Abandon All Hope
By M5Henry
Inspired by “The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle/Aftermath of a Fallen Star” by Rated Ponystar
Blueblood had no idea long he was waiting in line in the dark tunnel. He could see just well enough to make out he had many Ponies ahead of him and many more behind him. No matter how hard he tried, Blueblood couldn’t quite remember how he end up here.
The line moved at a slow but steady pace. At regular intervals everypony would move up one space. After a few hours, or perhaps it was days, Blueblood could make out a faint flash of light at the front of the line. It gradually grew brighter the closer he got to it.
When there were only twenty or so Ponies ahead of him, Blueblood began hear two distinct sounds. Shortly after the flash, a scream of terror would ring out. This was shortly followed by a shrill voice calling out “NEXT!” The screams came in different voices, but the voice that followed was always the same.
Finally, there was only one Pony ahead of Blueblood. The Pony vanished in a brilliant flash of light. Shortly afterwards, a bloodcurdling scream of terror rang through his ears and again the shrill voice called out “NEXT!” Before he could react, Blueblood was enveloped in blinding light.
When Blueblood regained his senses, he found himself in a small but otherwise impressive looking office. The walls and ceiling were painted a bright shade of pink, the floors were covered in plush white carpeting. This could easily be the office of one of Canterlot’s more prominent business Ponies. Except there were no windows and, even stranger, when Blueblood looked behind him there was no door either.
Blueblood turned his attention the large mahogany desk and the throne-like office chair with its back turned to him. He jumped back a bit when the chair suddenly spun around, but then fought to suppress a snort. Seated in the chair was a pink Earth Pony filly with a purple and white striped mane and blue eyes. On top of her mane was perched a small tiara.
“Heh. What’s your name, sweetheart?”
“Diamond Dazzle Tiara, at your service sir. Excuse me a moment,” Diamond briefly rummaged through her desk and pulled out a small parchment. “I have do this small spiel before we can really get started” She cleared her throat and began to recite.
Through me lies the way to the City of Woe.
Through me lies the way to eternal sorrow.
Through me lies the way to Ponies lost forever.
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!
“Right then, let’s bring up your file.” To Blueblood’s astonishment, a red square appeared in midair. As Diamond Tiara motioned with her hoof, a wall of text scrolled upwards in the square. “OK, Prince Blueblood. Greed, racism, envy, vanity, selfishness, dishonesty, all the basic sins of your typical Canterlot upper class twit. If you don’t mind, Blueblood, I’m going to skip ahead to the major ones”
“Wait just one minute,” Blueblood glared at Diamond Tiara. “Just what do you mean by the major ones?”
“I think you know very well what I mean” Diamond Tiara answered with a roll of her eyes. “Anyway, it says here you nearly started a war with the Zebra Nation. Princess Celestia had you banned from all international functions after that.”
“Oh please!” Blueblood scoffed. “Like it’s my fault those stripe-hides have no sense of humor.”
“You know, back when I was alive, I probably would have agreed with you. Pretty much how I ended up here. Anyway-“
“Wait!” Blueblood sputtered. “Back when you were alive!? You expect me to believe you… You’re…”
“Dead? As a doornail.” Diamond Tiara answered with a smirk. “Some sort of cart accident back in Ponyville, I think. I want to say…” Diamond Tiara tapped her chin a bit, then shrugged. “Maybe a year ago. You tend to lose your sense of time in Eternity. Speaking of time, I have a schedule to keep. Let’s move on.” She continued to scroll through Blueblood’s file.
“Huh, according to this you treated your date at the Grand Galloping Gala, an Element of Harmony and a national heroine, like a piece of garbage.”
“Oh you can’t POSSIBLY mean that gold digging hussy from Ponyville!”
“I certainly do. It might interest you to know she’s now one of the biggest names in Equestrian fashion. Does business in all the major cities, except Canterlot. There Rarity will only do work for Princess Celestia or Fancy Pants. Thanks to you, she no longer trusts any of the other nobles there.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Oh you will when we’re done here.” Diamond Tiara’s eyes widened as she scrolled further down. “Whoa oho! Now here’s the JUICY one! At a trade show you charmed a young rock farmer after noticing a fragment of orichalum among her samples. You convinced her to lie to her family and set her up in a hotel room. You proceeded to wine and dine the poor girl until you got all the information you wanted. You then had your fun with her, slipping a drug in her drink so she’d be too addled to consider contraceptives or any other protection. Having no further use for her, you made up some lame excuse and sent her back home.”
“It was completely consen-“
“Ah, ah, ah” Diamond Tiara waved a hoof in Blueblood’s face. “It goes on. You hired some Diamond Dogs to steal a large chunk of orichalum from the rock farm. Your oldest accomplice, Ivory Shell, had the orichalum forged into swords. Then Cosmo, the last to join your little club, passed them out to the guards your fellow nobles hired to carry out your plan to assassinate Princess Twilight Sparkle!”
“Whew!” Diamond Tiara flopped back in her chair. “Masterminding the murder of an Alicorn Princess! I didn’t think a fop like you had it in you. You’re really going to get it. You think being burned at the stake was bad? Just wait until you learn what this place has in store for you!”
“Y… YOU HAVE NO PROOF!” Blueblood slammed his front hooves on the desk. “NO PROOF OF ANY OF THIS NONSENSE!”
Diamond Tiara simply narrowed her eyes before letting out a sigh.
“You’re not being judged here, Blueblood, that’s not my job. You’ve already been judged. I’m just here to read off the results.”
“Y… You… You’re just a foal!”
“Yeah, well, that’s probably how I escaped your fate. I just reached the Celestial Gateway when Great Grandfather Stinking Rich told me I was too bad for heaven but too young for Tartarus. So they put me here to work off my karma by guiding jerks like you to their final destination.”
Blueblood’s back legs buckled and he fell back on his hindquarters.
“I was… Burned at the stake?”
“Oh, sorry, I skipped ahead a bit. You and your gang got drunk celebrating Twilight’s death and blabbed nearly everything in earshot of a zebra servant who went straight the authorities. You were arrested, beaten to a pulp, found guilty and then sentenced to burn at the stake. Your remains were given a secret burial and now only Princess Mi Amore Cadenza mourns you.”
“I see… I… Remember now.” Blueblood let out a sigh. “So, how will I be working off my karma?”
“Uh, no.” Blueblood’s gaze shot up at Diamond Tiara sharply shaking her head. “No Blueblood, you don’t get penance. With just one exception, you all killed Twilight out of hate, greed and jealousy. Only Gallant Heart honestly thought he was doing what was right for Equestria. Only Gallant Heart will be allowed to redeem himself through penance.”
“B-But I’m of royal blood!”
“And that makes your sins all the worse. Now let’s see…” Diamond Tiara began counting on her hoof. “You betrayed the heart of an innocent mare. You betrayed a loyal guard by taking advantage of his idealism. You betrayed Princess Celestia. You betrayed your ancestor’s legacy. To top it all off? You betrayed the Goddess!”
“H-how…?” Blueblood could barely croak out his question.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle was a big part of Faust’s plan to create a new Golden Age for Equestria. When you had her killed, you severely derailed that plan. Fortunately, Princess Celestia is salvaging most of it. But you’re still going to pay for what you did. Let’s see how….” Diamond Tiara turned back to Blueblood’s file. A devilish grin spread over her face.
“Oh… Wow… You get the big one! You’re going to TIAMAT!”
“Tiamat?”
Diamond Tiara leaned in so her snout was nearly touching Blueblood’s. Her eyes shifted from blue to burning red.
“Tiamat, the five-headed demon dragon queen! The ruler of the very lowest level of Tartaus, the domain of traitors and oath-breakers! You’re going to drop to the lowest part of the lowest level, right in front of her! She’s going to pick you up in one of her mouths and gnaw on you until you’re a tasteless lump of flesh and broken bones. Then she’ll spit you out like a wad of gum on the cold hard floor. Then she’ll wait while you slowly and painfully piece yourself back together. As soon as you’re fully restored, she’ll snap you up and start all over again!”
“For… For how long?”
“How long? You actually asked how long?” The back wall of Diamond Tiara’s office vanished, revealing an infinitely large filing room staffed by bizarre and grotesque creatures. Diamond Tiara turned to them and called out “Get this! He asked how long!” Diamond Tiara and all the demons broke into a chorus of loud laughter.
“Don’t you remember that little poem I read? Eternal sorrow? Lost forever?” Diamond Tiara gave a Blueblood a small shrug as she turned back to him. “Oh, I suppose you might get a small break whenever some doomsday cult or megalomaniac sorcerer summons Tiamat to one of the material planes. I honestly don’t know how that works. She usually doesn’t get too long before some hero sends her back anyway. In any case, we’ve been at this a bit too long already. Buh bye now!”
Diamond Tiara slammed her hoof on a large red button. The carpet under Blueblood opened into a fang-filled maw that swallowed him whole. Blueblood let out a scream of terror as he went down its gullet. Diamond Tiara leaned back and propped up her back hooves on her desk.
“Goddess, I LOVE this job! NEXT!”
As the False Prince entered the Dragon Queen’s jaws,
He began to scream in pain and anguish.
He will never stop.
Prince Blueblood, Diamond Tiara @ Hasbro, Lauren Faust
Tiamat @ Wizards of the Coast
Author's Note
So ever since I read Rated Ponystar's "The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle" and "Why Am I Crying", this idea popped into my head of Diamond Tiara being Blueblood's guide into Pony Hell. I showed the rough draft to Rated Ponystar. He gave me his blessing to post this for all to see, so long as I made it clear this it not canon to any of his stories. I promise more original content in the future.
