Prologue: The train journey
For reasons I cannot even begin to fathom, I decided not to swim through the chaos dimensions today.
Instead, I took a train up to Ponyville. I cannot for the life of me think of why I did this. I don't even like going to Ponyville. It's full of ponies for one thing. Irritating, symmetrical little things that spout platitudes about friendship and love and other bile-inducing banalities. Heck, I don't even usually take trains places. What's the point when teleportation is so much quicker? Not to mention free. But I guess I just needed to be alone to think for a while, and on this train, I definitely seemed to be alone.
Ponies sat far away from me on the journey. I was used to this. Many of Equestria's citizens still don't think I'm fully reformed.
You see, I'm on probation. It's been that way since I was released from my concrete prison. Funnily enough I don't remember the particulars of my release-- probably a side effect of suffering sensory-deprivation for too long. I just know that if I decide to wreck havoc again my tush will be back in stone faster than a flatulent sea serpent with a propellor attached to its butt.
But I want to cause chaos. Oh, man, I really do. Which is why I mostly stay in my own dimension, except when Celestia calls me to do some kind of task to "prove" that I still don't want to be a static model for the rest of eternity. As if anyone needs to prove they don't want that. Sometimes I feel like no one understands me. Oh geeze, that sounds like a sob story, but honestly it's extremely stifling to have to suppress everything that makes one unique. You'd think ponies would understand that what with how much they go on about cutie marks and special talents etc.
As if to further illustrate my point, the carriage was mostly empty. No one wants to even sit within 20 feet me. Sometimes I hear whispering when I'm out in public, and ponies will look over their shoulders at me.
No...wait. I'm mistaken. There is someone else in this carriage. I hadn't noticed her before, probably because she was so quiet.
It was a small canary yellow pegasus with a long pink mane and tail. She was rather petite for a pegasus; they are usually rather athletically built due to all the weather-working genes and all the time they spend flying. I poked my head out into the aisle so I could better observe her. She seemed oblivious to me.
Something about the situation was bugging me, like an itch I couldn't quite reach to scratch. I peered over the train seat at the small mare. She had taken a book about the Gallopagos Islands out of her bag and was flipping through it, studying the pictures and text. Her small head tilted as she absorbed the words.
Maybe she was one of those annoying ponies I saw at that annoying gala I had to help set up. I swear to Bog that Celestia must be assigning me the most boring tasks purely so she can torture me for her own amusement.
I strided over to the pegasus and peered over the train seat in front of her so I could look her straight in the eye.
She looked up with a start. "Um...hello?" she said softly, her huge teal eyes peering nervously over the edge of her book.
"Do I know you?" I asked, as if she had been the one to approach me.
"Um...I don't think so."
I flicked an ear and narrowed my eyes as I regarded her. Why was this bugging me so much? Why in chaos did I care? Maybe I could satisfy my curiousity if she told me where she was going.
"Ponyville," she said.
"Oh, I'm going back that way too. But I don't live in Ponyville."
"Oh? Where are you from?"
I tilted my head at her again like a confused dog and laughed.
"You mean you don't know who I am?"
Now it was her turn to look confused. "I'm sorry, Mister...um..."
"Discord. My name is Discord, Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony? Master of the Lower Realms of Pandemonium, Lord of Disorder, ruled Equestria for over a thousand years until Princess Luna and Princess Celestia decided they wanted to clean house and make sure the pigeons had a new toilet? Oldest (and in my opinion handsomest) Being in Equestria?" I grinned at her and tossed my horns as a final flourish, my fang gleaming in the daylight.
She blinked once then shook her head at me.
Well, this was certainly new. I was certain everyone knew who I was and about my probation. That was why the vast majority of the ponies were in other train carriages- they were giving me a wide berth. For all the rhetoric ponies spout about friendship and forgiveness, the overwhelming glut of them are incredible hypocrites. Why, it's not like I tormented them for goodness sakes! I only made their ancestor's lives miserable.
"Are you okay?" she asked me.
I realized I had been staring at her.
I laughed and said "never better. Why do you ask?"
"For a second there you looked kind of sad."
"Ha! Little pony, whatever your name is, I don't do sad. I'm all about the laughs." A flock of kookaburras burst out of my ears as I said this and cackled as they flew around the carriage and promptly vanished in a shower of stars.
"It's Fluttershy."
"What?"
"My name is Fluttershy."
"Oh, well. Whatever," I said. I suddenly felt uncomfortable. If I didn't know her and she didn't know me then why was I talking to her?
"That thing you did with the kookaburras was wonderful. I love kookaburras. Did you know they are the largest kingfishers in the world? They have really good eyesight, and can catch a fish with amazing precision when they dive for it."
Why was she telling me this? Why hadn't I gone back to my seat yet?
"I know what a kookaburra is," I said, a little snappily. "I know pretty much everything there is to know about nature. I am chaos, after all. Where do you think nature comes from? The stork?"
"Storks are lovely birds too," she said, beaming at me. "I saw one once when I went on a field trip."
Why was she still talking?
"Oh! And once I saw one on Lake Ponyville. It was huge and I watched it catch five fish before it flew off."
"Well Lake Ponyville is comepletely frozen this time of year," I retorted.
"I know, but I still love going there. There's still things to see and do. Once I saw some deer stripping bark off a tree, and sometimes my friends and I go ice-skating."
At the mention of the word "friends" I remembered the situation and started to make my way back to my seat.
"Have you ever been ice-skating?" she asked, just as my lizard foot was about to make contact with the floor of the train carriage. It stilled in mid air.
"No..." I admitted. It was one of the few things I hadn't done. "But I can do so anytime I want. I just don't feel like it."
"Oh, that's a shame, Discord. I was going to ask if you wanted to come ice skating some time?"
"What? You don't even know me."
She suddenly looked embarrassed then her ears drooped and she stared out the window.
Oh heck.
"I'm...you're right. I'm sorry. I guess I just feel a bit out of sorts today. It's Hearts and Hooves day and all my friends have special someponies and they're busy with their loved ones. I mean, I know they're still good friends and haven't abandoned me or anything like that, but I understand that they would want to be alone with their coltfriends today."
I raised an eyebrow. Guess I wasn't the only one being avoided today.
"Listen...Shutterfly..."
"It's Fluttershy..."
"Right, whatever. Listen, Fluttershy truth be told I've got nothing to do today, and if I go to Canterlot I'm sure I'll just be given some boring rubbish to do, and that sounds like no fun. So, not that I find ice-skating that interesting or anything but given the choice between that and monitoring magical fields for blips this afternoon, I guess ice-skating wins out".
She beamed at me.
To be honest, I find ice-skating kind of dull. I mean, I can float, fly and whizz across dimensions. Gliding across ice doesn't take too much effort. I got bored of moving around on bladed shoes, and after a while I started sliding across the ice on my belly instead. At first I only moved a few feet at a time, but after a while I was whizzing across the ice at a great speed around and around the pegasus.
"Ha! Fluttershy, you should try it without the skates!"
"Oh, um. No, that's okay," she said softly.
I continued to slide around and around her, shouting each word as I passed closest to her..."You...really...should..."
Then, before I could even think about what I was doing I reached out and grabbed her and pulled her back onto the ice with me as I continued to speed across it.
She shrieked out loud and called at me to stop but inbetween her yelling she was giggling. Little by little I slowed down my centrifugal movements across the ice.
It was beginning to get dark and the first stars were beginning to appear in the sky above us. There was less light pollution near the lake and more of the sky was visible.As we finally skidded to a halt on the ice we lay on the surface trying to catch our breaths.
More of the stars were out now.
I pointed to a random constellation with my talon.
"That one looks like a dragon's butt," I said grinning.
"Stop!" she laughed. "It does not!"
"It kinda does," I said. "Like when a lady dragon is about to lay an egg."
She giggled. I shifted my head so I could have a better look at her. Her mane looked very soft and framed her delicate face perfectly.
What was this? Why was I allowing myself to trust this pony? And she was a pony, one of the types of creatures that seemed to hate and fear me and cross over to the over side of the road if they saw me coming.
"You're funny, Discord," she whispered, then her head was resting on my chest and I could feel her soft mane draped over the upper part of my feathery body. Despite the freezing surface of the ice I suddenly felt strangely warm. Her breathing was steadier now and I wondered if she had fallen asleep. I conjured up a blanket and gathered her up, then I started to make my way back to Ponyville.
***
"Fluttershy...hey, Fluttershy wake up. We're back in ponyville."
She stirred under the blanket and curled up against the feathers on my chest, then she opened her eyes. We were outside her cottage.
"Oh!"
"Yup," I chuckled. "You're home."
She went very still as if she was considering something.
"Discord...can I? Can I sleep at your place? Just sleep, I mean. I'm so tired. Then maybe we could have tea?"
I was stunned. She was that comfortable with me already? Today really did feel surreal, and that's something when the Spirit of Chaos is thinking that.
I nodded, dumbfounded.
"Let me just pack a bag with my things," she said, shooting me that winning smile again. I placed her gently on the ground and watched her walk up to the cottage.
She's so pretty. And she isn't *afraid** of me. Not one bit.*
"Hey," said a voice behind me. "What are you doing here?"
I turned to see a blue unicorn with white hair regarding me.
Today was just full of confusion. Normally I like that sort of thing but not when it makes me feel like a fool.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. "I've never seen you before in my life."
She looked as if something had dawned on her. "Oh, right. Of course," she said. "My mistake."
And she walked away as I wondered how I could be mistaken for anyone. Yeesh, Ponyville is full of nutters sometimes, I swear. Or maybe they just want to have a look at the Lord of Chaos and tell their friends they've gazed upon me. Sort of like a bet or something. A Hearts and Hooves day bet where they can impress their mates. "Oh, I walked right up to the Spirit of Chaos and he didn't even attempt to mind control me! Aren't I a brave, brave pony? Adore me". Bleaaargh. Vomit. Either way,I quickly forgot about the unicorn as I waited for my new friend.
Friend. The word made me feel warm inside. I'd never had a friend before.
I'm a total mess right now.
How could she do this to me? How? After everything we've been through together she just throws it in my face like I'm nothing. Element of Kindness? More like Element of Petty Revenge. And now not only am I falling to pieces, but I'm doing something I thought I'd never do; something I was sure I would never let anyone but her see me do: I'm sobbing my heart out on Twilight's couch.
Sparky tries to comfort me tentatively by rubbing my back as I sob uncontrollably into a cushion. I'm pretty sure as soon as I leave that cushion will have to go in the wash, because it's got enough tears and snot on it to be mistaken for one of the Smooze's spawn.
"Why would she do that?" I bawled, the tears continuing to fall. "Why does she hate me?"
"I'm sure she doesn't hate you, Discord," said Sparky softly.
"Then why did she do it? I know we'd been having problems, but...I never thought she'd do that to me."
The "it" I'm referring to was an incident that happened earlier today.
You see, Fluttershy and I had had an argument, and it was a bad one. I felt like a heel afterwards, an absolute scuffed and dirty heel. I'd flung angry words at her and I was disgusted with myself.
I had to make it up to her!
So, a few weeks later after tending to my rather bruised ego, I decided rather than trying to make some grand gesture with my magic I'd go to one of those used bookstores on Stirrup Street and get her something special. Something I know she'd like. After browsing the shelves for a while, I settled on a book about the history of the Gallopagos Islands. It wasn't a standard every day book--it was a first edition with a forward by Clydes Dalewin. It cost a ton of bits, but I didn't care. I felt awful about what had happened and what I had said to her, so I piled the bits on the counter while the bookseller looked at me in surprise. I figured he wasn't expecting to sell that one today.
When I left the bookstore I carefully wrapped up the vegetable-leatherbound edition in some paper and tucked it under my lion arm as I walked to Fluttershy's cottage. I knew she'd be busy feeding her animals and preparing for visitors today. Thursday was always adoption day at the cottage, and Fluttershy always welcomed ponies who wanted to welcome unwanted animals into loving homes.
As I approached the cottage I saw her talking to a large white pony. I could only see the middle part of his body, as his face and cutie mark were obscured by two of Fluttershy's chicken hutches. He must have been talking to her about taking an animal home.
I was about to walk up to her, apologize and present her with the book, when I saw her lean up and plant a kiss on the fellow's muzzle.
What? I thought. What?!?
I started walking up to confront her but I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard her giggle. "That's so funny!" she was saying to the stallion.
My heart felt like it was being used as a piñata, and foals were scrabbling to fight over the remains of it.
"Fluttershy..." I said. "Why?"
She looked up at the mention of my name.
"Hello," she said, looking rather confused. "Can I help you?"
I just stood there like an idiot with my mouth gaping open. I quickly shut it again when I remembered that once before I had been frozen in position for over a thousand years with my mouth open and birds had opted to use it as a toilet.
"Fluttershy," was all I could say.
"That's me. Can I help you, sir? Are you looking for a pet today? There are lots of lonely animals looking for a good home." Then she smiled at me.
I felt like I had been kicked in the teeth. There are lots of lonely animals looking for a good home. Was this some kind of joke? Is that how she saw me? As a lonely animal?!
"Forget it," I snarled, and walked off with the package under my arm. With every step I took my anger faded into despair until I was a blubbering mess. Hence my turning Sparky's couch into a haven for bacteria to grow on.
"She looked at me like she didn't even know me," I said.
Through my tears I noticed Twilight was perched on a coffee table and the couch I was on was now floating in my barrage of tears.
"Sorry," I muttered, and snapped my fingers so that everything was dry again.
I heard Twilight sigh deeply, then she said, "Listen, Discord. I wasn't going to do this, but I don't feel right about it. In fact, I'm stunned that this actually happened, but I didn't want to question an order from one of my fellow Princesses. But you're my friend..."
"What are you talking about?" I said, snorting up a piece of snot that was threatening to escape.
Twilight gave me a look I hated, then moved over to her writing desk. It was a look of pity. I've never been a fan of that look. I don't need people's pity. I'm the Lord of Chaos, for Starswirl's sake!
As she walked back to the couch she was holding a piece of parchment. She looked at the floor, as if ashamed, and handed it to me:
Dearest Twilight Sparkle,
Because dearest Fluttershy felt so much pain and turmoil in heore dreams, I have granted her request that Discord be wiped from her memory. Fluttershy always did hath a soft heart, and a delicate one.
The magical (and absolutely safe) procedure was performed at Hoofington clinic by the esteemed memory worker Dr. Flashback.
Thou will understand, I'm sure, that when a pony feels heartache sometimes drastic measures must be used and I did not wish to leave a friend in pain.
Please do not mention this to Discord.
Yours Always,
Princess Luna
I read and re read the letter. It had the royal seal on it and everything.
"How..." I began. I felt like I had been stung. "How does that even work?"
"I don't know," said Twilight. "To be honest I'm shocked that Princess Luna would ever agree to such a thing. She's always taught us to confront our fears and pains head on--but it has the royal seal on it, and I know the other Princesses are very busy so I haven't had a chance to speak to her about it. I don't know what happened between you and Fluttershy, but I think maybe she felt it too much this time."
"She felt it?" I snapped.
Sparky stepped backwards quickly at the sound of my angry voice.
"Who is this Dr. Flashback, anyway?" I said.
"I have no idea. All I know from the letter is that he runs a clinic in Hoofington."
"Does he now?"
"Discord, don't do anything rash..."
A halo appeared above my head, along with hives all over my body. "I'm never rash," I said.
I went to Hoofington the very next day. I wouldn't exactly call it a charming little town. Ponyville seems to steal the spotlight from it, probably since Sparky has become something of a celebrity there nowadays.
The clinic wasn't hard to find, which is a good thing too as the ponies in Hoofington weren't as used to my presence as the ones in Ponyville were, and they scattered at the sight of me, so asking for directions was out. So, I wandered round until I came upon a neatly hoof-painted sign:
Dr. Flashback's Magical Memory Wiping Potions
Then in smaller hoofwriting underneath:
Royalty approved. Guaranteed to make your life better.
"Prepare to be sued," I muttered.
I pushed open the door and a blue unicorn with a white mane stumbled into me and fell flat on her flank.
"Oh! Sorry, Sir." she said. "I didn't see you there."
"That much is obvious," I said.
Then I got a better look at her, and I realized I'd seen this pony before. I think Sparky had talked about her once or twice. Her name was Tricky or something like that. Guess she was trying honest work now. How dull.
"Can I help you?" she said, as she got to her feet again.
"Yes, you most certainly can!" I said quickly. "I'm here about this!" I removed the letter from Princess Luna from behind my bat wing and held it out to the unicorn. Her face went pale.
"I'm so sorry, Sir!" she said. "You really should not have seen this."
"I get that, I growled. "My question is why it was done in the first place."
"Why, because Fluttershy asked us to, Sir."
"She did what?"
"She asked us to erase you from her memories. I'm sorry, Sir. But I don't think she was happy."
"I'll be the judge of that! I want to see this Doctor Flashback immediately!"
"Well you can't. He's really busy at the moment and has other clients to see."
"Try me."
I teleported past her and landed straight onto the good doctor's desk.
He screamed out loud. I couldn't help but smirk. That one still has mileage in it--I should use the element of surprise more often.
Tricky or Trilly or whatever her name was came running into the room. "I'm very sorry, Doctor!" she was saying. "I couldn't stop him."
The doctor was looking up at me nervously, and I was giving him a good look as well. He was a large white unicorn with a cutie mark shaped like a jigsaw puzzle with a piece missing. An odd mark for a doctor.
"I want to know why she did it!" I shouted at him, my paw and talon slamming down on the desk and causing his drinking bird and some papers to fall onto the carpet. My tail swished back and forth in rage, then I flipped the stallion around in the air in a magical field so that he was hanging upside down and our eyes were level.
"Doctor, I'm afraid he saw the letter from Princess Luna," said the blue unicorn.
"Oh, dear," said the good Doctor quietly. "That really shouldn't have happened."
"That much is apparent," I said quietly. "My question is why is everyone having some sort of chuckle at my expense?"
"Mr. Draconequus..."
"It's Discord. Discord. You know, Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony? Lord of Pandemonium, God of..."
"Mr. Discord. No one is having a 'chuckle at your expense.' We merely provide a service to ponies who are undergoing heartache and when they ask us to help them, then we cannot refuse them. To do so would be cruel and unethical. No one should have to go through life feeling the pain of losing a loved one, so when ponies with their tear-stained faces come to our clinic, we offer them a cup of tea and a helping hoof, and give them the necessary tools to cope with life."
I bared my teeth at him and he shrank a little, but he kept talking: "Miss Fluttershy was obviously in a great deal of pain, and wanted to move on with her life. We helped her do that. I'm afraid the er...horse has bolted, so to speak."
I had gone very still. I was still stuck on the words: "Miss Fluttershy was obviously in a great deal of pain."
"Mr. Discord?"
"I want it done," I whispered. "I want her gone from my mind."
The first thing the good Doctor made me do was tell him my story. I had to speak into a box which recorded my voice then magically stored all the information in a large file. I took the opportunity to vent a lot of what I'd been feeling:
"My name is Discord, and I'm here to erase Fluttershy from my mind," I said into the box.
"Good, Discord," said Flashback. "Please continue, and hold nothing back."
"She's boring, for one thing. Everytime I want to do something fun she tells me I should think about how it's affecting the other ponies around me before I do so. She has no idea how hard it is to hold back chaos day in and day out. Of course she doesn't. She's just another boring, symmetrical pony that looks like all those other boring, symmetrical ponies. Knowing what I know now, I'm sure I wouldn't even give her a second look. Doesn't matter anyway. I'm pretty sure she cares more about her other friends than she does about me..."
The recording session went on all afternoon. I had a lot to get off my chest.
The second thing the Doctor requested I do is find all my mementoes of Fluttershy. This took up my entire evening, as I had accumulated a lot of things that reminded me of her over the years. There was the tea set she had given me for my first Hearth's Warming since I became her friend. There was a patchwork blanket she had made for me that had scenes of all the things we had done together embroidered on it. I started piling up all the things in a wheelbarrow. I even threw the still wrapped book about the Gallopagos onto the pile.
"So how does this work, exactly?" I asked Flashback, after I had teleported into his office again with the wheelbarrow of items.
"Well, part of the magical procedure you will be undergoing involves making an emotional map of your memories. The items you brought me will trigger the emotional memories of the time when you two were together. I realize this may be a painful process, Mr. Discord, but I assure you it will all be worth it once it's done. Then all you need to do is take the personalized prescription I'll write for you in the form of a potion. You will systematically go through your memories of Fluttershy in reverse while you dream, and then she will be gone."
"And that's it?"
"That's it. It will be as if you never met Fluttershy."
"Wait a sec," I said, holding up my griffon hand. "That means I'll still be in stone."
"Not necessarily, Mr. Draconequus. We can rewrite that memory, so while you'll still be free, it won't be for the reasons you think, and you'll still have the choice to remain a citizen of Equestria."
"And all the boringness that such a proposition entails," I replied.
"You won't remember a single thing about her. And that includes your meeting with me."
"Alright."
"Shall we begin?" His horn started glowing and he placed the tea set in front of me. "Focus on this item first."
I returned to my home in Chaosville late that evening. My instructions were to take the memory erasure potion and get a good night's sleep. After how long and emotionally exhausting my day had been I didn't think that would be too much of a problem.
I walked into the kitchen in my platypus slippers and opened the stopper to the bottle containing the potion. It looked blue and sparkly, almost like Luna's mane.
"Here goes," I said. "Good riddance, Fluttershy."
I knocked the bitter tasting concoction back in one swallow then made my way to bed, where I collapsed and was asleep instantly.
The barrage of memories started almost immediately. They began with the last time I saw her before yesterday. It was the awful argument we had had.
I was sitting on Fluttershy's couch and it was 3am. I hated nights like these--nights when she wasn't home early and I would worry about her. Worry that something had happened to her on the way home or that she was on some kind of dangerous mission.
But there was something else I would worry about, and worrying about it made me feel weak, and I hate feeling weak.
I heard the latch on the door go and a very giggly Fluttershy wandered in.
"Where have you been?" I said immediately. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Discord," she said softly. "I was only out with the girls. It's Pinkie's birthday and we decided to go to the tavern, and you know how long her parties go on for."
"Yet another party I wasn't invited to."
"She didn't do it on purpose," said Fluttershy. "The tavern ran out of booking space before she could include you. She feels awful about it."
"Sure she does," I said sourly. "Just like you felt so awful you had to go anyway and leave me here by myself. What if I had caught malaria or something while you were away? What was I supposed to do then?"
"Don't exaggerate, Discord."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Is hyperbole too much of an exciting speech pattern for you? I suppose I could speak reeeeaaallly slowly if you find it to difficult."
Her eyes narrowed at me. "That's not fair, Discord. What is this really about?"
"What do you mean what is this about? It's 3am and my marefriend has just wandered in off the street."
"You knew where I was."
"Did I? I assume there were stallions at this party?"
She gasped at my unspoken implication.
"You're jealous again. Discord, this has to stop. I don't know how many times I have to tell you I would never do such a thing. You have to stop being so insecure! There's only so many times I can reassure you before I'm at the end of my tether. Why don't you trust me?"
"Why don't I trust you? Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because I don't think you really like me, Fluttershy. I always feel like I have to edit myself for you."
"Is that how you see it, even after all that stuff with Tirek and you still see it that way?"
"Oh, sure!" I shouted. "Bring that up again. You're always throwing that in my face. That's Fluttershy's Get-Out-Of-Jail-For-Free card! Big, bad mean old Discord gave me to Tirek. So he's always wrong about everything. Just twist the knife why don't you?"
"Haven't you learnt anything Discord? And quite frankly, I'm very disappointed that you still have problems with jealousy. I thought that was going to stop."
"Psssh. You think so highly of yourself, don't you?" I snarled. "Think I have to sit here worrying about whether you're picking up another stallion when you're so dull looking most of them wouldn't even give you the time of day? I bet 'The Stare' is the only way you get anyone to show you any interest."
She looked like she had been stung. I could already see the tears forming in her eyes.
Oh, no.
"Wait, Fluttershy..." I began, instantly regretting what I'd said.
"Get away from me," she whispered as she backed away. "Get out of my house." She was crying now.
"I didn't mean it!" I sputtered. "I was just angry!"
"Leave, now!"
"Fluttershy..."
"You're no different than they were," she was shouting and sobbing at the same time. "You're just a big, mean, bully!"
"Fine!" I shouted. "Fine." I walked out and slammed the door as hard as I could then walked off into the night. I had been right, though, hadn't I? I had seen her with another stallion before I went to the clinic in Hoofington.
I turned around and the cottage had disappeared. I chuckled to myself.
"I'm erasing you, Fluttershy," I said. "I feel lighter already."
The next memory was of me and Fluttershy at a book reading. It was some wildlife expert who was reading from his latest memoir. Fluttershy was hanging on his every word but I was making very loud snoring noises.
Ponies were turning around to look at us.
"Discord," whispered Fluttershy to me. "Can you stop doing that?"
"Why?" I hissed back "This guy is boring as buck."
"If you didn't want to come you could have stayed home," she replied, sotto voce.
I thought of Fluttershy talking to the wildlife expert and blushing and asking for his autograph and panic gripped my chest instantly. "Er, no. I'd rather be here but I didn't realize this guy was going to be so up himself," I said.
"He happens to be the foremost expert on the ecology of the Everfree forest in Equestria," she continued in her hushed tone.
"Psssh. I've told you before Fluttershy. No one knows more about creatures than I do. You could have just stayed home and talked to me about it."
"You're jealous," she whispered. "This is ridiculous! He happens to be a hero of mi..." she was fading before my eyes like a cheshire cat. First her mane, then her face then she vanished entirely. That was one way to win an argument.
The next memory was us having a tea party. I sipped my cup of chai quietly. Fluttershy fidgeted on the armchair. I tapped one of my eagle claws against the china tea cup.
"Discord," she said softly.
"Mmm?"
"Is something bothering you?"
No, nothing's bothering me, I thought. Nothing at all. Just...you know, the worry that I'm losing what it means to be chaotic and that despite how much your friends go on about special talents and being unique I still feel like I'm not always allowed to be myself.
"Nothing, Shutterfly," I said, sipping my tea cup.
"Okay, well. Um, it's just...please let me know if anything does bother you. Like what we talked about, you should never feel you have to keep things in. It's always better to talk about them with a friend."
Except I worry that if you know what I'm thinking you'll be disappointed in me. And I hate it when you're disappointed with me.
We continued to sip our hot drinks in silence, then the room dissolved.
The next memory was a slightly happier one. We were having a picnic and I was trying to see how many sandwiches I could fit in my mouth at once.
"Sfifhty, Fshuttershy," I said, my mouth full.
She giggled. I felt relieved. I felt like I could be myself a little more when the others weren't around. I was about to swallow the lot of sandwiches when I heard a voice- a voice that didn't belong in the summertime setting filled with wildflowers and bees and trees.
"So you know this guy's marefriend?" the voice was saying. "She's my marefriend now."
"Oh, you old dog!" said a different voice, that of a different stallion. Then it sounded like someone was being slapped on the back in congratulations. "She's an absolute stunner."
I looked up and around in confusion for the source of the voice, my mouth still full of sandwiches.
"What's wrong?" said Fluttershy.
"Duu oo hear tshat?" I said.
"What?"
I swallowed the bundle of sandwiches like a greedy snake and tried again. "Don't you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"Voices. Ponies speaking." I wondered who the hell they were talking about.
She blinked at me.
The voices only I seemed privy too continued:
"She used to be a model you know."
"I know. I found some of those magazines in that guy's pile of stuff. Dayum, you struck gold with this one."
"Can't you hear that, Fluttershy?"
She shook her head at me and sipped her cup of mint tea.
I walked around the perimeter of the field in confusion.
"Discord!" Fluttershy was laughing. "Come back and join me!" I was about to, but then the memory was already fading, being replaced by that dark blue sparkly background like the potion I had drunk before I went to bed.
We were tucked under her patchwork blanket in bed, facing each other. Light shone through it, as if we were in a warm cozy tent.
We were facing each other and our muzzles were almost touching.
"Discord," she whispered. "Am I ugly?"
"What?" I said.
She took a deep breath and I knew she was trying not to cry.
"Sometimes I think some ponies don't understand how lonely it is to be a filly...it's like you don't matter. When I was in flight school colts used to call me stick legs and bony flank. They told me that when I got older no one would notice a filly that looked so plain and ugly. I used to have these toys, these dolls. My favorite was this ugly filly doll who I called Fluttershy, and I kept yelling at her, "You can't be ugly! Be pretty!" It's weird, like if I could tell the doll she wasn't ugly, then I would magically change, too."
She smiled softly at me, but there was a tear falling down her muzzle.
My mouth was hanging open. How could anyone this sincere and sweet and beautiful ever think she was undesirable and ugly? How could anyone who was this kind have felt the unacceptance I had felt?
I leaned forward under the blanket and kissed her softly on the mouth. "You're pretty," I said.
"Discord..." her voice was a breathy sigh filled with love for me.
"Pretty." I kissed her cheek.
"Pretty." I kissed the soft patch of fur on her chest.
"Please don't ever leave me," she was saying.
"Pretty..."
Then there were nothing but blankets on her side of the bed. I grasped at them with my talon.
"Please let me keep this memory," I whispered. "Just this one."
The dark swirlling mass took it.
We were stargazing. We were lying on our backs on a fluffy cloud I'd conjured up. Stargazing above the light pollution is always better. This way we had a clear view of the sky AND there were no clouds blocking the heavenly display. At first Fluttershy had seemed a bit nervous about the idea, but now she was completely relaxed. That and she knew I wouldn't let anything happen to her. Besides, she was too busy laughing so hard I thought she was going to pee herself.
"Yeah, that one?" I was pointing to a constellation with my talon. "I made that one back in the day. I even made sure the patterns laid out so that it looked like a mule eating a Tyrannosaurus Rex. This was before mules existed of course, but that never stopped me."
Fluttershy was rolling around on the cloud with belly laughs. She knew I liked to mix up the truth about my past with silly tall tales for her amusement.
"It's true!" I insisted, my eagle hand on my heart and my paw in the air as a 'scout's honour' type gesture. "On my honour as an honourary Cutie Mark Crusader!"
She laughed harder. "Like you have any honour!" I grinned, delighted at her banter. She never would have made that kind of joke before, she would have worried it hurt my feelings, but now she was coming out of her shell and I was rubbing off on her as much as she was rubbing off on me.
"It's true," I purred. "I'm not terribly honourable, especially around pretty mares such as yourself."
She giggled as I moved in to kiss her, then I realized the cloud she was on was moving away from me.
"No!" I shouted. "Wait, not this one! I want to keep this one! STOP!"
I chased after the cloud, running through the air as it got further and further away. Then it was replaced by the blue, swirling mass.
"No, no, no!" I shouted to whoever was listening.
"I've changed my mind! I want to call it off!"
There was no reply.
"Do you hear me, Dr. Flashback?" I screamed. "I want to call it off! Or...at least let me keep these memories and not the others! Please!"
Darkness passed over me.
The scene changed again. Fluttershy and I were on vacation in Horsestralia. We had a mutual love of the place because of how strange and chaotic looking the animals there were. Before she could open her mouth to speak I grabbed her by the hoof and started running.
"Discord!" she shouted. "Where are we going!"
"They're trying to erase you from me," I said, panic gripping me.
"What?" she replied in confusion.
"Dr. Flashback, and his assistant...'Tribble' or whatever her name is. They're trying to wipe you from my memories."
She looked horrified. "They are? Then you have to stop them, Discord!"
I kept running. "I don't know how!"
The scene changed again. It was the field trip Fluttershy and I had taken back in time with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Aw, Tartarus naw!" I shouted. "Definitely not here!"
"Hide me somewhere where I don't belong!" suggested Fluttershy. "Somewhere before we met!"
That was a genius suggestion.
I was curled up on Fluttershy's lap while she petted me like a small ferret.
"They won't find us here," she said, smiling.
"Nope, this was billions of years before you even existed!" I grinned.
I looked up at the pegasus from my much smaller, juvenile body. We were sitting inside a giant fern watching armoured looking creatures scuttle around through the undergrowth. There was no way they could find us here. I hadn't given them any objects for them to be aware of this memory, and I had taken Fluttershy with me so they couldn't reach her.
That was when I heard the voices again.
"He's not where he's supposed to be..."
"What do you mean he's not where he's supposed to be?"
"Just what I said. He's moved off the mind map..."
There was a sigh.
"I guess we should have expected this with a creature of chaos. A lucid dreamer!"
"Wait! I see him!"
I felt Fluttershy vanish from my grasp.
"Noooooo!" I shouted.
"Hide me somewhere else!" cried Fluttershy.
"I don't know where to put you!"
"Think. Think of an embarrassing moment you've hidden away deep in a part of your brain where no one can find it, or something. Maybe they won't look there."
I tried to think of one of the most embarrassing moments I could conjure up, and I was suddenly surrounded by sea serpents.
Oh, no. Not this. Oh well, as long as Fluttershy was hidden.
"Look at him!" cooed the matriarch of the group. "He's so long and noodle-like. Kind of like us, but with feathers! So adorable!" She was stroking my feathery body while I purred against her.
"Isn't he precious?" said a large purple monster. "I could pet him all day. Who's a big, bad wootsy Spirit of chaos? You are, yes woo areeee."
Fluttershy couldn't help herself: she burst out laughing.
"Shaddddup." I moaned. I felt like crawling into a hole and dying.
"I'm sorry," giggled Fluttershy. "It's just so cute and...hey! Look where we are!"
It was the day Sweet Apple Acres was frozen over.
"NO!" I grabbed Fluttershy and ran. Everywhere in my mind I went I felt like I was being pursued. I could feel the swirling, blue, undulating mass at my back like icy fingertips trying to pull me into their grasp, but I continued to run. My lungs felt like they were going to burst.
I wasn't sure how long the effects of the potion chased me across my mindscape, but eventually my legs gave out and I collapsed.
"I'm sorry, Fluttershy," I was saying between trying to catch my breath. "I can't run any..."
I looked up. A pterodactyl flew overhead and far away I could hear the sound of an iguanadon calling to its herd. I knew where we were.
"This is the day I asked you to be my marefriend," I said.
Fluttershy was no longer by my side as she entered the scene in my memories. She was laughing with excitement at having met the Butterdragon, Hubert.
"Alright, girls," I said to the Cutie Mark Crusaders as I lifted Fluttershy up in my arms. "I suppose that's enough chaos for one day. Everyone back in the time machine."
Fluttershy was still looking over my shoulder at Hubert and I didn't have to tilt her to know there was a smile on her face. I loved seeing her smile, especially when I was the cause of it. Then she was leaning her head against my chest and I could feel her soft mane pressing into my feathers. When we arrived back in ponyville she had her arms around my neck and I carried her to the foot of her cottage.
"You girls wander on home now," she said, smiling at the crusaders. "You don't want everyone to start wondering if you're going to be late for dinner."
"Awww," said Scootaloo. "We wanna stay here with you and Uncle Discord!"
I grinned. "Fluttershy's right, girls. Besides, never turn down a free meal when it's offered to you."
"Do we have toooo?"
"Yeeeees," I said, in the same whining tone of voice. Fluttershy laughed into my feathers.
"Awwwww, okay. But can we visit again soon?"
"Of course you can, girls," said Fluttershy. "And there's always the next field trip."
"That was the best field trip ever!" laughed Sweetie Belle as they wandered off. When they were out of sight, I felt Fluttershy lean against me again and she ran her hoof across my chest. I could feel my feathers fluff up in response to her light touch. Her rosy mane glinted in the fading light of day.
"Fluttershy?"
"Mmm?"
"I had a good time today."
"So did I," she said softly.
I sat down on the step, still holding her in my arms. She didn't seem to want to let go of me and I certainly didn't want her to. In fact, there was something that had been on my mind for quite some time, I felt terror and excitement grip me at the same time, but it was now or never.
"Fluttershy," I said. "I've never met anyone quite like you. You're the only pony who has ever given me a chance."
"The girls seem to like you," she laughed.
"That's your influence. And besides," I grinned, "I kind of have a soft spot for them since they freed me the first time".
Fluttershy smiled. All that was behind us now. We were friends, and I enjoyed her company immensely. I found myself wanting to spend more and more time with her. She wasn't stifling or judgemental like those other ponies. She laughed at things I said, and it wasn't a mean laugh, it was a welcoming, delighted one.
"So...uh." I was no good at this. I hadn't asked a girl out for over 2000 years, and the last one had whacked me in the face with a frying pan because I came on too strong. "Fluttershy, I was thinking that since you and I get on so well, and we've been friends for a while that..."
"Yes, I'd love to."
"What?" I hadn't even finished the sentence.
"I'd love to be your marefriend, Discord."
She giggled, and I realized it was because my mouth was hanging open. I closed it with a snap.
"You feel the same way?"
She smiled and nodded and I felt something in my chest tug hard. I reached up and stroked her delicate face with my paw.
"I feel like anything can happen when I'm around you," she said. "Everything about you seems magical."
I knew she didn't just mean that literally.
I leaned forward and kissed her and she returned the pressure. It really was a perfect moment. I don't think I've ever been happier.
She pulled back and looked at me, sadly. "This is it, Discord. All the memories will be gone soon."
"I know."
"What do we do?"
I thought for a minute then said: "Enjoy them."
And we did. Some of them were painful and bittersweet, to be sure. Like the incident with Tirek, or the first time I was jealous of one of Fluttershy's friends at the Grand Galloping Gala, but on the whole I was glad they were there.
The memories of our budding friendship seemed to be going past faster and faster, swirlling like the remains of the bathwater down a plughole. But I couldn't run anymore.
Then came the final memory before the last one, which Dr. Flashback had agreed to rewrite.
It was the day we became friends.
"I'm not your friend!" Fluttershy shouted as she threw the ice skates I had dangled in front of her across the frozen floodplains I had created over Sweet Apple Acres.
"Who cares!" I laughed. " I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, I'm Discord! The master of chaos! You think you can boss Discord around? You think I'll change all this back, because you say so! Because if I don't, I'll lose the one friend I ever had?"
I stopped as I felt an icy feeling in my gut. I saw the ice skates she had thrown, strewn across the ice.
"Huh... Oh.. Well played, Fluttershy... Well played".
"It was, wasn't it?" she said, smiling at me.
"Then later on you told me that in order to be a friend I had to be considerate of those around me, and in return they would want my friendship. But you were a tough cookie even then. A no-nonsense mare. You told me I couldn't just rely on you to save me, I needed to stand on my own two mismatched feet and learn about friendship for myself. You were never afraid of me. Not even in the maze..."
"I had you pegged," she smiled.
"You did, but even then I still wanted you to save me. And y'know? You kind of did."
She reached up and touched my face with her small hoof. "Remember me," she whispered.
Then she was gone.
Epilogue: Forgotten and forgiven.
"Fluttershy...hey, Fluttershy wake up. We're back in Ponyville."
She stirred under the blanket and curled up against the feathers on my chest, then she opened her eyes. We were outside her cottage.
"Oh!"
"Yup," I chuckled. "You're home."
She went very still as if she was considering something.
"Discord...can I? Can I sleep at your place? Just sleep, I mean. I'm so tired. Then maybe we could have tea?"
I was stunned. She was that comfortable with me already? Today really did feel surreal, and that's something when the Spirit of Chaos is thinking that.
I nodded, dumbfounded.
"Let me just pack a bag with my things," she said, shooting me that winning smile again. I placed her gently on the ground and watched her walk up to the cottage.
She's so pretty. And she isn't *afraid** of me. Not one bit.*
"Hey," said a voice behind me. "What are you doing here?"
I turned to see a blue unicorn with white hair regarding me.
Today was just full of confusion. Normally I like that sort of thing but not when it makes me feel like a fool.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. "I've never seen you before in my life."
She looked as if something had dawned on her. "Oh, right. Of course," she said. "My mistake."
And she walked away as I wondered how I could be mistaken for anyone. Yeesh, Ponyville is full of nutters sometimes, I swear. Or maybe they just want to have a look at the Lord of Chaos and tell their friends they've gazed upon me. Sort of like a bet or something. A Hearts and Hooves day bet where they can impress their mates. "Oh, I walked right up to the Spirit of Chaos and he didn't even attempt to mind control me! Aren't I a brave, brave pony? Adore me". Bleaaargh. Vomit. Either way, I quickly forgot about the unicorn as I waited for my new friend.
Friend. The word made me feel warm inside. I'd never had a friend before.
The idea was seriously something I never thought I’d be entertaining. I certainly didn’t think when I woke up this morning that I was going to be making a friend and having such notions in my head by the end of the day. When I had woken up today, all that was in my head was the usual swirling chaos, and that was the way I liked it.
But…this pony; there was something about her that I couldn’t put my talon on. The way she made me feel seemed paradoxical (and I don’t think I have to tell you I find paradoxical things intriguing.) It was like I felt comfortable and excited around her at the same time.
The thought drove me to walk towards her cottage and I poked my head in through her window. She tapped on it as if trying to boop me on the nose and smiled at me. I grinned back. She was sorting through her mail.
I never got mail. No one ever wrote to me. I suppose in some ways that was a good thing, or I’d be getting nothing but hate mail in the post.
Fluttershy continued to sort through the envelopes as she made her way out and rejoined me on her doorstep.
“There’s one from Princess Luna,” she said, holding up an envelope with the Royal Canterlot seal on it.
“Ah, that’ll be mind-numbingly bureaucratic and dull then,” I chuckled. She didn’t reply to me. Instead she looked worried.
“I hope nothing’s wrong,” she said, as she opened the envelope. Immediately a speaking scroll floated out and began dictating in Luna’s voice:
Dearest Fluttershy,
I hope this letter finds thou well but I fear that may not be so.
Please come and see me immediately if thou can. In the meantime, please see the attached document.
Many things may not make sense to thee, but we will talk soon.
In the meantime please look after thyself, my little pony.
Yours,
Princess Luna.
“And I thought I was confusing,” I remarked. “Luna always did love to cloak herself in ridiculous amounts of mystery. I’m convinced it’s mostly for attention.”
“How do you know Princess Luna?” said Fluttershy. She had a confused and almost suspicious look on her face. I was beginning to worry.
“We go way back,” I said. “Now I’m a civil servant of sorts and I can’t stand it.” I didn’t tell her that before my train journey this morning, I had actually been entertaining thoughts of wreaking havoc again. There was nothing good in my life, so I may as well have gone out in a blaze of chaos.
“If you don’t like your job then why do you do it?”
“I…I’m not entirely sure,” I admitted. My head felt really fuzzy that morning, as if there was something on my periphery I couldn’t quite grasp.
“I better see what else Princess Luna sent me.”
Fluttershy pulled the second sheet out of paper out of the envelope. It was another speaking scroll, but this time the voice was not Luna’s.
My name is Fluttershy, and I’m here to erase Discord from my memories…
“What?!” we both said in tandem.
…I don’t want to do this, but Princess Luna has said it’s for the best.
A male voice then said: Very good, now tell me all about the problems you’ve been having with Discord.
At the sound of the male voice, Fluttershy looked up at me in horror.
The recording continued. It sounded like she had been crying: He’s…so rude sometimes to my friends. And jealous. And insecure. He doesn’t understand why no one wants to be around him, but he doesn’t make any effort to be nice to others himself.
Fluttershy was beginning to look extremely uncomfortable. I was shaking with anger.
I just want to be a tree and I feel like he’s trying to chop our friendship down…
“Have you and Luna been enjoying Prank the Draconequus day?” I said in a low and dangerous voice. “Makes you feel good to know you can all kick me when I’m down because the alternative is slamming my butt back inside concrete doesn’t it?”
“Discord, I don’t know what this is!” she cried.
“Oh shut up!” I snarled. “Just shut up. All of you are the same- ridiculously symmetrical, two-faced and boring!”
Fluttershy looked like I had just slapped her in the face. I could see tears beginning to stand out in her eyes.
No, I thought. I’m not falling for those fake tears. There’s probably someone in the bushes filming this, and later they’re going to call their friends round and they’re all going to watch it and laugh at how they fooled Discord. Wait until I find them and turn them into naked mole rats. We’ll see who will be laughing then.
“Discord, I’m sorry, but I need to be alone,”sniffled Fluttershy.
“That can be arranged,” I growled at her and began to storm off. She ran up to her cottage, tears streaming behind her.
Oh, what a consummate little actress you are. Well played, my Dear. Well played.
Before I teleported I turned to give her one last look. There was now a large white unicorn on her doorstep. Maybe he was in on this whole charade as well.
To my utter surprise, the petite Pegasus pushed him out of her way. I have no idea where she had mustered up the strength to do so, but she managed to give him a good, hard shove.
Her previously soft voice was now practically a roar: “Get out of my way!” she was telling him.“You’re no worse than a changeling!”
I heard the door slam.
Maybe she hadn’t been playing a prank on me. Maybe she was just nutso.
You sure can pick em, Discord.
Even with the fluctuations in the chaos dimension I was used to, my house seemed larger and emptier when I arrived home.
I sighed and put on my bathrobe, then reached down for my platypus slippers near the door. That was when I noticed the envelope with the Royal Canterlot seal on it.
Ugh I thought. Wonder what incredibly boring task they have for me this time.
I tore open the envelope and a speaking scroll floated out:
Discord, said Luna’s voice.
I will be calling on thee later. I’m afraid many things that may not make sense have happened.
In the meantime, listen to the attached document. When I call on thee all will be explained.
Yours,
Princess Luna
I snorted with rage. Just how far did this prank go?
So they think they can have a good laugh at my expense? I’ll show them laugh. They’ll be laughing when it starts raining parrot poop and the street is filled with giant sandworms.
I tossed the envelope in the corner. I’d make them all pay tomorrow. For now I just wanted to sleep.
I curled up in my bed and pulled my tail tuft over my face.
I hate you all I thought. But my chest ached.
Soon I was asleep.
My dreams, at first, were of the usual sort: swirling masses of chaos. Dancing cabbages. Changing fractal shapes, however after a while I noticed that the fractals were shifting into a dark blue mass that looked like Luna’s mane.
Then she was before me. The Princess of the Night in her element. I don’t think she had ever visited one of my dreams before.
“Discord,” she boomed in the Royal Canterlot Voice. “Thou must listen to that document.”
“Are you kidding me, Luna? How much further are you and Celestia going to go to try and humiliate me?”
Luna’s eyes suddenly looked very sad.
“That is not what is happening, Discord, but I cannot explain what is going on until the document has been heard.”
“Ugh! Fine. If it will get you out of my head. I would at least like somewhere I don’t feel like I’m being watched 24/7.”
I walked over to the corner and against my better judgement…actually, scratch that…I’m not sure better judgement is a thing that exists with me; I opened the second document, expecting to hear Fluttershy or Luna berating me. Instead the most familiar voice of all met my ears: My own.
My name is Discord and I’m here to erase Fluttershy from my memories…She’s boring, for one thing.
“What?!” I said. “I never said that! When was this recorded?”
The recording of my voice continued:
She's just another boring, symmetrical pony that looks like all those other boring, symmetrical ponies.
As I listened in confusion and growing horror, I saw a movement behind Luna’s hind leg, and a small yellow face framed by a rosy mane peeked out.
“Fluttershy…” I said. “What is going on?”
“These recordings were made recently and three weeks apart,” explained Luna. “First I would like to apologize to you both. I feel that I have failed my subjects in my duty to protect them.”
“It’s not your fault, Princess Luna,” said Fluttershy softly.
“What’s not your fault?” I said. “I still don’t understand what is going on. I’m living in a cuckoo clock!” I am aware of the irony of that statement.
“Fluttershy and thyself art former friends and lovers,” said Luna.
“I only just met her this morning!” I said. “What are you yammering about?”
“Once again, I apologize, but I was unable to detect what was happening until recently. I do not know how, but the ponies who ran the clinic that erased your memories were able to put a cloaking spell on your dreams. It was only until Trixie came to me and explained that she had figured out her memories had been erased by Dr. Flashback herself that it came to light. He was also committing forgery and writing letters using my seal.”
Luna shook her head sadly. “Poor Trixie. It must have been such a shock to find that file while she was going through the others at her own place of work. As I’m sure it is a shock to thou both to hear thy own voices. And poor Fluttershy. Dr. Flashback is a predator. He saw thou at a book reading and decided he wanted thou for himself. He used all thy mementoes and memories of Discord to find out more about you and get closer to you.”
“Dr. Flashback?” I said. The name did not ring a bell. Come to think of it, many things today didn’t.
“He’s a pony I had been seeing,” said Fluttershy softly. “But I was thinking of breaking up with him. Something about him didn’t quite feel right. That’s why I was on the train earlier yesterday. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. When I saw you, I wanted to talk to you. I felt like I needed a friend and you were alone on Hearts and Hooves day too.”
I felt sick. Someone had tricked me.
But how? I felt so confused. I looked at the small yellow mare I had met this morning. She looked just as confused and exhausted as I did.
“Where is this Dr. Flashback now?” I said. I was already fantasizing about shoving him into a tree and leaving him there. After all, Fluttershy had said she wanted to be a tree, and he wanted her…
“He and his ring of cronies are awaiting trial at the Royal Canterlot Court,” said Luna. “He hath committed a very serious crime and his punishment will be decided once we have established everything that hath happened.”
I can think of a few punishments to dole out I thought, angrily.
Suddenly the room changed, and I realized I was awake. Luna and Fluttershy were still in my house.
“I must go,” said Luna. “There are many other ponies I must pass on the message to. Then I will need to establish a plan on returning thy memories to you while you dream. But I feel you two have much to talk about.”
Luna vanished in a swirl of nighttime sky and I was alone with Fluttershy again.
The recording was still playing.
…I wouldn’t even give her a second look.
Fluttershy winced.
I felt awful. “I would never think that about you…” I began. But I had, hadn’t I? That was my voice and I was saying terrible things about this kind, beautiful mare who had been trusting and affable enough to invite me to go ice skating with her when everyone else shunned me and would rather move to another train carriage.
“I’m so sorry, Fluttershy,” I whispered. I sat down in the corner of the room with my face in my paw and eagle hand.
It doesn’t matter anyway the recording was saying. I'm pretty sure she cares more about her other friends than she does about me…She’s just a dull looking pony who is no fun.
I felt so ashamed.
Then I felt her small hoof on my knee.
“I said awful things too,” she whispered.
“I likely deserved every word of them,” I said, trying to hold back tears. “You were kind to me and offered me friendship and I threw it back in your face, Fluttershy. I mean, normally I’m quite happy annoying the masses, but not today. Everything just feels so weird and messed up.”
“Do you…do you need to be alone?” she asked me. “I can call on Princess Luna or Princess Celestia to escort me back if you do.”
My head was swimming. “Yes,” I croaked. “Yes, I think I do.”
She nodded, then started to move towards the door.
I’ve always been rather impulsive, but I have no idea why I said what I said next:
“Wait…”
She looked over her shoulder at me.
“Yes, Discord?”
“I don’t know.” My tail twitched with anxiety as we stared at each other.
“I don’t know,” I repeated. “I just…actually, I feel like I want you to stay.”
She gave me a weak little smile.
“Ok.”
My chest flooded with relief for some reason. After the events of today, I felt like I would feel safer with her around.
“So,” I said, looking at the ground. “We’ve met before?”
That explained the weird sense of déjà vu I had with her on the train. It also explained why I felt so comfortable around her. I wonder if she had felt the same.
“We have,” she said.
“I…I know you probably want nothing to do with me after all that’s happened and everything I’ve said about you, but, before those letters arrived, I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed our time today.”
It felt so odd saying that. I had never said that to anyone.
“I enjoyed it too, Discord,” she said softly.
“So what do we do now?” I asked.
She thought for a moment.
“Try to be friends?” she whispered. I felt like crying. This kind, amazing pony still wanted to be my friend after everything I had said and done. “Our friends and Princess Luna can help us rebuild our memories and then we can see where things go from there?” She placed her hoof on my paw, a sweet, hopeful look on her gorgeous face.
Not for the first time today, I looked at her in surprise. “Wait, hold up. I have friends?”
She smiled at me. “We have mutual friends according to Princess Luna. I can’t wait for you to meet them, Discord.”
Then she did something no one had ever done to me before, at least not that I can remember:
She leaned her soft beautiful mane against my feathery chest and hugged me. I instinctively snaked my arms around her and rested my head on hers.
“Fluttershy,” I whispered.
She really was a stellar chick—an amazing person.
This time I wouldn’t forget that.
