An (Un)Dashing Proposal

by tuhka

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 1136

Rainbow Dash crashes into the library (literally) with a proposal for Twilight Sparkle.

She's new in town.

Probably lonely.

Probably in need of company.

Who better to introduce Twilight Sparkle to Ponyville than Rainbow Dash? And of course, do it in her own inimitable style.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-04 09:45:58 UTC

This is the chapter.

“Twilight, hey,” Rainbow Dash said woozily, her swimmy gaze trying to affix itself to one of the three concerned-looking purple unicorns standing before her. Finally, she decided to focus on the middle figure. Eh, why not? It was by far the best-looking of the bunch. Well, the best-defined, anyway. “So. You wanna fuck?”

“You wha-?” The words were cut off in Twilight's throat by a strangled note of dismay. She shook her head and returned her attention to the pegasus herself. She must have a concussion. “Look, are you all right?” she asked in a worry-tinged voice. “That was one heck of a crash.”

“Yeah, it was pretty good, wasn't it?” replied Rainbow Dash, grinning broadly as she pulled herself up into a comfortable sitting in position and assessed her body for damage. Nothing too serious, she finally decided. The same could not be said for the library, however, and the pegasus sucked on her bottom lip pensively as her eyes took in the disarray: a broken window, a shelf knocked over, and numerous torn books were strewn about the floor. “I'll pay for this,” she said dolefully, gesturing to the mess with a wave of a foreleg. “Soon as I get my next paycheck, I swear!”

“It's fine,” Twilight said dismissively, shrugging her withers. “Princess Celestia knew that having the Elements of Harmony here was bound to cause problems, so she thought it wise to take out a fairly comprehensive insurance policy on the place while I was living in it.”

“Cool,” said Rainbow Dash, an evil gleam brightening up her already blazing coral eyes considerably. “So. If the place ever gets trashed, you'll be raking in the bits?”

Twilight opened her mouth to respond, but closed in when she realised that the pegasus was – probably, she hoped – being facetious. “Uh, about what you said …?”

“Yeah?” Rainbow Dash fluttered her wings to shake off some of the dust. Her forelegs hovered over some books and she wondered if she ought to help pick them up.

“Well, um,” the unicorn felt her face turn a fetching shade of crimson, “were you, you know, serious about your, er, offer?”

“Of course I was,” Rainbow Dash said soberly.

“But … why are you asking me?”

“Why not? You're new in town, so you might be looking for a bit of company on those long, lonely nights. You're pretty cute, which is always a bonus. And you're single, too.” The pegasus shot her a sly grin. “I just thought that you might be up, or down, your preference, for a roll in the hay is all, you know? It's totally cool if you're not, by the way.”

“I never said I wasn't,” Twilight replied, and she felt her hoof hit her in the mouth the second the words were uttered. “I just meant … how can you be so brazen about it? I mean, don't you care about special someponies, finding the right pony for you, all that stuff?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “There's no law that says you can't have some fun in the meantime, is there?”

“You don't know me.”

“That matters?”

Is this some kind of prank? Something that they do to all newcomers to Ponyville? From what little she could discern of Rainbow Dash's personality in the short time that they'd been acquainted, it did seem to be exactly the sort of thing that she would do just for a giggle. She's probably just screwing with me, trying to get a rise out of me, Twilight decided with a roll of her eyes. “You never know, I might have some kind of disease.”

“That's the kind of thing you ought to be upfront about if you're planning on getting down with somepony,” Rainbow Dash said distastefully. The pegasus pondered for a moment. “Do you have …?”

“No!”

“Okay.”

“But you can't just barge into somepony's home and-” Twilight's foreleg meandered in the air as she sought a more polite description “-proposition them.”

“Why not? And it isn't your house. Technically speaking, anyway.”

“I'm the one who pays the rent.”

“Well, the council pays you to run the library, and the living space just happens to be included in that.”

“Oh, shut up, featherbrain,” Twilight said irritably, though the pegasus was correct about her arrangements.

“Egghead,” Rainbow Dash replied affectionately, her grin growing too wide for her muzzle. “C'mon now. Just say yes or no already.”

“I need to think about it.”

“Why?”

“What d'you mean, why? I'm not gonna sleep with a perfect strange just because she asked me.”

“Why not?”

Twilight fought to keep a lid on her temper. “What goes through your mind that you think that by smashing somepony's house up that they'll have intercourse with you?”

“Inter-?” Rainbow Dash snorted, and the snort quickly descended into raucous laughter. The pegasus collapsed to the ground, rolling back and forth in mirth. After a moment, she recovered from her fit and clambered back onto all four legs. “It's not a big deal. It's just sex. Like I said before: you're pretty and single, and that makes you a potential fuck-target. I don't see what's so complicated about that.”

“Must you keep using that word?” Twilight asked despairingly.

“What word? Fuck?”

“Mm.”

“A librarian who doesn't like certain words, huh?” Rainbow Dash's muzzle creased into a frown. “Is it that you're a bit shy?”

“I prefer to think of myself as introverted.”

“And I like to think of myself as the Princess of Cloudsdale, but thinking doesn't make it so,” the pegasus replied. “So. You're shy. I get that. Fluttershy's the same way. She hasn't, uh, done the nasty either.”

“Why do you automatically assume that I've never done it?” Twilight wasn't sure whether or not Rainbow Dash's polite phrasing was any better than her more uncouth language.

Rainbow Dash raised one shoulder. “You wouldn't be making a big deal out of it otherwise, I don't think.”

“Fine.”

“What's fine?”

“Let's do it.”

The pegasus was taken aback. Literally, she took a step back from the unicorn, surprise registering on her face. “What, really?”

“Yeah. Yes. If it's so important to you that we … that we fuck, let's get it on. Right now.” Despite her reservations, Twilight was curious. Besides, a bit of stress-relief was always nice.

A squeal of giddy jubilation escaped Rainbow Dash's throat. “All right!”

*

As they got down to it amongst the rubble, a group that consisted of four ponies watched them rut through an open window, exchanging glances with each other as a flow of bits passed between them.

“Aw, shoot,” Applejack said, her trademark stetson being pulled over her eyes so she didn't have to witness the debauchery. “I really thought that Twilight would've been able to say no.”