The room was upside down.
The whole damned library.
Up. Side. Down.
Spike drew in a quiet breath, standing in the doorway, comic books in claw, peering in at Twilight and Trixie, who were sitting with their backs to each other. The entirety of the inside of the library had flipped on itself, so technically, they were sitting on the ceiling. Or, would that technically be the floor? Spike groaned. Regardless of the technical aspects of it, the two unicorns were sitting in opposite ends of the library, forelegs crossed, glaring at the wall.
"Welcome home, Spike. How was the comic convention?" asked Trixie, Twilight's voice flooding from her mouth.
"Yes, Spike, how WAS the convention? Did you get hurt? Did you break your arms and legs? Did you forget how to open doors and feed yourself?" growled Twilight, with Trixie's voice spilling past her lips. One of the books on the shelf sprouted chicken legs and hopped onto the floor. It raced out of the room.
"I was just a little worried, okay?!" barked Trixie, who turned towards Twilight, watching as the purple mage jumped up and chased after the book, disappearing into the kitchen.
"A LITTLE worried?! None of this would have happened if you were just a LITTLE worried, Twilight!" Twilight screamed back from the kitchen.
Spike sighed. He did not care.
Slowly, the little dragon took his comic books, and started up the staircase. Downstairs, the duo continued to yell at each other. Spike continued to not care. Suddenly he was tired. So very, very tired.
"I'M NOT THE ONE WHO BROKE THE 7TH SEAL AND READ FROM THE OBSIDIAN BOOK!" screamed Trixie (Twilight?) from downstairs.
"NO, YOUR THE ONE WHO OPENED THE PORTAL TO THAT HORRIBLE MONKEY DIMENSION!" screamed Twilight from downstairs.
"THAT'S 'YOU'RE THE' ...WAIT...WHY CAN WE SEE THAT?!!" screamed one of the horses downstairs .
Spike still didn't care. Upstairs, there were exactly forty-seven garden gnomes scattered all over the floor. He made his way over to his basket, stepping over each one carefully. Once he made it to his bed, he slowly pulled out his blanket, and unfolded it neatly. He took his time, taking great care not to pay any attention to the cacophony of chaos coming from downstairs. On the bed, a club sandwich quietly watched his every move.
He shuddered. He was allergic to pickles.
He grabbed all the latest comics he'd gathered from the convention and put them on the blanket, turning it into a bindle. He found it was often best to just avoid asking questions all together and right now he had lots of questions. None of which he was sure he wanted to hear the answers to. Downstairs, something exploded. Didn't matter. He wasn't going to let his curiosity drag him into whatever was happening. He snatched a picture off the nightstand of himself and Twilight and added it to the bindle. Was that everything? He had everything, right? Now if he could jus- Wait, no. His toothbrush.
With a quiet sigh, the little dragon turned and sauntered into the bathroom to grab the last item he needed. At the door, he paused when the toilet turned towards him with a big and toothy grin.
"Soon..." whispered the toilet. Spike slowly backed out of the room. Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.
He bounced down the staircase, idly wondering why it had a railing on it, but he shook the question from his mind. He didn't want to spend anymore time thinking about...whatever it was that happened in the library. In the living room Trixie and Twilight were still screaming at each other. Still sitting on the ceiling. Wait, did that mean he was upside down too? The tree looked normal when he stepped into it. It was only when he passed the threshold of the doo- He stopped himself. He was thinking about it again. Nope. In front of him, the two unicorns raved.
"THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS! JUST FIND DISCORD AND TRADE YOUR POWERS BACK! " Trixie snarled.
"IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! YOU'D THINK IF I COULD CONTROL IT, WOULDN'T I HAVE FIXED THE LIBRARY BY NOW?! " Twilight snapped in response, her words floating up from her mouth as if a speech bubble in a comic. Spike rolled his eyes, and adjusted the bindle on his shoulder, waiting for the two of them to notice him standing at the bottom of the staircase. Which really was the top of the stair case. Or, wait, no. No no no. Just. Leave.
"Spike? Where are you going?" Twilight asked, who now had Twilight's normal voice.
Which was nice.
"Yeah, we have got the BEST story! You gotta hear abou-" Trixie began but Spike held up a claw.
"NOPE," said Spike. Trixie frowned in confusion.
"You DON'T want to hear about ho-" she asked before Spike quickly shook his head.
"STILL NOPE," said Spike firmly, holding up a claw in a stopping motion.
"But we-" Twilight began, before Spike zipped over to her and put a single claw on her lips. Shhh.
"Nope. I woke up this morning, and said to myself: Spike? What are you willing put up with today? NONE of this was on that list, Twilight. None of it! Do you know the upstairs toilet can talk? It's got a face and everything. That is all kinds of wrong. I put up with a lot Twilight, okay? I do, I really do, but talking toilets? No. Nope. Nu-uh. Not happening, na-da. The line has been drawn! I'm goin' to Applejack's until this is done! GOOD DAY, MA'AM!"
"But Spike listen-" Trixie began.
"I SAID GOOD DAY MA'AM!!" Spike barked. And with that he turned around and marched out the door. Neither of them could blame him.
Author's Note
I was in a REALLY goofy mood.
It's 5:08 am. This is what you get.
I would sleep if I could. u.u
Epilogue by Mane-Iac because it really made me giggle.
Later that day, there was a knock upon the Apple family's door. Spike opened it to reveal a pair of smiling ponies.
"All done, Spike! Unless you're already set up to spend the night here with Applejack, we are ready to have you back home."
"You got the toilet?" Spike asked.
"And the killer tomatoes, and the singing plant, and the plastic army figures who were drilling in the kitchen, AND the weird light in the closet," Trixie said proudly. "And the tentacle monster. Which was nothing like the tentacle monster in that comic I bought for you! Just a regular tentacle monster."
"Oh, and the monkey dimension," finished Twilight. "We sent that Heston guy back into it as well."
"How about the garden gnomes?" Spike inquired.
"Garden gnomes?" Trixie and Twilight glanced at each other, then looked back to Spike. "What garden gnomes?"
Without a word, Spike gently closed the door in their faces.
