Equestrian Days of a Human Mage

"Shall we begin?"

Celestia was surprisingly intimidating for a pony, though it might have had something to do with the fact that her horn was about the same size as a machete.

She pulled out the chair directly to my right with her magic, encasing it in a golden glow and turning it to me.

"Yes, uh, let's." I replied, Trying to turn mine to face hers. Is it Tyrant-lestia, or god forbid... Molestia, I was quaking in my proverbial boots at the possibilities. That pressure I talked about seemed to be amplified whenever she cast something which made me feel like letting loose my breakfast all over her face.

"What are you?" She asked pulling up my hand with magic examining it.

"Human or Homo Sapien if you wanna get technical and latiny." The smile left her face for a moment but it was barely noticeable. You already know this you sly bitch.

"How is it you seem to be speaking Equish right now?" Celestia queried, a bemused expression on her features.

"Our languages seem to be very similar, May I ask a question?" Celestia nodded, "can you write a sentence of Equish for me please?" Celestia looked at me oddly then obliged, showing me some illegible signs, dashing my hopes of reading for a while.

Celestia picked up on the change of expression on my face, "What is the matter, James?"

"Oh well it's jus- Wait... how do you know my name?" Celes- you know what, I'll just call her Tia from this point onwards.

Tia levitated my bag, which I wasn't aware was there until she lifted it up to eye level, "that word is always the first thing that comes up when I scry this, you were in possession of it so I assumed this belonged to you."

"Oh," well that was rather simple, I was expecting something more.

"well it's just that I was hoping we had the same written language but all I can see is a jumble of symbols," that and I'm in a cartoon for five years old girls, her 'handwriting' was shocking as well, surely the pony in charge of moving a damn star is capable of neat writing?

"I see..." Celestia let the hints of amusement crawl onto her face,"I could ask my student to help you learn our writing language?"

"Oh so you'll just get Twilight to do it?" I blurted out, just realising my mistake as Celestia's eyes narrowed.

"How do you know her name?"

Shit, I dun goofed.

"Umm... I said wracking my brain for a reply, "I woke up before and heard those six girls talking and they called the purple one Twilight and she had wings and a horn like you?" I mentally crossed my fingers hoping she would buy it.

"Ah, I see," fuck yes, she bought it, "so I'll take that as a yes to learning from her?"

"Yes, I'd love to," I get to learn Pony language from best pony, this was the first time I was ever looking forward to a foreign languages lesson.

We talked more exchanging questions rapidly, she would ask about history, politics, and technology, while I asked about magic primarily. She seemed to genuinely understand the idea of physics even though ninety-per cent of it was thrown out of the window here, according to the show at least. I can just see it now,  Newton's laws of MLPity. One, all rules no longer count if Pinkie is involved.

"Do you have any more questions?" Her eye twitched, she knows something and she's not gonna tell me.

"Can you get someone to teach me magic?" Her eyes widened at that, then the motherly smile from earlier returning to her features.

"Of course, I believe my student would happily take you on." Her smile turned mischievous, is she turning me and the others into some sort of test?

"Kay, can we like hurry this along, Princess? I stated, impatiently tapping my fingers against the arm of the chair.

"I shall grant you freedom on two conditions." She suddenly took a serious tone. Ok, we have super overprotective Tia here.

"Fire away." She snorted at that, holding a hoof to her mouth to suppress a giggle.

She regained her composure quickly, "very well then, the first condition is that you, unless I say otherwise, do not tell any of my ponies the details of this conversation."

"...And secondly, you and your two companions shall abide by Equestrian law while you are with us."

I nodded, thanking Tia for the conversation as I pulled my chair back into place.

"I hope to talk to you again Tia," I said as I made my way to the door.

"Likewise, my friend," she said before teleporting off, hey she called me a friend, score one for the biped.

I burst through the door, causing it to slam against the wall with an almighty crash. Heh, always wanted to do that. Not specifically this door but you get what I mean.

I could hear a commotion as I turned a corner, and I saw Nancy and Mark hogtied back to back in front of the Mane Six, the arguing coming to a stop as I whistled loudly for attention.

"Ahem, you girls run along, the Princess said we can go now." I magically ripped apart the ropes holding my friends pulling them up to their feet, to find the mane six still there and Rainbow Dash was looking irritated to say the least.

"The Tartarus are you supposed to be, a bald ape?" The pony in question asked pushing her face up to his,magenta eyes meeting hazel, I pushed her away with a finger to the muzzle and replied in kind.

"What are you supposed to be, an eighty's cartoon character?" Mark let loose a light chuckle the inside joke. "No talking about human culture unless Tia says so" Mark didn't look overly surprised, while Nancy just shrugged in a 'whatever' fashion.

In the corner of my view I could see Twilight sag, disappointedly putting away the notebook and quill she had with her into the baby blue saddlebags she had on her side, each one had a pin that resembled her cutie mark.

"You met Sunbutt?" Mark was then slapped around the head with a cyan wing.

"Her name's Princess Celestia, ya..." She searched for an insult, "thingy..." She trailed, scowling.

Skittle-head growled before zooming off through a window.

The orange farm pony took of her stetson holding it to her chest, "ah'm mighty sorry 'bout earlier, it was nuthin' personal. I was just doin' what ah thought needed to be done," she looked up at me, unintentionally giving me the puppy dog eyes treatment, "don't be too harsh on Dash either, she's just angry that Twah an' the others yelled at her for knocking y'all out fer no good reason."

Oh yeah, before this story goes on I need to clarify that I'm the ultimate sucker for cuteness. I had to actively restrain myself from hugging her till she popped.

Don't look at me like that, I was at the mercy of a cute little farmer pony with a stetson, there was no other course of action.

Smiling, at the genuine and sincere apology from Applejack, I knelt down to pony level so I wasn't looking down on her, no problem, miss... Applejack, I believe?" She nodded holding a hoof out, with a similar smile plastered on her face and I accepted the hoofshake handshake, whatever it was. "So, who are the rest of you?" I lied between my teeth. She placed her hat back to it's rightful place before trotting off.

Pinkie was the second to greet me in her uhh...unique manner by somehow unzipping my bag from the inside and hopping out of it, "Hi I'm Pinkie Pie and *GASP* you look like the people over there!" She said, pointing a hoof at the bookshelf to the left of us," she launched out of my bag flipping then landing perfectly on her hooves, "oh, oh, now they're over there!" As soon as I let her out of my sight she pounced Mark, asking how he felt about parties and the like. Nancy left to go to bed because of some weird back pains she said she was bitching about.

"Hello," the purple alicorn before me said with childish glee, "my name is Twilight Sparkle, I'm going to house you three for the time being, though I'd also like to be your friend so I'd like to get to know you more comfortably tomorrow, as today I have to plan Summer Wrap Up for the town." Huh, Summer Wrap Up? Didn't know that was a thing.

She was exerting a similar pressure to Tia, although it was nowhere near as intense.

Twilight took my phone from her saddlebags, giving it back to me, "that device is fascinating, showing that  image of a Nebula, do you know the name of it?" She was pointing to the background I had on my phone's screen saver, so far she was very similar to her personification on the show but, somehow she seemed far less cheerful... huh? She just seemed generally more subdued.

"They're called 'The Pillars of Creation'."

Rarity was... well Rarity, she was constantly checking me and Mark out as he walked about and as I found a book on basic pyromancy, thankfully the pictures gave enough of an explanation. I was soon throwing uncontrolled little flares making sure they weren't large enough to be a problem.

Plasmid unlocked: INCINERATE. Heh

Fluttershy was far too scared seeing as Nancy thought it would be funny to show off her canines before she left. She whispered a "H-hi..." from behind her pink mane before trotting off down the hall after the rest of them. HHHHHHNNNGGG, too cute.

Twilight was waiting outside for us. "Do you want food? We still have some leftovers from Hayburger?" A princess going to Pony McDonald's, why am I not surprised about this?

"We can't eat hay." Twilight 's expression turned slightly worried.

"You're carnivores?" She asked with morbid curiosity as we started walking.

I shook my head "Nope we're omnivores, we can eat meat, fruit and some vegetables but not much else."

She visually relaxed at that, "I'm sorry to say but your meat diets will be restricted to poultry and fish, seeing as anything else is sentient.

I shrugged, "it doesn't matter I was never overly into meat." I lied, I fucking love a juicy, bloody, near-raw steak but I didn't want to worry her or anyone else, thinking I was some sort of feral beast and risk a damn lynch mob chasing me.

After a while of walking through empty corridors I turned to the small alicorn, "my name's James by the way." She perked up at that a smile gracing her lips, "you know you're going to be teaching me magic from now on don't you?" Her smile grew wider after that.

Shaking her head she replied, "no, actually" she became panicked, "oh no, I don't have a plan, and if I don't have a plan, the lesson will go bad and if the lesson goes bad then you'll hate me and..." She yelped as I hoisted her up holding her in my arms like a small dog, she was surprisingly light.

"Tell me which directions to go." She was about to say something in response as I cut her off as I scratched her ear causing her to melt into my chest, cooing softly as I scratched. She pointed which way to go before I let her down. She let out a frustrated groan before we continued on in silence.

We finally arrived at the rooms we were given and I just lobbed my crap onto the bed, there wasn't much in there anyway, I was about to just go pass out on the bed when Twilight tapped me on the back to get my attention,"thanks for earlier, by the way."

"No problem," I replied as I opened the door, ready to collapse onto the bed.

"I'll be just around the corner if you need me." Twilight trotted off giving me a really nice view of her...

"Nope." I slammed the door shut and fell asleep as soon as I made contact with the bed.

Some time later Mark came in, accompanied by the purple princess.

"That was surprisingly nice," Mark smiled, bits of dark pink mane, stuck in his hair. "They take anything else from your bag?" Looks like he partied with Pinkie up close, if you catch my drift.

"My bag still has everything in it, I checked after Pinkie did her thing to it."

Twilight was getting well acquainted with her reflection as she refused to meet my eyes, instead prefering the well polished crystalline floor.

"I may have taken something else for research purposes," she grinned sheepishly, her eyes never wavering from the floor as she traced it with her front hoof.

I raised an eyebrow, "what did you take?"

"It...umm, looked kinda like a book so I took it. Sorry." she spat out quickly and turned as if I was about to hit her. She must have some sort of ingrained response to predators.

"Ok. You can have it until you've read it but please give it back when you're finished." Her ears perked up and she relaxed again.

"Thank you, I'll make sure not to crease it or anything," she beamed. "Well, goodnight."  We both replied in kind as she teleported off.

"What time is it, couldn't be bothered to check." I asked, picking at a bit of dead skin. Mark took a quick glance at his watch, the protective glass covering the mechanism was largely cracked but the watch was still usable.

"Nine thirty. Hey, where are you going?" He shouted as I was already on my way down the hall.

"To go vent my frustrations." I growled, basic pyromancy was about to become VERY useful.

=======《???》=======

Discord was perfecting his masterpiece in darkness, in the ancient halls he built eons ago. In his sanctuary's halls no wind would blow, no light could illuminate, no unchosen soul could tread. It was hard to imagine that within these solemn halls, the perfect chaos was hidden.

Celestia appeared in a flash of light, drawing the attention of Discord away from the strange ball positioned on the table. Throwing a pair of dice backwards, he rolled double snake eyes which the rest of his face suddenly merged into. "Ah, Celly you wouldn't happen to know what day it is, I seem to have forgotten, you see and I don't want to worry Fluttershy." A mischievous grin plastered onto his face all the while.

Celestia sighed, shaking her head, "Discord, your, uggh subjects have made their way here." She said the word 'subjects' with abject disgust.

The Draconequus' face morphed into one emotion which Celsetia never would have though she would see from him, shock. The shock faded, a now ecstatic and almost giddy smile spreading across his face.

"How many?" He asked, his smile widening

"Three." He chuckled at her response.

"Well," he uttered, slowly moving away from his fellow immortal, "perhaps I should pay my little abominations a visit." He laughed somewhat maniacally as he teleported away, causing loud echoes to penetrate the halls.

Celestia, alone in the relative darkness, was looking up at the blue and brown orb discord was playing with earlier before trotting over to it, etched into the table below it was one word, written in ancient Equestrian.

EARTH