Fallout Equestria: Of Quills and Blades

by Recapped

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 15310

Those who know the past won't repeat the past's mistakes. But sometimes it isn't the past's mistakes one should be concerned about, but the presents'.

It was so simple. Those who know the past, won't repeat the past's mistakes. That was the grand concept. But sometimes it isn't the past's mistakes one should be concerned about. Vault 22 is about to see just how far a series of mistakes can take somepony and soon, the Wasteland will see as well. However, maybe they don't have the full picture. Perhaps they need an insider's perspective. What they need is the Fairest Recap of events. And that is exactly what they are going to get.

Author's note: Of Quill's and Blades are a result of 2014's NaNoWriMo (National November Writing Month) and me actually having time to write. The story is one I am excited to tell. Hope you all enjoy it.

Published 2015-09-19 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-21 19:16:44 UTC

Chapter 1: Wrong Book at the Wrong Time

Chapter 1: Wrong Book at the Wrong Time
"My dearest, most faithful student Twilight. You know that I value your diligence and that I trust you completely...but you simply must stop reading those dusty old books!"

Come and listen to a tale woven true
A warning to all
Both hero and coward too

Do not approach the castle of sisters Two
I said to the crowd in the square
Your ears heard not, thinking words false instead of true
In armor, with sword, you entered the forest fair

Do not approach the castle of Sisters Two
You took the challenge, didn’t you?
Someone would pay the price but who?
To lay its secrets bare; the Castle of Sisters Two

*** *** ***

Awake. Something wet. Blurry words. Falling?

And so I woke up. Where was I? Oh, work. The multicolored walls stared back at me. Covered from top to bottom in paintings and various depictions of stories and historical events. I could not help but think that, when first waking up, the walls looked more akin to the result of someone’s spoiled lunch than a work of. “ugh, this place could really use a little blank space. The walls are far too busy. Just a little blank grey square. Right there. In front of my chair. That would be lovely”

I looked around the room seeing the various exhibits. The Fall of Big Macintosh, the Establishment of the Ministries, the highly controversial display about the falling of the bombs called Judgment Day. I was certain that last one was created by somepony desperate to get his work some exposure and, well, it worked. Now if only he remembered to sign his work with a magical signature. We have had easily 15 or 20 ponies all claiming to be its creator. Needless to say, anonymously dropping off your work at the museum in the middle of the night without so much as a note on the thing is not the best idea if you want credit.

I stretched my front legs and shook myself. “ughhh, what time is it? What was I working on?” I looked over to the desk I had recently tumbled away from and saw the ordered chaos of notes, writing, and a book open up to page 12. It had a poem in it. I grabbed the book with my magic—that reminds me. I never did describe myself did I? Sorry about that. I am an average sized unicorn mare with a pale yellow coat and what my textbooks describe as “sky blue” eyes. My mane is a light orange with white stripes highlighting… I don’t know. My head? I am not really a fashion filly. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes.

I grabbed the book with my magic as it was enveloped by a light blue light and floated to me. “Let’s see, what was I using you for again”. As I mused to myself I opened the book to the first page and found a something taped to the inside written in my scrawl of “hoof” writing.

To Do List

Refresh the Banishment of Nightmare Moon exhibit

Verify poetry book is not in catalogue.

Don’t drink any “special” cider. You are working!

Finish draft of exhibition piece for tomorrow’s display

Ignoring the fact that the third item was more fitting on a “to don’t list”, oh yes! I forgot. I found that small poetry book stashed in the back of the library. It was smashed into the actual grain of the wood. I am always telling the Overpony that our librarian shoves the books back onto the shelves rather than actually organizing them but he never takes me seriously!

This book was truly a fascinating piece. A poem about someone going to the Castle of Two Sisters to defeat an ancient evil or stop some ritual or something. I don’t know. I haven’t finished it yet. I know it is some sort of tragedy work. Luckily I have plenty of time to write about it as the exhibition is tomorrow.

“Wait” I exclaimed, “what time is it?” as I lifted my pipbuck encased leg to my face.

Yes, I had a pipbuck. Wondrous little things with a built in light, clock, saddle bag management, and, because of the special position of our stable, a spell checker! Yes it had other features but who needed to use those? I checked the time and my pipbuck displayed 11:00 in the morning along with a flashing icon displaying “Pending announcement.”

Announcement? What could this be— I was interrupted by the screeching of a microphone as the overponies voice began blaring through the stable speakers.

“Hello there my little colleagues!” The overpony was notoriously tall and picked up the habit of calling everyone else “little” from reading too many of Celestia’s speeches. “I have a short announcement for you all today. We are moving up all the exhibition’s activities to today due to a major apple sauce spillage in Corridor B. Yes I know, I know. We all were looking forward to having three days off but it just can’t wait that long so instead of three 4 hour sessions over three days we are doing all the sessions today. That will be all!”

Today! Today?!? I haven’t finished anything yet! A blue glow enveloped my notes and I rushed out of the museum towards home. I needed an idea and fast! In retrospect, I probably should have been further along than this anyway but I never think of “should haves” and “could haves” in the face of a deadline.

*** *** ***

The door to the abode of me and parents swooshed open as I galloped in hoping to reach my door before anyone or anything could intercept me but it was far too late. “Well hello there Recap. Busy busy I see. Prepared for the exhibition I imagine? I am oh so excited to see what tale you have to regale us with this time.” The source of the false sincerity was my cousin Spoiler. A filly with a yellow coat like mine but notably darker with a mane whose reddish hue could be comfortably comparable to most warning signs.

“oh, hello Spoiler. Glad to see you.” I hoped that my ability to convey pleasantness around those I found distasteful was far better than my cousin’s as she was either really bad at disguising her disdain or she did it on purpose. Either could be possible. Either is just as grating.

“Oh likewise cousin, always a pleasure to see you busy. I thought you would want to know that me and my father have been working tirelessly to help promote your work. We even got a special spot today for you at the exhibition! Rather than having your work being put in the hat like everyone else’s, yours is guaranteed to be displayed with its own booth and everything! Still won’t get you the attention that your parent’s works tend to garner but I just know your work will be able to shine today”

She. Did. What?!

Trying my best to keep a pleasant demeanor my blue eyes locked with Spoiler’s “umm, cousin. The deadline for everything was just moved up. I am not ready to display anything yet. I told you yesterday that I was going to attempt an all-nighter. You brought me coffee and…” I stopped. “I… don’t remember anything after that. I remember feeling tired and then…”

Only a blind filly could miss the huge grin on Spoiler’s face. “Oh! You don’t have anything ready yet? Well Them’s the breaks cousin! I am sure you can whip up something in the next hour. Well then, tata and good luck. I am sure you won’t need it.” The metal door opened and then shut behind Spoiler as she trotted out.

I was mortified. I had almost no work done and now I was expected to display something in its entirety to the whole stable?!? Well, to be fair it was only those who showed up at my stall at the appointed time for the reading who would see my humiliation but still!

My internal monologue was interrupted by “Is that you my little Summary?” a male voice called out.

“Dad! I told you that using synonyms for my name does not count!”

“Oh I am sorry my little Synonym Bun.”

And there he was; the white maned, dyed, buck with a flamboyant cyan coat to match his self-satisfied grin. This was my dad the great Artistic Liberty. Albeit most ponies called him Art. I usually called him Dad. But right at this moment I called him “you ruiner of the medium! That is one of the worst examples of dialogue I have ever heard! Please don’t say that out loud. I really don’t need any more nicknames than you have already given me”

“Oh you worry far too much Recap. It is inevitable that others be jealous of the one who is Fairest.”

This was my Dad’s constant joke. To this day I don’t know if my dad chose the name Fairest to reference beauty or my Mom chose the name to reference an impartial “Recap” of events. My Dad has told me at least a dozen different reasons for the name and my Mom has apparently been sworn to secrecy. In my opinion, this ongoing joke was a waste of their considerable talents. You would think that he would not utilize my own name to torment me. Ok, not torment.

He is actually kind of funny. I have admitted it all right? Sometimes it just takes time to appreciate it. A lot of time.

“Was that Spoiler that just left?,” he asked, “ I was sure she didn’t have a key.”

At this point he looked at me and his eyes widened in surprise and a hint of amusement.
“You have poetry on your cheek my dear. In the future try not to use your own face to record the works which you find yourself engrossed in; even if that means using your bed for its intended purpose.”

My eyes widened. I had words on my face?! No wonder Spoiler seemed so entertained by me. That cheeky… wait. I had words on my face.
“oh, uhh, well I um” I sighed “I will be in the bathroom” and trotted away.

And there I was. A light yellow coat accented with a white and orange striped mane; My horn poking proudly out from amidst my tousled mane. Well, it was more a mess than it was a mane right now and some of it seemed to adhere to my cheek as a result of my… nap.
“ugh, if Spoiler put something in my coffee she is going to wake up a new and undiscovered hue of brown”

Why did they have to have an apple sauce spill today? For that matter, why do we have giant vats of apple sauce traversing the halls in the first place!

I sat down as a light blue glow enveloped the shower handle.

I stepped into the shower and begin doing what I did with every shower. Making a list of to-dos and examining my life.
“ok, so I need to come up with an original work in two hours. Knowing Spoiler and her parents they will make a big deal about my entry and bring a lot of attention to my presentation. So I need something good as well. Something that will really awe them.”

I washed and thought. An idea had to be there but as I thought images flashed in my mind. Disappointed pony faces as my latest work danced before them. The polite voices declaring “it was fine. It was a good try.” Those many times where they came to me hoping for greatness and I disappointed them. I need something to wow them. Something good enough to make them leave me alone. I don’t want to win, I don’t need to win today. Just for once I want them to go away thinking “That is the Daughter of Artistic Liberty and Total Recall and her work is my favorite in the stable.”

Just once.

Wait, this was a minor competition. The prize was merely some extra cider rations for your family. We had one of these every month!

And then I remembered the poetry book. Smashed into the wooden shelving behind the other books. I had checked the databases. No one has recorded it as being in the library. With it, I can succeed just this once. I can wipe that smile off of Spoiler’s face and I can be the one grinning this time!

I dashed out of the shower still wet and then rushed back in to get a towel. “This book can be my escape. Even if for a fleeting moment I can be free from the chains of their expectations!”

I was elated. I ran back and forth drying and dressing up my mane. Today was the day. I arrived in the entryway and grabbed the small book with my magic. I went towards the machine that every room had. A special device designed to take the entire contents of a written work and digitize it but before I did, I took out a small sticky label and covered the author’s name. In its place I put another name.

“The Castle of Sister’s Two” by Fairest Recap

*** *** ***

There is something truly beautiful about knowing that you outsmarted someone who dislikes you. Something amazing about knowing you will succeed where others expect you to fail. I arrived in one of the smaller atriums where the event was being held. All around me I saw ponies rushing around excitedly and nervously making last minute touch ups to their presentation but not me. I just smiled. I was ready.

After having uploaded the small book and then printing it, I had carefully tied the stacks of paper together while leaving one small excerpt out to be read when the judges requested it of me. I sat at my booth with a somewhat hastily printed banner displaying my name and the title of my book. It wasn’t going to win any awards but that wasn’t what mattered. Today was the day that I was not a disappointment.

It was at this point that I remembered why I hated the exhibitions. The waiting. I sat at my booth trying to look awake and ready to explain everything but, in the end, I laid my head on my hooves and did my best impression of someone pretending to sleep. It was very convincing.

The next thing I experienced was someone shaking me. Why where they shaking me! My eyes opened, blurry images of ponies before me. This wasn’t my room.

And then, the world faded to grey

I saw my Mom in all her orange coated and yellow maned glory shaking me awake as I started, looked around in a panic punctuated by a surprised “EEP” and judicious demonstration of my rather notable ability to leap in the air when surprised. And then color returned as I saw myself fade from existence.

My Mom looked at the fading image and then at me

“You told me you were getting that under control Recap.” She said with her distinctive monotone, “You assured me that you had gotten beyond the point of accidentally casting spells”

I looked into my Mom’s eyes. Stern. Red. No nonsense. Expectant of an answer. “oh, um. I really thought I did Mom” but before I could move into the excuse portion of the explanation I noticed my Mom was not the only one here. My Aunt was there with Spoiler and the current overpony, Short Epilogue. All of them, except for Spoiler, had red and purple sashes on. Judge’s sashes. Oh no, they were the judges. Why was my Mom and the overpony judging such an unimportant competition!?

The overpony cleared his throat, “Ahem, yes. Well, that was quite the show. Dearest Recap, please present us with an excerpt of your work.

For some reason he always got my first name wrong. Fairest isn’t any bit close to Dearest. It also sounds extremely creepy coming from some random somepony.

“oh, yes. Here it is” as my magic enveloped the excerpt and handed it to the judges. It was not until later that I remembered I was supposed to read it. Spoiler was smirking at me. I smiled back. I would win this time.

The overpony took a long time reading the excerpt. He seemed to read over it again. It was then I saw blue magic envelop the rest of the work.

“Recall. Look at this. This is, well, brilliant. I have never read anything regarding the Castle of Celestia and Luna pre-nightmare moon era.” I beamed. My Mom, the overpony, and my aunt all began reading the document with great interest. I had done it. They were happy. They approved! What happened next would end up changing the entire course of my life.

The overpony looked up from my excerpt. “I think we have a winner of the annual exhibition! My compatriots I give you this years victor, Fairest Recap”
My eyes widened in shock as one thought shot through me like lightning splitting the sky “Wait… annual?!”

*** *** ***

Things were coming together. My aunt explained that she and Spoiler got my entry transferred to the annual exhibition. And they didn’t tell me. I was given the time to show up and the place but everypony assumed I knew; And Spoiler bringing me coffee the night before which resulted in me drooling over my book all night was more insidious than I originally thought? It appears years of cutting remarks had finally turned into action. And now here I was smiling as best I could before most of the stable as my plagiarized work was being read before them all.

Understandably, I was not happy and my smile probably looked quite forced. Luckily, most seemed to chalk it up to my being unused to praise. My aunt held her classic nonplussed “I am neither approving not disapproving” look she used whenever something happened she was not prepared to see.

This was overwhelming. So many ponies praising me. Wanting to come and congratulate me. I knew I was saying thank you to multiple ponies and saying all the right things for a function such as this but it wasn’t me speaking. I was on auto pilot.

Green Pony: “You did excellently Recap!”

Blue Pony: “That was superb. Best I heard from these events in years”

White Pony: “Always wonderful to encounter a true original work! What inspired you to write about it?”

Purple Pony: “Magnificent!”
Orange Pony: I love your use of prose!

Yellow Pony: She’s a fraud!
I could concentrate. Who was that? Spoiler. It was spoiler waving the poetry book above her head with the obviously taped on label of “by Fairest Recap” displayed for all to see.

“Well buck.”

Footnote:

New Perk: Eye for the Classics: You have a knack for picking out reading material that is of superior quality. The side of effect of this being you are an excellent skimmer. Doubles the skill points you obtain from reading books! Also encourages bad life choices

Chapter 2: Best Decision Ever

Chapter 2: Best Decision Ever

"Yes! I'm going on a quest of self-discovery! I need to learn what it means to be a dragon!”

With scroll in hoof and lance in mouth
You went to Everfree
Where was your destination, north or south?
Such questions did not plague thee

It didn’t matter why you came
Only what you came to do
Not for glory, not for fame
Only what you came to gain

For you
*** *** ***
There comes a time in everypony’s life when they do something they didn’t think entirely through. A time when you encounter a giant wall of consequences you didn’t realize were there until you galloped right into them. These are times when mistakes happen and, for whatever reason, you felt that day was the day to make them.

Today was my day.

I looked out on the crowd as I saw Spoiler waving the book in the air; her lips mouthing words of accusation. The worst part is this wasn’t just another bout of jealousy. This was her catching me in the act of doing something horrible. For years she and her parents had waited to hurt my family in some way and finally they could. They found the weakest link.

Me.

I looked to my Mom with pleading eyes “please, I can explain.”

Her eyes turned hard. The ever present look of incredulity turned into one of stark disapproval. She then swiftly turned to the overpony and declared “I am going to take Recap back to an interrogation room where we can question her. These are serious accusations. Ones she will answer for if they are true. Security! Grab that book. It is evidence.” Only my mom could make a monotone voice sound threatening.
I looked at my Mom in shock. Not because I couldn’t believe that this was happening. I knew my Mom. She played things by the book and adhered to historical precedent over all else. If Spoiler’s accusations are proven true— no. When Spoiler’s accusations are proven true, I would be given the full punishment as dictated by the stable’s precedent for handling plagiarism.

“Young filly, you will come with me”. The overpony was looking down at me. I wanted to shrink back or hide behind some of my mane. Anything but go with him. This day was getting worse and worse.

After a few moments hesitation, I followed the overpony to his office. Accompanying him was a pony from security, my Mom, and my… aunt; who suddenly seemed much perkier than she had been before.

The overpony looked sternly at us all “all right, let’s see this book. And Recap, please hand over your manuscript.” I complied. There really wasn’t much else I could do.

“Ok, let’s see here. Hmm, first lines are the same. A couple of name changes here. Hmm. Actually, what am I doing. Recall would you mind skimming this for me?”

“Most certainly sir.”

My Mom was always an excellent skimmer. It helps that she is able to remember everything she ever reads. As a matter of fact I am surprised she isn’t. “done”

The overpony looked at my Mom “oh, well. That was quite fast. And what would be your evaluation of the situation Recall?”

“I am in the opinion that young Fairest Recap has committed plagiarism of the first degree which is defined as the keeping of undiscovered documents from the community, editing said documents with no meaningful changes, and then presenting said works as her own. Precedence has shown that such blatant disregard for the values of our Stable require one of the most severe of punishments. It is my recommendation that she be restricted from participating in exhibitions or any other non-work related duties for a period of five years; as precedented by incident 7B that occurred 105 years ago.”

And there it was. Her monotone proclamation washed over me as I looked around the stark room. Despite being a capable writer, the current overpony had the decorative capabilities of… you know what. I am out of analogies right now. This day sucks.

My Mom was looking at me with disapproval while the overpony had a look of profound sadness. As opposed to my aunt who looked on with a barely suppressed look of glee. “Well Recap, the overpony began, “nopony knows precedent like your mother and I am afraid my hooves are tied. However, before we make this sentence official there is one matter we must resolve.”

He looked at me expectantly and said that one word that would come to haunt me. “Why?”

Now, the dramatically appropriate thing to do in this moment would be to say “why what?” or maybe that was just nerves desiring to deny this was real. Regardless, it was pretty obvious that now was not the time for theatrics. So rather than digging the grave deeper I answered hoping to placate him at least somewhat. “I. I didn’t want to be a disappointment again. Every time I go to one of these events, ponies come up to me with that look. That accursed look of hope. Hope that I will be able to change their lives with a few short words. I never do.”

The room was silent. I was ready. I would have no chance to distinguish myself for five whole years. The only good thing about this is I would be free from their glances as there would be no reason to look my direction in the first place. No reason to have hope. That was the only good thing that came from this.

Wait.

“ok then,” the overpony began, “in that case I hereby pronounce you stripped of your right to participate in all sorts of academic and literary contests, ceremonies, and anything else that is like that. Ok, everypony, now that the unpleasantness is over lets go get a drink”
Before they could leave I quickly waved my hoof in the air as if I was a young filly in pre-school again. “Wait! Wait! Actually sir, there is one other thing I would like to add!”

The overpony looked truly startled at my sudden outburst. Not surprising considering that such an outbursts was completely out of character compared to how I had acted in the entire meeting. My mom looked on with a mixture of curiosity and concern all while my aunt looked somewhat upset about the whole interruption. Oh, I am sorry? Did I interrupt your post-execution drink excursion? Sorry but I am not feeling particularly sympathetic right now.

“There are several aspects to this I had not yet related! Last night I was brought a coffee from my cousin. And, as my Dad will attest, I did not return home until morning. Furthermore, I had the distinct disheveled look of someone who had been asleep all night. Thing is, I have no memory of anything after the coffee arrived. I think I was drugged!”

“Also, I did not sign up for the annual contest. No one told me that I was participating in this larger event! It was my aunt and uncle who orchestrated it! Also, let it be known my intention was not to try and destroy the competition! Merely to be appreciated and left alone for once. That is all!”

The overpony looked at me with that same sad look. “Recap,” he almost sighed, “even if all of that were true which I am not particularly inclined to believe right now considering the nature of your crime, it does not change the terms of your punishment. You chose to plagiarize and whether you meant harm or not, you still committed the act. We cannot abide that. We cannot continue living our lives as we had. That would be turning our backs on everything that made this stable what it is today. So the terms stand. As per the, um.” The Overpony scratched his chin with hoof and seemed to be straining his neck in some of strange attempt at increasing his ability to remember something.

“err, well. Whatever the incident is called. The stipulations are five years of non-participation. Or the submission of a work of equal value to the Stable as the one that had been plagiarized. These are the only ways you can end your sentence. Ok everypony, dismissed”.

My eyes went wide in realization. I could end it with a good story! I had a chance!

“now, please go return to your quarters for the night and, on the way, please put this book back on the shelf while you are at it. In a place ponies can see it though. I imagine a lot of them will be wanting to view it as it is the first completely original pre-war era work we have added since the Stable’s inception.”

I slowly began trotting down the halls towards the library leaving the office. Ugh, more murals. What I wouldn’t give for just one blank wall to stare at. However, they bugged me less than before. Ideas were swirling in my head. A plan. A hope to get out from under this punishment. Something to redeem myself but how?

Without thinking I entered the library and tried to find where I originally had found the book. It was then I realized I didn’t know the author’s name. So I flipped the book on its side to check. There was no name. There was however a short annotation .

“Inspired by the poem based on the adventures of Sir Bright Hope of Equestria. The first pony to ever return from the Castle of Two Sister’s alive”

Wait, the story was real? What else was in there, an artifact? Yes. Something of immense power that Sir Bright Hope was trying to obtain. Or was it to stop? Maybe it was to guard it against somepony else? It doesn’t matter I have the book right here.

My mind began racing. Would it be possible to look into this story? From what I can remember the stable recorded reports of bombings all over Equestria. Almost no place was left untouched except one place. The Everfree forest; the location of the castle.

“I could get a story. A story that no one would forget. I would just need to find a hero for it and write about it. That is all I need”

And before you ask the question, I did not find it odd I was talking to myself. I often used it as a tool for getting my ideas out. A brainstorming method.

“It makes sense. After all, think of every other disaster Equestria has ever encountered. Nightmare Moon? Heroes arose to take care of them. Foreign invasion? The same. Every villain that Equestria ever encountered gave rise to a hero to defeat them. The war had destroyed Equestria but who now was the villain? Perhaps I could find answers in that castle.”

I need to write a checklist. Shower brainstorming time.

And for the first time that day I smiled. Time to plan. Time to prepare. For tonight, I leave the stable.

*** *** ***

Water cascaded over my mane as I thought. What to do. What to do.
First, obstacles

How to get the Stable door open?

Hunger and thirst. Rations for the journey. At least 2 weeks. Preferably a month’s worth

Security ponies guarding the door. Won’t let me past

Ponies calling attention to my presence due to my recent…. Indiscretions. Primary concern is Spoiler and parents.

Outside: Likely high amounts of magical radiation. Need RadX and Rad-Away

Civilization may have evolved into a world driven by super intelligent radiation immune super ponies. Probably need a weapon. Just

in case.

Drip, drip, drip.

Ah darn it. “Mom! Dad? The water distribution talisman is on the fritz again! Hello?

A few cold wet moments passed as no response was heard. Ugh. Ok, I guess there is going to be a bit more static in here today.” My horn glowed as suddenly a small cloud began to form above my head as the condensation in our quarters was magically relocated and condensed.

“GAH! Cold! Freakin condensation spell. There has got to be a simple way to adjust temperatures. Now where was I?”
Objectives to accomplish before opening the vault

Go into security armory. Obtain a weapon and whatever said weapon runs on. Lots of it.

Cool looking clothes and gear.

Saddlebags. To store stuff in.

Prepare a recording to be played at my departure to declare my great intentions. Stick nearby door for applause and then dart

dramatically into the radioactive wasteland.

Ok, first objective. Find a method to leave the stable. Perhaps it is a password? Or a super-secret key? It doesn’t matter really. I need to get into the overpony’s office and find out. And for that I will need to hack the door or something of that sort. I think the office is accessible via a hoofprint scanner. That should be simple to fool. Illusions, after all, are my specialty.

I quickly dried myself off, made my mane presentable (well, close enough), and then left.

I began walking out of the room and into the hallway. “ugh, why can’t we have a single blank space on the wall?”

To my surprise, a voice answered me: “because not all of us are a fraud such as yourself cousin.”

Oh. great. Spoiler alert. The yellow mare preened at me tossing her mane in what I can only assume to be some sort of show of superiority. Or a muscle spasm. “Oh cousin, look at you. Such a mess. Such a state! And to think that with such a promising mark of three Quills you would end up like this? Although, the middle, and might I add largest one does look a lot dirtier than the other two. I guess best of two out of three is better than none” Her smile washed over me like some sort of awful acidic ice water.

“It has to do with my talent Spoiler. Imitative illusions? Ring any bells? What I do at my job every day? Illusions are not flawless. That is why the middle one looks more worn. They are not perfect copies”

My cousin looked at me smuggly “oh, that is how you interpret it, is it? I think you have the comparison right. After all, isn’t what you submitted today an imperfect copy of the original? Changed by your own tampering. Not for the better I hear”

Now, your average pony would respond to such an accusation by lashing out; whether it be verbally or physically. I, however, was not your average pony. My dad had trained me well.

“Well you know the age old adage Spoiler. Tis better to have reached heights only to fall from them, than to have never risen high enough to fall in the first place.” I flashed a grin as she stood there in shock and anger. Mostly anger.

Now, remember what I said about average ponies lashing out physically? *WHAM!*

I was on the ground.

She hit me! I rolled over to see another hoof aimed for my head. I rolled again. Oh thank Cellestia she missed.

At this time I did the only thing I could think of. I breathed deep and yelled. “Help!”

Fear entered my cousin’s eyes followed by a glare that seemed intent on disintegrating me on the spot. I heard the sound of hooves galloping.

One set of hooves departing and another arriving.
The security pony saw me lying on the ground and asked:

“What happened here miss?”

I flashed the officer a smile and winced as I felt the entire right side of my face ache with the effort. “I was just bucked to the floor for walking down the hallway, my good security pony. You know relatives. Always get uppity when you don’t agree with their claims of innate superiority”
The security pony eyed me as if weighing the worth of my words. “So why did you call for help then if you have no intention to tell me what actually happened?”

I grinned, slightly to avoid causing more pain and replied “why to stop them from continuing of course! Thanks for coming,” and I began trotting down the hall. As soon as I got around a corner I ran to the first window I could find to see the damage. hmm, a little bruising around the eye. Could be black soon. At least it should get me some badass points out there. Unless they have been mutated beyond the ability to get a black eye! That would suck.

And with that thought I started heading to the overpony’s office.

*** *** ***

So apparently I am quite the celebrity now. Whereas before I would get the occasional look of recognition, now everypony knew me. And the reactions I got now had so much more variety than before! Whispers, pointing, and awkwardly leaving rooms I entered were all part of the delectable feast of reactions. While I applaud their efforts in variety, I feel like their choice of reaction is lacking in its positive effects.
Luckily I eventually got past all the stares and found myself before the overpony’s office. Checking my surroundings for observers I backed up into a nearby corridor and began casting a spell. If you could call telekinesis as a spell that is. I could feel the metal knock with my magic as a firm “clang clang” rang from the overpony’s door. Five seconds. 10 seconds. 20 Seconds. 40 Seconds! Yes! He must be gone. Or asleep. Hopefully not asleep.

I approached the door and simultaneously begin casting the illusion over my hoof as I lifted it to the scanner. Now, normally replicating somepony’s hoof print would be impossible due to the sheer amount of details involved but, for better or worse, I have something called Tinkerer’s Syndrome.

Tinkerer’s Syndrome describes those ponies born with a natural aptitude for modifying spells to the point of said modification occurring at a subconscious level. In this case, I could somehow know how to replicate the overpony’s hoof because I seen him so many times before. My case of Tinkerer’s Syndrome was particularly severe version wherein I would not only modify my spells subconsciously but actually cast whole spells without a conscious thought regarding it. Yes I know it sounds awesome but you turn your birthday pie into sardines once and it stops being cool.

Unfortunately, there are also less than fun side effects common to all with Tinkerer’s Syndrome. When I was a foal I discovered that I had subconsciously modified my telekinesis spell so that I could feel via whatever I carried as if it was a part of me; which was great until I discovered that any force acted upon the object I was holding I would subconsciously transfer to myself. That was when I discovered never to play keep away with a pony capable of throwing a ball the entire atrium’s length in a single kick. I still have nightmares of falling through the air surrounded by sports balls.

Wait, you getting distracted. Focus Recap.

The door slid open smoothly and I slipped inside.

“ok, now to find the password, switch, or whatever else opens the vault.”

That was when I saw it. A giant terminal in the overpony’s office marked “backup vault door controls”. It even had a giant red button! Now I have never professed to be a particularly mature pony and it would be dishonest for me say that somepony in that room didn’t see the candy red button and attempt to prematurely open the vault. Because that is exactly what happened. Thankfully, I was foiled.

A message flashed on the screen: “Please enter verification code overmare/overstallion to verify opening of Cloudsdale Vault 22.” 3/3 tries remaining.

Oh, umm. Hmm. Ok. Password time.

Cloudsale was known for? Clouds? No, too bland. Weather. That’s like naming your dog, dog. Pegasus? Way too bland. Wonderbolts? Closer but still too easy to guess. Oh I know! Rainbow Dash!

With a few telekinetically pressed keystrokes I entered in that famous Ministry of Awesome mare and it beeped at me. Incorrect? Huh. Well I guess it could be the Wonderbolts but I doubt that would be— “DING”. Oh, that was it. Wow. That is some awful security.

As I looked at the terminal I noticed several options come up. At the top it displayed the words “Overpony personal console.” Huh, I guess the terminal was multipurpose?

I began typing and perusing the materials as I saw an audio log which automatically made it interesting. Why? Because media had taught me well! That’s why!

Being somewhat bored I downloaded it onto my pipbuck and began playing it as I messed with the options under the open vault command. Hmm, open at midnight? That seems dramatically promising. And push! There, all set.

The recording began. Male voice. “Aww, yes. That was wonderful Review”

Wait, Review? Who was talking to my aunt?

“oh it was nothing Mr Overstallion. Recap is so oblivious to her surroundings. It was so simple to change her entry. She didn’t even blink when the invitation arrived. It was simply marvelous. And Recap utilizing that undocumented book was more than we could have ever hoped for”.

“No thank you. And please, call me Overrated. That is, after all, my name”

Oh! I forgot about that. The overpony had one of those weird three part names. Overrated Short Epilogue.

“ooh, well thank you. Now, I hate to be a bore you my dear but I have to ask. Did you get the right security ponies on board for tonight’s little escapade?”

The overpony, no— That didn’t fit anymore. Overrated laughed. A deep guttural laugh. I was familiar with that laugh but it had never sounded so… sinister. “Hah! Of course. We aren’t the only ponies to believe that Art and Recall have had too much time in the sun. It is time to share the wealth. The note has already been planted in her room. By tomorrow morning there will be nothing left but a dead mare, a suicide note, and two grief-stricken parents too scandalized to obtain the overponyship for quite some time! And with that grief I imagine their creative abilities will be quite stunted as well”

WHAT?! Dead? I was… what is going on?

My aunt joined in with a light titter of a laugh of her own. I always wondered if she ever laughed genuinely but even here, in this recording, it sounded forced. “hahahah, oh wonderful. Absolutely splendid. Once they are out of the way we should be able to easily put in place the right ponies to encourage the judging for future overponyship. Everypony need not know that they are being ruled by a small oligarchy rather than an overpony. And it is all thanks to little Recap for making this possible”

“ah, she of the slanted account. May her memory never fade from our hearts”

I hear the clinking of glasses and the recording went silent.

I rushed back to the terminal. I had to let everypony know! They were going to use me to completely supplant our leadership! Well, technically one of the supplanters is our current leadership but you know what I mean! When I got back to the terminal I saw, in flashing red letters “warning, unauthorized download detected. Entering security lockdown. Please contact your administrator for assistance”.

No! no no no. I set the door to open at midnight! I need to change it! I couldn’t change it. Oh Luna… Cellestia. Is this like some sort of pre-emptive moon banishing I don’t know about? Did I break some great taboo and now I must be punished? ARGH.

Its ok Recap. You just need to stay around until midnight. You can do this.

I went to the door, resumed the illusion over my hoof to get out, dismissed it, and ran. I would hide in the security pony locker-room. They always have extra lockers in there and I may have learned I can fit in one if pressed to. Why do I know this? Umm, well. I wanted to describe the cramps one would get if stuffed inside a locker for several hours. To add some realism to a story of mine and, well, it worked. I also was sore for several days.

Today was different. I needed supplies. Supplies security had. And hopefully me hiding in security itself will be considered so brash and idiotic that no one would consider to look there. You know, one of those situations where the closer you are to danger, the farther you are from harm. Of course, it helps to be small so you can fit in lockers. Not that I was super small. I was quite average. Security just had big lockers.

Sadly this means I will be carrying around security patrol rations rather than the wonderful apple tarts the kitchens make but it is better to live with dry apple bars than to die with delicious, succulent apple tarts… ugh. I forgot to eat dinner.

And so I traveled down the corridors hiding from every sound and, especially, every security pony. All while rehearsing two speeches in my head. One for my parents and one for the stable as a whole. They might not believe there was a conspiracy going on and I couldn’t stop them by staying. However, I could stop them by leaving.

Strange how excitement can turn to sadness so quickly

*** *** ***

You know, normally choosing to go and hide in security when several security ponies were assisting the overpony in executing me would be absolutely idiotic. It kind of still is. However, there were two things that convinced that going there was the right course of action.
First, they had weapons, rations, and maybe some sort of barding that should help me out in Equestria proper. Second, I knew the secret of the “One Way” spell! Before you ask, no I won’t tell you what it does yet. It’s a surprise.

I was on my way to security being as sneaky as I could. Shuffling along the floor, hiding under tables, composing my own theme song in my head. The works! So why then did I have to use this spell? As I was going down one particular hallway I saw one of the security ponies down at the opposite end of the same hallway. He looked at me and then started trotting towards me. So I did what anypony would do. I turned around so fast I somehow managed to step on and trip over my own tail. I then scrambled to my hooves and ran. I took the first turn I could hearing shouting from behind me. Luckily the corridor was empty and a dead end at that!

After I had rounded the corner and gotten about halfway to the end I turned. My horn flashed as a clear two dimensional rectangle superimposed itself between me and where the guard would soon turn the corner.

Cla cla clop. Clop. And turn. He looked right at me or more right at the magical rectangle between us. He scratched his head with his hoof and turned around. I heard him asking if anypony saw a yellow filly come down that way. I looked up into a mirror opposite me and saw… nothing.

Ah, what a beautiful spell. It was originally designed to make tours in the museum more personal by erecting these flat illusory panels that would display all the objects but filter out ponies. Unfortunately, it was largely scrapped due to the two dimensional nature of the panels.

After all, you start looking at the flat surface from the wrong angle and the objects in the illusion became distorted; like if you looked at a painting from the too harsh of a viewpoint. This completely ruined the experience. Or should I say “distorted the experience?” Ehh?

Yeah, ok. That was bad.

That time was not a complete loss as that year of testing gave me plenty of time to learn how to recharge the spell matrixes and, consequently, learn how to create my own portable version of the spell. What this meant is I was uncatchable as long as whoever was looking for me kept their distance and was always positioned perpendicular to the illusion. Simple enough, right?

So I went on my way looking for anypony that seemed to be searching for somepony. Luckily the stable was relatively quiet which meant alert security ponies where… rare. I honestly think they would rather be relaxing playing Blackjack or Gin Rummy rather than patrolling the stable.

Somewhat understandable as it was probably the most boring job that anypony can be assigned to.

And there it was, the security station. Or is it barracks? Something like that. Its gleaming grey walls a testament to order amidst the chaos of color that most sections of the stable all too proudly displayed. Ah, peaceful grey walls.

Now, a smart pony would ask why I didn’t just disguise my entire self as the overpony or one of the security pony and a smart pony would have a point. However, what the smart pony is not considering is the fact that while I can disguise my coat and mane the color of my magic would stay the same. The same color my horn would be glowing as I waltzed in there. That and usually a unicorn channeling a spell is not particularly warmly received by the security staff.

I leaned around the corner to take a look inside. One pony was sleeping, another one at the desk seemed more interested in staring at the wall than looking out for a ne’er-do-wells. It seemed like I was home free. And then I heard it. The sound of hooves trotting. Normal yes? No. They all fell in a strange pattern. A four note beat that he somehow maintained while walking. Lawful Virtue. The greatest stickler for the rules the stable had ever seen and he was looking right at me.

“ATTENTION! VERY IMPORTANT PONY ON THE FLOOR! RECRUITS, SALUTE!”

And then then the entire room became a swarm of chaos as it seemed to explode with hidden security ponies who all began to line up and salute… me?

Lawful Virtue just stood there. Starring like the rest. What was I supposed to do? Oh, idea.

“umm, at ease?”

“YOU HEARD HER! BACK TO YOUR POSTS OR I WILL SHOW YOU THE REAL MEANING OF DOUBLE TIME”

Wow, somehow the memory of him never quite lived up to the… volume he exuded.

“So, uh, hey there Virtue. How are things in Security?” I asked the still rigid grey buck with the white mane.

“THINGS ARE OPERATING AT PEAK EFFICIENCY MA’AM. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU MA’AM”

“Actually yes. Could you, quiet down a bit? I think my ears are beginning to ring”

“MA’AM YES ma’am”

Oh thank goodness. He stopped. “Thank you Virtue. Now I was wondering if you might be able to help me. You see, I am doing some research for something I am working on and I wanted to better describe what it was like to fire a gun. However, being as that I have never fired one before, I find myself at a loss. Could you show me how?”

Lawful Virtue gave me a hard stare. It almost felt like a mountain wall had grown eyes and decided I was worthy of its scrutiny.

“Ma’am, you are lying to me. You were just reprimanded for delivering a work before the stable that was not your own. I do not believe that even your parents could have come up with an entirely new concept in part of an afternoon. Now unless you have something else to waste my time with I will be departing for my duties”

Wow. In my head I imagined this going way smoother.

“If that is all ma’am, I am going to leave”

Oh no! What do I do? What do I do? Wait…

“WAIT!”

And suddenly every security pony in the room looked at me. “Umm, wait Lawful Virtue. I Uhh…” My voice dropped to a whisper, “I found something and I need to show somepony. I think you should be the one to hear it first. You might not be head of Security but you are her right hand buck. Can we go into one of the back rooms to talk privately?”

Virtue looked me up and down. I could feel his eyes and the eyes of every pony in the room starring right at me. I feel like my special brand of stealth could use some work.

And then he grunted. “Hmm. Ok. But if you attempt to dispense any more falsehoods to security staff I will have you reprimanded for suspicious activities.”

As we walked into the back of the station I noticed the walls were no longer grey. Each hallway was painted a different color and this one was given an almost sickeningly bright pink color that led to rooms marked “interrogations”.

“Hmm, cozy”

*** *** ***

The recording crackled as it came to an end.

“And do I want to know how you obtained this recording Recap?”

I don’t know what my expression was when I answered but I think it is safe to assume that it screamed guilty. “Umm, not if what is on the recording is more important than where or how I got it.”

He smiled at me. He actually smiled at me. Or maybe his face was having some sort of spasm. I don’t think I have ever seen Lawful Virtue smile. “Well, in that case I won’t ask. Unfortunately you indicated you triggered the alarm somehow? Odds are the terminal has already had its contents erased. And if what you say is true about certain less than scrupulous security ponies joining the Overstallion… (he sighed) well, I am afraid I cannot offer you protection without possibly endangering you. The fact that you would share this with the first security pony to confront you shows a startling combination of resolve and naïve stupidity however.”

He just… did he just call me stupid?

“Would I be correct in assuming you came here to procure arms in order to protect yourself?”

Hmm, well that is technically true. Just protection from radioactive mutant super ponies rather than the more tame security ponies of the stable.

“yes, that is why I came. Also to hide. I have a idea to prevent their plan from succeeding but unfortunately I cannot make it happen until midnight. Can I hide around here until around then?”

The big buck continued to stare as if, by looking me over, his eyes would start monitoring my heart-rate so that he could see when I was lying. Finally, after about a minute, he spoke “do you plan on killing any security staff if they assault you at the over-stallion’s behest?”

Oh. Um. Wow. I didn’t even think of that. I didn’t want to kill somepony. I would actually like to keep the number of dead ponies to a nice round zero if I can help it. I looked up at him.

“A life is far too valuable to be thrown away because of a corrupt leader. I want to merely stay alive. If you give me the tools I will do only what is required to do just that and go no further.”

One of his eyebrows went up. Impressed maybe? Hopefully?

“ok. I don’t know what you have planned Recap and I don’t want to know. If I knew I would probably have to do things that could get us both in trouble. In fact, I think it would be better if we pretended this was me questioning you regarding the priceless book you were supposed to have returned to the library which you had earlier plagiarized.”

Wait, the book? I looked back at my saddlebags and… oh. There it was. Sticking up out of the bag. I had been in a rush when I left the Overpony’s office and apparently it never settled into the bag resulting it being displayed for all to see.

I looked at Virtue and laughed nervously. “heheh, whoops?”

The stern expression intensified as he replied “Hmm, quite. Now let’s get you down to the armory. We have some non-lethal options for you. Also, I expect to hear NOTHING about what you do today all right?”

I met his eyes and, oh wow. He was really serious. I didn’t realize he was capable of making a face like that. Part of me was certain he was going to shoot me.

As we made our way down to the armory with my “escort” I realized I would need to ask of him one more favor.

“Hey Virtue?”

“Yes Recap?”

“Could you also do me a favor or two? In case tonight goes badly?”

“As long as it does not violate my oath as a security pony of Stable 22 and will not endanger anypony that dwells within I shall consider your request”

Wow, a simple yes wouldn’t suffice? He is so wordy.

“Ok. I need two recorders. The first I will need you to plug into the main security announcement terminal and set to go off at midnight. The second” A tear escaped and floated to the floor below my face. Where had that come from? “The second is for my parents. They need to know what is going on. And I want them to know why I am doing what I am doing tonight. Can you deliver that to them?”

He sighed. “Look Recap. I can try but you are asking a lot from me. It will not be easy for me to distance myself from you if the Overstallion succeeds. However, in you I see the look of a pony desiring redemption. There is nothing of greater importance than redemption. I will acquiesce your request.”

Suddenly, I felt joy. “Thank you!” And my hooves found themselves around his neck as I hugged him with all the relief induced strength I could muster.

“Let’s try to keep this professional Recap. You are still in trouble for today’s events and I would prefer if my operatic historical performances were not canceled due to my fraternizing with a delinquent.”

I let go and smiled quite embarrassed. “oh, um. Sorry.”

“Ah, here is the armory. Now let’s get you ready.”

I couldn’t help it. I squeed in excitement.

*** *** ***

I looked good. No, better than good! I looked downright alluring in this stable 22 barding. After dropping me off at the armory Virtue had showed me a most unique weapon. It was what he called an energy pistol but… different. This particular model could operate with two different types of batteries or charge packs or whatever they are called. The first caused it to fire a red beam of magical energy that scorched whatever it impacted. That being said, there may be a burn mark along the roof of the armory that wasn’t there before I practiced. The second type, which he did not let me practice with, are a set of special cells that were meant to overload the magic in any pony it hit. Rather than disintegrating them it merely knocked them out as they entered sensory overload. He then explained to never fire it at anypony casting a spell as the sudden influx of magic would disrupt whatever spell they were casting and could have very… unpredictable results. I also heard the word “prototype” and “largely untested” but that usually just means it is just that much more awesome.

Oddly enough, he only gave me 5 batteries for that mode of fire.

“This stuff is really hard to make Recap and I don’t trust your aim enough to really make use of more” he had told me.

Apparently non-lethal weaponry was never mass produced like most of the other products of the war. I guess it makes sense as a bunch of stunned Zebras weren’t exactly the key to winning a war.

He had left me alone after giving me the two recorders. I chose to take the opportunity to sneak in and take a few weeks-worth’s of rations from the storeroom.

After I was done recording the message for the stable, I entrusted it to him and reiterated the instructions. That said “set it to go off at midnight” is really simple but you never know! Just in case.

Sadly I couldn’t come out and accuse the overpony. After all, any accusation I made so close to my sentencing would be viewed as libel; a shoddy attempt at trying to regain favor I didn’t deserve. However, I could tell my parents the truth.

Drip.

Drip.

Tears again?

I looked down as I felt more coming and played the recording for Mom and Dad. One last time. I have to make sure it was right.

“Hey Mom and Dad. So you are probably wondering why Lawful Virtue is at your door in the middle of the night with a pipbuck recording of all things. Well, stuff is happening. I discovered that aunt Review and the overpony have been plotting a takeover of the stable. They were going to use my humiliation today as the first step towards discrediting you both.

They (sobs), they were going to kill me tonight. Make it look like a suicide. Apparently a suicide note has already been planted in my room. They hoped to use that to make you both incapable of working due to grief. They also hoped that you two being known as the parents who birthed the Stable’s largest failure and social pariah it has ever seen would prevent you from being too influential. I am so sorry Mom. Dad. I am so sorry (muffled crying). I am going to make it better. I am going to make up for my mistake.

Tonight I leave the stable. That book I read? Yes, the same one I claimed as my own? It is based on true events. I am going to go out into Equestria, find a hero to go there. I will come back with the greatest story this stable has ever seen! I promise!”

My voice cracked with those last words.

I will be back! And you will be so proud.

From (more sobs) your little Synonym Bun.

And now, I wait.

Footnote:
New Perk: Educated Guess…er: You know very little about computers but you do know history! As long as you know the name and a little something about the place in which a computer resides, the difficulty level of the hack goes down one level (ex: hard to medium).

Chapter 3: 22 Problems

Chapter 3: Twenty-Two Problems

"I’ve Been Stuck in the hole for way too long, I’ve got 99 problems that are going on!"

You left behind your pain
Trotting into Everfree
To forget those you had slain
A chance to redeem. All would see

This escape
An illusion
Of the past you are never free

*** *** ***

10:30 PM

So, Lawful Virtue locked me in a closest and, let me tell you, one can only entertain oneself so long via making shadow puppets on the wall with your magic. I started playing with my magical pistol. Ok, that sounds bad. Playing is really the wrong word. I meant I was practicing reloading. Don’t play with guns foals!

Ok, go down the checklist. Depress the red button, pull back on the casing, remove the old battery, replace it with a new battery, snap it in, and go. And repeat.

Ugh, what is taking him so long? Isn’t it eleven yet? He said he would come and get me an hour before midnight. I looked around the dim room for probably the fifteenth time. Nothing. Just those locked green rectangular containers with a blue stripe down the middle. Hmm, idea.
I approached the box and saw a lock hanging off of it. I focused my magic on the lock and, sure enough, I could feel its entire inner workings.

Wow, the lock felt a lot more complicated than it looked. Ok Recap, where are the moving parts? I began messing with the different tumblers until I started to get a picture of the mechanisms in my mind. Ok, 4 different tumblers all at rest. Hmm, let’s lift one. I was rewarded with the sound of grinding metal and the strange sensation of bending tumblers.

“oh dear, ok. Apparently up is the wrong way”

I looked at the lock again. It was hanging off the box at an odd angle, that explains it. I need to push the tumblers in the direction of the top of the lock not my “up”. I focused again as the pale blue glow enveloped the lock again. I pushed on the tumbler and waited. Nothing. Ok, a little more. *Click*

“ooh! Something happened!” I tried to turn the lock but it didn’t budge. Luckily, I had figured out the basics. It took a lot of concentration but I could hold each tumbler in place as I manipulated the others into position. However, my progress was slow. I think lockpicking tools are now high on my list of things to obtain; if only to have something to stick in the hole and hold each tumbler approximately in place.

With a satisfying *click* the box opened. Inside were several metal apples with blue bands on them. Hmm, to take or not to take? Inside my head two yellow ponies battled it out as they argued. One had a stylist cowl with a “devil may care” style of mane with the opposition being an exceedingly straight laced mare dressed up in some sort of official looking suit. It ended up with the roguish one tying up the more virtuous looking one. I took the metal apples. Who knows? They could prove useful.

*click*

Words appeared in my vision. Blue words. What was going on?

*Initializing inventory analysis spell matrix. Please stand by…*

I lifted my pipbuck to eye level and began looking it over “Pipbuck, is that you? That better be you”

*initialization complete. Pickbuck subroutine functioning*

Suddenly the words “EMP Grenades” were superimposed in my vision whenever I looked at the my newly acquired apple-like prizes. I looked around the rest of the room and saw the lock on the box I had just opened. Then the words “very easy” were plastered over my vision.

“what?! Oh come on! That took me like 15 minutes! You take that back pipbuck! I picked that without a pick! How is that for skill!”

As it turns out, the inventory analysis spell matrix did not include an AI with which to talk with. Which is probably a good thing if only because I would look crazy. Lesson learned.

“umm Recap”, a male voice said, “Who are you talking to?”

Apparently the lesson was learned too late. I turned around to see Lawful Virtue standing there in the dim nighttime lights of the stable.
“umm, that would be my pickbuck. It has started identifying things for me all of a sudden. It even started telling me how hard it would be to pick certain locks”

That got me a look. In retrospect, talking about picking locks when I had been left in the stable armory probably would make anypony ill at ease.

With a sigh of exasperation, Lawful Virtue turned his gaze to me and then towards the ceiling. “Recap, just. Please. Stop talking. If you keep doing so I am going to have to arrest you on principle.”

Hmm, I guess not everyone can appreciate my genius. Wait, think about that Recap. You have been awfully clumsy with your words today. Understandable considering all that has happened but perhaps he is right. You don’t exactly look like the upright intellectual you think of yourself as right now.

“Come Recap, time to go”

It took us about 15 minutes to navigate the various locked doors but eventually we got to the emergency fire exit of the security station. I never did understand why a metal stable needed fire exits but I am no engineer. Or is it architect. Whatever type of pony designs stable, I am not that!

I was broken out of my reverie by the creaking of a large metal door.

“ok Recap, this is as far as I go. I don’t think I will be able to get the message to your parents if I am seen with you. So go on. Get out of here. And Recap, break a hoof.”

I drummed up my most confident smile and posed heroically. He did not react. I was really hoping to get a third smile out of him. Part of me felt like I would get some prize to fall from the heavens if I could get him to maintain a smile for a whole minute.

And for just a moment my demeanor changed. I looked at Lawful Virtue with every bit of thankfulness I could muster. “Thanks Virtue. Really. You have done so much. Take care of security! I promise after tonight a lot of your problems will be gone! Or at least you will have different probably. Yeah, probably just different ones.”

Come on. Smile. Smile! You can do it!

He just stared at me, shook his head, and turned around.

“Better get going Recap. And do try to be quiet about it. Also, some advice for the road. If you are trying to sneak into somewhere, odds are that the front door in the middle of the afternoon is the worst place and time to do it.”

And with that the door closed.

*** *** ***

11:40 PM

Well, I had undergone 25 minutes of sneaking and I was finally closing in on the Stable entrance. Just took some slow treading, several casts of my One Way spell, a lot of standing still, and holding my breath. The last one was probably unnecessary but it made me feel better.
A few more hallways and I would be at the entrance with plenty of time to spare!

*CLANG*

“dang nabbit. I dern’t know what you want with’n these here turrets overstallion. We ne’er had to us ‘em before. Why start now? They knackered ta all hell. You realize we been cannibalizing these things to keep other systems running right? Orders from the previous overponies themselves”

That was Ratchet. One of the oldest bucks in the stables and also head of maintenance. Best repair-pony I have ever met. Just don’t ask for his help unless you want to have a conversation for the entirety of the job.

“I don’t care what it takes. I have information that somepony programmed the stable door to open and if that happens I want to be ready! Nopony is getting in and nopony is getting out. I will keep my stable safe.”

“all right, all right. Close your cakehole your overponyship. Just was askin’. Just want’n you knowing that we needin’ this stuff other places in the stable. So don’t blame me if’n you come back tomorrow and find nothing but a gutted shell”

“That is quite all right. It should open tonight and then close a few minutes later. Stable protocol. Now,” he cleared his throat, “members of security! Fan out, set up barricades and make sure nopony gets in the entryway. We must protect them from whatever comes in here.”

Well, I definitely didn’t consider this happening. I really should have guessed that the overpony was capable of accessing and understanding his own terminal. To say nothing of the lockout he would have come back to; that would have set off several red flags. It was practically screaming “someone messed with me!” Hmm, I need a plan. What to do.

“Gah, frakkin dermit!” I heard the sound of electricity and what I could only presume to be the sound that machines make when they start sparking wildly. The lights were flickering.

“Almost got it! Now everyone get’n ready. There will be some power fluctuations here’n when I connect these. Lights might go out for a little bit. Just be sit’n still and try not to do anythin’ stupid”

This was my chance. I braced myself. Ok, security barricade. Half finished. Still low on the right side. Security mare to the left. Where to hide? Room is too exposed. No cover. Hide in the corner with One Way spell? Feasible. Ok, wait. *flicker*. Wait.

The world plunged into darkness.

GO!

The sound of my galloping hooves echoed in the passage as I followed the route I had plotted. Well, to the best of my abilities.
A voice called out “stop right there! This place is off limits for the safety of the residents!”

I ignored his cries instead paying attention to the image I had in my mind of the room. The barricade should be about, here. I leapt into the air and… my hind leg clipped something and I heard an unsettling *CRACK*. As I landed I heard another sound of somepony falling to the floor. Oh dear. I hope she is ok. No, Recap. Now is not the time to worry, get to the corner.

I galloped forward. More shouting from the other security ponies. The overpony was yelling something to Ratchet. Weave left, box. Weave right and dodge the toolbox. And then hide in corner and *THUNG*

The room reverberated with the sound of my skull crashing into metal. *Flicker*. The lights returned. Dim but for a split second. My vision was swimming. Ugh, got to stand up. Get in the corner. Cast the spell. Get in the corner. Cast the spell.

I could see a faint orange glow. Come on.

“I see something over there”

I contorted my face into what I can only describe as my akin to most pony’s “I may be constipated” face. Come on. Come together spell. And with a bit of a bluish haze, the rectangle materialized in front of me.

*flicker*

*flicker*

*flicker*

And the lights came back on.

“Don’tcha be a worryin’ about that happenin’ agin Overstallion. The generators have compensated. These babies are hardened. Not even an EMP could knock these light out now”

With the lights on, the reality of my situation became much clearer. For one, oh my Cellestia! Ratchet was only about 10 feet away from me. To say nothing of a rather large turret suspended from the ceiling with several metal plates hanging off of it where Ratchet had been making his repairs.

And then I saw him. The overpony. “Ratchet, what about the turrets? Are you saying they are not hardened as well?”

“Ahh no overstallion. These’n be too exposed. You need much larger honkers to harden them against EMP. That’n these things virtually litter the stable. One little localized EMP might’n get you past one part but won’t help anypony none the rest of the way. They would only to be filled full’o lasers around the next corner. They recover right quick too. 15-30 seconds tops and they will be online again. Be a pain in the rump to repair the damage but yeah. Don’t you be worrryin’.”

The overpony sighed.

I looked at my pipbuck. 5 minutes. Ok 22, get ready. I’m nominating myself to be your first ambassador to the world!

*** *** ***

As it turns out, sitting in a corner with nothing to do except channel an illusory wall and stare at all the obstacles to your escape is a great way to realize how lacking your original plan was in regards to certain details. Details like the gun turrets that are online waiting to shoot anything that moves. I am unsure how they detect theirs targets and know no way of avoiding their fire besides sitting in this corner behind an illusory wall. For all I know they could shoot me the moment I make a break for the door.

4 minutes

Ok Recap. Ideas. Where is a shower when you need one? Unfortunately I think they would notice the mini raincloud and the bathing filly in the corner if I decided to switch to channeling that spell.

So the first problem is the turrets.

Hmm. Ratchet said the turrets weren’t hard or something like that enough to resist an EMP. My Pipbuck says I have 4 of those blue banded EMP grenades. I picked one up in my magic and held it as I looked around the room. One turret at each corner of the room. In order to accomplish that I would need to toss all grenades at their respective targets almost simultaneously. How would I do that?
And suddenly my vision was flooded with blue words. Again.

*----------request received. Initializing S.A.T.S. spell matrix------loading------*

I just blinked and rubbed my eye in vain hope of removing the flashing words “loading” over my right eye. Am I the only one that sees this? Will they see these floating words through the illusions? I didn’t think to test my spell with pipbuck manifested floating words. That’s not something one usually has to test for!

*--------User 22-F. Fairest Recap. Thank you for utilizing the Stable-Tec Arcane Targeting spell. Please enjoy this complimentary instruction video-------*

At this point a laboratory began to fill my vision as a yellow earth pony walked into my field of view. She wore a lab coat with a horrendously huge bow in her candy apple red mane.

“hi there, ah’m Apple Bloom of Stable-Tec and the primary engineer of the Stables you live in. If you are seeing this, you are one of them ponies put in ideology focused stables which means you probably wouldn’t know how to fire a gun if it came and shoved itself up in your mouth. Now ah’m not one to brag here but with this beauty you just activated is what we call S.A.T.S., because the real name is too dern long Scootaloo!, with this, you can be a crack shot for a day! Or, well. A few seconds. And a few seconds more in a minute or two.”

“Here’s how it works. The spell in S.A.T.S. speeds up your perception of reality so it seems to almost come to a pause. At this point, you can designate a target or several but you should know that the spell only has so much charge. The bigger the weapon, the more juice it takes to aim. After you picked your targets just press confirm and watch as the spell makes you more accurate than a wonderbolt doing maneuvers on a clear day. Also, for those bigger ponies out there, you should know that the more agile you are, the more actions you can perform during the spell. The limitations are just as much determined by you as the energy for the spell itself. We installed failsafes to prevent anypony from dislocating both their shoulders at the same time. Not that I am sayin’ that did happen but… it did. So no tweakin’ my work! Anywho, once you got your targets just think confirm or whatever means ‘fire’ to ya’s and watch the fireworks!”

----Stable-Tec is not responsible for any lawsuits, harm towards oneself or others that result from use of the S.A.T.S. technology. By utilizing this product you have waived all rights to not accepting responsibility for your actions or the misuse of this technology. Any efforts to claim otherwise will result in us burying you in court. Results of the spell may vary-----

And then for the first time in, minutes. My vision cleared.

Still surprised by the visual ambush I made a mistake: “huh, well that was unexpected”

At this point several heads turned my direction. Oh buck. And to make matters worse I heard the sound of metal on metal. The Stable Door was opening!

Several security ponies were moving in my direction.

Ok, grenades and S.A.T.S. to take out the turrets. And then… then…Come on Recap! You need a distraction! Something big! Something noisy! This is your last chance, you need… Wait, Big Macintosh’ Last Stand!

I entered SATS, selected the four turrets, and expended the spell. I marveled as I saw each grenade tossed by magic with an expert aim I did not realize possible. Each one landing only a second or two after the other, And then sparks. Sparks everywhere.

The security ponies lifted their guns towards my corner from which the grenades had come. I dropped my illusion and with my best horrified look of abject fear, an expression easy to mimic considering the circumstances, I yelled “LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!”

Now, only one of the three looked but that was enough. My horn glowed as the now open stable entryway suddenly echoed with the battle cry of Zebra assassins running in, screaming for the death of Equestria and all pony-kind. To their credit, the security ponies immediately redirected their attention to the intruders. Unfortunately, this was largely expressed in the showing all the terror of a foal who had just seen the boogy stallion only to then be awed by the sight of an absolutely huge red earth pony bellow out “Nope” as he pointed his gun at the charging Zebras. More ponies and Zebras seemed to spill out from the walls. The terrified screams of security ponies mixed with the angry incoherent yells of the Overpony. I looked into the throng, and ran. A zebra charged forward its blade swinging and stabbed through my neck with ease as I felt it pass through skin, sinew, and bone.

I stopped for a second and shivered. No matter how many times it happens. The feeling of an illusion passing through me will always creep me out. You got to understand, illusions don’t just pass through you without you feeling a thing. Your body reacts and expects something to happen. So it simulates something akin to it for you. It is like pale ghost of the original feeling. It is like a touch that is there but also not quite there. Yes, this was an illusion. My illusion. Well, the museum’s illusion. As it turns out, having to repeatedly cast the illusion spells for the exhibits due to a notably faulty spell matrix in the “Big Macintosh’s Last Stand” exhibit has its benefits.

I looked back. There was the overpony trying to rally the security. Heh. Someone paid attention to history class it seems and knew what was going on. I saw him moving his mouth but over the din all I could make out was… oh. Oh my. Umm, let’s just say communication broke down for a second there.

I gave him my best winning smile, pointed my hoof to the intercom and turned and ran into the dark of the tunnel. I set my Pipbuck to the Stable Broadcast on as I ran only to be greeted by my voice.

“Hello Stable 22! You might all know me by now after yesterday’s incident. And if you don’t then let me catch you up to speed. Yes, I plagiarized. I am sorry. I panicked, was out of time, and was sure I signed up for one of the smaller less important contests rather than the big annual one. I wanted to tell you all, I am truly sorry. That was wrong. However! I am going to make it right! For the first time in 200 years good ol’ Stable 22 is going to have a representative on the surface. Now I am not sure if I am going to find a race of hyper-intelligent super ponies or just a lot of radioactive dirt but I do know this. I am going out there to find a hero my fellow stable-dwellers. I am going to find one, point him in the direction of greatness, and then come back to you with the greatest story this stable has ever heard or read! This is my promise. Stay strong 22, I will be back for you.”

There was the door into the outside! I could imagine it now. Just a quick turn of the knob and… light. Real light from the sky.

*** *** ***

Recap’s Parent’s Flat

“Oh honey, have you got the pie yet? You will never hear the end of it from Recap if we don’t bribe her. You remember how long it took her to stop ranting at you. in Haiku no less, after you had the brilliant idea to present your dissertation as the surprise show for her thirteen year old birthday. And now we get to deal with her for Luna knows how long. Without the distractions of her work she will be simply intolerable! That’s why we stopped grounding her in the first place. Was more our punishment than hers!”

And there she came around the corner. The only pony in the world who could look so beautiful with a look such as this. “You remember when we first met?”, I said to here, “I was sure you were planted in my audience as somepony meant to discourage me. And then you started clapping your hooves. With that same infuriating expression. I didn’t even realize there was such a thing as a monotone expression before you”

She just looked at me. Ah, that look. The beauty of being married to somepony whose expression never changes is ever time you look at her you see the same look she had on the day of your wedding.

She spoke in that beautiful monotone voice “Art, you are rambling. Again.”

“hah! You know as well as I there are many reasons I hire editors my dear! That and I never was any good at speeches. Much more of a writer than a speaker. The drama club never did forgive me for monologuing through their entire production.”

She put a hoof to my mouth, “you are getting distracted. Recap has never demonstrated being able to be gone from home beyond 24 hours before she needed time to contemplate her day. Also, her work station does not have a shower”

I grinned at her “oh but of course my beautiful mare. Thank you for reminding me. But you have to admit that interludes are interesting. Great for building tension don’t you think my lemony memory?”

She just stared at me and said simply: “yes.”

*knock*
*knock*
*knock*

My wife looked at me with worry in her eyes; not that her expression changed, mind you. A husband just knows these things after years of practice and getting it wrong. Lots of getting it wrong.

“Art. That is not Recap’s knock”

My eyes grew wide. We were not expecting anyone else. I had specifically spread the word amongst my colleagues that I was taking the night off. Who else could be at the door! Truly a great mystery!

My wife hit me in my shoulder. “ow! Honey, what was that for?”

“You were ruminating over something again that does not require it. We can just open the door to find out who is there.”

“oh… quite right.”

The door swung open as I called “come on in. We are helpless and unarmed!”

A security pony came in. Oh what was his name? Legal good or something like that? Something ridiculous. Wait, Security Pony?!

“oh dear, what has Recap done now? Did she really get in trouble already? I was really hoping she wouldn’t be able to beat the last record she set. Please sir, give us the whole sordid tale. Regale us with your words”

The grey pony just looked at me. “Mr Liberty. Your daughter is not in trouble. Not with me anyway. I do not know what she was planning. I did not want to know. However, she gave me this to deliver to you both. He held out a recording module. Puzzled, I took it and plugged it in as the security pony let himself out with a “good night sir. Good night ma’am”.

“Hey Mom and Dad. So you are probably wondering why Lawful Virtue is at your door in the middle of the night with a pipbuck recording of all things.”

“Oh so that is his name. Very good. Hmm, yes.” Recall shushed me.

“Well, stuff is happening. I discovered that aunt Review and the overpony have been plotting a takeover of the stable. They were going to use my humiliation today as the first step towards discrediting you both.”

That’s my daughter. Discovering intrigue and shaking up the stable.

“They (sobs), they were going to kill me tonight. Make it look like a suicide. Apparently a suicide note has already been planted in my room.”
Speechless. I exchanged a look with Recall. They wanted to kill our baby girl! My baby girl…

“They hoped to use that to make you both incapable of working due to grief. They also hoped that you two being known as the parents who birthed the Stable’s largest failure and social pariah it has ever seen would prevent you from being too influential. I am so sorry Mom. Dad. I am so sorry (muffled crying). I am going to make it better. I am going to make up for my mistake. Tonight I leave the stable.”

No… no! This cannot be happening. “Recap no!” I yelled. Recall wrapped her hoof around me in an embrace; her ever stoic presence a comfort.

“That book I read? Yes, the same one I claimed as my own? It is based on true events. I am going to go out into Equestria, find a hero to go there. I will come back with the greatest story this stable has ever seen! I promise!”

“Recall… our little Recap. She is gone. For a story! Why did she have to take after me! If she took after you she would have never have done this. I shouldn’t have encouraged her. I should have taught her to think things through more. I…”

Recall put her hoof to my lips. “Art, our little filly is grown up. You are correct. This is a stupid decision. She has does not even have an inkling of what she is getting into. As one great pony once said, ‘Sometimes the greatest moments of our life are birthed from the worst paths we take.’”

Through some tears I couldn’t help laughing a little “it really is no fair quoting me in times like this. She could be hurt out there.”
Recall looked at me. That same beautiful look.

“Yes. Yes she could. Or she will live, succeed, and thrive like we did. Everyone expected greatness of her Art. They merely looked in the wrong places. They were disappointed when Recap’s greatness didn’t manifest as they expected. But our little girl has what it takes to do great things. You know it. I know it. The Stable just gave up looking for it.”

And suddenly the recording came back to life. We heard some crackling. Being familiar with technology I fixed the problem by smacking the malfunctioning technology with my hoof. And then a voice leapt forth.

I will be back! And you will be so proud.
From (more sobs) your little Synonym Bun.
The recording ended.
Our tears mingled that night. Many of sadness. Some of hope.
The pie was not cut that night. Nor would it be until our daughter returned to us.

Footnote: Level up! You have reached level 2

New perk acquired: Illusion Expert Rank 1-You may not have many illusions and you might have limited control over them but the few you know are pretty convincing. Distracted enemies or enemies unaware of your presence will tend to believe your illusions are real until proven otherwise. Also, you may know 2 pre-recorded illusions. The use of mass illusions that are not pre-recorded will lose quality proportional to the quanity and complexity of the illusion.

Slot 1: Big Macintosh’s Last Stand

Author's Note

Credits:
The quote at the top of the chapter is from Skybolt’s song 99 Problems that was created for Fallout Equestria- Project Horizon. Link is below! Warning though, SPOILERS! Well, for chapter one of Project Horizons. If you have read beyond there you are fine.