Nona - Is It True What They Say About Humans?

by Pumpkinonimous

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Human, Anthro
Length: 20222

Generic ends up on the shitty end of the stick when the mares of Ponyville finally get the answer!

Generic ends up taking the wildest ride of his life when the mares of Ponyville finally discover the answer to the question…

Is It True What They Say About Humans?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-06 06:12:21 UTC

Apple Jack

“Ow, fuck shit!”, I grumbled, pricking my finger on a thorn for what seemed like the thousandth time that morning as I tended my tumooter plants. I sucked my finger and grimaced. Why the fuck was I even bothering with these things?

‘You need a hobby’, Nona’d said. ‘Try gardening’, she’d said. Why didn’t I grow flowers? Flowers don’t have thorns. Well, roses, yeah, but fuck! These things were like blackberries from hell!

“The fruit’s really nice and it makes great wine!”, the pony at the garden shop had said. The wine was a selling point. Okay, sounded good to me so here I was ripping my hands up. Yeah, I wanted to smack the pony who’d sold me these fucking things in the head, now.

“Hey, babe! I’m back!”

I looked up to see Nona’s head sticking out the back door. She wasn’t smiling. Bad sign. I stood up and headed across the yard toward her.

“What’s up?”, I asked, feeling like maybe I shouldn’t ask that question. Too bad I wasn’t a mind reader like her.

“We need to talk”, she said as she headed toward the kitchen, me following.

Oh, fuck me! I knew that tone. This was not going to be good.

I grabbed a cup of coffee, or what passed in Equestria for coffee anyway, took a seat at the table and waited for the hammer to drop.

She sat down opposite from me, looked at me for a minute.

“How do you feel about an open relationship?”, she asked. I’d been sipping coffee when she asked that. Big mistake. Shocked, I spewed my drink all over the table, stared at her.

“The fuck!”, I blurted, “ain’t I enough for you, baby?”

She looked down at the table, frowned, looked back at me.

“No, the opposite”, she said quietly, “you’re too much!”

I stared back at her wondering and not being quite sure what she meant. I mean, sure, I had an idea but I know I’m not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree of life so... Fuck me!

“Uh... What do you mean too much?”, I asked, “I thought you loved fucking me.”

“Oh, I do! I do!”, she said emphatically, “I mean, especially the last time when you made me pass out. Twice! It was wonderful!”

“So, what’s the problem?”, I asked thinking I’d rather eat dog shit than hear the answer. I felt like I wanted to tell her I love her but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it in that moment. Oh, fuck me!

“Two hours every night and four on weekends is a bit much, babe”, she said, looking like she was regretting it as soon as she said it, “you’re  wearing me out. I’m lucky I can walk when I get up in the morning.”

I stared at her. Okay, so, it was dawning on me that she definitely didn’t want to go out and fuck other ponies. That was a relief since I tended to be an insanely jealous bastard. Shit! I once popped a stallion in the eye for looking at her wrong!

“So, um... I love you?”, I kind of half asked, half said. She smiled for the first time, reached across the table and took my hand, squeezed it.

“Oh, I love you too, babe, but have you seen my clit? The poor thing’s so tired it’s hanging out of me like a tampon string!”, she said.

Wait... How the fuck did she know about tampons... Or the strings on them? She’d never used them, never had to. Ponies - even changelings - didn’t have periods which I thought was kind of pretty cool since I didn’t have to deal with PMS. I grimaced when the mental image of mares walking around with strings hanging out of their pussies invaded my head. I facepalmed. Oh, fuck me!

“Uh, honey..?”, she said. I opened my eyes to see her staring at me, arching an eyebrow at me, “Open relationship..?”

Then it hit me like a freight train moving at one mile an hour.

“Wait... You want me to go out and fuck other mares? Like, have a harem or something?”, I stared at her, my jaw dropping. She nodded. My mind reeled.

Whoah! Wait! Whoah! Hold up! Put the breaks on this shit!

Nona was just as jealous as me. She once bit a mare on the head just for flirting with me! Yeah, we kind of had a rep in Ponyville. Now she was saying she wanted me to go out and start a fucking harem like some studmeister? The fuck, man! Another thought hit me like a swinging pinata.

“What the fuck brought all this on?”, I asked. She studied my face for a moment, bit her lip.

“Okay, so, I was walking past Sugarcube Corner and there were these two mares hanging out. They kept looking at me and giggling. I thought they were making fun of me because I’m a Changeling. You know how I’m sensitive about that”, she said.

“Uh... What?”, I asked.

“Yeah”, she continued, “So I got pissed, went up and asked them what they were laughing about. They got kind of scared. I guess I’m scary when I get mad? Anyway, they said they weren’t making fun of me so I asked them what it was.”

“So?”, I asked, not sure I wanted to hear the answer.

“They told me they were jealous!”, she said, “I was all like... ‘jealous?’ Why?”

That’s when the swimming pool colored one, Feathermay, asked me, ‘is it true what they say about humans?’”

I felt a shock of horror and dismay run through me. I really didn’t want to hear what she’d told them.

“So, I told them, yeah. It was all true! Every bit of it! That’s when I got an idea”, she said.

I stared at her, really horrified now. Shit, it was bad enough living in Ponyville with every mare in town looking at me and drooling like they’d rape me right there on the sidewalk if they could but... Oh, fuck me! Just then Nona got a guilty look on her face.

“What... Did... You... Do?”, I asked slowly, feeling like I really didn’t want to hear the answer to this.

“I, um... I put an ad in the Ponyville Picayune”, she said, quietly, “it’ll be out with the morning edition which should be right about... Now”

“What?!”, I shouted, jumping up from the table, almost knocking it over, “What kind of ad?”

“I know how horny you are, honey! You’d fuck me all day every day if I let you! I thought it would help!”, she squeaked.

“What did it say?”, I asked, narrowing my eyes and staring at her, both scared and really pissed off, now.

“I, um... Kind of... Put you out for stud?”, she said sheepishly.

“What?!”, I shouted loud enough to rattle the windows.

Poor Nona’s ears fell, she looked like she wanted to crawl under the table.

I ran my hand through my hair, started pacing the floor.

“Oh, fuck me!”, I muttered, “how could you do that, Nona?!’

“I didn’t mean any harm by it, babe! Really! I thought it would help. You’re like a steam boiler without a safety valve. I just wanted to make sure you’re getting enough!”, she said, quietly, staring at the table. She sounded like we were talking about vitamins for crissake!

Okay, that blew me away. Here was one of the most jealous females of all time not only willing but sharing me with other mares? That, to me, had to be one of the most loving things anyone’d ever done. My anger faded.

I opened my mouth to say something when there was a knock at the door. I was so pissed I opened it without thinking.

There, at my front door, stood Apple Jack. Apple Jack?! The most sexless, dateless mare in Ponyville?! My mind spun faster.

“Hey, sugarcube”, she cooed as she drew up close to me, “ah read yer ad in th’ paper this mornin’ so here ah be!”

She licked her lips, looked at me like a starving pony eyeing a Hayburger. Shit! Was she drooling?

I backpedaled away from the door.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t that I’d never thought of having Apple Jack or never had fantasies about her. Fuck, she was one of the hottest mares in Ponyville but she was always working, never flirted with me when I worked at her farm, it just never occurred to me that she ever even thought about sex so her showing up at our door was a huge shock.

“Hey, Nona!”, smiled Apple Jack at Nona  with a wink. She saw Nona’s frown.

“Did ah come at a bad time, honey?”, asked Apple Jack as I seriously considered leaping through the living room window.

“I think I made a mistake”, said Nona, embarrassed.

“Oh, well! What’s done is done!”, smiled Apple Jack as she grabbed me by the shirt with her teeth and dragged me off down the street, screaming.

“Don’ worry, sugarcube!”, she shouted back to Nona, “Ah’ll bring ‘em back in one piece! Ah promise!”

...

“Hot damn boy howdy! It’s true! It’s all true!”, purred Apple Jack as she lay next to me smoking a cigaret five hours later.  All I could do was lay there and groan, feeling like I’d been hit by a truck.

Yeah, all that hard work in the orchards had made her one fucking strong mare but, up to that point, I had no idea she got off on being sadistic, too. I touched the huge bruise on my eye where she’d punched me while she was climaxing and grimaced.

“So, what ah owe ye, darlin’?”, she asked, snubbing her cigaret out.

“What?!”, I shouted, leaping out of her bed then wincing from the pain of all the bruises she’d put on my body, “Owe me?! I ain’t no fucking prostitute!”

“Oh, goody! Tha’ means ah can have seconds!”, she squealed with evil delight. Rubbing her forehooves together and licking her lips she grabbed me, screaming, dragged me across the room and strapped me to a torture rack.

...

I dragged my poor, aching body home from Apple Jacks after almost ten hours of some of the most brutal, violent sex I’d ever been a victim of. Yeah, whips I could understand but fucking studded chains? That bitch was into some seriously kinky shit! And who knew? You’d never guess just from looking at that innocent farm-girl face what kind of evil lurked behind those wicked green eyes!

Hell, at least I knew now why she never went on dates and it definitely answered the question of why some stallions got scared shitless and ran when they saw her.

...

I was still a block from my house. I almost shit when I saw what was waiting at the front door.

There, lined up for a block and a half, were mares and older fillies of every color and description, all of them holding little scraps of paper in their mouths.

I went a block behind my house, snuck through a neigh-bor’s yard hoping I could get in the house unseen.

Luck was with me! I peeked through the hedges that separated the back of my house from our neighbors, saw the back yard was empty.

I dragged my battered ass across the back yard to the door as fast and as quietly as I could.

I was just opening the door when squealing giggles hit my ears.

“There he is!”, some mares shouted excitedly as they ran toward me. I practically jumped through the door, slamming it behind me. This was followed by several loud thumps as the mares in the lead were pushed into the door and back wall by those behind them trying to get to me.

“Baby! Are you okay?!”, Nona gasped, shocked, when she saw me.

“I fuckin’ hate you!”, I growled angrily as I dragged myself up the stairs and went to bed. Needless to say I slept alone that night, Nona wisely choosing to sleep on the couch.

I tried to sleep but my mind was filled with the horrors Apple Jack had subjected me to that day so I just tossed and turned for most of the night before passing out, aching and moaning, some time around four in the morning.

I would definitely have to have a talk with Nona in the morning about going to the Picayune and pulling that fucking ad! I hoped that with it gone that’d be the end of it and I wouldn’t have to be subjected to the weirdness of Ponyville’s mares anymore.

Little did I realize that this was only the beginning.

Rarity

“Yeah, what’d you... want..?,” I trailed off as Rarity opened her front door, smiled alluringly at me.

What I saw standing in front of me made my jaw drop and gave me instant wood! Yeah, I was looking at Rarity but not like I’d ever seen her, before.

She was wearing her hair down, those gorgeous purple curls elegantly draping over her shoulders. Her subtle, barely-there touch of makeup was perfect and her smoothly oiled skin glistened softly beneath the sheerest teddy I’d ever seen! It looked like she’d made it from the wings of glass wing butterflies.

Her living room was done up like a sex goddess’ boudoir. Softly glowing candles flickered everywhere, lighting the room in their golden glow. The air was gently touched with a scent of jasmine. Near the center of the room lay dozens of fluffy, cozy pillows laid out like a very inviting bed. Very classy, sexy music played softly.

Fuck me! There was no way I could resist this even if I wanted to!

“Hello, big boy!,” she cooed in her smooth, deliciously erotic Brettish accent as she opened the door wider, inviting me in with her sultry eyes. She turned and minced sexily toward her bedroom, wiggling an inviting finger for me to follow.

Oh, great Celestia’s tits! That ass! As she walked it swung with a finer grace and rhythm than any metronome ever made. I felt every nerve in my body begin to tingle.

As I approached her bedroom door she disappeared into the darkness for a moment then returned and handed me an elegant maroon smoking jacket, asked me to take a moment to remove everything else I was wearing and put it on. She stroked my cheek with a finger. It sent shuddering, delightful chills through every nerve in my body. She gave me a wink and a smile before I stepped in, closed the door and changed. Yeah, it took me two seconds to catch on to what she was doing and I was more than happy to play along.

I stepped into the candle lit room a moment later to find Rarity reclining on the pillows. Her pose was sexier and more beautiful than even the most beautiful classic masters painting I’d ever seen.

Smiling, she wiggled a finger at me seductively, enticing me to join her. I needed no prompting!

She rose from the pillows, her fluid motions as graceful as a cat. Picking me up with her magic, she gently laid me down, straddling my stomach a moment later.

Smiling softly, she pulled the fine satin ribbon that held her teddy closed and a moment later it fell open, revealing the full glory of her soft, firm and magnificently beautiful body.

She gently scooched down my stomach until my cock was nestled between the sweet warmth of her firm, supple butt cheeks.

Again, her horn glowed with magic and a beautiful golden bowl full of grape-like fruits floated into her hands.

Taking one of the fruits between thumb and forefinger, she  leaned forward, bringing her luscious body to within inches of my face and smiling, popped the fruit into my mouth. I closed my eyes and chewed ecstatically.

Without a word Rarity repeated this process while gently rocking her ass against my cock, a sensation that now had me so intensely aroused that my head reeled and my body trembled with excitation.

Within minutes I was gasping breathlessly with arousal, sweating profusely. It was then that I felt an orgasm building in my now pulsing, throbbing cock. I opened my mouth to try to warn her of the impending explosion but she laid a gentle finger on my lips and shushed me, smiling.

Oh, man! If she kept this up I'd blow without her even touching me! I tried to warn her again but was again gently shushed.

She rose from my stomach, settled down beside me. Again her horn glowed and a small glass vial with a tapered pour spout floated into her grasp.

Smiling, she winked at me and poured a drop of the thick, brown syrup on her finger, gently slipped it between my lips.

I actually moaned and my eyes rolled back in delight as the taste of the most exquisitely delicious dark chocolate hit my tongue, exploding all of my taste buds in an orgasm of flavor.

By now I was trembling violently, the tip of my cock spewing pre-cum like a fountain! Again, I tried to warn her of my pending explosion which I knew was only seconds away.

Leaning over me, she dribbled a little of the chocolate on my stomach, began licking and kissing it from my body. The feel of her soft, supple lips on my flesh had me groaning loudly as my body ached and strained for release.

Rarity continued this, trailing an excruciatingly slow trail down my stomach to my crotch. All I could do was lay there moaning and groaning loudly, my head rolling, my tongue lolling out.

“Please! Please!”, was all I could groan breathlessly as she finally hovered her face over the head of my cock, her eyes sparkling as she licked her lips in anticipation.

It was just as she gently wrapped her fingers around my cock that my back arched and, in a window-rattling scream, I exploded all over her face and started spewing a fart that seemed to go on forever!

“Argh!”, she screeched, recoiling in horrified shock as she fell back on her ass, disgustedly brushing the tick gobs of my love juice from her mane and face.

It was then that the stink of my seemingly endless fart hit her nostrils. Her face twisted up in a rictus of absolute disgust as she turned a livid green, violently wrinkled her nose and screamed out, coughing and retching.

I don’t know how and I never thought I could hold so much gas but that fart seemed to go on for a good minute and a half, finally dying out in one last high-pitched squeaking tweet.

Leaping to her hooves she ran about the room quickly blowing out all the candles and, throwing open the drapes, began opening the windows.

A moment later she stood near me holding the golden bowl, angrily whipping fruit at me.

“You have ruined everything!”, she screeched furiously as I lay there mortified, my arms raised trying to fend off the fruity assault.

Suddenly I found myself brutally lifted by her magic. The door whipped open and she threw me headlong into the street where I face planted outside on her walkway.

A second later her door whipped open and she furiously tore the smoking jacket from my body with her magic. It flew back inside like a rag driven by a hurricane.

The door slammed shut and I found myself wilting, mortified, under the gaze of chuckling stallions and staring mares as I desperately tried to hide my shame with my hands.

“Oh, fuck me!” I muttered, completely and totally disgusted with myself.

A second later Rarity’s door whipped open again and my clothes flew out and scattered over her lawn.

“Don’t you ever speak to me again!” she screamed at me as the door slammed shut one last time.

I frantically ran about gathering my up clothes and, leaping into a nearby bush, struggled to put them back on unseen as the roar of the laughter of dozens of ponies filled my ears.

I cowered, trembling, in that bush for over an hour before the laughing died down and I heard the clop of hooves finally walking away.  I spread the branches with my hands, peeked out. Good! Everyone was gone!

Leaping out of the bush I skulked and scurried quickly home, my eyes darting, watching for anyone who might be on the street. I had to hide several times as I spotted mares or stallions who’d been standing in front of Rarity’s house when she threw me out, naked.

All I could do was hold my breath and hope I didn’t shit myself from embarrassment until they passed.

I ran headlong up the last block to my house, slamming the door behind me, winded, breathless, sweating, palpitating and totally mortified.

“You’re back early,”, said Nona when she heard me come in and stepped into the living room.

“Oh... I’m guessing things didn’t go well with Rarity?”, she asked, looking at me like I’d suddenly sprouted over 9000 heads.

“Uh, you could say that,”, I groaned before leaping across the living room, racing up the stairs and hiding under the bed.

I saw Rarity a few days after that. She said nothing but walked past me, her eyes closed and her nose held high in the air, her lips twisted into a haughty, arrogant frown.

Sadly, I suspect Rarity might never speak to me, again.

Oh, fuck me!

Fluttershy And Tree Hugger

“Quit laughing, already!” I growled at Nona as I eyed her over my morning copy of the Ponyville Picayune.

“I can’t help it!” she giggled, “It’s just too funny!”

I took a sip of my coffee, grimaced. What was this shit made of, anyway? Did ponies even have taste buds? I set my cup down.

“So, she really threw you out of her house naked?” she asked, doing everything she could to not burst out laughing, again.

“Yeah, she did so fuck me, okay?” I growled, returning to the news, wishing Nona would just disappear. I peeked at her over the edge of the parchment.

“So, did you ever pull that fucking ad out of the paper?” I groused.

“Oops!” she said, throwing her hand up to her mouth, her eyes darting, “I.. kind of forgot.”

“What?!” I shouted, “I asked you three mornings in a row, now! Oh, fuck me!”

I threw my paper on the table and stomped angrily out onto the back porch, plopped myself down in a lawn chair, almost fell on my ass when it started to tip over.

“Fuckin’ bunch’a bullshit!” I groused, as I crossed my arms and scowled at the pansies who looked like they wanted to start singing to me. Stupid singing flowers! I was in no mood. I felt like going over and pissing on them!

“Um... are you okay?” came a soft, sweet and very gentle voice from my left. I turned to see Fluttershy standing on the grass nearby looking like a whipped dog. She took a furtive step closer. I eyed her angrily. She wilted, took a step backward, looked at me like she was about to turn and run.

“I’m sorry,” I sighed, running my hand through my hair, “it’s not a good morning for me.”

“I can see that,” she said, relaxing a little and looking at me hopefully, “so, is there anything I can do to make it better for you?”

Dear, sweet, wonderful Fluttershy! Of all the ponies I knew in Ponyville she was the only one who could break me out of even my worst moods.

Just then a butterfly fluttered down, settled on the tip of her nose and rested there. This made her giggle sweetly. Seeing that made my black funk disappear instantly. I couldn’t help it, I smiled.

She gently coaxed the butterfly onto her finger, lifted her hand above her head. A moment later the little creature fluttered away. She watched it go as if it were the most amazing thing she’d ever seen. To her it probably was. That’s how she was with animals. Everything was amazing to her.

“So I guess you heard about AJ and Rarity?” I flinched.

“Um, yeah... that’s why I’m here,” she said giving me the purest, most innocent smile of sympathy, “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry that happened to you”

Okay, that did it! I got up, stepped off the porch, stepped over to her, crouched down, threw my arms around her and hugged her. She hugged me back warmly. I could feel the smile on her face.

So, all of a sudden I’m thinking, ‘why am I with this bitch, Nona, when I could be with Fluttershy?’ Well, considering that Nona would suck my soul out through eyeballs if I ever left her was a serious consideration. That and she’d probably kill - and possibly eat - any female I might decide to leave her for. So, yeah, there was that. Better to stay where I was and remain alive.

Just then Nona stepped out onto the back porch. She was carrying a suitcase. I stared at her, surprised.

“The fuck?!,” I asked, startled, “Where the fuck are you going?”

“I’m going to go to Boston, Earth, to visit with your mother for a couple of weeks” she said, casually, then, “oh, hey,” she waved casually to the little pink-haired filly who just stared back at her with her mouth hanging open, confused.

“What?! When did you decide that?!”, I asked, feeling like I was about to come unglued.

“Look...”, she said, cautiously, “I just think we need to take some time away from each other, okay? I mean, with all the weirdness going on it’s a bit much for me.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t the one who put that stupid fucking ad in the paper!”, I snapped back at her. She flinched. “I’ll see you in about two weeks,” she said.

What the fuck? No kiss or hug goodbye? Just... gone? Like that? I got seriously scared at the thought that Nona might actually be leaving me!

Okay, yeah, I should have run up to her, should have grabbed her and kissed her, should have begged her to stay but I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t but I didn’t, okay? Oh, fuck me!

“What about that ad in the paper?!”, I groaned.

“Today’s the last day,” she said, “so don’t worry about it.” She said as she turned and headed back into the house.

Blinking with shock I plopped down on my ass, ran my hand through my hair, poor Fluttershy was staring at me like she was going to start crying.

Well, wasn’t this just a fine, perfect morning in pony paradise? One minute Nona’s laughing her ass off at me, the next she’s walking out? Holy shit! Was she coming back? Part of me hoped so, part of me hoped she’d stay with my bitch mom from hell.

I looked back at Fluttershy, closed my eyes and shook my head. She hugged me sweetly.

“I’m... I’m really sorry that happened,” she said.

“Fuck it!”, I muttered with a wave of my hand, “we didn’t get along all that great, anyway. I should have seen this coming. I’m not the easiest guy to live with.”

A moment later I heard the distant thud of the front door slamming followed by the clack of hooves on concrete.

Fluttershy rose like she was getting ready to go. I looked at her with an expression that said I hoped she’d stay.

“Well, I, um, just wanted to cheer you up if I could,” she said, “I’m sorry you’re having such a rough day.”

We heard the sound of hooves softly padding toward us on grass. I turned toward the sound to see who it could be. Maybe it was Nona coming back to apologize to me? Maybe?

“Hey, like, I hope you don’t mind but I was getting tired of waiting so I thought I’d come back and see what was happening?”, came the soft, mellow voice of a mint green filly with pale amethyst eyes who was now walking up to us.

She wore a yellow, flower patterned head scarf over red, two-tone dread locks that hung down like fat, hairy sausages. Her tail was dreaded in the same way and was decorated with small wild flowers. She looked at me with bloodshot eyes as she stepped up to us and sat down.

“Oh, hey, woah! Are you okay?”, she said to me, “your flow is really harsh. All your chakras look really green and nasty.”

Fluttershy looked at her, amused, then turned back to me.

“This is my friend, Tree Hugger”, she said giggled, “I hope you don’t mind but I thought it’d be okay to bring her with me.”

“Meh, it’s cool”, I shrugged, then, “Nice to meet you.”

“Righteous!,” she smiled, extending a hand. I took it, shook it gently. “Ooh, nice touch!” she smiled as she eyed me and licked her lips.

“Oh, hey! I brought something with me!” she smiled at Fluttershy as she opened a heavy, brown leather shoulder bag and took out what looked for all the world like a bong along with a small packet of some kind of leafy, green substance. Fluttershy smiled, her eyes began to sparkle expectantly. “I was hoping you’d bring some of that with you,” she smiled.

“What’s that?,” I asked, actually curious. Wait... Did they really have Weed in Equestria? Fuck, man! Nobody ever told me! All this time and I never knew! Oh, fuck me! I forced a smile.

“This is some righteous herb”, smiled Tree Hugger as she took a pinch of the green substance, packed it into the little bowl, “This shit will utterly obliterate any bad energy on the planet. It’s totally cosmic!”

I suppressed an urge to bust out laughing at what I thought to be a hippy parody sitting in front of me but I didn’t want to insult Fluttershy since she was always so nice to me.

Tree hugger then took a little cardboard box from her bag, opened it and took out a small wooden stick with a red, rounded tip.

“Sulphur-free matches! Righteous!”, she grinned as she held it up and looked at it with admiration before striking it on the side of the box.

Putting the end of the bong to her lips, she put the flame to the little bowl and took a long, hard pull. The bowl glowed a bright orange as she sucked hard and deep, held her breath, her body convulsing as she suppressed some seriously hard coughing.

As I watched her eyes rolled back in her head and closed as she fell backward onto the grass.

Fluttershy caught the bong as Tree Hugger fell, held it out to me, smiling. “Tree hugger turned me on to this a couple of months ago,” she smiled, “it’ll make you feel a lot better.”

I took the bong, sniffed at it. It didn’t smell like any weed I knew. I looked down at a supine and blissful Tree hugger who was now slowly releasing her breath in a long, soft coo. Fluttershy smiled, nodded, urging me on.

I shrugged, lit the bong and took a long hit and held it. My body suddenly exploded in spasms of coughing. My lungs felt like they were going to explode as I struggled to hold that hit. I wasn’t about to look like a wimp in front of these two so, gritting my teeth, my eyes watering now, I held on to that hit for as long as I could until I felt I was going to pass out from lack of air.

I felt Fluttershy grab the bong as I fell. She was giggling hard. The next instant I heard a hard sucking sound as she took a hit, too.

That’s when the shit hit the inside of my head like a wooden mallet wrapped in silk and velvet. My body went completely limp and I felt myself drifting backwards in slow motion. I felt like a feather slowly floating down, touching the ground so gently I almost didn’t feel it.

Then everything sort of turned at a weird angle as colors began to explode brightly in my brain. I opened my eyes. everything looked like I was seeing it through a fish-eye lense. I gasped, startled, as the most amazing feeling of calm and serenity swept through me like I’d just shot up a hit of morphine.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..,” I groaned slowly, letting go of the hit, watching the silver-gray smoke curl out of my mouth and float over my head in a thin cloud.

“See?” slurred Tree Hugger, still laying prone on the ground, “Shit fixed you right up, didn’t it?” Fluttershy was giggling uncontrollably.

“So, who goes first?” asked Tree Hugger to no one in particular, or so I thought. Wait... ‘who goes first?’ What the fuck were they talking about, ‘who goes first?’ My head spun.

“Why don’t you go first?” slurred Fluttershy, “I can wait. Besides, it’ll be fun to watch”

Wait... what?! Watch? What the fuck was going on? I tried really hard to wonder but I just felt too mellow to give a shit.

Feeling fingers at my crotch, I opened my eyes and looked up to find a Tree Hugger fumbling with my zipper, opening my fly. Her eyes were twinkling and she was licking her lips. I glanced over to see a very aroused Fluttershy laying back on an elbow, her legs spread. She was slowly and gently rubbing her now very wet pussy.

All I could do was lay there and stare, like I was some kind of detached witness to it all.

“Ooh, pretty!” I heard Tree Hugger coo delightedly as she freed my cock, took it out and examined it, “I didn’t know they looked like this! Righteous!” I closed my eyes and laid my head back on the grass.

I felt my body explode in an amazing rush that started in my cock and quickly spread out through my body like ripples in a pond as I felt soft, supple lips wrap around my cock, felt it slide into a wet and very hot mouth.

“Mm!” I heard Tree Hugger moan as she took me balls deep. Holy shit! She was deep throating me! Just then my ears caught the soft, wet sounds of Fluttershy fapping faster, the air filled with her sweet moans. It was the hottest thing I’d ever heard in my life!

Or, maybe it was the effect of that weird, Equestrian weed? Whatever it was I realized that everything I was experiencing felt intensified ten thousand times. It was like I could feel, hear and see every nerve in my body dancing and tingling. It was fucking awesome!

“Okay, I got him hard for you, Fluttershy”, cooed Tree Hugger, “Your turn!”

I opened my eyes to see Tree Hugger straddling my thighs, facing me. She was leaning back on her hands, positioning herself to take me.

Fuck! The bitch had bright red blackberry bushes growing in her armpits! They looked like they needed to be trimmed with a weed whacker but her pubes were shaved into a perfect Yin Yang symbol? What the fuck was up with that? All I could do was stare as she bit her lip, rolled her eyes and slid easily down onto me.

Just then Fluttershy straddled my head and settled her ass down on my face. Her pussy was throbbing, dripping, her little clit pulsing.

I knew what she wanted so I started licking her pussy, felt her body shudder violently as she moaned loudly at the touch of my tongue on her pulsing clit.

It had to be the drugs slowing me down but just then it hit me; I was having a threesome with the sweetest - and according to me- prettiest pony in Ponyville and her hippy friend? Right in my back yard no less! Yeah, the morning had definitely done a one eighty for the better as I felt Tree Hugger start thrusting and bouncing hard on my cock.

Then I heard the moans and wet licking and sucking noises. Fuckin’ Ay! They were making out over me! And, from the sound of it they were really getting into it!

Not more than a few seconds later I felt Tree Hugger bouncing on me like a jack hammer.

“Ooh, baby! Give me your life force! I want it!”, she groaned  as I felt her body convulse in a hard climax. Fluttershy’s ass was rocking hard over my face as I was licking her clit. She was squealing in high-pitched squeaks as her pussy juice blasted my face in a hard, pulsing climax.

That was it! I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I exploded, shouting, blowing a huge load inside of Tree Hugger who was pressing down hard on me, now, ready to take it all.

“Gnnnaaaaaaaa!”, Tree Hugger screamed out as her body convulsed violently in a stream of explosive climaxes. Fluttershy was shrieking as she kept climaxing and blasting my face with her pussy juice.

A moment later we all lay on the grass gasping and tingling. Fluttershy tried to say something but couldn’t speak, her words falling out of her mouth in an incoherent mutter. Tree Hugger just kept weakly groaning ‘righteous’.

I opened my eyes just in time to see a popping flash and a puff of smoke, looked back to see a now upside-down Discord glowering down at us.

“Oh, different friends for different things?” he whined angrily at Fluttershy, “I thought I was your lover?”

I looked down - or was it up - to see his enormous horse cock limply hanging down to his knees.

“I told you before, Discord! You’re too big for me! You almost killed me that one time we did it!”, frowned Fluttershy at him.

Suddenly Tree Hugger got this wildly excited look on her face, licked her lips.

“I’ll take some of that!” Tree Hugger happily shouted as she leapt to her hooves and tackled a now shrieking, yelping Discord to the ground.

“Um, we better go! This won’t be pretty!” said a now worried looking Fluttershy as she stood up, grabbed my hand and started dragging me toward my back door.

A moment later me and a now frightened Fluttershy stepped into my house, slammed the door behind us, leaned on it.

No sooner did we close that door but we heard a sound like someone rapidly and briskly slapping two large steaks together accompanied by Tree Huggers screams of “Fuck yeah! Give it all to me,  dragon boy! I can take all of your righteous male meat!” This was also accompanied by Discord’s terrified shrieks  of “Take it easy! Not so rough! You’ll break it!”

Fluttershy looked at me, embarrassed. “She’s... um... a size queen” she muttered as the back yard was now filled with the sound of screams, shouts and something that sounded like gushy, wet explosions.

***

Later me, Fluttershy and Tree Hugger sat in my kitchen drinking beer and eating chocolate tofu cookies. Discord, screaming in terror, had vanished in a poof of smoke as soon as he could get free of Tree Hugger’s insane sexual frenzy. Yeah, Tree Hugger looked totally satisfied, although I’d noticed she was walking funny.

“Dude! That was so cosmically intense!” she cooed as she stuffed another cookie in her mouth, chugged more beer, “do you think I can get him to do that with me again?”

“Considering how much you scared him I doubt it” said Fluttershy, who was now sitting on my lap snuggling with me, “In fact, I kind of doubt he’ll come back to Ponyville at all after that.”

“Bummer!” frowned Tree Hugger, “he was just what I needed. Too bad I won’t get any more of that.”

Noticing all the bottles were empty, Tree Hugger went to the fridge, took out another six pack, set it on the table then, looking at us, giggled sweetly.

“You two look so harmonious”, she said, “maybe you should, like, think about staying together?”

“I wouldn’t mind”, cooed Fluttershy, closing her eyes and nestling into my shoulder, “but what about Nona? I mean, I don’t want to steal her guy from her.”

I frowned, suddenly remembering that she’d left with a suitcase earlier that day.

“I don’t know if she’s coming back”, I said, grabbing another beer, “for all I know she’s gone for good.”

“Bummer!” said Tree Hugger but I could see she wasn’t serious as she popped the top and chugged another bottle of beer.

“Hey, how many of those have you had?” I asked, arching an eyebrow at her.

“Two. But I broke the first one”, she joked, laughing.

Yeah, as if that weird Equestrian weed wasn’t enough we were now all sitting in my kitchen getting shit faced. Fuck it? Why not. There wasn’t anyone here to bitch at me about it, now.

“Excuse me but I’ve got to, like, take care of a bio function. Where’s your bathroom?”, Tree Hugger asked as she stumbled to her feet, almost fell.

“Woah! Easy!”, I slurred. I would have jumped up to catch her except for two things; Fluttershy was now softly snoring in my lap and the room was spinning in a kind of weird, wobbly way.

“Yeah, you two look way groovy”, smiled Tree Hugger as she stumbled off to the bathroom. A moment later I heard the sound of violent retching followed by, “Ack! Bummer!”

“Sorry about your bathroom floor”, muttered Tree Hugger apologetically as she stumbled back to her chair, plopped down into it, “I mean I’ll, like, clean it up for you later.”

“Don’t worry about it”, I said dismissively with a wave of my hand. I was too blitzed to give a shit. She could have blown the roof off of the house and I wouldn’t have cared.

I looked down at the peacefully sleeping Fluttershy. Her face was angelic. I don’t think I’d ever seen her look more beautiful.

“I had no idea Fluttershy was bi,” I said quietly, not wanting to wake her.

“Well, neither did she until I showed her,” said Tree Hugger sipping her beer now, “I mean, she was curious but wasn’t sure about it at first so I seduced her. She was instantly into that bag. It was totally cosmic.”

I smiled drunkenly, looked down at Fluttershy, who was now snoring loudly

Carefully but clumsily, I rose from my seat and carried Fluttershy to the living room couch, laid her down on it as gently as  I could. Going to a closet I got a blanket, returned to the couch and softly laid it over her. She stirred, smiled, snuggled into the blanket.

Just then the soft sound of hooves on carpet. I turned to see Tree Hugger staggering toward me smiling. She paused next to me, weaving unsteadily. She looked down on Fluttershy with a drunken smile.

“Oh, wow!” she slurred, “she looks so angelic. She really is a truly cosmic being, you know. Like a really old soul.”

I looked at her and smiled, just as shit faced as she was but thought it was nice that she’d said that about her friend.

She grabbed my hand, looked at me with an odd, crooked smile.

“I’m in a mood”, she slurred as she dragged me toward the stairs. I was too drunk to care what she was doing so I just followed as we staggered up to my bedroom.

She pushed me back on the bed, my legs hanging over the edge. Kneeling down she started sucking me again. my cock sprang instantly to throbbing life.

“It’s kind of small but it’s really nice!” she smiled, holding  my cock in her hand, looking at it with admiration as she got up on the bed next to me. Yeah, she’d just had Mister-Hung-Like-Godzilla, Discord, so I guessed anything would seem small by comparison. Fuck me! I didn’t care.

“Come on!” she slurred, tugging at me to pull myself up onto the covers fully.

Without a word she straddled my stomach, positioned herself and took me full into her without the slightest resistance, even though she was tight as a virgin.

“Oh, yeah”, she cooed as she closed her eyes and started  gently rocking on me. I threw my hands behind my head, closed my eyes and just let her go to town.

A moment later she fell over on me passed out cold with me still inside her. Yeah, she’d had way too much beer and I suspected she wasn’t used to it.

Shrugging, I closed my eyes and let myself drift off into drunken sleep not caring that Tree Hugger was sprawled on top of me. Fuck it! Nona wasn’t here, probably wasn’t coming back so why should I give a shit? No, that wasn’t true. I did give a shit. In fact, as I lay there with my head spinning drunkenly it began to dawn on my alcohol fogged mind just how much I really did care about Nona, how much I found myself missing her. I quietly cried myself to sleep.

Luna

I sat on the ground, my face buried in my hands crying softly but, for the life of me I didn’t know why I was crying nor could I remember why.

I stopped. Lifting my face from my hands I looked around, surprised by what I saw. Everything was dark, like night, but it wasn’t night. I don’t know how I knew it wasn’t night, I just did.

Everything had an odd, slightly distorted, unrealistic look to it, like I was seeing everything through a softly pastel-tinted lens that kept shifting colors from red to blue to green, yellow, orange, pink then back to red again.

Just then I felt, more than saw a shift, a kind of change in everything. I looked down at the not-grass and noticed that everything was now softly shaded in silvery blue. Looking up I saw an enormous, featureless  moon hanging in the night sky. It was like seeing a blank, brightly lit white background through a pinhole in black paper.

I looked down at my hand, noticed no shadow on the not-grass beneath it. What was going on? Where was I?

Was it me or did I feel more than hear a sound? Or did I see the sound, only thinking I felt it?

I looked up to see a stately, broad-winged silhouette framed by the moon. It was growing larger as it floated rather than flew toward me.

Within a moment the silhouette took on details revealing that it was Princess Luna. I was surprised to see she was wearing absolutely nothing, not even her crown.

“Uh, wow!,” I gasped, “what’re you doing here?”

“You’re in a dream, dummy,” she said, smirking.

“Wait... What? A dream? How can this be a dream? This feels too real to be a dream” I said totally confused now.

“You’re not a big fan of lucid dreaming are you?,” Luna smirked at me again as she snapped her fingers.

Her horn didn’t glow, there was no aura, no flash or poof or anything I could relate to what I knew as Equestrian magic. There was just this six foot long table now standing on the not-grass. It had what looked like a four inch foam rubber mattress laying across the width and breadth of it.

“Allow me to show you the true magic of the night,” Luna cooed, stepping toward me, eyeing me lustfully and licked her lips.

She snapped her fingers again and my clothing completely disappeared. She snapped her fingers again and a table with what looked like a four inch thick foam rubber pad laying across the top appeared a short distance away.

“Wait! What the fuck is that? It looks like a work table! I’m  not gonna fuck you on something that looks like it belongs in a garage!  That’s not sexy!” I grumbled. She paused, stared at me, looked down and bit her lip.

“Have you done this, before?” I asked, arching an eyebrow at her.

“Well, um... no,” she muttered, looking self-conscious and very uncomfortable.

What the fuck?! This was Luna, Goddess of the night! She was over a thousand years old! You’d think she’d know better about this stuff. I mean, come on! “This was a bad idea,” she pouted as she turned to go.

Suddenly realizing that this was my dream and that I could do anything in it with impunity I reached out, grabbed Luna’s arm, pulled her to me, held her close to me.

She squeaked, startled, as she stared up into my eyes. She was trembling, her wings fluttering but she was not resisting or trying to pull back.

“Please,” she begged, gasping, her voice trembling, “I have never been in a dream where I was not in complete control. It... terrifies me!”

I wrapped my arms around her. She gasped as I smiled softly, held her tightly to me and gazed deeply into her eyes,.

Her eyes! Those amazing, incredible deep aquamarine eyes!  Staring into them felt like I was staring into the depths of the night, itself. I felt as if I were drifting, falling into them. I parted my lips, drew them closer to hers. She responded by closing her eyes, parting her own lips in anticipation as I drew my mouth slowly closer to hers.

Just then my stomach rumbled and I belched so hard into her face that her cheeks rippled and her hair blew back like a rag in a wind tunnel!

Screeching, horrified, she violently pushed me away.

“Argh!”, she yowled, grimacing in disgust as she frantically waved her hands in front of her face, “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Oh, man! I am so sorry! I didn’t feel that coming!” I groaned, totally mortified now. Then I realized it must have been from the peanut butter and wasabi tacos I’d had for lunch that day. She stood furiously glaring at me.

“Leave it to you to fuck up a wet dream!” she growled, angrily disgusted as she turned, spread her wings and rose into the air.

“No! Wait! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for that to happen!” I shouted frantically, reaching out and running after her as she flew away, “Come back! Please! Come back!”

Just then her horn glowed brightly. I screamed as I suddenly found myself a thousand feet in the air falling headlong toward what looked like a vast sea of horribly stinking, rancid, steaming, roiling, boiling cow piss! “Oh, fuck meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” I screamed out in one long moaning yowl as I fell.

***

I sat bolt upright gasping, as I knocked poor Tree Hugger out of my bed. “Harsh!” she shouted, startled, as she tumbled to the floor with a thump.

I grabbed my head and groaned loudly in pain as what felt like a thousand raging garden gnomes with battle axes hammered the inside of my skull.

“Ooh, you’re definitely not in harmony with your biology this morning,” said Tree Hugger sympathetically as she climbed back onto the bed. She took my face in her hands, studied it for a moment. She then crawled back off the bed and headed out of the bedroom.

Fucking hang-overs! This one felt like the worst I’d ever had. Could it have been from the combo of that weird Equestrian weed and beer we’d had? Could be. I tried to make a mental note of that but I couldn’t think through the thick fog clouding my brain.

Tree Hugger returned a moment later holding a small leather bag tied off with a thong. She climbed back onto the bed, straddled my stomach and opened the bag. Pouring some strange, bluish-pink powder into it she then blew it into my face.

Gasping in surprise I sucked the strange dusty powder into my lungs, began coughing furiously as I frantically tried to brush it away. “The fuck was that?!” I gasped a moment later when I could finally breathe again.

“Alcohol’s really toxic,” she smiled, reaching out and stroking my hair reassuringly, “so I always keep cure powder with me for those mornings when I wake up with a hang-over”

I stared at her, blinked, then realized my hang-over was completely gone! I felt fine!

“Where did you get that?” I asked, smiling now, “I want some!”

“I got it at a head shop in Baltimare,” she smiled, “I was surprised at how cheap it was but it works good so it’s all groovy”

Leaning down she kissed me on the lips then she scooched down the bed until her face was directly over my cock. She took it in her hand, looking up she smiled at me.

“I hope you don’t mind, I really love sucking cock,” she smiled with a twinkle in her eye, licking her lips. “In fact I love sex!”, she cooed, “I love it so much I could do it all day every day!”

My jaw dropped and I blinked as her words sunk in. ‘All day every day?’, I thought? My head reeled as the realization of what  she’d said sunk in.

All thoughts completely disappeared and my mind went blank as I felt her soft, warm and supple lips wrap themselves around my cock then slide down as it slipped into her hot, wet mouth.

***

Showered, dressed and grinning from ear to ear after three hours of what was for me the most creative, imaginative and awesome sex of my life I stepped with an equally grinning and happy Tree Hugger into the living room and found a poor, bedraggled Fluttershy sitting slumped on the couch and pitifully holding her head and groaning.

“Um... Could you two be a little quieter, maybe? I mean, if it’s okay with you?”, she groaned quietly.

Without a word Tree Hugger ran back up the stairs, returned a moment later with the small leather bag. Crouching down in front of Fluttershy she took some of the powder out of the bag.

“Look at me, sweetheart”, smiled Tree Hugger as she held her hand up to her lips, blew some of the powder into Fluttershy’s face who breathed deeply of it, smiled a moment later.

“Thanks! I’m glad you had that with you”, Fluttershy said, looking a thousand times better within a few seconds. Smiling, Tree Hugger rose to her feet then lovingly stroked Fluttershy’s hair.

“You two want some coffee?,” I asked as I headed for the kitchen.

“Yes, please,” said Fluttershy in that amazingly soft and gentle voice of hers.

“Do you have any tea?” asked Tree Hugger. Yeah, okay, hippy. I should have thought of that. I began looking through cupboards to see if I did.

“I have some jasmine if that’s okay,” I called back a moment later.

“Groovy!” she said happily a moment later.

With my guests happy and with coffee in hand I opened the back door, stepped onto the porch. Yeah, it was another boringly perfect day in Equestria as I stood looking around, took a sip from my mug.

Then a flash! Suddenly Luna was standing on the grass in front of me! I stared as my jaw dropped. Holy shit! This wasn’t a dream Luna, this was the real one! Or was it? I wondered what they put in the coffee. I stared at my mug for a second. This couldn’t be real! I mean, really! The co-ruler of Equestria standing in my back yard? No way! I set my mug down on a nearby table and turned back to her.

“I am indeed real... and here,” she smiled when she saw my shocked, unbelieving expression. She stepped toward me. I blinked, shook my head then wondered if this was some strange after-effect of that weird Equestrian whacko-weed we’d smoked.

Standing in front of me now she placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled sweetly. Okay, I felt that. This must be real.

“Why’re you here?” I asked hesitantly curious. She blushed, smiled coyly.

“First I wish to apologize for dumping you into a sea of boiling cow urine,” she said quietly, “it was uncalled for. I was angry. I hope you understand”

“Well, I woke up before I hit so I guess it’s okay,” I grinned. She looked relieved.

She drew a little closer, looked deeply into my eyes. Oh, man! Her eyes! Amazing! I found myself falling headlong into their depths again as I felt her gazing back at me.

“Ah! Well!”, she spluttered, pulling back and shaking her head even as I was shaking my own, clearing my head of the spell those eyes cast on me.

“Beyond my apology the reason I’m here is because... well, you showed me something in that dream last night, something which both terrified and delighted me”

she stepped closer, wrapped her arms around my waist, drew me to her. I couldn’t speak. All I could do was stare into those amazing eyes of her and listen.

“Last night was the first time in my life that I was not in full control of a dream, that someone else was,” she said, “and I found it... arousing, quite thrilling in fact. If you’re willing I’d like to try that with you, again”

My eyes widened as I stared at her, a grin slowly spreading over my face. This Princess, this Goddess of the night, was asking me for another chance at sharing a wet dream with? Holy shit! I wondered what I’d done to suddenly get so lucky?

“Um, yeah, sure!” I smiled at her as she snuggled into me.

Just then I had a thought; ‘note to self; no more peanut butter and wasabi burritos!’

Chickadee Peachbottom

It’d been a week and I hadn’t heard so much as a peep from Nona. Feeling sad because I missed her I decided to go for a walk to find something to do to take my mind off the awful feeling of emptiness I was experiencing.

Just then I remembered that the train from Canterlot was scheduled to arrive shortly so I headed off toward the platform so I could distract myself by watching who was arriving and departing on the train.

I reached the platform to find the train standing in the station and ponies, bags in hand, were already stepping onto the platform.

It was then that I noticed a rather conservatively dressed young mare struggling with trying to carry several large bags at once. Oddly, no one was offering to help her.

Her face was obscured by the mountain of baggage she fought to balance in her hands but, from what I could see, she wore a pink blouse with a white lace collar and a blue sash that she wore tied through the collar around her neck.

Annoyed that no one was helping, I quickly stepped over to her. I quickly grabbed the jumble of bags she was juggling as they began to topple out of her grasp.

“Why, thank you kindly, stranger!” she smiled sweetly as I helped set her bags on the ground.

I gasped, smiled, when I could finally see her face clearly. She was so beautiful! Her sparkling, bright green eyes danced under thick, curly bright green bangs. Her skin was a soft beige, the bridge of her nose and cheeks softly dotted with the most adorable freckles. She blushed when she saw me staring. I coughed, blushed and looked away, then smiled brightly when she got a better look at me.

“Yer that human feller I’ve heard about!” she smiled, pleased, then, extending her hand, “My name’s Chickadee Peachbottom,” she said, sweetly in a folksy, country drawl, “ah ain’t never met a human, afore. It sure is nice to meet you!” Oh, man! This mare was adorable!

“That’s an unusual and very pretty name”, I smiled

“Well, thank ye kindly!” she smiled back, “so, what’s yer name?”

“Ponies around here just call me Generic,”, I smiled, “but you can call me Gen.”

“Well, Gen, tha’s a name you don’t hear ever’day,” she smiled, eying me with a look that I suspected was more than casual curiosity at seeing something new.

“What brings you to Ponyville?” I asked.

“I love to travel”, she said, stepping a little closer to me, “I go all over th’ place jus’ t’see new places ‘cause I think it’s so much fun!”

“That does sound like a ton of fun!,” I smiled, pleased, “so where are you staying?”

“Oh, ah’m jus’ up  yonder at th’ hotel. It ain’t too far, really,” she said.

“Why stay at a hotel? If you like you can come stay at my house. I mean, if you’re okay with that”, I said hoping she’d accept.

“Well, that’s right kind’a you,” she cooed, gazing deeply into my eyes. I felt myself blush again, watched as her cheeks turned a deep crimson. She fluttered her eyelashes at me, bit her lip, “Ah think ah’ll take you up on that kind offer!”

Just then it hit my few remaining, semi-functioning brain cells; this young mare extended a very special and innocent trust toward strangers. I found it incredibly charming and totally hot!

Seeing a porter, I called him over. He ran to us, snapped to attention and saluted. “Yes, sir! How may I help you?” he asked, crisply.

“Please hail a cab for this fine lady and myself,” I said, smiling.

Chickadee raised a hand to her heart, smiled sweetly. Apparently impressed by both my gesture and my kindness.

A short time later our cab pulled up in front of my house and stopped. We stepped out and I began removing luggage from the carriage boot, carrying it to my front door. Chickadee stepped to the back of the cab, started to pick up one of the bags.

“Uh! Uh! Uh!,” I smiling while wagging a finger at her, “ladies do not carry their own luggage”

her eyes widened as she smiled, touched a hand to her cheek.

“Ah, don’t believe ah’ve ever had the pleasure of bein’ treated like royalty, before!”, she giggled as I fetched more of her bags, set them down with the others.

I returned to the cab, handed the driver twenty bits for the ten bit fare. “Thanks!” he smiled happily before driving away.

Stepping back up to the front door I unlocked it, opened it, bowed and gestured for her to enter. She eyed me for a moment then stepped up very close to me.

“Ah know why ye brought me here,” she smiled coyly as she reached out, took my ear in her thumb and forefinger, drew  it close to her lips.

“Ah love sex an’ I ain’t never had sex with a human, afore, so this makes it extra special!” she whispered before licking my ear wetly. My eyes bugged, my jaw dropped. I felt my hands begin to shake. My heart pounded in my chest as beads of sweat formed on my forehead.

Releasing my ear, she winked at me seductively before stepping toward my front door. She paused to look back at me over her shoulder. I stood palpitating now as I stared at her.

“Come show mamma what you got, baby!” she cooed, winking again as she continued into my house. Forgetting the bags I ran in after her, slamming the door behind me.

Holy shit! This mare was definitely a babe but she was no babe in the woods and, perhaps, nowhere near as innocent as I’d originally thought. Still, the way she was acting now was a total turn on!

“Uh, what ‘bout mah bags?” she asked as I stood there staring and panting, my tongue lolling out.

“You look like a dog on a hot day, boy!” she giggled, “but ah like it! It shows yer interested”

I whipped the door open, raced outside, grabbed up all of her luggage and stumbled back into the house straining under the load, dropping it all on the entryway floor panting from the strain now, as well as my obvious arousal.

“Yew gon’ let th’ flies in,” she smiled, nodding to the still open door.

I threw my leg back and kicked the door shut without even looking to see where my foot went. It slammed shut behind me. All I could do was stand there trembling, sweating and palpitating like a sex crazed sewer weasel. She raised a hand to her lips and giggled.

That last giggle did it! I couldn’t stand any more! Stepping over to her I swept her, laughing, into my arms and raced for the stairs.

A moment later I dropped her onto my bed. We began frantically tearing at each others clothes trying to get them off. I kept fumbling with the buttons on her blouse, failing to open them.

A moment later we lay next to each other completely naked, our clothes scattered about the room. I leaned toward her, ready to kiss her when she held up a hand to stop me.

“Ah think they’s somethin’ I should tel ya,” she cautioned me. Too late! I was too far gone to listen to anything. I plunged forward, swept her up in my arms, began kissing her passionately. She melted and a second later was kissing me with even greater passion and intensity. Holy shit this mare was hot!

She was panting, moaning and gasping as I began kissing my way down her body toward her crotch, each touch of my lips on her body causing her to shudder and moan loudly.

“Great Celestia’s tits you’re good!” she gasped, panting. Her hips began rocking as she lost herself to the white heat of her arousal.

She pulled her head up, looked at me as I continued kissing my way closer and closer to her pussy.

“I... I... have to... tell you...” she stuttered, panting. I ignored her.

She wailed, grabbed her stomach and doubled over as my lips reached her pussy and I began kissing it.

“No! Stop! Wait!,” she groaned as I plunged two fingers into her, began vigorously finger fucking her while licking her clit.

She fell back on the bed and grabbed her head as she began to gasp, shout and wail in ecstacy, her hips rocking violently now.

I wasn’t paying attention to anything other than getting this sexy little mare off before I took my turn.

Just then I noticed her asshole begin to twitch.

“Can’t... hold back... anymore!” she screamed, “Look out!”

She shouted one final warning before her ass exploded in my face and I found myself being blasted by a stinking, brown, watery liquid.

I screamed, recoiled off the bed, falling to the floor as I desperately scrambled to brush the brown goo off my face and hair.

Chickadee sat up, threw her hands to her mouth, her eyes as big as platters as she stared at me both horrified and mortified.

“Ah’m sorry!” she screamed, “Ah tried t’warn ya that was comin’! Must’a been somethin’ I ate yesterday what didn’t sit right wit’ me!”

I stared up at her from the floor, my face dripping.

She buried her face in her hands and began crying loudly, utterly embarrassed by what had just happened.

I ran to the bathroom, leapt into the shower, washed myself off before leaping out, grabbing two towels and racing back to the bedroom.

Still holding the towels I scooped a still crying Chickadee into my arms, carried her to the shower. She looked up at me with tear stained, red eyes as I set her down in the tub, turned on the water, set the temperature before sliding the shower door closed, leaving her to clean herself.

I ran back into the bedroom, ripped the now disgusting bedclothes from the bed and threw them on the floor. Grabbing an already dirty sheet out of the hamper I gathered up the bedclothes in it and ran them down to my laundry room throwing them into the washer with a hand full of soap, turned it on. I sighed with relief as I leaned against the machine, ran a hand through my hair.

Going back up to the bedroom I found Chickadee, still crying, trying desperately to scrub the huge, wet stain out of the mattress.

“Ah’m really sorry ‘bout this,” she sniffled, apologizing, not even pausing from her efforts, “Ah ain’t never had nothin’ like this happen, before!”

I stepped over to her, took her arms, pulled her up to me, hugged her.

“It’s not your fault. You tried to warn me and I didn’t listen,” I said, rubbing her back. She buried her face in my chest and cried harder.

Needless to say it was just too humiliating for both of us so, calling another cab, I took her to her hotel and left her there. We didn’t say anything to each other on the ride over and she looked downright tragic as I got back in the cab and headed for home.

I went to the hotel the next day to see if she felt any better and because I wanted to try to make things up to her but the desk clerk told me she’d checked out and left the day before.

Depressed, I left the hotel and headed home thinking that it would probably be a very good idea if I didn’t try to pick up any mares for a while.

I returned home just in time to see Derpy stuffing some letters into my mailbox. She smiled at me, tipped her cap to me. I tried to smile but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. She looked at me for a moment.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. I just shook my head as I grabbed my mail and walked into my house.

I looked through the stack of mail. It was mostly junk ads and a couple of bills. I was ready to throw the whole stack on the table when I saw a letter from Nona.

I excitedly ripped it open hoping it was good news, that she was on her way home.

My face fell and tears welled in my eyes as I read it.

‘I’m sorry but after thinking about it carefully I’ve decided it would be best if we went our separate ways. I do love you but I just can’t live with you, anymore’ was all it said.

I plopped into a chair at the kitchen table, lowered my head into my arms and, for the first time since I was a kid, wept like a little baby.

Oh, fuck me!

Rainbow Dash

After I’d finished bawling I washed my face and went out for another walk to try to clear my head but it didn’t help too much so I decided to walk to the banks of the river that ran through Ponyville and watch the water flow. Maybe that’d help?

So there I was, walking the sandy banks of the Celestia river with my hands in my pockets, ignoring the happy ducks that swam and dove in the water and flew overhead, kicking little stones with my toe as I slowly walked along. Yeah, I was totally bummed, wishing that letter I’d gotten from Nona’d gotten lost in the mail.

I looked up when I heard the flutter of pegasii wings, smiled weakly when I saw Rainbow Dash drifting down toward me.

“Hey, buddy! What’s up? You don’t look so good. What’s wrong?” she smiled as she touched ground next to me, started walking beside me.

I reached out, scratched one of her ears, feeling glad she was with me. She closed her eyes and smiled, enjoying that scratch. I put my hand back in my pocket as we continued on.

“I got a letter from Nona today. She told me she wasn’t coming back,” I frowned.

“Woah! She left you? That sucks!” she said with a glum look, “you two were tight as a hoof in a mitten. What happened?”

“Long story,” I said.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with that ad she put in the paper, does it?”, she asked.

“That’s partly it, yeah,”, I shrugged, “but there was more than it to that”

“Yeah, I heard some things around town,” she said nonchalantly.

“Oh, yeah? What’d you hear?” I asked

“Just some stuff. No biggie,” she shrugged.

“Come on!” I insisted, “what’d you hear?”

“Fine! You asked!” she gruffed, “don’t say I didn’t warn you”

Now I wasn’t so sure I wanted to hear it. My day’d been bad enough as it was, I didn’t need any more bad news.

“I ran into Rarity in town near the pony fountain, today,” she said. I flinched. I could only imagine what Rarity’d told Rainbow Dash.

“She’s really pissed off at you, dude,”, she said, looking straight at me, “I asked her why but she just blushed really hard and wouldn’t tell me. It must have been something pretty bad. She usually tells me about it when she’s pissed at someone”

First I cringed when she mentioned Rarity, then I relaxed when she told me Rarity didn’t tell her why she was angry with me then I sighed a huge sigh of relief that Chickadee Peachbottom hadn’t run into anyone before she left town.

“So, what happened to piss her off so much?” Dash asked. I found myself cringing again but said nothing. “Come on! I told you mine!” she insisted.

Oh, fuck me! She was right. I took a deep breath and launched into my disaster with Rarity.

By the time I finished telling her we were both rolling on the sandy shore laughing our asses off.

“She... She threw berries at you?!” Dash stared at me for a moment.

“Yeah!” I laughed, “then she threw me naked out of her house!”

That was it! We practically fainted from laughing so hard.

“So what’d Nona say to you when you got home?” she asked, gasping and giggling.

“Not much”, I chuckled, “I was to busy running up the stairs and hiding under the bed”

“Dude! What?”, she blurted before bursting into renewed laughter, “my sides! That’s just too funny!” I just laughed along with her until I was grabbing my sides along with her.

“Oh, hey! I ran into Fluttershy and Tree Hugger near the windmill earlier. They were just coming back from the edge of the Everfree where they said they’d been checking out some ‘majestic creatures,’” she snickered. She reached into a shirt pocket, took out a white, slender paper object about four inches long that tapered at both ends. She held it up for me to see. “They gave me this,” she grinned.

“Oh, fuck!” I said when I saw it, “is that more of that weird Equestrian psycho-tree we smoked the other day?”

“Oh! You’ve tried it?”, she smiled, surprised.

“Uh, yeah”, I said, “I think it did some weird shit to my head”

“What like distort everything and make you feel like you’re in some kind of weird but nice dream?”, she asked. It was obvious she was familiar with this shit.

“Uh, yeah,” I said.

“It only does that when you drink beer - or hard cider - with it. Otherwise it just makes you feel really good,” she smiled as she stuck one end of it in her mouth, took some matches out of her pocket, lit one and fired it up.

“Woah! What’re you doing?!”, I asked, panicked, “can you smoke that out here?!”

“Chill! It’s cool. It’s not illegal or anything. The Princesses smoke it, too,” she said just before taking a long pull from it, holding her breath handing it to me. I stared at it, started to reach for it, hesitated, pulling my hand back.

The revelation that the Princesses smoked startled me. It’d never occurred to me that they’d be hanging out in their Palace blazing away. Suddenly a lot of the stupid shit those princesses did made perfect sense to me. They were high!

“Come on! Take it before I burn my fingers,” she croaked, still trying to hold her breath. I grabbed the joint, stared at it, not sure I wanted to hit it.

“This’s some dank shit!”, she croaked again, letting her breath out slowly, a thin silver-white cloud forming in front of her, drifting off on the light breeze.

Fuck it, I shrugged. I hit that bad boy. Hard.

“Where’d you hear ‘dank shit’?” I croaked a moment later as I let my breath go slowly out.

“Don’t you remember?” she asked, surprised, “you told me!”

“I don’t remember telling you that,” I said.

“It was when you first got here and Twilight Sparkle introduced us to you. We were hanging out near the clock tower and you were telling us stories from when you were back on Earth and how you missed blazing every day”

“Oh. Yeah,” I said, remembering. I’d slept since then.

So, there we were sitting on the sandy banks of the Celestia River joking and smoking. This was the first good time I’d had in the better part of a week. Yeah, suddenly everything started feeling right again.

“So, did Fluttershy and Tree Hugger tell you about their visit with me the other day?” I asked.

“I didn’t hang with them that long but I noticed Tree Hugger’d get all starry eyed and start licking her lips when your name got mentioned,” she said, “Also Fluttershy said you guys had a threesome?”

I chuckled, then blushed. “Yeah,” I said.

“Dude!” she said, startled, “I didn’t know you were into that!”

“I’m not. At least I wasn’t until Fluttershy and Tree Hugger showed up in my back yard,” I shrugged.

Rainbow Dash looked down, started fingering little circles in the sand. “I wish I’d been there,”, she muttered. I stared at her, surprised.

“I didn’t know you’re into females!” I said. I really was surprised. Even as butch as Dash tended to be it’d never occurred to me that she’d be into that.

“I’m not!” she said, looking at me just as surprised as I’d been, then, “it’s just... well...” She blushed, got this weird smile on her face, sidled up closer to me and put her hand on my leg.

“Uh, Dashie?” I asked, tensing up at the thought that she might start coming on to me.

“I just wish I’d been there. That’s all,” she said quietly.

Shit! After the last week I wasn’t up for dealing with any more bedroom disasters, especially with Dash who I really liked as a friend. Yeah, there was a part of me who thought she was really hot, too, but the memories of my huge fails with Rarity and Chickadee Peachbottom just kept bugging me.

Dash eyed me, scanned my face. “What is it?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I shrugged, just wanting to stay in the good mood I was in and enjoy the high and Dash’s company. My thoughts were invaded by images of Nona’s face again. Oh, fuck me! Why couldn’t I stop thinking about her for more than an hour?

“Nona, again?” she asked peering into my face.

“Yeah, how’d you know?” I asked, surprised again.

“Hey, I’m awesome that way,” she grinned, cuddling up and leaning on me, “bummer she left you, dude”

I sighed, started to relax a little until I felt Dash’s hand slowly sliding up my leg toward my crotch. She was breathing harder now. I jumped to my feet, looked down at her. She looked back up at me confused.

“I’m sorry! Was I being out of line just now?” she asked.

“Any other time I’d have been all over you like white on rice but this’s been a really weird, bad sex week for me,” I said, hoping she’d understand and not get all bent out of shape because of my seeming rejection of her.

“Hey, it’s all good,” she shrugged as she rose to her hooves, patted my arm. She suddenly brightened, smiled at me.

“Come on!” she said, as she turned and started walking toward town.

“What’re we doing?” I asked, just standing there feeling a bit dizzy from that weird Equestrian... Whatever it was.

“We’re going to your house. I’m making dinner for you,” she smiled at me over her shoulder as she strode ahead of me, “it’ll be awesome!”

Okay, this could be an adventure and it’d be a nice break from the weird food Nona’d taught me to cook. Yeah, a break from things like chocolate tofu broccoli and cheese surprise seemed like a really nice idea to me. I ran excitedly after her.

***

“Where’d you learn to cook veggie lasagna?” I asked as I delightedly breathed in the delicious aromas that were filling my house.

“Pinkie Pie taught me,” she smiled happily, as she put on a pair of oven mitts and pulled a huge, steaming pan of perfectly golden brown Lasagna out of the oven, set it on a counter to cool, “she drives me nuts sometimes because she’s so insanely manic but that bitch knows how to cook! She’s awesome that way”

“Hey, thanks for doing this,” I smiled at her as she rejoined me at the table, took a seat.

I reached across the table and patted her hand, gratefully. Yeah, friends like Dash were few and far between, even in Ponyville and I felt both grateful and happy she was here with me, now.

“No prob, bud! it’s nice to see you smiling again,” she said as she poured us both another glass of red wine, took a sip of her own.

“Okay so ‘fess up,” she asked, as she set her glass down, then eyed me, “what’s the reason Nona put that weird stud ad in the newsparchment?”

Fuck! I was really hoping we could get through the evening without her asking me that question. No such luck.

“Okay I’ll tell you but you have to promise me you won’t laugh, okay?” I said.

“Hey, you know me! I can’t make a promise to that but I’ll try not to laugh,” she said seriously. Fuck it! I shrugged and forged ahead.

“She left me because she said I fuck her too much, that I was wearing her out. That’s the main reason she put that stupid ad in the newsparchments. She thought it’d be a good way of taking some of the pressure off,” I frowned.

Dash’s jaw dropped, her eyes bugged as she stared at me blankly for a moment, trying to take in what I’d just said. Then she shook her head in disbelief, ran a hand through her mane.

“Fuck! I wish I had that problem!” she spluttered a moment later. I looked at her. Yeah, I had a fair idea of what she meant but I wasn’t entirely sure.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Okay, look! Don’t ever tell anyone what I’m about to tell you, okay?” she sighed nervously.

“Pinkie promise!” I smiled at her. She smiled, relaxed instantly, reached across the table and grabbed my hand, squeezed it.

“Cumming’s the only thing I can’t do in ten seconds or less,” she muttered so quietly I almost didn’t hear her. I sat for a moment, making sure I’d heard her right.

“So is that why you do everything else as fast as you can?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said, “I guess I’m compensating for it. On top of that my pussy’s really small! It’s too small! I haven’t met a stallion yet who didn’t feel like they were splitting me in half!” she frowned. It was obvious this was really upsetting her now.

I squeezed her hand, smiled reassuringly at her. She smiled  and squeezed my hand back appreciatively.

“I can imagine how that’d be a problem,” I said.

“Yeah, no shit!” she groused, “all that pain and for what? A minute at most? Shit, that’s not even foreplay to me!”

She pulled her hand back, looked down at the table.

“That’s why I’m so into all the competitive stuff. Well, besides being really awesome at it. I do it to keep my mind off of... stuff, you know?” she was seriously frowning now. She took a big gulp from her wine.

She set her glass down, looked at me with a hopeful expression.

“I’ve heard all the stories about humans, about how you can go for at least an hour and all that. Shit! If I could find a stallion who could go for twenty minutes and not split me in half I’d be happy!” she said.

“Are you ready for some of that awesome lasagna you made?” I smiled, changing the subject and rising from my seat.

“Yeah,” she said, cheering and licking her lips.

***

“Whoah! This’s some good shit, filly!” I smiled ecstatically as I took my first bite, relishing the flavors and textures. Yeah, this really was some good lasagna.

“Thanks!” she smiled, blushing, then winking as she began eating, “I told you I was awesome at it”

The lasagna was so good I was practically wolfing it down. Yeah, this was the best meal I’d had since, fuck all! I couldn’t even remember when!

Dash seemed honestly amused as she watched me shovel her lasagna into my face with mad abandon.

“I’m really glad you like it,” she smiled, “but you might want to slow down a little so you won’t choke on it”

“But it’s so good! I could eat this all night!” I said between bites. Dash giggled. Yeah, she was honestly pleased and flattered. Then she paused, looked at me.

“Speaking of all night, um... do you think I could stay here with you, tonight?” she asked hopefully.

“Honey after this lasagna you could ask me for anything and I wouldn’t say no!” I said, still happily shoveling it into my face. She giggled and I paused as I noticed her eyes begin to sparkle.

“Awesome!” she smiled.

***

So there I was, making up the couch for Dash to sleep on when she stepped out of the downstairs bathroom wiping the water out of her mane and wearing nothing but a thong.  Fuck! Those beautiful eyes, her amazing rainbow-colored mane and tail and that bod! Taught muscles rippling under her sleek, azure skin. I couldn’t keep myself from staring. Inviting her to sleep with me  instead of on the couch suddenly seemed like a truly awesome idea.

She looked at the couch then at me and frowned as she walked over to me.

“Are you really going to make me sleep on the couch?” she pouted. I looked at her standing there and pouting at me,  feeling like a total idiot. What the fuck was I doing?

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m being incredibly stupid,” I said, as I tossed the sheet on the couch then gathered the bedding up in a lump and carried it back to the closet where I just tossed it in, closing the door. She giggled.

“Come on!” I smiled, nodding toward the stairs as I headed up, Dash right behind me.

Upstairs and in the bedroom now I stripped down to my underwear, headed off to the bathroom to get a quick shower.

So, there I was, all wet and soapy when I hear the shower door slide open. I opened my eyes to see a smiling Dash stepping in, her eyes sparkling.

“Turn around,” she cooed, smiling, as she took the bar of soap from my hand. I did and a moment later I felt the wonderfully luxurious sensation of her rubbing soap on my back in long, soft circular motions. I closed my eyes, slumped and just let myself get into it.

A moment later I felt her reach around and start soaping and washing my chest, her circular motions slowly going lower and lower until she was gently washing my crotch. She wrapped her hand around my now rock hard and throbbing cock.

“Ooh!” she cooed, breathlessly as I felt her fingers exploring me.

I turned and faced her, smiling. My body was trembling now.

She stood in front of me, her body glistening under the steaming water stream. Her eyes were wide and sparkling as she stared down at my cock, gently fondling and playing with it.

“It’s... fucking perfect!” she murmured, licking her lips.

I took her in my arms. She looked up at me as I wrapped my arms around her, drew her body to mine. I kissed her. Softly, sweetly. Closing her eyes she parted her lips, touched mine with the tip of her tongue caressing them tenderly. She began to tremble under my embrace.

Moaning, she spasmed with pleasure as I slipped my cock between her legs and began to gently thrust back and forth, rubbing her slit with my shaft.

Her kisses grew hotter, more passionate as her arousal grew within her. In those moments we completely lost ourselves in each other as the water grew cold.

***

Still wet from our showers I carried Dash to my bed. Her sultry eyes sparkled with a million stars. I gently laid her down on the covers, not caring if we got them wet or not.

I lay down next to her. Closing my eyes I touched my lips to hers and we began kissing with a white hot but very gentle passion as my fingers explored her.

The feel of her firm breasts, her taught nipples, her supple and incredibly soft skin were pure joy to my fingers as I gently explored every inch of her for the longest time, relishing every second of it.

“Perfect,” she moaned in gasping rasps as she gently nibbled my ears, kissed my face, bit my neck,  her hips gently rocking now.

I was completely lost, swept away in the sheer pleasure of these moments, transported by her gentle kisses and caresses.

‘Amazing’ thought a part of my detached mind, ‘I’d never thought Rainbow Dash would be such a passionate yet gentle lover. I’d never experienced anything like her, before. I could only let myself go, become completely immersed in her even as I felt a very deep part of myself merge with her, become one with her.

“Now... Please! Now!” she moaned as she grabbed me, pulled me on top of her.

I rose and settled between her legs, felt the tip of my cock find its mark, slowly slip into her deliciously tight, wet pussy.

She threw her head back, moaned loudly as her face twisted up in a rictus of absolute, pure pleasure as she wrapped her legs around my back, her hooves pushing against my ass, urging me more deeply into her.

She was tight! As tight as anyone I’d ever had, before. And soft! I’d never felt such a pussy as hers wrapped hungrily around my cock, before. I felt like I was in heaven as I began to slowly pump inside her, panting, gasping and moaning, now.

“Too slow?” I whispered as I gently nibbled her ears.

“No! Perfect! Perfect!” she gasped, her breathing growing ragged as her hips pumped faster as she built toward climax.

I opened my eyes to look at her, see her beautiful face, watch her experience her pleasure.

She bit her lip hard as she shut her eyes tight, little tears  welling in the corners as we felt ourselves and each other build slowly and ever closer to that ultimate moment.

She was shouting, gasping, screaming out as she dug her nails into my back, grasping me, grabbing me, her hooves beating softly against my ass as her hips pumped faster and faster.

She was driving us, now, compelling us both in the white heat of her intense passions, her body growing taught as a steel spring.

“Yes! Yes! Sweet Celestia, yes!” she screamed out, kissing my face, biting my neck and digging her nails even more deeply into my back, scratching me deeply. I didn’t even feel the pain. All I felt was the incredible, passionate thrill and ecstacy of what was happening as we drove each other irresistibly toward the pending eruption of our bodies into pure, ecstatic pleasure.

“Now!” she screamed, the sound of her rasping voice ripping my ear, “Give it to me! Now!” she screamed again as she bucked furiously, slamming her ass into mine.

My back tightened and my head lifted as I yelled out and exploded inside her.

Her wail became a screech as she wrapped her arms around my neck, held me tightly and violently convulsed in a series of massive, spasming climaxes that almost threw us off the bed by the sheer power of their force.

A moment later, the both of us sweating and raggedly gasping for breath, we slumped completely limp, our eyes closed, our hot breath rasping into each others ears, as we floated in utter and absolute satisfaction.

***

We awoke next morning wrapped in each others arms. I opened my eyes feeling like I’d had the best nights sleep I’d had in years, looked down on Dash’s angelically beautiful face as she slept, looking more peaceful and serene than I’d ever seen her, before.

I winced when I felt the sharp sting of the scratches she’d put on my back the night before. Utterly lost in each other, I hadn’t even noticed how deeply she’d scratched me. I noticed now as I reached around and tried to feel them.

She stirred when she felt my movement, opened her eyes and smiled up at me then frowned when she saw me wince in pain, again.

“Here, let me have a look,” she said, sitting up and urging me to turn my back to her.

I heard rather than saw her wince as she examined my back.

“Did I do that”, she gasped, surprised but also disturbed that she’d hurt me.

“Yeah, but it’s okay. It’s worth it,” I smiled at her. She blushed, smiled back at me before rising from the bed and padding off to the bathroom.

Dash returned a moment later with bandages, antiseptic, alcohol and a clean face cloth. She began gently cleaning my wounds. I couldn’t stop myself from yelping as I winced, feeling the sharp sting of the alcohol in my wounds.

“I’m really sorry I did this to your back,” she apologized, sweetly.

“Don’t,” I smiled, “just remember how they got there”

“Yeah, we were pretty awesome last night, weren’t we?” she giggled as she continued to gently clean my wounds.

***

I cooked a simple breakfast of fried eggs and toast for us. Dash ate slowly, glancing, blushing and smiling at me over her plate as she ate.

“You were perfect you know,” she cooed. Her eyes were dancing, full of stars as she gazed at me.

“Nah, I’m a long way from perfect,” I blushed, smiling as I looked away for a moment.

“No, seriously!” she said, “you’re everything I’ve been looking for, everything I’ve wanted in a lover. First you’re the perfect size. Next, you’re, well... Awesome!”

I looked at Dash, blushed more deeply,  felt a greater and different kind of adoration for her grow in me.

“I’m just a guy,” I said, actually humbled for once in my life, “I’m not perfect, not by a long shot”

“Seems like you’re perfect for me,” she cooed, her face ecstatic.

“So, what do you have planned for today?” I asked, feeling uncomfortable and also feeling the need to change the subject.

“Just the usual,” she said, collecting herself a little, “exercise, work-out, flight training, speed training. I gotta stay awesome, you know”

“I swear, if you were any more awesome you’d be declared illegal!” I joked. She giggled at me, very pleased by what I’d said.

Just then her face darkened a little as her face took on a nervous expression. She began to fidget.

“I... I have to, um... tell you something,” she muttered clumsily. I looked at her wondering what she was about to tell me. She took a deep breath, found her confidence again and smiled at me. “I... I love you! I hope that doesn’t freak you out” she said quietly but with absolute certainty.

Having said that she blushed deeply and looked away. I stared at her as my mouth fell open. Did she just tell me she loves me? My head started spinning. I ran a suddenly nervous hand through my hair. Oh, man! This was suddenly incredibly awkward.

“Why?” I asked, instantly regretting the question as soon as I’d asked it. Still, having been stupid enough to ask the question I decided to be stupid and press on.

“I’m just a big, fat, grumpy jerk,” I frowned, “what’s there to love about me, Dash?”

She blinked, stared at me for a moment, shocked.

“You never hit me as the kind to feel sorry for themselves,” she said.

“I’m not feeling sorry for myself,” I said, “I honestly don’t know why you’d love me or what you’d see in me to make you feel that way about me”

she laid down her fork, rose from her seat, stepped over to me and, smiling, took my hands in hers.

“You’ve never been a jerk to me, you’ve always been really nice and awesome friend for as long as I’ve known you” she said, smiling.

I stood up, looked into her eyes, scanned her face to see if she might be joking with me. Nope! She wasn’t. That realization terrified me.

Seeing my expression she pulled me to her, wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight.

“You’re not a jerk. You’ve just been with the wrong mare for too long,” she cooed in my ear sweetly before kissing it, “I think it’s time to change that. I mean, if you’re willing to give it a chance”

“But, I don’t... I mean... What I’m trying to say is...” I stuttered, feeling more insecure and awkward than ever. She shushed me and laid a gentle finger on my lips, cutting me off.

“At least think about giving this - us - a chance, okay?” she smiled as she kissed me gently on the lips.

“What about Nona?” I asked, still feeling like I wanted her back.

“Dude, face it,” she said, “Nona may have been right for you at the time you met her but, honestly, she never was really right  for you in the long run. Maybe it’s time for you to let her go?”

“But, what if I don’t want to or can’t let her go?” I asked.

“Then you’ll be missing out on something truly awesome -  Me!” she smiled, kissing my lips again.

Wow! I mean wow! I was totally blown away. I never saw this coming, not in a million years!

She kissed me one last time before leaving, asking me again to think about it before she stepped out my front door and was gone.

Yeah, I had a fuck of a lot to think about, now. At least things hadn’t  ended in disaster for once. Still...

Oh, fuck me!

The Letter

‘Dearest Nona...’ I started to write, paused. Did it sound too cornball to start a letter with ‘dearest’? I shrugged, realized the opening didn’t really matter, what I had to put on paper and say to her, did.

You were right to leave me. Yeah, you read right. You were right. What amazes me is that you didn’t leave me a lot sooner than you did.

I don’t like that you’re gone but I’m thinking now that it may have been the wisest thing you’ve done. For both of us.

What I’m about to write isn’t easy for me to put on paper but I have to tell you.

Since you’ve been gone I’ve had some experiences. Some were good, most weren’t, but I’ve had time to learn from them.

What’s become clear to me is that I’m an arrogant, self-conscious, insecure, selfish, self centered, thoughtless prick.

All you ever did was love me and put up with me and all I did was to expect more from you than you could give, constantly making demands on you that you tried your best to fulfill. All you wanted to do was your best to make me happy and all I did was take advantage of you and fuck it up.

I’ve also had time to think about another thing; the thing we based our relationship on.

This also isn’t easy for me to say because it’s so true and it shows how stupid I’ve been that it’s probably the hardest thing for me to admit.

You’d think I would have learned after being Twilight Sparkle’s lover for three years that I’d have figured out that good sex isn’t something that two people can build a lasting relationship on but it’s true, it’s not.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I love Twilight. She’s one of my best friends. It’s just that what I’d hoped for never happened. We never fell in love with each other and without that there’s really not much to go forward on.

Sure, it’s great at first. It always is. But, when the lust fades and the sex starts getting a bit routine that’s when it all begins to fall apart. After all, if the love isn’t there then what’s left?

Just so you’ll know I do love you and please forgive me for saying this but I’m not in love with you. I’m sure it’s hard to read this but if it’s any consolation I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with anyone. I don’t think I'm capable of that. After all I’d have to truly love myself in order to truly love anypony else and I’m just not sure that I do.

Now confession time; sure, I assumed you gave your consent and your blessing when you put that ad in the newsparchments but I’m beginning to think you had more than the obvious motives for doing that.

You gave me your heart. You entrusted me with it. I suspect you’d hoped that I would have laughed, ignored the ad and stayed faithful to you. I realize now that would have been the best thing for me to do, to honor your love that way but, like I said, I’m a fuck-up.

I wish I could tell you that I didn’t do anything more after you left but that would be a lie and I won’t compound my mistakes further by lying to you. I guess I’ll just have to face the music, no matter how you choose to respond to what I told you. If it’s any consolation, the other things I’ve done didn’t turn out much better than with Rarity - Except for Rainbow Dash - But that’s another story.

I don’t know what else to say other than I’m truly sorry for all the shit I’ve put you through. Hurting you is the biggest regret that I will with me to my grave.

I know this may not seem like much but I do love you.

– Generic.

I took the parchment I’d written on, folded it carefully, put it just as carefully into an envelope, sealed it, addressed it to my mother’s house, put a stamp on it and headed out the door not to the post office but to the Ponyville Transport center so I could send it off trans-dimensional express mail.

I didn’t know if she’d write me back, would want to write me back but, just in case she did, I tried to steel myself for anything she might say to me in a return letter.

In The End, Best Of Friends

So there I was pacing back and forth on the banks of the Celestia river waiting for Rainbow Dash to finish her self-imposed time trials, testing herself to see if she could squeeze that extra mile-an-hour out of her top speed. She had qualification trials for the up coming Equestria Games and she wanted to be as ready as she could be.

I kept watching the minutes tick by on the stop watch she’d given me to time her with. She was flying a hundred mile course. She was hoping to do it in under ten minutes. Three minutes, sixteen seconds and counting.

The sound of hooves softly crunching on sand caught my ear. I turned to see who it was.

My jaw dropped and I almost fainted when I turned to see Nona standing about ten feet away, her hands behind her back, her eyes swollen from crying, her face sheepish and contrite.

“Thank you... for that letter,” she said softly as she hesitantly took a step toward me, paused.

I dropped the stopwatch and ran to her, threw my arms around her, hugging her tightly, touching my lips to her face in little staccato kisses. She giggled,  hugged me back, holding onto me like she never wanted to let me go. I held her close and tight to me. I didn’t want to let her go any more than she did me.

***

We were sitting on the sand talking when I heard Rainbow Dash’s wings moving air above our heads. She floated down and settled to Earth a few feet from us, smiled and gave us a weak wave. Finding her stop watch she picked it up, smiled back at us one more time and flew off, leaving us alone. Was it me or did I see a trace of hurt in her eyes?

“It took a lot of guts for you to write that,” said Nona, quietly, as she leaned on my shoulder, her arms wrapped around me, “I want you to know I really appreciate it”

I sighed, smiled. Whatever happened next didn’t matter as much as having her snuggled up next to me in that moment. It felt so much like when we’d first gotten together, so sweet, that I didn’t want it to end.

“You know, you’re not the only one who made mistakes,” she said quietly, “I made quite a few of my own, too”

“I’ve learned I have no place looking at your mistakes, babe, only at my own” I said, stroking her mane, now. She closed her eyes and sighed, loving my touch.

“I’m proud of you,” she smiled, “you’re finally growing up and becoming a man”

“Thanks,” I said, “I just wish I could have started long before...” I felt the tears well in my eyes, deeply felt the sense of guilt for having hurt this truly wonderful and loving pony.

“It’s okay,” she said turning, taking my face into her hands, looking deeply in my eyes, “everything in its time and in its place. Your mother taught me that. In fact, your mother taught me a lot of things”

she kissed the end of my nose as I looked at her surprised that my mother had taught anyone anything. But, then, maybe that was just me, again? After all, I’d been at odds with my mother for so many years how could I have learned anything from her?

“Oh! She wants you to know she’s very proud of you for making a good home for yourself, here,” she said with a quiet smile.

I looked at her with renewed shock to hear that. After all these years of butting heads with my mother it never once occurred to me that she’d be proud of me for anything. I realized I had a lot of mothers day cards, Christmas and birthday presents to make up for.

“Yeah?” I asked, smiling now, “proud of me? Did she really say that?” Nona nodded.

“Hey, you wanna go home,”, I asked, hopefully. She looked down, started tracing the sand with her finger.

“I didn’t think I still had a home to ‘go home’ to,” she said, sounding a little insecure as well as surprised, “I mean, if we’re not together anymore than is it right for me to be there with you?”

I stood up, reached down smiling, offering my hand. She took it and rose to her hooves facing me, smiled back at me. She kissed the tip of my nose.

Still holding her hand I turned and we started walking up the bank toward town. “You know what?” I asked.

“What?,” she asked back.

“No matter what happens from now on, or how this all turns out in the end, you always have a home with me,” I smiled. she wrapped her arm around me, snuggled in close to me as we walked.

“Thank you,” she said in sweet, grateful tones, “I was hoping you’d say that” I chuckled. If there was one thing I knew it was that Nona was smarter than me and her being a mind reader didn’t hurt, either, even if she had gotten into the habit of not getting into my head without asking first.

“You know what else?” I asked again.

“What?”, she asked again.

“I’m never sure about too much stuff in my life but there’s one thing I’m absolutely certain of right now,” I said.

“What’s that?”, she asked.

“After everything we’ve been through, together, one thing is totally clear to me;  you always were, are and always will be my best friend”

“Mine too, babe. Mine too,” she smiled as she rested her head against my shoulder as we slowly meandered up the bank taking our time and taking the long way...

Home.

Epilogue

Since Nona’s return and Generic’s seeming spurning and dumping of Rainbow Dash, he’d had to deal with some real grief. Apple Jack had gone to his house, yelled at him for hurting her friend’s feelings and had threatened to kick his ass ‘way into th’ other side’a next year’ as she’d put it. Twilight Sparkle had been confused and sad, Rarity still wasn’t talking to him but she seemed angrier than ever and Pinkie Pie had just walked up to him, Harrumphed in his face before offendedly storming off with her nose up in the air.

They just didn’t understand or hadn’t heard that he hadn’t dumped Rainbow Dash, hadn’t gotten back together with Nona the way they’d been. Still, he caught shit for it. Stupid small town.

***

Rainbow Dash floated down onto the sandy bank of the Celestia River just outside Ponyville’s central square. Panting, she picked up the towel she’d left there and wiped the sweat from her face, chest and the back of her neck.

It’d been a good workout, two hundred miles this time. It was quite exhilarating, actually, as she’d hit her zone, felt the healthy burn in the muscles that drove her wings.

She grabbed her water bottle from the sand, poured much of it on her head to cool her, took a long pull, drinking down what was left. She tossed the bottle aside with a satisfied gasp, feeling the refreshing rush from the drink spread through her.

Grabbing her towel and bottle she stuffed them quickly into her athletic bag and walked to a nearby bench where she began doing stretching exercises to help take the tightness out of her now well worked muscles.

Relaxed and fully stretched now, she walked back to the river bank, stripped off her top, revealing her small but full, firm breasts to anyone walking by.

She didn’t care. She knew she had an awesome body, she’d worked hard to get it but such was her self confidence that she had not even the slightest trace of self-consciousness about exposing it even in public, though she did have her limits.

Pulling off her athletic shoes she casually tossed them next to her bag and, stepping up to the clear, slowly flowing water, threw her arms above her head and leapt headlong into the stream with a loud splash.

Bulk Biceps, who was jogging by on his afternoon run, saw her and waved to her with a loud, hearty “yeah!” as he continued on, not even slowing his pace.  She lifted a hand from the water and, smiling, waved back at him as he passed.

She let go, let herself float on the water, let the lazily drifting current carry her as she closed her eyes and felt the soothing coolness of the river soak into her still tense muscles, easing them.

‘How can that pony be so big without doping?’, she thought, frowning, ‘I mean, come on! Nobody’s that big without steroids!’

No, Rainbow Dash did not approve of such things, saw it as the lowest form of cheating, felt hatred and disgust for anyone who did. She’d come by her achievements honestly, through hard work and by constantly pushing herself even beyond her limits. Now that was awesome! That was the way to win! Anything else was meaningless. Still, she had no proof Bulk was doping although she did wonder.

She was startled from her thoughts by a shout from the bank.

“Hey, you hot, sexy thing!” smiled Generic. He held her bag up for her to see, “I saw this a short way up the bank, figured you’d be floating down the river so I thought I’d bring it to you”

“Thank you! That’s sweet of you,” Rainbow Dash said as she swam toward the bank. Generic plopped down onto the sand, dropping the bag near him.

“Woo hoo! Nice tits!” he leered at the topless Rainbow Dash, whose nipples were now standing at full attention. “Don’t get any ideas,” she grinned, as she sat down next to him, “It’s just from the cold water”

“Yeah, sure!, he snickered, reaching over and tweaking her closest nipple with the tip of his finger.

Scowling, Dash slapped his hand away.

“Hey!” she growled, “don’t do that! You’re back with Nona!”

“No, I’m not,” he said.

“Dude! She’s living in your house! I think that counts as you two being back together,” she said, the briefest trace of a sad frown touching her face.

“We’re not lovers anymore,” he said, looking straight into her eyes.

“I’ve been to where you live. It’s a one-bedroom house. I can’t imagine you’d let her sleep on the couch”

“She doesn’t,” he said, smugly, crossing his arms.

“Aha! I knew it! You’re sleeping with her!” she said triumphantly, wagging a finger at him.

“I’m the one sleeping on the couch!” he said, his turn to sound triumphant, wagging a finger in her face. she playfully slapped the finger away, stared at him.

“Wait, let me get this straight,” she said, mildly confused,  “You’re sleeping on the couch in your own house so your changeling ex-girlfriend can sleep in your bed every night? Dude! That’s kind of stupid”

“Hey! Give me a break,” he groused, “I’m changing my ways, trying to be nicer, more thoughtful”

“There’s a dif between nice and stupid,” she teased, “you kind of went over the border to crash test dummy land”

“Oh, fuck you!”, he laughed playfully as he wrestled her to the sandy bank and began tickling her mercilessly.

“Ah! Stop! Quit it!” she squealed, laughing hard and wriggling under his hands, “You know I don’t like being tickled! Quit!”

Generic sat up, crossed his arms, leered at her. He knew when to stop with Rainbow Dash, knew to go too far could easily earn him a black eye.

Still laughing, Dash playfully pushed him over into the sand then leaned over him and kissed his cheek. He blushed.

“So, you’re really not with Nona anymore?”, she asked

“I just said so,” he said, feeling a trace of annoyance that she didn’t seem to believe him the first time. Then he remembered all the times he’d at least exaggerated things he’d told others and those few times he’d actually lied about things. Inwardly, he cringed at the memory of his past mistakes.

“Being a nicer person isn’t the only thing I’m trying to change,” he said, growing more serious. Dash looked at him, taking a minute for his meaning to sink in.

“Hey, that’s cool,” she smiled as she grabbed her sport jersey, pulled it on over her head.

“Why does everypony think I dumped you?” he asked.

Dash stared at him for a moment. “They think you dumped me? Dude, we were never together to begin with! Why do they think that?” she asked

“Apparently some ponies saw us all here on the river when she came back, saw what you did when she showed up so I guess they’re all assuming the worst. I do have a rep,” he said.

“Nopony’s said anything to me about it,” she said, scratching the back of her neck.

“Maybe they think your feelings got hurt? I mean, Nona did mention to me that she thought you looked kind of hurt when you saw us together then flew off”

Dash frowned, her ears drooped and her wings fluttered a little as she stared at the sand.

“Well, yeah, I was kind of hurt when I saw that,” she sighed, “but, hey, no biggie. It’s not like we’ll ever really be together, right? I mean, how could we base anything on a one-night-stand, right?”

“It’s funny, I wanted to talk to you about that,” he said, looking at her.

“What, the one-night thing we did?” she arched an eyebrow at him.

“No, silly!”, he smiled, “the whole... well... I don’t know... possibility of something?”

“Pfft!” she huffed dismissively with a wave of her hand, “I know what you’re saying but, dude! I don’t have time for relationships! Those take work and a big investment of time I don’t have. Still, I think it’s sweet that you’d be thinking about it” She looked at him, smiled, then got the wickedest grin on her face Generic had ever seen! She grabbed his head, pulled it close to her face. “But you can bang me any time you want!”, she growled sexily into his ear before she licked it then bit it.

“Woo!”, he blurted gleefully as he turned to face her. Grabbing her head he locked his lips on hers, kissed her hotly.

“Oh, shit! Don’t do that to me out here,” she grinned, moaning, gasping, rolling her eyes and waving her hand in front of her face, “I’m liable to bang you right here in front of everypony!”

“That’d be the best show they’d ever seen!” he teased, winking. She playfully elbowed him, grinning.

“Oh, hey!” he grinned as he pulled a four inch long cylindrical roll tapered at both ends, “I ran into Tree Hugger, today. She gave me something”

“Awesome!” Dash grinned from ear to ear when she saw it.

“What the fuck do you call this shit, anyway?” he asked examining the joint.

“Oh, we just call it... Um.. Wait! Fuck! We don’t have a name for it! Why don’t we have a name for this? We should have a name for it,” she blurted out, confused. Generic laughed when he saw the goofy faces she was making. Catching herself, Dash started laughing as she grabbed her bag and rose to her hooves.

“Hey, You wanna walk back with me to town?” she asked, as he rose next to her.

“Yeah, that’d be cool but don’t you wanna smoke this bad boy, first?”, he asked.

“Maybe after a while,” she said, looping her arm through his as they walked, “it’s too soon after my workout, I have to let my metabolism settle a little”

“Yeah, okay. I don’t know anything about any of that but, hey, I’m not an athlete like you are,” he said.

“Hey, it’s cool,” she said, “so, what’re you doing now?”

“Nothing, really. Just trying to stay away from my house while Nona’s packing her stuff,” he said.

Dash looked at him surprised. “Packing?” she said, “she’s moving out, already?”

“Not she... ‘we’”, he said, “we’re moving out of the house on Heartblossom street to a new place on Cranefeather Lane, just outside of town”

“So Nona’s gonna have her own room, now?” Dash smiled.

“No, it’s still a one bedroom house but there’s this really cool cottage right next to it. It’s part of the rental, she’ll take that. We’ll have more privacy that way”, he said, “plus it’s only five hundred bits a month, less than half what we’re paying for the house”

“Five hundred bits?!” she said, surprised, “I’m paying nine hundred just for a two bedroom place up in Cloudsdale!”

“Yeah, well, that’s the high-rent district so I’m not surprised you’re paying so much. You could always slum with the rest of us low-rent peasants, your highness!” smirked Generic.

“Fuck you!”, she laughed, playfully slapping his arm.

“Oh, hey! I have to go by and pick up the keys,” he said, “you wanna come check it out with me?”

“Does it have plush carpets?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah, it does!” He raised an eyebrow at her

“Oh, goodie!” she giggled, delighted, “I love fucking on plush carpets. Let’s go break your new house in right!”

“Fuck yeah!”, shouted Generic gleefully as Rainbow Dash grabbed his hand and dragged him, running, toward the bridge that would take them across the river into town.