Peter Trotter: Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Pony

FADE IN

INT.MANEHATTAN MUSEUM-NIGHT

The place is closed for the night, shrouded in darkness. Pan across the various exhibits until with a sudden FLASH-

INT.FLASHBACK MUSEUM-EIGHT OR SO YEARS AGO-DAY

-we're suddenly in a warped (Saturday Morning appropriate) nightmare version of the museum. Same layout but spiky Greco-Romanesque decor. The pony PAST MASTER takes aim with his pocket watch and strikes a demonic looking gong with a bolt of light. The museum patrons flee as the gong's reverberations open a portal, out of which tramps an army of ancient knights.

PAST MASTER:

First this city, then this entire timeline! Nothing can stop-

There's an off-screen ruckus accompanied with the familiar sound of firing webs. Past Master is forced to duck as various pieces of his army hurtle towards him.

PAST MASTER:

Nothing can stop-

(ducks a boot)

Nothing can-

(ducks a shoulder pad)

Nothing-

He gets smacked by a helmet.

PAST MASTER:

STOP THAT!

SPIDEY:(O.S)

You first!

A glob of webbing covers Past Master's mouth. Whip from his indignant mumbling and struggling to the victor standing over his defeated army:TEEN SPIDER-PONY. His costume is clearly an early model: no web pattern on anything but his mask and he's sporting those dorky underarm web wings.

TEEN SPIDEY:

By the way, Mulesterio called.

(Kicks a helmet away)

He wants his everything back.

THE DOCTOR:(O.S)

Excuse me, pardon me, coming through...

Teen Spidey and Past Master turn to see THE PAST DOCTOR (3RD INCARNATION-ISH, pleasant enough demeanour, Pegasus, wearing a scarf) float over the last of the fleeing patrons.

TEEN SPIDEY/PAST MASTER:

You again?!/(Same, muffled)

PAST DOCTOR:

(To Spidey)Hello again!

(To Past Master)

Right, now that's just about enough of this I think...

TEEN SPIDEY:

Couldn't agree more!

Teen Spidey leaps over and leans into the Doctor's bemused face, all petulant attitude...despite being a foot shorter than the older Time Lord. Both heroes fail to notice Past Master taking aim at the gong with his watch.

TEEN SPIDEY:

Listen buddy, you've been getting in the way of catching this guy all afternoon. I told you: leave this to a professional!

PAST DOCTOR:

Perhaps you'd be so kind as to escort me to one then.

TEEN SPIDEY:

That some kinda crack?!

PAST DOCTOR:

It's funny you should mention cracks actually, because if your professional doesn't have any experience with fracturing reality the current danger could very well-

TEEN SPIDEY:

(Scoffs)

Danger? What, the Gas Pastor or whatever back there? Smoke, mirrors and animatronics!

PAST DOCTOR:

Hardlight, actually.

There's the sound of the gong and Spidey is snatched up by a massive reptilian skeleton. The Past Master finally yanks the webbing off, rubbing the red ring it leaves around his jaw.

PAST MASTER:

As I was saying...NOTHING CAN STOP THE PAST MASTER!

PAST DOCTOR:

Oh now really, that's too kind! You flatter me!

Past Master can only blink at this. As Teen Spidey struggles in the jaws of death the Past Doctor pulls his infamous SONIC SCREW DRIVER out of his scarf with his mouth, takes aim, and vibrates the skeletal beast apart. Teen Spidey thuds to the floor.

TEEN SPIDEY:

Wait, this...this is real?!

PAST DOCTOR:

Very. Oop!

(Ducks a bolt)

Step lively, there's a good lad!

The Doctor bowls Teen Spidey and himself behind some cover. Spidey can only watch, stunned, as the Doctor and the Past Master fire their respective weapons at each other, the beams evenly matched. Both take a quick break, the Doctor whipping back behind cover to tinker with the screwdriver.

TEEN SPIDEY:

So...so he really IS some kind of super villain from thousands of years ago?! He's really trying to take over today with the past?!

PAST DOCTOR:

Yes, although he may want to stop that before summoning this much mass from different times causes space to...

With a roar the floor beneath the combatants gives out, opening up a roaring hole into a nightmarish non-world.

PAST DOCTOR:

Oh dear! Right, right, the important thing is not to panic. He's using that watch to break everything, so logically to fix everything we just need to use it to-

A screaming Past Master interrupts, charging and firing. The heroes bolt apart, Past Doctor returning screwdriver fire, Teen Spidey firing webbing. The webbing sticks Past Master's feet to the floor, sending him tumbling and throwing his watch into the air...where it's struck by the screwdriver beam, knocking the hands off. Everybody just stares at this for a second.

PAST DOCTOR:

Oh dear...

He starts towards him, but the floor between them is swallowed up by the expanding portal and he tumbles in. The fights the black hole like suction with his wings, but is slowly dragged down...until a webline slaps into his back. Teen Spidey, still freaking out, nevertheless manages to yank the Doctor to safety.

PAST DOCTOR:

Thank you! One would almost think you'd done this before.

TEEN SPIDEY:

I'm a friendly neighborhood hero! I don't do

(gestures at the chaos)

...THIS! I don't even know what this is!

PAST DOCTOR:

After you've been at it long enough? A science.

TEEN SPIDEY:

Science...

Spidey looks from the portal to the gong. He snags it with a webline, grabs the Doctor's screw driver with his tail and leaps into the hole in the floor.

PAST DOCTOR:

Right then. I'll just bandy about a bit up here. See if I can't amuse myself.

PAST MASTER:

Witless abecedarian! What hope have you against the arcane might of the PAST MAS-

The Doctor socks him right between the eyes.

INT. FLASHBACK-THE VOID

Freefalling Teen Spidey spins a web large enough to hold himself and the gong from falling all the way in. He cocks the screwdriver and zaps out a tune: The Spider-Man theme song. Nothing.

INT.FLASHBACK-MUSEUM-DAY

A screaming Past Master charges the Past Doctor...who calmly pony judo flips him.

INT. FLASHBACK-THE VOID

Teen Spidey tries another frequency: The Doctor Who theme song. Still nothing!

INT. FLASHBACK-MUSEUM-DAY

The Doctor holds back the Past Master with a single hoof to the head. Past Master can only flail angrily.

INT. FLASHBACK-THE VOID

Teen Spidey watches as more tares begin to open up and goes for broke: the My Little Pony theme song. With a rumble the void begins to shrink, collapsing in on the shaking gong!

INT. FLASHBACK-MUSEUM-DAY

Past Master is knocked backwards, stands on the edge of the portal flailing for a few seconds before tumbling in.

Teen Spidey is thrown into the air, still clutching the screwdriver and is almost swallowed up by the closing portal...before the a scarf whips around his mid-section, allowing the flying Doctor, the scarf held between his teeth, to yank him out seconds before the portal slams shut.

Spidey stares around wildly as the room returns to a regular museum. He looks up to see the Doctor throwing his scarf around his neck, retrieve his screwdriver and begin to leave.

TEEN SPIDEY(O.S):

Wait!

He hangs upside down in front of the Doctor, curious but not aggressive.

TEEN SPIDEY:

Who ARE you...?

The Past Doctor smiles.

CURRENT DOCTOR:(V.O)

Yes, yes, you don't have to tell me all that...

And we flash cut to-

INT. MUSEUM LECTURE THEATER-NIGHT

-the present, the CURRENT DOCTOR'S face replacing his former self's.

DOCTOR:

I was there.

The shot widens to reveal the Doctor is tied to a front row seat in the museum's lecture theatre. On stage the Past Master steps out of the shadows, a resembled watch hanging around his neck.

PAST MASTER:

Oh, my sincerest apologies. I was merely making absolutely certain I was not exacting vengeance upon the wrong time traveller FOR TRAPPING ME IN THE UN-LIFE THAT DOES NOT EXIST BETWEEN THE SECONDS.

SPIDER-PONY:(O.S)

Oh boo hoo...

One of the theater's spotlights slams on suddenly, blinding the startled PAST MASTER with the Spider-Signal. Pan up to the lights, SPIDER-PONY (modern version)perched on the spotlight projecting the signal somehow.

SPIDEY:

...like anypony's on overtime here.

Past Master snarls and fires the watch, turning the entire rig Spidey's standing on to dust. Spidey manages to flip into a smooth landing and looks over his shoulder at the Doctor.

SPIDEY:

Could he do that before?

DOCTOR:

Define 'before'.

Spidey's spider-sense goes off, forcing him to dodge another blast. He leaps out of the theater to get more room to maneuver. He flips from the heads of several statues, including one of PRINCE BLUEBLOOD, all of which are disintegrated by the watch. The disappearance of that last one sends him sprawling to the floor...where he's zapped, wiped from existence.

DOCTOR:

Awful shame, that.

PAST MASTER:

Indeed it is! For it was your past self's foolish attempt to hide my watch by reassembling and donating it to this museum a decade before my defeat here-

DOCTOR:

Actually, I meant you might have gotten us if not for the fact I put them on backwards.

PAST MASTER:

(Staring at his watch because how does that even work?)

I beg you're pardon?

DOCTOR:

The hands. On your watch. Put them on backwards. Can't remember if I did it on purpose or not, but you're really boring and this should be interesting so it was probably on purpose.

There's an ominous rumbling. The various dematerialized objects re-materialize, only the Blueblood statue showing any change: it' missing it's suit and is attempting to preserve it's modesty with it's bow tie.

SYMBIOTIC SPIDEY pops back into existence. His head slowly rises to meet Past Master's gaze before letting out an unnatural hiss and mutating into the hulking POISON PONY!

PAST MASTER:

No, no, NO!

He levels the watch at the charging Poison Pony, firing off a blast which only turns him into-

PAST MASTER:

WHY

-SCARLET SPIDEY, and again, turning him into-

PAST MASTER:

WON'T

-AMAZING REBOOT SPIDEY, and again, turning him into-

PAST MASTER:

YOU

-ULTIMATE ZEBRA SPIDEY, who's almost on top of Past Master now...

PAST MASTER:

STOP?!

There's a thunderclap and the watch goes flying. It strikes the ground next to a pile of purple cape surrounded by orange dust, shattering. A coughing but normal Spidey struggles free of the purple robes. The Doctor, free somehow, casually walks up and helps dust him off.

DOCTOR:

Ah, you're back!

SPIDEY:

I was gone?

DOCTOR:

I'll explain later.

SPIDEY:

You always say that.

DOCTOR:

Oh, I do not.

SPIDEY:

You never do.

DOCTOR:

Do too!

The two bickering friends exit, leaving the demolished watch behind. A blue hoof stamps down and a strange glow surrounds the parts, reassembling them. The hands revolve and insert themselves correctly before the finished watch is snatched up by the hoof. Pan up to reveal the smiling face of the sinister MASTERPIECE.

MASTERPIECE:

Well hello, beautiful.

FLASH CUT TO:

EXT.CLOUDSDALE-YEAR 2099-NIGHT.

The Pegasus citizens flee as a giant NIGHTMARE MOON MECHA drifts over the futuristic towers balanced on the clouds. Close up of the Past Master's watch balanced on the tip of it's horn, which starts zapping in various pony dinosaur menaces.

A shadowy figure web swings from cloud to cloud before perching on one, a spotlight below illuminating SPIDER-PEGASUS 2099 (Less Rainbow Dash, more Daring Doo but that kind of basic body type in a 2099 costume) who spreads her wing and power dives towards the threat...or at least attempts to before a flash of brown snatches her up by the tail an drags her higher. 2099 spins around to come face to face with THE NEW DOCTOR: a buoyant female Pegasus voiced by Amy Acker.

NEW DOCTOR:

Steady there, m'dear! Need to have a bit of a pow wow on the current brouhaha before we make with the pow pow, what?

2099:

And just who the shock're YOU supposed to be?

The New Doctor looks at the camera and winks.

FADE OUT

END