Chapter 35 - Parasites

written by Fire Soul

There were many ways I could describe Blueblood. A stain on the coat of Equestria. The bile you taste in your throat after a night of alcoholic over-indulgence. Herpes on my balls. Many, many ways to describe him, yes indeed.

But hey, maybe that's just my personal bias.

In truth, if I had to describe Blueblood in a more reasonable choice of words, I'd go with 'selfishly altruistic', as much of a contradiction as that sounds like. The constant flirtation and landing of high-class mares in his bed aside, he often went to numerous get-togethers, schmoozing with the nobility, gathering information, and things of that sort. He donated his money to charities and invested it in good-will organizations, and from the surface, that seems like it makes him a really good pony, even if his personality is haughty and extremely annoying.

When you're someone like me though, you tend to look past the surface, to an almost obsessive degree. I'm an inquisitive sort, what can I say? What the average pony doesn't see is the loopholes that Blueblood exploits when he donates to these charities, and the under-the-table deals he makes to ensure that he makes a whole lot more money than he gives away to them. He's a very pretty face with a fairly clean reputation with the masses. It's easy for him to fool them all.

On top of that, I know for a fact that he's not the type to just give money without taking into consideration how much it can benefit him. That concern you hear on the radio, when he's being interviewed about things like world hunger? That tear-jerking waver in his voice as he struggles so very hard to get the words out? Yeah, you can practice that kind of thing. In a mirror. Take acting classes, that kind of stuff. Kinda necessary for someone like him. Gotta make sure they look good for the public!

Of course, a pansy-ass bitch like him can fake tears really well, so it's no surprise he has so many people thinking he's an exemplary individual.

"Ah, Twilight Sparkle! So good to see you again. You look as ravishing as ever," he said to me in that familiar, grating and exaggerated vocal flourish of his that I hated oh-so-much. "Despite Stalliongrad's attempts to make you otherwise."

I caught the motion of his hoof just on the edge of my sight, and I raised my right foreleg in response, offering it to him. It made my skin crawl to do it, but certain expectations had to be met among the nobility. Even as Celestia's student, I wasn't above having to bow my head and properly respond to his social cues. Thus, I had to suffer the sensation of him taking my hoof in his and lifting it up to place a kiss upon it. An empty, expected gesture of respect that I knew was as calculated as it was false.

Many eyes were watching, and the general consensus was that the nobles liked seeing those close to and among the royal family getting along. It sent the message 'everything is fine, nothing is wrong'. Nobles liked it when they could believe that nothing was wrong. That meant they could stay rich and could continue being disconnected from the realities of the common ponies for another day.

I had to fight against my own sneer to maintain a calm, dignified smile as he set my hoof down. "Blueblood! So wonderful to see you again. I see you're keeping fine company, as usual. Only two this time?"

He followed my gaze as I glanced to his two companions, and his chest swelled with pride. "Yes, well, my mares were disloyal, so I decided I needed quality over quantity."

Ugh, he looked like a peacock, standing all tall and proud of himself, chest swelled up and everything. All he needed to do was flag his tail and caw at me and the image would've been complete. Maybe throw in crossed eyes, that really sells it.

"Really? Why, who would ever be disloyal to you?" I asked in a far sweeter tone than I intended. "You're such a charmer. It boggles the mind!"

I could see his smile fade an almost imperceptible amount, and I felt a small delight in it. He knew I didn't like him, but that never stopped him from engaging me. It was expected of both of us, as I said before.

He rallied his smile once more, though his chest had deflated. "I do my absolute best, but sometimes ponies don't know what they have. No respect for royalty."

"Speaking of respect for royalty," I said quickly, stepping to his right. "I came here to speak with Princess Celestia."

"You know, you should join us, Twilight," he said slowly, turning to face me once again. "Both our houses would benefit greatly from our union. It can't possibly be any worse than the company you've been rumored to keep at that noisy club in the red district."

I sighed and faked a smile, eyes drifting shut while I shook my head. "Oh, Blueblood, you keep trying! We both know it would never work. Well, that's not true. It seems like I'm the only one that understands that."

"Yet you've never explained why," he shot back, the faintest hint of a smug smile deforming the mask of a smile he worked so hard to put on every day. "Unless commoners are your type, I don't see how I couldn't measure up."

"Do remember that those are merely rumors, Blueblood." I said quickly, glancing back at Spike, who looked curious, but confused, by our conversation.

Blueblood didn't seem to take the hint. "If you married me, those rumors would disappear. Despite what many may think, commoners can be conniving snakes just as much as they say we nobles are."

"Oh-ho, Blueblood~!" I gushed, sprinkling just the right amount of laughter into my voice. "You say that, but the main reason I spend my time among the so-called commoners is because they don't feel the need to hide their scales! Probably because they can't afford all of those fancy soaps like you use."

Before he could even sneer at me, Spike spoke up. "What's wrong with scales?"

I smiled and glanced back at him. "Nothing at all, dear! Just grown-ups being silly. Right, Blueblood?"

He at least had the decency to notice the look I was giving him. That stern glare of a mother that was just daring someone to say some shit that would devastate her child's innocence. It probably also helped that he was starting to notice the crowd developing around us, on top of the fact that many, many eyes were on us, including Celestia's. I could see her approaching in the distance, most likely to see what the trouble was, or to at least see if there was any trouble at all.

He cleared his throat and put that smile back on, nodding to Spike. "Yes, of course! Nothing wrong at all, we're just being...silly."

I faked a shudder and shook my head. "I'm no fan of snakes, but it's mostly the poisonous ones I can't stand to be around. Makes sense, right Blueblood?"

It was a little difficult to make out, but I could see the muscles in his jaw clenching, yet the smile never faded. "Yes. Quite."

It was a really good impression of Celestia's mask, all things considered. He wasn't anywhere near as good at it as she was though. She stopped her involuntary emoting at the brain stem, so to speak.

I could only be thankful that he wasn't quick enough to say something before Celestia showed up behind him and to his left, in all her regal glory. The less I had to talk with him, the better off things were for everyone, really. I can only keep that facade up for so long before things start to get heated between us, and not in the good way. I can say plenty of bad things about him, but if he ever got smart enough to actually utilize his ability to get under my skin, I'd probably be in prison for beating him to a pulp within the week.

"It would seem you're both getting along for once," Celestia said to us, demanding our attention in the process. "A novel concept compared to previous interactions."

I smoothly maneuvered around Blueblood and bowed in front of Celestia, which caused Spike to slide forward and straddle my withers. "A pleasure to see you again, princess."

Spike took the opportunity to climb off of my back while Blueblood and his mares (see: floozies in their unnatural habitat) turned to bow as well. I took the opportunity to glance over at Spike, and he seemed lost with how he was looking at us, then up at Celestia, then back at us. I didn't bring him to court very often, and it was rare that he was around when this sort of formality was necessary, and I'd never really given him any instruction on what he was supposed to do in this sort of situation.

He had it covered though. He just waved to Celestia instead.

"Hi princess!" he said without a care in the world, despite the many ponies around that I could see staring at him in disbelief.

Celestia, of course, found it amusing. I could hear the faint laughter she was hiding behind a hoof, and a quick look around the room made it clear that the vast majority of people at court that day were a bunch of hoof-lickers, with how they began to chuckle and go along with what their precious princess was feeling. At the very least, I could take comfort in the fact that a select few of them were genuine, but it was just another sign of how important it is to fit into their world view. Not everyone has the standing and social presence to sway an entire crowd's thinking like Princess Celestia does.

Celestia lowered her head and approached us, gently resting her hoof atop Spike's head. "Good to see you too, Spike. What brings you here today?"

I stood up quickly and looked down at Spike. "We just spent most of the day shopping, and I figured we should stop in and say hello."

"Personally, I would recommend rest," Blueblood suddenly chimed in next to me, standing up as well. "How else will your muzzle get better?"

"I assure you Blueblood, I'm more than capable of taking care of myself." I quickly shot back, staring at him without turning my head.

He hmph'ed and stuck his nose in the air. "If that were true, you wouldn't have come to harm to begin with! If you were my wife, you'd want for nothing and you wouldn't have to associate with the ruffians that hurt you!"

"You say something like that, when your dates are right next to you?" I asked, pointing between the two mares on either side of him. "Isn't that just a little tacky? I apologize for his behavior ladies, he's always like this."

He scoffed and waved off my mockery. "I am a prince, Twilight Sparkle! It is an honor to be courted by me. Your constant rebuttals are tolerated only because I-!"

"That is enough!" Celestia stated firmly, looking between us. "Honestly, it's always the same with you two...."

I bowed my head faintly. "My apologies, princess."

"I as well, auntie," Blueblood said, doing his best to actually sound remorseful. "I am ashamed of my behavior."

Celestia nodded to us both while Spike slipped out from under her hoof and moved to stand next to me. "It's fine. Perhaps your flirtations should be taken elsewhere? A crowd is no place to court a mare, nephew."

"Perhaps," he said, turning to me and bowing his head. "I will show greater discretion in the future. Maybe tomorrow, over lunch?"

I sucked in air through my teeth while glaring him down. "You never give up."

"Of course not! What kind of stallion would I be if I gave up?" he asked, though I was fully aware how rhetorical the question was. "Now, I have some fine, respectable young ladies to entertain. It was a pleasure as always, Lady Sparkle!"

I watched him leave with no small amount of disgust. It was always like this with him, a confrontation of him being a flirtatious bastard that couldn't take a hint, and me having to look bad by being a brick wall made entirely of the word 'no'. The fact that he made a habit of doing it in public only made it worse for me.

As a prince, there are certain allowances made for him due to his status. Anyone that wants to climb the ladder quick sees him and realizes there's a nice, convenient elevator right next to the ladder. All they have to do is press the right buttons to get where they want to go. Unfortunately, that has fostered a mentality in Blueblood that has led to him being insufferably insistent.

Very few ponies are willing to say no to royalty. Very few people can afford to say no to royalty, to be more specific. The only reason I can get away with it is because of my position as Celestia's student, and now, also because I've gone on record as saving the world. All of that will never change the established mentality of the nobility however.

See, Blueblood tends to get what he wants. As long as he's consistent and doesn't give up, he tends to succeed without fail. I don't need mental magic to know that in the minds of many of the nobility, my resistance towards his 'affections' are cute and quaint. As far as they're concerned, my eventual marriage to Blueblood is a foregone conclusion, even if he has to pay my parents to set things up. It was very likely that his courtship of me was little more than a game to him.

Whether or not that marriage would last has absolutely nothing to do with it. It's not exactly a secret that he has a new mare or two hanging on him every week, some of them repeats, some of them not. The idea of him actually getting married and not being caught banging several mares on the side was and still is inconceivable. Probably a few married mares while he's at it.

All of that, and I haven't even mentioned his Mafia connections!

Celestia's sigh couldn't have communicated more disappointment if it tried. "With that, court is adjourned for the day, my little ponies! I look forward to seeing you all again soon!"

With numerous goodbyes going on around me, I waited for ponies to begin to leave, standing steadfast at Celestia's side while letting Spike climb up onto my back once again. With so many hooves clomping around us, I would rather Spike not be on the floor anyway. Too many opportunities for his tail to get stepped on, or trampled outright.

When the throne room was empty, and it was just us and the usual number of guards, I turned to Celestia with a frown. "Have I ever mentioned how much I despise your nephew?"

A stifled snort sounded off from the far corner of the room, definitely one of the guards. Probably one that I knew and sparred with on occasion. I didn't exactly make my dislike of Blueblood confidential knowledge, and many of them could share that sentiment, even the ones that were on the take. Even if he was above all of them, they knew an asshole when they saw one.

Celestia smiled good-naturedly and shook her head. "No, never."

"I despise him," I said quickly, hmph'ing and sticking my nose into the air. "He's like a bad smell in your fridge. You clear out the questionable things and scrub it down, but two days later, there it is again. Offending your very senses."

Celestia merely rolled her eyes at me. "You come up with such colorful ways to over-exaggerate, Twilight."

I quirked a brow at her. "Am I really overexaggerating?"

"No!" she said sharply, her mask-smile fading for only a brief instant, little more than a small twitch in the corner of her muzzle. "But he is my nephew Twilight. It's rude to speak of him in such a way in front of me."

"Then permit us to state thusly: thine nephew is rotten tripe on finely-clothed legs."

I blinked only once before old instincts kicked in. I ducked low and lit my horn, a spell already in mind when I looked up towards the ceiling. The fact the voice came from above could only mean it was a pegasus, and a pegasus descending from the ceiling in the throne room could only have ill intent. It was rude to fly around for any reason. Judging by the way the guards were reacting around me, I wasn't wrong about that.

Celestia's non-reaction, however, gave me reason to doubt that this was actually a threat. Aside from a disapproving scowl, she didn't seem all that surprised. When a familiar figure landed next to her, all of the guards just as quickly resumed their positions and uttered an apology before returning to the stalwart living statues they often were in the castle.

"He's your nephew as well, Luna," Celestia stated calmly. "You should stand by his side, and be a good example for him."

Luna looked up at her sister incredulously, then laughed. "How old is he, dear sister? We should not have to set an example for a grown stallion! His attitude remindeth us of our own time, when stallions would steal away the objects of their affections and force marriages in secret. Thou knowest our disgust for such things."

"That sort of thing doesn't happen anymore, sister," Celestia said soothingly, motioning to me. "As you can see, my student is still happily single and lacking a wedding dress."

"Fie to thee!" Luna barked, swatting her hoof through the air as if she were batting away a fly. "Were this our court, thy nephew would have been gelded-"

"Luna!"

The sudden shout from Celestia caused Spike to duck his head behind mine. He'd crawled forward to lean against the back of my head and neck to get a better view of what was going on, but now I guess I was his shield. Celestia didn't lack for intimidation once she got upset.

Luna, however, didn't miss a beat. She fell silent and looked in my direction, and at least had the decency to appear ashamed. She stepped forward and slowly bowed in front of me.

"We fear we hath behaved in a manner unbecoming of our station," she said, closing her eyes. "Pray, forgive us for putting on such a display in front of thee and thine child."

I shrugged it off, only one thought on my mind. "As long as he doesn't-"

"What does gelded mean?" Spike chimed behind me.

I could only rub my hoof over my forehead so hard, you know. The animalistic growl was entirely unintentional. My temptation to snap Luna's pretty little neck because she could survive it was entirely justified in that moment.

At least Luna was quick to try to fix her mistake. "'Tis a subject young children should not concern themselves with, little one. It is a bad thing, and we would hope thy exploration of such a thing would remain purely academic in the future."

He stared at her for far longer than was necessary before finally looking to me again. "What?"

"You'll find out when you're older, hun."

"Oh. Okay!"

I knew Spike wanted to ask more questions. He always did. It was that inquisitiveness that made him such a good student all on his own. A personal desire to learn more about anything that piqued his interest was more than most parents could ask for in a child...and usually it was something stomped out of the ones that went to public schools. I could only be thankful he'd learned to keep it under control.

With Spike no longer asking questions, I could answer Luna properly. "So what kind of punishment would be appropriate for a princess talking about inappropriate things in front of children?"

To Luna's credit, she actually didn't seem like her mind ventured into dirty territory...despite being forced into celibacy for a thousand years. "Once, self-flagellation was an acceptable form of repentance, though we have been informed that such things are seen as barbaric in this day and age."

"Yyyeah, no," I responded quickly, shaking my head. "Rather not be responsible for a princess looking all torn-wait, wounds don't last on you."

"Drat," Luna grumbled, lowering her head. "Thou wouldst be surprised how often such things worked in our day. Once, the implication of self-harm was enough to convince all of our dedication."

I hissed in a breath through my clenched teeth. "These days, self-harm is only associated with suicide. Ponies see it as a cry for help...which isn't necessarily wrong."

Things got quiet from there. Also awkward. Veeery awkward. Thankfully, we had a resident tension-resolver in our midst, so I could only be happy when I felt feathers suddenly curling down over one side of me.

"Well! I believe we can put such talks behind us, wouldn't you both agree?" Celestia asked, glancing between us. "Not the most pleasant topic of conversation."

"Yes! Of course," I said quickly, eager to sidestep the massive obstacle that was that conversational dead end. "How about tea? I could tell you about my time in Ponyville, if you like."

"That sounds wonderful! I'm sure my sister would like to join us as well," she said, looking in Luna's direction. "Am I right, Luna?"

To Luna's credit, she did a good enough job of hiding her apprehension. While she'd held the conversation well enough before, something about the way the silence was lingering between them struck me as odd. I was missing something, and the way Luna kept looking back and forth between Celestia and myself only served to make me suspicious.

The silent conversation between them ended almost as suddenly as it began, Luna's smile appearing just a little too quick to be believable. The corners of her muzzle seemed just beyond the kind of smile you'd immediately think of as 'acceptable and real'. Kind of like someone that forces a smile, and the corners of their eyes don't curl up. They're pretending, but it'd cause a problem if you said anything.

"Verily, we would enjoy joining in thy merriment!" Luna stated suddenly. "We have little else to do during the day."

"Wonderful!" Celestia said with a merry smile, leading the way out of the throne room and into one of the adjacent halls. "I believe it's long past time I introduced the two of you under less troublesome circumstances."

Our trip through the castle wasn't punctuated by much, outside of Spike regaling Celestia with his own recollection of what happened during our visit to Ponyville. I was content to let him chatter, considering I didn't have much to say at the moment myself. I was more focused on Luna.

See, the miniature princess wasn't being very talkative either, which I guess wasn't all that surprising. Being so out of touch with modern Equestria, I wouldn't expect her to have anything interesting to talk about. It was the way I kept feeling her eyes on me that repeatedly drew my attention. I wanted to say something about it, but I didn't want to make things weird while we were walking down the halls.

I breathed a sigh of relief when we reached the room that Celestia had in mind. If nothing else, I could at least say she was consistent in her choice of rooms. The usual fine decor, the same kind of semi-large round table complete with comfy, expensive cushions. Maybe one day I'd wind up in one of those rooms, but there'd be a painting of Celestia's ass on the wall or something, just to break up the tedium.

Oh sweet her, that'd be a fun prank to pull.

It didn't take long for the usual rigamarole of ordering tea and getting situated to take place. The cushions were plenty comfy and Celestia took the time to pour tea for all four of us, but there was a tension in the air I wasn't sure how to handle. On top of that, Luna chose to take the seat furthest from me, on the complete opposite side of the table, with Celestia seated next to her. It left me constantly facing her, yet still she did her best to avert her gaze whenever I tried to make eye contact with her.

I really couldn't get a read on her no matter how much I tried. Even as Celestia, Spike and I conversed about our stay in Ponyville, Luna was oddly silent and withdrawn...just like in the halls. It didn't make a lot of sense to me why she even bothered to join us if she didn't actually want to talk. Then again, how could I understand the inner workings of someone that only recently got back from a thousand-year isolation?

"Spike, I'm going to check in with my advisors, and you seem bored," Celestia suddenly said, finishing off her cup of tea. "Would you care to join me?"

"Okay!"

I took note of how Luna's eyes widened, the small alicorn watching her sister get up and leave with Spike on her back. I could tell almost immediately that she wanted to say something, likely in protest since it would leave us alone together, but the moment she opened her mouth to speak, we locked eyes. Instantly, her protests ceased, and I swear she managed to almost duck behind her side of the table with how she shrunk in on herself.

It was only once Celestia and Spike were out of the room that I bothered to show any sign of disapproval. "I know it's been a thousand years and you're probably ecstatic to be free, but in my experience, most ponies wouldn't react favorably if you were so blatant with how much you don't want to be alone with them."

To her credit, she didn't respond with an immediate rebuttal. There was something more along the lines of visible, base, animal panic in her eyes that made me lean back out of reflex. I had only ever seen those eyes in victims that knew what was comin' to 'em when I showed up in their house unannounced, right after putting a hole in the forehead of the ponies they hired to protect them. That was the kind of look you brace for, because a cornered animal is very likely to pounce out of desperation.

Fortunately, it didn't come to that. Her panic receded just as quickly as it came, and she was left trying to come up with something to say. It gave me an opportunity to take in how strange it was to be looking at an alicorn the same size as me. I was used to having a slight stiffness in my neck from looking up at Celestia so much. It was almost surreal.

She managed to catch herself long enough to formulate a proper response. "We did not say that we are afraid to be in thy presence! Alone!"

"I didn't say that either," I responded calmly. "I said you don't want to be alone with me."

Her face scrunched up as if she'd bitten into a lemon. "We...suppose that thou art correct...."

I looked down to my almost-empty teacup and pushed it aside. "So, why exactly are you afraid of me, princess?"

The look she gave me was nothing short of steely determination. "We are not afraid of thee."

"Yeah, and manticores don't shit in the Everfree," I muttered, looking down to her half-empty teacup. "I'm guessing you're not a fan? Er, of the tea I mean, not me."

She gazed down at her teacup, her frustration from my verbal prodding more than obvious. "Yes. We prefer the bitterness of this drink our ponies refer to as coffee."

"A little early in your return after a thousand years to be calling us 'your ponies', don't you think?" I offered, daring to grin at her.

Now I was getting under her skin. Despite her smaller stature, I got this feeling in the back of my mind that I was an ant nipping at the tender pawpads of a tiger, and it had finally taken proper notice of me. Time would tell if she dealt with me the same way a tiger actually would.

"Perhaps...though we would argue that thine barbed tongue should be cut out for such an insult," she said, pushing her tea aside firmly enough to make it splash over the rim of the cup and spill into the saucer it was sitting on. "Regardless of thine status as our sister's favored student, we are a Princess of Equestria. Thou shall show us respect!"

"Respect is earned, princess," I responded as calmly as ever. "This isn't a thousand years ago, and I'm intimately familiar with the reason why you haven't been around. These days, a pony with the guts to say it would call you a domestic terrorist, and they would reason that you're not currently chained up in a dungeon because of nepotism."

The tension in the room was palpable to me, and it was all coming from her. From the way she was glaring at me, I genuinely thought she was going to explode at any moment.

Her anger left as quickly as it came. "Thy tone and sharp words must be directed at us for a reason. Would thou tell us that reason?"

It was something that had been in the back of my mind ever since the girls and I dealt with Nightmare Moon. Princess Luna, the newly-reformed Mistress of the Night, returned to a position of power with very little fanfare, an entire town celebrating her return...but I'd heard nothing about her since then. No rumors, no newspaper articles, not even any news stations on television so much as mentioning her name. With such a huge event taking place, how could Luna not be on the minds and lips of every pony in Equestria?

It told me other equally concerning things as well.

"Then I'll get right down to it. I haven't heard a single thing about you since your return," I started, folding my forelegs on the edge of the table and leaning my weight against it. "So either you don't know what you're doing, or you're being a lazy coward, and unlike Celestia, I'm not going to sit here and act like I'm okay with either possibility."

"What dost thou mean by that?"

"What, you don't get it? Let me lay it out for you," I said, idly making a sweeping motion in front of myself with a foreleg. "Celestia is a beloved ruler. You returned and were given back your title of princess simply because Celestia said you were redeemed. No one questioned it at all, at least, not openly. It's only a matter of time before her detractors, foreign and domestic, start using you to tarnish her reputation, for all the good it'll do them."

She took a breath and nodded to me. "Make no mistake, Lady Sparkle. We hath considered a great many things and discussed far more with our sister."

"Then what do you plan to do about it?"

Her ears folded back and she looked over towards the balcony doors. "We...do not know. T'would be expected of us to get involved with Equestria's politics, but the landscape hath become so foreign and convoluted, we hath not a single thought of where to begin."

"Then don't start with politics," I offered, pointing out towards the balcony. "Politics may not be the same beast you dealt with back in your time, but Equestria has grown in ways you might not even be able to fathom until you see it for yourself."

She shook her head slowly, her perfect posture failing by less than an inch, her withers slumping. "We do not believe we are prepared for such an endeavor. We are still coming to terms with the concept of indoor plumbing, let alone modern interaction with our subjects."

"Pff! Okay, I guess ya got me there," I said, cracking a smile. "But you better think of something soon, princess. I don't like the idea of Celestia having to protect you, and believe me, she would do everything she could. That little encounter I had with her back in Ponyville's hospital made that clear as day to me."

"Nor do we enjoy such a thought," she muttered quietly, tapping the edge of her hoof against the surface of the table. "Our sister hath changed much in our absence."

"Good! Glad we're on the same page," I said, my smile quickly disappearing. "Now apologize."

Her ears perked up again, that semi-slouched posture of hers straightening in an instant. "Apologize for what?"

"For threatening my son," I stated, glaring at her. "Also the whole 'Eternal Night' thing you planned to do, which would've killed everyone, but that's not something you just apologize for."

For the first time, she seemed less upset and more taken aback. "Th-that was Nightmare Moon! Thou cannot possibly-!"

"Nightmare Moon only existed because of you," I said, sitting up straight instead of leaning on the table. "Though I suppose you could also say it was partially Celestia's fault, but I feel like that would also be shifting the blame."

There was silence once more between us. The table creaked as she clenched her hoof against the edge of it, and I could've sworn that if she wanted to, she could've cracked the table in half despite her size. That's sharply-trained earth pony magic for you.

"Very well," she said, inhaling deeply and closing her eyes. "We apologize for our grievous transgressions against thee. Art thou satisfied now?"

I tilted my head this way and that, pretending to think on it. "Mmmyeah, I guess so. I already got to shoot you in the face, multiple times at that. Pretty sure that makes us even."

"Good! We would move past such things for the time being."

I shrugged and used my magic to heat up the tea again, pouring myself a fresh cup. "Works for me. Spike is my everything, and I can't explain it, but I get this strong urge to break anyone that talks bad about him in any way...let alone issuing threats, indirect or otherwise."

"Do not apologize for feeling defensive of thy child," she said, shaking her head quickly. "'Tis worthy of respect, despite our feelings on the matter. We would sooner question when ponies began to raise dragon hatchlings!"

"Fine. Instead of that," I offered, cracking a smile. "Let's focus on the fact that we're probably going to be seeing a lot of each other, and I'd rather not let things boil between us."

"Very well," she said, perking up with a faint smile. "What dost thou have in mind?"

I couldn't help but grin as an idea came to me.

"Have you heard any really modern music yet?"

Author's Note

So I did a thing. After a really long time. Like, a ridiculously long time that shouldn't have taken nearly this long.

I made the mistake of getting into FF14.

Heeeeeelp meeeeee.