Chapter 10 - Eternal Night (Epilogue)

written by Fire Soul

I coughed a few times and tried to inhale, but I could smell nothing but copper. I reached up and dabbed at my snout, and found that there was a somewhat alarming amount of blood there. I shouldn't have been surprised, in all honesty. That was a lot of magical strain I'd put myself through. Getting a nosebleed from that was actually rather tame compared to some of the other symptoms I could be experiencing...

Like the heavy headache that was making my skull throb, now that I was calming down and the adrenaline was leaving my system. Oh sweet Celestia my head hurt!

I felt the others reaching to help me get to my hooves. What had happened while I was out on break? I slowly felt myself rising to my hooves, and that was when I felt a weight on my head that wasn't there before. I initially attributed it to the heavy, painful throbbing that was going on up there, but a single glance to my left made me spot the necklace Rarity was wearing.

I reached up and removed whatever it was on my head and found...a tiara. Oh, lovely. I calmly put it back on, feeling revolted the entire time. I don't have anything against more girly things, but I'm just...y'know? I look good in stallion's clothes! It clashed so hard I was feeling self-conscious with it on.

Then again the jewel in the middle was shaped and colored like my cutie mark, soooo...eh. Ya win some, ya lose some.

"Princess Luna."

I turned my attention to the Princesses in front of us, the others maintaining their silence despite only now rousing me from unconsciousness. Celestia stepped forward slowly with her wings spread as Princess...well, I didn't know her name at the time, but c'mon, if you don't know who Princess Luna is by now, you need to crawl out from under your rock, shit shower and shave, and go get a life.

Anyways, I saw Luna's eyes shoot open suddenly, the gasping breath she took indicative of her fear in that moment. To be fair I wasn't entirely sure what was going on with her at the time. I wasn't aware that Celestia's sister wasn't named Nightmare Moon, so mostly I was just really confused by the change in appearance. I didn't know jack-shit back then, on reflection.

"It has been a thousand years since I've seen you like this..." I heard Celestia say as she knelt down in front of the much smaller alicorn. "I have missed you so much, little sister."

For how warm and kind Celestia seemed to be, the fact that she was still wearing her benevolent ruler mask said a lot. She wanted to bare herself to her sister, but she was cautious. Unsure. How could she predict how Luna would react to her presence?

"W-we are sorry...!" I heard Luna meekly mutter.

Celestia stood up once again and gazed upon her younger sister, cowering before her, and she smiled a more genuine smile, as far as I could tell. There was an established amount of smirk to her normal, benevolent 'I wouldn't hurt a fly' expression she usually wore when dealing with the nobility. Those with more experience like myself know that that mask actually means 'fuck with me and I will end you without taking your life', but y'know. Those two interpretations are basically the same, one just has more sinister connotations.

"I know, sister. I know," I heard Celestia mutter in response. "Let us put our differences aside. We were meant to rule together, little sister!"

I watched my mentor hold a hoof out to her, taking a gentle step back to put some distance between them. Even after a thousand years, proper etiquette took precedence I suppose. Or Celestia was doing it on reflex, either-or. She did that with me too, the few times we've ever hugged.

"Will you accept my apology? I let you down, all those years ago..."

"Nay! T'was us who let thee down!" Luna whimpered, looking up to Celestia with tears brimming in her eyes. "We beg thy forgiveness, big sister...!"

I tried not to spoil the moment with my groans of pain, but my headache was getting really bad. I caught my voice in my throat and just cringed as my temples throbbed and the front of my skull right under my horn felt like something was trying to claw its way out. The others seemed concerned by how I was swaying on my hooves, and truth be told, I felt pretty woozy as well.

I swayed in place for a moment before gathering my wits and stabilizing myself enough to see straighter. Slowly I stepped forward, and promptly stopped because the world began to spin once I made a single move forward. Luna noticed in the midst of her sudden embrace with Celestia. She really was tiny in comparison to Celestia, and cute in a demure kind of way.

"She should not be awake!"

I jolted a little as she broke away and moved over towards me. There was confidence in her movements for only a brief moment before she became more meek, and more cautious as she approached me. I just kept my gaze locked on her as best I could, frowning a little.

"Why...are you smaller now? Aren't you Nightmare Moon?" I asked shakily, taking a few deep breaths to steady myself more. "Do I still need to kick your ass, or is Celestia gonna do it...?"

"Still aware and conscious...thou has a strong mind, Twilight Sparkle," I heard her mumble. "Thou must lay down and sleep. Take time to recover from thy strain."

"Celestia called you Luna, so...not Nightmare Moon?" I mumbled, the world around me sounding as if I were underwater.

She cracked a weak smile at me. "No and yes, young warrior."

"'Kay then."

I didn't even hesitate, didn't give a fuck that Celestia was right there watching. I reared back and punched her square in the snout. I almost fell over in the process, but I managed to catch myself just in time to maintain some level of dignity. If I'd been a bit more conscious, I would've enjoyed her shrieking and stumbling back as her nose cracked way more than I did at the time.

"That was for-" I tried to say, but I had to pause to swallow. Felt like I was going to drool. "That was for...for threatenin' my son...."

That was the last thing I heard before things got fuzzy. My memory of everything from that moment on is just kinda fragmented. I recall being on Celestia's back, and feeling the wind rushing through my mane, aaand then I woke up in a hospital bed. No IVs attached to me or anything, I was just laying there with-OH, right, there was a magic inhibitor attached to my horn. I reached up to touch it with my hoof and found that it didn't have the shape or density needed to be military-grade, so at least I knew I wasn't some kind of high-risk case. It was just a standard one used with low-key criminals and medicine.

What I noticed immediately after that, however, struck me with panic: my clothes were gone.

All the way down to my underwear, everything was bared to the world. Now let's make something absolutely clear, I am not a prude. I just have a particular aversion to being naked in public, and...well okay, often times in private too, unless it's my bedroom and I know for sure that no one can get a look at my goods without me knowing. I mean maybe there's some lingering phobias or whatever from that, but...guh, whatever! Doesn't matter! Point is I'm perfectly fine!

Anyways, like I was saying, not a prude. Perfectly fine. I was just panicking because who knew how many of the hospital's staff saw my cock and balls when they were expecting a mare, y'know? I can't have them spreading false rumors about me, however true they may actually be. That just couldn't be allowed.

"Oh! Doctor, she's awake!" I heard someone call out at the doorway to my room.

It was almost reflexive, how I pulled the bedsheets further up my body. I felt far too uncomfortable like that, and judging by how my fur smelled, I'd been washed by someone. I glanced over to the doorway and immediately set to memorizing the nurse's face, for future reference. I'd need to meet with the doctor as well. I could wipe their minds, but that would raise a lot of questions. Signed paperwork, medical records...damn. Bribes, in that case.

As soon as the nurse left, I looked around for my clothes. I spotted a black suit folded up one the table next to my bed. No flowers or anything, just a suit. Wait...black? But I was wearing a blue suit....

"Thank you, nurse," I heard an all-too-familiar voice say just around the corner outside the door. "But the doctor already gave her the all-clear. I've just been waiting for her to wake up."

"Oh! I, er, I wasn't aware, your majesty!"

A quiet giggle. "It's quite alright, nurse Redheart. Now, I must speak with my student."

"Of course, Princess!"

Calmly, Celestia walked into my room, almost making a point of not looking at me. It was only when she closed the door behind herself that she spoke up. Something was off. Her smile was gone now that we were alone.

"Before you ask, I've already secured your secrecy," she said to me, walking over to my bedside. "None but the doctor and nurse saw your true gender, and once I spoke with both of them, they were very willing to do as I said. As far as your medical records here show, you're still just a lady."

I sighed with relief. "Guess that means I can come here for my doctor's visits if I need to."

"Mmm," she hummed, sitting down and looking me over for a moment. I couldn't help but feel self-conscious. "That's not what I'm here about though."

"I figured..." I muttered, laying my head back on my pillow. "What're you here for then?"

"Why did you shoot to kill?"

"I fired at her leg first to confirm she had the same regenerative properties you did."

"You had no way of knowing an organ as complicated as her brain would survive the same kind of trauma."

"I had to take a risk with her life-"

A firm stomp of a hoof and the crackle of splintering wood sounded almost deafening in the otherwise very quiet room, though the quaking that Celestia caused wasn't so unnoticeable. Even then it was clearly a measured and restrained action on her part. If she'd been stomping with all her strength, she probably could've made the floor shatter into pieces beneath us.

"She is my sister!"

I'd never heard Celestia yell before. Not legitimately anyways. She's yelled at Blueblood, and other prissy, I-deserve-more-than-everyone-else nobles and business owners that refuse to see reason, but that's more of a yelling borne of wanting to teach them a lesson. This yelling was more genuine. There wasn't a purpose behind it. She was actually angry.

I trembled a little in my bed. Still...I know that I was justified in my actions. Anyone would be.

"Yes, she is. She also left me no choice in the matter," I muttered quietly. "It was her, or the world."

"I know," I heard Celestia say, clenching her teeth. "I am all too aware of the choice you had to make. Still...it's my sister...!"

"She tried to kill you," I reasoned, looking over to my mentor nervously. "She tried to kill everyone."

"...Twilight. I have been alive for such a long time. We both have," she said, hanging her head slowly. "Through all of these years, she has always been there. Either by my side, or far away, sealed in the moon. I waited a thousand years for her to come back, and the idea of losing her again....!"

I saw her wings flutter in agitation, her entire body trembling for a single instant of emotional weakness before she pulled herself back together. I was seeing a lot of things from her for the first time, I guess.

"Did you even hesitate?" she asked me, meeting my gaze.

"...No," I said, fidgeting a little. "She was threatening the world, my friends, Spike...you," I said, giggling to myself. "The messed up part of all this is, I knew you'd be upset if I killed your sister. But I also thought you'd understand if I had to to get you back."

"You misunderstand," she said, glancing over to the doorway where a few ponies were listening in. She yanked the door open to reveal two male nurses peeking in from the edge of the door's window. "It is rude to eavesdrop on your Princess!"

You can bet they were down the hallway and gone before she even had a chance to slam the door shut again.

Her attention returned to me. "It isn't that I disapprove of your actions, Twilight. You have saved Equestria, and probably the entire world. But...it was your intent."

"I'm, uh...wait, I'm lost now."

She looked away from me and shook her head. "You intended to kill her if no other option was available to you. You gambled with her life, and she agrees, you didn't hesitate."

She was looking at me, searching my eyes for something. I didn't like where this conversation was going at all. There was tension in the air, and my unwillingness to speak, and inability to, was only contributing to it. I didn't know what to say to her.

"I have seen many bloody battles and violent wars, and I have seen into the eyes of many a soldier," she said to me, staring into my eyes. I swear she was looking straight through me. "Every single one of them, to some extent, has hesitated to take a life."

I leaned away from her and broke eye contact. This was going to a bad place. A very, very bad place.

"How many?" I heard her mumble.

I didn't answer. I couldn't answer. I needed a way out, but I had nothing!

"How many-" she said, raising her voice at me. "-have you killed, Twilight?"

There are very few ponies that can make me clam up like this. I felt trapped, like I needed to run, but I knew if I did, she'd just hunt me down. Probably with the Royal Guard. I was shaking where I laid, and I couldn't bring myself to meet her accusing glare.

She just sat there, waiting for a response. Her presence alone was enough to unnerve me, but the way she just sat there and stared at me...I don't know. The words just came tumbling out, but they were calculated. I couldn't tell her everything.

"I got in some trouble with the wrong ponies during my travels. I had to do some things I'm not proud of," I said slowly. "But I got used to doing them."

"How many?"

"I don't know."

"Did you kill innocent ponies?"

"Not if I could help it. I went out of my way to avoid civilian casualties."

"Then who did you kill?!"

"I did work for the Mafia," I said, forcing myself to glare at her in turn. "Take a guess."

We stared at each other for what felt like a long time. A silent battle of wills, clashing between the two of us. I figured I'd be the first to relent. Turned out, it was her, much to my surprise. She didn't back down immediately, however.

"Are you a threat to my subjects?" she asked, her voice firm.

I snorted at that and shook my head. "I swear upon my bloodline that I'm not a threat to your innocent subjects."

She looked away from me finally, and I could see a definitive change in her posture. She seemed...disappointed. Crestfallen, if you will. But given how heated things had been mere seconds prior, I didn't really feel sorry for her.

"It would seem that despite these past few years with you, I don't truly know you at all."

Ah. There it was. A perfect chance!

"I would've preferred no one ever got to know me that well," I muttered, slipping out of bed and going over to grab my clothes. "I left all that behind me. I want it to stay in the past, and that's final."

"I see...I apologize," she said, making an effort to look away. She understood my issues with nudity. "But Twilight...you consider me a friend, yes?"

I sighed at that as I slipped into my undershirt while pulling my underwear up. "Of course, Celestia. Kinda hard to say I don't when I talk to you on a first-name basis."

She was conspicuously quiet as I finished getting dressed, my hooves gently adjusting my clothes until I felt secure once more. Only then did I hear her hooves clopping against the floor, and her hoof resting on my wither. I turned to look up at her, and she was smiling at me. Not her false, benevolent mask smile. Just a small, strained smile. I could tell she felt bad, but I also couldn't fault her for any of it either. Needless to say, things were a little awkward between us.

Not to mention, I had some things to say to her as well.

"Then please remember that you can always talk to me. If you ever wish to open up about it...I will be ready and willing to listen." she told me.

I would've smiled back at her, but I had some issues of my own to clear up. I turned around to face her better, while a hoof idly checked my pockets for my cigar case. Not like I could smoke inside a hospital anyways, but still, I prefer to keep a few of those things on me.

"Maybe one day. In any case...what about you?" I asked. "I refuse to believe that all six of the Elements of Harmony showing up in the same town on the night of your sister's return is merely a coincidence."

She at least had the courtesy to look nervous from my question, but in comparison to what she just hit me with, this wasn't exactly a bombshell of a revelation.

"How long did you know that I was one of the Elements of Harmony?" I asked calmly, silently wishing I still had at least one of my cigars.

She was silent for a moment, but eventually she spoke up. "From the day I found you in that testing room."

"Ah. So you've been grooming me to take on your sister since then," I deduced, shaking my head. "And you didn't feel the need to tell me anything?"

"You're a smart mare," she said, turning to walk towards the door. "You figured it out, as I knew you were capable of."

"I wonder what else you aren't telling me?"

"Excuse you?" she said slowly, looking back at me.

"All I'm saying is, what reasons do I have to trust you from this point on? You manipulated me, kept things from me...you didn't trust me, and you went behind my back because of it," I said, shrugging and turning to look out of the window on the opposite side of the room. "You put everything at risk."

I took her contemplative silence as permission to continue. She certainly wasn't going to say anything.

"Let me be very clear about something your majesty," I said, turning and marching right up to her. "I don't like being used. You warn me before I go balls-deep in a bear trap next time. Now why didn't you tell me?!"

Yeah, she was upset. Pretty obvious really, she wasn't trying to hide it at all. She was using the same breathing technique she'd taught Cadance, the same one Cadance had taught me, taking slow breaths in and out to steady her nerves. This conversation was becoming as upsetting for her as it already was for me.

"Friendship is key to the use of the Elements of Harmony. Friendship is also something you can't force. If I had told you what you were, and where the other five were located, you would have tried to force it. I know you well enough for that."

"A genuine, meaningful connection..." I muttered, nodding a little. "I'd call bullshit on that, but considering I was ground-zero for that whole event and I still have no clue how any of that worked, I guess I have to take your word for it."

The silence that reared its ugly head once more was grueling. Things had gone from tense to feeling extremely awkward now, and I wasn't really sure what to do next. We were just standing there!

Eventually, she bowed her head. "In my fear and anger I forced you to speak on something you wished to forget. Even worse, I accused you of being less than the pony you have proven to be since the day I met you. For that, I must apologize to you, my faithful student."

"Apology accepted. That's a whole lot better than most ponies would get from me," I teased, giggling to myself. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry too. I wish I were a better pony, but I'm not, and no, don't argue with me on that."

She chuckled bemusedly at me, but she didn't say anything otherwise. Instead, she rested a hoof on my wither, giving me a brief nod. We both left the hospital without incident, and it was only when we got outside that something occurred to me.

"So wait, two things. One, what happened to me to make me pass out?" I asked, tilting my head. "Two, where's that ugly tiara that probably looked really stupid on me?"

"Acute magical strain, for the first question," she explained as we walked along, the bowing of those that she passed going...well, mostly ignored. She was used to this sort of thing. I, however, wasn't used to the whoops and hollers and ponies cheering my name. "When my sister hit your shield that last time during your battle, you strained yourself to the point of rupturing your mana gland. Channeling the Elements likely exacerbated the symptoms."

"Ah. And the second question?"

"They are under guard at Town Hall. I will be escorting them to Canterlot personally, after today."

"Huh. Well, okay. Now then," I said, clearing my throat. "It's just occurred to me, buuuut I'm missing the weapon I borrowed from one of the guards that escorted me to Ponyville in the first place. Freewind, I believe his name was. Any idea where it went?"

If you think I'm being remarkably calm after what happened, that's because I'm pretty damn good at lying, both with my words and with my body. I was in knots on the inside, because I could already see her prying and looking into my background with a sharper eye. I got the feeling she was going to do that the moment she got back to Canterlot.

How convenient for me that I'd gone through the trouble to 'clean up' after myself. Took me a couple years, but I doctored a whoooole lot of records. Good luck finding that paperwork Celestia! I wasn't stupid enough to leave records and documents about my activities laying around anywhere. The only one that might have paperwork would be the Magister himself...and I doubt he'd be willing to part with them for any reason. So where did my fear come from? Well, you can never be a hundred percent sure you've silenced everyone and cleaned up everything, know what I mean?

As we proceeded further into town, the whoops and hollers of ponies enjoying festivities became more pronounced, and the revelers more boisterous in their noise-making. Seated upon the royal chariot was Luna, watching the crowd go wild, a necklace of flowers around her neck. Not a lei, this isn't the Western Isles, so it's a Celestia-damned necklace of flowers.

The chariot was almost acting like an impromptu stage, and it gave Luna a perfect view of the festivities. Ponies tried to get her to join in, but she seemed afraid. Unsure. I couldn't blame her. Thousand years out of touch, how could you just dive back in like nothing's changed?

She did have my hoofblade though, so I was forced to converse with her. To say the least, things were...awkward. It's really strange to talk to someone you just fought like your life depended on it...which it did, I'll have you know.

She returned the weapon to me, and Celestia and I walked back to Town Hall, the hoofblade secured around my foreleg. It was improper to even have the weapon taken from me, but...well, Freewind didn't need to know about that little detail. Besides, there were caveats for medical care and the Princess herself. Well, themselves now. Someone's gonna need to get into those ancient books and un-whitewash them.

Oh, and in case you're wondering if Celestia took issue with me punching her sister square in the snoot, don't worry. She laughed about it, with Luna at that. Luna actually appreciated it down the line. She said I had 'an impressively fiery soul to be willing to punch a Goddess in the face because she was being a jerk'. I mean, obviously after she got more used to modern dialect.

I took a moment to examine the hoofblade before I bothered to return it. It would be improper to return it if it was loose, cracked, dirty or tarnished in any way. Fortunately, lacking any significant use after I borrowed it, the most it had was a few flecks of mud and dirt on the shield cover that hid the sheath of the blade. One quick wipe-down and the dirt was gone, though I had to scrape at some of it with my hoof. I would've gone for a proper polish, but with all the partying going on around me, finding some would take forever.

Celestia chose to stay with Luna, since she seemed to be getting progressively more and more uncomfortable with the festivities the longer she was left alone. I guess returning to civilization after a thousand years tends to make having a party right off the bat a bit overwhelming, but hey, she wanted ponies to accept her, so...!

The moment I entered Town Hall and the guards took notice of me, they all stood at attention and saluted me. I was reminded in that instant that I was technically a Royal Guard. One of them, however loose that status may be.

I quickly saluted them in return, before turning to the nearest guard. "I'm looking for Corporal Freewind. He entrusted me with his weapon, and I intend to return it to him."

"I am Stalwart Shield," I heard one of the pegasi say, his armor freshly polished. I couldn't recognize him due to the enchantments on his armor. "And I bore witness to your Conscription."

I quickly snapped to attention and saluted him. To tell the truth I wasn't sure what happened after this. I had a vague memory of it all, but outside of the initial ceremony of becoming a Conscript under these specific circumstances, I hadn't memorized it all that well. It was fortunate that Freewind heard me from where he was in one of the back rooms.

He walked with purpose, a kind of confidence that the Royal Guard always had to display. They were held to a particularly high standard, though many of the palace guards tended to be a bit more lax. It was to be expected, really. Nothing particularly bad ever happened within the castle usually, and when it did, there were plenty of ponies around to deal with the problem.

I somehow got the feeling his confidence wasn't just from his training. I mean, he conscripted me, and then I saved Equestria and the entire world. That tends to get you noticed. Not on my own of course, but...eh, details.

He approached without a word until we were face-to-face, only a short distance between us. He saluted me, and I returned the gesture before thinking back to this specific part of the ceremony. I genuinely wasn't sure of what was supposed to happen next, but I suppose it was on Freewind this time around.

"You return a hero, Conscript. Your methods, however, must be called into question." he said, every single guard in the room focused on us now.

Welp...here we go.

"I tried to talk them down."

"You took civilians into a dangerous situation that they had no business being involved in."

It was like a rapier battle between unicorns, when you think about it. I move in close with a thrust, he knocks it easily to one side and swept straight over my breast, scoring a hit on me with ease. I of course recovered quickly.

"Would you prefer I used force on civilians? They were foolish enough to follow after me even if I had managed to talk them into staying behind," I said, absently patting the spot over my pocket where I usually kept my cigars. Fuck, where were those things? "I had no intention of bringing them with me, but they forced my hoof on the matter. They were safer in my care, given the circumstances."

We had a brief staring contest before Stalwart chimed in...surprisingly in my favor. Kinda. "Reports about what happened are all over the place. When we interviewed the other Bearers, they said they followed her in after she told them not to," he said, looking me over suspiciously. "And you say you took them with you instead?"

"That is correct." I said, slowly nodding my head.

"Then you instructed them to lie."

It wasn't a question. That was a simple statement of fact, and I knew I wasn't worming my way around it. He had me on the defensive...so I needed to do something unusual to throw him off. Both of them, actually.

"That is also correct."

"Why?" Freewind asked, the barest rumble of anger in his voice.

I had to make this look and sound good. I stayed silent as my gaze drifted down towards the floor. A tiny twitch of my gaze this way and that, searchingly rummaging through my memories of that moment. I of course knew why I'd done it. Why put yourself on display as a reasonable, perfect creature when you can be fallible, prone to mistakes and making errors in judgment? Deception is a key part of my life as a noble.

I looked back up at both of them, frowning ever-so-slightly. "I made an error in judgment, and I regretted it shortly after. I contradicted what I told them to say because I wished to come clean," I muttered, lowering my head. "I beg your forgiveness."

Not my best delivery, but then, I wasn't trying to play it off to Fleur or Upper Crust. Then again Upper Crust is a complete moron, so she's not that difficult either. She just knows not to take me by my word alone.

These guards didn't learn that lesson.

"We forgive your lies, Conscript. After what you've done, it would be unforgivable if we chose not to overlook such a minor slight," Freewind said to me, extending his right foreleg to me. "Now, return my weapon and complete your service."

I bowed my head once and went to work removing his hoofblade from my foreleg. It would've been easy to do if I had access to my magic, but that inhibitor ring was there for two reasons: to encourage me not to use my magic, and to slowly bleed off my magic so I didn't leak mana into my brain through that rupture. It'd heal quickly on its own, but before these inhibitor rings were invented, this sort of injury could actually be lethal after a few days of exposure. Just imagine your brain slowly breaking down from mana poisoning, and you've got an idea.

I calmly undid the final latch on the hoofblade and removed it, stepping closer to Freewind while holding it in my hoof. I flipped it around and carefully attached it to his foreleg, the eyes of every guard in the room on us still. They should've been paying attention to their surroundings more, but this was the sort of thing that took precedence. Even the fact that the Elements of Harmony were secured in a case in the middle of the room didn't deter them. Guess it was a good thing I was in the proper position to keep an eye on them.

After that, the ceremony was finished with a simple salute and, as I expected, an attempt to recruit me. Shame Shiny wasn't there, I would've had a prime opportunity to embarrass him! I found out a little later when I left Town Hall that he was with Cadance in Cloudsdale, keeping the peace while things were getting sorted out.

My immediate concern after that was tracking down Spike, which didn't take very long. There was a bizarre sense of trust all through this community, small as it was compared to places like Canterlot and New Yoke. Everypony knew everypony in places like this, and with how myself and those five mares had saved the world, well...we were the talk of the town. It wasn't hard for someone to point out the location of my son.

He was laughing and having a great time chasing around a certain small filly that had used her tactical cuteness on me before all of this bullshit started. She was older than him, of that I had no doubt. I took a seat a short distance away and just watched the simple, innocent delights of two children playing a game of tag together. It wasn't something I got to see in the city unless I went to the park. Even then, other parents were always wary of Spike's sharp claws and teeth. Made it hard for him to find friends to play with, something I've always felt bad about.

I could've sat there forever, really. Numerous other foals were joining in on the fun, and several of the townsponies were taking up a spot alongside me to converse, either with me or among themselves. I got a surprising amount of praise for my efforts and heroism, and once Applejack and the others showed up to help entertain the kids, I had little choice but to join in with all of them.

Despite what they'd been through, they seemed surprisingly stable. Everyone was, really. I suppose nothing too serious happened to them directly, so that's not all that surprising. Rainbow Dash was busy regaling some of the children with a very censored version of what happened to us as we made our way through the Everfree Forest and confronted the 'Dark Queen Nightmare Moon'. Her version included more explosions and daring feats of course, such as Fluttershy wrestling the manticore and her fighting an entire squadron of Shadowbolts all on her own.

My favorite part was when she completely fabricated how I fought Nightmare Moon. Apparently I had to go to the hospital because I threw fireballs and called down lightning from the sky with such ferocity and frequency that I'd burned myself out in a desperate bid to overpower a Goddess. Instead I merely matched her. So I guess I'm as strong as a Goddess? Well, okay then. Whatever gets Spike and all these children smiling, I suppose!

Suddenly I found myself straight drownin' in children. They wanted a magic show that, sadly, I couldn't give them. I promised to give them one later though...no fireballs or explosions though. That's a bit too dangerous, and I'm not in the habit of putting my power on display. Still, it was difficult to not have their attention for a time when as far as they knew, you were 'powerful enough to fight a divine being and survive', as Rainbow put it towards the end of her tale.

It was a long and fairly exhausting day that went by, entertaining kids, conversing with complete strangers and...well, being treated like a friend. A drinking buddy, a pal, a compatriot. These ponies were so trusting and giving of themselves...it was such a pure, untainted thing and it was only a very short distance from the poisonous capital of the country. How had the Mafia not defiled this place like they had everywhere else?

By the time the sun began to lower over the horizon, Spike was yawning and looking particularly worn out. He wasn't used to having other little fillies and colts to play with, and he certainly wasn't as active as he should've been at his age. It didn't surprise me at all that he was running on empty.

The crowd was beginning to thin now that it was getting late, and closer to dinnertime. I headed for the library after bidding many of my new friends goodbye, as well as a few old ones. I knew Vinyl Scratch and Octavia lived here, but I wasn't aware Lyra had moved out here at some point! Even found herself a nice mare to settle down with. They swear they're just best friends, but I know bullshit when I smell it.

About halfway there though, I noticed that a lot of ponies were heading in the same direction. A single curious inquiry later, and I licked my lips at the thought of heading down to Sweet Apple Acres with everypony else to join in on a big feast. Spike was dozing on my back all the way there.

When we arrived, I could tell that this was where things really started to kick off for everyone. Earlier was a more innocent warm-up. This? This was hard cider getting passed around and barbecued vegetables, dried fruits and Apple Family cooking being prepped en-masse to feed the entire town, just about. Surely not everyone was here?

I figured this wasn't a normal occurrence either, unless this town was really that saccharine-sweet, so I kept an eye out as I approached. Sure enough I spotted them, front-and-center, Celestia and Luna, waiting for the food to finish getting cooked up. The nobles can say whatever they want about 'commoner food', the Apple Family makes some good eats, and clearly Princess Celestia knew this.

What had me curious as I got closer was that Luna was wide-eyed and almost leaning out of her seat, watching food sizzle on the grills while plates were brought out from the farmhouse. Ponies were already well on their way to getting tipsy, and the food was going almost as fast as it was being made. The moment a plate of freshly-cooked veggies was put in front of Luna, her forelegs were shaking as she reached for her spoon and fork.

Then she took her first bite. The loud din of laughter and chatter masked it somewhat, but given I was close enough, I got to hear the nigh-orgasmic moan she let out. Her eyes fluttered closed as she chewed, and more than a few heads turned her way, but I could tell she both didn't notice and wouldn't have cared if she did. That face? That was the face of one who had found Nirvana.

She took bite after bite of food, finishing off her plate and quickly asking for another. There was no royal decorum about it, and all things considered, that was probably a good thing. This was a down-home get-together. No need to put on airs. She was one hungry mare and the food was for everyone, why not pile it on?

"What's wrong with her?" I asked Celestia, while holding a mug of hard cider.

Celestia glanced over at her sister. "This is her first meal in a thousand years. She had forgotten what food tastes like, forgotten the smell and the texture of food on her tongue."

"Oh. I suppose you'd forget simple things like that after a thousand years," I muttered, taking a swig of my cider. "I mean, sometimes I forget where I left my house keys after putting them down the night before."

She hummed idly while taking a bite of a cooked yam, the corner of her eye curling up in a genuine show of delight. "Not quite a five-star dish, but...definitely still good."

"That's debatable," I said, smirking a little as Apple Bloom led Spike over to one of the large picnic tables covered with fresh food. "I had some of their food yesterday. I think it tastes better."

She spooned a mouthful of sweet corn into her mouth and chewed a little before smiling at me. "I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree."

I mock-gasped. "The great Princess Celestia, talking with her mouth full? The scandal!"

"Oh, yes," she said, chewing a bit more before swallowing. "Clearly, I have been infected by the Apple Family's country ways! Next thing you know, I'll be belching as loud as possible and shouting about how 'that's good eatin', boy-howdy!'"

I almost spilled my drink, laughing at that. We shared in a companionable silence after that, my eyes being drawn to the buffet table Spike had gone to. He was holding a small plate in his hand while he listened and talked with some of the other young fillies and colts, ones he'd played with earlier.

"Spike seems to be enjoying himself," I heard Celestia say. "I haven't seen him smile like that since he was a little babbling baby."

"Mmmhmm," I hummed, smiling fondly at the sight of him talking and laughing with others closer to his age. "I never got to see him like this in Canterlot. It's nice."

"You know, the library is in need of a new librarian," she said in that suggestive way that only those more experienced in dealing with her can recognize. "If you so desired, you could stay here, in Ponyville."

I gave her a brief glance, then looked back to Spike, contemplating the offer. He was in the middle of talking about something to a few other kids, and they were asking him plenty of questions in return. Probably not often they get to talk with a kid from the city, and despite the age difference, they all seemed to be getting along. It was...I almost went through with it.

Outside of my future plans, and maybe my big brother, Spike was and is my everything. Even my continuing efforts in the studies of magic as Celestia's pupil have been spurred on by a need to care for him. I needed money, the availability of Cadance and other trustworthy caretakers, especially when I was younger and totally new to all of this. I certainly couldn't count on my parents for that.

My gaze wandered over the shuffling crowd of ponies that were talking and celebrating our victory over Nightmare Moon. There was no hesitation in their embraces, their words or their expressions. No desire to hide what they were really feeling. It was in stark contrast to my entire life, where keeping track of one's facial expressions, words and the tone behind them was paramount...like some kind of life-long game of Poker with pretty much everyone, at all times.

This town was far too innocent. I didn't belong here. If I moved here and went through with what I'd planned all these years...no. I'd poison this place with my mere existence within it.

"A tempting offer, Princess...but I'd have to decline," I said slowly, downing what was in my mug, finishing off my drink. "No matter how tempting the offer is."

A pair of ponies ran past us, both of them having imbibed of far too much alcohol than was acceptable in front of children, but then, perhaps things were a bit different when you were celebrating the fact that the world was no longer doomed to a slow, torturous death. Considering the fact that Applejack's brother was wheeling out even more barrels of the good stuff...yeah. Pretty sure destroying brain cells was entirely the point of the evening.

"I see," Celestia said, the disappointment on her face all too obvious to me. It was all in that single exposed eyebrow of hers, you see. "That's very unfortunate. I have no doubt Spike would be very happy here."

I nodded slowly in agreement. "Yeah...I know."

It was quiet between us for a time, until Celestia stood up and walked over towards where Big Macintosh was busy refilling mugs for a long line of ponies. She returned with a mug of her own, along with a new mug for me. I accepted it happily.

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Luna had gotten a mug herself at some point as well. She still seemed very meek among the crowd, but she had a small following of stallions and mares from the town all cheering her on while she chugged the contents of her mug down.

It still surprised me just how accepting these townsponies were of Princess Luna. Nightmare Moon, reformed. I mean, being one of the ponies that purified her with the Elements, I could accept her just fine, but how were any of them to know she was totally on the level? Regardless, plenty of stallions were trying to chat it up with her, the ingestion of fairly large amounts of alcohol probably bolstering their courage to do so. Despite the lack of a proper shower, a brush in her mane, everything like that, she still looked fantastic. Kinda demure and tender, if you ask me.

I think those stallions didn't have enough alcohol in the universe to have a shot at her, but eh, a thousand years of isolation just might make you lower your standards to the bottom-most rung, so what do I know?

There was a small nudge on my wither, and I glanced over to see Celestia giving me a look while holding her mug closer to her muzzle. I did the same with my own, and her smile widened slowly.

"Are you challenging me, Princess?" I asked, my voice strangely muffled by the mug itself.

"That depends," she said, that light upward lilt in her voice always an indication of her more mischievous nature. "Do you accept the challenge?"

"If I did, you'd beat me with ease."

She giggled ever-so-slightly. "And since when has that ever stopped you, my faithful student?"

"True."

The ponies that were nearby were startled when Luna threw down one of her mugs, splintering the wooden container on the dirt ground and calling with her Royal Canterlot Voice for another. There was a momentary pause that gave me time to stabilize the drink I'd almost dropped from the sudden loud outburst, which was quickly followed by a sudden raucous cheer. It only got louder when Celestia went over to tell her that we were going to have a drink-off, and Luna came over to join us.

What happened after that was something I can guarantee the nobles cried 'Scandal!' over. Ponies cheered as myself and the Princesses knocked back drink after drink together. Here's the thing about Princess Celestia though: she's really good at holding her liquor. These days, alcohol's just a part of negotiations, be it with the nobility or with foreign Ambassadors, friends, family, you name it. She has a liver made of solid magisteel. My chances of winning against her in a drinking contest? Zero to none.

Because of that, I knew when to bow out. I did manage to outlast Princess Luna, though I'm guessing I only pulled that off due to over a thousand years of being sober and having already chugged several drinks prior to joining up with us. Needless to say, she was catching a nap on the royal chariot, in a most undignified position. I don't think anyone cared, save for a few stallions that were just drunk enough to believe they had a chance.

That just left Celestia and I, and I immediately conceded defeat as soon as my senses began to dull and my eyesight began to get really fuzzy. The world spun as the several mugs of cider I'd chugged went to work on my bloodstream, while Celestia just sat there, as serene as ever. The only hint of her being inebriated was a consistent rosy tint to her cheeks, easy to see with her pure white fur. I swear she could chug a forty and be just fine afterwards.

I found myself being braced by the other heroes of the day, though Applejack was looking a lot less wobbly than everyone else. My memories of the rest of the night are hazy at best to this day. I recall making out with a few stallions in various stages of drunkenness, getting slapped by someone's wife for making out with them, aaand I actually threw a bit at Rarity's ass. Fun fact: it bounced pretty damn far!

Then I woke up with a pulsing headache, and a warm body snuggled up against mine...in Fluttershy's bed.

Author's Note

Oh, and just so everyone knows, for those that don't quite get why I put Epilogue in the title...

This is not the epilogue of the story. Just this story arc.

With that out of the way, enjoy speculating on who might be in the bed with Twilight right now!