Principal Celestia's Family Reunion

by MythrilMoth

Rating: everyone
Tags: Vice-Principal Luna, Equestria Girls, Comedy, Main 7 (EqG), Random, Principal Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 2308

The Rainbooms decide to crash Celestia and Luna's family reunion, and discover something really creepy going on.

Something's been bothering Sunset Shimmer for a while now.

How can there be a human version of Princess Celestia who's in her early forties, when Princess Celestia herself is thousands of years old?

The Rainbooms catch wind of Celestia and Luna's upcoming family reunion, and decide to crash it.

What they find there is...disturbing.

Published 2015-08-04 19:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-04 19:20:02 UTC

You All Look Familiar...

Good Eats scratched his head in confusion as he stared at the six eager girls on the other side of the counter. "I'm sorry, it's just..." He shook his head. "Let me get this straight. You want to pay me to work for me for the day?"

"Uh-huh!" the girl with the curly pink hair—Pinkie Pie—said cheerfully, nodding her head up and down. "We really really really wanna cater this family reunion!"

Good Eats' confused frown deepened, and he scratched his chin. "I dunno," he said. "It's all mighty weird..." He looked the girls over. "Can you girls even do the work?"

"Durn tootin'!" the girl in the cowboy hat—Applejack—said. "Ah been doin' up our annual family get-together barbecue since Ah's fourteen!"

"I work part-time at a coffee shop and bakery!" Pinkie Pie said.

"I happen to be very detail-oriented," the elegant-looking girl—Rarity—said.

"I cook all the time at home," the quiet girl—Fluttershy—added.

"I don't know how to cook, but I can run stuff around to tables and stuff," the rainbow-haired girl—Rainbow Dash—said.

"And I'm pretty sure I can figure it out," the girl with the red-and-gold hair—Sunset Shimmer—finished.

"Well..." Good Eats chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Why?" he asked. "That's the main thing here. Why do you girls want to do this?"

The girls looked at each other. Sunset Shimmer coughed. "You see, it's our principal's family reunion," she said.

"And vice-principal!" Pinkie Pie put in. "They're sisters."

"Right, so...we just wanted to see...y'know...what their family's like," Sunset Shimmer said.

"Without lookin' like total stalkers," Rainbow Dash added.

Good Eats frowned. "Hmm." He sighed. "Well, I am a little short-staffed. To be honest, I've got two events booked, my assistant manager has a family emergency and can't work this weekend, and two of my staff just quit yesterday." He tilted his head. "If you girls really want to do this, I...guess I'll take a chance on you." He straightened his apron. "But none of this paying me to work stuff. You do the work, you do it well, you get paid like any other employee. Screw it up, and, well...we'll worry about that later." He gave them all a stern look. "Don't screw it up."

"You can count on us, sir!" Pinkie Pie said with a jaunty salute. "Come on, girls! We've got four hours to put together a spread for a family reunion!"

As Good Eats handed Sunset Shimmer the keys to the catering van and Rarity the clipboard with all the recipes and instructions, he prayed he wasn't making the biggest mistake of his career...

The previous day...

"I'm sorry, darling, you want to what?!"

"Crash Principal Celestia's family reunion," Sunset said.

Her friends stared at her. Fluttershy's eyes were sad and disappointed. "Why?" she asked.

Sunset waved her hands placatingly. "No, not for anything bad!" she said. "It's just...I'm curious." She took a sip of her frappamocchalatte, then continued, "You know how this world is a parallel of Equestria? Well, it's...not quite parallel. I mean, there's a lot of little...inconsistencies." She waved her free hand around. "I only noticed some of them when I first came here, but Twilight noticed a lot more of them. Like...her versions of you girls are all adults, working and running your own businesses. And Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo are a lot younger in Equestria, apparently. So are Snips and Snails." She shrugged. "Lots of little things. But there's one big thing that's always bothered me.

"You see...Princess Celestia is thousands of years old and the most powerful being in Equestria. And Princess Luna is thousands of years old as well, although she was still banished to the moon for her attempt to take over Equestria when I left." At the girls' confused looks, she shook her head. "Long story, not important. Anyway, my point is...my Celestia has been around for thousands of years. This Celestia just turned forty-two. You see where I'm going with this?"

"I think I see," Fluttershy said slowly. "It's like...if God was one of us. Just...just some stranger on a bus. Right?"

"Something like that," Sunset said.

Rainbow tilted her head, frowning. "Yeah, it does sound pretty weird that there's this forty-year-old chick runnin' our school who's the same person as some immortal pony princess where you come from."

"So anyway, I happened to overhear Principal Celestia planning her family reunion, and it got me thinking," Sunset said. "So I did some snooping around, found out which catering company she's using. The reunion's tomorrow at Haflinger Hall." She looked around the table. "I have a plan to get us in, but we all need to be in on it. What do you say, girls? I promise we won't get in trouble or anything!"

The girls looked around at each other. "I'm in!" Pinkie declared. "It sounds like fun!"

"It...might be fun to see Principal Celestia and Vice-Principal Luna's family," Fluttershy hedged.

Rarity sighed theatrically. "I suppose I should tag along to keep the rest of you out of jail..."

"Well, if we're gonna be posin' as caterers, y'all definitely need me along," Applejack said.

"I'm taggin' along just to see how hilarious this gets," Rainbow said.

"Okay! First thing tomorrow morning, we're going to Good Eats' Catering!" Sunset declared.

* * * * *

Surprisingly, the actual catering work had gone off without a hitch. The girls had gotten everything unloaded and started cooking, and there hadn't been any substantial hiccups as the morning wore on.

At just past ten, they heard activity out in the hall. Sunset rinsed her hands and went out to check. Celestia had just entered. She wore a maroon business suit with matching heels and dark hose, and her multihued hair was tied up in a tight bun. She wore small, black wire-rimmed glasses and a sour expression.

"Hey Principal Celestia! Is something wrong?" Sunset called.

Celestia frowned at her. "I'm sorry, did you say Principal—? You know, nevermind. You're with the catering staff?"

"Well...yeah, kinda. Part-time job thing..."

"Then shouldn't you be in the kitchen working?" Celestia snapped brusquely. Without a second glance at Sunset, she pulled out a smartphone and started barking at someone.

Sunset blinked. *What's gotten into her?* Frowning and shaking her head, she went back into the kitchen.

"Is Principal Celestia here?" Pinkie asked.

"Yeah, but she's...in a really bad mood," Sunset said. "She's acting strange..."

The kitchen doors burst open, and Luna walked in. Her hair was much shorter, and she'd somehow developed a considerable tan overnight. She wore a T-shirt that bared her midriff, ratty jeans, and sneakers. "Something smells GOOD in here," she said cheerfully. "Can I have a bite? Huh?"

"Sure, I don't see why not!" Pinkie said, producing a roll and a slice of cheese on a napkin and handing them to Luna. "Here you go!"

"Thanks, starving!" Luna said. She gobbled up the roll in no time flat. "Can't wait for lunch!"

"It'll be a bit yet," Rarity said. She tilted her head. "That's...quite a different look for you."

"Really? This is how I always look," Luna said. She shrugged. "Anyway, I'd better get back to Tia, she's...she's being a bigger grump than usual today." She bounded out of the kitchen.

The girls stared after her.

"Okay, that...was weird," Pinkie said.

"Was that...really Vice-Principal Luna?" Fluttershy wondered. "She seemed so...goofy."

"Hey, it's better than the way she acts at school," Rainbow said with a shrug. "Maybe she's just different on the weekends?"

"Maybe..." Sunset frowned. "Something isn't right here..."

A few minutes later, the service entrance opened, and Celestia walked in. She wore her hair at its normal length, had no glasses, and was dressed the way the girls always saw her at school, right down to the sun brooch on her lapel. She blinked as she took in the sight around her. "Girls? What...what are you doing here?"

"We're working for Good Eats today!" Pinkie said cheerfully. "It was Sunset Shimmer's idea!"

"Oh, I...I see..." Celestia frowned. "That's...unexpected..."

"CECE!" Celestia's voice called from outside. "Dangit girl, don't go leavin' me out by th' car, you KNOW I can't—"

The service entrance opened, and an old, stooped woman who looked almost exactly like Celestia walked in. Her pastel hair had faded to alternating hues of white and silver, and she sported wrinkles and age spots. She wore thick granny glasses and a floral-print dress, and leaned against a cane.

"Sorry, Mother!" Celestia said. "I just needed to check on things in here..."

"Holy COW, your mom looks just like you!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"No kiddin'," Rainbow said.

The kitchen doors banged open. "THERE you are, CeCe," Celestia's voice snapped.

The girls all whirled around.

Jaws hit the floor.

There was another Celestia standing in the kitchen entrance. This was the same Celestia Sunset first saw—the one in the maroon suit and hair bun—and she looked positively annoyed.

Celestia groaned. "What is it NOW, Tia?"

"You KNOW what it is now, CeCe," "Tia" said. "What it ALWAYS is."

"CeCe" facepalmed. "Can we NOT do this today, Tia? Please? It's the family reunion..."

Tia ground her teeth. "Fine," she spat, turning on her heel. "But after the reunion—"

"Yes, I know," Celestia said.

Tia stormed out.

The girls all turned to stare at Celestia.

"What the HECK was THAT?!" Rainbow cried.

Before Celestia could answer, the kitchen door opened again, and two younger girls—roughly the same age as the Rainbooms—walked in.

One of them was Celestia, wearing a pink T-shirt, knee-length blue shorts, flip-flops, and her hair in a high ponytail.

The other was Luna, wearing heavy black boots, skinny black jeans, a long-sleeved black hooded sweatshirt, and far too much eyeliner and mascara.

"Hi Aunt CeCe!" the young Celestia said.

"Celie! Lulu! How wonderful to see you!" Celestia said with a smile.

"Don't call me Lulu," Lulu said.

Celie rolled her eyes. "Yes, little miss goth-pants here prefers to be called Nightmare Moon these days."

"A name as black as my soul and as dismal as my days," Nightmare Moon said.

Celestia rolled her eyes. "The goth phase, huh?" She shook her head. "Almost all the Lunas go through one."

A college-age Celestia with jet black hair, wearing black and smoking a cigarette, walked in, grabbed Lulu, and dragged her off.

"...and some of the Celestias do too," Celestia said with a sigh.

The Rainbooms looked at one another in shock. "Principal Celestia? What...what's going on here?" Sunset asked shakily.

Celestia laughed and shook her head. "It's, well..."

The hall outside filled with voices. Dozens of them, talking and laughing, a dull roar of sound.

Out of morbid curiosity, Rarity went to the door and took a look outside. She gasped theatrically.

The others followed her, peering out through a crack in the door.

The hall was full of Celestias and Lunas.

Old ones, young ones, middle-aged ones. Skinny ones, fat ones, disabled ones. Some dressed very conservatively, some dressed in skimpy, revealing clothes. Some were perky, some were goth, some were uptight, some were relaxed. A couple were hippies. There were even little girl versions of Celestia and Luna running around, laughing and playing.

"What...the...CRUD?!" Rainbow Dash cried.

"Girls, this...is my family," Celestia said. "Mine and Luna's."

Vice-Principal Luna walked in through the service entrance. "Sister? Is everything alright—oh dear. What are you girls doing here?"

"They're the catering staff, Luna," Celestia said. "And...they just stumbled onto the family secret."

Sunset shook her head as she retreated into the relative safety of the kitchen, occupied only by the Luna and Celestia she knew and their mother. "I...I don't understand," she said. "What...what IS all this?"

Celestia sighed. "Girls, our family...it's...well...different."

"No male children have ever been born into our family," Luna said. "Every single child born to a Celestia or a Luna is a Celestia or a Luna. All identical."

"It's been going on for about...oh...fifteen generations?" Celestia guessed. "It tends to confuse people outside the family."

"Heck fire, it confuses people INSIDE the family!" their mother cackled.

"Goodness," Fluttershy said.

Sunset's eyes shrank to pinpricks. "But...it isn't possible," she said. "Genetics doesn't work that way! It's...it's just not possible!"

Celestia shrugged. "So they say, and yet here we are. You just saw it with your own eyes, right outside that door. Dozens of Celestias and Lunas of all ages."

"Most of us try to differentiate ourselves in some way, to achieve some semblance of individuality," Luna said. "Like my cousin. She's my age, but she acts like a teenager."

"And our cousin Tia," Celestia said. "Ever since we were little, she's had a stick up her—"

The door slammed open, and Tia peeked in. "Shouldn't the caterers be CATERING about now?" she demanded.

Celestia sighed. "I guess we should let you girls get back to work," she said. "Come on, Luna. Come, Mother."

"It was nice to meet you chil'ren!" Mother Celestia said, shuffling off after her daughters.

As the door swung shut, the Rainbooms all turned to look at Sunset Shimmer.

"You just had to crash Celestia's family reunion," Rainbow said.

"Ah think mah brain jes' broke," Applejack complained.

"This is the first time a party's ever thrown me," Pinkie said listlessly.

Sunset sighed. "Look, let's just...let's just get through this and then...go somewhere and drink bleach until we forget we ever saw any of this, okay?"

The girls swiftly completed their preparations, then started loading everything up to take out into the hall. Just as they opened the kitchen doors, they bumped into a Celestia and a Luna, both in their twenties, both with numerous piercings...twined around each other in a passionate embrace, kissing each other hungrily.

The Rainbooms froze in their tracks.

"NOPE!" Rainbow Dash yelped, fleeing the party hall as fast as her feet would carry her.

Author's Note

This is the culprit.