Adventures of a Stereotypical Brony

The Adventure Begins

Chapter 1: The Adventure Begins

"This shit is redundant and in no way makes you an intellectual, you may as well be posting lyrics to metal songs on your myspace profile."

-Thomas Jefferson

The next morning James headed to Starbucks, bringing along his macbook pro and Lyra plushie.

Casting a cautious glance around the small coffee shop, he sat down slowly. He was still recovering from his traumatic experience yesterday, and was on edge, looking out for black people that would surely be after his wallet in their mindless pursuit of Benjamins to gratify their sick, depraved desire for nippular pleasure.

Making sure nobody was in visual range of his laptop screen, he opened it up and started the machine. He waited a few moments for it to warm up, then logged in and opened up Safari. Clicking on his favorites tab instantly launched his favorite clop and bestiality websites, and he settled in for a long hard session of voyeuristic fantasies with a certain cast of pastel-colored cartoon horses. But alas, this was not meant to be.

As soon as the website -name withheld- opened, a site made almost exclusively for the posting of strange fetish clopfiction and stories about your alicorn OC, the screen began to swirl in a vaguely counter-clockwise direction. James raised one greasy eyebrow in wonderment as a psychedelic stream of colors began to pour out of his computer screen, and soon he felt a disembodied tug at his collar. Extremely annoyed about not being able to finish writing his first-person erotica involving him and Futashy, he started hitting the laptop screen, and was quite startled to see that his hand went through the screen, promptly followed by the rest of his body.

"Help me!"

He managed to shout out before his face disappeared into the kaleidoscopic laptop screen. The other occupants of the Starbucks ignored the desperate cries of the brony in the corner, they came here often enough to know just not to interact with the fedora-wearing autist.

With a final attempt at grabbing something solid to save himself, the disembodied hand that had remained in this dimension followed the rest of James's body. A nearby man grimaced and gagged over his americano coffee as he caught sight of the tabs James had left open on the now normal laptop screen. He then shook his head.

Sick pedophiles these days.,,

James awoke, groggy and light-headed. Lethargically he forced open his eyelids, to be greeted with the sight of unnaturally green grass.

"Wha-where am I?"

The words came out from a desert-like throat with a scratchy hint to them, as if he had not talked, or drank water, for months. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard an accented reply.

"Yer on ma' farm you ugly mutant varmint, now git!"

At the sound of the deep-southern voice James groaned.

Oh great, kidnapped by a dumb redneck bent on pursuing a radical right-wing agenda with him somehow. Why could he never be kidnapped by a progressive socialist who actually understood how the world worked? It's all this disgusting cis privilege around nowadays.

Without looking up, James spat as he replied.

"Who're you calling mutant, you dirty inbred hick."

"Huh-what did you just say tah me?"

James looked into a dangerously close pair of bright green eyes. Strangely large ones as well. Then he had a realization. But it was too late as he was bucked directly in the face, sent flying across the ground and into an apple tree, where he landed in with a sick thud, with a sound more akin to a bag of rocks hitting obsidian then flesh hitting bark, and the accompanied of several audible snapping sounds.

He faded in and out of consciousness, as excruciating pain coursed through his every nerve in his body. He winced at the feeling of bones at unnatural angles, tearing through his flesh. Attempting to move one finger resulted in a fresh round of mind numbing pain. He had broken several ribs and his jaw was a mess inverse and cracked bones and loose teeth. His spine was completely numb, which couldn't be a good sign. Managing to spit out a glob of blood, mucus and formerly intact teeth he looked at Applejack and uttered one word:

"Why?"

This was his dream. To be transported to Equestria and to meet the ponies of his dreams. So far it was not going according to plan.

Applejack nervously scratched the back of her mane with a single hoof as she averted her eyes from the crumpled mess of a pony/human hybrid that lay slumped at the base of a tree, it was ugly, disregarding the fact it had a crumpled face and only its lower body was a pony. Then her gaze hardened.

"Oh 'ahm sorry, I forgot that ya didn't have the strength to back up those insults. Now ah best get you somepony with medical experience, 'fore you bleed out. Twilight'll know what ta do."

He began slipping into merciful unconsciousness as various injuries leaked vital body fluids, unable to hear the end of Applejack's last sentence. One last thought appeared in his mind as he saw something before a black veil descended upon the world, a blonde tail waving from side to side as its owner hurridly walked off to fetch help, leading to a smooth pair of buttocks.

Dat plot.

A/N: Updates will be short and sporadic at best, I'm not particularly renowned for my consistency.