Princess Celestia sat down on the floor next to her pouting sister. "How are you, Luna?" she asked, in her characteristically gentle tone.
"Everything is fine, thank you," said Princess Luna, in a voice that suggested otherwise. "And how do you fare, dear sister?"
"I can't complain," said Celestia, wearing a peaceful half-smile on her muzzle, as always. "Although I don't have any gossip to share, I'm afraid," she joked flatly.
Luna grimaced and sighed. "I am sorry to have my bile up in this manner, Celestia. I am simply displeased with the 'guidelines' under which our private meetings are presently enforced."
"Well, perhaps this dawn's tea will cheer you up," said Princess Celestia, as she methodically prepared the small kotatsu table between her and her sister. Ever since last week's unfortunate incident, tea before sunup had become a ritual for the two alicorns.
"It is not proper," said Luna, leaning back against the bed as she frowned. "A princess of Equestria, confined to her room like a common criminal! I should not stand for this."
"Patience, Luna," said Celestia. "I understand how much you detest any form of confinement, but it is a temporary situation. And this time, I'm afraid I must err on the side of caution, and agree with the physicians."
"You would," huffed Luna. "Egads, those bombastic court foals and their outlandish terminology! What perverse label did they use, again?"
"A psychotic break," Celestia calmly replied, as she placed tea leaves into the infuser. "It isn't meant to be an insult. It refers to a temporary loss of sanity brought on by stress. To be fair, given the current state of the palace grounds..."
Luna shook her head. "Sister, my thoughts seethe with vexation. Had I simply kept details of the Tantabus private, it is likely there would be no need for this examination," she grumbled under her breath, lowering her gaze to the table. "All things were perfectly under control..."
"Luna," said Celestia, reaching out with a hoof. The elder pony lifted her younger sister's chin, forcing her to look her in the eye. "It's going to be okay. Nopony has everything under control, not all of the time. Even princesses have limits. It's far better that something like this come to our attention now, than later, after it has had more time to fester."
Luna closed her eyes and snorted. For a minute or two, the sisters sat in stillness.
"Do you wish to talk about it?" asked Celestia, finally breaking the silence.
"Talk? About what?" said Luna, blinking her eyes a few times as she awoke from a daydream.
"Your recovery from the Tantabus, sister," said Celestia.
Luna rolled her eyes. "Please, Celie. You are not my therapist. Besides, we both know there are more important things which require your attention."
"This is true," said Celestia, very gently. "However, I am your sister, and as your sister I care about what you're going through. You've been causing pain to yourself with this Tantabus ever since you regained your mantle. It went on for almost two full years, Luna."
Luna shook her head. "It helped me, Celie. It made me feel adequate, as a pony, when nothing else could," said Luna. "I do not expect you to understand this... and, forthwith? I am truly grateful that you are unable to do so."
Celestia nodded gently as she checked on the tea. "I don't expect to understand what you're going through, but I'd at least like to know why you're so unhappy now. The pain has finally left you, has it not?" she said, replacing the lid.
"Yes, however... the quandary is difficult to put into words," said Luna. "The pain provided me with a comfort, sister. It allowed me to feel as though I was doing all a pony could, in order to make amends for the past."
"You don't need to make amends, Luna. I forgave you ten centuries ago," said Celestia. "All of that lies dead. It is literally ancient history."
"Yes, yes, I know; yet..." said Luna. She paused to collect her thoughts. "Try to consider this, if you would. All circumstances contain veiled perks, even the most terrible ones. When something major in one's life changes, though the change may remove a sickness, along with it disappear those hidden benefits. In such a manner, one can unknowingly become addicted to unusual things; even to pain and suffering."
Celestia nodded again, listening attentively.
"I foalishly convinced myself that enduring pain meant I was strong. But now that things have returned to normal, I realize my pretense for what it was: a false image of perseverance used to veil a fragile heart," said Luna, her muzzle scrunched up in irritation. "No longer can I blame all of my woes on a single poor decision. I must own up to the fact that I am vulnerable; and as a flawed pony, that I will continue to make painful mistakes."
As Luna spoke, Celestia's eyes unfocused, as though she were looking through her sister rather than at her.
"Sister?" said Luna.
"Oh, I'm sorry," said Celestia. "I was lost in thought for a moment. Please, continue."
"That is all. I am... uncomfortable discussing this further while I am still in withdrawal from my crutch," said Luna, and she covered her face with her hooves. "I can feel things again, and it is overwhelming."
Celestia waited a moment before speaking. "How do you like your tea?"
Luna looked up, with a curious expression. "Is my sister serious?" she asked. "The same as always, of course. Straight up."
"Of course. I apologize, Luna. Force of habit from too many diplomatic meetings," Celestia explained. "I am accustomed to asking as a courtesy, even when the answer is obvious." The princess poured herself and her sister a cup, sat the kettle down, and added lemon to her own.
Luna sipped at her tea, and carefully studied her sister's face. "Habit; but naturally. Even now, I can only see the Knight. It is like the pony beneath stays forever hidden, in these latter days," she said.
"The Knight?" inquired Celestia, between sips.
"Do you not remember our game of Knight and Knave from so long ago, Celie?" Luna asked. "You: the still and gentle waters, always receptive and diplomatic; neigh-emotionless apart from that soft and elegant expression of serenity you host on your muzzle at this very moment. I, however: the fire and wrath of anger unbridled; punishment dire for lack of cooperation, held back only by your grace."
"Oh, of course," said Celestia, and for a moment, the tiniest lift to the corner of her lips enhanced her gentle smile. "These days we call it 'Good Guard, Bad Guard'. It is taught primarily to soldiery in dealing with suspects of crime. I made certain you were credited with its invention, by the way. Even today, the texts refer to your mastery of the art."
Luna smiled broadly. "This pleases me! I daresay, I do make a most excellent Knave."
"Indeed you do. Even after a thousand years, I clearly remember the looks of horror and regret on the faces of our rivals. Each and every time you would bring out the Royal Canterlot Voice and that fierce, impassioned look in your eyes..." said Celestia.
"With such immediacy they would pine for your gentle demeanor, that which they so crudely spurned mere moments to the previous!" grinned Luna. "We shall have to reprise our roles sometime, Celie, if circumstances permit. Although, I feel compelled to note that we are steering away from my original topic."
Princess Celestia took an unusually long, slow sip of tea before speaking. "Which was?" she asked.
"Wherefore you are always the Knight, dear sister," answered Luna.
Celestia's brow furrowed a little. "I'm not certain I understand. I excel at the Knight, as you do at the Knave, so it seems straightforward. Would you like to try switching roles sometime, for fun? Not during actual negotiations, of course."
Luna shook her head. "That is not my meaning. I am asking, why are you the Knight, presently, before me at this very moment? As I speak with you, good Knight: where has my true sister gone? You used to let your mane down, Celie. I used to see your real face, hear your beautiful laugh, see you cry..."
"This is me, Luna. It's who I am," said Celestia. The gentle, practiced smile faded from her lips as her jaw muscles clenched, ever-so-slightly. "Being the head of state for more than a millennium has given me practice in certain virtues: patience, humility, tranquility. I am not hiding from you, sister. If anything, you are the one hiding from me. This 'Tantabus' thing..."
"Celestia, please," said Luna. "The Tantabus has nothing to do with my query. I have already borne my soul enough for now. It would be nice to talk about my sister a bit, if only for a change of pace."
"I don't see how talking about me would be productive in the least," Celestia quipped, staring down at her teacup. "But, it is only sisterly for me to be accommodating. Please, continue." The soft smile returned to her muzzle.
Luna pursed her lips for a moment. "I can respect that as head of state, it may be useful to the common pony to see you thus: the visage of a polished statue of marble and flowing opal, neigh; a living goddess!" Luna said, without the slightest hint of sarcasm. "But this is not so useful to your friends and family. It is not to me; it is not to Twilight Sparkle. Celie, that little pony... do you not realize? After all these years, she still has no idea who you really are."
"My calm exterior suits Twilight Sparkle perfectly fine," said Celestia. "I inspire her, even now that she has surpassed many of my teachings. What more could I offer her than a shining example to look up to?" Celestia tilted back her half-empty cup and swallowed the remaining tea in a single quick gulp, then quickly lifted the kettle with her magic to pour another.
"You could offer your true self, unguarded," said Luna. "At the very least, Celie, you could offer it to me."
Princess Celestia closed her eyes. "One thousand years is a very long time, dear sister. Perhaps your idea of who I am is... outdated," she said, clearly punctuating the last word. "I am the pony you see before you, nothing more, nothing less." The smile remained, but one corner of her lip twitched.
"Then the rumors are true?" asked Luna, in hushed tones. "You no longer laugh with bravado? No longer can you weep?"
"Luna, enough of this!" said Celestia, as her wings unfurled and her pleasant look immediately switched to an angry glare. "These questions are beginning to insult me."
"I see," said Luna, who then took a moment to finish drinking from her own cup. "My curiosity was not meant to be received as an insult, sister."
Celestia sighed and held a hoof to her temple. "I know. But, I believe I have had enough tea for this morning," she said, and stood up from the table. "I do look forward to our meeting tomorrow, as always," she added, the polished smile of zen once again returning to her delicate face.
Luna stood up. "As do I. And, Celie... I pray it does not offend, but perhaps tomorrow, if I open up to you further regarding the progress with my addiction... you might be open to discussing yourself just a bit more?"
"Perhaps," Celestia whispered, turning away from her sister to look out the window. The newly-installed metal bars made the night sky itself look like a prisoner, but the dark silhouettes of the damaged and charred castle gardens were all the princess noticed.
Luna nodded and walked to the door, then knocked at it. Sounds of scraping metal bolts preceded the opening of the door. The hallway outside was filled with guards.
"Until then, be well, my sister," Luna said, and she stepped outside Celestia's room.
As Princess Celestia heard the sounds of her bedchamber door being closed and heavily bolted from the outside, she turned her gaze away from the once-lush epicenter of her fury. It was fortunate she'd been alone with her sister when she learned that Luna had been torturing herself with the Tantabus. Celestia's rage had been every bit as swift and severe as it was mindless.
So she lay down upon her bed, and with her face buried in her legs, Princess Celestia quietly cried a few small tears.
It wasn't much. But for the first time in centuries, it was a start.
