You Are What You Eat

by NixWorld

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 2086

The princesses decide to have lunch together at the Canterlot Palace. They laugh, chat, and generally have a good time. Until… they come to a shocking realization. They’re eating meat.

The princesses decide to have lunch together at the Canterlot Palace. As they enjoy their glorious feast they laugh, chat and generally have a good time.

Until… they come to a shocking realization.

They’re eating meat.

Link to cover art

EDIT: Now with a reading by the awesome CaptainBrone3y! Link to reading

Published 2015-08-04 01:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-04 01:20:01 UTC

Right...

The Royal Dining Room was and always will be one of the best places to eat. The floor was covered with a rose red carpet and the drapes were of a peculiar shade of old rose. When the bright sun rays shone through the floor to ceiling windows, it gave the room the extra glimpse of beauty and perfection.

It was truly the sight to see.

But did the princesses care about the magnificently coloured furniture and lighting? No, they did not, as they had more… important matters to attend to.

Important matters being absolutely devouring the food in front of them. If it weren’t for an extra table to hold extra food and another one next to it, and another one next to that one, they would have finished minutes ago. The only pony in the dining table who wasn’t making a pig of herself in front of the royal guards was Cadence.

“Umm, are you sure we should be eating this? We don’t even know what it is,” Cadence asked, gently pushing one of the food plates away from her.

Twilight unburied her face from her plate and looked at her. “Don’t worry, Cadence. We’re Alicorns! Poison wouldn’t affect us.” She munched on some more food pieces.

Cadence shook her head. “I’m not scared about poison. It’s just… I don’t know… this food seems awfully eerie.”

Celestia stopped eating for a moment. “How so?”

“Well… it looks like I’ve seen this food before. Not sure where. It looks familiar…”

Twilight chuckled. “Of course it looks familiar, Cadence. It’s not the first time you eat something, is it?”

“I know, I know.” Cadence raised an eyebrow. “But I’ve never eaten this type of food before.”

Luna swallowed a huge chunk of her plate along with some water. She then closed in on Cadence, smiling. “Relax, Miss Cadenza, and enjoy this glorious feast that we have upon us.” She grinned.

Cadence gently smiled. “I guess.” She levitated her fork and took a small, innocent bite of her meal. Her previous worries slowly faded away as her food’s taste sank in. “Mm! This is good!” She didn’t hesitate in eating bigger chunks but she still restrained herself from getting dirty with it. She is a lady and she wants to keep it that way.

The dining room was conquered by silence, except for the occasional crunching and munching of food. The guards didn’t say a word however, their eyes spoke plenty with each other. It is indeed the first time that they’ve seen these type of vegetables. Naturally, they stayed quiet and kept their thoughts to themselves.

The princesses didn’t seem to care about portraying their ‘formality’ at the moment. The evidence of this statement were the various remnants of food scattered on the floor around the table. They have devoured their sustenance like a starved wild animal. This was surely because of the food being undoubtedly delicious and, even though was very filling, had a special juiciness that seemed to drive the princesses crazy. They didn’t know what it was but they didn’t seem to care. The only thing they cared about was taking advantage of their un-fattening Alicorn bodies.

However, it was time for Celestia to take a quick break as she noticed something unusual that caught her eye. Red liquid, to be exact.

“Oh, Lulu? Could you please not put ketchup on my plate? I don’t think it goes well with this food,” Celestia asked.

Luna turned. “Whatever do you mean, sister? I haven’t set hooves on the ketchup ever since that Nightmare Night prank you pulled on me last year.” Luna shivered at the previous memories but then continued eating shortly after.

Celestia looked around the table, waiting for an acknowledging comment from Twilight and Cadence.

“I didn’t do it,” Cadence said.

“Me neither,” Twilight affirmed.

If this isn’t ketchup, then what is it? Celestia was now in deep thought… very deep thought. She was in such a deep thought that she was unable to process the thought that she just thought of. Well… until she succumbed to her final conclusion. A conclusion which she found hard to believe, that was near impossible to handle. A conclusion that could very well ruin her reputation as a princess and ruler of Equestria.

“Oh, shit.” Celestia almost never swore. Well, only when something shocking and unexpected happens. Like now. However, in all the two thousand years she has lived, she never swore in public. Her choice of words drove the entire room, except Luna, to lay eyes on her. The guards were no exception.

“What is it, Princess?” Twilight asked, worried. Cadence was still staring at Celestia and Luna was still eating as she barely paid any attention to what was happening at that moment.

Celestia didn’t reply. She didn’t even look shocked. She looked unamused, that was for sure. She said nothing. She sat there quietly for a whole ten seconds then she finally let out a sound of her clearing her throat. After a long pause, she spoke.

“We’re eating meat."

Twilight and Cadence both simultaneously spat the remaining pieces of food that they had in their mouth onto the floor.

The three guards almost puked but they restrained themselves. They also weren’t interested in showing any sort of weakness in front of the princesses.

As for Luna, she stopped chewing but she chose to swallow the remaining pieces of food in her mouth rather than spitting them out. If it tastes good, better make the best of it, right?

Twilight was clearly shaken. She started to get scared, worried and unsure of herself. “What do we do now?!” Twilight didn’t have to question Celestia’s methods in finding out what this food was. If Celestia said that it is meat, Twilight can bet she’s saying the truth.

Celestia acted calm, cool and collective. “Prioritize,” she said, still unamused. “Eating a small amount of meat isn’t a problem. Eating a large amount of meat, however, may cause a few issues to our digestive systems.”

Cadence intervened. “But we’re Alicorns,” she let out a nervous laughter. “Surely it can’t affect our mighty bodies… right?”

“You’re partly right but we may experience major stomach cramps for the next couple of weeks,” Celestia answered. “But I’m not worried about that.”

Twilight was still anxious. “Then what are you worried about?”

Celestia looked tranquil but she was actually secretly terrified. “Look around you, my student.” She glanced over the table. “Just how many plates do you think we’ve eaten?”

“I don’t know… I think we’ve lost count,” Cadence answered for Twilight.

Celestia nodded. “Exactly. Now, take that into consideration once we try to figure out just what kind of animals have we eaten.”

Now it was Luna’s, Cadence’s and Twilight’s turn to process what just happened. Once their minds were blown, or better said, beyond shocked, their reactions were one in the same. Confused, terrified, disgusted... And the fact about the amount of food they have gulped down did not help them with their sentiments.

“So you’re saying we might have eaten a pony?!” Twilight shrieked slightly.

Celestia was now showing her worried side. “Well… it’s a possibility...” She scratched the back of her mane, unsure.

“Excuse me ma’am,” Celestia’s Personal Guard interrupted.

“What do you want, Captain Solar?” She asked, slightly irritated.

“Cannibalism is… looked down upon here,” he answered.

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “So?”

Solar was getting a tad bit nervous. “Well… it’s illegal, to be exact.”

“Your point is?”

“Shouldn’t I arrest you now?” He hesitated in saying.

Celestia chuckled. “I’d like to see you try.”

That’s what he thought. “Ha ha… I’ll take that as a no.” Captain Solar made the right decision and backed up.

Luna’s Personal Guard leaned towards Solar. “Good choice,” he whispered with a smirk on his face.

Captain Solar groaned. “Shut up.”

Celestia smiled and looked back at the table. She received very irritated and annoyed looks.

“You know, I still wonder how we’re still the rulers of this nation,” Twilight said.

“It’s because we have enough firepower to wipe out the entire world if somepony doesn’t agree with us,” Luna answered.

“True,” all of them simultaneously said.

After what seemed to be a whole minute of poker face princesses contemplating, Celestia decided that she should get back to their ‘We just ate meat and want nopony to find out’ business.

“Anyway, we must fix this problem.” She clapped her hooves. “Any suggestions?” She looked around.

Luna raised a hoof. “Why don’t we reveal all our deepest, darkest secrets so we can make ourselves feel better?”

“Good idea.” Celestia turned to Twilight. “Twilight, you first.”

“Yes, Princess,” Twilight obeyed. The last thing she wanted to do is argue with Celestia. Plus, as weird as Luna’s suggestion was, maybe it could help them clear their minds. It didn’t take Twilight long to think of the eeriest thing she’s done. “I write fanfiction.”

There was a silence in the room.

“Umm… Twilight? That’s not dark,” Celestia stated.

“Let your imagination flow.”

“But… how can-“

“They mostly star you.”

Celestia thought. “You know what?” She stopped herself. “I don’t need to know more.” She turned towards Luna. “Okay, sister, your turn.”

Luna turned to Celestia with a very bland expression painted on her face. “This is not the first time I eat this type of food.”

Celestia turned to Cadence without hesitation. “Okay, sweetie, go ahead!” Celestia said, trying to forget what her sister just affirmed. She wasn’t really having a good day.

“You know what? I think I’ll pass.”

Thank god… Celestia thought to herself.

Cadence tried to muster up a way to change the subject when suddenly, it hit her. “Hey… how did this food get here in the first place?” Cadence’s question made everypony in the room think. “Celestia?”

Celestia led her gaze to Cadence. “Yes?”

“Have you replaced your cooks recently?”

Celestia aided her hoof below her chin. “Yes… actually. Well, to be exact, it was a trade of cooks and bakers. They were supposed to arrive earlier today.” She tried to remember as many details as possible. “The southern, western and eastern cities were hard to contact due to the weather being unstable for messengers so I decided to request cooks from the northern region.”

“Oh great…” Cadence said sarcastically as she gently covered her face with her hooves.

Celestia was confused. “What’s wrong?”

Cadence looked at her. “You just committed mass genocide.”

Twilight, Luna and the guards all simultaneously gasped.

Celestia’s eye twitched thanks to the preposterous comment she just heard. She would have shouted if she didn’t want to keep things regal. So she decided to take a deep breath and calmly ask. “And how is that?”

Cadence hardly believed what was happening. “The only city that was fit for trading cooks was the Griffin Kingdom. Reports suggest that different cities around that vicinity were low on supplies, which means the chances of you trading your pony cooks with Griffin cooks are a high possibility.”

Celestia still didn’t see the problem here. “I acknowledge the fact that there was a bit of a mix-up with the cooks but what’s your point?”

“The cooks you have are now Griffins. That’s why we’re eating meat. The Griffins are carnivores so they’ll cook what they eat. Ponies however, are herbivores.”

“Yes, I know that, Cadence,” Celestia interrupted. “I just fed the Griffins with greens and plants by accident. We can just apologize for the tummy aches and all this will be forgotten in a day or two.”

“They won’t have tummy aches.”

Celestia was confused. “How so? They eat something not from their diet and then get bette-“

“They’re not immortal,” Cadence finally said.

Celestia at last put the pieces together. She didn’t know what to say. She totally forgot the Griffins’ digestive system. She lived for so long that she had forgotten most of what she learnt when she was less than a century old. She kept the more important bits and pieces of knowledge; advanced spells, dangerous foes and other information that are important to remember for near future events.

Taking in Cadence’s point, she slowly turned to Twilight. After what probably was the longest stare she has ever made on a pony, she finally broke the silence.

“I’m going into exile. Twilight, you’re coming with me.”

Author's Note

I have a feeling this was one of the most random ideas I have ever had... not sure why...

Well, thanks for reading!