The Royal Presents

by Dinkledash

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 4363

Princess Luna has finally agreed to celebrate her birthday for the first time since her return from banishment, and Princess Celestia realizes she has no idea what to get her for a present.

Luna has decided to celebrate her birthday for the first time since she has returned from banishment. The problem is, Celestia has no idea what to get her, so she turns to Twilight Sparkle for help. Twilight enlists the aid of her friends, and stuff happens.

Suggested to me and edited by Tired Old Man

Published 2015-08-11 21:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-12 10:57:26 UTC

1 - The Summons

"Alright, Spike. Keep looking around the edges and see if you can find any other knobs or protrusions." Twilight Sparkle's horn glowed as she turned the small dial Spike had happened upon and watched as the map brightened and dimmed in response to her twisting the control on the side of the crystalline table surface. "Maybe there's a way to zoom and pan. We could make an incredibly accurate and detailed atlas of Equestria! We could save ponies days of travel time by letting them find the shortest path to their destination!"

"Sure thing, Twilight! Maybe there are some underneath the rim." He ducked under the table in the middle of the central hall of Twilight's castle and looked up, scanning around the circumference. "It would have been nice if the Tree of Harmony had included an instruction sheet."

Twilight grunted her agreement under the dappled light of the stained glass windows of the map room, as she struggled to find exactly the right brightness to let her to view the three-dimensional topology and structures while still retaining enough translucency to see the details that might otherwise be obscured. She noticed movement of some sort on the map and took out a magnifying glass. A building appeared to be under construction on the outskirts of Ponyville, and she'd noticed a roof beam being added to the image. Fascinating... this is being shown in real time! Suddenly, the map flattened out to a more traditional top-down cartographical view. "Spike! What did you do?" There was a click and the 3D view was restored.

"There's a toggle switch down under here, Twilight!" Spike scrambled out from under the table and indicated a spot in front of Applejack's throne.

The princess ran to see and then grasped it with her magic, flicking it up and down, watching the topology rise and fall. "Excellent work, first assistant!"

Spike looked about ready to burst with pride when his cheeks inflated and he belched forth green flame. A scroll appeared in mid-air bearing the solar seal. He caught it with practiced claws and presented it to Twilight as she extracted herself from under the map table.

"Let's see what we have here!" A purple nimbus appeared around the scroll and it opened before Twilight's eyes. She scanned the words and her eyebrows rose. "Spike, we'll have to continue our map room experiment later. We're off to Canterlot! Climb on, I'll brief you on the way!"

Spike hopped onto Twilight's back and wrapped his claws in her mane as she launched herself through an open window. "What's the emergency?"

"Not exactly an emergency, but time is of the essence." Twilight spoke evenly between wingbeats. Her flying had become much stronger lately, and she found she could easily carry Spike at speed while holding a conversation, as long as she wasn't maneuvering. "It's Luna's birthday in a week. Princess Celestia can't think of anything to get her for a present and she wants my advice."

The countryside sped below them, Ponyville rapidly shrinking into the distance as farmponies paused in their labors to look up at their princess and wave. Twilight took a moment to smile and wave back, then set about gaining the altitude she'd need. Spike stopped looking at the agrarian quilt below them and frowned thoughtfully. "But Princess Luna doesn't celebrate her birthday."

"Exactly. This is the first time she's agreed to a birthday celebration since she returned from exile, and she took Celestia by surprise."

"Sounds like a Pinkie Pie problem to me, if you don't mind my saying so." Spike blinked away moisture as they flew through a cloud, and Canterlot was suddenly looming before them.

"Normally, I'd agree, Spike, but Celestia said she only wanted a small celebration. Something tasteful and intimate, not a big bash like Pinkie would want to throw. So we're going to keep this quiet for now, right?"

"Oh yeah sure. You know me, I'm the soul of discretion." Twilight snorted in response and flew on as Mount Canterlot grew in their vision. After a few minutes, she came in for a landing on the south balcony of the Tower of the Sun.

Spike dismounted as Twilight opened the great glass doors and entered the tower's receiving bay. Two golden armored pegasus guards immediately bowed, and Twilight nodded, gesturing for them to rise. "I'll never get used to that," she whispered to Spike, then raised her voice. "Thank you, guardsponies. Is Princess Celestia here?"

"Yes, your highness. Would you like us to announce you?" Twilight smiled and nodded and one of the guards ran to open an inner door. "Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Magic, here to see her highness!"

Hoofly Hardshoe, the majordomo, approached with his usual punctiliousness and bowed to the exact degree required by protocol for a visiting royal who is a friend of the princess while the princess is temporarily unavailable. "Greetings, your highness. Master Spike. I offer the apologies of all here when I tell you that the princess is in privy council. Does your highness require me to interrupt her meeting?" The gray unicorn's black mustachios were curled to precise points and his white and gold livery was spotless.

Twilight waved him up with some impatience. While Hardshoe's attention to detail was something she could appreciate, for some reason she found his manner annoying. "No, no, it's not that important. We'll be happy to wait he-" She was interrupted by the thump of the great door of the Chamber of the Royal Council as Princess Celestia opened it and walked into the antechamber. The non-royal ponies and Spike all bowed as she entered the room, Hoofly somehow registering disapproval for this breach of protocol as he did so. Twilight just smiled up at her friend and erstwhile mentor.

"Twilight Sparkle, thank you for coming so quickly! Please come into the council chamber." Twilight and Spike followed her into the gorgeously appointed room where the members of the royal council were engaged in several quiet conversations. "Councillors," Celestia spoke warmly but firmly, "I thank you for your time and advice, but Princess Twilight and I have urgent matters to discuss. Spike, please remain with us." The six unicorn stallions and mares rose as one, in response to the trio entering the chamber, bowed to both princesses and made their exit to the antechamber as Twilight, Spike and Celestia sat down around the ancient mahogany conference table. The chancellor of the exchequer closed the door behind her as she left, leaving the three alone.

Celestia cleared her throat. "Twilight, I'm sure you understand that I wouldn't ask you to come out here on short notice over something trivial."

Twilight just smiled. "Princess, I would never think of anything you asked of me as being trivial or beneath me."

"Please, just Celestia. Or 'Tia if we're behind closed doors. Do you mind, Twilie?" The ancient alicorn smiled softly and Spike had to cover his smile as Twilight stared, looking slightly uncomfortable. "I need friends a lot more than I need subjects and servants. I have plenty of those."

Twilight tried to relax, and failed. "Very well... 'Tia." As she spoke, the hypocorism seemed almost blasphemous to her. Maybe I'll get used to this too. In a way, being casual with Princess Celestia makes me more uncomfortable than all that bowing and formality from other ponies does. "I'm your friend and you need a friend's help. So, tell me what you need."

"Thank you. This morning when I was raising the sun and Luna was lowering the moon, she just blurted out that if I wanted to throw a birthday party for her this year, that would be alright with her.” Celestia looked into Twilight’s eyes and her erstwhile pupil nodded as she continued, “And, as you know, her birthday is in seven days.”

She glanced at Spike, perhaps just to make sure he was paying attention as well, then returned her gaze to Twilight. “She didn't sound so enthusiastic about the prospect, more like she was humoring me, so I want to keep it low-key. Just a few close friends and relatives, no big public celebration, at least not this year. She's still rather uncomfortable in large gatherings.” Her voice got quieter as she said, “That comes with being alone for a thousand years, I suppose." Her face darkened and Twilight could only imagine the guilt she felt over her sister’s banishment.

"But, um, 'Tia," - Celestia's face regained its cheer at hearing the diminutive - "you said you need help finding a present for her? Is that really something you think I can help you with?"

Spike cleared his throat. "Princess Celestia, in eighteen years, I've gotten eighteen books for my birthday. Well, my hatchday." Twilight whirled to look at him. "Not that they aren't great presents, mind you! Great for me, anyway. But maybe Luna requires something more, um... personal?" Twilight looked momentarily stricken, then turned her head back to Celestia and nodded with a sad and thoughtful expression on her face.

"It's alright Spike, I know I give the worst presents of anypony." She grinned ruefully as Celestia chuckled and shook her head.

Spike steepled his claws in front of his face. "It's not like you don't try. You put a lot of thought into your presents. They just, well..."

"I have a limited schema for presents."

Spike looked confused while Celestia put her hoof over her face, not for first time wishing he got the joke. "Uh, yeah, whatever that means, I'm sure it's highly accurate."

"So the Princess of Friendship can't help me with my friendship problem?" asked the senior Diarch.

"One of the great things about being the Princess of Friendship is that I have a lot of friends to help me when I can't figure out a problem on my own!" Twilight smiled, then frowned. "Of course, that would mean letting a few more ponies into the circle of trust here."

Celestia chewed her lip. "That would be fine, I suppose. But since this involves a party and we want to keep it small and, ah... well, you'll have to restrain The Pink Menace."

"I know," replied Twilight, smiling.

"I mean, you'll have to physically restrain her."

"We know," replied Twilight and Spike together.

. . .

On the return flight, Twilight looked over her shoulder at Spike. "Spike, I want you to name one of the books I've given you over the years. Any one of them will do."

"Oh sure, that's easy! The Comprehensive Guide to Reasoning Through Syllogistic Logic."

"Really? You like that one?" Twilight beamed.

"Yeah! It's so big and heavy, I can use it to flatten my comic books if they get bent." Twilight's face fell, then Spike winked at her. "Actually, I really do like Draconic Folklore. I've read it three times."

Twilight smiled as she gave him a look. "Well, I'm really glad to hear that. But you don't really use Syllogistic Logic to flatten your comic books, do you?"

Spike smiled sheepishly back. "Well... yeah." Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed, not for the first time giving up all hope for her young charge developing any intellectual discipline.

The sun shone down warmly on both of them and a flock of geese honked cheerfully as they winged their way back to Ponyville.

2 - The Meeting

Pinkie Pie struggled against the ropes binding her to her throne, mewling pitifully from behind a bandanna gag, as Applejack dusted off her hooves with a sense of satisfaction. Twilight shrugged and spoke with an apologetic tone. "Sorry Pinkie, but you'll understand after I tell you what this meeting is about."

"Goodness, Twilight, this seems a bit extreme." Fluttershy looked from Pinkie to Twilight with some concern, but after remembering the time she had Applejack tie her to a chair, she muted any further protest.

"Aw shucks, they ain't all that tight, sugarcube." Applejack backed away from the struggling party pony, hopped up to her place and sat back. "I'll let you go as soon as Twilight says it's safe."

"Twilight darling, won't you please tell us what is going on?" Rarity leaned forward, her elbows on the map table. "We're all so curious!"

Rainbow Dash sat staring into space, moving her hooves around while considering a variation on the Split-S maneuver, using a barrel roll instead of a snap roll. "Uh huh."

Twilight thumped her hoof on the table, bringing Dash to a state of near-alertness. She glared at the easily distracted pegasus and spoke with what she hoped sounded like authority. "We have to perform an important mission for Princess Celestia."

"Oh boy!" Rainbow Dash bounced in her seat with newfound enthusiasm. "Do we have to defeat a monster? Explore a dangerous territory? Spread the Magic of Friendship by any and all means necessary!?" She grinned almost manically at Twilight, anxious for action of some sort.

"Nothing so bloodthirsty this time, sorry. We just have to —" she glanced nervously at Pinkie, who writhed in her bonds "— DISCREETLY... help Princess Celestia pick a birthday present for Princess Luna."

There was a collective gasp, then a silence fell over the room as all concerned turned to Pinkie Pie. Her eyes bulged as she practically vibrated with energy. Her hair quaked ferociously, and the ropes made creaking sounds. The chandelier above started to rock back and forth as small glass and ceramic objects on the shelves clinked against each other. When Pinkie started to make noises like a kettle coming to a boil, Fluttershy ducked under the map table.

A pink explosion soon followed. Fragments of Appleoosa's best hawser accompanied by confetti and streamers rained down on the onlookers. A rocket launched from the throne and burst in pink, blue and yellow above them, and there stood Pinkie, free of her bonds, in the middle of the map table. She inhaled and shouted, "PARTYPARTYPARTYPARTYPARTY!" at the top of her lungs.

If it had not been for Twilight's quickly cast Sphere of Silence, the sound would have blown out the windows and caused short-term hearing loss for those nearby. But as it was, nopony heard a peep except for Pinkie Pie, who sat down heavily, her head ringing like a bell once Twilight dropped the spell.

"Pinkie, this has to be kept quiet!" Twilight frowned at the party pony.

Pinkie frowned back, holding her head as though to still the vibrations. "I have to go on a diet? I don't think so, Twilight Sparkle, and you're one to talk!"

Twilight looked confused. "Not a diet! What?" She involuntarily looked down and poked her stomach, pursed her lips and then looked back up. "Um... I mean we have to be discreet about the present!"

Pinkie's eyes widened. "Why do you want to pour concrete on a pheasant? Is it a stool pigeon?"

Twilight was nonplussed. "That doesn't even make any sense! ...Does it?" She sighed, then cranked her voice up to maximum volume. "WE CAN'T TELL ANYPONY ABOUT LUNA'S BIRTHDAY!"

Pinkie bounded forward and put her hoof over Twilight's mouth. "Sheesh, Twilight! Keep shouting like that and everypony will know about it!"

"Grrrrr!" Twilight shook Pinkie off and took several deep breaths as Fluttershy emerged from under the map table and took her seat. "Thank you, Pinkie. I'll try to be more quiet about it." Subdued snickers sounded from around the table. "Now, who has any idea what Luna would want for a birthday present?"

"Ah take it that books have already been considered?" Applejack drawled, her green eyes sparkling, generating another general chuckle.

Twilight raised one eyebrow in challenge. "Yes. Do you have a better idea?"

The apple bucker shook her head. "Princess presents are not my strong suit, sugarcube. Maybe a new pair of apple-bucking boots or a ten-gallon hat?"

Rarity rolled her eyes. "A new dress, perhaps? But what are her tastes like? We only ever see her in her regalia when she's not at a formal event, and you can't just give somepony an evening gown for a birthday present... accessories? Does she wear earrings?"

Twilight shook her head. "Not that I know of. Celestia and I talked about clothing and jewelry, and she's never worn anything Celestia's given to her. Not even those cute little moon slippers she had made." Rarity huffed—she had worked on those for two days.

"Maybe a pet?" Fluttershy looked thoughtful, considering the petly virtues of various nocturnal creatures.

"For a birthday present? You can't make somepony's mind up about what kind of pet they should have. I should know." Rainbow Dash dismissed the idea and everypony including Fluttershy nodded. "She needs something truly awesome! How about a pair of racing goggles!?"

The rest of the ponies laughed and Rainbow Dash smiled and shrugged. Then all of them turned to their resident birthday expert, Pinkie.

She looked around, plainly upset. "I don't know enough about Luna to get her that extra-special perfect wonderiffic birthday present she deserves! I don't have any problem picking out presents for you guys, but I know you super-well! I don't even have a party-dossier on Princess Luna.” She stared down at the table top, her brow furrowed. “I mean, choosing a super-special birthday present for somepony without having known them well for a long time is tough enough, but we have to figure out what would mean a lot to her coming from Princess Celestia! It's a poser, alright." She stroked her chin, pursed her lips and thought quietly for several moments, to the amazement of her friends.

Spike scratched his head with his claw. "I wonder what her last birthday party was like. I mean, it was a thousand years ago."

Twilight grinned and picked him up. "Spike, you're a genius!" She immediately dropped him in his small throne and turned back to the other ponies, addressing them as Spike got his wind back. "Let's find out everything we can about her last birthday party!"

"How do we do that? Should we just ask her?" Applejack removed her hat and dusted off some confetti that had landed on the brim before putting it back on.

Twilight shook her head. "That's not very discreet, is it? I think we can find out a lot just looking for clues... and can anypony guess what I have in mind?" She smiled slyly, looked around the table.

Fluttershy got the idea and flushed. "Y-You don't mean the Castle of the Two Sisters... do you?"

Rarity clapped her hooves together. "Wonderful! I'm sure we'll find some delightful period party outfits!"

Dash did a quick loop-de-loop. "Yeah! Maybe a monster has moved in since the last time we were there!" Fluttershy instinctively ducked back under the table, then peeked over the edge.

Applejack nodded. "What would be looking for, photo albums? Did they even have photos back then?"

Pinkie Pie danced around. "You know what this is? A full-blown archaeo-partyo-logical expedition!" Her voice increase in pitch and volume as she spoke, so that everypony shushed her at once. "Sorry," she whispered, abashed.

Twilight smiled as she felt the excitement building in the room. "Then that's what we'll do. If anypony asks, we're going to do some magical research, and that's more or less true since friendship is magic, and we're doing friendship research. So Applejack, if Applebloom starts prying, you’re covered." The farm pony winked in response and she turned to address the rest of the team.

"Everypony go get what you need for the trip, except for you Rarity—please only bring what you can actually carry yourself." Rarity glowered and sniffed as Twilight continued, "And meet back here in two hours! Good thinking, Spike! Now let me get our packing list started!" Spike groaned, but smiled nonetheless as he followed Twilight out of the map room as the others walked, flew and pronked respectively out to their homes to gear up.

Two hours later, the group assembled on the lawn in front of the Castle of Friendship.

"Twilight, I know you told me to pack light, but this was really the bare minimum." Rarity was hitched to a small but elaborately-decorated cart loaded with trunks, suitcases and a vanity of all things. "I can't carry it, but I'll pull it."

Twilight sighed. "You do have food and water in there someplace, right?" Rarity nodded. "OK, just don't try to get Spike to carry anything for you, alright?"

Rarity affected a wounded look. "Why Twilight, what makes you think I would I ever do such a thing!?"

Twilight resisted her impulse to roll her eyes and turned to look at Fluttershy. She continued to assert her self-control and suppressed a laugh. "What is that you're wearing?" Padding and plates covered Fluttershy, her pink mane spilling out from under a steel helmet. "Is that... armor?"

"What if Rainbow Dash is right and there's a monster there now?" Fluttershy peeked through the eye slits of the helmet.

"Then you'll probably talk to it, serve some tea, and it will show us to the Legendary Chamber of Clues." Twilight gave her a lopsided grin. "Where did you get it? Can you even fly in that?"

"I borrowed it from Rusty Duster, the museum curator, and um... no, not really." Fluttershy scratched at the ground, feeling foolish. "And I do have the medical supplies." She indicated her saddlebags which bulked alarmingly on top of the armor.

Spike gave Twilight a significant look. Uh oh, I think I'm being insensitive again, she thought. "Well, that's alright, we want to stick together anyway. No need to fly unless you want to, though you may want to take the helmet off to speak with the cockatrice, manticore and hydra for us. But bring it in case of monsters, right?" Fluttershy nodded, smiling, the irony lost on her. Or maybe not. Friends aren't monsters, after all.

Applejack stood with full saddlebags and coils of rope hanging off of her. "Ah'm all set for a week or more if need be."

"I hope it isn't a week, because then we'd miss the... ah... magical event." Twilight looked around to see if anypony was listening.

"Do you mean the part-" Pinkie caught herself "-ial stellar conjunction?" Pinkie looked around as well in a highly exaggerated manner.

"Yes, that's right." Twilight couldn’t help but roll her eyes this time as Pinkie picked up a leaf and showed it to her. "Why are you holding a leaf in front of my face, Pinkie?"

"Look! A bug!" A woodlouse looked up calmly from the bottom of the leaf as Pinkie turned it over, and Twilight rewarded it with a flat stare.

"That's actually an isopod crustacean." Pinkie sighed with relief and put the leaf back, the woodlouse returning to its foraging. "Are you packed? Nevermind, stupid question," Twilight said with a glance to Pinkie's voluminous magenta mane and tail. She looked up at Rainbow Dash, who lazed on a low hanging cloud she had dragged to the castle specifically for that purpose. "And how about you, Dashie? Are you ready?"

A rainbow contrail afterimage glowed in her sight as Rainbow Dash appeared in front of her. "I was born ready!" If anypony could be said to fly with a swagger, it would be Rainbow Dash.

"I mean, are you packed? I don't see any saddlebags." Twilight seemed confused.

"Nah, I'm good. The only thing I need is awesome! And I have enough of that for all of us!" Twilight's mouth flattened out as she prepared an acerbic response and Rainbow Dash laughed. "Wow! You should see your face! Don't worry, Twilight, I have all my stuff stored in the cloud."

Twilight looked up at the cloud, confused. "Oh. Well, OK, but what about when we go inside the castle?"

"I'll just park it. I've got a pack in there too. See Twilight? You're not the only one who can plan. You're just the one that enjoys it the most." Dash smiled as Twilight nodded grudgingly.

"And that brings us to me. Spike, are we ready?" Spike picked up a set of purple saddlebags and put it on her back. He wore a green backpack as well.

"We're all set, Twilight. I've got the folding desk, ink and quills, and a lot of paper. And I found that book you wanted, Pre-Equestrian Linguistics."

Rainbow Dash and Applejack chortled. "That'll prove really useful, Ahm sure." Applejack nudged Rainbow Dash.

"Yeah, you never know when we'll find..." Twilight brought her voice down before she whispered, "Everything You Wanted to Know About Birthday Parties But Were Afraid to Ask, written in ancient Unicornian." Applejack grinned at Dash, having evidently shared the story of her sleepover experience in the old library tree.

Twilight closed her eyes, counted to ten and then opened them, smiling. "Yes, you never know what we'll find. Now let's go, we want to get there by nightfall!"

They fell in behind Twilight and Spike and marched down the road that led into the Everfree Forest. As they did so, Applejack sidled up to Rarity. "Ah sure do miss that old tree, ya know."

Rarity smiled sadly at the sturdy earth pony. "So do I, darling. We need to do another sleepover sometime. All of us, when there's nothing else going on."

Applejack grinned broadly. "You want a rematch on that there pillow fight that Ah won, sugarcube?"

Rarity narrowed her eyes. "If you'll think harder than usual, my dear, you'll recall that I was the victor."

"Eee-nope. Say, how many pillows do you have in that there tumbrel of yours?" She eyed the gilded, jeweled cart that Rarity was pulling.

"It's a phaeton, you troublemaker. And wouldn't you like to know?"

Twilight listened to her friends ribbing each other behind her and smiled, then reached out and picked Spike up with a tendril of magic, plopping him on her back. She levitated a small bag of gems from one of her saddlebags and dropped it between her wings in front of him. "Snack?"

"Gee, thanks Twilight!" The happy crunching noises and giggling conversations warmed her heart as they closed on the verge of the forest. Life is good.