The Joke's on you

by Darth Pestilence

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Mare Do Well, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3031

Hi, my name is Jack. Or at least it used to be, before me and my girlfriend got wisked off to a land full of magic and talking ponies. Not only that, but the princesses of this world sealed us away for no reason! Now we're free, and out for vengence.

Hi, my name is Jack. Or at least it used to be, before me and Harleen (my girlfriend) were transported to a land of talking ponies by a weird merchant at Comicon. We could have handled the prospect of being in another dimension, but the rulers of the country sealed us in stone for a thousand years! All because I accidently killed one of their subjects! Now we go by different names, she's Harley Quinn and I'm Joker, and we're going to wreak havoc on Equestria. (A Displaced fic)

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the story itself. MLP belongs to Hasbro. Joker and Harley Quinn belong to DC comics.

Published 2015-07-29 16:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-02 22:32:41 UTC

Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Joker's POV

'Harley?' I asked my dear girlfriend.

'Yes puddin?' She responded.

'Do have any idea how many years we've been trapped in stone?'

She pondered for a minute before answering with, 'A thousand years I think. Why?'

'I was just wondering. I lost track after the first hundred years, good thing I have you Harley.'

I heard her giggle. 'Thanks hun!' I smiled, or I would have, if I could. Movement isn't really an easy thing to do when you've been turned into a lawn ornament by ancient magical gems.

'It's a pretty day, isn't it Harley?'

'Sure is Mr. J, but the view tends to get old when it's the same view you've had for the past thousand years.'

'Well, that is true.' After the little conversation I had with Harley, I hears hoofsteps approaching.

"Alright class, come right this way," said a feminine sounding voice. I couldn't turn my head to see who was speaking, so I waited until she entered my line of vision. She was a violet earth pony, with smiling daisies for her cutie mark, and a light pink mane and tail. Behind her were several fillies and colts.

'Well honey, looks like we've got another class coming to see us.' Harley said.

'Hurray! Visitors!' I said, an edge of sarcasm in my mental voice.

"Now class, can you tell me what this statue represents?" The teacher asked her class.

"Love?" said a small white unicorn filly.

"Laughter?" said an orange Pegasus filly.

"Fear?" said a yellow earth pony filly.

"Ugliness?" said a snarky voice. I looked for the source, and found it to be a pink unicorn filly that wore a tiara. "I mean just look at the one carrying the hammer, I've seen toads that are prettier than that thing." The grey earth pony beside her snickered at her friend's joke. I however, was inwardly seething.

'Don't listen to her Harley, you're beautiful. If we ever get out of here, i'll kill her for calling you ugly.'

'Thanks puddin, but could you at least let me kill the grey one?' she asked.

'Of course you can.' I said lovingly.

'Thank you! You know, it's times like these when I think back to how we were when we first arrived here in Equestria.'

'You still think about that? We've changed so much since then, that I might mistake our past selves for other people.' It's true, we were average people when we were first brought to this world. But once we were sealed in stone we began to change. We are what others might call "insane", but I think that we just have a different state of mind than others. I would be truly insane if I didn't have Harley here with me. We have comforted each other for the past millennia, and we have grown closer as a result. I truly don't know what I'd do without her.

"I'm sorry, but none of you are right." I was snapped out of my thoughts when the teacher continued to speak. "This statue represents insanity, which is when a pony loses all rational thought. Now come on children, let's go to the next statue." The teacher and her students walked away, leaving Harley and I alone.

'Well, looks like the brats are gone now. I hope the pink and grey ones have a painful death.' Harley said.

I was about to reply when there was a bright flash of light in front of us. The light cleared to reveal the strangest creature I had ever seen in my life. It looked like some deity took a bunch of random animals and mixed them, creating an abomination.

"Hm, I don't remember you two from anywhere, but I can sense the potential chaos you can cause. So go, spread chaos!" The thing snapped it's fingers as he finished talking. At first nothing happened, but then a loud 'CRACK' sound filled the air. This was followed by another, and another, and another. In only a few seconds the rock around us crumbled, releasing us from our stone prison.

Naturally, the first thing Harley and I did was stretch, since we hadn't been able to move for a thousand years. After we were done with that, I turned to the thing that had released us.

"Thank you for freeing us, it's been so long since we've been able to move," I said.

"You're welcome," it responded, extending his paw, "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony. Who are you two?"

"Well," I said, "the lovely woman beside me is Harley Quinn, and I am the Joker." I reached out and shook Discord's paw, but before he could pull away, a puff of green gas shot out of a small tube in my sleeve. Discord inhaled the gas and pulled away.

"Was that supposed to *snicker* kill haha me? HAHAHAHA!" Discord wasn't able to finish his statement before the toxin took effect, and he burst into uncontrollable laughter. He fell to the ground, laughing hysterically. This went on for about twenty seconds before he succumbed to death, a huge smile on his face.

"Unfortunately, you appear to be a being of incredible magical power, and those tend to cause us some trouble. But as my old friend Jack Nicholson once said: If you gotta go, go with a smile!" I burst into a bit of laughter before turning to Harley. She immediately brought me into a kiss, which I eagerly returned. We stayed like that for about fifteen seconds before parting.

"It's been so long since I've been able to do that," she said happily.

"I know, and there'll be plenty of time for it soon. But right now we need to get out of here before ol' sunbutt and moonbutt come for us."

She smiled. "Okay!"

"But first, why don't we go get revenge on the fillies for calling you ugly?" Harley perked up and nodded her head eagerly. "Alright then, let's go."

We walked away from Discord's corpse, and in the direction the teacher and her class had gone. We found them a short distance away, looking at another one of the statues. I smiled even bigger than I normally do and pulled a loaded revolver out my trench coat pocket.

"Good evening, my little ponies," I said, getting their attention. They all looked at Harley and I in fear as I continued. "My name is Joker, and this is Harley Quinn. I believe that you-" I pointed at the pink filly. "-have the audacity to call my girlfriend ugly. So let me ask you..." I pointed the gun at her head. "...ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?" I pulled the trigger, and shot the stupid horse right in between the eyes. The ponies stared at the dead body in shock while I handed the gun to Harley.

"Kill the grey one, and then let's go." Harley nodded and took the gun from me, and before any of them could react, the grey filly was dead as well.

"Now let's go." We turned and ran out of the Royal Canterlot Gardens hand-in-hand, leaving the now screaming ponies behind us.

Author's Note

I was surprised that I didn't see many, if any at all Joker displaced. So I decided to write one of my own. Leave a comment if you liked this chapter, and stay tuned for the next chapter. Why don't you go read my other story while you wait? *cough*shameless self-promotion*cough*

Laughing Gas

Celestia's POV

I sat on my throne, reading over several petitions and requests given to me by my subjects. I rolled my eyes and denied Blueblood's request to keep the Element bearers from coming to the Grand Galloping Gala next year. After I finished with his request, I put the stack of paper on a little table I kept beside my throne.

'Besides these papers I have to take care of, today hasn't been nearly as stressful as the rest of this week has been. Maybe-' My thoughts were interrupted when a frantic-looking guard came barreling into the throne room.

"You're Highness!" He yelled, even though he was right in front of me.

"What is it?" I asked. I could tell by his face and voice that today was about to get a lot more stressful.

"There's been two murders in the royal gardens!"

My eyes widened. "Has the culprit been apprehended?"

"No princess, the culprits escaped before we arrived," he responded.

"Take me to the gardens," I said, standing up from my throne.

The stallion nodded and walked out of the throne room. I followed him all the way out of the castle and into the garden. I was greeted with a grim sight: A group of guards were attempting to calm down a group of fillies, while two fillies laid in a small pool of blood. I inspected the bodies, finding the cause of death to be small holes in their heads.

"Captain!" I said.

An orange Pegasus guard walked up to me. "Yes princess?"

"Remove these bodies from the garden and alert their families of their deaths," I said.

"Yes your highness. Get some body bags!" Several of the guards left, returning minutes later with body bags for the two fillies. While the bodies were being removed, I walked over to who I assumed to be the teacher of this class.

"Hello miss..."

The mare perked up at my voice and gave a small bow. "Oh hello princess. I'm Cheerilee."

"Hello miss Cheerilee, I wish we could be meeting under better circumstances. I must ask you, do you know who killed those fillies?"

The mare shuddered and said, "They were...horrifying. Seeing them as statues wasn't that scary, but seeing them up close, and seeing their happiness in taking lives was terrifying."

"Wait, did you say you saw the culprits as statues?" Racking my brain, I was able to think of some of the beings imprisoned here that would take joy in murdering fillies. I narrowed that sort of behavior down to two statues. 'No, not them. Anyone but them!' I hoped with all my heart that those two weren't free.

"Y-yes, we saw their statues as we made our way through the garden," Cheerilee said, wiping away some of her tears.

"Can you tell me what they represented?" I asked.

I must have sounded frantic, because Cheerilee looked more fearful when she gave her answer. "The statues represented insanity."

My heart skipped a beat when she said that. "Thank you for informing me, I hope that you and your class will remain safe." I turned and ran in the direction of the statues. What I saw when I arrived confirmed what Cheerilee had said. Where two statues once stood was now nothing but a pile of rubble. Laying in front of the rubble was the body of another being I thought I'd never see again: Discord.

I snarled and charged up my magic to blast him, but I let it die down when I saw the gigantic grin on his face. I walked over and put my ear to his chest, I didn't hear a heartbeat.

I sighed sadly, "I know we never saw eye to eye, but I never wanted you dead." I used my magic to close his eyes. "Goodbye old friend."

I looked over at where the statue used to be in hatred. I knew that smile discord had on his face, it's the reason I banished those two.

. . .
1015 years ago...

Luna and I sat side by side on our thrones and Star Swirl the bearded stood in-between us. I stared intently at the throne room doors, waiting for our visitors to arrive. A guard had come earlier that day to inform us that two strange creatures came asking to visit us. The doors opened, and a group of guards came in.

"Your Majesties, the two creatures that requested to visit you are here," one of the guards said.

"Bring them in," Luna said. The guards turned and walked out of the room, returning shortly with two strange creatures. They left after bringing them in, leaving only us and the two guards that guarded the throne room doors.

"H-hello," began the one with the green hair, "My name is Jack, and this is Harleen." He pointed to the one beside him before continuing. "We were transported to this place by forces out of our control. We've been here for awhile and we're wondering if you could help us out? Maybe at least give us a place to stay until we get our problem sorted out."

I pondered this thing's words. Apparently it was transported? I'd have to ask what it meant by that. Anyway, it was transported here by forces out of their control, but I couldn't be sure if it was lying or not. These two could very well be beings here to destroy us and rule Equestria.

However, before I could voice my thoughts, Star Swirl began walking over to them. "How do we know that you aren't lying? You could very well be another villain trying to rule us!"

"No, I assure you, we do not want to rule over you," he extended a hand out to Star Swirl, "I promise."

I never found out if Star Swirl was going to shake that thing's hand or not, because before he could do anything, a puff of green gas shot out of the creature's sleeve.

Luna and I stood up as Star Swirl backed up, coughing from the gas. "What in Eque-haha-stria was that? HAHAHAHA!" I rushed over to Star Swirl as he fell to the ground in uncontrollable laughter.

"Star Swirl! Get ahold of yourself!" I shouted. It was no use, Star Swirl continued to laugh, tears even started to roll down his face. Whether it was from the gas induced laughter or the pain, I'll never know.

"Star Swirl! STAR SWIRL!" Luna shouted from behind me, going into the Royal Canterlot voice. After a little bit more of laughter he stopped, he went limp on the floor, a chilling smile on his face.

Luna put her ear to his chest, listening to see if his heart was still beating. She looked up at me with a sad look in her eye. "He's dead Celly, the creature killed him."

"Get hi-!" *WHACK* *SMASH* I heard one of the guards start yelling before being cut off by something. I turned to see the two guards stationed in the throne room unconscious on the floor, the creature named Harleen was clutching her massive hammer.

"YOU DIRTY HORSES BETTER STAY AWAY FROM JACK!" she screamed.

"YOU!" I said in my Royal Canterlot voice. "YOU LIARS, YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GOING TO CAUSE US ANY HARM, BUT NOW STAR SWIRL IS DEAD!" The Elements of Harmony levitated off of their pedestals and surrounded my sister and I.

"N-no, wait!" Jack said.

"SILENCE!" Luna said, also in the Royal Canterlot voice.

Jack reached into his coat pocket for something, but never got the chance to pull it out. Because before he could, Luna and I blasted the two of them with the Elements, encasing them both in stone.

. . .
Present day...

I teleported back to where all the guards were in the garden, and pointed to one of them. "You there, go back to where the statue of insanity is, there's another body we need to take care of." He saluted me before running off in the direction I had specified. "You," I pointed to the orange Pegasus guard I talked to earlier, "You stay here, while the rest of you will escort this visiting class out. Make sure they board the next train back to Ponyville as soon as possible."

The orange Pegasus walked over to me while the rest of the guards led the class out. "What's your name?" I asked the orange one.

"My name is Flash Sentry your highness," he said with a salute.

"Well Flash Sentry, I want you to look all over Canterlot for mysterious figures or strange activity. You need to be looking for two creatures that resemble diamond dogs, but they have strange make-up on their faces that makes them almost look like clowns. One is male, and the other is female. The male is named Jack, while the female is named Harleen. If you find these two, kill them on sight," I said.

Flash's eyes widened, probably because he was surprised that I told him to kill them, but he got over his shock and bowed. "Yes princess." He then turned and flew off.

Once he was gone I teleported back to my personal study. I got a parchment, quill, and ink. I began to write a letter to my personal student.

. . .
Joker's POV

Harley and I snuck through the alleyways of Canterlot.

"Wow mr. J, the laughing gas worked great! It was even able to take out that freak who freed us," she whispered from behind me.

"I know! I think mixing manticore poison with the old formula was one of my better ideas, don't you think?" I whispered back. We continued to make our way through the city, eventually reaching the city limits. I was about to make a break for it when Harley stopped me.

"Wait, why don't we take a detour?" she said, pointing to something to my right. I turned to see what she was pointing at, only to see a giant building. On the front was a sign that read: Canterlot prison and asylum.

"I think you've just had one of your better ideas." My smile grew as Harley and I made our way to the building we had set our sights on.

Author's Note

That's it for this chapter, leave a comment if you liked it!

Also, if you haven't already, go check out my other story. It's called "The Reject Chronicles." I'd like for all of you to tell me what you think of it.

Anyway, see ya next chapter!