will silly!" she clapped her hooves together and kept them in that position whilst she continued. "One last thing before we start".

Jeff looked at her inquisitively. "Yes?".

She smiled. "Do you like cupcakes?"

So much fun!

"Welcome to sugar cube corner!", Pinkie grinned as wide as she could as the customers approached. Her mane had gone back to its usual poofy state. Pinkie waved to them but they seemed to be focused on the shape behind her. Jeff. He was trying to be inconspicuous, casual, it didn't seem to be working though. The handle of his knife poked out of his hoodie pocket, and his face alone could be enough to scare any person, or pony, to death. She coughed and poked one of them. A mare and a stallion stood in front of the desk. They slowly turned their gaze to Pinkie.

"Hi!", she squeaked happily and offered them a menu. "What would you like today?".

The mare stammered a reply, flickering her gaze to Jeff all the way through her sentence. "I, um, We'd l-like... Two strawb-berry milkshakes and two blueberry m-m-muffins...".

"Okey dokey lokey!", Pinkie said in her usual cheery tone.

The couple paid her the bits required for the order, with shaky hooves, then they ran to their table and sat down, shivering. Pinkie then started making their order. She dumped ingredients into a blender then turned it on. Jeff approached her and poked her to get her attention.

"Aren't we supposed to... Y'know. Get them somewhere so we can... 'play'". He slightly shouted over the blender, but so only Pinkie could hear.

"Yes, silly! Just go along with it. I wouldn't want our guests to feel pressured, otherwise they might leave!".

Jeff nodded and shifted back to the wall. Pinkie cleared her throat and turned off the blender. She then waved a hoof out to get the couple's attention.

"Excuse me!", she called out to them whilst coming out from behind the desk. She waited for them to stand in front of her before continuing. "But we're short on strawberries and I wondered if you could help me look for some in the basement! It would also be a good chance for you to pick what type of strawberry you want!", she smiled happily and started trotting downstairs. The couple followed without giving her a reply. They definitely felt on edge... But Pinkie would try to fix that. When they had gotten to the bottom, Jeff followed them and closed the door behind him. "Ah, here we are". She pulled two strawberries from behind her back. "Before we begin searching, here are some extra special strawberries just for you! You might even want these in your smoothies. Go ahead, try them!".

Jeff couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, this had been easier than he'd thought. They didn't even question his existence and now, they were going to eat suspicious-looking strawberries, and not even think about it! "Yes, I've tried them before, they're deeelicious". He smiled up to his eyes as the strawberries approached the couple's mouths. They bit the strawberries at the same time, but fell to the ground unconscious a few seconds apart from each other.

Pinkie clapped her hooves together. "Oooo, goody they're asleep!", her mane deflated and she started twitching even before the words left her mouth. Jeff watched her strap the couple to metal slabs that had tough leather straps welded to them. The mare was a unicorn, which he didn't question. After all Pinkie was a talking pink pony. He kind of expected there to be a unicorn somewhere. "Jeffy, would you mind cutting her horn off whilst I check the straps?". Pinkie had so much excitement in her voice it looked like she was going to scream. Jeff nodded, he was excited too, he'd never hurt, or even killed a horse before. It should be fun. He walked over to the unconscious mare and unsheathed his knife. The horn looked hard... Like bone, so he reckoned he'd need to take a good hack at it. Sure enough he did. His knife came down with a sickening clash that echoed against the walls. It made a large cut in the horn and warm blood trickled down it, slightly filling the dipping details that were evenly spaced out around it. He swung again and the horn came detached, and fell to the floor. Blood spurted slightly from the wound, as if it were a smaller version of a limb and Jeff's white hoodie was stained with crimson dots.The walls were dotted with blood in the same way. Pinkie had also been caught in the blood flow and she chuckled as she felt liquid hit her fur. "Good work Jeffy!".

She kept referring to him as Jeffy. He couldn't really think of a nickname for her... Her name was already Pinkie. "Thanks, when do we start?". He was dying to get right into the carnage...

"When they wake up of course! It wouldn't be fun if they weren't awake for it". She looked at them as she said it.

Jeff wanted to smile wider but it wasn't physically possible. "I can't wait for this".

The mane event

Marvin awoke a few seconds before his beloved wife. He felt the cold leather straps that bound down his limbs and almost cut off his blood flow first. He got to stare into the face of the monster he saw earlier first. And he got to see Pinkie at her worst first...

"Wakey wakey sleepy head!", Pinkie said as she leant over the drowsy stallion.

Jeff was standing  beside pinkie, looking down on the stallion, when he started to chuckle. Then to laugh softly. Then the laughter got louder and louder. Then he raised his head, neck twitching and... Suddenly, erupted in laughter that made a sickening rebound off the walls... It rang through Marvin's ears and woke his dear wife, making a cacophony of sound. "You're finally awake!",Jeff cried out through his laughter. It seemed that he had gotten into the spirit of things.

"Wow Jeffy! You sure are excited!", Pinkie admired how much fun he was having, whilst she checked over her tools.

"You have no idea...", Jeff widened the grin that was plastered to his face... He hadn't hurt anything in so... so... Long, this would be fun.

Pinkie finished checking that everything was in place and tilted her head to the side, letting it rest on her elbow. She looked to the newly awoken mare, who was starting to scream. She had obviously noticed that her horn was missing... and that the hole where it should have been was covered in dried blood. "Who do you want to play with Jeffy?". Pinkie, personally, had her eye on the mare. Mainly so she could shut her up. That noise was ear-splitting! It certainly wasn't going to be aloud to continue...

Jeff hummed and took a step back in response.He was observing them. His neck was still twitching unnervingly, although, now it was twitching in short intervals... None of the ponies in the room knew if that meant improvement or not, but it was a little less disturbing... He started to swiftly walk towards the mare.She stopped screaming immediately and, instead, started whimpering. When he reached her, Jeff pushed his face right up to her's. She closed her eyes, turning her face away, the whimpering intensifying, almost as if each noise was being unwillingly forced from her mouth. "I'll take this one... She's offended me. So it's only fair". He said, willing his smile to go wider, but to no avail.

Pinkie tilted her head. "How did she offend you Jeffy?". She didn't much mind his choice, she only really wanted to play with the mare to shut her up... And now that had been done for her. But she wondered what Jeff was talking about when he said she'd offended him.

Jeff straightened and slowly pulled out his knife, creasing his hoodie pocket, giving it a snowy texture. "She turned away from me when I tried to say hello...", he swung his knife back and forth, holding it in front of the mare's face with his thumb and fore finger, the blade pointing down, and his head tilted slightly, showing his maniacal grin in a different light.

Pinkie nodded happily. "Okey dokey lokey! Well, I don't mind that you have her, regardless, so let's get started!". She trotted over to the stallion and put a hoof to her head in thought. "Any ideas on how to start Jeffy?".

Jeff tapped his knife thoughtfully, stopped it from from swinging, then stared at it for a while. He hummed and narrowed his eyes. Actually looking sane for a second. "Maybe... Maybe...", he leaned back and forth, thinking. "We could give them haircuts?". He was new to this type of torture. Cutting manes didn't exactly sound very painful. But he knew he could make it painful... Somehow.

Pinkie took her hoof from her head and placed it down on the silver tray in which her tools were scattered. "That's a great idea Jeffy! We can definitely work with that!". She hadn't cut somepony's mane is ages! And definitely not while playing with them. This would be great fun!

Jeff walked over to the instrument table and scanned it along with pinkie.

Pinkie lifted her hoof, a pair of scissors lifted with it. "There are two more types of scissors if you'd like to differentiate Jeffy!".

Jeff nodded and wavered his hand over the tray. The two types of scissors she was talking about, were hair scissors and.... "Yes!". He screeched in delight. The mare flinched. He picked up the other choice, giant, rubber coated, and sharp. extremely sharp.

"Great choice Jeffy!". Pinkie couldn't wait!