Twilight Sparkle stomped down the stairs that led from her bedroom to the library, and glared at one of the books contained within her many bookshelves. For far too long this book had gotten the best of her, and its constant presence on the bookshelves of her library was a harsh reminder of her ineptitude to grasp and fully understand the complicated formulas it held within its covers
So now she was determined to master the knowledge contained within its covers, and put an end to its silent mockery of her past failures once and for all. She was an alicorn for Celestia’s sake, one of the most powerful beings in the universe and there was no way this puny book would ever again get the better of her.
With a angry scowl set on her face, Twilight picked the book up in her magic and began walking towards the kitchen where all the necessary equipment she needed for this experiment was already set up. Along the way she bumped into Spike, her number one assistant, and dragon she could always count on, who had just woken up from his afternoon nap.
“Hello Spike,” Twilight greeted happily as she walked by. “Today is the day I finally...”
“Oh sweet Celestia!” Spike exclaimed when he saw the book Twilight was carrying. “I thought we agreed you would never try something so dangerous ever again. Don’t you remember what happened last time you tried this Twilight? You almost completely destroyed Ponyville!” Twilight rolled her eyes at Spike’s over reaction and was about to step into the kitchen when Spike latched tightly onto her back left leg. “I can’t let you do this! For the sake of Equestria and all ponykind I have to stop you!”
Twilight’s horn glowed and she easily plucked Spike from her leg and deposited him on the ground. “And here I thought Rarity was the queen of overreactions, but you Spike are certainly giving her a run for her money.”
Tears ran down Spike’s face and fell to his knees clasping his claws in front of him. “Please Twilight! I’m begging you! Don’t go through with this, I have so much to live for!”
“Okay now you’re just being completely ridiculous.”
“I haven’t even told Rarity how much I love her.”
“If you’re so worried about this Spike, why don’t you go get the Elements of Har...”
Before Twilight had even finished her sentence, Spike got to his feet and ran as fast as he could out the front door leaving behind a slightly confused and shocked alicorn staring after him. Shaking her head at the complete lack of faith her assistant had for her, Twilight walked into the kitchen and placed the book on the bench before opening it up to its title page.
“One Thousand and One Easy Recipes All Ponies Can Cook”
With a little giggle of excitement Twilight flipped to the first recipe of the cookbook and began levitating the necessary ingredients she would need in order to make pancakes. Milk, eggs, flour, sugar, butter, and baking powder all flowed from the fridge and cupboards and settled in their respective places on the bench in front of the alicorn.
Following the cookbook’s instructions to the letter, Twilight measured out two cups of flower and carefully placed the white powdery substance into a mixing bowl. The sugar and baking powder soon followed, and she hesitated a long moment before levitating three eggs out of their carton. This was the part when things usually went spectacularly wrong, when she introduced the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients.
Sweat ran down Twilight’s face and she narrowed her eyes in intense concentration as she carefully cracked the eggs into the bowl of flour before giving a loud squeal of fright and diving as fast as she could behind the cover of the upturned kitchen table.
Twilight covered her ears in preparation of the massive explosion that was sure to happen but after several moments of nothing happening she cautiously poked her head up over the edge of the table and gazed intently at the innocent looking bowl sitting on the bench. Not yet satisfied it was safe to approach she used her magic to slightly nudge the bowl before ducking back behind cover to escape its retaliation. She took the noticeable absence of angry growling as a signal to proceed and she began measuring out the right amount of milk to use.
Once more nothing interesting happened, and she gave a sigh of relief. But that didn’t stop her anxiety and blood pressure from rising as she began adding butter to the pancake mix. This was it. This was the part where the batter either exploded covering Ponyville in its thick gooey liquid, or it crawled out of the bowl and tried to eat her mane straight off her head.
Twilight closed her eyes in fear and dumped the butter into the mixing bowl, and than began carefully stirring all the ingredients together causing the batter to become the consistency of some unidentifiable gloop.
“Oh come on!” she shouted in anger before violently shaking the bowl of failed batter. “Work, damn it! I followed all the instructions perfectly, why won’t you...”
“Twilight! Stop! You’re going to make it mad!” Rainbow shouted bursting into the kitchen with Spike, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy following close behind her.
“Spike! I wasn’t serious when I told you to get the Elements of Harmony! Honestly, you’re all completely overreacting!”
“Sorry darling, but how can you say that when that pizza you made two weeks ago exploded and completely covered Ponyville in cheese. I was cleaning my mane for days after that!”
“It was still one of the most delicious days of my life!” Pinkie happily exclaimed. “Next time you should try making frosting!”
“Umm... Girls, I think we may have a problem here. Fluttershy said just as a loud ominous gurgling sound came from the mixing bowl.
Twilight gave a frightened ‘eep’ and dropped the bowl, and everpony began backing away slowly as the batter began to slowly rise and form a massive blob of pale twitching goo. When it was almost too large to fit in the kitchen the blob of batter stopped growing and a massive mouth morphed into existence on its sticky dripping surface.
“I am Dorp!” the mouth in the pancake batter boomed in a deep angry voice. “The God of Food and Culinary Delights, and your continued failures of cooking has angered me. Therefore I must end you in order to save the world from your...”
“Heya Dorp!” Pinkie happiled yelled over the pancake batter’s booming voice. “I’m Pinkie Pie wanna be my friend!”
Before the rest of the ponies could do much more than blink in complete disbelief at what they was seeing, Dorp gave a scream of anger and descended onto the group of ponies who all screamed in complete terror as they were suddenly swallowed up in a never ending flow of sticky pancake batter.
Twilight swam desperately through the thick gooey liquid to reach her friends and make sure they were okay, but it was a losing battle and she soon found herself getting more tired after every second that passed.
“Twilight you dumb egghead!” Rainbow said hitting the alicorn upside her head.
“Ow, Rainbow! What the hay as that for?!”
“For ruining my fantasy! Seriously, this is not how I imagined us being in a sweet sticky mess together!”
“What!” Twilight exclaimed in shocked disbelief at Rainbow’s confession. “You have fantasies of being in a sweet sticky mess with me?”
“Sorry ta interrupt,” Applejack yelled at the two ponies as she struggled to keep her head above the lake of pancake batter. “But maybe we should focus on getting outta this before you two...”
“Explain why you’re having fantasies about me Rainbow!” Twilight demanded not bothering to pay attention to her earth pony friend.
Rainbow’s face flushed bright red and she looked anywhere but at her secret crush. “Well... Because you’re totally...”
“GIRLS!” Fluttershy screamed getting the two mares’ attention. “Could you discuss this after we get out of here!”
Twilight shot the cyan pegasus a withering glare that promised they’d definitely be continuing this conversation afterwards and began searching for a way out of the mess her cooking had created. She tried to use several different spells to make the batter disappear but her magic had no effect on the God of Food and Culinary Delights, and the pancake batter continued rising.
“Hey Dorp, I don’t suppose you’d consider letting the rest of go, seeing as we’re not the ones who are shockingly bad cooks?” Pinkie asked.
“NO!” Dorp’s angry voice boomed from the batter.
“Okay, just thought I’d ask. I still totally wanna be your friend though!”
“Twilight! Use your magic and open the door to the kitchen!” Spike suggested as he tried his best to swim towards Rarity who looked close to fainting.
“Are you kidding me?!” Twilight screamed at the dragon. “All of my books are on the other side of that door!”
Applejack groaned and face-hoofed. “You’re seriously willin’ to die over a few silly books?”
Twilight growled and glared at everypony stuck in the batter. “I’ll only open that door if I can’t find another way out of this mess that doesn’t involve ruining hundreds of books.”
“Come on Twi!” Rainbow pleaded. “I wanna have the chance to make out at with you at least once before I die!”
Everypony stopped struggling to stare in surprise at Rainbow who groaned and began blushing an extremely dark shade of red. “Okay fine, I admit I have a massive crush on Twilight!” Rainbow practically yelled. “And I don’t mind telling you all this because we’re all about to be killed by mutated pancake batter. While I’m at it, I might as well admit I stare at her incredibly sexy flank whenever I get the chance, and would love nothing more than to stick my tongue in her...”
“Rainbow!” Twilight yelled before the pegasus could say anymore. “I’m going to use my magic to push you towards the kitchen window, and once you’ve climbed out you can help everypony else out as well, okay?”
She gave Twilight a determined nod. “Okay. But once this is over, and if we have’t died, I’m going to take you out to dinner. I know this really awesome restaurant...”
“That’s real nice RD,” Applejack interrupted, “But could ya just get us outta here, and than talk about ya future dinner plans?”
Rainbow shot Applejack a brief glare, but before she could say anything her body was suddenly covered in a warm tingly sensation sensation and she looked down at herself to see Twilight’s violet aura of magic enveloping her. She looked back at crush, and nodded once more. “I’m ready Sparkles! But if I don’t make it...”
“For Celestia’s sake Rainbow, you’re only going two feet!” Rarity shouted looking quite distressed as she desperately tried to get her mane out of the pancake batter. “So would you please hurry up?”
Twilight closed her eyes in concentration, and she began slowly pushing Rainbow towards the kitchen window being careful not to use too much force that might accidentally dunk the poor pegasus. She was determined to ask Rainbow if her crush on her was genuine, or just one last attempt to get some sweet flank before she died in a sea of pancake batter, and she couldn’t do that if she accidentally drowned Rainbow in the process of saving her.
“Got it!” Rainbow shouted in triumph as her hoof came into contact with the window. But before she could make any attempt to free herself, Dorp gave an angry bellow and began pushing her away from the window.
Pinkie scowled and gave the surface of the batter a hard slap. “Bad pancake batter!”
The God of Food and Culinary Delights gave his loudest scream of rage yet, and a massive blob of pancake batter rose above the six ponies and one dragon, who all watched in horror as their demise came closer and closer.
