You Do Not Give Celestia Any Chocolate Cake
A bipedal being, dressed in a fine black tuxedo was sat on a fancy red arm chair before a large white marble table. He lay deep within a beautiful white castle atop a massive mountain, which overlooked much of the magical small horse land known as Equestria. Though to be politically correct, the small horses referred to themselves as ponies.
Even the big horses called themselves ponies.
On the table before him was a huge, most delicious chocolate cake. Your delicious chocolate cake. For you were this strange bipedal being among small sapient alien horse people. Yes, you were a human with a delicious chocolate cake.
"Can…. can I have a slice, Mr. human?" spoke a sweet angelical voice.
You growled angrily as you turned around to see the beautiful, alabaster god pony known as Princess Celestia, who was looking at you with pleading doggy eyes.
You crossed your arms whilst you fixed her with an angry glare. "No way! The chocolate cake is mine!"
"But…. but I want cake," she said in a low, weak voice.
"I said no!" you growled angrily.
Suddenly she stared at you with her lips pouted adorably. "Please Anon… can’t I have just one slice?" she said softly.
"NO!" you roared as you slammed your hands on the table. "The cake is all mine! You don’t get a single slice!"
Celestia sniffled as tears began to form in her eyes. "Why….. you’re an evil cunt! I just want one slice of delicious chocolate cake! Is that too much to ask?"
"Yes! Now, I shall eat all this delicious chocolate cake right in front of you! And not give you a single crumb!" you said evilly.
Celestia gasped in shock.
"Mwahahaha!" you laughed maniacally as lightning inexplicably struck. "Now, you will know true suffering!" you said as you took a silver spoon out from your pocket. "As you shall watch me eat this lovely cake all to myself!"
Suddenly Celestia’s mane became bright orange as it blazed with searing fire, that radiated an intense heat, along with flashing lightning bolts blasting out from her hair. Her eyes glowed bright red in pure rage.
"NO! AS THE ALICORN GODDESS OF THE SUN I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME A SLICE OF CAKE OR I WILL DESTROY YOU! YOU WEAK INSIGNIFICANT INSECT!" she roared in the traditional royal canterlot voice.
"Hah, you don’t scare me!" you said with a smug grin.
"YOU DIE NOW PATHETIC HUMAN!"
With that Celestia blasted you in the head with a golden particle beam out from her horn…. but somehow you remained unaffected with not even a burn mark on your fancy suit.
"What…. but how?! You should be vaporized human!" she shouted in disbelief.
"Bitch please! I got plot armor! Now, if you excuse me, I got a cake to eat!"
With that you dug your spoon into the cake to begin eating it.
"Please…. Anon….. give me a little piece of cake," she said in a low, broken voice as tears streamed down her cheeks.
"No," you said quietly as you brought the spoon to your mouth. "Mmm! This cake is delicious."
Celestia wailed in grief as you laughed evilly while you ate the cake.
***
Sometime later, Celestia was now lying on the floor in a puddle of her own tears as she watched you finish off the last bit of cake.
"Mmm. That cake was so nice."
"Why did you do this?! Why could you not share that cake with me!" she screamed in anguish.
"Because I loved that cake. Just like I love all cakes!" You stood up with an evil grin on your face. "All your cakes will belong to me!" you said in a deep, evil voice.
"No…. you can’t!" she shouted.
"Oh, but I can! My powers grow stronger and stronger! " your eyes began glowing red. "Soon, nopony in all the world shall have cake!"
"Nooooooooooooo!" she screamed.
****
Celestia opened her eyes to find herself lying in bed at the dead of Luna's lavender night.
"Phew!“ she wiped the sweat off her forehead with a hoof. "It was just a dream."
Celestia belly growled. "Looks like somepony needs a midnight snack," she said with a nasty smirk as she patted her belly with a hoof.
With that Celestia flashed her horn with golden light, followed shortly by vanishing in a blinding flash of light.
****
When Celestia appeared before you she had screamed in horror at you, due to seeing you sat at the kitchen table with a delicious chocolate cake in front of you.
"No…. it can’t be!" she shouted.
You sighed sadly, which earned you a confused look from Celestia.
"Oh… I see," you said in a low voice as you stood up. "Well, enjoy the cake I made for you anyway."
You turned away, but stopped when you felt a silky soft touch on your shoulder. When you turned around, you saw Celestia looking at you in shock.
"Wait… you baked this delicious chocolate cake for me?" she said awestruck with her eyes sparkling in joy.
"Yes of course! What do you take me for? Some sort of sadist cunt that does not share cake with such a sexy pony princess like you?!" you shouted angrily.
"Well… in my dream you were such a cunt."
"I made this cake so a loser like me could have a chance to fuck that amazing massive fat butt of yours! But, I guess it was a waste of time! Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go home now to my own universe, so I can fantasize while masturbating and crying over you, and wish as if this cake did get me to tap your sweet ass."
"But… Anon, you will get to tap my sweet ass!" she shouted.
"Huh? What?!" you said, most bewildered.
"Shut up and kiss me you stupid romantic ape from beyond time and space!" she shouted as she lunged forward.
With that Celestia lifted you off the floor with her front hooves to begin metaphorically kissing your face off.
And you got to tap that sweet ass of her’s tonight.
The End
