Pinkie meets the Merc

by Majikkstar

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 1493

Pinkie meets Deadpool for the longest few minutes of comedy

I openly admit I know almost nothing about Deadpool except his powers are Wolverines, he's insane, and he has a mouth that almost rivals me.

Hey, writer. If you were a rival to me you'd have your own show.

"Well I could someday."

Yeah, and maybe I can be with the queen of France. Stop talking to me and start writing this adventure already.

Well, anyway Pinkie and -

'Pinkie'? With a name like that she'd better be hot as Paris Hilton.

"Paris Hilton? Whatever, I've got a description to write and at this rate they'll decline it! Hush."

Fine, but I'd better see boobs or I'll... I don't even know yet but it's gonna be bad for you.''

Pinkie and Deadpool meetup and stuff happens.

Wow, what a great description. 'Stuff happens.' This'll get featured for sure, great job.

"Ah, sarcasm. I get it..."

Enjoy the read.

Published 2015-07-31 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-31 23:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Pinkie was sitting on the couch in Sugarcube Corner gingerly savoring a red velvet cupcake with carrot icing and oat sprinkles. The kitchen door opened then slammed shut making Pinkie glance to the kitchen before taking another bite.

"Hey, what's with the tiny kitchen? Is this PeeWee's Playhouse?"

Pinkie tossed the cupcake in the air and caught it in her mouth swallowing it quickly. "Hello? Is somepony in the kitchen?"

"No, no ones in here. Wait, did you say 'anypony?" Deadpool peeked over the kitchen doors to look around. "Wow, pastels and ponies. Sounds like a winning mix," he said giving you a thumbs up.

"Oh, who're you. I like your costume but it's not Nightmare Night for a few months," Pinkie said pronking over to the counter, "You want a cupcake?"

"Do you have tacos?"

"Taco flavored cupcakes?" Pinkie asked making a confused face. "That sounds kinda gross but I can try."

"Forget it, how about a chimichanga?"

"Chimichanga? Oh! Have you ever had a cherrychanga?"

"What the hell is that?" he asked entering the room and walking to the couch and falling onto it. Sliding his right hand into the front of his pants he sighed happily. "Yup, yup, yup ahh. So, about that cherrychanga?"

"Yeah, it's like a chimichanga but filled with cherries and deep fried!"

"So, like a cherry fritter?"

Pinkie began pronking around the couch.

"Oh, um... I guess so, but I like the way it sounds. Cherrychanga. OH! Chimicherry! That's great too, which one sounds better? Chimicherry or cherrychanga? Chimicherry or cherrychanga? Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry."

Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry.

I think this is some kind of torture.

(You'll regenerate.)
Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry.

I hope so, this' taking a long time. Maybe she's a secret weapon.

(Sounds like she's just a kid trying to have fun.)
Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry.

What is that?

(A bug. Ignore-)

Deadpool quickly pulled his gun with his left hand and shot the bug on the floor. Pinkie screamed as she jumped behind the couch. She peeked over Deadpool's shoulder and followed his arm to the smoking barrel of the gun then saw the hole in the floor.

"Is that magic? I hope you have bits to pay for that or you'll have to work it off. That's how I got my job here. The first thing I made was a cupcake. Well it was more of a ball of dough with icing on it. Oh you know what else has dough? Chimicherries or Cherrychangas."

Oh god not again, Deadpool thought as he lowered his arm and with a soft receipt the gun hit the couch. What the hell is going on?

(You're in a cartoon that's not yours. Just go with it.)

Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry. Cherrychanga. Chimicherry.

Deadpool raised the gun to his head and squeezed the trigger. "Gah I can't do it. Not yet anyway."

"Well, I don't know what that is but it's makes holes so I guess you shouldn't do that to your head. You could get a headache."

"A headache?" he laid his head back and looked at the ceiling, "this whole place is a headache. And how'd I even get here?"

"The back door silly."

"No. Hey, writer, how'd I even get in this place? Shouldn't be possible in the worst of circumstances and now I'm in a cartoon with ponies? What the hay? Holy shit you just made me use 'hay' in a sentence?"

Yeah, I thought it'd be kinda funny.

"Well you're way off. And what about scene setup? What time of day is it? Where are the other people here? Kinda devoid of life."

Ponies. Ponies are there and I guess it's morning and they're all at work.

'Okay, first, ponies? Seriously? Not horses or llamas? Ponies? That's the universe you pulled me into? Okay second it's morning at a bakery and hello. No pony is here except this one eating a cake and screaming about food?"

"Cherrychangas and Chimicherries. And don't be so rough on him, look at him, wasting his life away when he could be at a party."

Hey, stay out of this Pinkie. Both of you just be silly and stuff so I get likes and all that.

"Hey buddy, I do what I want and no writer is gonna say otherwise, got it? Now write me eating a chimichanga."

So, a chimichanga appeared in front of them both and they ate them.

"Wow, such deep writing skills. I'm riveted, please keep going."

Pinkie took a bite and spat it out. "What kind of chimichanga is this?"

Beef

Pinkie's eyes widened and she stuck out her tongue looking at it before gagging and running to away to the nearest bathroom.

What happened?

"Hey asshole, you do remember horses are vegeterians right?"

Ponies and shit. I'll fix this!

Magically a time portal opened and time rewound a half a minute to when the chimichangas appeared and Pinkies was now a cherrychanga. She took the first bite and trembled in joy at the sweet flavors dancing over her tongue. "That's one good cherrychanga."

"Oh yeah, extra steak and chicken and, awe lookit that. There's mini tacos in here."

Deadpool ate his tacochanga-

"HOLY SHIT that's genius. You're not a total tool."

Gah, stop acknowledging my existence!

"Yeah, noponies supposed to know we're not really real. Only the unique ones like me and Discord do."

"Well, anyway let's blow this popsicle stand. What can we do here?"

"Well," Pinkie said tapping the floor with her hoof.

"Okay, wait up again. Writer and readers ya see that? What just happened? Where was she just now? All I saw was a floating head by me. She wasn't standing or sitting and now she's a floating head with a hoof on the floor. I swear ya don't start showing more I'll show your wife more than she can handle."

Woah, what's that I hear?

Suddenly they were outside in a field. Green grass up to their ankles and flowers of every color dotted the landscape for as far as they could see. Deadpool and Pinkie were standing appropriately to their own species' specifications and looking around the lush fertile land they were now surrounded by. Then a cow the size of a house fell on deadpool. Boom. The end.

"Woah woah woah, you can't do that," Pinkie shouted, "this isn't tagged gore or dark and this makes no sense. And I know no sense I'm Pinkie Pie."

It's my story and I can do whatever I want and I don't like his attitude.

Pinkie glares at the screen angrily.

What? Ugh, fine.

The cow turned out to be a giant fluffy pillow that bonked him on the head.

"Wow, what a plot twist," Deadpool said pulling his guns and firing them at my omnipotent viewpoint. I quickly swung away and he followed shooting quite expertly with seemingly unlimited ammo but never got me.

"You owe me about $2000 for emotional damages and fees and bullets."

You don't exist and I don't have that much.

"My lawyers will be in contact with your mom."

Looks at the screen deadpan.

"Are you saying that or doing that?"

All the above. Okay, I don't even know how I thought this was gonna be funny. You two are a perfect match but I can't get this to work and you're just a distraction.

Deadpool vanished in a flash of light returning to his universe never to grace my stories again and Pinkie was back at home relaxing.

The end.

"Wait!" Pinkie cried, "You sent me home... to the rock farm. I don't wanna be here I wanna be at the Cakes."

"Pinkamena? Is that you? How'd you get here and why are you a floating head? Oh Celestia are you cursed?"

"No mom," Pinkie said turning her full body with a pink curly mane to her mother, "I'm just in a story and it's almost over."

Yeah, sorry about that.

"Who was that?" Pinkie's mother asked the air around the room.

Nopony.

Pinkie was suddenly in Sugarcube corner at the couch again with a cupcake in her hoof attached to her foreleg and her body was there too and she opened her mouth with teeth in it and took a bite and smiled because it was good.

Better?

"This was one of the most weird stories I've been in but it wasn't too bad I guess. Better luck next time."

Thanks Pinkie, and good luck with Fluttershy.

"...That's a totally unrelated story and I don't go for that. Or do I? I'll ask Hasbro what I'm into, maybe they'll give a clue in an episode."

Okay, going now. Gotta publish this thing and all that.

*Hits publish before something else happens.*