Text from 37837842 (Equestria is calling)

by BlockHead Jones

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Scootaloo, Adventure, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human
Length: 4014

Well shit!! Just thought my day was going great until my phone rings with a text from a strange phone number. Never thought anything of it and look where I am now. Never ignore you texts people, because you just might wish that you actually took the message seriously.

Published 2012-06-01 18:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-01 18:44:01 UTC

Phone rings... great

April, 28

Okay, first things first. I am only writing this down because she told me too. Anyway... God! I wish I really didn't have to write this thing, I mean... this is utterly pointless. Well, where to start, I mean... so much has happened in such a short amount of time...

I groaned in frustration, writing down my 'feelings' was too much bullshit to handle. I laid down on the bed and covered my visor with my hoofs, magic literally tired me out more then I thought it would. I looked at my watch, it was only 8:30p.m. I tapped the class impatiently, why couldn't time just go faster. I groaned again but out of boredom, this place was boring but fun and peaceful at the same time. I groaned again out of boredom again, well... if I was going to do this then I should just get this thing over with then. I grabbed the quill with my magic and dipped it in the ink bottle...

Well, if anything I am only doing this because SHE said that this will go down into the records. I thought, 'What records?' But I guess they have a lot of things here then what was thought up in the show. Lets start from the beginning... I believe it was a usual Tuesday mid-morning day. I dressed as I always did, some black plastic armor underneath my custom made shirt that I loved to wear, a cool black leather jacket that had some great velcro straps on the back of it to hold my skateboard, some black jeans that had white blobs on it when I purposefully spilled bleach on them, some awesome black armored gloves, some great shoes that were black and had spikes on them, and to top it all off a white full face covering motorbike helmet that has a black plastic mohawk attached to it. I love to toot my own horn in saying that l looked pretty badass back on earth...

I chuckled, horn, get it! I laughed, I love to make jokes thatwere literal and sometimes not funny to other people (ponies). "What are you laughing at?" I heard her ask playfully, I never thought she was the playful type.

I looked at her standing in the middle of the door way looking rather sexy if you ask me, "Nothin'... just an inside joke."

She looked puzzled, "An inside joke?"

I am always amazed of how she never really picked up on human lingo, "If I must explain, an inside joke is when either a single person, pony if you will, makes a joke that only he/she knows about. The other part of it is when a group of people, or ponies if you must, knows the joke," I smiled, it was fun being smarter than her... or at least acting like it.

She climbed into bed besides me and smiled, "You humans have a name for even the littlest of things."

I laughed, "We try."

She came very close to me, "Why do you always have that thing on?" she asked poking at it once.

"What my helmet?" I knocked at hoof against it, "I love wearing this thing you know."

She smiled and came even closer, and whispered, "That's not the only thing you love."

I kept on smiling, "Your right about that," I put my hoof around her, "I have you to love." I poked her nose with my hoof, she giggled.

"Could you please take it off? It looks good but your face looks better."

I know what she is getting at, I pressed a button on the back of my helmet, releasing the clamps that sealed the helmet shut over my face. I took it off and let it fall to the floor with a clunk. I looked at her, "Better?"

She came closer and kissed me, "Better," she said giggling.

I laid my head back, now where was I... oh yeah!

Soon, after I got my skateboard and gear on I went into the elevator and went down to the lobby floor. After that, people would say hell broke loose. As the doors of the elevator opened on the lobby floor I jumped on my board and skated through the lobby. First, jumped the coffee table, then grinded down a rail, and jumped through an empty bell cart, and in the process scaring two girls and there mom who just came back from shopping. I burst through the glass doors and started to pump harder on my board heading to the mall. It was Tuesday and on every Tuesday of the week I would head to the mall to have a reunion with my brother. After about 20 minutes of hardcore skating I got to the mall. I continued to skate inside the mall, even though they had a no skating policy, I got to the usual table were we would talk. I stopped with a loud and sharp shriek, making all the shoppers jump. I strapped on the skateboard on my back and waited for my brother to show up. I didn't have to wait too long, i was listening to the song 'Highway to Hell'
when I felt a knock on the table. I pressed a button on the side of my helmet which instantly paused the song and I saw my brother David. He sat down across from with a with a cherry Coke slushe in his hand, he put the dink down and sighed, "do you have to wear that stupid thing all the time?" he asked in an annoyed tone...

I smirked, "Your just jealous that I look cool and you don't. It's okay, its a normal reaction I get." He took some slips of his surgery ice drink and with his hand he smooth out his hair. "So," I started to say, "hows life?"

He looked at me with a very sullen look, "Fine as usual, you know mom and dad are remodeling the house."

I laughed, "Are they still waiting for me to crawl on all fours and beg them to let me back into there home?"

I had ran away from home a couple years ago. I was lucky enough this one time to swipe my dads credit card. It was a platinum card and man was it shiny...

"Dude, just come back home... please, they are remodeling your room and making it into a home theater/guest room," he took a long sad drink. "Do you want? Its your favorite and the ice is hasn't melted yet, just the way you like it."

I raised my hand, "I'm good. I been trying not to eat or drink that much sugar lately." I placed my feet on the table with a clunk and leaned back in the metal chair.

David soon asked the same question that he would every time we meet, "Where are you living now? Come on, please tell me."

I laughed, "Nope. Not going to happen."

In the past five years i was living in a courtyard hotel just five miles from the mall. I got there so fast because I would go into the street and hold on to the back of a truck or a car. I never told my brother where I lived because I knew that one day he would come up to my room and my parents would be with him...

David sighed and continued to drink the 32oz icy concoction, "Have you at least watched the new episodes lately?"

I looked at him, "I have stopped caring about the show and the brony community. Being attached to something just provides too much responsibility."

One day I screwed the brony community by writing a angry letter that said Bon-Bon and Lyra are not canon and how it would never happen. Also, I really don't think Celestia is a troll either, where did these people get this shit?!

"You know, the community is willing to forgive your little out burst about Bon-Bon and Lyra, remember, love and forgive." he placed his iPhone on the table and slid it over to me, "Look, they are willing to accept other opinions about this. All you have to do is say that your sorry and say it was a simple mistake and that you really didn't mean what you said.'

I was utterly shocked, I took my feet off the table and finally took off my helmet and slammed it on the table, "I roll over for no one. If they can't accept another person's opinion then that is there fuckin' problem! not mine. I just about had enough of there goddamn family talk! If you even ask me to roll over again, you may just find yourself not ever seeing me ever again!"

I took the drink off the table and drank about half of the slushe, I heard David sigh, "I thought I would try. I'm sorry, Jero thought if I told you, you would change... looks like that's never going to happen," he folded his arms.

"Your damn right!" I laughed and passed back the drink...

Suddenly my phone vibrated. I took it out of my pocket, I always thought that the new phones today were too advance for my great taste in things. I had an old Motorola Razr flip phone, it was just too cool to ever upgrade from it. I looked at the tiny screen, it read 'New Message'. I flipped it open and the message instantly popped up, I started to read the message and I started to laugh very hard...

"What's so funny?" asked David.

There were tears in my eyes from laughing so hard, "Some asshole sent me this message," I continued to laugh as I handed him the phone. He soon read it and his eyes grew wide in shock...

The message read:

Do you want to go to Equestria?

I snatched back the phone, "I am going to say-"

"YES!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

I laughed, "What?"

"Say Yes, text back and say Yes!" he was standing out of his chair as he said this.

"Okay, okay," I laughed, "Calm you tits man. I'll say Yes before you hurt yourself."

He let out a huge sigh and sat back in his chair, "Thank you. You should never scare me like that."

"Scare you?" I laughed.

Soon enough I text back to the mysterious number 38738742 saying Yes. I got up and put my helmet back on and unstrapped my skateboard...

"Where are you going? Did you text back? Did they text back?" he sounded really worried.

"Our time is up and I am not waiting for the text back, see ya!" I waved back to him as I threw my skateboard down and started to ride...

I was skating down the stairs and into the plaza when my phone vibrated again. I took it out and looked at the new message:

What is your gender? And What do you want to be?

This was getting priceless, I text back:

Unicorn
Male/Female

Oh man! I was going to confuse the fuck out of who ever was sending the texts. But just to make it even more interesting I added a link to a episode of Ranma 1/2. I tucked the phone back in my pocket and started to pump harder on the board. Today I was going to grind the scariest stairs made by man today. Today I was going to grind them, I tried to do it before but I had broken bones times before. I kickflipped over a table and skated through the doors. The phone vibrated again but I didn't care, I turned back on the music and blasted the song 'Prisoner Of Society'
. I started to nose grind the first part of the stairs, the phone vibrated again. This person just can't take a hint. For the second part I darkslided the rail, and I started to gain speed, but the stupid phone vibrated again. I was getting mad but I was too involved in grinding. I flipped up the board and started to grind the last part of the stairs and it was a long grind. The phone vibrated, there was a part in the stairs that flatten out before going straight down. This was the part that I always failed at, I did a mighty kickflip, and I was soaring through the air. But then I felt weird sensation. Soon enough I slammed into a bookshelf? That's right, a bookshelf. I fell on my back, then my board dive bombed my stomach. I groaned and turned over, a book then smacked the back of my head, I took off my helmet with a strange easiness...

"The Fuck!" i screamed, holding my head and gut.

I looked around the room and saw... wait for it, a purple mare with a purple and green dragon on her back. I looked frantically around the room, but the room was a library and the library was a tree. I sat up to fast causing me to slip on my skateboard, where I smacked my head against the wood floor. The mare and dragon soon crowded around me, the dragon looked concerned while the mare looked utter proud of what she had done...

"Spike! I can't believe Spike! It worded" yelled the purple mare. She started to jump around.

"That's fucking great!!" I groaned. I sat up, "Could someone please tell me how the fuck I ran into a bookshelf!!"

The mare stopped jumping, "Oh sorry," she ran towards me with too much excitement. "My name is Twilight Sparkle, that your probably already know, and that's is Spike!" she pointed an energetic hoof at the dragon.

"Sup," he said very chill like.

"Likewise?" I said, what the FUCK was going on?

"And you are the first human to Equestria," she smiled. "Aren't you excited!"

I looked at her bemused, "Listen, all I want to know is... wait! did your say FUCKIN' EQUESTRIA!!" I screamed and put a hoof to my head...

I started to examen myself, I had hoofs, which were not really cool. You really can't do a grab on a board with hoofs. I was yellow (great) and I had blue hair with a silver streak in it (great fucking taskic)...

"Umm..." she seemed puzzled at what I said, "Well, whatever your said, YES! your in Equestria." She was too happy about this and never stopped smiling, "oh! I almost forgot, Spike go gets some cold water, I want to see if it actually works!"

"Wait? Cold water?!" oh no! she didn't!! She didn't!!

Spike soon ran back wit ha glass of water that had ice in it. Twilight took the glass with her magic and threw it at my face...

Thins started to get weird. I felt a weird change take over, my coat turned to the color blue, my hair grew longer and turn yellow but still had the silver streak. Then I felt my thing... oh god!! It was the worst feeling! I was scared shitless, I I inspected myself and I was a mare. I ran to a mirror, and on top of that I was a unicorn...

"What the fuck did you do to me!!" I froze. "My voice!! Oh fuck my voice!!" It had turned high pitched, Twilight was over my shoulder and started to look me over.

I jumped away, "Is this some kind of sick joke!" I screamed with my new voice.

"It's no joke, I thought that your request was weird but it worked with the little help from the... 'thing' you sent me."

I was hyperventilating, "That's great... You sent the texts!!"

She nodded happily, "Yes, yes, yes! I can't wait to ask you questions about your human world. What is it like? What do you do when your human?"

She was asking too many questions too fast. I started to feel light headed, (I don't faint, badasses like me don't faint, we fall unconscious) Then I fell backwards unconscious. I started to wake up after an hour or so...

I chuckled, "Wow! I had the weirdest dream that-" I put a hoof to my head and felt a horn, I soon noticed that my voice was high pitched. It wasn't a dream and I am now cursed for making fun of a gender question. I sat up but I felt a pair of hoofs gently pushing me back down.

"Oh no please rest, you banged your head pretty hard and you need rest." The voice was a soft whisper, I looked up, it was Fluttershy and she had a gentle smile on her face. I jumped and fell out of bed...

Twilight and now Fluttershy? This was not a dream but a nightmare! I ran out the door and down the stairs, and me not looking where i was going, tripped over a book...

"Fuck! Why are books always my down fall!" I yelled and soon got back up.

I ran to the door, I was just inches way when the door swung open and slammed me into the wall. A pink mare was on the other side of it...

"I came this close, to be stopped by a door... and a Pinkie Pie," I mumbled as I slid down the wall.

"Twilight! Twilight! I heard that you have a new friend. Where is he? Where is he?" she yelled. All this yelling was giving me a headache.

Twilight looked surprised as she looked up from her studies," Pinkie? How did-... how did you even know??"

Soon enough it was Pinkie time, there was a bush out side and she reached in and pulled out Rarity then Applejack, but she then pulled out Rainbow Dash out of a tree. Her explain of things went something like this....

"Well... Rarity saw Fluttershy fly out of her cottage when they were suppose to go to the spa. Rarity came to me and asked me about Fluttershy, I didn't know anything about Fluttershy but I remembered that you talked to Applejack. We went to Applejack, she didn't know about Fluttershy either but she did know about you and that you were going to do something today and you wanted to be alone. Then Rainbow crashed into Rarity, she was sleeping in a tree, and heard us talking. She saw you and Spike carrying tons of books and over heard you say 'I hope it works to bring him here." We really wanted to know who was 'him' so we came over and watched you through widow," she started to gasp for air. Man! She could talk when she sure wanted to. I closed the door and stood up, everyone started at me (sorry, everypony).

Applejack spoke first, "Uh, Twi? I thought you did say a feller, didn't you?'

Twilight smiled weakly and laugh rather nervously, "Well? He is, I mean, she is, I mean..." she looked at me. "Would you like to explain to my friends what happened," she motioned me to her friends with her eyes. I glared at her, I walked over to the ketchen, grabbed a cup of warm water and walked back. I threw the water on myself and changed back into a guy, or colt. All eyes grew wide, except for Spike and Twilight's.

"Uh... Twilight darling, could you please explain what just ahppend?"

"Twilight looked extra nervous, "Well..."

"See ya!" I yelled. I was halfway out the door when I felt my tail (yes a tail, the world is just too cruel) being pulled by Applejack. Danm! she's strong. She pulled me back into the library.

"Now wait just a apple-pickin'-minute. How in the hay did this here happen? Explain yourself mister!" I looked over to Twilight, she was so verous that she froze in place, Fluttershy and Rarity was trying to wake her up, and I believe Rainbow was napping somewhere, I couldn't tell. I sighed...

I then told my story to them, of how I was actually human and how that I thought it was a prank the whole time, and how it was kinda my fault and everthing. I did feel kind of guilty... for some strange reason...

"... and that's how I am here, now infront of you ponies a freak!" I sighed and laid my head back. Fluttershy came over to me.

"Don't cry. Your not a freak at all, it's okay," she said in a very loving voice.

"I'm not crying!" I objected, I put a hoof to my eye and noticed that I was. "I am just emotionaly overwelmed by today's events which caused my eyes to make water," I folded my hoofs across my chest.

"That's crying darling," I heard Rartiy say.

"Shut up," I mumbled. I grabbed my helmet and put it on and flipped down the viser and sat back on the couch.

Pinkie came up and started at my head, "Ohhh.... ist that your helmet!" she asked hyperactivly. She started to poke at it repeatedly.

"Quiet it!!" I groaned. I got up and walked up the stairs and slammed the door behide me.

Yes, even a badass needs to cry at some point. I tried to get my helmet off but it was stuck. I tried to pull it off but i stumbled and the back of my helmet hit the wall. The helmet soon fell off with ease, I looked at it, I found out that you needed to press a button to unlock it...

"Perfect... just what I needed," I said with heavy sarcasum.

I threw my helmet against the wall, I took off my jacket, armor, and shirt and slammed my head into a pillow and screamed. I felt the pillow become wet, I was sure enought crying. This was the only time that I missed my brohter, my friends, even my damn parents. I slammed my head into the pillow again and quitly sobbed, i heard the door open and Twilight came in and put a hoof on my back...

"It's okay," she said softly, "your not a freak like you said, you were brought here for a reason. I picked you personaly for this. Everthing will work out, I promise." I felt myself stop crying, did she care about me? Did she?? No, it couldn't be.... but personaly??

"Sorry... sorry for freaking out. I was just... I was just scared,' i mumbled into the pillow. I said I was sorry, this world is making me soft.

"It's alright," she started to hug me. I felt really strange, the fuck is happening?? "I am sure that a good night sleep will help you," I started to fell her steady breathing but I felt her heart beat right out of her chest. I looked at her and saw that she was nuzzling me. Maybe... maybe this is not a bad thing after all, I mean, was thins some kind of answer to some forgotten prayer a long time ago? I shifted a little bit and hugged her back. I started to feel her nuzzling my neck; I was deep in thought. I was, reflecting on my life, everyone hated me and i resented the people who loved me: the brony community, family, and friends, but not her. Soon enough I grew tired of thing and fell asleep... with her in my arms.

********

I rooled up the scroll and put it on the desk, I smiled. If I only stopped and looked around that day i would have already realized that this was a gift and not torment. I looked at her, she was alread asleep, I kissed her on her forehead and a smile spread across her face. Tomorrow I was going to write the next day, i laughed, man that day was a mess. I snuggled up close to her, sleep was good, especialy if somepony is sleeping with you. I kissed her once more, "Night Twi," i whispered.

"Night Alex," she whispered back, "love you."

I smiled, "Love you too."