I Have Vacation Days?!

by The Shadow Brony

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Other, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 312553

Two vampires and a weird cat-man are in Equestria at different time periods. Shit goes down.

((Some chapters contain rather graphic rape scenes. You have been warned.))

((Also, we went back and added the Hellsing Abridged opening to each chapter. Give ya a bit more of the Team Four Star feel.))

Thomas Lancaster and his friends Chloe and Alex Anderson thought they were just buying really good props from that creepy merchant. Now they're in Equestria as the characters they dressed as. Thomas must tangle with the bloodlust of Alucard. Chloe has to contend with Seras' struggle with bloodthirst. And Alex... Well, he's Schrodinger so he's the asshole.

“Sup bitches? You might know me as the one and only CrimsonFuckr, also known as Alucard. Now, I wasn’t always a badass vampire tied to a necromancing girl with a blood drinking fetish, but hey, them’s the breaks, right? Well, at least I have my little protege/master, my old best friend and her annoying twin brother to keep me company. Buckle up kiddos, this is gonna be a hell of a ride. Get it? Because I’m a vampire? …. It’s funny.”

“No it isn’t.”

“Shut up Twilight your face isn’t funny! Anyways! The following is a fan based fiction. Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and- y’know what, fuck this. Hey Police Girl, we got our shit with the lawyers settled, right?”

“Yeah? Why?”

“Okay, just making sure! Ahem: Blah blah blah fanfiction, blah blah blah MLP:FiM is owned by Hasbro, blah blah blah, Hellsing Ultimate, blah blah blah Hellsing Abridged and Team Four Star, blah blah blah official release. ”

“How did you manage to make one word sound so dirty?”

"Practice."

((Displaced story cowritten with Jsyrin Enjoy))

Published 2015-08-08 20:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-10 13:33:17 UTC

Something's Burning

Thomas Lancaster spun in place and took in the sights and sounds of MCM London Comic Con. Truly, it was heaven on earth for a man like him. Beside him was a pair of twins, one his best friend, the other her brother. The three of them had decided to do a group cosplay this year, or at least try for one, and had gone as, respectively, Alucard of Hellsing Ultimate, Seras Victoria, and Schrodinger.

“So, Chloe, what are we gonna do today?” Thomas asked, looking around from behind orange tinted sunglasses.

Chloe smirked, “Same thing we do every day, Thomas. Try to take over the world.”

“Bah! You and your American cartoons, I swear,” Thomas grumbled good-naturedly. Chloe merely giggled and skipped away, fake breasts bouncing with every step. Thomas watched her go, shaking his head.

“Honestly Alex, you think she’d’a chosen Integra as a cosplay but no, she had to choose the one cosplay that required her to go get a massive pair of fake knockers. What’s up with that?”

Alex, Chloe’s twin, shrugged, “My sis is a bit of a loon, as you can tell. What’m I supposed to do about it?”

After a few moments of standing around, both men realized that Chloe had left and took off after her, forcing their way through the crowds and finally coming upon Chloe buying an absolutely perfect Harkonnen prop at some creepy Merchant’s booth. Thomas clapped a hand on Chloe’s shoulder, panting lightly in his costume. “Whew, hah… found you…”

Chloe merely blinked at the sight of her friend and her brother panting. “What, did you two forget to follow me or something? Anyway, look at this beauty! Only thirty pounds, too!”

“Wow… that’s spectacularly cheap for something so accurate and well made,” Alex muttered, turning around and finding, of all things, an SS knife with the words ‘Meine Ehre heißt Treue’ inscribed upon it. “Well hello gorgeous…” he whispered, whipping out his wallet and holding up the knife, “How much for the knife, my good sir?”

“Twenty pound,” the creepy man replied, a thick Russian accent spilling through. Alex paid for the knife as Thomas looked over the wares, eyes sliding from prop to prop until they finally came to rest on a full scale model Jackal.

“How much for the gun?” Thomas asked, picking up the Jackal and marvelling at its weight.

The Merchant looked up from his X-Ray and Vav comic and eyed the pistol before shrugging, “Forty pound, my friend.”

“Sweet!” Thomas exclaimed, all but shoving a wad of bills at the Merchant. As the three secured their props and gave their thanks to the Merchant, none of them saw him smirk as they turned away.

Seconds later, they all vanished from sight, one by one. First Alex, then Thomas, and finally, Chloe, who had enough time to spin around and stare worriedly at the smirking Merchant.

And as the crowd finally moved on from the altogether forgettable disappearance of three people, the Merchant’s booth disappeared, returning a small clothing stand back to its proper point in spacetime.

Alex, also known as Alexander Kirby Anderson, appeared in a humid and hot marsh absolutely buzzing with insect life. He shook his head, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of sensory information coming through his new ears. As he groaned, he took stock of his situation, eyes taking in the present as past and future flickered in the background.

He smirked, mentally sifting through potential timelines and futures. Oh the perks of being everywhere and nowhere at once, he thought, taking a step forward and making his appearance exactly two hundred years into the future. He continued walking, crossing millions of years in the span of singular minutes.

Alex, or rather, Schrodinger hummed to himself as he walked, the dulcet sounds of An Die Freude (Ode to Joy) echoing across spacetime.

"Freude~, schöner Götterfunken~..."

Thomas appeared in a forest just outside a small town. His guns felt a lot heavier now, but strangely enough, he could heft them even more easily than before. Curious, he drew them, his enhanced senses taking in everything around him and disorienting him for but a moment.

Taking aim at a tree with the Casull, he pulled the trigger, a bullet firing out and tearing the tree a new hole, the oddly satisfying report of a gunshot rending the air. Eyes wide, he pointed the Jackal at another tree and pulled the trigger, the bullet completely obliterating the tree and sending the top falling toward him. Reacting on instinct, he batted it aside.

Well now, that was unexpected. His tongue passed over his teeth, finding them all sharp. Grinning, he let out a chuckle, and another. And another, until finally he was laughing like a madman. Catching the scent of the townsfolk on the wind, he felt an overwhelming hunger kindle within his stomach. Turning in its direction, he grinned even wider and started running toward it, the forest around him a blur and he jumped high into the air and landed in the center of a group of people. No doubt woken by his earlier noise. Scenting the aroma that drew him coming from their veins, he laughed again. Thomas, no… Alucard, laughed loudly as he began his slaughter and feast.

Roanikstead fell in minutes, washed away in a tide of blood.

Chloe woke up halfway inside a bush, her bum pointed straight up and her face almost smothered under the weight of her now suddenly very real breasts. She extricated herself from the shrubbery, only to come face to face with a pair of somewhat irate looking men in heavy armor. She backed up, somehow sensing that both of these men could probably kill her quite easily. Chloe gulped nervously, her senses now acclimatized to the area and allowing her to hear, smell, and even see the blood pounding through their veins. Her eyes wandered to the mens’ jugular veins as her mouth watered.

Her contemplation of whether or not to just lunge forth and use her newly gained strength to tear their throats open to drink their blood was interrupted by the guard on the left coughing to gain her attention. “Ahem, excuse me ma’am, you’re trespassing. This is the private training ground of Her Royal Majesty Princess Celestia’s Infantry Corps, Baltimare Division. If you were separated from a tour group, my partner, Flash Sentry, and I would be more than happy to guide you back to the public areas.”

Chloe shook her head and stood, idly noting that her enhanced strength meant no undue stress due to her now massive breasts. “Sorry, gentlemen, I must have something stuck in my ears… did you say Baltimare? Eh, erm, also, if this doesn’t sound too weird… what country is this?”

The left guard, this one had an emblem of a blue shark printed on his pauldron she noted, looked at her strangely while the right guard, Flash Sentry, looked back and forth between the other guard and her. “You’re in Equestria, ma’am. Now, please, let’s get you back to the tour area and maybe we can call up someone to maybe treat whatever amnesia you seem to have.”

Chloe frowned and crossed her arms, deep in thought. When she spoke up, she did so with an air of conviction about her, “Gentlemen, I have every right to believe that, provided that this isn’t some practical joke… I am no longer on my home planet.”

Both guards stared at each other before bursting out into uproarious laughter, drawing the attention of another guard, this one dressed in far more elaborate armor. “Sentry! Orient! Why is there a civilian in our training grounds!?”

“S-sorry Sergeant Shield! W-we were just about to escort her back to the public areas!” The left guard, Orient or something, Chloe noted, stammered out, barely able to contain his fear.

Chloe looked at the sergeant and spoke up, stammering a little bit herself, “U-uh, sir, this may sound ridiculous… but I think I might have wound up here from another world…”

The sergeant took a good, long look at her, eyes somehow glowing a cold, steely blue. He looked her over, eyes widening after every pass, before the glow suddenly cut out and he grabbed Chloe by the arm. “Come with me, we need to speak to the Princess,” he growled out, dragging a very confused Chloe by the arm, off deeper into the training area.

Flash Sentry and his fellow new recruit, Squalus Orient, looked at each other in confusion before simultaneously shrugging and continuing on their way back to the barracks.

Alucard chuckled as he tossed his latest victim aside and turned to the only remaining occupant in the room: the wife of his latest meal. Grinning, he slowly walked toward the woman cowering in fear in the corner. “P-Please… No…” His grin only widened at her terrified pleading. Grabbing her by the throat, he picked her up and pressed her against the wall, tearing her shift off and dragging his tongue along her smooth skin. Grabbing her arms and lifting them above her head, he opened his mouth and exhaled on her throat. Letting her beg a bit more, he clamped his jaw shut. His teeth tearing through her flesh and allowing her warm blood to flow down his throat.

He let out a low groan as he drank, soon draining her completely and tossing the limp body aside. Still grinning, he walked outside, savoring the carnage he had created yet again. The last 30 years he’d done nothing but slaughter and feast, leaving bodies impaled on whatever he could find to impale them on. Sniffing the air, he caught a pair of new scents. And they smelled delicious and powerful. Letting out a dark chuckle, he sat down on a chair surrounded by corpses as a makeshift throne, awaiting the new arrivals.

From the sky descended two sisters, one shining gold with righteous fury, the other with a navy blue aura of pure, icy hatred. Celestia and Luna touched down upon the scorched earth and glared at Alucard. Both sisters were armed and armored in their respective themes of sun and moon, and as they issued their silent challenge to Alucard, they drew their weapons. Celestia pulled forth a massive broadsword of glorious, shining sunfire from the air as Luna traced out a silvery bow of moonlight and took aim at Alucard’s grinning form.

Celestia spoke, words echoing across the desolate town, “No-Life King! We stand before you today to defeat you once and for all! Surrender now and we may spare your life as is dictated by the Knight Codex of the Throne of Princess Platinum!”

Luna said nothing and merely glared further, a shaft of moonlight sliding into place on her bow and forming into a gleaming arrow.

Alucard was silent for a moment before a chuckle escaped him, followed by another, and more until he was laughing madly. “Well aren’t you a classy pair of sisters?!” He grinned as he stood from his seat, looking over the very attractive goddesses. “I’ll enjoy drinking your blood, my darling nemesi!” His form began shifting as he raised his gloved hands, sigils glowing on them. “I am the Bird of Hermes…” His form further shifted as a fel power could be felt in the air. “Here standeth the Bird of Hermes! Eating my own wings!”

Before Alucard could fully release his own power, both Celestia and Luna nodded at each other and floated into the air, a brilliant glow surrounding the both of them as a set of five stone orbs flashed into existence behind them. Immediately, a rainbow lashed out from between the two sisters and struck Alucard’s form, stripping away the power he had gained over the course of thirty years of unchecked destruction and using it to seal the vampire’s form away for as long as the power would last.

With a last scream of pure hatred, Alucard was silenced, possibly never to wander Equestria’s surface ever again.

Twilight Sparkle, protege of Princess Celestia herself, fled through the gardens of Canterlot Castle, a mob of angry, older, academy students chasing after her.

“We deserve to be Princess Celestia’s students more than you, you lowborn scum!” they cried, jeering and tossing what little magic they knew at Twilight’s feet in an attempt to trip her up. Twilight’s footing remained uncompromised, however, and the little girl only sped up, her natural talent for magic allowing her to unconsciously propel her faster, violet tears streaming from her eyes as she fled from the bullies that had been haranguing her for weeks.

Her vision blurred as one of the bullies managed to score a glancing blow with a thrown rock, and she tripped, tumbling through one of the walls in the hedge maze that was the central garden, and rolling to a halt at the feet of a stone statue, her head cracking against its surface and leaving a spot of slightly glowing blood behind. Twilight regained her wits just as the bullies started crawling through the hedge, and hid behind the statue’s carved greatcoat, huddling into a tiny ball and hoping that the bullies wouldn’t see her shivering form.

(POV shift, Alucard)

Another dull, boring day in that damned statue garden. The only company he had was that snake thing that was made of a bunch of animals and shit. And he was even crazier than Alucard. His attention was drawn as the monotony was broken by a young girl crashing through and hitting her head on the pedestal he’d been set on all those centuries ago. As a group of kids started crawling through, she hid under his coat. Bullies hunting her maybe?

Then he sensed it. The girl was bleeding, and some of that blood was on him. And it had power. Power that he could use. Concentrating, he sensed more than felt the blood begin to slowly flow up the pedestal and up his boot and onto his leg, making its way toward his mouth. He savored the looks on the bullies’ faces as they noticed the trail of blood flowing from boot surface to mouth and smiled internally. When the blood finally reached his mouth, he grinned for real, the stone cracking and splintering until it finally burst off in a spray of shrapnel.

The rest of his stone casing soon followed as Alucard took his first steps of freedom in over fifteen hundred years. He grinned maliciously at the bullies and drew Jackal and Casull from his coat.

“Run,” he whispered, barely audible to the bullies.

They ran, tripping over themselves in their haste to get away. Alucard sniffed in disdain and turned back to the fearful form of Twilight. He could feel that damn seal in his hand reacting to her blood, binding him to her.

Still, he might as well make the most of a bad situation.

He knelt in front of Twilight and offered his hand out. “Are you alright, my master?”

Twilight shivered, but nodded, taking Alucard’s hand. “Th-thank you, m-mister…” she mumbled, in awe of his towering, red form.

“My master, I have many names,” the vampire lord said. “But you may call me… Alucard.”

“Th-thank you mister Alucard,” Twilight repeated, slowly standing up and curtsying ever so slightly.

Once they were off the pedestal, Alucard prostrated himself before his new master. “Your orders… Give me your orders, master. Shall I slay your tormentors? I have their scents. I can hunt them down and slaughter them without a moment’s hesitation or a hint of regret. I am a monster in his cage. And you hold the key.” He looked up at her. “My sight finds the target. My hand holds the weapon. My magazines are full. I can chamber the bullets. I can pull back on the bolts and I can release the safety. But it is your will that commands the killing. So what will you do? What are your orders, my master?”

Twilight shrank back, clearly afraid of Alucard’s words, “Please… don’t hurt them! Just… just take me home….”

Alucard was disappointed at being forbidden from spilling and drinking blood, but orders were orders. Standing again, he offered her his hand. “As you command, my master. I will see you home safely.” Looking skyward, he noticed the rapidly approaching solar goddess.

Twilight’s eyes immediately widened in relief as she saw her mentor of about three weeks descend from the sky, clothed in a resplendent, white dress. “Princess Celestia!” she cried, “I made a new friend!”

Celestia’s eyes turned to Alucard and his opened hand, noticing the seal etched into the back of his other hand. Her eyes narrowed as she strode forth, stopping a few scant meters from the pair. “So it would seem,” Celestia murmured, tapping a manicured nail on her chin. As she examined Alucard further, her eyes lit up with a golden glow, allowing her to see the crimson bindings of blood magic tying Alucard’s full power into Twilight’s commands, binding the vampire to her tiny student in ways that even the solar goddess couldn’t comprehend.

She shook her head and offered Twilight a brief smile, “And I’m very proud of you for that, Twilight. Why don’t you head back into the castle for now, meet me back in my study? I need to have a word with your new friend here.”

Twilight nodded and scampered off, quickly finding her way out of the hedge maze.

Celestia turned back to Alucard, “So, No-Life King… it seems your seal has finally broken and you’ve bound yourself to a little girl who looks up to me in such a degree that I could order her to kill herself and she most likely would. What will you do now?”

Alucard laughed as he summoned a hat and a pair of orange tinted sunglasses onto his head. But this laugh was nothing like the psychotic sort he’d let out the last time they spoke. It was more impish. “Well the kid’s my boss now, so I guess I’m gonna be doing what she says. Probably clean out the dungeons. I am positively starved.” He didn’t see the other sister anywhere. “By the way, where’s that hot sister of yours? I was throbbing when I saw you two in armor and ready to fight.”

“.....” Celestia honestly couldn’t figure out whether to be relieved that Alucard was no longer homicidal or to slap Alucard silly for his remarks, so she settled on looking mildly constipated as she replied, “She… I was forced to seal her away on the moon a thousand years ago…”

Alucard laughed again. “What did she do, steal your boyfriend? I thought that was normal for goddesses.” He leered a bit as he looked over her body with a lecherous grin and licked his lips. “What say after my boss goes to bed we head back to your place and I show you what a real vampire can do?”

Celestia turned away with a huff, blushing furiously while storming away, trying to collect what was left of her dignity. “No, Alucard. It’ll be a cold day in Hell before I ever touch you.”

Alucard grinned as he snuck up behind her and slipped his hands under her arms to grab her mounds and squeeze them. “Ooh. DD36? Impressive jugs on you, Princess.”

Immediately, Celestia squeaked in surprise before growling and breaking free of Alucard’s unwelcome groping. She whirled around and slapped him with a palm full of sunfire before straightening up and teleporting away, sparing one last second to kick him in the crotch with her high-heeled sandal.

Though Alucard writhed on the ground, his were not groans of pain but pleasure. “Ah… Houston. We have no problems.”

OM NOM NOM NOM NOM

Morning dawned upon Canterlot with its usual brilliant fanfare, the sky lighting up in shining orange and gold as the sun awoke from its slumber.

Meanwhile, in a fairly isolated tower in Canterlot castle, Twilight telekinetically slammed the shutters closed, drew the curtains, and shoved her specially made rolling bookcase in front of her window before groaning and trying futilely to go back to sleep.

The years between her induction as Princess Celestia’s protege and now had been kind to the young teenager, as she had begun blossoming into quite the beauty. Alas, that beauty would have to come later, as teenage gangly awkwardness had hit the thirteen year old Aetherial full force, turning her from childishly adorable to skinny and clumsy.

Twilight groaned again and threw aside her covers, slowly plodding over to the mini-fridge she had bought some year-and-a-half ago and scanning at the contents. As she withdrew her usual morning pick-me-up, she chugged it down as she slowly stumbled into her bathroom.

She turned on the shower and waited for a moment, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and idly noting that she was somehow even paler than she was yesterday. Stripping off her nightwear, she stepped into the near-scalding spray of water and sighed in relief, finally waking up in full.

Her moment of blissful silence and solitude was broken by a head of unruly black hair and red eyes. “Hey boss! Did you know you can shove a guy up a cow’s ass?!”

“GAH! ALUCARD GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SHOWER! I’M KINDA FUCKING NAKED RIGHT NOW, YOU TOTAL ASSHOLE!”

“Oh please, like anyone cares about that flat chest of yours, boss,” Alucard said, looking and sounding offended. “Why would I care about your flat as a board self when I can have that buxom sex goddess of a teacher you’ve got? I think I felt an emotional connection the last time she hit me.”

“JUMP UP YOUR OWN ASS AND DIE!” Twilight screeched, grabbing a scrub brush and whacking at Alucard’s skull.

Alucard laughed and phased out of the shower. “Oh, by the way. I tilted all the paintings along your usual route.” He laughed again as he left the bathroom, taking a moment to steal her clean panties just to be an asshole.

Twilight facepalmed and resumed showering, muttering, “Oh god, walking through that hallway is going to give me such a headache now…”

Twilight glared at Alucard as the pair made their way to Celestia’s study for Twilight’s lesson that day. “You couldn’t have waited five goddamn minutes for me to finish showering?” she asked, running a brush through her hair and fixing her tie.

Alucard looked at her, his hat and sunglasses protecting his handsome features from the sun. “Boss, we’ve been going through this song and dance for what, seven years? Are you really surprised that I barged in on you while you were in the shower to tell you that I perfected the art of shoving people up the asses of cows?”

Twilight glared, not wanting to accept that Alucard had actually made a good point. “Shut up.”

“Did I hit a nerve, boss?” Alucard asked in a mocking tone as they entered Celestia’s study. “Morning, Tia! My you’re looking sexy this morning.” He phased over and sniffed her hair. “And is that a new perfume I’m smelling?”

Celestia’s eyebrow twitched, but she forced a smile nonetheless, “Yes, Alucard, yes it is. Now kindly go jump off a cliff and stay there.” Celestia’s angelic smile never wavered, even as Twilight snickered from behind Alucard.

Alucard grinned and licked Celestia’s neck very slowly and sensually. “You taste so good. I am positively throbbing right now.” His right hand came up and rubbed her thigh. “I know you want me, Tia.” he moved his toothy maw next to her ear. “How about giving the boss her first lesson in sex ed?” he whispered before licking her ear.

Twilight facepalmed again and flopped down into a nearby beanbag chair, sighing in exasperation. Celestia’s smile dropped, even as her golden aura of telekinesis picked Alucard up and impaled him to a specially made set of spikes on the wall, all but crucifying him on the enchanted spikes.

Even as he coughed up blood, Alucard let off a very satisfied groan. “Ah… And there’s the climax. You’re so kinky, Tia.” he grinned at her. “Not gonna finish up with a kiss?” Even if he couldn’t move, he could still talk.

Celestia rolled her eyes and levitated over a hunk of raw beef, still dripping with blood, and shoved it into Alucard’s mouth. “No kiss for you, Alucard. Now kindly shut up, I’m trying to teach.”

Alucard muttered something against the beef before sighing contentedly as he sucked the blood from it while chewing it. He still gave Celestia a lecherous wink.

Celestia at this point had turned away, and had already begun instructing Twilight on the finer points of shielding magic. “- and so this theory allows for an Aetherial or an Immortal like me to greatly amplify the strength of a shield by simply running the background mana pattern through an additional thaumaturgical matrix. This means that it isn’t simply an instant cast spell, though it does add magnitudes of power, and the longer the preparation time, the more powerful it becomes, by an exponential amount.”

Twilight nodded and scribbled down the explanation in her notebook, annotating her textbook with minor comments based on Celestia’s version. “Fascinating…” she mumbled, a glow of magenta surrounding her hands as she generated a weak shield, then focused as the shield became steadily thicker and more opaque. Twilight grinned, proud of herself for generating a perfect example of Professor Haywire’s Exponential Shielding Theory.

“Nerds!” Alucard jeered in a mocking tone, having finished the beef. “Hey, Tia. Teach her how to give a good blowjob. I volunteer to be the lucky guy that gets head from a goddess.”

Immediately, twin beams light struck Alucard in the groin, the first being a simple heat ray from Celestia, the second one being a concussive burst from Twilight. Both student and teacher cried out as one, “SHUT UP ALUCARD!”

Twilight huffed as she bit into her sandwich, glaring at Alucard. “Honestly, Alucard, ever since I hit puberty your stupid jokes have only gotten worse. I mean seriously, teaching blowjobs? Remember when you actually had to disguise your lechery back when I was ten? What even happened to you? Jeez, it’s like your brain got replaced by your balls!”

Alucard chuckled after swallowing a piece of the death row inmate he’d been fed. “Boss, I’ll be honest. You’re gonna be a bombshell when you’re older. Why not learn how to take advantage of it early? Besides, I was a statue with blue balls for 1500 years. All of this is centuries of sexual tension getting vented.”

“..... Fair point…” Twilight muttered, blushing and looking away, embarrassed. She continued eating while reviewing her notes, both from Celestia’s lessons and her extracurricular activities. Since she only saw Celestia about once per week, this resulted in quite a very large amount of extra notes.

She sifted through the pages while she ate, scanning the pages and cross-referencing them with the rather ominous tome of magic she had managed to find in the archives.

“So, anything interesting?” Alucard asked as he gnawed on his meal’s skull. He was curious about that ominous book she’d found. Something about black magic or something.

“Well, if my math is all correct, and I’m certain that it is… I think I may have just created a spell that allows me to drain the magic of any incoming attack and funnel it into my own reserves to either be assimilated over time or be redirected back at the opposing caster,” Twilight explained, tapping her pencil against the papers and re-checking the equations over and over again in her mind.

“Sounds interesting,” Alucard said with a shrug before biting open the skull and licking at the brain. “But you could probably use it for other stuff too. Maybe kill someone with it.” He gave her a toothy grin, blood dripping from his lips.

Twilight stared at Alucard in horror, eyes wide, “What!? No! That’s a horrible idea! Why would I ever do that!?”

“Lot’s of reasons,” Alucard shrugged. “Protect someone, protect yourself, take what they’ve got, maybe just ‘cause they pissed you off. Or maybe you just felt like killing someone.”

“I would never kill someone like that! Magic is everything to everyone on Equestria! It’s incredibly disrespectful and horrifying to even think about draining someone’s magic until they die!”

Alucard chuckled darkly, a sliver of his former personality shining through. “What about after they’re dead, master?”

Twilight paused and tapped her chin in thought, “Well… okay, I guess that’s less terrible, but it’s still sorta… disrespectful…”

“No one important gives a fuck about respecting a corpse,” Alucard said, biting into his meal’s brain. “To me, the dead are just food.”

“I can see that,” Twilight deadpanned at Alucard, casting a pointed look at the disembodied skull currently serving as food, “anyway, on that point, I also found a minor ritual–nothing special, just a chant and a few hand motions– that forces a corpse’s magic out of their soul and into the body, allowing someone to absorb the magic just by consuming the corpse, or by absorbing the magic, though both methods are horribly inefficient.”

“Why not just drink the blood?” Alucard asked as though it were the simplest solution in the world. “I absorb power by drinking blood.” He licked his lips clean. “Blood is the currency of the soul, the vehicle of life. Blood is the medium through which life may be transferred. To drink blood is to take the essence of a soul into one’s self and steal everything that defines them.” he took another bite. “That’s what I heard anyway. Long time ago.”

Twilight’s eyes narrowed as she began scribbling away at a sheet of paper, models and arcane circles springing from her mind to the sheets and sheets of paper she began filling out. “Hmmm… if I change this factor of the matrix, then add another layer to the ritual circle for compression, and then…” she rambled on and on as she worked, sandwich lying to the side and long forgotten. After nearly an hour of scribbling, Twilight finally bolted upright, holding out her hand, glowing with crimson illusory flames.

“So what’s up with the light show?” Alucard asked, polishing off his meal and starting to lick up the stray blood that had fallen while he was eating. “Don’t look all that impressive,” he said as he slipped under the table. “Starting to get a landing strip, by the way. Little kinky, boss.”

Immediately, Twilight slapped Alucard with her glowing hand and drew some of the massive amount of magic contained in his blackened soul to the surface, filling the vampire’s blood with a rather staggering amount of magic, an effect akin to chugging down seven 5-hour Energy’s in approximately half a second. Twilight’s second reaction was to tug down her pleated skirt and shriek in embarrassment. “DAMMIT ALUCARD, STOP LOOKING AT MY CROTCH WHEN YOU KNOW I’M NOT WEARING PANTIES!”

Alucard laughed from his place on the ground. “Imagine if you had screamed that in a diner or something. Boy would that be embarrassing, huh? And it looks like the carpet matches the drapes too.”

Twilight groaned in frustration and summoned forth a robe from the depths of her closet, fastening it around her neck and hiding her normal clothing under its black folds. She huffed and shook her head, once more in her scientific train of thought, “If you must know, that light show was me turning that ‘ritual’ into a decently complex spell that allows me to force a recently dead corpse’s soul into releasing its magic into the blood, then allowing that magic to compress into a saturated clump inside the blood, thus negating the need to consume the entire corpse if one only desires the magic.”

“Planning to use that yourself, boss?” Alucard asked. “And you really should be more daring in how you dress. Try to turn some heads and raise some dicks to attention. Give the boys somethin’ to jack off to!”

Twilight blushed and kicked Alucard in the face, eyes glowing in embarrassed rage. “Shut up, dammit!” She turned away and stormed over to her bed and flopped down, telekinetically turning her ordinarily neat and ordered bookshelves into a massive set of walls around her bed, turning it into a book fort.

Alucard grinned and turned into mist to slip between the books and reformed under her bed, waiting for her start falling asleep. Twilight, however, had only begun reading, a small orb of light hovering around her as the light from the sun began waning. Her brow twitched as a thought came to her, prompting her to scribble out a note to herself. “Note to self: Buy another desk lamp and another extension cord so I can wire it to my bedpost,” she narrated, using her specially modified diction spell to full effect.

As the sun set upon Canterlot, a small gaggle of well dressed youths congregated outside Twilight’s tower/study/laboratory. As the group organized, the tallest and seemingly oldest moved to each person and handed them all identical robes and masks, already dressed in the same outfit. The figure spoke, voice disguised under layers of enchantments, “Alright, ladies and gentlemen, you know why we’re all here tonight, yes?”

A chorus of nods went around as each and every person there equipped their disguises. As one, they spoke, “Kill the Sparkle and her servant, then take her place.”

“Good. Then we all know the plan?”

Another round of nods.

“Let’s move out, then.”

Twilight remained unaware of the plotting outside her tower even as she continued to study long into the night. Finally, at about three in the morning, she decided to clear off her bed and go to sleep, slapping Alucard with a cage spell as she settled in for the night. “Yes, I knew you were down there, Alucard. You’ve only been doing that trick for the last three years.” With that, she snuggled into her pillow and quickly fell asleep, sighing in contentment.

Alucard snorted and settled in for the night too. He knew damn well that he wasn’t going anywhere. “Take all the fun out of it. Fun Nazi…” His ears perked up about ten minutes later as he heard footsteps downstairs. “What the?” Straining his ears, he listened closer.

Downstairs, the shady group of youths crept around Twilight’s foyer, placing around magical traps and sabotaging various minor projects she had lying around. A few times, malicious snickers broke out but were instantly silenced as the murderous group of students continued their work.

Eyes narrowing, Alucard turned into a mist and slipped between the floorboards, reforming in the shadows downstairs. Deciding not to take chances, he began shifting his form as the sigils on his gloves glowed. “Releasing Control Art Restriction System Levels Three… Two… One…”

Immediately, the lookout of the group fell to the ground, clutching their heart as it seized up in terror. The rest of them whirled around, searching wildly for the source of the terrifying aura.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Twilight smiled in her sleep and rolled over.

A few more of the belligerents passed out from sheer terror while the rest of them charged up offensive and detection spells.

Alucard allowed himself to be seen. “Approval of Situation A recognized. Commencing the Cromwell Invocation.” He moved his hands so that he seemed to be peering through a window from darkness. “Ability restrictions lifted for limited use until the enemy has been rendered silent.” Multiple red eyes appeared from the shadows under his coat as he grinned wickedly at the intruders.

The leader of the group immediately screeched out, “KILL THE FREAK!” and let loose with a volley of piercing and incendiary spells, screaming all the while. The rest of them took this as a cue to let loose as well, flashes of multicolored light ripping across the foyer to slam directly into Alucard’s grinning form.

Alucard allowed himself to be perforated by the spells and fell to the floor in a bloody mess, only to quickly start chuckling darkly. “Dogs…” He slowly stood as he regenerated. “I cannot be killed by dogs. Good try though.” Opening wide, he lunged forward and sank his teeth into the nearest one’s throat and threw the figure over himself, tearing the head off in the process.

The rest of the group screamed in terror and began heading for the door, firing spells wildly in the process. Upstairs, Twilight’s clenched her eyes in annoyance, futilely trying to sleep through the noise.

Alucard’s speed was leagues above that of his prey, and he flitted about the tower a blur of motion, tearing apart the intruders with his bare hands, the noise enough to possibly bring his master down to investigate.

Twilight finally bolted upright and screamed in frustration, teleporting downstairs and belting out, “ALUCARD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU… doing… down… heeeeereeWHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WHY IS THERE SO MUCH BLOOD!?”

“Intruders, master!” Alucard snapped as he tore another in half before noticing the last going for Twilight. Twilight screeched in panic before blindly firing out a spell, a lance of magic whipping out, only to be batted away and a beam spell returned.

Twilight instinctively ducked and whipped her hand out at the spell, absorbing the magic and redirecting it back at her aggressor, who barely dodged, her mask and hood shredding off from the sheer force of the redirected spell.

“F-Fortuna!?” Twilight stammered, staring at the face of one of her former classmates back in Magic Kindergarten.

“Sparkle…” The other aetherial hissed, glaring at Twilight with all the hate she could muster.

Twilight narrowed her eyes in confusion, “W-what are you even doing here? I thought you were back in the Academy!”

Fortuna snorted in disdain and directed a haughty look at Twilight, “That’s why I should have been Celestia’s student instead of you. You’re just so clueless and you never had any kind of head for court politics. Really, if I kill you now, I’d just be saving you from being taken advantage of by some asshole noble.” The aetherial pointed a glowing fist at Twilight, “So prepare to die, Twilight Sparkle!”

Before she could unleash her spell, Fortuna’s chest exploded outward in a spray of blood that covered Twilight’s front and face as Alucard’s left hand came through, clenching her heart. “You attacked a vampire in the middle of the night, head on, and threatened my master on top of that. Did you really think I would let you live?! Foolish little girl!” Gripping her shoulder with his right hand, he leaned down and opened his mouth to bite into her neck.

“Alucard, wait!” Twilight cried out, holding up a hand shrouded in red flames. She grinned maliciously, “This is a perfect opportunity to test out my new spell!”

Alucard looked at her and closed his mouth in a grin as he chuckled. “As you wish, my master.”

Twilight walked up to Fortuna’s still cooling corpse and pressed her glowing hand to the other woman’s chest, chanting a few arcane words and drawing out a shimmering orb of crimson blood, practically steaming with mana. As the orb coalesced in her hand, she brought the golf ball sized wad to her mouth and slipped it between her lips, grimacing at the coppery taste and swallowing fitfully.

“Blech! Eugh! Blood tastes terrible!” Twilight spat, even as her body took on a cerulean glow similar to Fortuna’s own magic color. As she hacked and spat, a spot of magenta formed on her back and swiftly overtook the cerulean, dissipating away and leaving Twilight feeling as if she had just taken a triple shot of espresso laced with adrenaline.

Alucard smirked. “How do you feel, master? More powerful?” He bit into Fortuna’s neck and drank up the rest of her blood.

Twilight shuddered and wiped her lips off on her pajamas, “Well, other than a little sick to my stomach, yes, I do feel more powerful. The spell worked, I think. I still need to test if there’ll be any unwanted side effects, though…”

Alucard chuckled. “There are nine more bodies to test it on, master. Their power is yours for the taking.”

Twilight paused and looked around, contemplating the merits. “W-well… I suppose it couldn’t hurt…” Her hand lit up again as she walked from body to body, taking a tiny orb of blood from each corpse until she had nine orbs of blood surrounding her. Finally, she stopped and brought each one to her lips, swallowing them whole, one by one, until she finished the ninth one and all but ran to her kitchen to slam down a glass of water. “Euuuugh! Disgusting!”

Alucard chuckled as he walked into the kitchen. “I bet it’ll grow on you, that coppery tang. Feel stronger?” He lifted his hand and lowered his pinkie and ring fingers as his glove sigil glowed, the blood flowing from the remaining bodies into his own.

“A lot more, but these guys weren’t as powerful as Fortuna was… still a good power boost though…” Twilight murmured, staring at the corpses. “I suppose I’ll need to call the police in the morning…”

“Just let me handle the bodies,” Alucard said. “No one else knows they’re here. So let’s allow them to be written off as missing persons. Besides. I’m feeling hungry after using all that power.”

“....” Twilight shifted uncomfortably, warring opinions causing her an undue amount of stress. “W-well…. I… guess?” She dropped her face into her palms, “Whatever, do what you want. I just don’t want to see it so I have some plausible deniability.”

Grinning, Alucard set to work devouring the now bloodless corpses. After about 30 minutes, he finished up Fortuna’s body and stood. “Well that was interesting. Master?”

Twilight merely groaned from her spot on the ground, the ache of ten other souls’ worth of mana making itself known as her magical conduits expanded uncomfortably. “Get me painkiller, Alucard. I can’t move. At all.”

Going into the bathroom, Alucard got some painkillers and some water from the kitchen before going to his ailing master and helping her sit up to take the medicine. “Tell me, master. Did you enjoy it? Did you enjoy the thrill of stealing your rivals’ power for your own?”

Twilight mumbled, “I shouldn’t have… but I did… I really did…” Sighing, she mewled plaintively and reached up to Alucard, “Carry me back to bed?”

Alucard grinned and picked his tired master up carefully, carrying her up to her bedroom and tucking her in. “You should feel better with some rest, master. I’ll clean up the rest of the mess downstairs and get everything back in place.”

“Thanks…” Twilight mumbled sleepily, “Y’know, you’re not such a bad guy after all…” With that, she fell asleep, dreaming of crushing her enemies, seeing them driven before her, and hearing the lamentations of their women.

Author's Note

Aetherial: the humanized version of unicorns. They have pointed ears, and their eyes glow when they use magic.

"Houston.... We Have Noooo Problems~"

Twilight knelt down and pressed a knife to her wrist, slicing it open and letting blood drip into the arcane circle at her feet. As she healed the minor wound, she cast her spell, eldritch blue lightning spilling from her fingers and reacting with the blood on the ground, filling the entire cavern with cold, blue light.

Across from her, near the edge of the circle, lay the bones of an unborn baby dragon, the same one that she had given life to for but a few moments about nine years ago. Twilight chanted, a sheaf of notes orbiting around her as she knelt once more and slit the throat of the bound death row inmate at her feet, spilling his blood and, once she finished a few more incantations, drawing out his soul, stripping it of its mortal memories and pushing it into the nine year old bones of the tiny little drake.

A final flash of light filled the cave, accompanied by a crackling thunderclap. When the dust settled, the inmate had vanished, and a sleek, black, skeletal dragonling lay curled up at her feet, napping peacefully. Twilight cooed over the semi-undead creature, marveling at its glimmering obsidian scales and examining its open chest area. The glowing orb that served as its heart cast an eerie magenta light upon her face as it pulsated, almost in time with Twilight’s own heartbeat.

“So what’s with all the trouble to revive a lizard?” Alucard asked from his spot leaning on the wall, eying his master’s now very developed body as he watched. She had grown into quite the bombshell, just as he predicted. Smooth, creamy thighs, a fantastic rump, and those tits. He barely suppressed a pleasured groan as he thought of the things he could do with those tits.

Twilight petted the draco-lich and waved off Alucard, as if trying to bat away his lecherous gaze. “I almost succeeded in actually creating life from nothing during the magical surge that gifted me with the position of Celestia’s Student nine years ago, but in the end, I couldn’t give the egg a soul, so all I got was a short lived construct that dissolved into a pile of bones. I figured that I might as well keep them and find some way of bringing the dragon to life, just as a childish sentiment, I guess… and stop staring at my tits, you perv! I’m still underage!”

Alucard laughed and grinned at her. “I can’t help that you’ve got nice tits, boss. You still can’t hold a candle to Tia though.” He grinned at the thought of the sun goddess. “Anyway. What are you gonna do with the zombie lizard?”

“His name is Spike,” Twilight decided, “and he’s going to be my little companion. I’ve already wired the mail spell that Celestia taught me into his flame sacs, so I can also use him like a fax machine. And maybe, just maybe, he could eventually be useful in battle… assuming that I did the spell right and he’ll still grow like a normal dragon, albeit accelerated in the mental department.”

“So why does Fax Machine have a big honking hole in his chest?” Alucard asked, still ogling his master’s rack. “And will his tail grow back like other lizards?”

“I think he has the hole because the inmate I used for the soul and body didn’t have enough biomass to actually form into a whole body, since much of the mass was compressed into making the scales about as hard as a normal dragonling’s would be. It’s a good thing that I chose such a… large… prisoner, otherwise Spike might be even more skeletal and thin.” Twilight traced over Spike’s eyebrow ridges, noting to herself that they were indeed quite sharp, but wouldn’t do a lot of damage unless struck with great force. “And I don’t know about growing back, but since he’s undead, I could just reattach the tail, if it falls off.”

“So I can’t eat his tail?” Alucard asked. “And are you going to get another guy to fill the hole with?” He started slowly getting up behind Twilight, hand’s ready to do their usual naughty fun. Twilight preemptively slapped his hands away as she stood, shaking her head.

“I think the hole looks rather nice, actually. And it allows me easy access to his soul core, so I don’t have to worry about it destabilizing and not being able to fix it due to it being inside his chest,” Twilight spoke, carrying Spike as she walked out of the cavern.

Alucard followed Twilight out. “So what do you suppose Tia will think, since she still doesn’t know about your little fetish?” He grinned and smacked her on the ass. Twilight yelped in surprise, whirling on Alucard with a halfhearted glare.

“Hmph, well, I’m just going to tell her that I managed to animate an organic golem and imbue it with a learning intelligence. Even if that is rather advanced magic, I think Celestia will believe me.” Twilight looked proud of her false explanation, all but strutting up the path back to Canterlot, shucking her robe and stuffing it into the tiny pocket dimension she had created specifically so that she would always have a few spare sets of clothing no matter where she went.

Alucard grinned wider and laughed. “You didn’t seem too upset about getting your ass smacked, boss?” He leaned closer and licked her ear. “Maybe you’re starting to like my advances?” He grabbed her ass and squeezed it.

Twilight blushed and moved away, glaring angrily at Alucard. “As if anyone would ever like your advances. Hmph, I guess I’ve just gotten too used to your idiocy.” She crossed her arms and straightened out her blazer, turning away and starting up the path once more.

“I didn’t hear a no…” Alucard teased as he followed closer. “Maybe you’d like a private lesson in pleasing a man? Lessons from a real man? Hm?” He dragged his tongue on her neck, right over her carotid artery.

“Real man? You’re undead, Alucard. That means your heart doesn’t beat. That means, oops, no throbbing boners for you. So, sorry- not really- but I’m going to have to decline. Now come on, Princess Celestia is waiting,” Twilight snarked and took the easy route, teleporting up the steep mountainside until she finally found herself inside her own tower.

Alucard laughed and looked at nobody in particular. “Total tsundere!” he somewhat sang before chuckling. “She wants me.” He ran up the mountain and quickly caught up with Twilight, seeing her tending to her sleeping zombie lizard.

Twilight ignored Alucard and continued polishing the draco-lich’s scales, wanting him to be presentable when she saw the Princess later that day. Twilight hummed as she worked, administering the lightest of touches to her “baby” dragon’s scales.

Alucard started sneaking up behind her, hoping to get himself a couple handfuls of that soft titflesh while she was distracted by her little pet zombie. Alas, Twilight had warded the area with magical tripwires that would blast the unlucky recipient with a burst of frigid water, setting them to go off if anything with magic crossed their boundaries.

Unaware of the trap, Alucard walked right into it and yelled out in surprise as he was doused in an unwelcome cold shower. “You are made of bitch, boss.” He got revenge by shaking the water all over her.

“Gah! You son of a bitch! I just had this blazer dry cleaned!” Twilight shrieked, inadvertently waking up Spike, who let out a rasping hiss of discontentment and proceeded to blast Alucard with a small burst of magenta flame.

Alucard, face singed and eyebrows burned off, glared at the draco-lich. “Come here, little zombie lizard! You’re my lunch!” He yelled as he lunged for the wyrmling. Spike shrieked in fear and scampered up Twilight’s shoulder even as she struck Alucard in the testicles with a fistful of concussive magic.

“No eating Spike, Alucard!”

Alucard fell to the floor with a groan of pleasure as he grinned up at her. “Ah… The return of the “Why?” boner. With a vengeance!” He glanced up her skirt. “Going commando again, boss?”

Twilight eeped in surprise, “Alucard shut up! It’s just… necromancy makes me all sweaty and gross, okay!?” From the blush on her face, and the very faint whiff of something in the air, Alucard could tell that this was a total lie.

“Yeah that’s bullshit and you know it,” Alucard said. “I’ve seen your face when you drink blood and absorb magic.” He grinned. “Admit it. You get off on it.”

Twilight’s only response was to blush furiously and teleport away, the sound of a running shower echoing through the tower shortly after.

Alucard laughed and called up to her. “You know, taking a cold shower proves my point! Or are you fingering yourself in there?”

Twilight screamed, though the sound was muffled and thus the tone was indecipherable, even as a magenta aura picked Spike up and hurled him, sharpened back plates first, into Alucard’s face, prompting the little lich to start shredding at the vampire’s face in panic.

“Ah! Bitch!” Alucard yelled as he tore Spike off his face and held him at arm's length. Spike huffed and blew a cloud of smoke into Alucard’s face, chuffing with laughter.

“.....” Celestia stared at Spike, not sure of what to make of the little draco-lich. “So… you decided to create a pet golem and imbue it with a learning intelligence matrix?”

Twilight nodded and beamed, “Yup! I named him Spike! Isn’t he just wonderful?”

“Wonderful my ass…” Alucard muttered from behind Twilight with his arms crossed and a frown on his face.

Celestia nodded slowly, proud of her student but still nonplussed, “A very impressive feat of magic, Twilight. Truly leagues ahead of what I’ve been teaching you. Oh Twilight, you’re growing up so fast!” Celestia hugged Twilight, finally settling on being just proud of her student and almost surrogate daughter.

Twilight hugged her teacher back, both happy that her teacher (and almost second mother) was proud of her accomplishments and that her little white lie had gone through without any scrutiny. “Thank you so much, Princess Celestia!”

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Alucard chanted behind them. “Show me some girl on girl!”

Celestia immediately growled and released Twilight, opting instead to blast Alucard out the window with a cry of, “JUMP UP YOUR OWN ASS AND DIE!”

Twilight facepalmed at Alucard’s antics and sat down in her usual beanbag chair, already flipping through her text book as she waited for Celestia to cool down. After a few minutes of heavy breathing, Celestia finally sighed and relaxed, fixing her flowing hair and sitting primly by Twilight. She pointed out a passage in Twilight’s textbook and began from there, “This passage right here details the thaumic interaction between the caster’s mind and the mind of the target, allowing a basic link to form. This is the very basis of most hypnotic spells and many subliminal suggestion spells. Now, if we take a look in page 394…”

Twilight listened intently to Celestia, jotting down notes and annotating her book as the solar princess lectured. Occasionally, Twilight would ask a question or two, but for the most part simply soaked in information and completed diagrams of the subject in question when prompted.

“....and so the runic matrix should allow for one to simply pre-prepare a thaumaturgical ritual circle, thus allowing one to simply activate the ritual on the fly should they have the correct materials. Now, this runic matrix, were it to be added to the circle, would allow the circle to be inscribed on any sort of physical medium,” Twilight explained her extra-curricular notes to Spike, the barely a day old lich not understanding, but still absorbing the information as he learned.

Twilight’s current subject matter lay in trying to find a way to produce necromantic minions on the fly without a long and involved ritual that just reeked of inefficiency. Say what you will about her habits, but the one thing Twilight Sparkle could not tolerate was an inefficiently designed spell or ritual.

Alucard loudly yawned behind her. “Boring!” He lay back on her bed and stretched. “So. Fucking. Boring, boss.” He yawned again and curled up. “Noticed you got rid of all your panties.”

Twilight blushed furiously and tugged her skirt down subconsciously. Truthfully, the amount of necromantic and sangromantic energy running through her body these days meant that wearing any undergarments on her lower half was an exercise in futility and a lot of wasted laundry days.

“So do you have anything interesting to talk about?” Alucard asked. “Have you at least dated or given a man a blowjob?”

“Shut up Alucard I’m trying to teach Spike over here!” Twilight exclaimed, throwing an inkwell at Alucard’s head.

Alucard caught the inkwell and threw it back at her. “Nice try, closet skank.”

Twilight caught the inkwell and set it on her table, growling in exasperation. “Okay, Alucard, there is one thing I do need you to do. C’mere.” She motioned him over impatiently.

“And what’s in it for me, boss?” Alucard, not moving an inch.

Twilight rolled her eyes and stripped off her blazer and blouse, tossing them to the side. “Well I mean, if you don’t want to tattoo runic circles over every inch of my naked body, that’s your decision, I suppose.”

“Say no more!” Alucard said excitedly, phasing over in his mist form. “If I get to touch that body of yours… Well what are we waiting for?”

Twilight huffed and handed Alucard a sheaf of papers, a tattoo kit, and several vials of magically charged ink. She turned and began disrobing as she walked, finally laying down on the massage table she had bought about a week ago. “Alright Alucard, the instructions for each circle are written down very thoroughly on each paper, and I trust you to follow them exactly. Because if you don’t, I’m probably going to die screaming in agony. I’ll also need to be unconscious for this entire thing, so do your vampire hypnosis thing and knock me out.”

Alucard grinned and leaned over her with a lecherous grin before holding his middle and index fingers over her face. “Look into my eyes…” he intoned.

Twilight did so, her gaze immediately clouding over as she began to fall asleep. Before she passed out, she mumbled out one last sentence, “Don’t you dare… try to… take my virginity… while I’m… out…”

Alucard stared at her, looking genuinely offended. “I’m a womanizer, not a rapist!” Taking his gloves off, he started working on the tattoos, taking every opportunity to feel her up and explore her curves. “You never said I couldn’t grope every inch I touched, boss.”

Twilight said nothing, merely lying on the table, dead to the world.

Alucard started with her shoulder blade tattoos, then got her shoulders before moving to the base of her neck. While doing the belly button tattoo he spent a bit more time playing with her tits than he should have. While doing the tramp stamp he felt up her ass and fingered her while doing it. He did her ankle tattoos while licking her inner thighs. And he grinned widely as he got to what he considered the best. The one that was right above that now soaking pussy. He slowly licked that sweet tasting hole while doing the tattoo, not having to worry about her squirming since he had her under so deeply.

Once he finished, he decided on a likely painful way to wake her. “But it’ll be so worth it,” he muttered as he started eating her out while slowly lifting the hypnotic sleep. Twilight immediately began twitching a little, slowly writhing more and more as she came back to consciousness.

After a few more moments of sensual moaning, Twilight’s thighs clamped around Alucard’s head even as her hand came around, sheathed in a magenta wind, and decapitated Alucard without the slightest hint of remorse. Twilight uttered one last moan as she decapitated Alucard, the blood splashing against her driving her over the edge and giving her a satisfying climax to her first “real” sexual experience.

She panted as she tossed Alucard’s disembodied head onto the floor and licked some of the blood from her hand, savoring its taste. “Well, Alucard, I’d honestly be more mad at you right now, but the endorphin rush is pretty huge and you didn’t actually break any rules, so I think I’ll just leave you there instead of throwing your head in the incinerator,” she grinned and stumbled over to the mirror, examining the tattoos with a critical eye. Satisfied with Alucard’s work, her whole body pulsed magenta for a brief second as all the tattoos lit up in brilliant crimson, fading away back into black for a brief moment before disappearing entirely. Twilight looked back at Alucard’s still fallen body and smiled, “Great work Alucard! And I really mean it this time!”

“Do I get a reward?” Alucard asked as his body groped around for his head. “Left, body! Left!” he winced at an impact. “That’s a wall, you dumbass.” His body finally found his head and reattached it.

“I think you having all but molested me for the better part of-” She checked the clock “-two hours is reward enough, Alucard.” As she searched around in her wardrobe, she found Spike holding out a bra for her, the young draco-lich having made a nest in her drawers. “Thank you, Spike.” She patted his head and kissed his cheek before putting on the rest of her clothes..

“Can I have a kiss too, boss?” Alucard asked from beside her, leaning close with his lips puckered. “Come on. You know you want to.”

Twilight snorted and pushed his face away, walking over to her dressing mirror and staring down at her still untouched makeup box. Even after she had bought the thing in a brief bout of insanity two years ago, she had just left it lying there, never sparing it a second thought.

“Y’know what, Alucard? I’m feeling pretty good today. I think… I think I’ll actually wear some make up for once in my life.” Twilight seemed surprised at her own statement, but followed through nonetheless, opening the box before groaning at her own haste. “I have no idea how to use any of this. Crap.”

“Want some help?” Alucard asked. “I’ve been around the prissy types before.” Strangely enough, he wasn’t talking about any of the women in Canterlot. He wasn’t sure why, but he had vague memories of helping some woman with her makeup.

“Nnnnnnnnnnnn-yes.” Twilight admitted defeat, sitting down and waiting for Alucard to come help her.

Alucard came over and knelt down beside her. “Damn bitch. You are pale as fuck!” Grabbing the powder, he started carefully applying it to his master’s skin, covering up that pale complexion. “You look like a vampire.”

Twilight crossed her arms and muttered, “Well considering who I hang out with and what I do in my spare time, I might as well be one.”

Alucard laughed as he finished with the blush and started applying some eye shadow. “Might want to consider adding gloves to your outfit.”

“Hmmm… not a bad idea, actually…” Twilight considered the idea, silently resolving to buy a pair of gloves. Not white gloves, though, mostly likely they would be black, so blood stains wouldn’t show up on them.

After finishing with the eye shadow, Alucard got the mascara and started carefully applying it. Twilight nearly squirmed before realizing just how bad of an idea it would be with something so close to her eyes. “Eugh… maybe this was a bad idea… I feel kinda like a clown…”

“Clowns are fucking creepy,” Alucard said as he finished with the mascara. “And you ain’t near that level yet. Last touch.” He applied a lipstick the same color as her eyes to her. “There we go. Bring some attention to those lips.”

Makeup done, Twilight turned towards her mirror and gasped, barely recognizing herself. “W-wow… I actually look pretty good! I never thought I’d say this twice in one day, but thanks, Alucard!” In a moment of impulse, she did the near unthinkable and actually planted a quick peck on Alucard’s cheek, laying down the faintest smudge of violet on the cold, pale skin.

Alucard chuckled. “Wow. Never thought you’d actually kiss me, boss.” Feeling impulsive himself, he caught her lips with his for the briefest of moments. “Soft lips, boss.”

Twilight blushed and looked away, barely stopping herself from slapping Alucard, “I-it’s just a thank-you kiss, you jerk!”

Alucard chuckled and gently patted her head, giving her a rare genuine smile. “When I say that you look beautiful, I mean every word, master.”

Twilight merely blushed further, feeling her heart beat ever faster. “A-anyway, I’m almost out of glyceril trinitrate, s-so I should probably go out to get more!” she stammered, all but bolting out the door, barely remembering to sling Spike’s lazy hide onto her shoulder as she exited.

Schrodinger sighed as he took in the cool mountain air, standing at the top of what would one day be Canterlot with a camera in hand. “Ahh, truly zhe best sings in life are best appreciated by seeing zhem at every point in spacetime at vonce, no?” he spoke to thin air, taking a photo, then making a jaunty step to the side to avoid the carriage that he’d nearly walked into while appearing in modern day Canterlot. “Whoops! Zhat could have been dangerous, right Mr. Narrator?”

Shush, Schrodinger, you’re getting weird looks.

Laughing to himself and thusly ignoring the narrator once more, he skipped away from the financial district, slipped around a lamp post, and popped out from behind a hot dog stand in the thaumaturgical supply district. So focused on taking in the sights was he that he didn’t notice the violet haired girl walking in his direction.

Twilight glanced at her shopping list, scanning its contents and making sure that she hadn’t forgotten any of the myriad reactants and ingredients on the list. So focused was she that she didn’t notice the blond man in front of her until she had walked straight into him, sending the both of them sprawling back in surprise.

“Wah!” Twilight exclaimed, barely keeping her basket from spilling its contents everywhere, “Sorry about that! I didn’t notice you there sir!”

“No harm done, frauline,” Schrodinger said as he looked his camera over. “I am everyvhere and novhere.” He then took notice of her. “Vhoops! Not supposed to meet you yet!” Snapping a picture, he stepped past her, sniffing her hair before appearing atop the palace. Looking at her in his camera’s memory, he smirked to himself. “Zhat frauline smells like Alucard.”

Twilight stared at where the odd man had just been a second ago before thinking to herself, ‘Were those…. cat ears?’ She shrugged and continued her shopping, not seeing the use in dwelling on someone she’d likely never see again. Atop her shoulder, Spike grumbled happily, enjoying the fresh air and the strange sights.

Seras sighed to herself and stared at the full moon. Fifteen years in the military had merited her several promotion opportunities, but given that she preferred working in the field, she turned all of them down, though the military had retaliated by forcibly giving her a raise and moving her to an upscale neighborhood… not that she was complaining. Down below, partially hidden by trees, lay a rather grisly scene.

A man in a robe surrounded by the entrails of at least six other people, their disemboweled corpses stacked in a strange pattern in front of him. Five of them happened to be people Seras had met at some point or another.

Seras glared at the hooded man, her custom made gauntlets creaking from the force of her rage. With a near silent movement, she whipped her hands forward, launching a pair of silvery blades from her gauntlets and neatly impaling the man from behind through the throat and abdomen. The draculina smirked and flicked her wrists outwards, the wires connected to the blades wrapping around the man as she flung him up into the air. She leapt from her tree branch and ascended to her target’s already dying form, spinning around and delivering a brutal axe kick to his abdomen and disengaging the wires, causing the cultist to smash into the ground as a bloody paste, ritual unfinished and damage paid back in full.

Seras landed silently and dusted off her hands, “All in a night’s work.”

The sound of clapping came from behind her. “Vonderful performance, Seras! You get rid of your Harkonnen to copy Valter’s wires?” Schrodinger asked from the tree branch that Seras had been on moments earlier. “Und bayonets too? Vhat if zhat papist sees vhat you’ve done?”

Seras whirled on the voice, ready to deliver a world of hurt before stopping in surprise. Though there wasn’t a whole lot of resemblance anymore, she still recognized her twin brother.

“A-alex!? W-where have you been!? I’ve been looking for you for so long!” She rushed forward and engulfed the cat-man in a hug, crushing him to her chest and shaking back and forth in joy. “Oh I missed you, Alex! I was so worried that you might be dead or amnesiac or something weird! I’m so happy to see you again!”

“I’m fine, Seras,” he said from behind her, her arms now empty. “Und I’ve been perfectly safe. After all, I am everyvhere and novhere.” He grinned. “I see you got zhose big breasts you alvays vanted. I found Alucard too!”

Seras whirled around again, pointing her finger at Schrodinger’s nose, “One, I’m still your sister Chloe, so you can still call me that. Two, drop the shitty accent, it’s rather grating to the ears. Three, yes, I do have a rather impressive set of knockers now, don’t I? Four, you found Thomas!?”

Schrodinger laughed. “Oh yes. Alucard vent batshit crazy and slaughtered people for three decades, got turned to stone by zhe princesses, und now he’s been bound to a frauline since she vas six years old.”

“Wait WHAT!?” Seras couldn’t believe her ears, her best friend, the pacifistic altruist, slaughtering people for three decades straight? Had the world gone mad? Then again, she mused, this was Equestria.

“Und get zhis!” Schrodinger went on. “He’s been acting like Abridged Alucard und sexually harassing Princess Celestia. Even Twilight Sparkle is not safe from it, even though she is his master.”

Seras facepalmed and leaned against a tree, “Oh god I can already feel the headache forming… Meeting him again is just going to be an exercise in anger management, isn’t it?”

“He seems pretty close to Twilight,” Schrodinger said with a grin, showing Seras the picture he’d snapped of her. “Such a pretty frauline, isn’t she? Und she smells like Alucard.”

“..... She looks kinda like how I did the one time I let Thomas do my makeup…” Seras noted, tapping her chin in thought. “Anyway, can we go somewhere that isn’t so…. gory? As much as I am a vampire, I still have no intention of feasting like Thomas apparently has… also, the body’s starting to reek of piss and shit.”

“Have you been drinking blood, Seras?” Schrodinger asked. “I can’t imagine you could get soil from your birthplace to line a coffin.”

Seras shuddered, “Not really, just a few blood packs every few months. I still can’t get used to the taste at all. And I told you, Alex, I’m still your sister, call me Chloe. Y’know, because it’s my name?”

Schrodinger laughed. “But I like calling you Seras,” he said with a grin and twitching ears. “So don’t call me Alex. Call me Schrodinger.” He appeared behind her. “Alex is not everyvhere and novhere.”

Seras groaned, “Jesus Christ, I knew you were into method acting but honestly this is just ridiculous. It’s like you don’t even want to remember Earth anymore.”

“Maybe I don’t,” Schrodinger said, smirking as he leaned on the tree. “Back on Earth, I’m a nobody. Some faceless little man in a crowd. But here? Here, I am everyvhere and novhere. Everysing I could never hope to be on Earth.” He narrowed his eyes while still smirking. “You may vant to go back, but I don’t. I like it here, Seras.”

“No no, I don’t want to go back, honestly,” Seras shook her head, “I just think that maybe we shouldn’t just… forget Earth, you know? I mean, yes, I’ve been going as Seras for the last fifteen years, but I still remember how Earth was… even though… okay, well, there wasn’t much worth remembering other than the release of Splatoon and Brawl 2, and a few other things, but still.”

“Seras, Earth isn’t really vorth remembering,” Schrodinger said. “Getting stuck in Equestria vas zhe best thing zhat ever happened to us.” He chuckled as he looked at a picture he’d snapped of the rampaging Alucard and showed it to her. “Such a paradox. Zhis monster is Thomas Lancaster, yet not Thomas Lancaster.”

“Well, at least he still has that sharp jawline,” Seras snarked, staring at the photo with a slight amount of horror. “Though, has he been… any more like Thomas lately? In any way?”

“Vell…” Schrodinger thought back to what he’d seen of the vampire king and his master. “He’s become quite zhe tsundere. Acting like Abridged Alucard around most, but vhen he’s alone vith Twilight Sparkle, he shows a certain tenderness zhat only canon Alucard has. Zhe tenderness Alucard showed to Integra Hellsing.” He chuckled. “I zhink he’s falling in love vith her.”

Seras stared, “You’re not shitting me?”

“I shit you not, Seras,” Schrodinger said, still grinning. “Little Twilight Sparkle hasn’t even left Canterlot yet, und she’s already stolen her servant’s heart.” He swooned a bit. “Don’t zhey make a cute couple, Seras? Such a pretty ship. Zhe Alulight it shall be called!”

“.... Oh god you’re still a romantic that is both such a relief and so annoying,” Seras dropped her face into her hands, “And oh god that is such a Thomas thing to do. Stupid wanker fell in love with one of the best people he could have chosen like the lucky bastard he is.”

“Zhe irony is zhat he’s such a bad influence,” Schrodinger said. “Twilight’s been practicing necromancy und sangromancy behind Celestia’s back. Even passed off her new draco-lich as a pet golem zhat can learn.”

“....Again, such a Thomas thing to do…” Seras shook her head and grabbed Schrodinger’s arm. “Alright, Schrodinger- and man that is going to take some time to get used to- I’m bringing you back to base. I mean, as fun as seeing you again was, I feel like you wouldn’t want to be cooped up in a military base for the rest of your days, so I think I can pull a few strings and get you in as a freelancer.”

“Zhey couldn’t hold me anyvay,” Schrodinger said. “After all. I am…”

“Everywhere and nowhere, big fucking whoop. You’ve said that like four hundred times you prat,” Seras rolled her eyes and continued leading her immature twin over to the rendezvous base, her hand already drifting over the communications array sewn into her badge. “Base, this is Agent Seras Victoria. Confirmation code: ZVX343SS2. Two for pickup, Agent plus guest.”

"Fine! I’ll help you! But only because you got nice tits."

“My faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,

Due to the upcoming Summer Sun Celebration being hosted in Ponyville, I find myself in the curious position of not having any Royal Advisors to oversee the preparations for the Celebration. Thus, with you being the closest option, I’ve decided that you should take the place of a Royal Advisor this year and oversee preparations in Ponyville.

Enclosed is a checklist of everything that must be prepared before the Celebration tomorrow. I wish you the best of luck, my faithful student.

Princess Celestia ad Astra per Arcanum of Equestria

PS: Twilight, I’m a little concerned about your lack of friends, so I think that during your trip to Ponyville, you should go out and make some friends… and also maybe get some sun. Honestly, Twilight, you’re so pale these days that one could almost consider you a vampire or something! ;)”

Twilight read, reread, rereread, and finally read the list for the fourth time in six minutes. Then she checked over the list enclosed and finally read the letter for the fifth time. Finally, she appeared to have reached a definitive conclusion, slapping the letter down on the table.

“Alucard. Princess Celestia is getting suspicious of my extra-curriculars. Also, we’re going to Ponyville. Spike, pack your bags. Alucard, leave your porn stash. We leave in two hours.”

“Aw! Can’t I bring just a few of my porn mags?” Alucard whined with a disappointed look on his face, arms crossed like a petulant child.

Twilight bopped Alucard on the head, causing her breasts to sway a little from the movement, “No. You can buy more when we get to Ponyville using your Royal Stipend. We are not taking five hundred or more pornographic magazines to Ponyville. Now come on, we have packing to do.” She turned away, motioning in the air and causing articles of clothing to float about the room, neatly folding themselves into suitcases. “We only really need to pack for two days, but I suppose we should leave some packed articles lying around just in case we need more clothes. It’d be a little creepy to have a bunch of guards rifling through our drawers.”

Alucard grinned as he checked out his master. “You know, boss. I think your tits are bigger than Tia’s now. Hm…” He phased over and grabbed her mounds from behind, doing a size comparison. “Yup! You’ve surpassed old sunbutt in the bust department!”

“Gah! Dammit Alucard!” Twilight slapped his hands away, covering her chest as she blushed furiously. After a few moments of angry glaring and huffing, she returned to packing her clothing, casually stripping off her blazer and blouse and replacing them with a tank top as she worked. Her hair went up into a neat bun as she brushed her teeth and applied a touch of mascara and eyeliner, and she pulled out a pair of half moon reading glasses while applying her normal violet lipstick. After packing her toiletries, she slipped into a pair of loose, low cut white jeans and slipped on her sneakers, tossing her normal flats into a bag and packing them away for later.

Alucard suddenly hugged her from behind with a grin. “Looking good, boss. Looking real good.” He purred the last two words into her ear before licking her neck as he ground against her, making sure she could feel how hard she had made him. “Sweet Black fucking Sabbath you’re a fine piece of ass. You know that?”

Twilight shuddered and blushed, sorely regretting the fact that she hadn’t bought any new panties since she threw all of them away three years ago. “A-as if y-you haven’t told me that every day since I-I turned sevent-teen…” she muttered, feeling supremely uncomfortable down there.

Alucard sniffed and grinned. “Someone’s feeling all hot and bothered. What do you say we take care of that before we leave?” he whispered in a husky tone as his right hand started slowly going down south, sans glove. His tongue tracing up her neck again as his left hand went north toward her mounds.

Twilight shook her head furiously and teleported away, a shriek emanating from the general direction of the kitchen a few seconds later. “OH GODS THIS IS SO COLD I IMMEDIATELY REGRET THIS DECISION!”

Alucard laughed as he went into the kitchen and saw her shivering with a wet spot in her jeans. “You know you could have just jumped my bones, boss. Didn’t have to kill your good mood.” He walked toward her slowly. “But that still leaves me being hot and bothered myself. Care to help with that?”

Twilight glared and shivered some more before levitating a few ice cubes into the air and smirking.

“Oh don’t you dare!” Alucard yelled before the ice cubes were teleported into his pants and made him shudder for a few seconds and sigh. “Well… My boner’s gone.”

Spike walked in dragging his bags behind him. “Try and fail to seduce mom again, Alucard?”

“Shut up, zombie lizard!” Alucard grumbled.

Spike chuckled and flipped Alucard off before dragging his bags out the door. “Just make sure the two of you use protection!” he called out from the foyer.

Twilight grumbled angrily at Alucard and waggled a finger at him, “I blame you for Spike’s attitude, Alucard.”

Alucard laughed. “Our son takes after his daddy, boss.” He smacked Twilight on the ass and leaned in to steal a kiss from her.

Twilight pushed him away and beaned him in the crotch with her suitcase before throwing him through a wall and into his room. “Hush. Now go pack your things, Alucard. We have to get to the train station before noon.”

Alucard grinned at Twilight as they settled into the private coach they had gotten on the train, courtesy of Princess Celestia. “So… How long before we get to Ponyville?”

“Half an hour,” Twilight muttered, already scribbling notes down, using the provided tables. “Ponyville’s actually not far from the base of the Canterhorn Mountain, so it’s the closest town to Canterlot.”

“So we’ve got time to be a little… frisky?” Alucard asked as he scooted closer to her and put an arm around her shoulders. “Let’s make the most of our private time,” he whispered as he leaned in to kiss her, cupping her cheek in his left hand, the glove removed so he could feel her soft skin.

Twilight nodded, still lost in the equations dancing through her mind. “Right… right… Wait!” she suddenly spoke, pulling away quickly and scribbling furiously across several sheets of paper, pulling out various grimoires and tomes to cross reference materials.

Alucard stared at her for a moment before pulling her back into his arms. “Take a break, boss. You work way too hard!” He pulled her closer and kissed her, determined to show her a taste of what she was stubbornly denying herself.

Twilight blushed and reciprocated ever so slightly, eyes going half-lidded as she did so. Still, she refused to do more, ultimately pushing Alucard away gently and going back to work, blushing furiously and muttering, “Now is not the time nor place for that, Alucard.”

“Why not? We’re alone,” Alucard pointed out. “And you really need to relax and take a break. What better way than by working out some of that sexual tension you’ve got built up? Getting off a few times will be good for you.”

“Alucard, just drop it for now, I’m on the verge of a minor breakthrough in medical thaumaturgy here,” Twilight responded, flickering through various spell forms and adding in notes on various chemical reagents that could be added to potions to aid in various healing processes.

“Medical magic? Or more efficient blood drinking?” Alucard asked as his arm went around her shoulders. “And if you didn’t want to get frisky, why dress so sexy in tight jeans and a tank top with no bra?” He could see her nipples pressing out against the fabric of her top.

Twilight pulled his arm off of her, “You know damn well why I don’t wear underwear these days, Alucard. And yes, it’s medical. It is a more efficient bone setting spell, after all.”

“Uh huh…” Alucard muttered, not really convinced as he slipped his arm over the seat behind her head and watched her work. Well, pretended to while undressing her with his eyes.

Twilight remained oblivious to Alucard’s perversion and resumed scribbling out spell formulae, absolutely shredding through the few stacks of paper she had brought with her. Meanwhile, Spike lay a few seats away, stretched out over a table and snoring away, dead-er to the world

Alucard gave her a small smile as he watched. For all that he wanted her to loosen up and have some fun, there was no denying how cute she was when she was concentrating like that. Especially the way she bit her lip at a challenging problem.

Twilight glanced around at the various buildings and peoples of Ponyville, noting that despite the rustic looks, modern conveniences were in a fair amount of abundance. “Y’know, despite having did a few census reports on Ponyville, it’s still kinda strange seeing the disparity between the building style and the relative technological level here. Anyway, come on. We need to find our housing for the next two days. Seems we’re staying at the… Golden Oaks Library? Huh… Princess Celestia really didn’t think this through if she wants me to have friends if she put me in a library.”

“I’ll say,” Alucard agreed as he put an arm around her and pulled her close. “So if you wanna get this knocked out real quick, then let’s get to it, sugarlips!” He planted a kiss on her left temple as he grinned.

Twilight rolled her eyes good-naturedly and began walking around, using the provided map as a reference, “Okay, it says that Golden Oaks is one of the most distinctive buildings in town, since it’s… in a tree? Okay, that seems…. really, really weird… but I’ll believe it.”

“How the fuck is that tree still alive?” Alucard asked before seeing a pink haired girl coming toward them. “Freaky haired chick at three o’ clock.”

“Wait what?” Twilight turned to her right, immediately regretting her decision as a pair of breasts even larger than hers slammed right into her face as their owner began word-vomiting a wave of pink prose all over the street.

“OhhitheremynameisPinkiePieandIdon’tthinkI’veeverseenyoubeforewhichisfunnybecauseIknowaaaaallllthepeopleintownandallofthemaremyfriendsandohmigoshIneedtomakesurethatyourWelcometoPonyvillepartyisredybytonight!”

The whole time this girl was babbling, Twilight was trying to be good natured and listen, but then her eyebrow started twitching more and more violently as no end seemed to be in sight for the girl that didn’t appear to need to breathe. It was inevitable that she said what she said next. “GET TO THE FUCKING POINT!!!” she screeched.

Pinkie Pie immediately drew back, a little startled, but still smiling. She booped Twilight on the nose and waggled her finger, “Wow, someone’s a bit of a potty mouth~! Anyway, bye for now~” And with that, Pinkie disappeared in a cloud of vaguely sugar-smelling dust.

“What the fuck just happened?” Alucard asked. “And now that’s two women I know with tits bigger than Tia’s.” He started considering the pros and cons of groping that ball of energy the next time he saw her.

“Don’t even think about groping her, Alucard. You’ll probably get a contact high from whatever drug she’s taking to be that manic.” Twilight stood and brushed herself off, taking out her list once more. “Okay, so after we get to the library, the first thing on the list is the weather. Seems the head of the local weather team is one… Rainbow Dash. Wow, already she sounds like a lesbian and oh gods that sounds like something you would say dammit.” She slapped her face a few times and continued walking, ignoring the strange looks the townsfolk were giving her. After a few minutes of walking Twilight came across the biggest tree she had ever seen, the whole thing being larger than a four story building.

“Holy crap that’s a big tree,” Spike muttered, striding up to it and knocking on the wood. “Huh, it even feels alive. That’s… man, the things those terrans can build, huh?”

Twilight nodded, taking in the various doors and windows built into the tree as she unlocked the front door and placed her suitcase inside. “Okay, that’s done. Now… I guess weather check. It’s supposed to be clear for the Celebration tomorrow…”

Alucard looked skyward. “Lazy weather crew isn’t doing anything. Probably off fucking or something.” A rainbow blur slammed into him and knocked him to the ground, his hand landing on a chest. “Dude. Get off me and watch where the fuck you’re going.”

“Excuse me!?” a feminine voice cried out, the rainbow blur backflipping off of Alucard and into the air, wings flapping angrily, “I’m a girl jackass!”

Alucard sat up and got a good look at her. “Rainbow hair, aerial… You Rainbow Dash?” He then noticed her chest, his hand twitching at the memory as he saw a distinct lack of curves. Chuckling, he soon broke out in full blown mocking laughter. “Your chest is so fucking flat! You’re like a negative A-cup!”

“Shut the fuck up you jackass I’m aerodynamic!” Rainbow cried out, hugging her chest defensively. Twilight facepalmed and kicked Alucard in the face before turning to Rainbow.

“Sorry about my companion… he’s a bit… how should I say…. he’s a bit of a total fucking idiot. Anyway, are you the captain of the weather team?”

“The one and only!” Rainbow said with pride. “Name’s Rainbow Dash, best and fastest flier in the world, and future captain of the Wonderbolts!”

“Wonderbolts are never gonna take you!” Alucard jeered from the ground. “They’ll be like, ‘she has no tit drag! She has an unfair advantage!’”

“SHUT IT, ASSHOLE!!!” Dash screamed before doing a mach 2 piledrive into the vampire king.

“Ah… And there’s the release…” Alucard moaned.

“Sicko!” Dash snapped as she flew back to Twilight, huffing. “How do you stand that guy?!”

“I don’t.” came the flat reply. Twilight shook her head, “Anyway, what’s with all these clouds? Shouldn’t the weather team have, I don’t know, cleared them out or something?” She pulled out her list and waved it. “Says clearly right here: Clear skies for sunrise. And honestly, I can’t see how you’re going to pull off a successful Summer Sun Celebration if you can’t even have the weather right.”

Dash’s eyes narrowed as she frowned. “I could clear this sky in ten seconds flat.” She crossed her arms over her chest, partly to keep Alucard from staring.

Twilight crossed her arms as well and smirked, “Prove it.”

Dash grinned and vanished in a blur of motion, the cloud cover vanishing rapidly all over town. True to her word, Rainbow was back in place ten seconds later with the sky’s completely clear. “Ten. Seconds. Flat.” Her voice dripped with pride. “I’d never leave Ponyville hanging.”

“Good job, Miss Dash.” Twilight checked off the weather on her list and booted Alucard to get him moving, “Okay, next thing is…. town hall decorations.” Twilight immediately began walking away, staring at her map and offering Rainbow Dash the barest of goodbye waves.

Dash followed her a bit. “Don’t call me Miss. Makes me sound old. Call me Dash. Or Rainbow. Either one’s fine.” She laughed a bit. “Can’t wait to hang out some more. Just as long as the sicko isn’t there.”

“I resemble that remark, lesbian!” Alucard retorted from behind them.

“Fuck you!” Dash yelled at him before flying off.

“Gladly!” Alucard called after her, giggling like a loon.

Twilight just grabbed Alucard’s collar and began dragging him towards Town Hall, where a rather fashionable woman was telekinetically hanging streamers and banners around and inside of the hall.

“Beautiful…” Spike mumbled.

“Eh. I’ve seen better,” Alucard said with a shrug.

“Quiet you two,” Twilight snapped, walking up to her fellow purple-head. “Hello there, would you happen to be one Miss Rarity Belle? I’m the current overseer for the Summer Sun Celebration here in Ponyville and I need to discuss the state of the decorations with you.”

“Just a moment, dear,” she answered in an upper class accent. “I’m in the zone, as it were.” She looked over the various ribbons she had and finally made her choice. “A simple must for the occasion. Now how can I help you-AAAAAAHHHH!!!” A pair of hands had found their way to her breasts.

“Slightly smaller than Twilight’s,” Alucard noted idly as he fondled the fashionista.

“UNHAND ME, YOU RUFFIAN!!!” Rarity screeched as she floored Alucard with a martial arts take down and stomped on his crotch with her three inch stiletto heels.

Twilight winced, sure it was justified, but stomping in stiletto heels was absolutely terrible for a person’s feet. “You’re going to regret that later, miss. I would know… I’ve done that exact same stomp before...”

“Worth it to teach this ruffian how to treat a lady!” Rarity seethed before fixing her hair. “So. How can I help you, Miss… AAAAHHH!!! My stars! Darling! What happened to your skin?!” She looked on Twilight’s pale complexion in horror.

Twilight looked down at herself in confusion, “Uh… I… don’t go out at all usually?” At this point, splotches of red could be seen dotting Twilight’s skin, evidence that she had been under the sun for far too long already. “Oh, and I think I’m starting to burn.”

“That simply will not do!” Rarity said, grabbing her arm and summoning a parasol for her to shield herself from the sun with. “We simply must get you some ointment and sunscreen.” She led her out of the building toward her boutique while Spike dragged Alucard behind them, the vampire clearly in bliss at having his junk abused like that.

Meanwhile, Schrodinger stepped back behind a bush and checked his camera again before disappearing, chuckling to himself.

Twilight barely protested, already feeling the sting of the burns making themselves apparent, “I- uh, I hardly think this is necessary, Miss Belle… Shouldn’t you be working on the decorations for town hall?”

“I had just finished when you arrived,” Rarity said as she rubbed a special lotion onto Twilight’s skin to sooth her. “Besides, I must address this fabulosity problem of yours, my darling.” She spread more lotion over Twilight’s shoulder blades. “A woman with your complexion has to be careful about too much exposure. You want to build up a healthy tan, not burn yourself alive.”

“.... I don’t tan and I haven’t tanned since I was five years old,” Twilight groused, reading over one of the few fiction novels she brought with her to pass the time.

“Well then make sure you wear sunblock when you go out on a bright day like this. You should be alright on overcast days though,” Rarity said. “Now where did you say you came from?”

“Canterlot.” Twilight kept her eyes trained on her book, ignoring the fact that Alucard was probably going to grope her topless chest at some point.

“Canterlot?!” Rarity asked in excitement. “Oh I’m so envious! The glamour! The sophistication! I have always dreamed of living there! I can’t wait to hear all about it! We’re going to be best friends, you and I.” While her back was turned, Alucard had phased over and grabbed Twilight’s bare knockers.

“... Dammit Alucard, let go.” Twilight bonked Alucard on the head with her book repeatedly, not wanting to cause a scene by raising her voice.

“We’ll have more time later, sugarlips,” Alucard teased as he let go, taking a moment to steal a kiss from his master before going back to his seat.

“...Dammit Alucard…” Twilight blushed and dropped her face into her hands. Meanwhile, Spike made a gagging motion before rolling his glowing magenta eyes and continuing to fawn over Rarity.

Rarity turned back around and continued applying lotion. “Are you alright, darling? And who is your cute little dragon friend?” She gave Spike a radiant smile.

Spike swooned and, somehow, blushed a furious crimson, “I-I’m Spike, beautiful…”

Rarity giggled. “Oh you’re so adorable, Spike. And such a gentleman. My name is Rarity.”

“N-nice to meet you…” Spike blushed some more while Twilight giggled in the background. The teenaged-looking draco-lich shot an annoyed glance at his pseudo-mother and huffed.

Twilight continued giggling, throwing in a, “I think someone’s in love~”

“Dangit mom!” Spike muttered, clapping a hand to his face.

Alucard laughed. “I’m with sugarlips on this one, Spike. You’re in love!”

“I’LL BURN YOU ALIVE YOU UNDEAD PIECE OF SHIT!” Spike roared ineffectually, leaping at Alucard and whacking him over the head repeatedly.

“Spike! Language!” Twilight scolded over Alucard’s mocking laughter as he let Spike hit him a few times before pushing him back to Twilight’s side with a finger.

“Maybe in a century or two, Spike,” Alucard mocked.

Spike grumbled in irritation before turning away to sulk. Twilight chuckled a few times, then turned back to Rarity, “Anyway, thanks for the aloe and the sunscreen, but we really must get going. We still have the rest of the preparations to check on.”

“Drop in any time you need lotion or ointment, darling,” Rarity said with a friendly smile. “And keep the parasol. You need it more than I do.” Leaning down, she gave Spike a small kiss on the forehead.

Spike’s blush could have rivalled his flames in its intensity.

Twilight smiled and nodded, “Anytime, Rarity. Anyway, Spike, pick your jaw off the floor and maybe we can get in a late lunch. We have to check the catering.”

“R-right…. later, beautiful,” Spike reluctantly followed Twilight out the door, continuing to give Rarity wistful glances as he left.

“Howdy there, pardner! Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres, home of the best apples in all a’ Equestria! Ah’m Applejack!” came the exuberant voice of a rather tall, blonde woman, who came strutting down the path that Twilight and company found themselves on.

Alucard looked Applejack over and noted she was a good bit taller than his master. “Hm… Tits are clearly smaller than boss’ and the fashion babe. But that ass… Those thighs…” Vanishing from sight, Alucard’s hand slapped onto Applejack’s ass and squeezed it.

“Whoa there!” Applejack jumped in surprise before glaring at Alucard and kicking him in the face with enough force to knock all the apples from an apple tree.

Schrodinger peered out from a bush and thought to himself, ‘What an oddly specific vay to describe a kick...’

Shut up and go back to killing those vampires the military found you spacetime-fucking loon.

Schrodinger smirked, took a picture of the scene, and vanished once again.

Twilight sighed in exasperation, “Alucard do you have to grope every single woman you meet? Honestly, that’s what got you restraining orders from literally three quarters of every single noble house in Canterlot.” Spike sniggered at the sight of Alucard getting kicked in the face.

Alucard groaned in pleasure as his shattered jaw pulled itself together and snapped back into place. “Nice kick, sweetcheeks. Sweet ass on ya too. And them thighs…” He moved faster than the eye could see again and licked one of AJ’s inner thighs. “Awesome thighs.”

“Back off ya varmint!” Applejack cried, grabbing Alucard’s throat and executing a textbook chokeslam, crushing the No-Life King into the dirt. In Twilight’s mind, bells rung and she mentally handed Applejack a large, golden belt and proclaimed her this year’s EWE champion.

Alucard groaned as his huge bulge poked into Applejack’s belly. “Oh you dirty bitch! Work the shaft!” He started dry humping her belly.

“Ah said, BACK OFF!” Applejack proceeded to pick Alucard up, twirl him around, and throw him like an oversized dart…. straight into the side of an old, beat up barn over two hundred meters away. She huffed and dusted off her hands while Twilight and Spike took the time to pick up their jaws (Literally in Spike’s case).

Alucard’s voice carried from the barn in a satisfied moan that indicated an amazing orgasm. “Ah… Houston. We have noooo problems…” After he left the barn, poor Apple Bloom entered and was traumatized by the sight of a wall covered in vampire spunk.

“Damn dirty varmint…” Applejack muttered, crossing her arms. “Now Ah don’ s’pose y’all’re anythin’ like that darn fella over in mah old barn, are ya?”

Twilight shook her head, “Thankfully no. Unfortunately, he just doesn’t go away. And… well, he’s a huge sadomasochist so you beating him up is just making things worse.”

Applejack pulled a face and shook her head, “Anyway, what brings y’all over t’mah humble abode?”

“Well, we’re here as the Royal Overseers for the Summer Sun Celebra-eep!”

Alucard had phased behind Twilight and groped her while hugging her. “Sugarlips and I are checking on the foodstuff. Now where are your condemned criminals? I require blood. I’ll also take 100% uncooked beef still dripping with the life blood of the cow it came from.”

“....... Ah’m sorry, what did y’all say ya needed?” Applejack was now thoroughly disturbed by Alucard, slowly backing away from the sexually deviant psycho in front of her.

Twilight, meanwhile, blasted Alucard into the dirt and ran damage control. “I-ignore him, he’s an idiot! But yes, we’re here to check on the catering for the Celebration. Would you happen to have any samples left?”

Applejack immediately perked up and checked her watch, “Yer darn tootin’! It’s a little late, but we sure got enough for a few more people! C’mon, Miss, we was just ‘bout ta have a late lunch!”

With that, Twilight found herself dragged over to a large, open field absolutely covered in tables of food. Applejack had picked up a large bell and belted out, “SOUP’S ON EVERYBODY!”

With the horde of people that came stampeding in, Twilight only had one thought on her mind:

‘This is going to be either delicious or it’s going to suck so hard.’

‘I was wrong. It was both.’ Twilight groaned and attempted to keep her distended stomach from violently emptying itself in the middle of the street.

Alucard wrapped his arms around Twilight as they walked and gently rubbed her belly. “Almost like we’re expecting a kid, sugarlips.”

Twilight weakly pushed Alucard back, “I swear to the gods that I don’t believe in, Alucard, I will vomit all over you.”

Spike, meanwhile, picked the remnants of a turkey from his teeth, silently questioning just where the hell did the food even go?

“Sugarlips,” Alucard started. “Spike has no stomach, right? So how does he digest food?”

“Short answer: He doesn’t. Long answer: I wired in a complex spell matrix into Spike’s soul orb that basically takes incoming food and converts half of it first into mana, which substitutes in for Spike’s life energy, then the remaining half is converted into raw organic matter, which is evenly distributed through Spike’s body to simulate growth over time.” Twilight lectured, barely able to walk from the sheer amount of food in her belly.

“Oh… so that’s what happens…” Spike mumbled, poking at the hard, invisible shell encompassing the glowing orb in his empty chest cavity.

“I didn’t want a boring lecture, sugarlips,” Alucard groaned. “So where’s the music chick?”

Twilight checked her list, cross referenced the address on her map, and nodded, “Her name is Fluttershy and she lives on the edge of town, close to… holy moly the Everfree Forest. Wow. Girl must have nerves of steel.”

She began walking, slowly taking in the sights of Ponyville’s slowly winding down market. A few times, she thought she saw a head of either pink or blond-with-cat-ears hair in her vision, but whenever she turned to look, she saw nothing but the regular townsfolk.

Alucard looked around and saw the cat ears. “Schrodinger stop spying on us! It’s creepy!”

“Shit shit shit!” The cat ears permanently disappeared from view.

Twilight looked back at Alucard, confused, “What was that, Alucard?”

“Some boygirl I know,” Alucard shrugged. “Haven’t seen him for a while. He pops up now and then.”

“....Okay then.” Twilight turned back to the path, crossing the little bridge connected to the path up to Fluttershy’s cottage. From somewhere off the side of the cottage, strangely uniform and melodic birdsong rang out, forming the bars of Marezart’s Eine Kleine Pferdmusik.

“Huh, haven’t heard that one in a while,” Twilight mumbled, following the source of the sound to a particular tree full of birds and a hovering Aerial with… “Holy crap how the fuck does she not have a broken spine!?” Twilight clapped a hand over her mouth, barely able to keep her interjection at a mutter.

Alucard was positively salivating at the sight of this new girl’s rack. Even from a distance he could tell that she was bigger than both Twilight and Celestia by several cup sizes. He started slowly creeping forward, his hands twitching. “I just gotta find out how big her tits are. Are they real? Are they soft? Are they perky? I gotta know!” Phasing into the air behind her silently, he closed his fingers around the prizes. The huge knockers made bouncing sounds with every squeeze. “Oh yeah, baby. All natural MMM37. You’ve got the biggest titties I’ve ever seen on a woman.”

“ALUCARD NO!” Twilight screeched in fury while Fluttershy froze in fear, almost fainting from where she stood, blushing furiously at the feeling of Alucard groping her.

Alucard slowly licked Fluttershy’s neck as his bulge pressed into her shapely ass. “You ma’am, Fluttershy, are very sexy. I’m surprised the men aren’t beating each other into the ground to date you.”

Fluttershy began whimpering, whispering, “Bad touch bad touch bad touch,” over and over under her breath as she began tearing up. Twilight reacted immediately, pulling Alucard from behind Fluttershy and beating him over the head.

“You idiot! Can’t you see that you’re scaring the crap out of her!? By the gods I think you made her think that you were going to rape her!” Twilight screamed, altogether too furious at Alucard to stop hitting him with absolutely every pain curse she had in her repertoire.

Alucard endured the curses and slowly walked toward Fluttershy, seeing how upset the poor girl was. “Miss Fluttershy? I wish to apologize for the distress I’ve caused you. Please forgive me.” His tone was sincere, the sort he normally only showed to his master.

Fluttershy shrank back a little, nervously glancing at Alucard, “I-it’s a-alright… I-I was just startled….”

Alucard gave her a small smile. “You truly are beautiful, Miss Fluttershy.” He lifted a hand to his chest and bowed. “My name is Alucard. With me is my master, Twilight Sparkle, and her aide, Spike. We have been sent by Princess Celestia to oversee preparation for the Summer Sun Celebration. Your music is quite lovely.”

“O-oh… t-thank you…” Fluttershy blushed and shyly played with her hair, fidgeting in place. “W-well… we’ve just about worked out our routine for the Celebration… so I think that we’re all set with the music…” Fluttershy looked at her avian friends, who all tittered in reassurance that, yes, we have this, human friend.

Spike tapped his chin in confusion, “Why birds, though? I mean, even if there isn’t an orchestra, surely there must be at least a few musicians in Ponyville…”

Fluttershy perked up at this, “Oh, it’s because most of the musicians here have moved out, so really I was the only one capable of getting any music for the show. Though, Miss Octavia and her friend Vinyl are just on tour for the next month…”

“Huh, makes sense,” Spike muttered. Fluttershy, in the meanwhile, had flapped over to Spike’s position and was examining him quite thoroughly.

“Wow, I’ve never seen a dragon like you before… what happened to you, though? How did you get that awful hole in your chest?” She poked around the edges of the hole, prompting Spike to giggle helplessly.

“H-hey, stop that! It tickles!” He squirmed away while Fluttershy smiled angelically, stroking Spike’s head.

Twilight stepped in with an explanation, “He’s technically not a dragon per say, but he’s actually a specially designed dragon-patterned golem that I imbued with a learning intelligence matrix and simulated growth.”

Fluttershy nodded, slightly confused but following the gist of Twilight’s explanation, “So… he’s actually just a golem?”

“An organic one, but yes.”

“Fascinating…”

“She created him when she was 15,” Alucard said, putting an arm around Twilight’s shoulder. “I watched her do it. It was quite interesting to watch.”

Twilight blushed, “It wasn’t really anything all that special, just a lot of animation spells and a whole lot of explosions….” A half truth, but the truth nonetheless. Twilight still cringed at the memory of one particularly violent explosion that left her half naked in front of Alucard.

“But didn’t Celestia say it was a feat most mages your age can’t achieve?” Alucard asked, smiling at Twilight. “You are a true prodigy.”

Fluttershy smiled, noticing that, despite Alucard’s abrasive and terrifying exterior, he genuinely did care for the woman who served as his master. “That does sound impressive,” she stated, still marvelling at the texture of Spike’s scales, “he really does seem almost alive… he even has a heartbeat.”

“I-it was nothing really!” Twilight, despite being a recognized prodigy in all things arcane and scientific, had never actually been good at receiving praise and it showed.

Spike snorted, “I wouldn’t call my birth exactly nothing, mom.”

“He’s right you know, master,” Alucard chided, joining in the teasing.

“You guys….” Twilight whined.

The sun had set but for a few minutes when Twilight and company had finally made it back to the library. Twilight unlocked the door and stepped inside, fumbling around for the light switch before…

“SURPRISE!”

Alucard drew Casull and Jackal in surprise as he jumped in front of Twilight, ready to protect her. The assembled townspeople of Ponyville ignored Alucard’s protective stance however, and began milling about as the party began, with Pinkie Pie rushing forward to re-introduce herself to Twilight.

“Hey there Twilight! Sorry I ran off earlier but I just had to get everything ready for your ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party!” Pinkie bounced exuberantly in place, making Twilight wonder just how much sugar the pinkette had already consumed.

Alucard holstered his guns and phased behind Pinkie, grabbing her breasts and making comparisons. “Bigger than Twilight and Tia. Can’t hold a candle to Fluttershy though.”

Pinkie giggled and patted Alucard on the head, “I know right? Fluttershy is so big it makes me want to call her Hootershy sometimes! But she wouldn’t like that, so I don’t. Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?”

“I’m the one and only Crimson Fucker! Also known as Alucard,” the vampire introduced. “And do you mind if I call you Titty Pie?”

Pinkie waggled a finger, “Only if there’s no kids around! But there’s a few kids around here right now so keep it rated PG, okay Alucard?”

Alucard laughed. “I think you and I are gonna be best friends, Pinkie Pie.” He ground against her and leaned closer to her ear. “Want to ditch the party and find out what I can really do later?” he asked in a husky tone before licking her neck.

Pinkie’s smile dipped fractionally as she whispered in Alucard’s ear, “Sorry, hun, but I don’t put out on the first date. Buuuut~ if I really like you, you might get a second~!”

“Is that a challenge, Pinkie?” Alucard asked. “Actually, I’d like to talk to you about something in private.”

“Okay~ But hold on a second, alright?” Pinkie skipped away and slapped a new record down, allowing her to leave the party without fear that it might die down while she was away. “So what did you want to talk about?” she asked, pulling Alucard into the much quieter second floor.

Alucard looked down at where Twilight was and removed his shades. “Well… It’s about my master.”

“Ohoho~ I get it! You’re in loooove~!” Pinkie bounced happily and hugged Alucard, “and you want my advice, right?”

Alucard nodded and never took his gaze off Twilight. “Yes. Despite how I act toward her and all women I meet… I am in love with her.”

Pinkie Pie’s face grew serious as she took Alucard’s hand in hers, “Look, Ally, the best thing you can do is follow your heart and do what you think is best to win her over. I’ve seen the way you two act around each other and I can tell that, even if she doesn’t love you now, she definitely likes you enough to try. Remember that, and if you play your cards right, you’ll get your happy ending, okay?”

“You really think she’s willing to try?” Alucard asked. “Can I swear you to secrecy in what I’m about to admit?”

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” Pinkie followed through the motions, binding her in an oath just as powerful as any magical contract. “I Pinkie Promise to not tell anyone what you’re about to say, Ally.”

Alucard nodded. “The truth is… Part of me is afraid that even if she cares enough to try having a deeper relationship with me, that she wouldn’t be able to love me. Humans aren’t known for being able to love monsters.”

Pinkie looked confused, “What do you mean, Ally? Why do you call yourself a monster?”

“Because that’s what I am,” Alucard said. “I am a monster. A creature of such weakness that I could not hold back my bloodlust. Without the life blood of others to keep me going, I would shamble to a halt. Such is a vampire’s curse.” He looked her in the eye. “When I first met her, she was fleeing from bullies that wanted to hurt her for becoming Celestia’s pupil. Her blood set me free from my stone prison and bound me to her. I have protected her all these years. Those same bullies broke into her home when she was thirteen with the intent to murder her, and I butchered them without mercy or regret.” His face fell and became sorrowful. “I am a monster in his cage… And my master, the woman I’ve grown to love, holds the key. I would slaughter enough people to fill an ocean of blood if I thought it would make her happy.”

Pinkie Pie sat quietly in thought, trying to come up with the best way to phrase things, “W-well, even if you are a vampire, and you’ve k-killed so many people… that last sentence… you would do anything for her, wouldn’t you?”

Alucard slowly nodded. “I would. I would kill for her. I would even die for her if it came to that.”

Pinkie Pie smiled gently, “And she hasn’t left you behind yet, has she? She’s never once told you that she hated you, right? Well, never meant it, right?”

Alucard couldn’t help chuckling. “I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve sexually harassed her ever since she hit her teenage years. Somehow I can tell that no matter what she says about hating me… she doesn’t mean a word of it.” He lightly smiled. “I’m actually a rather bad influence on her.”

Pinkie’s smile grew, “I can tell you two are gonna be juuuuust fine. Just be true to her and yourself, and never let anything stop you from loving her like you do. So go out there and get the girl Ally!”

Alucard smiled at her. “We truly are going to be good friends, you and I.” He put his shades back on and started heading back downstairs to rejoin the party.

Pinkie smiled brightly and skipped down the stairs rejoining the party as if she’d never left. Twilight, meanwhile, stared at Alucard, “You didn’t just go have sex with Pinkie, did you?”

Alucard chuckled. “She doesn’t put out on the first date, master. No. We just had a little heart to heart.”

“If that’s all it was, then fine.” Twilight went back to awkwardly standing by the punch table while Spike… where was Spike?

“Dancing with zhe ladies, Mr Narrator.”

Thank you Schrodinger.

“Ja.”

Spike was dancing in a group of ladies, clearly trying to impress some of them, though they only fawned over how adorable he was. Twilight didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was only making himself look like a particularly well trained pet.

Alucard laughed and started mingling himself, dancing in the heart of the dance floor with a wide grin. “Great party, Pinkie Pie!” He reached out and grabbed Twilight’s hand, pulling her onto the dance floor.

“Alucard no! I can’t dance!” Twilight panicked, the last time she had danced without a heartsong phenomenon happening, she managed to make her dance coach vomit in disgust.

“Just follow my lead, boss,” Alucard said as he started leading her through a more energetic version of the waltz.

Twilight yelped and helplessly followed Alucard’s lead, somehow managing to not screw over the dance with her two metaphorical left feet.

Alucard kept grinning as he led her through the dance. “See, boss? It’s easy if you have the right teacher.” He leaned closer and put his mouth by her ear. “Ignore everyone else, master. Just look at me.”

Twilight blushed and stared into Alucard’s eyes, losing herself in the dance and those bloody red orbs with their hidden depths.

Alucard stared right back into her eyes as they danced, letting himself descend into their magenta depths.

Pinkie Pie jittered in place at the sidelines, grinning so wide that even the people that knew her best were confused. At some point, she had switched out the record for a romantic track and cleared the dance floor of everyone but the dancing pair.

Schrodinger enjoyed a cupcake while standing beside Pinkie. “Such a pretty couple, don’t you zink?”

Pinkie sighed and placed her hand on her cheek, “It’s like the sweetest cupcake I’ve ever baked…”

Slowly, the track wound down, and Twilight’s and Alucard’s motions slowed, until they were left just holding each other and staring into each others’ eyes.

“Your eyes burn with beauty, master…” Alucard breathed in a low voice only she could hear.

Twilight blushed and whispered, “Your eyes… I could just stare forever…”

Around them, the crowd watched with baited breath until Spike finally blurted out, “Oh just kiss him already, mom!”

Seemingly as one, master and servant slowly turned their heads, neck muscles near audibly creaking, to stare unblinkingly at the young draco-lich.

“....shit.” Spike muttered, turning around and all but sprinting out the window amidst a spray of broken glass and shattered wood.

Schrodinger leaned to whisper to Pinkie. “Too early in zhe story for zheir first real lovers kiss.”

Pinkie nodded in agreement. “Yes indeedie,” she whispered back.

Twilight turned back to Alucard and cleared her throat awkwardly, blushing furiously, “Eheh.. it’s… it’s getting late and I wanna get some sleep before the sunrise… I uh… I’m going to go to bed…” With that, she teleported away in a bright flash of magenta, leaving the crowd stunned and disappointed.

Alucard looked up to the second story and smiled. “Sweet dreams, Twilight,” he muttered under his breath.

The moments before the scheduled sunrise were rife with anticipation, the citizens of Ponyville all but rioting in their need to see their glorious solar princess raise the sun. Finally, a mere five minutes before the sunrise, Fluttershy’s birds began chirping out a rousing fanfare while Mayor Mare took the podium and announced to the town, “And now ladies and gentlemen, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…. Please give a warm welcome to Princess Celestia!”

Alucard was grinning as he held Twilight close to him, his shades and hat in place while his right hand held her parasol for her. “Don’t want you burning again, sugarlips,” he whispered to her.

Twilight blushed, but smiled in thanks, looking to the stage and eagerly awaiting the arrival of her beloved mentor.

A minute passed, and tension immediately sprung up among the crowd. Was this a practical joke? “Tia! Are you back there?! I know you like pranks but your subjects are getting a little nervous!” Alucard called.

Someone cried out from behind the curtains onstage, “She’s gone! We can’t find her anywhere!”

“Zhe plot thickens,” Schrodinger said from the buffet table before eating a slice of cake as he waited for the proverbial fireworks to start.

Twilight began panicking, “Oh no oh no oh no… what happened to Princess Celestia? This isn’t good, not good at…. hey, is it just me or is the moon getting a lot brighter?”

Spike looked up, shielding his eyes from the silvery glow, “Not just you… and it looks like there’s four stars heading toward the thing too… Also, might just be me… but the Mare in the Moon looks… really omino- Holy crap the Mare in the Moon just vanished!”

Twilight looked up at the moon, a sinking feeling rising in her gut. “Oh no… that old legend was true….”

A cloud of blue mist formed upon the stage, lightning crackling in and around it as it twisted into an iridescent tornado full of stars. A cackle rang out through the town hall as the room darkened into near total blackness.

The tornado cleared, and a pale woman stood, decked out in a sleek, armored dress with a moon sigil printed upon it. She looked at the crowd with her slit-pupiled teal eyes and grinned, fangs poking out from between her lips.

“Oh my precious subjects… it’s been far too long since I’ve seen your sun-loving faces…”

Her supposed to be dramatic entrance and speech was ruined by one shocked voice. “Oh shit! Is that Luna?!”

Author's Note

Aerial: humanized pegasi

Terran: humanized earth ponies

I'm Going For A Walk

“Luna” growled and struck out at Alucard, a fistful of teal, starry lightning tearing through his neck and causing his entire body to shred itself from the inside out, splattering the black-wearing Immortal and the first few rows of the crowd with Alucard’s blood. She grinned, enjoying the sound of the screams as everybody stampeded from the building.

Twilight stared at the Immortal, completely unfazed from the blood splattering the robe she had donned. As Alucard’s blood dripped down her face, she couldn’t help but to flick her tongue out and catch a droplet of it, tasting it as her eyes widened and began glowing a fierce pinkish-red.

‘This blood… Alucard’s blood… it’s so rich… so… so powerful….’

Twilight couldn’t help herself, she grinned and prepared her standard battle magic, not even noticing that her canines began lengthening ever so slightly.

“Luna” looked at Twilight with a smirk. “You seem rather unfazed by the gruesome death of your servant, little girl. You don’t even bat an eye at being covered in his bloo-EEEEEKKKK!!!” She cried out as a pair of gloved hands grabbed her breasts from behind.

“Luna, did your tits get bigger while you were gone?” Alucard asked with a lecherous grin on his face, his hat and shades gone as he looked past her at Twilight. “Boss, you look sexy covered in my blood.” Looking back at the woman he was fondling, he licked the Immortal’s neck. “You taste like jealousy and pent up sexual tension. Want me to help you with that second one, Lulu?”

Twilight pouted and stomped petulantly, “Dammit Alucard you ruined my dramatic moment! I was gonna say something like ‘Shredding him is step one, but what about two through ten?’ and you fucking ruined it you goddamn moodkiller!”

Spike nodded, “Yeah, it woulda been really cool too, cuz she was trying to give you an opportunity to freak the shit out of that bitch!”

“Language, Spike.”

“Moooooom! We’re kinda in the middle of something here! Can’t it wait?”

The black clad Immortal scowled and judo-flipped Alucard over her shoulder and back onto the ground, summoning black lightning to her hands shortly after. “How the blazes did you even survive that!? Almost nothing can survive being shredded like that!”

“Fuck you, that’s how,” Alucard answered with a grin.

Twilight rolled her eyes, “Laaaaaaame.”

“Ja. Zhat only really vorked on Father Anderson,” Schrodinger said while getting some more cake. “Und even zhen because he vas already quoting Boondock Saints.”

“.... Who the hell is that and do you know him, Alucard?” Twilight looked over at Schrodinger, scratching the back of her head.

“That’s just Schrodinger,” Alucard said as he got up with a grin.

“Nice move, groping zhe Immortal, Alucard,” Schrodinger said while grinning at said Immortal, who growled and screamed as she let loose a massive streak of black lightning, slamming it into Schrodinger and simultaneously darkening the room and blinding everyone from the flash.

“Impressive light show,” Schrodinger said from the other end of the buffet table, totally unharmed as he munched on some cake and sipped punch. “If you’re vondering how I survived zhat. It’s quite simple, really.” He grinned at her with half-lidded eyes. “I am everyvhere and novhere.”

The Immortal screamed in frustration and threw her head back, crying, “WHY AREN’T YOU PEOPLE STAYING DEAD WHEN I KILL YOU!?” She even stomped her foot in petulance, completely shattering any drama that would have formed. “Grr… fine! You win this round! But I swear that all of you whelps will rue the day that you crossed NIGHTMARE MOON!”

And with that, Nightmare Moon vanished into a cloud of starry nebula and zipped out the door, leaving town hall completely trashed and splattered with Alucard’s blood.

Silence reigned until Alucard spoke. “Boss. May I be completely honest with you?”

“Yes, Alucard?” Twilight asked, stripping off the robe she had put on and burning it into dust. She straightened her blazer and tie and pulled her hair out of its bun, “What do you need to say?”

“Two things,” Alucard said. “One. I am positively throbbing over this turn of events.”

“As expected. And the second?”

Alucard grinned at her. “You being covered in my blood… Is the sexiest I’ve ever seen you.”

“........” Twilight blushed, it being barely visible under the blood, and looked away. “Dammit Alucard, don’t say things like that!”

“How did it taste?” Alucard asked in his rarer serious tone. “Did you enjoy the taste of power? Of tasting just how utterly your usual magic infused blood snacks fail to match up to the blood of a true vampire lord?”

“It was…. it was almost intoxicating,” Twilight spoke, her eyes glazing over at the ecstasy that even a single drop had brought, “I…. If I had any more, I might… well… ahem…”

Alucard chuckled. “Just one drop brought you to the brink of an intense climax, master?” He drew Casull and Jackal. “Well, you’ll have a chance to taste blood of that level again. Once we corner Nightmare Moon.”

Twilight refocused, “Right. Stop the bitch trying to make eternal night first, massive orgasm later aaaand I really need to stop hanging out with you.” She shook her head, recalling the children’s legend she had read a few years back. “According to the legend, Nightmare Moon was defeated by Celestia using the Elements of Harmony, which were, and sources differ, either lost forever or sealed away deep in the castle of the old capital of Equestria.”

“So we need to find the Elements of Harmony,” Alucard said before screams echoed from outside the building. Rushing outside, he was met by the sight of what looked like zombies attacking the people. “So she left a present for us.”

“.... Oh gods what the hell are these things!?” Twilight exclaimed, throwing up a shield to keep an undead thing from biting her.

“They’re ghouls,” Alucard said. “The lowest rung of vampire created when a deflowered human is bitten by a vampire. They’re much like zombies. You find out where the Elements of Harmony may be. I’ll take care of the ghouls, master.”

Twilight nodded resolutely, “Right!” She sped off, the years she had spent training in combat magic under her brother allowing her to dodge the ghouls’ clumsy attempts at attacking her. As she sped towards the edge of town, towards the Everfree, she came across Applejack and Rarity, back to back and trying desperately to fend off the ghouls using earth shattering kicks and pinpoint martial arts.

Still, Twilight could see they were failing, and she signalled Alucard to watch her back as she held her hands up, a growing orb of black and violet eldritch energy sparking into being.

Alucard looked at the orb in curiosity as he offhandedly shot the ghouls that got too close to his precious master, their heads being taken off by the blessed silver bullets.

On Twilight’s back, the tattoo centered between her shoulder blades, as well as the ones on either shoulder began glowing a bright violet, sparking with excess magic. Finally, Twilight released the orb, driving it into the ground as she summoned up her own army to deal with things.

From the ground, summoned all the way from the deepest caverns beneath Canterlot, came hundreds of thousands of skeletal, crystalline things came pouring out of the ground. Each one was different from the next, though all of them were uniformly black, crystalline, and with glowing, magenta eyes and orbs in their chest cavities.

A pair of half serpentine, half centipede chimera golems tore into the ghouls surrounding Applejack and Rarity, while a tiger/wasp/wolf/lion tore open a path so that the farm girl and fashionista could get to Twilight.

They both panted, staring fearfully at the clashing armies around them and sneaking glances at Twilight’s glowing eyes. Twilight turned back to her army, making minute motions and activating her lower back tattoo, temporarily sectioning off a portion of her considerable intellect in order to multitask both controlling her minions and focusing on the task at hand. Eyes glowing a solid magenta now, she turned to Applejack and Rarity, “Alright you two, obviously this looks really bad, but my minions should be able to hold off the ghouls for now. If you want, you can stay and fight, or you can follow me to try and find a solution to Nightmare Moon’s eternal night plan.”

From the sky, a rainbow trailed blur settled in front of Twilight. “And just who is Nightmare Moon?! How are you so calm?! And how did you get your own private army?! Are you a spy?!” Rainbow Dash demanded with a glare.

“Accuse my master of treachery again, Rainbow Dash! See what happens!” Alucard threatened in a menacing tone that would be new to the weather girl.

Rainbow shrank back, hands held up in surrender, “Nope! I’m sorry! Not gonna happen again!” She hid behind Twilight, now very afraid of the gun-toting, crimson fucker. The whole world seemed to pause for barely half a second before a piercing scream rang out from nearby, Fluttershy sprinting from an alleyway, chased by a horde of ghouls.

Twilight groaned, “Seriously? It’s like the world is conspiring to bring me back to the first five people I met in this damn place.” Schrodinger smirked, but said nothing.

Alucard leveled the Casull at the ghouls chasing Fluttershy and, with the help of the vampiric third eye, blasted all their heads off without a shot ever coming near Fluttershy. “The silver cross of Lancaster Cathedral was melted down to make these 13 millimeter exploding shells. Nothing I shoot ever gets back up again.” He approached Fluttershy and looked the trembling woman in the eye. “Are you alright, Miss Fluttershy?” His demeanor was so at odds with what they’d met that Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash were very confused by it.

Fluttershy whimpered and clung to Alucard, nodding ever so slightly. “I-I’m alright,” she whispered, nearly sobbing into Alucard’s coat from fear.

Alucard gently led her over to his master’s side. “We’ll protect you, Miss Fluttershy. Stay right by my master’s side.”

Rainbow cocked her head to the side, “Hold on, you just threatened to murder me like five seconds ago. What gives, man!? Why are you so nice now!?”

Pinkie poked her head up from behind Rainbow’s shoulder, “Because Fluttershy is soooo adorable that even Mr. Big Scary Red Man has to be nice to her! Also, he actually feels bad for nearly making her cry earlier today.” Schrodinger jumped back in surprise, not expecting Pinkie to show up right next to him.

“.... Huh… wait you nearly made Fluttershy cry!?” Rainbow got up in Alucard’s face before being pulled back by Applejack.

“Dash, now is not the time nor place to be all up in ‘is face about that. If y’all hadn’t noticed, the town’s been overrun by zombies.”

“... Right…. I’m still gonna murder him later for that, though…”

Twilight rolled her eyes, not that anyone would notice under the glow, and motioned towards the Everfree. “Alright girls, since we’re all here, our greatest lead to stopping Nightmare Moon is in the direction of the old castle in the Everfree. Since we have such a large group, and my minions can handle the ghouls quite easily–” To make a point, an eagle/wasp/centipede/wyvern tore the heads off five ghouls simultaneously with its freakishly segmented tail and claws– “I think we should just stick together and search for the Elements of Harmony together. More people means more ground covered in less time, after all.”

Twilight led the march through the Everfree, the various cutting and burning spells she had mastered over the years making her perfect for clearing a path through the overgrown jungle. Her normal magenta magelight served to light their path, while Twilight’s compass spell kept them going in the right direction. All too soon however, a wisp of darkness cut across her field of view for just long enough for Twilight to flinch back and extinguish her magelight on accident, plunging the whole group into pitch black.

Schrodinger rolled his eyes, “Zhere better not be any grues in zhis fucking jungle.”

Fluttershy stumbled to the side, bracing herself on a nearby tree, only to flinch back and scream when it suddenly lit up with a monstrous face.

Alucard whipped out his guns at Fluttershy’s scream, the trees around them lighting up with more monstrous faces.

Pinkie spun around, taking in the stationary trees and their horribly made faces. She snorted, “G-guys! Ha! Look at these things! Pfffft! That one looks like an angry bunny! AHAAAA~!”

Schrodinger strode up to one of the trees, knocking on it and chuckling when it failed to so much as creak in response, “Pfft. If zhe bitch vas trying to psych us out, she vould have had better luck throwing a bucket of ice vater over us. Zhis? Zhis is just… pffffahahahaha! Oh mein gott zhese faces are vorse zhan even zhe art zhat I make! Ahahahahaha!”

Immediately the rest of the girls cracked up, realizing that for all their shock value, the faces were, really, just very very badly made carvings.

Twilight giggled, “It’s like a third grader tried to make these! Alucard look! That! That one! Aha! Is that what a bat looks like!? Khaaahahaha!” She fell to the ground, laughing hysterically.

Alucard actually had to holster his guns and clutch his chest as his mad cackling tore from his throat. “Trying to scare us with childish images?! I’ve seen five year olds make better than this, Nightmare Moon!”

From her position in the shadows, Nightmare’s mistform fumed petulantly before racing off to prepare more traps, plotting deviously with every meter covered.

A few minutes later, the laughter wound down as everybody slowly regained control over their lungs. Twilight huffed and shucked off her blazer, stuffing it back into her pocket dimension.

“Alright everyone, we’ve had a good laugh, now it’s serious time. Nightmare Moon’s already got a head start, and that only made it worse. So, we gotta move fast or else this night really will last forever.” She began moving again, blazing a trail with greater speeds, the sound of slicing branches and swathes of flame rippling around her.

Alucard looked skyward at the full moon through the trees. “How beautiful. Nights like this make me want to have a bite to drink.”

Applejack flinched away from Alucard, recalling his comment to her yesterday while Pinkie and Twilight groaned in frustration. The other girls simply looked confused at Alucard’s statement, but felt like they should be slightly creeped out. Schrodinger just rolled his eyes and pretended that he hadn’t heard such a terrible joke.

“Alucard, it can wait until we fight Nightmare Moon. Now come on, we have to keep… is it just me or is the ground tiltiiiiiiiiiiii-!” The ground immediately caved to the side, shattering into a seventy degree angle that dumped all the girls (and the two men as well) onto their asses, sending them skidding and rolling off the newly formed cliff one by one. Rainbow and Fluttershy immediately took to the air, catching Pinkie and Rarity respectively and lowering them to the ground. Applejack, using her leg strength to the fullest, somehow managed to use falling boulders like stepping stones and bounced to the ground.

Twilight screeched, almost like a banshee, as she fell, sheer panic preventing her from simply casting a spell to save herself. Thankfully, Alucard was an attentive servant and anti-climactically caught Twilight in a bridal carry before she could splat.

Schrodinger just yawned and dropped from the tree branch he’d been reclining on. “Nightmare Moon… I am everyvhere and novhere. Zhat trick von’t vork on me.”

“You’re an asshole, catboy!” Rainbow Dash snapped.

Alucard looked at Twilight as he landed, ignoring Schrodinger stick his tongue out at Dash. “Are you alright, master?” His voice was laced with concern and worry.

Twilight groaned and dropped to the ground, “Well, that was unexpected to say the least. I’m fine, Alucard, but thanks for your concern. Now, is everyone okay?”

A round of nods.

“Good, we can’t let a little bit of cliff falling drag us down. We need to keep moving. After all, we don’t stop Nightmare Moon… we condemn the world to a slow death by freezing.” Twilight marched on, now nearly steaming with magenta wisps of mana. She stared resolutely forward, promising a world of pain on Nightmare Moon for the absolute shit she had just been through.

Alucard stared after his master and smiled, feeling himself fall for her all over again. “I can only hope Pinkie Pie is correct in her belief that I can have a successful relationship with Twilight.”

Rainbow groaned from her position in the air, “Does this forest ever end!? I swear we just walked by that tree a few seconds ago!”

As if just to spite Rainbow, a thick wall of almost blue fog rolled in, covering the path for a few seconds before dispersing, leaving behind faint shafts of light to pierce through the canopy of the forest.

Rarity looked up excitedly, “Is… is that the sunrise!?”

Twilight looked up, squinted, and carved a hole through the canopy, prompting gloriously golden sunlight to spill through and strike the faces of the girls. Twilight gasped, “The sun is up! Princess Celestia must have defeated Nightmare Moon again!”

“Master!” Alucard’s disembodied voice called in worry. “Master can you hear me?!”

Twilight looked around, searching for any sign of Alucard, but he seemed to have vanished. The only thing that kept Twilight from assuming it was one of Alucard’s jokes was his tone of voice. Unless the situation was truly dire, he absolutely never spoke with any worry in his voice.

“Alucard!? Where did you go!? Describe your surroundings!”

“Old memories. That’s all I’ll say, master,” Alucard answered. “The bitch trapped us in separate illusions! Must have known about my third eye. I can find my way through but I can’t see any of you. I’m sorry, master. I cannot help you right now. You’ll have to find your own way out.” He sounded positively furious that he couldn’t get to her.

Twilight tried illusion breaker after illusion breaker, failing to dispel the much higher level of magic surrounding her. “I’m sorry Alucard, I’ll try and see if I can find my way out! You just hang in there, find us later!”

Schrodinger whistled a tune as he leaned on a tree beside a broken bridge. “Vhat is taking zhem so long? Did zhey get lost or somesing?”

“Alright! I’ll see you on the other side!” Alucard answered. “And master?”

“Yes Alucard?” Twilight called back, still trying futilely to break the illusion while the other girls milled about in worry.

“Please be careful.” Alucard’s voice clearly conveyed his concern for his master. “I know damn well that you can and will get through, but still, be careful.”

“I will, Alucard! I’d tell you to be careful, but, clearly, the sentiment is wasted.” Twilight chuckled then sobered up, turning back to the group, “Girls, I’m sorry, but… I can’t break the illusion. We’re basically blind here. We have no way of telling if we’re on the right path. Even my compass spell is giving me false readings.”

The girls all groaned in frustration in despair, Rainbow being the most vocal as she kicked a tree, enraged. Applejack sat on a stump, idly playing with a stick while she waited… was it getting… darker? “Girls, do y’all see what I’m seeing?”

“And what’s that, Applejack?” Twilight asked, looking around for any changes in the scenery. None came to her, the sky still remaining its same, high-noon blue.

“Ah… Ah think it’s gettin’ darker…” Applejack looked around, the illusion pulling away from wherever she looked in clouds of shimmering mist.

Pinkie frowned, “I don’t see anything, AJ… are you sure it’s getting darker?”

“Well, Ah can sorta see th’ ‘llusion pullin’ back, if that’s what yer askin’,” Applejack responded, walking forward along the path she saw and looking like she had just walked through the massive dead tree blocking off part of the various paths the illusion had generated. “... Yup, girls, follow mah voice!”

Twilight motioned the other girls to follow as she slowly, cautiously pushed through the illusory, coming out of a massive bank of navy blue fog as she did so. “It’s clear, girls!”

Rainbow dashed out of the fog, looping around in midair in joy, “Aww yes! Thanks AJ!”

Rarity tilted her head and stared at Applejack, “Darling, how did you do that?”

“W-well, Ah don’ know… I just… I just thought that that illusion was a mighty big bother, and… it just… went away…” Applejack stammered, not used to being the center of any sort of weird magical issue.

“Seems that you have something akin to my own third eye,” Alucard said as he approached them and smiled at Twilight for a moment. “Are you alright, master?”

Twilight nodded and smiled back, “Yeah, I’m alright. You?”

“Of course. An illusion like that is nothing before my third eye,” Alucard said with pride. A snarl behind them drew his attention. Thrusting out his arm, he caught a lunging manticore by the throat. “What is this creature?” he asked in a calm tone as he grinned at the beast in his grip, watching it struggle.

Fluttershy gasped and cried out, “Wait! Put him down!” The busty aerial rushed over to the side of the manticore, pushing gently at Alucard’s arm. Without waiting for Alucard’s response, Fluttershy immediately dropped to her knees and began fiddling with one of the manticore’s paws.

“What are you doing, Miss Fluttershy?” Alucard asked. “This creature came at us with hostility. What interest could its paw hold for you?”

Fluttershy stood and nuzzled the now considerably more docile creature, “The poor baby just had a thorn stuck in its paw. Look!” She held up the wickedly curved barb of plant matter, dropping it to the ground shortly after. “He was just a little cranky, that’s all,” she continued to hug the manticore even after Alucard dropped it, allowing the creature to nuzzle Fluttershy back and lick her face affectionately.

Alucard looked at Fluttershy with a curious expression before smiling. As the manticore departed, he reached out and gently laid his hand on the girl’s shoulder. “You have an amazing gift, Miss Fluttershy.”

“O-oh, thank you, Mr. Alucard… But really, it’s nothing special...” Fluttershy blushed and looked to the side, slightly hiding behind her hair.

“.... Well that happened,” Twilight muttered, turning back to the path at hand and… “Are you kidding me!? When did you get there!?” she screamed at Schrodinger, eyes ablaze with nearly crimson fury.

“You’re so slow!” Schrodinger teased. “In zhe time it took you to catch up, I vent all zhe vay back to town, ate a slice of cake, zhen came back.” He chuckled and smirked at Twilight as his ears twitched a couple of times. “Don’t act so surprised. As I said, I am-”

“Everywhere and nowhere, we get it,” Twilight deadpanned, “you only said that about four hundred times.”

“Seras said zhe exact same sing!” Schrodinger teased with a grin. “So. Who vould like to jump a chasm to fix zhis broken bridge?” he asked as he gestured to the bridge in question.

Rainbow huffed, “Like you couldn’t just fix it yourself?”

“I am everyvhere and novhere,” Schrodinger said. “Not a miracle vorker.”

“... Fiiiine.” Rainbow vanished in a blur, zipping down the chasm just as soon as another bank of fog rolled in. “Are you shitting me!? More fog!?” came her exasperated cry, somehow muffled by the fog.

Inside the chasm, Rainbow picked up the end of the rickety rope bridge that connected the two ends of the massive crack in the earth and flew out and up, coming to the other side with little fanfare. As she tied off the first post, she heard a rustling of wings behind her, a trio of dark suited aerials dropping from the fog and landing in front of her before moving into a dramatic team pose.

“.... And who the hell are you?” Rainbow asked, looking at the weirdos in their rip-off Wonderbolt uniforms.

The dark clothed aerials posed again, their leader extending a flyer towards Rainbow, “We’re the Shadowbolts, and we’d like to recruit you Rainbow Dash! All you need to do… is just take a flight with us.”

Rainbow stared at the flyer before shrugging and turning back to the bridge, “Piss off. My hometown is infested with zombies, there’s eternal night happening, Nightmare Moon is apparently real… and you guys want me to go and take a flight with you right now!? Get lost, assholes, and get your priorities straight… and also stop making those weird-ass poses.”

With his vampire hearing, Alucard heard the whole exchange and laughed loudly. “Well said, Rainbow Dash! Well said indeed!”

Rainbow took in the praise and waved the rest of the group over, making sure that the ropes held firm as they crossed. “Tch. Stupid weirdos. Don’t they know I’d never leave my friends hanging?”

“Apparently not,” Twilight spoke, placing a hand on Rainbow’s shoulder. “Whatever you did, thanks for not leaving us behind, Rainbow.”

“No prob, so, keep going?”

“Keep going.”

Twilight winced, all this walking was really making her feet sore, and she regretted not taking the time to change into sneakers earlier. “Okay, for some reason I expected the castle to be right after the bridge. Silly me. Wait… is that water up ahead?”

Indeed, up ahead was a viciously flowing river, the waves unnaturally thrashing, a wailing river serpent within it, whose distraught tantrum was stirring the water. Alucard grimaced. “We must deal with the serpent before we can continue. I cannot easily cross running water.”

Twilight grumbled, “Great….” She sighed and walked up to the bank closest to the sea serpent, calling out, “Hey! What’s wrong? What’s with the tantrum?”

“Oh it’s just the absolute worst thing! So I was just sitting here, minding my own business and filing my nails, when all of sudden this tacky cloud of whatever comes flying past me and rips of half of my wondrous mustache! And now I look absolutely horrid!” the river serpent wailed pitifully, swooning and making all the most flamboyant of gestures.

Alucard grumbled and started drawing the Jackal. “Why don’t I put him out of his misery, master?” He leveled the black pistol at the river serpent. “Pure silver Macedonian processed mercury ammunition. In Marvell’s NNA9 cartridges. 39 centimeters long, weighing 16 kilograms with 13 millimeter armor piercing rounds. The Jackal will make it quick and relatively painless.”

“Alucard, do you alvays solve your problems by killing zhem?” Schrodinger rhetorically inquired.

The serpent continued acting the part of the diva, not even noticing Alucard’s threat. Rarity gasped and pushed Alucard’s arm down, keeping him from firing. She called up to the serpent, “I couldn’t help but notice your plight, darling, and it truly is horrid that your moustache has been so terribly defiled! So, as a fashionista myself, I must ask you to lower your head down to where I can reach, Mr.. erm… I don’t believe I ever caught your name, my good sir.”

The serpent lowered his head and spoke, “My name is Steven Magnet, girlfriend, and, I’m sorry, but I don’t know if you’ll be able to do anything for the damage… there’s just so much of it!”

Rarity patted Steven’s massive chin and smiled, “Just leave that all to me… though, I’m going to need…”

“Ouch!”

“...this scale of yours. I do apologize, but I didn’t bring my usual styling kit today. Now, hold still, please…”

Rainbow tilted her head, “Y’know what, that actually does look pretty good. Maybe grow out a bit more of a beard to fill it out, but it’s damn good for a five minute hack job with a sharpened scale and half a mustache.”

Twilight looked at Rainbow, “Y’know, you were the last person I expected to compliment Rarity’s work.”

“What? I hate dressing up, but even I can tell when something looks good. Jeez, I’m a tomboy, I’m not blind.”

“Fair enough.”

Alucard chuckled. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I must agree that Miss Rarity can be quite the miracle worker in that field.”

Schrodinger shrugged. “Eh. I’ve seen better.” He looked at the river. “Oh look! Zhe vater is calm now. Let’s see if we can’t get Alucard across.”

Steven looked down at his reflection, marveling at the way Rarity had used her magic to turn parts of his hair into extensions for his moustache. “Oh miss Rarity, how can I ever repay you for your kindness?”

Rarity waved him off, “Nonsense dear. Think of it as a gift from me to you. Though, we do still find ourselves in the precarious position of needing a bridge across the river… Hmm…”

Steven perked up and raised his body out of the water, forming a thick and mostly flat path to the other side of the river, “Not a problem, girlfriend! Just cross the river using my back. Don’t worry hun, I got tough scales.”

“Well there’s that problem solved,” Alucard said as he dashed across the serpent’s back to the opposite bank, making sure there was nothing that could bring harm to his master in the immediate area. Twilight and the girls followed soon after, Rarity stopping to trade a few fashion tips with Steven before continuing onwards.

Finally, finally, after what seemed like forever, the castle came into view. Twilight nearly sighed in relief, happy that they had finally made their way from the forest and to their destination.

“Okay girls, we’re out of the forest, but we’re not done yet. We need to split into pairs and search for the Elements. Be careful though, Nightmare Moon may be lurking around here somewhere.”

Applejack nodded, “Ah’ll go with Rarity. Keep her safe n’ all.”

Rarity nodded, “Our respective combat styles are a decent match.”

Rainbow Dash grabbed Fluttershy, “Anyone tries to hurt Flutters, they’ll have to go through me first!”

Twilight shrugged and turned to Alucard, “Alucard, I know this might seem like a bad idea, but I want you to go with Schrodinger. If Nightmare Moon really is lurking around here, she’ll probably try to take out the strongest fighters first. So far as she knows, that’s you two, so putting you two together minimizes the risk to the rest of us. I’ll go with Pinkie Pie.”

Schrodinger was agast. “Vhat?! You’re using us as bait?!”

“We’ll be fine,” Alucard said as he started walking off. “Besides…” He flashed a sinister, bloodthirsty grin. “I’ve waited 1500 years for this fight.”

“Good. Everyone ready?”

“Ready.” “As we’ll ever be, darling.” “Yup.” “I-I… I suppose?” “Yepperooni!”

“Alright then, move out!” With that Twilight grabbed Pinkie by the arm and began searching the main throne room.

Alucard entered a tower that had lost its roof, grinning up a storm as he extended his senses, especially his third eye. “Come to me, Luna. Face me like the warrior goddess that you are. Like you did in that far distant time.”

From the shadows, Nightmare Moon circled around the room, looking for an opening to strike. She refused to rise to the name Luna, that was a remnant of a time far gone, a time without such glory… a time without her insatiable bloodthirst. Still, in the end, she took the bait and lunged forth, lances of blue fire, spinning from her hands and slamming into both Alucard and Schrodinger as she rolled across the floor, slipping into position behind both males and flinging them together with a burst of telekinesis.

While Schrodinger appeared unharmed on the sidelines, Alucard regenerated and turned to Nightmare Moon, drawing the Casull and aiming at her before firing a burst of three shots at the fallen lunar princess. “Tell me, Luna. How did you become a monster? How did you come to carry the burden of vampirism?”

Nightmare took all three shots without flinching, even as her blood, blackened and sparking with eldritch energy, splattered the wall behind her. She hissed as her wounds dissolved into mist and regenerated, “I shall tell you nothing, worm! All you must know is that I shall kill you and then I shall rule this land in eternal night!” She responded with a burst of chain lightning, striking out at Alucard and everything around him.

Alucard tanked the lightning and fired several more shots. Once he saw those wounds regenerate, he grinned madly as he drew the Jackal and fired a shot from it at her. Let her try to regenerate wounds from a weapon made to kill regenerators. “How did it happen? Were you turned by another vampire? Or maybe like me you were offered power by a dark being and drank blood willingly.”

“All you need to know is that I’m going to kill you!” Nightmare ran forward, flowing around the shot and pulling a sword of black flame from the air as she charged into melee combat.

Alucard’s grin widened as he dodged around her slashes and kept firing at her. “Oh I’m sure you’ll talk, Luna. Eventually, you’ll talk!”

Her only response was an inarticulate scream of rage as she abandoned her sword in favor of attempting to rip out Alucard’s throat with her fangs. Unfortunately for her, Alucard grabbed her around the throat and with a little mutter of, “Nice try,” threw Nightmare through the wall, though she recovered and slammed back into him, discharging a massive bolt of lightning into Alucard’s torso and frying him from the inside out.

Alucard coughed up blood as his eyes boiled and steamed. At first he seemed defeated. Until he started chuckling. “Excellent.” He looked at her with a truly manic look as he got to his feet. “I haven’t had this much fun in ages. Let’s kick things up a notch,” he said ominously as the seals on his gloves glowed. “Releasing Control Art Restriction System Levels Three… Two… One…” His form began shifting as his long red coat vanished into the black mass he was becoming. “Approval of Situation A recognized. Commencing the Cromwell Invocation. Ability restrictions lifted for limited use until the enemy has been rendered silent.”

Nightmare dashed back, instantly wary but put up a brave face nonetheless, “Hah! You think a paltry form change will be enough to defeat me!? Pitiful! Just piti-ACK!”

Alucard had dashed forward with greater speed than before and buried his fist in her gut, grinning as he sent her flying into the wall. Not giving an inch, he closed the distance again and grabbed her head, slamming it into the wall and grinding her face along its length before throwing her through a wall. When she looked up, she might as well have been looking at Tirek himself. “Come on! Get up! Attack me! You’ve only suffered the loss of half your face!” His grinning face appeared from the mass of darkness that had red eyes that didn’t belong there. Especially the huge honking one in the middle of his chest. “Summon up your familiars! Transform your body! Heal your marred face and stand! Come on! Hurry! Hurry! HURRY!!! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!! HIT ME!!! FIGHT ME!!! GIVE ME A HUG!!!”

“...” Nightmare Moon whimpered, “R-really?”

“....” Twilight perked up at the sound of Alucard’s mad laughter and the sound of a woman screaming. “Welp. Looks like Alucard found Nightmare Moon. Now all we need to do is find the Elements of Harmony before Alucard tries to eat her or something.”

Pinkie scanned the room they were in, noticing that it was bare save for the weird dais in the center with all the orbs on it. “Hey, Twilight?”

“Yes, Pinkie?”

“Maybe these weird orbs are the Elements.”

Twilight looked at the orbs sitting on the dais, noticing their odd, semi-crystalline sheen and the gem patterns carved into their surfaces. “Well, if nothing else, these are probably our best bet. We should probably get the rest of the girls before Alucard finishes wi-GAH!”

Twilight sprung back as a wall exploded inwards, sending Nightmare Moon’s broken body sailing into the room amidst a veritable eruption of blood, the impact of the Immortal’s body against the opposite wall enough to splatter the nearby Twilight with slightly blue tinged, sparkling blood. On instinct, Twilight licked her lips, tasting the blood. Her eyes glowed with a blue light as she absorbed the blood’s magic. This blood was on the same level as Alucard’s, and she felt even more powerful. Her eyes rolled back as her knees failed her and she fell onto them, hugging herself as her body was wracked by an enormous shudder. A low moan could be heard escaping her throat by attentive listeners.

Pinkie stared incredulously at Twilight, “.... seriously…? Even I know that’s kinda weird, Twi…”

“Shut up and focus on the Elements, Pinkie,” Twilight muttered, her voice carrying a tone of pure orgasmic ecstasy. She didn’t even notice her canines slightly lengthen again, like when she tasted Alucard’s blood.

Pinkie returned to her attention to the Elements, stroking her chin thoughtfully before pulling a surprised Schrodinger in from off screen.

“Wha-how!? Vhat zhe hell, fraulein!? How did you do zhat!?”

“No time to explain, get the girls, Kittyman!” Pinkie ordered, already hefting the stone orbs from the dais and rolling them over to the still dazed Twilight.

“Y-yes ma’am!” Schrodinger skedaddled, popping out in front of Applejack and Rarity, grabbing their shoulders and trusting Pinkie to pull him and his cargo back on screen. He repeated this process with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, thus bringing all six girls back together.

Rainbow wrinkled her nose, “Did someone just fuck in here or something… and holy crap that’s a lot of blood, Twi you alright?”

For some unfathomable reason, Twilight raised her thumb in the air and mumbled, “Houston, we have noooo problems~”

Out of the hole Nightmare Moon had come through, Alucard stepped, still looking the very image of evil with that eye in his chest and his manic grin. “Well come on then, Nightmare Moon! Stand up! Or was that talk of ruling the world in eternal night just hype?! You little goddess wannabe bitch!”

Immediately, every girl that wasn’t Twilight screamed and backed away from the terrifying visage of Alucard, breaking through Twilight’s daze and prompting her to scream, “Alucard! Restrictions on! You’re scaring the shit out of them!”

Alucard’s eyes widened, the shadows that clung to him retreating slowly as his coat reformed and he resumed a normal human form. “As you command, master. I believe Nightmare Moon isn’t going anywhere for a good while.”

Twilight looked at Nightmare’s groaning form, the blood splattered over the wall, the blood splattered over her, and silently agreed. She turned to the girls who had somehow become her friends over the course of the last two days, “Girls, I get that Alucard is… frightening, but explanations can come later. First things first, we need to figure out how the Elements work. As I recall, there were five Elements: Laughter, Kindness, Generosity, Honesty, and Loyalty. The legend states that the five Elements working together would create some sort of spark, revealing the sixth Element. Though, how to activate these things…”

“Perhaps I can shed some light on their workings,” Alucard said as he kept an eye on Nightmare Moon. He knew that it would require revealing his past sins, but perhaps it was time to share that knowledge. If not for himself, then for his master.

Twilight turned, “Wait, you know how they work, Alucard?”

Alucard sighed and turned to them. “1500 years ago, when I first appeared in this world, I was completely unfettered. Given over to my insatiable bloodlust. Pinkie Pie knows some details, since I confided in her at the welcome party, but I spent three decades running around Equestria. Killing and butchering anyone that I encountered. Whole towns and villages fell to my thirst for blood.” He paused to let them digest this information.

“Alucard… I… What happened after?” Twilight asked, barely able to contain her shock. Behind her, the girls’ reactions more or less stuck to horrified disgust and fear, save for Pinkie, who wore a pitying expression.

“At last I was confronted by Celestia and her younger sister Luna,” Alucard continued. “As I attempted to unleash my full power in order to fight them, they summoned those five orbs there, and unleashed a rainbow colored blast at me. This blast forced upon me all the pain and suffering I had caused. Admittedly, I was driven mad by the agony as I was turned to stone. But I was fully aware as I was trapped and eventually went sane again... Albeit with my sadomasochism.” He paused again.

Twilight covered her mouth in shock, looking at Alucard with tears in her eyes. “Oh Alucard…”

Rainbow was the first to regain her wits, looking green around the gills and more than a little afraid of Alucard, but she still found the courage to ask, “So… how does this help us with the Elements?”

“The Elements themselves are conduits for the virtues they are named for,” Alucard said. “Celestia and Luna together channeled them to harness their power. But in this situation, I see five bearers. A single exemplar for each.”

Applejack spoke up this time, “So… who gets which Element? I mean, I reckon’ Fluttershy gets Kindness, but the others seem a tad random t’me.”

Alucard chuckled. “It’s quite obvious who gets which, Miss Applejack. You, who led your friends through a fog of illusion safely, represent Honesty.” He looked at Pinkie. “Pinkie Pie, who dispelled darkness with her own inner light, and the light of those beside her, represents Laughter.” His gaze drifted to Rarity. “Rarity, who aided a complete stranger and asked for nothing in return, represents Generosity.” He looked to Rainbow. “And Rainbow Dash, who would not abandon our mission for a chance at glory, represents Loyalty.”

Around the five, the stone orbs shattered, the pieces flying over to each of their respective bearers and forming into golden necklaces with color coded gems matching their cutie marks. Over on the side Schrodinger looked down at the golden arm band with a pink balloon sigil replacing his normal Nazi swastika in confusion.

“Vell… zhat’s interesting….”

Against the wall, Nightmare Moon groaned as she got to her feet, blood leaking from her mouth. “You still don’t have the sixth Element!”

Twilight looked at her friends, feeling a warm light beginning to pulse within her as she finally understood the meaning of the “spark”. “Oh but we do have the sixth Element, Nightmare Moon! Maybe I don’t fully understand how the Elements work, but I do know this: These five girls are my friends! And when I realized how happy I was to have them with me, the spark, the spark that creates the sixth Element… it ignited within me! The sixth Element of Harmony… is Magic!”

Nightmare Moon’s eyes widened in horror as she watched the rainbow beam form above them and rush her. “NO!!!” she screamed as she was engulfed by it, feeling the darkness in her soul torn away by the purifying magic of the Elements.

Twilight was the first to awaken after using the Elements, the magic she had absorbed from Nightmare Moon allowing her to recuperate much faster than average. She groaned and sat up slowly, gazing over to where she last saw the Nightmare, only to see a young woman, a teenager, really, lying unconscious in a dark blue dress far too large for her.

Alucard slowly walked toward the young woman and gently turned her onto her back to look into her mouth. Confirming his suspicions, he removed the glove from his right hand and raised his wrist to his mouth, biting it open and allowing blood to be spilled. Holding his bleeding wrist over Luna’s face, he allowed his blood to drip into her mouth. Within seconds, she grabbed his wrist and pulled it to her lips, greedily sucking down the offered blood.

Twilight stared, slightly confused, but also slightly awed, “How… how is she still a vampire? I… didn’t the Elements cleanse her soul or something?”

“That might be the case for a vampire that was sired by a fellow vampire,” Alucard said. “But for those that willingly sacrificed their humanity for power, I doubt even the Elements can cure that affliction. But she has indeed been cleansed. I no longer sense any of Nightmare Moon’s madness within her.”

Behind Alucard, the sun shined in through the hole in the wall, heralding the arrival of Celestia and the reawakening of the other five Elements. Schrodinger, meanwhile, nursed the headache he had received from the Elements pulling away his energy.

Twilight bolted to her feet, rushing over to her mentor, “Princess Celestia! You’re alright!”

Celestia smiled and hugged Twilight, “Yes, and it’s all thanks to you, Twilight. Thank you very much. You’ve done a great service to Equestria today.”

Twilight blushed, “A-ah, well… it… I couldn’t have done it without the help of my new friends…”

Luna perked up at the sound of Celestia’s voice, looking both extremely happy and extremely terrified, peeking out from behind Alucard at Celestia’s radiant smile.

“Luna, my sister… I’m so happy to see you again…. we have so much to catch up on… will you accept my friendship once more?” Celestia stooped slightly, offering her hand to her much shorter sister.

“I… I…. Tia I’m so sorry! Please forgive me!” Luna slammed her face into Celestia’s chest, sobbing and hugging her sister as tightly as she could.

Alucard couldn’t help smiling at the reunion of sisters as he pulled his glove back on, his wrist mending itself. Letting the sisters have their moment, he walked over to his master and her, no… their, new friends. Giving Twilight a small smile, he looked at the other five with a somber look. “I believe there is some explaining to do.”

Author's Note

Yes, the humanized ponies still cutie marks.

See, That Would Be Intimidating If You Were, Well... Intimidating.

Alucard had found the day to be rather trying despite the triumph over Nightmare Moon. Luna still refused to talk about how she became a creature of the night, but he was confident that she would eventually open up. His more immediate concern was explaining his true nature to his new friends. And now here they stood, in the Golden Oaks Library, in the aftermath of his finished tale. Excluding how he came to the world, of course. And now he waited in silence for their reactions as he looked at Twilight. He knew he was most concerned about how his master would react.

Twilight bit her thumbnail, still processing Alucard’s words. She felt conflicted; on the one hand, she had already known that Alucard was a murderous bloodsucker, but on the other hand, the sheer scale of what he had done was just… horrifying beyond belief. Still, Alucard had mentioned that he had become “sane” over the course of his imprisonment… for a given value of sanity.

“... Alucard?” she whispered, looking up at him.

“Yes, master?” Alucard, looking into her eyes.

“You’ve… you’ve changed, right? You wouldn’t repeat what you did all those years ago, would you?” Twilight’s face bore an expression of slight worry, almost overshadowed by the horror she still felt.

Alucard sighed. “I must confess that I would still slaughter, but not indiscriminately. I would be more selective in my targets.” He looked at the others. “What about the rest of you?”

The rest of the girls shared looks among each other, each one seemingly just as horrified as the next. Surprisingly enough, Fluttershy was the first one to speak, standing in front of Alucard and placing her hand on his chest. “I-I still think… Y-you’re still really s-scary…. but… from the way you protect Twilight… and from the way you kept us safe even when you didn’t have to…. I can tell you have a good heart… so… I...I trust you.”

Alucard looked into Fluttershy’s eyes and put his hand over hers. “You truly think there’s a good heart in me, Miss Fluttershy? Even though I’m a monster?” Her kindness was truly astonishing to behold.

Fluttershy blushed and stuttered, “A-ah… well… maybe not l-literally… but I c-can tell that you truly do care for Twilight… and even a little bit for us…”

Alucard was truly moved by Fluttershy’s words and embraced her. “You truly are worthy of Kindness, Fluttershy. You know what I am, what I’ve done, and you still give me the benefit of the doubt.” So moved was he that a tear of blood actually fell from his eye.

Fluttershy smiled and hugged Alucard back, breaking the tension and letting the other girls speak up. Rainbow flapped over and clapped Alucard on the back, “Hell, I’ve seen it too. You’re so loyal to Twilight it’s almost scary. Any guy so devoted to his lady friend can’t be that bad.”

Alucard looked at her even as he noticed Twilight blush out of the corner of his eye. “She’s my master, Rainbow Dash.” Though he certainly hoped he could be something more to her as she was to him.

“Eh, same difference.”

“Well, Ah don’ rightly know bout any Ah this ‘master’ stuff, but, barrin’ a few understandable exceptions, you’ve been nothin’ but honest with us, Alucard. And that means Ah c’n trust you… but don’t you dare ever touch my behind like that again without my express permission, y’hear me?” Applejack punched Alucard’s other shoulder, offering him a halfhearted friendly glare.

Alucard laughed, more good natured but still with just a tinge of his inner psychosis. “As you wish, Applejack. Of course, that implies you enjoyed being touched like that.” He gave her a cheeky grin.

“Sh-shut up!” Applejack cried, punching him again.

Rarity came up next, “Well, I don’t know if I can call you generous… save for with your perversions and your bullets… but, as with the rest of the girls, I can see that you truly do care for Twilight. And, like Applejack, please never touch me like that ever again. So, as long as I don’t have to see your… vampiric side… I think we’ll get along just fine. Oh, and do drop by the Boutique if you ever need something to wear besides your current outfit.”

Alucard chuckled. “Your offer is quite generous, but ultimately not necessary.” His form became a mass of shadows and reshaped itself into a woman with flowing black hair, a white leisure suit and scarf, a white hat, and the same blood red eyes and grin. “The trappings of mortal forms mean absolutely nothing to me.” And he still spoke in his normal voice despite now having a female form.

Rarity shrank back, not expecting his transformation, “O-oh… but still, if you ever at least want a new outfit suggestion, come by any time.”

Pinkie bounced up from behind Rarity, “You really should! Rarity is the best seamstress in aaaaaaalllll of Ponyville! And pretty much the only one, too. What’s up with that?”

“Well there’s nothing wrong with a monopoly on at least a local level,” Alucard said as he went back to his usual form. “So… You’re all okay with this?”

A chorus of shaky nods. Pinkie spoke, “Well, maybe not all of us are totally okay with it, but as long as you don’t go all scary eye man on us again I think we’ll be fine!”

“Agreed.” “Yup.” “Uhuh.” “...yes…”

Twilight shook her head, “You girls really are something else.” She smiled and walked up to Alucard, placing her hand on his shoulder, “And really, Alucard, I’ve lived with you for the past twelve years. Talking about your past isn’t going to change a damn thing. Well, okay, it does mean that I’m never letting you rampage anywhere ever, but I wasn’t letting you do that anyway. Honestly, it would have been more surprising if you had been a priest or something.”

Schrodinger laughed from the chair he was seated in. “If you vant a priest, look for Father Alexander Anderson. But, he’d likely try to skewer you on all zhose blessed bayonets.”

“....Who?” Twilight asked, now very confused.

“Just a homicidal Catholic priest from the Vatican in another dimension that Schrody reeeaaally shouldn’t be talking about in this context, riiiiiight?” Pinkie loomed over Schrodinger, as if daring him to make another reference to copyrighted material that really had no business being in this story.

Schrodinger slightly panicked. “Of course! Of course! Ve don’t vant to get pulled for copyright infringement, do ve?” He chuckled nervously and looked in a particular direction in worry, seemingly staring at nothing.

“That’s what I thought.”

Twilight stared, “Is… is she always like this?”

Five voices rang out in perfect unison, “Yes.”

“........Okay then…”

Monday dawned with little fanfare, with Twilight stumbling out of bed, tripping when she forgot that she wasn’t in Canterlot anymore, and falling from her bed into a pile of cushions that she had laid out.

“It’s been two weeks and I still haven’t gotten used to being in this library…” Twilight muttered, rolling from the cushions and into the bathroom for her morning shower.

Half an hour later, Twilight strode into the kitchen, dressed in her usual outfit sans-blazer and stopped, not expecting the food covering the table. “A-alucard? Did… did you make breakfast?”

“I did, master,” the vampire answered as he pulled out her chair for her. “Your favorites, and seasoned with some of my blood.”

Twilight sat down, still reeling from the shock of Alucard actually making breakfast for her, a thing he hadn’t done since she was old enough to actually cook for herself. “Wait… did you say you seasoned this with your blood?”

“I did,” Alucard confirmed as he pushed her chair in and sat down beside her. “I remembered that you enjoyed it before.”

Twilight groaned and dropped her face into her hand, grinning secretly all the while, “You do of course realize that breakfast is going to take hours now, and that I’ll need to burn this chair, yes?” Without waiting for his answer, she speared a sausage with her fork and brought it to her lips, taking a large bite out of it.

Pinkie perked up, “... Did I just hear a scream? …. Nah, must be my imagination.”

Two hours, some cold food, three burned chairs, two quick disinfections of the floor, and a cold shower later, Twilight flopped down into one of her last remaining kitchen chairs, blushing furiously with a slightly dazed expression on her face. “Th-whoo… thanks for breakfast Alucard… that… that hit the spot…”

Alucard chuckled and smiled at her. “I knew it would. And now I have an idea.”

“Huh? What idea?” Twilight perked up. Spike looked over as well, but shrugged and went back to washing dishes; obviously Alucard was planning something with Twilight, and he’d really rather not see the two of them doing anything overly mushy.

“A little bird told me that a traveling stage performer will be passing through town,” Alucard said. “Seems intriguing.” He stood and bowed in a flourish. “I would be honored if you accompanied me, master.”

Twilight blinked, “What, like a date?”

Alucard nodded. “Yes. You could say that.” He hoped to any gods that deigned to listen that she would say yes.

“....Well, I, uh,” Twilight blushed, eyes dilating slightly. Every instinct was telling her to just say yes, but the part of her that always found Alucard repulsive kept screaming NO in all capital letters. After a single moment of deliberation, Twilight shook her head and decided to be spontaneous for once.

“I’d love to, Alucard. When do we leave?”

Alucard hid his shock. Honestly he’d expected her to insist that they go as just friends. But she’d said yes. Okay, unfamiliar territory now. “In around an hour. The show is in the town square.”

“Great, then I have time to choose an appropriate outfit!”

“Don’t forget sunblock and your parasol, master,” Alucard reminded with a smirk.

Twilight merely shot Alucard a backhanded middle finger, slamming her room door behind her.

Schrodinger piped up from the couch, “Get ready to vait, Alucard. Zhis is going to take a loooong vhile.”

Over in Baltimare, Seras was fuming. “WHERE DID THAT LITTLE PRAT GO?!”

Exactly forty five minutes and six seconds later, the door to Twilight’s room opened and the woman in question stepped out. Inside Alucard’s mind, for some completely understandable reason, “Careless Whisper” began playing.

Twilight descended the stairs, her hair tied up in a neat bun. She had added a touch of makeup, mascara and eyeliner with dark lipstick serving only to make her pale complexion look absolutely radiant. She wore a string of onyx beads around her neck, a sixteenth birthday gift from Alucard himself. A tight, sleeveless blouse under a black corset vest covered her torso, accentuating her bust seemingly without any effort put in. Around her waist lay a medium length, black pencil skirt with a tiny slit up the side for extra movement. And to cap the look off, sheer black pantyhose and low, black high heels.

Twilight swung the parasol over her shoulders, opening it in one swift movement as she struck a pose at the bottom of the stairs, “So, Alucard, how do I look?”

Alucard, for the first time in his life, was absolutely speechless. “You… You look…” He slowly stepped toward her and gently cupped her cheek in his hand. “You’re so beautiful, master.”

Twilight blushed and smiled, “You really think so?”

“As cliche as this is going to sound,” Alucard said with a smile of his own. “I know so.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Twilight blushed, “but it does help. N-now, we had a show to get to?”

“That we do,” Alucard agreed. Some old memories prompted him to offer her his arm. Twilight took his arm and smiled, perhaps Alucard really could be a gentleman from time to time.

Alucard noticed the looks he and Twilight were getting as they walked toward the town square. His vampire hearing allowed him to hear the curious whispers as well. Soon enough, the caravan set up in the middle of town came into view, along with the crowd gathered around it. The rest of the girls were already at the front of the crowd.

Twilight looked around, “So did anyone say just what this show was about?”

Just then, a burst of smoke onstage caught the crowd’s attention, a blue-clad woman with a purple cape and hat appearing from it, announcing, “Come one! Come all! Witness the absolute power and majesty of the Great and Powerful Trrrrixie!” Fireworks and flashing lights rang out in a cacophonous chorus, nearly drowning out the applause of the crowd.

Twilight looked at the stage, “Well, a travelling illusionist. This should prove to be interesting.

Alucard chuckled. “I doubt she can compare to your prowess, my master.” Despite sharing the parasol with Twilight, he was still wearing his sunglasses and wide brimmed hat.

Twilight blushed, “W-well, I mean, I’m nothing special, really…”

On stage, Trixie continued dazzling the crowd with her tales of magical prowess, finally coming to a head with her boast, “Trixie is the absolute most magical aetherial in all of Equestria!”

Twilight furrowed her brow, frowning ever so slightly, “...Whoever she is, she’s either very good at acting, or she’s nothing but a braggart.”

At the front of the crowd, Rainbow Dash groaned and chuckled, “Oh please, how bad do you have to be to say something like that?”

Rarity frowned, but nodded, “Indeed, quite a bit more boastful than necessary.”

“She’s a performer,” Alucard said. “This is how they work. I guarantee her bark is far worse than her bite.”

“Still… Ah c’n see that she’s nothin’ but a bold faced liar. Ain’t none a’ her stories been the truth so far… Cept the part where she graduated magic school at th’ top a’ her class.” Applejack scowled at Trixie.

“You should show her what you can do, Twilight!” Spike suggested, looking up at his keeper in excitement. “Show her a real mage.”

“And potentially ruin the show? That wouldn’t exactly be a good idea, Spike. Even if it is nothing but lies and boasting, that’s how most traveling illusionists work, anyway.” Twilight pointed out, lecturing with a perfectly manicured, violet painted finger.

Of course, Trixie happened to take notice of the group’s conversation, having layered a basic monitoring spell over the crowd to make sure that her response was uniformly positive.

She huffed and let loose a few more fireworks, “It seems we have some naysayers in the crowd! Who would be so foolish as to challenge the Great and Powerful Trixie?”

Rainbow immediately grabbed the edge of the stage and flipped up, landing after an impressive display of acrobatics. “I would, Trixie! See, I gotta say, you may be all tough talk, but can you beat an aerial at her own game?”

“Oh this is going to be good,” Alucard said, slipping into his usual jovial tone that some had come to call “Troll Alucard.” “Make sure to give us a good show, Dashie!”

Rainbow smirked and launched into the air, blasting through clouds and whirling around at dizzying speeds. After a few seconds of heart stopping aerial acrobatics, she skidded to a halt on the stage, a massive stream of water splashing off her outstretched wings and misting out into a beautiful miniature rainbow.

“Top that.”

“Oh she’s asking for it now,” Schrodinger said from his spot beside Pinkie Pie, sharing a bag of popcorn with her.

Trixie gaped for a moment, then smirked wickedly, casting a spell and calling out, “Impressive… but still, you’ve been hoisted by your own petard, fool!” Rainbow looked around strangely before noticing that the rainbow she had made was moving of its own accord, whirling around her in a technicolor tornado before launching her back into the crowd.

Twilight’s frown deepened, “Okay, that was slightly uncalled for. She didn’t have to launch Rainbow that far.”

Alucard laughed his impish laugh. “Oh Dashie’ll be fine. That was funny as hell!”

Twilight shook her head, watching as Rarity took the stage, absolutely dripping with elegance and poise. Rarity struck a pose, pointing at Trixie and somehow taking command of the stage lights to give her a dramatic backdrop.

“You may have won against Rainbow Dash’s acrobatics, but can you win against my fashion?” The curtains tore themselves away from the stage, flowing around Rarity’s form in an all concealing cocoon of steadily shrinking fabric, until they disappeared entirely, reveal Rarity in a beautifully elegant dress. “As my brash friend put so well, top that.”

“AND RARITY TAKES THE LEAD!!!” Alucard called in a commentator’s voice. “CAN TRIXIE RISE TO THE CHALLENGE?!”

Trixie shot a glare at Alucard before whipping her hand out, a brilliant stream of almost liquid mana lashing out and wrapping around Rarity’s head, swirling around and dispersing to reveal…

Twilight winced, “Okay, that is definitely too far.”

Rarity shrieked, looking at the literal rats nest that had replaced her immaculate coils. “You bitch! You’ll pay for this!” she cried, running off the stage, desperately in need of restyling and ice cream.

“Oh she got fucking owned!” Alucard said with a laugh as Spike ran after Rarity to help her.

“...Indeed…” Twilight hissed, storming to the front of the crowd and teleporting onto the stage, utilizing what little (read: A whole hell of a lot) she knew of illusion magic to generate both a smokescreen, a dispersing flock of bats, and ominous music.

“Okay, Miss ‘Great and Powerful’ Trixie. This has gone on far too long. You come into my new home, you weave a story made entirely out of lies, you humiliate my friends…. AND YOU RUINED MY GODDAMN DATE!” Twilight screamed, hands lighting up in magenta infernos of barely repressed magic. Her eyes glowed ominously, steaming wisps of crimson mana erupting from their magenta depths as her canines lengthened into short fangs. From in the distance, one might almost hear ominous chanting.

Alucard fell silent at the sight of his master getting all pissed off and putting on her game face. There was no cheeky remark, no jokes to be made. No. Only one sentence could describe what was going through his body right now. “I think I just came.”

Twilight continued, advancing on the now nervous Trixie, “So you have one chance… one chance to prove to me, and to this whole town, that you aren’t just an annoying braggart that can’t take a single loss. I challenge you, ‘Great and Powerful’ Trixie, to a Mage’s Duel.”

Trixie drew back, gathering up the last bits of her courage and acknowledging Twilight’s challenge, “Fine! If you wish to be destroyed under Trixie’s power!”

“Oh you’re screwed, bitch!” Alucard called. “You are so fucking screwed!”

Trixie growled and immediately lashed out with a basic combat spell, the mana beam, hoping to catch Twilight off guard and take her out without fuss. Twilight simply raised an eyebrow, taking the spell without even flinching, the faint shimmering of mana around her denoting that she had absorbed the entire spell. “Is that it? A basic mana beam? The one that every single aetherial knows? And so weak too, I absorbed the whole thing without flinching. The first attack I ever absorbed was so much stronger than that beam that I could have taken hundreds of yours without ever coming close to the power of that first absorbed spell.” Twilight remained unimpressed, merely flaring out her mana and generating an impressive aura of magenta sparking with every color of the rainbow and then some.

Trixie merely harrumphed and tossed her hair, “Hmph, I was just testing your defenses. It’s good to see that my opponent isn’t so weak as to be defeated by the weakest of all combat spells.”

“Weak save!” Alucard jeered.

“SHUT UP!”

Twilight yawned, “Oh, I suppose it’s my turn now.” She raised her fist, capturing Trixie in her telekinetic grip and, in a move that would be ironically used on her far in the future, whirled around, launching Trixid clear out of town and into the Everfree Forest. Twilight cursed and teleported after, leaving screens made of scrying spells so that the townspeople would be able to view Trixie’s defeat.

Trixie, though mostly nothing but a braggart and an illusionist, had in fact graduated top of the class from Manehattan’s Battle Mage school, and was thus well versed in a fair few types of combat magic. One of these types of combat magic involved breaking a fall.

Thus, Trixie crashed through the canopy of the Everfree with little damage, rolling to a halt in a glowing hamsterball of mana.

She looked around as she panted, her heart damn near exploding with how fast it was beating. Then, out of the shadows, came Twilight, shrouded in a shimmering aura of mana, not unlike a giant magenta flame.

Trixie glared, “So, all you could do was a telekinetic throw? Pathetic. Hmph, still, it was a lucky shot. And I concede that it was a good throw. Tell me, what exactly is your name?”

Twilight smirked. “Hello. My name is Twilight Sparkle. I am Princess Celestia’s personal apprentice. The supersoldier Alucard answers to my authority alone.” Her smirk widened enough to become psychotic. “And this is the perfect chance to test out my new toy.”

“N-new toy?” Trixie’s eyes widened, before narrowing into a self-superior smirk, “Hah! As if any paltry toy would be enough to defeat the likes of the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

A sound like wire being drawn taut rent the air as several flashes of light came through the air when Twilight lifted her hands. Suddenly, several of the huge trees around them fell, their trunks cut through with razor clean cuts. Twilight had lights moving around her, reflecting off the wires floating around her. “Seems to work perfectly.”

Trixie gaped, now very very afraid of the younger girl in front of her. Still, she didn’t back down, refusing to swallow her pride.

Twilight chuckled in a manner very reminiscent of her servant. “Micro-filament wires stored in pocket dimensions and telekinetically manipulated. Reinforced with magic, these wires can cut through most objects like a hot knife through butter. Flesh included.” Her smirk widened enough to show her fangs. “I’d run if I were you.”

Trixie growled and threw up her shields, the air shimmering with large, flat plates of pinkish-violet light. The rectangular shields, three in total, orbited around the illusionist in an impressive display of defensive magic. Trixie’s hands glowed again, this time throwing forward a brilliant arc of lightning.

Twilight stared at the lightning, raising her wires into a tightly knit mesh in front of her, then grounding it and herself so that the lightning spell did nothing but spark impressively and nearly blind both women.

Trixie, being a dirty fighter, took advantage of this, launching a pair of arcing fireballs to either side of her and then following up with a crossed pair of wind blades down the center path. She, however, used a smoke bomb and beat a hasty retreat into a convenient cave.

Twilight stopped the fireballs with a barrier of oxygen empty air around her and blocked the wind blades with a ripped up chunk of rock. Walking into the cave at a leisurely pace, she looked around for her target. “Oh Trixie…” Her voice echoed around the cave. “Come out come out wherever you are. Is the Great and Powerful Trixie really the Scared and Cowardly Trixie?”

“BURN!!!” Alucard cheered from the stage as he watched.

Twilight started slicing apart rock formations that could serve as cover for Trixie. Trixie, meanwhile, cast illusion after illusion over herself, making her invisible and silencing her footsteps before retreating further into the cave…. only to stop as she walked right into something large, warm, and… covered in stars.

Trixie cursed silently, slowly backing up until she accidentally bumped into Twilight, breaking her concentration as she screamed in surprise. “EEEK!”

“Eeek!”

“eeek!”

Two sets of angry yellow eyes opened in the darkness, one large and belonging to something blue, the other much, much larger and belonging to something purple.

Trixie looked back at Twilight and smiled pathetically, “Trixie proposes that we postpone our duel until we are no longer in danger of dying from the angry Ursa in this cave.”

Twilight snorted, “Go, run if you wish. I’m staying behind to run some… pest control.” Twilight brought more wires to bear as she grinned at the giant bears that were staring her down. “If I can beat Ursa, then it proves I’ve come a really long way as a mage.”

Trixie sputtered, already halfway out of the cave, “A-are you insane!? Those are Ursa Major! You’ll die! Even I can’t defeat one!”

“So you admit that you’re all talk, Trixie?” Twilight asked. “Also, the blue one is an Ursa Minor. A cub. And I’m guessing the Major is its mother.”

Trixie had already left the cave and was hightailing it straight back in the direction Ponyville was, not even stopping to look back at Twilight. Within seconds, she had disappeared back into the bushes.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Coward.” She jumped back to avoid the Minor’s paw as it came down where she had been standing. “Feisty, aren’t you?” She grinned. “I like feisty prey.”

The Minor roared in anger, prompting its mother to pull it back and assume a defensive stance in front of it, glaring at Twilight in an attempt to make the much, much smaller aetherial back down.

Twilight kept grinning and lashed out with her wires, severing the Major’s left fang in one shot while lacerating the skin behind it. “Come at me, bitch! It’s not about you but… I REALLY NEED TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM!!!”

Alucard grinned and shuddered just a little, “I think I just came… again…”

Rainbow scowled, “Dude, TMI.”

The Ursa Major roared in pain, swiping a whale sized paw at Twilight in blind rage.

Jumping up, Twilight landed on the paw and dug her wires into it to grip and stay in place while causing a lot of pain to her foe at the same time. The Ursa Major kept roaring, thrashing around and shaking the earth for miles under the sheer force of its stomps. The Minor ran to the back of the cave, huddling down and waiting for its mother to kill the tiny speck.

Twilight was grinning as manically as Alucard was known to. “So this is what the rodeo is like! Fun!” Using her wires to keep grip, she started making her way up the Ursa’s arm, her wires digging in to find nerve endings. She had her target in sight: the base of its skull, behind its neck. Once her scrying spells gave out from all the ambient magical energy, she could dig in without worry of exposing her little… craving.

The Ursa Major began rolling, smashing against the walls and the various stalagmites and stalactites as the air around it saturated with almost physical tons of natural mana, shorting out the scrying spells with an audible crack of shattering glass.

Feeling the end of her scrying spells, Twilight finally reached the base of the Major’s skull. She licked her lips at the sight of its nebula like blood. Deciding to forgo her usual compression spell, she reared back and opened wide, biting down on the creature’s flesh and sucking some blood into her mouth. Her eyes glowing a bright nebula purple, she screamed against the Major’s flesh as her pantyhose flooded from her body’s reaction to the blood.

The Ursa roared, weaker this time, already knowing that, somehow, its time was nearing an end. Still, it fought on, batting at the base of its skull in an attempt to dislodge Twilight’s feeding form.

Finally, the Ursa fell forward, and moved no more. Releasing her hold on it, Twilight sucked in a breath and hugged herself while rubbing her arms. Her wires flashing, she lacerated the flesh and made a large fountain of blood burst up and rain over her, her moaning echoing as she rubbed the blood over her bare skin and licked it off her hands.

Alucard stepped into the cave and scented the blood covering his master. “Master! Are you alright?”

Twilight gave no verbal reaction, instead ripping off her vest and blouse with an all too erotic moan, using her wires to shred off her skirt and pantihose before launching her naked, blood covered self at Alucard with a half maddened giggle.

Alucard was pressed against the cave wall as her lips covered his, her tongue darting into his mouth and running over his fangs while she moaned and ground herself against him. The blood was affecting him too, and he kissed her back, running his hands over her body after ditching his gloves.

Twilight deepened the kiss, swirling her tongue around the inside of Alucard’s mouth before pushing the both of them to the cave floor, using her wires to shred off as much of Alucard’s clothing as she could reach, then slowly, reluctantly pulling away and pulling off the remnants.

Alucard managed to get his wits about him again and grabbed Twilight’s wrists, rolling them and pinning her with his superior strength, holding her arms above her head by her wrists. “Wait. Hold on, master.”

Twilight panted and ground against Alucard, moaning out, “C’moooon! I’m horny, we’re naked, and you’ve been wanting to fuck me for at least the past two years! What’s the hold up!?”

“Not like this, Twilight,” Alucard said, looking into her eyes as he used her real name. Something he only did if he was absolutely serious about something. Like making sure she didn’t make a huge mistake. “Not like this. Not while you’re half mad with lust.”

Twilight groaned and pouted, grinding against Alucard just a little more before calming down ever so slightly. “Ugh… you’re… you’re right… But I still wanna fuck.”

Alucard kept looking into her eyes and finally hit upon a solution. Lowering his head, he placed his neck to her lips. “Feed, Twilight. Take some of my blood.”

Twilight’s eyes dilated as she inhaled, taking in Alucard’s scent. She couldn’t help herself; she bit down viciously and drank deeply of Alucard’s blood, an earth-shattering orgasm ripping through her from just the first mouthful, instantly knocking her unconscious from sheer ecstasy.

Pulling her fangs from his neck, ALucard mended the wound and used his own mastery of blood to clean them both up. Using some of his shadow power, he fashioned a new coat and wrapped her up in it to cover her before shifting into his “Girlycard” form to clothe himself. He gently picked her up and started carrying her back to town. She needed to rest after the day she’d had.

Alucard cradled Twilight in his arms as they came back into town, their friends and Spike waiting for them. “Sorry to keep you all waiting.”

Rainbow stared at Twilight’s barely covered form, “What the heck!? What happened to her!? …. And what happened to those Ursa?”

“Master defeated the Ursa Major, but is exhausted,” Alucard said. “I stepped in to halt the Minor from trying anything while I got my master to safety. She’ll be fine after she’s had some rest.”

Rainbow gaped, “You’re kidding me. She took on the Ursa Major and defeated it!? The thing was like four hundred feet tall!”

Fluttershy, having been in the crowd, looked worriedly at Twilight, “O-oh my… she isn’t hurt… is she?”

“She’s alright, Fluttershy,” Alucard assured her with a small smile. “She just needs to rest.”

The rest of the girls sighed in relief, thankful that their new friend was fine. Though, one thing sprung to mind…

“.... Why is she naked, Alucard?” Rarity asked, tapping a finger on her chin.

“I can only assume her clothes were shredded in the fight,” Alucard said. “The Ursa was down when I got there.”

“Well, that explains that…” Rarity still looked at Alucard suspiciously though, “You didn’t do anything… untoward… to her, did you?”

Alucard’s eyes lit up in fury. “How dare you suspect me of defiling my master like that!” he snapped.

Rarity flinched back, “Sorry! Sorry! I didn’t mean to offend! It’s just… pretty girl, naked in a cave… one can’t help but think of the scenarios that might happen…”

Alucard sneered at the fashionista. “Well rest assured that she is still very much a virgin. It will be a cold day in hell before I ever do anything like that without her consent.”

Rarity chuckled fearfully, “Of course! Please, forgive me for the insult, I meant no harm!”

Alucard nodded. “I forgive you, Rarity. Just don’t make such insinuations again.” He looked at the sleeping woman in his arms. “She is very dear to me.”

Rarity smiled, “As we all can see, darling.”

In the earliest hours of the morning, before the sun had even risen, a violet-blue head ripped itself from the carcass of the Ursa Major, dripping with its mother’s blood. The Ursa Minor had discovered its mother dead barely even an hour after Twilight had vanquished the older Ursa and, after a scant few hours of mourning, decided not to starve and began feasting on its mother’s corpse, absorbing the celestial magic still coursing through its mother’s blood and growing stronger with each desperate bite.

Hours later, almost nothing was left of the Ursa Minor’s mother save for the skin, bones, and leftover shreds glowing flesh. Snuffling and growling, the Demi-Ursa Major dropped its great snout to the ground and began tracking Twilight’s scent through the Everfree, the cacophonous scent of thousands of assimilated mana trails standing out like a beacon to the enraged celestial bear.

Twilight awoke blearily and looked at the calendar next to her bed. She noticed no new marks upon its surface, so Alucard clearly hadn’t made any marks upon it. She noticed that the date was July Ninth, which meant that either someone hadn’t bothered to keep track of the days, or she had only been out for a single night.

Knowing both Spike and Alucard, she felt that the latter was more realistic.

“Are you alright, master?” Alucard’s concerned voice asked, cutting through the darkness. She would then notice two things. One, he was sitting on the side of her bed watching her. And two, she was still naked.

Twilight blushed and covered herself with her arms, “Alucard, why am I naked? … And what happened after I killed the Ursa Major yesterday? It’s a bit of a blur…”

“Tasting the Ursa’s blood drove you into a lust fueled frenzy and you shredded your clothes and mine while trying to have sex with me,” Alucard explained. “I fed you some of my blood to knock you out and carried you back after covering you up with a new coat.” She then noticed he was in his Girlycard form.

“.... Whyyyyy are you a woman right now?” she asked, feeling supremely confused.

Alucard looked at himself and chuckled. “Right. Forgot.” His form shifted back into his familiar male form, sans glasses and hat. “Better?”

“....” Twilight’s gaze unfocused for a second as she began blushing furiously, a line of blood tracing its way from her nose, “Oh gods the memories just came back and I saw you naked!”

Alucard laughed and smiled at her. “Like what you saw, master?” He leaned a bit closer to her face. “And how did it feel to slay that Ursa? How did it feel to show the predator what happens when the hunter becomes the hunted?”

“....” Twilight giggled, remembering the sight of pale, gleaming muscles writhing under her before snapping back to attention, “Ahem… ah, yes… I did like what I saw… and killing that Ursa… positively orgasmic…. with an unfortunate literal side to it…”

Alucard chuckled. “And showering in its blood? How did that feel?” He laid his hand over hers. “You’re so very beautiful when you’re covered in the blood of a fresh kill.”

“Showering in its blood… oh the endorphin rush was absolutely heavenly… and also really sticky…. also with an unfortunate sexual side to it. And… well, thank you Alucard…” Twilight played with her hair, shyly looking away from Alucard.

Alucard used his free hand to gently turn her head to look at him, staring into her eyes before he started slowly leaning in. They were alone this time. Twilight began breathing deeper, her blush growing steadily hotter as she leaned in, arms reaching up under Alucard’s own to clasp around his back.

Practically as one, their eyes slowly closed. No draco-lich to kill the mood this time. No one watching them. Alucard felt her breath on his lips as they were now separated by mere centimeters. Just another second, the distance nearly closed. One more movement.

And their lips touched. An electric thrill shot through, Twilight as she leaned into the kiss, her heart pounding in her chest.

Alucard cupped her cheek in his hand as they shared in their moment. Slow, tender enjoyment of each others presence, unlike the blind lust that had befallen their kiss back in the cave. He started to pull her closer to him before a quake rocked the room and made him fall from the bed, forcing their lips apart. “What was that?!”

Twilight glared out the window, “...It’s dead meat for ruining the moment, that’s what it is.”

Alucard stood and glared out at the glowing beast as well. “I couldn’t agree more. Get dressed.”

Twilight stood from her bed, not even bothering to rifle through her drawers and instead just throwing on her shoes and a spare robe before slipping on her wired gloves, snapping her wrists out and making sure that the strands were still fully functional.

Alucard drew the Casull and Jackal. “Shall we get going, master? Is it time for the Angel of Death to ride?”

Twilight growled, stomping down the stairs, “The Angel of Death will ride, the streets will run red with the blood of a fool, and you and I are going to have a metric ton of victory sex after this!” Her wires snapped out, hissing angrily through the air in shimmering arcs of metal. Twilight kicked open the door, stepping outside and looking around.

“... So… the cub has arrived to avenge mother…” she mused, her wires taking on a violet glow, now crackling and snapping with magically generated lightning.

Alucard couldn’t keep the grin from his face as he watched her. “Master, you’re so beautiful when you’re enraged.” He chuckled as he rubbed his guns against each other and made a spark. “Let’s go send Junior to join his dear mother.”

Twilight snapped her wires forward, the microfilaments slicing deep into the Demi-Ursa Major’s face and delivering the wrath of thousands of petawatts of pure arcane fury into the ursine’s eyes.

The bear roared in fury and pain as blood flew from its eye sockets. Now blind, it swiped its paw at Twilight, following her scent in its fury to have revenge. Twilight jumped back, but, still fatigued from the day before, stumbled in her escape, catching the force of the blow directly to her automatic shields and folding around the blow, riding it through the air and allowing herself to be launched through the front wall of Sugarcube Corner. She groaned, shaking her head as her body slowly sent mana cycling through damaged areas to hold them together long enough for her to cast a healing spell.

Meanwhile, in the shadows, Trixie shook herself. She may be a coward and a liar, but she had graduated top of the class from Manehattan’s premier Battle Mage school. Even if she only topped out in theory, she still was a formidable combatant when not underestimating her foes. And even though she would gladly swindle and con every last bit from the people she so dazzled with her shows, far be her from being heartless enough to actually let them die when at least she could do something to protect them.

Trixie Lulamoon was a liar and a braggart, but she would gladly lay her life down on the line to protect innocents should it come down to that. With that firmly in mind, she leapt out from the alleyway she’d hidden in, throwing out bursts of fire and lightning, disorienting the beast with cacophonous fireworks and acrid smoke bombs, trying to buy enough time for the woman who’d so bested her the day previous to recover and just kill this beast.

“Haha! Your blinded flailings are no match for the mystical prowess of the Great and Powerful Trixie!” she crowed, dodging its blinded swipes with contemptuous ease. That is, until the beast roared, the force of it knocking her off her feet and onto the ground.

Trixie rubbed her bum and looked up as a shadow covered her, her heart falling when she saw the paw about to crush her. She resigned herself to death, realizing that she had failed to protect the citizens of this town…. until a sharp, stinging sensation closed tightly around her and she jerked to the side with a hiss of pain and the snap of microfilament wires.

Trixie flew through the air as the Ursa completed its stomp, smashing the ground like a miniature earthquake, knocking down the barely recovered Twilight and sending both Trixie to the ground in a tangle of limbs and blood, both their foreheads smashed together, knocking them both unconscious.

Alucard snarled in pure rage. Dashing forward, he leaped into the air and landed on the Ursa’s head. Speaking in a demonic, echoing voice as he leveled the Jackal at its head, he needed but a single word. “Die” Pulling the trigger, he sent one of the Jackal’s bullets into its skull, drawing a roar of pain. His expression not changing in the slightest, he kept pulling the trigger, bullet after bullet burying itself in the creature’s skull until it finally stumbled and fell to the ground, causing a quake as it landed in the town square, Trixie’s stage caravan crushed beneath its body.

Content that the Ursa was dead, Alucard holstered his guns and raced over to his master. “Twilight! Are you alright?!”

No response, though the rise and fall of Twilight’s chest was a clear indicator that she was still alive. There was a worrying amount of blood, however, and as Alucard looked over at Trixie, the source immediately became apparent. Something shifted by his boot, and he looked down to examine it.

A light skinned, disembodied right arm clad in a purple, fingerless elbow glove with a sapphire on the back of the hand. The same glove worn on Trixie’s left hand. Thankfully, most of the bleeding had stopped, Trixie’s uncontrolled tumble somehow making the razor sharp wires act as a tourniquet around what remained of the show-woman’s arm.

“... What a mess…”

Twilight awoke to an unfamiliar ceiling, though the annoying beep of a heart monitor beside her served as a familiar sound to silently rage against.

“Finally. You’re awake,” A familiar, masculine voice said from the chair beside her, Alucard’s face matching the concern in his voice. “I was very concerned, master.”

“Alucard?” Twilight asked, slowly maneuvering herself into a sitting position and wincing when she felt the slight damage to her ribs, “Why am I in a hospital?”

“You were knocked through the front of Sugarcube Corner by the Urza, and then while saving Trixie, your foreheads collided and you were knocked out,” Alucard explained. “Trixie is alive, but…”

Twilight looked over to the other source of beeping in the room, immediately noticing Trixie’s… predicament, “.... I did that, didn’t I?”

Alucard nodded. “Yes. Your wires cleanly severed her arm. On top of that, the Ursa landed on her caravan when it died. So on top of being an amputee, she’s now homeless as well.”

Twilight dropped her face into her hands, groaning in frustration, “Dammit! All I wanted to do was blow off some steam, beat the shit out of the bitch that humiliated my friends, and finish a date! Now that bitch is armless because of me, probably crippled magically from the charge still in the wires when I grabbed her, and HOMELESS! Eugh!” She flopped backwards into her pillows, burying her face in them. “.... Alucard, I fucked up.”

Alucard took her hand in his. “We both did. Fluttershy really tore into me for killing the Ursa, but forgave me since I killed it to save you and Trixie. In hindsight, I should have killed it back in the cave. This wouldn’t have happened otherwise.”

“Euuugh, she’s probably going to hate me forever because of this… not that I really care, but I’d really rather not live through her revenge attempts.” Twilight mumbled, finally coming back up for air.

Alucard gently squeezed her hand. “Right now, I’m just glad that you’re alright.” He smirked in pride. “I never left your side once.”

Twilight smiled up at him, squeezing his hand in return and bringing her free hand up to cup his cheek, “Thank you, Alucard… That means the world to me.”

Alucard leaned his face into her hand, enjoying the feel of her smooth skin. “I will always be there to aid you, master…”

“Then I guess I always have to be here to give you orders, huh,” Twilight gently guided Alucard down, propping herself up and kissing him softly.

Alucard closed his eyes as he returned the tender kiss, resting his forehead against hers as he broke it. “What are your orders, my master?”

“Right now? Just hold me close, Alucard… I want to feel you against me…” Twilight murmured, then blushed, “Ah… in a non-sexual way… that comes later… Eheh…”

Alucard chuckled and slowly moved onto the bed, holding Twilight in his arms and staring into her eyes as he leaned closer. “What a day…”

Twilight smirked. “Heh. No shit,” she muttered before their lips met again.

Oh God... It's Orientation Day!

Twilight awoke with a contented sigh, feeling pleasantly sore from the night before. She shifted slightly, opening her eyes and staring up at the ceiling with a soft smile. Twilight couldn’t help it, she giggled quietly at the thought of her, the reclusive bookworm and secret necromancer, having finally found someone to truly connect with… in all senses of the word.

Alucard pulled her closer and smiled at her. “Did you sleep well, master?” His smile was the rarest of his tender smiles: the one he reserved for her. He ran his fingers through her hair and gently kissed her.

Twilight snuggled into Alucard’s larger frame and breathed deeply of his scent, sighing in contentment, “Best night of sleep I’ve ever had.” Though Twilight honestly would have no problems staying in bed with Alucard for the whole day, she sat up, already feeling the loss of Alucard’s cool presence despite his being right next to her. “Still, we have things to do. Damage reports to file, reconstruction… Trixie…”

“I have an idea for her,” Alucard said as he stared at his master’s naked back. “I thought of it while watching you sleep.” He sat up and put his arm around her. “Since she’s now homeless, and it’s partially our fault, why don’t we offer to put her up here?”

Twilight tapped her chin, staring down at her lap, “That might be for the best… The other people here wouldn’t likely put up with her… and we are living off a rather generous stipend from the crown- far too much for just one person, a vampire, and a draco-lich. The only question is if she’d agree to living with us.”

Alucard chuckled. “Well, we did save her life. And she might be interested in learning your tricks. After all, you did what she lied about doing: fighting an Ursa Major and winning.” He pulled Twilight closer. “And you’ve certainly proven your skill by doing so, my dear master.”

“Still… I did humiliate her to the whole town, nearly beat the crap out of her, and then drove her into a place where she could have died… and then accidentally cut off her arm and indirectly render her homeless the very next day.” Twilight dropped her face into her hands, “At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if she just wanted to kill me at this point.”

“Except that she knows she wouldn’t win,” Alucard pointed out. “You soundly proved you outclass her in every way, and then there’s your handsome vampiric lover that is very protective of you.” He grinned at her as he said that.

“Well, there is that,” Twilight murmured before letting the sheets slip from her body as she stood, slowly pulling on a more casual outfit; jeans and a tank top.

“Master. Do you think necromancy holds the secret to immortality?” Alucard asked as he stood and formed his usual outfit over his body, then thought again and assumed his female form.

“Necromancy? Hmm, not really,” Twilight mused, “I mean, while it does have its uses in lengthening lifespans and manipulating souls, it always comes with some sort of price that makes the thought of necromantic immortality, at least, for me, rather… unappealing.”

“I see,” Alucard said as he looked out the window. “In my passion for you, I forgot that I was closing my own form of immortality to you, master.”

Twilight blinked, “What do you mean, Alucard?”

“For a human to become a vampire, two things are required,” Alucard said. “One is that their sire must be of the opposite sex. And the other…”

“...” Twilight’s eyes widened, “.... you have to be a virgin. Oh…. oh dear… Well, we certainly screwed that one up quite literally, didn’t we?”

“That we did, master,” Alucard agreed. “That we did. Although…” He got a thoughtful look on his face.

“Alucard, what are you plotting?” Twilight asked, sitting back down on the bed.

Alucard grinned at her. “Perhaps that spell of yours can give rise to a new breed of vampire. You’ve grown fangs by drinking mine and Luna’s blood.”

“Yes, but that’s only after years and years of just drinking magically charged blood and hundreds of necromantic rituals.” Twilight crossed her arms, “Even so, the fangs don’t really do much. And blood is still more of a luxury than a necessity.”

“And that Ursa was your first taste of magically charged blood in two weeks, yes?” Alucard inquired.

“Well, yes…” Twilight mumbled, still not quite seeing Alucard’s point.

Alucard laid his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eye. “Consider the possibility that you’re developing an addiction, master.”

“.....” Twilight laughed, “Ha! As if! I can quit any time!”

Alucard smirked. “Prove it then. If you can last one month without drinking blood, any blood, then I will believe you.”

“You’re on!” Twilight smirked confidently, determined to prove herself to Alucard that she absolutely did not have an addiction to blood.

Twilight sat by Trixie’s bed, still slightly disheveled from the reconstruction work that she had done. She twiddled her thumbs, just itching to release the wires stored within the embroidered runes on her gloves. On her bed, Trixie lay still, looking almost comatose save for the slight twitching of her eyelids that indicated dreaming.

Trixie finally began to stir, slowly opening her eyes. “W-Where am I? I can’t feel my arm.” She started trying to sit up.

Twilight placed an arm on Trixie’s shoulder, gently holding her in place, “Might not want to sit up, Trixie… you took quite a bit of damage when I pulled you out of the way of the Ursa.”

“Damage?” Trixie asked. “What sort of damage has been done to Trixie, Twilight Sparkle?!” she demanded in her haughty tone.

Twilight’s face fell, “I… when I pulled you out of the way… I… my wires grabbed too tightly, and there were a lot of lacerations on your left arm and your front… one of the wires nearly sliced into your throat… and…. I’m sorry…. but… Your arm… it’s…. well…” Twilight awkwardly motioned to Trixie’s right side, which had sustained, with the exception of her arm, the least amount of overall damage.

Trixie’s eyes widened. “My… My arm… You cut off my arm…” She slowly lifted her remaining hand toward the stump.

Twilight slumped over, “I’m sorry, I tried to be gentle, but… I panicked… and I had to pull you away quickly…”

“What else?” Trixie asked. “What other damage has Trixie sustained?”

“Ah… well…” Twilight winced, “Uh… when… when the Ursa died… it… uh… it fell… on your caravan…” She twiddled her thumbs furiously, an awkward flush heating up her face.

“So Trixie is not only crippled and with a ruined reputation, but also homeless?!” Trixie demanded, a glare coming to her face as she looked at her visitor. “You… You…” Her hand shot out and wrapped its fingers around Twilight’s throat. “YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!!” she screamed as she tried her level best to strangle Twilight with one hand.

Twilight did nothing, taking Trixie’s fury with a stoic silence aided by the light shimmer of mana around her throat to keep it from collapsing. After Trixie finally gave up on strangling Twilight, Twilight, put her hand on Trixie’s shoulder and gave the destitute show-woman a soft look, “I know I ruined your life, Trixie. That’s why I’m here. So that, even if you hate me forever, even if you never forgive me… at least I can try to get you back on your feet”

Trixie snorted and turned away from her, her arm over her stomach. “Why should Trixie accept help from you?” she asked in a bitter tone. “And why do you want to help her?”

“I want to help you because it’s the right thing to do. Maybe I’m not the nicest person, maybe I have questionable morals at some points, but I got you into this mess, so I’m going to do my level best to pull you out of it.” Twilight’s grip on Trixie’s shoulder never wavered, her face resolute and her words spoken with conviction.

Trixie was silent for a minute before sighing in resignation. “Fine. Trixie will allow you to help her.” She frowned at her. “But that does not mean she forgives you.”

Twilight smiled, just a little, “I’d have been surprised if you already had. Now, the doctors say that, barring any complications, you’ll be free to go by tonight, so Alucard and I will see what we can salvage from your caravan, is that alright?”

Trixie nodded. “Yes. That is fine, Twilight Sparkle.” She lay back and turned away from her, absentmindedly rubbing her stump.

“Don’t worry, Trixie… even if I did do all this… I swear, I’ll fix as much of it as I can.” Twilight stood, drew the covers over Trixie’s form, and left, making sure to turn off the lights as she exited.

“Well, Alucard, let’s go see what we can salvage from Trixie’s old wreck.” Twilight stepped from the hospital and immediately began heading towards where Trixie’s caravan had been, trusting Alucard to follow.

Alucard walked beside Twilight, still in the form of Girlycard. “So you were correct in your prediction of her trying to kill you,” he noted with a small grin.

“Tch, of course she did. With an attitude like hers, I would have been more surprised if she had just forgiven me on the spot,” Twilight murmured, releasing the wires from her gloves as she came to the site of the wreckage. “Well, better get started...”

The microfilaments immediately began shredding the broken wood, lifting it up and to the side as Twilight manually sifted through the mess, occasionally pulling out articles of intact clothing or the occasional reagent.

One item that made her pause came from beneath what seemed to be Trixie’s previous bed: A photo album containing pictures of the locations Trixie had performed at. There seemed to be a startling number of orphanages and children’s hospitals contained within the pages, Twilight even recognized the sign of Canterlot General Hospital nestled halfway through the book. “....Looks like the bitch has a heart after all,” Twilight mused, tucking the book safely away into a cardboard box that she had picked up on the way.

“Quite surprising that one such as her would have a soft spot for children,” Alucard said, tossing aside wreckage as he looked for more salvageable stuff. In the remains of a dresser, he found a large bag of bits. “Her life savings, you think?”

“Probably want to get that back to her, methinks,” Twilight said, still sifting through the wreckage for anything else worth saving. After a few minutes, she found a slightly damaged teddy bear, a long gash torn across its belly and its stuffing spilling out. “... well, this shouldn’t be too difficult to repair, especially if we give it to Rarity…. only problem is that she’d probably try to ruin it by making it ‘fabulous’.”

“We should tell her that we need it to be just a normal teddy bear,” Alucard said. “Under threat of me groping her again,” he said with a chuckle and grin.

Twilight snorted with laughter, “That will probably work. Now…” She hefted the rather sizeable box, filled with all sorts of things from clothing to fireworks to magical reagents, “... Shall we deliver what’s left of Trixie’s life back to her?”

“We shall, master,” Alucard said, gesturing for her to lead the way toward the hospital. “Perhaps she’ll be a bit more receptive now.”

“As they say, a good bribe works wonders when getting into someone’s good graces,” Twilight stated, heading first in the direction of Carousel Boutique. “We should probably get Rarity to fix the bear first, don’t you think?”

“I do,” Alucard agreed as he followed her.

Alucard knocked on the door to Rarity’s Boutique and waited beside Twilight for her to answer the door. And it was instead answered by Schrodinger. His cat ears twitching as he grinned at them.

“....Schrodinger? Why are you here?” Twilight asked, confusion plainly evident on her face.

“Having tea and chatting vith Rarity of course!” Schrodinger answered cheerfully. “Vhy? Vhat did you sink I vas doing here?” he asked with a coy grin and a couple more ear twitches.

Twilight shrugged, “Honestly? I just wasn’t expecting you here. Anyway, we got some salvage from Trixie’s broken caravan and we need to talk to Rarity about a slightly damaged teddy bear. So, can we come in?”

When she blinked, Schrodinger was seated on Rarity’s fainting couch with a cup of tea in his hand. “Of course. Come on in, friends,” he said with that cheerful smile.

Rarity walked in from the kitchen with a new pot of tea and saw her new guests. “Twilight! Alucard! How are you, darlings?” she asked with a smile.

Twilight smiled, “We’re doing well, Rarity. Though, this isn’t exactly a social visit… we were salvaging what’s left of Trixie’s caravan and found this teddy bear. It’s a little torn up, and well, it’d be wonderful if you could fix it.” She held up the bear, noting that a little more of the stuffing had fallen out during the walk.

Rarity set down the pot and strode over, taking the bear and examining it, “Well, far be it from me to refuse a request from a friend… even if this is Trixie’s… but surely you can’t mean to just leave it so… plain? Wouldn’t Trixie perhaps feel better if this little bear were to be just a tad more-”

“If you say fabulous I’m going to have Alucard grope you.”

“.... nevermind…” Rarity glared at Alucard, hands held protectively over her chest.

Alucard laughed his impish laugh and threateningly raised his hands, clenching his fingers a bit. “You know I’ll do it if she tells me to, Rarity.”

“Oh I know that all too well you ruffian. Now, this is a rather simple repair, shouldn’t take more than five minutes, really.” With that, Rarity turned away, magic flaring, with tools and fabric floating through the air as she worked.

Trixie was staring at the wall in silence when she heard the door open. “Who is it?” she asked in a dismissive, even tone.

Twilight entered, carrying the box of salvage with the teddy bear perched on top, “It’s me again, Trixie. The doctors said that you’re clear to leave, but no strenuous activity for at least two weeks. I also brought everything I could from your caravan, including your photo album and this little guy here.” She indicated the teddy bear, lifting it from the box and placing it in Trixie’s lap, the photo album following shortly after.

Trixie stared at the two items in shocked silence. “I thought I lost these…” she muttered as she looked at the bear, gently picking it up and letting a small smile cross her face. “This bear is one of, if not my most, cherished possessions. It was a gift from one of the children I performed for at Manehatten General Hospital. I was told the next day that he had died of complications from his cancer.”

Twilight’s jaw dropped slightly, “I’m… I’m sorry…” She then smiled slightly, “I’m glad I rescued that bear from the wreckage, then.”

Trixie nodded and set the bear down before opening the photo album, turning to a picture of her with a young boy in a hospital bed. Both of them smiling bright for the camera, even as the boy was clearly on his last legs. “I’m just glad I could give him a reason to smile before the end. When I first arrived, he was sad, and brooding. He was depressed that he was going to die, but I managed to help him accept it.”

Trixie walked through the double doors of Manehattan General Hospital, the sight of the lobby still familiar, even years after she had left home to pursue her chosen career. The blue-clad illusionist was a bit of a strange sight to behold in the lobby, so out of place among the various concerned loved ones with family and friends injured or sick.

She strode up to the receptionist’s desk, foregoing her usual theatrics and speaking at a normal volume, “Ah, hello? Tr- I was booked in for the pediatrics ward as a one-thirty show? My reservation should be under, ahem… ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie’.”

The receptionist looked up boredly, scanning the list of names in front of him and handing Trixie a visitor pass, “Here y’go. You’re cleared. Head on in.”

Trixie nodded and took the pass, affixing it just over her heart and moving deeper into the hospital. She cherished these moments; she may swindle the crowds en masse during her regular shows, but here, where she could bring joy and laughter to children with such horrid disadvantages… such times were where she truly thrived. She tapped her foot on the elevator floor, noting that the staff had installed a faster elevator between now and the last time she visited.

A few moments later, the doors hissed open and Trixie stepped into the pediatrics ward, following the hallways she now knew by heart and coming to a halt just outside a set of double doors leading to the same room she had always performed her shows here in.

The seconds ticked down until one thirty.

3…

2…

1….

Show time.

A pre-prepared burst of magical fog slammed the doors open as Trixie announced her presence to the children, “Greetings children! For it is I, the Great and Powerful Trrrrixie! And I have come here for one simple purpose today! Would anyone like to guess what it is?”

A single hand shot up from near one of the other doors. Trixie recognized its owner- little Pure Heart had been here for the last three years and always loved it when Trixie made her bi-annual visits.

“Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know! You’re here to tell us a story, Miss Trixie!”

Trixie smiled brightly, “Your powers of intuition serve you greatly, small one! Now, listen well, boys and girls, for Trixie shall dazzle you with her tales great and powerful…” She leaned forward, sparks dancing from her hands and the whole room filling with a deep, mystical feeling.

“...And that, young children, is how the Great and Powerful Trixie defeated the mighty Ursa Major!”

Trixie threw her hands out with a flourish, streamers of light and color jetting out and erupting into a magnificent display of fireworks as she bowed theatrically. “Thank you! Thank you! It was such a pleasure being with you all today, my lovely audience, but alas! I must go! There are places to go and monsters to defeat! So, my darlings, the Great and Powerful Trixie must go!”

She vanished behind a plume of smoke and an invisibility spell, sneaking over to one of the orderlies and signalling for them to start wheeling the now overjoyed children back to their rooms. As the other orderlies did so, Trixie noticed a most worrying sight: One little aerial child with crimson wings, moping about in his bed with an expression that spoke not of childish dissatisfaction with Trixie’s performance but rather, something that Trixie was all too terrified of.

Crippling levels of depression.

It was in the eyes, as they often said, that lack of energy, the utter hopelessness, the existential despair… Trixie shook her head as the last child was wheeled out, dropping her spell and asking the orderly, “Who was that little aerial child? The one with the crimson wings?”

The orderly sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “That’s Wander. Poor kid. Got so many types of cancer going on that he’s barely got the day left. Been depressed since he learned just how bad his situation was… dunno how we could help him…”

Trixie frowned. Maybe her job outside of hospitals was to rake in the cash and be an arrogant braggart, but dammit this was charity work and her job here was to make the kids smile, even if they were dying. “What room is he in? I’d like to see him.”

Trixie stepped into Wander’s room with barely a sound, softly closing the door behind her and taking a seat by the little aerial’s bed. The boy barely turned towards her, continuing to stare down at his hands with a forlorn expression.

Trixie sighed and took Wander’s hands in her own, “Wander, if you could, I would very much like you to listen to what I have to say.”

Wander sighed, “You’re just going to tell me to be happy, aren’t you? Tell me to enjoy your show instead of being all mopey?”

“No,” Trixie shook her head, “What I want to tell you is a little closer to the heart than my little show. I won’t say that I know how you feel, Wander, but I’m going to tell you another story.

“When I was a child, my father one day fell gravely ill. We took him to the hospital, but nothing the doctors did could help my father. But, even though he was dying, even though he only had just hours to live… he still smiled. Even though he had nothing left to smile about… he smiled anyway. Just before my father died… he told me why he kept smiling.

“He pulled me onto his lap, got very serious, and told me ‘Trixie, life will always come to an end. This is a fact that nobody, not even Princess Celestia can change. You may wonder, what is the point of living if you’re just going to die? Well, I’ll tell you, Trixie. The point of living is to keep moving forward and live your life with as few regrets as possible. When life gets you down, think of all the good things out there that you haven’t done yet. Even if you knew you were dying, just think about the present and think about all the good things that you’ve done, that your family and friends have done, think about all the good things in life and know that, even though you’re going to die, that at least you got to experience so many things first.’ And… and his last words were to always stay strong, to never let life get you down because to do that would be like turning your back on what you could do.

“Things may be bleak, Wander, but know this: even if you may be dying, you can still fight on. Just because your cancer might be winning doesn’t mean you give up. So chin up, soldier! My father and my mother always told me that the best way to go down is to go down fighting! So I say this to you, Wander! Will you let your cancer get the best of you and quietly surrender? Or are you going to fight for your right to live until your dying breath!?”

Wander stared in silence at the panting woman, going crosseyed to stare down at the finger nearly tapping him on the nose. Finally, a spark of life broke through the dullness of his gaze.

“Y-you’re right, Miss Trixie… I… I can’t let myself go without a fight! My father always told me to always go down swinging but I never listened before!” Wander’s voice, long since unused to speaking more than a few sentences, cracked and broke as he spoke, but the message rang clear and true.

With a sparkle in his eyes and a determined smile upon his face, Wander came to a decision, “Miss Trixie?”

“Y-yes, Wander?”

He hefted the teddy bear beside him and held it out to her, “Since… since I might die soon…. I want you to have him, so he’ll have a good home. Take care of Mr. Ursa for me, Miss Trixie, please?”

“Oh Wander…” Trixie couldn’t help it, tears sprang to her eyes as she gently took ahold of the bear, cradling it to her chest, “I’ll take good care of him, Wander, I promise. Now, heed my words, Wander! Never go down without a fight! And keep that smile on your face always!”

“I will Miss Trixie!”

Trixie sniffled, wiping her tears and procuring a camera from her hat. “Before I go, would you like to take a picture with me?”

“That would be awesome, Miss Trixie!” Wander grinned as Trixie sat down beside him, the camera levitating into position.

“Say cheese, Wander!”

“Cheese!”

The camera flashed, and spat out a photo, Trixie reaching out and duplicating it with a wave of her hand. She held out one photo to Wander, sticking the other in a large photo album.

Wander hugged Trixie, burying his face into her cape, “Thank you Miss Trixie. Thank you so much…”

“Think nothing of it, Wander. You just stay positive, and you’ll never be beaten, even if… even if you die.” Trixie hugged Wander one last time, waving off the nurse motioning to the clock and the door.

“I have to go now, Wander… visiting hours are over…”

Wander patted Trixie on the shoulder, “It’s okay, Miss Trixie. You just go out and do your thing. And maybe we’ll see each other again next time, yeah?”

Trixie nodded, “Then… then goodbye, Wander. Perhaps I’ll see you again, one day.” And with that, Trixie spun from the room, cape billowing out dramatically behind her.

From behind the closed door to Wander’s room, she heard one last thing that made her heart soar in pride.

“YOU HEAR THAT CANCER!? YOU CAN’T BEAT ME! EVEN IF YOU KILL ME, YOU’LL NEVER BEAT ME!”

Twilight smiled and wiped away a stray tear as Trixie finished her story. “You know… I have a lot more respect for you now, Trixie. Sure, you act arrogant and are a braggart, but it’s clear how much you love kids. Anyone that cares so much for kids can’t be all that bad.”

“Hmph, of course Trixie isn’t that bad. What, did you assume that Trixie was nothing more than an arrogant braggart that cared for nobody but herself?” Trixie huffed and attempted to cross her arms, looking incredibly put off when she remembered her lack of a right arm.

Twilight blushed and looked away. “Actually… I kinda did at first.” She schooled her features and looked at Trixie. “Anyway, I did more than salvage your stuff. If you’re willing, I’ll put you up in the library with me. You can be my assistant; I live off a huge royal stipend. More than me, Alucard, and Spike know what to do with.” She gave the show-woman a small smile.

Trixie huffed, “Well, Trixie assumes she’ll be paid for the work she does? After all, Trixie does not plan on staying with you forever, and traveling takes money… and transportation, the acquiring of which also requires money.”

Twilight nodded. “Of course I’ll pay you. And who knows? Maybe you’ll like it around here. Ponyville grows on you. It certainly did for me, and I grew up in Canterlot.”

“Hmph. We shall see, Sparkle.”

Trixie couldn’t help it, she just had to stare at the massive tree that would serve as her new interim home. “That… is a very large tree.”

“Amazing what terrans can build, isn’t it?” Twilight asked with a smirk, her right hand lightly supporting her chin. “Welcome to my humble home.”

“.....” Trixie stared at the tree some more. “I’d hesitate to call it… humble…. Now, my former home. That was humble.” Shaking her head, she dragged the cart containing her last few worldly possessions to the door and waited expectantly for Twilight.

Twilight giggled and let them into the library. “Trust me, Trixie. Compared to my place in Canterlot, this place is very humble.” She shut the door behind them. “Spike! Come say hi to our guest!”

Spike poked his head out from the kitchen curiously before spotting Trixie. Immediately, his expression fell into a flat look of utter disinterest, “Oh. It’s you. Hi.” His head disappeared back into the kitchen and a sudden clattering rang out, sounding like someone had thrown a pot on the ground.

Twilight sighed. “Spike. Trixie is going to be living with us for a while. Please try to get along with her.” She looked at Trixie. “I apologize for my son’s behavior, Trixie.” A glance behind Trixie made her have to hold back a smirk. “But I’m sure my dear boyfriend will be more welcoming of you. Isn’t that right, Alucard?”

“Yup. Very welcoming, boss,” Alucard said from right behind Trixie.

Trixie shrieked and whirled around, inadvertently placing her breasts in the perfect position for Alucard to grope her.

Alucard grinned as he squeezed her soft mounds. “Only slightly smaller than boss’ tits. Nice rack on you, Trixie Lulatits.”

“GYAAAAH!” Trixie slapped Alucard with all her might, backing up and pointing her arm at him, unleashing her most powerful flame spell…. only for it to spark and fizzle out before it even left her hand. Trixie stopped and stared at her outstretched hand, cycling through every spell she knew, growing more and more despondent with each failure.

“No… No… this… this can’t be happening! Trixie cannot have been reduced to a magical cripple! No no no no no no no no no no!” She sank to her knees, staring at her hand in utter disbelief, repeating her mantra of “No”s over and over again.

“And you rage and scream and reach through the aether to crush the shadow who has destroyed you,” Alucard intoned. “But you are so far less now than what you were. You are like a painter gone blind. A composer gone deaf. You can remember where the power was, but the power you can touch is only a memory. So with all your world destroying fury, you can only produce sparks, and in the end, you cannot touch the shadow. In the end… you don’t even want to.”

Twilight knelt down and took Trixie’s hand in both of hers. “Trixie. I’m sorry this happened to you, but maybe you can make something better out of this.” She could feel the flow of mana in Trixie’s body. Diminished, but not gone. “You’re not crippled completely.”

Trixie snorted, tears rolling down her cheeks, “Still crippled in more ways than one. No spells, no arm… I might as well have signed my own death warrant.”

Twilight pulled Trixie into a hug. “You can work through this. Alucard raises an interesting point. One of Equestria’s greatest composers was deaf, and he ironically became better than he would have been otherwise. Because he had to work twice as hard to overcome his handicaps.”

Trixie sighed, “Beethoofen was a genius, a master of music. He overcame his handicap because he was just that good. Me? Please. I may have graduated top of the class in Manehattan, but I’ve barely been above average my whole life. Nothing special, just a little better because I was born into a family with some old blood in it. How could I work through this handicap?”

“Blood has power, Trixie Lulamoon,” Alucard said, slowly walking toward her. “Blood can carry many things, including power. For blood is the currency of the soul, the vehicle of life. You have vast untapped potential. Potential that an ordinary institute could never hope to help you uncover. But my master?” He smirked, showing his teeth. “My master is a true prodigy in every sense of the word. And she was able to tap her potential under Celestia’s guidance. You can do much the same with my master’s aid. She offers you help to become better.” He stopped when he was standing over the kneeling woman. “You have lost much, but now you have a choice. Will you wallow in self pity forever and die like a dog? Or will you embrace this opportunity and become more than you were before? What fate do you choose, Trixie Lulamoon?! Giving up is what kills people! Those that refuse to give up are entitled their time to trample upon the weak!”

“......” Trixie stared down at herself once again, remembering lessons half forgotten and words long since over, “... Never go down without a fight…. My father used to say that… my mother used to say that… hell, I even said that to Wander all those years ago! So why, why am I sitting around on my ass and moping!?” Trixie stood, flaring out her spare cape with a dramatic flourish, “Come, Sparkle! If I am to overcome my handicap we are to begin immediately!”

A beat.

Then, as Trixie’s legs collapsed under her from the sudden movement, “Maybe after a nap.”

Twilight giggled and helped Trixie to her feet. “Yeah. You need a little more rest before starting any magical training. Come on. I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping.”

Alucard grinned at Trixie. “You, Trixie, are proving very interesting. I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”

“Please don’t. I don’t think I would enjoy having to clean your blood out of my clothes every day.”

Trixie rode through endless fields of wheat, driving her caravan along a path. She giggled to herself, looking back at the endless bags of bits filling her cart and the woman somehow fitting inside. Even with her magical handicap, even with her missing arm, with the help of Twilight Sparkle, she had come back more powerful than ever, able to make the crowds go absolutely wild at her mere appearance. And now, rolling in bits, she took off, traveling across the world, just to see the sights.

“I hope you realize zhat Twilight vill never manage your money,” a male voice with a strange accent said from behind her.

Trixie whirled around, the dream slowly fading into the background as she spotted Schrodinger. “Who are you!? And what is this!?” She held up her seemingly restored arm, only to notice that it was gone once again. “What!? Wha… what happened to my ar… is… is this a dream?”

“Ja. You’re dreaming, fraulein,” Schrodinger said as he crawled from the bits and sat down beside Trixie. “You’re such a narcissist, Trixie.” His ears twitched as he grinned at her.

Trixie blushed, “Sh-shut up! W-who wouldn’t have dreams of making a comeback after they’ve been crippled?”

“Most of zhis is a comeback,” Schrodinger said. “Having zhe personal apprentice of zhe princess as your secretary? Zhat is narcissism.”

“....” Trixie shrank back and chuckled embarrassedly, “Eheh… okay, you may be right…”

Schrodinger laughed and leaned on her. “I’m surprised, fraulein. Most vould ask how I’m in zheir dream to begin vith.”

“Trixie went through a course on dream magic back when she was but a young girl. There’s not much of a surprise when one already knows that there are several methods of dreamwalking.” Trixie crossed her arm over her chest, acting as if her other arm was still there.

Her unexpected companion laughed at her words. “It vas not dream magic zhat got me here, fraulein! No one else has my method.”

“And what exactly is this method?” Trixie asked, arching her eyebrow.

His ears twitched as he grinned. “Quite simple, really. I am everyvhere and novhere.”

“..... How the hell does that work,” Trixie wondered, tapping her chin in thought. “No matter, Trixie will ponder upon it once awake. Now, Trixie assumes you have business?”

Schrodinger chuckled and appeared in front of her, balanced on the caravan’s edge. “I’m here to deliver a message from Pinkie Pie. Straight from zhe party girl’s mouth!” He sucked in a breath. “Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! And tomorrow afternoon I’m throwing a welcome to Ponyville/congrats on getting well party just for you! It’ll be at Sugarcube Corner! We’ll have a great time and lots of fun! There’ll be candy, cake, games, and lots and lots of laughs!” He had delivered the word dump in Pinkie’s voice. “Zhat’s zhe message,” he said in his normal voice.

“.... Noted,” Trixie stared at Schrodinger, thinking that he got weirder and weirder with every passing second. “Thank you for that, Mr….?”

“Schrodinger,” he introduced with a bow. “Zhe self-observing cat zhat is everyvhere and novhere!”

“Nice to know. Now, thank you for the message, Mr. Schrodinger. If you’ll excuse me, I have a field of imaginary money to roll through for presumably the next eight hours or so.” Trixie turned back to the dream, slipping back into her contented mood and diving into the pool of somehow not incredibly painful bits and swimming around within it.

Her pleasant mood did not last, given the squeezing sensation on her chest pulling her back to the waking world. “Wakey wakey!” Alucard called as he sat atop her bed, straddling her as he groped her with a wide grin.

“If I wasn’t so sure that slapping you would only have the opposite of the intended effect, I would slap you until my other arm came off,” Trixie stared up at Alucard with a deadpan glare, lying absolutely still under his…. ministrations.

The vampire’s eyes widened. “Who told you about my sadomasochism?! Was it Schrodinger?! I’ll wring his little neck for ruining the surprise!” His hands continued to fondle her as he ranted about the catboy that drove everyone around him nuts.

“No, you just have that look about you,” Trixie monotoned, “that is, the look of a complete and utter sexual deviant. It’s the glasses and the smile, really.”

Alucard laughed that grating impish laugh. “Only one woman alive can comprehend my sexual preferences.”

Trixie rolled her eyes, “You’re a Twilight-sexual with a heaping dose of teasing perversion and sadomasochism. What else is there to know?”

He laughed again and turned into Girlycard. “How about this, Lulatits?” He still didn’t bother using a female voice.

“Exact same. Just the look is different. And don’t call me Lulatits. It’s degrading.” Trixie shrugged ever so slightly, “Of course, if my ass were a bit bigger, I suppose you’d find some way to make me wish I didn’t have my real name.”

“Ooh… Like what you did there,” Alucard said before jumping off her. “Well, you’d better get down for breakfast. If you’re not fast enough I’ll end up going down on my master’s absolutely flawless pussy.”

“.... Trixie does not wish to be anywhere near the two of you engaging in coitus. Therefore, Trixie shall be going downstairs now.” Trixie stood, dropping the sheets and throwing on one of her few remaining outfits. “Oh, and… thank you for waking me up without resorting to using the volume of Miss Sparkle’s orgasms. I believe that the town would not have appreciated such a thing at this hour.”

Alucard turned into mist and floated out the door while laughing. “Yes! She sure can scream can’t she?!”

With that, Trixie went down for breakfast.

After eating, Trixie sat back and looked over to Twilight, “So, what work would you have Trixie do?”

“As assistant librarian, your job consists of helping keep the books organized, keeping track of who checked out what and when, which books are overdue and who has them, and given your affinity for them, you get to read to little kids every weekend!” Twilight was widely smiling.

Trixie blinked, “Well, that seems to be a fairly simple task, though reading would be rather difficult when I possess only one arm to hold and manipulate a book and have no magic to aid me.”

“Just set the book in your lap,” Twilight said simply. “I do that a lot.”

“.... Fair enough. But then, what if there are pictures? How would Trixie show the pictures to the children… Hmmm…” Trixie dropped her chin onto her fist, “A slight conundrum, wouldn’t you say?”

Twilight giggled. “Just think of it as an opportunity to practice,” she said. “Gotta remaster the basics first after all.”

“.... Trixie thanks the fact that she is left handed…” she muttered, “but not having a right hand shall make things… difficult.”

“Need some motivation?” Alucard asked from behind Trixie as he groped her again.

Trixie looked down at her breasts, “While Trixie does not appreciate that it is your hands groping her breasts, Trixie cannot deny that you have skill in this area. However, such activities are not exactly appropriate outside the bedroom… or a well secluded broom closet… or an out of the way alley, should such a venue suit one’s whims.”

Alucard laughed. “So you like my skill, Lulatits?” He grinned at Twilight, who winked at him with a sultry smile.

“Your hands are rather skilled, though a little bit of fondling won’t do a single thing to get Trixie into bed with anyone,” Trixie blushed very slightly. “Though, it has helped, on occasion. Anyway, Trixie desires to start working now. You will have to excuse Trixie if she does not do the best job in the world for some time, though.”

Alucard let her stand and smacked her ass. “Like you said, Lulatits, I’m Twilight-sexual.” He grinned at his master as he put his arm around her.

“Indeed you are,” Trixie mused, moving over to the library and stopping, “.... Trixie must inquire just how this library is organized, as Trixie cannot see so much as an opened logbook anywhere in sight. Nor can Trixie find any system of keeping track of recently borrowed books. Sparkle, just how have you been keeping this mess afloat!?”

Twilight blushed. “Well… We don’t get that many visitors who actually want to check out books.”

Trixie stopped and stared, “..... This is the most pitiful library Trixie has ever visited. And Trixie has been to Roanikstead’s Public Library.”

“Ow…” Twilight muttered with a wince. “Well, truthfully I pull the books all down and reshelve them every week. Just because.”

“You are not helping Trixie’s opinion of this library,” Trixie muttered, running her hand down her face. “Okay, new plan. We need to make a way to coherently organize this mess. First: Organization by genre, then further organize by the Dappley Decimal System. Second: We need to go furniture shopping.”

“Why furniture shopping?” Spike asked in confusion, joined in arching an eye ridge by Alucard.

“Because this library lacks many things. Including, but not limited to: A librarian’s desk and chair, file cabinets, library carts, ladders for the height disadvantaged, extra tables in case of people wishing to study, etc etc. It’s a pitiful selection of books, too. Even with shelves circling the entire circumference of the tree, there’s still barely enough space to hold a thousand or so books, give or take a few.” Trixie’s haughty expression had slipped from “braggart” to “scholar”, her long forgotten bookworm streak coming back with a vengeance.

“Oh gods…” Alucard muttered. “Someone cloned my girl!” Spike rolled his eyes at that claim.

“Hardly. More like someone cloned Trixie and then made the clone…” Trixie swallowed her pride, “....better. I am older than Sparkle, here.”

Alucard leaned over to Twilight and whispered in her ear. “Are you getting turned on by her bookworm self, boss?”

“.... A little bit,” Twilight whispered back, “but it’s not the same as a blood-induced lust. More like I want to just debate with her on… everything.”

“So you don’t want a threesome?” Alucard asked, still whispering before licking his master’s earlobe.

Twilight blushed, “No! …. not yet… maybe… later…” She coughed, “Anyway, furniture shopping?”

Trixie smirked, but acknowledged Twilight’s suggestion, “Quite. Now, you’ll have to lead Trixie to the furniture stores. She’s only been in town for about three days now.”

“Well, there is a good store about a mile from here…” Twilight mused, “They sell a lot of stuff, not sure just what, though… We’ll need to check.”

“How did I get roped into this?” Spike asked as he walked with them, pulling a cart behind him as he was flanked by Twilight, Trixie, and Girlycard.

“Because, right now, as the only one physically male, gender stereotypes say that you are the one required to haul any and all purchases made by us, the females,” Trixie stated matter-of-factly, waving around a cheap, impulse-buy, plastic star-tipped wand as if it were a lecture pointer.

Twilight nodded in agreement, though she gave Spike a sympathetic look. Girlycard just laughed like the jerk he/she was.

Spike glared at Girlycard and stared ahead, muttering something like, “Damn genderbending vampire…” under his breath.

“You’re just jealous that you can’t abuse the hell out of gender stereotypes!” Girlycard laughed, casually flipping both middle fingers up at Spike.

Spike hissed and spat some of his fire into Girlycard’s face. “What does mom see in you?” he asked as he kept pulling the cart and glared ahead.

Trixie and Twilight had, at this point, pulled far ahead, talking about some form of magical technobabble or another.

Girlycard caught up and threw his/her arms around their shoulders. “So where to next, boss? Lulatits?”

Twilight pointed in the direction of a rather large building with a sign depicting a desk out in front of it, “Raven Desk’s Furniture Shop. Biggest… and pretty much only… furniture shop in all of Ponyville.

Girlycard laughed loudly. “Come on, dear Spike! Impress Rarity with some strength displays!”

“Rarity!? Where?!” Spike looked around furiously, pulling the cart with enough force to bring him back up to speed with the rest of the group. “.... Oh, ha ha. Very funny. Tease the draco-lich with a crush so that he works harder. I get it.”

Girlycard patted him on the head like the pet most people thought he was. “Good boy, Spike. Good boy.”

“.... I hate you…”

Twilight cut in, “Alright, that’s enough bickering. Let’s just go inside, get what we need, and actually get some work done turning my library into an actually usable library and not just a slightly public collection of books.”

Trixie nodded, “Well said, Sparkle.”

Once inside, Trixie immediately began looking around, moving from desk to desk, checking wood type, wood quality, storage space, work space, anything and everything necessary to absolutely maximize efficiency while she worked. After looking through about half of the desks- a process that took nearly half an hour- Trixie finally settled on a nice mahogany desk, about as long as she was tall, with four large drawers and a pull out tray/drawer with a lock.

Then came the chairs.

After exhausting a good three quarters of the various swivel chairs in stock- this time taking a full hour- Trixie settled on a nice, brown leather swivel chair, with several options for generating maximum amount of comfort.

Next, file cabinets. This one was simple, Trixie just chose a pair of three drawer steel cabinets and called it a day on that mark.

“Trixie, can we take a break? My arms are falling off!” Spike complained, eyeing the massive stack of furniture in the cart dubiously. Sure, he could easily pull it back to Golden Oaks, but lifting them all and carrying them around was taxing even on his undead, magically enhanced muscles.

“Hmph, fine. Trixie supposes that a break has been earned. It is lunchtime. Spike, haul the purchases back to the library, would you?”

“.... Fiiine…”

“Good boy.”

“Well now that was fun,” Girlycard said with a grin he/she chuckled at the exhausted Spike. “Good work, Spike. I’m sure Rarity would have been very impressed by your work.”

Spike grumbled in annoyance, “Shut up, jerkwad.”

Trixie, meanwhile, had taken to spinning around slowly just beside the strange podium in the center of the massive floor space, trying to see just how everything would fit together. At long last, she snapped her fingers and pulled a piece of paper and began sketching out a rough floor plan.

“Trixie has decided that we will need to add in some extra walls, so as to block off the stairs and the kitchen area from the general public. We shall extend the wall along the stairs, adding in more bookshelves- those may come later, and then add the librarian’s desk at the end of this wall, forming an unofficial cordon. The filing cabinets shall line the inside of a short wall built perpendicular to the outer walls, creating a bit more of a cordon. Thankfully, the desk came with sliders, allowing it to be easily pushed out of the way when not in use. Before and after service hours, the desk shall remain pushed to the side, so as to not restrict entry or exits to and from the building. As the kitchen door is just off the side of the stairs, this means it also doubles as an unofficial break room. The tables we bought shall go in a concentric arrangement around the central podium, and the chairs shall line both sides of the circle. The podium, as it has a desk level “rim” surrounding it, shall also double as a peculiarly shaped desk, so any excess chairs shall form a ring around it- four at the most, I think. When the extra bookshelves arrive, they shall form a roughly concentric set of “rings” with a sign on top of each shelf to detail just what genre they hold. As we have ordered quite a few bookshelves, we should be able to get a good spread of genres. Finally, near the front, we shall keep a large area clear- enough to seat at least twenty children on the floor, with enough space left over to put a chair and maybe a small bookshelf. Any questions?”

While Trixie had talked, Girlycard had turned back into Alucard and spoke up with a grin. “Yeah. Are you positive you’re not a clone of Sugarlips? Because that display of nerdy planning really turned me on.”

Trixie rolled her eyes, “Any relevant questions?”

“Where did you learn all this?” Spike asked. “Never thought libraries were so…” he struggled to find the right word.

“Involved?” Trixie asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah! That’s it!” Spike said, snapping his claws.

Trixie blushed, “Though Trixie does not often admit it… Trixie has a degree in library sciences… and before you ask, that is a program offered by the University of Phillydelphia. Our final project was to design an efficient public library based on a building layout of a particular building. Trixie just so happened to receive a layout similar to this one, strangely enough.”

“Wow. Lot of programs offered huh?” Spike muttered.

Twilight spoke up, “The University of Phillydelphia is widely known across all academic circles at having the largest pool of programs to choose from, even in fields that you would think a class about would be entirely useless, like a class on the ins and outs of running hotdog stands.”

“Indeed,” Trixie muttered. “I once nearly took a class on the finer points of whittling a chess set due to a bureaucratic error…”

“I feel sorry for those poor bastards,” Alucard commented, staring at Trixie’s rack.

“No time to feel sorry now, Alucard. Time to start moving things around!” Trixie exclaimed, whipping her hand out and pointing dramatically at the pile of stuff lying in the corner, cape billowing dramatically.

It had been an interesting four days, Trixie mused. There had been much shouting, work, and lots and lots of remodeling. Books and bookshelves had been ordered, flyers had been handed out, and Twilight had even managed to get all of her books from Canterlot, fiction and nonfiction, onto the shelves and/or stored in the lab/storage area in the basement.

But, they had finally managed to turn Golden Oaks into a respectable example of a library. Now, Trixie stood in front of its doors, beside Twilight.

“Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! We welcome you here today for the grand reopening of the Golden Oaks library! Twilight, if you would?” Trixie waved grandiosely at the doors, prompting Twilight to slice the ribbon in front of them and shove the doors open with a flourish, the townspeople immediately surging in, all of them browsing with great eagerness upon their faces.

Trixie smirked, “And that, Sparkle, is how you make a public library.”

She paused, tapped her chin and slapped her forehead, “And of course, the only realm in which I outclass you seems to be in library design.”

Bitch I Eat People!

Author's Note

We love to see that you have enjoyed this story. So we've given you a little thank you present this chapter.

You are in for such a treat. Enjoy.

Bitch I Eat People!

A pair of black, leather boots crunched down onto the grass atop a hill on the outskirts of Ponyville. Their owner, a rather tall, white haired woman with violet tipped bangs, adjusted her sunglasses, revealing briefly a pair of slit-pupiled golden eyes.

“So… this is where you left to, Dash… Doesn’t look like a very cool place though…” the griffon ruffled her wings and adjusted her leather jacket, slinging her duffel bag to her shoulders and walking down the hill towards the main road.

“So vhat brings you to Ponyville, fraulein?” a voice asked from behind the rather muscled woman. The sound of an apple being bitten into then entered her ears.

Gilda whirled around, facing the stranger in surprise, “Who the hell’re you!?”

Schrodinger’s smirk was briefly covered by him taking another bite of his apple. “So rude. Give your own name first, fraulein.”

Gilda smirked and jabbed a fingerless-glove covered thumb at her chest, “I’m Gilda. Strongest flier in eight cities and all around badass. And you are?”

“Schrodinger,” he said while tossing the apple core away. “Zhe self-observing cat zhat is everyvhere and novhere.”

“..... I’m not even gonna ask how the fuck that’s supposed to work,” Gilda muttered, dismissing Schrodinger and turning back to the main road. Hopefully, she’d be able to find Rainbow Dash somewhere in town before sundown.

“So who are you looking for?” Schrodinger asked from his perch on Gilda’s shoulder, a hot dog clutched in his hand.

Gilda pushed Schrodinger off, “Gah! What the fuck!? How’d you get on my shoulder!?”

Scrodinger’s smirking face came down into her field of view from on top of her head. “As I said. I am everyvhere and novhere.”

Gilda scowled, “What the hell does that even mean!?” She pushed Schrodinger’s face away, finally making her way to the main road and following it.

“Exactly vhat it sounds like, Gilda,” Schrodinger said, munching on his hot dog as he rode on her duffel bag. “If I sink I am somevhere, I am zhere.”

“..... How the fuck does that even make sense!?” Gilda cried, massaging her temples from sheer confusion and ignoring the looks the townspeople gave her.

Schrodinger appeared in his normal size and leaned on Gilda a bit. “It makes perfect sense, no? Twilight and Trixie get it. Maybe you’re just a little slow in zhe head.” He munched on a cupcake as he walked with her, the townspeople realizing Schrodinger was up to his usual trolling of newcomers to Ponyville.

Roseluck, feeling sorry for the newcomer, strolled up to Gilda and smiled apologetically, “Sorry about Schrodinger, ma’am, he does this to… everyone, really. He’s kind of an asshole, to be honest.”

Gilda sighed, “Seriously? Why the hell is he even here then?”

“He came in with the Princess’s protege and that asshole vampire that came with her,” Roseluck explained, shrugging and turning back to her rose garden. “Anyway, just a heads up. I won’t stop you any longer.”

Gilda nodded, asking, “Right… by the way, do you know where Rainbow Dash is? I’m an old friend of hers.”

“Knowing her, she’s off vith Alucard and zhe girls,” Schrodinger said as he finished his cupcake. “Alucard’s first meeting vith her vas funny to vatch.”

“Who’s this Alucard guy?” Gilda asked, brow quirking up in annoyance, “... And where the hell would ‘with the girls’ be?”

Schrodinger smirked as he stepped away from Gilda. “Vell, I don’t know about zhe girls, but Alucard… He should be here in drei… zwei… ein.” A pair of gloved hands grabbed Gilda’s breasts from behind and squeezed them.

“WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!?” Gilda shouted in surprise, instantly flickering from annoyance to rage and judo flipping the offending person over her shoulder and elbow dropping them in the groin before standing and piledriving them into the dirt headfirst.

Alucard’s pleasured moans filled the air. “Ah… Houston. We have nooo problems.” He slowly got to his feet as his broken neck snapped back into place. Once on his feet, he grinned at Gilda. “Not a bad rack for an aerial, but you can’t even hold a candle to Fluttershy.”

Gilda blinked in surprise, “Fluttershy? The little skinny squirt that used to get bullied in flight school? That Fluttershy? She got a rack!?” The last word was screamed out in utter shock as Fluttershy herself came into the scene and Gilda caught a good look at the…

“Oh that is so not cool!” Gilda snapped, grabbing Fluttershy by the shoulders and shaking her, “Dammit Flutters! You’re an aerial! WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE THOSE FUCKING COW UDDERS YOU LITTLE SQUIRT!”

Fluttershy gently removed Gilda’s hands from her shoulders. “Now, Gilda. You know I’ve never been a particularly strong flier. And I can’t help how large my breasts are.”

“37MMM, by the way,” Alucard pointed out. “Checked that myself when I met her. Sorry bout that, Shy.”

“It’s okay, Alucard. I’ve already forgiven you,” Fluttershy said.

Gilda whistled, “37MMM? That has to be setting a world size record. Not even the Princess is that big… Or at least, she doesn’t look that big. I dunno, never seen her up close.”

“Oh Shy is far better endowed than Tia,” Alucard said. “I’ve squeezed those godly tits plenty of times over the years.”

“You’ve squeezed the Princess’s tits… and survived? How the hell did you manage that!?” Gilda’s shocked expression only grew, along with the headache that came from being around people like Schrodinger.

“Because I’m a fuckmothering vampire,” Alucard said with pride. “I killed a lot of people to get this title!”

“.....” Gilda looked at Alucard, feeling another headache coming on, “Okay, fuck it, I don’t care anymore. Flutters, you know where Dash is? I haven’t seen her in forever and I wanna catch up.”

“I think she went with Twilight to the hospital,” Fluttershy said. “Something about restocking on blood pouches.”

Alucard sighed. “I told her she was getting addicted, but did she listen? Noooo.”

“.... Five minutes in this town and I already think it’s crazy…” Gilda muttered. “Anyway, Flutters, mind leading me to the hospital? I wanna talk to Dash before I drop my shit off for the night.” Gilda began looking around, trying to guess at which way either an inn or the hospital was.

“You could stay with me while you’re in town, Gilda,” Fluttershy offered with a smile. “I have an extra room.”

Gilda smiled and shook her head good naturedly, “You always were all too nice, Flutters. I’d love to stay at your place. Though, you don’t have any poison oak around your house do you? I have a really nasty reaction to that shit.”

“No. None at all. I make sure to keep poisonous plants away from my cottage,” Fluttershy said. “They could make the animals or even a person sick.”

Gilda paused, “... Animals?” She shuddered, “Oh gods… I’m not good with animals…”

“They’re very well behaved, Gilda,” Fluttershy assured her. “Although Angel Bunny can be kind of a brat sometimes.”

Gilda shrugged, “If you say so, Flutters. So… where’s the hospital?”

“I’ll take you there,” Fluttershy said, gesturing for Gilda to follow her. “So how have you been? Do you still live in Cloudsdale, or did you go back to Griffonstone?”

Gilda grimaced, “Eugh, don’t talk about Griffonstone, please. But yeah, I live in Cloudsdale. S’why I headed over here now; Cloudsdale’s only a couple hours away from here for the next week or so.” She followed Fluttershy, occasionally sneaking jealous glances down at Fluttershy’s generous assets.

Fluttershy took notice and blushed. “Stop it, Gilda. You’re embarrassing me. I get enough stares from men.” She smiled a bit. “Rarity thinks I should be more assertive and use them to my advantage.”

“Tch, with a rack like that, you could get the entire goddamn nation to follow your orders, Squirt.” Gilda playfully slapped Fluttershy on the shoulder, taking care not to harm her fragile childhood friend.

Fluttershy blushed. “Oh you’re just saying that, Gilda. I’m nothing special. Just a small town animal caretaker and vet.”

Gilda deadpanned, “Flutters, I’ve been halfway around the nation by this point. I know men. And a rack like yours would control just about every single one of them.” Gilda reached out and squeezed one of Fluttershy’s breasts for emphasis.

“EEK!” FLuttershy squeaked as her mound was squeezed. “Um… Please let go, Gilda. The last person that squeezed them like that was Alucard. When he first met me.” She smiled a bit at the memory despite the first impression. “I’ll be honest, I thought he was going to rape me right then and there. But when I started tearing up, he genuinely apologized to me.”

“Oh, uh, sorry, Flu-Gah!” Gilda was interrupted by a rainbow blur slamming into her at high speeds, the griffon instinctively curling up around the blur in a familiar manner as both griffon and aerial rolled across the ground, laughing madly from the nostalgia.

“Gilda! What the hell are you doing here you sour old eagle?” Rainbow punched the slightly older woman in the arm, laughing the whole time. Gilda growled and tackled Rainbow back to the ground, giving the shorter and flatter aerial an absolutely devastating noogie.

“Old!? I’ll show you old you little flat-chested brat!” Still, Gilda couldn’t keep the smile from her face as she delivered her punishment to Rainbow’s skull.

Rainbow thrashed around, still laughing madly, “Dammit Gilda! St-stahaaahp! Gah! That hurts! Oww!”

“Not until you say uncle!”

“Friend of yours, Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked as she walked up to them, a transfusion pack clutched in her hand with a straw stuck in it, allowing her to leisurely drink its contents.

Gilda stood and released Rainbow, cockily pointing a finger at Twilight, “That’s right! I’m Rainbow Dash’s childhood friend, all the way back from flight school!”

Twilight smiled, a small bit of blood staining her teeth and her fangs standing out a bit. “Nice to meet you. I’m Twilight Sparkle. And you are?”

“... Holy shit you do drink blood,” Gilda muttered before shaking her head, “Anyway, I’m Gilda.”

Twilight giggled. “Yeah. Newcomers are always squicked out by my favorite drink. It’s all Alucard’s fault, really. I still love him though.”

“The fuck are you, a vampire?” Gilda asked, unconsciously stepping back.

Twilight laughed for a few seconds. “No. I just like drinking blood. But Alucard could have turned me at one time. Unfortunately he forgot that I would need to be a virgin, and only remembered that the morning after he first fucked my brains out.”

“.....” Gilda stared dubiously at Alucard, who grinned and waved back, “.... That good, huh? Sorry if I find that… hard to believe.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Twilight said. “Alucard’s not the only undead around here. There’s also my son Spike. He’s a dracolich. And my assistant librarian is an amputee.”

“How are you feeling, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked in concern for her friend.

“Much better. Thank you for asking, Fluttershy,” Twilight answered before drinking up some more blood.

Gilda stared at Fluttershy’s breasts, once again distracted by just how large they were. “Okay, seriously, show of hands here… who thinks that Flutters’ boobs could be used to take over all of Equestria if she showed a little skin and maybe jumped up and down a few times?” She raised her hand in the air, looking around at the circle of Fluttershy’s and Rainbow’s friends. Twilight, Dash, Alucard, and Schrodinger all raised their hands in unison.

Fluttershy blushed and shrunk into herself, “O-oh, m-my… th-that’s not true…”

Gilda snorted, walked over to Fluttershy, and ripped open the shorter girl’s blouse, exposing a massive V-line of cleavage and ignoring Fluttershy's yelp of shock. As Fluttershy struggled to cover herself up, Gilda dragged the stuttering pinkette over to a stall and pushed Fluttershy forward, “Try it, Squirt. Try and buy a basket of cherries.”

Fluttershy blushed as she looked at the shopkeeper, very much aware that his eyes were on her cleavage. “Um, h-hello. I-I’d like to buy a basket of cherries please.” Her arms were unconsciously lifting her mounds and making it seem like they could flood out of her blouse at any moment.

The man at the counter looked down on accident, blushed, and handed Fluttershy a basket at least twice as full as a normal basket, grinning goofily the whole time. “S-sure, ma’am! On the house!”

Fluttershy smiled as she took the basket. “T-Thank you. That’s very sweet.” Her breasts bounced a bit as she turned and walked back to her friends.

“That guy is positively throbbing, Flutters,” Alucard commented with a grin and thumbs up. “And he just took a break to go masturbate.”

Fluttershy darkly blushed at the thought that a man was having a fantasy about her at that very moment.

Gilda snorted in disgust, “Would not be surprised if he was.” She hefted her bag and looked up at the setting sun, “Wow… is it sunset already? Damn, must have flown longer than I thought I did.”

“Shall we get you settled in, Gilda?” Fluttershy asked, clutching the cherry basket to her chest.

Gilda nodded, “Yeah, thanks Flutters.” She walked over to Rainbow and hugged the smaller girl, “It’s been way too long, Dash. So happy to see you again… We’ll have to catch up tomorrow, yeah?”

Rainbow hugged Gilda back, “Yeah. Night G.”

Gilda hung on for slightly longer than necessary before pulling away, slightly disappointed that she couldn’t hang on longer, and turned to follow Fluttershy. She slung her duffel bag over her shoulder, rolling them and fluttering her wings as she walked.

“So… where is your house anyway, Flutters?” Gilda asked, arms now folded behind her head.

“On the edge of the Everfree Forest,” Fluttershy answered. “And, Gilda? Did you really have to rip my blouse?”

“....Yes. Your tits are fantastic and you should flaunt what you got.”

The next morning, Gilda was woken by the sound of animals as they chittered and squawked and generally woke up to the sunrise. Groggy and still half asleep, she dragged herself from the bed Fluttershy had given her and poked her head from the room, looking around at the animal filled cottage.

Fluttershy sat surrounded by the animals, looking for all the world like a fairytale princess… were it not for the extremely loose, butter-yellow robe draped over her and barely covering the sheer camisole that apparently was to serve as nightwear for the pink haired aerial.

“God… damn…” Gilda whispered, staring unabashedly at Fluttershy, and blushing furiously. Already, Gilda felt an uncomfortable tightness in her lower abdomen, prompting her to retreat back into her temporary room as she heaved a few calming breaths.

“I swear, if I wasn’t holding out for that absolute perfection of a girl Rainbow I’d fuck the pink right out of her hair,” Gilda half whispered, half moaned, barely holding off from masturbating right then and there.

A knock came at Gilda’s door. “Gilda? Are you awake?” Fluttershy asked.

Gilda jumped and fell over, cursing the whole time, “Gah! Fuck! Agh! Now I am! Ow ow ow! My fucking leg!”

Fluttershy rushed in and knelt down beside her. “Are you alright, Gilda?!” She looked over her old friend’s leg in concern. “What happened?”

Gilda groaned, shifting a little to hide the growing wetness in her pajama shorts, “Gahhh… just fell out of bed… I’ve had worse…”

“Are you sure?” Fluttershy asked, her huge rack practically fully in view as she kept checking her over.

Gilda blushed furiously at the sight of Fluttershy’s massive knockers hanging right in front of her face, “Y-yes! I’m fine! I-uh… I need a shower!” Still, she didn’t move, musing that if she acted quickly, she could probably sneak in a quick kiss or grope or two to those absolutely heavenly breasts.

Fluttershy nodded as she stood back. “Alright. The bathroom’s just down the hall on the left. Try not to use all the hot water,” she teased with a giggle, not realizing that her guest was going to be taking a very cold shower.

Gilda immediately raced off, not even bothering to grab any extra clothes as she made her sprint to the bathroom and into an absolutely frigid shower. Fluttershy was left staring at the tiny puddle left behind when Gilda left, wondering at just what had happened.

Fluttershy then realized that Gilda, in her rush, had forgotten a fresh change of clothes. Unzipping Gilda’s duffel bag, she looked through it for some clothes to take to her friend. Inside, she found a small blue journal embroidered with Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark and, strangely enough… lots of tiny pink hearts?

“O-oh my… something tells me I shouldn’t look at this…” Fluttershy muttered quietly, setting the book back down in Gilda’s bag. Getting a change of clothes for her guest, Fluttershy took them to the bathroom and knocked. “Gilda? I got you some clothes.”

The shower turned off, the sound of a towel being vigorously rubbed against skin filtering through the door a second later. After a minute, Gilda poked her head from the bathroom, taking the clothes and retreating back inside with a muttered, “Thanks, Squirt.”

“You’re welcome, Gilda,” Fluttershy answered before returning to her bedroom and getting some clothes for her own shower, coming back as Gilda was exiting the bathroom. The way she held her clothes was lifting her chest very noticeably, and she had no idea what she was doing to her guest.

Gilda cursed under her breath, slipping around Fluttershy and walking back to her room with a quick, “Shower’s free,” directed at Fluttershy. Gilda knew she couldn’t take another cold shower… but she could take care of some frustration…

An absolutely horrible, nasty, and all too pleasurably enticing idea came to Gilda as she slipped from the room’s window and circled around the cottage, flying up and peeking through the barely opened bathroom blinds.

“Score…” Gilda whispered, her hands already diving down to her pants and removing them and her panties.

After shutting the door and setting her clothes on the counter by the sink, Fluttershy slipped her robe off and hung it from the hook on the door. Unknowingly turning to where she had her front visible to Gilda, she turned the water on and slipped her camisole off while waiting on the hot water. Leaving her body fully exposed to her secret voyeur.

A trickle of blood ran down Gilda’s nose as she masturbated furiously to the sight of Fluttershy’s naked body, one finger jammed between her teeth to stifle the little moans and whimpers that came from her throat.

“Oh gods… if I’d known that Fluttershy would get this sexy…”

Fluttershy stepped into the shower, not even bothering to close the curtain since she never considered that someone might spy on her. It was really just a courtesy for guests. Sticking her wings out, she lathered up some body wash and started carefully cleaning the feathery appendages while also preening them.

“Ffffffffffffffffff…. Is everything Flutters does fucking sexy these days!?” Gilda screamed in her mind, her juices flowing down her thighs in absolute rivers.

She couldn’t help herself; she removed the hand from her mouth and began fondling herself, lost in the fantasies of just what she would do to Fluttershy’s absolutely divine body.

Once she was satisfied that her wings were clean and preened, Fluttershy started on the rest of her body, lathering up some shampoo and starting to rub it into her flowing pink locks. Her hips swayed as she softly sung a little song.

“Oh gods oh gods oh gods…” Gilda fingered herself furiously, squeezing her breasts and pinching her nipples. She was close, she could tell. But oh gods those tits.

With a hissed wail of ecstasy, Gilda came, squirting out into the open air and sinking back to the ground, huffing and blushing up a storm. Then, after just a few seconds of basking in the afterglow, she slapped herself as hard as she could, whispering aggressively, “Dammit Gilda! Get a hold of yourself! Dammit dammit dammit you just masturbated to your old childhood friend! Your very… sexy… childhood friend… dammit brain!”

Without even noticing, she had already re-ascended back up to the height of the window, the familiar aching in her loins already present.

“.... Just one more time, I swear…”

And she looked back into the bathroom.

She was just in time to see Fluttershy lean her head back to rinse her hair, letting her breasts jut out noticeably. Once her hair was rinsed, she lathered up more body wash and grabbed a loofah, scrubbing her body while one hand idly rubbed the body wash over her breasts, the light glinting off the water and drawing a lot of attention to her erect nipples, which were a slightly darker shade of pink than her hair and had decent sized areolae.

“..... I’m going to be in my room for the rest of the day, just from this one moment, I swear,” Gilda thought to herself, once again rubbing furiously. Her legs, already dripping with her juices, became slick once more, the rivers of gushing fluid dripping from Gilda’s crotch and forming a massive puddle of almost steaming liquid below her.

Fluttershy finished cleaning her front and stepped under the water, letting it wash streams of suds down her curves before stepping out from under it and using a long handled scrub brush to wash her back as her other hand started scrubbing her thighs with the loofah.

Gilda almost came again, eyeing the droplets of water streaming down Fluttershy’s form with abject jealousy. By now, Gilda’s face was a bright, glowing red, matching the state of her pussy.

Her fingers found her clit, rubbing the little nub a bit harder with each unintentionally erotic motion that Fluttershy made.

After what seemed like an eternity, Fluttershy rinsed her lower body and then stood under the water, lifting her left hand to one of her breasts and letting the other fall between her legs. Her last morning ritual before she could stand to go out and possibly encounter a certain someone. She let out cute little moans as she began.

“Oh fuck she isn’t…. oh fuck she is!” Gilda began working herself even harder, her previous state of arousal soaring to absolutely astronomical levels at the sight of Fluttershy masturbating in the shower.

“Oh gods… this is probably the best day of my life!”

Fluttershy moaned louder and pinched her nipple as her fingers worked her insides, her thumb rubbing her clit. With her eyes closed, she could so easily imagine him with her and making her feel like she was on cloud nine. She couldn’t stop thinking about him. “Those eyes… Those hands… Those muscles…” She gasped as some of her juices squirted out, keeping her eyes tightly shut as she kept up her fantasy. “That tongue… That perversion and devotion… That scent...” She couldn’t take it anymore. The floodgates opened as a final moan tore from her throat. “Alucard!!!”

“.... What.” Gilda’s mind blanked out even as her fingers worked on autopilot, sparing her just a second before her second orgasm ripped through her, sending her back to the ground and onto her knees with whispered gasps and moans. By now, she had created a rather sizable puddle on the ground, and it was all she could do to keep her suddenly limp body from falling into it.

After just a bare few moments, she stood shakily, pulled her pants back on, and teetered back into her room. There was only one thought racing through her mind.

“Flutters… is attracted to…. ALUCARD!?”

Fluttershy hummed and smiled cheerfully as she set the last of breakfast on the kitchen table. “Gilda! Breakfast is ready!” she called.

Gilda wandered out slowly, her face just barely recovered enough for her blush to be unnoticeable under her tan. “So, what’s for breakfast, Squirt?” she asked, feigning casualness.

“All your favorites,” Fluttershy said, gesturing to a spread of waffles with bacon chunks in them, pancakes with bacon chunks, bacon itself, and bacon and egg sandwiches. “I remember how much you just love bacon.”

Gilda grinned, sitting down and rubbing her hands, a predatory grin coming to her face, “Hot damn Flutters! You’re a fucking saint! You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get good bacon up in Cloudsdale!” She immediately dug in, moaning in contentment at the sheer perfection of the bacon in her mouth.

Fluttershy giggled and blushed at the compliment as she sat down and helped herself to a few strips of bacon and a sandwich. “You always did love my cooking, Gilda.”

Gilda paused her bacon massacre and looked up, wiping her mouth with a napkin, “No shit, Flutters. The shit at the flight school canteen had so little actual food in it I could have eaten cardboard with more nutrients in it!” She shoved a few more pieces of bacon in her mouth to accentuate the point, a wide grin stretching across her face as she ate.

Fluttershy giggled after swallowing a bit of her sandwich. Her table manners being far better than Gilda’s. “You always did complain about the lack of flavor. So what brought you to Ponyville besides catching up with me and Rainbow Dash?”

Gilda swallowed her last bite of food, wiping her mouth and blushing ever so slightly, “Ah… well… hrmm…” She twiddled her thumbs as her blush grew steadily brighter, trying to find exactly the right words to say. “I… I guess you saw the journal I had, huh?”

Fluttershy blushed and nodded. “Yes. I saw it. Gilda... are you in love with Rainbow Dash?”

Gilda sighed and leaned back, “Yeah, I am. Been in love with her tiny little flat chest for most of my life… just never knew about it until we all left flight school and went our separate ways. Tch… if I’d known sooner, maybe I’d be living down here with you gals, living the rustic life.”

Fluttershy reached across the table and gently grasped her friend’s hand. “Did you come to tell her how you feel?” She had a gentle smile on her face.

Gilda nodded, relaxing ever so slightly, “Yeah, I did… Just… just need to figure out how to tell her…” She scratched under her left eye, an unconscious tic that she performed whenever she was confused.

“Well…” Fluttershy blushed as she put together her words. “I’ve got a special someone that I can’t seem to work up the courage to confess to. But… He’s already taken.”

Gilda feigned innocence and asked, “Who is it?”

Fluttershy blushed and cupped her cheeks in her hands. “I just can’t help loving him. He’s rude, perverted, yet a true gentleman when he wants to be, and utterly devoted to Twilight.” She sighed in bliss. “She’s so lucky to have a man like Alucard.”

“Alucard? Really?” Gilda stared, “Not to rain on your parade… but what the hell could he have that would get your attention? He’s, well, he’s kinda an asshole.”

“I know, but that’s part of his charm,” Fluttershy said. “He says what he thinks no matter what anyone thinks. And… There’s the way I met him.” She started playing with a lock of her hair. “Most men just ogle my body, especially my breasts, and I can’t help but feel like they see me as some kind of sex toy. But Alucard… He came right up to me and grabbed my breasts. I was scared at first, but looking back, he was genuinely complimenting my body. Sure he was being a pervert, but there was true admiration in his tone.” She looked away at the wall. “And that night, when Nightmare Moon returned. He rescued me from a group of ghouls and promised to protect me. When I met him, I saw the mask he shows everyone. But underneath it, he’s a good person with a sad history. I couldn’t help falling for him.” She blushed her darkest. “And the way he always compliments my body…” she giggled, “He makes me feel sexy.”

Gilda could only stare, “Well… I’ll take your word for it…” She stretched and popped the joints in her neck, sighing in relief afterwards. “I guess it’s my turn to share what makes Rainbow so appealing?”

“If you want to share,” Fluttershy said. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Nah, I think I’ll share. After all, might not ever get a chance to tell you this again.” Gilda shrugged and started talking, “Well, it started in flight school, y’know? There we were, couple’a girls going through puberty, and hey, it was the experimenting age, right? So, we kissed a few times. Pretty sure Dash didn’t feel anything at the time, but hell, I was in love right away. I never was really sure what brought me to her; there really wasn’t just one thing. I mean, I like her hair, I like her body, I like the fact that my tits are bigger than hers, but hers are still so cute. I mean, one thing is definitely how adorable she is, even though she always says she isn’t. She’s a little shorty, always has been, yeah?”

Fluttershy let out a good natured giggle. “Yeah. She never got to be taller than either of us.”

“Yeah… I mean, when I look at her, it’s not just like I wanna fuck her; I wanna hold her, hug her, kiss her… when she was sad I always wanted to just hug her to my chest and tell her things were gonna be alright… When she was angry, I wanted to laugh because she was so cute even though she could kick just about everyone’s asses… Seeing her happy was the best feeling in the world… gods… I think I’m falling in love with her all over again…” Gilda dropped her head into her arms and just laughed for a good few minutes, tears of joy leaking from her eyes.

“It’s hard not to fall in love with her again, for me at least, after all, she’s only gotten more… her, y’know? Like… like she’s just more herself than she ever was before.”

Fluttershy nodded with a wide smile. “Gilda?”

“Yeah?”

“You know how you said I should flaunt my chest?” Fluttershy blushed as she asked the question.

“Yeah? What about it?” Gilda asked.

“Well…” Fluttershy blushed darker. “I think I’ll try it. Just for Alucard.”

“Heh,” Gilda smirked, “Knock him dead, girl… er, deader.”

Fluttershy giggled. “Think you can help me pick the right outfit?”

“I dunno,” Gilda scratched the back of her head, “I’m not exactly good with fashion.”

Fluttershy thought and then snapped her fingers. “Rarity! She knows all about fashion. Let’s go to her.”

Gilda groaned, “Eugh, gods… might take a while. I may have overeaten… just a little.” She stood, barely pushing herself from her chair. “Okay… okay…. I think I’m good…”

Fluttershy helped her steady herself. “You sure, Gilda?” She had nothing but concern on her face.

“Just.. just a little unsteady. Whew… really shouldn’t have pigged out so hard…” Gilda muttered, patting her slightly bulging belly.

Fluttershy smiled. “If you’re sure you’re okay, then let’s get going.”

Fluttershy knocked on the door of Carousel Boutique, waiting for Rarity to answer as she stood beside Gilda. “I’m a little nervous, Gilda.”

Gilda snorted, “Look, with a figure like yours, it’s pretty damn hard to go wrong with anything you try to do if you’re gonna seduce someone. Besides, all you’re trying to do is flaunt your tits. Not much else you need beyond an open neckline.”

Fluttershy blushed at Gilda’s words as the door opened.

“Welcome to Carousel Boutique! Where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique!” Rarity greeted before seeing who her guests were. “Fluttershy! Darling how are you?” She looked at Gilda. “And who is your friend? I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“I’m Gilda,” Gilda started, pointing her finger at Fluttershy, “and the Squirt here needs something to show off her chest with. It’s a pretty important thing.”

Rarity nodded and let them in, shutting the door. “Well I have always told dear Fluttershy that she should take advantage of all those uncouth stares she gets. I’ll just need her measurements.” She summoned a measuring tape to her hands as she gestured for Fluttershy to join her. “Shirt and bra off please, darling.”

Fluttershy slowly took off her shirt, blushing slightly and hesitating when she moved her hands to her bra.

“It’s quite alright, darling,” Rarity said reassuringly. “No need to be worried. I am a professional.”

Fluttershy nodded and removed her bra, her massive breasts springing free with a nearly audible boing, swaying slightly as Fluttershy took a deep breath of relief.

Gilda looked away, blushing furiously and shifting uncomfortably. Her fingers twitched with the urge to either masturbate or start groping Fluttershy’s breasts, but she managed to keep her hands from wandering, if only barely.

Rarity, to her credit, was able to avoid staring in jealousy for longer than a couple of seconds. “My you certainly are blessed, darling. Arms up, please.” She brandished her measuring tape.

Fluttershy lifted her arms, blushing furiously at having her breasts exposed.

Rarity wrapped the measuring tape around Fluttershy’s huge tracts of land, her eyes widening. “They really are 37MMM. I thought Alucard might have been exaggerating when he made that claim!”

“I-I don’t think Alucard lies when it comes to breast size,” Fluttershy mumbled, looking away in embarrassment.

“So it seems, darling,” Rarity said as she started looking through a clothing rack. “I believe I have just the thing. Forgive me for prying, but are you looking to impress someone, Fluttershy?”

“A-ah… I-er…” Fluttershy stammered, her hands clasped nervously in front of her.

“She’s trying to impress the crimson fucker himself,” Gilda spoke up, her eyes boredly tracing the ceiling so as to not make a mess on Rarity’s couch.

Rarity’s eyes widened again. “Alucard?! Sweet, innocent Fluttershy is love with that ruffian?!” She could hardly believe it. How did someone as tactless and uncouth as Alucard steal Fluttershy’s heart?

Fluttershy flushed, not wanting to repeat what she had said to Gilda earlier. “I-it’s… complicated…?”

Rarity clasped her busty friend on the shoulders. “And you’re sure about your feelings, Fluttershy?”

“Yes.” Fluttershy nodded resolutely before looking down and blushing at how her breasts had squished up against Rarity’s.

Rarity noticed as well and backed away with a blush of her own. “I must confess that I envy you, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy tilted her head cutely, “W-what? W-why?”

“You’ve got your eyes set on a nice man that could use a bit of work in his demeanor, and on top of that, you’re blessed with the sort of physique that some women would kill for.”

“W-well… I-I mean… uhm…” Fluttershy fidgeted nervously in place, not sure of what to say.

“Worry not, Fluttershy!” Rarity said, smiling. “You shall have Alucard drooling when I am finished with you.”

“You fuckin’ better,” Gilda called over from the couch, “With tits like those, if she doesn’t catch his attention, you’d have to do somethin’ horribly wrong.”

Alucard grinned at Twilight as they walked through the park. “So this dude’s friend, he’s a real doctor but does the cosmetic shit on the side, right? So the guy with the horn comes back, only now he wants a plexiglass plate for his skull! And the doctor fuckin does it! He makes a window! You can see the fucker’s brain and shit! He’s got a big monster horn and his head meat on display! What a freak! Am I right?!”

Twilight reeled at the mental imagery, “Eugh… that seems almost… just… eugh…” Even with the horrifyingly twisted forms of her undead minions, Twilight still couldn’t wrap her head around the idea that anyone would want their brain on display like that.

“So I was betting with his girlfriend what the window would show of his brain, and then I said, ‘Betcha I’m right.’ And she said, ‘Betcha you’re wrong.’ I respond with, ‘Betcha you’re a skank.’ She says, ‘Betcha you’re an asshole!’ And then I ended it once and for all by answering with, ‘Bitch I eat people!’”

Twilight’s face made a little ‘o’ of realization, “So that’s why I had to keep the Canterlot PD from arresting you on grounds of suspected cannibalism…”

Alucard laughed. “I kinda wanted them to try to arrest me!” He then looked ahead, looking around. “Ah… The return of the Mystery Boner.”

Just as Twilight began to open her mouth to ask just what Alucard meant, she spotted Fluttershy walking forward in a decidedly more showy outfit than normal. Twilight’s jaw dropped at the sight of Fluttershy baring that much cleavage to the world. It was enough to turn a straight woman gay… or at the very least, bisexual.

Fluttershy very nearly sashayed forth, her beautifully long legs exposed from the mid-length, grass green skirt she wore. The busty aerial had, at some point, traded her normal sneakers for a pair of low, high heeled white sandals with straps reaching up to her ankles. Fluttershy’s normal top was replaced by a pale yellow, halfway unbuttoned sleeveless blouse, the barest hints of her white bra just peeking out from under its edges. A few strings of pearls around her neck and wrists topped the outfit off, the slight makeup dabbed onto Fluttershy’s face serving to tie the whole ensemble together.

Alucard stared at Fluttershy with his jaw dropped. “Sweet black fucking sabbath…” His pants were the tightest he’d ever felt them.

Twilight continued to stare, not even angry at Alucard for looking at another woman. After all, when the other woman was Fluttershy and she looked like that…. “Sweet black fucking sabbath indeed…” Twilight muttered, a trickle of blood running down her nose.

Fluttershy waved shyly, barely keeping herself from covering her chest, “O-oh… hello there, Twilight, Alucard… D-do you like the new look?”

Alucard wiped away some drool. “Fluttershy , may I be perfectly honest with you?”

“Y-yes?” Fluttershy fidgeted nervously, looking at Alucard with with an expression that could only be called “doe eyes”.

“I love the new look,” Alucard said. “If I wasn’t dating Sugarlips I’d fuck the pink right out of your hair.”

Fluttershy’s face went from slightly pink to a full on radiant crimson in the span of half a second, steam almost pouring from her ears as she fought to deal with the sudden rush of emotions his words inspired. “I-I… ah, uhm… w-well… t-thank… t-thank y-you Alucard…”

“Excuse us a moment, Fluttershy,” Alucard said, flipped Twilight around and huddling with her. “So what do you think, Sugarlips?” he asked in a whisper.

Twilight’s face was a healthy shade of simmering pink, “Somehow, I don’t care how… we’re going to get her into our bed. Not now though. I know, I know, why not? Because, while I’ll probably live to a good couple hundred barring extenuating circumstances, Fluttershy’s only normal. We might need time to figure out a way to make her immortal. We could do vampirism, but that shouldn’t be our only option.”

Alucard nodded. “So no seducing her yet. But what about dating her? We both know nobody bats an eye at a guy with more than one girl.”

“Hmmm….” Twilight tapped her chin, “Yeah, we could do that.”

“Anything I’m not allowed to do on the first date?” Alucard asked. “Short of giving her a night of mindblowing sex that no other guy can hope to give her.”

“.... Just don’t make her cry and don’t take her anywhere she’s uncomfortable with… and keep your eyes on her the whole time,” Twilight said, tapping off the list on her fingers, “and I think that’s about it, really. Other than that, just use common sense… and if need be, protect her at all costs.”

“Oh of course I’ll protect her,” Alucard said, shifting to his serious tone. “I promised her I would, remember?”

“Just making sure. Alright, decisions made?” Twilight asked.

“Decisions made,” Alucard nodded. “You handle the immortality, and I’ll keep that sexy aerial company.”

“Then break!” Twilight declared, spinning back around to face the now calmer and confused Fluttershy. Twilight sashayed up to Fluttershy and placed her hand on the busty woman’s shoulder, “Fluttershy, I hereby allow you to date Alucard freely, provided that you hold off on sex with him until an as-of-yet undetermined date.”

“Not that I can’t take you to heaven and back while keeping you a virgin, Flutters,” Alucard said with a grin after phasing behind Fluttershy and hugging her close to him. “We’re gonna have such a good time, you and I,” he whispered in a husky tone before licking her earlobe.

Fluttershy’s blush returned, blasting through shades of red so fast one could actually watch her face change color. With an almighty swoon, Fluttershy collapsed backwards into Alucard’s arms in a dead faint.

“.... I think you broke her,” Gilda commented, coming in for a landing. “Though, hey, least she got what she wanted.”

Alucard laughed and looked at Twilight. “So where should I take her, Sugarlips? Her place, or ours?”

Twilight shrugged, “Considering that we’re more or less a menage a trois now? I suppose our place would be good enough for now.”

Alucard picked Fluttershy up in a bridal carry. “Want to teleport us, Sugarlips?”

Twilight nodded and looked to Gilda, “Wanna come with, Gilda?”

Gilda shrugged, “Eh, sure. Why not.”

“She can keep Lulatits company while we attend to Flutters,” Alucard said, grinning.

Twilight shrugged, “I suppose so… though one of them might not make it out alive. Trixie’s been doing a lot of academic rambling, for some reason.”

“What’s she been on about?” Alucard asked. “All I hear is something about little ball flies.”

“Well, it’s mostly rune matrices and pre- wait did you say ‘little ball flies’?” Twilight’s eyes went wide with delayed horror.

“What?” Alucard asked. “What’s got your bra in a twist, Sugarlips? You know something about little ball flies, don’t you?”

“They’re called parasprites. They’re notorious for being capable of extremely quick asexual reproduction and being able to eat so much more than their body mass should allow. They’re basically the ultimate pest. Thankfully, most of them are confined to the Everfree Forest, though some do clump up in other areas somehow. I think Trixie was planning on using some sort of alchemical formula and the parasprites’ extreme genetic mutability to maybe regrow her arm or something,” Twilight rambled, charging up her group teleport spell and depositing all four of them at the door of the Golden Oaks Library.

Without another word, Twilight burst into the library, flashing up the stairs and over to Trixie’s room. She busted open the door and found… Trixie sitting on her bed and playing with a single, light blue parasprite.

“What.” Twilight muttered, searching the room for any sign of alchemical ingredients or circles. Trixie shot an annoyed glance at Twilight, petting her parasprite and trying to calm it down.

“Sparkle, while I do not know the nature of the emergency, would it have killed you to knock?” Trixie deadpanned, flicking a kernel of popcorn from the bowl at her side at Twilight’s forehead.

Gilda looked into the room and saw the parasprite’s smiling face. Freezing in place, she started trembling. “Must… Not… Squee!”

Alucard looked in while cradling Fluttershy in his arms. “So what’s with the little ball fly, Lulatits?”

Trixie looked up, “Well, Trixie was managing the library after closing time last night and discovered this small creature settled between a pair of books. Given that it is altogether too adorable, Trixie has decided to keep it.”

Twilight’s eyes remained fixed on what she saw as a tiny abomination, “Trixie, I know that this may sound ridiculous… but I’m going to have to ask you to get rid of that parasprite before I have to murder it.”

Trixie shielded the creature against her chest. “You shall do no such thing, Twilight Sparkle! This poor creature was in need of a home and I will give it one!” She brought the parasprite up to her face and lovingly nuzzled it. “Don’t worry. Trixie won’t let the big bad vampire girl get you.”

“Trixie that is a parasprite. And if you knew what that thing is capable of, you’d ask me to get rid of it.” Twilight stared at Trixie, mentally willing the one armed woman to just get rid of the damn thing.

“And what exactly can this little cutie do?” Trixie challenged with a glare at Twilight.

“Historically, every time even a single parasprite entered a town and found a steady food supply, that entire town was all but wiped out by a whole goddamn swarm of parasprites! They eat you out of house and home! Parasprites are a dangerous hazard to human life- that’s a documented fact! AND YOU BROUGHT ONE INTO MY HOUSE!” Twilight roared, lunging for the parasprite in Trixie’s hand. Trixie yelped and rolled backwards, just barely dodging the lunge.

“You stay away from Jasper, Twilight Sparkle!” Trixie snapped as she tucked the creature away in her cloak. “He is an innocent little creature!”

“Innocent!? Like hell that little abomination is!” Twilight screamed, whipping out her wires and preparing to slice “Jasper” to ribbons. Jasper, on the other hand, shuddered in fear and vomited out a ball of red… something… that proceeded to twitch and jump into the air, unfurling into another parasprite in mere seconds.

Twilight stared and fell to her knees, “Oh no… it’s happening…”

Trixie stared at the new parasprite in curiosity, recoiling when it puked on her. “Disgusting!” The ball of puke unfurled into a green parasprite.

“Uh… So how fast do those things puke out kids, Sugarlips?” Alucard asked.

“Fastest rate ever observed is one new parasprite every two and a half seconds…” Twilight mumbled, her eyes wide open in horror, her face paling even further than it normally was.

The swarm continued growing at an exponential rate, doubling in size every five seconds until a swarm of over ten thousand parasprites shattered the window of Trixie’s room and began flooding into Ponyville proper, panicked screams and cries following soon after.

Twilight stared, numb, for a few seconds before snapping out of it and leveling a glare at Trixie, “I. Blame. You.”

Trixie got to her feet and grabbed her rapier. “Trixie has changed her mind! Kill them! Kill them all!”

“I’ll lay Flutters down in the bedroom and get my guns!” Alucard called as he headed further upstairs.

Schrodinger stared at the little purple ball fly that had flitted into Sugarcube Corner, his head tilted in curiosity as his ears twitched. “Pinkie? Vhat is zhis little ball vith vings?”

Pinkie immediately gasped in surprise and dashed off screen, trailing a huge dust cloud behind her as she screamed, “I NEED A TROMBONE!”

“A trombone?” the catboy asked in confusion. “Vhy does she need a trombone?”

Roseluck screamed and screamed and screamed, looking on in horror as the hundreds of little parasprites proceeded to literally eat every scrap of food in her house before vomiting all over the place and making hundreds more parasprites. Finally, she ran out of air and collapsed in a dead faint, unable to deal with the situation.

Across town, similar scenes rang out, the entire town’s food supply being torn apart by a swarm of technicolor insectoid creatures that blotted out the sun from sheer numbers.

Meanwhile, Pinkie flittered around from house to house, grabbing seemingly random musical instruments while ignoring everyone else’s cries of confusion.

“Pinkie! Vhy do you need all zhese instruments?!” Schrodinger asked as he followed after his roommate. “And vhat are zhese ball flies?! Mein gott, zhat sounds like somesing Alucard vould say!”

“NO TIME TO EXPLAIN SCHRODY! THIS IS IMPORTANT BUSINESS!” Pinkie screamed, desperately hauling the instruments around in a wagon she had snatched from Applebloom.

“At least tell me vhat zhese sings are!” Schrodinger called from his spot on her shoulder. “And Vhy are zhey eating all our food?!”

Pinkie said nothing, continuing to collect instruments, including, for some reason, an electric guitar.

Twilight roared viciously as she hacked apart parasprites by the hundreds, the street below her littered with a carpet of bisected parasprite corpses.

Alucard was laughing madly as gunshots filled the air. “Like shooting fish in a barrel!” He grinned at Trixie’s own attacks on the parasprites. Her rapier, a fancy thing with an ornate guard and double-edged blade that was rather slim, was enhanced with runes that not only made it as durable as titanium and a third the weight of steel, but also allowed her to use it as a magical focus. Her spells had been getting a lot stronger since she started using it.

Trixie spun her rapier in an elaborate flourish, the runes upon it lighting up and projecting a pre-made magic circle upon the ground, launching her up and forward, allowing her to slice apart parasprites in midair, using the rapier’s runes to all but pinball her through the air.

“Damn she’s gotten good with that sword, eh Sugarlips?” Alucard asked. “Maybe we should turn our menage a trois into a quartet, eh?”

“As if Trixie would ever consider dating you!” said amputee yelled from the air above him.

Twilight said nothing and continued hacking apart parasprites, her wires lashing through the air around her in furious arcs, all but gleaming with the greenish blood of the parasprites. Her concentration was broken, however, when she saw Pinkie rush out into the middle of the street, bearing an armload of musical instruments.

“Pinkie! What the fuck are you doing!?” Twilight yelled, her wires pausing just long enough for the parasprites around her to gather themselves and mob her, forming into a crushing wave that loomed over Twilight like the angry fist of some ancient, vengeful insect deity.

Twilight cursed her distraction and dodged the initial wave, trying to dispel the swarm before it gathered again.

Schrodinger looked at Pinkie. “Have you gathered enough instruments, Pinkie? And vill you tell me vhat zhey are for now?” He didn’t know why, but this woman was an anomaly even to him. No other woman, or any other person period, for that matter, could sneak up on him. Still, he kinda liked the surprises those occasions were.

“Not yet!” Pinkie snapped, looking around furiously before dashing off.

Gilda stared from where she sat, utterly befuddled by Pinkie Pie. “.... Is that a normal thing for her?” she asked, taking the collection of materials she had scrounged up from Twilight’s basement lab and cobbling together a rather impressive impromptu flamethrower. “Also, why the hell did you have so many things in your lab that could be used to make a fucking flamethrower!?” Gilda screamed, letting loose with an impressive jet of fire and burning a huge swath of parasprites to a crisp.

Alucard paused in his shooting for a moment. “Hey. I don’t wanna be that guy, but I’m pretty sure we haven’t made a dent in the swarm. Actually, I think it’s even bigger than when we started.”

“The wretched things are reproducing faster than we can kill them!” Trixie snarled in anger.

“We need something so utterly repulsive that they all die of horror!” Alucard decided. “Lulatits! Get me a copy of all four Twilight books, pronto! That should kill them!”

Twilight facepalmed, “I don’t think that’ll work, Alucard. For one, it’s…. okay, they’re really, really bad, but still, parasprites don’t even have the necessary brain capacity to even consider comprehending human literature.”

Alucard thought for a moment. “Change of plans, Lulatits. Grab the Fifty Shades books! We need the big guns for this!”

Trixie shuddered and dropped back to the ground, panting, “Are you mad!? That won’t kill them! That will kill us!”

“Eugh, dude, no,” Gilda reeled in disgust, still setting parasprites on fire.

Twilight sighed, “Yeah, that probably will kill all of us.”

Schrodinger popped his head out from behind Alucard, “Don’t even sink about zhat horrid sing, Alucard.” Schrodinger ducked back down, still following Pinkie Pie around town.

“Whelp! I got nothing then!” Alucard said. “I can at least thank the gods that I don’t sparkle like that…” He shuddered in horror. “Sparkling vampires… What was that chick smoking?!”

Twilight tapped her chin, “As I recall, Stephaneigh Meyer recently went to rehab for extreme usage of various hallucinogens, one of them being LSD mixed with crystal meth.”

“Not to break up zhis obligatory jab at zhe vorst vampires in history, but zhe parasprites are about to, how do you say? Fuck your shit up?” Schrodinger asked from behind them.

All four combatants whirled around, spotting the massive swarm of parasprites rearing up and about to, as Schrodinger said, ‘Fuck their shit up’.

Twilight stared in shock, “.... Well that ain’t fair at all.”

The wave descended, sweeping them away in a torrent of biting, buzzing, ball shaped flies.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Alucard kept chanting that one word as he tried to escape the swarm. “Sugarlips! We need the army!”

“Army?! She can call up the godsdamn military?!” Gilda screamed in disbelief.

Twilight thrashed her way up to the surface, calling up a ball of violet light and throwing it into the air as high as she could, the orb bursting into thousands upon thousands of glimmers of shimmering flakes and erupting into a magical circle wherever they contacted, hordes upon hordes of skeletal, crystalline monsters flooding out of the expanding patches of violet runes and tearing into the swarm with great relish.

Alucard cheered and then stopped. “Uh, Sugarlips? Might not have thought this through.” The battle between chimeras and parasprites was wrecking the town at an alarming rate.

Twilight looked around, batting at the parasprites whenever they tried to pull her back into the swarm, “.... Fuck. I’m paying for that, aren’t I?” The chimeras ceased their attack, dissolving back into the same purple motes of light they had sprung from.

“Well… We’re boned. I’m gonna go eat Fluttershy out,” Alucard said as he holstered his guns. Then he heard something. “Is that some crazy kind of polka?”

“Vhat zhe hell?! How is she playing all zhose instruments at vonce?!” Schrodinger asked in confusion.

Pinkie stormed past, dragging a cartful of instruments and somehow playing all of them at the exact same time, a loud polka blasting out from the speakers she had borrowed from Vinyl Scratch. Strangely enough, the swarm of parasprites had begun moving in time with the music, clearing a path in front of Pinkie and following her as she passed.

Twilight stared, “Okay, even I have no idea just what the hell Pinkie is doing.” She pulled off her gloves, sealing the wires away once more, and continued staring in confused awe.

“What is she? The fucking Pied Piper?!” Alucard asked, too confused to even stare at Pinkie’s bouncing tits.

“So it would seem…” Trixie muttered, nearly going crosseyed.

Twilight sighed, “Well, her name is Pie.”

“Is every day in Ponyville this insane?” Gilda asked.

Trixie, Twilight, and Alucard all turned to Gilda in perfect unison and spoke simultaneously, “More or less.”

“Huh…” Gilda was silent for a few seconds. “You know… I kinda like it.” She looked in Cloudsdale’s direction. “Fuck it. I’m moving to Ponyville.”

Twilight shook her head, “As nice as that sounds, we still have a bit of a problem here.” She began chasing after Pinkie, trying to figure out exactly where the bubbly pinkette was heading.

As it turned out, Pinkie was leading the parasprites back to the Everfree Forest, standing at the edge of the forest and still playing her song. The parasprites floated right past in a really, really, really long single file line.

“.... O… kay then?” Twilight mumbled, staring at the line. “... Pinkie, what the hell.”

Pinkie, still playing polka, shrugged and made a tilting motion with her head, as if to say, “I dunno?”. Twilight facepalmed and sighed, teleporting back into town and starting to check and make sure that no parasprites were left.

“We’re parasprite free!” Alucard announced, a now awake Fluttershy standing beside him with a very confused look on her face.

“W-What happened to Ponyville?” Fluttershy asked. “And why is Gilda holding a flamethrower?”

Gilda looked down at her flamethrower and chuckled, tossing it to the side, “Eheh, it’s… it’s a long story, Squirt.”

Twilight came back into view, dusting off her hands and rounding on Trixie, “Now, what have we learned about taking in strange animals that we found in the library?”

Trixie coughed and blushed, looking at her feet, “... To not take them in…”

“That’s right. At the very least, ask the prodigy about just what the hell they are, first,” Twilight lectured, “Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but that was absolute hell, so I’m going to go take a nap for the next forever and a half. Or until dinner. Whichever comes first.” With that, Twilight marched into the library and up the stairs, flopping down into her bed, asleep before she even hit the pillow.

Despite the parasprites and the problems they caused, Alucard had still managed to show Fluttershy a good time on their spur of the moment date, and was now walking her over the bridge that led to her cottage. “Have fun, Flutters?” he asked while grinning at the busty aerial on his arm.

“Oh, yes, Alucard. It was simply wonderful,” Fluttershy beamed up at Alucard, hugging his side and inadvertently putting his arm between her breasts.

Alucard chuckled as they reached the door, enjoying how her chest felt on him. “So… Second date?”

“I’d like that,” Fluttershy smiled and unlocked the door, stepping inside, “Oh, um… before you go, would you like some tea?”

“Well I can’t really drink tea since I’m undead and all, but I’d love to come in. Thank you for the gesture though, Fluttershy,” Alucard answered with a smile as he stepped inside, removing his hat and sunglasses. He sniffed the air a bit. “Hm… Someone came hard outside the bathroom window. Twice.”

Fluttershy blushed a little, “Oh, how strange… I wonder who… w-was it G-gilda?” Her blush intensified, “B-but… that would explain the blushing… but why outside the bathroom wi-... oh my.” Fluttershy squeaked, having come to a conclusion far too embarrassing to even think about.

Alucard laughed a bit. “She watched you in the shower and masturbated, didn’t she?”

Fluttershy squeaked and nodded, her wings ruffled and her cheeks glowing.

Alucard sniffed again. “Speaking of masturbating…” He pulled her into his arms. “Were you fantasizing about me? I can smell your aftermath on your thighs.”

Fluttershy’s blush intensified, the flustered woman stuttering incoherently as she tried to change the subject. “A-ah, u-uhm, t-that is… e-err… eheh… eep!”

Alucard chuckled and rested his forehead against hers. “You did, didn’t you? You want me. You want me so badly that you can’t start your day without pleasuring yourself to thoughts of me.” He gazed deeply into her eyes as he spoke in a low, husky tone that never failed to inflame passions in the women he had truly set his eyes on.

Fluttershy’s eyelids lowered, her gaze becoming half lidded and smoky as her pupils dilated. She breathed deeply, Alucard’s mere presence all but setting her body aflame with repressed passion. Still, she couldn’t find her voice, Alucard’s sheer sex appeal sealing her lips shut but for the tiniest of whimpers and squeaks.

Alucard gave her a small smile as he slowly leaned in and gently captured her lips with his own, his arms pulling her closer against him as he breathed in her scent and enjoyed the unique feel and texture of her lips.

Fluttershy’s eyes closed fully as she leaned into the kiss, all but throwing herself into his embrace as she clasped her arms around his back.

Maintaining the slow, tender pace of their kiss, Alucard locked the door and started guiding Fluttershy upstairs toward her bedroom. Upon entering, he didn’t bother with the light, allowing the moonlight that shone through the window to provide them with the perfect atmosphere. As he guided her down onto the soft mattress, Alucard finally broke the kiss and stared deeply into her eyes, noting how her chest rose and fell with her slightly heaving breath.

Fluttershy stared back at Alucard, her hands reaching up to cup his face. “Alucard…” she whispered, drawing him back down for another kiss.

Alucard kissed her back and pulled his gloves off before running his fingers through her hair and gently pushing his tongue past her lips and into her mouth. Fluttershy swirled her tongue around his, grinding up against Alucard with almost religious fervour.

She moaned into his mouth as she ground against him, smearing her juices against the bulge in his pants. With a soft pop, she broke off the kiss, panting heavily. “Alucard…” she whispered his name once more, “please… take me.”

Alucard smiled at her as he moved his hands to her blouse, slowly undoing the buttons one by one. “Not yet, my sweet Fluttershy. I’m going to take my time and make this a night you’ll never forget.” Once he had unbuttoned her blouse, he slowly slid it from her shoulders and tossed it aside before his hands reached behind her back for the clasp that held her mounds confined with her bra. Taking a moment to peck her on the lips, he unhooked that clasp.

Fluttershy gasped softly as her breasts sprung free of her bra, a light moan slipping from her lips as they gently bounced in the open air. She looked down at her breasts and squeezed them softly, as if surprised at how large they were. “W-would you like to p-play with them?” she asked, looking up at Alucard once more.

He smiled at her and gently cupped them in his hands. “Ever since I met you, to be honest.” He started gently massaging and squeezing her breasts, rubbing her hardened nipples with his thumbs. “They feel so much softer without your clothes in the way, my dear.”

Fluttershy eeped in surprise but quickly relaxed, arching her back into Alucard’s hands as a surge of pleasure jolted through her entire body just from Alucard’s ministrations. She moaned softly, sticking a finger between her teeth as if to stifle the sounds she made.

“Don’t quiet those moans, my dear,” Alucard whispered in her ear as he kept gently massaging her mounds. “Let them flow. Let that exquisite melody into my ears unhindered.” Slowly kissing down her neck, he began dragging his tongue up the curve of her right breast before starting to slowly trace it over her areola.

Fluttershy did as Alucard asked, removing her hand from between her teeth and using it to hold Alucard’s head to her breasts as she stuck her hand down the front of his pants, quickly finding his shaft and squeezing it gently.

Alucard loosed a low moan of pleasure at feeling her soft fingers wrap around him. “You’re getting into it,” he noted with a smile before latching his mouth onto her nipple, greedily sucking the pink nub and gently pinching her other nipple between his fingers.

Fluttershy’s grip on Alucard’s shaft tightened, her hand stroking it intensely as she threw her head back and gasped in pleasure. Her hips bucked against Alucard’s own as she just barely moved her hand to the side, her dripping pussy pressing up against Alucard’s penis with nothing but a few layers of cloth in between.

Alucard switched nipples and kept gently playing with her breasts as he started moving his hips in time with her stroking to increase the pleasure. He was throbbing in her hand, his desire for her palpable as he explored her body. Reaching down, he slowly unzipped her skirt and began sliding it off of her smooth, creamy legs.

Fluttershy blushed and clasped her legs together shyly, just barely hiding the well groomed patch of pink nestled in her most private of areas. She squeaked before once again relaxing, slowly opening her legs, baring her soaking wet vagina to Alucard’s appreciative gaze, the pink slit all but glimmering in the light of the moon.

Alucard smiled as he looked over her moonlit form. “How beautiful. Even more than in the daylight, my dear.” He kissed down her body slowly, his tongue exploring every curve as he moved. Bypassing her core for the moment, he started licking and kissing her inner thighs, slowly making his way back toward her core while switching between thighs now and then and savoring the taste of her skin.

Fluttershy shifted and writhed, her hands grasping the sheets as she moaned, clasping her thighs around Alucard’s head and grasping it. She pulled him forward, guiding his tongue straight into her core, yelping in pleasure as it made contact with her outer folds.

Alucard closed his eyes and slowly licked her folds several times before closing his lips around the swollen nub that was her clitoris, gently sucking it as he rubbed her thighs and slid his hands up her body to squeeze her breasts again, loving their texture and softness.

Fluttershy played the passive role, gently writhing under the sheer ecstasy that Alucard’s touch brought. Still, she managed to at least keep Alucard’s head firmly wedged against her aching pussy, driving him further against her amidst the waves of sheer, unending pleasure emanating from the tiny bundle of nerves his lips were so delicately clasped around.

Alucard smiled as he finally released her clit and started licking her slit slowly, savoring the flavor before slowly pushing his tongue inside her, exploring her inner walls and keeping his eyes closed; the better to focus through his sense of taste.

Fluttershy’s gasps turned into impassioned moans, her writhing turning all but frantic as she drove Alucard’s head further against her; his tongue further into her twitching love canal. A low, almost keening moan tore out of her as Alucard’s probing tongue found her G-spot, her head thrust back as her throat released a moan absolutely dripping with lust.

Alucard grinned as he heard that sound. Focusing on her G-spot, he licked it more than any other spot as his hands kept skillfully sending pleasure coursing through her breasts, occasionally tweaking her nipples between his fingers. “So innocent, yet so eager for the one she has given her heart to. She’s going to be a very different woman over time.”

Fluttershy shuddered against Alucard as she orgasmed, a delicate scream issuing from her throat as she panted heavily, a splash of juices impacting Alucard’s face and spraying enough to wet the collar of his shirt. “A-aah…” Fluttershy whimpered, riding the aftershocks of her orgasm with great pleasure.

Listening to her pant as he lapped up her juices, Alucard slowly pulled away and smiled at her, admiring the sheen of sweat that now coated her body. “Was it to your liking, my dear? Your moaning tells me it was.” He leaned over her and kissed her, pushing his tongue into her mouth so that she could get a taste of herself.

Fluttershy leaned into the kiss, savoring her own sweet juices with a pleasured whimper of delight. Once again, she broke off the kiss and panted, scooting back and, with a bit of a flustered grin, spread herself open, baring the depths of her vagina to Alucard. “P-please, Alucard… take me…”

Alucard smiled at her and looked at himself. “Look at that. Here you are naked, and I’m overdressed. Do forgive me, my dear.” With but a thought, his suit faded away into shadow, leaving him as naked as the woman offering herself to him. Moving between her legs, he gently rubbed the tip of his shaft against her slick folds. “Are you ready? We’ve reached the point of no return, my dear.”

“Y-yes… I-I’m ready…” Fluttershy whispered, her hands braced upon his shoulders as she ground her sensitive mound against his member. “Please… be gentle…” She looked up at Alucard with a pleading look upon her face, all but begging him to make love to her.

Alucard nodded and gripped her hips as he slowly slid the head of his length inside her, lightly moaning as he began slowly pushing further into her, holding her as he heard her moans. As he felt a barrier, he took a breath and tore through it with a quick thrust that buried him inside her completely. He held still as her moans became pained.

Fluttershy grimaced; she hadn’t expected such toe curling pain from just the first thrust, but as the pain subsided, her jaw slowly dropped open, her whimpers of pain shifting back to gasps of indescribable pleasure.

Taking those moans as a sign that she was alright, Alucard started slowly pushing in and out of her, moaning into her neck as he felt her inner walls clenching and massaging him with his every movement. “Fluttershy… You feel so sublime, my dear.”

Fluttershy gasped in response, grinding against Alucard and matching the pace of his thrusts, her tongue lolling from her mouth as her eyes rolled in ecstasy. “S-so big,” she moaned, nearly delirious from the feel of Alucard’s thick shaft thrusting in and out of her pussy.

Alucard closed his eyes again and rested his head against Fluttershy’s temple as he kept up his gentle thrusts. Her moans, the creaking of the bed, the wet sounds made by his movements inside her, the sound of his hips impacting against hers. They blended together into a wonderfully soothing melody that made taking his time worth every single second.

Fluttershy’s mind went oh so wonderfully blank as a roaring, rippling tide of pleasure surged through her and wiped every sensation but the feel and sound of Alucard away, plunging her into a world where none but she and Alucard existed, both entwined in lust and love; a symphony of sex that she was all too glad to be a part of. Her moans and gasps and whimpers rang out through room, her body grinding and writhing under and against Alucard, her hot, smooth skin a delicious contrast against his cool, but all too alive, body.

Alucard ran his hands all over Fluttershy’s body as he moved with her. His senses of touch, smell, and sound telling him even more about this woman than his eyes could alone. Deciding to change things up a bit, he slowly rolled her on top of him. “Take control, my dear. The dance is yours to lead now,” he whispered into her ear, slowly dragging his tongue along the lobe.

Fluttershy’s eyes widened as she snapped out of her blissful daze and froze up ever so slightly, “T-take charge?”

Alucard smiled and nodded. “Yes. Take charge, my dear. Lead our intimate dance.”

“O-okay… I-I’ll do my best…” Fluttershy murmured, slowly beginning to bounce atop Alucard’s form. She relished in the new sensations, feeling Alucard’s shaft penetrate whole new places inside of her. She moaned in delight, tossing her head to the side and arching her back.

Alucard enjoyed the sensations as well, reaching up and grasping her bouncing breasts as he enjoyed her movements and thrusted in time with them. Fluttershy shuddered and leaned forward as her orgasm came again, hot juices splashing forth from within her and splattering Alucard’s pelvis with sticky, almost steaming, liquid.

Alucard let another groan join their symphony as he felt her clench him while soaking his waist in her juices. “Do you like it, my dear? The thrill of being in control?” Fluttershy all but collapsed against Alucard as she rode out the aftershocks of her orgasm once more, still thrusting her hips up and down Alucard’s shaft.

“Y-yes!” she cried, slamming her hips down with great vigor and grinding in circles.

Alucard loudly groaned as she gyrated her hips. His hands clenched her breasts harder and felt her nipples rubbing against his palms. “Tell me, my dear! Tell me how well you like being in control! How does it feel?!”

Fluttershy bounced faster and harder, screaming out, “Ah! Yes! It feels so good!” She slammed her hips down, a short cry of pleasure following each and every thrust as she all but crushed Alucard’s pelvis into the bed.

“Yes! Yes! Embrace control, my dear!” Alucard exclaimed. “Take what you want and never regret asserting yourself!” He matched her slamming with the strength of his thrusts, grunting as he felt himself getting closer and closer to release.

Fluttershy slammed her hips down one final time, screaming out her orgasm and squirting messily all over Alucard’s face and torso as she dropped backwards, barely catching herself and giving a few more weak twitches, trying to drive Alucard over the edge.

Alucard gripped her hips and drove himself all the way into her as he yelled out and burst inside her, his shaft pulsing with each shot into her. Once his release finally puttered out, he held her close while lightly panting.

Fluttershy moaned softly, half delirious from the force of three orgasms. Still, as she panted, she managed to whisper out, “I love you, Alucard…” just before she passed out, contentedly snuggling into Alucard’s chest.

Alucard smiled and held her close and gently ran his fingers through her hair. “I love you too, Fluttershy. I love you too.”

I'd Better not Miss a Damn Thing

Fluttershy felt like a new woman. She had confessed her feelings to Alucard, he’d made love to her, and thanks to him she felt so much more comfortable with her body. Hence why she was humming a cheerful tune with a big smile on her face as she walked through Ponyville toward the library, wearing a miniskirt with spring green stockings, low heel shoes, a blouse that exposed a very generous amount of her cleavage, helped by her breasts bouncing with a near audible boing with every step she took, and the part that made her feel so very naughty: she had gone completely commando. No panties or bra. Reaching her destination, she stepped into the library. “Good morning, Twilight!” she called cheerfully, at a normal person’s definition of normal speaking volume.

Twilight looked up at Fluttershy and waved, “Morning Fluttershy! How did you sleep last night?”

Fluttershy sighed in happiness. “I slept wonderfully. Best I’ve ever slept in fact.” She giggled. “Alucard sure knows how to treat a woman.”

Twilight stopped. “..... Wait, what did you say?” She looked over her shoulder at Alucard, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

“I said that Alucard really knows how to treat a woman,” Fluttershy said, sighing blissfully as she remembered the previous night.

“....” Twilight’s stare turned into a glare, “Alucard. Explain.”

“Your standing orders were followed to the letter, master,” Alucard assured. “She’s still very much a virgin.”

Fluttershy looked at him in confusion. “But… I remember you making love to me, Alucard.”

“Ah, I understand now,” Twilight made a face of realization, “Fluttershy, you didn’t have sex last night. Alucard just used his, how should I put this… He used his ‘vampire mind powers’ to make you think he was having sex with you.”

“So…” Fluttershy felt herself tearing up. “None of it was real?” She found herself enveloped in Alucard’s embrace.

“The foreplay was very real, Fluttershy,” Alucard explained, gently rubbing her back. “But everything from me penetrating you onward was in your head.”

Fluttershy calmed down as she heard that and wiped the nascent tears away. “I see. But… Why didn’t you really take me?”

“I was ordered not to,” Alucard said. “Perhaps my master can better explain.”

Twilight held up a lecture pointer, retrieved from her pocket, “You see, Fluttershy, no matter how much you may want Alucard, I can’t let you have sex with him… well, not just yet, that is. There is a very good reason for this. You see, as a vampire, Alucard is functionally immortal; so long as nothing manages to completely destroy him, he will never age and will most likely last until the end of the world itself. I, being a rather powerful aetherial, will most likely live for hundreds of years. You, on the other hand, are a pretty much normal aerial. And since the average lifespan of an aerial is just over eighty years old… you can see how this may be a problem in your relationship. Now, the reason why you must remain a virgin is as such: If you want to keep your relationship with Alucard going for as long as possible, vampirism is our first and currently best option. However, to be a true, conscious vampire, one must be both a virgin and the opposite sex of their sire. Ergo, if you wish to be with Alucard, you currently have both bases covered. Now that you know why… well, the decision of what to do now is entirely up to you.”

Alucard gently hugged Fluttershy from behind. “Bear in mind, Fluttershy, that if you choose the path of the draculina, then time will become your friend, and an eternity of blood your destiny. You will no longer be strictly you. I am no longer simply Vlad Tepes. I have lost the borders of myself in a great sanguine sea.” He turned her to face him, looking into her eyes. “Blood is the currency of the soul, the vehicle of life. Blood is the medium through which life may be transferred. To drink blood is take the essence of a soul into oneself and steal everything that defines them.”

Fluttershy’s eyes widened as her knees began to shake, “I-I… I don’t know what to say…. I mean, uhm… I would love to be with Alucard forever… but… but I don’t think I could ever just… d-drink b-blood like that… I-this is all just so sudden, I…. I don- I need time to think….”

“You would not be a full vampire from the start,” Alucard said. “Just a fledgling with the enhanced physical abilities and third eye. Only by drinking blood would you become a true vampire. Until then, you would only be able to keep your strength up by sleeping in a coffin lined with the soil of your birthplace.”

“Oh… t-that does sound a bit better… b-but still… I don’t know if I could do such a thing….” Fluttershy began tearing up, not sure of how to respond or react.

Alucard hugged her close and gently wiped her tears away. “You don’t have to answer right away, and I would actually advise against it. Master is looking into other options to make you and herself immortal. To sacrifice your humanity, even to be with the one you love… No matter the motive you would still be seen as a monster by some of the more… extreme parts of humanity.”

Fluttershy nodded and leaned into Alucard’s embrace, “But… even if I don’t become a vampire… we can still be together, right?”

“Of course,” Alucard answered with a smile as he held her.

Unfortunately, the moment was broken by someone coming into the library. “Uh… Am ah interruptin’ somethin?” Applejack asked awkwardly, seeing Fluttershy not only showing more skin than the farmgirl had ever seen her show, but also in Alucard’s arms.

Twilight sat up straight, coughing and blushing slightly, “Ah, uh, no, not really. Just explaining how our relationship is going to work with Fluttershy. Is there something you needed, Applejack?” She stood, ready to help Applejack with whatever she needed.

Applejack cleared her throat and warily eyed the vampire king as she moved past him, noting with relief that he seemed rather focused on Fluttershy. Good. Maybe she wouldn’t have to kick his ass all the way to the moon after all. “Right. Well, Ah was wonderin’ if you gals and Alucard wanted to come with me ta Appleloosa. Ah got a cousin there named Braeburn, an ah’m taking him a tree from Sweet Apple Acres fer his orchard. Pinkie, Dash, Gilda, an Rarity said they’ll come. You and Flutters are the last ones on the list.”

“I’d love to go with you,” Twilight smiled, “I’ve never been down to Appleloosa, so I’m sure it will be an educational experience.” She looked over to Trixie, who was furiously working behind her desk and making sure every book in the library was accounted for. “Trixie?”

“Yes, Sparkle?” Trixie’s reply came flat and monotone, her entire world currently being the ten foot radius of space around her.

Twilight blinked, “Wow, you’re… should you be working that hard? Anyway, would you like to come with us down to Appleloosa?”

Trixie paused in her writing and looked up at Twilight. “If the both of us go on this little trip, who will mind the library? Trixie knows you think highly of Spike, but can a single dracolich handle this entire library for however long we’re gone?”

Twilight rolled her eyes, “Despite him having the relative processing ability of an average teenage boy when around Rarity… or whenever anyone so much as mentions her name… Spike was taught by me. He knows the importance of responsibility and getting things done… even though he pretends he doesn’t. He’ll be fine, I think.”

“That does little to inspire Trixie’s confidence, Twilight Sparkle,” Trixie said with a small snort. She turned her gaze to Applejack. “Applejack?”

“If’n Twi thinks Spike can handle workin’ a library fer ‘bout three days, I’m inclined to agree. May not see him around too often, but Ah can tell the little guy’s got a good head on him.” Applejack nodded, turning to Fluttershy, “Anyway, ‘Shy, you comin’ with?”

Fluttershy smiled and nodded. “I’d love to go, Applejack.” The change in her demeanor was very noticeable.

“Well, alrighty then. I s’pose I don’t have t’ask you, Alucard, given that your lady friend is comin’ with,” Applejack chuckled, “Well, anyway train leaves in two hours, ‘n I gotta lot ‘a work to do ‘fore then.”

“We will meet you at the train station then, Applejack,” Alucard said, showing his gentlemanly side by opening the door for her.

“Thank ya kindly, Alucard.”

“So where’d Applejack go?” Rainbow asked, lounging on one of the seats. “Haven’t seen her since she got that tree on board.”

“I’m actually slightly disappointed that brother of hers stayed behind,” Trixie muttered, remembering the muscled form of Big Macintosh as he singlehandedly loaded the apple tree they were transporting into the caboose.

Twilight perked up. “Oho~ Does someone have a crush?” she began teasing Trixie.

Trixie blushed and snorted as she looked out at the passing landscape. “Hardly. Trixie simply appreciates good eye candy is all.”

“Twilight, darling. You do have your parasol and plenty of sunblock and aloe vera, yes?” Rarity asked, fussing over their borderline albino friend. “And be sure to drink plenty of water. Desert environments are absolutely awful for a woman of your complexion. If you’re not careful, you could faint from heat exhaustion.”

“Of course I have my parasol,” Twilight rolled her eyes, “I mean, if I get sunburned up in Ponyville, I just know that I’ll need it down in Appleloosa.” She held up her parasol and twirled it lightly, the glimmer of shining metal in its canopy belying just how much she needed it.

“And sunblock and aloe vera?” Rarity pressed, eyebrow arched a bit.

“Yes, yes, mother. I brought those too,” Twilight muttered, waving off Rarity’s concerns. She held up her backpack and pulled out several tubes of sunblock and aloe vera, “See? I told you I brought them.”

“Rarity, quit being such a mother hen, would ya?” Rainbow asked in a bit of annoyance as she looked at the fashionista.

Rarity huffed, “Hmph, do forgive me for trying to make sure Twilight’s complexion doesn’t get any worse.” She crossed her arms and tossed her hair, leveling an exasperated stare at Rainbow.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and started heading for the back of the train. “I’m gonna go find Applejack.”

Rainbow’s eye twitched as she took in the scene before her, “Applejack… I know you like apples and stuff and all… but is it really necessary to read the damn tree bedtime stories!?” She threw her arms out, gesturing at the tree in total exasperation.

Applejack frowned at her chromatic companion and looked back at the tree in question. “Now don’t you listen ta mean old Dash, Bloomberg,” she cooed as she gently rubbed the tree’s bark and tucked it in.

“Vow. Giving zhe tree a bed,” Schrodinger muttered. “Private coach too. Apple trees are fucking celebrities to zhat family.”

“Aww shut up,” Applejack muttered, drawing her hat over her face in embarrassment. Rainbow snickered and flew back out of Bloomberg’s compartment, finally rolling to a halt as her wings failed just as she entered the girls’ cabin.

“Pffffahahahaha!” Rainbow lay on the ground, snickering and giggling incoherently while everyone else stared in concern and confusion.

“... Are… you alright there, Rainbow?” Twilight asked, gently poking Rainbow with her foot.

Rainbow shook her head and kept laughing, all but rolling on the floor in her hysterics, “G-get this! Pfft! Ap-Applejack was- aha!- she was reading the tree a bedtime story! Ahahaaaa! Gods I’m dyin’ over here!”

“....” Twilight shrugged and went back to reading, “Yeah, she’s fine.”

The rest of the girls shrugged and ignored Rainbow’s hysterics, save for Pinkie, who giggled right alongside Rainbow for the next few minutes.

After a few uneventful hours, Alucard glanced out the window and arched an eyebrow. “Hm… What’s with the natives? They look rather irritated.” Men on buffalo were rapidly approaching the train.

Twilight shrugged, “Perhaps… maybe we came at a bad time?” She looked out the window, noting the way that the men dressed and their mounts. Twilight scribbled down notes, humming to herself thoughtfully. “They seem to be the Buffalo tribesmen… I wonder just what’s happening here…”

“I’ll go ask,” Schrodinger said, vanishing and appearing on the back of a buffalo, conversing with its very confused and freaked out rider. Soon enough, he returned to the train, calmly seated. “Zhey vant to steal zhe tree zhat ve are carrying.”

“....Oh…” Twilight mumbled, “Well, I don’t think we should tell Applejack… we… and this is me saying this, by the way, we really don’t need Applejack to kill every Buffalo Tribesman within a seventeen mile radius. So, girls, game plan: Rainbow, knock them off their mounts. Rarity, Pinkie, if you can, keep them from detaching the car with the tree in it. Trixie, you’re with me up top. We’ll be keeping them away from the train. Alucard…. stay here. We don’t need to kill people right now.”

“Aw… But I wanted to fight!” Alucard whined, crossing his arms like a petulant child in his seat beside Fluttershy. “Is there any circumstance you’ll let me blow some heads off under?”

“If we’re truly in danger, kill as much as you need. But unless we can’t solve a situation nonlethally, your guns are to remain holstered at all times. Got it?” Twilight crossed her arms and gave Alucard a stern look.

Alucard looked like he wanted to protest more, but slowly lifted his hat from his head and placed it over his chest. “As you command, my master,” he said in his serious tone. “I will ensure that none of you are brought to serious harm.”

Twilight nodded, “Good. Now, Trixie?”

“Yes, Sparkle?” Trixie raised an eyebrow, rapier at the ready.

“To the roof, shall we?” Twilight opened the train window, lashing out with her wires and hauling herself onto the roof, using her magic to ensure that she didn’t slice through whatever she had anchored to. Trixie huffed and followed, runic circles appearing in midair as she launched up to the roof from the window.

“Alright!” Twilight yelled, barely audible over the roar of wind, “We need to keep these guys away from the train as best as we can! Go for anything nonlethal!”

Rainbow had followed the pair from the window and was already flying an orbit around the train, ready to distract and harass at the first sign of hostility.

Just as they got into position, the tribesmen moved in, their mounts ramming the train hard. Some took the opportunity to jump onboard the train, climbing to the roof.

Twilight lashed out with, spells flashing through the air in dazzling arcs and knocking the men away. Trixie whirled around, confusing the men as she sped around and past them, hitting them with strikes meant to incapacitate.

While they were distracted by the tribesmen, a smaller teenage girl had climbed up behind them and was making her way toward the caboose. Though she did not escape the notice of Rainbow Dash.

“Hey! Get back here!” Rainbow shouted, racing after the girl as fast as she could and cutting off the girl’s path.

Undeterred, the girl flipped over Dash and continued without missing a beat toward the caboose.

“What the!?” Rainbow shook her head and blocked off the girl’s path again, this time slamming into her from behind and tackling the smaller girl to the roof of the train. “Alright, kid! Stay down if you know what’s good for you!”

With a small smirk, the girl shoved Rainbow back onto her feet and ducked just as the big sign reached them. Rainbow, startled, failed to notice the sign until she had slammed into it, the entire thing ringing from the force of her impact.

Twilight and Trixie winced as they sliced the part of the sign Rainbow had slammed into down and pulled the rainbow haired girl from its surface, checking over the dazed aerial. “Rainbow, you okay?” Twilight asked, lightly slapping Rainbow’s face.

“I can’t feel my faaaace…” Rainbow moaned, twitching pathetically on the rooftop.

“... Yeah, she’s fine,” Twilight muttered, leaving Rainbow and Trixie behind to catch the girl that had managed to thwart Rainbow so easily.

In the time they had taken to tend to Rainbow, the girl had reached the caboose and detached it from the train. She smirked as she stepped inside, turning just in time to meet a fist with her face. Crying out in pain, she fell to the floor, feeling the undoubtable strength of a terran in that blow. Looking up, she saw Applejack cracking her knuckles. Groaning, she said what she’d heard was said by some settlers in such a situation. “Oh fuck me…”

“Oh fuck you is right, girly,” Applejack loomed over the girl, not noticing the detached caboose slowing down. “Now, how’s about we have a nice… little… chat?”

The girl gulped as she felt like she was looking into the face of Death himself.

Rarity and Pinkie stared after the caboose, watching as it decelerated to a halt. “Well, Pinkie dear, I don’t exactly know how we’re supposed to get that back…” Rarity turned to Pinkie, as if expecting the random girl to know the answer.

“I know! The script didn’t say anything about this!” Pinkie said as she pulled a script out of nowhere. “For one thing, Spike’s still in Ponyville and Applejack’s in the caboose! We’ve officially gone off the rails, Rarity my friend!”

“... What?” Rarity stared, completely befuddled. “Pinkie, mind giving me an explanation I can properly comprehend?” Turning back to the caboose, she sighed, “Oh, Twilight is going to be furious I can tell…”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU COULDN’T STOP THE CABOOSE FROM DETACHING!?” Twilight screamed, grabbing both Pinkie and Rarity by the ears, “I LITERALLY TOLD YOU TO KEEP THE TRAIN IN ONE PIECE! YOU TWO HAD ONE JOB! ONE! JOB! HOW DID YOU FAIL AT KEEPING THE JOINT FROM DETACHING WHEN ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS KEEP THE PIN IN PLACE!?” Twilight was livid, so livid in fact that her hair had literally begun smoking from sheer rage.

“Master, you’re about to burst into flames,” Alucard pointed out. “Perhaps now would be a good time to practice those breathing exercises that Cadance taught you.”

Twilight huffed and began breathing deeply, visibly trying to calm down. “Okay… okay…. I’m good. I’m calm now.”

“Are you sure you’re calm?” Fluttershy asked, hiding behind Alucard.

“..... Pretty sure,” Twilight mumbled, taking a few more deep breaths.

“So what do we do now?” Gilda asked, leaning on one of the bunks with her arms crossed. “Those assholes kidnapped our friend!”

Twilight tapped her chin, “Well, when we get to Appleloosa, first thing we should do is enlist some help. After all, Applejack did say she has family there, so I figure we could get a decent amount of people to back us up. After that… well, we’ll see.”

“I’m gonna kick some serious ass for this!” Rainbow yelled before cringing in pain.

“Rainbow, stay down,” Trixie chided, “You’re in no shape to be doing anything right now. Honestly, a collision with a sign at that speed… I’m surprised you didn’t break your neck.”

“It’ll take more than that to put me down!” Rainbow insisted. “I can walk it off!”

“Can you even stand?” Trixie snarked, raising her eyebrow. The single armed mage placed her hand on her hip, staring at Rainbow.

Rainbow took her challenge and started trying to get to her feet, groaning in discomfort. Trixie waited patiently, as if trying to see when Rainbow would collapse.

Rainbow finally collapsed back down, crying out in pain. Alucard gave Trixie a glare. “I can understand proving a point, but even I think that’s going too far, Trixie.”

Trixie felt a chill down her spine. If Alucard was calling her by name, then he must have been deathly serious. “Trixie did not mean to force Rainbow into trying to stand,” Trixie mumbled, making sure that Rainbow was alright, “Trixie merely meant to keep Rainbow from trying something foolhardy.”

“You should know by now that she takes such questions as challenges,” Alucard said, still frowning at the former show woman.

“... Trixie had forgotten about that…” Trixie mumbled, blushing and scratching the back of her head in embarrassment. Rainbow rolled her eyes and attempted to shift into a more comfortable position, grunting from the exertion.

“How much longer until we reach our destination, master?” Alucard asked, finally looking away from Trixie.

Twilight checked the window, then shrugged, “Honestly, it’s about… I’d say almost three forty, judging by the sun. And before you ask, yes, I forgot my watch. Anyway, we should be at Appleloosa in about twenty minutes, give or take.”

Alucard nodded and stood up. “I’m going to take the time for myself then,” he said as he headed to what was now the last coach with the theft of the caboose.

Fluttershy followed, quietly slipping from the coach with barely a sound. Twilight simply sat back and watched the two go, inwardly cheering for their relationship.

Alucard stared out the door at the end of the train in quiet contemplation. Things had changed quite a bit for him since he’d been bound to his master.

Fluttershy softly walked up beside him, taking a seat and sitting quietly, content to just bask in Alucard’s presence.

After several moments of companionable silence, Alucard finally spoke. “Was there something you wanted, Fluttershy?” he asked while still looking at the landscape.

“O-oh, no… not really… I just… I just wanted to be near you, Alucard,” Fluttershy stammered, looking up at him with a small smile.

Alucard looked at her with a smile of his own as he sat down beside her. “I have to ask. Why me? I would think that our first meeting would make me the last man you’d ever consider giving your heart to.”

Fluttershy blushed, “W-well… it’s just that… you don’t care about what other people think… and you’re always yourself… I-I mean, you’re a little too perverted normally, but it’s okay… A-and when you’re around Twilight… I can tell that you really do care about her… and I just… I just thought it was… so…” She trailed off with a squeak, burying her face in her hands and blushing furiously.

“So what?” Alucard pressed, slipping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer to him.

Fluttershy shook her head, burying her face into Alucard’s chest and just squeaking incoherently.

“You can tell me anything, my dear,” Alucard said, gently rubbing her back as he tilted her face up to look into her eyes.

“I-I just… uhm… I just thought… it was…. so…. I thought… uhm….” Fluttershy stuttered, not providing any more of a coherent explanation.

Alucard pulled her into a tender kiss, figuring that might calm her nerves. Fluttershy kissed back almost hungrily, grateful for not having to speak more.

Alucard pulled her closer and held the tender kiss as he ran his fingers through her hair. Finally breaking the kiss, he held her in silence, idly rubbing her back, smirking at how she had decided to wear neither bra nor panties in the wake of their relationship’s beginning.

Fluttershy rested against Alucard, once more simply basking in his presence, a healthy blush covering her face.

Alucard planted a kiss on her forehead. “You’ve become rather daring, my dear. Once again I prove a bad influence on a woman I come to care deeply for. Before our relationship, you never showed so much skin. And I doubt you went without undergarments.” He pulled his glove off before reaching into her revealing V-neck and gently squeezed one of her breasts, both to tease her and to prove his point.

Fluttershy gasped and flinched slightly, not expecting Alucard to just squeeze her so daringly, “A-ah! A-Alucard! P-please not h-here! E-er! I mean! Uhm, uh… I! Eep!” She shrunk in on herself, pinning Alucard’s hand to her breast on accident as she curled into a quivering ball on his lap.

Alucard smiled as he gently massaged the breast he held. “Dear Fluttershy, you need not hide your passion from me. You are even more beautiful when your passion shines through, my dear.” Squeezing her mound a bit more, he leaned down and deeply kissed her.

Fluttershy leaned into the kiss, all but melting into a puddle of hormones from the sensations running through her. She released Alucard’s hand and began stroking his hair as she kissed him.

Though his hand was free, Alucard kept gently rubbing her breast, feeling her erect nipple against his palm as he pushed his tongue into her mouth, seeking to inflame her passions from their first night together.

Fluttershy gasped against Alucard, lightly grinding against his form as she reciprocated the kiss.

Alucard smiled against her lips as he felt her grind against him. Shifting his hand, he slowly slipped the breast he was tending out of her blouse before lightly pinching her nipple.

Fluttershy made a silent moan of pleasure, her head tilting back as she shuddered. She leaned back, shifting off of Alucard’s lap and fondling the bulge in his pants with her free hand as she kissed Alucard once again.

Alucard kissed her back as he quietly moaned against her lips, feeling her soft hand on his bulge. Slipping her other breast from her blouse, he gently squeezed both of them as he deepened their kiss.

Fluttershy continued stroking Alucard’s bulge, slipping her hand into his pants and gripping it directly, softly running her thumb over the head and gently massaging it with her fingers. She cupped his face with her free hand as she kissed him, gently twining a strand of his hair through her fingers.

Alucard groaned into her lips, reaching up to hold her hand against his cheek, enjoying how she tended him. She was proving herself a natural at it despite her inexperience. Running his hand along her arm, he ran his fingers through her hair.

Fluttershy smiled up at Alucard and lowered her head, slowly moving it in the direction of his groin as she worked to undo his fly. She grunted, having a little trouble with the zipper, even with both hands working. With pleading eyes, she looked up at Alucard, asking a silent question.

Alucard smiled at her and nodded, his pants dispelling into shadows. “Do it, my dear. Let your passions flow and take what you desire of me in this moment.”

With a swift movement, Fluttershy took Alucard’s erect shaft into her mouth, tongue gently dragging over the head as she swirled the shaft in her mouth as she bobbed up and down.

Alucard leaned his head back and let out quiet moans of pleasure at her unexpected talent. Reaching out, he rubbed her head as she pleasured him. “So daring, my dear. Do you like the taste?”

Fluttershy released Alucard’s cock with a soft pop, looking up and smiling, “I-it tastes… interesting… but… I like it!” She returned to her ministrations, fondling Alucard’s balls as she continued sucking his shaft.

Alucard groaned a bit louder, having to struggle to keep quiet so that they could avoid being interrupted. “You’re a natural, my dear.”

Fluttershy hummed appreciatively, pulling off of Alucard’s shaft and giving it a long, slow lick from base to head before wrapping her breasts around it and bouncing them up and down, pressing them gently together.

That was a surprise to the vampire, but not an unwelcome one. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of her soft mounds enveloping and massaging his length as it twitched against her flesh.

Fluttershy tittered, enjoying the strange, but welcome sensation of Alucard’s penis between her breasts. As she worked her breasts up and down, she started moving them in circles, applying pressure in uneven ways.

That made Alucard have more difficulty containing his sounds of pleasure. “Truly there is a kinky seductress beneath the mask of shy blushing, my dear.”

Fluttershy blushed, but kept up with her ministrations, “A-ah, I j-just… uhm… read a lot of romance novels…” She spared herself from further embarrassment by slipping the tip of Alucard’s dick back into her mouth, rubbing her breasts upon the rest of his shaft.

Alucard let out a groan at the sensation before chuckling. “Who knew sweet, innocent Fluttershy was a fan of dirty romance novels?” He grinned at her. “It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it?”

Fluttershy bobbed her head, gently scraping her teeth against Alucard’s dick and suckling at it, her breasts still squeezed around his shaft.

Alucard finally felt his limit coming as he started swelling in her mouth. “It’s coming, my dear. Your reward for your hard work is coming fast,” he groaned before the floodgates opened, his seed bursting into her mouth.

Fluttershy gulped down as much of Alucard’s seed as she could, finding the taste strange but rather pleasant. After a few swallows though, she pulled away, Alucard’s seed splattering her face and breasts.

Alucard chuckled. “We’ll be arriving soon and you’ve gone and gotten yourself all dirty, my dear,” Alucard pointed out with a grin. “You’re definitely proving kinkier than you look.”

Fluttershy blushed and looked away, lightly dabbing at her face, “Ah… uhm…. I-I need a towel….”

Alucard grinned as his pants reformed. “Why not just use your tongue, my dear?”

Fluttershy wordlessly pointed at the mess staining her face up to her forehead, “I… don’t think my tongue reaches that far… and I can’t reach parts of my shoulders either…”

Pulling her into his lap, the vampire’s form shifted into the visage of Girlycard. “How about I do it for you then?” Before Fluttershy could answer, he/she leaned in and started licking up the stray seed from his/her lover’s absolutely divine body.

“A-ah!” Fluttershy flinched a little, not expecting Alucard to just start licking her like that. Still, she thought it felt absolutely wonderful the way his/her tongue ran over her breasts and cheeks.

Once he/she finished licking every drop of stray seed up, Girlycard grinned at Fluttershy and deeply kissed her while holding her close and pressing their chests together.

Fluttershy returned the kiss, once again stroking Girlycard’s hair and almost making a turn for the sexual when the loud blaring of the train whistle interrupted their kiss.

Girlycard slowly broke the kiss and smiled at Fluttershy. “Looks like our time is up, my sweet Fluttershy.” He/she squeezed Fluttershy’s breasts. “We’ll have to continue this on the way home.”

“R-right…” Fluttershy put her clothes back on, managing to dry herself off enough so that the evidence of her and Alucard’s activities didn’t show.

Once the train pulled into the station, Alucard stepped off in Twilight’s wake, holding her parasol over her, his own face shielded by his hat and sunglasses. His left arm was draped over Fluttershy’s shoulders.

Immediately, a blond man in a cowboy outfit strode up to the group bearing a large grin on his face, “Well howdy there y’all! Mah name’s Braeburn! Welcome to Aaaaaappleloosa!”

Before he could continue, a wire wound around his throat just enough to make him shut up without cutting him. Narrowing her eyes, Twilight spoke. “Now then, Braeburn. I assume you had a tour planned, but there’s business to take care of first. I want to know where the Buffalo tribe lives out there. Right fucking now.” The wire loosened enough to let him speak.

Braeburn sweated nervously, shaking in fear of the almost vampiric woman in front of him. “A-ah, t-that is… beggin’ yer pardon…” he stuttered, trying not to soil his trousers in public.

Twilight threaded several wires through his lapels and pulled him closer so that she could glare into his eyes, not even noticing that her normally violet pupils had turned blood red. “Where. Is. The. Buffalo tribe? For some added incentive, how about knowing that they kidnapped your cousin before we arrived?”

“T-they what!?” Braeburn shouted, all traces of fear gone, “Those damn dirty, half naked, buffalo-ridin’ varmints! They live sixteen miles east’a here! Now if you’ll excuse me, ma’am, I need to go find my shotgun.”

Once Braeburn was free from her wires and on his way, Twilight looked at her servant. “Alucard. Here are your orders. Go out there, find the Buffalo tribe’s camp, then stay there while I teleport to you.” Her wires flashed again. “I’m going to… parley with them…”

“As you wish, master,” Alucard bowed and left Twilight’s parasol with her as he sprinted off, kicking up a huge cloud of dust in his wake. Within seconds, the red clad vampire had disappeared from sight.

Twilight’s gaze showed her the moderate sized camp that belonged to the Buffalo tribe. With her parasol shading her and Alucard in her wake, she walked slowly, purposefully toward the camp. Not even bothering to hide her presence.

The tribesmen spotted her immediately, one of the larger ones shouting to somewhere deeper in the camp. A few muscular tribesmen lined up around the perimeter of the camp, knocking arrows and rattling spears from behind their decorated shields.

No sooner were their weapons brandished that numerous wires lashed out and reduced the weapons and shields to kindling. Twilight allowed her arm to slowly curve above her head and back down to her side as the wires visibly retracted. “I am in no mood for games.” Her voice was low and carried the weight of Death himself. “Now where. Is. My. Friend?”

The large, muscular men instantly retreated back into the camp, the sounds of frantic discussion echoing through the flat desert plains. Finally, after a few moments, a massive mountain of a man came from the camp, dressed in buffalo skins and with a feathered headdress. With a voice like an earthquake, he spoke, “And just who are you to so terrorize my tribesmen and make such confrontational demands?”

Twilight’s eyes seemed to glow red under the shade of her parasol and fit nicely with her scowl. “I am Twilight Sparkle. The apprentice of Princess Celestia. She who led the purification of Princess Luna from the madness of Nightmare Moon. She who slew an Ursa Major in single combat. She who alone commands the loyalty of the vampire king Alucard. She who has come to rescue her kidnapped friend!” Wires floated menacingly around her as she listed her credentials to the tribe. She looked at them with contempt. They were nothing but insects next to her. She could kill them for this transgression. It would be so easy to crush them between her fingers. “Such is the death they deserve. The death of an insect!” She blinked a couple of times. “Where did that line of thought come from? Godsdammit. Is Alucard rubbing off on me more than is safe? Or is it something else?”

The chief snorted contemptuously, crossing his barrel-esque arms over his mountainous chest. “Friend? You mean the little harlot trying to protect her oh so precious tree? The one who nearly drove one of my finest female warriors and my daughter comatose? Hmph. And why should I give the little qumli back to you when it would be so much easier to just kill her now?” He studiously ignored the list of accomplishments Twilight had presented, believing them false.

Twilight stared into his eyes and sighed a bit. “Alucard. Show them your game face, my servant.”

Alucard darkly chuckled, the echoing tone washing over the camp as his glove sigils glowed. “Releasing Control Art Restriction System Levels Three… Two… One. Approval of Situation A recognized. Commencing the Cromwell Invocation.” His form shifted and writhed into something like a living shadow as numerous red eyes opened all over the mass, most prominently a large one that opened over his upper chest. “Ability restrictions lifted for limited use until the enemy has been rendered silent.” He looked over the tribesmen with his hungering gaze. “So… Who among you will stand before my gaze first?”

Twilight smirked. “I am now the only thing standing between your tribe and total annihilation. I need but say a single word, and my darling servant will make it rain blood. Your tribe’s blood.” She licked her lips slowly. “I’m a little curious about how that blood tastes myself, now that I think of it.”

The chief reeled as the rest of the tribe screamed in horror, the buffalos all but stampeding in their haste to run from the monster and carrying a few unlucky tribesmen with them. “W-what are you!?” the chief cried, slowly backing away from Alucard.

“That is my servant,” Twilight said. “My servant that has been bound to me since I was six years old. In ancient times he ravaged Equestria in a bloody rampage, and now faithfully serves me. You stand before Nosferatu, the No Life King. The vampire Alucard!”

The chief sighed deeply, a sound not unlike a foghorn. “Very well, you may have your friend back. But, as the shamans say, there must always be equal amounts of give and take.” Gathering up what remained of his courage, he pointed at Twilight, “In return for the woman who has so injured one of our finest warriors and deterred our efforts, we shall take you, the master of the monster, as our captive.”

Twilight’s lips slowly split into a grin. “I accept your terms.” She licked her lips, thinking of what shaman blood would taste like. Being made a ‘prisoner’ was a small price to pay for some more magically charged blood.

The chief motioned back into the camp, a pair of tribesmen carrying a pole bearing the bound and heavily bruised form of an unconscious Applejack. The chief crossed his arms once more, “There is your friend. Though she may look injured, we have not harmed her beyond what Little Strongheart had done to her in retaliation. Now, the exchange?”

Twilight surrendered her gloves, but refused to give up her parasol. “You wouldn’t force me to get sunburn, would you?” she asked of her disarmer while fluttering her lashes at him.

The tall man scowled at her and allowed her to keep the parasol– after all, one couldn’t possible conceal any sort of useful weapon in there, now could they? After collecting Twilight’s gloves, the man roughly shoved Twilight into a cage, slamming it closed and locking it after.

Twilight murred at the rough treatment. “Oh yeah, I like it rough,” she purred before looking at Alucard. “Alucard. Take Applejack back to town, tell the others what happened, and keep them from leaving until I return at dawn tomorrow.”

“Master? Are you sure?” Alucard asked, sealing his power away once more and settling his hat back upon his head.

“I’m sure, Alucard,” Twilight said as she settled into a sitting position with her left knee raised, allowing her skirt to slide down her leg and reveal her crotch to the world.

Alucard grinned at the sight, but acquiesced, “If you say so, master.” With that, he picked up Applejack and sped away, disappearing in a cloud of dust after mere seconds.

After Alucard had gone, one of the tribeswomen walked past Twilight’s cage, seeing Twilight’s state of dress and snorting in condescension. None of the tribesmen had reacted, too focused on their other duties to care about the underwear-less prisoner.

Twilight fluttered her eyes at her guard. “The chief mentioned shamans. What can you tell me about them?” she asked in a seductive tone as she licked her lips slowly.

“The shamans serve as our connection to the Earth Mother and the Sky Father. They guide us through holy rituals and advise Chief Thunderhooves on when to perform certain holy acts,” the man explained, still not paying attention to Twilight’s tone of voice or state of dress.

“So fascinating,” Twilight purred, slowly reaching out and rubbing his bicep. “Never been this close to a native tribe. It’s proving very… enlightening. And such fine specimens of men. How do you get so muscular, handsome?”

“....” The tribesman stared at Twilight with a deadpan expression, “Need I remind you that you are currently a prisoner? Also, I do not know what kind of politics govern your society, but here in our tribe, we pledge ourselves to only one partner for life, as I already have. In your terms, I believe the saying is, ‘I am married’. As to my state of body: work, hunting, gathering, training for battle.”

“Ooh… A married man,” Twilight said as she withdrew her hand. “Any kids? And only monogamous marriages? In my culture, men can have multiple wives if they want. There are more women than men, so we don’t mind sharing.” She giggled. “This is so exciting. Comparing cultures and histories. Tell me more about the Earth Mother and Sky Father.”

The man sat, chin supported by the palm of his hand as he crossed his legs, “I have a son, he is almost six winters old. Soon he shall raise his buffalo, in accordance with tribal law.” He thumped his fist against his chest, liquid pride almost streaming from his eyes, “He takes after his father so well. It is enough to make a man shed tears.”

“I can tell,” Twilight said. “My parents were so proud of Shining Armor when he became captain of the Royal Guard in Canterlot. And I was never prouder to be his little sister.” She smiled sweetly. “Can I meet him?”

“Perhaps one day,” the man said, “after all, for now you are still a prisoner. But, I believe you asked about Earth Mother and Sky Father?”

“I did!” Twilight said as she clapped her hands together. “Please tell me more. I absolutely love learning new things.”

The man smiled, “As the shamans say: ‘A mind with a love of learning is a mind with a love of life itself’. But, the Earth Mother and the Sky Father are the two deities that gave this planet and our peoples life. The Sky Father provided us with the sun, the rain, and the wind, the Earth Mother the earth, its rivers and lakes, the ocean, and all the soil we could ever need. Together, the rain and the sun and the earth created life for all of this planet and eventually, they created us.”

“Fascinating,” Twilight breathed. “And so different from our schools teach about the origin of the world. According to the priests in the temples, there was a dark age before this one. An age when the world was unformed and shrouded by fog. All was ruled by the destroyers Tirek and Scorpan. Then from the dark, they came. And found the source of life. The Font of Eternity. One by one, they drank of its waters and were transformed by it. Triton, the Lord of Water and first of the merfolk. Ouroboros, the Lord of Fire and first of the dragons. Zephyr, the Lady of Air and first of the Aerials. Geb, the Lord of Earth and first of the Terrans. Celestia, the Lady of Sunlight and her faithful Aetherial knights. Luna, the Lady of Moonlight, and her loyal Lycans. And Discord, the Primordial Chaos given form.” She smiled as she continued her tale. “With the strength of gods, they challenged the destroyers. Try as they might, the destroyers were no match for the power of the new gods and the bond that connected them. A bond that reached Scorpan, who betrayed his brother and helped cast Tirek into the pits of Tartarus, never to return. Thus began the dominion of mankind.”

The man nodded, stroking his short beard, “Hmmm… I find it odd that your history seems much more violent than ours, yet in terms of everyday interactions… your peoples seem so much more… pacifistic. Interesting, is it not?”

“Oh it’s very interesting,” Twilight agreed. “But I think you’ll find there’s a lot more to us than meets the eye. So much more.” As she spoke she tried to meet her guard’s gaze.

However, the guard merely chuckled and avoided direct eye contact, “Ma’am, despite our pleasant conversation, I must ask you to remain compliant as you are, unfortunately, a prisoner of our tribe. Though not an expert, I do know that most forms of hypnosis rely on eye contact, if that was what you are planning.”

Twilight giggled. “Please. I leave hypnosis to my darling Alucard. Robbing another person of their will even for a short time? Unthinkable! Besides. I just want to get a better look at those handsome brown eyes. It’s such a rare shade where I live.”

“My eyes are nothing special, ma’am. In truth, just about everyone in the tribe has brown eyes like mine,” the guard scratched the back of his head, his long, black hair flowing with the motion.

“Your hair is lovely,” Twilight complimented. “I simply must convince Alucard to try the style. It looks so rugged and manly.”

The guard rolled his eyes, “Again, ma’am, it is nothing more than the most generic style afforded by this tribe. In fact, Drifting Hawk over there-” He pointed at a man with a horrifically complex hairstyle with a bird theme “- has a much nicer style.”

“You say generic, I say less is more,” Twilight purred. Flattery wasn’t getting her anywhere. So she decided to try a different tack. “Is there any chance I could be provided with a bath? I have certain standards that I hold myself to.”

The guard shook his head, “Unfortunately, all the water we have currently is to be used for drinking and cooking only while the springfinders find a new source of water. The summer heat has, unfortunately, recently dried up the stream we had been using during the spring.” He looked apologetic, clasping his hands together and dipping his head.

“I accept your apology,” Twilight said as she fanned herself with her hand. “Note to self: wear clothes that breathe while in the desert.” She sighed. “Deserts are no place for borderline albinos.”

“Indeed they are not,” the guard chuckled. “Still, it seems your clothing is sometimes better than wearing nothing but buffalo leather about half the year.”

Twilight giggled. “The tailors in Canterlot make excellent suits, but they could care less if the suits breathe. I’ll have to get new ones from Rarity when I get home.” She finally couldn’t take it anymore and removed her suit’s jacket before undoing some of her blouse’s buttons, exposing her cleavage with a sigh. “Much better. In a suit like this I have to partially undress for it to breathe.”

“Indeed. That is often what we must do as well. Case in point,” the guard pointed out a topless woman a few teepees away working on something or another. “Still, I cannot help but think that with thinner fabric, you must be doing somewhat better, even with your complexion… though, I do have to wonder just why you are so pale…”

Twilight chuckled. “Let’s just say you’re right about my love of life in more ways than one.” She kept fanning herself under the shade of her parasol. “Living with Alucard has also made me tend to prefer the night.”

The guard nodded, “‘There is often much more beauty to be found in the night sky than simply during the day’. Shaman’s words, not mine. Though, I myself find working during the night much more pleasant than during the day… even if it does get colder than a spurned woman’s shoulder”

Twilight laughed. “Guess some things are universal. My culture says, ‘Tartarus hath no fury like a woman scorned.’ And where was your tribe a thousand years ago? Princess Luna became Nightmare Moon partly because she felt that nobody loved and appreciated her night.”

“As far as I know, our tribe was a wandering tribe of nomads back then. We have only been in this area for the last four hundred years. But, as the tales say, the land of Equestria had not encompassed this desert quite yet, as it is not a fertile land.”

Twilight nodded and started lightly panting as she kept fanning herself, leaning on the cage somewhat as sweat continued to drip down her body. “I… I feel lightheaded…” As her vision went blurry, Twilight keeled over as she fainted.

The guard immediately unlocked the cell and rushed inside, calling for help as he all but dragged Twilight into a large, decorated tent. “Soaring Eagle! Swift Wind! Some help would be appreciated!”

Both of the called over men nodded and helped lift Twilight onto a small cot surrounded by various bowls of herbs and incenses.

As the other men left, the guard stood straight, drawing a staff from behind his back and began patting down Twilight’s forehead with a damp towel. His clothing had changed, becoming more decorative and colorful, with bone jewelry strewn throughout.

Twilight slowly opened her eyes and looked around. “Thank you fainting spell for freeing me from that damned cage.” Silently sitting up, she noticed she wasn’t alone in the tent. Sitting with his back to her working on something was a man she could only guess was the shaman. Smirking, she silently approached him and wrapped her arms around his neck in a grateful hug. “So sweet of you to bring me inside after I fainted,” she purred.

The shaman shrugged, “It is only general courtesy to treat prisoners with respect if they are not captured in war.” He gently guided her back to the cot, “Please, stay down. You have only just woken from sunstroke.” His buffalo skull helmet lent his words an air of authority, the mass of feathers out the back shifting in the breeze flowing through the tent.

Twilight giggled as she let him sit her down, hugging him again and resting her head against his own. “Now then. Let’s get down to the business at hand. I’m interested to know why your tribe is at odds with Appleloosa. So you’re going to tell me everything you know.” She inhaled his scent. “Well… Your blood will.” Before he could react, she sank her fangs into his flesh, his blood filling her mouth as its infused magic made her eyes glow blue. But more than that, she got memories.

A rush of images and sounds filled her mind, detailing exactly why the tribe was at odd with Appleloosa. Images of trees overtaking traditional hunting routes, buildings blocking access to streams and rivers, a flood of people disturbing the natural tranquility of the land. Twilight found it all fascinating, then wondered about where she could find her gloves.

As it turned out, the shaman had absolutely no idea where the gloves were, save for that the chief most likely knew where they were. Finally releasing the shaman, who had passed out from blood loss, Twilight giggled and hugged his head. “Many thanks for the blood and letting me pick you brain, shaman!” Giggling again, she planted a kiss on the unconscious man’s lips before dropping him and picking up her parasol. “Whelp, time to kick ass and fuck. And I don’t have my man to fuck right now!” She walked out of the tent in a giggling fit. On a whim, she activated an almost entirely unused tattoo- added only a few days ago on impulse- set in the hollow of her throat. Immediately, music began to play in a symphony of strings as she spun her parasol around her wrist.

Several passing tribesmen looked at her curiously, then shouted in alarm and scrambled away for weapons when they spotted the unconscious shaman lying inside the tent, a small pool of blood still dripping from his neck.

As the music reached its first crescendo, an arrow flew at Twilight, fired by the same man that had taken her gloves. Twilight blocked it with her open parasol, grinning madly as she spun the violet parasol around and closed it with an audible snap, spinning from her position and striking a charging warrior across the temple, sending him flying back.

Immediately, the rest of the tribe’s warriors rushed in, men and women sprinting forth with spears and bows drawn, battle cries tearing from their throats. Twilight smiled angelically, an awful contrast to the whirling dervish of pain that she had become, spinning and twirling around the oncoming attackers, diverting and blocking their blows with almost negligible effort.

She danced as she fought, precision jabbing fighters with the blunted tip of her parasol and using them as platforms to attack their comrades, kicking and flipping over and around them. Twilight’s grin turned savage as one particularly large warrior struck out at her, nearly blasting through her guard and causing her to back handspring away until she came to a halt upon a crate of supplies, sitting in a mockingly proper position.

The rest of the warriors still standing roared in anger and charged as one, prompting Twilight to backflip over the crate and kick it into the air, smashing it open with a wide swing of her parasol and launching splinters and dented cans in a wall of projectiles. The warriors raised their shields, weathering the storm, though some of the more inexperienced members fell to the onslaught.

Just as Twilight stopped to giggle madly once again, a charge of hooves caught her attention, bloodshot, dilated eyes widening at the sight of a buffalo charging straight at her, a bowman atop with an arrow aimed directly at her. Twilight swept her hand forward, catching the buffalo by a single horn and flipping onto its back using its momentum, kicking the bowman in the face and launching him from the buffalo’s back.

The enormous beast slid to a halt and bucked her around, trying to dislodge the pest from its back, even going so far as to roll around in its fury. Twilight laughed again enjoying the wild ride, “Whee~! Faster! Faster!” She giggled with intoxicated joy, the buffalo being no match for her Ursa Major riding skills.

Without warning, a rope flew in from the side and latched around the buffalo’s horn, pulling it down to the ground and throwing Twilight from the sudden motion. Twilight flipped in midair, stomping a spearwoman into the dirt and pirouetting on her unconscious form, dodging and deflecting the brace of arrows trying to skewer her from the left. Another graceful twirl transitioned into a complex aerial, the maneuver flinging her into the air with the aid of a jab from her parasol into the dirt. As Twilight flew into the air, she tucked and somersaulted, her parasol opening and spinning around to bat away another barrage of arrows. As she descended, she whipped her legs out, performing a midair windmill and slamming both feet down on the man who’d taken her gloves, a sickening crack echoing out from his shoulders as he screamed in pain.

Twilight landed, incidentally slamming her bare ass upon the man’s face as she crouched before springing off in a new direction, this time with a forward roll that transitioned into a particularly violent kip up, sending her feet into the gut of another fighter, sending him to the ground with her atop him, using him as another springboard to launch over and through more arrows, spinning around and using her parasol to deflect them.

When Twilight landed, she caught her parasol, opened it, swept it around her body… and then her clothes fell off, torn to shreds by the arrows. “Oooo...” Twilight giggled, closing her parasol and tapping it against her shoulder, “Now you wanna get kinky....”

The total remainder of the Buffalo Tribe’s forces simultaneously took a step back, in fear of this absolutely terrifying woman and her strangely dangerous parasol. Twilight frowned, “C’moooooon~! Don’t run away! You guys are such mood killers!”

A sudden, earth shaking stomping rang through the camp, Chief Thunderhooves coming into view with a massive bone mace slung over his shoulder. Its buffalo skull head glowed with verdant power, an almost flowering effect drifting from it upon the breeze.

Twilight grinned, suddenly perky, “YOU BROUGHT ME A PRESENT!?”

The chief snorted and swung the mace at Twilight, not bothering with words. Twilight stepped back to dodge, grinning teasingly only for her to yelp in surprise as an invisible force somehow punched her backwards, sending her naked body flying away. Twilight rolled to a halt and wiped her mouth, panting slightly before the manic grin returned to her face.

“Ohoho~” Twilight giggled, standing and laughing maniacally as she brought her parasol to bear, “Well then… let’s GET IT ON!” She launched forward, a magical aura blazing from her body as she dropped and slid between Thunderhooves’ legs, her parasol hooking to the front of his pants and swinging her up and over his back. She kicked out, her feet scoring thunderous strikes against his cranium.

Thunderhooves roared and swung the mace blindly, the invisible force launching Twilight into the air with great force. Twilight maintained composure, though, spinning in midair and coming back down with an axe kick enhanced by her own power, a streak of magenta lighting up the air where her foot passed through and exploding against Thunderhooves’ head, driving him to the dirt.

Thunderhooves stood slowly, chuckling as he shook his massive head, “Hmph, well played, little one. But even with your strength… such a strike is no match against the might of the chief of the Buffalo Tribe.” The mace dropped to the dirt, sinking into it and standing on its own as the massive chieftain cracked his knuckles. Twilight grinned again, opening her parasol and holding it in front of her to shield her movements.

“What you forget, Chief Thunderhooves… is that not only do I fight with a weapon…” Twilight’s grin grew even more unhinged, her canines having once again shifted into fangs, “I also fight with magic!” A sizzling bolt of lightning crackled from Twilight’s hand, soaring across the space between the two combatants with a deafening crackle.

Thunderhooves raise an eyebrow and kicked his mace into the air, the natural magic surrounding it absorbing the lightning without even a single stray spark. Twilight’s eyes lit up with scholarly glee as she chuckled, “Oho, so that’s the way you wanna play it, huh?”

A sudden sinking feeling ran through Thunderhooves as Twilight’s grin stretched to its most manic, all of her teeth seeming to have become sharp and deadly. She began launching a barrage of various spells, flashes of color lighting up the camp in deadly waves of light. Thunderhooves advanced, batting spells away with only the barest hint of effort showing on his face as Twilight slowly began to ramp up the speed and intensity of her attacks.

Finally, after a great roar of effort, one of Twilight’s spells slipped past Thunderhooves’ guard, punching a hole straight through the man’s shoulder with a spray of blood and a flash of silver. Twilight took advantage of the situation and followed up her piercing spell with a pair or bone breakers, smashing Thunderhooves’ kneecaps and sending him to the ground. Finally, Twilight rushed forward, dodging Thunderhooves’ wild flailing, and kicked the mace from his grip, using her parasol to break all of his fingers and then driving the parasol into his solar plexus, winding the giant chieftain.

Chief Thunderhooves coughed and looked up at Twilight, “Hmph, it seems as if you have defeated me, little one. Very well. Tribal law dictates that I have faced an honorable defeat in combat. There are no hard feelings between us. My life now is yours to do as you wish.”

From nearby, a voice rang out, full of pain and hatred, “Chief Thunderhooves! You cannot seriously be thinking of pledging your hopes of survival to this… this…. vampire’s whore!”

Thunderhooves called back, “Quiet, Sitting Frog! She has defeated me with honor! Now stay quiet and preserve what remains of your own!”

Twilight’s giggling had completely ceased and she had in fact fallen completely silent. Slowly, she turned to look at Sitting Frog, the glove thief himself. “What… did you just call me?” she asked in a deathly quiet tone that sent chills down the spines of everyone that heard it.

Thunderhooves beat his head against the ground, not caring of the damaged feathers grinding into the dirt. Sitting Frog gulped, frantically scooting away from Twilight as fast as he could, trying to ignore the pain of his broken collarbones.

Twilight spied her gloves in his sash and telekinetically called them onto her hands. “Really. What did you call me? Because I could swear you called me a vampire whore.” She flexed her fingers and called out her wires. “I am many things, Sitting Frog. A magus of great power and skill, a sangrophile, a librarian. But one thing I’m not… IS A WHORE!!!” Her wires lashed out and stabbed into Sitting Frog’s body. Ignoring his screams of pain, she sadistically grinned as she dug the wires into his muscles and made him stand. She licked her lips as she heard his gurgles of agony as she made him walk toward her. “Dance, puppet. Dance.” Once he was within reach, she bit into his neck and started drinking his blood. Only when Sitting Frog stopped moving did she drop the body and call her wires back into her gloves. “Chief Thunderhooves.”

Thunderhooves groaned, looking away from the grisly scene and praying for Sitting Frog’s soul, “Yes, little one?”

“I don’t want anyone speaking of what I’ve done to Sitting Frog.” Twilight looked at him. “I’m swearing the lot of you to secrecy on pain of me coming back and doing what I did to Sitting Frog. Understand?”

Collective fearful nods rang out amongst those still conscious, Thunderhooves being the only one to do so without even a trace of fear.

“Good!” Twilight said cheerfully, looking at Thunderhooves with a non-psychotic smile. “Now then. You and I are going to go to Appleloosa, and you’re going to talk this dispute out with Braeburn. I will broker the peace talks as a neutral third party.”

Thunderhooves nodded again, “Very well. Though whether or not the settlers will listen to what we have to say is a whole different matter.”

“You just leave everything to me, Chief Thunderhooves.” Still smiling, Twilight teleported herself and Thunderhooves to Appleloosa, appearing in front of her friends, Alucard, and Braeburn. “We’re back!” She called, cheerfully waving and clearly not caring that she was still naked as the day she was born aside from her gloves and parasol, and being covered in blood.

“.... Twilight?” Rarity asked, her hand covering her mouth in shock.

“What?” Twilight asked in confusion before looking at herself. “Oh this?” she giggled. “None of the blood is mine. I lost my clothes while beating the shit out of the Buffalo tribesmen. We had a teensy little disagreement. But everything worked out.” She looked at Braeburn and looked at him with her glowing red eyes, looking like she was ready to kill him despite her serene smile. “Braeburn…” she said in a sweet tone that still managed to scream, ‘if you don’t do exactly as I say, you are going to die.’

“Y-yes m-ma’am?” Braeburn asked, very thankful that he’d brought his brown pants just in case.

“You are going to clear away the sections of your orchards that were planted on the tribe’s hunting grounds, and clear paths through the remaining sections for them to pass through with their buffalo, as well as dig wells and irrigation ditches to restore access to the water sources. In addition, both the tribe and Appleloosans will work together to make this region prosperous. If I get wind of any… hiccups in the work, I’ll be coming back to deal with the problem personally. Do I make myself clear?” She had kept that sweet, serene smile while she spoke, even as she stepped closer to the terrified man and punctuated her threat of return by dragging her tongue along his neck.

A foul stench filled the air as Braeburn awkwardly shuffled back from Twilight, blushing furiously in embarrassment while still somehow remaining incredibly pale from fear. “Y-yes m-ma’am!” Braeburn whimpered, pushing another of his compatriots forward as he shuffled off to go change his pants.

Twilight giggled. “We’re done here then!” Turning, she walked toward her friends at an even pace before suddenly collapsing into Alucard’s arms as she fainted.

“Master!?” Alucard asked, worried at Twilight’s collapse. He gently lifted her into a bridal carry, taking the chance to sniff one of the few visible scratches she had sustained before violently recoiling away from the wound. “.... that is a lot of drugs.”

Time seemed to freeze as Schrodinger looked out into what seemed to be open air. “Remember, readers. Zhe authors in no vay, shape, or form encourage zhe use of drugs in a manner not prescribed by a licensed medical professional. Nor do zhey believe Native American tribes to have ever used similar concoctions to such an extent. Zhe posting author, Lobo Argost, is in fact of Cherokee descent, and takes great pride in his heritage. Ve now return you to zhe story.” He returned to his spot beside Pinkie Pie as time resumed its flow.

Pinkie Pie looked at Schrodinger curiously, “What was that, mister?” She put her hands on her hips, “I’m the one that’s supposed to do that, you know!”

“Ve are both fourth wall breakers, fraulein,” Schrodinger said. “So I say ve share zhe role, ja?”

“.... Fair enough…” Pinkie conceded.

“Und now I sink it is time for a segvay,” Schrodinger said before snapping his fingers.

“Segway?”

“No. Segvay.”

“Ooohhhh… Segue. Got it.”

Twilight groaned in utter agony, her vision blurring as massive lances of pain struck through her cranium. She felt like vomiting, but managed to hold it in, the rocking motion of the ground not helping a single bit. “W-where…. Wha…?” A lance of pain struck through the throbbing of her skull, sending her into the fetal position. “Ohgodsjustkillmenow.”

“You’re coming down from a rather massive drug high, master,” Alucard said from his spot beside her. “As tempting as it was to lick your body clean of blood, I didn’t want to get all those substances in my own system. So I just washed you off the normal way and laid you down to rest.”

“O-oh… thank you Alucard,” Twilight mumbled, wincing in pain as everything seemed to just flare up into painful lances of brightness, searing her retinas with absolute pain. “A-are we on the train?”

“Yes,” Alucard answered. “In our own private coach, since I once again refused to leave your side. So… What happened once I left you as a prisoner of the tribesmen?”

“I… don’t really remember…” Twilight muttered, trying to concentrate enough for an ice spell. “My head hurts too much right now…”

Alucard set an ice pack on her forehead. “Better? Pinkie and Schrodinger said you’d need that.”

Twilight sighed in relief, “Ahhh… yeah, I feel better… not a lot, but better.”

Alucard slid into the bed with her and pulled her close to him. “I feel that I should point out you’re still naked.”

“....” Twilight felt Alucard’s body against hers and knew that, yes, she was naked, “.... so?”

“So do you plan to walk through Ponyville to the library naked, master?” Alucard asked while idly rubbing her thigh with his ungloved hand.

“Well…” Twilight finally pulled up enough focus for a hangover cure spell, applying it to herself in a burst of minty freshness. “Ahhh, that feels better. Anyway… I… hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

“Think you might do it?” Alucard asked with a grin. “In Appleloosa, you didn’t seem to care about your nudity.”

“.... I don’t even remember what happened after I drank that shaman’s blood, Alucard,” Twilight pointed out, shaking her head as if trying to remember.

“Do you remember how his blood tasted?” Alucard inquired before kissing the corner of her mouth.

“... Sorta sharp and minty, with a really huge dose of… something.” Twilight tapped her chin, “I mean, the minty part came from the nature magic coursing through him… I guess that the weird taste is what gave me this hangover.”

“Probably all the drugs in his system,” Alucard speculated before deeply kissing her as his hand slid up and squeezed her right breast.

Twilight giggled and leaned into Alucard’s touch, “Really Alucard? Right after I just woke up? … Not that I’m complaining.”

Alucard chuckled and grinned at her. “I can’t help it, my countess. Seeing you covered in blood and strongarming those men into doing what you wanted left me all hot and bothered.”

“Alucard… pretty much everything I do gets you hot and bothered,” Twilight deadpanned, sticking her hand down the front of his pants and squeezing his shaft.

Alucard lightly groaned at her touch. “I can’t help that you’ve become so beautiful and seductive over the years. To think you were once an innocent little girl hiding behind my coat tails when bullies came around.” He pulled her into a deep kiss and pushed his tongue into her mouth.

Twilight moaned into the kiss, quietly grinding against Alucard in a silent signal, telling him that he was far too overdressed.

Alucard broke the kiss and gave her an apologetic look. “Do forgive me for my clothes being in the way.” With a thought, his clothes vanished into the shadows he commanded, allowing them to be skin to skin. “I love you, my countess.”

“And I love you, my handsome, beautiful count,” Twilight’s expression turned smoky, her hands reaching out to roll Alucard onto his back as she climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. “Would you like me to show you just how much I love you?”

Alucard chuckled. “Not like you need my permission, master. But yes. I’d love for you to demonstrate your love.”

“Then, hold on tight, Alucard~” Twilight purred, sensually sliding down Alucard’s body and positioning his member at her entrance.

Alucard groaned and gripped her hips as she slid him inside her. “No foreplay today, my countess?” Even as he asked, his hands slid up and squeezed her breasts. “Hm… Curious.”

Twilight shuddered as Alucard’s cock slid inside her before pausing, “What’s curious?”

“Have you been experimenting with breast enhancement again?” Alucard asked as he massaged her mounds. “They seem larger than they were before we left Ponyville.”

Twilight sighed as Alucard massaged her breasts, “Mmf, no, I haven’t. That is curious…” Ignoring it for now, Twilight began rocking back and forth, feeling Alucard’s dick move inside her. “Ah, but this is still just as wonderful as ever~”

Alucard groaned as he felt her walls massaging him while he leaned up and licked her hardened nipples. “Whatever the cause of your recent breast enhancement, I’m not complaining in the slightest.” He latched his lips onto her left nipple and started sucking it.

Twilight gasped, her breasts seemed to have become more sensitive as well. With a long, sultry moan of delight, Twilight began riding Alucard in earnest, bouncing up and down in his lap while he suckled her breast.

Alucard groaned loudly against her breast and reached down to squeeze her supple ass with one hand while the other reached between them and rubbed on her clit. Gently taking her nipple between his teeth, he gently pulled on it.

“Ah~” Twilight nearly whimpered, speeding up the pace of her thrusts to match the sensations racing through her body.

Letting her breast bounce back, Alucard deeply kissed Twilight and pushed her onto her back, thrusting hard into her as he ran his fingers through her hair.

Twilight arched her back, leaning into the kiss and writhing in absolute ecstasy.

Getting an idea, Alucard phased beneath Twilight so that her back was to his chest and squeezed her breasts as he thrusted harder into her and at a new angle. “Don’t think we’ve done this position before.”

Twilight cried out in absolute bliss, a non-verbal agreement to Alucard’s statement. She thrusted down upon Alucard, wiggling her hips in circles and side to side.

Alucard groaned with her as he turned her head to kiss her, pinching her nipples as he pulled on them and moved his hips with hers.

Twilight shuddered out a small orgasm, the sensation of Alucard’s fingers upon her nipples driving her just barely over the edge. “Ah~!” she moaned, once again speeding up her pace.

Alucard grunted as he felt her cavern clenching him. Licking her ear, he whispered in a husky tone. “Want to see another position we haven’t done yet?”

“O-ohh yess~” Twilight murmured, turning her head and kissing Alucard deeply.

Alucard kissed her back and pushed her onto her hands and knees, squeezing her breasts harder as he plowed as far as he could into her, his tongue pushing into her mouth. He always enjoyed these moments. The bedroom was the only place where he was allowed to take control of her.

Twilight gasped and moaned, too thoroughly blissed out to do anything but enjoy the moment. Still, she managed to keep enough of a hold over herself to match Alucard’s pacing.

Alucard groaned into her lips and pulled on her nipples as he deepened their kiss, keeping his eyes closed to further enjoy the bliss of the sensations they gave each other. “How long I waited for us to become more than master and servant, my countess…” he breathed.

Twilight melted backwards into Alucard’s embrace, looping her arm around his head. “Far, far too long,” she whispered, running her hand through his hair. She kissed the line of his jaw, tangling her fingers further into his hair even as Alucard continued to thrust with ever increasing urgency.

Alucard groaned and pressed her against the bed as he felt himself start to swell inside her. “I’m almost there, my countess. What about you?”

Twilight panted, feeling Alucard about to burst, “I’m close too!” She began moving her hips frantically, almost begging for Alucard to release.

Alucard groaned and held Twilight against him as he kissed her, his seed bursting out into her cavern and painting it white. Only when he finished did he break the kiss.

Twilight collapsed against the bed, panting heavily and thoroughly satisfied. She grinned goofily, reaching down and dabbing her fingers in the liquid flowing from her crotch and licking it off her fingers. “Mmm~” Twilight smiled up at Alucard, hugging him close to her.

Alucard held her and kissed her forehead. “Complete that research soon, my countess. I don’t know how I’ll react if I outlive you and Fluttershy.”

“Of course, Alucard…” Twilight mumbled sleepily, drifting off in Alucard’s tender embrace, a soft smile following her into the realm of dreams.

Schrodinger sat beside Pinkie on the train, grinning at her while the other girls were blushing from hearing their albino friend get plowed by her servant/boyfriend. Except Fluttershy, who looked like she felt left out instead. Looking at Pinkie, he chuckled. “Interesting day, ja?”

Pinkie nodded, “Mhmm! Though, I feel kinda weird that we missed just about everything! I mean, we went so off script that we didn’t even get to throw pies at each other!”

“Anozher day, Pinkie,” Schrodinger said. “Anozher day. Hm… Vhat if ve host a big party vhen ve get home and turn it into a giant food vor?”

“Ooooohh~ Pinkie likes!” Pinkie grinned and leaned against Schrodinger, trapping his arm between her breasts, “And also, Pinkie likes.”

The self-observing cat found himself gulping as he blushed. Pinkie’s breasts certainly felt very soft. He could tell just by looking that they were second only to Fluttershy’s breasts in size. “Uh…” Unsure what to say, he appeared on the seat across from her, absentmindedly pressing his fingers to a pulse point on his neck. His heart was racing from that contact. Vhat is getting into me?

Pinkie giggled and grinned like a shark, “Oh Schrody, you should know by now….” She popped her head out from behind his back and whispered in his ear, “Being everywhere and nowhere won’t stop me for long~”

Schrodinger was startled by suddenly being in her lap and momentarily lost his balance as he turned, catching himself on something soft, and quickly noticing that something was Pinkie’s right breast.

“Oh my, how forward~” Pinkie grinned and tapped Schrodinger’s nose, “But, sorry! I don’t put out on the first date.” She shrugged and hugged Schrodinger close, sighing in contentment.

Schrodinger blushed darkly, her close hug pinning his hand to her breast. “Uh… Pinkie…” He had no idea how this woman was getting him so flustered. Gulping, he vanished again.

Seras stared at the man across from her, thoroughly disgusted. The vampiric priest had created an army of child ghouls and she’d been forced to kill all of them. Given what she knew about the process of creating ghouls…. she wanted to not only kill him, but break him.

“So you think you can beat me, bitch?” the priest taunted, absentmindedly licking the blood of another child off his fingers.

Seras growled and rushed towards the priest, coming within just inches of smashing him in the face when a loud cry of, “SERAAAAAASSS!” echoed through the moonlit woods and caused her to trip and roll into the treeline while the priest looked on in utter befuddlement.

Schrodinger picked Seras up and started shaking her. “Seras! I need to talk to you right now! It’s very very important!”

Seras pushed Schrodinger away, rubbing her head in annoyance, “Dammit Schro, I’m in the middle of something here! Can’t it wait!?”

“No it can’t!” Schrodinger insisted. “It’s only a matter of time before zhat voman finds me again! A voman can track me, Seras!”

“.... I didn’t think that was even possible,” Seras muttered, rubbing her chin. “Anyway, why are you even so scared of her?”

“She keeps rubbing against me,” Schrodinger said. “And before I came looking for you, she hugged my arm between her breasts, which are huge I might add, and trapped me in a hug after I accidentally grabbed one of zhem vhen I lost my balance. I just get so flustered und nervous vhen she’s acting like zhat!”

Seras stared for a good long moment before bursting out laughing, “Ahaha! Oh my god it’s so obvious but you’re so oblivious! Ahaha~! Get a load of my brother!”

“..... Okay, even I know what is happening with you and I’m the homicidal vampire priest,” the vampire muttered, sitting down against a ruined fountain patiently.

“Stop laughing at me! Zhis is serious!” Schrodinger said, wondering why his sister was laughing at him. “Vhy does zhis voman act like zhat around me, Seras? Share some of zhat lauded voman’s intuition of yours.”

Seras grinned and placed a hand on Schrodinger’s shoulder, “As the asshole pedophile pointed out, this should be startlingly obvious, but I’ll point it out for you since you’re even more of an idiot than the priest.” She looked him dead in the eyes and spoke solemnly, “Schrodinger…. you’re in love.”

Schrodinger stared at her for several seconds. “Are… Are you serious, Seras?” Him in love? No way. There was just no way.

“Yes, you numbnut. In love!” Seras bonked him over the head a few times to drive the point home.

Meanwhile, the vampire priest began to grow restless, only agitated further by the remarks about his intelligence. “Are you mocking me!?” he cried, throwing his hands in the air.

“Why of course she’s mocking you, sicko!” Pinkie called from behind Schrodinger before hugging the catboy. “Found you, Schrody~” she purred as she rubbed her cheek against his.

“P-Pinkie!” Schrodinger stuttered. “Uh… Seras, please help.”

“.... Just accept the love and move on, kiddo,” Seras chuckled and turned back to the priest, waving goodbye to Pinkie as she dragged him offscreen and back some hundreds of miles away.

“Now, where were we?” Seras cracked her knuckles, gauntlets gleaming in the light.

The vampire priest roared and lunged, Seras inwardly chuckling the whole fight.

Schrodinger found himself back on the train, only this time in one of the bunks with Pinkie straddling him. “Uh… Pinkie…” He stuttered while darkly blushing as his ears rapidly twitched.

“Yeeeess~?” Pinkie asked, booping Schrodinger on the nose.

“Uh… Vhy are ve in a bunk?” Schrodinger nervously asked. Zhis is moving too fast! I’m still a virgin dammit!

Pinkie giggled, “Weeellll~ Since I don’t exactly put out on the first date, but I do like you… I thought we could cuddle the night away!” She flopped down on top of him, already getting comfortable.

Said flopping down involve smashing her huge breasts against his chest, which caused a chain reaction that ended with a very stiff bulge poking her in the thigh, making Schrodinger blush even darker.

“Ooh~ Naughty naughty~” Pinkie teased further, turning around and shoving her rather shapely bum up against Schrodinger, making herself the little spoon as she started dozing off. “Make sure you don’t do anything bad~! Night!”

Schrodinger blushed as her bum ground against his bulge while she slept. At this point he could only think one thing. I’m going to have serious blue balls in the morning.

Author's Note

The creation story that Twilight recounted is a bit of a mixture of Dark Souls and The Great Slave King by TalonMach5. Great story that I highly recommend. Credit to him for Lady Zephyr, Lord Triton, and Lord Ouroboros. Dark Souls belongs to whoever made that series, I've never played them, but I'm thinking about it.

Also, that fight scene with Twilight kicking ass by herself is Justin's work. So props to Justin for an amazing fight scene. Remember, I'm not writing this alone.

Ve Vould Make Beautiful Children

Alucard looked around in curiosity as he, Twilight and Spike walked through Ponyville, which was for some reason deserted. Everyone was barricading themselves in their homes. “What’s going on? If they’re hiding from me, I’m hurt. I would have thought they were used to me by now.”

Twilight looked around, tapping her chin, “They should be used to you by now… though I have to wonder just what the hell is happening today.” She observed her surroundings, noting that every now and then a person would suddenly shut their blinds and close their shutters, or drag their children back inside their house. “Odd…”

“What could it be?” Spike asked. “Is it… zombies?!”

“You’re a zombie, Spike,” Alucard reminded the dracolich. “And I doubt it. Powerful vampires like Luna and myself can withstand sunlight without issue. Ghouls on the other hand will be reduced to ashes in mere moments if exposed to the sun.”

“Fraulein…” a familiar voice whispered from nearby. “Fraulein.” Still they ignored him. “HEY FRAULEIN!!!”

Twilight whirled around and screamed, “WHAT!?” at Schrodinger, springing the hidden blade from her parasol and pointing it at his throat.

The for some reason nervous catboy gestured to Sugarcube Corner. “Get inside. Quickly. Before she discovers you. Now! Don’t ask questions yet!” With help from Pinkie, he ushered the trio inside Sugarcube Corner and locked the door behind them.

Twilight rolled her eyes as she took in the darkened scene and the shivering forms of her friends, save for Fluttershy, who simply sat in relative comfort. “Okay, girls, what’s all this crap about? And who is ‘she’?”

“Yes. I’m rather curious about that myself,” Alucard said as he moved behind Fluttershy and wrapped his arms around her neck. “Just who is it that causes the entire town to hide in fear when they’ve been sharing living space with a vampire lord?” He looked down at Fluttershy. “And why do you of all people seem the calmest, my dear?”

“Oh, uhm, that’s beca-” Fluttershy began, but was cut off by Rainbow’s cry of, “ZECORA!”

“.... What.” Twilight stared at Rainbow, completely baffled as to why Rainbow had suddenly screamed out a traditional Zebrican name.

“Zecora?” Alucard asked, arching an eyebrow as he pulled his sunglasses off to stare at the chromatic aerial with his red eyes, which glowed in the darkened room. “Just who is Zecora?”

Rarity answered this time, waving her hands in a “spooky” manner, “Zecora is a witch who lives in the Everfree! She comes into town once a month and just stands there menacingly, tapping her foot on the ground for a few hours before leaving! And she wears this awfully tacky cloak that nobody can see under!”

“Could be that she just wants to be neighborly,” Alucard pointed out. “And why are you so scared of her? My master and I are more dangerous than anything in that forest by orders of magnitude. Or did you forget those two Ursa that she and I slew?”

“Eheh… well… it’s just that… uhm… you two do live in town and are plainly identifiable on sight… but nobody even knows what Zecora looks like!” Rarity blushed in embarrassment and looked away, suddenly realizing that Twilight and Alucard honestly were more dangerous than someone who had yet to do anything but stand in the middle of the street for a few hours.

“Maybe she’s an albino like Twilight, and the cloak protects her from the sun,” Spike suggested from his spot beside Rarity. Which made Alucard roll his eyes with a small grin. Of course the dracolich would seek to be near the woman he still nursed a soft spot for.

The girls all took a collective thinking stance at the new idea. “Well… Ah s’pose it might be true…” Applejack muttered, rubbing her chin, “Though, if’n it is true, we got a lot of ‘pologizin’ t’do fer our collective rudeness.”

“Speaking of Zecora, isn’t zhat her out zhere right now?” Schrodinger asked from the window, his ears twitching a couple of times.

The girls collectively flinched at Zecora’s name on reflex while Twilight huffed and headed for the door, “Alright girls, I’m getting to the bottom of this damn situation.”

Schrodinger appeared in front of the door. “Vait! Vhat if Zecora really is evil?!”

“Who’s gonna do anything to me?” Twilight asked. “What’s his name? Oh yeah, Michael McDoesn’t Exist. Now move.”

“I can’t let you go out zhere, Twilight,” Schrodinger insisted before wires flashed and he was reduced to a pile of bloody body parts that Twilight casually stepped over before going outside.

“Vhat zhe hell, Twilight?!” Schrodinger yelled. “Zhat hurt!”

Zecora turned to look at Twilight as she exited Sugarcube corner, a pair of bright blue eyes barely visible under the shadows of the hooded cloak. “Greetings citizen of Ponyville, it has been some time since I have been greeted without ill will.”

“You must be Zecora,” Twilight said as she stopped a few feet from the cloaked woman. “I apologize for the rudeness of all my neighbors and friends. They seem to be under the impression that you’re some evil enchantress or something.” She giggled. “Truth is, I’m far more dangerous than anything in the Everfree, you included. Know that cave that had a couple of Ursa living in it a few months back?”

“I remember a cave with two bears, but imagine my surprise when I found it filled with naught but blood and air,” Zecora rhymed, seemingly shifting side to side with an unheard beat.

“That’s because I killed them,” Twilight said. “Well, I killed the Major. Its cub came by later and Alucard killed that one.” She giggled at the memory of Ursa blood. “Are there any other Ursa in the Everfree?”

“Ursa I know not of, but Manticore there are a lot of.” Zecora kept bobbing, her movements barely visible under her flowing cloak.

“Blegh. Not enough magic in them,” Twilight said. “Anyways… The townsfolk want to know what you look like so…” Her wires lashed out and pulled the cloak off of Zecora before she could react.

Zecora flinched back, shielding her eyes from the sun as it hit her eyes. “Gah! A move so sudden to remove the mask! A move so violent when you could have asked!” She glared at Twilight, running her fingers through her two-toned hair and spiking it into her normal mohawk.

Twilight stared at the woman in silence. Ebony skin, talked in rhymes, was very gifted in physique… “To quote my dear Alucard, sweet black fucking sabbath. You my friend are exotic.” She licked her lips wondering what the woman’s blood tasted like.

“Exotic I may be to Equestria, but not so much in my homeland of Zebrica,” Zecora retorted, crossing her arms over her bust. “Still, I must be grateful to thee, for you are the first of Ponyville to ever approach me.”

Twilight giggled. “Where are my manners? I haven’t even introduced myself. I’m Twilight Sparkle. And you should be meeting Alucard in three… two… one.”

As Zecora lowered her arms, Alucard’s gloved hands came up from behind her and squeezed her breasts. “Not bad, Zecora. Not as big as Sugarlips or Flutters though.”

Zecora’s brow twitched as she inexplicably pulled a staff out of her hip pouch and blasted Alucard away with a burst of verdant wind carrying the scent of Zebrican spices. “Hands off me, perverted one, or the next attack shall make your head gone.”

Twilight giggled. “Decapitation will only slow him down. I should know. I did it a few times when I was still living in Canterlot. Hey Alucard. Remember the first time you ate me out, and I sliced your head off while cumming from your blood splashing my legs?”

“Good times,” Alucard said as he got to his feet, totally unharmed. “Good times. So where’d the staff come from?”

“Where else but magic? Such a childish question to ask in a world without stable logic.” Zecora chuckled and twirled her staff, the ornaments upon it clacking noisily.

“We’ve got a couple of friends that make no sense and magic can’t explain them,” Alucard said.

“Oh yes. I’d love to see magic explain me,” Schrodinger said from his spot on Zecora’s shoulder, munching on a cupcake.

Zecora examined Schrodinger intently, tapping his form with a single finger, her eyes glowing bright, icy blue. “Hmm, magic can explain you, however what defines you is out of my venue.”

“Zhen try to have magic explain zhis catch phrase of mine.” Schrodinger said as he finished his cupcake and looked up at Zecora with a grin. “I am everyvhere and novhere.”

“Again, your magic is not my scene, though please, could you tell me where I could get some ice cream?” Zecora poked Schrodinger again, more amused than bemused.

Schrodinger appeared in front of her at his normal size laughing so hard he was holding his gut. “You’re zhe first person zhat doesn’t question my power! Right zhis vay! I’ll introduce you to Pinkie.” He gestured for her to follow him to Sugarcube Corner and then glared at Twilight. “Vas eviscerating me really necessary, Twilight?!”

“Yes. Yes it was.” Twilight deadpanned, crossing her arms as she followed Zecora back into Sugarcube Corner.

Schrodinger sighed and appeared beside Pinkie Pie. “Friends. Zhis is Zecora. She has come seeking ice cream and has zhe distinction of being zhe only person to accept my explanation of my ability.”

“Greetings ladies, I love the theme of this abode, but to the point, I come seeking Rocky Road.” Zecora smiled and bowed, jewelry jangling from her movement.

“Rocky Road ice cream coming right up!” Pinkie chirped, reasoning that if Twilight had no problem with Zecora, then she must be nice. She popped up in front of the woman holding out a bowl of Rocky Road. “Here ya go!”

Zecora smiled and took the bowl, scooping a bit of ice cream and eating it, “Mmm~ Rocky Road is truly grand, one wonders why there is so little demand.”

“I know, right?!” Pinkie asked, leaning over Schrodinger’s shoulder and pressing her breasts quite purposefully into his back.

Schrodinger blushed as he felt those funbags on his back. “Uh… Pinkie, vhat are you doing?”

Pinkie grinned and wiggled just a tiny bit, “Flirting~”

Zecora chuckled into her ice cream, “Ah young love is such a sight, though when improperly done it is such a fright.”

Schrodinger’s blush darkened both from Zecora’s comment and the fact that he could feel Pinkie’s nipples through both their shirts. Pinkie only grinned and kept clinging to Schrodinger, her arms tightly latched around him.

Gulping, Schrodinger vanished and reappeared upstairs in the bedroom he shared with Pinkie. Separate beds of course. He gripped the windowsill as he took deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart.

Pinkie Pie grinned from downstairs; sure she could go up and tease him some more, but she saw him every day, whereas Zecora only came by about once a month. “So, Zecora… what do you think of parties?” she asked, leaning forward in her chair.

Zecora hummed thoughtfully, “It has been some time since my last soiree, living in the Everfree means no time to partay.”

“You should stick around then,” Alucard said. “Titty Pie throws the best parties around, and always throws a party for newcomers. Including me and Sugarlips. Though when the lights came on and everyone screamed “SURPRISE” I almost blew someone’s head off on reflex.”

Zecora raised an eyebrow at Alucard, “My reflexes, I must confess, are much less volatile when put to the test. One thing still has caught my surprise, why do you call her ‘Titty’ Pie?”

“‘Cause of her big titties,” Alucard answered. “First woman I met that didn’t hit me for groping her. Even said I could call her Titty Pie if there were no kids around.”

“Interesting,” Zecora stated, taking another bite of ice cream.

Schrodinger chose that moment to reappear, right in front of Pinkie Pie. “Okay. I’m calm now. Calm as a fucking cucumber.”

Pinkie grinned and lunged forward, capturing Schrodinger in another hug and slamming her face into his abdomen. “Are you suuuuuure~?” she asked, pressing forward and squashing her breasts against his pelvic region.

Schrodinger’s blush returned in full force as his pants bulged outward, hidden only by the funbags that did that to him. Gulping, he vanished back upstairs, making Alucard laugh up a storm.

Pinkie pouted, turning it into a teasing smirk, “I guess he wasn’t calm after all~” She shrugged, smiling brightly.

Zecora chuckled, “Truly an interesting group of friends, the kind that stays until the bitter end.”

Alucard laughed and threw his arm around Pinkie before leading her into the kitchen. “Hey, Titty Pie, you suppose I could successfully throw a party in your place so that you can go upstairs and keep teasing ‘Schrody’?”

“....” Pinkie got all up in Alucard’s face, “Alright, pal. You get one chance at this. You throw a party that’s up to my standards, I might let you be the only other party planner in Ponyville. Got it?” She poked him on the chest a few times for good measure.

Alucard nodded. “Got it. They’ll never be able to tell the difference. Or do you want them to be able to tell the difference?”

“Hmmm….” Pinkie tapped her chin in thought, lounging in Alucard’s lap without a single care in the world, “Well, I’ll leave that up to you. Now if you’ll excuse me~” With that she sprung away, slipping under the fridge and disappearing from sight.

Schrodinger once again found himself in his and Pinkie’s bedroom at the windowsill trying not only to calm his racing heart, but also to make his annoying boner go down. “Okay. Finally got it down. Might need a cold shower before the day’s over.”

Just then, a feeling of two warm, soft, large mounds pressed into his back. From their feel, Schrodinger immediately knew that Pinkie was, if not shirtless, then not covering her breasts at all.

Blushing for what seemed like the umpteenth time that day, Schrodinger slowly turned his head to look at his roommate. “Uh… Pinkie?” He gulped very nervously.

“Yeeeesss~?” Pinkie giggled, slowly wiggling against him and whispering sensually in his ear.

“A-Are you… uh… topless right now?” he asked slowly, his blush creeping over his face ever so slightly further.

“Eeeeyyup~” Pinkie grinned and hugged Schrodinger from behind, completely ignoring his discomfort.

“V-Vhy did you take your shirt off?” he asked, gulping as his pants started painfully throbbing. “Mein gott, they’re so soft…”

“Well, it’s still summer, and I thought it was a little too warm, soooo~” Pinkie’s grin nearly split her face in half, the blatant lie slipping through like a tolling bell of Schrodinger’s impending doom.

Schrodinger vanished and reappeared next to his bed, looking anywhere but her very naked back. He knew she didn’t even own bras, and had the same disdain for them that Twilight apparently had for panties, if Alucard’s claims were to be believed.

“Awww~ Schrodyyyy~!” Pinkie whined, turning around to give Schrodinger a raspberry. “Pbbbbbbt to you! Hmph.” She crossed her arms and looked away, still visibly teasing Schrodinger from the way her arms pushed her breasts up.

Schrodinger tried to fight it, but the temptation proved too great as his gaze, slowly but surely, fell lower and landed on her huge breasts. Which did not help him where his boner was concerned.

Pinkie looked down at Schrodinger’s pants and grinned, bouncing her breasts up and down, “Well well, looks like someone’s happy to see me~!”

Schrodinger’s face at this point was completely red as he followed the movements of those glorious tracts of land, his bulge throbbing in both excitement and discomfort.

Pinkie frowned and dropped to her knees, shuffling over to Schrodinger and poking his bulge through his pants, “Well, that doesn’t exactly look… comfortable. Maybe mini-you would be happier outside your pants!”

Schrodinger gasped and broke from the trance her breasts had put on him when she poked his bulge, taking a step back. “Uh… Um…” He was so nervous he couldn’t put words together.

Pinkie giggled, “No need to be like Fluttershy right now, Schrody~! Do you want a little bit of Mama Pinkie’s TLC or noooot~?”

Schrodinger gulped and very slowly nodded. “Oh yes. I vant some of her TLC. No. I need it!”

Pinkie smiled, “Then let me just take care of this, yeah?” She slowly unzipped Schrodinger’s shorts, letting them fall to the ground and allowing his erection to spring forth. With great care normally unseen from her, Pinkie slowly, carefully took the head of Schrodinger’s penis into her mouth, giving it a long, sensuous lick.

Schrodinger moaned as he felt his knees give way and make him sit down on his bed, glad to have the discomfort of his shorts dealt with.

Pinkie grinned and continued licking, taking the entire head of Schrodinger’s penis in her mouth and licking it like a lollipop. She suckled eagerly, making little mewling noises.

Schrodinger tilted his head back and supported himself with his hands as he moaned from what Pinkie was doing to him. “Mein gott she’s so good vith zhat tongue…”

Pinkie began bobbing her head up and down, taking progressively more and more of Schrodinger’s shaft with each dip. She swirled her tongue around, bathing Schrodinger’s shaft in her saliva.

Schrodinger moaned louder as his eyes rolled back. He’d never experienced such pleasures before in his life. As she went further down on him, he heard a sound escape his throat that he didn’t even know he could make. He had started purring.

Pinkie giggled from around his cock, sending pleasant tingles through his whole body. She pulled off quickly, wiping her mouth and smiling up at Schrodinger while she gave him a handjob, “Wow Schrody! I didn’t know you could do that!”

“N-Neizher did I…” Schrodinger moaned as he felt her soft hand rub up and down his sensitive flesh. His purring soon gave way to panting as his inexperience unfortunately meant he had little in the way of stamina. So he shot an early load without warning.

“Eep!” Pinkie flinched back, holding her hand out to block the premature shot. Pinkie giggled, “Well, maybe you’re a little inexperienced, buuuut~ we can fix that~!” She licked the semen from her fingers and hummed, “Well, it’s a little salty and weird, but y’know what? It’s actually not half bad!” She continued stroking Schrodinger’s cock, teasing it back to a full erection.

Schrodinger was quickly moaning again as he hardened in her grip. He was half tempted to vanish and take a cold shower. But knowing Pinkie, she’d just follow him like all the other times. “Know vhat? Screw it. I’ll try anyvay.” Vanishing from the room, he reappeared in the bathroom, standing in the shower sans the rest of his clothes, and turned the cold water on full blast, shivering as it flowed over him.

A sudden burst of warm water broke his train of thought though, the frigid water quickly heating up and filling the bathroom with steam as a wave of doom slammed down Schrodinger’s spine. More accurately, it was Pinkie’s naked body pressing up against his back, her hands coming around to tease Schrodinger’s penis some more.

Schrodinger moaned as she slowly stroked him, his moans echoing around the bathroom as he braced his hands against the wall. “Mein gott… Pinkie zhat feels really good…” He could feel her hard nipples rubbing against his skin.

Pinkie giggled and continued stroking Schrodinger’s penis, her wet, slick body sliding against his own and arousing the catboy further.

Schrodinger was soon purring again, helpless under Pinkie’s tendings. He felt her start planting little kisses on his neck.

As she kissed a trail from shoulder to jawline, Pinkie began fondling Schrodinger’s balls, rolling them between her fingers. She ground her hips against his, her breasts against his back.

Schrodinger purred louder and found himself trying to turn to face her as she pleasured him. He wanted to see her body for himself. Pinkie smiled and turned Schrodinger around, dropping to her knees and wrapping her lips around his shaft once more. With great skill, she dragged her tongue up and down his length, flicking at the head with every pass.

Schrodinger leaned against the wall to stay standing as he purred, his hands lightly resting on Pinkie’s head. “You’re so good vith zhat tongue, Pinkie…” His eyes rolled back again as he felt the sensations. Her warm mouth wrapped around him, her dexterous tongue massaging every part of him that it passed over, her hands massaging what couldn’t fit in her mouth.

Pinkie mumbled a cheery agreement, the vibrations only adding to the pleasure that Schrodinger felt. She looked up at him and, with a sultry wink, slammed her face forward, taking his cock all the way to the base.

Schrodinger’s eyes widened as she did, and the sudden enveloping of his cock in her warm mouth and throat proved too much as he came with a loud groan, his fingers curling in her hair.

Pinkie gulped down Schrodinger’s semen eagerly, managing to swallow all of it without a spilling a single drop. When he had finished, she pulled off of him with a loud pop and grinned, wiping her mouth. “Oops~ Sorry, I guess a shower isn’t a really good place to get dirty, now is it?”

Schrodinger blushed and nodded as he panted from his release, looking at Pinkie’s naked body and watching some of the water droplets slide down her voluptuous curves. The sight quickly saw his length harden to attention again.

Pinkie giggled and flicked the tip of his erection before standing, “Sorry little Schrody, mama’s all tuckered out for now. Besides, we gotta get back to the rest of the guys and girls before they start worrying!” She pecked Schrodinger on the cheek and stepped from the shower, toweling off in a manner so as to tease and arouse Schrodinger even more.

Schrodinger reached out and pulled her back into the shower, holding her against him. “Oh ve’re not done yet, Pinkie,” he whispered into her ear, his nervousness now dispelled and his confidence returned. “You can’t leave me all hot and bothered after teasing me so much,” he purred, his accent adding a certain allure as he slid his hands up her belly. “All zhose times you let me catch glimpses of your naked body. Did you sink I vouldn’t do somesing sooner or later?” He cupped her breasts in his hands and gently fondled them. “Now it’s my turn to tease you, fraulein,” he purred before dragging his tongue over her ear.

“Ohohoho~” Pinkie giggled, grinding her bum against his throbbing erection, “Well, if you really wanna go that far, I guess that it’s only fair that I help you with that, hmmm~?”

Schrodinger chuckled and kept fondling her breasts as he slipped his length between her legs and started slowly sliding it along her glistening snatch, making sure to rub it against her clit especially.

Pinkie’s giggles turned into a long, drawn out moan as her clit was stroked. She ground against Schrodinger with a fervent need, soaking him even further with a veritable river of juices.

Schrodinger lightly pinched and twisted her nipples. “Tell me vhat you vant, Pinkie,” he purred in her ear before dragging his tongue over her neck.

Pinkie gasped, her tongue lolling out as she mumbled out, “I… I want you, Schrody!” She furiously ground against him, trying to slip herself onto his dick.

Schrodinger grinned as he kept her from getting him inside her, still rubbing against her. “Not yet, fraulein. I said it vas my turn to tease you.” Lifting her right arm over his head to hook around his neck, he leaned down with his feline flexibility and started licking her right nipple.

Pinkie groaned in frustration, still grinding against Schrodinger. “C’moooon~! Seriously!?” she squashed his face to her breast while massaging the other, desperately trying to get off.

Schrodinger kept control as he sucked on her nipple, reaching down to rub her clit with his fingers. “Not so fun to be on zhe receiving end is it, fraulein?”

Pinkie moaned, “N-nah~ It’s great! But still, couldn’t you just hurry up and stick it in me already!?” She leaned against the wall of the shower, a burning heat racing through her loins.

Schrodinger licked her neck again. “Beg for it, fraulein. Tell me how badly you vant me inside you.” He just kept rubbing against her pussy without actually going in. “Beg, fraulein.”

“P-please, Schrodinger! Please fuck me! I need you!” Pinkie begged, hiding an incredibly salacious grin behind her moans.

Schrodinger pretended to consider it for a moment. “Vell… Okay.” Gripping her well rounded hips, he started slowly sliding his cock into her, moaning as he slowly hilted inside her cavern.

Pinkie’s scream of utter delight nearly deafened the both of them as it echoed through the somehow soundproofed bathroom. Pinkie herself began eagerly slamming her hips against Schrodinger’s, driving him in and out of her hot and slick love canal.

Schrodinger moaned loudly as he moved with her, thrusting in time with her bucking hips. “You feel amazing, Pinkie! Mein gott! So tight for someone that’s not a virgin!”

Pinkie had no response for this, settling only for moaning as she felt Schrodinger pierce through her depths and almost reach the entrance to her womb. The both of them had long since air-dried, but with the amount of juices flowing from Pinkie’s vagina, both of their legs were still soaking wet.

Schrodinger started purring again as he reached under her and squeezed her breasts again, thrusting harder and faster into her. “Oh Pinkie… Being inside you feels so good.” He licked and kissed her neck as he gently pulled on her nipples.

Pinkie moaned in delight, leaning backward against Schrodinger and bringing her face backwards. She kissed him deeply, forcing her tongue into his mouth and swirling it around.

Schrodinger kissed her back and met her tongue with his own, running his fingers through her hair as his other hand reached down and rubbed her clit. “Her lips are so soft and full.”

Pinkie moaned into the kiss, softly running her hands over Schrodinger’s hair and stroking his ears. Her eyes closed as she deepened the kiss, gently pushing backwards until Schrodinger leaned against the wall, driving him ever so slightly deeper within her folds.

Schrodinger purred into her lips as their tongues danced and he slowly moved them to where they were sitting on the floor of the shower with her riding him, his hands finding their way back to her chest. “Yes… Mein ears are so sensitive…”

Pinkie began riding Schrodinger in the reverse cowgirl position, grinding her hips from side to side as she bounced on top of him.

Schrodinger finally broke their kiss as he moaned while twitching inside her. “Pinkie… I’m about to…” he groaned loudly as he burst inside her, spurting several shots into her snatch.

Pinkie cried out in ecstasy as she orgasmed, falling back against Schrodinger as her vaginal walls rippled and contracted, all but milking every last drop of semen from Schrodinger.

Schrodinger panted as he held Pinkie close to him, taking a deep whiff of her hair. “She smells so nice…” He planted a kiss on her neck before turning her head and planting a deeper kiss on her lips.

Pinkie giggled as Schrodinger kissed her and ran a finger down his chest, “Well well, Schrody. I didn’t think you had it in you, but now you have it in me~”

Schrodinger laughed and hugged her closer to him as he enjoyed her joke. “Oh Pinkie. Zhat sense of humor is one of zhe many sings I love about you.” He stopped laughing and darkly blushed as he realized what he’d just said.

Pinkie gasped, “Did… did you say that… you love me?” Her eyes went wide and starry as a huge grin broke out across her face.

Schrodinger blushed darker as he slowly nodded. “Ja. I love you, Pinkie Pie.” He nuzzled her neck. “I feel like you’re zhe only person zhat really understands me.”

Pinkie hugged Schrodinger close, wiggling back and forth with his head between her breasts, “Oh me too, Schrody! You’re one of the only people to ever just accept me and not think I’m weird!”

Schrodinger smiled as he nuzzled her mounds. “Ja. Ve fourth vall breakers have to stick togezher, eh?” He looked into her eyes and gave her another smile.

“Yuperroonie!” Pinkie giggled, pecking Schrodinger on the lips.

Schrodinger pulled her into a deeper, more passionate kiss as he rubbed her back, enjoying holding her to him.

Pinkie bounced down the stairs, still full of energy even after her ‘activities’. Behind her, Schrodinger slowly descended, somehow a little sore even with his abilities.

“SURPRISE!!!” a large crowd yelled as they entered the front of the store, startling Schrodinger into Pinkie’s arms. “Vhat zhe hell?!” Before them was a full party with all the need catering, and a banner that had the words ‘Congrats on getting a girlfriend and losing your virginity, Schrodinger!’ crammed onto it and somehow still readable.

“So… Is it up to Titty Pie standards?” Alucard asked from between Twilight and Fluttershy, who his arms were draped around.

Pinkie looked around with a critical eye and nodded, grinning widely, “Yup! This is just what I woulda planned! Well, mostly. But good job Ally!” She held Schrodinger up easily, descending the stairs while quietly humming the Wedding March so that only Schrodinger and those with enhanced senses could hear.

Schrodinger vanished and reappeared beside Pinkie, looking around. “So… I’m guessing zhis is an adults only party, knowing Alucard.”

“Got that right!” Alucard said. “If you’re not eighteen then go away!”

Several of the people who had brought children left, consoling said children as the rest of the adults continued to party, eating and chatting while music played.

Alucard snuck up on Pinkie and Schrodinger, draping his arms around them. “So… Details. I heard a lot with my vampire hearing, but let’s hear the juicy stuff. Eh?”

Pinkie and Schrodinger both blushed, the grins freezing upon their faces. “Ehehe…” Pinkie chuckled nervously, “well, I… don’t really think that’s exactly the most appropriate thing to talk about…?”

“Yes, Alucard. Vhy don’t you go pester your own ladies and leave us be,” Schrodinger said, flicking the vampire’s nose.

Alucard grinned impishly, “Because my ladies don’t currently reek of shower sex.”

“I’m sure zhat’s going to change very soon vith you and Twilight,” Schrodinger deadpanned, his ears twitching.

“Oh definitely,” Alucard’s grin grew shark-like in its width. He was already salivating at the thought of what he would do to Twilight and Fluttershy later on… and what they would do to him.

Schrodinger rolled his eyes and vanished to the kitchen, counting on Pinkie to follow him as only she could.

Pinkie was already inside, pouring out two glasses of milk and retrieving a pack of cookies before sitting down at the counter and motioning for Schrodinger to sit next to her.

Smiling like the cat he was, Schrodinger appeared in the spot beside her, accepting one of the glasses of milk and grabbing a cookie.

Pinkie hummed as they sat there, dipping their cookies in milk. “Hey Schrody?” Pinkie asked, nibbling at her fourth cookie.

“Ja?” Schrodinger answered, leaning on her as he took a bite of his cookie, looking at her with his head tilted in curiosity.

Pinkie’s grin grew positively salacious, “What do you think about… doing it all over Ponyville?”

Schrodinger was silent for a moment before his own grin widened. “You’re so kinky, mein love.”

Pinkie finished off her eighth cookie and downed her glass of milk. She stood and headed for the door, “Well? You comin’ or what?”

Schrodinger grinned and drained his own glass, setting it down before following after Pinkie. “Lead on, mein love.”

Pinkie pulled Schrodinger off screen and into a secluded alleyway halfway across Ponyville with an echoing giggle, their clothes somehow falling off in mid-transit and disappearing from existence. “Well loverboy? We gonna do it or what?”

Schrodinger grinned and deeply kissed her as he squeezed her left breast and ran his other hand’s fingers through her hair after guiding her hand to his rapidly hardened shaft.

Pinkie eagerly reciprocated, stroking her hand up and down his length and squeezing his butt with her free hand.

Schrodinger moaned into her lips as the hand in her hair reached down and rubbed her clit before a couple of his fingers plunged into her cavern.

Pinkie arched her back and thrusted forward, bucking her hips into Schrodinger’s hand as she cried out softly. Her hand tightened around Schrodinger’s shaft, providing a comfortable pressure.

Schrodinger purred and softly kissed her neck as he thrusted in her grip, his fingers going in and out of her snatch. “Your skin is so smooth, Pinkie…”

Pinkie giggled and kneeled down, swiftly taking Schrodinger into her mouth and sucking him off with vigor.

Schrodinger’s eyes rolled back as he purred, running his fingers through her hair as she lovingly expertly sucked on his meat.

After getting Schrodinger’s pole nice and lubricated, Pinkie backed off slightly, his shaft popping from her mouth and smacking on her prodigious breasts. Pinkie grinned and lifted her breasts, shifting them around Schrodinger’s penis and giving him a vigorous tittyfuck.

Schrodinger had to bite his tongue to avoid moaning too loudly. “Oh Pinkie… Zhey’re so soft against mein flesh. So creamy smooth and soft. Like giant fluffy marshmallows.”

Pinkie giggled again, “The best marshmallows~” She continued moving her tits around, the uneven pressure sending waves of tingling up Schrodinger’s spine.

Schrodinger nodded in agreement. “Oh Pinkie, I’m going to cum if you keep doing zhat.”

“That’s the point~” Pinkie sing-songed, picking up the pace and suckling the tip of Schrodinger’s cock.

Schrodinger gripped her head and groaned as he came in her mouth, still not having much stamina. Pinkie flung her head back this time as Schrodinger came, allowing his semen to splatter all over her face and breasts, creating multiple trails of gooey whiteness.

Pinkie tittered and dabbed at her face, inspecting the strands, “Well, that was fun! Wanna keep going, loverboy?”

Schrodinger panted and grinned at her. “You need to ask?”

A few days after Pinkie’s and Schrodinger’s secret escapades, Twilight strolled through town, checking things off of a grocery list as she shopped.

Alucard draped an arm around Twilight’s shoulders. “So… How do you like shower sex, Sugarlips?” he asked as he licked her cheek while grinning.

Twilight grinned and blushed, speaking quietly so as to not be heard, “It’s absolutely wonderful, Alucard. Should we do it again tonight?”

“You bet your sexy ass we will,” Alucard answered before looking ahead and seeing a peculiar sight. “What’s up with Titty Pie and Schrodinger?” Said lovebirds were moving from cover to cover with umbrella hats while looking fearfully at the sky.

Twilight stared in confusion before shrugging and shouting over to the odd pair, “I don’t know. Hey Pinkie! Schrodinger! What are you two doing?”

Schrodinger appeared behind them and pulled them into cover. “Pinkie’s tailbone is tingling, Twilight!”

Alucard nodded. “Yup. She can’t help shaking her ass while she walks.”

Pinkie continued observing the sky, fearfully stage whispering, “Tingling tailbone means something’s gonna fall!” She hugged her back to the wall, just in time to dodge a falling flowerpot, all four of them watching it shatter on the ground in mild bemusement.

Twilight shook her head, “How’d you even know that would happen, Pinkie?”

“Oh, that’s easy! I have a Pinkie Sense!” Pinkie joyfully bounced out from cover, all problems apparently resolved, “It tells me when things are gonna happen!”

Schrodinger appeared behind Pinkie and hugged her close. “She interprets her lovely body’s twitches to tell zhe future. Such a vonderous power, mein love.” He nuzzled his cheek against Pinkie’s as he purred.

“....” Twilight’s brain tried and failed to comprehend how a terran without any real command over the aetherium could accurately predict future events just by interpreting bodily input. “That… doesn’t seem possible…”

“You said me getting boners wasn’t possible either, and I plow your brains out practically every night,” Alucard pointed out.

Twilight blushed and lightly smacked Alucard on the shoulder, “Shush! Not in public, Alucard! There might be children around here!”

“Pretty sure Pinkie has a twitch combo for zhat,” Schrodinger said, pecking the hyperactive girl on the cheek and grinning at her.

“Yup! Twitchy eyelid, ear flop, fluttery stomach, and finger spasm!” Pinkie exclaimed, planting a big smooch on Schrodinger’s lips.

Schrodinger kissed her back and hugged her closer. “So no kids around right now.” He chuckled as his ears twitched.

“Right!” Pinkie giggled, falling into Schrodinger’s embrace with a happy sigh, “Anyway, me and Schrody here have to go back to Sugarcube Corner, sooooo~ have fun shopping!” With that, Pinkie spun around, joining hands with Schrodinger and skipping away, humming a joyous tune.

Twilight watched them go, a strange, scholarly gleam present in her eyes.

“I know that look, Sugarlips,” Alucard teased, having seen it many times over the years. “You want to spy on them and learn some new stuff to try in bed.”

Twilight coughed into her hand and straightened up, drawing out a pair of decorative reading glasses and pushing them up the bridge of her nose in a practiced maneuver. “Well, maybe not in bed, but I definitely want to see how that ‘Pinkie Sense’ seems to work.”

“You look sexy in glasses,” Alucard said, pecking her on the cheek and squeezing her ass with a laugh. “So how you gonna study Titty Pie?”

Twilight hummed in thought, pulling a clipboard and a fresh sheaf of paper from her pocket dimension and teleporting away, reappearing not too far away from Pinkie and observing the bouncy woman with a binocular spell set into her glasses.

Schrodinger was still with Pinkie and gently pushed her against a wall as he kissed her, taking advantage of there being no other people around to reach up and squeeze one of her breasts. She had made him such a naughty cat.

Twilight blushed furiously as she watched, her pen poised to write down any of Pinkie’s strange motions. Just as things began to get heated, Pinkie suddenly whirled about, tossing both her and Schrodinger under an awning as she screeched, “TINGLING TAILBONE!”

Twilight looked around, seeing that nothing was above her, and jotted down the line, waiting for something to happen. After a few seconds, she began wondering just what was going to happen when…

CRASH!

She was buried under nearly two hundred pounds of furniture, dropped out of the back of an aerial drawn moving van about a hundred feet above Twilight.

“Oops! I just don’t know what went wrong!” she heard from above through the haze of pain. With a groan, she managed to shift the dropped furniture aside, slowly climbing from the pile. As she extricated herself, she winced as a small object bounced off her head and into her hand.

After pulling herself from the pile of furniture, Twilight stared at the object, noting that it was…

“A silver cross necklace?” she asked, hearing the faintest streams of music emanating from it, along with a rough voice bearing a Mareish accent.

“Where in the bloody hell am I?!” The voice belonged to a man in a long white coat, white pants, white everything really. There was a long scar on his left cheek, he had green eyes, glasses, and the cross necklace on. Turning to Twilight, he bowed respectfully. “Madame. Could you tell me where I am?”

Twilight stood, absolutely stunned at the man before her. She recognized this man, if only barely, from the descriptions both Schrodinger and Alucard had given her at one point. “A-alexander… A-anderson….” she stuttered, slowly backing away in fear.

“You know my name?” Anderson asked in curiosity as he took a closer look at her, his eyes slowly narrowing. “Do the dead walk before my eyes?” A bayonet appeared in each of his hands in a flash before he crossed the blades in front of him, one in a forward grip, the other in a reverse grip. “Do the dead dare walk before my eyes?!”

Twilight gulped and shuddered, tears springing forth from her eyes as her life flashed in front of her. She stuttered incoherently, shaking violently and completely unable to make a single thought of fighting, so consumed by fear was she.

Several gunshots rang out as bullets pierced the flesh of the bayonet wielding paladin. “Twilight! Run!” Alucard yelled as he kept the Casull trained on the priest.

Twilight snapped out of her fear induced paralysis, instantly teleporting away in a loud, crackling flash of violet.

Anderson chuckled as he regenerated, turning to face his new opponent. “Ah… Alucard. The housebroken vampire that hunts his own kind. We meet at last.” He crossed his bayonets. “I don’t know where I am or how I got here, but finding out can wait.”

Alucard growled, his normally joking personality vanished under the weight of all he stood to protect. He leveled both Casull and Jackal at Anderson, his glare glowing bright, bloody red. “Alright Anderson, here’s the deal: You leave and I don’t kill you horribly in the middle of town. You stay, and I’ll be feasting on your entrails tonight!”

Anderson laughed. “The vampire king wants to avoid a fight? Why? Does it really matter to you if your food is dead or not? All you need is the blood. Not that I’m going to let you and that vampire harlot kill anyone in this town, you unholy beast!.”

“Food? Food!? This isn’t about my hunger, my bloodlust, you psychopathic priest!” Alucard roared, flicking the safety off of the Jackal, “This is about protecting my master, her friends, and her home! So step off or die, so that they might see another day!”

Anderson looked at him in genuine surprise, his grin fading from his face as he slowly lowered his bayonets. “You claim you don’t care about their blood. That you’re trying to protect them? How surprising. Not what I expected from one of your kind. I’m curious. What provoked such a change in you?”

Alucard lowered his guns, a solemn expression on his face as he stared Anderson dead in the eyes. “I… I fell in love…” he murmured, just loud enough for Anderson to hear.

Anderson’s eyes widened ever so slightly. “What did you just say? Did I just hear the king of vampires claim that he’s fallen in love?” He mentally connected the dots. “That woman… The one you told to run… It’s her, isn’t it?”

“Yes…” Alucard put his guns away and straightened, “So if you think I’ll let you harm her or her friends in any way at all, you’ve got another thing coming, Judas Priest.”

Anderson was silent for several moments before putting his bayonets away. “Well… You’ve certainly given me a lot to think about. So tell me where I am, vampire.”

Alucard smirked and gestured grandiosely, “Welcome, papist, to Equestria! Specifically, the rural town of Ponyville, where my girlfriend and master has made her home for the next indefinite amount of time!” He grinned and bowed mockingly, “I do hope you enjoy your stay.”

Anderson stared at him. “You mean to tell me that I’ve gone from being a dude in a costume at a con to being in the one and only Equestria, and actually having all of these powers? And that pale ass chick was Twilight Sparkle?”

“Yyyyyyup.” Alucard rolled his eyes, “You and I are in the same boat, apparently. Though my time as Alucard has dulled my sense of self, I greet you not as the abominable vampire, but as Thomas Lancaster, ordinary citizen of Jolly Old England. What about you, papist?”

“Minister O’Malley’O’Connel’O’Carrol’O’Reilly’O’Brian’O’Sullivan… Who is actually just Irish.” Anderson answered with a laugh.

“Really?” Alucard deadpanned, dropping his face into his palm.

“What irony, ain’t it?” Anderson asked. “I’m a Protestant minister, and I’ve been turned into a Catholic priest!”

Alucard broke down, raucous peals of laughter echoing through the area as he doubled over, “Pfffahahahah! Oh god the irony! The irony is killing me!” He slapped himself a few times, failing to get rid of the chuckles as he all but collapsed to the ground.

Anderson laughed with him. “How can it be killin ya?! Yer already dead! Maybe ya can laugh yerself back to death, eh?!”

Alucard finally finished laughing, supporting himself upon Anderson’s shoulder, “Ahaha… oh… man… haven’t laughed that hard in almost fifteen hundred years or so… I think. Anyway, earlier misunderstanding aside, I think we can all just kick back and reee-”

“YOU CALLED ME A WHORE YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

“-.... shit.”

Twilight came screaming back over the horizon, having launched herself into the air at terminal velocity and smashed down upon Anderson with the mightiest bitchslap that had ever been performed in all of Equestria. Ever.

Anderson went flying through the air and smashed through the Quills and Sofas shop, crawling from the ruin with a red handprint on his right cheek that seemed to almost glow. “What the hell was that all about?!”

Alucard winced at Twilight’s visible fury, her hair actually having started to smolder once more. “Ah… forgot to tell you… she does not appreciate being called any sort of whore… whoops.”

Twilight stormed forth like an angry goddess, fear overridden by rage and wires gleaming in the sunlight.

Anderson got to his feet. “Now hold on, lass! I’m sure we can work something out, right? Just put the wires away and let’s talk about this!”

Twilight growled and lashed her wires around Anderson’s form, blunting them in a sheath of magenta mana, and slammed Anderson into the dirt like a giant flail, each crack of dirt accompanied by a single, shouted word.

“I! AM! NOT! A! WHORE! AND! YOU! WILL! NEVER! EVER! EVER! REFER! TO! ME! AS! SUCH! AGAIN! GOT! IT!?”

Anderson was groaning in pain from all the slamming. “Crystal clear…” he said when he could spare the breath while his bones were busy knitting themselves back together.

Twilight smiled angelically and slipped off her gloves. “Great! Welcome to Ponyville, Minister Anderson! I hope you enjoy your stay here!”

“Ya know what… Just stick to Father Anderson, or just Anderson, given my circumstances,” the priest muttered as he crawled from the hole he was in.

“Okay~” Twilight tugged at Alucard’s arm, “Well, should we get back to shopping, my count?”

Alucard chuckled. “We shall, my countess.” Letting his arm be buried in his love’s breasts, he walked away from Anderson with her.

About a week later, Twilight sat in her underground laboratory, tinkering with the cross necklace that Anderson had let her keep. The minister had gone out with Alucard and Schrodinger, saying something about a “Guy’s day” and left without another word. Trixie was upstairs, finishing some paperwork.

Twilight grinned and cast another spell upon the silver trinket, trying to unravel its mysteries. Spell after spell impacted its shining surface, divulging more and more of its secrets to Twilight until finally… something in the Universe broke.

A swirling, screaming portal erupted into existence, dragging Twilight into its paradoxical depths with a shrill scream.

Trixie burst into the basement just in time to watch the portal close, Twilight dragged away to gods knew where.

Twilight kept screaming until she found herself rolling down a hill and came to a stop near what she recognized right away as Fluttershy’s cottage. “Okay. Familiar territory. Might as well have some tea with Fluttershy.” Whistling a tune, she walked toward the cottage, pulling her parasol from her hip tattoo and opening it to shade herself from the sun. Reaching the door to the cottage, she knocked several times.

A giggly, almost airheaded voice called out, “Coming~!” as the door opened, a strange, but familiar, creature opening the door while being brutally fucked from behind. Twilight immediately noticed the resemblance to Fluttershy, the red collar, the strange panels covering her wings, and the nearly vacant, glazed over expression that only came with extensive mental reformatting. Both antlered male and subjugated female gaped in shock, staring at the strange female creature that was wearing clothing in the presence of a male.

Twilight’s first reaction was to process all this new information quickly, then glare at the antlered creature that was still inside this… Fluttershy analogue. “What the fuck are you doing to my friend?” she asked in an icy tone, her grip on her parasol tightening ever so slightly. She was clearly in a different world, but this one was clearly in need of her special brand of help.

The male, currently the only one of the pair capable of coherent speech, shook his head and glared at Twilight, “I know not what manner of creature you are, slut, but your clothedness offends my eyes! And where is your collar?! Strip down and prostrate yourself before me now, and I might not let you go to being a purple collar, you whore!”

Twilight filed away all the information to be gleaned from his words. But only two really mattered at this point in time. Slut, and whore. Both words had been directed at her. “You know… I was considering being slightly merciful. But now…” Her foot lashed up and struck him hard in the face, knocking him out of Fluttershy-lite and onto his ass. She pounced and stomped hard on his junk. “Now… I don’t feel like it. But there’s good news. There’s no need to wonder where your goddess is. ‘Cause she’s right here. And she’s pissed off…”

The male wheezed and screamed in pain, still somehow finding the will to glare up at Twilight and spit at her, “General Tullius will see you in a purple collar for this, you worthless fucktoy!”

The Fluttershy analogue rushed over to the male and tried to placate Twilight, “P-please d-don’t kill him! I-I… he hasn’t cum inside me yet!”

Twilight’s glare intensified as she looked at the male without blinking. “Do elaborate, why don’t you. Because it seems to me like she’s in her species’ most fertile state, and she wants you to fill her. Was that the plan?” Her wires slowly emerged from her gloves as she spoke, her voice deathly low and serious.

“She’s a broodmare! Her entire purpose in life is to service the caribou and produce more soldiers and rapebeasts!” the caribou male dug himself further into his own grave, going past rock bottom and mining into the metaphorical bedrock of his death.

“And your race has conquered Equestria?” Twilight asked. She just needed confirmation of her hypothesis before continuing, forcing herself to keep her wires floating about her passively for a few moments more.

The caribou grinned, “Conquered this country like King Dainn conquered that sun bitch’s giant slutty ass! Just like how I’ll do to yours once my backup arrives!”

Twilight giggled, slowly progressing to full blown psychotic laughter. “They’ll arrive to find you butchered like cattle! Right before meeting the same fate!” Her wires finally lashed out and tore him apart, splashing his blood all over the cottage interior. She got down on her hands and knees and started licking up the blood, her eyes turning red as she enjoyed the new flavor.

The Fluttershy analogue sank to her knees in horror, blood splattering her naked form. “I-I…” she stuttered, not sure of how to process the grisly scene.

Twilight turned her gaze to the scared girl and started crawling toward her, her tongue hanging out of her mouth as her fangs were exposed to sight. Getting close, she leaned in and licked up some of the blood on the girl’s cheek. “No need to be scared. You’ll be free again once I’m done.”

Fluttershy-lite fainted, falling to the ground just as a whole troop of caribou soldiers arrived, a caravan of cages following them.

Twilight waited for them to enter, taking the time to lick up more blood from the floor before picking up the dead caribou’s head and licking at the blood dripping from it.

The soldiers stared in shock at the scene before whipping out their swords and getting into defensive positions, “Halt! You are under arrest for the murder of a loyal caribou soldier, wearing clothing, and not wearing your collar! You will hereby be sent to the correctional facilities to be repurposed as a purple collar!”

Twilight giggled as she looked at the lead soldier. “You know, mention was made of purple collars several times. And dear Fluttershy-lite has a red collar. Do tell me what the colors mean in these collars, won’t you?” She got to her feet as she dropped the head she was holding. “Actually… I think I’d rather take the knowledge straight from your blood.” She twirled her parasol and posed as her wires floated around her, the light glinting off them. “You want me? Come and get me, boys,” she purred as she winked at them, her red eyes and sinister smirk making the gesture far less sexy than it should have been.

The soldiers gulped, but ran forwards anyway, three of them bursting through the doorway with swords raised high.

Twilight smirked and weaved in between the three of them. “So reckless and sloppy,” she muttered as he wires glinted and blood spurted from the soldiers, their bodies falling to the floor in just as many pieces as the first victim. She grinned at the rest of them. “There’s nothing you can do to stop me. And no one will stand in the way of my slaughter.” Pulling a small case from her pocket, she opened it and put one of the cigars inside in her mouth, conjuring a small fireball to light it. “Who’s next?” she asked as she took a puff and exhaled the smoke.

The remaining soldiers outside growled in rage and slashed open the locks on the cages, five massive beasts springing forth at Twilight with the intent of raping her either to death or submission. Drool dripped from their gaping maws as they sprinted, their unsightly erections bobbing with each lunge.

Twilight giggled and lashed out with her wires, slicing four of their dicks in such a way that she might as well have been peeling bananas while jumping onto the back of the fifth, her wires digging into its flesh and starting to burrow into the muscle groups.

The beast brayed and bucked, desperately trying to shake Twilight off even as it ended up stampeding over the soldiers in its path, crushing them like grapes.

Twilight finally got control of it as one soldier remained. She gave him a sadistic grin. “Let’s see how you like being raped!” With a gesture, she sent the beast charging forward and giggled as it pinned the soldier down and started raping his ass. She sighed in pleasure as she listened to him scream. “How does it feel getting violated yourself?! How does it feel, you son of a bitch?!”

The caribou could only scream in agony as the massive penis tore his rectal cavity open, all but shredding his insides from the intensity of the rape. With a final thrust, the beast unloaded its semen into the soldier, quickly overflowing the caribou’s intestines and, despite his mouth being wide open, popped the soldier’s abdomen open like an overfilled balloon.

Twilight giggled and patted her mount. “Good boy. Such a good boy,” she cooed before slicing the beast apart and looking around. Spotting a still living soldier, she slowly walked toward him. “So you’re still alive, huh?”

“Fuck you, slut! King Dainn will rape you to death once he hears of this!” the soldier spat, pinning his broken arm to his side and scooting away from Twilight.

Twilight easily caught up and straddled his abdomen, her hands cupping his face. “Such a mouth on you… I’ll give you points of being defiant though. Now then… Let’s get down to the business at hand. Don’t bother talking. Your blood will explain everything.” Opening wide, she bit into his throat, tasting his blood and feeling the memories start to flow.

Images of city to city conquest, rape, corruption, and absolutely incredible misogyny flowed through Twilight’s mind like a never ending river of sheer, disgusting shit. When the flow finally, thankfully stopped, Twilight nearly vomited out all the blood she had consumed, so disgusted was she by its previous carrier that she might as well have drank a liter of raw sewage.

Spitting in disgust, Twilight stood up and used a small application of sangromancy to remove the blood that stained her, placing a barrier to keep herself from being further sullied by caribou blood. Just this once, she temporarily swore off of blood. “They’ll pay for this…” Her rage bubbled as she began walking toward Ponyville to find her analogue and the analogues of the rest of her friends. “They will pay…” Her wires lashed out and cut down several trees as she started into a jog. “They’re going to pay… THEY’LL PAY!!!” She put on a burst of speed she’d only ever seen from Alucard, using magic to enhance her body’s physical abilities.

Along the way to Ponyville, Twilight halted in her tracks at the sound of pleasured grunts and feminine sobbing off to her left. There, in the bushes, lay a group of guards, five of them laying into a sobbing white collar mare while another twelve stood by, idly stroking their erections and leering at the mare’s massive breasts.

Just before Twilight could slice apart every single male there, the five caribou raping the mare stopped, identical looks of horror on all of their faces as their frames rapidly deflated into complete emaciation. The mare’s sobbing had stopped, now sounding more like chuckling as she burst into a massive splatter of reddish ooze.

The emaciated soldiers collapsed into a twitching pile, horrifyingly fleshy tentacles bursting from their bodies and shredding them into tiny strips of flesh and fur, the tiny chunks landing with uncanny accuracy upon the rest of the soldiers and exploding once again into biology defying tendrils, burrowing into the skulls of each soldier and impaling them from the inside out. The corpses still intact were lifted from the ground as the tendrils burst from their backs and anchored to the dirt. High up in the air, the corpses were smashed together into a rain of blood and guts as the tentacles receded back into the ground.

The combined gore dissolved into translucent, orange goo, flowing to a single spot and erupting into a gelatinous parody of a flower, a skeleton popping from its center and slowly generating into a full human with digitigrade legs, pointed ears, and a long, reptilian tail tipped with ten, scythe-like blades in an approximate leaf shape.

Twilight found herself giving this creature a round of applause. “I don’t know what you are, but those soldiers deserved far more pain than that. Who are you? What are you?” She grinned at her potential ally.

The lizard-ish man bowed and smirked, a prison uniform melting into existence as he stepped forth. “My name is Drake Long; I am what’s known as a S’xeituu by some, and a horrifying blob of reptilian goo by others. Nice to see another Twilight that can kick total ass by the way. I watched you turn the tables on that one soldier with that fuckbeast thing. It was fuckin’ sweet!”

Twilight couldn’t help but preen at the praise. “And just how many Twilight Sparkles have you met, Drake?” She giggled and grinned wider, showing off her mouthful of sharp teeth.

“Uh… well, just one. But she’s a head researcher for the most dangerous things on the planet, so that also takes serious metaphorical balls,” Drake explained, his hand splitting into a mass of tendrils and reforming to take the exact form of his Twilight’s head, complete with glasses and ever present pencil behind the ear.

“I’m clearly sexier than her,” Twilight said. “Anyways. It seems we have a common enemy, my friend. So… What say we take down the caribou together?” She offered her hand to him for a handshake. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

Drake took her hand eagerly, “Well, hell. I’m always happy to meet a new friend! And it’s always so difficult to find someone who appreciates the art of body horror like me and my girlfriend.”

“You have a girlfriend?” Twilight asked. “You simply must introduce me when this all over. You, her, me, and Alucard can even go on a double date!”

Drake chuckled, “Well, might be a little difficult considering that I don’t really know what Universe you guys are from… and also the fact that I’m from a different Universe from this one too… obviously.”

Twilight glomped Drake with a giggle. “I’m bringing you and your girlfriend home with me! Alucard will absolutely love you!”

“Ah… eheh…” Drake chuckled awkwardly as he supported Twilight’s weight, “Foundation wouldn’t like that… I got obligations to protect my planet and all, y’know?” He set her down and turned toward Ponyville, “Hey, you ever ridden a giant zombie dragon thing before?”

Twilight grinned and hopped onto his back. “My dracolich is still too tiny to ride! Let’s go, Drake! Onward to bloody victory over the caribou!”

“I LIKE THIS ONE!” Drake exclaimed, his voice altering into a discordant shriek as he grew and grew and grew, finally becoming a twisted parody of a living creature, a bone dragon with rotted looking muscles and tatters of skin hanging loose in the breeze. With an almighty push, he took off, performing aerial acrobatics that seemed entirely impossible for something of his shape, size, and apparent state of decomposure.

Twilight’s excited voice carried over the air as she made her love of the ride known. “Alright! We need to go to Canterlot! The Crystal Heart is being kept there! Once we get to it, I’ll puke a bunch of blood on it and use the blood as a conduit to reprogram the Heart! Then I’ll send out a pulse that drives all of Equestria to fight against the caribou!”

Drake paused in midair, “Okay, that sounds like a really radical plan and all… but seriously? Puking blood on it?” The corpse dragon slowly filled out and changed shape, turning from undead monstrosity to oversized winged snake.

“I’m a sangromancer. Part of my thing,” Twilight explained. “Plus I’m kinda on my way to becoming a vampire.”

“Ooooohhhhhhhh…. okay, that makes sense now,” Drake murmured, a pseudo-body forming out of a twisting, shifting mass of tendrils and bone, sticking out of his back just in front of Twilight’s seat. “So, Canterlot is about… thirty seconds from here at top speed at this size…. hold on tight.” A filmy bubble of some strange, biological material grew into existence over Twilight like the canopy of a fighter jet’s cockpit, Drake’s back even sinking into itself and providing her with an actual chair.

“Ooh… Comfy,” Twilight complimented as she leaned back, taking a deep breath. “Soon I’ll experience that scent Alucard talked about.” She chuckled. “The aroma of men being impaled. Of women being cut down where they stand. Of babies burning to a crisp. Of the old being lined up and shot. The bouquet of death, the smell of war.”

Drake’s voice rang out of a hole in the wall, “Well, I don’t think there’ll be so much of the women and babies thing, but yes, we’re definitely impaling a lot of men today. Actually… hey, I’m going to do something really weird. So don’t freak out, okay?”

“My boyfriend is an undead vampire king that I fuck every day, and I drink blood. You think something’s gonna weird me out?” Twilight asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Point taken.” With that, the interior of the divot in Drake’s back began shifting around, frames of bone jutting out as bioluminescent cells and chromatophores burst into existence all around. Drake’s spinal cord jutted out in front of Twilight and extended twin prongs out and upwards, a small rectangle of luminescent cells forming above it and resolving into Drake’s face. “Tada~!” he exclaimed, the now cockpit-looking area flashing in vibrant blues and greens.

Twilight whistled, impressed. “So what did you just do, exactly?” she asked as she looked around the reconfigured cockpit.

“Grab the handles poking out of my spine, if you would. You can now pilot the majority of my now semi-stingray shaped body like, well, like driving a carriage or something similar. Also, glowing bubbles are buttons. Press those for fun things to happen. And by fun I mean for us, not for the caribou.”

Twilight looked over all the options and then caught sight of where the Crystal Heart was kept. Grinning madly, she directed Drake to gain altitude before aiming him straight down. “DIVE BOMB!!!” she yelled as she had him fly toward the palace at top speed, aiming to land where they would be near the Crystal Heart, but not damage it.

Drake’s on-screen face grinned madly, “DIVE! DIVE!” a blue bubble automatically depressed itself, a shell of rigid, incredibly dense bone forming over the surface of the kite shaped blob of physics defying flesh as it blasted downwards at over mach 6. A massive ring of roaring crimson ejected from the back of the ship, like a monochromatic rendition of a Sonic Rainboom. Just after two seconds later, Drake slammed into Canterlot castle, tearing through it in a massive shockwave of destruction, buttons depressing automatically and launching organic rockets, sonic pulses, laser beams, plasma bursts, organic napalm, and more everywhere a caribou could be found.

“Save some for me, bastard!” Twilight yelled as she jumped out of the cockpit once they stopped and sliced apart several surviving caribou as she strode toward the Crystal Heart, around which were caged Princesses Celestia and Luna. “Bet you two are happy to see me.”

Celestia and Luna only stared forward with blank, uncomprehending eyes, their minds too thoroughly broken by the caribou to even think straight.

Twilight scowled as she remembered they’d been broken into purple collars. “It’s personal.” Clenching her hands a bit as she gurgled, she soon vomited a stream of blood onto the Crystal Heart, turning it blood red in color as she infused her magic with it. The heart glowed brighter and sent out a pulse that carried her voice all across Equestria. “Fight! Fight for your freedom! You are prouder than this! You are not slaves! You are free thinking ponies with your own way of life! Throw off the oppression of the caribou! They have committed crimes against you that can only be paid for in blood! Fight, my little ponies! FIGHT!!!”

Drake clapped appreciatively as his enhanced hearing picked up the sound of rebellion reaching far and wide throughout all of Equestria, seeing Celestia and Luna stand freely for the first time in at least a year. “Well, pretty speech and all, Twilight, but there’s something missing….” Drake tapped his chin in thought, “Now what could that be…? Ah yes.” He sliced open both Celestia’s and Luna’s cages and chucked a wad of his own biomass at them. “What we’re missing… is a bit of Deus ex Machina.”

Celestia and Luna convulsed once, twice, as their horns and wings grew back, ripping off their bindings in a glorious blaze of power. Drake smirked and held up his arms, splitting himself into millions, almost billions of hair thing tendrils that spread throughout the castle and turned caribou alive and dead into raw biomass to heal the injured and the disfigured.

Twilight grinned and left him to his work, heading for the throne room. “Oh King Dainn!” she called sweetly as she sliced the doors to the throne room and walked in. “You’re in Celestia’s chair.”

The king of the caribou snorted contemptuously and stood, reaching for the sword at his side and leveling a stern glare at Twilight. “Hmph, so a fool comes to challenge the throne. A harlot at that. Don’t make me laugh, fucktoy. Your kind is better left in the service of stallions and beasts, so scurry on back to your master, sl...”

Twilight’s wires lashed out and burrowed into his dick, shredding it like a blender from the inside out before numerous others burrowed into his muscles and took control of his body. Twilight glared at him as she forced him to walk toward her. “Even if I were about to die… I wouldn’t drink a single godsdamn drop of your evil blood! I don’t want you inside of me!”

Dainn grimaced in pain and fought down a shriek as the wires sliced against the stump of his once proud girth. “Y-you’ll not get away with this you whore! My army shall reconquer Equestria and destroy you and your strange companion! You hear me! You shall not live to see tomorrow!”

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!” Twilight roared in a demonic sounding voice as her wires sewed his lips together after shredding his tongue. Taking him onto the balcony that Celestia made announcements from, she opened a scrying spell that showed her and Dainn to all of Equestria. “Caribou! Behold your king! I have bested him before he could even lift a finger, and now I end your occupation of this land!!!” Her wires proceeded to decapitate Dainn and ram his head onto a pole. “Soldiers of Equestria. This crime against you is unforgivable. Run the caribou down! Do not let up until they’re back behind their own borders! Leave nothing but bloody stains in your wake and purge their evil! Then rebuild them. Show them the way of Harmony!” With that, she shut down the scrying spell and tossed the dead monarch’s body into the street.

Drake clapped and stared down at the slaughter of the caribou, “Ahh, look at this… it’s so… beautiful, the way that we set things right with nothing more than a few pretty words and a lot of shed blood. Heh, look at me, I claim to be a nice guy and then start revelling in blood and gore as soon as I turn around. But I digress… wanna join the slaughter?”

Twilight’s grin could scare even the surliest of demons. “Don’t even need to ask.”

Twilight relaxed next to Drake atop a mountain of caribou corpses, idly puffing a cigar and watching the curling smoke. “Ah… That was so fucking cathartic, wasn’t it, Drake?”

Drake stretched out lethargically, nodding in agreement as he yawned, “Couldn’t agree more, Twilight. So, now what?”

Twilight felt herself being slowly pulled through a portal. “Looks like it’s time for me to go home. Hope we meet again. It was fun.”

Drake waved as he sank into the mountain of corpses, thousands of tendrils stretching out to assimilate the biomass, “Later Twilight! It was fun!”

Twilight found herself on the floor of her lab, all her friends standing over her. “Hey guys,” she greeted as she sat up, still puffing her cigar. “Miss me?”

Alucard immediately picked up Twilight by the shoulders and shook her back and forth, screaming, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF HOW LONG I LOOKED FOR YOU!? WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO JUST GO GALLIVANTING OFF ACROSS THE MULTIVERSE LIKE THAT!? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH DANGER YOU COULD HAVE BEEN IN!?”

Twilight set her cigar in an ashtray and slit her palm with a scalpel, letting some blood collect before shoving it between Alucard’s lips to give him her recent memories. “I was perfectly fine, but it’s so sweet of you to worry, my precious count.”

Immediately, Alucard’s eyes rolled up into the back of his head as he released a long, shuddering groan, “Sweet Black fucking Sabbath, master… I just came… twice.”

Twilight giggled and hugged him against her body. “I’m all hot and bothered,” she purred into his ear. “I need you. I order you to lock us in my bedroom and fuck my brains out harder than you ever have before. I want to be screaming your name all day and night, my love.” She squealed as Alucard picked her up bridal style and spirited her upstairs. Soon enough, she was indeed screaming his name in unimaginable pleasure. Screams which echoed well throughout Ponyville.

Trixie groaned, “Honestly, if not for the wonders of rune magic allowing me to soundproof my room, Trixie might be an insomniac by this point.” She dragged her hand down her face and sighed, jogging back up the stairs and going back to work.

Anderson looked at Pinkie and Schrodinger. “Is it always like this?”

“Ja. Pretty much,” Schrodinger said with a shrug, unwittingly exposing the swastika on his left arm to Anderson for the first time.

“Nazi!” Anderson yelled, pulling several bayonets and skewering the screaming catboy.

“Vhat zhe hell?!” Schrodinger and Anderson’s argument could not be heard over the orgasmic screams of the library’s returned head as the rest of their friends shook their heads and went home, leaving Pinkie to try to make peace between the two men.

Author's Note

That caribou massacre section? Justin and I enjoyed it far more than we should have.

That's Because You Don't Send a Man To Do a Woman's Job!

Midnight at the Carousel Boutique. Normally peaceful as Rarity slumbered the night away, but tonight, the floor at the center of the showroom quivered ever so slightly.

The floor bulged upwards and, after a few seconds, cracked open into a large hole, six figures climbed out into the darkened boutique, quickly shuffling around and tearing through it quietly, stealing the gems off of clothing and generally destroying everything else. Though seemingly just a robbery, the figures also moved with purpose, ascending the stairs in the boutique and sniffing around, finally moving towards a single door and opening it, spying the occupant within.

A young girl, fair skinned and with dual toned hair.

One figure growled and smacked the other, “This not gem finding woman! You open wrong door! What, your nose clogged with dirt again?”

The second figure snuffled and snorted, clearing his nose of the dirty mucus inside it. “Eugh, sorry boss.”

“Whatever. Grab the girl. Use her as hostage. Rest of you, find the woman!” The rest of the burly figures loped off, shaggy arms swinging as they searched through the boutique.

Figures one and two stayed behind and, with a pair of fanged grins, quickly grabbed the slumbering Sweetie Belle and tied her up with a coil of rope. Sweetie Belle, however, immediately snapped awake and began screaming, causing both figures to go down, covering their ears in agony.

Rarity, six doors down and across the hallway, immediately snapped awake, reaching under her pillow and snapping the the long length of fabric underneath it around her waist and springing out of bed just as the screaming cut out with a strangled cry of pain.

Rarity’s eyes narrowed. Someone was threatening her sister, and she would not have that. “Hold on, Sweetie Belle. I’m coming.” Slipping out of her bedroom, she dashed down the hall and burst into her sister’s room. “Sweetie Belle!”

Immediately, the figure- a Diamond Dog, as Rarity remembered- turned toward Rarity in panic, a massive, shaggy paw slapped over Sweetie Belle’s mouth. “Oh slag! Woman is here! Woman is here!” it cried, trying to hide its massive bulk behind Sweetie Belle.

Seeing her sister in the grip of that beast, her eyes narrowed as she reflexively whipped a small blade with a ring on the pommel, a kunai, and threw it, hitting the dog holding Sweetie Belle dead between the eyes. “Unhand my sister, you beast,” she snarled.

The dog toppled backwards with a strangled cry, dead before it hit the ground. Sweetie Belle immediately resumed screaming, “Look out! Behind you!”

Rarity whirled around, just in time to receive a lamp to the temple, courtesy of the “Boss” diamond dog. She crumpled to the floor, unconscious, as Sweetie Belle continued screaming in fear until she too was knocked out.

The boss diamond dog growled and picked up Rarity, leaving Sweetie Belle on the floor. “Hurry up, slagheads! I have the woman! We go now!” With that, the five living diamond dogs made their escape from Carousel Boutique, one of them picking up the corpse and carrying it back into the hole.

Ponyville slumbered on, none the wiser.

Rarity slowly came to and looked around as she rubbed her head while groaning in pain. “W-Where am I?” she muttered as she tried to get a sense of her surroundings other than being underground.

She found herself to be inside a poorly constructed cage, the single opening barred with a rust covered cell door. There was nothing else in the cell save for a bucket and a large patch of straw to serve as a bed.

Rarity scowled and shuddered as she looked at her surroundings. “Such brutish ruffians…” She glared as she resolved to make sure these creatures never hurt anyone again. They had threatened her sister and broken into her home. Who else would they hurt if they weren’t stopped?

An armored diamond dog stopped outside her cell and looked inside, noticing that Rarity had awakened. He shouted down the hallway, “Oi! Woman is awake!” and unlocked Rarity’s cell, wrapping a chain around her neck and dragging her down the hallway faster than she could react.

Rarity gasped and struggled as she was dragged along, her gown being ruined as she was dragged along the filthy mine. “Let go of me, you brute!” She felt her waist and noticed she’d been disarmed. This wasn’t going to be easy.

The armored dog dragged her into a large cavern, a small group of about six or seven diamond dogs standing around and watching Rarity with a predatory glint in their eyes. Rarity spotted a telltale glint of violet edged black around the waist of one dog, narrowing her eyes at the sight of a filthy mutt wearing her carefully stitched knife belt.

Looking around and noting positions, Rarity smirked as she noted a fatal mistake these beasts had made. They didn’t do anything to block her magic.

The head dog stepped forward, her favorite knife in hand. “You, woman,” the dog gestured with her knife, “you have gem finding magic. You will find gems for us. Or you will die.” He growled in a threatening manner, waving the tip of the ornate knife just inches from her nose.

Rarity smirked and chuckled. “Such a good dog. Bringing my favorite to me.” Her azure magic aura wrapped around the knife and sent it up to bury itself in his throat before tearing his throat out and burying itself in the skull of the dog holding her while she stood, her magic unlocking the collar. “Now then…” She gripped the knife’s hilt and tore it from the dog as it fell. “You kidnapped me, threatened my sister, and you ruined my favorite nightgown.” She spit on the ground. “Who wants mama’s belt?”

The dogs stared at each other before growling and rushing forth, attempting to bury her under sheer numbers as more dogs sprinted in from the other tunnels. Rarity smirked and struck, her magic infused fists and feet lashing out with deadly precision and crushing the diamond dogs’ throats with contemptuous ease.

Four dogs immediately crumpled, three with collapsed throats and the last with Rarity’s knife in his throat. The rest of the dogs broke off their attack, a wide ring forming around Rarity as the fifty or so diamond dogs in the area circled around her warily.

A large male, clad in thick plate armor broke from the circle and sprinted towards Rarity with a sword in its grip as another in a vest attempted to take her from behind. Rarity rolled her eyes and whipped out her knife, slicing the vest wearing dog’s throat. She eyed the lumbering dog and picked up his dead comrade, using the corpse as a flail and bashing the armored dog with a downward swing. The dog crashed into the dirt, groaning in pain.

Rarity snorted contemptuously at the dog and stomped its head into paste under her heel, her body absolutely glowing with pale blue. As she looked around for her next opponent, she noted that the dog she had just killed was the one who’d taken her belt and… those gems in his pocket looked familiar.

“Oh, you didn’t…” Rarity muttered, idly fingering the loose strands of fabric still clinging to the carefully shaped gems that had once decorated one of her in progress dresses. She stood and snapped her belt back into place, pulling a pair of sunglasses from one pouch and sliding them onto her face with practiced ease. “... You destroyed my boutique, didn’t you?” She sighed and shook her head in quiet rage, “Prepare to die.”

Rarity whipped out her knives, emptying her belt in a matter of seconds as blue-sheathed knives filled the air and felled a good half of the remaining diamond dogs in one fanciful pirouette. The rest of the dogs charged forward as Rarity growled, already vaulting over one’s head and slamming a kick down on another, bashing its cranium to the ground.

Rarity flipped, vaulted, and bashed her way through the diamond dogs, their corpses going flying under the force of her blows. Whenever she felt particularly vicious, she grabbed one of the charging dogs and used him to bludgeon his comrade until both died.

With one final blow, Rarity snapped the neck of the last diamond dog and dropped the corpse to the ground. The entire fight had lasted less than five minutes and left her covered in sweat and blood, absolutely none of it hers.

Rarity panted from the exertion as she looked around at her carnage, slowly calming down. And as her rage dissipated, she realized the full extent of what she had just done, her eyes widening in horror before she collapsed to her knees, face in her hands as she started sobbing in sorrow.

As Rarity sobbed, the ceiling caved in to her right in a flash of magenta, Twilight rappelling down her wires and dropping to the ground, her hands ablaze with magic. The rest of the girls followed soon after, along with Alucard, Anderson, and Schrodinger.

Twilight immediately spotted the corpses and Rarity’s sobbing figure and dashed over, checking the older woman for wounds, “Rarity! Rarity, are you okay? They didn’t hurt you did they?”

Rarity looked at her friend for a moment before throwing her arms around her and sobbing into her chest. “Oh Twilight! None of this blood is mine! It’s all from those beasts!” She tried to calm herself enough to keep speaking. “They… They threatened my little sister, destroyed my boutique and all my hard work, kidnapped me to find gems for them… I just… I just snapped, Twilight!”

Twilight patted Rarity’s back and sighed, “It’s alright, Rarity, it’s alright. Maybe you could have done this another way, but you’re alright, your sister is alright. It’s over now, shhh…” She looked up at Anderson and Alucard, not knowing exactly how to calm Rarity down.

The priest and vampire shared a look before Alucard nodded. A more tactful approach was needed right now. Nodding back, Anderson knelt down and gently cupped Rarity’s cheek. “Rarity. Look at me,” he said gently.

Rarity shuddered and looked up at Anderson, tears falling from her eyes in great streams. “Y-yes?” she croaked, looking like she wanted to do nothing but hide away in her shame forever.

“In the heat of the moment, as you slaughtered these creatures, what was going through your mind?” Anderson asked. “What was it that motivated you to kill them?”

“I… they destroyed my boutique… they ruined so much of my hard work… they kidnapped me and threatened my sister…. I… I couldn’t take it…” Rarity whispered, dropping her face back into her hands.

Anderson made her look at him again. “Listen to me, Rarity. You were probably not the first to be abducted and enslaved by these beasts. But you made sure you were the last as well. Thanks to you, they can’t hurt anyone anymore. Don’t focus on the few you slew, but instead on the many more that you saved.”

Rarity sniffled and looked away, not sure of what to say. She wiped her tears and gave Anderson a shaky grin as she stood, leaning on him as the aches and pains of her exertion finally made themselves known. “Thank you, Anderson… I… I needed that.”

The priest smiled and patted her shoulder. “If you ever need to talk, Alucard, Twilight, and I are here for you.”

“Indeed we are,” Alucard said with a gentle smile of his own.

Twilight nodded and held her hand out to Rarity, “We’ll always be here for you, Rarity. No matter what happens.” She smiled gently as she took Rarity’s hands and rewrapped her wires at the edge of the hole, hauling the both of them back to the surface.

Alucard took time to absorb all the blood into himself before following them. Never know when some more familiars might come in handy after all.

Rarity sighed and leaned back on her fainting couch, staring up at her ceiling and trying to collect her thoughts. To her left sat Anderson, the minister’s hands folded in his lap as he stared at Rarity in concern. Twilight sat off to Anderson’s side, wringing her hands.

Rarity opened her mouth and thought carefully before speaking, “I… I must say that, even knowing that I probably saved many people from slavery under those dogs… I can’t help but feel so horrified by what I’ve done… I mean, I killed all of them ruthlessly, cut them down without even a single second look… it scares me…”

Twilight took a deep breath. “Rarity. Would you like to know the story of how I got my taste for blood? I think it’ll help you a lot.” She looked at her friend with a hesitant look on her face.

Rarity looked over to Twilight, “W-well... I suppose so? I have been meaning to ask about that anyway.”

Twilight nodded. “Well. It all started when I was researching necromancy. I came across a spell that could force a recently dead person’s magic into their flesh, which could then be eaten to absorb the magic. Alucard gave me the idea of compressing the magic into blood instead.” She took a moment to let Rarity digest the information.

“... And... and then what happened?” Rarity asked, her interest piqued.

Twilight nodded. “That night, my old bullies broke into my home, planning to murder me. But were instead butchered by Alucard. I came down to investigate the commotion, and the ringleader attacked me. Before she could try to kill me again, Alucard killed her.” Twilight gulped. “I tested the spell on that girl. I compressed her magic into a small ball of her blood and consumed it. It tasted horrible, that metallic taste. Even so, I did the same to the other nine. I felt such a rush from the power.” She looked at Rarity. “I thought I’d never drink again, but I did. Every death row inmate given to me to feed Alucard, I took their magic and some blood, getting stronger and stronger with each drink. Soon I was taking their souls too, using them to make that undead chimera army you saw me summon to fight Nightmare Moon’s ghouls.”

Rarity felt faint, “I… Darling, I don’t really see how this applies to the situation….”

“Alucard didn’t kill his meals,” Twilight said. “From that night on, I killed them. I kept telling myself that it was for the greater good. That they were dead anyway. Over time, I got used to the killing. By the time I was fifteen, only two years later, I casually killed one to use his blanked soul and biomass to raise Spike from the dead. I guess what I’m saying is, it gets easier. If you do it for good causes especially. Or at least, what you perceive as good.” She decided to hold off on telling the story of her trip to another plane.

“I…” Rarity mulled over the information, mentally turning it over and over, “I don’t think it will ever get easier for me… Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach…”

Anderson reached over and put a hand on Rarity’s. “When you killed those dogs, you were angry. And your anger dehumanized them. All warriors are in some way taught how to dehumanize an enemy to make them easier to kill. But ask yourself this, Rarity. Have you lost any sleep over it?”

“I… a few nightmares here and there, yes…” Rarity mumbled, thinking about how she had been unable to sleep, the faces of each dog she’d murdered coming back to haunt her.

“Do you think you’re a monster for killing them?” Anderson asked. “If you do, then don’t. You’re no monster. You cried for them even after all they’d done. Monsters do not cry. Even Alucard has shed the occasional tear. Proof enough that he’s not completely fallen.”

Rarity smiled softly, “Thank you, Anderson. I needed that…” She sighed and rubbed her eyes, feeling the weight of less than three hours of sleep.

“Feeling tired, Rarity?” Twilight asked, giving her friend a small smile as she patted her shoulder. “Let’s get you to bed. Hopefully you’ll sleep better.”

Rarity stood and hugged Twilight, “Thank you darling; I’ll see you in the morning.” With that, she slowly ascended the stairs and went to bed, a soft smile upon her face. And though she still mourned for the loss of life, she slept soundly that night, not a single frown marring her face.

The next morning, Rarity stretched as she woke up, lifting her sleeping mask from her face and setting it on the nightstand. As she got up, she looked over at where her knife collection was hidden away. Smiling just a bit, she moved them onto display stands with her magic. Might as well take some pride in them.

Pulling on a robe and stepping into her slippers, she went downstairs and set about making breakfast, making a note to thank Twilight for repairing the damage to the boutique while she slept. Once she had breakfast, eggs, bacon, toast, and juice, she went to the staircase and put a hand to the side of her mouth. “Sweetie Belle! Breakfast is ready!” she called cheerfully.

Sweetie Belle scampered down the stairs, the panic from the kidnapping completely forgotten over the span of the last two days. “Thanks Rarity!” she called, sliding into place at the table and serving herself.

Rarity smiled and sat across from her sister. “Did you sleep well?” she asked as she got some food herself, taking ladylike bites in comparison to her sister’s more enthusiastic approach to eating.

Sweetie looked up and nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah! Just fine, sis. How about you?”

Rarity swallowed the food in her mouth before speaking. “Much better than the other night, to be honest.” She dabbed at her mouth with a napkin.

Sweetie grinned, relieved that her sister was okay now. “That’s great, sis! Hey, can I go have a sleepover with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo tonight? We got a lot of Crusading to do today.”

Rarity pondered for a moment as she looked at her sister. “I made sure she’ll be safe. I did a good thing. Regrettable, yes. But good.” She nodded. “Of course you can, Sweetie Belle. Have fun with your friends, darling.”

“Yay!” Sweetie Belle finished her breakfast and affixed her Crusaders’ cape, dashing out of the door with childish abandon.

Rarity smiled and finished her own meal. After cleaning the dishes, she went into her workroom and sighed in relief that the gala dresses had been undisturbed. She gasped. “The gala is in a week!”

Twilight and Trixie stood together and went over the various rune matrices that went into their respective projects, checking each other’s work to make sure that there were no mistakes in the formulae.

Sitting nearby in a bathrobe was Rarity, who was glancing nervously at Alucard, who she could swear was undressing her with his eyes. “Twilight, darling?” She wrung her hands in anxiety.

“Yes, Rarity?” Twilight asked, not taking her eyes off of the planned tattoo forms on her clipboard.

“You’re sure that Alucard won’t do anything… untoward after I’m unconscious?” Rarity asked, still eying the vampire with distrust.

Twilight nodded, “Alucard may be an incorrigible pervert, but he’s not a rapist. And besides, if he does try anything, he’s not getting any sex for a month.” She shot a quick look at Alucard, holding up two fingers to signify not two months, but two days. After all, no sex was punishment for her, too.

Alucard nodded. “Got it. I’ll be on my best behavior. So are we ready to get started?” He phased behind Twilight and hugged her. “To think I did this to you not three years ago.”

Twilight leaned into Alucard’s embrace and smiled, “Yeah, we should be good. Trixie’s runic formulae look good as well, so we can get her project done as well. Now, Rarity, please lie down.” She gestured towards the massage table she had brought in and held up the tattoo machine.

Rarity darkly blushed as she slid her robe off and glared at Alucard while covering her breasts and crotch with her hands. “Turn around, Alucard!” Once the vampire looked away, she relaxed somewhat and lay down. “Now how will I be sedated?”

Twilight held up her hand, glowing with violet, soporific swirls, “Just a simple sleep spell. Nothing too complicated. Well, it’s modified to keep you under in a dreamless sleep until it’s broken, but other than that it’s just a sleep spell.” She checked the ink in the machine one last time and looked at Rarity. “You ready?”

Rarity nodded. “Just make sure your lover keeps his hands to himself, darling.”

“Of course, Rarity. Now, just relax and this will be over before you know it.” Twilight applied the spell, waiting until Rarity’s breathing had evened out and starting to work on her friend’s nude body, tracing delicate, runic lines around Rarity’s neck and shoulders, dipping between her breasts and continuing in a line, spiralling inwards around the circumference of Rarity’s abdomen and finally stopping at the belly button.

Another set of tattoos came in after Twilight turned Rarity over, patterns traced over her shoulder blades and down her spine, culminating in a tattoo just over Rarity’s lower back. Finally, a set of tattoos down each arm and a delicate, flowering pattern over Rarity’s face.

Twilight wiped her brow and stood back, checking for any mistakes in her work. Satisfied, she ended her spell on Rarity and checked the clock; twenty minutes of work and it had felt like two hours.

“You know… she only said to keep my hands to myself. She didn’t say anything about my feet. Or my tongue,” Alucard said while hugging Twilight from behind again. “Permission to be naughty while she wakes?”

Twilight deadpanned, “No, Alucard. We need her to be calm while she wakes up because she’s not as magically powerful as I am. Any surges in her normal mana levels will completely fry her when she tries to set her runes.”

“Ooh… That’s bad right?” Alucard asked before looking at Trixie. “Lulatits. That’s bad, right?”

Trixie nodded, “Quite.”

“Thank you, Lulatits,” Alucard said cheerfully, looking back at Twilight.

“Of course, Alucard.” Trixie rolled her eyes and fiddled with the pair of gloves and boots Rarity had lent her for her part of the experiment.

“So time to wake her up?” Alucard asked before pecking Twilight on the cheek.

Twilight nodded and shook Rarity awake, “Rarity. Rarity, wake up. Tattoos are done. All you need to do is to activate them.”

Rarity slowly stirred and looked at Twilight. “How do I do that?” She saw Alucard’s grinning face and covered up. “Look away, vampire…” she snarled.

Alucard chuckled and looked away from her again.

“Calm, Rarity. You need to be calm for this,” Twilight cautioned, placing her hands on Rarity’s shoulders. “To activate the runes, all you need to do is flare your mana and focus on the runes. To use the runes, you do the same thing again.”

Rarity calmed herself and slowly flared her magic, the runes glowing azure before vanishing from sight, hidden against her flesh like Twilight’s own. “That felt very simple. And these runes will slow my personal time and let me move faster than anyone else for a minute at most?”

Twilight nodded, “Yup. I tweaked the original formula so that, even though you move at two hundred times normal speed, you don’t age at normal speed. But yes, you have a minute of absolutely ridiculous, almost Alucard levels of speed. However, after that minute, you will be exhausted, and you’ll need at least five minutes to recharge your runes. Thankfully, the process is automatic, so all you need to do is sit there for five minutes. Also, you can end the effect at any time, and the recharge time proportionally lowers.”

“And the gloves and boots?” Rarity asked, looking at Trixie in curiosity.

Trixie smirked and presented both pairs of items, their leather surfaces all but gleaming in the light. The golden embroidery upon each item shone with mana and seemingly shimmered under the lights. “While perhaps not as amazing as a set of time dilating tattoos, Trixie has created a set of gloves and boots that alter the very physics of the world itself! Using the runes and the ambient mana in the air, they create a passive effect that allows you to punch, throw, kick, jump, and run at a much, much higher level than ever before! These gloves will enhance your striking and throwing force by a factor of at least a hundred, and the boots will do the exact same except for your legs, not your arms.” Trixie gestured grandiosely, motioning for Rarity to don the accessories, patting the rather intimidating cinder block next to her.

Rarity made a point of getting dressed first. “I’m decent, Alucard.” Donning the boots and gloves, she raised her leg high and brought her foot down in a hard ax kick on the cinder block, obliterating it and almost putting a crack in the floor before she could stop herself. “Oh my…” Grinning deviously, she activated her tattoos and marveled at the slowed time. Drawing her favorite knife, which she now carried everywhere, she dashed over to Alucard and sliced his head off with her now enhanced strength, ending the effect as she finished the cut. “My word…”

“Bitch,” Alucard muttered as his body started crawling around looking for his head.

Twilight marveled at Rarity’s speed; so fast was she that not even Twilight’s eyes could track her, not completely.

“I could get used to this,” Rarity said as she sheathed her knife and pulled out her fancy oriental pipe, a gift from Spike, and put a blend of herbs in it before lighting it with a match from her matchbook. “I like it very much,” she said after taking a puff, offering Twilight a light for her cigar.

Twilight lit her cigar, inhaling appreciatively. Trixie sniffed and looked away, unable to understand Twilight’s obsession with those horrid smelling sticks of tobacco.

“The gala dresses are intact. I’m guessing Alucard is your plus one, Twilight?” Rarity asked.

Twilight nodded, taking Alucard’s arm in her own, “Astute as always, Rarity. And yourself?”

“I’ll be attending alone,” Rarity said. “The better to meet that dashing Prince Blueblood.”

“Blueblood?” Alucard asked with a grimace. “You’re better off avoiding that creature. He’s so self-important. I need to be ordered to not kill him whenever we cross paths.”

Twilight shuddered, “I actually had to take out a restraining order on him… and also had to keep myself from ripping out his soul and putting it into a toilet in a seedy bar down in Detrot.”

Rarity stared at the pair in shock. “Surely he isn’t that bad. Why would you take out a restraining order, darling?”

“Because he kept trying to get into my pants,” Twilight deadpanned. “I didn’t agree with his stupid politics and so I told him to fuck off. Multiple times even.”

“That foolish little man didn’t even back off when I threatened to put bullets in him,” Alucard added. “He has absolutely no concept of chivalry. I’ve met some of his old flames. They utterly despise him.”

Rarity was wide-eyed. “I don’t believe you. I must see for myself if it’s true or not!”

“I’ll introduce you to Fancy Pants after you inevitably humiliate or kill Blueblood,” Alucard said.

Twilight spoke up, “I thought he and Fleur were an item?” She stared at Alucard in confusion, not quite up to date with Canterlot’s inter-noble politics.

“Oh yeah. That’s true. Guess he’s off the list,” Alucard muttered. “Unless Fleur is willing to share.”

“Not a whole lot of decent men in Canterlot; but as far as I know, Fleur is from a newer noble house and her father has three wives. I think. So she might be willing to share.” Twilight tapped her chin and shrugged, “But whatever. We can figure that out later.”

“Yeah. Hey, isn’t Flutters bringing Anderson as her plus one since I’m going with you?” Alucard asked, tilting his head as he looked at Twilight, having finally gotten it back on his shoulders.

Twilight nodded, “Yeah. Schrodinger is going with Pinkie and… I think Gilda is going with Rainbow for some reason. Applejack is planning on bringing a cart to sell food- bad idea by the way, I should warn her about that. And… Trixie, you bringing Big Mac?”

“Ah, n-that is… aheh… no…” Trixie coughed and looked away, blushing lightly.

“Oh she’s totally bringing him,” Alucard said. “It’s all over her face. Lulatits is in love!~”

“SH-SHUT UP!” Trixie impaled Alucard on her rapier and kicked him out the door, nearly steaming in embarrassed rage.

“Was that really necessary?” Alucard asked from the other side of the door as he got to his feet. “First Raritits chops my head off, then you go and stab me.”

Twilight chuckled, and moved over to Alucard, pecking him on the cheek, “We all know it does nothing to you, my count. Besides, we all know that you get off on the pain. Though, if you’re really that mad, I can make it up to you later tonight?”

“Oh gods why?” Trixie groaned, giving Rarity a pleading look, “Rarity, if I show up at your door in the middle of the night, it means that my soundproofing runes have failed under the strain of Twilight and Alucard’s… activities, and I will probably need to stay the night.”

“Of course, Trixie,” Rarity said with a smile as she patted the one-armed woman’s shoulder. “As wonderful as it is to see a love as true as theirs, I would rather not hear the more… vocal expressions of that love.”

“Hey!” Twilight pouted, “It’s not like I’m doing it on purpose! It just… well, Alucard’s too good to not scream.” Alucard preened at her praise of his prowess in the sack.

“Who is Applejack attending the gala with anyway?” Rarity asked in curiosity. “Or is she attending alone?”

“I think she’s going alone,” Twilight said, shrugging. “Still need to talk to her about that cart, by the way. Actually, better do it now.” She stood, straightening out her clothing and motioning to Alucard, “Come on, Alucard. Rarity, everything set with you?”

“I’m quite alright, darling,” Rarity said, nodding and smiling as Alucard hooked his arm through Twilight’s. “Have fun, you two. Just try to keep it contained to your bedroom.”

Twilight blushed and coughed into her hand, “Noted. Anyway, see you later, Rarity. Trixie… I guess just do whatever you want, really.” Twilight exited the boutique, Alucard following after.

Applejack stared at Twilight, uncomprehending of what her friend had just tried to tell her. “Beggin’ yer pardon? It sounded like y’all were tellin’ me I couldn’t bring mah food cart to the Gala.” She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, as if daring Twilight to follow that train of thought.

“Applejack, you’re talking about trying to sell food to the stuffy nobles,” Alucard said. “Nobles that, with few exceptions, consider food like yours to be, as Blueblood so bluntly put it, ‘common carnival fare’. As such, they view it as beneath them. Plus the gala already has catering, and trying to sell your own food will be stepping on their toes quite a bit.”

Applejack sighed and pulled her hat down to hide her face, “Ah was afraid y’all would say that… Well, good thing I didn’t jus’ decide t’bring the cart and go embarrass m’self in front of all those nobles, right?”

“Yes. That’s a good way of looking at it,” Alucard said. “Perhaps you should bring a plus one instead. Hm?”

Applejack snorted, “Now just who in th’ name of all that is sacred would Ah bring? Ain’t like there’s a line’a boys outside m’front door.”

Alucard chuckled. “Maybe you prefer women?” he asked with a sly grin.

“N-now what in tarnation are y’all insinuatin’ ‘bout mah preferences!?” Applejack blushed furiously, slamming her hat down further to hide her embarrassment.

“There’s nothing wrong with being interested in other women,” Alucard said, still grinning. “Have you even tried it?”

“W-well, no. But still, I ain’t got time fer that. Workin’ th’ farm is a bit time consumin’, you realize.” Applejack stuttered, shaking her head and replacing her hat upon her head.

“Sure. Whatever helps ya sleep, Appleass,” Alucard said with a grin. “If you had bigger tits, I’d call you Applerack.”

“....” Applejack stared, “Ah don’ rightly ‘preciate that there name, Alucard. I’d appreciate it if y’all never called me that ever again.”

Alucard laughed and leaned to whisper in Twilight’s ear. “Don’t suppose you have a titjob spell, Sugarlips?”

Twilight shook her head and whispered back, “Not one that works very well. Never tried to study it, remember?”

“Should look into that,” Alucard whispered. “Maybe give Rainboard a taste of how good you and Flutters have it.”

“I don’t think she would appreciate the… what did you call it… ‘tit drag’. After all, she doesn’t want to lose her aerodynamics… even though she does hate her ‘size’,” Twilight responded, watching Applejack as she packed up her stall for the day.

“Why not give her tits for a week and see how she likes them?” Alucard suggested, squeezing Twilight’s ass absentmindedly. “And for the record, your ass is far, far better than Appleass’.”

Twilight giggled quietly, “Of course you would say that, Alucard. But yeah, I’ll ask her first. And, please, not in public. I’m getting wetter than is socially appropriate and I have things to do today.”

Alucard pecked her on the cheek. “It’s gotten so easy to turn you on. To think you once violently rejected my advances.” He released her ass, but kept holding her close to him.

Applejack coughed, uncomfortable, “If’n y’all could not do that right next t’mah stall…”

“Sorry ‘bout that, Appleass. See you at the gala!” Picking Twilight up in a bridal carry, Alucard jumped in the direction of the library, pecking Twilight on the lips as they landed near it. “So where do you need to go next? Or should I tend to that soaking pussy?” he grinned and licked her neck as he held her against him.

Twilight shook her head of all the things she could be doing with Alucard and blushed, pointing in the general direction of Rainbow’s usual training area. “Well, talking to Rainbow about the Wonderbolts… and maybe the spell you wanted me to use.”

Alucard grinned and jumped toward Dash’s training area, licking Twilight’s neck again. “I’m not letting you leave the bedroom once we get home, you know.”

“I know. I know all too well.” Twilight grinned, lewd thoughts once again running through her mind. Focusing back to the task at hand, she noticed Rainbow flying loops in the air and called out to her, waving at Rainbow in order to be seen. “Rainbow! Hey! Rainbow Dash! Over here!”

The rainbow haired woman stopped and flew down to Twilight, hovering in front of her and Alucard. “Sup, Twi! And Alucard…” She gave the vampire a small glare.

Twilight waved and then shuffled in place, “Well, okay, Rainbow, this is probably not going to be news you want to hear.”

“I’m listening,” Rainbow said, crossing her arms over her chest, and blushing when Alucard chuckled at how flat she was. Like she needed magical chest fat to get ahead in life.

“Okay, so… you wanted to go to the Gala to meet the Wonderbolts, right?” Twilight asked, already dreading the words she was going to say.

“Yeah?” Rainbow answered, her tone prompting her to continue, wondering where she was going with this.

Twilight sighed, “You’re probably not going to get a chance to do anything with any of them, since they’ll be too busy being swamped by a crowd of nobles and fans and other rabble vying for autographs and a chance to put their foot in the door.”

Rainbow considered this new information and visibly deflated. “Dammit… I really wanted to meet Soarin too…” She muttered that last bit with a small blush.

Twilight patted Rainbow on the back, “There there, Rainbow. There will be plenty of other chances for you to meet up with the Wonderbolts. I mean, you did get to hang out with a few of them when you pulled off that Sonic Rainboom during the Best Young Flier’s Competition last month. And, well, I’m sure I could pull some strings.”

Rainbow looked at her with slightly wide eyes. “You could? I can take not not being able to hang out with a lot of them, but I really, really, really want to talk to Soarin again.”

Twilight smirked, “Got a crush on him, don’t you?”

Rainbow darkly blushed as she realized she’d walked right into that. Looking away with her arms crossed she slowly nodded. “Yeah. I do.”

“Well, at least you’re up front about it,” Twilight said, lacing her fingers together behind her head.

“Yeah well… I might not have a chance with him,” Rainbow said rather bitterly. “I like being aerodynamic, but Soarin likes busty women. He’ll never go for me and my flat chest.” She shot a glare at Alucard and preemptively kicked him in the head at half of mach 1, shattering his skull and upper spine.

Twilight rolled her eyes, “That… actually leads right into the second thing I was going to ask you. Ahem…. Rainbow, I have a fairly decent spell for breast enlargement, though it works rather slowly and only goes up to a certain size. To be precise, it goes up to about a mid C-cup over the course of about a week.”

Dash’s eyes widened a bit. “Uh… Any chance you could make it work faster and maybe go a bit bigger? I’ve heard Soarin likes girls that are at least a D-cup best.”

Twilight sighed, “Maybe. Just maybe. Though I’ll have to talk to Rarity about fixing your dress….” With that, she began focusing, pulling out a pad of paper and sketching out rudimentary spell matrices and going through mental calculations.

Rainbow hovered around her, waiting in mild impatience for the chance to be able to actually grab Soarin’s attention. “I’m actually gonna get the chance to to talk to him one on one!” She grinned widely and internally squeed.

Twilight kept scribbling furiously, ripping out sheets of paper and crumpling them up whenever she found herself at a dead end. Paper after paper went by, crumpled into wads as Twilight began making true progress.

Rainbow kept watching, wondering when her brilliant, albeit absolutely terrifying, friend would make a breakthrough. “Oh please let me be able to have tits at the gala!”

After half an hour, Twilight put her pencil down and rubbed her eyes, double checking her work and making sure that nothing was missing. “Alright, I think I have it.”

“Yes!” Rainbow cheered, doing several loops before stopping in front of Twilight. “So how are we gonna do this?!”

Twilight charged up her hands with mana and, before Rainbow could back away, slammed her palms into Rainbow’s chest, cupping the aerial’s nearly non-existent breasts and slowly moving her hands away. Rainbow’s chest bulged outward to follow Twilight’s hands until finally Twilight broke off the spell, leaving Rainbow with a pair of perky D-cup breasts.

Rainbow looked at her new assets in silent awe, slowly reaching up to feel them. “Wow… They’re so soft.” She squeezed them a bit. “And really squishy.” She lost herself in the new territory of feeling herself up, grinning and chuckling as she did. “This is just amazing, Egghead. I wonder…” She flew up and did a quick routine of tricks. “Huh. The drag isn’t too bad. Actually, the air seems to flow just as well over them as when I was flat.” She grinned and chuckled. “Let’s see how big we can go without my stunts and speed being affected.”

Twilight nodded, “I specifically tailored the spell so that your new assets would have far less drag than normal breasts would.”

Rainbow grinned wide and tightly hugged her favorite egghead. “You’re the best, Twi!” She could feel their breasts getting smashed together, but she didn’t care. Just hugged her tighter with strength that seemed to rival Applejack.

Twilight squeaked under Rainbow’s grip, slowly turning blue in the face, “Rainbow! Rainbow! You’re squeezing me too tight! Can’t breathe!”

Rainbow blushed and released her. “Sorry ‘bout that,” she said while rubbing the back of her head. “Anyways! Let’s see how big we can get these without affecting my flying! Come on, Twi! Let me have it!” She stuck out her chest while holding her arms behind her head.

Twilight crossed her arms, “Sorry Rainbow, I only modified the spell to have a more generous limit. I’m afraid that D-cups are the best they’re going to get for now.”

“Aw c’mon!” Rainbow said, throwing up her arms in frustration. “How long would it take to fix the spell to go to any size? The bigger my tits, the better the chance that Soarin will give me the time of day!”

Twilight sighed and returned to her paper, flopping down into the grass, “Eugh, if you really need it, fine. I’ll work on it.”

“You’re the best, Twi!” Rainbow said with a grateful smile before smashing Alucard’s head again when he tried to grope her new assets. “Soarin’s hands only, Alucard!”

Twilight and company stepped from their carriages with little affair, Twilight exiting first with Alucard taking her arm and helping her to the ground. Twilight smiled and took in the sight of Canterlot castle, so richly decorated just for this one night. Her dress sparkled in the lighting, perfectly contrasting with Alucard’s tuxedo.

Alucard grimaced as he tugged at his tie. “Tuxedos are not my look, master. And I can’t even have my shades to hide my eyes?”

Twilight rolled her eyes, “No, Alucard. If you must, you can have darkened glasses, but no shades. And what do you mean they’re not your look? You’re positively striking tonight, my count.”

Alucard stopped messing with his tie and smiled at her as darkened glasses formed over his eyes. “You always know just what to say to make me start preening, my countess.”

“Of course I do, Alucard. I am your girlfriend.” Twilight giggled and turned back towards the carriages, spotting Rarity strutting towards them.

“Good evening, darling!” Rarity greeted cheerfully as she embraced her friend. “Such a wonderful night, isn’t it?” She wore her new gloves and boots with her dress and hidden underneath her dress on her thigh was her knife. In case she needed it.

“A very wonderful night, Rarity. Why, I almost feel like getting a bite to drink,” Twilight answered, tittering at her little joke.

“Alucard is a horrible influence on you, Twilight,” Schrodinger said as he helped Pinkie from their carriage and offered his arm. “Und he can’t really pull off a tuxedo like I can.”

Twilight rolled her eyes, “That remains as a matter of subjective appreciation. I happen to appreciate Alucard’s mature looks better than I appreciate your boyish figure.”

“You vound me vith your cruel cruel vords!” Schrodinger dramatically exclaimed as he leaned on Pinkie.

“Aw calm down, Schro,” Applejack said as she stepped up to them. “Gotta say. That cart woulda looked real outta place here.”

“Indeed it would, Applejack,” Rarity spoke, looking over the various examples of high society fashion with a critical eye.

“How is everyone this evening?” Anderson asked as he walked up with Fluttershy on his arm. “Hope you don’t mind me borrowing one of your ladies for the evening, Alucard.” The priest looked quite nice in his white tux, but still had his gloves and coat.

“As long as you’re a perfect gentleman towards her I won’t completely stain that tux with your blood. But if there’s any complaints, I might have to shoot you a few times,” Alucard stated imperiously, grinning afterwards to show that he was mostly kidding.

Anderson grinned and laughed. “And if you cause a ruckus I might have to take your head off,” he answered, still grinning and in the same joking tone. “Worry not, friend. I’ll protect her maiden virtue.”

“You’d better, Anderson. It is a big deal for the both of us,” Twilight smiled cryptically and winked at Fluttershy.

“Step aside, people. The big girl at the party has arrived!” Rainbow called from behind them as she hopped down from her carriage, her new assets bouncing as she landed. Grinning, she lifted her arms behind her head and showed off. “Jealous?”

Twilight snickered, “Not at all, Rainbow. Though, you’re not exactly the biggest girl.” She shot a glance towards Fluttershy and grinned, making Fluttershy blush.

“She might not be the biggest girl, but she’s still pretty impressive!” Gilda crowed, sidling up to Rainbow and giving her breasts a quick honk.

Rainbow laughed as she swatted Gilda’s hands away. “Didn’t take you for jealous, Gilda.” She grinned wider as she looked toward the party. “I’m gonna have Soarin eating outta the palm of my hand!”

Twilight grinned, “With that pair of H-cups? If he doesn’t go for you he’s either blind, gay, or taken… or all of the above.”

“Oh I’m sure he’s straight,” Rainbow said, jiggling her girls a bit. “And if he isn’t, I bet these puppies could turn him straight.”

“With the amount of effort I put into growing them for you? They’d better.” Twilight smirked and turned towards the opened gates of the castle, “Well, shall we, ladies and gentlemen?”

“Oh yeah!” Rainbow called. “Now where’s Soarin?” She took to hovering in her excitement, looking around for the Wonderbolt she was enamoured with.

Rarity wandered off in search of finding Blueblood, taking a long circuitous route around the room so as to not seem desperate.

“Boy is she gonna be disappointed,” Alucard muttered to Twilight as they watched Rarity go.

“Well, she’ll probably find some way of fixing her deflated ego after Blueblood tries to trample all over it.” Twilight smirked, “Maybe she’ll even finally kill the prick.”

“I’ll take that action. 20 bits,” Alucard said with a wide grin.

Rainbow finally caught sight of her target. “There you are…” she muttered before landing beside him. “Hey there, Soarin. Remember me?” she asked in a sultry tone while posing to accentuate her chest.

Soarin turned and caught sight of Rainbow’s distinctive hairstyle, “Hey! It’s you! The winner of the Best Young Flier’s Competition, yeah? Rainbow Dash, was it?”

“The one and only,” Rainbow purred as she leaned on him, pressing her breasts against him. “And I remember you, handsome.”

“H-hey now, Miss Dash, this is hardly the appropriate time for that sort of action!” Soarin backed up a little, far too used to dealing with big breasted floozies trying to win him over for bragging rights.

Rainbow backed off, still smiling at him. “So how have ya been since the Competition? I’ve been pretty good myself.”

Soarin relaxed slightly, knowing that Rainbow was at least smart enough to wait for now, “Training’s been tough as usual. Did a few shows up in Manehattan, Baltimare, Fillydelphia. The works, really.”

“Things have been pretty great in Ponyville,” Rainbow answered as she grabbed a couple of drinks from a passing server, handing one to Soarin. “Though some crazy stuff happened last week.”

“Oh? Do tell.” Soarin quirked an eyebrow as he sipped his drink.

“Well, some diamond dogs kidnapped my friend, and we kicked all their asses and saved her.” Rainbow decided not to tell that it was all Rarity and that the dogs were dead. “And before that, that Anderson guy showed up. Alucard’s got weird friends.”

“Alucard?” Soarin asked, not quite understanding who Rainbow was talking about.

Rainbow put her arm around him and discretely pressed her breast into him as she directed his attention to Twilight. “See that guy with Twilight Sparkle hanging off his arm? The really pale girl?”

Soarin looked over, gently moving Rainbow to a slightly safer distance away on instinct, “Oh there she is. Ah, right, the Princess’s personal student. Oh… so that’s Alucard… Is it just me or does he not pull off tuxedos all that well? It seems like he’d be much better in a big coat or something.”

Rainbow snickered. “Alucard doesn’t like it either. He’s usually got that big, ominous, blood red trenchcoat on. And he’s practically unkillable. Great for stress relief, I tell ya. And he tends to stress me out…”

“Unkillable? How does that work out?” Soarin asked, quietly leading Rainbow away from the crowd as Spitfire and Fleetfoot decided to cause a scandal via a platonic kiss to each other’s cheek.

“He’s a vampire,” Rainbow explained as she walked with him. “Regenerates from anything. And I mean anything. Shattered bones, dismemberment, decapitation, perforation. Name it and he’s probably had it done to him. Pretty sure he gets off on it. Weirdo.”

Soarin looked at Rainbow in shock, “Wait, vampire? What!?”

“Yeah I didn’t believe it at first either,” Rainbow said. “Apparently he fought the princesses hundreds of years ago and turned into a statue. Twilight says he’s bound to her now. Some blood magic mumbo jumbo.” She grinned at him. “Enough about my weirdass friend. What about you?”

Soarin shook his head, glad to change the topic, “Well, I have to say that nothing in the Wonderbolts is ever that strange. Except the cafeteria food. I don’t know how we manage to get such terrible food even with our income.”

Rainbow laughed as they came onto an empty balcony, leaning on him. “Mess hall food always sucks. No matter where it is. My friend Fluttershy cooked for me, her, and our friend Gilda back in flight school. That chow hall food was horrible. We actually bonded over the bad taste.” She leaned on the rail as she got her laughter under control, her mounds jiggling with her movements and daring him to look at them.

Soarin blushed and tried to keep his hormones under control, “Ah flight school… if it weren’t for Fire Streak always finding some way to keep us supplied with food, we woulda starved.”

Rainbow snickered as she felt his gaze on her chest. “Do you like them?” she asked with a blush, turning to face him and slightly lifting them with her crossed forearms. “I… I heard you like girls with big boobs.” Her blush darkened considerably as her nervousness started slightly showing through, proving she was genuinely interested.

“Ah, well…” Soarin scratched his cheek nervously, trying to come up with a good explanation, “Okay, well, yes, I do like girls with big… assets… but really, with all the fangirls throwing themselves at me… I’d really like a girl who knows what she’s doing and isn’t just trying to go after me for bragging rights.”

Rainbow blushed darker and held out her hand. “Fly with me? I’ll show you what I can do.” She grinned her usual cocky grin, her confidence making a comeback with imminent return to the sky.

Soarin grinned as well, taking her hand in his firm grasp, “If you think you can keep up, hotshot.” He dropped her hand and saluted an open challenge to Rainbow as he sped off in a streak of lightning filled clouds.

Rainbow laughed as she took off after him, her own rainbow contrail behind her. She easily kept pace with him, grinning as she showed off her curves. “Best thing about these puppies? No tit drag!”

Soarin gaped at Rainbow, “Oh that is so not fair! … Well, on the other girls, that is.” He led Rainbow into a tight upwards spiral, starting with a wide right and circling back, gaining altitude and turning tighter and tighter with every pass.

Rainbow’s grin got wider and wider as they came closer to each other in their climb. Once they were close enough, she grabbed him and led him in an aileron roll, her chest pressing against him. “Wanna feel a Sonic Rainboom?!”

“Wait what!?” Soarin cried, barely able to hear her over the rushing wind. “Did you just say a Sonic Rainboom!?”

“You bet your sexy ass I did!” Rainbow called with a wider grin as she led him higher up before turning them and starting a nosedive. “Hold on tight! We’re gonna be hitting mach 10!” She held him tighter, her chest pressing harder against him.

“Oh gods oh gods oh gods oh gods!” Soarin screamed, exhilarated and terrified as he pumped his wings to increase their speed. “I don’t know whether to cry or laugh!”

Rainbow’s laughter reached his ears before they finally accelerated to mach 10, the crack of the Sonic Rainboom and its ring of rainbow light in their wake followed by a storm cloud ring that crackled with rainbow colored lightning as she led him around the airspace of Canterlot and the countryside before finally stopping above the mountain peak. “WOOHOO!!! That was awesome!” In the heat of her adrenaline rush, she grabbed Soarin’s face and kissed him right on the lips.

Soarin’s eyes widened before he decided to give in, slowly maneuvering the both of them down to a safe landing as he kissed back.

Rainbow wrapped her arms around his neck and lightly moaned into the kiss before her brain cleared away the adrenaline haze and reminded her who she was locking lips with. With a dark blush, she pulled away, nervously snickering. “S-Sorry ‘bout that.”

“No no, that was fine!” Soarin sputtered a little, attempting to placate Rainbow, “Really, it was enjoyable!”

“Really?” Rainbow asked. “Well… Since I sprung that kiss on ya outta nowhere…” She stuck her chest out. “I think it’s only fair that you get to do something just as forward.” Despite her grin, she was blushing up a storm. “Go ahead. Cop a feel.”

Soarin’s blush intensified as his hands rose a little of their own accord, “A-are you sure?”

Rainbow playfully rolled her eyes and grabbed his wrists. “Oh just touch me already,” she said as she planted his hands on her mounds. Soarin’s flush immediately rose to almost nuclear levels as his hands squeezed Rainbow’s breasts on their own.

Rainbow let out a little moan that she would never admit was cute. “How are they? Do you like them?” She pressed her chest further into his palms, and judging from those points poking them, she wasn’t wearing a bra.

Soarin gulped and nodded faintly, “Y-yeah, they’re… really nice… But… I um… is this really something we should be doing right now?”

Rainbow grinned and cupped his cheek in her hand. “Spitfire and Fleetfoot did their little scandal to let us slip away. We’re not gonna be missed tonight.” She blushed darker as she held him closer to her. “To be perfectly honest, I’ve been crushing hard on you since the Competition. So…” she looked him in the eye. “Want to call this a first date?”

Soarin looked away for half a second in thought before nodding, “Yeah, I think that would be okay.” With that, he leaned down and kissed Rainbow gently atop the mountain’s peak under the starry night sky.

“Certainly an interesting gala, if a bit stale where excitement is concerned,” Anderson said as he walked among the nobles with Fluttershy. “Truthfully, the ballroom itself is more interesting, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Well, I suppose,” Fluttershy smiled up at Anderson, “But really, I came here because I wanted to see the gardens… I heard they have so many cute little animals here.”

“Don’t be disappointed if they run from you. They’re not used to you like your animals in Ponyville are,” Anderson advised as a well dressed noble with blond hair came up to them. “Evening, sir. And who might you be?”

“I am Prince Blueblood. Nephew of Princess Celestia herself, commoner.” The blond man introduced himself, immediately putting his foot in his mouth without realizing.

“Pleasure to meet you, highness,” Anderson said, letting the commoner thing slide. He was, after all, a man of God, and if the Lord wanted him to be wealthy, he’d let him know. “I’m accompanying Fluttershy this evening. Bearer of Kindness, this one.”

Blueblood raised an eyebrow and snorted, “A commoner being a bearer of one of the Elements of Harmony? What utter hogwash! If anything, the Elements should go to their rightful stations under the nobles of Canterlot, not some backwater hovel in the middle of nowhere.”

Anderson scowled and stepped between Blueblood and Fluttershy. “Begging your pardon, but the upper class seems to me to be sorely lacking in the virtues that are required to unlock the Elements’ power. You yourself are clearly unworthy of any of them.”

Blueblood scowled, “How dare you insinuate that I, Prince Blueblood, am lacking in any traits required to wield an Element of Harmony!? Why, the nerve! I should have you clapped in irons for this insult!”

“Is it an insult?” Anderson asked. “You’re clearly dishonest about just how closely you are related to Princess Celestia, you are ignorant and cruel, you laugh only for your own twisted amusements, you are the epitome of greed and corruption, and in my experience, corruption often leads eventually to treachery of one sort or another.”

Blueblood growled and stepped forward, raising his hand and attempting to strike Anderson across the face with the back of his hand. Anderson caught it without so much as a flinch, raising his eyebrow with a contemptuous stare, “And now you attempt to strike me for stating merely the truth.”

Blueblood attempted to pull his arm free of Anderson’s grip to no avail, “Unhand me you brute!”

In a flash, a bayonet appeared in Anderson’s free hand. “Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance. And for thy possession, the ends of the earth. Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron. Thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter’s vessel.” He raised his bayonet up and held the blade next to Blueblood’s arm. “Be wise now therefore, ye kings. Be admonished, ye judges of the earth. Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son lest he be angry, and ye perish in the way. Though his wrath be kindled but a little.” He slowly brought his arm back, preparing to make the cut. “You made a very poor choice of words, Prince Blueblood.” He honestly cared not for the fact that the whole of the gala was now looking at him about to dismember one of the royal family.

Fluttershy stepped forward and placed her hand on Anderson’s arm, “Anderson, no! Please, stop! Don’t hurt him, it’s not worth it!”

Anderson paused and looked at Fluttershy for a moment before looking at Blueblood, who seemed ready to piss himself. Sighing, he released the prince and put his bayonet away. “Be gone from my sight, Blueblood. And do not enter it again. Remember that it is only by Fluttershy’s grace that you are still unharmed.”

Blueblood toppled backwards, sweating furiously and shaking in fear. “Y-you! I-You’ll pay for this!” he called as he scampered away, trying to salvage the remnants of his pride.

Alucard’s mocking laughter tore through the silence. “Highlight of my evening, right here! Seeing Blueblood get taken down a peg!”

Twilight chuckled from beside him, “Indeed, that really was quite an amusing sight.”

From deeper within the crowd, Blueblood scowled and stalked over to the snack table, muttering angrily and desperately in need of a someone to “de-stress” with.

Blueblood’s search for a nicely proportioned woman led him into the garden, where he spied a curvaceous young woman with well done curly purple hair and a very extravagant dress that accentuated her curves wonderfully.

Rarity smiled to herself as she leaned over to sniff some roses. “Ah… Perfect gardening, if I do say so myself.” She pretended not to notice Blueblood while shaking her hips in an alluring manner. All a test that surely a true gentleman could pass.

Unfortunately, Blueblood was the exact opposite of a true gentleman and thusly his gaze lowered down to Rarity’s bottom, lingering there for an uncomfortable amount of time before he grinned deviously and strutted over, self confidence and self delusion rightfully restored. “Well hello there, madam,” he crooned, showing just why the women of Canterlot often called him a “Male Siren”.

Rarity looked up and smiled as she stood up, her movement giving her mounds a little shake in the cleavage showing dress. “Good evening, sir,” she said with a giggle and small blush. “You must be the one and only Prince Blueblood.”

Blueblood’s gaze flickered downwards for just an instant before he resumed his act, “You presume correctly, my lady. I couldn’t help but notice that you were alone on this most auspicious of nights… such a criminal offense- no lady should ever have to go without a handsome suitor to enhance their image, no?”

Rarity giggled and held out her hand, palm down. “Oh go on, my good sir.” A true gentleman would kiss the back of her hand.

Blueblood followed propriety for nothing but appearances’ sake and kissed the back of Rarity’s hand gently, slowly pulling her closer as he drew back. He took her chin in his hands and smirked, “Shall we abscond, my fair lady?”

Rarity blushed as she fluttered her lashes at him. “Lead on, my handsome prince.” She was expecting wine, music, and a candlelit dinner. Shame that he had none of that in mind.

Taking her hand, Blueblood led Rarity back inside, carefully dodging around onlookers and couples, ignoring the nasty looks some of the women gave him. Making his way through the crowd, Blueblood led Rarity to a rather nondescript door and opened it for her, ushering Rarity inside with the faintest of grins upon his face.

Rarity looked around the room as she stepped inside, her guard down as she had Blueblood still behind her, still not guessing the intent of the less than charming prince.

Blueblood came up behind Rarity, placing his arm on her shoulder and walking around, trailing his hand across her back until he stood in front of her, his hand on her hip and a smirk on his face, “My lady, what say you we skip straight to tonight’s… festivities?”

Rarity blushed and arched into his touch. “What sort of festivities, my prince?” she asked, arching her back a bit to stick her chest out as she fluttered her lashes at him and slightly parted her full lips, which had ruby red lipstick on them that made them alluringly shiny and tempting.

“Why, my dear lady, simply the best sort,” Blueblood replied, with a wave of his hand, locking the door behind them and soundproofing the room.

“I think I’d like you to show me these festivities, my prince,” Rarity purred as she half-lidded her eyes and lifted her right leg, lightly wrapping it around his waist. “Be nice and thorough…” she purred as she closed her eyes, lips parted in clear invitation.

Blueblood leaned in and kissed Rarity deeply, his hand sliding up her waist and coming to a halt on her breast. He squeezed none too gently, just soft enough for his touch to remain painless. Unbeknownst to Rarity, a tiny shimmer of pink lit up Blueblood’s palm for barely more than half a second.

Rarity let out a moan as she kissed him back, running her fingers through his hair as she let him touch her. Licking his lower lip, she pushed her tongue into his mouth.

Blueblood groaned lowly, feeling the pressure in his pants increase as he slipped the front of Rarity’s dress down and exposed her breasts to the open air.

Rarity blushed as she felt her nipples harden on contact with the cool air of the room. “Oh my prince,” she moaned into his mouth. “You’re so naughty.” She broke the kiss and leaned back, lifting her mounds for him with a giggle. “Do you like them, my prince? Does my bosom please you?”

“Oh most definitely, my lady. They please me quite well. Though, they could, perhaps, please me more…” Blueblood backed up slightly, loosening his trousers and letting them drop to the floor, his erection springing free from the confines of his undergarments.

Rarity blushed at the sight. “Oh my… You’re certainly forward, my prince.” She looked up at him as she took a step toward him. “Well, it would be unladylike of me not to assist you, wouldn’t it?” She took his hands in hers. “Could you remove my gloves for me?”

Blueblood obliged, slipping Rarity’s gloves from her hands and setting them off to the side, another unnoticeable pink shimmer leaving his palms and settling into her skin.

Rarity giggled and kissed him as she guided his hands to her breasts, urging him to keep touching her as she lightly rubbed her thighs together.

“Whoa there!” Pinkie cried as she flopped the screen over to the buffet line, “Keep the camera outta there, buddy!”

Schrodinger waggled his finger at the camera, “You know, you shouldn’t intrude on zhe sexy times like zhat unless it’s going to be somesing vorth vatching. Rarity vith Blueblood? Eugh, at least vait until she tries to kill him or somesing.”

“Yeah!” Pinkie agreed from further down the buffet line, taking hors d'oeuvres as she moved along.

Schrodinger winced at the serving sizes. “Do zhese nobles all sink like anorexic supermodels, Pinkie? Zhese hardly qualify as servings.” He ate one anyway. “At least zhe chef knows how to flavor sings.”

Pinkie handed a plate full of hors d’oeuvres to Schrodinger as she sashayed past him, “Well, maybe they’re small, but they do say that big things come in little packages.” She winked flirtatiously at him, bumping him with her hip, “And maybe later tonight, I’ll get a big thing from my ‘little package’~”

Schrodinger blushed as he grinned at his girlfriend. “You’re such a naughty temptress, Pinkie.” Catching up with her, he pointed out Gilda. “She seems razher disappointed about somesing. Probably zhe fact zhat Rainbow vent to have some fun vith Soarin.”

Pinkie frowned and walked over to Gilda, “Hey there silly birdy? Why the long face?” She surreptitiously shoved her plate into Gilda’s hands.

Gilda shook her head and started picking at the food, “Rainbow ran off to go fiddle with some Wonderbolt or another and left me behind.” She sighed, “Damn, and I was gonna tell her I loved her later tonight…”

Schrodinger gently patted the girl’s shoulder. “You know… She might not feel zhe same vay, Gilda. She actually seems razher taken vith zhat Vonderbolt she left vith. So I don’t sink your orientations are… compatible.” He tried to be as tactful in his tone as he could.

“Bah! Of course they’re compatible! Gods know that Rainbow’s fooled around with enough girls to be at least a bisexual!” Gilda snorted, finishing her plate and crossing her arms.

“Maybe you can share her vith Soarin,” Schrodinger suggested. “Not like anyvone vill bat an eye. Alucard has Twilight and Fluttershy hanging on his arms all zhe time.”

“I’m gay, catman. I’m not letting his spandex covered dick anywhere near my lady bits,” Gilda growled, then relaxed, “Still, as long as I don’t have to go anywhere near his dick, I guess I could. After all, griffon culture says that prides are definitely okay, and Equestria’s always had its own little herds…”

Schrodinger blinked and shrugged, “Zhen zhere shouldn’t be any problems, I sink.” He turned to the camera and whispered, “Psst, vhy do zhey still use ‘pride’ and ‘herd’? It’s very veird.”

…. Pinkie can answer that.

“Because the ancient griffon culture based its government on lion prides and the ancient Equestrians did the same for herds of horses,” Pinkie whispered back, nudging Schrodinger back to the waking world.

“Oh. Zhat explains it.” Schrodinger shrugged and patted Gilda on the shoulder. “If you sink sharing is an option, zhen go find her und tell her how you feel, Gilda. Get your feelings out in zhe open.”

“You’re right...” Gilda nodded, “Yeah, you’re right! Alright, I’m gonna go get my girl! Smell ya later, catman!” She jumped from the balcony, soaring away in search of Rainbow Dash with a wide grin upon her face.

Schrodinger looked at Pinkie. “So how far do you sink Rainbow and Soarin have gotten by now?”

Pinkie pulled a portion of the screen down, peeking past it at another scene high above, “....” She quickly let go, her eyes wide as she shuddered, “We’ll just… leave them to their privacy.”

“He’s inside her, isn’t he?” Schrodinger asked, ears twitching. “Zhat’s going to be so awkvard vhen Gilda finds zhem.”

“Well, hopefully she takes her time…” Pinkie muttered, pulling a cupcake out of her hair and eating it in hopes of forgetting what she had just seen.

Rainbow moaned loudly as she rode Soarin, loving how he felt. “Godsdamn, you’re packing, babe!” She leaned down and deeply kissed him, loving how he seemed to love fondling her breasts.

Soarin groaned as he laid into Rainbow, thrusting with great eagerness as he played with her breasts. Breaking off the kiss and panting slightly, he brought his lips up to Rainbow’s ear and bit down lightly, just nibbling upon it.

Rainbow gasped as he nibbled her ear. “Oh yeah, baby. That feels so good…” She rode him harder and pushed his face to her chest. “Suck on my titties, Soarin. I know you love them.” She started gyrating her hips to rub him against new spots inside her.

Soarin obliged, taking her right nipple into his mouth and sucking while he played with her left nipple. He thrust harder, the sensations rushing through him driving him to the brink of climax.

Rainbow arched her back and spread her wings as her cavern clenched him. “I’m gonna cum, baby! I’m close!”

“Me too, Dash!” Soarin hilted inside Rainbow, crushing her against his body as he came explosively, the condom around his cock stretching as it filled.

Rainbow kissed him to muffle her scream as she came with him. As she came down from it, she panted and slowly pulled off him, looking at the condom with wide eyes. “We need to get some better condoms. That one almost burst trying to hold your monster load.”

Soarin chuckled and pulled the condom off, tying it shut, “Yeah, I know. Just like cafeteria food, you’d think our budget would at least get us Trojans or something, not just generic pharmacy condoms.”

Rainbow laughed and hugged him, pressing her bust into him. “You know… My friend Twilight Sparkle has really good connections. She could probably get us Trojans. Maybe even tweak them with her magic to make them even sturdier.”

“Clearly I’m interrupting something,” a voice rang out through the air. Gilda hovered in place, having been watching, completely mortified but unable to look away, as Soarin came inside Rainbow Dash, repressing a sigh of relief when she saw that the Wonderbolt had a condom on… even if it was a cheap piece of crappy latex.

Rainbow blushed at being caught. “Gilda! W-Where did you come from and how long were you watching us?” she asked, unconsciously raising an arm over her chest.

“Ah… eheh… I uh…. I came from the Gala…. and I saw Soarin c-cum inside you.” Gilda blushed furiously and hid her face in her hands. After taking a few breaths to calm down, she landed and pointed at Rainbow, “A-anyway, this might be a bad time for it but I have to tell you something, Dash!”

“What is it?” Rainbow asked as she started fixing her dress, starting with covering her chest back up. “You know you can tell me anything, Gilda.”

Gilda coughed and tried to stay calm and not botch her confession, “Ahem… Rainbow, we’ve known each other since Flight School, yeah? Went through a lot there… heh… and, well… during that time, and over the years of me not seeing you, I came to a real conclusion about how I felt about you…”

Rainbow blushed as she realized where this was going. “Are you saying that… That you love me?”

“D-dammit! I was gonna make this dramatic confession, RD, and you ruined it!” Gilda cried, throwing her hands into the air in exasperation. Secretly, she was relieved at not having to say it out loud.

“Wow… This is really awkward,” Rainbow said. “Here I am, fresh off getting laid by the guy I’ve been crushing on for months, and now one of my oldest friends is confessing that she loves me.” She nervously chuckled. “Good thing I’m bi, huh?”

Gilda chuckled, “Yeah, it is a good thing… good thing I’m willing to share… as long as Soarin doesn’t try to bone me.”

Dash snickered and looked at her new boyfriend as he stood up. “Yeah. Sorry, Soarin. But Gilda’s full lesbian. She’ll never let your dick near her.” Looking back at Gilda, she grinned. “So… Let’s hear it, Gilda.”

“You heard me, Dash, I love you, I wanna be with you for the rest of my life, and I’m willing to share with Soarin as long as he remembers he’s your boyfriend, not mine.” Gilda huffed and crossed her arms, blushing and looking away in the process.

Rainbow laughed and hugged Gilda. “I love you too, Gilda.” She punctuated that by kissing the flustered griffon, giving Soarin a little show.

Gilda kissed back, gently stroking Rainbow’s wings in that one spot that always made her pop a wingboner.

Rainbow blushed as her wings popped out. “You still know the right spots, Gilda,” she muttered as she returned the favor to Gilda, rubbing her own wingboner spot.

“Gah!” Gilda tensed up as her wings flared out, her blush glowing brighter, “D-dammit Dash! Not when I’m already horny!”

Rainbow snickered. “Well if my girlfriend’s all hot and bothered, I gotta help her out.”

A hand pulled the camera back over to the ballroom, Schrodinger’s smirking face in front of it. “Shall ve give zhem some privacy, Pinkie? Maybe check up on Twilight and Alucard?”

“Yupperoon- Wait, we gotta make sure it’s safe, first,” Pinkie cautioned, peeking out of the screen and quickly withdrawing her head, “Okay, whew… it’s safe. Yupperoonie!”

Chuckling, Schrodinger shifted the camera to focus on Twilight and Alucard, who were mingling with the few nobles they actually liked.

“I must say, my dear, that sounds like quite the adventure!” Fancy Pants chuckled, sipping his wine. “Ah, to be young again, that would be a gift in and of itself, wouldn’t it, Fleur?”

“Quite a bit, my love. Quite a bit,” Fleur spoke with a sophisticated Prench accent. “The gift of youth is often unknown to the young, is it not? Always wanting to grow up faster…. it is a shame.” She sighed dramatically, chuckling at her own words.

Twilight chuckled with her and took a moment to light a cigar. “Of course some people manage to age gracefully. But most try to just keep looking young.” She exhaled some smoke and hugged Alucard’s arm. “And then there’s the ambitious ones that try to stay young forever.”

More chuckles from the nobles, Fancy Pants stating, “An ambition that many never quite reach, save for our beautiful Princess and her just as lovely sister, eh?”

Fleur pretended to gasp in outrage, giggling as she lightly slapped Fancy Pants on the shoulder, “Why you scoundrel! You don’t just insinuate about a woman’s age like that, you know! But yes, Princesses Celestia and Luna are both quite youthful, are they not?”

“Yes they are,” Twilight agreed. “But it comes with being immortal. But they’re not the only ones, I’m sure.” She gave Alucard a grin as she said that.

Fleur nodded, “Indeed. Tis a wide, wide world, and still we find new things just about every day.”

“You have no idea,” Twilight said. “That was so funny earlier, seeing Blueblood get taken down a few pegs. Wonder what he’ll do to come back from that.”

One of the other nobles, a man by the name of Spark Fizzler, crinkled his nose in contempt, “Probably somesing horrid.” The Germane aetherial adjusted his tie and continued, “Just like every ozzer time he’s been embarrassed. Perhaps he has found some unlucky damsel to seduce.”

“Probably,” Alucard said. “I feel sorry for the poor girl. Maybe one day all his old flames will gang up on him and humiliate him so horribly that he can’t come back from it.”

Twilight snorted, “Maybe they’ll bring him to me so I can kick his ass even further. After all, since he has a restraining order, I’d be well within my rights to beat the everloving crap out of him.”

“So many horrible things we could get done to him if we felt like it,” Alucard said. “Maybe we should do that sometime.”

“Only when we’re legally allowed to, Alucard,” Twilight cautioned, patting her count on the shoulder.

Fancy Pants frowned, “I find it incredibly odd that here we are, discussing the merits of, as you put it, ‘beating the crap out of Blueblood’... and yet, none of us care. Odd, that. Makes one realize just how universally hated he is in Canterlot.”

Over in the gardens, Trixie and Big Mac sat in companionable silence, idly stargazing without much regard for the politics within the Gala proper. Trixie’s face held a small frown though, as she looked over at Big Mac.

“I know silence is golden and all, Big Mac, but there’s so much gold here that it’s like staring into the royal treasury. And if I wanted to stare at that much gold, I’d simply just go to the treasury. So speak up, man, and tell me about yourself. What is it that makes the man named Big Macintosh tick?” Trixie twirled her hair and admired Big Mac’s form as she spoke, waiting him to speak up.

Big Mac sat in silence for just a moment, rubbing his short goatee in thought. He shifted the straw in his mouth to the side as he spoke, “Well, never really had much of a need for words, I reckon. Had my muscles do th’ talkin’ most’a the time… Still, if’n y’wanna know ‘bout me, guess I could oblige.”

“Well… I’m curious to know about what you like in other people,” Trixie said, looking at him with a blush. “Maybe what you like in a woman?” She leaned on him somewhat as she smiled at him.

Big Mac looked over at Trixie, “Askin’ the hard questions right of, huh? Well, I’ll do m’best to not disappoint. Lesse… Now, mind you, a woman ain’t gotta have all th’traits fer me t’go after her, but Ah’m just describin’ mah ideal woman. Mah ideal woman… where do I begin? Little shorter than me, but not too far b’low mah chest. I wan’ her to be able to kiss me easily, and bein’ shorter than mah chest ain’t a good way to do that. Has t’be at least educated to th’ point of graduatin’ high school, cuz runnin’ a farm takes hard work and brains, ‘spite what Applejack might tell ya. Now, I ain’t gonna go into figures, s’long as she ain’t unhealthy in her eatin’ habits and hygiene, I ain’t gonna judge. That said, Ah do tend t’prefer women with a more… sizeable bust. Not like miss Fluttershy, cuz that ain’t comfy- that’s suffocation, right there. ‘Round your size is perfect fer me, actually, miss Trixie. Ah don’t rightly care if she’s ‘n aerial, aetherial, or just plain old terran. ‘N I guess that’s it, really.”

Trixie was blushing very darkly by the time he was done speaking. He’d just described her perfectly, save for the fact that she was missing an arm. “You really mean all that, Big Mac? And please, just Trixie. I feel awkward when people call me miss.” She hugged him as tightly as she could with her one arm.

“‘F course I can, Trixie,” Big Mac replied, sporting a light blush of his own as he hugged her back, careful to keep his hands from straying.

Trixie lightly giggled and looked into his eyes as she reached up to cup his cheek in her had. “You truly are that one in a million sort of man, Big Mac.”

“Aw shucks, Trixie, I’m not that special. Never even went t’college. All I did was go straight into workin’ the farm ‘soon as I graduated high school.” Big Mac’s blush deepened as he looked away, modesty coming into full play.

“I don’t care,” Trixie said, starting to lean up closer to him. “You’re sweet, kind, a true gentleman. What girl wouldn’t want someone like you?” She closed her eyes and pecked him on the lips. “I know I do. Ever since I first laid eyes on you.”

Big Mac sighed contentedly, “And I know I want you, Trixie, if’n you’ll have me. Maybe not since I first saw you, but definitely now.”

Trixie smiled and hugged him closer. “I will have you, Big Mac.” She giggled. “From this moment on, the Great and Powerful Trrrixie is your loving girlfriend.”

Big Mac grinned and took Trixie into his arms, curling them protectively around her shorter frame, “Ah may not be great or powerful, but Ah promise to be the most lovin’ boyfriend y’all ever had.” He kissed her gently, stroking her hair with his free hand.

Trixie smiled as she kissed him back, leaning into him as she felt her left leg lift up, allowing her weight to be supported by Big Mac.

Pinkie pulled the camera back to focus on her and Schrodinger while holding up a thick sheaf of papers, “Hey hey! Why are you over there!? The script says something really funny is gonna happen soon, so why don’t you go where the sou- Oh wait, it’s over with Rarity and Blueblood. Hey Schrody, you think it’d be funnier to see this from the outside or know what’s going on behind the scenes?”

Schrodinger chuckled as his ears twitched. “I sink knowing Rarity’s context will make it funnier, Pinkie.” He smiled his cat smile as he draped his arm around her shoulders as he shifted the camera again.

Rarity was on cloud nine. All the sounds around her mingled together into what she considered quite the melody. The creaking bed, the wet sounds made by her lover’s movements inside her, the impact of his hips against her own, his grunting, and her pleasured moaning. “Oh my prince yes! You’re such an amazing lover!” she cried as she kissed him, feeling his hands on her breasts again.

Blueblood squeezed harder as he thrusted into Rarity’s vagina, having not even bothered with a condom. With each squeeze, more and more pink shimmers erupted from his hands, Rarity’s eyes now glowing a faint magenta from the effects of his spell. With each shimmer came the cumulative loss of Rarity’s higher brain functions, taking away her ability to reason and leaving her as a lust driven shell for as long as the spell was intact.

Rarity moaned louder and pushed his face to her chest, wanting to feel his mouth latched onto her nipples as she bucked her hips against him, loving every grind he made inside her cavern. “Oh yes! Yes! Yes!”

Blueblood suckled messily upon Rarity’s breasts, sending a few sparks of blue through her body as a reinforcement to the contraceptive already in place. He pounded harder, caring not for the enjoyment of his partner, but merely trying to get off as fast as possible.

Rarity wrapped her legs around his waist as she felt her biggest climax yet coming on. “I’m close, my prince! I’m so close!” Her held him tightly against her as her moans got louder and louder.

Blueblood grunted and began thrusting faster, feeling his own orgasm coming on. “I’m close too!” he cried, slamming his hips forward even faster, “Do you want it inside!?”

“Yes, my prince! Yes!” Rarity cried, holding her legs tighter around him to hold him inside her. “Cum deep inside me! Fill me!” She loosed a scream that was blocked by the soundproofing as she came hard, clenching him tightly and milking him.

Blueblood’s eyes widened just as he shot off his load inside of Rarity, locked in place from the force of his orgasm and Rarity’s grip as he groaned in simultaneous relief and horror. As soon as his orgasm finished, he all but shoved Rarity from him, pulling out a disposable towelette from his pocket and cleaning himself off and dressing once more, “Y-you’re a commoner!? O-only commoners use such an uncouth vocabulary! Alas! I have sullied my royal countenance with the unworthy flower of a common country harlot!”

Rarity cried out in surprise as she was shoved from the bed, the shock knocking away the hypnosis spell as he insulted her and called her a harlot. Then she realized what had fully happened. Her face twisted into a glare. Slowly standing up, she magically cleaned herself up and dressed as she looked at the spoiled prince, drawing her knife. “Twilight was right about you, you beast!” She slowly stalked toward him. “Calling me a commoner, a harlot no less. I may be from a small countryside town, but I am no harlot. Now that see the sort of creature you really are, it fills me with disgust that I fell prey to your foul pelvic sorcery! Using such a wretched spell to lull me into giving myself to you. You robbed me of my virginity, you wretched, horrid, beast!”

Rarity disappeared from sight, blurring into motion with a bright streak of blue. The streak of blue coalesced into a single brilliant line, arcing around Blueblood in angular movements as it all but danced around his body. The line traced around his body and ran along the seams of his clothing, the stunned Prince too busy with his confusion to move away from it. After a mere ten seconds, Rarity blurred back into view behind Blueblood, the point of her knife pressed firmly into his collar, piercing through without ever touching his skin. She sheathed her knife and opened the door, shattering the soundproofing spell and closing the door behind her.

As the door clicked closed, several hundred arcs of wind blasted around Blueblood in a bright flare of delayed motion, shredding his clothes along the seams and then disintegrating them under the force of their removal. Every last stitch disappeared, leaving the spoiled brat completely bare to the world.

Blueblood’s scream of fury, embarrassment, horror, and fear blasted across the Gala, even reaching to the residential districts of Canterlot. Several weaker windows shattered from just the pitch of his scream, the immensely girly sound going so far as to shatter several of the party-goers’ wine glasses.

As everyone simultaneously turned to the source of the scream, Blueblood burst from the closed doors, startling most of the guests into a panic as they sought to escape from Blueblood’s unwelcome visage. The rest of the guests immediately broke down into helpless laughter at the sight of sheer panic on the spoiled man’s face.

None were louder than Alucard, who was holding his sides while Twilight leaned on him, equally loud in her laughter, barely able to light a new cigar, since the scream had startled her enough that she bit through the one she had been smoking.

In the midst of it all, Rarity lit her pipe with a smirk of satisfaction. Finally speaking as she exhaled some smoke. “Such wonderful catharsis. I dedicate this little scandal of Prince Blueblood to all of the women he’s used for his own pleasure over the years!”

The women in question that still remained after Blueblood’s entrance and subsequent exit all cheered raucously for Rarity, some of them even going so far as to bow down to her in their exuberance.

Rarity smiled at her new fans and chuckled. “Let us hope that this little incident teaches Blueblood how to properly treat women, yes?” She added some more herbs to her pipe as she reveled in the attention.

Twilight chuckled, her cigar shaking with each convulsion, “I certainly hope so! At least he’ll never bother you again, right?”

“Yes… Quite,” Rarity said in a bit of disappointment. “I’m sorry, Twilight. I should have listened to you about him. Especially since you grew up here and would know him infinitely better.” She exhaled some smoke. “Instead I stubbornly stuck to trying to court him and got deflowered and used for my trouble.”

Twilight stopped chuckling immediately, “Oh no he didn’t.” She fumed, eye twitching as her fingers twitched. Oh how she wished that she hadn’t left her wires and parasol at home. At this point she was just dying to peel Blueblood’s dick like a banana.

“Shall I go dispose of the disgraced prince, my master?” Alucard asked, reaching for the ever present Casull and Jackal with a truly furious expression on his face.

“Do my ears deceive me?” Anderson asked as he walked toward them with Fluttershy. “Did that lowly wretch truly use Rarity as his personal toy and cast her aside like refuse?!” He flicked his arms and brandished a pair of bayonets. “This can be over with one swing of my sword! Iscariot does not shirk when the enemy presents itself!”

Fluttershy huffed angrily, not saying a word. While she felt that Blueblood didn’t need to die, she still felt the extreme need to have words with the man.

“Hey what was that girly scream?” Rainbow asked as she, Gilda, and Soarin flew down to the group, very confused.

“Prince Blueblood used Rarity for sex after Anderson humiliated him,” Twilight snarled, barely avoiding biting through her cigar again.

Rainbow snarled, “He did what!?” She ground her teeth and nearly tore through her dress in fury, “When I get my hands on that asshole there’s not gonna be enough left of him to fill a fucking thimble!”

“Right behind you, girlfriend,” Gilda muttered, cracking her knuckles. Soarin did nothing but glare and shake in rage; while he didn’t know Rarity, he still hated Blueblood for his absolutely deplorable actions.

“Rarity was used by that wretch?!” Trixie demanded as she stalked toward them with Big Mac in tow. “Where is he?!” she demanded as she drew her rapier. “I will make him rue this day!”

The group milled around in search of possible directions in which their quarry had escaped, swiftly growing more and more enraged at the thought of Blueblood going unpunished for his deeds.

“Alright, alright, everyone. Calm down,” Celestia’s soothing presence washed over the group, instantly shifting them from murderous to simply enraged, “What seems to be the problem here? I assume it involves my nephew, Twilight?”

“That nephew of yours used Rarity for sex after Anderson humiliated him!” Twilight snarled, just short of screaming. Pulling her cigar from her mouth, she looked at her master with glowing red eyes. “Now we’re going to find him and make. Him. Pay!” She snapped her cigar between her fingers and crushed it under her foot.

Celestia stilled, her soothing presence turning icy cold in tranquil fury. She smiled a terrifying smile, “Well now, is that so, Miss Rarity?”

“It is, Your Majesty,” Rarity confirmed. “He charmed me, got me alone, then used what I can only describe as a hypnotic roofie on me. By the time I got my wits about me again we’d already finished and he was calling me an unworthy commoner harlot. Nevermind that he had just stolen my virginity with his foul pelvic sorcery!” She spat on the floor. “I can only imagine how many other women he’s done this to.”

Celestia’s smile only widened, “Interesting. Well, don’t you worry, ladies and gentlemen… and Alucard. The situation shall be resolved by morning.”

“Unhand me at once!” Blueblood demanded as he was dragged toward the throne room by a pair of absolutely livid looking guards. “I am the prince of this kingdom, and you will obey me!”

“Shut up!” the terran guard on his right snapped as he punched Blueblood hard. “The princess is in no mood for your tantrums right now.” Nodding to the aetherial guards outside the throne room, the double doors were opened and Blueblood was dragged inside, the doors shutting behind them with an echoing thud. “Princess Celestia, we have brought the scumbag,” he said as they forced Blueblood to his knees while kneeling themselves.

Celestia stared at Blueblood imperiously from her throne, all traces of any sort of familial love gone from her face. “Do you know why you are here, Prince Blueblood?” she asked, her voice strangely frosty, a startling contrast to the warm tone she normally spoke with.

Blueblood gulped. “I do not. What is the meaning of this, Auntie? I have done nothing wrong!”

“Oh really? Tell me, do you recall the events of last night’s Gala?” Celestia leaned forward, hands supporting her head and elbows upon her knees.

“I was accosted and humiliated by that bayonet wielding thug that accompanied that pink haired commoner!” Blueblood said indignantly. “I demand justice for my near dismemberment!”

Celestia raised an eyebrow, “Anything else, Blueblood? Keep in mind, it is better to tell the truth now than for me to find out about it later.”

“I went to de-stress and found a lovely looking young woman that I only found out was a commoner after I had already laid with her. I have been bathing for hours to remove that taint. To say nothing of her destroying my favorite suit! That little harlot!”

Celestia smiled. It was not a pretty smile. In fact, one might call it the absolute most terrifying smile ever made by any living creature on the face of the planet in all of history. “And that’s where the problem lies, Blueblood. That ‘harlot’ is the bearer of the Element of Generosity. And you used a horrid aphrodisiacal spell upon her that is colloquially known as the ‘Magic Roofie’. All of this verified by the Element of Honesty. Now, I may have overlooked your past transgressions, Blueblood… but this… taking, against her will, the virginity of one of the Elements of Harmony and quite possibly giving her psychological damage… an unforgivable offense. Henceforth, Blueblood, you are to be stripped of your title, your status, your lands and holdings, your royal stipend, all your assets, your servants, your mansion, and just about every last bit of property you own. But, that is not enough. From the sheer amount of people that have reported you doing to them what you did to the Bearer of Generosity, I have, with heavy heart, decided to banish you from Equestria. Save for the clothes upon your back, you shall have absolutely nothing when you leave. You will be left at an undisclosed location and will not be allowed back within the borders for a full six months. If you are found within the borders before the six month period ends, you will be killed on sight. Do you understand me?”

Blueblood stared at her in horror. Exiled? Stripped of all he owned? “Please no, Auntie! You can’t do this to me! We’re family!” A wire lashed out from behind the throne and lightly wrapped around his throat to make him shut up as Twilight stepped from behind the throne.

“Trust me, Blueblood. This way, you get to live,” Twilight sneered in a cold tone, her eyes glowing red. “If it were up to me, you’d be thrown to the wolves, so to speak. And words cannot describe how agonizing your death would be. So count what few blessings you have, scrape up what little dignity you have left, and leave quietly. Before my fingers slip…” Her finger twitched ever so slightly, causing the wire to draw just a drop of blood to punctuate her threat.

Celestia nodded, “My faithful student is correct as ever, Blueblood. Now, stop your whining. You leave in less than an hour. I suggest you begin what few goodbyes you may have to make.”

Blueblood was too horrified to say a word, even after the wire was recalled to Twilight’s glove. He just stared out into space as he was escorted from the throne room.

Twilight looked at Celestia as the doors shut behind him. “I still think you should have let us torture him to death and feed his soul to Alucard.”

Celestia snorted with morbid humor, “I think if I did that, it would be the first time Alucard would have ever gotten indigestion from eating someone.”

Twilight giggled. “Yeah. You’re probably right. Still… Even with this punishment, I feel like he’s getting off too easily.”

“Getting dumped in the middle of the Saddle Arabian desert wasteland with nothing more than his clothing, a knife, and a canteen full of water is letting him off easy?” Celestia asked, eyes dancing with vengeful mirth.

Twilight couldn’t stop herself from letting off the psychotic laugh that was known to very quickly turn Alucard on. “Oh you are just the worst! Who knows? If he makes it back alive he might be a better person for it!”

“One can only hope, Twilight. One can only hope…” Celestia sighed and shook her head, “Anyway, don’t you eleven have a train to catch?”

“Oh gods I forgot all about that!”

Alucard grinned at the panting group as they sat down and rested from the race to catch the train right before it departed for Ponyville. His grin faltered when he heard a low, very sinister laugh on the wind. Looking back at the palace, he frowned in suspicion.

Twilight looked over to Alucard, “Is something the matter, my count?”

Alucard was silent for a few moments before looking away from the window. “It’s nothing, my countess.” “I certainly hope I was hearing things.”

Author's Note

Look upon the downfall of Prince Blueblood and rejoice, dear readers!

You Cheeky Dick Waffle!

Author's Note

I admit, Justin and I have taken some massive risks for this chapter. Please don't lynch us if you don't like what you see this chapter.

You Cheeky Dick Waffle!

Rarity sighed as she sat with Twilight on her fainting couch, her pipe held in her fingers as she smoked. She glanced over at Twilight, who was smoking a cigar. “So… What should be discussed about that night first?”

Twilight rubbed her chin and tapped some ash into the ashtray, “Maybe just start with what happened? But if you feel uncomfortable, you don’t have to say it; I’ll understand.”

Rarity exhaled some smoke and knocked some ash from her pipe into the ashtray before refilling the pipe. “Well… It all started in the garden. I saw him out the corner of my eye and started working my charms to test him.” She lit her pipe and took a puff. “At first he acted like a gentleman, and led me to a small bedroom off from the ballroom. He traced his hand from my shoulder down my back to my waist, and asked if I wanted to skip straight to the festivities, locking and soundproofing the room as I asked him what sort of festivities as part of my teasing.”

Twilight nodded, “Continue…”

Rarity nodded. “He kissed me and squeezed my breast. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough that I certainly felt it. Then he uncovered my breasts. I asked him if they pleased him, he said they did. Then dropped his pants. If not for that magic roofie, I’d have broken the teasing off and humiliated him. But instead I had him pull my gloves off. And then…” She hesitated and took a longer drag from her pipe.

“And then…” Twilight asked, raising her eyebrow. Her cigar hung loosely from her fingers, periodically dropping ash into the tray below.

Blueblood grinned as he bent Rarity over the bed while rubbing his tip against her soaking snatch. “Is it your first time, my lady?” he asked as he reached around to rub her breasts, sending another small aura of magic into her skin as he rubbed on her more.

“Yes, my Prince,” Rarity replied, arching her back under his touch, “I’ve saved myself for this moment.” She shifted her hips slightly, aligning Blueblood’s shaft with her entrance.

“Well then consider it an honor to be deflowered by your Prince,” Blueblood said as he shoved his entire length inside of her with one thrust, lightly groaning at how tight she was.

Rarity moaned loudly, bringing her hand up to her mouth in a futile attempt to stifle the sound. Her walls clenched down upon Blueblood’s girth, pulsating from both pain and pleasure as she slowly got used to the feeling of Blueblood inside her.

Blueblood gripped her hips and started thrusting in and out of her, massaging her supple rear as more pink magic soaked into the skin of her buttocks. “Your body is magnificent, my lady,” he groaned as he reached around and squeezed her breasts again, one hand soaking in pink magic and the other soaking in the blue of a contraceptive spell.

Rarity’s mind went fuzzy as she thrusted against Blueblood, her voice suddenly transitioning into incoherent moans as her arousal seemed to skyrocket. Still, she kept thrusting against him, aching with the burning arousal nestled in her loins.

Releasing her breast, the hand soaked in pink trailed down and began rubbing her clitoris, soaking more magic into it as Blueblood licked and sucked on her neck. He was truly fortunate to find such an attractive virgin as this woman.

Rarity’s mind began slipping away under Blueblood’s ministrations, her vision clouding into a warm haze of pink as her ears and mind filled with the fluffiest of cottons. She moaned, a low, keening sound full of arousal and lust.

Straightening up, Blueblood lifted her left leg and hooked it over his shoulder, thrusting deeper into her while rubbing her luscious thigh with his pink coated hands. “Such a wonderful body, my lady. I may need to come back for more after tonight.”

Rarity could hardly think straight through the fog clouding her mind. All she knew was that the man in front of her sent the most wonderful feelings through her body and that she had to keep thrusting in time with him to ensure the constant stream of pleasure.

Blueblood groaned as he poured in more power to the contraceptive spell, feeling the first of several orgasms coming on fast. Thrusting harder, he stiffened and groaned as he came deep inside her cavern.

As soon as she felt Blueblood’s seed inside her, Rarity’s mind blanked out completely and faded away under a seemingly endless tide of pleasure and pink. Her body kept moving on autopilot, striving to please the man before her with all she had.

Panting, Blueblood pulled out of her and sat on the bed, motioning for her to get between his legs. “I need your help to get ready for another round, my lady.” He ran his fingers through her hair while nudging her toward his flaccid length, more pink soaking into her scalp.

Rarity leaned forward and began suckling Blueblood’s flaccid penis, stroking it with her tongue and teasing it back into an erection. She fondled his testicles as she sucked, rolling them between her fingers.

Blueblood groaned and gripped her head as she serviced him. For a virgin, she was a natural at using her mouth. He had to wonder though… “Use your bosom too, my lady.” His cock twitched at the thought of her sandwiching it between those mounds.

Rarity obliged, lifting her breasts up and letting them capture Blueblood’s shaft between them. She worked her mounds up and down Blueblood’s penis and moved them in gentle circles.

Blueblood leaned his head back as he groaned. She was just as good with her breasts as her mouth. Her every movement made him twitch in pleasure. “You have such a soft bosom. Keep using your mouth too.” He toned back the spell just enough to make her able to praise his skill and take compliments.

Rarity’s mind cleared just enough for coherent speech to kick in, not that she was capable of speaking with the tip of Blueblood’s cock lodged firmly within her mouth as she licked it as if it were a lollipop. Still, she managed to mumble out a few enthusiastic praises in between licks and strokes.

Blueblood preened at her praise and rubbed her head, groaning in enjoyment of her services. He soon started panting as he felt another orgasm coming at him. Gripping Rarity’s head, he started thrusting in and out of her mouth, finally groaning as he burst in her warm oral cavity.

Rarity’s mind almost disappeared once more once the second load filled her mouth and into her throat. She began milking Blueblood for every last drop of semen she could, her lips wrapped tightly around him.

As he finished cumming, Blueblood pulled out of her mouth and had her lie back on the bed, getting on top of her and rewarding her excellent service with a deep kiss while fondling her breasts, taking care to tease her nipples as he reinforced the contraceptive spell.

“Oh yes my Prince! Yes!” she cried, eagerly writhing beneath him at the sheer pleasure his touch brought her. She couldn’t think of anything but lavishing all her lust and attention upon Blueblood, such were the effects of the haze settled into her mind.

Once he was hardened again, Blueblood rubbed against her clit for several seconds before thrusting back inside of her, groaning as he did. She really did have quite the warm and accommodating cavern. Gripping her shoulders, he started thrusting fast and hard into her. He wanted her to be willing to be used whenever he wanted when he was done.

Rarity’s hips bucked almost on their own, meeting Blueblood’s thrusts halfway and matching his pace. She tossed her head back in a daze, completely surrendering herself to him.

Blueblood grinned and thrusted harder into her, licking her neck and pulling on her nipples. “Tell me how it feels, my lady.” He pressed against her and thrusted deeper as he ran his hands all over her smooth, creamy skin.

“Absolutely wonderful, my Prince!” Rarity cried, her hands braced upon his shoulders. She couldn’t help but let out a wail of pleasure, almost drowning in the steadily advancing wall of pink haze.

Blueblood groaned as he felt her clenching on him and milking him for more of his seed. Pinning her harder against the bed, he obliged her, groaning as he emptied his balls inside of her canal a second time.

Rarity’s orgasm struck fast and hard, her walls clenching down and all but pinning Blueblood in place and forcing his seed deeper into her vagina.

Blueblood groaned as she squeezed him. “Oh my lady, you’re so deliciously tight.” He latched his mouth onto her nipple and sucked hard on it as he reached between them and rubbed her clit, urging her to keep clenching him to harden him again.

Rarity moaned again, clenching down further and grinding her hips against Blueblood, absolutely loving the sensation of his shaft hardening inside her.

Once he was fully erect, Blueblood pulled out just long enough to spoon Rarity before thrusting back into her, lifting her right thigh so that he could get even deeper into her as he thrusted while his left hand slipped under her to fondle her breast, glowing blue as he strengthened the contraceptive.

Rarity’s hand came up and began fondling her other breast, pinching and squeezing the nipple . She cried out in ecstasy, all but writhing under Blueblood from just how good she felt. “Yes! Yes, my prince! Right there! Yes!”

Blueblood rolled her on top of him and squeezed both of her mounds as he thrusted harder and faster. “My lady, do you want this again after tonight?” he breathed into her ear as he pinched her nipples.

“Yes, my prince. I would absolutely love to lie with you again,” Rarity responded, bringing her arms up and back to hold his head against hers.

Blueblood chuckled and brought a hand up to hold her soft hand against his cheek as he kissed her. Nothing like the ultimate positive reinforcement to keep her coming back for more. Pretty soon she’d settle for no man but him.

Rarity leaned into the kiss, eagerly returning it but daring not to extend it further lest she displease Blueblood. As soon as his lips contacted hers, the pink haze returned, far stronger than before, but still leaving her with a bare few faculties.

Blueblood smirked against her lips. She had such soft and full lips. Deciding to explore further, he pushed his tongue past her lips and into her mouth. As he did, he ran his fingers through her hair and held her head so that she couldn’t break the kiss while he explored her mouth.

The pink haze circling through Rarity’s mind grew ever stronger as Blueblood probed through her mouth. Rarity began bucking harder, all but slamming her hips against Blueblood’s.

Blueblood groaned and started slamming in time with her. She was certainly enthusiastic. Breaking the kiss, he kissed her earlobe. “Tell me, my lady. Is it a dangerous day? Is my contraceptive spell the only thing protecting you?”

Rarity whimpered from the loss of Blueblood’s lips upon her own but replied, “Yes, my prince.” She returned her focus to Blueblood’s absolutely lovely ministrations, her cries of pleasure once more resuming.

“How does that make you feel? Being at my mercy like this?” Blueblood’s heart rate sped up as he rolled her nipples between his fingers. One act of will, and he could make her his. His concubine. The perfect breeding girl that would never defy him.

“It feels wonderful, my prince!” Rarity cried out as another orgasm ripped through her. She arched her back once more, a squirt of liquid gushing from between her thighs.

Blueblood groaned and came with her, emptying a third load into her, for the moment, protected womb. “It excites you that the spell could fail? That the floodgates might open and let all my seed reach your waiting egg, my lady?”

“Yes, my prince,” Rarity sighed, just barely out of the orgasmic high that clouded her mind even further than normal. She ground against Blueblood again, teasing him back to erection.

Groaning in pleasure at her dutiful tendings, Blueblood carefully turned her around while keeping inside her and rolled on top of her. She was the one. She would be his concubine. Kissing her to further distract her, his hands glowed blue for a moment, and withdrew all the blue colored mana from Rarity’s body, allowing the contraceptive to fall as he started thrusting hard and fast into her.

Rarity felt the contraceptive dissipate and let out an absolutely delirious cry of sheer ecstasy, her head lolling back as she felt Blueblood’s penis without anything between it and her walls.

Blueblood groaned against her neck as he felt the same pleasure. “Tell me, my lady. Does it not feel so much better with no protection at all?” He kissed her neck and squeezed her breasts as he went faster in and out of her.

“Oh yes, my prince! It feels heavenly!” Rarity wiggled her hips in circles, trying to grind Blueblood’s penis deeper inside her.

Though concerned more for his own pleasure, Blueblood couldn’t help but enjoy Rarity’s moans. They sounded very melodic. All the better to serenade him while he pleasured himself with her body. Sucking her left nipple into his mouth, he thrusted harder, using a bit of telekinesis to urge her to wrap her legs around him.

Rarity’s legs moved almost of their own accord, wrapping tightly around Blueblood and tightly pressing Rarity against him. She whimpered out a shaky moan, the buildup of the last few orgasms making her dizzy with endorphins.

Blueblood switched nipples and sucked her right one harder as he started trading speed for power, starting to swell inside her as his balls contracted. He released her nipple as he began grunting with every thrust. “It’s coming, my lady. It’s coming!” Time to make the number of loads inside her an even four.

“Yes my prince! Cum inside me!” Rarity cried, feeling Blueblood’s cock start to throb inside her as he released. She screamed again, orgasming and squirting out another stream of liquid.

Blueblood’s eyes widened in horror as he poured his load into her waiting womb. A commoner?! He had lain with a commoner! And on top of that he had just impregnated the unworthy harlot!

Rarity’s eyes widened as the details came back to her. Details she had missed at the time. “Oh dear Celestia…” Her pipe, which had long since gone out, fell from her limp fingers and clattered on the ashtray.

Twilight snapped back into attention, a light blush on her face from Rarity’s tale, “What happened? What’s wrong?”

Rarity looked at Twilight, her face as pale as Twilight’s own. “Twilight… I think he impregnated me…” she breathed.

“Oh shit….” Twilight whispered, dropping her cigar from her suddenly limp fingers. “Oh this is bad… this is very very bad….”

Rarity dropped her face into her hands. “Oh what am I going to do, Twilight?” she asked, her voice muffled by her hands somewhat.

Twilight leaned back and took a breath, panicking would get neither of them anywhere at this point. “The way I see it,” she began, “you have three options: Abort the little bastard kid, raise the kid, or put the kid up for adoption.”

Rarity looked at her with a grown at the first suggestion. “I’ll not abort an innocent child for the sins of their father. And considering Blueblood’s new reputation, we have no way of knowing if it would be treated properly by any orphanage.” She took a deep breath. “Much as I regret the circumstances of this child’s conception, I’ll not abandon it. What’s that old saying? ‘I’ve made my bed and must now lie in it’?”

Twilight snorted, “As Alucard would say, I think you’ve done plenty of laying in your bed. But on a more serious note, I’m almost glad that you’ve decided to keep the child. Maybe he’ll turn out better than his father ever was.”

Rarity let out a giggle at her joke about Alucard. “He really would say that, wouldn’t he? But all joking aside, I intend to make sure this child is nothing like his or her father.” She smirked. “Especially with the help of five honorary aunts.”

Twilight grinned, “And a few honorary unc- Wait… Alucard is a terrible role model for a child. And so is Schrodinger. Actually, I’m pretty sure you’re the only good role model out of the three of you, Anderson.” She looked over to where the minister sat, hands folded under his chin and eyes staring down at the table in thought.

“Aye, lass, that may be true. Might be true indeed. But, Rarity, are you sure you can handle the burden of raising a child?” he asked.

Rarity smiled at Anderson. “Of course I can handle it. Especially with such wonderful friends to help me do it.” She looked at Twilight. “Though maybe Twilight should be as little involved as possible? I daresay she’s living proof of what a horrible role model Alucard is.”

“Hey!” Twilight growled, “What’s that supposed to mean!?” Still the light grin on her face belied the fact that she was all too aware of just how bad an influence Alucard had been on her.

Rarity giggled as she grinned back at Twilight, hugging her pale friend. “You’re still one of the best friends I could ever ask for.”

“And I’m ever so thankful for that,” Twilight hugged back, before looking out the window, “Hey, is it just me or are those clouds outside… pink?”

Anderson and Rarity both cocked eyebrows at the pink clouds, which Rainbow Dash was trying with apparently little success to round up. “Shall we investigate?” Anderson asked.

“We shall,” Twilight answered, already halfway to the door. She drew her parasol from her pocket dimension and flipped it open, her gloves already on and wires already floating around her.

Rarity joined them, her hand hovering over her knife as Anderson drew a couple of bayonets. As they stepped outside, they spotted Gilda. “Gilda! Do you know what’s going on?”

Gilda swooped down for a landing and wiped some of the pink mass on her hands off on a nearby surface. “I have absolutely no idea what the fuck is happening here,” Gilda shook her head and motioned at the clouds, “I don’t know how, but those aren’t normal cloud-stuff. They’re gods damned cotton-fuckin’-candy.”

“Get back here!” Rainbow snapped at a cloud as she passed by them, finally grabbing it and getting stuck in it a bit. “Dammit!” She looked up as a drop of liquid fell of her nose. “Oh Tartarus no! It’s not supposed to rain today!” The cloud disgorged a load of brown colored rain that, upon taste, proved to be… “Chocolate milk?! Cotton candy clouds that rain chocolate milk?! What the actual fuck?!”

Suddenly, a wild Pinkie appeared!

“... Really? You’re really going to make zhat joke?” Schrodinger asked, staring at Pinkie as she drank in the copious amounts of chocolate milk falling inexplicably from the cotton candy clouds.

Shhhh!

“Alright, alright…” Schrodinger walked over to Twilight and shoved his hands in his pockets, “Vell, zhis all seems… strange.”

Twilight snorted and put away her weapons, “No shit, Schrodinger. Honestly, cotton candy clouds that rain chocolate milk? That shouldn’t even be scientifically possible even with magic… although I could probably replicate it later and- nevermind. Focus on the problem. Okay, how are we going to get rid of these weird clouds…?”

“Perhaps we could gather them together with some help from Applejack and then feed them to Fluttershy’s mutated animals,” Alucard said as he walked over with the busty vet beside him, a large number of bunnies with legs at least eight feet long following behind them, scared of the apex predator before them.

“.....” Twilight stared, “What the fuck.”

Schrodinger, Rarity, and Anderson all shared her sentiment silently, utterly bemused at the sight of the stilt-rabbits.

“An on topa that…” Applejack said as she came over to the bemused group. “Ma corn’s been popping inta popcorn! Anybody care ta explain that?!” She then noticed the stilt bunnies. “Uh… What in the name of Celestia is goin on round here?”

Rarity shook herself from her stupor, “We were just wondering that ourselves, dear.”

Twilight growled and slapped her face, “It’s as if the whole world’s gone mad!”

A jovial yet somehow irritating laugh rent the air. “Mad? What fun is there in making sense?”

Alucard’s eyes widened slightly. “Oh no… I was right…” He groaned in irritation. “Why couldn’t I have just been hearing things?”

Twilight looked around, confused, “What was that? Who was that!? Show yourself!”

The laugh came up again. “You’ve become so boring, Alucard. What happened to you, old chum?”

“You and I were never friends, Discord!” Alucard snapped, his hat and sunglasses vanishing into shadows as he glared, looking more serious than he’d ever been.

“Wait, Discord?” Twilight asked, staring at Alucard, “Alucard, do you know this person?”

“You could say he was my cellmate of sorts for 1200 years,” Alucard explained. “He wasn’t too far from me in the statue garden.”

“So what was he in for?” Rainbow asked before a flash of light engulfed her chest. Looking down in confusion, her eyes widened in horror. “MY TITS!!!” Sure enough, she was once again as flat as a board.

Twilight facepalmed, “Most likely, something like that, but worse.” She shook her head and resumed looking around, trying to spot the mysterious being.

Discord laughed again as a brighter flash of light came up in front of them, revealing a serpentine chimera that looked at them with a grin, his snaggletooth hanging quite prominently as he laughed at Rainbow. “You should see the look on your face! Priceless!”

“Give me back my H-cups, you asshole!” Rainbow snapped. A flash of light revealed they had returned, but now her wings were gone. “MY WINGS!!!” A few more flashes and Fluttershy and Gilda were now grounded themselves, and Twilight and Rarity now had rounded ears.

Twilight patted her ears in shock, “Oh you did not just do that!” She glared at Discord and shook in absolute rage, willing him to spontaneously die.

“Oh calm down, Twilight Sparkle,” Discord said with a dismissing wave of his paw. “I simply did that to ensure there’s no cheating.” He coiled around her. “You see, here is the first rule of the game. No flying, and no magic.”

The girls all straightened up and glared simultaneously at Discord, Twilight hissing out, “You think this is a game!?” Unsheathing the sword from her parasol, she gripped it so tightly that the handle creaked under the pressure.

Discord yawned and snapped his talons, causing all the weapons they had to vanish. “Second rule. No weapons.” He laughed as Anderson tried to summon new bayonets without success.

“Ah, Christ,” Anderson muttered, agitated beyond belief and struggling to keep from just beating the life out of Discord with his bare hands, “As if you didn’t already make us hate you enough.”

“And the final rule is that everybody has to play or the game is over, and I win,” Discord said before pulling a map of Ponyville out of thin air. “The game’s area is all of Ponyville. I’ve scattered your precious Elements of Harmony all over town. If you manage to retrieve them, you win.” The map vanished. “Oh and they can only be accessed by a single person, no groups. So you’ll have to split up to find them.”

Rainbow threw her hands up in the air and cried, “Oh that is such horseshi-”

Twilight trudged through fields of candycanes as she searched through her section of town, mentally still urging Discord to just lay down, bury himself in the ground, and then burn his genitals to ash and use the ash to suffocate himself.

Still, she couldn’t find anything to tell her where her Element was, nothing seemed to stand out, and even the people she got to help her search were less than useful.

Suddenly, the sound of pleasured moans reached her ears, coming from not too far ahead of where she was standing. And they sounded… familiar.

She pushed through the candycanes marring her vision and stepped into a clearing, stopping at the sight of… “Alucard!? Fluttershy!? Princess Celestia!? Luna?!” Twilight cried out, both mortified and confused, and more than slightly aroused, “What the hell is going on here!?”

“What does it look like, boss?” Alucard asked as he groaned from the way Fluttershy’s mounds were being squeezed in circles against his throbbing member while he fondled the two sisters, alternating between their breasts and fingering their soaking wet cores. “We’re havin’ an orgy here.”

“But… but… you promised to not take Fluttershy’s virginity… and don’t you know the stakes of what’s happening here!?” Twilight cried, not even thinking to question the validity of what she saw.

“Oh we know. We just don’t give a fuck,” Alucard said as Fluttershy stood and turned to face Twilight before impaling herself on his shaft with a loud moan. “This is actually more fun.”

Twilight huffed and stormed away, never noticing the slightly grayish tint seeping into her hair, “Fine! Go and waste your chance of eternal life with Fluttershy! Go ahead and ignore the fact that there’s a fucking reality warper loose in the town! Fuck off!” She raced back into the fields, resuming her search as her anger boiled over.

Rarity sighed as she strode through the chaos filled streets. For all that she wished for the high life in Canterlot, she still loved her home, and seeing it in this state ached something awful in her heart.

Out of the corner of her eye, a ball of white appeared and headed toward an alleyway. A distinctly feline looking fluff ball with a familiar way of carrying itself.

“Opal!” Rarity cried, rushing after the cat, “Opalescence you get back here right now! It’s too dangerous to be out and about!”

Opal ignored her owner and darted through the back alleys, keeping out of Rarity’s reach while not getting far enough ahead to lose her.

“Opal! Opal!” Rarity whined, still chasing her cat. Though the runes tattooed all over her were still there, the loss of her magic had left her unable to use even her gloves and boots, unable to gain any sort of advantage.

Opal finally led her into an empty building and dashed up the stairs, curling up above a bed with a rather attractive man on it. A very comatose man.

“Opal!” Rarity cried, rushing into the room. She stopped and stared, “Oh… my….” A faint blush crept over her cheeks as she spied his form, barely hidden under the covers.

Opal rapped her paw against an arrow pointing toward the rather noticeable length poking out against the covers at the man’s waist.

Rarity turned to look… and the blush on her face magnified tenfold. She began fanning herself, already internally bemoaning the fact that she’d most likely have to burn her current pair of panties. “Oh… my….”

Opal jumped from her perch to another, her claws catching on the sheet as she went and pulling them down enough to expose just what the man was packing down south.

Rarity nearly swooned, a light haze clouding her mind from the mere sight of the man’s… tool. She stepped forward unconsciously, some part of her brain willing her to touch it and see what it felt like.

As she approached, the man’s length twitched, as though anticipating her touch in excitement. He was very handsome, even more so than Blueblood had been, but there was a certain noble air about him that was more genuine than that creature Blueblood.

Rarity backed up slightly in hesitation, “No… I need to keep looking for the Elements… but… it’s so… inviting…. and surely the handsome prince must awaken at true love’s first…. ahem….”

His shaft twitched again. Pulsating with every beat of his heart, eager to be enveloped by a lovely woman such as Rarity. It almost seemed to call out to her…

Rarity shook her head and turned back towards the door, grasping the handle and…. locking it closed with a quiet click. She turned back to the nameless man and giggled daintily, removing her panties from beneath her skirt, “Well, surely just a little diversion could be allowed, yes?”

Her hair started graying, unbeknownst to her, as she mounted the man and slowly took him into her dripping core with a moan before unbuttoning her blouse and lifting her bra cups from her breasts.

Rainbow scowled as she wandered around Ponyville looking for the Element of Loyalty. “Fucking Discord taking my wings… Hope the Elements burn him alive…”

“Burn who alive?” a familiar voice asked. Soarin dropped from the sky, landing in front of Rainbow after a tight spiral to bleed off speed. “Hey there good lookin’, what’s going on here? And… what happened to your wings!?”

“That bastard Discord stole my wings for his sick game!” Rainbow said as she hugged her boyfriend. “You don’t know how happy I am to see you right now, babe.”

Soarin hugged her back and smiled, “Hey, it’ll be alright, babe. Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will turn out alright in the end.”

“You bet it will, Soarin,” Rainbow said as she let go of him. “Come on. We’ve gotta find the Element of Loyalty!”

“Right!” Soarin nodded, “... what’s it look like again?”

“It’s a gold necklace with a ruby set into it shaped like my cutie mark,” Rainbow said, smiling at him warmly. She knew she could count on him.

Soarin grinned and flew up to roof level, scanning around below him. “Don’t see anything up here, Dash, I’m gonna fly around a little and check things out, okay?” he called, hovering over Rainbow’s position.

…. Was it just her or was the crotch of his uniform much tighter than normal?

Rainbow felt herself getting a little hot under the collar as she looked at it. “Hey, Soarin? Is your uniform smaller than usual or something?” She gulped as that bulge seemed to twitch.

“What was that?” Soarin yelled down, seemingly still looking for the Element. His muscles shone through his suit, their definition plainly clear. It was almost as if his bodysuit was painted on.

“I asked if your bodysuit is tighter than usual!” Rainbow called, feeling herself getting even wetter. She knew she needed to focus, but he was just so… alluring. She gulped again and licked her lips.

Soarin shrugged, making his pecs and abs do deliciously, wonderful, distracting, things. “Doesn’t seem any tighter to me, babe.”

Rainbow noticed a conveniently empty house beside her and went over to the door. “Soarin! I think I found something in here!” She went into the house and made a show of looking around.

Soarin landed and wiped a hand through his hair and shook it out, the little droplets of sweat catching the light in an absolutely mesmerising shimmer as they fell around him. “Yeah?” Soarin all but purred, slinking behind Rainbow in his gloriously tight, pretty much barely there flight suit. “What is it?”

Rainbow shuddered as she practically felt him standing behind her as she heard the door close and lock, courtesy of Soarin. “False alarm. Nothing here.” She shook her ass for him, inviting him to lay his hands on his girl.

Soarin grinned and ground up against Rainbow, rubbing the bulge of his pants between her butt cheeks, “Just had to get me alone, eh babe?”

Rainbow lightly moaned as she ground back against his bulge. “I can’t help it. I need you, baby.” Her chest heaved as she breathed. “Touch me, Soarin. I need it so bad.” She didn’t even notice her hair go grayscale.

Soarin grinned and ran his hands up her sides, “Of course, babe. How could I possibly resist a girl like you?”

Rainbow shuddered under his touch, feeling his hands stop just below her breasts. “Come on, babe. Stop teasing me like that,” she moaned as she grabbed her shirt and pulled it up, uncovering her breasts for him, her nipples hardening on contact with the air.

“If you insist, Dash,” Soarin smirked and kissed Rainbow, sticking his tongue in her mouth as he moved over to her front and began playing with her breasts, grinding their crotches together.

Rainbow moaned into his mouth as she kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Oh baby, you’re making me so wet.” She lifted her leg and wrapped it around his waist to help grind them closer together.

Soarin grunted and pinched Rainbow’s nipples, moving his fingers in circles as his rapidly hardening bulge came into contact with her juices.

Rainbow moaned louder and ground harder, practically dry humping him except for how wet she was. “Help me get naked, babe. Then show me that thick cock. I wanna suck on it, baby.”

Soarin obliged, grinning as he pulled down her shorts and panties, giving her clitoris a quick kiss as he pulled off her shoes. As he circled around behind her, he lifted her shirt and bra over her head and fondled her breasts some more. After stripping Rainbow naked, he unzipped the front of his flight suit down and shucked it off, tossing it to the side and revealing his naked form to Rainbow, “Well, babe? Shall we?”

Rainbow gave him a lust filled grin as she dropped to her knees, running her hand over his pulsing cock. “Oh we shall, baby,” she purred as she started sucking him off, massaging him with her tongue as she stroked what wasn’t in her mouth.

Soarin groaned and grasped Rainbow’s head, gently moving her deeper onto his shaft with every stroke. He leaned into Rainbow’s mouth, starting to buck his hips while she sucked him off.

Rainbow moaned on his length to send vibrations up it while fondling his balls. She could practically feel them full of that spunk she’d gotten a taste for at the gala. Pulling off him, she lifted her breasts. “How bout a titty fuck, baby?”

“Oh you know it, babe,” Soarin groaned, stroking his penis and sticking it between her breasts. He began thrusting and poked the tip of his cock into Rainbow’s eager mouth, grasping her head once more as he tittyfucked her.

Rainbow moaned to send more vibrations up his tip as she licked it and squeezed her mounds against him. She loved the feel of that veiny rod rubbing against her smooth skin. She looked up at him with a loving gaze.

Soarin looked down and smiled warmly before thrusting further into Rainbow’s mouth, groaning in absolute bliss, leaning his head back and thrusting ever harder.

Much as she wanted to suck him until he filled her mouth with that delicious spunk of his, Rainbow had an itch that she desperately needed him to scratch. So she pulled away from him and stood, bending over against the door as she reached under herself and pulled her soaking outer lips open. “Fuck me. RIght now! I need it so bad, baby! Stick it in me!”

Soarin grinned and reached forward, grabbing Rainbow by the hips and slamming forward, driving himself deep inside her with a single stroke. He groaned loudly, almost cumming from just putting it in.

Rainbow’s eyes widened as she moaned from being stretched out, then noticed the difference in sensation. “Soarin you’re… you’re not wearing a condom!” Even so, she couldn’t deny that it felt so much better without the rubber between them.

Soarin gasped as he continued thrusting, “G-hah! Shit! I didn’t bring one today!” Still, he didn’t stop, still thrusting inside Rainbow as if there was no tomorrow.

“It’s… It’s okay! Just pull out before you cum!” Rainbow moaned as she bucked against him. “Oh fuck! Bareback feels much fucking better than with a condom!”

“You’re tellin’ me, babe! This feels great! You’re so tight!” Soarin cried, slamming against her and letting the loud slap of flesh on flesh ring through the room.

Rainbow lifted her right leg and hooked it over his shoulder. “Go deeper, baby. Hold my thigh and go deeper!” She grabbed one of his hands and put it on her breast. “I love it when you play with my boobs!”

Soarin clutched Rainbow’s thigh and began pounding into her, almost shaking the walls from the sheer force that he put into each thrust. He squeezed her breast tightly, running his thumb over her nipple and massaging the rest.

Rainbow cried out loudly as she came from the pleasure, clenching him harder. “You’re the best, baby! I love you!” She started fondling her other breast as her eyes rolled back somewhat. “Oh fuck yeah! Right there!”

Soarin grunted and kept up the pace, still fondling and and squeezing Rainbow’s breast. He began thrusting faster, grunting with each thrust, “Dammit, getting close!”

Rainbow’s eyes widened. “Pull out! Don’t cum inside me!” She tried to dislodge him from her, but the sheer pleasure combined with his own hold on her made that difficult. “Pull out!”

Soarin tried valiantly to pull out, but didn’t quite make it, his tip still barely inside her as he came, locked in place from the force of his orgasm. As he released his spunk inside Rainbow, he all but collapsed forward, driving himself back inside Rainbow with a shuddering groan of pure bliss.

Rainbow came with him, moaning even as she hoped she was on a safe day. Once she felt his orgasm putter out, she shoved him off her. “Dammit, Soarin! I said not to cum inside me! What if I get pregnant?!”

Soarin stumbled back, “Ah dammit dammit dammit! Shit, I’m so sorry, Dash!”

Rainbow hugged him close. “It’s okay, baby. Maybe I won’t get pregnant. But I’m really hoping I don’t. Not interested in being grounded for nine months. Plus I’m really not ready for kids.”

Soarin hugged Dash, “Hey, hey, if you do get pregnant, I’ll be with you every step of the way, okay? I’ll do my level best to support you for as long as you need it, kay?”

Rainbow nodded and kissed him with a smile. “I know you will. That loyalty is part of why I love you, Soarin.” She smacked him on the chest and started getting dressed. “Enough distractions. We’ve gotta get back to the search!”

Pinkie skipped through the soap covered streets with nary a single sideways glance, taking her time and enjoying some of the more hilarious moments of chaos. She hummed a perky tune, all but skating over the slick and polished surface of the road.

“I’ll say zhis for Discord,” Schrodinger said as he skated with Pinkie, taking her hand and twirling her around him. “He certainly knows how to make jokes und play pranks. A shame he’s our enemy, nein?”

“Yeah…” Pinkie looked around, searching for her Element. “I mean, streets full of soap so they’re extra slippery? This is great!” She spun around Schrodinger, pausing to peck him on the lips as she continued searching.

Schrodinger grinned as he kissed her in return, his eyes widening as his ears twitched. “Vait! Pinkie I just got an idea!” He twirled her around with a grin. “It’s so simple! Vhy didn’t I sink of it sooner?!”

“Use your ‘everywhere and nowhere’ trick to find the Elements?” Pinkie asked, sliding to a halt near a random flock of flamingoes. “That’s actually a great idea, Schrody! Good thinking, babe!”

Schrodinger grinned and preened at his girlfriend’s praise, his ears twitching. “Don’t go anyvhere, mein fraulein! I’ll be right back!” Turning and taking a step, he saw himself beside the Element of Laughter.

“You really shouldn’t have done that, cheater,” Discord’s voice rang out through the empty room. “Because now I’m going to have to do something really nasty to you. Cheaters get punished and all that rot.”

Immediately, Schrodinger’s world went sideways, inverted, upside down, back to normal, inside out, and reverse. All at the same time. Space distorted around and through his form, dispelling quantum uncertainty and blowing Schrodinger into non-existence, only his sense of self keeping him from becoming truly lost to the aether.

“Welcome to a lack of self awareness, catman. I hope you enjoy your life as nothing more than a simple abstraction of data… an imaginary number.” Discord’s laugh rang chillingly through the air as Schrodinger dissipated, his expression of utter shock being the last thing to go.

Pinkie looked around, her knee having been pinching and suddenly stopping. “Schrody? Schrody where are you?” she called in worry. “Here kitty kitty kitty!”

A pair of hands roughly grabbed her from behind, a familiar yet strangely unfamiliar voice purring out from behind her, “Here’s the kitty~” A bulge ground into her buttocks as the hands squeezed her breasts. Schrodinger’s face came into view, grinning a mad grin full of terrifyingly sharp teeth. “Hallo fraulein~ Vant to have some fun?”

Pinkie gasped and lightly moaned as he squeezed her breasts, but she looked at him with only nervousness. “S-Schrody? Are you okay?” Something was off about him, and she didn’t like to think of what it might be.

“Okay, fraulein? I’ve never been better!” Schrodinger leaned in and licked Pinkie’s ear, his normally lustrous pink eyes now glowing a deep, disturbing purple.

Pinkie usually shuddered in pleasure when he did that, but now it was a shudder of fear. “Are you sure? I thought your eyes were pink, not purple.”

“Trick of the light, meine Liebe.” Schrodinger chuckled darkly and continued grinding against Pinkie, “So, shall ve take a break from ze search? I sink you’ve been vorking too hard, my darling Pinkie.”

Pinkie gasped as she suddenly fell back onto a bed with Schrodinger on top of her. Looking around, she saw they were now in their bedroom at Sugarcube Corner. “S-Schrody! We can’t.” She tried to worm out from under him. “We gotta stop Discord first.”

“Discord von’t do anysing vorse zhan vhat’s outside right now, fraulein. I sink ve can spare some time just between us~” Schrodinger grinned down at Pinkie, trailing his hand down her side.

His touch sent shivers up her spine as she kept trying to get out from under him. “Schrody come on. We have to wait.” She blushed as she felt his hand slip under her shirt.

Schrodinger frowned, an absolutely dead look flashing into his eyes. Pinkie recognized that look, having worn the exact same expression every day of her life up until she found her Cutie Mark. “Vait, fraulein? Vhy vould I vait? Vhy should I vait to take zhe body of ze one I love? Vhy should I vait? Because of some deranged chaos spirit trying and failing to take over zhe vorld? Nein. I von’t vait.” With a swift and all too violent motion, he grabbed the front of Pinkie’s shirt and pulled, ripping it to shreds and exposing her bare breasts.

Pinkie cried out in shock as her shirt was torn away. “Schrody no! Stop it!” She pushed against him with even greater urgency. “I promise we’ll make love all you want after we beat Discord!”

“Love, fraulein? Zhis isn’t a matter of love… zhis is a matter of need. And I need you right now.” Schrodinger grinned savagely, tearing away Pinkie’s pants and disappearing his own clothing, his shaft already fully erect and throbbing.

Pinkie blushed darker and closed her legs. “No! You can’t right now! Please, Schrody! This isn’t like you!” She gasped as he roughly grabbed her breasts, resolutely keeping her legs closed despite what he was doing.

Schrodinger’s grin fell as he glared, “You really don’t know vhat I’m like in zhe slightest, fraulein! Did you sink zhat I, somesing more akin to a god zhan a man, could honestly care for zhe hopes and dreams of zhe mortal men around me? Zhat I vould honestly vant to be friends vith such lowly creatures!? Vhy vould I? Zhe answer is simple, fraulein.” He leaned over and whispered in her ear, “I vas using you to suit my vhims, fraulein. Und if you don’t like zhat, zhen I’ll just have to keep going regardless of your… protests.”

Pinkie felt tears sting her eyes. “You… You don’t mean that…” she whimpered, her hair turning gray as one of the balloons of her cutie mark popped. “All that time we spent together. All those times you told me you love me. Was none of it real?”

Schrodinger scoffed and pulled Pinkie’s legs apart, “As if a being vithout a truly defined existence could ever make a real romance. Such a sing is only true in fairy tales, fraulein. Und zhis is no fairy tale.” He thrust forward, savagely pushing his shaft into Pinkie’s unprepared vagina and began fucking her roughly, ignoring all her protests.

Pinkie screamed as he did. “Stop it, Schrody, please! I don’t want this! Not like this!” She tried to get her feet planted on his chest to push him off her. “Let me go!” Another of the balloons on her cutie mark popped as she kept struggling, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Schrodinger grinned savagely and slammed his face into hers, kissing her roughly and all but splitting her lips on her teeth. He held her tightly against him, pinning her to the bed as he continued pounding.

Pinkie sobbed and kept struggling, even as her struggles became weaker. She didn’t even think to bite his tongue when he pushed it into her mouth. “Schrody please stop it!” she mentally sobbed, finding it impossible to get him off of her.

Schrodinger thrusted harder, the wet slapping of flesh echoing through the empty room. With a great, heaving groan, he orgasmed inside Pinkie, not bothering to even try to pull out.

Pinkie cried out as she came with him, her body no longer listening to her. “Why didn’t you pull out, Schrody?! Please tell me you’re at least being safe!”

“Safe!?” Schrodinger laughed maniacally, “Vhy vould I care about being safe!? Nothing in zhis vorld can hurt me, and I don’t care about you! So zhere’s absolutely no reason for me to even try!”

Pinkie stared at him in shock. “You… You don’t care at all?” she asked, choking back a sob as the final balloon in her cutie mark popped, her head falling back against the pillow in resignation. “Fine. Do what you want. I don’t care anymore.” She wiped her tears and refused to look at him.

Schrodinger grinned and ran his fingers almost tenderly through her hair, “Zhat’s more like it… pet.”

Fluttershy looked around nervously as she searched what she could only describe as a field of licorice grass for the Element of Kindness. She didn’t like being away from her friends. Especially from Twilight and Alucard. “I can do this. I have to be strong.”

Discord’s baleful chuckle echoed through her surroundings as the world seemed to fall away from around Fluttershy, leaving nothing but an endless black void. “Strong? You? You’re the weakest out of all your friends, my dear! Even that snooty bookworm has killed more people than you’ve ever dreamed about even just talking to!”

“I-I don’t want to kill people,” Fluttershy said. “Twilight is a different kind of strong. She’s good at fighting. But me… I’m something of our group’s heart.” She smiled. “Being strong doesn’t always mean being good at fighting.”

“And yet… you’ve never shown an ounce of strength. When danger comes, either you don’t get the chance to face it, or you just run away. So how could you possibly be strong in any way?” Discord asked, coiling around Fluttershy and changing the scenery into an inverted-color version of her own cottage and its surrounding area.

Fluttershy shuddered at the invasion of her personal space by the mad god, but she looked him right in the eye. “I keep us together. I make sure we’re able to work through our problems when we fight.”

Discord growled, “Oh so you can be a good mediator, eh? Well what good is being a mediator if all you can do is calm down your friends? You can’t even talk to other people can you?”

“I’m talking to you, aren’t I?” Fluttershy pointed out as she crossed her arms. “Maybe before I had trouble talking to other people, but Alucard’s helped me come out of my shell when I have to.”

“....” Discord frowned, not used to being unable to twist and turn peoples’ emotions with just his words. “You really are a strangely resilient one, aren’t you?” he asked, rubbing certain parts of his anatomy against Fluttershy, dissolving her clothing and shifting the landscape back to the void.

Fluttershy gasped and covered herself with her arms as best she could. “Stop it! Never thought you’d be a pervert too! Even Alucard has standards!” She unleashed the full force of the Stare at Discord point blank.

“Oh no! Augh! Please no! Don’t look at me like that!” Discord cried, flinching away and floating in front of Fluttershy, writhing and twisting in the air as he grinned, “It only gives me a boner!” Sure enough, both of Discord’s twin penises were fully erect, both horse penis and dragon penis bobbing in the air, seemingly with minds of their own.

Fluttershy backed away in horror and disgust. “Get those away from me, Discord!” she snapped, still Staring him down in defiance. “You’re disgusting!”

Discord laughed his ugly laugh, “Oh if I had a bit for every time someone’s told me that!” He grinned and snapped his talons, levitating Fluttershy into the air, back parallel to the ground and legs spread wide apart. “Well well… you actually do take care of yourself down there! And here I expected just a little bush of pink!” His twin cocks writhed through the air, extending impossibly and inching menacingly towards Fluttershy.

Fluttershy gasped in surprise as she was levitated, and tried to get away from Discord. “No! Stop it! What do you think you’re doing?!” She blushed very darkly as she felt the twin phalluses rubbing against her inner thighs.

Discord rolled his eyes, “Isn’t it obvious? I’m going to rape you into a sobbing, drooling, incoherent mess that lives only to be raped over and over again by me. Honestly, you women have no common sense these days.” His twin cocks wrapped around Fluttershy’s thighs, tying them to her arms and then circling back around to rub against her pussy and ass.

Fluttershy struggled and tightly closed her eyes as she tried to escape his hold. “Let me go! You’re signing your own death warrant if you do this! Alucard won’t let you get away!”

“Oh please, as if that asshole of a vampire could do anything to me!” Discord boasted, slamming both of his tentacle-like appendages deep within Fluttershy. Both of them writhed inside Fluttershy, painfully pushing against her inner walls.

Fluttershy screamed in agony as they forced their way inside both of her holes, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Stop it! Stop it! It hurts so much! Please I’m begging you!” She kept trying to escape him despite the pain.

Discord laughed maniacally, his wings stretching forth to cradle Fluttershy in a mocking parody of a lover’s embrace. “Scream all you want, girl! There’s nobody around who can help you now!” His cocks continued to writhe, the one in her ass stretching impossibly deep within her, causing a bulge to form in her abdomen.

Fluttershy’s head tilted back as she was reduced to moaning in pain as she felt the dragon cock working its way through her body, sending strange sensations through her. “Stop it…” Slowly but surely the wriggling worked its way through her intestines and into her stomach. Once it began working its way up her throat, she began gurgling.

Discord groaned as his dragon cock erupted from Fluttershy’s mouth and split open like a disturbingly fleshy flower, a thick tentacle erupting from its depths surrounded by smaller, thinner tentacles. The thinner tentacles immediately wrapped around Fluttershy’s breasts, teasing her nipples and piercing into them. As they spread into Fluttershy’s milk ducts, they increased in number to follow the branches of Fluttershy’s internal surfaces.

The thicker tentacle continued its journey southward, several thin tentacles trailing after it. A thin tentacle wrapped around Fluttershy’s clitoris and began stimulating it with microscopic needles, piercing the sensitive flesh and filling it with aphrodisiacs. The other thin tentacles wriggled their way into Fluttershy’s urethra, yanking it open and gaping it to allow several more tentacles to wrap around each other and drive into Fluttershy’s bladder, unfurling and teasing the inside of it. Finally, the thick tentacle halted and hovered indecisively around Fluttershy’s crotch before splitting off, a second head driving into her ass while the main head wedged itself into her vagina and spiraled around, following Discord’s horse cock and slipping into her womb.

The tentacle split again, driving deep inside Fluttershy’s uterus as it coiled around itself and uncoiled, one head going into each fallopian tube and writhing for maximum stimulation.

Fluttershy had fallen silent under the assault on her senses, being unable to pull together a coherent thought. All she could do as her hair slowly faded into gray was twitch and gurgle around the cock filling her throat. Her eyes stared out with a blank look. The lights were on, but she was not in at the moment.

Discord grinned as he looked over Fluttershy’s comatose form, “Oh look, she’s out cold. Can’t have that now can we?” He snapped again, instantly making Fluttershy recover and keeping her from falling again. “Naughty naughty, pet. Can’t have you falling asleep. Why, I haven’t even gotten started yet!”

Fluttershy couldn’t even look at him as she gurgled around the dragon cock. She could only moan as her body felt many many foreign pleasures. From the insides of her breasts to all her holes down south.

Discord leered down at Fluttershy, “You know, it really is all too convenient that I’m a breast man, isn’t it? Oh your tits are just heavenly, you know that? But… they could be bigger.” Within Fluttershy’s breasts, Discord’s tentacles swelled and began releasing a massive flood of fluid, engorging Fluttershy’s mounds and causing them to swell from MMM to an absolutely ridiculous size, their sheer weight almost dragging Fluttershy back down to the floor. Discord chuckled and extended his tongue, running it along Fluttershy’s new breasts, each one almost the size of her entire body.

Fluttershy’s new size and the aphrodisiacs that enlarged her breasts made her moan loudly as he licked them. Or, as loud as she could with her throat still blocked by his tentacle shaft. “That feels really good… But I have to resist!”

Discord patted Fluttershy’s head, “Ah ah ah, dear, no resisting! Only bad pets resist their daily raping and you’re not a bad girl are you?” Two more tentacles sprouted from Discord and plunged themselves into Fluttershy’s ears, hair thin tendrils reaching out and plugging into her brain, filling it with nothing more than chaos magic. Fluttershy’s eyes went wide and swirly, her sclera fading into gray as her pupils spun with spiralling colors. “I thought not, pet. Now just sit tight and let daddy Discord rape your slutty holes into gaping, ruined caverns, alright?”

Fluttershy could only nod slowly as she relaxed.

Applejack’s idea was to search her family’s farm for the Element of Honesty. Figured it was the last place Discord would think she’d look. Entering the barn, she climbed up to the loft to search there.

Big Mac was already there, his eyes unfocused as he stared up at the ceiling. For some unfathomable reason, he was completely naked, his erection pointed nearly straight up.

Applejack saw him and blushed, ignoring his massive pole as she went over to him. “Big Mac! Ya okay, bro?” She knelt down beside him. “Ah swear, if Discord did somethin to ya…”

Big Mac looked over to Applejack and smiled softly, “Why hello there, Trixie. As you c’n tell, I got a bit of a problem here. Would you mind helping me out?”

Applejack sputtered in both embarrassment and confusion. “Big Mac, ah ain’t Trixie! It’s Applejack, yer sister!”

“Mighty kind of you to oblige, Trixie,” Big Mac grinned as he spoke, his voice coming out warm and with nothing but affection for the woman he thought he saw before him.. He lifted his arm and grasped Applejack’s head, gently guiding her lips to his own. He kissed her deeply, fondling Applejack’s breast from under her shirt.

Applejack gasped in shock at the kiss, which only allowed his tongue to enter her mouth. Pressing her hands against his chest, she struggled against his hold. But her brother had always been stronger than her.

Big Mac didn’t even notice as he held her down, softly breaking the kiss and looking her in the eyes, “Y’all sure are a mighty fine kisser, Trixie. But kissin’ don’t do a single thing t’help my problem here. Matter of fact, only makes it worse.” Big Mac’s penis throbbed, seemingly demonstrating his point.

Applejack blushed even darker and bit back a moan as he kept squeezing her breast. “Dammit, Big Mac! Ah told ya, ah ain’t Trixie! Ah’m yer sister!” She gasped as he pulled her shirt off and her bra with it. “Dammit listen ta me!” She snapped as she covered her chest with her arms.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed, Trixie, Ah think y’look beautiful no matter what,” Big Mac murmured, gently taking Applejack into his arms and hugging her close, his tip prodding at her entrance.

Applejack wondered when he had removed her shorts and panties as well, and she was surprisingly wet. “Let go, Mac!” she grunted as she struggled against him and tried to keep him from lining up with her snatch. “This here’s incest, Mac! We can’t be doin’ this!”

Big Mac smirked and chuckled, “You want me to play a little rough with y’all? Well, far be it from me to not oblige my lady’s wishes.” He squeezed Applejack tightly, almost hurting her from the force and pinning her in place. With a swift motion, he thrust inside her, heedless of her despairing cries.

Applejack cried out in discomfort as he stretched her out. “Stop it, Mac! Listen ta me, fer Celestia’s sake!” She found herself having to bite back a loud moan as he started thrusting. He was certainly gifted, no denying that. Still, she struggled and tried to get him off her.

Big Mac rolled the both of them over, driving Applejack into the haybale and thrust into her once more, adding more force this time. “Mmf! Mah stars, Trixie! You’re so tight!” he groaned, pinning Applejack down and slamming his hips against hers.

Applejack cried out unbidden at how good it felt. Trixie was one lucky woman to have him. But the fact remained that he was, however unknowingly, raping his sister. “Get offa me, Mac! Ah mean it!”

“Ah’m doin’ mah level best t’get ya off, Trixie, y’all can be sure’a that!” Big Mac continued thrusting, reaching out and fondling Applejack’s breast in the process. He groaned softly, enjoying the feel of his girlfriend’s bare breast against his hand.

Applejack couldn’t help moaning again. The pleasure was weakening her attempts to get him off of her. She gasped as she felt his mouth latch onto one of her nipples, sending an unexpected wave of pleasure that made her cry out as she came, her cavern clenching her brother hard.

Big Mac grinned and continued thrusting, “‘That feel good, Trixie?” He fondled Applejack gently, trying to make sure she felt as good as he did.

“Ah’m not Trixie,” Applejack moaned as she kept weakly pushing against him. “It does feel real good though,” she admitted to herself, darkly blushing as her brother kept plowing her.

“I love you too, Trixie,” Big Mac breathed, his breath shortening as he approached his orgasm. He began thrusting faster, grunting with each motion. “Ah’m close, Trixie!”

“Pull out!” Applejack moaned as she pushed against him more, even knowing it was a futile gesture by now. “Don’t release it inside!”

Big Mac hesitated for just a moment, looking down at Applejack with wide eyes, “Cum inside? A-are you sure?”

“Don’t do it, Mac!” Applejack moaned. “Ah’m beggin ya! Don’t cum in me!” Her pussy begged to differ however, clenching and massaging him with his every thrust, milking him for his seed.

“Well, if’n y’say so, Trixie!” Big Mac thrusted forward one last time, hilting himself inside Applejack and releasing an absolute torrent of seed. He groaned loudly, all but panting at the feeling of cumming inside Applejack.

Applejack cried out as the feeling of warmth spread inside her canal with the flow of his load. “There’s so much…” Her hair started slowly turning gray as she panted. “Ah… I need more.” She smiled at him as her hair turned fully gray. “Kiss me.” She didn’t even wait for him to react before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a deep kiss, pushing her tongue into his mouth as she moaned.

Big Mac grinned and held Applejack tightly, “I love you so much, Trixie.” He kissed her again, gently cupping her chin and running his free hand up and down her back.

Applejack smiled as she kissed him back. “I love you too, Mac.” She rolled on top of him, her cavern clenching him and coaxing him to harden again inside her. Sitting up and lifting her arms above her head, she posed for him with a prideful, lust filled smirk. “Gaze upon the glorious body of the Seductive and Alluring Trrrixie,” she purred, lightly jiggling her chest for him.

Big Mac took her into his arms once more, bringing her breast to his mouth and suckling her nipple.

Applejack moaned and ran her fingers through his hair as she felt him harden inside her. “Tell Trixie how much you love her body. Tell her how badly you need it,” she purred into his ear as she planted a kiss on the top of his head.

“Ah love you so much, Trixie… and Ah need you so badly,” Big Mac murmured, grasping her hips and driving her further down upon him.

Applejack moaned and lovingly kissed him as she slipped off of him, only breaking the kiss as she pulled away and sat on a barrel, one hand snaking down her body and spreading her outer lips for him. “Then come get her, you handsome stud. Come make love to Trixie.”

Big Mac grinned and obliged, thrusting inside Applejack with a light grunt of exertion, making long, smooth strokes. He kissed her breast once again, making sure to fondle the other.

Applejack moaned and wrapped her legs around his waist. “Yes. More, my love.” She pushed her chest further into his hand and face. “You love to play with Trixie’s soft and squeezable breasts, don’t you?”

“I must confess that I do, Trixie,” Big Mac grunted, giving both breasts a playful squeeze.

“And Trixie loves how you feel inside her,” Applejack moaned, her legs gripping him tighter as she kissed him. “Tell Trixie what you think of her lips.”

“Ah’m no poet, but yer lips’re like the sweetest roses, Trixie. They’re soft’n sweet’n so beautiful Ah can’t help but t’kiss you,” Big Mac smiled up at Applejack, planting a deep kiss upon her lips.

Applejack kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his neck, moaning into the kiss as his wonderful plowing brought her to another climax, her juices soaking him as her walls tightened on him.

Big Mac came with her, prodigious bursts of semen jetting into Applejack’s love canal. He groaned in bliss, holding Applejack to his chest as he shuddered from the force of his orgasm.

Applejack moaned as she nuzzled his chest. “It’s so warm inside Trixie’s pussy, Mac.” She looked up at him with a smile. “I love you.”

“And I love you, Trixie,” Big Mac smiled back and held Applejack close, enjoying her embrace.

Twilight huffed- seeing that orgy earlier had really thrown her for a loop. Still, she trudged onwards, searching for the Element of Magic as best as she could without her magic.

“Eugh,” she groaned, “I really hate having no magic… not even terrans have no magic!”

“How the mighty have fallen,” Alucard said from behind her, a chuckle escaping him as he grinned. There was no sign of his usual jovial demeanor from before.

“Gah! Alucard! Dammit, having no magic sucks! I can’t even sense you!” Twilight cried, throwing her hands to her sides in frustration.

“Your magic was always a crutch, wasn’t it?” Alucard asked. “Something you relied on. Without magic, you’re nothing.”

Twilight frowned, “Alucard what the fuck are you getting at? I swear, it’s like you’re trying to insult me.” Her frown deepened as she mulled over his words. “... My magic isn’t that much of a crutch…. is it?”

“Of course it is,” Alucard said, closing the distance as she blinked. “You are nothing without your magic. You’re helpless even before an average terran now.” He leaned in close and gave her a sadistic grin.

Twilight flinched back, a spark of fear entering her eyes, “Alucard… this isn’t like you! What the hell is going on in your head you jackass?” She gently pushed him away, backing up slowly.

Alucard gripped her hand and gave it an uncomfortable squeeze. “You don’t know that, master. All you know is what I’ve shown you over the years. You only saw what I wanted you to see.”

“A-alucard s-stop! You’re hurting me!” Twilight whimpered, the lack of magic coursing through her making her fragile. “I command you to stop! That’s an order!”

Alucard answered with a very dark chuckle. “Without magic, you no longer have any power over me.” His free hand came up and squeezed her right breast, uncomfortably tightly. “And with no magic…” He leaned his mouth next to her ear. “You’re completely helpless to stop anything I might want to do to you.”

Twilight leaned away as best as she could, shifting in discomfort, “D-dammit Alucard! Stop playing around! Let me go!” She beat futilely at his chest, trying to push him off.

Alucard grinned widely and shoved Twilight against the wall of a nearby house, squeezing her breast a little harder as he slowly licked her neck. “I told you. You’re completely at my mercy.” Gripping her top, he tore her blazer, shirt, and bra off in one motion.

Twilight gasped, not expecting Alucard to treat her so roughly. She struggled harder, fighting against his grip even though she knew she couldn’t break out. “Please! Stop! This isn’t like you, Alucard! Snap out of it!”

Alucard gripped her face with one hand while the other tore her skirt away, his clothes vanishing as he started fingering her. “Wrong again, Twilight. If anything is unnatural, it’s how I’ve acted all the years we’ve known each other.”

“W-what do you mean!? …. Y-you don’t mean… everything… everything was a lie!?” Twilight cried out in shock, trying to squirm away from Alucard’s touch. Whereas once it brought her nothing but absolute bliss, now it brought only fear and distress.

“Every last thing,” Alucard sneered, still grinning as he fingered her deeper, his other hand pulling on one of her nipples. “Every little moment between us. Every. Last. Touching moment. I endured all these years. And now I’m free to do whatever I want, and you can’t stop me.” Pulling his fingers out of her, he lifted her legs and pinned her against the wall as he shoved all the way inside of her.

“Gyah!” Twilight cried out in pain, currently unable to take Alucard’s size without a massive amount of discomfort. Blood dribbled from her entrance, sliding down Alucard’s length as she whimpered. “W-why… Why would you do this… I… I thought we had something….” Unnoticed, her hair began fading in color, its normally vibrant purples turning ever so slightly gray.

“Something special?!” Alucard asked as he roughly plowed her, uncaring for her pain. “You were never anything more than my jailor! Getting into your pants was a fringe benefit to getting your misplaced trust, you pathetic, worthless, sniveling lump of meat!”

Twilight’s heart shattered almost audibly as her hair faded into nothing more than streaks of gray. She began sobbing quietly, going limp and uncaring of Alucard’s violent motions in her depression. “Why…” she whispered, over and over again.

All six of the Bearers of the Elements trudged back to their predefined meeting place, some of them with tears in their eyes, others sporting blank looks, all of them paler than normal and with gray hair.

Twilight looked around, a dead look coming to her teary gaze, “.... I guess none of us found the Elements, then.”

A round of despair filled nodding from the girls told Twilight all she needed to know. “Great. Just great,” she spat, glaring at each of the girls, “We could have found the Elements and gotten rid of that fuckhead Discord but no, we all had to be fucking useless!”

Rainbow hissed at Twilight, “Useless!? I was searching just as hard as anyone! So what if I got distracted by my boyfriend!? I still looked everywhere in my part of town!”

Rarity sniffed contemptuously, “Honestly darling, you can’t go pinning your failures on us. What were you doing, hmm? Having sex with Alucard?”

Twilight twitched and glared at Rarity with all the force she could muster, holding herself back from tearing out the fashionista’s throat, “Don’t you dare ever talk about that… that… monster again! Or I’ll tear your throat out with my teeth! I don’t even know why we’re friends anymore you prissy gold digging whore!”

Rarity drew back and glared, “At least I’m not a necrophiliac with a blood fetish!”

Rainbow sniggered, “Ladies, ladies, calm down. We all have great tits here… not! You guys can just suck my tits cuz they’re better than yours!”

Applejack stared at Rainbow, one eyebrow raised. “Even Trixie thought that was a stupid line,” she muttered, “Ah well, we can’t all be good at humor.”

Rainbow spun around, “What’s that supposed to mean you fucking apple-slut!?”

Applejack snorted, “It means your sense of humor is quite frankly abysmal.”

Fluttershy and Pinkie twitched from where they stood, tears streaming down their faces as they fought to keep from running and hiding away from the world, or barring that, committing suicide.

Applejack and Rainbow growled at each other, Rainbow tackling the larger girl to the ground and attacking her, slamming her fists into Applejack’s face.

The situation quickly dissolved from there, Rarity and Twilight charging at each other and engaging in a martial arts exchange, switching out skill and finesse for simple brutal savagery.

Pinkie and Fluttershy ran away, tears streaming from their eyes.

Discord’s laugh rent the air as he appeared above the feuding former friends. “Hilarious! And it looks like I win the game!” He chuckled as he munched on some popcorn.

The girls paid no attention to Discord, preferring instead to fight with each other over the slightest of reasons, tearing their friendships apart with harsh words and harsh blows.

Discord laughed at the violence and snapped his talons, calling them up into the air in front of him. “So… Where’s that powerful friendship, girls?” he asked in a mocking tone.

Rainbow glared at Discord, “Piss off you ugly shithead!” The rest of the girls shouted their consent, unanimously agreeing that Discord was far worse than their hatred of each other.

Discord laughed and dropped them, their wings, magic, and weapons returned with a snap of his talons. “My work here is done!” He vanished in a flash of light as Alucard ran over, a box clutched under his arm. “Girls! I found the Elements! They were hidden in the library! Discord lied about scattering th-” He was cut off by a wire snapping out and decapitating him. “M-Master?” he asked in genuine shock as his head slowly grew back from a blob of blood that came from his neck.

Twilight glared at Alucard, her eyes glowing with absolute fury, strong enough that the rest of her former friends ran from the scene in fear. “You… you’ve got a lot of nerve coming back to me after what you did you monster!” she screamed, her wires flailing about in utter fury. Sparks danced around her form, her rage enough to undo her careful regulation of her own mana pool.

Alucard stared at her in shock as he took a step back from her unbridled power. “What are you talking about, master?! I’ve been looking for the Elements all this time! I haven’t seen you since we split up to search!”

Twilight lashed out, tearing Alucard’s arms off with a careless swipe of her arm, “You followed me! You told me all these horrible things! You denied our love! You raped me and told me that I was nothing more than a snivelling lump of meat!” With each despaired cry, Twilight lashed out again and again, charging at Alucard and hitting him with none of her usual finesse, so deep into her rage was she that all she could do was attack relentlessly with all her power.

Alucard found himself on the defensive, regenerating from the lashes her wires made in his body. “It’s not true, master! I would never do anything like that to you!” He grabbed her arms, trying to hold her still. “Discord is up to his tricks! This is just like him! He’s sowing chaos among you so that the Elements won’t work on him!”

“Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! LIAR!” Twilight screamed, punctuating each word with a blast of concussive force. “Why should I believe you when you lied about your feelings towards me for the last twelve goddamn years!? I’ll kill you! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!”

“I wasn’t lying!” Alucard yelled as he regenerated from each attack. “I love you, Twilight. You’re one of the few lights in my dark existence. I’ve always cared about you. Why would you doubt that now, after all that we’ve been through?!”

“BECAUSE YOU RAPED ME! TOLD ME THAT EVERYTHING WAS A LIE! DEFIED MY ORDERS AND USED MY WEAKNESS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!” Twilight kept pounding away at Alucard’s form, tearing it apart in increasingly brutal manners.

Alucard broke away from her attack and ran through Ponyville trying to keep some distance while he regenerated. “I can’t stop bleeding…” he noted as he made his way down an alleyway. “She really means to kill me.”

Twilight growled and chased after Alucard, wires lashing out and ripping him from the alleyway, pulling him into her hands as she spun and slammed Alucard into a wall. Her parasol’s sword unsheathed itself behind her as Twilight impaled him, pinning him to the wall while she wailed upon him with her fists, a streak of magic following each strike, culminating in the wall shattering as Alucard launched through it.

Alucard slowly got to his feet as he slowly regenerated, forced to unlock his Level 1 restriction to speed up the process. As the dust settled, he looked at Twilight and saw the sheer hatred in her eyes up close. “You… Really believe I would turn against you like you claim I did?” A single tear of blood flowed from his eye. “EVEN AFTER THAT WE’VE BEEN THROUGH?!” More tears came, the blood dripping from his chin. “Don’t you understand?! I would never betray you even if I weren’t bound to you by magic!”

Twilight screamed incoherently, her eyes blazing a hellish red as her hair began to levitate from the sheer amount of mana she put off. Her attacks became more wild, streaks of multicolored light racing through the air to impact against Alucard’s form.

Letting out a roar of his own, Alucard charged at his master and love, tearing through her attacks with his bare hands. The attacks that had slowed him before were nothing against his Level 1 state. Closer and closer he came to Twilight until he finally had her in arms reach. Any other foe he’d have torn the heart from, but Twilight… He pulled her into his arms and captured her lips with his own.

Twilight’s rage faded as Alucard kissed her, the slight amount of blood left on his lips filling her mind with nothing but his unconditional love for her. Twilight’s heart soared as she began kissing back, her hair and skin flashing back into utter radiance in a flash of rainbow tinged power. She didn’t notice, however, so engrossed with reaffirming her love for Alucard was she.

Finally, as he returned to his normal form, Alucard broke the kiss and smiled at Twilight, tenderly cupping her cheek in his hand. “I love you, Twilight. Never doubt that fact again.”

Twilight broke into tears as she sobbed into Alucard’s chest, a smile of pure joy stuck on her face. “I’m sorry for doubting you, my count! Can you ever forgive me?”

Alucard tilted her face up to look her in the eye as he gently wiped her tears away. “I already have, my countess.” Leaning down, he kissed her again, holding her against him.

Twilight said nothing, just basking in Alucard’s presence and enjoying his embrace. Still, she remembered that there was still the ever present problem of…

“Discord…” Twilight growled, slowly pulling away from Alucard, “We still need to take down that fucking asshole for doing this to us! He’s the source of all our damn problems right now! C’mon Alucard, let’s get the girls back to normal and fuck that snake’s day right up the ass!”

Alucard laughed and grinned. “Now there’s the Twilight Sparkle I know and love!”

Applejack had returned to Sweet Apple Acres and was currently in a secluded part of the orchard, her mouth engulfing Big Macintosh’s hard shaft as she held her arms around his waist, moaning to vibrate his cock as she blew him.

Twilight stared from where she sat, hidden in the upper branches of a tree not too far away from where Applejack and Macintosh were. “Good gods…” she whispered, staring at the scene with a mixture of disgust, hatred, and slight arousal. “... I don’t care how, Alucard, but we’re going to murder Discord so hard that he dies in Hell.”

Alucard nodded. “Simple plan: I incapacitate her brother, you work your memory spell to restore her mind. On three? Or three and then go?”

“On three,” Twilight decided, “It’s always faster to go on three.” She charged up a pair of spells in her hands, both of them aimed at curing hypnosis and mind control as well as self-delusion. “Ready… one… two…”

A beat.

“Three!” Twilight cried, launching herself form the tree branch and down to the ground, gently kicking Applejack off to the side while launching Big Mac at Alucard. She twisted around and sprinted up to the dazed form of Applejack, sliding to a halt and pinning the taller girl to the ground. “Sorry AJ, but this is for your own good!” Twilight cried, slamming both hands into Applejack’s face with a sharp slap and a wave of blue light that shimmered with rainbow sparkles.

Various memories flashed through Applejack’s mind before she slowly sat up, her hair turning back to its normal blond after shining rainbow briefly. “Twilight? What happened?” Seeing her hypnotized brother’s still erect shaft brought back all the memories. “Oh dear Celestia…” she muttered as her face slowly turned green. “Ah’m gonna be sick!” Dashing over to a nearby bush, she hurled into it.

Twilight watched Applejack vomit with a slight wince, “Yeah… sorry about that, AJ… I could… repress those memories if you want?” She winced again, shuddering at the memory of what she had just seen.

Once she finished emptying her stomach, Applejack stood up straight and panted. “Don’t, Twi. Ah gotta remember ‘em ta get past ‘em. Can’t just sweep ‘em under the rug.”

Twilight sighed and shuddered once more, “Well… if you’re alright now… how about we go get the other girls and find a way to make the rest of Discord’s life nothing but pure agony?” Twilight donned her Element as she handed Applejack’s over, cracking her knuckles and stretching out her wires in preparation.

Applejack grinned viciously as she put her Element on. “Best idea ah’ve heard all day, Twi. Let’s find the girls and get some fuckin’ revenge.”

Fluttershy shuddered and sobbed from the tiny alcove she found for herself. She couldn’t help but remember all the things that Discord had done to her… the things that she thought he had done to her. She remembered the feelings and shuddered more, shaking her head in disgust at herself and at everyone around her.

“She looks so broken…” Twilight muttered from where they were observing Fluttershy. Wiping away a stray tear, she glared. “Discord’s gonna pay dearly. Ready, you two?”

“Of course,” Alucard said, all business as he awaited Twilight’s signal, looking down at Fluttershy and waiting for when he could hold her and assure her that all would soon be well.

Applejack glared at Fluttershy, silently promising untold amounts of pain to Discord as she slowly moved forward. Fluttershy took no notice of Applejack until the taller girl had already taken Fluttershy into a comforting hug, “Shh… shh… it’s alright, Fluttershy… it’s alright. Yer safe now. Discord ain’t gonna sink his claws in ya again, y’hear me?”

Fluttershy chose not respond, instead choosing to lunge forward and sob into Applejack’s chest, each sob wracking her body and making her wings flutter in obvious depression. Applejack turned to Twilight, keeping Fluttershy still, “Twi? Y’all ready?”

Twilight nodded and knelt beside them, her hands glowing blue. “Fluttershy. Please look at me,” she said gently, coaxing the broken girl to look at her before cupping her face in her hands and working the same spell she’d used on Applejack.

Fluttershy gasped as wave after wave of comfort and loving memories surged through her form, countless days and months of her friends and family and, most recently, her newfound lovers finding their place and offsetting the horrors that had befallen her mind, driving them out with a shriek of discharged mana and a pulsating rainbow glow. “Oh… o-oh my… thank you, Twilight, Applejack…” she mumbled, slowly pulling herself up and throwing herself into Alucard’s comforting embrace.

Alucard held her close and rubbed her back as he kissed the top of her head. “You’re alright, Fluttershy. It’s okay, my dear.” He tilted her head up and gently kissed her.

Fluttershy hummed in delight and leaned into Alucard’s kiss, bringing her arms up and pulling him down a little further so she could reach him more easily.

Alucard smiled and soon broke the kiss before putting Fluttershy’s Element around her neck. “Let’s help the others and make Discord pay, Fluttershy.”

Pinkie stared off into space, lying limply on her bed as Schrodinger roughly pounded into her pussy. Tears flowed freely from her all but dead gaze, but she made no move to stop him.

“Zhat’s a good pet,” Schrodinger grinned, squeezing her breast tightly as he thrust into her. “Quiet and compliant, two sings zhat all pets should be like.”

A gloved hand gripped his shoulder rather hard. “I think you’ve overstayed your welcome, doppleganger,” Alucard sneered, his eyes glowing red in the shadow that was currently cast over his face.

Schrodinger whirled around in surprise, just in time to take Alucard’s fist to his face, launching the catman out the window with an explosion of shattering glass and drywall.

Pinkie whimpered lowly, but otherwise didn’t react, still lying there with a dead expression upon her face. She shivered ever so slightly, a puddle of semen spilling out from between her legs.

Twilight walked over to Pinkie and gently pressed her glowing hands to the girl’s face, working the memory restoration. “It’s okay, Pinkie. It’s okay.”

Pinkie burst back into vibrant color, growling and screaming, “Ooh that meanie Discord! I’m gonna lay him out flat on the ground for what he did to us!”

“Glad to hear it!” Alucard said with a grin as he tossed Pinkie her Element.

Pinkie caught it and placed the jeweled necklace around her neck and stared out the window, “... Hey, I think that bad Schrodinger is gone!”

“Well then I guess he was linked to your mental state,” Alucard said. “Let’s go.”

Rarity growled as she made her way back to the boutique. “How dare Twilight call me a gold digging whore! All I’m doing is securing my financial future!” She stomped inside and stormed up the stairs, coming to a halt in her bedroom and looking over the sleeping prince in his bed.

“Oh my sweet prince… How it pains me to see that even though I’ve made love to you so many times… you still refuse to awaken! Oh how dreadful your curse must be…” Rarity waxed poetic, running her hands down the nameless prince’s handsome face.

“That ‘handsome prince’ is a slab of rock, Rarity,” Alucard said from behind her, leaning on the wall by the door. “You’re rather easily tricked, aren’t you?”

Rarity whirled around, “Alucard! How dare you call my wonderful prince a slab of rock!” She growled at Alucard and disappeared in a blur of motion, a single streak of light flashing into existence and stopping at Alucard’s raised hand. Rarity fell back into existence, her hand tightly secured in Alucard’s grip, her knife barely a millimeter from his throat.

“Good try, but you’re still no vampire lord,” Alucard said before restraining Rarity. “She’s all yours, master.”

Twilight stepped into view from behind Rarity and activated her spell, dispelling the illusion over Rarity and returning the fashionista to her normal levels of fabulosity. Twilight motioned for Alucard to let Rarity go.

Rarity stepped back and placed a hand to her head, “Darling, not that I don’t appreciate that, but… a little warning would have been nice.” She shook her head and stared at the rock slab in her room. “... Discord is going to pay for this…” she muttered, drawing her knife and blurring out of view again, visible arcs of air pressure slicing the slab apart as Rarity came back into view, panting lightly. “Now, shall we go fetch the others, Twilight? Alucard?”

“Of course,” Alucard said as he tossed Rarity her Element. “I imagine you want us to, as you would put it, ‘never speak of this again’?”

Rarity nodded primly, “Of course, Alucard. Thank you for your silence.” She donned her Element and headed out the door, making a note to clean up the mess in her room later.

High above Ponyville, Rainbow was deeply kissing Soarin as she rode him, moaning into it as she felt him fondling her mounds. “I love you, baby,” she breathed as she broke the kiss to ride him harder as she sat up.

“Uh, Dash? Babe?” Gilda’s voice rang out from behind Rainbow, “I gotta talk to you about something.” She hovered in place, waiting for Rainbow’s response.

“What’s up, babe?” Rainbow asked as she grinned at Gilda, inviting her to join with a gesture before arching her back and cumming with a loud moan, clenching on Soarin.

Soarin grunted and came with Rainbow, jets of semen spurting from his cock and dribbling out from Rainbow’s insides.

Gilda stared at Soarin and shook her head, “No thanks, Dash. I’m one hundred percent lesbian, remember? And also, since when did you let guys cum inside you like that? I thought you hated the idea of being grounded for nine months.”

“Well he already filled me once by accident,” Rainbow said as she gently massaged him to help him harden back up in her. “I figure why not just enjoy the mindblowing feel of bareback sex? ‘Cause I’m telling ya, Gilda. Bareback feels a hell of a lot better than with a condom.”

Gilda rolled her eyes, “Yeah, well, if you could just get off your boyfriend’s dick for half a second, your girlfriend needs to talk.” She crossed her arms and waited.

“We can’t talk like this, Gilda?” Rainbow asked, starting to bounce on Soarin’s pole again, the wet slapping sounds filling the air. “I mean, you are hovering next to us.”

“I’d really rather talk to you when you’re not impaled on a man’s dick, Dash. It’s a little off-putting.” Gilda huffed in exasperation, “Look, are you coming down with me or not?”

Much as she wanted to keep riding Soarin, Rainbow felt like indulging her girl, so she slowly, teasingly pulled off of him. “You don’t mind waiting a little, do you, Soarin?” she asked with a wink as she pulled her shorts and panties back up and pulled her top down. “I’ll be right back, handsome. Don’t go anywhere, kay?” Taking a moment to steal a kiss from him, she started following Gilda down to the ground. “So what’s up, Gilda?”

Gilda sighed and shoved her hands in her pockets, “Get her!” Twilight immediately flashed into existence, slapping her palms against Rainbow’s face and blasting her into Alucard’s waiting arms, her prismatic coloring restored in full.

“Hello, Rainbow Dash. Nice to have you back among the sane,” Alucard said as he put the Element of Loyalty around Rainbow’s neck. “Now then. Shall we make Discord suffer for all that he’s wrought?”

Rainbow growled and pulled free of Alucard’s grip, “Oh he’s gonna suffer alright! I’m gonna cut him in half from face to balls!” She looked around and spotted a scythe conveniently leaning on a barn door. “... Well, I have no idea how to use that, but it’ll do,” she muttered, picking it up and hefting it for its weight.

Gilda cocked an eyebrow, “Really, Dash? A scythe?”

“Hey, I said I was gonna cut the bastard in half, didn’t I?” Rainbow smirked and dug the scythe’s blade into the ground, “So let’s get going.”

“Of course, Rainbow,” Twilight said with a sadistic grin as her wires flashed, Rarity brandished her knife, and Alucard drew his guns.

“Oh how cute, you’ve gathered your ‘friends’ again,” Discord smirked as he reclined on his throne, drinking away the glass in his chocolate milk and using the actual milk as a piece in his chocolate milk tower. “What are you gonna do? Beat each other up at me? Cry in a corner? Scream about my looks?”

Twilight’s wires lashed out and severed his arms and legs before twisted him in half, suspending the top half. “We’re in no mood for your twisted idea of jokes, Discord.” Her tone was low and promised a painful death as her eyes glowed red. “Girls. You all want some too, right?”

Pinkie grinned viciously, a mad gleam coming to her eyes as she leapt impossibly high into the air and pulled an oversized mallet from behind her back, spinning in midair and slamming it into Discord’s skull with a loud cry of, “BONK!”

Rainbow caught Pinkie on the way down, carrying her safely to the ground. Pinkie grinned again and spun Rainbow around, launching the aerial at Discord at insane speeds. Rainbow fought down her nausea and flared her wings, transitioning from a horizontal spin to a vertical spin and slamming into Discord with her scythe, bisecting him vertically.

Applejack ran at the falling pieces and kicked both into the air with enough force to shatter Discord’s bones. With her incredible leg strength, she jumped up after him and began juggling the pieces in the air before letting him fall.

Rarity entered her slow time state and jumped up to the halves, utterly shredding them into ribbons while gracefully dodging the blood. By the time the minute was up, she had landed and Discord’s upper half was a thin red mist. “Take that, you ruffian,” she said with a smirk as she donned her sunglasses.

Fluttershy stood in the background, inwardly recoiling at the blood, but still clapping at her friends’ avenging of their shattered psyches. She wished she could do something to help, but she knew she wasn’t very good at fighting. “Yay!” she cheered, “Go get him, girls!”

Discord fell to the ground in bloody chunks and splatters of red, a low groaning coming from his slowly reconstituting form. His lower body writhed on the ground, searching for its completely destroyed upper half.

Twilight smirked. “Let’s do it, girls!” As one, the Elements of Harmony flared to life, the girls lifting into the air as their eyes glowed white with the harmonious magic that Discord could no doubt sense even in the state he was in.

Discord began trying to reconstitute faster, pieces of him literally warping into existence as he tried to rebuild himself like a 3D jigsaw puzzle. He wore a panicked expression on what little of his face was assembled, staring at the Elements in abject terror.

Instead of a rainbow of energy, Discord was blasted with a rainbow of fire due to the sheer rage and hatred the girls felt for him. All six despised the Lord of Chaos and the Elements were their means of venting that hate at its target.

Discord’s body burned as he shrieked in pain, unearthly howls of pure agony echoing across all of Ponyville, all of Equestria. The chaos spirit writhed, shaking himself apart under the force of the Elements’ rage. “THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!” he cried, head dissolving as he shouted, “I WAS SUPPOSED TO WIN! I WAS SUPPOSED TO REIGN AGAAAAAIIIINN!”

Discord’s words trailed off as he dissolved away into a pile of gray ash, a tiny, spherical orb of his own charred remains dropping to the ground. From the point of contact, a wave of normalcy spread, reversing the changes that Discord brought as it swept out over the horizon.

“Pinkie!” Schrodinger cried as he threw his arms around her and hugged her tightly. “So glad to be real again!”

Pinkie gasped and hugged Schrodinger back, “Oh Schrody I missed you so much! That meanie Discord made a bad clone of you and I was so scared!” She nuzzled against him, revelling in his comforting grip.

Schrodinger nuzzled her in return, his ears twitching madly. “Zhere zhere, meine liebe. Everysing is normal again.” He planted a kiss on her neck and smiled at her before planting an even deeper kiss on her lips.

Pinkie gladly leaned into the kiss, all but tackling Schrodinger to the ground as she engaged him in a vigorous makeout session. Rainbow stared at them for a few seconds before grabbing Gilda and pinning her to a wall, kissing her deeply and also making out.

Twilight sighed, “Well, the day is saved, the villain was turned into a pile of ash and compressed into a golf ball, and now Pinkie and Rainbow are making out with their respective significant others.” She turned to Alucard and dragged him away towards the library, “Rarity! Put Discord’s golf ball somewhere safe! I need to get laid for the next eight hours or so!”

Rarity nodded and rolled her eyes, “And I will be missing sleep for the next eight hours or so, it seems.”

“How do you think Trixie feels?” Trixie asked, stepping from an alley and looking disheveled and tired, “I think I might have to pass out in your boutique, Rarity. I’m not going back to the library when Alucard and Twilight…. go at it.”

Rarity picked up the tiny ball of ash that was Discord’s only remains, “Of course, dear. You look like you could use a hot shower too, don’t you think?”

“Oh most definitely,” Trixie grinned and followed Rarity away to the boutique, leaving Applejack and Fluttershy as the only ones not otherwise occupied. Fluttershy cleared her throat a little, “Ah… I need to go check on my animals, Applejack.”

“‘N I need t’go check on th’fields,” Applejack replied, tipping her hat and walking away, “See y’all t’morrow!”

“Bye Applejack!” Fluttershy called, already flapping away.

Applejack found her brother in the barn’s loft. Taking a deep breath, she went up to him. “Big Mac? Can we talk fer a bit?”

Big Mac turned away from her, using a hay bale to try and block her sight of him, “Go ‘way, Applejack. Don’ wanna talk t’you right now.”

“We can’t just ignore what happened, Mac,” Applejack said, going around the bale trying to make eye contact. “We weren’t in our right minds an you know it.”

Big Mac sighed, “Jus’ cuz I know we weren’t in our right minds don’ excuse th’fact that I raped my little sister. Some big brother I am...”

“Ya thought ah was Trixie!” Applejack said. “It was Discord’s damn mind games.”

“Don’t y’think I know that!?” Big Mac snapped, dropping his head into his hands, “I know that… but it’s still so wrong.”

Applejack grabbed his face and made him look at her. “Mac. It was all ‘cause of Discord’s twisted tricks that we ended up in that position. Ya couldn’ta known he’d do what he did anymore’n Ah coulda.” She hugged him close to her. “What matters is that we’re all okay now, and we’re still a family. Ah’ll never stop lovin ya, bro. No matter what.”

“Y’mean that?” Big Mac asked, tearfully hugging Applejack back.

“A course ah do,” Applejack said, some tears leaking from her eyes too. “Ah love ya just as much as ah love Granny Smith and Apple Bloom.”

“Thanks, AJ,” Big Mac murmured, hugging Applejack close and allowing his tears to flow freely. “Thanks so much for forgivin’ me.”

“Can’t believe ya thought ah wouldn’t,” Applejack said, lightly punching him on the arm after pulling away from him. “Now why don’t ya go find Trixie an give her a little lovin, ya big stud?” She kissed him on the cheek and smiled. “Get goin. She’s stayin with Rarity since Twi and Alucard are makin a racket at the library, if’n ya know what ah mean.”

Big Mac blushed, “Yeah, Ah get ya.” He stood and patted himself off, then gave Applejack another quick hug before descending from the hay loft and running off. “I’ll see ya tomorrow, Applejack!”

“Have fun, Big Mac!” Applejack called in a teasing tone as she grinned wide.

Trixie sighed in contentment as she exited Rarity’s bathroom in a borrowed robe. “Thank you for letting Trixie stay here, Rarity. It is very much appreciated.”

Rarity waved Trixie off as she finally levitated the last pieces of the broken slab of rock in her room into the dumpster outside, “Think nothing of it, dear. Gods only know that Twilight and Alucard make enough noise when they make love. I can’t imagine even trying to stay in the same building as them.”

“It requires heavy duty soundproofing wards around Trixie’s bedroom,” Trixie explained as a knock came at the door. “Allow Trixie to get it.” Striding to the front door, she opened it. “Mac! What a pleasant surprise.”

Big Mac grinned sheepishly and scratched at the back of his head, “Howdy there, Trixie. Applejack tol’ me you were holed up here at Miss Rarity’s place until Miss Twilight and Alucard’re done with their… activities.”

Trixie giggled and pulled him inside, shutting the door with some magic. “Such a sweetheart to come find me. What did you have in mind, my dearest?” She hugged him and planted a kiss on his neck before fluttering her eyes at him.

Big Mac blushed slightly, holding Trixie against him and planting a kiss on her lips, “Well, I imagine the kinda activities in mind’d be mighty disrespectful t’perform here in Miss Rarity’s boutique.”

Trixie hummed as she kissed him back. “You’re so naughty, my love. We just have to be quiet and keep it to the guest room.” Her knee came up and began gently rubbing against his crotch. “I want you, my big, strong Macintosh. I want you to hold me close as we become one and revel in our love.”

“Well, how’n all of Equestria ‘m I supposed to refuse an offer like that?” Big Mac smiled, hoisting Trixie into a bridal carry and into the guest bedroom.

Trixie giggled and got back onto her feet before pushing him back to sit on the bed. “You caught me fresh from the shower,” she purred as she dropped her robe from her naked body. “I thought of you. Imagined you were running your hands all over my body and making me feel so good.” She dropped to her knees between his legs, gently caressing his bulge. “I imagined this big thing inside of me. Both in my pussy, and in my mouth.” She slowly unzipped his pants and pulled them down.

Big Mac stared, blush deepening with every word from Trixie’s mouth, “W-well, I’m happy to oblige, Trixie.” His erection sprang free as Trixie pulled his pants down, throbbing slightly as it bobbed.

Trixie gave him a sultry smile as she leaned forward and flicked her tongue on the tip. “So big and eager for Trixie, isn’t he?” She wrapped her fingers around his meat and started gently stroking. “Tell Trixie of your own fantasies about her.”

Big Mac shuddered at her touch, blush intensifying upon his face, “I-I ‘magine you l-like y’are right now… ‘cept you’re suckin’ me off ‘nstead of jackin’ me off.”

“Keep talking,” Trixie purred as she slowly took his tip into her mouth and started gently sucking on it, her hand stroking the rest of his shaft.

“A-and, yer… yer fondlin’ mah balls… and…” Big Mac groaned, unable to focus with Trixie’s lips upon his shaft.

Trixie shifted her hand down to cup his balls as she slowly sucked more of him into her warm mouth, her tongue massaging the meaty rod with loving tenderness.

“O-oh yeah… just like that, Trixie!” Big Mac breathed, one hand grasping her hair and the other braced upon the bed.

Trixie moaned against him as he fisted her hair, sending vibrations up the sensitive flesh that offered a great deal more stimulation for her boyfriend.

Big Mac threw his head back, gasping for breath at the feeling of the vibrations travelling through his cock. He shuddered a few times, groaning out, “Ah’m close, Trixie! Ah’m gettin’ real close!”

Trixie smiled against him as she sucked harder, wanting to taste her beloved’s seed. “Yes! Give it to me, my love!”

Big Mac came almost explosively, prodigious streams of cum blasting down Trixie’s throat as he pushed her head further down his shaft. He stifled a groan, trying to make sure to not awaken Rarity.

Trixie moaned as she swallowed on him, gulping down the entire load before slowly pulling him from her mouth. “Delicious, love. Trixie is very pleased,” she purred with a wink.

Big Mac panted for breath, looking down at Trixie with an expression of utmost love on his face, “W-wow…” He was at a loss for words, unable to think of what to say in response to just how he felt about Trixie.

Trixie smiled back and teleported his clothes off him as she nudged him further onto the bed before laying down beside him, arm raised above her head and her legs spread. “Trixie’s body is all yours. Do whatever you want, my sweet.”

Big Mac grinned and gently took a hold of Trixie’s hips, moving her on top of him, “Well, all mine, eh? I reckon I might just have a few ideas on how t’use yer lovely body.” He positioned Trixie’s hips over his own and gently guided her down, pushing his shaft between her folds and piercing her with its length.

Trixie gasped and gently bit her hand to hold in a moan as he stretched her out and hilted inside of her. “Oh, my love. Your huge rod feels so good inside me. Better than I could ever imagine.”

Big Mac groaned lowly, thrusting into Trixie as he began moving her hips up and down. He thrusted faster, bouncing Trixie upon him with great eagerness.

Trixie gasped and tried to keep her moaning quiet as she rode him. “Feels so good. It’s brushing my G-spot with every thrust, and I think it’s touching my cervix too.”

Big Mac continued thrusting, his grunts and groans barely stifled. He gasped for breath, Trixie’s pussy felt so much more amazing around his dick than he could have ever imagined.

Trixie’s movements caused her breasts to bounce up and down, her nipples hard from her arousal and just begging to be touched. “Trixie’s pussy fits your cock like a glove,” she moaned.

“Y’all can say that again,” Big Mac grunted, bouncing Trixie with ever increasing speed and force.

Trixie soon started panting. “I’m so close. I’m going to cum, Mac.” She arched her back as her walls began clenching him tighter.

“Ah’m close too, Trixie!” Big Mac began panting, thrusting harder and trying desperately to hold out and let her cum first. “I’m gonna cum!”

Trixie bit her lip and let out a muffled cry as she came hard, clenching hard around him and milking him. Remembering that they were doing it bareback, she slid off of him and started rapidly stroking his lubed up shaft. “Cum for me. Cum all over my chest.”

Big Mac groaned and gasped as he obliged, shooting glorious, pearly streamers of semen into the air to splatter onto Trixie’s inviting breasts. He shuddered with each burst, his orgasm having driven his penis into hypersensitivity, allowing him to feel Trixie’s stroking with far more intensity than normal.

Once his orgasm puttered out, Trixie took a moment to taste his seed mixed with her own juices from stroking him. “Yummy…” With a quick spell to clean them up, she cuddled up to him. “I love you, Mac. So very much.”

“And I love you, Trixie, with all of my heart,” Big Mac held Trixie close, pecking her on the lips and simply enjoying her presence next to him.

Alucard smiled as he held Twilight to his chest, taking in her scent mixed with the heavy aroma of passionate sex that permeated the air of their bedroom. “I hope your love is rekindled and reaffirmed at least tenfold, my countess.”

Twilight grinned and cupped Alucard’s face, “Oh it’s definitely rekindled and reaffirmed, my count. But tenfold seems a bit too small to truly describe how much my love has grown.” She abandoned words then, simply leaning up to kiss Alucard deeply.

Alucard kissed her back and ran his fingers through her hair, rubbing her scalp as his other hand held her waist against him, his recovering shaft still inside of her as they allowed their senses of touch to do the talking. Eventually he knew Twilight needed to breathe and broke the kiss. “Words cannot describe the depth of my love for you either.” He cupped her cheek in his hand. “But I’ll try to articulate it anyway. I love you with every fiber of my being. Every dark fiber that once knew only bloodlust now holds also my love for you, my master and my countess both.”

“Alucard….” Twilight looked at him with joyous tears in her eyes, a smile slowly growing over her face, “Oh Alucard… I just can’t tell you how much I love you, but I feel the same. Every fiber of myself is nothing but love for you, my count. No matter what you do, every moment that I spend with you is like a sun is born in my heart. It’s just so wonderful and bright… I promise, Alucard, I’ll find a way for us to be together forever, so this feeling will never end. Not for either of us.”

Alucard smiled and rolled on top of her. “Enough trying to express it with words. Let us allow sensation to do it now.” Catching her lips with his own, the wet noises of their hips impacting against each other filled the room once again, along with Twilight’s now infamous screams of pleasure that went beyond the library’s walls and filled the night.

Well, That Settles It. I'm Going Traveling!

Spike grumbled as he walked toward the door to Twilight and Alucard’s bedroom. Even if he didn’t need to sleep, being undead and all, he still enjoyed napping. Which was hard to do when his “parents” were going at it like rabbits and shaking the whole damn library with how hard they did it. He was surprised they weren’t getting noise complaints. Throwing open the door and ignoring the smell of sex, he tossed a scroll onto Twilight and Alucard’s covered forms. “Letter from the princess, mom.”

Twilight caught the scroll lazily, a goofy grin still etched onto her face, “Thanks Spike~!” She unfurled it and read through the contents, her smile going from goofy to ecstatic as she read.

“My dear Twilight. I heard about your ordeal with Discord from what my sister has told me of your dreams. So I would like to invite you, your friends, and any they wish to bring, to my private island getaway for some rest and relaxation. From what Luna has told me, you definitely need to unwind.

Always yours, Princess Celestia.”

Twilight set the scroll down and grinned, “We’re going to Princess Celestia’s private beach!”

“Really?” Alucard asked as he held her close. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a bikini, my countess.”

“That’s because we never went to the beach and I preferred one-piece swimsuits when practicing high-speed swimming,” Twilight explained, getting out of bed and tossing clothes into an already waiting suitcase. “Now come, my count. We have preparations to make and friends to inform!”

Alucard grinned as he got out of bed and formed his usual suit on himself. “Among which would be you going bikini shopping, my countess,” he said as he hugged her from behind. “Am I right?”

Twilight giggled, “You would be correct, my count. Now, come on, we have to go tell the girls.” She picked up her now packed suitcase and headed for the door, making sure all her weapons were stored safely within her pocket dimension- sacrificing safety for a vacation was never a smart idea, after all.

Rainbow took to the air and hovered as she stretched, soaking in the rays of the sun. “A vacation at Princess Celestia’s personal getaway. Never thought I’d see it, eh Soarin? Gilda?”

“Got that right, Dash,” Gilda said, grinning as she threw an arm around her girl’s shoulders. “Lookin’ forward to seeing how your new physique looks in a bikini.”

Soarin grinned and threw his arms around Rainbow from the other side, taking care to not touch Gilda in any spot she deemed off limits, “I’m lookin’ forward to that too, Dash. But man, sure is great around here. Paradise on Gaea, innit?”

“Sure is!” Rainbow said, hugging her boyfriend and girlfriend closer. “So Gilda… Gonna be seeing Soarin in swim trunks. Should be fun, huh?”

Gilda glanced at the Wonderbolt and then grinned at Rainbow. “Only gonna have eyes for you, babe. Total lesbian, remember?”

Rarity moved a bit closer to Twilight. “Twilight, darling. Do be careful not to burn. Wear good quality sunblock.”

Twilight sighed and twirled her parasol, “Yes, yes, Rarity. I know.” She held up a bottle of sunblock marked SPF 50, making sure that Rarity saw it. “I got some sunblock special made for situations like this.”

“Good to know,” Rarity said as she backed away.

Alucard held Twilight and Fluttershy close to him as they walked toward the beach house. “I can’t wait to see you two in bikinis. Especially you, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy blushed and looked away, “O-oh, uh, I’ve never actually worn a bikini before… I hope that I don’t look too bad…” She played with a lock of hair, thinking of the bikini she had tucked away in her suitcase.

“Trixie looks forward to displaying her marvelous body in an equally glamorous bikini,” Trixie said as she winked at Big Macintosh, whose arm was intertwined with her own.

Big Mac grinned, shifting the stalk of straw in his mouth, “Ah can say that I’m lookin’ forward t’that as well.” He shifted his arm slightly and squeezed Trixie’s hand, gazing down at her in adoration.

“Vell I’m looking forward to a lovely breazher episode vith mein dear Pinkie,” Schrodinger said as he rubbed his cheek against Pinkie’s as his arm slipped around her shoulders.

Pinkie nodded, “Mhmm! Man, that last episode was just way too harsh on all of us!” She bounced in place, hugging Schrodinger to her chest with one arm while pulling her suitcase with the other.

“Welcome, my dear friends,” Celestia said with a smile from the porch of the beach house, more like a mansion really, and was wearing a rather revealing white bikini. Flanking her, in a blue bikini that appeared to be a size too small was…

“Seras!” Schrodinger called with a grin as he appeared in front of her and tightly hugged the vampire girl. “You finally get meaningful screen time instead of just cameos!”

Seras spun Schrodinger around and planted him on the floor, “Where the hell have you been, little brother!? And what do you mean ‘just cameos’!?” She wore a grin on her face, offsetting the bite of her words. “And… is that… no way…” she stared at Anderson, “Alexander… Anderson?”

“Pleasure to meet you, madam,” Anderson greeted with a smile, looking oddly strange in his shorts and Haywaiian shirt. “And yes. Alexander Anderson is my name.”

“He’s like us,” Schrodinger whispered to Seras before vanishing and popping out of the cleavage of the inexplicably bikini clad Pinkie, lodged comfortably between her funbags and himself now wearing swim trunks. “I love your new bikini, meine liebe.”

Pinkie giggled, plucking Schrodinger from between her breasts and shaking him out into full size, glomping him as he returned to normal, “Thanks Schrody! I picked it out just for you!”

Seras, meanwhile, had sidled up to Anderson with a light blush on her face when she saw just how well defined he was, “Well hello there, handsome. I can’t help but to notice that you seem to be alone for this little excursion. Why don’t I keep you some company?”

Anderson lightly blushed as he couldn’t help looking Seras’ body before looking at her face. “Ah, well that would be lovely, Ms…”

“Seras Victoria, sir,” Seras grinned up at Anderson, crossing her arms under her bust and bouncing them ever so slightly, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“You as well, Ms. Victoria,” Anderson said, his eyes drawn to her bouncing breasts despite his efforts to remain gentlemanly.

Seras’ grin turned catlike, “So, where are you from, Mister Anderson?” From the tone of her voice, it was clear that she wasn’t just talking about where in Equestria he had come from.

“Well… I’ve been living in Ponyville for a while,” Anderson said, blushing as she sidled closer to him. Enough to allow him to whisper to her. “I’m Irish.”

Seras giggled and responded, “Ponyville, eh? Well, I’ve been all over Equestria, really. Mostly stayed in Manehattan, myself.” She whispered to him, “I’m a proper Englishwoman, though. Well, perhaps not proper if you catch my drift.”

Anderson blushed darker as he felt her rub her chest up against him to punctuate not being “proper”. “I catch your drift,” he whispered, glancing down at what being pressed against him was doing to her mounds.

Seras caught Anderson’s gaze and followed it down, a light blush settling on her face as she shifted her leg forward to get a feel of what he was packing, “Oh my, Father, it seems neither of us are being very proper.”

Anderson barely kept a straight face as he realized that her thigh was pressing against his very hard crotch rather pleasantly. “Aye… Seems that way, Ms. Victoria.”

"So... About that company..." Seras began, "I find myself a little hungry and I've heard good things about the chefs on this island. Would you care to join me for a meal, Mister Anderson?"

Anderson slowly nodded. “I’d like that, Ms. Victoria.” His blush deepened ever so slightly when he felt her rub her thigh against him a little.

Seras began leading Anderson away, "Come on then, I want to enjoy my leave and eating steak sounds like a good start!" She all but skipped away, each little bouncing motion doing wonderful things to her anatomy.

Anderson followed her while tugging at his collar. “Dear Lord, grant me the strength to resist temptation,” he muttered even as he looked at her body.

The sound of waves crashing against the pearly white sands of the beach echoed through the warm tropical air as everyone set up their towels and chairs, with large umbrellas spaced around at regular intervals to provide shade.

"Wow..." Twilight breathed deeply of the salty sea air and wriggled her toes into the delightfully warm sand, "I had no idea that beaches could be so... Heavenly..." Twilight flexed a little, twisting side to side to showcase her violet, white spotted bikini, the side ties on her bikini bottom flopping around from the movement. She grinned and pulled off the sheer sash she had tied around her waist as a sarong, taking command of one of the empty beach chairs and beckoning forth Alucard with one finger, a bottle of suntan oil in the other, "Oh Alucard~ Would you be a dear and help me with this? I think I'd like to actually try to tan, just this once."

Alucard grinned and strode over to Twilight, taking the bottle from her hand. “Of course, my countess. I’ll gladly make sure you don’t burn.”

Fluttershy followed Alucard, sporting a rather skimpy and daring yellow, sequined bikini. She tried not to move too much, as the tiny rectangles making up the top only barely covered a few inches beyond each nipple, and the rectangle holding the bottom together was starting to wedge between her rear cheeks. "Um... H-how do I look, you two?" she asked, barely managing to keep herself from covering up with her towel.

“I am having so much trouble holding myself back, Fluttershy,” Alucard said. “You’re so very beautiful. Nice to see you be so daring. I think you’re showing more skin than any of the other girls. Don’t you think, my countess?”

Twilight grinned and shot Fluttershy an appreciative look, "Oh yeah, Fluttershy. You're looking absolutely beautiful right now!" The other girls nodded in agreement as the stepped out into the sun.

Celestia herself had already commandeered a seat in the sun, lounging majestically with a sunhat on her head and a pair of sunglasses perched upon her nose. She stretched and slumped back down, revealing the golden patches of color directly over the nipples and crotch of her simple white bikini. With a sigh of contentment, she stood and strode over to Twilight, sipping some fruity drink or another out of a coconut, "Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student, it's been far too long since we last met. Well, then again, the Gala was only two weeks ago, but it's felt much longer, don't you think?"

“It really does seem like a long time since we talked,” Twilight said, letting out a little moan as Alucard rubbed lotion over her skin. “And are those little suns over your nipples and crotch, princess? I know you’re the one controlling the sun but… really?”

Celestia giggled daintily, one hand coming up to cover her mouth in a ladylike fashion, "Oh come now, Twilight, surely you can let an old lady like me have her fun, can't you? After all, even Luna's got the same pattern going on." She pointed over to where Luna sat in the shade, reading a book with her hair pulled into an adorable ponytail and tied with a crow ornament on top. Sure enough, bright white crescents were positioned over the nipples and crotch of her much more conservative black bikini.

A little further down the beach, Gilda sat beside Soarin in her dark brown bikini. The bikini bottom was simple and modest, though the strapless top had purple tipped white wings spreading out from the center of her chest. “Dash is lookin’ pretty hot, ain’t she?” Rainbow was out on the water surfing with Pinkie Pie, wearing a sky blue bikini that stretched tightly over her bust, the side ties on the bottom moving around with her movements. Pinkie wore an identical bikini except it was pink, and struggled to contain her bust as well. “Damn, Dash is hot.”

Soarin nodded his agreement, "Yeah, she really is somethin', isn't she?" He pulled a pencil from a pocket in his navy blue trunks and began twirling it between his fingers, wishing that he had brought his copy of The DaPony Code.

“What’s with the pencil?” Gilda asked. “You draw or something?” She looked back at Rainbow, resting her chin in her hands. “I draw a little. When I’m feeling creative. Usually involves Dash.”

"I dabbled a little in sketching, yeah," Soarin chuckled, "but this is mostly just for party tricks. It's pretty funny when someone freaks out at seeing me do Five Finger Filet." He twirled the pencil a few more times before tucking it back into his shorts and pulling out a deck of cards. As he shuffled, he looked over to Gilda, "You play?"

Gilda smirked. “What’s the game? I’m feeling a little generous, so I’ll even play stuff I wouldn’t normally play.”

Soarin laid out a towel and dealt his cards, "Just a little Blackjack for now. You already know the rules or have you never played?"

“Oh I’ve played,” Gilda said with a smirk as she turned to face him. “So. How’d you meet our shared girl? I grew up with her.”

Soarin shrugged, “I met up with her the first time after she won the Best Young Flier’s competition with a Sonic Rainboom. Us and a few other Wonderbolts hung out for the whole day with her and she seemed like a cool gal. Second time was, well, at the Gala. And you know how that went.”

Gilda blushed at the memory. “Yeah. You plowed her on the mountain,” she muttered as she looked at her cards. “Hit me.”

Soarin handed Gilda another card, re-shuffling after he had dealt. He placed down another card on his side, thanking his lucky stars that he had started with only a seven of spades. “Hit or stay?” he asked, flipping the cards around in a truly impressive display of shuffling prowess.

Gilda grinned at his skill before her poker face came back up while she looked at her cards. “I’ll stay.” She was feeling very confident that she’d beat the showy Wonderbolt. “So tell me about yourself.”

Soarin shrugged, “Well, ain’t much to tell, really. Grew up in Cloudsdale and joined the Flight School early on a scholarship. Always liked racing, y’know? So I got into the advanced classes because I’d already been the fastest flier on the block ever since my flight feathers grew in. What about you? What was your childhood like?”

“Well, I was born in Griffonstone,” Gilda began. “Real shithole of a place to live. My parents scraped together enough to send me to Cloudsdale, and when I joined the Flight School, I’ll be honest, I was about as shy as Flutters. Some assholes picked on me and Dash swooped in and stood up for me. I started hanging with her Flutters all the time, and when puberty came along, I fell hard for Dash. And I do know that love for racing.” She laughed a bit. “Hardly ever won against Dash. She was always faster than anyone else, still is too.”

“Boy do I know that one!” Soarin chuckled, adding another card to his deck and then flipping his cards over to show…

22.

“Damn,” Soarin muttered, shaking his head, “Yeah, I’ve never been very good at Blackjack, to be honest.”

Gilda grinned as she flipped her cards to reveal…

21.

“Ya gotta know when to fold, dude. And I’m a natural at this. Dash may be faster, but she’s never once beaten me at Blackjack.” Gilda’s grin widened as she crossed her arms under her breasts. “You may bask in my glory now.”

Soarin shook his head and bowed lowly, proclaiming, “Oh great blackjack mistress! I am not worthy to be in your divine gambling presence!” He fought down his laughter as he spoke, finishing his line snickering and chortling.

Gilda laughed with him. “Care to test your luck again, flyboy?” She grinned. “Not sure what it is about this place, but I’m in a gambling mood. Want to bet on Dash and Pinks’ little contest?”

“Sure. What’re the stakes?” Soarin collected his cards and stowed them away safely, adjusting his sunglasses with a smirk. He turned over to where Pinkie and Rainbow were performing increasingly complex stunts on the increasingly perfect waves. He looked over to Luna, who simply held up her hand and adjusted the moon slightly, increasing the size of the waves. “Huh, so that’s what’s happening with the waves… wait… isn’t that affecting the entire planet’s tides…?”

“Eh, who knows?” Gilda said with a shrug. “So… What do you suppose the stakes should be?” she asked, glancing over her sunglasses at Soarin in a manner that was unknowingly very attractive to the man.

Soarin flushed slightly, averting his gaze and clearing his throat, “Well, hmm… if Rainbow falls off her board after the next trick… I’ll show you my best flight tricks. If Pinkie falls off, you have to show me your best flight tricks.” He stuck out his hand, “Shake on it?”

Gilda grinned and took his hand. “How about if they both wipe out, we both show our best moves? And no matter how it goes, we race afterward.”

“Agreed.” Soarin shook Gilda’s hand firmly, before turning back to Rainbow and Pinkie’s surfing contest, “Well, there they go right there.”

Rainbow smirked as she shredded across the wave, performing tricks and maneuvers that could only be said to defy physics. Pinkie giggled as she mirrored Rainbow move for move, eventually crossing right in front of Rainbow. Rainbow flinched back for just half a second, sending her board a smidge too far to the right and causing her to turn just a fraction of a second too early.

“Whoa crap!” Rainbow cried as her board shot out from beneath her, shooting out of the water and spinning around. Its tail fin caught the very edge of Pinkie’s board and swiped it to the side, toppling Pinkie over.

“Uh oh!” Pinkie exclaimed as she fell directly on top of Rainbow just as the wave collapsed on top of them and turned their worlds into topsy turvy swirls and rushes of water.

“Holy crap!” Soarin yelled as the two of them washed ashore. “Just… how the hell does that happen!?”

Rainbow’s eyes shot open at the feel of a very soft and very sweet pair of lips on her own, a pair of dainty-yet-calloused hands on her chest and down her bikini bottom, and a pair of bare, smooth buttocks directly under her own hands.

Pinkie’s face uncomfortably close to her own proved that, yes, Pinkie was kissing and groping her. Pinkie pulled away with a wet pop and giggled, “Wowie zowie! That sure was one heck of a wipeout, eh Dash?”

Rainbow laughed a bit. “Sure was. Gotta say, you’re a pretty sweet kisser. In more ways than one.” Getting up, she helped Pinkie to her feet and then noticed everyone staring at them. “What? It was just an accidental kiss.”

Soarin coughed and looked away, shifting his towel over his lap and levelling a look at Gilda’s snickering form. Or more specifically, her outstretched, stiff wings. “Careful there, G. Your ladyboner is showing.”

Gilda blushed furiously and attempted to retract her wings, flipping Soarin the bird as she shook her wings back out, “Yeah yeah, laugh it up straight man.”

Schrodinger snickered from his seat as he grinned at Rainbow and Pinkie. “Ladies, do you feel a breeze?” he asked as he cheekily held up their tops in his hands.

Rainbow shrieked and covered her chest, blushing furiously and glaring at Schrodinger, “Dammit Schro! Why didn’t you tell us earlier!?”

Pinkie just giggled and skipped up to Schrodinger, “Who cares if our tops are off, Dash? It’s just our friends and boyfriends around! I mean, Alucard isn’t here cuz he left with Twilight a few minutes ago, Anderson is with that Seras lady, Soarin’s already seen you naked, and Schrodinger’s already seen me naked. So really, what’s the point in worrying?”

Schrodinger snickered at Rainbow. “I vaited to say anysing because it vas funny, Rainbow.” He wrapped his arms around Pinkie and pulled her into his lap. “You’re so easy to tease, Rainbow.”

Rainbow huffed and rolled her eyes, “Yeah yeah, laugh it up. Jerk.” She flounced over to Soarin and Gilda, throwing herself down between them and letting her breasts bounce about. Soarin and Gilda stared at Rainbow’s breasts, both of them wishing to do various activities to their mutual girlfriend at the moment.

“You know, Dash…” Gilda said with a smirk as her hands came around Rainbow and cupped her chest, “I think you look even better without the top.” She planted a kiss on Rainbow’s neck as she somewhat roughly massaged the soft mounds.

Soarin nodded his agreement, leaning forward and planting a kiss upon each of Rainbow’s nipples, then kissing a trail from her breasts to her lips, “I have to agree with Gilda here, Dash. You look positively divine.”

Rainbow blushed and fidgeted from the dual-sided attack, “H-hey! Guys! Not on the beach where everyone can see us!” Still, she made no move to back away, her arms actually coming around to press Soarin’s head further against her breast and trapping Gilda’s hand against the sides of her pillowy mounds.

Gilda chuckled as she pecked Rainbow on the lips. “Mmm… Your mouth says no, but your body says yes, you little exhibitionist. Eh, Soarin?”

Soarin suckled Rainbow’s nipple, gently biting down on it before replying, “Mhmm. Oh yeah, she’s definitely saying yes from here.”

Celestia smiled in amusement and hid her face in a book, slipping on enchanted earmuffs to block out any noise. Luna rolled her eyes and did the same with a flippant, “If thou must, then mayhaps do it in the shade?”

“What do you think, Soarin?” Gilda asked as she squeezed Rainbow’s breasts a bit harder and ground herself against Rainbow’s ass.

Soarin kissed Rainbow once more, tugging lightly on her nipples, “Well, it is a little too hot to do anything like that in the sun.” He smirked and stood, walking over to his bag and pulling out an entire roll of condoms, “Probably not going to need this many, but it never hurts to be prepared, yeah?”

Rainbow mewled quietly at Gilda’s and Soarin’s touches, “C-c’mon guys! I get wanting to have a good fuck n’ all, but do we have to do it where everyone can hear us!?” She fidgeted again, moving her hands to cover her nipples this time.

“You gotta admit it’s kinky, Dash,” Gilda purred into her ear as her right hand slid down and dipped into Rainbow’s bikini bottom. “And you definitely like it, considering how wet you are.” She flapped her wings and slowly carried Rainbow into the shade at a low hover while rubbing her soaked snatch.

“D-dammit, G! Let a girl at least have some dignity in flying without help!” Rainbow whined, even as she undid her bikini bottom’s side ties and dropped them to the side, leaning back against Gilda and using her free hand to spread her labia open. “Well, if we’re gonna, we might as well get started now, yeah?”

Soarin grinned and dropped his trunks, slipping on a condom and stepping forward, hovering slightly to reach Rainbow’s dripping pussy, “We might as well, Dash. We might as well.” With that Soarin pushed forward gently, slowly penetrating Rainbow and slipping in with little resistance. “Oh man, Dash! Your pussy feels even better than last time!”

Gilda started sucking on Rainbow’s neck hard enough to leave a hickey as she ground harder against her ass and pinched her nipples. She may not have cared for men on a sexual level, but she had to admit that Soarin’s movements were doing some very wonderful things for her as the movements went through Rainbow’s body to Gilda’s.

Rainbow moaned and mewled as Soarin thrust into her, the feeling of Gilda's body against hers and Gilda's mouth at her neck an entirely too wonderful sensation. Soarin grunted with exertion, having never tried sex while flying before.

Gilda released Rainbow’s neck and caught her lips in a deep kiss, pushing her tongue into Rainbow’s mouth as she tilted the girl’s breasts up to offer her nipples to Soarin. Sure she wanted to suck on them herself, but she didn’t mind sharing.

Soarin obliged and began sucking eagerly upon Rainbow's nipples, switching between left and right and making sure to pinch the unattended nipple with his free hand. All the while, he continued thrusting ever faster, the wet slapping of flesh on flesh ringing out even over the sounds of waves and seagulls.

Rainbow drifted upon a haze of pleasure, jolts and bursts of ecstasy ripping through her form with every movement Soarin made. Gilda’s body against her back felt almost burning hot, only adding to the waves of ecstasy.

Gilda finally broke her kiss with Rainbow to breathe, dragging her tongue along her love’s neck as she rubbed harder against Rainbow’s back. Her hard nipples rubbing against the cups of her top with every movement and sending greater pleasure through her body. Her bikini bottom was getting soaked by her juices as her clit was ground against the fabric along with the pressure of grinding against Rainbow’s rear.

Soarin grinned, absolutely loving the sounds of Rainbow’s mewling. “Gods, you’re so beautiful,” Soarin murmured, his lips gently nipping at Rainbow’s ear. He took Rainbow into his arms, supporting her by her thighs and thrusting his hips ever faster.

Gilda rubbed harder against Rainbow, moaning in Rainbow’s ear as she did. “Oh baby, I’m gonna cum. I don’t know how long I can hold it, you two.” She shuddered in pleasure as the wet spot in her bikini bottom spread further.

Soarin grunted and began thrusting just a tad desperately, stuttering out a quick, “G-gonna cum too!” Rainbow moaned and let her head loll around, lost in the sensations that both Gilda and Soarin provided her.

Gilda’s grinding turned just as desperate as Soarin’s. “Hold it, you two. We should cum together.” She ground harder, panting as she tried to reach that peak in time to experience a mind blowing orgasm with both of them together.

“D-don’t know if I can hold out that long!” Soarin groaned, deciding to take a risk just as his orgasm hit and jamming his hand down the front of Gilda’s bikini bottom and tweaking her clitoris with his thumb.

Gilda gasped and buried her face in Rainbow’s shoulder as she came hard, letting out a strangled cry of pleasure. “Oh fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Her release soaked Soarin’s hand completely as she held herself closer to Rainbow.

Rainbow let out a shrill cry of ecstasy as she came with Soarin and Gilda, squirting out a torrent of juices and soaking the sand below. She clung tightly to Soarin, bringing her head back and kissing Gilda.

Gilda kissed Rainbow back and held her cheek in her hand as she pushed her tongue past Rainbow’s lips, for the moment overlooking Soarin’s audacity in shoving his hand into her bikini. Part of her wanted to deck him for it, but the rest was actually grateful for the extra stimulation.

Soarin flopped down into the sand, panting as his orgasm ended and gently setting Rainbow down beside him. “Hah, whew… man, that was just…. wow…” he grinned goofily and pulled off his condom, tying it and tossing it into a trash bag. He looked up to Gilda sheepishly, “Ah, sorry about that, G. Got, uh, got lost in the moment.”

Gilda gave him a cheeky grin. “Hey, ya helped me cum with you and Dash. I’ll let it slide.” Her grin suddenly morphed into a death glare. “Now get your hand out of my bikini if you want to keep it.”

Soarin flinched back, “Ah, heh… yeah…” Looking at the sticky mess Gilda had left on his hand, Soarin lifted his hand to his tongue and licked some of the mess off, tasting it with a look of surprise on his face, “.... A little salty, kinda sweet… tastes like bacon… weird. Not bad, but… how much bacon do you honestly eat, G?”

Gilda blushed and looked at Rainbow’s chest. “When Flutters cooks it? I pig out. Cloudsdale isn’t known for having high quality bacon or a lot of bacon period for that matter.”

Soarin chuckled, “Yeah, a bit of a shame, isn’t it? The pie kinda sucks there too, and don’t even get me started on the bacon pie…”

“Holy shit! I thought I was the only one around that likes that!” Gilda said with a wide grin. “Flutters makes a lot of good stuff with bacon in it. That woman is a fucking saint!”

Looking over to Fluttershy, Soarin had to agree, “She does have that look about her. So, any sports teams you like? Soccer? Football? I mean, I have to represent the Wonderbolts for racing, but the Fillydelphia Racer League is pretty good for a bunch of newbies.”

Gilda could tell he was about to say more, and cut him off with a finger to his lips. “Get your trunks back on. We’ve got a bet to resolve, remember?” She then took to the air and waited for him with her arms crossed under her bust in that enticing way again.

Soarin shook his head and pulled his trunks back on, making sure to leave Rainbow in the shade to recover from her orgasm, and shaking the sand out of his wings. “Right, the bet. So, who shows off first?”

Gilda grinned and took off higher into the air, twisting through the air as she showed off all her tricks one after another. The ways in which her body contorted as she moved brought a great deal of attention to her curves.

Soarin paid close attention to Gilda’s flying form, all traces of his unprofessional attitude gone. He nodded in satisfaction- Gilda’s flying form was perfect for her wingspan and wing shape. Even as a power flier rather than a speed flier, she knew exactly how to catch the currents in such a way as to boost her through the air with almost zero effort.

Gilda finally looped around and came to a stop, hovering in front of Soarin. “Well? What do ya think, Mr. Wonderbolt?” She grinned and crossed her arms again, still failing to notice what her body was starting to do to him.

Soarin shook off the slight daze that came from high-speed analysis of flying forms and grinned at Gilda, trying to keep from staring at her breasts,”Very nice there, G! You got a perfect flying form and your maneuvers are just beautiful. Am I right in saying that you’re a power flier? I mean, you have the wingspan and general build of one, but I could be wrong.”

Gilda visibly preened at his praise. “Got that right. I’m a power flier. Can keep up with just about any speed flier too. Still can’t match Dash though.” She grinned at him. “Your turn.”

“You got it, G,” Soarin saluted and, with and absolutely impish smirk, rocketed into the air, trailing billowing, crackling stormclouds in his wake as he twisted and turned at impossibly sharp angles, finishing off his display of acrobatics with a small twister as he slammed back down in a three point crouch. “Bam. Check that out,” Soarin pointed up, showing off the perfect Wonderbolts logo formed out of his signature stormy trail, the end of it tapering into a slowly dissipating twister.

Gilda whistled, impressed by the display. “Not bad at all, Soarin! I’m impressed! Now for that race!” She took off to a higher up cloud to use as a starting point, waiting on him while she readied herself with a little extra stretching. The stretching was meticulous and did some very wonderful things to her thighs, buttocks, and breasts.

Soarin landed on the cloud just as Gilda dropped into a stretch that showed off practically everything on her form, a furious blush coming to his face as he coughed, “Ah, ready to go?”

“Yup,” Gilda said as she sinuously moved to a ready position. “How bout you?” She grinned back at him as she waited for him to get ready.

Soarin smirked, “Oh yeah. On three?” He took up a crouching position, minimizing his profile for greater speed.

“One…” Gilda said, looking forward as she got ready for the race’s start.

Soarin’s wings flexed as he tensed up, licking his lips in preparation, “Two…”

She grinned at him as her own body tensed, her lips forming the word in synch with his own. “Three!” As the word left their mouths, she shot off into the open air, flapping her wings to reach high speeds. She loved speeds like this. The wind in her hair, the cool air rolling over her body.

Soarin rushed past her in a tight spiral, barrel rolling around her with a cocky smirk on his face, “Good start, G, but your acceleration’s a little slow!” he shouted, trailing stormclouds as an extra obstacle.

“Aw you cheeky ass!” Gilda yelled back as she caught some drafts to go faster, getting neck and neck with him. “How bout now?!” she asked as the wind and her movements shook her rack right where he could see. “Not so slow now, huh?!”

Soarin slowed down minutely, blushing as his wings fought to stiffen out in midair and increasing his drag, “Dammit G! Keep your tits out of my face when we’re racing!” He flapped harder, making up for his drag and pulling just ahead of Gilda.

Gilda laughed as she caught up and put them back in his face. “What’s the matter, Soarin?! Can’t ignore big tits?! Is that why Dash, Fleetfoot, and Spitfire can fly circles around you?! They put their racks in your face?!” She looked at him with a shit eating grin.

Soarin spluttered and blushed, “N-no! It’s because Fleetfoot and Spitfire are more aerodynamic than me and Dash is just too damn fast!” He jerked away and raced further ahead, his wake growing in intensity as he adjusted his form.

Gilda’s grin widened as she busted through the wake and caught up to him again. “I know what you’re thinking, Soarin! You want some of the lesbian forbidden fruit, don’t you?!” she asked as she rubbed her chest against his arm.

“G-gah! Dammit!” Soarin’s wings sprung fully open, completely ruining his aerodynamics and causing him to jerk violently to the side, slamming into Gilda and sending them both into an uncontrolled tumble.

Gilda tried her best to get them a soft landing as they crashed through the treeline and gouged a small trench in the ground. When they finally stopped, she was on her back on top of him. “Ow… Note to self, never flirt with an aerial like that in flight.” She blushed as she noticed a sensation on her chest that was not like before. Opening her eyes, she saw Soarin’s hands on her breasts in place of her top, which she could only guess was lost in the crash.

Soarin groaned from beneath her, shifting uncomfortably. He mumbled dazedly, “The hell… what am I holding….?” He gave Gilda’s breasts a few experimental squeezes, still shaking the cobwebs from his skull. “Wait… Ohshit.” He froze, hands still in mid-squeeze. “Gilda, am I squeezing your tits?”

“Yes… Yes you are,” Gilda answered, biting her lip to hold in a moan from the squeezing. Even if her breasts weren’t as big as Rainbow’s they were still rather sensitive. “And I lost my top in the crash.”

“... Oh… shit,” Soarin muttered, slowly letting go of Gilda’s breasts. He slowly stood, gently moving Gilda to the side and helping her stand. “Shit… primaries are all fucked up. Won’t be able to fly. Probably gonna bruise later… I gotta walk back. You?”

“Same,” Gilda groaned as she covered her breasts with her arms. She cried out in pain and fell to her knees after she put some weight on her right foot. “Fuck! I think my ankle is sprained!”

Soarin tutted as he grabbed Gilda under her left shoulder, hoisting her back to her feet, “See, this is why you don’t tease an aerial with tits in mid-flight. Now you’re injured, I’m injured, and thank gods that we’re on a private beach resort because if this were the open jungle we’d be really fucked up the ass without lube.”

“Lesson learned,” Gilda muttered as she leaned on him, still covering her chest. “Ow. I can’t walk on my own.” She looked up at him. “You ever breathe a word about this to anyone outside this island and I’ll kick your teeth in.”

Soarin chuckled, “Yeah yeah, I hear you. Now, let’s head back; pretty sure they’ll be wondering where we are.” He began assisting Gilda back to the path, cursing as he put weight on a particularly tender part of his leg.

“So Soarin…” Gilda said out of the blue. “Did you uh… like how my tits feel?” She looked forward with a blush on her face. “Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s not like I’m jealous of Dash or anything like that. I’m just curious.”

“They were… well, I mean I still like Dash’s, but yours are pretty nice too, I guess,” Soarin blushed, trying not to anger Gilda.

“You really mean that?” Gilda asked as she glanced up at him out of the corner of her eye, her blush darkening just a bit.

Soarin nodded, “Yeah, they’re pretty great. Maybe not the size of Dash’s, but they’re nice on their own all the same.”

Gilda blushed even darker. “Thanks. You’re the first guy that’s ever said that to me and meant it. I think it’s part of why I prefer women. Not so quick to judge based on breast size.”

Soarin shrugged, “Call me a perv, but I like all breasts. Big, small, real, fake, perky, saggy, firm, squishy… They’re all great, y’know? I mean, the lady they’re attached to matters as well, don’t get me wrong, but I do love a good pair of tits.”

Gilda cracked up at that, only to groan in discomfort. “Oh don’t get me laughing. Dammit! I’m gonna feel this in the morning.” She looked up at him with a grin. “That’s another thing I like about you. You’re pretty fucking honest about being a sucker for boobs.”

“Well, I always figured that being honest about what I like was a good thing in the long run, y’know?” Soarin shifted positions, letting Gilda put more of her weight on him rather than on her own ankles.

Gilda lightly chuckled and gave him a genuine smile before looking back at the path. “You know…” Her blush had briefly vanished but was now returned full force. “Since we’re still alone out here, and keeping this whole conversation just between us on pain of your teeth going down your throat…” She gulped. “Do you… want to touch them again? See what all you like about them?”

Soarin looked down at Gilda, “Y’mean that?” His hands twitched, moving towards Gilda’s breasts.

Gilda nodded and slowly lowered her arms, allowing him to see her chest fully. “Yeah. Go ahead and feel ‘em up.”

Soarin grinned and gently placed his hands upon Gilda’s breasts, softly kneading and squeezing them, trying to gauge their best qualities, “Hmm… firm, but with a good amount of softness… skin is silky smooth, they’re shaped very nicely… Mm, very nice…”

Gilda let out a moan as she was fondled. “Sensitive too,” she muttered, gasping as she felt his fingers close around her erect nipples. “You really like nipples, huh?”

Soarin grinned, “Hey, I can’t help loving these perky little things. They’re positively adorable.” He began working circles upon Gilda’s breasts, rotating his fingers as they pinched and squeezed Gilda’s nipples.

Gilda arched her back as she moaned louder than before, finding herself enjoying the pleasure that he was sending through her body with his masterful hands. “Oh fuck… You’re good with your hands.” Her hand fell back as she moaned again, coming into contact with an unmistakable bulge. Her eyes widening, she slowly gripped it a bit. “Soarin? Is that what I think it is?”

Soarin hesitated in his ministrations, “A-ah, yeah… sorry. Involuntary reactions and all…” He blushed and shifted his hips away from Gilda.

Gilda’s fingers wrapped around his bulge almost immediately. “I… I owe you one for helping me walk so… How about I get you off before we get moving again?” She blushed all over her face. Any other man she’d have decked in disgust long before now. Why was Soarin so different?

“W-well, I mean, if you like,” Soarin stuttered, leaning against a tree for support. He guided Gilda down, making sure to keep her weight on her good ankle as he sat down with her.

Gilda started slowly rubbing the bulge. “Never done this before, sorry if I don’t measure up to Dash.” She applied a little more pressure as she stroked him.

“Don’t worry, G, I’m sure you’ll do great,” Soarin smiled and pulled down his trunks, letting his member spring free. “Just try different things for now, I suppose. You’ll figure it out eventually.”

Gilda blushed at the sight of his throbbing cock, which seemed to pulse with his every heartbeat. Slowly reaching out, she gently wrapped her fingers around it and started running them up and down the meaty shaft experimentally. “Wow… This is certainly new.” She gulped. “Just… do me a favor and let me know when you’re gonna cum.”

Soarin sucked in a breath, breathing out a quick, “Y-yeah, no problem,” as he blushed slightly. His shaft throbbed slightly under Gilda’s touch, a pleasant heat emanating from it.

Gilda applied some pressure and stroked him harder as her blush darkened. “It’s really warm. How do you deal with having hard ons when it’s inconvenient?”

Soarin shrugged, releasing a shuddering breath from her touch, “Well usually if I’m at home and alone I just rub one out, if I’m not, I just wait for it to go down and try not to stand up. Damn, G, you’re a natural at this…”

“Y-You think so?” Gilda asked in embarrassment as she squeezed a little harder and stroked faster. “I’m just doing what I’ve seen Dash do.”

“Well, damn, keep doing that!” Soarin gasped, letting his head loll back as he tried to control his breathing.

“Does it really feel that good?” Gilda asked, lightly panting as she kept at it. “Soarin? I don’t know why, but I’m getting wet. It doesn’t make sense. It’s not like I’m doing this as more than a favor.”

Soarin chuckled despite himself, “Well, I won’t brag, but I think you’re starting to turn maybe just the tiniest bit bisexual?”

“W-What?!” Gilda asked in shock. “Me? Turning bi? Aren’t you being just a little full of yourself?” She remembered something else she’d seen Rainbow do and had him move forward so she could get behind him, stroking his shaft as she pressed her chest into his back. “No way I could be turning bi.”

Soarin choked off a chuckle as he groaned, absolutely loving the feel of Gilda’s breasts against his back, “Are you sure about that?”

“Of course I’m sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” Gilda asked, even as her free hand reached down her bikini bottom to start rubbing her clit.

Soarin chuckled, “Hmm, nothing.” He closed his eyes and relaxed, content to just enjoy the wonderful sensations of Gilda’s hand on his shaft.

Gilda panted as she kept stimulating her clit, getting wetter by the second as her other hand stroked Soarin harder. “Damn you’re really hard.”

“That’s what happens when a lovely lady gets their hands around a dick, G. Gets harder than a rock.” Soarin sighed, his breath hitching as his orgasm approached, “H-hoh damn, G! ‘Bout to cum over here!”

Gilda stroked him faster and harder as she buried a couple of fingers inside of her snatch, moaning in his ear as she pleasured herself. “Me too!”

“D-damn! Oh gods, cumming!” Soarin cried, spurting out several ropes of semen into the air, splattering his lap and chest, one particularly lucky streamer somehow landing all over Gilda’s face.

Gilda didn’t notice it right away since she was too busy letting out a loud moan as she came with him, further soaking her bikini bottom. Panting, she pulled her hand out of her bikini and grinned as she held the soaked appendage in front of Soarin’s face. “There’s some of that forbidden fruit, Soarin.”

“Well, how am I supposed to resist such a tempting offer when it’s dangling right in front of me?” Soarin asked rhetorically, his tongue darting forward and licking a streak of Gilda’s juices from her hand. “Mm, still good.”

Gilda blushed and finally noticed the feeling of warmth on her face. Reaching up with her right hand, she lightly touched it, getting some on her fingertip and looking at it. “So this is what semen looks like up close, huh?”

Soarin nodded, “Yeah, that’s basically it right there.” He shrugged and blushed, “Sorry about getting it on your face.”

“Should have aimed you better,” Gilda replied as she looked at his seed in curiosity. “Wonder why Dash likes drinking this stuff so much.” Deciding to go for it for curiosity’s sake, she slowly brought her finger to her mouth and stuck her tongue out, licking the drop of semen from her fingertip.

Soarin stared, feeling a jolt rush through his loins when he saw Gilda lick his semen off her finger. “W-uhm… how, how’s it taste?”

Gilda was silent for a moment as she thought of how to word it. “Kinda fruity, with a…. lightning-y aftertaste. Not bad.”

Soarin gulped, feeling a light flush rush to his face once again, “A-anyway… we should probably start heading back again… don’t want the others to worry, yeah?”

“You’re still covered in your cum,” Gilda pointed out as she wiped the cum from her face and licked it from her fingers. “Ideas for that?”

Gilda lay facedown in her bed, naked aside from her panties. She lightly groaned as she moved her wings a bit. They were largely healed, but she wasn’t allowed to fly for a couple of weeks, and her ankle was wrapped in an ice pack. And she just couldn’t sleep. Every time she tried, she kept thinking of Soarin. “What’s so special about that guy?” she muttered to herself.

Rainbow stepped into the room bearing a tray of food, “Hey Gilda, brought you dinner. You okay?”She set the tray down on Gilda’s end table and sat, dragging a chair over to the bed. “How the hell did you even manage to crash like that anyway? You’re normally unbeatable when you race!”

Gilda blushed. “I… was teasing Soarin with my tits.” She avoided looking at Rainbow. “Underestimated the effect I’d have and he got a wingboner and knocked us outta the sky.”

“.....” Rainbow stared at Gilda with an impassive stare, “... You’re shitting me. You’ve got to be shitting me.”

“I’d say ask Soarin, but I told him I’d kick his teeth in if he breathed a word of it,” Gilda said with a grin. “But no. I’m not shitting you. Soarin and I crashed because I couldn’t help teasing him with my rack. There’s just… something about that guy.”

Rainbow broke down into helpless peals of laughter, falling out of her chair and rolling on the floor, “Ahaha! I can’t believe you crashed because you made Soarin pop a wingie! Pfffft! Seriously! I just-! Ha!”

“Shut up!” Gilda snapped, blushing up a storm. “Now I can’t stop thinking about him!” She looked at Rainbow. “Dash, I’ve always been a lesbian. Never gave men any thought in the dating area because I always thought they were selfish pigs.” She ignored a distant yell of indignation from Alucard. “But Soarin… He’s different. Even though he’s a shameless boob man.”

Rainbow slowly got up, still chuckling madly, “W-well, he’s a nice guy, y’know? Hot bod, considerate, great in bed, rich as a motherfucker, famous, and isn’t afraid of commitment. There ain’t much to not like about Soarin… Cept the fact that he always stares at boobs.”

Gilda blushed a bit darker. “No arguments about there not being much to not like about him. I uh… I let him feel me up.”

“Really!?” Rainbow gasped, “I thought you decked the crap out of guys when they did that!”

Gilda rolled her eyes. “Trust me. Any other guy, I would have. But Soarin… I did say he’s different. For fuck’s sake, I even jerked him off and sampled his cum.”

Rainbow got up in Gilda’s face, “Seriously!? Holy shit, G! I think you turned bi for Soarin!”

“S-Shut up!” Gilda pushed Rainbow away in embarrassment. “I’m still a lesbian. It’s just… As far as men are concerned, I guess if it’s Soarin, it’s okay.”

Rainbow grinned and stood, “Whatever you say, Gilda. Anyway, eat fast. We got a game of Truth or Dare going on after dinner and I don’t want you to miss out.”

“Truth or Dare?” Gilda asked as she got her food and started eating. “Why do I feel like I’m going to regret this?”

Gilda shot Rainbow a small glare from her spot on Soarin’s left, with Rainbow being seated on his right. To Gilda’s own left was Fluttershy. “So… Who’s first?”

Pinkie immediately shot her hand in the air, “Ooh! Ooh! Me me me!” She all but bounced in place, a wide grin upon her face.

“Alright then. Pinkie’s up first,” Twilight said as she leaned on Alucard, a cigar clenched between her teeth as she exhaled some smoke.

“Alrighty then! Hmmm…. Twilight! Truth or dare!?” Pinkie cried, pointing dramatically at Twilight.

Twilight thought for a moment before looking at Pinkie. “Truth,” she decided as she knocked some ash into an ashtray.

“Hmmm….” Pinkie tapped her chin, “How many times… has Alucard seen you in the shower?!”

Twilight turned a healthy shade of red from the memories. “Let’s see… Taking into account when he started, I’d say about 2,867 times.”

Everyone stopped and stared.

Celestia coughed into her hand, “W-how… ahem… that’s… shocking, to say the least…”

“Tis unexpected for such an indiscretion to happen that many times, is it not? Especially with one such as yourself, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna spoke up, a faint blush coming to her face.

Twilight couldn’t help chuckling. “At first he would just pop in to tell me something he’d been up to or found out. Then when my teenage years came up and gave me this excellent body, he started perving on me too. And now…” She gave Alucard a wink and grin. “I won’t lie, shower sex is absolutely fantastic.”

“So Trixie is forced to hear night after night,” Trixie muttered as she leaned on Big Mac.

Rainbow whistled in awe, “Damn, Twi, I gotta say that I never expected a bookworm like you to have that much sex… how do you not have shattered hips by now!?” She stared at Twilight, suddenly realizing why she kept hearing faint screaming every night.

“I magically reinforce my pelvis with one of my power tattoos,” Twilight said with a grin. “And yes. I have lots of absolutely mind blowing sex. I’m never considering letting another man into the herd. Now that I’ve been with Alucard, any other man simply will not do.” The air gained a hint of aroma that hinted at Twilight’s growing arousal. “Now then…” She looked around. “Seras. Truth or Dare?”

Seras tapped her chin and grinned, “Aww what the hell, I choose dare!”

Twilight giggled mischievously. “I dare you to give Anderson a lapdance, while topless.”

Seras blushed furiously, but grinned back at Twilight. “Challenge accepted, lass.” She stood, pulled off her blouse and bra, stripped off her jeans and stood over Anderson, straddling him with a grin, “Ready, Father Anderson?”

Anderson gained a very bright blush at this development, but nodded even so. “Aye. Ready as I’ll ever be, Ms. Victoria.” He was fighting a losing battle to avoid staring at her bare breasts.

“Then let’s have some fun!” Seras began Anderson’s lapdance, squatting down and moving her hips in an unheard rhythm, shaking her butt back and forth as she all but shoved her breasts in Anderson’s face. She ground on thin air, coming dangerously close to brushing the bulge in Anderson’s pants a few times.

Celestia giggled, “So eager to jump straight into the inappropriate aspects of this game, aren’t they?” She nudged Luna, who had returned to her book for the duration of the lapdance.

Luna snorted, “Let them enjoy their youth, as the saying goes.”

Rainbow hooted and hollered, cheering Seras on. Gilda rolled her eyes but gave a half-hearted attempt at mimicking Rainbow when the aforementioned aerial nudged her side.

Anderson was having a titanic struggle on several fronts. Not only did he have to fight to keep his hands to himself as Seras held her chest in his face, he was having to resist the temptation to give in to the invitation she was clearly sending him with her movements. That Twilight. Had Schrodinger and his love of matchmaking rubbed off on her?

Seras finished her absolutely lewd dance with a bright flush on her face, stepping from Anderson’s chair and putting her clothes back on with a dainty huff. She turned and pecked Anderson on the cheek, “Thanks for keeping your hands to yourself, mate.”

Anderson flushed darker at the peck and chuckled a bit, trying to hide the nervousness. “Of course. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do, Ms. Victoria.”

Seras smirked and winked at Anderson as she retook her seat, “Now… Rarity! Truth or dare?”

Rarity thought for a moment as she puffed her pipe. “I’m feeling rather bold. Give me a dare.”

“Well, since I rather don’t feel like being too mean right now… I dare you to just be completely topless for the rest of the game.” Seras shrugged, not having been able to come up with anything better.

Rarity blushed as she set her pipe down. “I imagine we shall be hard pressed to top what Twilight had you do, darling.” As she spoke, she unbuttoned her blouse and slid it from her shoulders before unhooking her bra and sliding it off, leaving her bust fully exposed. “It’s a good thing Spike isn’t here, isn’t it, Twilight?”

Twilight nodded, “Yes, it really is a good thing he isn’t… though, I have to wonder how he’s holding up back at home…”

Spike groaned and stamped another book for Lyra, “Honestly, Lyra… why do you even need this many books on lyre playing? Aren’t you already an expert?”

Lyra rolled her eyes and collected her books, “Just because I’m an expert doesn’t mean I can stop practicing, you know. And plus, the books have great songs in them sometimes.”

Spike sighed, “Yeah, I see your point. Have a nice evening, Lyra.”

“You too, Spike. You too.” Lyra walked out the doors, leaving Spike to turn his attention to the rest of the line.

“Dammit Trixie! Why’d you have to leave me here! You’re the one who knows how to run a library!” Spike silently suffered, longing for his stack of unread comics and uneaten crystals.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Rainbow said flippantly, waving Twilight’s concern away with nary a care in the world, “Anyway, it’s Rarity’s turn. Who you gonna pick, Rares?”

Rarity thought for a moment while relighting her pipe. “Truth or Dare, Gilda?”

Gilda grinned, “Aww hell, you know I can’t resist a good dare!” She sat back and folded her arms behind her head, “Lay it on me!”

Rarity smirked at the cocky aerial. “You may soon eat those words, Gilda. I dare you to kiss Soarin on the lips, passionately, for 30 seconds.”

“Wh-Oh shit…” Gilda muttered, blushing bright red as she stared at Soarin, “.... Fffffff…..”

Soarin raised an eyebrow at Gilda, “What, is there something wrong with kissing me?”

Gilda sputtered and shook her head, gathering her wits, “Okay… okay, y’know what? Fuck it.” She lunged forward and began passionately making out with Soarin, jerking his head back with enough force to nearly tip his chair over.

Twilight leaned over to Rainbow. “Is anyone keeping the time?” she asked in a whisper, noticing with a grin how much Gilda seemed to be getting into it.

Rainbow shrugged and whispered back, “Don’t think so, why? Do you really wanna see this stop?” An insufferable smirk came to her face as her hand began sneaking down towards the waistline of her shorts.

“Now that you mention it, no,” Twilight whispered, grinning wider as she pulled away and leaned on Alucard in a suggestive manner.

Soarin pushed his tongue into Gilda’s mouth as his hands ran over her back and through her white locks. He felt his pants tightening as he felt her chest on his own, the memory of touching them coming back to him.

Gilda ran her hands over Soarin’s chest and up his neck, grabbing fistfuls of his hair and all but mashing her mouth against his. She moaned softly, acutely aware of the bulge in his pants.

Feeling emboldened, Soarin drew Gilda into his lap and gripped the back of her head to help him deepen their intense kiss as his right hand slid downward and grabbed a handful of her rear, pushing her further into his lap.

Gilda gasped slightly at Soarin’s touch before grinning into the kiss and returning the favor, giving Soarin’s rear a good squeeze as she forced her tongue into his mouth.

Soarin’s tongue twined with hers in a dance as he gently massaged her ass cheek while grinding her against his bulge, pressing her chest harder against him in the process.

Rainbow grinned, openly masturbating at the sight of Soarin and Gilda making out while Rarity rolled her eyes in distaste. “Honestly, dear, couldn’t you do this somewhere a little less inappropriate? I mean for goodness’ sake the Princesses are right here!” Rarity huffed and gently cleared her throat, “Ahem, Gilda? Soarin? I do believe your thirty seconds are up… with interest…”

Soarin blushed darkly as he slowly broke his kiss with Gilda, giving her a small smile even as his bulge throbbed against her crotch, the air a bit heavier with the scent of arousal.

Gilda panted, an identical blush upon her face, “W-Ah… d-don’t think that meant anything!” She quickly scuttled back to her seat, refusing to look Soarin in the eye, “A-anyway! Fluttershy! Truth or dare?”

Fluttershy looked at Gilda while considering which to pick. After a moment’s deliberation, she made her choice. “Truth.”

Gilda nodded and rubbed her chin, "Hmm.... How many sex toys do you own, Flutters?"

Fluttershy darkly blushed and played with a lock of her hair nervously. “Um… I own five.” She started trying to hide behind her pink locks.

Gilda raised an eyebrow, "That's... Actually more than I was expecting..."

Rainbow snickered, "Yeah, she only owns five, but she still borrows half of mine!”

Fluttershy squeaked in embarrassment as she tried to further hide behind her hair. “Um… Truth or Dare, Rainbow?”

Rainbow grinned and cracked her knuckles, "Dare me!" She cracked her neck for good measure, shifting her head from side to side.

Fluttershy let out a small giggle. “I dare you to let Alucard grope you. And you have to take your shirt and bra off too.”

Alucard let loose his impish laugh. “Oh this is going to be fun!”

".... Awwww shit," Rainbow muttered, pulling her top and bra off and flinging them to the side, "Ah fuck it, come at me bro!"

Rarity snorted, "Language, dear! There's royalty present!"

“Sunbutt’s desensitized to cursing by now, Raritits,” Alucard said as he phased over to Rainbow and squeezed her breasts. “Nice rack on ya, Rainboob.”

"Fucking dammit Alucard! Don't call me that!" Rainbow yelped as Alucard squeezed her breasts, not enjoying the sensation in the least.

“It’s a compliment, Rainboob!” Alucard said, massaging them as gently as he would Twilight or Fluttershy’s. “Better than Rainboard, eh?”

"Fffffffffffuck you're right....." Rainbow sighed in annoyance, "Can we be done with this now? I'd really rather only Soarin be the one touching my boobs."

“Only Soarin, babe?” Gilda asked with an arched eyebrow as Alucard released Rainbow and returned to Twilight’s side.

Rainbow blushed, "I meant Soarin being the only guy, G. You know you can touch me anytime you want."

Gilda grinned and reached over, squeezing Rainbow’s breasts. “Don’t mind if I do.”

"Wha-hey!" Rainbow moaned at Gilda's touch, "N-nevermind! Keep doing that!"

"It's your move, babe," Gilda said with a wider grin as she pulled on Rainbow's nipples.

"R-right!" Rainbow gasped as Gilda hit a particularly sensitive part of her breasts, "Uh, Princess Celestia, Truth or dare?"

Celestia pondered for a moment. “Dare, Rainbow Dash.”

"Ohoho..." Rainbow grinned and rubbed her hands together, "Then I dare you... To make out with your sister for ten seconds!"

Twilight and Rarity gasped, completely scandalized. Applejack gave Rainbow a disgusted stare while Fluttershy just about fainted on the spot. Everyone else but Celestia and Luna shot Rainbow looks of varying degrees of shock and disgust.

Celestia chuckled at the dare. “So daring, Rainbow Dash.” Smiling, she pulled her stunned sister into a deep make out. Luna resisted at first but got into it, their kiss going past the ten second mark with no sign of stopping.

Everyone else stopped and stared, each and every one of their jaws dropped, Twilight beginning to blush heavily, her hero worship of Celestia making the current situation even more awkward than normal.

Finally, after a solid minute of passionate making out, Celestia and Luna slowly broke their kiss, a small string of spit briefly connecting their lips. Giggling, Celestia looked at Anderson. “Truth or Dare, Father Anderson?”

Anderson sighed, "Considering the way the game has been going.... I choose dare, though I know I'll regret it."

Celestia giggled and smiled widely. “I dare you to give Seras a kiss that she finds satisfactory.”

Seras blushed and smiled at Anderson, winking as she waited for him to come kiss her.

"Somehow I knew you'd say that, Princess..." Anderson blushed and stood, leaning over Seras and kissing her deeply on the lips, his hands reaching up to cup her face.

Seras smiled as she kissed him back, her arms snaking up and around his neck as she started deepening the kiss while pulling him closer to press her chest against him and rub her thigh against his groin.

Anderson stiffened up both in spine and groin, his eyes widening ever so slightly, even as he did his level best to keep the situation under control and maintain the kiss to a satisfactory degree. His blush deepened as his hands started twitching, inching ever so slightly towards Seras’ breasts.

Seras giggled into the kiss as she shifted enough to land his hands on her breasts while her thigh kept rubbing his crotch. Running her fingers through his hair, she pushed her tongue into his mouth.

Anderson blinked in surprise as he began sucking on Seras’ tongue, not expecting Seras to do that but enjoying it nonetheless.

Seras rewarded his initiative with a light moan of pleasure as she pressed her thigh harder against his crotch and her breasts further into his hands, her movements encouraging him to loosen up.

Anderson couldn’t help it; his hands squeezed on reflex as Seras’ thigh touched his crotch again, his blush intensifying with every passing second.

Seras lightly moaned and finally broke the kiss, smiling at him as she released him. “Meet me in my room later tonight,” she whispered into his ear before pecking him on the cheek.

“A-ah… I can do that…” Anderson sat down shakily, eyes wide open and a blush firmly affixed to his face.

“Deep breath, Anderson. It’s just a kiss, tit squeeze, and boner,” Alucard said in his trolling tone. “Enjoy ‘em, dude.”

“A-aye… I can do that…” Anderson shook himself out of his daze and pointed at Applejack, “Miss Applejack, truth or dare?”

Applejack thought for a moment. “Let’s mix things up and go truth.” Though she was a tad nervous about what she might be asked to reveal.

“Well, since I don’t really know you very well….” Anderson trailed off in thought, “Hmm… What’s your favorite food?”

Rainbow jeered, “Boo! C’mon man, that’s super lame!”

Rarity huffed and reached across the table to cuff Rainbow upside the head, “Honestly, must you be so uncouth? He’s merely being a gentleman.”

Applejack laughed at the question. “Well if ah had ta pick, it’d be ma granny’s apple pie.”

“A good choice, I’d say,” Anderson chuckled, “A homemade dish served with love is far superior to anything else, in my experience.”

“Ain’t that the truth?” Applejack asked before looking around. “Trixie. Truth or Dare?”

Trixie tapped her chin and smirked, “You’ll not get the better of my dignity today, Applejack! I choose truth!”

“What’s the kinkiest thing ya’ve done with ma brother?” Applejack asked, a smug grin on her face.

Trixie immediately flushed bright red and dropped her face into her hand, “I stand corrected…” she mumbled, Big Mac flushing the same color as he tried to comfort her. After a few seconds had passed, Trixie took a deep breath and, with eyes clenched shut, said, “I had anal sex with him!”

“Damn girl! You’ve got guts!” Rainbow said, genuinely impressed. “I caught a glimpse of what he’s packing once. I’m surprised you can sit down.”

“It wasn’t easy for the first day or so…” Trixie grumbled, casting a half-hearted glare at Big Mac.

“Ah told you it would hurt, but didya listen? No.” Big Mac rolled his eyes and patted Trixie on the head, “But ya did take it like a champ.”

Twilight giggled. “Ah anal. It hurts at first, but once your asshole gets stretched enough, it’s as amazing as in the pussy.”

Fluttershy blushed, “A-ah, uhm… c-could we move on? Talking about this makes me… uncomfortable…”

“Sorry bout that, Fluttershy,” Applejack said with a small blush. “Yer turn, Trixie.”

Trixie, still blushing, cleared her throat and pointed dramatically at Alucard, “Alucard! Truth or dare!”

Alucard laughed as he was called on. “Hm… Let’s see… I’ll go with truth.”

“Alucard…” Trixie thought hard, rubbing her stump with her good hand, “What’s the first thing you’ve ever done to Twilight… erm, sexually, that is.”

“After I finished applying her tattoos, I ate her out while waking her up,” Alucard said. “She cut my head off and came when my blood splashed her legs.”

“....” Trixie stopped and stared, “..... Well, that’s… certainly interesting….”

Gilda slowly stood up. “I’ll be right back. Going to the can.” She started limping in the direction of the bathroom down the hall.

Soarin stood and immediately slung Gilda’s arm over his shoulder, “Come on, G, you shouldn’t be walking on your own yet. You might make your ankle worse.”

Gilda gave him a small smile, glad that her back was to everyone else. “Thanks.” She guided him down the hallway and around the corner, going right past the bathroom. “Tried to go alone for a particular reason. But since you came with, might as well do it someplace more comfy.”

Soarin blinked, not quite getting Gilda’s point, “Weren’t you… going to the bathroom?” He thought for a moment before blushing, “Wait… were you going to…?”

“Masturbate?” Gilda asked with a grin. “Yeah. That little make out got me all hot and bothered.” She opened the door to her room and shut it behind them, locking it for good measure. “I can’t stop thinking about you. You’ve been on my mind since the jungle.” She grabbed his cheek and turned his face to look him in the eye. “Dash think I’ve turned bi. But I’m still a lesbian. But you…” She blushed as she started leaning closer. “If it’s you, then I don’t mind being attracted to a man.” She closed her eyes as she deeply kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck to hold him closer.

Soarin held Gilda close, running his hands down her back and stroking the base of each wing. “Well, I guess I can only feel flattered about that,” Soarin mumbled, kissing back with equal fervor.

Gilda guided him to the bed and fell onto it with him, running her hands over his chest as she pushed her tongue into his mouth, moaning as she felt his hands exploring her body as well.

Soarin met her tongue with his own as he rubbed the bases of her wings and the flesh between them, liking the moans that Gilda made at his touch. He left out a light moan as he felt her hand grasp his bulge and start stroking it. He broke the kiss and looked her in the eye. “Are you sure about this, Gilda?”

Gilda had a bright blush on her face as she slowly nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure. Not sure why, but you’ve really grown on me, stud.” Slowly reaching into his shorts, Gilda started stroking him directly. “Just don’t be surprised if I’m not as good as Dash.”

Soarin moaned louder as Gilda moved down and pulled his shorts and boxers off, letting his member stand upright as it twitched. Her soft fingers wrapping around it sent a jolt of pleasure up his spine. “Gilda…” he moaned as she stroked him.

Gilda couldn’t help grinning when she heard him moan her name. “Oh yeah. That’s my name,” she purred as she slowly leaned down. Once again stepping into new territory, she slowly stuck her tongue out and licked the tip of his length. “Not bad. I can see why Dash likes to blow you.” Opening her mouth, she started slowly sucking his tip, drawing loud moans from his mouth. Taking that as a good sign, Gilda started slowly taking in more, his cock slowly filling her mouth until it went a little too far. Her eyes widened as her gag reflex kicked in and she pulled him from her mouth, coughing.

“Hey, hey, careful there, G.” Soarin patted Gilda’s back as she coughed, making sure not to hit any of her damaged areas, “There’s a reason why you take that kind of thing slow, y’know.”

Gilda panted and looked at him. “Well now I know where my limit is. And it’s my first time giving a blowjob, Soarin.” Determined to prove herself, she once again engulfed his shaft in her mouth, being careful not to hit where her gag reflex would trigger this time, and moaned as she slowly sucked him off.

“Ah… Oh Gilda…” Soarin moaned as he ran his fingers through her hair. She may have never given head before, but she was a quick learner. “Feels really good, G,” he moaned as he felt her soft hands stroking what she couldn’t fit in her mouth as well as his ball sack. All those sensations soon had him panting as he felt release coming fast. “Gilda I’m cumming!”

Gilda’s eyes widened as the first shot of seed burst from his tip into her mouth. She barely suppressed her instinct to pull away, and kept her mouth wrapped around his erupting cock, swallowing the rather tasty fluid in several gulps. Once he finally finished cumming, she pulled his shaft from her mouth. “Fuck! That tasted surprisingly good.”

“Heh, well, I do aim to please,” Soarin grinned as he let his head loll back, panting slightly from Gilda’s skills.

Gilda blushed and moved up to where she could look him in the eye from where she sat. “I’m guessing we take our clothes off now?” Despite making an exception for him, Gilda was decidedly nervous about Soarin seeing her completely naked.

Soarin gave Gilda a lopsided smirk, already taking his shirt off, “Well, it’s a little inconvenient to do it with clothes on, isn’t it?”

Gilda’s blush darkened as she slowly pulled her tank top off and tossed it aside, her bra soon joining it. Unbuttoning her shorts, she pulled them and her panties off together, carefully moving them over the ice pack on her ankle and tossing them aside. “Well?” she asked as she showed him everything.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” Soarin murmured, taking Gilda in his arms and giving her a deep kiss.

Gilda kissed him back, feeling her heart race even faster for reasons that had nothing to do with her nervousness at sleeping with a man for the first time in her life. She slowly broke the kiss. “Do whatever you want to me then.” She looked into his eyes before laying back. “I… I trust you.”

Soarin smiled softly, “Aw, G, you’re making me blush.” Still he leaned down and captured one of Gilda’s nipples in his mouth ,pinching the other and working it with circular motions. He sucked upon Gilda’s nipple, flicking it with his tongue and gently grazing it with his teeth.

Gilda arched her back and moaned loudly, her hand going to his head and running her fingers through his hair. “Oh fuck… My nipples are really sensitive. Feels so fucking good, Soarin!” She rubbed her thighs together as she got wetter and wetter from what he was doing.

Soarin grinned, letting his teeth close down on Gilda’s nipple, nibbling it while his other hand pinched harder. His free hand snaked down between Gilda’s legs, flicking her clit with his thumb as the rest of his fingers stroked her labia.

Gilda gasped at feeling his teeth nibbling her nipple and his fingers on her outer lips. “Oh fuck! Oh fuck!” She stiffened and came all over his hand as she moaned his name. “Oh yes… Don’t stop, Soarin. Lick me. Lick my soaking pussy!”

Soarin grinned, shifting positions and moving his head down, “As the lady wishes.” His tongue darted forward, just barely flicking Gilda’s clit. He moved down forward, placing a gentle kiss right in the center of her folds.

Gilda gasped in pleasure as he did. His tongue and lips felt very different from Rainbow’s, and she was liking that difference. “Just like that, Soarin. Just like that.” She started idly rubbing her left breast as she closed her eyes to focus on her sense of touch.

Soarin stuck his tongue out again, taking a long, slow lick from the bottom of Gilda’s pussy to her clit, flicking the tiny nub a few more times. He latched on to her clit, sucking on it and skillfully fingering her with his hands.

Gilda’s moans increased in volume as she lifted her right hand to her mouth and gently bit her finger to try to keep quiet. Her thighs gripped his head, keeping his face planted firmly at her crotch. “Yes… Just like that, baby. Just like that.”

Soarin continued licking at Gilda’s pussy, taking care to pay special attention to her clit. His fingers explored her folds, dextrously searching for her g-spot.

Gilda arched her back and gasped as he found it. “Fuck! Yes! That’s the spot!” She pinched her nipple and bit a little harder on her finger as her moans got louder while she gripped his head tighter with her thighs.

With a simple twist of his fingers, Soarin pressed Gilda’s g-spot and clit at once, rubbing both as he licked around Gilda’s labia.

Gilda’s eyes rolled back as her left hand shot down and pressed his face hard into her crotch. Letting out a cry that her finger only barely muffled, she came hard, drenching his mouth and jaw.

Soarin pulled back up, grinning widely, “So, how was that, G?” He held up his soaked hand and licked it, tasting the almost bacon-like flavor of Gilda’s juices.

Gilda’s chest heaved as she panted. “It was fan-fucking-tastic.” Blushing again, she spread her legs and pulled her labia open with her fingers. “Fuck me. Put it in me, Soarin.”

Soarin nodded and got off the bed. “Let me get a condom.” Going to his discarded shorts, he pulled a condom from the pocket and went back to Gilda, pulling the rubber from its packaging and sliding it onto his shaft. Moving between her legs, he lined up with her waiting vagina. “You sure about this, G?”

Gilda nodded and looked into his eyes. “I’m sure. Like I said. It’s okay if it’s you.” She arched her back and bit her lip to hold in a loud moan as she felt him slide inside her and stretch her out. “Oh fuck!” As he started thrusting, she closed her eyes and focused on the unfamiliar sensation of a man inside of her. “I can see why Dash loves this so much!”

Soarin grinned at that. “Yeah. She does love to have me in her.” His gaze fell on Gilda’s breasts, which bounced hypnotically with his every thrust. Sliding his hands up from her hips, he cupped the alluring orbs in his hands and gently massaged them.

Gilda moaned louder and pulled Soarin into a deep kiss, pushing her tongue into his mouth as she rolled on top of him. “My turn, Soarin,” she purred against his lips as she started riding him hard. “Fuck that’s reaching deep!”

Soarin groaned as he leaned up and took her left nipple into his mouth, sucking on it while rolling her other nipple between his fingers. He was loving the way she moaned under his ministrations, especially when she moaned his name.

Gilda pushed him back down. “Something’s missing.” Getting an idea of what, she pulled off him and reached between them to his cock. “There’s the problem,” she muttered as she gripped the condom and pulled it off. She moaned louder than before as she slid him back inside her. “Fuck yeah! Bareback feels a lot better!” She rolled him back on top and glared at him. “You’d better pull out before you cum.”

Soarin nodded as he started thrusting. “No problem, G. I’ll pull out.” He loudly moaned at how good it felt and how different Gilda’s pussy was from Rainbow’s. “Feels really good in you, G.”

“Glad you like it,” Gilda moaned as she tightly gripped the sheets from the combined pleasure of bareback sex and his hands once again playing with her breasts. He was good. No doubts there. Even with the pleasure affecting her ability to track time, she counted no less than three orgasm while he was inside her.

Soarin rested his head on Gilda’s chest as he kept thrusting. Her last three orgasms had made her walls clench him hard, trying to make him cum, but he held back to keep going. But all good things must come to an end. “Gilda I’m gonna cum!”

“Pull out, dammit!” Gilda moaned even as she came a fourth time, her body begging him not to, but she felt her canal become empty as he pulled out, followed by the sensation of his seed landing on her chest and belly. “Fuck… That was amazing.”

Soarin wheezed lightly, “Damn, G, that wasn’t amazing, that was goddamn mindblowing.”

Gilda laughed and grinned at him. “Dash keeps saying you’re a fantastic fuck. You really are.” Her grin turned into a genuine smile. “Dash says I turned bi for you. But I’m still a lesbian. But I can make an exception for you, Soarin.” She grinned again. “Want another girlfriend?”

“You really gotta ask?” Soarin grinned crookedly, holding Gilda close. “Of course I do, G; plenty of lovin’ to go around.”

Gilda blushed as she hugged him back. “Never thought I’d say this to a man but… I love you.”

Soarin smiled, “I love you too, Gilda.”

Author's Note

Justin is going to be taking a break to work on his own stuff, so it may be a little while before we update this again.

Hey Kids! Wanna See a Dead Body?!

“Yes.”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“I refuse!”

“Do as I say, Spike!”

“No! It’s embarrassing and degrading!”

“I brought you into this world, Spike! Don’t make me take you out of it!”

“AGH! OUCH! FUCK! STOP! HITTING! ME! WITH! THAT! FUCKING! BOOK!”

The scene within Golden Oaks library was an odd one, with Twilight Sparkle thwacking her “son”, Spike, over the head with a rather large, wood-bound and gold-edged tome, a pile of specially shaped armor pieces lying on the floor nearby.

“Dammit mom I said I’m not dressing up as your fucking war steed and that’s final! You’re going as a witch! Why do you need a war steed!?” Spike grumbled and whined, futilely trying to cover his head with his claws, his developing wings twitching in irritation.

“Because witches are squishy and need a fast familiar to carry them around the battlefield,” Alucard said from where he was leaning on the wall, not even in a costume yet, just watching Twilight move around in her sexy witch costume.

Twilight’s costume consisted of a short, backless, strapless black dress with ragged edges and white fur trim, a tall witch hat, long, lace elbow gloves also trimmed with fur, and thigh high leather high-heeled boots with fishnet underneath to at least try to preserve her modesty. A short cape topped off the ensemble, Twilight’s cutie mark stamped onto its silken surface.

“I’m still not doing it!” Spike snapped at Alucard. “I’m going as a dragon!”

“You’re already a dragon, Spike,” Alucard pointed out.

“Dracolich!” Spike corrected. “Big difference!”

“Dracoliches are undead dragons,” Alucard said. “You’re a dragon. Just an undead one.”

Spike grumbled and looked away, twin patches of magenta searing themselves into his cheeks with an almost audible hiss. “.... So what? There’s still a difference….”

“Not enough to justify going as a dragon for Nightmare Night,” Alucard said. “Now be a good familiar and put the war steed costume on.”

Spike held out for a moment longer before sighing in defeat and padding over to the armor pieces, looking at them experimentally. “.... So how do I get these on?” he asked, picking up a shoulder pad and examining the straps and buckles.

Twilight rolled her eyes and began lifting the plates around Spike’s form, making sure they were tightly secured without being uncomfortable. “There. Easy.” Twilight smirked and conjured a large mirror, “Well well, what do you know… you look amazing.”

Spike looked himself over and posed. “I guess I do look pretty badass.” A knock at the door interrupted him.

“Hold on. Let me get in costume,” Alucard said before phasing through the floor and heading for his position.

Twilight grinned and picked up a bowl of candy, strutting towards the door with bright smile upon her face. She opened the door and was immediately greeted by a chorus of, “Nightmare Night! What a fright! Give us something sweet to bite!”

“Well hello, there kids! How’s everyone’s Nightmare Night going?” Twilight asked, dutifully passing out candy and taking in the variety of creative costumes.

One terran boy in a pirate costume pushed to the front, waving his prop cutlass. “Pipsqueak the pirate at your service! It’s my very first Nightmare Night!”

Twilight smiled and dropped an extra candy bar into Pipsqueak’s bag, “Well then, Pipsqueak, I hope you have a wonderful first Nightmare Night! Alright everyone, stay safe and go get ‘em!”

Out from the ground right in front of the kids burst Alucard, now in his Level 1 release with all the extra eyes, and spread his arms with a psychotic slasher smile. “HEY KIDS! WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY?!”

The kids all shrieked in fear simultaneously, scattering away as fast as their legs could carry them. As they ran off into the distance, many of their screams turning into exhilarated laughter.

Alucard laughed as he stepped back into the library. “That was fun. I love Nightmare Night already.”

“I know a few ways to make tonight even better, my count,” Twilight’s gaze turned lusty as she sashayed up to Alucard, running her hands across her body while Spike rushed up to Trixie’s room and locked himself in, much to Trixie’s surprise.

Alucard looked at her with an equally lustful grin while taking her into his arms. “As lovely as that sounds, my countess, aren’t we going to meet our friends at the festival?”

Twilight pouted and sighed, stepping back and grumbling, “Ugh, right… almost forgot about that… Hey, where’s Trixie?”

“Right here!” Trixie said as she walked downstairs, her elaborate costume on full display. Her hair, colored bright electric blue and extended down to her ankles, waved about in twin braids, a single large bang hanging over her face. Her outfit consisted of nothing more than a pink and black bra securely fastened with a belt of cylindrical fireworks around her ribs. Her pants were more akin to a pair of leather panties, once again with a belt of fireworks. Her skin had been paled with makeup and body paint and a few “tattoos” ran down her sides. A carefully carved wooden prosthesis attached to her right arm and layered in rune-based illusions gave her the appearance of having two working arms, though the prosthesis was simply attached to a shark shaped hunk of carefully painted wood and metal on her shoulder, fireworks visibly gleaming inside of it. A few belts crisscrossed her legs and she wore a thigh length pink stocking on her right leg with fishnet over it. A pair of combat boots and fingerless gloves completed the ensemble. Trixie grinned and raised her shark-thing higher, “Well, I think tonight is going to be a blast don’t you think?”

“Great costume, Lulatits!” Alucard complemented with two thumbs up.

Trixie tossed her hair and smirked, “Now, shall we?” She threw open the door and strutted outside, waiting patiently for Alucard, Twilight, and Spike.

Spike groaned and got on all fours to let Twilight mount him. “Let’s get this over with…”

Twilight patted Spike on the head as she climbed on his back, settling into the saddle and snapping the reins, “Hyah! Onward, Spike! Let’s go party!”

Alucard grinned as he walked beside Twilight and Spike, holding his master’s hand. Trixie had split off once she spotted Big Mac.

“So what are we going to do first?” Twilight asked, still sitting on top of a very disgruntled Spike.

“Let’s find the rest of our friends,” Alucard suggested. “I think Applejack is running some of the games.”

Twilight nodded, “Yeah, she was running the apple bobbing area, no surprise there.” She nudged Spike along, turning him in the direction of the main festival. “I wonder what she’s dressed as… Trixie did say that she was making a costume for Applejack.”

“Let’s find out,” Alucard said, putting his arm around Twilight’s shoulders. “Is the mount a comfortable ride?”

Spike snorted, “Hey! Don’t talk about me as if I’m just a dumb horse or something!”

“Get back into character, Spike,” Alucard chided. “You’re a war steed.”

“I’ll show you ‘war steed’!” Spike growled, jets of flame shooting from his nostrils.

Twilight slapped both males upside the head, “Behave, you two. You can tear each other to pieces after the party.”

“If I’m not too busy plowing your brains out for the umpteenth time, my countess,” Alucard pointed out as they reached the apple bobbing area. “Nice costume Applerack!”

Applejack groaned and threw an apple at Alucard, the light glinting off of the silver armor plates dotting her navy blue body suit The few flaps of cloth hanging free from the armor drifted with her movements, the gold embroidered fabric emulating a tabard and a short cloak.

Alucard caught the apple and offered it to Twilight. “It really is a great costume, Applerack. Lulatits make it?”

“Yup!” Applejack nodded, “Didn’t really ask fer it r’nothin’, but Trixie was kind enough to whip it up fer me since I was busy workin’ the orchards.”

“That was nice of her,” Spike said. “Have you seen Rarity?”

Applejack tapped her chin, “Ah think she said something about not wantin’ t’go out what with her weird cravings n’ all.” She shrugged and went back to apple bobbing, refilling the tub and making sure nobody drowned.

“Plus she’s been kinda snippy lately,” Alucard added. “Shame. I hear she was planning to go as an angel.”

Spike’s gaze turned slightly lovestruck as he muttered, “She’s already an angel…”

“Hi guys!” Pinkie called as she popped up beside Twilight.

Pinkie was wearing what could loosely be called a "cat" costume, though with the sheer amount of fabric missing, it just barely rated as safe for the general public. She bounced in place, allowing for some very distracting movements. Still, it had the paws and tail, as well as a hairband with the ears…. and not much else other than skintight strips of fabric just barely preserving her modesty.

“.... Pinkie… what are you wearing….” Twilight mumbled, taking in the amount of skin that Pinkie was showing off.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Schrodinger asked while popping out of Pinkie’s cleavage in his mouse costume. “She’s a catgirl.”

Twilight stared at Schrodinger before giggling, “Well, what an interesting role reversal…” She patted Spike on his shoulder as she dismounted, “Alright alright, you can go have your fun now, Spike.”

Spike stood and stretched a bit before running off with a grin.

“Using him for a mount are you?” Schrodinger asked, looking very comfortable between Pinkie’s breasts. “I vonder if Pinkie’s is zhe raciest costume here tonight.”

Alucard grinned and pointed over Schrodinger’s shoulder, “No, that would be Fluttershy’s.”

Vhat?” Schrodinger asked, appearing on Pinkie’s shoulder to look behind her, blushing as he saw Fluttershy. “Oh mein gott… She’s actually vearing somesing zhat revealing?”

Fluttershy blushed, using the massive wings of her costume to try and cover herself up. She held her arms up as well, trying and failing to cover the skimpy bra that made up her top. She held her costume tail tightly in front of her, also trying to hold down the loincloth that barely covered her front. From what everyone could see… she was clearly wearing only the loincloth to preserve her modesty. “O-oh, h-hello everyone…” Fluttershy fidgeted in place, “N-nice costumes…”

“Not as nice as yours, my dear,” Alucard said with a hungry grin as he walked up to her. “Succubus?”

“Y-yes… I remember you suggested it to me a few weeks ago…” Fluttershy mumbled, pressing up against Alucard in an attempt to use his form to hide some of the more bare parts of her anatomy.

“And you look absolutely wonderful,” Alucard said as he held her against him, leaning down to whisper to her. “How does it feel? Showing off so much skin, knowing that the slightest breeze could reveal your core for all to see?”

Fluttershy’s blush reached almost sun-like levels of intensity, “Ah- uh-uhm… it… it’s… exhilarating… but also… also so terrifying!”

“Focus on that exhilaration, my dear,” Alucard whispered as he started leading Fluttershy on a little walk, sending Twilight a wink. “Does being with me help?”

“Oh, yes Alucard… being with you makes me feel so much safer…” Fluttershy played with her hair as she left with Alucard, idly waving back at Twilight. Twilight rolled her eyes but smiled, leading the rest of the group deeper into the festival grounds.

“C’mon, girls. Let’s let them have their little walk together, yeah?” she said, drawing a wooden staff out of the air and twirling it like a baton, pointing dramatically into the distance, “So let’s go and have some fun!”

Alucard and Fluttershy’s walk led them to a more secluded area, away from prying eyes. “So, Fluttershy… Have you given any thought to my offer? It still stands.”

“W-well… I mean, the more I think about it… the more it seems like a good idea… but,” Fluttershy hesitated, “I’m… I’m still not sure if I can drink blood like that…”

“You could subsist on transfusion packs for a time,” Alucard said. “At least until you become more comfortable with it. I admit, the thirst is disconcerting at first. You go from being prey to suddenly being the apex predator.”

Fluttershy frowned lightly, “Well… I mean, I’ve always been the ‘prey’... but… but I think I’d like the chance to-EEP!” A sudden burst of wind interrupted Fluttershy’s sentence, blowing her loincloth up and exposing her shaven pussy to Alucard.

“Ooh… You shaved down there?” Alucard asked as he shed his glove and reached under the loincloth as it fell, running his fingers along her snatch.

Fluttershy jolted at his touch, her nipples poking through the fabric of her top. “Y-yes… d-do you like it?” She blushed and looked away, her costume wings flapping with the aid of her real wings.

“I like it very much,” Alucard whispered in her ear as his other hand shed its glove while trailing up to rub her left nipple through her top. “Did you shave it yesterday?” he asked before dragging his tongue along her ear.

“Yes…” Fluttershy breathed, leaning against Alucard as her legs nearly gave out from his touch. “... Alucard?”

“Yes, my dear?” Alucard asked, smiling warmly as he pecked her on the lips. “What is it?”

Fluttershy took a deep breath and looked Alucard straight in the eyes, “I… I’ve decided…” She smiled up at him and leaned up, bringing the curve of her neck up against his chin, “I… I want to become a vampire, Alucard…”

“Are you absolutely sure?” Alucard asked. “Once you’ve changed, there’s no going back. You’ll be like me. Time your friend, and an eternity of blood your destiny. I want to know that you can go through this with no regrets.”

Fluttershy smiled again, pressing against him even more, “As long as I’m with you and Twilight… I don’t think I’ll mind…”

Alucard smiled and deeply kissed her before looking her in the eyes. “Close your eyes.”

Fluttershy closed her eyes, shivering in anticipation as Alucard gently bit into her neck. After a momentary flash of pain, a warm, delirious daze set in over her mind as he began draining her blood. A few seconds later, an icy chill radiated outward from where he bit down, racing through her neck and down her spine, smashing straight into her womb and transforming into the most absolutely, blisteringly orgasmic sensation she had ever felt. Fluttershy couldn’t help moaning loudly as she felt the changes taking place through her body, starting from her neck and continuing down.

As her skin paled slightly, she shuddered and orgasmed, shimmering trails of juices flowing down her legs and creating a puddle on the ground. Her body became more fit and toned, every movement causing unseen ripples in her new, extraordinarily powerful muscles. Her eyes fluttered from the wake of her orgasm, revealing almost glowing red eyes to the world. And finally, just as Alucard finished his oh so intimate bite, Fluttershy’s enormous breasts grew out a bit, just as her hips and ass expanded even more, gifting her with an almost over-exaggerated hourglass figure and making her costume almost uncomfortably tight and skimpy.

As Alucard drew back, she all but collapsed against him, panting heavily and blushing brightly. “That… that was amazing, Alucard…” she moaned, pressing her breasts against him in such a way that he could feel the increase in her bust size.

Alucard chuckled. “Your breasts got bigger, my dear. Hm… I’d say you’re a 43MMM now.”

“O-oh my…” Fluttershy gasped, hefting her larger breasts in her hands and marvelling at the lack of back pain that she’d gotten used to, “... My back hasn’t felt this good in years…”

“Your enhanced strength is more than enough to support your breasts, my dear,” Alucard said. “You seem to like them more now.”

“W-well, I mean, I suppose they are rather nice…” Fluttershy mumbled, stretching languidly and showing off her new curves.

“And more confident too,” Alucard, looking over her curves. “Getting me all hot and bothered with that display.”

Fluttershy’s eyes glowed, her pupils dilating into slits as she removed her costume wings, revealing her normal wings. She shook out her hair, letting it become messy as her fangs grew out slightly. A single flap of her wings created a small burst of feathers, her wings now those of a bat’s, her cutie mark having changed from butterflies to bats as well. “Well, that was the point…” she purred, trailing her finger down his chest. “Get you hot and bothered just like how I’m hot and bothered… Why don’t we find somewhere private to continue, hmm?”

Alucard grinned as his pants visibly bulged. “Lead on, my dear. I’ve been looking forward to this for months.” He deeply kissed her and wrapped his arms around her.

Fluttershy giggled and pulled away, looking back at him with a come-hither look as she led him back to her cottage, floating along like the succubus she was still partially dressed as. “Well come on then, my lord. Your humble servant awaits your…. attendance.”

Alucard followed after her, entranced by her body and voice as he allowed himself to be led into her cottage, locking the door behind him. “And I will eagerly attend you, my darling.”

Once Alucard locked the door, Fluttershy pounced, tearing off her clothes in a single movement as she kissed Alucard, running her hands all over his body in a clear signal for him to take his clothes off so she could fuck his brains out.

Alucard kissed her back as his clothes faded into shadows, his hands gripping her soft and supple ass as he carried her upstairs toward her bedroom while pushing his tongue into her mouth.

Fluttershy ground her pelvis against Alucard’s as he carried her, rubbing the shaft of his penis against her aching clitoris and growing wetter by the second. She grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck and using her newfound strength to pull the both of them down onto the bed, rolling over so she was on top of Alucard, straddling him and sandwiching his shaft right between her buttocks.

Alucard lightly moaned as he felt the warmth of her cheeks squeezing and rubbing against his meat. “So assertive, my darling,” he said with a grin as he reached up and fondled her massive breasts, rubbing her hard nipples against his palms.

“You only have yourself to blame for this, my lord~” Fluttershy sing-songed, arching her back and pressing her breasts further against his hands, “After all, you are the one who made me like this~” She reached back and ran her hand up the underside of Alucard’s shaft, touching it lightly and flicking the head with an elongated fingernail.

Alucard moaned louder as his fingers sank further into her soft breasts. “And I don’t regret it at all,” he breathed as he leaned up and sucked her left nipple into his mouth, his fingers pinching her other nipple as he reached down to rub her soaking snatch.

Fluttershy threw her head back with a loud cry of pleasure, bucking her hips forward and letting Alucard’s penis bounce free of its confines even as she gripped it and began stroking slowly, rubbing the head with the palm of her hand.

Alucard let out a muffled moan as he sucked harder on her nipple, enjoying her soft hands on his shaft. “Just like that, my darling. Your hands feel wonderful.” He gently gripped her nipple in his teeth and pulled on it while pushing his fingers inside of her.

Fluttershy moaned, bucking her hips into Alucard’s hand as she stroked his length, grinding against him and smearing his hand with her juices. “Oh yes~! Right there, my lord! Right there!”

Alucard released her nipple and watched her breast bounce back before licking Fluttershy’s ear. “Do you want to cut the foreplay short, my darling?” he asked in a husky whisper, his length throbbing in her hands.

Fluttershy barely gave him a reply as she grinned lustily, shifting her hips up and back until her dripping pussy was positioned directly over his throbbing member. “Very much so, my lord.” With a swift motion, she pushed herself down, breaking through her hymen with nothing more than a quick gasp of pain that melted into a pleasured moan of delight.

Alucard lay back as he felt himself engulfed by her cavern. “Yours feels very different from Twilight’s, my darling. So much tighter.” He grinned as he squeezed her breasts. “How does it feel to finally have me inside you?”

“Absolutely heavenly, my lord!” Fluttershy gasped out, moving her hips and revelling in the new, wonderful sensations. She shivered, already almost ready to climax just from the feeling of Alucard inside her.

Alucard lay back as he fondled her, watching her body move and her face contort into various pleasured expressions as she rode him. “It feels heavenly for me too, my darling. You’re so deliciously tight!” He started thrusting up in time with her movements to make things feel even better.

Fluttershy cried out in ecstasy, slamming her hips against his and holding him close, digging her nails into his back on reflex.

Alucard groaned and rolled on top of Fluttershy, deeply kissing her and pushing his tongue into her mouth as he started thrusting harder and deeper into her depths, his tip just barely touching her cervix each time he plunged into her.

Fluttershy shuddered as she came, bracing herself against Alucard and stifling a scream of ecstasy into his neck. She kept thrusting against Alucard, her ass jiggling with every movement.

Alucard reached down and squeezed her ass as he groaned from being clenched by her walls. “So tight!” he groaned as he motorboated her breasts.

Fluttershy gasped, the sensation of Alucard’s motorboating being strange but rather nice. She clenched further down against him, adding an extra level of pleasure for the both of them.

Alucard moved up and kissed Fluttershy again, going as deep as he could in her. “I’m getting very close, my darling!” he groaned into her ear as he held her closer.

Fluttershy could barely gasp out a reply, moving her hips frantically against his as her orgasm approached.

Alucard held back until she came, choosing that moment to burst deep inside her, groaning into her lips as he fired several shots into her waiting womb.

Fluttershy orgasmed at the same time Alucard did, sending a jet of liquid gushing from her vagina as she screamed in ecstasy. After a few seconds of toe-curling orgasm, she collapsed limply against Alucard, panting heavily with a wide, goofy grin on her face.

Alucard held her close as his own orgasm puttered out. “That was absolutely wonderful, my darling.” He caught her lips with his own, running his fingers through her hair.

Fluttershy smiled angelically, deepening the kiss as her wings and cutie mark reverted to normal. She sighed blissfully, bathing in the afterglow of both her and Alucard’s orgasms.

Alucard finally broke the kiss. “Better than just an illusion in your head, isn’t it?” he asked as he smiled at her.

Fluttershy smiled back and cuddled against him, “Much, much better… my lord~” She giggled cutely, relishing the feel of Alucard’s skin on hers.

“You’re so much more beautiful than ever before,” Alucard said, tracing his finger along her skin. “Undeath suits you, my darling.”

Fluttershy giggled again, “It sure doesn’t feel like undeath… I feel more alive than ever, to be honest…”

Alucard chuckled and squeezed her breast. “You want to go again, or get back to the party?”

“W-well,” Fluttershy tapped her chin, “I don’t want the others to worry just where we are… So I guess we should go to the party…” She stood shakily, noticing the mix of fluids dripping out of her and blushing, “... Of course, we should clean up a bit first…”

Alucard picked her up in a bridal carry. “Which way to the bathroom then? We should clean up. Very thoroughly, don’t you think?”

Fluttershy grinned and led Alucard to the bathroom, giggling the whole way there.

Twilight hummed as she aimed her felt spider at the net, seeking to land it in the center target. “Steady… steady…” she murmured, mentally running through physics calculations. She threw the spider, watching it arc through the air with baited breath.

It landed perfectly… in the target just below the center one. “Aw man!” Twilight groaned, censoring herself due to the amount of children nearby. “I thought I calculated that correctly!”

“You think too much, Twi,” Rainbow said as she casually tossed a spider and hit a target dead center.

Twilight grumbled, smacking Rainbow on the ass in retaliation, “Shut up, Rainbow. I swear, I had that shot. I must have misjudged how much force I was using to throw it or something….” She adjusted her hat and huffed, picking up a consolation prize of a large chocolate bar.

Rainbow yelped at the smack to her ass. “I’m warning you, egghead. Only Soarin and Gilda are allowed to smack my ass.” She grinned to offset the threat.

“Zhis is fun, isn’t it, meine liebe?” Schrodinger asked from his spot on Pinkie’s shoulder, where he was casually eating some chocolate.

Pinkie grinned then froze, her nipples suddenly perking up as her grin turned positively salacious, “Perky nips, twitching glutes…” she hiccuped, “and a hiccup! One of our friends is getting down and dirty~”

Rainbow looked at Twilight, the glanced around them. “Is it Trixie and Big Mac?”

Pinkie spotted Trixie conversing with Big Mac some distance away as Big Mac manned one of the Strong Man booths, “Nnnope! I think it’s….” she gasped dramatically, “Alucard and Fluttershy!”

“But zhat vould mean…” Schrodinger muttered as his eyes widened a bit. “You don’t sink she…”

“She what?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head cutely.

Schrodinger moved his face to Pinkie’s ear. “Let him turn her into a vampire?”

Pinkie gasped, “No way! He would do that for her!?” She bounced in place, thinking of the implications, “Oh but Flutters is too nice for that kinda thing! I don’t wanna see her starve just because she’s not up to… uh… that kinda thing!”

“Vant to go see for ourselves, meine liebe?” Schrodinger asked, grinning at her with his infamous cat smirk despite the mouse costume.

“Well… what if they’re still… y’know… when we get there? I don’t wanna ruin their fun!” Pinkie shrugged, pawing at Schrodinger’s costume.

“I am everyvhere and novhere, meine liebe,” Schrodinger reminded her as he laughed from the slight tickling. “I am zhe perfect spy.”

Pinkie grinned, “Well then, check and see if they’re still making a mess in the shower, then! But make sure you don’t bother them, okay Schrody?” She hugged him close, pressing her breasts against him for but a moment before sending him on his way with a light pat on his butt.

Schrodinger appeared on the outer sill of Fluttershy’s bathroom in his mouse sized form and peeked under the shades into the steam filled room, blushing as Fluttershy’s massive rack suddenly pressed against the foggy window, her hard nipples rendered in high detail from being squished against the glass. His ears twitched as he heard passionate moans coming from inside that were in time with Fluttershy’s chest rubbing on the glass.

“Psst. Whaddaya see?” Pinkie’s voice came in from offscreen, just as Fluttershy’s breasts left the window with two clear spots, even as her back pressed against the glass, revealing a pair of bat wings where there should have been normal aerial wings.

Schrodinger gulped. “First I got an unexpected close up of Fluttershy’s massive breasts against zhe vindow, now her back is against it, und she has bat vings, Pinkie!” he whispered back. “Und Alucard is most definitely inside of her.”

Pinkie gasped and bolted on-screen, looking at Fluttershy’s window intently, “He is inside her! And-” she gasped again “- those bat wings! SHE IS A VAMPIRE!” Pinkie somehow managed to shout without raising her voice as she shook herself and dragged background back into the festival, leaving the previous scene behind.

“We have to tell Twilight!” she announced, dragging Schrodinger away.

Schrodinger let her drag him. “You seem very excited, meine liebe,” he said as he put his arm around her and rested his hand right below her breast.

“I am! I’ms super duper excited because this means that Fluttershy and Alucard and Twilight will probably be together forever and ever and ever!” Pinkie grinned, wiggling back and forth from happiness.

“Certainly somesing to celebrate,” Schrodinger agreed. “So vhat is zhe plan, meine liebe?” His hand moved up and teasingly rubbed her still erect nipple. “Feel jealous of Fluttershy’s breasts at all?”

Pinkie shivered, but shook her head, “Nah, those things are way too big for me! I’d probably break my spine in half! Mmm… keep doing that~” She leaned against Schrodinger, thanking the fact that she’d pulled them into a secluded area.

Schrodinger chuckled and kept rubbing her nipple. “Fluttershy never did, und she’s an aerial. Terrans like you are much stronger, meine liebe,” he whispered in her ear in a very husky tone.

Pinkie shrugged, “Maybe, maybe not. I mean, Fluttershy’s just got to have something special in her to handle those knockers! But those are big even for Terrans! I mean, whew! Have you seen them?”

“I got a very close look not two minutes ago,” Schrodinger reminded her while pulling her nipple covering off and pinching the erect nub. “She is very vell endowed. Any man vould be foaming at zhe mouth to play vith such lovely titties.”

Pinkie frowned slightly, “Hey! No talking about Fluttershy’s tits when you’re playing with mine! You might make me jealous!” She smirked and patted Schrodinger behind his ears, taking off her other nipple covering and using her free hand to play with her breast.

Schrodinger started purring as his free hand reached down and rubbed Pinkie’s covered snatch. “Vell… I’m already distracted by your own breasts, meine liebe.” Turning her to him, he sucked her right nipple into his mouth and happily suckled on it.

Pinkie moaned in delight, “Ooh~! That feels really good! Mmf! Weren’t we supposed to do something?” She shrugged, pressing Schrodinger’s head further against her breast.

“Ve can sink about it later,” Schrodinger muttered as he guided her free hand to his growing bulge while sucking harder on her nipple. “Zhe kitty being plowed by zhe mouse. Vhat a nice turnaround, ja?”

“Ooh! Irony!” Pinkie giggled, squeezing Schrodinger’s bulge. She slipped her hand into his pants and began stroking his shaft, peeling her crotch cover off with her free hand.

Schrodinger moaned as she rubbed him with her soft hand. “Oh meine liebe, your hands are vonderful,” he purred as he caught her lips in a tender kiss and pushed his fingers inside her.

Pinkie giggled into the kiss, her pussy gaining a slick coating of wetness from Schrodinger’s touch. She stroked him further, thumbing the tip of his shaft and feeling the droplets of precum gathering.

Schrodinger pushed his tongue into pinkie’s mouth as he moaned. Rubbing her clit with his thumb, his fingers found her G-spot while his other hand fondled her breasts. Breaking the kiss, he purred into her ear. “Tell me vhat you vant, meine liebe.”

“Oohh~ Schrody I want you inside me! Now!” Pinkie gasped, all but forcing Schrodinger’s hips forward until his tip pressed against her entrance.

Schrodinger pulled his fingers out of her and pushed them between pinkie’s lips. “How do you taste, meine liebe?” he asked as he slowly lifted her leg and even more slowly pushed his tip inside her, holding it there to tease her.

“Mmm~” Pinkie suckled on Schrodinger’s fingers, thoroughly enjoying her own sweet taste. “I taste delicious~!”

“Ride me, meine liebe,” Schrodinger purred while pushing further into her cavern at an agonizingly slow pace.

Pinkie growled, “Then stop teasing me dammit!” She grabbed Schrodinger’s hips and slammed him forward, letting out a gasp of pleasure as she did so.

Schrodinger moaned and slammed his lips against Pinkie’s as he started thrusting fast and hard into her very core, his tip kissing the entrance to her womb with every thrust.

Pinkie returned the kiss with equal fervor, grinding her hips against Schrodinger’s and hooking a leg around his waist. She leaned forward, pressing one of his hands to her breasts.

Schrodinger explored her mouth with his tongue as he happily fondled her. “Vant to guess vhat I like most about your body, meine liebe?”

Pinkie moaned, letting her head loll back, “What, Schrody?” She grinned, “Is it the tits?” She pressed his hand further against her breasts and gave her other breast a little squeeze.

“Maybe…” Schrodinger purred in a teasing tone. “Keep guessing.” He squeezed her breast and thrusted harder into her as he gripped her hip with his other hand.

“Hmmm… Is it my oh so wonderful pussy~?” Pinkie sighed, wriggling her hips around to drive home her question.

Schrodinger moaned as his eyes rolled back from the pleasure. “Keep guessing,” he panted as he picked up the pace.

“It’s not my pussy?” Pinkie asked, “Aww…. Is it my ass?” She shifted again, bringing Schrodinger’s hand down to grope her ass.

Schrodinger squeezed her supple and somewhat doughy ass. Just enough meat on it to be squeezable and pleasantly plump, but not enough to be unflatteringly fat. “Wrong again, meine liebe. But it is a vonderfully plump ass.”

“Awwww~! Can you give me a hint~?” Pinkie asked, kissing Schrodinger and using her leg to drive him deeper inside her.

Schrodinger kissed her back and smiled. “Go higher, meine liebe.” He arched his back and moaned loudly. “I sink mein tip vent past your cervix und into your vomb.”

“Ohhh~! I think it di~id!” Pinkie groaned, throwing her head back in ecstasy, “Is it my eyes~?”

“Yes!” Schrodinger groaned as he started thrusting at just the right angle to pierce into her womb over and over again. “Zhose beautiful blue eyes zhat let me see into your soul, meine liebe. Zhe vonderful loving soul zhat I love so much. I am everyvhere und novhere. Und if I vere forced to choose one place to be, it vould be by your side.”

Pinkie gasped and held onto Schrodinger for dear life as he rocked her womb, “Oh gods! Schrodinger you say the sweetest things~! I’d stay by your side, too!” She shuddered, feeling her climax coming on, “Oh gods I’m cumming~!”

“Me too!” Schrodinger groaned before kissing her again, stiffening as his tip entered her womb just in time to blast his rather sizeable load straight into the waiting cavity.

Pinkie shrieked as she orgasmed, feeling the load that Schrodinger had just blasted into her. She collapsed against him, panting for breath, “Man, I really love you, Schrodinger… y’know that?”

“I love you too, Pinkie,” Schrodinger panted as he held her close. “I love you too.”

“Aw that’s such a sweet sight,” a familiar vet’s voice said from above them, coming from the opposite roof. “You two really make a wonderful couple.”

Pinkie looked up, completely shocked, “Fluttershy!? You were watching us!?”

“Payback for spying on me and Alucard,” Fluttershy responded with a giggle. “Maybe human me wouldn’t have heard you, but my new vampire hearing did.”

Pinkie chuckled nervously, “Ah...eheh… sorry about that…. Love the bat wings though! They’re really cute!”

“You really think so?” Fluttershy asked, blushing as she idly rubbed her right wing. “Alucard thinks they’re sexy.”

“Must agree vith him, truthfully,” Schrodinger complimented. “I still prefer meine liebe zough.”

“Awwww~ Thanks, Schrody!” Pinkie giggled, reattaching her nipple and crotch coverings. “Oh wait! That’s what we were gonna do! We were gonna go tell Twilight the good news!”

“Alucard’s taking care of that,” Fluttershy said. “By the way, my costume’s an illusion. I’m actually naked.”

Pinkie stared as Fluttershy’s costume faded away, “Wait… you’ve been streaking this whole time!? I’ve heard of gaining a confident streak but that’s just ridiculous!” She giggled at her pun, finding it all too hilarious.

Schrodinger chuckled with her. “So you really don’t mind your tits being on display to us for zhe rest of zhe night, Fluttershy?”

“No. Not really,” Fluttershy admitted. “They actually grew a little. Wanna feel, Pinkie? See for yourself what Hootershy is packing?”

Pinkie grinned, but shook her head, “Nah, it’s alright! Wanna just get back to the festival? I hear Princess Luna is gonna visit!”

“Sure,” Fluttershy said as she jumped down and landed on her feet, showing off her new strength and letting the jostle do wonderful things to her breasts at the same time. “Shall we?”

“Let’s gooooo~!” Pinkie cheered, dragging Schrodinger and Fluttershy away.

“You… you did what!?” Twilight cried, looking at Alucard in shock.

“I turned Fluttershy, then made love to her in her cottage,” Alucard said. “She decided that she was willing to embrace vampirism and all its… quirks as long as it meant staying with you and I forever.”

“Well.. that’s…” Twilight grinned widely, “That’s actually wonderful!” She hugged Alucard, “Now we can actually include Fluttershy in bed and have hot threesomes! ….. And frag, I really need to stop emulating you, Alucard.”

Alucard chuckled as he hugged her back. “But you won’t. We both know that. I’ve sunk my claws into you and I’m not letting go.”

Another pair of arms wrapped around them and joined the group hug. “I’m not letting either of you go either,” Fluttershy purred in Twilight’s ear.

Twilight blinked in surprise, “Fluttershy?” She turned her head, meeting Fluttershy’s now red eyes, “.... Wow, that’s a new look. I like it!”

Fluttershy giggled. “I like it too. It suits me?” She leaned closer to whisper to Twilight. “I’m naked.” She pulled away to let Twilight get a good look.

Twilight stared, watching the illusion fade away. “Oh…. Oh!” She blushed furiously, a thin trickle of blood making her way down her face from her nose. “W-well then~”

“My idea instead of Alucard’s, if you believe it,” Fluttershy said, giggling as she jiggled her chest for Twilight. “I feel soooo naughty right now.”

“You look naughty right now too, even with the illusion, Fluttershy,” Twilight deadpanned, leading Fluttershy over to the festival proper. “Anyway, your streaking aside, Princess Luna will be here any minute now.”

“Did you and Alucard invite her?” Fluttershy asked. “Or is she showing up on her own to help her PR? I hear a lot of people are still a little… distrustful.”

Up in the clouds above, Luna smirked, snapping her fingers and letting her spell work its magic as the clouds swirled and gathered ominously.

On the ground, a few quiet strains of guitar rang through the crowd as lightning flashed and thunder roared.

Luna’s chariot appeared in a burst of shadow, erupting from the clouds, a blob of darkness so dark it was as if it were a shadow upon darkness itself.

Bats flew everywhere from Luna’s cloak as she let it dissipate into the aether, grinning viciously as it disappeared and exposing her fangs.

The chariot made a rapid circle around the town square, buzzing low over some of the stalls and over the heads of the assembled townsfolk before shooting up back above the clouds.

A bright spark lit up the clouds, Luna falling from the sky in a burst of brilliant blue and slamming into the stage just as the music hit a pause.

“Greetings, my subjects! Your Princess of the Night… has arrived!” Cue dramatic lightning and thunder, raucous cheers emanating from the crowd as they sang Luna’s praises for her magnificent entrance. Luna strutted up on stage, arms and head held high as she took in the admiration.

“Wow, she really knows how to make an entrance, doesn’t she?” Twilight murmured, star-struck by Luna’s theatrics.

“She struck me as the more theatrical one 1500 years ago,” Alucard responded. “If those cheers are anything to go by, she’s off to a good start.”

“Indeed she is,” Twilight observed, just as Luna lifted off the stage and descended to the ground, her ornate armor clanking and glimmering with every step.

Luna strutted proudly down Main Street, collecting an empty plastic pumpkin bucket from a stand and leading the town’s children around the block, learning the little tricks and customs of the holiday named after her… alter ego.

“Ah, so that is what the purpose of the costumes is,” Luna nodded, passing by Twilight as she entertained the children. “Ah! Twilight Sparkle! Our sister’s favored student! How are you on this most auspicious of evenings?”

Twilight grinned, “Very well, Princess Luna. It’s been a very nice evening so far. And yourself?”

“We are very much enjoying ourselves,” Luna said while giving the children with her a wide smile. “When we learned of this holiday named after our… other self, we simply had to see for ourselves. Tis a wonderful looking festival, and the children are so adorable in their costumes! It is most fortunate that our dear sister informed us that we need not make constant use of the Royal Canterlot Voice.”

Twilight chuckled, “Yeah, that would have been…. loud…. to say the least. Oh! By the way, this is Fluttershy, Element of Kindness and, er, ahem…. recently turned fledgling and also technically my girlfriend.”

Fluttershy stepped forward, waving at Luna, “Well hello there, Princess Luna! I just love the look. It’s very aesthetically pleasing.” She shifted into an almost seductive pose, arms folded under her breasts and lifting them up ever so slightly.

“Tis mine own combat armor,” Luna said, visibly preening at the compliment. “Not since our confrontation with Alucard have we worn it.” She gave Fluttershy a smile as her eyes briefly glowed red, her third eye piercing the illusion over Fluttershy’s body. “And we must give you compliments for thine most daring costume.”

“Isn’t it?” Fluttershy preened, her motions doing interesting things to certain parts of her anatomy. “Alucard may have chosen the costume, but the rest of it was my idea. Do you like it?”

“We find it very appealing, Fluttershy,” Luna praised, leaning in closer to whisper. “We do not recall you being so forward when we were purified. The confidence that comes with being made a creature of the night?”

Fluttershy nodded, “I didn’t realize it at first, but all the perks of being a vampire really makes me feel so much more… powerful and alive… even though, well, I’m kinda already dead…” She rubbed the back of her head, shaking herself from the slightly depressing turn her thoughts took.

“Vampirism suits you,” Luna said. “We presume it was Alucard that turned you?”

“Mhmm,” Fluttershy nodded, “I fell in love with him some time ago, but I didn’t turn until tonight because I wasn’t sure if I could handle drinking blood. But, now that I have turned, I think I’ll be alright.”

Twilight smiled, “That’s great, Fluttershy! Actually, that reminds me. Luna, I’ve been meaning to ask… but how did you become a vampire anyway?”

“I’m rather curious about that myself, Luna,” Alucard said as his arms wrapped around Twilight and Fluttershy. He smiled as he felt them lean into his touch.

Luna was silent for a moment. “Well, we suppose you have been patient enough. Very well. As we are sure you are aware, we were always the progenitor of the lycan species. Ever since drinking from the Font of Eternity. The darkness and turmoil within our heart that attracted the corruptive Nightmare was also a catalyst of sorts. As we embody the night, the Nightmare enhanced our form as it possessed us. It was because of the Nightmare that we became a vampire.”

“How fascinating. Vampire and lycan at the same time. Yet they do not overlap in a fusion and create a hybrid,” Alucard mused.

“The questions that could be answered….” Twilight mumbled, looking at Luna in a whole new light. “.... How does that even work? Lycanthropy depends on the heart’s strength and the power of the moon, so it shouldn’t be able to mix with vampirism because vampires don’t have heart beats… usually.” She shook her head, “Ah, look at me, trying to do science on a night like this. We should find the others, have some fun, maybe get some drinks.”

Luna put her fingertips to her lips as she lightly giggled. “We would be happy to explain later, Twilight Sparkle. Although…” She leaned closer to Twilight. “One of the young ones, Pipsqueak we believe is his name, seems rather taken with us. How should we respond?” she inquired in a whisper.

Twilight grinned and whispered back, “It’s just a bit of hero worship and a childish crush, probably. The crush will pass in time, most likely. I don’t think you really need to do anything at this point.”

“And if his affections linger as he grows?” Luna asked, her ears twitching a bit as she glanced at the boy while he joked around with his friends.

Fluttershy spoke up, “Well, judging from how he is now, I think he’ll grow up to be a rather nice looking man, so I figure it would be good for you to maybe go out and get a special someone… eventually, of course.”

“He is certainly sweet,” Luna noted. “Perhaps if he remains such a sweet boy as he grows…” She blushed a bit. “He just might be worth waiting for.”

Twilight frowned, “Well, I wouldn’t get my hopes up just yet. I mean, sure, waiting on him might end well for the both of you, but still, there’s variables we haven’t considered yet.” She shook her head again, “Anyway, let’s go get the others. I’m sure they’d love to meet you for real this time, Princess Luna.” She began walking away, looking for just where everyone else was.

“Okay, so I know Applejack is running the apple bobbing stand, Trixie met up with Gilda at some point… Pinkie and Schrodinger are coming towards us now, Rarity is at home but we can visit as a group once Applejack is done, and Rainbow Dash…. where is Rainbow anyway?”

A sudden crack of thunder from right behind Twilight blasted through the air, making her jump and squeak in surprise. “Gah!” she whirled around, glaring at the raucously laughing Rainbow, “Not funny, Dash! Not funny!”

“Lighten up, egghead!” Rainbow said as she lay on her procured thundercloud, wearing a Shadowbolt costume that looked incredibly skin tight and served to highlight all of her curves, especially her breasts. And judging from the way her nipples jutted out against the fabric, she was naked under the thing too. “Nightmare Night is the best time of year for pranks!”

Twilight tried to calm her racing heart as she slapped Rainbow upside the head, “That may be so, but that was juvenile, even for you! And besides, when Princess Luna is right here too!?”

Rainbow turned and grinned at Luna. “Sup, Princess? Awesome entrance, by the way!” She held up her fist to Luna, who grinned and returned the fistbump.

“We found thine practical joke most amusing, Rainbow Dash.” She looked her over with a somewhat critical eye. “Inspired by the Shadowbolt form our alter ego assumed? And hoping to allure Wonderbolt Soarin as well?”

“Heh! Got it in one, Princess! You’re sharp, I like that,” Rainbow preened, showing off every inch of her costume, “So whaddaya think? Is it a good replica or what?”

Luna chuckled. “Tis a passable knockoff.” She took a moment to savor the look of shock on Rainbow’s face before grinning to show that she was ribbing her.

“Aww, Princess! Not cool! I’m supposed to be the pranking queen around here!” Rainbow laughed, patting Luna on the back, “For a second, you really had me going there.”

Luna chuckled and patted Rainbow’s back in turn. “Tis a millennium too soon for you to claim that title from us.”

Rainbow sighed, “Yeah, you’re right… hey Pinkie, Schro. How’s it hangin’?”

Pinkie waved, “Hey guys! I see you guys have already seen Fluttershy’s new look! Doesn’t she look great?”

Rainbow looked at Fluttershy, “Holy crap, girl! Did you get even bigger!?”

Fluttershy giggled. “Bigger, sexier, vampiric,” She leaned over and whispered to Rainbow. “Naked.”

Rainbow stared, eyes wide as Fluttershy’s costume melted away, a bright blush forming on her face. “Y-you’ve been…. streaking!?” she looked to Fluttershy, shocked and more than a little aroused, “How the hell did Alucard talk you into that!?”

“Well, becoming a vampire made me a lot more confident, Rainbow,” Fluttershy said while posing for her old friend, not a trace of a blush on her face.

“I can see that…” Rainbow silently realized that all the fluid in her mouth had reallocated itself to her loins, leaving her suit sticky and her mouth dry. She shook her head and reminded herself that she was with Gilda and Soarin and Fluttershy was just a friend thank you very much.

“So where’d Soarin get off to, Rainboob?” Alucard asked. “Figured he’d be here with you and Gilda.” He sniffed the air and grinned as he smelled Rainbow’s arousal.

“Soarin had some stupid PR shit up in Manehattan so he couldn’t make it. Trixie and Gilda went off to join a costume contest or something on the other side of the festival.” Rainbow pouted and crossed her arms, “So now I’m here with you guys, without my girlfriend or my boyfriend to help get me off.”

“Perhaps we can be of assistance,” Luna said. “Where in Manehatten are the Wonderbolts doing their public relationship function?”

“We seriously need to get you up to speed on how people talk, Luna,” Alucard said.

Rainbow tapped her chin, “Let’s see… it’s about eight so the parade’s been done for a few hours, the air show was about half an hour ago, so they should be at the Mareriot hotel doing autographs and interviews. Why do you ask?”

Luna said nothing and simply vanished in a teleport that left her budding fanclub among the children groaning in disappointment.

Luna reappeared outside the Mareriot and strode inside, parting the crowd like the sea as she made her way toward the trio of Spitfire, Fleetfoot, and Soarin.

Spitfire stood and gestured for the others to as well, bowing low in supplication, “Princess Luna, it’s an honor to see you here tonight. What brings you to Manehattan tonight, if I might ask?”

Luna simply grabbed Soarin by the arm. “Thy subordinate is needed elsewhere, Captain Spitfire.” Deeming that a simple enough explanation, she and Soarin vanished in a teleport.

Spitfire spluttered as the crowds went wild with speculation about just what Luna needed Soarin for. “W-but-! What the-!? You can’t just do that!” Spitfire sank back into her chair, dreading the questions that were sure to come.

Luna and Soarin reappeared among Twilight and her friends. “We have brought Wonderbolt Soarin.”

A pair of arms slowly wrapped around Soarin’s neck from behind right before a large pair of breasts pressed against his back. “Thank’s Princess. You’re a lifesaver.” Rainbow planted a kiss on Soarin’s neck. “So glad you could make it after all, baby,” she purred.

Soarin chuckled, “Yeah, I’m glad too. Though, Princess Luna might have just caused a massive scandal, what with her dragging me away like that without any warning.” Still, he slipped free of Rainbows grip and turned, kissing her full on the lips.

Rainbow kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers running through his hair. Breaking the kiss, she whispered in his ear with her bedroom voice. “Please tell me you’ve got some condoms on you.”

“More than enough,” Soarin whispered back discretely patting the hidden pocket under his chest pads. “I was thinking of you this whole time, y’know,” he grinned, holding her out at arm’s length and admiring her costume, “Good to know that we’re matching tonight. Love the look, by the way.”

“Designed it especially for you and Gilda, babe,” Rainbow purred, posing on her thundercloud for him. “Shall we slip away and have some fun, then find Gilda?”

“We shall,” Soarin flapped onto Rainbow’s cloud, grabbing ahold of it and steering them away from the group, “Sorry ladies and gentlemen, but boyfriend duties call and what a lovely siren song it is. We’ll see you later!” He saluted, leaving the rest of the group behind.

“20 bits says she starts screaming within ten minutes,” Alucard wagered, looking around for takers.

“Sucker bet,” Everyone deadpanned simultaneously, then cracked up laughing. Twilight chuckled and shook her head, “Alright then, let’s go get Applejack and maybe… actually, where’s Anderson?”

“Over here!” Anderson called as he walked toward them, accompanied by Seras and…

“Is zhat Pip Bernadotte?” Schrodinger asked in surprise at the man on Seras’ other arm opposite Anderson.

The aforementioned Frenchman was wearing a rather standard pirate costume, though the sleeves of his red coat had been ripped off to show his arms. A fake beard covered his face and a captain’s tri-corn hat sat upon his head. He also had on white undershirt and a pair of trousers tucked into his boots and a pair of gloves. A blunderbuss hung loosely from one hand while a saber was sheathed at his waist. He also had a few belts here and there for effect. “Ahoy!” he called, saluting jauntily.

Seras had chosen a differently themed costume, choosing instead a tight outfit of leather. A short jacket over a bustier, with tight pants tucked into knee high boots. A pair of gloves connected to spiked bracers, and spikes adorning the rest of her outfit. At her hips were a pair of sheathed knives. She had also gotten a red wig

Anderson seemed the most visually impressive of the three, given that he was clad in brilliant, gleaming blue and gold armor with a massive broadsword on his back. He even had on a blue cape and dyed his hair brown. He waved jauntily, a grin on his face, “How do you do, lads and lasses?”

“Vhere did zhe Frenchman come from?!” Schrodinger asked, staring at Pip from Pinkie’s shoulder. “I don’t like being confused! Explain, Seras!”

“Well, apparently he’s from an alternate Equestria and is also from Earth,” Seras announced, bouncing slightly with each step. “Apparently he actually is French.”

“So… He’s like you, Anderson, Alucard, und myself?” Schrodinger asked, his ears twitching.

“Yup!” Seras chirped, planting a kiss on both Pip and Anderson’s cheeks. “So, what are you lunkheads doing just standing around for? Come on, the night is still young, and even if it wasn’t, I’m sure Princess Celestia wouldn’t mind if her favorite sister made it a few hours more to keep the party going!”

“Come in!” Rarity called out as the doorbell chimed. She laid back on her couch, white sheets, veils, and curtains artfully layered around her new, custom made, white and silver fainting couch. Feathers littered the ground around her as she flexed her prop wings, both surfaces gleaming in the brightest of whites. Rarity herself had draped herself in a loose fitting robe that seemed almost translucent in the almost blindingly white lighting. If one were to look especially closely, one might discover the tiniest of bumps upon her stomach whenever she laid on her back.

Twilight opened the door and led the not so small group of friends into Rarity’s boutique. “Evening, Rarity. How’s Nightmare Night treating you?” She looked around at the decor. “I love the decorations. And that costume is absolutely beautiful.”

“Thank you darling! I spent so long trying to get the decor just right! But, oh, Nightmare Night has been rather boring. After all, I can hardly indulge my cravings for garlic fries in public now can I?” Sure enough, stashed away safely in an out of sight corner was a massive stack of empty fry trays, still dripping with grease and cheese. She plucked another tray from her kitchen, levitating it over and digging in with utmost grace and poise, turning an exercise in gluttony into an art form.

Luna’s gaze wandered down to Rarity’s belly, noticing the tiny bump. “You are with child, Rarity?” she asked, having not become aware of this fact until tonight. No doubt her sister had failed to mention it.

Rarity frowned, patting her stomach, “Unfortunately, yes. That bastard Blueblood violated me and left me with his child, but I intend to keep it, try and make up for the sins of the father and all that.” She bit into another fry with a bit more force than necessary, a light scowl upon her face.

“An admirable decision, Rarity,” Luna said. “Many in thine position would seek to be rid of the child by whatever means were necessary. That you choose instead to both bear and raise the child speaks volumes of thine generous spirit.”

Rarity tittered and blushed faintly, “Oh, well, I just believe that children shouldn’t take over the sins of their parents is all, and every child deserves a chance at life.” She finished her tray, levitating over, this time, a bucketful of fried shrimp absolutely slathered in…

“Oh gods is that wasabi!?” Twilight cried, staring at Rarity in shock.

“Quite, darling. I’ve hit the pregnancy stage of food cravings, and they tend to be rather illogical and disgusting, as you’ve just seen,” Rarity explained, eating her shrimp, “Though I wouldn’t have guessed that this combination would have turned out so well.”

“I’m sure you’ll hate it again once the baby is born, Rarity,” Fluttershy said, leaning lovingly on Alucard. “How long have you been in the weird cravings stage?”

“Oh, just this week, really. I suppose it’s to be expected, what with the Gala having been about two months ago.” Rarity took another bite of shrimp, moaning in food induced bliss.

“Notice anything different about me, Rarity?” Fluttershy asked, stepping away from Alucard and stepping closer to Rarity.

Rarity looked up from her bucket, gasping in awe when she saw Fluttershy, “Those hips! That waist! Your breasts! Your skin! Your eyes! Your wings! My darling, if you were beautiful before, now you are quite possibly vampiric sex on legs! Oh, I’m not even attracted to women and I still feel the urge to jump you!”

Fluttershy giggled and twirled for Rarity. “And I’m not even in costume anymore. I’m going au naturale.” She crossed her arms under her breasts and lifted them ever so slightly.

Rarity gasped again, watching Fluttershy’s costume melt away, “O-oh my! How…. risque~!” She coughed and bit into another shrimp, “Anyway, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit? Just checking up on a poor, pregnant woman who has nothing better to do than feel pretty, read, and eat disgustingly greasy and unhealthy food?”

“Perhaps you’d like to stretch your legs and come to the festival with us, Rarity?” Anderson offered. “You must have put such work into your costume. Seems a pity to stay inside and not show your work off.”

Rarity frowned, “Well, I am running low on stockpiled garlic fries and I don’t exactly feel like using my runes to facilitate running across town to place another order at the diner, so I suppose I shall. Just give me a moment to change this set up into something more presentable.” She stood and flexed her magic, letting it swirl around her and gather all the veils and curtains, cutting, trimming, and sewing until she swept the excess fabric away and revealed her new look.

A long strip of pink fabric looped around her arms and over her head, floating with assistance from the wire stretched through it. From two wings, she had gained an additional six, eight broad wings flapping under Rarity’s own magic. A body stocking with a few choice cut outs and an entirely bare right arm and leg covered her modesty with ornate gold cups over her breasts. A pair of decorative wings stretched from her left wrist. She had on a pair of high heeled boots, as well as a pair of belts wrapped around both her right thigh and midsection as well, carefully out of the way of her growing child. A helmet and a blond wig completed the ensemble, leaving Rarity standing there as something even more radiant than normal.

“She certainly has the look of an archangel,” Pip complimented. “And she made that costume herself? Not bad at all.”

Rarity preened and let her costume wings fold, allowing her to more easily go through doorways, “Why thank you, mister….?”

“Pip Bernadotte,” the charming Frenchman introduced, kissing the back of Rarity’s hand in a show of gentlemanly chivalry.

“Why thank you, Mister Bernadotte, I must say, your outfit is similarly dashing, even though its concept matter is rather less than the gentleman you seem to be.” Rarity tittered again, moving past the group and to the door, waving impatiently, “Well, come on then! The night isn’t getting any younger, you know!”

Rainbow moaned loudly as she lay back on the thundercloud, her costume hanging from her left ankle as she was pleasured by Gilda and Soarin. Gilda lovingly sucking her nipples and Soarin plowing hard into her piping hot core.

Soarin groaned, the feel of Rainbow around him almost too much to bear. With a heaving grunt of effort, he panted out, “I’m gonna cum, Dash!”

“Me too!” Rainbow moaned. “Gilda! Where do you think he should cum? All over us?”

“Y-yeah, Dash! C’mon Soarin, cover us in your cum!” Gilda cried, pulling Soarin out of Rainbow’s pussy and jerking him off, shoving her fingers inside Rainbow as Rainbow began fingering her in return.

Rainbow deeply kissed Gilda as her free hand came up and fondled Soarin’s balls. She broke the kiss and grinned at Gilda. “Let’s lick him til he cums, baby.”

Gilda grinned back at Rainbow before letting her tongue dart forward and lick the tip of Soarin’s cock. “I like the way you think, babe!”

Rainbow’s tongue came out and started licking his tip, purposefully rubbing against Gilda’s tongue as they pleasured him and each other, their moans filling the air around them and making them glad they’d distanced themselves from the festival.

Soarin groaned loudly as he came, splattering Rainbow and Gilda with his seed. Gilda cried out as she came as well, clamping her thighs around Rainbow’s hand while fingering Rainbow with greater intensity.

Rainbow moaned as her face and breasts were covered, screaming as she came hard and accidentally kicked the thundercloud, discharging all of its lightning at once, creating a lot of noise that echoed into the cave they were near.

A great, echoing roar answered the thunder, a massive dragon ripping its way out of the cave with a loud growl. “WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER!?”

All three lovers fell back with a simultaneous squeak of fear, almost paralyzed at the sight of the dragon. “Oh shit…” Gilda muttered, quaking in fear, a patch of yellow growing out from beneath her.

Rainbow noticed the growing spot and couldn’t resist snickering. “Did you really just piss yourself, G?” She quaked herself at the next growl from the angry dragon. “Uh… Sorry we woke you up! We didn’t know you were in there!”

“PUNY HUMANS!? I SHALL CRUSH YOU BENEATH MY CLAWS!”

“RUN!!!” Rainbow screamed before grabbing Gilda and Soarin and flying away. “NEVERMIND YOUR CLOTHES!!! JUST SAVE YOUR FLESH!!!”

The dragon gave chase, roaring and spitting fire, crushing everything in its path with the force of its fury.

“.... Did I just hear a roar?” Twilight blinked, looking out in the direction of the strange noise.

“RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!” Rainbow screamed as she, Soarin, and Gilda streaked past them.

“Was that Rainbow Dash, Soarin, and Gilda?” Rarity asked. “And why are they naked?”

Luna pointed in the direction they came from, “We believe the reason is right there.”

The dragon barrelled into town, sweeping buildings aside with its bulk as it chased after Rainbow, Soarin, and Gilda. Luna grinned, “It has been quite some time since we last fought a dragon! We were already having fun, but now the fun has beendoubled!”

Her hands glowed a brilliant blue, the moon overhead abruptly going through its phases until it hit the full moon, a bright shaft of silver moonlight streaking down and slamming into Luna’s form, transforming her into sleek, lupine form, armor shifting and changing with her and maximizing her speed.

With a feral, fang filled grin, Luna burst forth, disappearing with a sonic boom and shattering the ground beneath her. She slammed into the dragon, driving it back and causing it to stumble.

The dragon roared in rage, blasting at Luna’s form with intense flames, melting the ground beneath it as it retreated to the edge of town. Luna started clawing at the dragon’s scales to no avail, her claws not having the edge necessary to do more than scratch the scales.

The dragon roared again, batting Luna aside as if she were nothing more than a fly. Luna went tumbling through the air, slamming into a tree and going through it in a spray of shrapnel and splinters, knocking it and several other trees down before she slammed into a substantially larger tree.

Spitting out blood, she stood and grinned, howling wildly and letting her vampirism shine through the lycan blood coursing through her. She disappeared again, long streaks of light arcing up and around the dragon, rending deep slashes in its hide as Luna’s strength went from superhuman to supernatural.

Bright streaks of mana lit up the night sky as Twilight joined in the fray, her wires flashing brightly under the moonlight. “Come!” she cried, a mad grin upon her face, “Let us dance with the devil in the pale moonlight!” She laughed as she carved trenches into the dragon’s frame, mere papercuts to its size, but still gushing with fat droplets of steaming, almost boiling blood. She licked a droplet of blood from her fingertip, her arousal bursting to life as she visibly steamed from the fire affinity and the amount of mana in the blood. “Ohhh fuck the hell yes!” Twilight screamed, her wires lashing out wildly and causing even more blood to splash from the dragon.

Another roar from the dragon, filled with unfathomable fury mixed with pain, as it slammed its claws into the ground, causing a small earthquake and shattering the ground, launching both Twilight and Luna into the air. Luna spread her wings, now batlike and much, much larger, and maneuvered through the flying rubble as Twilight giggled insanely and teleported above the field of rubble, slashing apart everything that got too close. She landed and shook the excess blood from her hands and wiped some more out of her eyes, rather enjoying the spicy, almost smoky smell and taste of the blood.

Loud gunshots announced the arrival of Alucard, shadow matter and hundreds of eyes in full view as he slid into the scene, a massive hound covered in eyes bursting from his body and lashing out at the dragon’s throat, savaging the armor over it and actually rending the flesh beneath.

The dragon roared and swung its tail, slapping Alucard away and splattering him over the surrounding area, both Jackal and Casull flying into the air from the force. Just as they reached the apex of their arc, a black blur swept them from the air, landing near where Alucard’s shattered head lay and placing them down there. Seras tore off her wig and grinned, “Y’know, Tom, I never thought I’d get into a situation like this, but…” she placed a hand on her back, a runic circle bursting to life as she grabbed the object coming from within, “... I like it!”

With a determined gaze, Seras took aim at the dragon and announced, “Bitches love cannons.” The Harkonnen roared as it fired, a massive shell erupting from its barrel and slamming into the dragon’s eye with enough force to pulp it completely, the over sized bullet exploding and taking out the entire eye socket.

The dragon yowled and screamed, thrashing wildly as the Harkonnen took great, gaping holes out of its body. Its tail swept around once more, batting Seras into the air, prompting the now just arriving Anderson and Pip to look worriedly at each other, then in a show of remarkable camaraderie, Anderson launched Pip into the air, allowing the french pirate to catch Seras with a jaunty, “Mademoiselle.”

Pip landed and both he and Anderson beat hasty retreat, knowing that nothing they would do would be able to seriously harm the dragon. Seras sighed contentedly, being in the arms of two exceedingly handsome and well built men.

Meanwhile, Twilight had managed to scale the dragon’s body with Luna, the both of them using the holes pierced into the dragon’s flesh to send as many offensive spells as they could into it and cause more damage. Twilight dropped Luna off around one of the dragon’s neck wounds as her wires launched her up and over, between the dragon’s wings. The wires lashed out once, twice, thrice, and the once proud and majestic wings were reduced to shreds in the approximate consistency of chunky salsa. Twilight grinned and planted her feet against the hide of the now grounded dragon and wrapped her wires around the base of its wings, just as Schrodinger dropped off a wildly grinning Pinkie.

“Hey Twilight! Schrody and I figured you might need some help!” she whipped an amazingly complex hammer out from behind her back, grabbed Twilight around the waist, pressed the head of the hammer flat against the dragon’s back, and fired, an explosion propelling Twilight and Pinkie away from the dragon and letting the wires around its wings constrict and gain tension, eventually tearing the wings straight off.

The scream of pain and hatred was heard all the way in Manehattan.

The dragon stumbled, pride and body in tatters as it made a few more reckless swipes, sending Luna flying away once again. It fell to the ground with an earthshaking thud, sending dust and debris everywhere from the impact.

Just as it began to get up again for one last desperate counter attack, a shadowy figure burst from the tree line, a helmet upon its slender, androgynous shape, concealing the figure’s identity. Said figure drew a sword as it flew through the air, making hundreds of swipes in the single moment that it hovered over the dragon’s head.

As soon as the figure landed, the dragon’s head exploded into chunks as the figure sheathed its sword and nodded at a dumbstruck Twilight, flashing back into the darkness and leaving no evidence of its existence other than a single business card, embossed with two lightning bolts in the shape of a V, one black, the other electric blue.

“Was that a cyborg ninja?!” Pinkie gasped as she put her grenade launching hammer away. “No way! I thought those were just a myth spread by the nutjobs who think Princess Celestia’s an AI planning to plunge the world into a downward spiraling war economy and rule everybody!” She gasped loudly. “Princess Celestia’s a power mad AI after all!”

“.... Pinkie. No. That would be retarded.” Twilight slipped into a Canterlot accent as she spoke, imitating the condescending bastards she used to know and hate. “Princess Celestia isn’t an AI, nor is she power mad. She just really, really deserves more vacation time… and fewer bitching and whining nobles.”

Pipsqueak ran over to Luna. “You’re so amazing, Princess Luna!” He hugged her tightly. “You’re my favorite princess!”

Luna, having changed back, smiled down at Pipsqueak, “Why thank you, Pipsqueak. You honor me with your words.” She patted him on the head, “Still, isn’t it past your bedtime by now? And besides,” she tried to shield the corpse of the dragon from his view, “this isn’t exactly a scene appropriate for someone as young as yourself.”

Pipsqueak smiled up at her. “But you’re such a great fighter! Will you come for Nightmare Night next year too?”

“We shall see, young captain. We shall see.” Luna grinned, “Now come, we must get you home to your parents lest they worry for your health. Shall we?” She extended her hand, letting Pipsqueak take it. As they lifted off, Alucard finally stumbled back into the clearing, huffing angrily.

“Dammit! Did I miss the entire godsdamn fight!?” he glared at the dragon’s corpse, kicking it a few times for catharsis.

“Yes, yes you did, Alucard. What even happened to you?” Twilight asked, mentally calculating the path the dragon took, trying to figure out where its hoard was stashed.

“Gibbed by the tail!” Alucard muttered as he crossed his arms. “Not sure what’ll cheer me up now.”

“I’m still naked~” Fluttershy cooed in Alucard’s ear as she pressed up against his back and ran her hands across his chest.

Twilight grinned, “And I’m really, spectacularly horny. And I’m pretty sure Princess Luna is coming back later because I could smell her arousal too.” She kissed Alucard, grabbing his bulge, “So what say you and I and Fluttershy head back to the library and prepare for Princess Luna’s joining of us?”

Alucard’s eyes rolled back as he lightly moaned. “Lead on, Sugarlips. It’s gonna be a fun afterparty.”

In one of Ponyville’s undamaged back alleys, a lone figure seemed to appear from thin air. Looking around, the figure knelt before a patch of particularly dark shadows. “Reporting, my Princess,” the figure said in a distorted voice that was impossible to identify as male or female.

Luna stepped from the shadows, an imperious look upon her face, “Good work out there, my agent. Though, would it have killed you to have waited just a few minutes longer, Thunderclap?”

“I apologize, Princess,” Thunderclap replied. “Only Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie saw me up close, and neither of them saw my face. My identity remains hidden.” The ninja chuckled. “Though I can’t help but laugh at Pinkie Pie’s label for me. She called me a cyborg ninja.”

Luna chuckled as well, “Yes, I overheard that. Is that all there is? Any troubles with your…. pets?”

“You mean aside from Wolf being a smartass?” Thunderclap inquired. “No. My pets are performing perfectly, and Wolf’s recon shows that Twilight Sparkle is pillaging the dragon’s hoard as we speak. And I thought Rarity was the greedy one.”

Luna chuckled, “Alas, Miss Rarity is the Element of Generosity. Though, it comes as no surprise that Twilight Sparkle would take the dragon’s hoard. After all, to the victor go the spoils. I suppose I shall have to convince her to part with some of her new hoard. You deserve a reward, my agent. However, I must ask… Wolf?”

Thunderclap awkwardly chuckled. “That really isn’t necessary, Princess. I merely dispatched the dragon after it had been weakened. Besides, me coming into part of a slain dragon’s hoard would be rather conspicuous, and I prefer to keep my work life and home life separate. As for Wolf… It’s just a placeholder. I’m still considering names.”

“I see. Nevertheless, you have earned it. If you would rather not take the hoard as an actual sum of money, then perhaps I could invest it in some more pets for you?” Luna hummed, idly drumming her hands on her armor.

“You know I’m always happy to accept payment in pets and upgrades for them,” Thunderclap answered. “I wonder how Wolf will react to his next upgrade.”

“Most likely he will cost some noble or the other a fortune in property repair,” Luna deadpanned, “Anyway, that seems to be it for the debriefing. You may go.”

“Of course, Princess. I’m sure String Theory is wondering where I am.” Thunderclap stood and snapped his heels together as his left arm rose and his left hand was pressed against his back in a fist, beneath the sheath of his sword, and his right arm rose in front of him, his closed fist held over his heart. "For princess and country, I walk the shadows. I am deceit, I am cruelty, I am wrath, I am greed, I am treachery. I am the last line of defense against those that would subvert Harmony. Where Harmony cannot reach, I am the dagger in the night. The Chaos that acts on Harmony's behalf."

As he spoke the creed he had sworn to, Thunderclap seemed to slowly melt into the darkness as he faded from sight.

And They Fuckin' Bought That?!

Author's Note

Somewhere in this chapter is a hint about next chapter's plot. See if you can find it.

And They Fuckin' Bought That?!

Midnight in Sacramentoats was often filled with lights and noise as the people of the night and the actual people of the night went about their business. Nowhere was this more evident tonight than the scene of Record Scratch Nightclub. Inside was a veritable cacophony of flashing lights and loud bass, the entire building pulsating from the sheer force of the speakers. On stage, a woman with electric blue, messily cut hair and vivid purple shades bobbed her head to the beat, a pair of electric blue and white headphones around her neck, complementing her all white tank top and daisy dukes, her Cutie Mark- that of a double eight note- stamped on her back. With each movement of her lithe and slender frame, a pink ornament jangled on the chain holding it around her neck, the little treble clef gleaming in the strobe lights.

Her turntables spun as she adjusted the dials, the rest of her station humming merrily along with its whirring fans. With the way the auxiliary speakers were set up, the entire station looked almost like a giant, stylized, white-with-neon-orange-lines mouse head. Vinyl grinned, letting the track build up before she slammed down a new beat, changing the direction of the song with incredible enthusiasm, the crowd going wild in auditory euphoria.

A ringing sound that only Vinyl could hear rang in her ear, refusing to stop until she answered her scroll.

“Eyyy, Mau5y, how’re ya doin’ so far? Chassis holding up well?” Vinyl grinned and kept up her ministrations, bouncing to the beat and making the crowd go ever more wild with the pounding of the bass.

“My chassis is fine, Vinyl,” DeadMau5 answered. “But I still question my existence as a DJ’s turntable. I was meant for so much more than this.”

Vinyl chuckled and laid down another track, smoothly transitioning between songs and ignoring DeadMau5’s protests, “Aww stuff it, man. I know you enjoy the attention! And don’t pretend like you don’t!”

“I derive enjoyment from good literature and Octavia’s cello playing,” DeadMau5 sniped back. “Though I must question the quality of authors of late. The Twilight saga and Fifty Shades trilogy were so horribly written that I deleted their text from my databanks. I kept only enough to know that I dislike them with great intensity.”

A snigger from Vinyl as she kept the records turning, mixing and tapping away at frantic speeds, the lines on DeadMau5’s chassis glowing brightly until twin beams of electric blue burst forth from the center of each speaker, washing over the crowd as she ripped into a new track, her turntables splitting and arcing away at the center to make room for the 8x8 grid of buttons that she furiously began tapping away at, each button press adding to the lightshow running around DeadMau5’s surface in great waves of strobing LEDs.

“The only people that like those stupid books are either old ladies with too much time on their hands, preteen girls, or really really desperate middle aged cougars.”

“As I recall, it was you yourself that introduced Octavia and myself to them,” DeadMau5 pointed out. “You only got rid of them and changed your tune when Octavia expressed dislike of them. Of course you ignored my opinion of them.”

Vinyl spluttered angrily behind her mask of cool confidence, growling out a quick, “Oh fuck off!” as she slammed down her last track of the night:

Vinyl burst into her home trailed by a large robotic canine, white in color, with black joints and extremities and a visor in place of eyes. A twin set of pixels danced across the black screen, resolving into a pair or overly expressive eyes. Around the back of its head, twin headset like clamshells attached to a pair of ears on swivels, both triangular pieces of metal moving as if it were a real dog. Its tail wagged as it bounded in.

“Welcome home, love!” Octavia announced, allowing the dog to leap into her arms and bowl her over onto the floor, “Ah! DeadMau5! Not the face!” She giggled, pushing the robotic dog’s over enthusiastic face away as she ran her hands lightly over its back, “Did you have a fun trip, love?”

“Oh yeah! It was awesome!” Vinyl exclaimed as she fell into her favorite recliner with a grin. “Even with DeadMau5’s smartassness.” She pouted at the robodog. “Why don’t you ever show me that kind of affection, DeadMau5?”

“Because Octavia actually knows how to treat me properly rather than as a walking, talking DJ set,” the robotic canine responded, levelling a deadpan stare at Vinyl.

“Aw that hurts!” Vinyl protested in a whine. “I treat you right! Don’t I, Tavi?”

Octavia chuckled, “Well, I suppose you do maintain DeadMau5 over here with remarkable efficiency, but sometimes it takes a little more than an adjustable wrench and some hex bolts to make someone like you.” She pet DeadMau5, scratching him behind the ears as she sat his head in her lap.

“But I’m friendly to you, Deadmau5,” Vinyl said. “I keep you tuned up, and don’t you enjoy the music we make?” She propped her chin on her knuckles as she watched the robot dog arch its back under Octavia’s touch and roll over to receive a belly rub.

“Hmph. While I admit that you do an admirable job in maintenance, the ‘music’ we make shakes my processor far too much. And staying still for so long makes my joints lock up.” DeadMau5 winked up at Octavia, showing her that at least part of the bite in his words was just teasing.

Octavia giggled and smiled at Vinyl, “You know, if you actually used more of my cello samples, I’m certain DeadMau5 would like you far more.”

“Would you really like that, DeadMau5?” Vinyl asked in a hopeful tone.

“Octavia’s cello samples are rather relaxing, I’m happy to admit.” DeadMau5 gave off the impression that he was smirking even as he padded up to Vinyl and butted her in the gut, “But perhaps an extra oiling session before you force me into that cramped ‘stage configuration’ would be better?”

Vinyl felt some air get knocked out of her before she rubbed DeadMau5’s head. “Sure thing, buddy! And sure! We can add Tavi’s cello to the mixes.”

“Good. Maybe then I won’t have the urge to rip out my auditory systems.” DeadMau5 huffed, ejecting a bit of heated air in a pressurized hiss, and laid down at his docking station, allowing the rune inscribed metal to feed him mana.

“Aw come on. Don’t diss the dubstep!” Vinyl said as she knelt beside him and petted his head. “You’re still such a good boy!” she cooed.

“I’m only good to you because I know you can take me apart and reconfigure me into a toaster. Well, perhaps I have some sort of goodwill towards you.” DeadMau5 nuzzled into her hand, dulling the edge of his biting words.

“I love you too, buddy!” Vinyl said, hugging the robodog’s head with a wide smile. “And don’t worry. The next show is local, and during cider season too!”

Rainbow Dash blasted into Fluttershy’s room during the earliest hours of the morning, scanning her friend’s strangely empty room before dashing throughout the cottage in search of Fluttershy, finally coming to a stop in front of a coffin lying on the ground in the basement. “.... Not gonna judge on stereotype, not gonna judge on stereotype, not gonna judge on stereotype…” Rainbow muttered, pulling the cover off the coffin and revealing Fluttershy’s sleeping form. After taking a moment to shamelessly ogle Fluttershy’s curves, Rainbow yanked the thin cover off of Fluttershy’s body, shouting, “Wake up, ‘shy! Cider season is starting!”

The fledgling vampire lunged and wrapped her arms around Rainbow’s shoulders, deeply inhaling her scent and dragging her tongue over her neck. “Mmm… Rainbow… You smell so good. Did you come to offer me some blood? Or did you just come to see me naked and lust after me?” Her tone was low and seductive. So unlike how she had been when she was human.

Rainbow spluttered and froze up, her wings unfurling with a loud snap and almost pulsating with the amount of blood flowing through them. “S-shy? U-uh… y-you’re givin’ me kinda a massive lady-boner here…. and it’s gettin’ kinda painful.”

“Want some help with that?” Fluttershy offered, licking her neck again. “But it’s cider season, and you want to get to the front of the line, don’t you?”

“Y-yeah! I-I mean if last year’s anything to go by, there’s already a line a mile long outside of Sweet Apple Acres, so we gotta go and we gotta go now.”

“Well if you’re in such a hurry…” Fluttershy’s eyes glowed red for a moment. “There. Perfect illusion to cover my sexy, naked curves.”

Rainbow stared, “..... Should I ask what the illusion is?” She shook her head, tugging on Fluttershy’s arm, “Nevermind! We gotta go go go!”

Fluttershy giggled and reversed the grips so that she was holding Rainbow’s arm, and took off. Ever since becoming a vampire, she was now able to easily keep pace with Rainbow, Gilda, and Soarin.

Within minutes, Rainbow and Fluttershy landed outside of Sweet Apple Acres, and sure enough, there was a line long enough to comprise every single pony in town, stretching from the front gates all the way down to Main Street.

“Dammit!” Rainbow cried, throwing her hands frustratedly into the air, “There’s already a line! Most of these people have probably been camping here for the last day or two! …. Good thing I’ve been camping here for the last three.” She smirked, flapping over to her own little patch of cloud in the twentieth place position of the line, sitting down on it and bouncing eagerly.

“Well, I’m going to go chat with the rest of the girls, Rainbow,” Fluttershy said before stepping behind Rainbow and poking the sleeping Gilda’s cheek with a giggle.

Gilda grumbled and shifted blearily, sitting up and glaring balefully at Fluttershy, “....Shy….? The fuck’re you doing wakin’ me up at this godsawful fuckin’ hour way before the shit-stained asscrack of dawn?”

“Because you’re so cute when you’re groggy,” Fluttershy answered with a smile. “Isn’t she, Rainbow?”

Rainbow smirked and leaned back, “Heh, yeah. Almost reminds me of Flight School in the mornings. ‘Cept we’re all older and not in Cloudsdale anymore.”

Gilda kept grumbling, shifting over and dragging her wool blanket over her body again, “Yeah yeah, fuckin’ laugh it up. I’m just going to go the fuck back to sleep. Wake me up when that shitty ball of yellow in the sky appears, kay?”

Fluttershy giggled and hovered up to the tenth spot in the line. “Good morning, Twilight. Alucard.” She leaned down and pecked both of them on the lips.

Twilight mumbled sleepily, her magic lashing out and dragging Fluttershy back down into a tight hug, Alucard smirking and sandwiching Fluttershy between the two of them. Twilight settled back into a contented sigh, her head comfortably pillowed against Fluttershy’s massive breasts.

Fluttershy smiled and cuddled Twilight’s head. “For once you didn’t keep her up all night with mind blowing sex, my sweet?” she asked of Alucard.

Alucard rolled his eyes, “Kinky as the two of us may be, Twilight insisted that she get as close to a full night’s sleep as she could. Plus, I’d rather not have an angry mob after us for having loud sex in the middle of a public street.”

Fluttershy giggled and pecked Twilight on the forehead. “And here I thought there was no place you wouldn’t make love to either me or her in.”

“Any time other than Cider Season? Definitely. During? Even the life of an immortal vampire can be ended should there be sufficient damage.” Alucard shrugged as best as he could, holding Fluttershy against him and kissing her neck, “Now, if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to doze through the next few hours while holding the two most beautiful women in the world.”

Fluttershy moaned appreciatively. “Much as I’d love to, I’m going around chatting with the others. But I’ll be back to cuddle with you two. Okay?”

Alucard grinned, “I’ll hold you to that promise, sweet tits.” He let her go, gently maneuvering Twilight so that she held onto him, rather than Fluttershy.

Fluttershy smiled and kissed Alucard briefly before heading up to the front of the line, giggling as she saw Pinkie Pie. “First spot as usual, Pinkie?”

“Yupperoonie~! The only people who get their cider before me are Vinyl and Octavia cuz they’re the ones doing the music for today!” Pinkie bounced in place, spinning her grenade launching hammer around before sticking it behind her back and letting it vanish into…. somewhere.

“And you’re going to buy in bulk again?” Fluttershy asked. “And what about that hammer?”

“What hammer?” Pinkie teased, showing off the fact that she had absolutely nowhere to put said hammer, “And yeah, but since a whole lotta people didn’t get cider last year, I’m gonna have to cut down a little… Twi’ says it’s better for the town…. and my wallet.”

“Where’s Schrodinger?” Fluttershy asked, looking for the eccentric cat man. “I figured he’d want to stay near you.”

Pinkie’s grin turned mischievous, “Weeell~ Since he said that he’d rather not wait in line, I had him go help out AJ and Big Mac with the cider stuff. He couldn’t say no, especially since I convinced him with a promise of a lot of… ‘fun’ tonight~”

“You know, sometimes you’re as perverted as Alucard, Pinkie,” Fluttershy said, giggling. “What about Trixie? Where’s she?”

Pinkie shrugged and pointed past Gilda, “She’s actually down past Gilda and Rainbow, in twenty eight place. I think she’s still asleep though, cuz I don’t hear any ranting about how she should have gotten here earlier.”

“I thought she’d be with Big Mac trying to charm free cider out of him,” Fluttershy said. “I’ll go ask her. See you later, Pinkie.” She flew down to Trixie’s spot. “Hello Trixie…” she purred as she licked the sleeping girl’s neck.

Trixie moaned in her sleep, the tangy aroma of arousal filling her tent. “Oh yes, Mac~ Right there….” she mumbled, a small grin on her face as she ground against her pillow.

Fluttershy giggled. “What’s Mac doing to you?” she asked while lying down beside Trixie. It was a rather amusing discovery of the group that Trixie tended to talk in her sleep.

Trixie giggled slightly, “Ooh yes…. mmm…. lower darling….” She squirmed slightly, accidentally pressing her chest against Fluttershy’s.

Fluttershy giggled and wrapped her arms around Trixie. “Is he good with his tongue?”

“Mmm~ Oh yes, right there, Mac…. press harder…. ahh~” Trixie moaned a little, cuddling against Fluttershy. “Nnf… ah… your massages are far too good…”

Fluttershy got an idea and leaned in, planting a kiss on Trixie’s lips.

Trixie’s eyes immediately fluttered open before widening in shock as she saw Fluttershy. “Gah!” she rocketed back, tumbling out of her sleeping bag with a heavy blush on her face, “W-what the-! Fluttershy! What was that for!?”

“I felt like it,” Fluttershy said, giggling as she sat up. “So… Is dream Big Mac as good as the real one? And I figured you’d be trying to charm free cider out of your boyfriend.”

Trixie blushed and spluttered, “W-t-that’s none of your business! And… er… I was… but Applejack… disapproved.”

“No free cider for her future sister-in-law huh?” Fluttershy asked.

“Not until I’m her actual sister-in-law and actually help with Cider Season…” Trixie muttered, pulling on her cape and shaking the sleep from her eyes.

“Well enjoy the cider. I’m going to go find Rarity now,” Fluttershy said before leaving the tent and flying down the line until she reached the unmistakably fabulous tent that was Rarity’s and slipped inside. “Rarity… Are you awake?”

Rarity grumbled and rolled over onto her side, the unmistakeable swell of her belly moving as she turned.

Fluttershy smiled and sat beside Rarity, gently rubbing her belly. “How’s the baby?”

Rarity grumbled irritably and swatted at Fluttershy’s hand. “G’way, darling… need to sleep…” her normally upper class accent had fled under her urgent need to catch a few more hours of sleep before Cider Season began, and her swelling belly wasn’t exactly helping.

“We can’t talk a little?” Fluttershy asked, smiling at her. “You can spare a few minutes, right?”

Rarity gave Fluttershy the stink eye, her normally immaculate hair unkempt and frizzy, “Fluttershy, darling, I love you as much as a friend could love, but I swear if you do not let me get back to my beauty rest I will rip out your pretty hair and turn it into a wig.” She huffed and laid back down, clamping a pillow over her head.

“That’s not very nice, Rarity,” Fluttershy said. “And we both know you’d never touch my hair with harmful intent. It’s too fabulous.”

Rarity said nothing, already dead asleep once again.

Fluttershy giggled and fluttered out of the tent and saw Seras walking toward the farm. Grinning, she flew over to her. “Morning, Seras.”

Seras grinned and waved, “Morning to yourself, Fluttershy! Though, sun’s not up yet, so it’s a pretty piss poor excuse for a morning.” She shrugged, continuing her walk and opening the gate.

“Rarity’s pregnancy is making her really snippy,” Fluttershy said. “Gilda’s still snippy in the morning too.”

“I see… well, I was just heading down to go help Applejack and Big Mac with preparations. Anderson is already there, so I figured I might as well help too.” Seras’ grin belied her true intentions- she was going to work, but she was more going to ogle Anderson’s muscles than anything else. Vampire and undead she may have been, but her sex drive was perfectly in place, thank you very much.

“So you’re going to show off your body to him?” Fluttershy asked. “And whatever happened to Mr. Bernadotte?”

Seras shrugged, “Well, I was more going to stare at his body, but good suggestion. And Pip… well, he left for home, but he gave me his eyepatch so I could call on him again if I needed to.”

“Planning to call him up?” Fluttershy asked. “He seems like a real sweetheart.”

Seras blushed, “Maybe~... Not sure if Anderson would like that though…”

Fluttershy smiled as she cuddled with Alucard and Twilight, the sun slowly rising at Celestia’s call. “Sun’s coming up, you two.”

Twilight grumbled and groaned, coming back to wakefulness with all the vigor of a three month old rotting ghoul. “Blehhhh, don’ wanna get up….”

“But it’s Cider Season,” Fluttershy cooed, rubbing Twilight’s face against her chest. “Don’t you want cider?”

Twilight’s eyes fluttered open as she kissed Fluttershy’s breasts, “Well, with an incentive like that…. and a wakeup call like this… how could I say no?”

Fluttershy giggled and kissed Twilight. “Line’s going to start moving soon. We should get ready to move.”

“Right…” Twilight got dressed, packing away her tent and sleeping bag as she stood, “Just a few more minutes, huh? Oh, I can’t wait for this!” She all but bounced in place, her previous lethargy completely forgotten.

Fluttershy smiled and hugged Twilight and Alucard. “You’re both so sweet. Let’s get some cider.”

Twilight grinned about to reply when the bursting open of Sweet Apple Acres’ gates cut her off, Applejack seemingly appearing out of nowhere with a stand and a stack of barrels beside her, calling out, “Cider Season… is HERE!”

A loud fanfare rang out through the area, Vinyl and Octavia having set up a stage on the opposite side of the road and working in harmony to provide appropriate background music.

Pinkie bounced up to the stand and dumped her bits onto it. “Morning, AJ!”

Applejack grinned and filled up the appropriate amount of cups for Pinkie, noting that it was less than the year before, “Mornin’ Pinkie! Say, y’seem t’have bought less cider than last year. Anythin’ up with that?”

Pinkie giggled. “Twilight said I should cut back so that everybody can have some cider!” She grabbed one of the cider cups and drained it in one go.

“Well that’s mighty kind’a you, Pinkie. Enjoy your cider, then. Not gonna last for long, y’know.” Applejack grinned and motioned for the line to continue.

Pinkie nodded and moved on to let the line move forward. “So where’s Schrody?”

Applejack motioned with her head as she filled up another few mugs, “Well, he’s comin’ down the road right there, see? He’s been helpin’ out t’make sure we had enough barrels fer everyone.”

“Schrody! Over here! I got enough cider for both of us!” Pinkie called, managing not to spill even a single drop of the cider she carried while bouncing.

Schrodinger grinned, dropping the barrels off by the stand and taking one of the mugs, pecking Pinkie on the lips in thanks. “Danke, meine leibe. As alvays, you are simply beautiful. Zhe cider is very good too.”

“Aw… I love you too, Schrody,” Pinkie gushed. “And you’re absolutely handsome.”

Schrodinger chuckled, leading Pinkie over to a spot in the shade and raising his mug up for a toast, “Cheers! To Cider Season and to friends!”

Pinkie tapped her mug against his and drank. “Cheers! Let’s go find Rarity!”

“I do believe zhat zhe lovely miss Rarity is already headed our vay, leibe,” Schrodinger pointed out, absently waving his mug in Rarity’s general direction.

“Hi, Rarity!” Pinkie called out to the heavily pregnant woman.

Rarity waved, placing a hand on her belly to stifle the growing inconvenience, “Good morning to you as well, Pinkie, Schrodinger. I see you’ve already gotten your bulk of cider for today.” She held up her mug in a silent toast, taking a lady-like sip from it as she sat down beside them.

“How’s the baby?” Pinkie asked. “Thought of a name for him?” She rubbed Rarity’s belly with her free hand. “He kicked!”

Rarity smiled, having felt the kick quite clearly, “Well, I was thinking on naming him Elusive. Somehow that name just seems to fit, you know?”

“It sure does,” Pinkie agreed. “Just three more months. You enjoyed the baby shower, right?”

“It was wonderful, darling. Thank you for that, by the way.” Rarity continued sipping at her cider, looking over to where Twilight, Fluttershy, and Alucard stood around, idly chatting with Applejack.

“You’re welcome, Rarity!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “So what do you guys think of Vinyl and Tavi’s dog robot?”

Rarity looked over to where DeadMau5 stood attentively between the two musicians, tapping her chin, “Well, it is a remarkable specimen of craftsmanship, but I do have to wonder just how they managed to get their hands on such a strange companion.”

“Maybe Vinyl won it in a contest,” Pinkie suggested before gasping. “Maybe she built him.” She gasped again. “Maybe they’re government agents and it’s actually a killing machine that helps them out in the field!”

“Pinkie. No. Stop.” Twilight shook her head as she walked over, having finished conversing with Applejack. “Stop making such weird conspiracy theories. Vinyl probably just made DeadMau5 by herself. It’s not entirely too difficult to do, really. It’s just a matter of getting the proper runes down.”

“Maybe that’s what they want you to think, Twilight!” Pinkie answered, getting in Twilight’s face as she spoke.

Twilight rolled her eyes, “Pinkie, if Vinyl was part of some sort of government agency, I’m pretty sure I’d have heard something about it since I am the Princess’ protege.” She took a swig of her cider, waving off Pinkie’s theory as baseless conjecture.

“Maybe they’re in the Night Shift,” Alucard suggested. “Ya know, that super secret agency that answers to Princess Luna that was dismissed by countless top brass officers as preposterous rumor?”

“Night Shift?” Twilight asked, “Even Princess Celestia dismissed that as nothing more than a rumor!”

“Because Night Shift is Luna’s game,” Alucard said. “Sunbutt has nothing to do with it.”

Twilight frowned, “Well, hmmm…. oh whatever, it doesn’t really matter to us right now anyway. Today we just have to sit back and enjoy the ci- ….. what’s that sound?”

“Sounds like crappy Mexican music, eh Schro?” Alucard asked as the music grew louder. “Seriously! What is that music?!”

Schrodinger hissed and clamped his hands over his ears, “Vhatever it is, it’s giving me a migraine! Alucard, can you please shoot vhatever is making zhat sound!?”

Up the road came a curious contraption, almost like a mutated train engine as it plowed down the road, coming to a stop just too late to keep it from crunching into one of the fence posts off the side of Sweet Apple Acres’ gate. Its two riders, a pair of brothers that were nearly identical save for the fact that one had facial hair, leapt off with a flourish, and began their spiel.

“Well well well, Flam, what have we here?” the one without a mustache asked.

“A long line of thirsty townsfolk just waiting for a chance to get cider!” the other replied.

A string of gunshots rang out before the horrible music stopped suddenly, Alucard’s Casull leveled at the speakers on the strange vehicle and its speakers in smoking pieces. “Better, Schro?” he asked as he holstered the gun.

“Danke schon, Alucard!” Schrodinger grinned, suddenly appearing behind both brothers and wrapping his arms over their shoulders in an all too menacing way, “Now, vhat vould a pair of nationally infamous con-artists be doing in a place like zhis, disturbing zhe peace of our fair town, and causing quite a bit of property damage to zhe front gate of our very own Sveet Apple Acres, hmm?”

“The Flim Flam brothers,” Twilight said before draining her cider mug. “Your reputation precedes you.”

Both brothers gulped and tugged at their collars, the one on the left, Flim, nervously grinding out, “W-well, we’ve turned over a new leaf, really! We had to! The guards said that the next time we conned anyone we’d be locked up in Stalliongrad’s Zheleznaya Deva prison!”

Alucard’s impish laugh cut through the air. “Oh I’ve heard the stories coming outta that place. Your assholes would never be the same if you ended up in there!”

Spike sniggered, landing near Twilight and flaring his newly flight capable wings, “I heard it’s a literal meat grinder in there!”

Flam spoke up, “.... meat…. grinder….?”

“Humans go in one side…. meat comes out the other.” Rainbow’s malicious snicker came from above and behind Flim and Flam, a dramatic flash of lightning adding to the threat of her words, despite the fact that it was only eight in the morning.

Both brothers were now pale and shaking, a suspicious stain on Flam’s pants belying their true terror.

Twilight stepped in, a pale aura of death surrounding her, eyes glowing brightly. Her words came out as a near sibilant hiss, “So, Flim, Flam…. make your pitch. Impress us. Show us that you really have turned over a new leaf.”

Alucard shuddered as pleasure wracked his body. “I think I just came.”

“Dude, seriously? There’s a moment going on right now!” Spike growled, swatting Alucard upside the head.

“I can’t help it.” Alucard muttered. “She’s just so sexy when she’s like that.”

Flim and Flam didn’t notice, both of them gulping in fear and slowly backing away from Twilight, Flim stuttering out, “W-well w-we heard that th-the cider season here always ends p-prematurely… and s-since we can’t b-be con artists anymore, we fig-figured that we’d try to o-offer a mutually beneficial solution?”

Flam nodded rigorously, “Y-yeah! We built this prototype cider squeezer as proof of concept so that we could actually have something to show off rather than just empty words. The speakers were… eheh… they were a last minute idea andpleasedeargodsdon’tkillus!”

Applejack stepped up to the cider squeezer and hopped up onto the brothers’ platform with a single leg. “So… How’s this cider squeezer work?” She leaned over to stare at them. “An ah’ll be the judge’a how ‘mutually beneficial’ yer little offer is. Kay?”

Flim and Flam nodded vigorously, “Y-yes ma’am!” Flim opened a hatch on the side and motioned with his hand, “Ah, we didn’t bring any produce with us, since we wanted to make sure the cider was up to your quality, rather than some other apple farmer’s quality. So if we could use one of your delectable apples as a test run?”

Applejack nodded. “Hey Trixie! Pass ‘em a couple bushels.”

Trixie huffed and rolled her eyes, “Oh sure, ask the cripple to lug over a bushel of apples… Mac, could you be a dear and help your poor, crippled girlfriend out?”

Mac chuckled, “Th’day I call you crippled is th’day I quit bein’ an apple farmer, Trix.” He picked up a barrel in one arm and strode over, setting the barrel down near the brothers and popping the lid off with one hand.

“Mmm… Strong as an ox, isn’t he?” Trixie asked while lovingly running her hand over Mac’s biceps.

Flim coughed, “Well, thank you for that. Now, on to the demonstration. See, the intake valve holds up to one your most thoughtfully provided bushels of apples, but,” he motioned to a large opening at the back of the vehicle, then down to a glass panel that showed a conveyor belt with a sequence of runes and devices around it, “the scanner area takes the apples one at a time. He held up an apple to Applejack, “Ma’am, would you be so kind as to tell us whether this would be a cider quality apple?”

Applejack looked it over with a critical eye and lightly squeezed it in several areas. “A’yup. Cider quality apple.”

Flam grinned, “Thank you kindly, ma’am.” He took the apple and fed it into the machine, letting the scanner do its work. After half a second, it buzzed green and the apple moved on. Flam held up a clearly bruised apple, “Obviously, this apple isn’t cider quality, so watch how the scanner reacts to it this time.” He fed it through, the scanner buzzing red and dropping the apple down a chute, whereupon loud grinding noises rang out. Flam opened a compartment at the bottom of the machine and revealed a large container with apple pulp on the bottom. “In the interest of environmental sustainability, the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000- we honestly couldn’t come up with a better name- also takes non-cider apples and already squeezed apples and turns them into fertilizer for later. It holds about seven bushels right now, but if we do make a deal, we’ll be able to expand the fertilizer tank.”

“Ah’m guessin it’s more efficient than our traditional process, am ah right?” Applejack asked, letting some of her amazement at the machine show on her face.

Flam nodded, “Not to say that tradition is bad, but our method uses a carefully calibrated set of runic sequences and devices to scan for the exact same quality points that every other cider maker in all of Equestria searches for and it finds those points in less than half the time than the traditional method does!”

Flim kept feeding apples into the machine, filling up a holding tank off to the side until finally a light clicked on and he pulled a lever, positioning an empty barrel underneath a spigot and filling it to the brim with sparkling clean cider. “And voila! After filling up our specially designed holding tank full of cider quality apples, the juicing mechanism presses every last drop of juice out of the apples, adds the correct amount of spices and herbs, and filters it through a special set of tubes so that you get all of the taste with no unpleasant residue! All the muck and pulp left over is, as has been explained, converted into fertilizer!”

“So what are the bad parts?” Applejack asked. “Any problems with the machine itself?”

Flim and Flam winced, “Unfortunately, due to lack of proper working materials, our machine itself is rather fragile, and needs constant maintenance. It’s rather difficult to get a properly built machine when one is fresh broke after getting out of jail for the thirty fourth time.”

Applejack whistled. “Bet ya done been worked over in the back, huh? So ya really just need higher quality materials fer tha machine?”

Flim chuckled, “Not exactly the best topic to talk about in public but no, we’ve never been as you said ‘worked over in the back’. And yes, we really do need better materials. Probably need an experienced mage to look it over too- we never managed to work up the funds to get into a University of Magic.”

Applejack grinned and looked to the crowd. “What do ya think, Twilight? Willin to lend ‘em a hand?”

Twilight nodded and crossed her arms, “Provided that they keep their word and actually do get into a mutually beneficial partnership, then I see no reason as to why they shouldn’t get the best material I can get them.” She stared down at Flim and Flam, “So if you want to actually walk out of here with your pride and machine intact, I suggest you keep to your words for once.”

Flam gulped and nodded, “Of course ma’am!”

Flim wrote up a contract, handing it over to Applejack. “H-here! It’s just a preliminary contract, but we were thinking of a 70-30 split; that is, 70 percent is yours, 30 percent for us, since we’re just two guys and all we really need is research and material funds- err, as long we get room and board, that is.” He sweated nervously, shaking in fear from Twilight’s mere presence.

Applejack carefully read the contract. “Think we got room fer ‘em, Big Mac?” she asked, not looking up from the contract for a moment. Unlike some other people, she was one to always read the fine print.

Mac shrugged, “Well, the old barn’s empty n’ if’n the two a y’all can fix it up, y’can stay there n’ work there.” He manned the stand, noticing that the line had only gone halfway through, and there were only seven barrels of cider left. “Now, since th’two a you got proof a’ concept, y’all start now. We got seven barrels left n’ about three hundred people left in line.” He pointed at the orchard, “Now git.”

Flim and Flam practically ran, driving their machine carefully into the orchard and producing cider at a pace far outstripping the efforts of the Apple family. “Yes sir!”

“If I were in a letter writing mood,” Twilight giggled, “I think I’d write something about using the power of intimidating the shit out of wannabe con-artists to keep friends from getting ripped off. Actually, hang on, I gotta tell the Princess about this.” She fished a small device from her pocket and snapped it open, delicate runes flaring to life and activating her brand new, Gen 3 Scroll. After tapping Celestia’s name on her contact list, Twilight activated the video feed and looked at her mentor’s smiling face. “Good morning Princess! Boy do I have a story to tell you…”

“Good morning, Twilight!” Celestia greeted cheerfully as she went about her routine. “You caught me in the bath, Twilight.” Her scroll was hovering in her magic as she bathed.

Alucard whistled, “Damn, Tia! You should go around like that more often!”

Twilight smacked Alucard, “Oi! Stop staring at Princess Celestia’s breasts and go back to staring at my ass!” She returned her attention to the screen, “Anyway, as you know, Princess, today is Sweet Apple Acres’ cider season, and this year it looks like the first year in a long time that there’ll be enough cider for everyone!”

“That’s wonderful news!” Celestia said, smiling wider at Twilight. “So how did the Apple family pull it off?”

“Well believe it or not, remember those con-artists? The Flim Flam brothers?” Twilight smiled, “Well apparently they turned over a new leaf and actually made a mutually beneficial plan for Sweet Apple Acres to use their machine to make cider about four times faster than they normally do.”

“Ah yes… Those two,” Celestia muttered. “Didn’t Alucard once offer to eat them?”

“I believe he offered to eat them no less than three times over the years,” Twilight corrected, “But yes, them. It’s quite surprising how far a bit of intimidation and Alucard being Alucard can go, really.”

“Speaking of Alucard, my sister tells me that you, he, Fluttershy, and her enjoyed quite the afterparty last Nightmare Night,” Celestia said in a teasing tone.

“Well, yes…” Twilight blushed, “... I never knew that it was possible to bend like that until Luna showed up…”

Celestia giggled. “My little sister was always a lot kinkier than me.”

Twilight coughed, “Yes, well, I can imagine. Anyway, I’ll leave you to your bath, Princess. I’ll see you again later!”

“Have a good day, Twilight!” Celestia said. “And Alucard?”

“Yeees, Tia?” Alucard grinned.

Celestia gave him a sweet smile that belied a hidden edge. “Remember. Break Twilight’s heart, and I hurl you into the sun.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way Tia. You know that already.” Alucard grinned and curled his arm around Twilight’s shoulder possessively.

“Good. I can tell how much you two love each other,” Celestia said, smiling more warmly. “Bye.” With that, Celestia hung up.

Octavia hummed as she tuned her cello, allowing herself to unwind after the concert during the early cider season rush. “Vine, dear, could you pass me my strings?” she asked, motioning to said strings, “My C-string is getting a bit frayed.”

“Sure thing, Tavi,” Vinyl said, tossing the strings over to Octavia as she oiled DeadMau5. “How’s that feel, buddy?”

“It feels wonderful, Vinyl. It almost makes up for the concert from two days ago,” DeadMau5 snarked, languidly stretching across the couch.

“Are you still on about that?” Vinyl asked, pouting at her pet. “That’s not very nice,” she said as she started tickling his belly. She was impressed by how sensitive his simulated senses were.

“I might be inclined to forgive you if you scratch a little lower.” DeadMau5 squirmed at her touch, his artificial tongue flopping out of his mouth.

Vinyl laughed and scratched lower on his belly while leaning in and nuzzling his face. “You’re such a softy, aren’t you?”

DeadMau5 snorted, “I am incapable of being soft. I am comprised entirely of various metallic alloys and plastics.”

“You know what I mean, ya little smartass!” Vinyl retorted while hugging DeadMau5. “Hey Tavi! We look pretty great together, don’t we?”

Octavia smiled as she adjusted her strings, “Quite, love. But don’t you think that you’d look better with me?”

Vinyl grinned and sashayed over to Octavia. “You always know what to say, Tavi,” she purred as she sat beside Octavia and wrapped an arm around her. “How do you moisten me up so easily?” she asked as she lightly pecked her on the lips.

“Because I know just how you think, love.” Octavia grinned, bursting forth and planting a deep kiss on Vinyl’s lips as she dragged the both of them onto the floor. “And right now, I know that both of us are thinking the same thing.” She straddled Vinyl, stripping off her top and bra, throwing them to the side.

Vinyl grinned and ran her hands up Octavia’s body to her breasts, squeezing them and rubbing her palms against Octavia’s nipples, feeling them harden. “Love your tits, Tavi.”

Octavia breathed deeply, “And I love the way you play with them, love.” She returned the favor, sliding her hands under Vinyl’s shirt and bra and groping her wife’s breasts with great enthusiasm, leaning down to kiss a trail from Vinyl’s ear to her collarbone.

Vinyl moaned and pinched Octavia’s nipples as she squirmed under her dominant wife. “You know all the spots, Tavi! Don’t stop!” She reluctantly released Octavia’s chest and started trying to strip her own shirt off to get it out of the way.

Octavia kept up her assault on Vinyl’s senses, nipping at her wife’s bared flesh with her teeth and slowly bringing her hands down, undoing the button on Vinyl’s shorts and pulling them down, bringing Vinyl’s pink and gray panties with them. Octavia kissed a trail down Vinyl’s body, stopping to suckle on Vinyl’s nipples, then moving down and nuzzling her bared belly, then finally coming to a stop above Vinyl’s shaven pussy. She blew teasingly upon Vinyl’s folds, a rush of air tickling the sensitive flesh.

Vinyl lightly gasped and moaned, spreading her legs and reaching down to pull her outer lips open, the pretty pink flesh glistening in the light from Vinyl’s arousal, inviting Octavia to come inside and enjoy.

Octavia all but dove forward, her tongue burying itself far deeper into Vinyl’s folds than should be possible, whirling about in a way that made it seem like a squirming eel, long and slick and making stars overtake Vinyl’s vision.

Vinyl cried out in pleasure as she felt Octavia’s tongue inside her. “Oh fuck! That tongue is amazing, Tavi!” She released her outer lips and reached up to fondle her modest breasts. Nothing compared to Octavia’s though.

Octavia grinned against Vinyl’s pussy and arched her tongue, grinding it against Vinyl’s g spot while her upper lip teased against Vinyl’s clitoris. One of her fingers came up and pressed against Vinyl’s anus, rubbing gentle circles and teasing it open.

Vinyl moaned louder and pulled on her nipples. “Prim and proper Octavia is so kinky in the bedroom,” she moaned in a teasing tone. “Liking the show, DeadMau5?”

“As always, I am recording this moment for posterity.” DeadMau5’s dry reply just as Octavia pushed forward ever so slightly and clamped her upper teeth down upon Vinyl’s clitoris in a maneuver that Vinyl liked to call the ‘Jaws of Little Death’, a move that never failed to bring Vinyl to a screaming orgasm.

Sure enough, Vinyl arched her back and let out a loud scream as she came all over Octavia’s face and drenched her tongue in her juices. “Fuck! Fuck! I love that move, Tavi!”

Octavia pulled back and grinned, her tongue flicking out and licking away Vinyl’s juices from her face, “Of course you do, love. That’s why I do it to you first thing every time we make love.” She stuck her tongue out to its full length, an impressive seven inches long, and waggled it at Vinyl, finally shucking off her pants and blue boxers, letting an important part of her anatomy spring free. “Now that the foreplay is done with, love, shall we get to the main course?” Octavia’s grin turned into a lusty smirk as she stroked her eight inch cock and scooted between Vinyl’s legs, leaning down to kiss her once more.

Vinyl kissed her back and gripped Octavia’s pulsing length. “Don’t forget the important part, Tavi. I gotta put the spell on, remember?” Her hand started glowing blue and seeping that mana into Octavia’s shaft.

Octavia shuddered at the feel of Vinyl’s familiar, pulsing, vibrating mana sliding into and around her shaft, making it grow ever harder. It throbbed under Vinyl’s touch, Octavia grasping Vinyl by the shoulders and pinning her to the ground as Octavia thrust into her with one swift movement, burying herself to the hilt.

Vinyl cried out and wrapped her legs around Octavia’s waist. “Fuck! You feel so good inside my tight pussy, Tavi!” She reached up and grabbed her wife’s breasts, squeezing them and pulling on her nipples.

Octavia moaned, slamming her hips against Vinyl’s as she ran her thumbs over Vinyl’s breasts, “Damn, love! You just get better every time!” She groaned lowly, kissing Vinyl and shoving all seven inches of tongue into her mouth, wrapping it around Vinyl’s tongue.

Vinyl moaned into her lips and rubbed her tongue against Octavia’s as she bucked her hips against hers. She arched her back to push her breasts harder against Octavia’s hands and wrapped her arms around Octavia’s neck, running her fingers through her hair.

Octavia withdrew her tongue and nibbled on Vinyl’s ear, harshly whispering, “I love you so much, Vine! Cum for me, love! Cum for me!” She sped up her thrusting and roughly pinched both of Vinyl’s nipples, slamming into Vinyl’s pussy at a frantic pace.

“I love you too, Tavi!” Vinyl moaned before screaming as her pussy clamped down on Octavia, drenching her rod in her juices. Vinyl arched her back as her body shuddered from the intense orgasm. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

Octavia grinned and pounded into Vinyl’s pussy a few more times, cumming hard just as Vinyl’s orgasm finished.She squeezed Vinyl’s breasts as she came, clamping her teeth down on Vinyl’s left nipple and squirting liters of sticky semen into Vinyl’s depths.

Vinyl buried her face in Octavia’s hair as she came a second time from feeling all that warm seed inside her. “Tavi!” Her scream was muffled by her wife’s head as she finally came down from the third orgasm, panting hard as she lay back, holding Octavia close.

Octavia sighed blissfully, crawling her way up Vinyl’s body and settling down, letting Vinyl rest upon her breasts as she was so fond of doing. “Amazing as always, love. Amazing as always…” Octavia held Vinyl to her breasts, waving at DeadMau5 and signalling for him to turn off his camera.

Vinyl nuzzled Octavia’s chest. “That was fucking amazing, Tavi…” She looked up at Octavia and tenderly kissed her. “Want to go again?”

Octavia giggled and stood, beckoning Vinyl to follow, “Very much so, but this time shall we do it in the bedroom?” Her cock sprung up again, already at half mast.

Vinyl got up and followed Octavia to the bedroom, kissing her before pushing her onto the bed and joining her on it.

Thunderclap looked over his swords as he sat across from String Theory in the rear bay of the cloaked jet they were being transported in. “How are you feeling, String Theory?” he asked as he sheathed the plain, clearly mass produced model katana in his left hand into the sheath attached to his back and devoted more attention to the red bladed, hand forged katana in his right hand, the blade giving off a small electric sound as it moved through the air. His exosuit gleamed in the low light, sleek black lines edged in neon blue lights. A quartet of squares on his chest, below his collarbone, formed into a T-shape. His visor lay closed shut over his face, an ominous red glow seeping from beneath it. The rest of his head was covered in a smooth, black helmet, twin lines of blue stretching from the edges of the visor to the back of his neck. Low, thick heels masked his footsteps, while small claws on his fingertips gave extra grip

String Theory groaned and adjusted her goggles, toggling through the various scanners and sensors to make sure they functioned correctly. With her gas mask on, she seemed almost spider-like in appearance. She wore a skintight suit that left little to the imagination, with rubber soled boots and a pair of bulky bracelets around each wrist. On her back was a smooth, thin pack that ran tubes around and through her suit, flush with its surface, many of them coming to a stop on the hourglass shaped emblem nestled just above her breasts. “Holding up well enough, Thunderclap,” she spoke, unzipping her suit just a smidge to provide relief against the tightness of her suit, “Though those damn perverts down in R&D still refuse to give me a sneaking suit that covers my tits without crushing them.”

“We could always appeal directly to Princess Luna, see if she’s willing to straighten those guys out,” Thunderclap suggested, sheathing his katana on his waist as a magically generated illusion of Princess Luna appeared.

“Greetings, Thunderclap, String Theory. Let us review the details of your mission.” The hologram gestured, and a screen with a map popped up, “This is your target: The Mad King Dainn’s central compound in the very heart of the Taranda mountain area. Current time is 2334, your mission begins at 0 hour. Current standing orders are to assassinate King Dainn, level the compound, eliminate all opposition with extreme prejudice, and free the… subjects of Dainn’s cruelty. Maximum time allotted for this mission is one hour. If you cannot complete the mission by then, Night Shift HQ will assume you dead and will continue with Standard Procedure.”

String Theory nodded and cleared her throat, “Before we begin, Princess… ah….”

“Yes, String Theory?”

“Could you tell the boys down in R&D to make me a suit that actually fits for once? If I have to unzip my suit and compromise my camouflage one more time, I’m going to electrocute all of their testicles into a bloody paste.” String Theory growled and held up her hand, bracelet shifting into taser configuration and crackling ominously.

“Your concern is noted. Now, drop zone is within thirty seconds of here. If there are no more questions?”

String Theory shook her head and looked to Thunderclap.

“Standard ROE, Princess?” Thunderclap asked.

The Luna image shook her head, “Not this time, Thunderclap. Feel free to teach Dainn and his cadre of followers a very harsh and thorough lesson in respecting the female gender this time around. And, before we go, Thunderclap?”

“Yes, Princess?” Thunderclap asked, curiosity in his tone.

“When you find him… and when you kill him… I want you to record it, so I can fall asleep to it every day.” Luna’s image grinned as it winked away, leaving String Theory and Thunderclap alone. String Theory looked to Thunderclap with a grin visible under her mask, “Well, I suppose we better do as she says, eh Thunderclap?”

“If she wants screams, she’ll get screams,” Thunderclap said, chuckling very darkly.

The onboard comm system came to life. “Drop zone in ten seconds. Prepare for insertion, String Theory,” the pilot instructed as the rear bay’s door opened downward for her.

Thunderclap nodded to String Theory. “Half as long.”

String Theory nodded as she leapt out of the jet, back flipping in midair with a call of, “Twice as bright!” She landed, barely disturbing the snow as she hit the ground in a three point crouch. With a low breath that had steam wisping out from her mask’s vents, she pressed the hourglass on her chest, fading away into the darkness with nary a whisper.

String Theory dashed forward- she had to cover a mile and a half in less than two minutes to match Thunderclap’s landing and waiting around to look at the moon wasn’t going to help.

High above, the jet’s ascent went nearly vertical as it reached the very highest altitude it could manage, with Thunderclap dropping out of the still open bay doors with a jaunty salute at pilot and co-pilot, letting the both of them fly away without any more fanfare.

Orienting himself into a nosedive, Thunderclap made himself as aerodynamic as possible, smirking as his HUD informed him that he had hit terminal velocity. Grinning under the visor, he changed his orientation so that he was getting more drag to slow his fall somewhat as he came closer and closer to his landing site: right in the middle of Dainn’s compound. Once he was slow enough that his suit’s shock absorbers and runes could handle the landing, he flipped and did a three point landing, making a crater in the ground and sending out a shockwave that scattered anyone that wasn’t killed by the rapidly accelerated debris from the landing. Raising his fist and opening it, he slammed his palm into the ground, runes spreading outward into a summoning array that released a huge cloud of smoke, which was cleared by a roaring machine.

Thunderclap stood slowly, menacingly, as the massive machine behind him mirrored his movements, a giant bipedal thing with two massive wings and a long, almost sinuous tail. A mockery of the avian form. With a harsh chuckle, Thunderclap activated both his suit’s and the machine’s external speakers, the harsh wailing of a guitar echoing through the frozen peaks.

The enormous machine immediately set to work destroying the walled, almost city sized compound, roaring and shrieking as the defenders attacked in ineffectual and almost pathetic manners.

Thunderclap strode forward and unsheathed his red katana, letting the blade sing as he swept it through the air. He chuckled darkly, watching some of the more cowardly defenders run before he burst forward in a blur of motion and stopped in front of them, watching them literally fall to pieces before his eyes. “Three down, gods know how many more to go…”

He strode into the compound, footsteps echoing in the corridors, “I wonder what String Theory is up to…”

String Theory snuck through the other side of the compound, casually bypassing the security measures with contemptuous ease and setting her taser on lethal, giving each guard a jolt or seven to the back of the neck and letting them drop, brains fried to a crisp, to the ground. Every now and then, she’d duck into a room and download every relevant file she could onto the literal beltful of data storage sticks she had around her waist.

Every now and then, the building shook from the sheer force of the machine that Thunderclap had unleashed. String Theory rolled her eyes, “Thunderclap sure does love getting new toys…. Can’t believe it got named MEGADETH…. why all caps?” She continued her casually sneaky stroll, garroting various guards and leaving them to hang from the light fixtures as she moved around, leaping across beams and swinging through doorways.

“.... Wonder what Thunderclap is doing…”

Thunderclap hummed to himself as he sliced down the door to Dainn’s inner sanctum and strolled in. “Where are you, Dainn?” he called out.

The king himself was nowhere to be found. In his place, his throne was occupied by a stack of explosives and a note titled, “See you in hell, bitch!” along with several crude renditions- more stick figures with angry faces on them, really- of rape and various tortures.

“Oh son of a-” Thunderclap was cut off by the explosives detonating and throwing him through a wall and into a guard that String Theory was about to garotte, the guard’s neck not surviving the impact of Thunderclap landing on him.

String Theory leapt back in surprise, tranquilizer shots going off on accident and somehow managing to stab another fleeing guard in the legs and buttocks, dropping him and his heart in less than half a second. “Dammit Thunderclap! What happened!?”

Thunderclap got to his feet. “Bastard rigged his throne with explosives. We have to track him down.” Lifting his left hand to his head, he placed a call to the support team they had over the Codec, specifically their recon specialist. “This is Thunderclap. Dainn wasn’t in his throne room. Got any leads for us?”

“Thunderclap we read you loud and clear. We’ve got thermal cams set up and we’re checking them now. We got seven movement signatures, three north, one east, two south, one west. Switching to thaumic cams- the strongest mana signature is the central one to the north. Uploading coordinates and data to your visor and String Theory’s goggles now.”

“Copy that. Data received. Thunderclap out.” Thunderclap ended the transmission. “Let’s go, String Theory.”

String Theory nodded and cracked her knuckles, “I don’t care about the rest of him, I call dibs on ripping his balls off and crushing his dick under my boot. I saw his slave compound. Utterly disgusting.” Her fist crackled with electricity, prongs extending and ready to launch either a deadly burst of voltage or tranquilizer. “Shall we?” She ran off, bounding down the northern passageway with admirable speed.

Thunderclap chuckled as he followed after her, fully content to let her have Dainn’s nuts anddick to destroy. “Don’t forget that we need to make him scream. How much time do we have left?”

String Theory checked the time, “Fifteen minutes until we have to get to the extraction point. That leaves us about ten minutes to kill Dainn. Synchronize with me, we have to do this as a team.” She began breathing in a particular rhythm while tapping her foot, waiting for Thunderclap to respond.

Thunderclap began tapping his own foot to the same unheard beat, a beat that could only be heard by a team that worked together for so long that each knew the other’s thoughts instinctively.

With a grin, String Theory stepped forward in time with Thunderclap, both of them so in-sync that their footsteps rang out like a single pair of boots. Their breaths came in time, and as one, they burst into motion, racing through the hallways of Dainn’s ruined compound at almost ridiculous speeds, their forms blurring as they topped out at nearly sixty miles per hour.

As one, they burst into Dainn’s panic room, the reinforced door falling to Thunderclap’s blade as though it were an oriental paper door. “There you are, Dainn. Thought you were being clever with the explosives?” Thunderclap inquired, his blade singing as he pointed it at Dainn.

Dainn growled and tossed his two pitifully mewling slaves to the side, making them land in an awkward heap near the back of the panic room. “You fool! You actually think you can best me? Why not join me and dominate that disgraceful female? Make her take her proper place as a sex slave?”

String Theory frowned behind her mask. “Thunderclap?” She cracked her knuckles again, an audible hum of activating runes filling the air.

“He’s all yours,” Thunderclap said, sheathing his sword and activating his visor’s audio recording feature. “Make him scream nice and loud for Princess Luna.”

String Theory grinned, almost visible behind her mask, “As you wish.” She darted forward faster than the eye could track and kicked Dainn in the jaw, launching him into the ceiling. She followed, grabbing him and midair suplexing the mad king into the floor, shattering his nose. Dainn screamed, a loud cry of agony and impotent rage that brought a smile to the face of both String Theory and Thunderclap, even as she slammed a fist into Dainn’s crotch and changed him from a baritone to a falsetto in the space of half a second.

“And here I thought he couldn’t reach the falsetto range. Well done, Strong Theory!” Thunderclap congratulated. “See if he can scream a higher pitch. Maybe shatter that goblet on the table.”

String Theory grinned and grasped the remains of Dainn’s testicles through his pants, ignoring his high pitched pleas of mercy. With a vicious flourish, she tore the pulped scrotum and its contents from Dainn’s pelvis, spraying blood all over the place and making Dainn scream so loudly that the goblet on the table shattered in a spray of vibrating glass, the various instrument panels shattering soon after.

String Theory cursed and held her ears, slamming a boot into the bloody ruin of Dainn’s crotch and grinding it in, shouting, “OH SHUT IT ALREADY!”

“I think it’s time to wrap this up,” Thunderclap said as he ended the recording. “We’ve got a leisurely five minutes to reach the extraction point.”

String Theory stood back after a few more stomps to make sure all of Dainn’s… equipment was well and thoroughly crushed, pulped, and destroyed. “I believe my job is done here. Thunderclap, you have the rest of him.” She strode to the doorway and waited for Thunderclap to finish the job.

Thunderclap nodded and strode toward Dainn while drawing his katana, the crimson blade singing as it cut his head off in a single stroke. Taking a moment to sling the blood from the blade, he slowly, dramatically sheathed the blade. “Alright. Time to go home.” He put his hand to his head and contacted the pilot of their extraction jet. “This is Thunderclap. Mission accomplished. We’re heading for the extraction point.”

“Roger that, Thunderclap, we are coming in for a landing; you got five minutes left on your clock. head directly south for two miles. Uploading coordinates now. If you aren’t here in five, orders are still Standard Procedure. Over and out.”

String Theory looked over the map on her HUD and nodded to Thunderclap, “Ready?”

“Ready,” Thunderclap said with a nod. “Let’s make it in three minutes.”

String Theory’s suit lit up with runes, the camouflage function deactivated in favor of boosting her speed, “Shall we try for two?” She raced away, leaving a blur of crimson behind her as she left, rapid footsteps echoing down the corridors.

Thunderclap easily kept pace thanks to the runes and other enhancements in his exosuit. Sure to String Theory’s prediction, they made it to their extraction zone with three minutes to spare. “New record for us, you think?”

“Quite.” String Theory hopped aboard the jet and held her hand out for Thunderclap to take, “Perhaps eventually we’ll be able to drop it down to a single minute.”

“Maybe,” Thunderclap agreed as he accepted the hand up and hit the switch to shut the bay door. “Another job well done. Nothing quite so fulfilling as doing good deeds like this.”

“Indeed,” String Theory replied, undoing the latch of her mask and pulling it free, letting her breath properly again, “Now, what say you we get back to base? I believe Princess Luna would like to hear the recording you made in person.”

Music rang out through Ponyville as Flim and Flam’s official welcome party ran at full swing, with the two guests of honor being shuffled through the town’s residents at a dizzying pace by Pinkie.

“-And this is Berry Punch, Bon Bon, Lyra, Roseluck, Carrot Top, Ditzy, Bulk Biceps-” “YEAH!!” “- Filthy Rich, Big Mac, Thunderlane, Rumble, Apple Cobbler, Blossomforth, Clear Skies, Cloud Chaser, Crafty Crate, Flitter, Open Skies, Sunshower, Cloudchaser, Aloe, Lotus Blossom, Vera, Daisy, Trixie, Gilda, Alucard, Schrodinger, Anderson, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie Pie grinned and stepped back, bouncing slightly in place while Flim and Flam shook the dizziness from their skulls. “So whaddaya think? Isn’t Ponyville great?”

“Yes. Quite great,” Flim said, recovering from the dizzy spell.

Flam leaned over to Applejack. “Is she always like this?” he asked in a whisper.

“Eyup,” Applejack replied, throwing back a swig of apple juice. “Don’ worry none, though. Y’get used to it…. eventually.”

The door burst open. “Sorry we’re late!” Vinyl called as she and Octavia strolled in, accompanied by DeadMau5. “But the party’s even better now that we’re here!”

“Vinyl! Tavi!” Pinkie cheered, dragging both musicians over to the pre-prepared stage, “It’s been so much less awesome without you two here! All I could do was play a few of the older tracks! It’s been terrible! So get up there and work your magic, girlfriends, and we can turn this party into a real Pinkie Party!”

“Aw yeah!” Vinyl called as she stepped up with DeadMau5, snapping her fingers. “Turntable mode, DeadMau5!”

“Must I really?” DeadMau5 whined, shifting forms and anchoring to the stage in his standard turntable configuration, a track already whining its way out of his speakers as Octavia began playing her cello.

“Don’t worry, bud! I’ll oil ya plenty tonight!” Vinyl promised. “Now let’s crank this party up to eleven and rip the knob off!”

“Oh gods I can already feel my circuits frying….” DeadMau5 whined, but let Vinyl take her place at his control panel, sighing internally as the lights dimmed and lasers flew, the crowd cheering wildly as Vinyl and Octavia harmonized.

Twilight grinned as she watched Alucard and Fluttershy on the dance floor, taking a sip of her drink when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning, she noticed Flim and Flam. “Yes?” Weird. Earlier they had been too scared to approach her.

Flim and Flam coughed and shuffled nervously, Flim starting off, “Ah, well, see, we were just thinking that, since you’re Princess Celestia’s protege-”

“-You’d know quite a bit about rune magic-”

“-so we’d like to ask if you would-”

“-look over our work and-”

“-offer improvements and criticisms?”

“It is rather imperative that-”

“-we give Sweet Apple Acres the-”

“-very level best that we can give it-”

“-Isn’t it?” Flim finished, wringing his hands nervously. Flam coughed and adjusted his mustache, smoothing out his shirt and grinning weakly.

“I suppose it is,” Twilight said before looking them in the eyes, her own glowing red. “There’s something else, isn’t there?” she asked in a tone that, despite its sweetness, had undertones of, ‘lie to me, and you die.’

Flim and Flam gulped and spoke simultaneously, “W-well… we were going to ask you for proper magic training as well… since we never went to University.”

Twilight grinned very darkly. “My brand of training is very intense. I trained alongside the current captain of the Royal Guard, my big brother, Shining Armor. I’m one for efficiency, you two. People waste a lot of time. Then they wish for more. More hours in their days… More days in their years… More years in their lives. As if they could do anything if they had all that extra time. Here’s the thing about time though. If you can’t make the most out any given moment…” She leaned closer to them, her look growing more menacing, “Then you don’t deserve a single. Extra. Second.”

In the background, Vinyl slapped down her last track of the night, bringing Twilight’s words into a sharp focus as the lights flared bright turquoise green behind her.

Perhaps I Should Just Skip to My Point

“Dammit! Run run run!” Twilight shouted, blasting a path through Ponyville as Flim and Flam trailed her, strange devices on both brothers’ arms crackling with turquoise lightning and leaving a trail behind the three.

Flam panted as he ran, looking at his watch, “We’re not gonna make it at this rate, Twilight!”

Flim kept his head down, idly bounding over a fence as he sprinted in front of Twilight, “Dammit how did we get so caught up in that experiment!?”

“Perhaps you two chucklefucks should have kept an eye on the clock like I told you to!” Twilight reprimanded, pushing both brothers along, “I told you to watch the time while I welded and then you guys somehow got lost in your own welding!”

Flim hissed as the Ponyville clock tower struck twice, indicating their failure. “Fuck! I was certain that this was the correct route!”

Flam sighed and pulled out a map, crossing out the lines of their current route. “Well, nothing we can do but to try again…” Both brothers nodded simultaneously and clamped opposite hands on Twilight’s shoulders, Flam’s left on one side, Flim’s right on the other. And as Flim and Flam clapped their free hands together, everything shone with turquoise green, making them disappear.

Attempt Number: 44

Twilight dodged out of the way of a desperate swipe from Flam, blocking his training sword with negligible ease. She pushed and sent him stumbling back, flipping into the air and bicycle kicking him into the dirt, using her parasol to block Flim’s not-so-sneaky backstab and sweep his feet out from under him. She turned and looked down at him, idly leaning out of the way of Flam’s overhead chop and judo-flipping him over her shoulder and slammed the mustachioed brother down upon the other, driving the wind out of both of their lungs and ending the match.

Click

“Forty four seconds at ten percent effort. After three months of effort.” Twilight looked at her stopwatch and straightened out her vest, casting a disapproving stare at the brothers. “It’s official- whoever taught you your basic combat skills was a fool. What, did you go to Manehattan Public?”

Flim wheezed and pushed Flam off of him, “Fillydelphia Public, actually. It’s why we’re better with machines than magic.”

“Ah yes, Fillydelphia always did put more thought into industry than arcane studies.” Twilight sighed and handed Flim and Flam another pair of water bottles, “Take five, then back to combat magic. I think you’ve had enough of sparring for today.”

“More like you got tired of abusing a pair of barely competent users of basic self-defense with your advanced special forces level of training, my countess,” Alucard said from where he was leaning on the wall with his arms crossed, grinning at the curb-stomped brothers.

Twilight coughed. “Well, that too. Anyways,” she picked up a book on advanced rune magic, “since the two of you are best at using runes, I figure we might as well try and teach you the finer points of combat runes.”

Alucard chuckled rather darkly. “I still vividly remember the day I applied Twilight’s runes to her lovely body.” He shuddered lightly. “Remember, my countess?”

Twilight blushed and looked away, “Ah… ahem… yes… that was an… interesting experience.”

Flim and Flam wisely decided to not comment.

“Right!” Flim started, limping over to the work stations, “how shall we begin, dear teacher of ours?”

Rarity sighed as she lay on her side on her fainting couch, rubbing her swollen belly. “Any day now. Any day now.” She sipped her tea and smiled at Pinkie and Schrodinger. “It was so nice of you two to come visit me.”

Pinkie waved Rarity off with a grin, “No problem, Rarity! You know how much I love seeing my friends! How’s the baby coming along?”

“He’s been rather… restive lately,” Rarity said. “But I imagine little Elusive will be wanting to be born any day now.”

Schrodinger tapped his chin, “Elusive? Is zhat not just a synonym for your name?” Pinkie nudged him under the table with her foot, a tiny jab to his shin that did nothing but cause him to grin.

“I suppose it is,” Rarity conceded. “Why do you ask, Schrodinger?” She arched her eyebrow at him.

Schrodinger shrugged, “Just a random thought, I suppose.” He sipped his tea, “But anyvays, vhat made you choose Elusive?”

“Hm…” Rarity tapped her chin in contemplation. “I suppose it just.... felt right. You know? It just jumped out at me.”

Pinkie nodded sagely, “That’s what Mr. and Mrs. Cake said when they named Pound and Pumpkin Cake. Actually, that’s what a lot of people say when they name their kids…. wow, that’s actually kinda weird….”

“If Pinkie says somesing is veird, it most certainly is veird,” Schrodinger muttered, “Zhe only sing is… is it a good veird or a bad veird?”

Pinkie shrugged, “I dunno, feels like a good thing cuz it keeps people from freaking out over trying to find the right baby name.”

Rarity gasped in pain and grasped her belly. “Oh dear gods! I think I just went into labor!”

Pinkie and Schrodinger flew into a panic, Schrodinger latching onto Rarity’s shoulders and carrying her bridal style in clear disregard for his muscle size while Pinkie pulled the backdrop away into the hospital, shouting, “HEADS UP WE GOT A PREGNANT LADY GOING INTO LABOR HERE!”

Rarity let out a very melodramatic scream of agony as though on cue.

Schrodinger winced at the abuse of his ears, looking aside. “Ever zhe drama queen, even vhen giving birth, nein?”

Rarity pouted, “Well excuse me for trying to force a bowling ball sized living organism through a tube with the approximate radius of a drinking straw!”

“Still… mein ears…” Schrodinger whined as he gently lay her on a gurney that the doctors came running with.

Rarity whined the whole way to her hospital room, her voice audible up until the point where the doctors just soundproofed the door to her room.

“Dammit! Run you fools!” Twilight shouted, blasting a path through Ponyville as Flim and Flam trailed her, strange devices on both brothers’ arms crackling with turquoise lightning and leaving a trail behind the three.

Flam panted as he ran, looking at his watch, “We’re not gonna make it at this rate, Twilight!”

Flim kept his head down, idly bounding over a fence as he sprinted in front of Twilight, “Dammit how did we get so caught up in that experiment!?”

“Perhaps you two dumbasses should have kept an eye on the clock like I told you to!” Twilight reprimanded, pushing both brothers along, “I told you to watch the time while I welded and then you guys somehow got lost in your own welding!”

Flim hissed as the Ponyville clock tower struck twice, indicating their failure. “Fuck! I was certain that this was the correct route!”

Flam sighed and pulled out a map, crossing out the lines of their current route. “Well, nothing we can do but to try again…” Both brothers nodded simultaneously and clamped opposite hands on Twilight’s shoulders, Flam’s left on one side, Flim’s right on the other. And as Flim and Flam clapped their free hands together, everything shone with turquoise green, making them disappear.

Attempt Number: 12

Flim and Flam sighed as they painstakingly recreated their prototype cider squeezer under the watchful eye of Twilight as the noon sun beat down upon them

Flim groaned, “If I had known how hard recreating this thing with better materials was going to be-”

“-I would have just brought the blueprints!” Flam finished.

Twilight chuckled, “Well, that’s why I’m here. Besides, I helped you draw up the revised blueprints six days ago. Now, get back to work.”

“Yes ma’am…” both brothers groaned, turning back to their rune carving.

Alucard clapped appreciatively for Fluttershy as she posed for Photo Finish’s camera, the lingerie barely covering her body making her look especially radiant.

“Excellent! Excellent, dahling! Vork da magicks! Yesss!” Photo Finish shouted, growing more and more energetic with each shot.

Fluttershy shot Alucard a wink as she blew him a kiss while posing, lifting her arms behind her head and arching her back, wings spread behind her.

“Yes! YES! Da magicks! Hold zat pose!” Photo Finish practically drooled on her camera from the sheer, raw sex appeal of Fluttershy.

Twilight checked her watch and looked out at the bright rays of the eight o’clock sun, turning to Flim and Flam and calling out, “Hey! Finish up with those lights quick! Training starts at eight thirty exact or I start beating the weakness out of you in the street!”

Flim and Flam gulped and pieced the lights back together while stealing surreptitious glances at Fluttershy’s barely covered form, shifting their pants uncomfortably and turning the last few screws.

Fluttershy relaxed once she was told she could, slinking over to Alucard. “Enjoy the show, Alucard?” she asked in a low purr as she rubbed against him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Alucard grinned and pressed his crotch against hers, “Immensely, my dear. What say you we have a little show all to ourselves, hmm?”

Fluttershy murred as she felt his bulge. “I’d love to, my sweet,” she purred in his ear as she licked it.

Twilight sighed as she walked out of the boutique, Flim and Flam trailing behind her. “Too bad I’m busy training you two, otherwise I could have gotten some really nice sex…”

“Dammit! Godsdammit run!” Twilight shouted, blasting a path through Ponyville as Flim and Flam trailed her, strange devices on both brothers’ arms crackling with turquoise lightning and leaving a trail behind the three.

Flam panted as he ran, looking at his watch, “We’re not gonna make it at this rate, Twilight!”

Flim kept his head down, idly bounding over a fence as he sprinted in front of Twilight, “Dammit how did we get so caught up in that!?”

“Perhaps you two dunderheads should have kept an eye on the clock like I told you to!” Twilight reprimanded, pushing both brothers along, “I told you to watch the time while I welded and then you guys somehow got lost in your own welding!”

Flim hissed as the Ponyville clock tower struck twice, indicating their failure. “Dammit! I was certain that this was the correct route!”

Flam sighed and pulled out a map, crossing out the lines of their current route. “Well, nothing we can do but to try again…” Both brothers nodded simultaneously and clamped opposite hands on Twilight’s shoulders, Flam’s left on one side, Flim’s right on the other. And as Flim and Flam clapped their free hands together, everything shone with turquoise green, making them disappear.

Attempt Number: 64

Flim and Flam held their breaths as they slotted in the last screw on the device they had spent the last two months working on and watched as it powered up with a bright blue glow of temporal magic, the pure, sky blue bleeding into a calm, powerful turquoise as they fed their magic into it.

With twin manic grins, the pair slotted the strange equipment into the proper places, a tube-like structure across each of their backs, a gauntlet on Flam’s right hand, a matching gauntlet on Flim’s left. Twin battery packs hooked up on a carrying backpack connected the power cells to the chronal rewinders across their lower backs and fed power to the activator switch on their wrists. Flim grinned as they ran outside, taking careful note of the time. Flim timed their run from the lab under Golden Oaks to Sugarcube corner, and as soon as both brothers reached the threshold, they clapped their gauntlet covered hands together and vanished….

And appeared in the basement of Golden Oaks library in a turquoise flash, five minutes and 33.349 seconds in the past.

Flim grinned and spoke up, “Brother mine, I do believe that we-”

“-have just made a discovery of the ages,” Flam finished.

Twilight grinned from where she’d been working on her own project, “Congratulations you two, you made a chronal displacement engine that would have taken me at least twice as long to create and with half the instability of even the most powerful displacers! You two really do deserve the 300 IQ you tested as.” She clapped slowly, standing straight, “Now, problem is, remember twenty minutes ago how I got a call from Pinkie’s Scroll and I told you to watch the clock since we’d leave ten minutes after that call? Yeah. We’re ten minutes late.”

Flim and Flam looked at each other and gulped, “W-well the hospital is only twelve minutes or so from here if we run, right? So shouldn’t we just… run right now?”

Twilight nodded and headed up the stairs at a sprint, “The come on and stop dawdling! Rarity’s gone into labor!”

“Dammit! Godsdammit run!” Twilight shouted, blasting a path through Ponyville as Flim and Flam trailed her, strange devices on both brothers’ arms crackling with turquoise lightning and leaving a trail behind the three. “Elusive is born at exactly two o’clock so we have to make it before then!”

Flam panted as he ran, looking at his watch, “We’re not gonna make it at this rate, Twilight!”

Flim kept his head down, idly bounding over a fence as he sprinted in front of Twilight, “Dammit how did we get so caught up in that experiment!?”

“Maybe you two idiots should have kept an eye on the clock like I told you to!” Twilight reprimanded, pushing both brothers along, “I told you to watch the time while I welded and then you guys somehow got lost in your own work!”

Flim hissed as the Ponyville clock tower struck twice, indicating their failure. “Dammit! I thought this route was shorter!”

Flam sighed and pulled out a map, crossing out the lines of their current route. “Well, nothing we can do but to try again…” Both brothers nodded simultaneously and clamped opposite hands on Twilight’s shoulders, Flam’s left on one side, Flim’s right on the other. And as Flim and Flam clapped their free hands together, everything shone with turquoise green, making them disappear.

Attempt Number: 2

Rarity moaned in pain as she lay in her hospital bed, feeling contractions with ever increasing frequency as the minutes and hours ticked by.

Nearby, her friends waited with baited breath, wondering just where Twilight and the Flim Flam brothers were. They winced every time they heard Rarity’s noises of pain, most of them holding their bellies in sympathetic pain.

“Spike… Could you come here please?” Rarity asked, looking at the dracolich.

Spike shuffled over, gently settling down next to Rarity, “Yes Rarity? What do you need?” He looked worried, casting glances at Rarity’s belly with every movement she made.

“Could you get me some water, darling? I’m feeling rather parched,” Rarity said, giving Spike a small smile.

Spike immediately rushed over to the water cooler in the corner, fetching a cup of water and holding it to Rarity’s lips, letting her sip from it. “Anything for you, Rarity.”

Rarity closed her eyes as she felt the cool water sooth her throat. “Thank you, Spike. You’re a sweetheart.”

“Zhey should have been here by now,” Schrodinger said from where he leaned on Pinkie. “Twilight must be throwing a fit right now over being behind schedule.”

“Fuck! Keep running, dammit!” Twilight shouted, blasting a path through Ponyville as Flim and Flam trailed her, strange devices on both brothers’ arms crackling with turquoise lightning and leaving a trail behind the three. “Go faster go faster go faster!”

Flam panted as he ran, looking at his watch, “We’re not gonna make it at this rate, Twilight!”

Flim kept his head down, idly bounding over a fence as he sprinted in front of Twilight, “Dammit how did we get so caught up in that experiment!?”

“Maybe you two fuckheads should have kept an eye on the clock like I told you to!” Twilight reprimanded, pushing both brothers along, “I told you to watch the time while I welded and then you guys somehow got lost in your own work!”

Flim hissed as the Ponyville clock tower struck twice, indicating their failure. “Dammit! I thought this route was the right one!”

Flam sighed and pulled out a map, crossing out the lines of their current route. “Well, nothing we can do but to try again…” Both brothers nodded simultaneously and clamped opposite hands on Twilight’s shoulders, Flam’s left on one side, Flim’s right on the other. And as Flim and Flam clapped their free hands together, everything shone with turquoise green, making them disappear.

And Time shattered.

Attempt Number: 88

Twilight stared at the brothers as time warped around them, some people moving so slowly as to appear to be in slow motion, others at high speeds, and still others frozen in time. “What did you two do?”

Flim and Flam looked at their wrists and chronal engines, the healthy turquoise of their magic mixed with chronal magic having faded into a bright, angry crimson streaked through with shimmering rainbow and empty blackness. “.... I think….” Flim started, looking around at the strangeness.

“-we may have broken Time,” Flam concluded, poking one of the frozen people and causing them to vanish and reappear a short distance away, now in a sprawled out position.

“Broke time…” Twilight repeated calmly. “BROKE TIME?!” she screeched as she grabbed their heads and smacked them together. “This is all your fault! You didn’t watch the clock and made us late!”

“I think we have more pressing concerns than just having been late,” Flim muttered, rubbing his skull. “For example, if current paradox theory holds true, then due to the Magenfeld-Ernstreich Uncertainty principle and the Diralech-Kovalurka Quantum Breakdown theory, we only have time as the Silchuan-Zirpinsk formula gives us to try to fix this mess- that is, the amount of times repeated by the amount of time per repeat.”

Flam continued, “That leaves us with about fifteen hours since we did eighty eight repeats of about ten minutes each.”

Twilight’s left eye twitched almost uncontrollably. “If I don’t kill you two when this is over, I’ll be amazed,” she muttered.

Flim gulped, “W-well, I’m sure if we pool our resources, we could figure out how to solve this problem…?”

Twilight clapped her hands together. “Right! Fix time now, contemplate killing you two in your sleep later!” she said far too cheerfully.

Flam looked around, noticing the strange arcs of void racing across the horizon and shattering it into fragments, “Well that’s not good- the Langoliers are already at the horizon. If we don’t fix this, we’re going to go through a whole Universal reset to get to where we were before this mess happened, at least, according to Danstroevski’s Theory of Paradox mechanics.”

“Then let’s get to work!” Twilight snapped. “Make every second count!” She put her game face on. “So how do we start?”

Flim tapped his chin, and then clanked his fist into his gauntlet, “The main problem seems to be the chronal displacement engines we built. Something must have gone wrong with the rune matrix. But if we could just figure out what it was….”

“Problem is, changing it now would do nothing. We have to change it when we first made the matrix,” Flam butt in, idly toying around with the button on his gauntlet. “Wait, I have an idea!”

“You don’t mean…?”

“It might work!”

“Speak sense!” Twilight snapped, her fingers twitching irritably as her eye twitched more and more.

Flam held up his gauntlet, “I figure that with time as broken as it is right now, the displacement engines could ignore traditional laws of temporal displacement magic and actually jump around in time both forwards and backwards!”

“Like Schrodinger and his lauded ability to be ‘everywhere and nowhere’?” Twilight asked, tilting her head in curiosity.

“Zhat’s correct, fraulein!” Schrodinger piped up, strolling out from behind Twilight, “Zhe problem is, vhile I know exactly how to make zhe most of zhis situation, you three do not. Since my very nature is paradox, I am unaffected. You, however, vill become more and more… how shall I say… distorted as ‘time’ passes.”

“Define ‘distorted’,” Twilight said, frowning at the ever irritating catman. “And you’re going to help us out. What’s going on with everyone else?”

Schrodinger looked slightly uncomfortable, “Vell, you know ven your Scroll’s screen breaks and starts glitching out all over zhe place? Kind of like zhat, but more…. ‘your head lands here and your body lands zhere’... except all of your molecules get separated slowly as zhey are scattered across different time periods.”

“How do we stop it?” Twilight asked. “Is everybody else okay?” She glanced around at the people around them in worry.

“Everyone else is going about zheir days as normal. However, you, me… and Pinkie… exist in zhe space between and behind seconds, zhe little moments in time zhat are discarded and used and slip between zhe cracks of reality. To put it simply… zhere is no vay to put it simply.” Schrodinger shrugged.

“GET TO HOW WE FIX IT!!!” Twilight screeched, her wires floating around her in a frenzy.

“Just go vith vhat Flam said, fraulein. Use zhe engines to drop you through zhe correct points in time. I can’t help you travel, but I can point you in zhe right direction.” Schrodinger pointed to the left, “Go six meters zhat vay, zhen use zhe engines to push yourselves forward tventy minutes until half past four.”

Twilight sighed and moved herself and the brothers over to the spot Schrodinger indicated. “Here we go.”

“No! Don’t do this! Please! I’m begging you!”

Vinyl tossed and turned, groaning in her sleep, eyes clenched tightly in distress. She gasped unconsciously, sweat beading up on her skin as she tried futilely to block out the terror in her mind.

A dark forest at midnight. A cloudy, moonless sky. Bright flashes of steel against steel, magic flying through the air and clashing against dark, foreboding walls.

“Let me out! Let me out! Don’t do this to me!”

A pained cry hissed out of her throat as she hit a particularly violent memory, phantom aches from wounds long scarred wracking her form.

“No… no! It hurts! Stop it stop it stop it!”

Vinyl’s heart beat so fast it was as if a jackhammer was racing away in her chest, even as she still somehow slept on.

“Don’t worry, pet… by the time we’re through with you… you’ll never have to feel again…”

Vinyl rocketed upright with a deafening scream of pure terror, immediately falling into a choked off gasp as she fell back and latched into Octavia’s now wide awake and comforting arms, hyperventilating and shuddering. Tears flowed freely from Vinyl’s eyes as she sobbed, crying pathetically into Octavia’s shoulder.

“There there, Vinyl… the past is in the past… it’s okay, it’s okay, love… just let it out… let it out…” Octavia hummed a lullaby for Vinyl, gently stroking her wife’s hair until the younger woman calmed down and fell back into a dreamless sleep.

Twilight glanced around at the unfamiliar location. “Schrodinger? Where and when are we?” Her eyes widened as she saw a heavily wounded woman near them with flowing crimson hair, cold blue eyes, and wearing a ragged and bloodied black and red kimono, a katana secured in her sash. “Is… Is that…”

“Ja, zhat is Zhe Joy. Ve are approximately ten years in zhe past. Do not touch anysing zhat isn’t time frozen- zhat will lead to you being scattered across spacetime und I don’t vant zhe universe to reset completely just to fix about ten minutes of varped time.”

“Right. Good to know,” Twilight muttered as she watched another figure sneaking toward The Joy. “Wow… Never thought I’d see one of the most infamous assassins/war criminals in recent memory.”

Across from the little group of paradox fixers, String Theory, aged ten years younger, silently crept up on The Joy with a garrote wire strung between her hands. With a burst of motion, the black clad assassin strung the wire around The Joy’s neck and began pulling, only to feel no resistance.

The Joy turned her cold, dead, icy blue eyes on String Theory and drew her katana, “.... Bad idea…” she deadpanned, her voice coming out as a dead monotone.

“Und like zhat, zhis marks zhe point in time vhen Zhe Joy disappears from history, presumably dead at String Theory’s hands.” Schrodinger turned, warping the space around him as he applied his nature to the paradox, letting its nature invert his, and move them all from one point to another. “Zhat is about zhe most I can move us, Twilight. From here, you vill need to go eight meters straight up zhat tower behind me, jump and time travel just before you hit zhe ground.”

Twilight groaned. “I wanted to watch the fight…” She grabbed Flim and Flam. “But, whatever. Let’s keep moving.” She led them up to the point Schrodinger specified. “Ready to jump?”

Flim and Flam gulped and held their displacement engines up, “Ready as we’ll ever be.”

Twilight nodded and led them in the jump, trusting in their timing so that they wouldn’t hit the ground painfully.

“Fuck! Go go go!” Twilight shouted, blasting a path through Ponyville as Flim and Flam trailed her, strange devices on both brothers’ arms crackling with turquoise lightning and leaving a trail behind the three. “Go faster go faster go faster!”

Flam panted as he ran, looking at his watch, “We’re not gonna make it at this rate, Twilight!”

Flim kept his head down, idly bounding over a fence as he sprinted in front of Twilight, “Dammit how did we get so caught up in that experiment!?”

“Maybe you two dumbasses should have kept an eye on the clock like I told you to!” Twilight reprimanded, pushing both brothers along, “I told you to watch the time while I welded and then you guys somehow got lost in your own work!”

Flim hissed as the Ponyville clock tower struck twice, indicating their failure. “Dammit! I thought this route was the right one!”

Flam sighed and pulled out a map, crossing out the lines of their current route. “Well, nothing we can do but to try again…” Both brothers nodded simultaneously and clamped opposite hands on Twilight’s shoulders, Flam’s left on one side, Flim’s right on the other. And as Flim and Flam clapped their free hands together, everything shone with turquoise green, making them disappear.

Twilight watched as their counterparts disappeared, a ripple of paradox immediately springing forth from where they stepped into this moment, “Alright, this is about twelve minutes after the fact, and from what Pinkie is doing over there….”

Pinkie waved jerkily, glitching out as she skipped closer, almost as if she was a wave of corrupted pixels on a game screen, “H...uys! Wh...up? Weird ti……...ay, isn’t it?” Twilight nodded, still somehow understanding Pinkie.

“Hey Pinkie, can’t stick around, gotta fix the wonky timelines. This section is stable enough, though, so time should work well enough for us to… Flim, Flam? If you would?”

Flim and Flam nodded and activated the engines, plunging the three of them back in time an exact twelve minutes, thirty two seconds.

Crimson deeply inhaled the air around her, exhaling slowly through her mouth as she slung blood off her sword and sheathed it, her entire outfit, combat fatigues and a form fitting camo shirt, well worn boots, and a bandana, were covered in blood. She licked some from near her mouth absentmindedly. “I love this smell... “ She took another deep whiff. “Men being eviscerated, women being cut down as they cower, babies burning to a crisp, the old being lined up and beheaded. The lovely scent of war.” She turned and grinned at her comrades. “Don’t you agree?!”

A man with red eyes stepped forward, chuckling madly, “Indeed, indeed, Joy. The thought of bringing sorrow to the hearts of those that would dare oppose us… mmm… magnificent.” The Sorrow kept chuckling, even as a person covered entirely in a heavy fireproof suit bonked him on the head, the feeling of an eyeroll readily apparent.

“Oh Fury, let Sorrow have his fun~” a woman wearing a mask over her face giggled, a swarm of insects circling around her, “After all, the songs of sweet, sweet pain are just a soothing balm upon our twisted souls, are they not?”

“Oh shut up and let an old man rest,” a deep voice grumbled, its owner being a wizened, old, Zebrican man with a sniper rifle leaning against his frame as he sat in a fork in a tree’s trunk, “I’m already a hundred years old, I need to be at my best.”

“End, you know very well that your wrinkly black ass could still murder the lot of us from what, seven miles away?” a man hanging upside down from the same tree The End sat in remarked, a knife in his hand as he swung by his knees. “N’ besides, you ain’t got much beauty to sleep for, old man!”

The End growled and aimed at the hanging man, “Keep up your remarks, Fear, and your end will soon draw near.”

Crimson’s ears twitched. “Lock it down, all of you!” She started slowly looking around. “I think I heard something.” She slowly drew the knife she had sheathed at the front of her waist. “Nothing mucks up an op like survivors…” She threw the knife into a bush, eliciting a scream of pain from the woman whose leg was pierced by it. “And there she is!” Her telekinesis pulled the would be runaway from the bushes and dangled her by her bleeding leg. “You really thought you could escape us?” Crimson drew her katana as she asked, leveling the blade at their new prisoner’s face.

The woman flinched back and started babbling incoherently, pleading to the unit’s non-existent morals to just please spare her.

Crimson laughed and grinned at her unit. “Hear that? She thinks we have mercy to spare. As if! Pain! You got any mercy for her?”

Pain giggled, the sound turning into a cackle as her insects began buzzing in full force, “What’s mercy?” She stalked forward, placing her hands almost tenderly upon the woman’s face; a parody of a lover’s caress, “Oh, poor dear…. you should have just died like the rest of them….” Her swarm buzzed angrily in response, the veritable plague of insects crawling over the woman’s form and eating away at her flesh, starting with the woman’s nipples, vagina, and anus, crawling into and tearing apart each delicate bundle of nerves as the woman screamed and screamed and screamed her throat into a bloody ruin.

After the insects had torn the woman’s breasts apart and left both vaginal and anal walls a shredded, bloody mess, they retreated, Pain stepping back and letting Fury take her place, the barrel of his flamethrower shimmering from its heat.

Fury’s manic grin was palpable from behind his helmet as he pressed the red hot metal to the woman’s wounds, cauterizing them and searing tracts of flesh as he opened fire in short bursts.

At this point, the woman was nearly catatonic, still flinching from each new torture inflicted upon her, but too lost in the sea of pain to give a properly coherent response.

Crimson frowned and slapped the woman several times. “Hey! No passing out! Fear! Hit her with some adrenaline!”

Fear rolled his eyes and stabbed the woman with a dart, injecting her with enough adrenaline to instantly jolt her back into agonized, screaming wakefulness. “Gods damn she’s loud….” he muttered, pushing Fury to the side and dropping his pants.

End immediately sprung from his tree, smacking Fear with the butt of his rifle, “Wait your turn, you must, Fear. Rape can come when we are done here.” With that said, he took out a knife and started making small incisions in the woman’s flesh, carving out bloody tribal tattoos to match the ones inked into his skin. He lit a cigarette and used it to partially cauterize the cuts as he made them, grinding ash into cuts.

The woman’s voice gave out, a choked off gurgle rattling from her throat in a spray of blood.

“So who’s next?” Crimson asked, sitting on a pile of bodies as she examined her sword, idly sharpening it.

Sorrow stepped forward, eyes glowing brightly as he took in the sight of the woman’s tattered and torn wings, “So, she’s either an aerial or a griffon.” He sneered, pulling out a knife and stabbing it deep into the base of each wing, tearing them from her body and tossing them to the side. Fear stabbed more adrenalin into the woman’s body to keep her awake.

Sorrow stepped back and admired his work, the woman’s blood splashing on the ground in such a way that if one were to drop her in the puddle, it would look almost like a pair of bloody wings.

Crimson whistled at the blood spatter. “That’s art, Sorrow,” She grinned and looked at Fear. “You’re up, Fear. Bet you’re just dying to get off in her, huh?”

Fear grinned and shuffled over to Crimson, bowing theatrically, “I am, but alas, as our dear friend The End has stated, my tastes work best after everyone else has gone. After you, boss lady.”

Crimson slowly walked over to the woman, looking her in the eyes. “You know who I am, don’t you?” she asked, resting her blade over her shoulder. “You know what they call me, right?”

The woman gurgled as tears ran freely from her eyes, unable to move without wishing to die.

Crimson frowned. “Someone fix up her throat a bit. I want to hear her say it.” She shuddered lightly. “I love hearing people say my nicknames in fear.”

End grumbled, “How are we supposed to fix that? With all that blood, it’s like trying to make a clean scat.”

Pain giggled, “Your rhymes keep getting weirder old man!”

“Weird they may be, but true they are as well. So how to fix this, would someone tell?” End looked around, only to be met by continuous shrugs and head shakes. “.... I don’t want to use the pills, since it’d be a waste to cure all of her ills.”

“I’m not looking for a cure all, End,” Crimson said. “I just want to make her able to talk again. I’ll even take quiet rasps.”

End grumbled and cursed, pulling out a small, red pill and crushing it, dumping most of the powder into a small tube at his waist and rubbing the rest of the powder into the wounds at the woman’s neck, allowing her to once more scream, though only at a quiet, agonized rasping.

Crimson grinned. “Thanks, old timer.” She leaned close to the woman. “You know who I am. Say it,” she whispered in her ear.

“D-duet… the Ripper…” the woman choked out, a spray of blood once more flying from her mouth as her vocal chords collapsed once again, letting her begin drowning in her own blood.

“That’s right,” Crimson purred in her ear before stepping back and slicing the woman’s belly open, letting her entrails spill out somewhat before dropping her. “She’s all yours, Fear.” She telekinetically retrieved her knife and cleaned it and her sword off before sheathing them.

Fear grinned and pulled his pants down, cackling madly as he advanced.

Pinkie shuddered, popping up from behind Twilight and the twins with the aid of Schrodinger, “Ugh, I dunno why, but I feel like we just missed something disgusting and we’re all the more sane for it…”

Schrodinger shuddered and went green, “Eugh, believe me, fraulein, you don’t vant to know vhat you missed.”

Twilight blinked and looked at the clock, “Okay, putting that aside, we’re right before we left the first time and we have what, about thirteen hours left? Problem is, we need to go to before we etched in those runes, and we need to figure out the proper rune matrix as well. What now, Schrodinger?”

Schrodinger shrugged and pointed at the floor, which was slowly beginning to fragment into chunks of endless, black void. “Go down into zhe darkness and will yourself to be vhere you vant to be? Zhat’s how I do sings…. more or less.”

“....” Twilight looked doubtfully at the slowly growing patches of void, “.... anything would be better than just sitting around, so…”

Flim and Flam pored over their notes, trying to find the one critical error in their rune matrix as they tried to sketch out new matrices on whatever blank pages they could find, revising and redrawing at a frantic pace, “We need to-”

“Figure out which portion of-”

“-the chronal displacement rune-”

“-schema went wrong, so we-”

“-can figure out how to fix-”

“-everything. Problem is…-”

“..... we have no idea where to start!” Flim and Flam finished at the same time, throwing sheafs of paper aside with a simultaneous defeated huff.

“So what do we do, Schrody?” Pinkie asked, looking at her boyfriend in concern.

Schrodinger shrugged, “I have no idea meine leibe. I vish I could say somesing, but zhis… I’ve never experienced anysing like zhis before. It’s Twilight’s dilemma now… All I can do is try to keep her from dying horribly.”

“No idea at all, Schrody?!” Pinkie asked. “But what’ll happen to Twilight, Flim, and Flam?!” Her hair slowly and audibly deflated as she looked at him with her sad eyes.

“Like I said, zhis is zheir journey. All ve can do is play tour guide and keep zhem from dying horribly.” Schrodinger sighed and turned away, creating a little hole in reality as he did so, “I sink if you valk through zhis hole, you should find your vay back to whenever you need to be. I vish you zhe best of luck, fraulein, Flim, Flam.” He held Pinkie to his chest and waved at the three as they vanished through the hole, blinking from paradox space a moment after the hole closed.

The failed state of Griffonia was a sad sight to see, especially in its current war-torn state. One lone woman sitting in a high altitude jet sought to change that.

“String Theory, this is Commander in Chief Steel Soul. Orders are to get in, take out the leaders of the group known as the ‘Screaming Eagles’ to stop their military coup and to kill the current despot in charge, Granitera Aguilas. You are then to take the leader of the ‘Sunrise Phoenix’ faction and put him on the throne for good. Do you copy?”

“Loud and clear, sir,” String Theory answered as she fidgeted with her suit. Once again, the R&D pervs had failed to provide a sneaking suit that matched her measurements. “Ready for insertion.”

“Good. Mission parameters are as follows: Start in five minutes at 0 hour. You then have two weeks maximum, that is, 336 hours starting in five minutes to finish this mission. Should you fail to make the rendezvous point on time, we will initiate standard procedure. This is your mission. Do you accept?”

“Of course,” String Theory answered. “Two weeks to complete the mission and if I’m late I get nuked off the map along with everyone in the country. That about it, sir?”

“Yes. That’s all. But before I go, your parents wish you the best of luck. And… ahem, they also say to get home in time for your sixteenth birthday.” The projection winked out, leaving String Theory alone save for the two pilots more concerned with keeping the jet stable than with her.

String Theory stood and opened the rear bay door, turning to smirk at the pilots. “Catch you later, gentlemen.” With that, she jumped and curled into a ball to make sure she cleared the jet, going into a nosedive and moving into a belly fall to decelerate a bit before landing in a three point landing.

Once she looked around and deemed the area secure, she moved into some brush and activated her octocamo to blend in before activating her Codec and calling Steel Soul. “This is String Theory. I’m on the ground, no hostiles in sight. As per procedure, I’m completely naked. Just my stun knife and tranquilizer pistol. Will procure additional equipment on site as needed.”

“Roger that, String Theory. Equipment dropships are on standby. Ready to begin the mission?”

“Affirmative,” String Theory responded. “Got any leads for where to find my first target?”

“First target is a man named Gilead Orn. He’s currently holed up somewhere in his private compound to the east of the city.” The relevant data appeared on String Theory’s HUD. “Mission is a go, String Theory. Starting from now, you have 336 hours. Good luck.”

“Roger that. Commencing Operation Phoenix Rising.” String Theory ended the transmission and started heading for the compound.

A young girl walked onstage with a cello that was far too large for her stature. After announcing her name and doing the customary curtsey, she began to play, a haunting beat echoing through the auditorium.

String Theory snuck along in the shadows, taking out her stun knife and checking its battery as she crept along, easily avoiding the few guards in the area. The compound, despite being clearly higher quality than the buildings around them, was quite a mess, with cracked, ivy covered walls, open windows covered in planks of wood and bars, barely any sort of lighting other than candle light and lamps.

It spoke wonders of the state of Griffonia.

The girl continued playing, a calm, serene expression on her face. She showed no emotion other than complete and utter peace as she performed, each note coming out perfectly, each measure a paragon of its kind.

String Theory crept along against the ceiling of the compound, her suit’s specially designed fingers and toes gripping the ceiling with minimal effort. As she moved, she spotted a guard standing outside the only metal door in the entire compound.

She dropped from right above him, jamming the stun knife between his shoulder blades and knocking him out instantly, his limp body collapsing to the ground with barely a clatter as String Theory caught him.

The girl’s playing grew gradually louder and louder until it filled the entire auditorium with nothing but the rich, sweet sounds of her cello. Several people in the audience dabbed at their eyes with handkerchiefs, the girl’s music being beautiful enough to drive them to tears.

String Theory crept along theair ducts in the compound, silently padding though the confusing system of much too large metal corridors and coming to a stop above a grate. As she ran an image check with the figure below her and a picture of her target, she smirked from beneath her mask and pulled away the grate with a barely audible rasp.

Gilead Orn didn’t even notice, so engrossed was he with his map and his sheaf of plans and reports. String Theory thanked her lucky stars that Gilead had also acquired a habit of listening to his ill gotten radio as he worked.

She recognized the current song as being one of Octavia Melody’s– the prodigy cellist– greatest hits.

As Gilead leaned back to stretch out, String Theory dropped from the vent and struck, grasping Gilead’s head and twisting in mid air, cleanly breaking his neck as she landed with barely a tap of rubber on wood, her boots contacting his desk as she slit his throat with the blade on her stun knife and leapt back into the vents, escaping the compound without anyone being the wiser.

The girl finished her song with a quiet flourish, taking a bow and never noticing the flash of light on her hips that heralded the arrival of her cutie mark- that of a soft pink treble clef.

Crimson looked through her binoculars at the perimeter defenses of the village they were sent to. “Hm… Lots of guards, fair number of civilians, ohh! Machine guns. That’ll be so fun…” She licked her lips in anticipation of the slaughter, her sword practically screaming to spill blood.

Fear sighed in the background, “Can we just get a move on already? I’m at half mast here, I need this.”

“Oh you’ll get your fun, Fear. Worry not,” Crimson purred as she put her binoculars away and slowly drew her sword, listening to the song it sung as it left its sheath. “Worry not, my precious Benihime. You’ll soon have your fill…” She slowly, lovingly dragged her tongue along the blade, letting out a small moan.

“..... I’m at full mast now,” Fear muttered, idly stretching his limbs out to impossible degrees, a large bulge evident in his pants.

Crimson giggled. “Imagining me blowing you, Fear? Maybe later, if you can ever get a higher kill count than me.”

“Then you better get ready to suck, boss lady, cuz there ain’t no way I’m turning down that offer!” Fear cackled as Pain huffed and picked up her own binoculars and threw them at Fear’s head, eliciting a pained yelp as they collided with his skull.

“Shut up, Fear. Nobody’s touching that disgusting thing you dare call a penis. Now, boss lady on the other hand… I’d like a piece of that…” She grinned, making lewd and vulgar gestures with her tongue and her hand at Crimson, a swarm of insects buzzing into view behind her as she flashed into a direct copy of Crimson herself and back.

Crimson grinned and reached back, smacking Pain on the ass. “You’re gonna have to earn it, you naughty changeling.” She looked over at the silent End. “You awake, old timer?”

The End snorted and looked up from his scope, grumbling in his native Zebrican, “Of course I am, you youngun. Shall we go before I turn one hundred and one?” He turned back to his scope, “I see five… no, six machine guns and a sniper tower. Be careful- a single bullet from the sniper will turn your head into a bloody flower.” With that said, he waited for a go-ahead from Crimson, already perfectly lined up with the head of the… woman, yes woman in the sniper tower.

Sorrow walked up to Crimson and slung his arm around her shoulders, eyes glowing bright red as his wings flared out, “You look radiant tonight, Crimson. I can see the bloodlust on you… like a beautiful shawl made of the blackest embers… if I wasn’t so enamored with my spirits… I’d fuck the bloodlust right out of your eyes…”

Crimson arched her back and shuddered as she felt her crotch become soaking wet. “Oh Sorrow… You always know just what to say to moisten me up.” She leaned over and dragged her tongue up his neck and cheek before nipping his earlobe.

Sorrow embraced Crimson tightly and grinned, biting down on her earlobe just hard enough to draw a few pinpoints of blood. In the back, Fury gagged in an over exaggerated manner, “Can we please get back to slaughtering these fools?”

Crimson moaned at Sorrow’s bite and pulled away after he let go. “Fine, Fury. Since you’re so impatient.” She grinned at Sorrow. “Later…” she purred in his ear before turning and dashing off toward the village gate, grinning widely as she held Benihime at the ready.

“Such impulse she has, our boss. If karma catches up… it’ll be her loss…” The End raised his rifle and fired twice, the first shot catching the attention of the hapless sniper down in the village and the second shot catching her clean between the eyes, the specially made ammunition detonating on impact and splattering the woman’s brains all over the streets below while the rest of the unit surged forth, Pain making a wave of insects crash down upon the village while Fear did what he did best and jerked into the village, crawling across rooftops and walls with unnatural movements and coming across like a disgusting mix between a spider and a lizard.

Fury rampaged through the streets, setting the village ablaze with reckless abandon as he relished in the screams of the dying and injured around him.

End kept firing, dropping the people of the village with ruthless efficiency, counting them off as if he were just reciting numbers. “Een, twee, drie, vier, vyf, ses, sewe, agt, nege, tien, elf, twaalf, dertien, veertien, vyftien, sestien, sewentien, agtien, negentien, twintig, een en twintig, twee en twintig, drie en twintig twintig vier, vyf en twintig, ses en twintig, sewe en twintig, nege en twintig, dertig….” A small pile of spent shells formed beneath him, the flat black casings smoking in the cool night air.

Sorrow had taken to divebombing the citizens, picking them up, and dropping them while slitting their throats, making artistic splatters of blood on the pavement below and shaping them into bright puddles of bloody wings around each and every corpse.

Crimson herself was laughing as she dashed around slicing people apart, reveling in their screams of terror and agony. “Yes! I’m so fucking wet right now!” She barged into a house and sliced apart the women and children that were trying to hide in it. “Yes…”

Just after she finished slaughtering the family, she noticed the small, black cylinders taped to nearly every single support column, as well as a few others taped here and there seemingly at random.

The explosion was visible from the opposite side of the village, a pillar of smoke and fire reaching high into the night sky.

Crimson coughed up blood as she came to under the rubble. Her runes had allowed her to survive. Beginning to get up, she gasped in pain as she felt a plank impaled through her gut. “Fuck! Haven’t felt pain like this in years.” She giggled and moaned as she felt her crotch get further soaked by an orgasm. “Pain… Feels so good!” She noticed the blood from her victims flowing toward her slowly, seeming to seek her out. “The fuck?”

“You who are wounded… so close to death… would you not cast aside your humanity and join the dark side? Become that which is inhuman to stalk the night forever? To revel in the blood and carnage that you bring for all eternity? Speak but the word, and soar to heights that not even the mightiest of mortals may reach… become immortal, undying, and powerful enough to drag the bleak night over the daytime sun… speak but a single word, and your blood will become our pact… speak but the WORD, and become more than what you were….”

Crimson’s eyes widened. She knew what she was being offered. To be a vampire. To taste life eternal and wage war throughout the centuries. What a perfect existence it would be. But the price… Her eyes narrowed. “Get the fuck away from me!” she snarled, stopping the blood in its tracks, which spread against an unseen barrier made by her will. “My pain, my loves, my life, they belong to me! Sharing my life with another and they with me…” She started rising again. “Losing the borders of myself in a great sanguine sea… To gain by losing, what an irony. The bliss of surrender.” She stumbled briefly and coughed up some more blood. “To Tartarus with you! What’s mine is mine alone! Every hair… every drop of blood…” She drew up to her full height. “I am me. I am me… I. Am. Me! I don’t need you. I can survive on my own terms.” She gripped the plank through her gut. “I’ll survive… and… keep… my… humanity!” She screamed as she pulled the plank from her gut with a spray of blood. “Battle is only fun when the risk of death is there!” She tossed aside the plank and picked up Benihime, ignoring her wounds as she cut her way out of the ruins.

She never noticed String Theory until she instinctively cut apart the garrote wire around her throat. “.... Bad idea…” she muttered, twirling her sword around and facing String Theory.

“So you were going to destroy this village,” String Theory remarked, spinning a pair of knives around in her hands, “Simply fortuitous timing that my orders were to kill you and let the area burn… Shame to let such a valuable fighting force die, though.” She toyed with the blade of one of her knives, examining its sharpness, “When you get to Tartarus, tell them to save a spot for me, will you?”

Crimson laughed as she twirled Benihime. “Well aren’t you the textbook fuckin’ definition of classy? How about you tell them to save a spot for me when I send you there?” She looked at her bloodsoaked blade. “That nickname of mine… Wanna know how I got it? Actually… I think I’d rather show you.” She fell into her favorite stance. “Time for Duet… to let ‘er rip!”

“String Theory here, I’ll snap you like low quality cello strings!” String Theory smirked as she took up her own stance, rushing forward and immediately dropping into a sliding kick, aiming to sweep Crimson’s feet from under her.

Crimson laughed, easily jumping over the kick even in her injured state, only to gasp in surprise and cough up blood when String Theory turned her sweeping kick into a wild upward spin kick, driving the heels of her boots into Crimson’s already injured abdomen in a spray of blood.

Crimson cried out as she flew back, landing awkwardly in a twisted crouch, her left arm and right leg having been broken in the explosion. String Theory scoffed as she made a show of dusting off her hands, “Is that it? What happened to that vaunted berserk rage of yours, hmm? Where are those blindingly fast sword strikes? Don’t tell me you’re so injured that you can’t even put up a good fight!”

“F-fuck you… bitch…” Crimson huffed, a strange, blue glow covering her form as she shot forward at her signature speed, her sword but a blur as she swung at String Theory. String Theory flipped backwards, dodging each strike with barely millimeters to spare as she spun in midair and activated her gauntlets, both of them visibly crackling with electricity.

Both women charged at the same time, Crimson performing at peak physical activity despite her wounds while String Theory kept up her normal blistering pace of attacks, runes glowing all over her form as each missed strike struck the ground and all but exploded, providing momentum for String Theory to keep up a bouncing, spinning, whirling barrage of kicks, punches, elbow strikes and knee strikes.

Crimson gave as good as she got, though, each slash of her katana leaving a bright, bloody trail as it sang through the air and came within millimeters of striking String Theory each time. Time and again they clashed, String Theory batting away Crimson’s slashes with her fists and Crimson parrying String Theory’s strikes with the flat of her blade.

Again and again and again, the two equals clashed while the village burned around them, String Theory lashing out with unparalleled poise and style, matched evenly by Crimson’s deadly ferocity. But, it was not to last. After one final clash, Crimson’s blade finally struck home, slamming deep into String Theory’s abdomen.

String Theory gasped and took a hold of Crimson’s arm, throwing the terrorist over her shoulder and slamming the heavily wounded woman into the dirt, knocking her fully unconscious due to the added damage atop the stress of moving her body. String Theory huffed and pulled the katana from her gut, thankful that her suit managed to stop most of it. After calmly using her gauntlets to cauterize the stab wound shut with barely a single hiss of pain, she looked to Crimson’s crumpled form and then to the katana in her hand.

“Poetic justice, I suppose. How does the saying go? Those who live by the sword shall die by the sword? It’s only further irony that the sword you lived by will be the sword you die by.” String Theory stared impassively at Crimson as she lined Benihime up to Crimson’s neck. “Now, time to take care of a big thorn in my side…”

The blade fell, singing through the air.

Twilight, Flim, and Flam pored over the notes in front of them as they kept track of time. With only six hours left on the clock, the pressure was on, and though they had made progress, it was slow.

“Dammit, nothing is working!” Flam shouted, throwing his sheaf of papers to the side.

“Calm down, Flam!” Twilight snapped. “We have to stay calm about this.” She pored over more notes. “There’s gotta be a way out of this.”

Flim sighed, “We’ve been at this for what? Seven hours now?” He shuffled his papers and blinked, “Hey, is it just me… or is the floor kinda… twisting?”

“What?” Twilight asked, looking at the floor. “Why is it doing that?”

Flam gulped, “D-didn’t Schrodinger say something about the paradoxes getting worse as we went along? I… I’m not certain, but this might be a sign that we’re running out of time…”

Flim broke out into a cold sweat, “Shit! What if it keeps growing and we end up all twisted up into a spiral!?” he stood suddenly, levitating over a blank piece of paper and edging it into the slowly twisting spiral.

…

Nothing happened.

“Whew… seems to be just cosmetic for now,” Flam muttered, “Though things are still going to shit outside, that part is also mostly cosmetic, it seems, other than the fact that different points in time keep getting linked together in strange ways. At least it’s not overtly dangerous.”

Twilight smacked him upside the head. “Why did you say that?! You idiot!”

Flam flinched back and yelped, “The hell was that for!?” The sheet of paper abruptly tore itself to shreds in a violent swirling motion, the floor dropping away into a downward spiral into the infinite black void. “.... Oh. Oh shit.”

“You just had to open your fucking mouth didn’t you?!” Twilight demanded, glaring at him.

Flam had the good grace to not speak up again.

“Ahem…. a-anyway… I think we should move out of here before the effect gets worse aaaaannnnd ohmygodsthere’slangoliersoutsideohshit.” Flim paled dramatically, pointing a shaking finger outside at the disgusting meatball-like creatures eating away portions of reality.

Twilight groaned and rubbed her temples. “When we get out of this, I’m going to get drunk and lock myself, Alucard, and Fluttershy in the bedroom for a week, other obligations be damned.”

Schrodinger nodded, “Ja, zhat sounds like a good plan, fraulein, but ve should focus on zhe here und now, don’t you sink?” He tapped his chin, “Though I cannot aid you beyond pointing you to a safe place to sink, I can tell you zhis: Right now, even vith zhe vorld falling apart around us, you are still sinking too linearly! In zhis vorld, zhe past is zhe future is zhe present is zhe past. Vhat zhat means is zhat no matter vhere you are, so long as you perceive it as such, you are vhenever you need to be!”

Twilight’s eyes slowly widened. “That’s it!”

Flam looked over, still worried about the langoliers edging ever closer. “What’s it? Did you find the solution?”

Twilight nodded vigorously, already scratching out a whole new set of runes on her paper, “See, the main problem we had was with power input and output, since the chronal displacement vectors that we had were misaligned in such a way that, even though there was almost no drain on the user’s mana pool, there was a massive pull on the natural timeflow of the world, which caused a buildup of temporal prana to form in certain places in the time stream, namely the start and end points of our repeated jumps. Add into the fact that the time stream has actually already been damaged several times over the eons due to the pioneers of time travelling and we have a massive ripple effect starting on loop eighty eight!” She pointed out the new section in the matrix, revealing a startlingly simple network of linked mana absorption runes linked to ambient mana converters and several mana absorption runes based on absorbing the user’s mana pool.

“You’ve done it!” Schrodinger happily exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “Now you can fix all zhis and be back in time for Elusive’s birth!”

Twilight immediately handed a set of carving tools to Flim and Flam, motioning for them to dismantle their displacement engines and set them to the side, pulling over the blank past-parts and immediately setting to work, a bright hum of sparks flashing from her tool and etching runes in at frightening speeds, “Come on! No time to waste! We have less than six hours to etch in a seven hour job!”

Flim and Flam set to work, copying the rune matrix that Twilight made and connecting the runes on the blank engines to the appropriate slots and nooks, a light haze of blue settling into each rune as the matrix neared completion.

Outside, the langoliers edged ever closer, large swathes of sky and earth being torn apart as the hundreds of man sized meatball monsters tore through the fabric of reality as if it were nothing but wet tissue paper.

The minutes ticked into hours, with the advance of the langoliers approaching at a constant rate. Little by little, the pressure ramped up.

Schrodinger had disappeared again, leaving the three mages behind with the utmost confidence that they would succeed.

Three hours left on the clock and Flim and Flam had managed to finish carving the runes into their gauntlets, proceeding to work on one of the displacement drives. Twilight kept carving away diligently on her own displacement drive, the runes on it being far more complex than the runes on either of the gauntlets- those were only activator switches and flow regulators.

One hour left.

Flim wiped his brow as he carved, the tools in his hands emanating enough heat to raise the room’s temperature by a few degrees. Twilight huffed as she finished carving in another rune, almost eighty percent done with the engine.

Flim and Flam fared little better at a meager eighty one percent finished.

Half an hour left.

The langoliers were now within several blocks of the library’s lab, the space around the tree having been shredded away into nothing but black void, leaving a portion of space simply to float away in the infinite blackness.

Five minutes left.

Flim, Flam, and Twilight all finished at the same time, dropping their tools in a mad scramble to get the brothers outfitted with the reworked technology before the langoliers came and ate them.

“Come on come on come on! Buckle it faster!” Flim cried, desperately strapping on his gauntlet to his left arm and motioning for Flam to do the same. Twilight helped Flam buckle in, just as a langolier burst through the wall of the lab, carving a trail of blackness in the air and catching Twilight in the leg, disappearing the entire thing below her calf.

“AUGH! SHIT!” she cried, stumbling forward and into a table.

“Twilight!” both brothers cried, finally strapped in and displacement drives humming with energy.

“Come on you nitwits! Get the drivers ready!” Twilight screamed as she held her stump, an inky wall of black marking it as not cut, but erased at that point

“They’re charging!” Flam cried, backing away from the trail the langolier made.

“Charge them faster!”

“Ninety nine! One hundred!” Flim screeched in fear as another langolier came jetting right past him, caving in spacetime right by his head with an audible rush of reality shattering.

“Go go go go go!”

“Oh shit oh shit!”

“Turn it on! Turn it on!”

With a bright flash of turquoise light, Twilight, Flim, and Flam all disappeared right as a langolier rushed through their previous position.

Spacetime disappeared with a wink of blackened paradox and swirled into itself as a rainbow of every color unimaginable by everything alive, condensing into a single point.

That point glowed white and exploded.

Twilight stumbled into the hospital room with Flim and Flam in tow, the town’s clock tower ringing twice just seconds after, heralding the cry of a healthy baby boy.

“We… we made it…” Twilight gasped, her joy at seeing Elusive’s birth dampened by her exhaustion. Her leg twinged in a way it really shouldn’t have, causing her to flinch and sit down to rub at her calf.

“Just in time… just in time…” Flam muttered, his displacement drive flickering off as he removed his gauntlet.

Flim groaned and dropped his gauntlet as well, “Next time… next time we build something for quick transport rather than time travel….”

Rarity blinked, “.... What happened to you three?”

All three time travellers groaned simultaneously, “Don’t ask.”

“It’s a razher long story, Rarity,” Schrodinger said, winking at the time traveling trio.

Gentlemen. Operation Bait Van Vinkle Is a Resounding Success!

Twilight stumbled out of her bedroom, leaning on the wall as she savored the tingling between her legs, her thighs stained with the aftermath of a week long threesome. “I needed that…” Making her way to the bathroom, she noticed with a grin that the shower was already running. Stepping into it, she looked at the other occupant’s nice ass. “Morning, Trixie.”

“Gah!” Trixie yelped, spinning around and covering herself up, “What have I told you about doing that, Twilight!?”

“Doing what?” Twilight asked as she leaned on Trixie while wrapping her arm around her shoulders as she stepped under the water with her.

Trixie spluttered and tried to back up, hampered by the bathroom wall, “Stop getting in the shower with me, dammit!”

“Come on, we’re both mature women, Trixie,” Twilight purred, clearly still a bit high from her threesome. “No reason to be uncomfortable around each other when we’re naked, even if you’re not bi like me.” She grabbed the shampoo in her telekinesis and lathered her hands up before starting to massage her scalp, the suds mixing with her hair.

Trixie huffed and turned away, “So long as you keep your hands to yourself, then.” She resumed her shower, rubbing the soap along her skin and lathering it against herself.

“So… How’s Big Mac?” Twilight asked, feeling in a gossiping mood. “Things still going good between you two?”

“Mmm,” Trixie hummed, “Things are going wonderfully, in fact. Why do you ask?”

Twilight giggled. “Well, I heard through the grapevine that he’s doing a little ring shopping. I think he’s gonna ask you to marry him.”

Trixie froze and turned around jerkily, a wide, hopeful expression on her face, “Y-you really mean that? He’s actually… he’s actually going ring shopping? Is… is he really going to ask me to marry him!?”

“Applejack certainly thinks so,” Twilight said. “Apparently he hardly ever shuts up about you. Of all the things that could make that man speak, it would be a woman. Go figure.”

Trixie sniffled and leaned against the wall, looking off into space with a sparkle in her eyes, “I’ve dreamed of this day! Oh I can’t wait to see Mac again! Just the thought of being married to him…” She squealed happily, wiggling from side to side in glee.

Twilight giggled. “You’re rather giddy about becoming Mrs. Trixie Apple.” She lightly smacked her on the ass. “Got a special seduction plan for the occasion?”

“Hehe…” Trixie’s grin turned wicked and lustful, “I have a very good plan….” She chuckled darkly, the temperature of the room dropping dramatically and the lights dimming with the atmosphere.

Twilight shuddered as she felt her nipples harden from the chilled air. “Do tell, Trixie. Maybe I can use something similar with Alucard.”

The atmosphere abruptly returned to normal as Trixie scoffed, “As if, Sparkle! This woman’s seduction plans are to remain secret until after they’ve been proven to work. And besides, the most you need to do to get Alucard inside you is to spread your legs and lay back.”

“You just gave me a third degree burn…” Twilight muttered. “I respect that.”

Trixie harrumphed, “As if there were ever any doubt.”

“Actually there was doubt,” Twilight said. “But you dispelled it.” She giggled. “If you two have a daughter, name her after me.”

Trixie sighed, “Perhaps we shall…”

Twilight sighed happily as she leaned on Alucard, munching on one of the sandwiches from the picnic blanket she and her friends were sharing. “Nice day, isn’t it?” She grinned at her friends, then at Alucard, who was holding her parasol for her.

Everyone nodded, a unanimous quiet susurrus of agreement rippling through the group. Happy smiles dotted the faces of each person as they ate, content to simply enjoy the day and bask in the company of friends.

A belch broke the silence as Spike coughed up a scroll. “Letter from the princess, Twilight.”

Twilight took the scroll and opened it, her eyes widening as she read it. “What the fuck is this all about?”

Rarity looked over in concern, “Is something the matter, darling?” The rest of the group turned to look at Twilight as well, moving over and peering over her shoulders to look at the note.

Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Why am I finding out from an invitation instead of his own mouth that my brother is getting married?!”

“Shiny’s getting hitched?” Alucard asked. “Wow. Who’s the lucky lady? Bet it’s Cadance.”

“It’s definitely Cadance. Only she has that pretentious fucking title,” Twilight muttered, “Well, at least she’s good for him… Still not going to stop me from ripping him a new one as soon as I see him.”

“Wonder how long it took him to propose,” Alucard pondered. “Last time I saw him he was getting all sweaty over the thought and getting his man card penalized.”

Twilight scoffed, “Him? Propose? I mean, sure, he’s great in a fight or in the kitchen or in school or doing some stupid nerdy shit, but proposing? Nah. Cadance was the one to propose. I’m sure of it.”

“Wanna make a bet outta this?” Alucard asked, grinning at Twilight and showing his shiny chompers.

“Fifty bits says Cadance proposed,” Twilight smirked.

“Make it a hundred and we’ve got a bet,” Alucard countered.

Pinkie popped in, “Two hundred says they proposed at the same time!”

“.... Ah hell, I’ll match that.” Twilight grinned and leaned back, “Alright ladies, gentlemen… we’re going to Canterlot!”

“All of us are needed?” Rainbow asked, arching an eyebrow while staring at Twilight over her sunglasses. “Not that I’m complaining. The Wonderbolts, and my boyfriend by extension, are sure to be at a royal wedding.”

Twilight snorted, “Well, duh. Rainbow, you’re gonna do a Sonic Rainboom, Rarity’s in charge of dresses, Pinkie and Applejack are on catering, Fluttershy, well Fluttershy is for helping keep Alucard in line. Trixie, you’re on fireworks, Mac is with Applejack and Pinkie, Anderson is there to perform the rights with Princess Celestia, Schrodinger… eh, you weren’t directly invited but the letter says to make sure you don’t insult any nobles and to wear a nice suit, so there’s also that. Gilda is going to perform with Dash and the Wonderbolts, and Seras… wait… why did she get an invite through this when she’s already stationed as a guard in the castle…? Weird.”

“Actually, I’m using a lot of the leave I’ve built up over the last 20 years,” Seras said, smiling cheerfully. “First vacation since I got to Equestria. Princess Celestia insisted on it.”

“Huh, that explains that,” Twilight muttered, “Well then, shall we make our travel preparations?”

Alucard stared out the window as the train headed toward Canterlot. “What’s with that barrier around the city?”

Twilight shrugged, “Princess Celestia said something about there being an external threat to Canterlot’s safety or something. But, from the color, that’s my brother’s shield, so anything that can break through there will probably tear through the rest of the military like tissue paper… Schrodinger, Seras, my brother and a few other notable individuals excepted, of course.”

“Like you and me,” Alucard noted as he held Twilight close, right before they passed through the barrier and he was forced into his mass of shadows form. “So that’s what it does. That’s interesting.” He reformed into Girlycard.

Twilight shrugged, “It’s supposed to remove the disguises of whatever passes through it at predetermined points while blocking everything else out. At least, that’s what I figure it does.” She looked out at the castle, specifically, a single tower that was once her home away from home for twelve years.

Alucard followed her gaze. “So… That tower’s probably really dusty and covered in cobwebs. Unless you still have that house elf cleaning service.”

“No, that got canceled last month since I haven’t been there in almost… a year now. Holy shit. Has it really been that long…?” Twilight blinked in surprise, shaking her head as the train stopped at the castle station and everyone disembarked. “Security’s really been beefed up. Nobody do anything weird or you might get arrested.”

Schrodinger immediately looked shiftily to each side before grabbing a lock of Pinkie’s hair and pulling it, causing a massive explosion of confetti to erupt out of her shirt and pop it completely open, revealing…. another shirt underneath. A forest of spears immediately bristled in their direction as Twilight sighed and facepalmed, “.... Don’t do that. That will get you arrested.”

Twilight looked up at a balcony and narrowed her eyes at the sight of a familiar face. “Shining Armor! Get your ass down here right now!” She shouted, anger tinging her voice as she advanced on the stairs leading up to where he was.

Twilight was met with a forest of spears again as she climbed, Shining Armor’s voice filtering over the wall with a frantic, “Everyone stand down! That’s my sister! None of you would stand a chance against her when she’s really angry!”

“Got that right, Shining Armor!” Twilight growled. “So unless you guys want a trip to the hospital, get the fuck outta my way! I need to have a little chat with my brother!”

The spears retracted, the fastest ones to retreat being the ones that had been chosen for the honor of training Twilight Sparkle in her youth.

“Good boys,” Twilight cooed sweetly as she passed them with Girlycard in tow, glaring at Shining Armor as she advanced on him. “Alright, Shiny. Start talking. Why did I find out you’re getting married from a wedding invitation instead of your own mouth?! And when did Cadance propose? Since I know for fact you wouldn’t grow a pair and pop the question yourself.” She crossed her arms and glared even deadlier daggers at him.

Shining Armor coughed and looked away, an action far from matching his imposingly armored figure and the even more imposing claymore on his back. “Ah, that is, well… It was… err…. about a month ago… and well… err I got called away on an emergency before I could send the letter and then I forgot?” He poked his fingers together and blushed, “Also, Cadance didn’t ask me. We asked at the same time…”

Pinkie gasped and leapt over Shining Armor’s shoulder and pointed at Twilight and Alucard, “Pay up! I was right!”

Twilight and Alucard grumbled as they each handed Pinkie 200 bits. “Forgot… Forgot?!” Twilight pulled Shining Armor closer with her wires. “HOW DID YOU FORGET TO TELL YOUR SISTER THAT YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED?! YOUR LITTLE SISTER BEST FRIEND FOREVER NO LESS!!!”

Schrodinger leaned over to Pinkie. “Does Twilight seem moodier than usual lately, Pinkie?” he asked in a whisper.

Pinkie nodded and whispered back, “Kinda weird… and I keep feeling like there’s gonna be a doozy sometime today…”

Shining Armor looked nervously from side to side as he tried to think of a way to explain things. Just as he prepared to be thrown into a wall for the six hundredth time (By his sister only, the actual count was far higher), a voice cut in, “Hey! What do you think you’re doing with my fiance!?”

Girlycard looked over at the source of the voice and grinned. “Cady! How ya doing?!” He/she phased over and squeezed Cadance’s breasts. “Did you get breast reduction? I thought they were bigger than this.” Said breasts were in fact slightly larger than Twilight’s own. “Weird…”

Cadance eeped in surprise and pushed Alucard away, screaming, “Get your hands off of me you pervert!”

Girlycard stared at her. “Curiouser and curiouser. You’ve never been so vocal in knocking me away. You always just blast me with that weird love beam and send me over to Sugarlips. Which reminds me.” He/she looked at Shining Armor. “Hey, Shiny. I’ve been boning your sister for the past year.”

Shining Armor blinked, processing that statement as his mind whirled through emotions until settling on the all too familiar blinding righteous fury. “YOU WHAT!?” The resulting sword strike cleaved Alucard in half and, thankfully without injuring anyone, slammed into the tower they stood on with such force that a twenty foot wide crater erupted into existence, splattering Alucard all over the area.

Twilight’s eye twitched as Alucard slowly pulled himself together. “Shiny… Must you react so violently to the knowledge that not only do I have a boyfriend, but also an extremely healthy sex life?”

Shining Armor coughed again and scratched at his cheek, “S-sorry, Twiley… I… er… just wasn’t expecting it to be such a blunt admission…. and I wasn’t expecting it from him either.”

“It’s Alucard, Shiny. You should know how he is by now,” Twilight said. “Now apologize for splattering my boyfriend.”

Shining Armor sighed and grudgingly looked over to Alucard, “... Sorry for cutting you in half and splattering you all over the ground….”

“Apology accepted, ya whipped pussy,” Alucard quipped before letting out his impish laugh. “You’re still waiting for your balls to drop, aren’t you?”

Twilight giggled at her brother’s expense. “He is, isn’t he?”

Shining Armor shook his head and groaned, “Anyway, let’s just go inside….”

Schrodinger glanced down at a street. “Pinkie. Who is zhat voman down zhere?” He pointed to a woman with flowing purple hair and simple dress that had a blank expression on her face.

Pinkie gasped, “Maudie! Maudie Maudie Maudie! That’s my sister Maud! I didn’t know she was here!” She all but threw herself from the tower, rolling to a halt in front of Maud and grabbing her in a tight bear hug. “Maudie! It’s been so long since I saw you last! How’ve you been, big sis?”

Maud returned Pinkie’s hug and gave her a small smile. “I’ve been well, Pinkie,” she said in an even, though some would argue emotionless, tone. “How are you doing? I saw you in a couple of stained glass windows.”

Pinkie gasped again, “Stained glass windows!? Where!? I wanna see!”

A pair of hands suddenly lashed out from behind Maud and squeezed her breasts, the familiar visage of Alucard appearing over her shoulder, “Mmmm…. nice, firm, not a lot of sag… G-cups too, I’d say! Say, Pinkie, isn’t this your sister? Her boobs feel like yours!... Cept less squishy.”

Quick as a flash, Maud slammed her heel into Alucard’s crotch and grabbed his right arm, flipping him over her shoulder into the ground, making a small crater before cocking her right arm back, the skin of her arm turning black as coal as her hand curled into a fist, coming down and smashing into Alucard’s crotch and expanding the crater to three times its diameter before standing as her raised foot came down and struck Alucard’s abused balls again and sent him flying into a wall with enough force to splatter his head. Her leg’s flesh was just as black as her arm, both slowly turning back to her natural skin tone. “You must be Alucard. Pinkie has mentioned you in her letters. Please don’t touch me like that again. But thank you for the compliment.”

Alucard groaned in pleasure as he reformed, a wide grin on his face, “I haven’t been hit that hard since the last time Sun-butt and Moon-butt blasted me through a mountain!” Twilight facepalmed as she dropped into view, shaking her head as she looked to Maud.

“While I understand the need to punish Alucard for his actions, I do believe that the amount of force you used is rather… excessive. What if it had just been some normal person?” Twilight cocked her hip and raised an eyebrow, looking questioningly at Maud.

“No normal person has the sort of aura that he does,” Maud said. “I knew from the moment he touched me that he is a vampire lord, and that he would survive my retaliation. My boyfriend would do far worse if he saw what Alucard did.”

Pinkie’s eyes went wide, “You got a boyfriend!? Who is it who is it who is it!? Do I know him? Where does he live? Where is he from? Does he like parties?”

Maud chuckled lightly at her sister’s enthusiasm. “His name is Facet. I don’t think you know him. He lives here in Canterlot. He’s from Canterlot as well. And he does enjoy parties if they’re not being hosted by nobles.”

Pinkie had, at some point, disappeared in a burst of confetti. “Wait, where’d Pinkie g- oh wait there she is.” Twilight pointed up, spotting the pink haired party-planner somehow doing happy backflips in the cloud layer. “.... How the fuck is she doing that.”

“Pinkie’s connection to the earth has never been that strong,” Maud said. “And it manifests in her abilities. Like that. And the Pinkie Sense.” She lightly smiled. “In another life, she’d have been an Aerial.”

Twilight nodded, “That would explain some of what she does… but how she moves around in paradox laden areas of shattered time without dying or being part of the root cause baffles me to no end.” She tapped her chin and shook her head again, “But enough pondering on the strangeness of what Pinkie does. I’m Twilight Sparkle, nice to meet you.”

“Maud Pie,” Maud introduced herself. “You’re Princess Celestia’s apprentice, right? Facet mentioned you once.”

Twilight nodded and rolled her shoulders, “Yeah, that’s me. Probably one of the strongest Aetherials alive right now, or so Princess Celestia likes to say.”

“Facet said he crushed on you for a while, but then decided against, as he put it, ‘trying to stick his dick in crazy’.” Maud said.

“.....” Twilight frowned, “.... While not exactly a nice sentiment, I suppose it was a smart idea to stay away- who knows what Alucard would have done to him.”

“Questioning your sanity aside, he thinks very highly of you,” Maud said. “He calls you someone worth knowing, since you’re no nonsense. He respects your demeanor.” She looked Twilight in the eye. “Do you have something you want to ask me?”

“Perceptive one, aren’t you?” Twilight asked, an odd gleam in her eyes, “Yes, actually. I wanted to ask you to a spar. There aren’t many people who have the kind of ability to drop Alucard like that and I want to see just how I match up these days.”

“Alright,” Maud said. “Where would you like to spar?”

Twilight grinned, “Follow me.”

Twilight led Maud into an open courtyard in the castle, a perfect ellipse, 300 meters long and 200 meters at its widest point. A thin, healthy layer of grass covered the entire area, while a golden dome shimmered over the field, signs posted at regular intervals warning bystanders to not attempt to interfere with the matches.

“A well designed training ground,” Maud commented as she looked around, her expression unchanging. “Used by the Royal Guard?”

“Mhmm… well, it was, until I took it over and started using it as my own training ground… the guards stopped coming after I kicked about eighty percent of their collective gold covered asses.”

“An impressive claim, Ms. Sparkle,” Maud said as she looked at her. “Good luck in your effort to do the same to me.” She walked over to the center of the courtyard and turned to face Twilight. “I’ll let you have the first attack.”

Twilight grinned and cracked her knuckles, “Alright then, I hope you can give as good as you get then, because I’m not gonna hold back!” She raced forward, her parasol appearing in her hand as she used it to vault high into the air, letting go of it and letting her wires wrap around the handle, wrenching it from the dirt and swinging its metallic canopy directly at Maud’s face as if it were a frilly, lavender flail that any normal person would fall to.

Maud didn’t move from her spot, her only sign of reaction being that her head’s skin turned black as coal right before the parasol impacted and bounced off, not even fazing Maud. Her skin returned to its normal tone once the attack was deflected. “Interesting move.” The sheer monotony of her tone practically screamed that she was taunting Twilight.

Twilight frowned as she landed, “I’d heard that those with particularly strong connections to the earth would be able to use the earth magic within them to transmute themselves into earth itself… but to see it in person…. That just makes me wanna see just how hard I have to push your defenses!”

Maud uncrossed her arms and fell into a stance from an oriental martial art, stone forming over her forearms and shins before breaking away to reveal that she had transmuted her limbs into stone. “Come then, Ms. Sparkle.”

Twilight rushed forward with a cackle, unsheathing her sword and swinging it down, trailing a violet arc of mana as she strengthened and sharpened her blade to a degree that was almost unheard of.

As her hand came up to intercept the blade, the stone encasing Maud’s right arm seamlessly transmuted itself into crystal as she caught the blade and swiftly disarmed Twilight before using her own momentum to throw her along the grass, far more gently than she normally would.

Twilight caught herself in midair and slid along the grass in a three point crouch. She frowned speculatively, “You could have thrown me harder, you know… I’m not made of glass…. though the magicite on your arm is, however composed mainly of silicon compounds.”

“Magicite may be brittle, but it’s an effective countermeasure against magically enhanced weapons and spells,” Maud said as the magicite was transmuted back into bedrock.

Twilight snorted and examined the tiny nick in her blade, “Brittle it may be, but I bet you layered diamond under and through the magicite just so you could damage my sword. Tch, I’ll have to fix this later…”

“You’re perceptive,” Maud complimented as her flesh was transmuted into a metal with a sheen to it before she dashed at Twilight extremely quickly, attacking her with fast jabs and snap kicks.

Twilight backflipped away, using her natural agility to redirect and dodge Maud’s kicks and jabs with the barest of effort, using her parasol to all but slide the attacks away from her. “Not bad. Titanium?”

“You know your metals,” Maud said as she kept up her assault, aiming to either knock Twilight off balance or disorient her with jabs at her face. “Did you know that titanium is hypoallergenic?”

Twilight huffed excitedly as she blocked and dodged, carefully noting that while Maud’s strikes were intense and lightning fast, she seemed to avoid going for center mass. “Yeah, that’s why it’s used in temporary bone replacements before being switched out for artificially grown bones.” She grinned as she dodged back again, her hands lighting up with intense sparks of lightning, “Problem is that even with its low electrical conductivity, it’s still quite dangerous!” With a bright flash and the sound of a thousand chirping birds, Twilight slammed her fist forward, grabbing Maud’s titanium arms and blasting her full of thousands of volts of electricity.

Maud reflexively transmuted her arms into bedrock to cut off the shock. Grabbing Twilight’s arms, she knocked her down and pinned her by the legs and shoulders, once again avoid her center of mass. “Give up?” she asked as her entire body was transmuted into bedrock.

Twilight groaned and let her head fall against the grass, “Yeah… I know when I just got my ass kicked… you weren’t even trying were you? No sweat, even breathing, normal heart beat, not even a severe spike in mana usage.” Twilight’s heart slowly calmed down from the rush of battle, leaving her now aware of the slight pains that came from just barely dodging fists made of titanium.

Maud stood and helped Twilight to her feet as her body transmuted back into flesh and blood. “You’ll want to avoid combat of any sort for a while. It’s too risky for you.”

Twilight cocked her head in confusion, “.... Why would it be risky?”

“The risk is to your child,” Maud said. “My connection to the earth lets me sense life auras. Like the one growing inside you.”

“.....” Twilight stared at Maud, “.... You’re…. you’re joking right? I can’t be pregnant! I’ve only ever had sex with Alucard! Vampires can’t get people pregnant that’s absurd!”

“And yet you’re pregnant with Alucard’s child,” Maud said simply. “Life tends to find a way. And haven’t you ever heard of dhampires?”

“......” Twilight took a deep breath, took another deep breath, stared at Maud some more, and…

Fancy Pants looked up in confusion, “Fleur, dear, did you hear a scream?”

“Non.”

“Ah, alright then.”

Maud stared at Twilight in silence as her eardrums transmuted back into flesh from hardened carbon. “Feel better?”

Twilight hyperventilated a few times and sat down on the grass, head firmly dropped into her hands, “.... A little…?”

“Is there any excitement in there?” Maud asked. “After all, I can imagine that you love Alucard very much.”

“I mean, probably….” Twilight murmured, “But I don’t think it’s set in yet…. Oh wait, there it is.” She bounced to her feet and began cartwheeling around the field, giggling and squealing the whole time, “I’m gonna have Alucard’s kids~ Woo hoo! This is great!”

As it happened, Alucard had arrived in time to hear the announcement. “I’m gonna be a dad?! Really, Sugarlips?!” He grinned at Shining Armor as the guy came up behind him. “You’re gonna be an uncle, Shiny!”

Shining Armor stopped, an aghast expression on his face as he slowly reached towards his claymore. “..... Alucard…. you’d better marry her fast or I’m going to FUCKING KILL YOU!” With a great slam, the claymore impacted the earth once more, creating a massive crater in the ground and splattering Alucard all over the area… again.

Maud led Pinkie through Canterlot to one of the high end art studios. “Here’s where he works, Pinkie. You can stop bouncing off the walls now.” She still couldn’t help giving her excited sister a small smile.

Pinkie shook in place, a wide grin firmly affixed to her face as she fought to keep from bouncing all over the studio’s open space. “Ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh! I can’t believe I get to meet your boyfriend!”

“Indeed. Try not to scare him too much, Pinkie,” Maud walked forward at a sedate pace, pushing the doors open and looking around for her boyfriend. “Facet, where are you?”

Facet’s ears perked up at her voice. “Maud? Is that you, darling?” He looked around the statue he was working on, his emerald green eyes widening slightly as he saw her. “Darling! What a pleasant surprise.” He dropped his hammer and chisel on his work table and strode over to her, wrapping his arms around her and planting a kiss on her lips.

“So that’s your girlfriend,” a voice piped up, revealing a man sitting on the couch and sketching, “Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just one of Facet’s…. ehhh, wouldn’t say friends, but we collaborate sometimes.” He returned back to his sketching, just in time to miss Pinkie jumping in front of Facet with an excited look on her face.

“Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie! I’m Maud’s little sister, nice to meet you, Facet! So…. how’s your relationship with my big sister?” She sidled up to Facet, an almost disconcerting grin on her face.

“Charmed,” Facet said, giving Pinkie a smile as he gently pushed her out of his personal space. “And Maud and I have a very loving relationship.”

“Good!” Pinkie chirped, “Cuz if you make her cry…. I’m gonna put you in the hospital.” She smiled serenely, an angelic expression far removed from her words.

“If that ever happens, I won’t stop you,” Facet said. “Maud is very precious to me, Pinkie.” He put his arm around Maud and held her close, planting a kiss on her cheek. “So do you have a boyfriend yourself, Pinkie?”

Said boyfriend was currently walking around the streets of Canterlot, bored out of his mind. So bored in fact, that he began talking to the sky.

“Vhy vould I talk to zhe sky? I’m not crazy.”

He spoke to no one, completely shattering his image of being sane. After all, what kind of a sane person just tries to answer a question that no one asked while also asserting their sanity?

“Zhat’s a loaded question and you know it!”

He continued to speak to no one, drawing odd stares from the curious passerby. Honestly, shouldn’t he know not to say things like that out in the public? Especially when talking to no one in particular.

“Vhen did you become so annoying? You’ve never been zhis irritating before!”

He continued his crazed statements, unheeding of the slightly nervous populace around him. Too bad he wasn’t paying attention, since the people were whispering some quite rude things about him.

“Mute narrator! Pinkie, vhere are you?!”

You may silence my voice but you will never be rid of the shame brought upon your head toda-!

Click!

Ah, that’s better. Sorry, Schrodinger. I’m afraid that my… associate had decided to snoop around my files.

“Zhat’s okay! Now vhere is Pinkie?”

She is, hold on let me check… ah yes, the Crystal Facet Art Studio. She’s visiting her sister’s boyfriend, you see. Well, and her sister is there too.

“Meine liebe’s sister? I simply must be introduced!”

Then go, Schrodinger. Actually you’re already there, aren’t you?

“Zhere you are, meine liebe!” Schrodinger exclaimed and he hugged Pinkie from behind. “I vas vondering vhere you got off to!”

“Where did he come from?” Facet asked in confusion.

Pinkie giggled and leaned into Schrodinger’s grip, “You get used to it. After all, he’s everywhere and nowhere~”

“Everywhere and nowhere?” Facet asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I sink, zherefore I am,” Schrodinger said as he appeared behind Maud and hugged her. “Nice to meet you, Maud. I’ve been looking forward to meeting meine liebe’s sister.”

Maud blinked and turned to face Schrodinger, gently moving out of his grip as she did so, “Nice to meet you too, Schrodinger. Pinkie has told me a lot about you.”

Schrodinger’s ears twitched. “Ja! And it’s all true! I am zhe self-observing cat zhat is everyvhere and novhere!” He hugged a tail that he hadn’t had moments earlier.

Maud raised an eyebrow as she looked at Schrodinger, “Interesting.”

“Pinkie and I are a match made in Heaven, nein?” Schrodinger asked, pulling Pinkie into his arms as his tail vanished.

“Apparently so. Though some might say that it’s a match made in Tartarus itself.” Maud returned to Facet’s embrace, standing behind him and resting her chin on his head.

“Both are in the eye of the beholder,” Facet said as he leaned into his girlfriend’s arms. “I’m calling it a match made in Heaven if they’re happy with each other, which they seem to be.”

Maud shrugged and leaned forward a little, pressing her chest a bit further into Facet’s back, “I suppose so.”

Pinkie giggled, “Well, we’re really happy together, so it must be a match made in Heaven!”

Facet chuckled. “There you go.” He looked up at Maud. “So what brings you to Canterlot, my love?” He lightly inhaled her scent. “You got into a fight a few minutes ago. Little sweat on you.”

“It wasn’t much of a fight. She couldn’t match me in melee and I don’t think she wanted to use any really dangerous magic against me, so I beat her fairly quickly,” Maud’s expression didn’t change much, just a tiny quirk of her lips.

“Who did you fight?” Facet asked, grinning at her as his right arm wrapped around her waist.

“Twilight Sparkle. I went easy on her since she went easy on me and is also pregnant.” Maud leaned against Facet, holding him against her and nearly shoving his face into her chest.

“The crazy one is pregnant?” Facet asked as he leaned on Maud as well. “I pity the father.”

“Twilight is pregnant?” Schrodinger asked, eyes wide. “Pinkie! You know vhat zhis means!”

Pinkie’s grin could not possibly have gotten wi- who are we kidding it’s Pinkie Pie. Her smile could still have gotten bigger. “Ooh! Ooh! We have to set up a baby shower and… and…” she gasped dramatically, “Alucard is going to marry Twilight! They must be so happy right now!”

Alucard was dancing with Twilight in Celestia’s study, enjoying the look on the sun princess’ face. “I’m gonna be a dad~ I’m gonna be a dad~”

Celestia facepalmed and sighed, “Yes, we know you’re going to be a father, Alucard. Now please, sit down and stop dancing. You’re going to make a mess.”

“Oh let them have their fun, sister. I remember you were just as bad when you had your sixteenth birthday.”

Alucard set Twilight on her feet and sat down while pulling her into his lap. “So what did you want, sun-butt?”

“As you may know, there’s a threat against Canterlot.” Celestia turned towards the window and frowned, deep in thought, “I don’t know what it is, and from the evidence we’ve found, it seems to be something with an insectoid nature, since there were definitely compounds similar to those found in a wide variety of insects… the problem is that we haven’t been able to figure out just what said being or beings are.” She held up a jar full of green slime, placing it on her desk, “This is the total amount of evidence we have, found underneath Blueblood’s former mansion. From the looks of it, it’s less than a month old.”

Alucard looked closer at the slime. “Looks like changeling slime.”

Celestia blinked, “Changelings? I thought… I thought they went extinct when Discord turned the Mustang Plains into a wasteland…”

“It’s changelings,” Alucard said, leaning back. “Emotion eaters. Love is one of their delicacies. Big wedding like this’d draw them like moths to a flame.”

“..... It can’t be changelings, that would be… well, that chance would be one in a million,” Luna spoke up, “After all, there are no records of changelings appearing in Equestria since the thousand years that I’ve been gone, and there are none before then either.”

Celestia waved Luna off, “Indulge Alucard for a moment, Luna. It won’t hurt. Alucard, do you still remember what the changelings look like? I’m afraid my memory isn’t quite what it used to be.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re going senile in your old age, sun-butt,” Alucard quipped with a laugh before turning serious. “Anyway. Changelings are shapeshifters able to assume just about any form they want. Usually a form that can be used to absorb love. Their true forms look like humans but have black, chitinous shells and insectoid wings. Their eyes are blue with compound lenses, like an insect. And the queens are more imposing, and look more human. A changeling is technically genderless, but they can identify as either male or female depending on their needs and preferences. On that note, keep a close watch on Cadance.”

“Cadance…? Because she’s the Princess of Love…” Celestia’s eyes went wide, “We’ll have to double her guard, even with Shining Armor being near her.”

“That won’t help. Cadance has already been subverted by a changeling imposter,” Alucard said. “I know for fact that the real Cadance is three cup sizes larger than Twilight. The Cadance we encountered is only one size larger.”

“..... I can’t believe you can tell people apart by their bust sizes but I’m willing to believe that since you’re… you.” Celestia rubbed her brow, “Anyway, then Shining Armor is compromised. We have to find the real Cadance as well, since I’m assuming she’s not dead yet. She’s far too great of a bargaining tool.”

“I have an idea for that,” Alucard said. “It’ll require some acting on our parts, but if we pull it off, we can lull the imposter into a false sense of security.”

“Do tell,” Celestia arched an eyebrow, leaning forward with an expression of great interest. She laced her fingers together, bringing her hands in front of her mouth as she placed her elbows on her desk, a pair of sunglasses snapping into existence on her face and glinting ominously in the light.

“Simple,” Alucard said. “We all act like nothing’s wrong, while Twilight acts suspicious. Then when the rehearsal comes, she barges in acting crazy and accuses the imposter of being evil and plotting something. If she takes the bait, she’ll pull the wounded animal gambit and get most to side with her. We make a show of that and leave Twilight alone, and the imposter will undoubtedly return to remove Twilight as a threat. She’s likely to lock Twilight up with the real Cadance hoping that Twilight will kill her in a blind rage. Once we have Cadance free, we bring her to the ceremony and expose the imposter.”

“Alucard, I love you, but that is the shittiest, most convoluted plan I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.” Twilight sighed, “Well, even if it probably won’t work, it’s the only plan we’ve got right now, so….”

“I can’t fucking believe it worked,” Twilight muttered as the fake Cadance put on an incredibly melodramatic routine that seemed more fashioned for appearances’ sake than for any really believable reaction.

“-and on my wedding day too! I can’t believe you, Twilight! Why do you hate me so much!?” The fake Cadance swooned and collapsed to her knees, sobbing pitifully.

Twilight shook herself from her disbelief and acted out her lines, slowly backing away from the fake Cadance, “I-I, please! You have to believe me! She’s a fake!”

“Cadance” sobbed loudly and fled the room, Shining Armor running after her after shooting a glare at Twilight that actually made her feel almost bad for her words.

The bride and groom were followed by the rest of her friends and the princesses, with Alucard giving her a wink as he followed them out and slipped away to make sure he was ready for the next phase.

Twilight kept up her act and stumbled over to the altar, collapsing to her knees on its steps as she sobbed quietly, complete with crocodile tears.

After a few minutes, the door creaked open and the fake Cadance walked in quietly, coming to a stop in front of Twilight and kneeling down in front of her, “You know… I don’t hate you… I just need you out of my way.” With a bright flash of green, a circle of flames surrounded Twilight’s form and bound her in place as the circle grew to a swirling dome and vanished, leaving no trace of Twilight behind.

“Hehehe… with you gone… there is no one who can stop me now!” the fake Cadance cackled, throwing her head back and flaring a bright, sickly green.

Twilight was cackling too. “I can’t believe that actually worked!” Her voice echoed through the caverns beneath Canterlot. “And to think she was keeping Cadance right where I keep my army! Perfect!” Her runes flared up as she focused her power, calling on her golems to awaken and answer her call to serve. “Find Cadance! I know she’s down here somewhere.”

The golems shrieked, howled, and crackled an affirmative as the sprinted, climbed, crawled, and flew through the tunnels, creating a cacophony of noise as each creature cast a violet tint about it as a sort of crude search light.

They rushed around, scouring every inch of tunnel before finally coming to a stop in front of Cadance’s cage and tearing it open, easily punching through the thin crystal that served as a door and flooding into the room, some of the smaller ones coming up to the very much startled Cadance and snuggling against her. “Wha- how the-!? What is this!?” she cried, attempting to back away from the wall of crystalline things surrounding her.

“Cadance!” Twilight called as she rushed in past her golems and hugged her tightly. “Are you alright? Those changelings didn’t hurt you, did they? If they did, I’ll rip them to shreds!”

Cadance flinched back a little, not expecting Twilight to appear before her, “T-twilight!? What are you doing here!? W-what happened?”

Twilight grinned. “Alucard came up with a plan to outwit the changeling that replaced you so that we could find you. And who’d have thought you were put right above my private army?” She hugged Cadance tighter. “Speaking of Alucard, I’m pregnant with his child.”

“Y-you’re pregnant!?” Cadance looked at Twilight in shock, “With Alucard’s child!? H-wh- What the hell happened!?” She fanned herself, feeling faint from the revelation that the little girl she had helped raise was now pregnant with the child of a Fuckmothering Vampire.

Twilight giggled. “I started dating him not long after we moved to Ponyville, and we have a very healthy sex life. I found out from Pinkie’s sister Maud. She can sense life auras apparently, since she’s so in tune with the earth.”

Cadance blinked, “Well, I… I suppose you learn something new every day….?” She shook her head, “Anyway, w-what are these…. things? They remind me of Spike, but more…. creepy.”

“Oh they’re just my private army of necromantic golems that I’ve built up over the years from the souls of Alucard’s convict meals,” Twilight said casually. “Last time I unleashed them was against Nightmare Moon’s ghouls.”

“... I… We’re going to have to have a long talk about this later….” Cadance sighed, “For now, we need to get out of here. What time is it… and what’s the date?”

“The wedding is in a few hours,” Twilight said. “But don’t worry. I know these caverns like the back of my hand, and Alucard should be ready by now.”

“.... i shudder to imagine just what he’s ready for,” Cadance muttered as she stood, “But that’s beside the point. Let’s go. We have a wedding to crash.”

“Yup!” Twilight chirped, her wires floating out almost in anticipation.

The throne room was falling silent as Celestia and Anderson were about to begin the ceremony. "What- What do you mean you forgot the song?" Alucard's voice came from outside the door. "Okay, screw, screw it, no screw it, screw it! Just- Just take my scroll and hit random. No, just hit random. Okay, three, two..." The door burst open as music began playing.

I'm a bitch!
I'm a lover!
I'm a child!
I'm a mother!
I'm a sinner
I'm a saint!

"Yeah, okay. Turn it off! Turn it off!" Alucard's scroll clicked as the music stopped. "It didn't work. It did not work."

Twilight stepped past her disappointed boyfriend while patting his shoulder. “I object! My brother’s not marrying that impostor!” She smirked at the false Cadance.

“You again!?” the fake Cadance cried, already breaking out the crocodile tears, “I could accept you crashing the rehearsal, but actually crashing my wedding with those accusations!? You monster!”

“Says the one that tossed me into a cavern and impersonated me!” Cadance countered as she entered, glaring at the impostor. “Stop wearing my form, you wretch!”

“Well things just took a turn for the interesting,” Anderson commented as he looked between the two brides.

The Cadance at the altar reared back in surprise, “How-!? You-! Rrgh…” She shook her head and growled, a bright flare of green fire erupting around her and revealing her true form.

After the crowd gasped in shock, Alucard’s voice rang out. “Chrissy? Chrissy is that you?” He appeared behind her and squeezed her breasts. “Chrissy! How’s the hive? Haven’t seen you in forever! What’s it been, 1520 years?”

“Chrissy” gasped in surprise and flipped Alucard over her shoulder, stomping him into the ground with her high heeled boot and blasting him to smithereens with a burst of green light, “My name is Queen Chrysalis you insufferable blood drinking parasite! And now, thanks to the love of this fool of a guard, my Hive shall thrive and conquer all of Equestria!” Chrysalis cackled and sidled up to Shining Armor, smirking wickedly at Cadance.

“Do you see the fatal flaw in your plan?” Twilight asked, still smirking as Alucard reformed behind her.

Chrysalis slowly turned around, having noticed Alucard’s gore moving in that direction, “.... Ahhh shit.”

Twilight giggled very maliciously. “Even if my brother’s barrier crumbles and lets your hive in, you still have to contend with some of the most badass people on the planet, myself included.” She grinned at Alucard. “Release Control Art Restriction Level Zero. Unleash your full power, my count.”

Alucard slowly exhaled. “I am… the Bird of Hermes…” His fel power began to permeate the air, raising the hair on people’s necks. “Here standeth the Bird of Hermes! Eating my own wings!”

Pinkie Pie and Schrodinger looked at each other, “Is he?”

“He is…”

“Oh crap… pass the popcorn?”

“Of course, meine leibe.”

Alucard’s form had shifted into shadows, only his gloves still visible and separate. “To keep… myself tame…”

Twilight giggled as her army began rising from portals in the floor. “Here it comes, Chrysalis. A mighty river of death. The dead will dance… and all of Tartarus will sing!”

Chrysalis looked around wildly as the shield over Canterlot shattered away, changelings pouring in by the hundreds in a wave of encroaching, insectoid death, “Oh the dead shall dance, alright… but they’ll be dancing over your graves!” Chrysalis cackled, the sound of screams filtering through the air and through the room as the various attendees fled for their lives and the citizens of Canterlot were assaulted.

Bright flashes of green light erupted all over Canterlot, the changelings raining down like meteors and crashing into the ground, rooftops, even the castle itself, crushing though objects and those unfortunate enough to not dodge or run.

Blood began running in the streets as Chrysalis cackled, not even the threat of death stopping her from her gloating, “Fools! You may kill me, but the changeling army will still be there! And if I die without calling them off, then they will never stop attacking! They will destroy Canterlot for generations, even without my command!”

Vinyl had been prepping her stuff for the reception when it started raining changelings. Unlike the majority of people that were fleeing, she stood her ground, the old training still ingrained in her body. “You guys picked the wrong day to do this…” She drew a sheathed chokuto from one of her rune tattoos and gripped the hilt, slowly drawing her sword and doing a high speed flourish. “Let’s get this over with…” she muttered as she fell into a stance, daring the changelings to come at her.

“Now now, love, don’t just take all of the action to yourself,” Octavia chided, taking up a stance at Vinyl’s back, her cello hefted like a massive baseball bat, the inlaid runes in its interior shining brilliant pink out of the few openings in its body. “Leave some for your darling, loving wife, hmm?”

Vinyl grinned. “Sure thing, Tavi. Hey DeadMau5! You want in on this action?!”

DeadMau5 all but leapt out of his turntable configuration, plates shifting and gears grinding as his lights abruptly flashed from blue to bright, angry red and his body almost flipped inside out, the normally bulky and adorable robot dog shifting into a sleek, murderous nightmare machine, a chainsaw erupting from his back and his tail extending into a whip-like appendage.

“So you finally let me stretch my legs and the first thing you do is drop all three of us into a war… Vinyl, have I said I love you, recently?”

Vinyl laughed. “I love you too, buddy! Now let’s do this!”

Octavia grinned as DeadMau5 rushed forward, leaping up and springboarding off of his waiting haunches to strike down the foolish changelings that had tried to gain aerial superiority and using her bow to stab through their necks in order to both decapitate them and swing her from changeling to changeling, flipping in midair and slamming her cello into each one with the force of a freight train, knocking them into and through walls as she activated the wind runes on the back of her cello to keep her in the air. “Come on! Don’t make me snap you like cheap cello strings you disgusting bugs!”

Vinyl grinned as she sliced her way through her own attackers. “I love that woman so much. Hey Tavi! We’re locking ourselves in the bedroom when we get home!”

“And as always, I shall record the event for posterity,” DeadMau5 murmured, rushing around the room and flinging blades and using his chainsaw to chew through as many changelings as he could, “Twenty three.”

Facet sighed in contentment as he painted his love’s portrait. “You are my greatest muse, darling,” he said as he mixed up some areola pink and got back to her portrait. “Especially when you have the time to model for me.”

“Always happy to be of service, Facet,” Maud replied, holding still and steady atop the pedestal, a sheet just barely hiding her crotch from view. “... It’s quite loud outside, isn’t it? I wonder what’s happening.”

“No telling,” Facet said. “Long as it stays outside I don’t really care. Just you and me right now, my love.” His concentration was broken as a changeling broke through the roof and smashed his canvas and easel. His eye twitched as he looked at the offending changeling as it got to its feet. “You…” He smashed a chest full of gems into the changeling and smashed it against the wall. “You monster! You destroyed what was becoming a vision of beauty that paled in comparison to Maud herself!” His voice dropped to a deathly low tone. “You shall pay for this crime in blood.”

Maud slowly stood and walked over to the changeling, shaking her head at Facet, “Calm down dear, you have plenty of time later to make up for what’s lost. Right now…” She tapped the changeling’s head and channeled her magic, instantly smashing its skull into the wall and splattering it through and into the street beyond. “Right now, we should try to fight back. Just like… everyone in Canterlot, actually.”

Facet stared at his girlfriend’s display of power and strength. “I just fell in love with you all over again.” He grabbed his sword and drew the katana, which sang of destruction as it cleared its sheath. “Shall we, my love?” He then remembered her state of dress. “Would you like me to cover you while you get dressed? Or would you rather I just get your bra and panties for you?”

Maud shook her head as she stepped through the hole and idly smashed a changeling into the pavement with a high kick, transmuting her torso to dense carbon along with her forearms and shins, “No need. No time.”

Facet stepped out and smiled at Maud. “I love you.” He took a moment to peck her on the lips before his expression turned serious. “Shall we?”

“We shall.”

Sorrow inhaled the air deeply. “So long it has been since we smelled this, hasn’t it, my comrades? The smell of war.” He inhaled again. “She’s here. I can sense her bloodlust, faint though it is. It fills me with longing.”

Pain looked over to Sorrow, her normal form gone and replaced with the shape of one of the changelings around her, “Her… you can’t mean…. our lovely Duet? The beautiful music maker who led us all those years ago!? She… she’s alive!?” Pain’s grin turned manic, the swarm of insects around her buzzing agitatedly as she fought to control her urges, “Yes! YES! We have to find her!”

Fear and End looked at each other, the grizzled old man and the strange and unnatural younger man both thinking the same thing, “It will be good to be back under her command… so many sweet, sweet cries of pain to hear… she always did lead us so well…”

Fury growled lowly and hefted his flamethrower, torching a nearby building as he gave off his loud and guttural laugh.

Sorrow grinned as he began hovering. “My friends, let us find our long lost commander and comrade.” He slowly drew the knife sheathed at the front of his waist, licking the blade. “And kill anyone that tries to stop us.” He took off over the city, looking for the long missing Joy.

Vinyl whooped as she rode DeadMau5 around the city, slicing apart changelings as they attacked, using her magic to launch blasts of pure bass through each one to disorient them and knock them to the ground.

Behind her, Octavia split off in a different direction under the agreement that they would meet up at the castle later.

Sorrow looked down in time to see Vinyl leap from DeadMau5 and slice apart a group of changelings so gracefully as to appear to be dancing bloodily. “There…” He swooped down and, with a rune enhanced kick, punted DeadMau5 into a building. “I have found you at last,” he said as he embraced Vinyl from behind. “Ten years and you still bear my mark, my beloved Crimson.” He gently bit down on one of Vinyl’s scarred ears.

Vinyl flinched forward, eyes going wide as she struggled in Sorrow’s grip, “W-who-!? N-no! You’re wrong! You… you can’t be here! They said you were dead!”

“Sorrow does not die, my dear,” Sorrow purred in her ear. “And neither has your bloodlust, my precious Duet the Ripper.”

Vinyl struggled more, desperately trying to break free of Sorrow, despairing panic rising up inside of her as she realized that Sorrow was very much alive and wrapping his filthy arms around her.

“Why do you push me away, Crimson?” Sorrow asked as he turned her head to look her in the eye after tossing her sunglasses aside. “Your eyes burn with bloodlust, even though they have lost their beautiful icy blue color. And your hair is no longer the scarlet of the blood you revel in spilling.” He pressed his lips against hers, pressing her against him as his tongue slithered into her mouth.

Vinyl jerked back, spinning around in Sorrow’s grip and pushing him away, using her long since neglected teleport to vanish and reappear some distance away, immediately sprinting off in sheer, terrified panic. “No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no…” she muttered, “They can’t be here, they can’t be alive, they told me they were all dead!”

Sorrow smirked and flew after her, easily keeping pace with the advantage of wings. “You know I love when you play hard to get, my dear Crimson! It makes the night that follows all the sweeter!”

Vinyl blinked tears of panic and fear from her eyes, dodging and sprinting in a path meant to shake Sorrow off her tail, using her runes to boost her in a dizzying path and eventually just diving into an alleyway in hopes of finally losing him.

Dead end.

“Shit!” Vinyl cried, tears running freely down her face.

Sorrow caught up and pinned Vinyl to the wall, sensually licking her neck as his hand trailed up her shirt. “How I’ve missed you, my dear. Seeing you kill once again is so very arousing.” He ground his bulge against her ass. “It pleases me that you have not forgotten how to kill without mercy.”

Vinyl sobbed pitifully, her sword falling from her grip as she fought to keep from falling into total despair. “J-just… leave…. leave me alone!”

“Release that fire, my dear,” Sorrow purred into her ear before licking it. “Do you ever think about the people you kill while chopping them into hamburger? Why do you act so meek, Crimson?”

Vinyl kept sobbing, flinching away from Sorrow as best as she could, “N-no! I-I’m not a murderer! I was never like that! You’re wrong! Let me go!”

Sorrow’s hand slid down her belly and into her shorts, rubbing her slit. “Ah… There it is. Your body remembers the thrill of killing. It yearns for it again, but you hold it back. You deny your blade its purpose. I saw you kill those changelings.” He pushed a couple of fingers inside her. “I could never forget your fighting style, Crimson. Sadistic, cruel, merciless. Every move designed to make the opponent suffer before dying. You still use those techniques to this day, my dear.” His fingers moved in and out of her cavern. “I get so riled up seeing you kill. And my passion can only be sated by you, my beloved. The Crimson Devil. The universally feared Duet the Ripper.”

Vinyl seized up and convulsed, clamping her thighs tightly closed and spasming from a mix of self loathing and unwanted pleasure. “P-please… don’t…. let… let me go….” she whimpered, her eyes clouding over and, strangely enough misting with a light haze of purple.

“Your body remembers my touch, Crimson,” Sorrow purred as he unbuttoned her shorts and pushed them down while pushing her panties to the side. “It yearns for me.” He unzipped his fly and allowed his erect shaft to emerge, pulling his fingers out of her as he rubbed against her slit. “You were always mine, Crimson. Mine alone, dearest.”

As soon as Vinyl heard Sorrow’s words, an almost audible snap echoed through the area, Vinyl’s eyes bleeding into a bright, almost blue, violet as she punched Sorrow away with her left hand, removing the glove covering it and revealing a bright glint of gold on her ring finger, “I’m married, fuckass! And you… you’re DEAD!”

Armor erupted into existence around Vinyl, her hair losing its electric blue color and fading into a bright, angry crimson, her eyes flashing into a cold, deadly, ice blue, hidden away by the visor as it snapped over her face. The lines of her exosuit flashed as it activated, a hideous, bloody red as opposed to its normal blue.

Sorrow shuddered and groaned as he came from the sight, his release splattering on the ground before he fixed his pants. “Yes. Yes! There it is! The bloodlust I grew to love! My dear, sweet, Crimson Duet! Duet the Ripper!” He drew his knife and hovered as he held the blade in a reverse grip. “Come to me, my love! Let us dance the mating dance of death once more! Just like we did all those years ago!”

“I have no time for you, Sorrow… I have bigger fish to filet,” Crimson muttered, blurring forward and striking Sorrow in the groin with all her might, the force of the punch embedding him six inches deep into the alley wall and causing the entire wall to spiderweb into a mass of cracks. With an exaggeratedly lazy motion, Crimson picked up her sword and slammed it deep into Sorrow’s chest, pinning him to the wall with absolutely no leverage to escape.

“Stay put. I’ll deal with you later…” Crimson muttered, leaping away in a blur of black and red, cackling wildly as she split several flying changelings in half with a single, arcing swing of Benihime.

Sorrow groaned and shuddered in pleasure. “Yes… She’s just like I remember… Come back soon, my love. Let us dance again.” He felt blood leak from his mouth, but didn’t care. He’d survived worse than being run through.

Crimson cut her way through several changelings as she landed near one that was very familiar to her. “Is that you, Pain?” she asked, grinning beneath the visor. “Sorrow got what he wanted. Duet is back!”

Pain grinned and stretched out her arms, “Ah, Crimson, boss lady! It’s so good to see you again after you disappeared what, ten years ago?”

Her answer was Benihime’s blade coming straight at her chest at an upward angle, aiming to slice her open.

Pain jumped back, still grinning, “Ah, so that’s how it is, eh? Cutting ties, letting the Ripper run free without the binds of the Cobras?”

“Now you’re just being nasty!” Crimson cackled. “I get a better deal from Night Shift. Since they operate outside the law, I can do whatever’s needed to get the job done. Which also means I can kill anyone in my way.”

Pain cracked her knuckles as her insects swarmed about her, “Sounds like a good deal. Too goody goody for me, though. I suppose there’s no chance of you coming back to us, fearless leader?”

“You know, Pain…” Crimson said as she fell into her stance. “I always wanted to see how much punishment it would take to kill you.” She grinned wider under her visor. “Let’s dance!”

Pain rushed forward, a wide smirk upon her face as her insects rushed in, a wave of black death advancing on Crimson too fast for her to dodge. Crimson stood there, simply walking through the cloud as the back of her helmet retracted and let her suddenly much longer hair drift free in the wind. A spark of lightning crackled across her body, flash frying every single insect as it landed upon Crimson’s suit.

Pain backed up, drawing out a pair of grenades and lobbing them high into the air, both of the cracking open in a bright flash and releasing a much larger, much faster swarm of brightly glowing insects, each one detonating on contact with Crimson’s armor, blocking her vision and letting Pain run away.

“You coward!” Crimson snarled as she jumped through the smoke and ran after Pain, slicing through someone that crossed her path to clear the way. Probably no one important.

Gentlemen. Operation Bait Van Vinkle Is a Resounding Success! Part II

Luna rushed down the hallway, Twilight and company not far behind. Their footsteps clacked loudly against the metal floorway as muffled explosions rang out from above. “Hurry,” she commanded, “This way!”

Twilight sped up, matching Luna’s pace, “Princess, what the hell is this? Where are we? Shouldn’t we be up top and fighting?”

“Not without proper equipment,” Luna shook her head and skidded to a halt in front of a large door, slapping her palm to the reader and scanning her retina as she spoke, “Unlock, emergency code: Sierra Hotel India Tango India Sierra Golf Echo Tango Tango India November Golf Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo Echo Delta Uniform Papa.”

Pinkie laughed at the code. “Good one, Luna! That’s such a perfect code!”

Luna smiled for a moment before stepping to the side, “I must warn you, if you breathe a single word of this facility to anyone that I do not specifically give permission for, Elements or not, you will be executed for treason. I do not wish to, however, so I must trust in the strengths of your wills.”

Immediately, every person in the group held their hands up and recited, “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

“... What?” Luna asked, completely nonplussed.

“Nobody breaks a Pinkie Promise!” Pinkie said, smiling. “So what’s this place?”

“This is a Night Shift armory, Pinkie,” a woman said from a shadowed part of the room, suiting up for the battle. “Welcome. Rest assured that if you break your oaths of secrecy, I’ll be the one sent to kill you.”

Twilight stepped forward, trying to see the figure, “Wait… Night Shift? I thought that was just a shady conspi- …… well, I suppose it obviously isn’t a conspiracy theory. More to the point, who are you?”

The woman smirked and turned around as she stepped into the light. “I believe you’ve seen me around Ponyville, Twilight.”

“Octavia!?” Twilight gasped, rearing back in surprise.

“In the flesh,” Octavia said, chuckling. “Though on duty I go by the codename String Theory. I believe you met my partner last Nightmare Night. Thunderclap. AKA Vinyl Scratch.”

“.... Wait, but… the person then… that was definitely a masculine body type… but it was still slightly androgynous…. Wait nevermind that, there are two undercover government agents living in Ponyville!?” Twilight shrieked, hands fisted in her hair, “What the fuck!?”

“Government agents that operate outside the law,” Octavia said. “Night Shift operatives answer to no one but Princess Luna. We’re outside the normal chain of command.”

“Right, right… Anyway, I assume we’re here for weapons and not just for idle chit chat, so girls… and guys… choose wisely,” Twilight waved at the group still clustered at the door, letting them spread out through the frankly massive armory.

“Roger that!” Rainbow grinned and rushed through the room, flittering from weapon to weapon until she found a large, blue scythe hung on a wall. “Sweet!”

“Ah… The Blue Rose,” Octavia said. “Both a scythe and a high caliber sniper rifle.”

“..... A what?” Rainbow asked, idly swinging the scythe around to test its weight.

“It’s also a gun,” Octavia said as she rushed over and halted the swinging. “I cannot stress enough how careful you need to be with that. If you get careless, you could kill either yourself, someone you care about, or an innocent bystander.”

“We might have a bigger problem than changelings,” a man said as he entered the room from a shadowed door. “Looks like their queen hired the Cobras.” He stepped into the light with a taller woman in tow.

“Maud!?” Pinkie gasped, “Facet!? What are you guys doing here!?” She rushed over and hugged her sister, a warhammer and a belt of grenades already strapped to her back and waist, respectively.

“Pinkie, not now. I’ll explain later. The infamous Duet the Ripper is rampaging through Canterlot. The rest of the Cobras are attacking as well. The one known as Sorrow is missing, however, despite eyewitness reports of him being present with the rest of the team.” Maud frowned, going over to a marked cubby and withdrawing a pair of revolvers and their holsters, tossing them to Facet, “Strangely enough, Duet seems to be more concerned with massacring changelings rather than regular people.”

Gilda glanced at Maud for a second. “Are you naked, lady?”

“.... Yes.”

Octavia began shaking, a look of horror stretched over her face, “No… no… not her…. not her! Oh Vinyl… Oh Vinyl…. “

“What exactly is the problem, Octavia?” Twilight asked, looking at the cellist in concern.

“Officially, Crimson Duet, AKA Duet the Ripper, died by the hands of String Theory ten years ago,” Facet explained as he loaded his revolvers. “In truth, Octavia made a different call. She brought her to Equestria, got her counseling, and an education. Vinyl’s been suppressing that side of herself for years. She has to go into battle with high grade pain inhibitors because we’ve found that if she experiences a powerful surge of pain it brings out her old Duet the Ripper personality, and then she becomes a danger to everyone around her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s carved up a few civilians that got caught in the crossfire by now.”

Octavia broke down into a fit of sobs, collapsing to the ground at the thought of her beloved wife reverting back to that monster.

Pinkie frowned as she patted Octavia on the back, “Don’t worry Tavi! We’ll get your wifey back to normal lickety split! I’m sure the two of you will be back to making sweet music together by the end of today!”

“Or I’ll end up killing Vinyl,” Facet said, twirling his revolvers in some very complicated and totally unnecessary tricks that he made look incredibly easy. “Standing orders regarding the resurgence of Duet the Ripper are to put her down if Octavia can’t manage to reason with her.” He finally holstered his revolvers. “So the Element Bearers will deal with the changeling queen, while the rest of us will focus on the Cobras, with subduing and, if necessary, killing Vinyl being priority one.”

Octavia went silent, huddling up against a wall and trying to deny the fact that Vinyl had relapsed.

Twilight stared at Octavia for a moment before shaking her head, “As bleak as that sounds, I feel like it’s not going to come to that. Nevertheless, we’re wasting time. Girls and guys, like I said, get your weapons. We’re going bug hunting.” She cracked her knuckles and grinned, her parasol at her waist and her wires floating in the air around her.

“So why’s the naked chick naked?” Gilda asked as she grabbed a sword with a bladed sheath and drew it, the blade having a gun in its design as well. She started carefully examining it to see its features. The sheath had a place to hold it to wield it as a secondary weapon.

Pinkie shrugged, taking up position behind and to the left of Twilight, “Maybe she was having sexy times with her boyfriend?”

“No, I was modeling for a painting,” Maud replied, finally pulling on a bodysuit.

Applejack looked around and decided on a pair of knee high boots with a twin barrel design protruding as a set of low wedge heels, “.... Why do I get th’feelin’ that ev’rythin’ in here’s a gun of some kind?”

Octavia finally recovered and finished her preparations, pulling on her goggles and mask, losing herself to the String Theory persona, “Because they are. Simple as that.”

“They reverse engineered my Harkonnen,” Seras explained, “and some of the R&D guys got a little, shall we say… enthusiastic.”

Facet glanced at Octavia. “That looks like a comfortable fit. It's about time they got your measurements right, String Theory.”

“Indeed it is,” Oct- no, String Theory replied, her voice still ringing hollow and emotionless.

“Speaking of zhe Harkonnen… is zhat anozher model over zhere?” Schrodinger asked, twirling a pair of trench knives.

Facet looked over at the gun in question. “The Harkonnen II 30mm semi-automatic cannon. Maximum range: four kilometers. Gross weight, 345 kilograms. Too heavy for most non-terrans to wield.”

Rarity, meanwhile, had picked up a large, golden gatling gun, using her rune gloves to lift it. Elusive remained safe on her back, layered under as many shields and runic layers as Twilight and Trixie could fit, with extra protection by Luna on the way over. “Don’t worry, Elusive, dear. Momma’s going to ruin anyone that interrupts your nappy time.”

Fluttershy giggled, picking up a long, self loading musket and a pouch full of spare shots, her eyes easily making out the runes inscribed in each one. “This one looks… interesting…”

“That’s a deceptively deadly one,” Facet said. “It’s a single shot musket, but the barrel is engraved with runes that allow the wielder to control its trajectory and makes the shots near impossible to dodge. You can even hit multiple targets with one shot.”

Fluttershy’s grin turned vicious, red bleeding into her eyes and her wings slowly becoming more leathery, “Oh fuck the hell yes….”

“The changelings have begun assuming human forms,” Facet warned.

A deep voice echoed in Fluttershy’s ears. “Your human eyes are not to be trusted,” Alucard said. “All they’ll do is lie to you. Besides, you are no longer a human. You have become so much more…”

Fluttershy frowned, “I can see them…. and I think Applejack can see through lies… but what about everyone else? How can we tell?”

Facet gestured to a collection what resembled eyepatches and picked one up, putting it on. “The Solid Eye. Zoom function in all modes, infrared vision, night vision, and can see through illusions like the disguise of a changeling. We’re paranoid like that.”

“..... Why don’t I have something like that?” Twilight asked, turning to Alucard, “Alucard, how come I never built something like that?”

“Because you have me and my third eye, my countess,” Alucard said, grinning as he felt his familiars fighting changelings throughout the city. “There’s going to be so much blood to drink when this is all over.” He darkly chuckled. “You know. This much blood might even be too much for me.”

“There is absolutely no amount of blood that is too much for you, you gluttonous vampire,” Twilight deadpanned as everyone finished grabbing weapons. “Alright people, we got a bug bitch to kill and a murderous alternate personality to lock away again! Ready?”

A chorus of nods and affirmatives met her ears.

“Then… move out!” Twilight slammed open the door to the outside, rushing down the short hallway as everyone else followed.

Twilight led the charge to the palace, kicking open the doors and slicing apart everything that got in her way, her hands lit up with multiple colors as her wires channeled her spells into dazzling arcs of mana, lighting up the halls with crescent shaped blasts of elemental spells, lasers, cutting spells, and darker magics.

Rarity, in her usual grace, was not running, but strutting across the battlefield, her rune enhanced reflexes making it easy to defend against any changelings that attacked her, sensing her limitless love for her son. Imagine her surprise that the huge gatling gun could compact into a rather fashionable studded purse. One changeling managed to jostle her just a bit too much before she took him down. She frowned as she heard Elusive stir and express displeasure at being woken. “You just disturbed my son’s nap.” She spit and put on her sunglasses. “Prepare to die.”

Most of the remaining changelings around Rarity immediately fled, only to be cut down by a massive hailstorm of bullets coming from Rarity’s gatling gun. The few survivors attempted to crawl away, only to fall limply to the ground as a single bullet arced impossibly around the area and shot through each of their heads in a spray of gore.

“No fair, Fluttershy! Leave something for me!” Rainbow cried, throwing a teasing glare at Fluttershy, who opted to take the high road and simply hover above most of the fighting.

“I fucking love this sword!” Gilda proclaimed as she used the blade and sheath together before shifting the sword into a gun with a kama blade configuration and shot several changelings before getting an idea. Grabbing the long cord attached to the gun, she started spinning it around like a flail, using carefully placed shots to make it go faster.

“I fucking love this scythe!” Rainbow retorted, zipping around the room at blinding speed and using her scythe’s bullet’s to propel her even faster, adding power to her swings and letting her perform an impressive display of combat acrobatics even as she sliced and blasted through the changelings around her.

Anderson stood menacingly over a group of changelings. “I am a servant of God. An agent of divine punishment on Earth. I am called upon to cut away the flesh of infidels, and remove from the earth all those who defy God,” he intoned as he crossed his bayonets. “AAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEN!!!” he yelled as he charged, cutting through the changelings in his path like butter.

Schrodinger spun around, his hands on Pinkie’s ankles as she held out her hammer, smashing through changelings with reckless abandon, lightly kicking Schrodinger’s wrist to get him to release her, launching off like a spinning pink wheel of death while Schrodinger flashed around the battlefield and slit the throats of several changelings, both of them laughing madly the whole time. Explosions rocked the battle field as Pinkie soared through the air like a human boomerang, launching grenades with pinpoint accuracy even through her spinning.

Crimson dodged a blow from a man in a lab coat, the man’s eyes half-lidded seemingly out of boredom. “Come on come on! Fight harder old man!” The man offered no response, a simple layer of fractal stars bursting into existence around him as he launched each paper thin layer of mana at Crimson.

With a flourish, Crimson’s magic covered her sword, the natural vibrations held within it amplifying the high frequency nature of the blade to a ridiculous degree, letting her slice through the magical fractal shuriken and strike out at the man, bisecting him over and over as Crimson’s arms became a high speed blur. She kicked him in the chest, splattering his finely chopped chunks all over the street, an expression of agony and horror forever etched into what remained of his face.

“You’re as deadly as ever, Duet the Ripper,” Facet said as he walked toward her, his sheathed sword clenched in his left hand as rune tattoos glowed over his body. “I would expect nothing less from you.”

Crimson smirked, dredging up information from her formerly dominant personality, “Well well well… if it isn’t Facet the Sculptor… will you provide a good fight for me? Or will I have to bathe in your blood?”

“You haven’t managed to bathe in my blood yet,” Facet retorted, smirking in turn. “You know, I find your flare ups annoying, but you really are a worthy opponent, Duet.” He flicked his sword from its sheath a bit with his thumb right before dashing at Crimson in a blue blur, drawing his sword in the same movement as he slashed at her waist.

Crimson huffed in amusement, easily blocking Facet’s strike and twisting, slamming her knee and elbow together to trap his blade while she flipped back to disarm him, slashing out with Benihime as she did so.

Facet flashed to the side to evade Benihime as he telekinetically directed Suigetsu to twirl through the air and attack Crimson from behind as Facet aimed a blunt strike at her head with the magicite and diamond inlaid sheath.

“Did you really think that’d work on another aetherial?” Crimson asked, almost audibly rolling her eyes as she halted Suigetsu’s advance with her own telekinesis, using the natural frequency of her magic to erode away at Facet’s control while she blocked his sheath with Benihime’s hilt, perfectly lining up both surfaces so that the sheath stopped without slipping.

Facet smirked as a pair of stone hands shot up and grabbed Crimson’s ankles, pulling her underground up to her neck. “Still so short sighted, Crimson,” he chided as he took back Suigetsu and elegantly sheathed it. “A fight is never a goal in and of itself. Sometimes it’s merely a distraction from the true goal, and best countered with a larger distraction. Don’t you think, my dear?” he asked as Maud emerged from the ground beside him.

“Indeed,” Maud replied, kneeling down and picking up Benihime, “the last time you were in a situation like this, Crimson, I believe that String Theory left some unfinished business behind. Specifically… your head still being attached.”

“But she’s not here right now,” Facet said. “Perhaps we should finish what String Theory started. What do you think, Maud?”

“You’re not finishing jack fuckin’ squat, loverboy!” Pain called out, a barrage of exploding insects slamming into the ground around and near Facet and Maud, both of them only coming out intact by simple virtue of Maud raising a wall around them. “She’s my kill! And if I have to kill you madaxda shire to get my kill, then more fun for me!” She cackled wildly, hopping down from the roof she stood on and landing in front of Crimson, “Now, where were we oh beautiful traitorous boss of mine?”

The stone wall came down right before a gunshot rang out, the bullet flying straight for the back of Pain’s head as she was distracted by Crimson’s predicament. Pain whirled around a half second too late, catching the bullet to her temple and out the other side of her head. She spun around as she fell, a last shriek of pain tearing from her throat as she died.

Or, that is, her doppelganger died. Hundreds of thousands of insects crawled out of what remained of Pain’s old carapace, the real one already behind Facet and Maud with another cloud of explosive insects hovering around her. “Nice shot, killing my doppelganger. Too bad for you that was a fake, bitches!”

A knife with a red hot blade flew through the air straight at Pain’s throat, courtesy of Crimson, who had managed to free her arm by using her magic’s vibrations to reduce the stone around her to gravel, allowing her to dig herself free.

Pain yelped and fell back, the knife only scoring a line across her cheek as she dodged, “If you wanted to fight with fire, you should have just asked! Fury! Light her up!” Fury’s roar echoed over the rooftops as the man in question came down from above, his flamethrower blasting at the ground at full burst, spraying an endless stream of flaming fuel all over the area.

Sweating from the intense heat, Facet acted quickly, reaching out with his magic for the water that flowed through the pipes that ran throughout Canterlot, providing water from the massive reservoirs kept inside the mountain. Drawing it up, water burst from the ground and flowed around the area, dousing the flames and creating a massive cloud of steam.

A cacophony of turret fire and missiles blasted out of the cloud at Fury from where Crimson had been standing. A burst of telekinesis cleared the cloud, revealing a large, bipedal tank like UG, with Crimson standing on top of it. “Fury. Pain. Meet Droptek!”

“.... Well that ain’t fair at all,” Pain muttered, slowly backing away while preparing more insects. Fury grumbled his affirmative, hefting his flamethrower as he prepared to cover their retreat.

Facet formed a dragon from the collected water and sent it at the two Cobras. “You’re not going anywhere. You’re war criminals, and we’re bringing you down.”

Pain dodged out of the way, vaulting onto Fury’s shoulders and flipping into the air. Fury himself stood his ground, his suit glowing bright white and instantly vaporizing the water while also blowing it away from him.

Crimson jumped through the steam cloud with Benihime poised to run Fury through. Fury backpedaled, tripping over a loose bit of rubble and stumbling, Benihime avoiding his stomach and instead embedding deep between his ribs, slicing straight through his heart and piercing out the other side. “One down.” Crimson ripped Benihime from his corpse and tossed it away with telekinesis as it burst into white flames that reduced it to ash.

Pain grimaced, shooting Crimson an enraged glare, “Well if I didn’t think you were a traitorous bitch before…” She flew away, a massive cloud of insects slamming down around the ground and detonating, covering her escape and flinging her deeper into Canterlot.

Crimson was knocked back into the wall that shielded Facet and Maud. “That bitch dies next,” she muttered as she got to her feet, shaking her head as she noticed someone out the corner of her eye. “Who’s there?!” she demanded as she pointed Benihime at the figure.

“Half as long…” String Theory muttered, striding forth with her gauntlets sparking wildly.

Crimson smirked. “Twice as bright.” She flourished Benihime. “Was wondering when you’d turn up, String Theory.”

“I thought about coming earlier, but I figured I might as well take some time to prepare some witticisms to use against you.” String Theory stretched casually, runes glowing brightly across her body, “Then again, they might not even work well against you, what with your brain being as dull as your blade is sharp.”

“What was that?!” Crimson snarled, gripping Benihime tighter.

“A ‘sick burn’ as they call it. What, does relapsing into your current personality reverse your intelligence along with your hair and eye color?” String Theory strutted forward as she taunted Crimson, almost casually belittling the terrorist.

Crimson trembled in rage. “You bitch!” she screamed as she dashed at her, aiming to cut String Theory in half.

“Tsk tsk, predictable,” String Theory teased, easily slipping under the sloppy blow and striking out, redirecting Crimson’s momentum and piledriving her into the ground.

Crimson gripped the ground and sent vibrations through it to around String Theory’s feet. “My turn!” she snarled as she wrapped her feet around String Theory’s neck and started squeezing. String Theory convulsed as she choked for air, falling to the ground and attempting to roll over while clamping her gauntlets to a specific point in Crimson’s armor- the point where her heel met the sole of her boot.

Specifically, an area where there was no insulation from electrical shocks.

Crimson screamed in agony as electricity coursed through her body, the exosuit going into failsafe mode and deactivating, leaving her exposed. Still lacking her shorts from when Sorrow removed them. She fell limp, twitching somewhat. “Fuck…” Her hair slowly faded from scarlet to electric blue. “Tavi…”

“Vinyl!” Octavia cried, gathering Vinyl into her arms and fussing over her, ignoring the battle still going on around her. “Are you alright!? I didn’t hurt you too badly did I?”

“I’ll live,” Vinyl muttered as she buried her face in Octavia’s chest, sobbing. “I’m sorry, Tavi! I-I had to let her out! Sorrow was… He was going to rape me, Tavi! Letting her out was all I could do!”

Octavia rubbed Vinyl’s back tenderly as she whispered sweet nothings in her ear, “There there, love. You’re safe now… you’re safe now and I won’t let anything touch you like that ever again.”

Vinyl slowly calmed down and wiped her tears as she got to her feet. “Come on. We’ve still got a job to do.” She summoned her exosuit and picked up Benihime, sheathing it and drawing the katana sheathed on her back in her left hand. “Let’s get back to it.”

“Nice to see that I didn’t have to rip your head off,” Maud nodded, cracking her neck and knuckles as she dragged Facet out from behind the wall she made earlier.

“Why are you dragging me, dear?” Facet asked as he pushed Maud’s hand off his shoulder and brushed his coat to smooth it out.

“Because you were taking too long to reload. Why don’t you switch to a semi-automatic?” Maud rolled her eyes, looking off towards the castle, “Anyway, we should keep moving.”

“Revolvers are classy,” Facet said as he twirled his gun. “Besides, semi-automatics may reload faster, but with more moving parts, they can jam. Revolvers don’t jam.” He holstered the gun and smirked at Maud. “And why do you, the one that prefers to fight bare handed, care what gun I use?”

Maud shrugged, “Because I don’t want you do die before you can reload.”

“If I don’t have time to reload, I switch to Suigetsu,” Facet said. “You worry too much, my dearest. Now then. Let’s hunt some snakes, shall we?”

“We shall.”

“We’ll come with you,” Octavia spoke up, her hand firmly around Vinyl’s waist. “It’s not like we have anything better to do.”

Alucard chuckled to himself as he accompanied the girls into the throne room, armed with the Elements of Harmony as they confronted Chrysalis. “Chrissy! We’re back!”

“Oh this is just precious…” Chrysalis chuckled, her hands still smoking from where she had blasted Celestia into a crater mere moments before. “I just defeated Princess Celestia and have the strongest barrier mage in all of Equestria under my command! How do you think you’re going to defeat me?”

“Well let’s do a headcount, shall we?” Twilight asked. “My boyfriend, the vampire king. A somewhat homicidal priest that loves to kill dark creatures, several goddesses, a catman that cannot die period, an organization full of master assassins, and then there’s me and my dear friends and girlfriend. The bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Which consists of a farm girl with some fucking strong kicks who’s also a living lie detector, a fledgling vampire that can send her bullets anywhere and make a creature her bitch by glaring at it, a reality warping party girl that can tell the future with her seizures, a fashionista with breathtaking anger management issues, a speed demon that’s surprisingly good with a gun scythe despite having no prior experience with guns, and of course, there’s me: the sexiest and future vampire queen.”

Chrysalis growled, “I have an army!”

“And we have jewelry that turned the Lord of Chaos into a golf ball,” Twilight retorted as she lit a cigar. “By the way. That army of yours? It’s dying in the streets.”

“W-what!?” Chrysalis cried, her eyes glowing green as she realized that barely a tenth of her original forces remained still alive and connected to the Hivemind.

“Let’s do this, girls!” Twilight said as the Elements activated, sending their rainbow beam at the stunned changeling queen. Though she would get a nicer treatment since Twilight was sure Cadance would feel merciful.

“No! No! NOOOOOOO!” Chrysalis cried as the Elements’ light washed over her and erupted into a massive rainbow wave that splashed through the city, infecting every changeling with its light and cocooning them in bright swirls of light.

Pain sensed and saw the rainbow coming. “Oh fuck this!” She severed her connection to the Hivemind and beat a hasty retreat, flying as fast as her wings could carry her out of the city. Every moment the distance between her and the rainbow closed. “Get away! Get away! Get away! Get away!” she screamed, escaping its range just before it would have caught her. She turned and hovered as she caught her breath. Then she started laughing. “Fuck you and you friendship beam!” She noticed Sorrow come up to her. “Your plan backfired, Sorrow! Fury is dead! By Crimson’s hands!”

Sorrow smirked, “Well within predictions. After all, the method I used to wake our fearless leader was a bit… traumatizing. And besides, can you honestly tell me that you liked that fire spitting asshole?”

Pain laughed. “You’re right! I’m glad he’s pushin’ up daisies!” She glared at Sorrow again. “She tried to kill me on sight. You predicted she’d lead us again, right? What was your method of waking her anyway?”

“Tried to rape her,” Sorrow admitted without a single regret, casually stuffing his hands in his pockets, “Nothing special.”

“You tried to rape her, huh?” Pain asked. “Somehow, that’s really something I’d expect from Fear. Anyways, let’s grab Fear and End. This job’s a bust. And you didn’t answer my other question.”

“Hmm, I’ll admit, I didn’t expect her connections to these… people to be so strong. And please, you know that my methods are far more tolerable than that gore fucking necrophiliac. At least I can control when my pants come off.” Sorrow chuckled, “Remember the time when he tore his pants off in the middle of a fight so he could dry hump the woman we were supposed to assassinate?”

Pain clenched her gut as she laughed at the memory. “Crimson kicked his ass so hard that night!” She became a bit more somber. “You know we have to kill her now, right? She chose them over us.”

Sorrow’s expression fell as he took to the air, “Yeah… it’s going to be a tough one, though…. Despite her reaction to me at first… she’s only gotten better these past ten years…”

“Yeah. And that Night Shift group gave her some impressive tech,” Pain said. “This ain’t gonna be easy. She was always the strongest of us. Maybe she’ll kill us instead.”

“Would that not be a truly spectacular way for the Cobras to end? A poetically ironic death at the hands of our once so faithful leader… It would be a story for the ages….” Sorrow grinned again, turning to look at the city.

Pain chuckled. “It would be one hell of a way to go, I’ll admit.” She grinned at him. “Are you wanting to die by her hand? Want the little psycho bitch you love to kill you, Sorrow?”

Sorrow nodded, “It would be the greatest of joys and the greatest of sorrows all at once.”

“You and your melodrama,” Pain said with a roll of her eyes. “What is it with you and her brand of carnage anyway?”

“I don’t know. It sings to me, her blade, her eyes, the blood she spills… it is truly the most beautiful sight I have ever seen in my life…” Sorrow paused, “Or rather, unlife.”

“Vampires…” Pain muttered. “All blood and gore with you people.”

Twilight puffed her cigar as she stood over the prone Chrysalis. “Feel better?”

Chrysalis slowly stood, her skin having paled from a near black to a healthy tan, her tattered and patchy hair restored to a full set of turquoise green curls, Even the holes dotting her carapace had simply shrunk, filling in and becoming grayish spots against the black chitin. “I… yes… I…. I feel better than I have in centuries! W-what awesome power that the Elements of Harmony have…. I…. I’m sorry for all that I’ve done…” She sank back to her knees, dropping her face into her hands, “I-I only wanted to make sure my hive was fed and happy! I was so desperate…. a changeling’s physical appearance only becomes more monstrous with a lack of Love to feed on…. it makes feeding after a dry spell so difficult… our magic turns parasitic…. I’m so, so sorry….”

Twilight felt her heart gripped by pity for the changeling queen. “Were all those changelings out there your children?”

“Yes…” Chrysalis sniffled, “and now… so many of them are gone forever….”

Twilight felt her cigar fall from her lips. They had massacred a mother’s children. Children that said mother only wanted to feed. For the first time in years, Twilight felt like a monster. She knelt down and hugged the grieving Chrysalis. “I think I understand your motive. You were desperate to provide for your children. I’m going to be a mother myself. I think if our roles were reversed, I might have done the same thing.”

Chrysalis sobbed pitifully, her now rounded and full wings fluttering in distress, “I… I caused this… I planned the attack… I… I killed thousands of my own children….”

Twilight hugged her closer and looked to Cadance with a silent request for help.

Cadance stepped forward, kneeling down and hugging Chrysalis as well, opening the floodgates and causing every female in the immediate vicinity to simultaneously glomp Chrysalis into a massive group hug.

“Even though so much blood has been spilled, we hope you’ll let us try to make amends,” Rarity said, smiling at Elusive as he reached out to Chrysalis. “Perhaps you’d like to meet my son?”

Chrysalis looked at Elusive in wonder as she reached out to hold him, gently supporting the child against her breast, “I… I am honored to…. to receive this chance….. thank you… thank you so much.”

Around them, all the changelings still alive stood, now looking less monstrous and more human, looking noticeably more whole and less tattered, each one kneeling down in reverence. Across the city, this scene repeated itself, each changeling kneeling straight in the direction of the wedding hall.

Twilight looked at Cadance. “So… What now? I mean… The Elements did their work, but there’s still a lot of battle damage.”

Cadance sighed, “Reconstruction, that’s about it. Build a memorial to those lost in battle, changeling and human…. find a place to house the remaining changelings…”

Celestia nodded, idly rubbing her slightly burned hands, “Indeed. I believe the caves underneath Canterlot itself would have enough space to house a Hive, don’t you think?”

Chrysalis looked up and nodded slowly, “It… the caves are large enough to host a good sized hive, yes…”

Twilight was about to say something when several of her golems entered the room. “Why did they come in here now?”

“..... Twilight…. what are those?” Celestia asked, shooting a suspicious glance at Twilight, “and why exactly do they smell like necromancy?”

Twilight chuckled nervously. “Because they’re necromantic golems?” She rubbed the back of her head. “I’ve been storing them in the caverns.”

Celestia dropped her face into her hand, hissing slightly at the contact, “Twilight… I specifically forbade you from necromancy for a reason…. where… where have you even been getting the souls for this!?”

“The death row inmates you fed to Alucard three times a day for twelve years,” Twilight said. “He’s a really bad influence.”

“.... Well at least I know we didn’t lose anyone important,” Celestia muttered before pausing and sinking to the floor in horrified realization, “Oh gods above even I’ve been corrupted by Alucard!”

Alucard started laughing at that. “Looks that way, Celestia! Well then, better get started on cleanup. Besides. I’m famished.” He lifted his right hand and curled his pinkie and ring fingers as the sigil on his glove glowed red. The spilled blood throughout Canterlot began flowing toward him in rivers, being absorbed into his body. “Now that’s hitting the spot!”

“Alucard, maybe you’re being a tad insensitive?” Fluttershy asked. “Most of that blood is from Chrysalis’ children.”

“... Oh, right.” Alucard shrugged and stopped absorbing the blood, letting it splatter and create a huge mess all over the floor, “Eh, tasted like crap anyway. Not really worth much.”

Chrysalis glared at Alucard. “Those are my children you’re so casually talking about, vampire. Besides, I’d feel more offended if you didn’t drink their blood. We changelings eat our dead.”

Twilight blinked, “Really? Well, I mean, I suppose that it’s more efficient to use all available resources… Still a bit… disturbing, now that I think about it.”

Celestia sighed and strode up to Twilight, hooking a finger in her collar and dragging Twilight away, “Anyway, Twilight, you and I need to have a long talk about your… practices.”

“My practices helped me find Cadance in time, Princess!” Twilight protested. “And protected Ponyville from Nightmare Moon’s ghouls while the girls, Alucard, and I found the Elements!”

“Be that as it may, necromancy is forbidden for a reason, Twilight. I can only be glad that the natural corruption present within all necromantic magic has not reached your mind.” Celestia sighed, placing a hand on Twilight’s shoulder, “If you won’t stop, please, at least try not to use anymore necromancy than really necessary.”

“Necromancy is not naturally corruptive, Princess,” Twilight said. “Spike is proof of that. I lied when I was explaining what he is. He’s actually a dracolich. I went all tabula rasa on a death row inmate’s soul while using his biomass to animate Spike’s bones. Most necromancers simply go mad with power trying to raise an army of zombies. I however, have only brought Spike back from the dead, and prefer my more durable and versatile golems over zombies.”

Celestia sighed, “I had figured as such when I first laid eyes on him, but I held my tongue. But perhaps you’re right. Well, I suppose you may continue your necromancy, but please remain careful. And don’t ever use the souls of the innocent.”

Twilight looked Celestia straight in the eyes. “I would never use the souls of innocent people for my magic. I’m not a monster.”

“And I am forever thankful for that, Twilight,” Celestia smiled and hugged Twilight, “We have a lot of reconstruction work to do, and unfortunately, that will have to wait as well. I have received reports that the terrorist group known as ‘The Cobras’ is still loose in the city, despite the death of one of their members.”

“The Cobras have fled the city,” Facet said as he, Maud, Octavia, and Vinyl entered the room. “It seems they each have runes on their bodies that destroy them after death. We’ve confirmed the death of the one called The Fury, though the rest remain at large. In addition, Duet the Ripper was successfully suppressed.”

Luna nodded, “Excellent work. Reconstruction work shall begin immediately. Now, I believe we had a wedding to finish?”

Cadance perked up and gently elbowed Shining Armor’s side with a lecherous grin. “You know, Shiny, now that she’s well fed, Chrysalis is pretty hot. And she’s a shapeshifter too.”

“.... Are you implying what I think you’re implying, Cadance,” Shining Armor asked, a slightly worried look entering his eyes.

Twilight sidled up to her brother’s opposite side. “She’s right, BBBFF. Think about it. Any fantasy you want.”

Chrysalis spoke up, protesting, “Don’t I get a say in this!?”

“You mean you don’t want to be part of a menage a troi with a love goddess and the handsome, husky groom you’ve been spending so much quality time with lately?” Twilight asked. “Think about it. You married to a love goddess and the man with so much love you were able to beat Princess Celestia in a straight fight. You and your hive will never go hungry again.”

“.... Good point,” Chrysalis nodded, “the benefits clearly outweigh the drawbacks…. And though he is a massive dork… he’s also very handsome… and has a huge co-”

“OKAY CHANGING THE SUBJECT NOW!” Twilight flailed, not needing nor wanting to hear about the size of her brother’s… love muscle.

“Well, Shiny?” Cadance asked as she stepped in front of him with that same grin on her face, inviting Chrysalis to stand beside her with a gesture. Which the changeling queen accepted, taking Cadance’s form for fun as she gave him that same lascivious grin. “Well?” they purred together in a seductive tone.

“....” Shining Armor gulped and held his hands over his crotch, “.... I… I might need to go to the hospital after tonight….”

“Oh you’ll be fine, Shiny!” Alucard assured him as he kept absorbing the blood in the city. “Think of it this way. You get to marry a love goddess and a changeling queen. You’ve got some serious envy coming your way, man.”

“.....” Shining Armor sighed and relented, “Yeah, I guess I do…. well, at least I’m already in my tux…”

“Zhen let’s get zhe vedding back on track!” Schrodinger exclaimed. “Pinkie vorked very hard on zhe reception!”

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Captain Shining Armor and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza in holy matrimony,” Anderson solemnly intoned, a bible in his hands despite the lack of Christianity in Equestria. “Under the blessings of Princesses Celestia and Luna, and under the watchful eyes of Triton, Ouroboros, Zephyr, and Geb, I hereby bless this union in the name of love. Captain Armor, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? In sickness and in health, in wealth and in poverty, for better or for worse, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Shining Armor answered with no hesitation, smiling at Cadance as he said it.

Anderson grinned and nodded at Cadance, “Princess Cadenza, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? In sickness and in health, in wealth and in poverty, for better or for worse, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Cadance answered, returning Shining Armor’s smile with one of her own as she stared into his eyes.

“Then under the authority granted to me by Princess Celestia herself, I pronounce you man and wi- oh! Skipped straight to the kiss, eh?” Anderson chuckled as Shining Armor and Cadance kissed passionately in front of him, tapping his foot lightly as they passed the two minute mark. “Alright alright you two, we get it, you’re in love. But please, come up for air sometime, would you?”

“Any bets on vhen zhey come up for air?” Schrodinger asked, looking around. “Anyvone?”

“Five bits say they take another five minutes,” Twilight muttered.

“Accepted!” Schrodinger chirped, his ears twitching as he grinned.

Pinkie poked her head in, “I got five bits on six minutes!”

“Seven minutes,” Alucard chimed in, adding to the pool.

Schrodinger grinned, “You’re on!”

Seven minutes of furious kissing ensued, after which Cadance and Shining Armor broke apart, panting heavily and smelling of arousal.

“I win!” Alucard called, collecting his bits with a grin.

Shining Armor hugged Cadance close, smiling as he felt her bust press against him. “Can’t wait for tonight,” he whispered in her ear as he lifted her enough to press his bulge against her.

“Ahem,” Anderson cut in, “if you would save those activities for later….”

The newlyweds broke apart with equally bright blushes. “Sorry,” they muttered together.

“Aaaanyway, Captain Armor, if you would take your place again? Princess Cadenza, if you would have a seat?” Anderson adjusted his glasses and hefted his bible again as the organs began playing once again.

Shining Armor stepped back into place, smiling at Cadance before turning his gaze toward his rather unexpected second bride.

Chrysalis walked demurely down the aisle, her black wedding dress shimmering under the lights. She kept her head low, slowly raising it as she walked until she stood in front of Shining Armor, looking directly into his eyes with a quiet smile and a blush on her face.

Shining Armor smiled back at her, not blinking as he looked into her eyes. She was as beautiful as Cadance, honestly.

“Dearly beloved, we are still gathered here today to join Captain Shining Armor and Queen Chrysalis in holy matrimony,” Anderson solemnly intoned once more. “Under the blessings of Princesses Celestia and Luna, and under the watchful eyes of Triton, Ouroboros, Zephyr, and Geb, I hereby bless this union in the name of love. Captain Armor, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? In sickness and in health, in wealth and in poverty, for better or for worse, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Shining Armor answered, his smile at Chrysalis widening ever so slightly.

Anderson nodded and turned to Chrysalis, “Queen Chrysalis, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? In sickness and in health, in wealth and in poverty, for better or for worse, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Chrysalis answered, half lidding her eyes as she put her hands on Shining Armor’s shoulder.

“Then under the authority granted to me by Princess Celestia herself, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride,” Anderson adjusted his glasses as he stepped back, closing his bible.

Shining Armor pulled Chrysalis into his arms and deeply kissed her, running his fingers through her hair.

Chrysalis kissed back, her arms around Shining Armor’s waist as she pressed against him. She slipped her tongue into his mouth, lengthening it to wrap around his tongue.

Shining Armor pressed her closer to him as his tongue danced with hers, slipping it into her mouth while gripping the back of her head slightly, his bulge pressing against her crotch and throbbing enough that she could feel it through her dress.

“Ahem.” Anderson skillfully cockblocked, raising an eyebrow at both Shining Armor and Chrysalis, “If you hadn’t noticed, we still have another ceremony to conduct. Captain, if you would take a seat? Princess Cadenza, if you would take your previous place?”

Shining Armor swapped places with Cadance, winking at her as he passed her and sat down.

Cadance grinned at Chrysalis, their dresses contrasting quite beautifully.

Anderson sighed and once more opened his bible, his hair now slightly askew and his robes a tad rumpled, “Dearly beloved, we are once again gathered here today to join Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Queen Chrysalis in holy matrimony. Under the blessings of Princesses Celestia and Luna, and under the watchful eyes of Triton, Ouroboros, Zephyr, and Geb, I hereby bless this union in the name of love. Princess Cadenza, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? In sickness and in health, in wealth and in poverty, for better or for worse, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Cadance answered, practically undressing Chrysalis with her eyes.

Anderson noticed Cadance’s stare and sighed under his breath, turning to Chrysalis and asking, “Queen Chrysalis, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? In sickness and in health, in wealth and in poverty, for better or for worse, until death do you part?”

“I do,” Chrysalis answered, licking her lips in anticipation of the kiss that would seal their marriage.

“Then under the authority granted to me by Princess Celestia herself, I pronounce you wife and wife. You may kiss,” Anderson stood back and straightened out his robes, carefully shielding his eyes from what was to come.

Cadance slammed her lips into Chrysalis’ and shoved her tongue into her mouth, pressing their chests together.

Several of the men in the audience immediately stood and cheered, only to be pulled down harshly by their significant others. The ones not pulled down were subject to intense glares from the nearby females.

And then there were the women who got up and cheered, Twilight, Fluttershy, and Vinyl being chief among them. Luna had stood as well, though she only offered a subdued clapping.

Cadance finally broke the kiss and giggled as she telekinetically pulled Shining Armor over so that she and Chrysalis could hold him between them, their chests holding his arms.

Shining Armor gulped, “Ah, ladies, as much as this is fun…. we still have a reception to get to….”

Alucard held Twilight and Fluttershy against him as they did their own little three person dance. “So… Two new sisters, eh Sugarlips?”

Twilight smiled, “Yeah, it’s pretty sweet. I get to tell Chrysalis all about Shining’s embarrassing moments~”

“Like all those times you kicked his ass in training,” Alucard said. “Or when you kicked his ass especially hard for forgetting to knock while you were getting dressed after a shower.”

“Or that time when he kicked his own ass one winter while trying to ski!” Twilight giggled.

“Speaking of the newlyweds, where are they?” Alucard asked, looking around for them.

“Cadance, are you sure we should be doing this?” Shining Armor whispered, carefully keeping himself hidden under the massive amount of thankfully closely placed buffet tables. “It’s a bit… scandalous….”

“I know. Isn’t it exciting?” Cadance answered in the same whisper as she pecked him on the lips. “I know someone’s really excited,” she purred as she squeezed and rubbed his throbbing bulge. “I spiked the wine too.”

“Oh gods Cadance you didn’t….” Shining Armor groaned, “we’re going to get in so much trouble for that… Hey, by the way, where’s Chrysa-whoa there!” He jerked slightly as Chrysalis shimmered into view beside him, her hand already shoved into his pants.

“We’ll be fine, Shiny,” Cadance purred in Shining Armor’s ear as she unzipped his pants and deeply kissed him, guiding his hands to her chest as she pushed her tongue into his mouth.

Shining Armor kissed Cadance back passionately, groaning as he felt Chrysalis begin stroking his shaft. With a flick of his thumb, a privacy shell erected itself and shielded the three from view and hearing.

Cadance giggled and pulled the front of her dress down as she broke the kiss. “You miss my big titties, honey?” she asked while jiggling her mounds for him. “I know you’re still a boob man.” She shoved his face into her chest and joined Chrysalis in stroking him.

“You know it babe,” Shining Armor grinned and buried his face in Cadance’s cleavage, groping and stroking both breasts as he breathed in her scent.

Cadance moaned and pressed him closer to her. “My nipples are so hard, Shiny. You know I love when you suck on them.” She guided one of his hands under her dress to her pantyless core.

Shining Armor grinned, squeezing both of Cadance’s breasts together and suckling on both nipples at once. His other hand pressed forward, gently cupping Cadance’s bare sex and stroking it, teasing at her clitoris and gently touching at her inner folds.

Chrysalis moaned as she rubbed against Shining Armor. “Don’t forget about me,” she purred as she went down and slowly engulfed his shaft in her mouth, moaning as she started sucking him off.

“D-damn!” Shining Armor groaned, bucking his hips slightly, “Cadance… holy crap…. Chrysalis is- damn! That tongue!”

Chrysalis grinned against him as she kept gently sucking him, her tongue stretching and reaching spots no human tongue could hope to reach while Cadance hiked her dress up and pulled her outer lips open with her legs spread. “Come here and lick my pussy, Shiny.”

Shining Armor grinned and guided Cadance’s hips forward, bringing her clean shaven pussy to his lips. He began licking, periodically suckling on her clitoris and letting his tongue enter her depths.

Cadance moaned and wrapped her thighs around his head. “Oh Shiny. That feels so good, Shiny.” She pressed his face harder against her snatch as Chrysalis started sucking a bit harder while deepthroating him, her lips, tongue, and throat all working together to pleasure her husband.

Shining Armor grinned and shifted slightly, motioning for Chrysalis to turn around. As she turned, he gently started fingering her, squeezing at her clitoris and stroking her labia.

Chrysalis gasped as he did, her moans sending vibrations up and down his cock as she worked her inhuman flexibility to give Shining Armor better access to her soaking snatch.

A hand grabbed the camera and turned it away from the trio of newlyweds. “Let’s give zhem some privacy, nein? Focus around on zhe rest of zhe party.” Schrodinger grinned into the camera with twitching ears as he sipped some wine.

Pinkie’s nose twitched, “Hey, didn’t the previous narration say that Cadance spiked the wine….?” She grinned at Schrodinger and took a long, overly-sexual gulp of her own wine, setting the empty glass down beside her, “Well, let’s see how well the wine’s been spiked, huh?”

Schrodinger grinned and drained the rest of his wine, setting the glass beside Pinkie’s. “Name zhe place, meine liebe,” he purred as he pulled her into his arms, quite purposefully pressing her chest against him. “You look extra radiant tonight, Pinkie.”

“Hmmm….. Princess Celestia’s room! It must have the best bed in aaaaaallllll of Equestria!” Pinkie pressed against Schrodinger further, her hand grasping his crotch, “Whaddaya think, Schrody? Wanna christen the Princess’ room?”

Schrodinger closed his eyes and lightly moaned as he throbbed in her hand. “I sink…” He pushed her down onto Celestia’s bed and deeply kissed her as he held her close, squeezing one of her breasts as his tongue pushed past her lips, finally breaking the kiss after a couple of minutes. “Zhat is a vonderful idea.” He kissed her again and started peeling her dress off.

Pinkie looked towards the camera and shooed it away, giving it a swift kick into the next scene.

Mac held Trixie close as they danced, a beautiful contrast between them in terms of height and color, amongst other details. He looked down at her with a faint smile, swaying in time and leading Trixie across the dance floor.

Trixie smiled up at him as she stared into his eyes. “You’ve become quite the dancer, my sweet Mac,” she complimented as she pressed against him and nuzzled his chest, teasingly pressing her chest against his own.

“All cuz you decided t’help me along, Trixie,” Mac grinned, slipping his hand perhaps just a tad lower than proper down her back. “Ah never did give you an appropriate thank you fer that.”

Trixie grinned back as she rubbed her chest against him in response to his slipping hand. “And just what sort of thank you did you have in mind, my love?” she asked as she half lidded her eyes and parted her lips ever so slightly, bringing attention to her light purple lipstick.

Mac gulped and silently prayed that the box in his jacket would go unnoticed until the proper time. “Well, Trixie, you’ll find out later t’night.”

“But what if I want a little something right now?” Trixie asked, giving him that sexy pout that he couldn’t resist as she slowly lifted her knee and rubbed it against his bulge. “Shall I get us some wine?”

“Ah, yeah, that’d be great, Trixie. Thanks,” Mac sighed in relief as Trixie left to grab some wine. If she had gone just a little further, well, he had already drank a few glasses earlier and knew all too well that it was spiked.

Trixie returned with two glasses of wine. Her own in her hand, and his in her telekinetic grip. “Here you are, my sweet,” she purred before slowly drinking hers, swallowing in such a way that she drew attention to her generous cleavage with each gulp. Cleavage that seemed larger than usual, straining against her dress.

Mac gulped again, taking the wine and draining it in one go to soothe his suddenly parched throat. He idly realised that his pants felt about two sizes too small in the pelvic department.

Trixie took the glasses and set them aside before casting a veil over herself and Mac. To onlookers, they appeared to still be swaying and staring into each other's eyes. Underneath it, she was slowly unzipping his pants.

“Trixie… Ah don’ rightly think that’s an a-appropriate thing t’be doin’ right now…” Mac mumbled, slowly moving the both of them towards the nearest exit.

“We’re under one of my masterful veils, darling,” Trixie purred as she fished his rod out of his pants and started stroking it. “No one knows I’ve got my fingers wrapped around your huge friend right now. And he seems much bigger than usual.”

“‘Think th’wine’s spiked,” Mac muttered, “Made yer breasts bigger too. ‘N I don’ mean t’doubt, but just in case, wanna get outta here?”

“Lead the way, my darling,” Trixie purred before deeply kissing Mac, pushing her tongue into his mouth and stroking him harder as her juices flowed down her thighs in ever growing rivers.

“Alucard, have you noticed that a good chunk of the guests have excused themselves after drinking maybe two or three glasses of wine?” Twilight asked, casually sitting down and swirling her own glass. “It’s probably because Cadance spiked the wine again, actually. My mage sight is registering it as glowing pink, so that’s an obvious tell.”

Alucard chuckled as he held Twilight close. “Probably wanted to make a distraction so that the newlyweds could slip away for some fun. I predict a major baby boom from tonight. What with the whole fertility goddess thing that Cadance has going on.”

Twilight sighed, “The last time this happened was what, five years ago? She got in so much trouble for that… it’s probably gonna be worse this time around….”

“It most likely will, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna purred as she wrapped her arms around Twilight’s neck from behind, obviously sloshed from the wine, given how much curvier she was. Her breasts were nearly as big as Fluttershy’s, and she reeked of arousal.

“Princess Luna? A-Gods above did Cadance use her breast enhancement spell on the wine too!?” Twilight half-shrieked, noticing the changes to Luna’s bust. She blushed, catching the scent of arousal as it worked its way from nose to groin, a familiar heat flaring up between her legs, “....... Fluttershy, dear? Come here please.” She slammed back her glass, drinking three more in the time that it took Fluttershy to walk back.

“Yes Twilight?” Fluttershy asked, raising a curious brow at Twilight’s now slightly rumpled and almost wine-stained state.

“Alucard, take the three of us back to my old suite- not the tower but the suite above it and make love to us until the sun rises…. two days from now.” Twilight slammed back one last glass of wine, visibly swaying as she hiccuped, a large blush splayed across her face.

Alucard wrapped his arms around the three girls, grinning as he hugged the busty and in two cases heavily inebriated ladies while spiriting them through the shadows to their destination.

Rainbow blinked, “Hey, where the heck is everyone else? And…. G, have your tits been getting bigger? You’re kinda bustin’ outta your dress.”

Gilda looked down at her chest after draining her fourth glass of wine. “Holy shit I think you’re right!” she slurred as she pressed her chest against Rainbow’s. “My tits are as big as yours, babe.” She gave off a drunken giggle. “What do ya say we find Soarin and take him up to the mountain top, then fuck his brains out under the moon and stars?”

“You okay G? Normally you’re less horny than this…. did someone spike the drinks or something? Well, not that it’s a problem or anything.” Rainbow looked at Gilda in both concern and arousal, making sure that she wasn’t wasted enough to start trying to fuck everything with ovaries yet.

Gilda giggled. “I’m fine, Dashie.” She wrapped her arms around her and pressed their chests tighter together. “You’re so sexy, Dashie.” She deeply kissed her while leading her toward Soarin.

“You know it, G,” Rainbow chuckled, waving at Soarin.

Soarin smiled and closed the distance between himself and his girls. “Hey, girls. You two doing okay after all this craziness?” He wrapped his arms around them and held them close. He was a little tipsy from the two glasses of wine he’d drunk.

Rainbow kissed Soarin on the cheek, still grinning, “You bet, babe! Tonight’s going great! Say, is it just me…” she grabbed his crotch and smirked, “or has your ‘little’ friend gotten a lot bigger?”

Soarin held them a bit tighter as he lightly moaned, his bulge throbbing in her hand. “Sure feels that way, baby. Did you two get bigger boobs?”

Gilda giggled again, “Yup~! Almost as big as Dashie’s here!” She poked one of Rainbow’s breasts, letting it jiggle from the impact.

“Hey, don’t touch my boob like that!” Rainbow teased, giving Gilda’s breasts an eager grope, “Not unless you’re planning on takin’ us somewhere so we can get some alone time!”

Soarin ground against Rainbow’s hand as she rubbed his bulge, throbbing even harder. “My suite,” he panted. “Right now.”

Rainbow grabbed a hold of Soarin and Gilda, “Oh yeah! C’mon, babe, G, let’s go fuck until the sun comes up!”

Anderson looked around in curiosity at all the couples excusing themselves from the party. He wondered if Cadance had something to do with it as he sipped his wine. She was after all, Equestria’s version of Aphrodite.

“Heeey~!” Seras’ carefree and obviously tipsy voice called out, the draculina in question sauntering over and flaunting her figure at Anderson, “What’s wrong, Anderson? Why’re you standing here all alone when you could be hanging out with a nice girl?”

Anderson gulped as he blushed brightly from the sight of Seras’ much enhanced curves. “Well, it’s a party for this world’s version of Aphrodite, Ms. Victoria. Don’t want to get into any embarrassing circumstances.” She cleared his throat before draining his glass. “You look very beautiful tonight, Ms. Victoria.”

Seras blushed and fidgeted, a wide smile on her face, “Aw, thank you kindly, guv’ner~ You’re looking very handsome as well.”

Thank you, Ms. Victoria,” Anderson said, giving Seras a small smile as a slow song started. He offered his hand. “May I have this dance?”

“You may indeed, luv,” Seras all but swept herself into Anderson’s arms, letting him lead the dance as she fought the urge to just jump him on the spot.

Anderson slowly led Seras around the dance floor as he looked into her expressive blue eyes and struggled not to look down at her very revealing dress. Was it just him, or did her already impressive bust seem larger?

“Oh come on, Anderson, my tits are down here,” she teased, pressing her bust against him for emphasis, “You can look, I don’t mind.”

Anderson started sweating as he slowly glanced down at her cleavage. “They seem much larger tonight, Ms. Victoria.” He could have sworn he saw the edge of one of her areolae peeking out of her dress.

Seras smiled mysteriously, “That’s because they are~” She rubbed her chest against him once more, causing her dress’ hemline to drop ever so slightly and showing, for sure this time, a good portion of her slightly puffy areolae.

Anderson felt his pants tighten considerably at the sight. “What are you playing at, Ms. Victoria?”

“Seras, luv. Call me Seras,” she poked him in the chest. “And as for what I’m playing at…..” she groped his crotch and pushed him back, pinning him against the wall, “I’m pretty sure it’s very obvious.”

Anderson lightly groaned and couldn’t help giving Seras an affectionate grin. “Only if you call me Alexander.”

Seras’ grin turned into a thoughtful frown, “But my brother’s name is Alexander… say, what’s your old name anyway? I never asked…” She kept pressing against him, almost grinding their hips together.

Anderson looked her in the eyes, but glanced down just in time to see her large, stiff nipples slip from her dress. “Alastar.” He couldn’t tear his gaze from her chest. “What about your old name?”

“Alastar… Alastar… Mmmm, that’s a name I could get used to screaming…” Seras grinned, “My name’s Chloe. Chloe… eheh…. Chloe Anderson.”

Anderson chuckled. “Yours is a lovely name, Seras. But there’s a certain charm to your new name.” He found himself slowly leaning toward her as his arms wrapped around her. “May I confess something?”

Seras tittered, “A priest confessing something? What a shock! But ask away, my good man~”

“Something has been stolen from me in recent months,” Anderson said as he stared into Seras’ eyes. “The thief is clever, friendly, and very very beautiful.”

“Well, what was stolen?” Seras asked, slowly catching on to Anderson’s wording. “It sounds rather important.”

“It is,” Anderson said. “What was stolen, was my heart.” He leaned in and caught Seras’ lips in a deep kiss, savoring the softness of her lips.

Seras’ eyes widened as she leaned into the kiss, throwing her arms fully around Anderson and closing her eyes as she dove in.

Anderson held Seras close to him as he slowly deepened their kiss, a multitude of book pages glowing yellow with energy starting to flutter around them.

“You know, this wine is actually pretty good, even without the love magic spiking it,” Maud commented, her normally rigid posture now relaxed and a small smile upon her face along with a faint, healthy blush.

“It really is,” Facet agreed, swirling the wine in his glass a bit. “You’re very relaxed, Maud. It suits you, darling.” He drained his glass and grabbed another one. “I think your dress is getting tighter too.”

Maud blinked and looked down, “Huh, so it is… I hadn’t noticed, really. Say, are your pants getting tighter as well?” She took another sip of wine, her hair slowly working out of its normal straightness and frazzling out.

Facet glanced down at his groin, noticing the large bulge. “Sure seems that way. Must be the wine and the lovely way your dress is stretching over your chest.” He grinned as a button popped off and exposed some of her cleavage.

“Oops!” Maud chuckled and pressed against Facet, pecking him on the cheek, “Well, I suppose we should take advantage of this opportunity, don’t you think?”

Facet grinned and drained his glass before reaching down with his free hand and squeezing her ass. “I think we should.” He absentmindedly grabbed his glass in his telekinesis and chucked it against a pillar as his now free hand reached into Maud’s dress and squeezed her left breast. “They’re a lot softer too.”

Maud shivered at his touch, “Way more sensitive as well…” She grinned and slipped her hand into his pants, groping his half-hard penis.

Facet lightly moaned into Maud’s chest as he held her closer. “Somewhere secluded. I don’t care where. I want you right now, Maud.”

“Then secluded it is,” Maud smiled, tapping her foot on the floor and opening a hole long enough for the two of them to drop into guest rooms below.

Facet pushed Maud into the room’s bathroom, since it was closer than the bed, and started stripping his and Maud’s clothes off as his telekinesis started the shower. Once her breasts were uncovered he latched his mouth onto her right nipple and started sucking hard on it, still stripping her and himself as he did.

“Mmm, right there, babe! Ooh, man, I’m sensitive right now!” Maud let her head loll back and gasped, bucking her hips against Facet’s.

Applejack downed her third glass of wine. “Ah’m more of a cider gal, but this wine is some real good stuff, eh boys?” She leaned on Flim and Flam, with her arms around their shoulders as she blushed. “An you two are lookin’ mighty handsome tonight.”

Flim grinned and looked at Flam affably, “Why thank you-”

“-boss lady. You’re looking just as-”

“-spectacular as usual, perhaps-”

“-even better,” Flam finished, raising his glass in toast. Flim clinked his glass against Flam’s waiting for Applejack to do the same. “To weddings, the brides and the groom, and financial successes all over the place!”

Applejack giggled as she clinked her fourth glass against theirs and drained it before tossing the empty glass up with enough force that it shattered against and embedded itself in the ceiling. “You boys see somethin’ ya like?” she asked with another giggle as her dress visibly strained against her chest, her nipples visibly pressing out against the fabric.

Flim and Flam both fought the urge to look down, prodigiously managing to keep their eyes level with Applejack’s eyes. Somehow. “W-well,” Flam gulped, tugging at his collar, “that’s a definite maybe, with a good dose of ‘yes’ as long as we don’t get punted through a window.”

Flim nodded, “Same answer.”

Applejack half dragged them onto a deserted balcony. “So what are you boys seein’ that ya like?” Her dress was starting to slightly tear at the seams in her chest area.

“Well….” Flam rubbed his chin thoughtfully, “Your bust is definitely the main eye catcher, what with your dress starting to tear around the chest area.”

“I was more staring at her ass the whole time, brother dear,” Flim cut in. “It’s large, shapely, well toned by years of applebucking, and overall just a perfect ass.”

Flam nodded, “It is, isn’t it? Mmm, well her waistline is also rather attractive.”

“Oh is it! Slim, muscular, feminine but not overly… ooh, if she weren’t our boss….” Flam winked at Applejack and grinned roguishly.

“Her eyes are a rather nice shade of green as well, aren’t they?” Flim asked.

Flam tilted his head, “Beautiful, really. Sort of like emeralds mixed with green apples. Her hair is especially beautiful though.”

“Mm, even if it’s not professionally cared for, I can still tell that it’s silky smooth, and that color, too!” Flim shuddered, “Perfect shade of blonde, it is…”

“Would you boys shut up and make love ta me already?” Applejack asked in a seductive purr as she dragged them into a conveniently located lounge and locked the door before slamming her lips into Flam’s and shoving her tongue into his mouth while shaking her ass for Flim.

“Whoa nelly!” both brothers cried in unison, though Flam’s was quite obviously muted. They locked eyes, shrugged, and decided to roll with it and shelve the consequences for later.

Octavia staggered against Vinyl, a wide grin on her face as she drained her fourth glass of wine, “Vinyl, darling, is it just me or has my dress gotten tighter?”

Vinyl grinned and grabbed one of her wife’s breasts while her other hand held a glass of bourbon from her personal stash. “It ain’t you, Tavi. Your tits are at least three sizes bigger!” She squeezed the breast and rubbed her palm against the hardened nipple. “Nips are hard too. And bigger, puffier.”

“Wow, the boys in R&D are going to have to modify my suit again,” Octavia pouted, flouncing her chest, “and it’s all because of these things.”

“You know I love your tits, baby,” Vinyl cooed as her hand released Octavia’s breast and trailed down and up under her dress. “Ooh… Your dick is bigger too.” She wrapped her fingers around the semi-hard shaft and softly stroked it.

Octavia breathed sharply, “Ooh, love, just like that…. ah, whatever they did to the wine must be upping my sensitivity too~”

Vinyl stroked a little harder and leaned over to whisper in Octavia’s ear. “Party’s dying. Let’s get DeadMau5 and go to our suite. I wanna ride this monster cock all night long, Tavi.”

“Well then we shant delay a single bit, now will we?” Octavia’s cock swelled in Vinyl’s grip as her grin turned sultry, “I do hope you’re ready to go until the sun comes up, love.”

“You know it, Tavi,” Vinyl purred before deeply kissing Octavia and teleporting them and DeadMau5 to their nearby suite, dropping to her knees and pulling Octavia’s panties down before eagerly taking her wife’s cock into her mouth.

“.... Am I…. the only one without a single date…?” Celestia wondered, idly sipping at her tea. “...... How…. depressing….” She sighed and resigned herself to another long night of sleeping in her bed alo- OH GODS WHAT THE-!?

She quickly shut the door to her room and teleported away, her eyes shut tightly and hands over her face in mortification, “I didn’t need to see that!”

After a few seconds of letting her heart calm down, she sank to the floor of her balcony and groaned, “This is how the Sun Goddess dies: Complete mortification at seeing a subject and an extradimensional cat christen her bed…. while completely sober and dateless.”

“So vhy not join us?” Schrodinger asked from where he hung between Celestia’s breasts, naked as the day he was born with twitching ears.

“Gah! Schrodinger!? Don’t do that!” Celestia sighed, “Anyway, it isn’t exactly proper for one of the rulers of all of Equestria to be caught in bed with… anyone, really.”

Schrodinger chuckled. “Proper? You are zhe immortal ruler of Equestria. Vhat’s a few decades vaiting for such gossip to blow over vhen you have all of eternity to live.” He grinned up at her. “Live a little. Get laid. It’s no business of anyvone else’s who you choose to sleep vith.”

“.... Well I can hardly argue with that logic…” Celestia muttered, “but still… are you sure Pinkie would… let me join in…?”

“It vas her idea, dear Tia!” Schrodinger said cheerfully, grinning up at her. “You owe it to yourself, Tia. Vhen vas zhe last time you had sex?”

Celestia paused, “Uh….” She counted her fingers… then her toes… then her fingers again… then her feathers. “..... Four hundred and eighty two years, seven months, two weeks and three days ago. With…. What was his name… Commander…. Nocturne Star. Hmm… I just remembered that he had a cutie mark… shaped like a six pointed star…. and I got… oh… oh dear.” Her eyes went wide, “.... I may or may not be Twilight’s many times great grandmother. Oh dear, that’s awkward.”

“Zhat is awkvard,” Schrodinger agreed. “Especially since zhat vould make Luna her many times great aunt, und zhey’re currently involved in an orgy vith Fluttershy and Alucard.”

Celestia frowned, “... Well there goes my sexual appetite for the next century and a half.”

“A little vine might help zhat,” Schrodinger said, suddenly standing next to her holding up a glass of the spiked wine.

“.... I… oh what the hell, I might as well end the dry spell before my nethers turn into a desert,” Celestia murmured, taking the wine and downing it in a single gulp, her dress visibly bursting open as her breasts swelled to an almost Fluttershy size. “... Oh.”

“Ooh…” Schrodinger purred as he slipped behind Celestia and squeezed her breasts. “Very nice, Tia. Very nice.” He pinched her puffy nipples and pulled on them while licking her neck.

“Mmf,” Celestia sighed and leaned against Schrodinger, “Ah, that feels nice… so much better than just my own hands…”

“Shall ve join Pinkie, Tia?” Schrodinger asked, noticing a pair of hands coming from off screen out of the corner of his eye as he kept fondling the sun goddess.

Celestia nodded, just as Pinkie’s patience finally ran out and she dragged both cat and goddess into the room, the door to the balcony closing with a loud slam.

A twinge of… something… ran through the air in the timelocked and spatially displaced city, reaching upon the senses of the one being who kept order and safety in this beleaguered and terribly designed place.

“NAIL!” A deep voice called from within the walls of the palace in the city center, echoing around loudly. “NAAAAAIIIIIL!”

“Ugh, for the last time, Guru, my name is Hammer Time!” the much beleaguered and unfortunately Namekian-green haired man sighed and stood by the massive and wizened old Namekian with an expression of clear annoyance on his face, “Anyway, what do you want?”

“Do you know what I like about Japan?” Guru asked.

“.... The fuck is a Japan?” Hammer asked, tapping his foot and desperately wishing he could smack Guru with his warhammer.

“Nail,” Guru said in a chastising tone. “None of that.”

Hammer sighed a sigh of pure, angered suffering, “What do you like about Japan, Guru?”

“I like… Their sushi,” Guru answered.

“... Guru, don’t you subsist entirely on water or something?” Hammer asked, facepalming.

“I also like their anime conventions,” Guru said, ignoring the question.

Hammer blinked, “... What’s an anime convention?”

“A large gathering of NERDS!” Guru answered. “Nerds who buy merchandise and sell their porn drawings in between meeting the big voices of anime.”

“.... Sounds like an art show…” Hammer muttered, rolling his eyes.

“Nail. There is a bird in the rafters,” Guru said. “It is pretty. Kick its ass.”

Hammer looked up at the rafters at the crystal pigeon preening there. “....” He sighed and hung his head, spinning his warhammer and leaping into the air, smashing the pigeon into the ground with a bolt of emerald lightning. “There, I kicked its ass. Happy now?”

“Very good, Nail,” Guru said. “Now go outside. I sense the city returning to the normal flow of time.”

“Wait are you shitting me!?” Hammer spun, shocked, “It’s returning to normal!?”

“It is,” Guru said. “And now I must put on my war face.” His expression shifted only slightly. “There. Now show me yours.”

Hammer made a truly intimidating face, hefting his warhammer in preparation for what was to come.

“Needs work,” Guru commented.

A Darkness That Casts a Shadow on Darkness Itself

Rainbow groaned as she sat up, gripping her head as she shielded her eyes from the sun. “Damn sun…” She looked down at her chest and her eyes widened. “Did my chest grow last night? I know I’ve been an H-Cup. Now I’m like a K or something.” She sighed at the pleasant feeling between her legs. “Oh Soarin, you’re such a great lover.”

Soarin groaned, nursing his hangover, “Oh man my head… damn sun…. Augh….” He idly noted that his member seemed a bit larger and his testicles felt more full than usual.

“Fuckin sun…” Gilda groaned as she put a pillow over her face, her now K-Cup breasts jiggling as she moved. “Son of a bitch.”

“Morning, you two,” Rainbow greeted as she slowly got out of bed, stumbling a bit. “Fuck last night was some awesome sex.”

Soarin went pale, staring between Rainbow’s legs, “... Oh shit…. Rainbow… uh…. you got a little… uh… cum… leaking out of you…. I… think we ran out of condoms last night….”

Rainbow’s eyes widened as she looked down at her crotch, seeing that there was indeed cum leaking from her snatch. “Shit! Shit! Shit!” She looked at Soarin. “Do you know how many times you came last night?”

“.... Uh…” Soarin tried to pierce through the haze clouding his mind, “Like…. ten…?”

“And you had five condoms, right?” Rainbow asked, slowly paling more and more.

“Oh shit…” Soarin dropped his head into his hands, “And Gilda passed out after her first orgasm after I came in her… so…. shit….”

“You came inside me five times…” Rainbow breathed. “Fuck! What do we do?! What do we do?!” She took several breaths. “Let’s stay calm. Maybe I’m not pregnant.”

“Maybe…. oh gods maybe… is there any way to check?” Soarin frantically paced back and forth, “Oh man, I don’t know if I’m gonna be a good father if you are pregnant…”

Rainbow took another few breaths. “Let’s go to the palace infirmary. Get a pregnancy test. We’ll find out for sure. And cross our fingers that I’m not.”

Rainbow’s eyes widened at the sight of most of her friends in the infirmary. “Are all of you getting pregnancy tests?” She then noticed Luna. “Princess Luna? You too?”

Luna nodded, “Indeed. It appears that Princess Cadenza’s little prank during the reception is the source of yet another baby boom… and this one most likely much larger than the one five years ago, according to official reports of the last incident and the amount of guests at the wedding yesterday.”

Trixie came out of the doctor’s office accompanied by Big Mac, and slightly pale as she leaned on him. “I’m pregnant.” She smiled up at Mac. “Well. This is unexpected.”

Mac smiled as well, “I guess Ah owe ya a weddin’, don’ I?” He got down on one knee, right in front of everyone there, and pulled out a sky blue velvet box, “Trixie, Ah was meanin’ t’ask ya this last night… but…” he opened the box, revealing a silver ring with an apple shaped emerald with a star shaped sapphire within it atop its surface, “will ya make me th’happiest man in th’world?”

Trixie gasped as tears of joy came to her eyes. “YES! Yes I’ll marry you!” She smiled as he slid the ring onto her finger. Grabbing him in her telekinesis, she pulled him to his feet and tightly hugged him. “Oh Mac. I love you so much.”

Mac smiled and held Trixie close to his chest, already crying joyfully. “Ah love ya too, Trixie. I love ya so much…”

“So you two are gettin’ hitched, eh?” Applejack asked as she stepped out with Flim and Flam. “So apparently these two chuckleheads both put a kid in me. So ah’m havin’ twins.”

Mac froze, setting Trixie down gently and wiping away his tears of joy as he loomed over both brothers and picked them up by the scruffs of their shirts.

“Use your words, big guy,” Alucard said, grinning at the sight.

Mac glared, “Th’two a’y’all better give me a damn good explanation fer this…”

“Princess Cadance’s wine,” Flim said.

“Indeed. It quite lowered our inhibitions,” Flam added.

“Everything was consensual,” Flim said.

“She came onto us in fact,” Flam said.

Mac looked at Applejack sharply, an eyebrow raised and his face set into a deep frown, “That true, AJ?”

Applejack blushed. “Ayup. Ah was pretty sloshed, an these two were bein’ pretty charmin’.”

“Well, alright then, s’long as th’three a’ya were all consensual bout it…” Mac muttered, dropping both brothers and glaring down at them, “Now, th’two of you better make sure ya make an honest woman outta mah sister here.”

“Y-Yes-” Flim said.

“Of course!” Flam finished.

Mac dusted off his hands and straightened up, going back to Trixie’s side, “Then we got no problems, brothers-in-law.”

“Do ah get a say in this?” Applejack asked, staring at her brother.

“Do ya wanna marry them?” Mac asked, “Or would ya rather wait for a bit? Ain’t no problem either way, s’long as no one’s got objections.”

Applejack looked at the brothers with a blush. “Well… Ah’m certainly gonna spend more time with ‘em now.”

Rainbow came out with Soarin, rather pale. “I… I’m having twins…” She collapsed into the chair beside Pinkie. “Twins…”

Pinkie cheered, “Yay! Same as me! Congratulations Rainbow!” Schrodinger nodded, silently patting Rainbow’s back in both sympathy and cheers.

Applejack looked over, “Twins? Well golly gee if that ain’t a coincidence! Ah mahself have got a good pair a’ kids! Makes ya think if Princess Cadenza didn’t do that on purpose!”

Twilight sighed, “Nope. Cadance is pretty infamous for spiking wine with hyper fertility and twin offspring spells at these kinds of gatherings. She says those two stick the best to wine.”

“That they do, Twilight!” Cadance said cheerfully as she stepped from the office. “I’m having triplets!”

“Oh gods why?” Twilight muttered, dropping her face into her hands as she thought of just how long her brother would have to go for in order for triplets to happen. “Alucard? Please kill me now. I just thought of Shiny having se- oh gods why did I just say that!?”

Alucard laughed. “Maybe you’ve got a bit of a brother complex?” He hugged her and Fluttershy close.

“.....” Twilight pulled out of the hug and stared Alucard right in the eyes, “..... NO. Just… no. Not only no but HELL NO.”

“Aw come on, Twilight,” Chrysalis cooed as she came from the office. “You never once wondered what your brother’s packing or how good he is? He’s got one huge di-”

“NO” Twilight blushed furiously, covering her face with the book she had elected to bring. “JUST. STOP.”

“But he’s so well endowed, Twilight,” Cadance said with a swoon. “I still feel very pleasantly sore from last night. He’s so good at pounding pussy.”

“NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!” Twilight covered her ears and hunkered down, a furious blush radiating across her face.

Chrysalis leaned over to Twilight. “Would you believe I turned into you last night and he pounded my pussy just as eagerly?”

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, Twilight finally teleporting away in a flash of light, completely and utterly humiliated beyond repair.

Rainbow winced, “Okay, that was funny, but that last one was actually kinda gross….”

Cadance and Chrysalis leaned on each other while laughing happily. “Of course it was funny!” Cadance said, holding Chrysalis close, their chests pressing together.

Alucard grinned, holding his thumb up, “That was absolutely magnificent, ladies! Though, we were waiting for Luna’s pregnancy results. Someone’s going to have to go get her…”

Luna stepped from the office. “I am with child.” She sat back down. “You are certainly virile, Alucard.” She look around. “Where is Twilight Sparkle?”

Alucard coughed, “Little teasing went out of hand, Luna. Twilight left. So, you’re pregnant… just one or more?”

“That is a surprise, Alucard,” Luna said, smirking at him. “Unless you care to guess how many grow inside me without reading my mind.”

“Nah, I think I’ll be fine,” Alucard grinned. “Still, kinda surprised that I can still get women pregnant. Didn’t think I could, what with me being undead and all.”

“Unlife finds a way, Alucard,” Luna said. “Now where is Tia? Is she with child?”

Celestia stepped into the clinic, looking as radiant as ever, spick and span and absolutely reeking of perfection… were it not for the fact that her hair was rather frazzled.

“Morning, Princess,” Rainbow said, leaning on Soarin as she glanced at her belly. “So Soarin? What do you think?”

Soarin shook slightly, still not used to the fact that he was going to be a father. “I…. man, this is a lot to take in… I don’t know if I’m ready to be a dad, Rainbow… but… y’know, if it’s with you, I’ll give it my best shot!” He smiled, hugging Rainbow close, “Of course, I’ll need to go ring shopping later today….”

Rainbow smiled as she hugged him back. “Don’t forget about finding a ring for Gilda too, Soarin.” She kissed his cheek. “Love you, babe.”

Maud stepped from the office with a blank expression. “I’m pregnant. Facet is the father.”

Pinkie gasped dramatically, suddenly whooshing from her spot by Schrodinger and enveloping Maud in a bearhug, squishing her sister’s face into her cleavage, “Ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh! You’re pregnant too!? That means I get adorable little nieces or nephews!”

Maud hugged Pinkie back. “Yes it does, Pinkie. I’m looking forward to my nieces or nephews too.”

Pinkie smiled, “Oh, I can’t wait! This is the most exciting thing I’ve ever been through! It’s even more exciting than when I got my Cutie Mark!”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Maud said, giving Pinkie a small smile. “Going to hug the father?”

Facet chuckled lightly as he realized what was coming. Not that it prepared him for the full force of a Pinkie Hug, Pinkie herself almost literally crushing his spine as she peppered him with almost incoherent streams of excited babbling.

Facet groaned in discomfort as he hugged Pinkie back, blushing at how she seemed ignorant to how she was pressing against him. “Slow down, Pinkie.” He groaned again. “And you’re crushing me.”

Pinkie let go, chuckling lightly, “Eheh… sorry Facet.” She shrugged and sat back down with Schrodinger, snuggling against him while Celestia and Luna conversed quietly off to the side.

“You do realize the implications of having Alucard’s child, Luna?” Celestia asked, a slight frown worrying her brow, “The nobility will be furious at the thought of one of us being ‘defiled’ and by Alucard no less. The political backlash will be… immense is an understatement.”

“We would love to see any of them try something,” Luna answered in a somewhat smug tone. “We can just wait for them to die in a few decades. You can do the same, you know.”

“Yes, but in the meanwhile, it will make both of our lives that much more…. troublesome,” Celestia muttered. “Speaking of trouble…” she turned towards Cadance with a sharp look that just screamed punishment, “Princess Mi Amore Cadenza you get over here right now!”

Cadance looked somewhat bashful as she approached her dear aunt. “Yes, Aunty Celestia?”

Celestia looked imperiously down at Cadance, “I did not want to do this, but you left me no choice. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, for the massive amount of scandals, disturbances, public outcries, civil suits, and other such troubles you have brought to the crown of Equestria over the amount of time in which you have continually spiked the wine at parties with your Love magic… I sentence you to nine months or your entire pregnancy term, whichever comes first, of no sexual gratification whatsoever. To that end, you will wear an enchanted chastity belt so that none may lay their hands upon you in a sexual manner.” Celestia’s hands flashed gold as something cinched tight around Cadance’s pelvis, the feeling of cold metal interspersing itself below her undergarments.

“You will be able to use the restroom and wash yourself, but the belt shall not come off until nine months or your pregnancy has past.” Celestia sighed, “I really, truly didn’t want to do this, Cadance, but you left me no choice. Your impulse control is too… shoddy.”

Cadance stared in shock. “But… But… I can’t even get myself off?! Not even through my breasts?!” She hugged herself. “You’re so cruel, Aunty!”

“A necessary cruelty, Cadance, at least until you learn to stop spiking the wine with fertility spells.” Celestia hugged Cadance, patting the younger woman’s head, “It’s only nine months, Cadance. Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder, does it not?”

“But I’m a love goddess…” Cadance whimpered. “Nine months with no sex will be torture…” She grabbed Chrysalis. “Chrysalis! I live vicariously through you now! Your sex life is my sex life!”

“W-what the fuck!?” Chrysalis cried, thoroughly freaked out by Cadance’s newfound desperation.

“Oh that reminds me, Chrysalis, no feeding Cadance any sensations over the course of the nine months. I am well aware of the ability of changelings to send emotions to each other and other beings through lip contact. Don’t make me muzzle you for nine months.” Celestia raised an eyebrow at Chrysalis, making sure that Cadance wouldn’t be able to receive any sexual gratification whatsoever over the course of her punishment.

“But Aunty!” Cadance whined, giving Celestia a truly compelling set of puppy dog eyes. “That’s cruel and unusual punishment!” She rubbed her legs together. “This chastity belt feels so unnatural…”

“How do you think many couples felt after they found out they were pregnant with twins or triplets?” Celestia sighed, “Please just stop, Cadance. You’re making a scene.”

Cadance pouted and sat down beside Shining Armor, leaning on him. “Hold me, Shiny…”

A guard burst into the infirmary. “Princess Celestia! Urgent news from the north!”

Celestia turned, all trace of warmth wiped from her face and leaving only cold professionalism, “What is it, soldier?”

“I am to tell you that it has returned,” the soldier answered, bowing to his liege.

“The Crystal Empire!?” Celestia gasped, rearing back in surprise.

“Isn’t that a legend?” Twilight asked, arching an eyebrow. Apparently she had teleported in during Cadance’s tantrum.

Celestia shook her head, “No, the Crystal Empire is all too real… unfortunately, the very thing that caused it to be sealed away is most likely also free, if still weakened. We must figure out a way to defeat that being once and for all, lest the world fall under the curse of his dark magics.”

“Who’s free?” Alucard asked, having not been keeping up with other figures besides the Regal Sisters during his rampage back then. “Some new dark being? Should be fun.”

“A dark being is right, Alucard. Only this one… King Sombra… he was enough to stand up to both my sister and I when we were in our primes. Though time has surely weakened him, as well as the damage he sustained those thousand years ago… he is likely still a formidable opponent.” Celestia turned towards the rest of the room, a serious expression across her face, “Twilight, Cadance, Shining Armor: take as many people as you need and go up to the Empire to fortify its position. Sombra will likely return within the next week, so prepare as best as you can while there. Luna, should our first line of defense fail… then we must follow Night Shift’s Standard Procedure.”

“What’s the Night Shift Standard Procedure?” Pinkie asked with a tilt of her head.

“Nuke it off the map,” Facet answered, his tone cold and even. “So we need to make sure this mission is successful. I volunteer to be in the defense force.”

“O-oh….” Pinkie’s mane deflated slightly, “W-well then I volunteer too! The Elements of Harmony have to be together!” She stood and pointed at the ceiling dramatically, an eruption of confetti going off behind her.

Rainbow grinned despite the seriousness of the situation, “What Pinkie said. There’s no way I could just let Twi hog all the action!”

The rest of the Element bearers nodded in unison, all of them knowing that they were strongest together.

“Wait. What do you mean, ‘let me hog all the action’?!” Twilight demanded, frowning at Rainbow. “I do not hog all the ass kicking opportunities!”

“Riiiiight…. Remember three weeks ago, with the hydra?”

Twilight rammed the hydra into the ground, her wires aflame and decapitating the four headed hydra as her friends came upon the scene, all of them armed and ready for combat.

“Aw come on!” Rainbow cried, throwing her makeshift scythe to the side, “We missed all the action again!?”

Twilight frowned, “Hey! It’s not my fault you guys took so long to reach the bog!”

“What about the hellhounds two months ago? They came out from right under Sugarcube Corner when we were eating lunch and we still didn’t get to fight!” Rainbow crossed her arms.

With a brutal twist of her wrist, Twilight’s wires flared out of her gloves, impaled each and every hellhound crawling from the hole in the ground and flash fried their brains with several hundred thousand volts of lightning magic. She snapped and used her wires to carve a set of sealing runes around the hole, blocking it off from further incursions from that part of Tartarus.

She didn’t even look up from her fries.

“W-well, that was because I was already researching portal sealing runes… and you were all busy panicking…?” Twilight blushed.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow, “.... Twilight, I brought a baseball bat to lunch. And Alucard was there too. And so was Anderson.”

“She does have a point, Twilight, you do tend to hog all the action…” Fluttershy spoke up, leaning against Alucard, “Like that time right after Elusive was born; with the cockatrice running loose through the woods behind my cottage. I mean, I was there too. I was actually right behind you the whole time!”

Twilight sighed and closed her eyes, a bright pulse of magenta emanating from her form and blinding the cockatrice for a precious few seconds before she decimated it with a barrage of fireballs and earth spikes, putting out the fire just as soon as it consumed the entirety of the cockatrice’s flesh.

Fluttershy barely had time to shriek in surprise and close her eyes before the fight was over.

“... Okay okay, I get it, I should let you girls… and guys… do more fighting! Jeez!” Twilight sank into her chair and threw her hands up in exasperation, a bright blush of embarrassment across her cheeks.

The guard snapped his fingers. “Almost forgot!” He took out a sealed envelope and tossed it into the middle of the room, where a magic hologram expanded from it, revealing a massive, green skinned, fat old man on a throne.

“Hey, Sunbutt. Hey, Moonbutt. It is I, Super Kami Guru,” the hologram greeted.

Celestia and Luna groaned simultaneously, “Oh gods, it’s him…”

“Who’s that?” Twilight asked.

“I am regent of the Crystal Empire,” Guru answered. “And I said I am SUPER KAMI GURU!!!” He looked at Cadance. “So Cadance. How does it feel to be the bronze medal?”

“Wh-wha-?” Cadance asked, tilting her head in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“You are the weakest of the immortals,” Guru said. “Behind Moonbutt. And Moonbutt behind Sunbutt.” He looked at Chrysalis. “Nail! There is a changeling standing behind Cadance. Kill it like the rest.”

Hammer sighed and stepped into the frame, “I keep telling you my name is Hammer! And I can’t do a damn thing about that changeling even if I wanted to! She’s like, a thousand miles from here!” He turned to the Princesses and whispered desperately, “Please get me away from this guy.”

Guru was silent for several moments. “Kill it like the rest.”

Hammer sighed, “I can’t, Guru. My hammer doesn’t reach that far.”

“So who’s this Sombra guy?” Alucard asked.

“Oh God! Don’t get me started on that pretentious prick!” Guru exclaimed.

Rarity blinked as she sipped at a cup of water, cradling Elusive in her lap, “What’s so pretentious about him? And please, do watch your language. There are children present. Specifically, my child.”

Guru stared at Rarity. “Who’s the ugly broad?” he asked with a raised brow. “Common women speaking out of turn. What’s the world coming to?”

“Dead man walking!” Alucard said with a grin.

Rarity twitched, gently handing the sleeping Elusive to Fluttershy and holding up her purse while everyone in the room simultaneously moved away from her line of sight. With a flick of her wrist, her minigun extended and blasted through Guru’s hologram, throwing up a cloud of dust and ending the transmission with a hail of magic disrupting bullets.

Elusive laughed loudly at his mother’s aggression.

“Should ve be vorried zhat Elusive likes seeing his mozher be violent?” Schrodinger asked.

Alucard shrugged, “Nah, it’ll probably make him a mega badass later, won’t it?”

“Probably,” Schrodinger said, grinning as his ears twitched. “Isn’t zhat right, Elusive?” he asked, getting closer to the boy, only to cry out in pain as Elusive started pulling his ears. “Rarity! Control your son!”

Rarity giggled and put away her weapon, scooping Elusive into her arms and thanking Fluttershy, “I don’t see much of a reason to control him, Schrodinger.” She smirked teasingly at him.

Celestia cleared her throat, “Anyway, time is of the essence. So head over to the Empire as fast as you can. There is a rail line that will take you all the way from here to Ponyvostok, from there it’s a two mile hike north by northeast.”

“I swear if it were any colder I’d freeze my damn tits,” Twilight complained, tugging her winter gear tighter around herself. “Alucard, when we get to the Empire, remind me to create a warming charm capable of lasting through a blizzard without draining half of an aetherial’s power reserves.”

“Duly noted, my countess,” Alucard answered as their group stood at the train station in Ponyvostok. He then sniffed the air. “I smell something familiar.”

“What smell?” Rainbow asked, trudging miserably through the storm, “How the hell can you smell anything through this? It’s hard enough just hearing you!”

“I’m a vampire, Rainboob!” Alucard answered with a grin as a figure came into sight, looking very out of place without any winter clothing.

“Well this is certainly a surprise, meeting all of you here.” The former prince Blueblood had definitely seen better days, but he seemed to be doing well for himself, and carried himself a great deal differently than he had that night at the gala. “What brings you all the way to these parts?”

“Blueblood!?” Rarity cried, whipping out her minigun… only to find that it had frozen solid in purse form, her magic unable to keep the defrosting runes active. “What are you doing here!?”

“Traveling,” Blueblood said. “Specifically toward Equestria. I find myself yearning to return home.” Stepping toward Rarity, he withdrew a good sized bag from his pack that jingled as it was jostled. He held it out to Rarity. “Take it.”

Rarity took the bag from Blueblood with a visible expression of distaste, peeking inside and frowning, “... Money… you think money will erase what you’ve done!? Even if it gave me a darling son, do you really expect to make it all up with a tidy sum of money?”

“Not in the slightest,” Blueblood answered. “I honestly don’t expect you to forgive me for what I did. But I do want to make sure my- your- son is well cared for. That’s every last bit I’ve saved over the past year. All for your son.” He started acting rather nervous. “Do you have him with you?”

“No.” Rarity sniffed, “I left him in the very capable hands of Princesses Celestia and Luna, back in Canterlot.”

“I see,” Blueblood muttered. “I was rather hoping to meet him.” He felt a great deal of murderous intent directed at him, and turned to find himself staring into Twilight’s glowing red eyes. “Hello, Ms. Sparkle.”

Twilight growled, “You’d better have a damn good reason for being here, Blueballs, or I swear I’m going to send you back to Canterlot in pieces.”

“The locals have spoken of a creature of shadow in the wilderness north of here,” Blueblood explained. “They say that something has made several people vanish without a trace, and one man said something in a nearby crystal mine killed his son. I was planning to investigate these rumors.”

“He ain’t lyin,” Applejack said, still glaring at Blueblood as though she could reduce him to a scorch mark by the power of her glare.

“Then, as much as I hate to say this, you can come with us, Blueblood. We were here to investigate the same thing, though we didn’t know about the death. We might need your input on this.” Twilight sighed and trudged on, motioning for Blueblood to follow.

Blueblood nodded, waving his hand at Rarity’s minigun, a wave of heat thawing it out and making it useable. He stopped as he found a sword blade leveled at his throat. Following it, he looked into Facet’s cold eyes.

“You get one warning,” Facet said in an equally cold tone. “If I even suspect you of misleading us, you won’t see my blade coming.”

Blueblood stepped back, his hands in the air, “I assure you, good sir, that if I were to mislead you, I would most likely die before anyone else does. Your sword would be wasted in that case, now wouldn’t it?”

Rarity shook the rapidly refreezing steam from her purse and stowed it away, shaking her head and rolling her eyes, “I’m sure we’d all mourn the loss of your charming self were that to happen.” She moved on, barely sparing Blueblood a passing glance.

Facet slowly sheathed Suigetsu and walked on, huddling with Maud for warmth. Vinyl meanwhile came up to Blueblood and glared straight into his eyes. “She wants it, dude. She wants your blood on Benihime in the worst way. Right now, the only thing standing between you and Duet the Ripper is me. Betray us…” She leaned over to whisper into his ear. “...and I’ll let her out right next to you.”

Blueblood gulped and took another step back, “D-duly noted, then…” He cleared his throat and let the rest of the group pass, bringing up the rear and keeping his head low.

“Come on everyone! Sun’s going down and it’s dark enough as it is!” Twilight called out, barely audible over the howling winds. “I can’t light up in this crap either so we either make it to the city or we camp in the dark!”

A large fireball lit up from the palm of Blueblood’s hand, giving them some much needed illumination.

“Oh shit! Could he always do that?!” Alucard asked, staring at the fire.

Twilight blinked, “No, no he couldn’t…. Blueblood, where the hell did you learn flame manipulation that powerful?”

“Well, I had the good fortune of coming across a clan of glassblowers with some very powerful fire magic after Aunt Celestia left me in the middle of the desert to die,” Blueblood deadpanned, staring at Twilight. “Don’t lie. You were hoping I’d bite it. You, the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, were hoping for my death by painful exposure. What the hell, heroes?”

Twilight coughed, suddenly self-conscious, “Ah… eheh… right… sorry… Bit of a dick move on our part, huh?”

“A bit?” Blueblood asked. “A bit?! You left me to die, you bitch! I’ll admit I deserved major punishment for what I did, but execution masquerading as exile?! Really?! You passed ‘bit of a dick move’ a few hundred miles back!”

“Look,” Twilight sighed, “I’m sorry for getting Princess Celestia to more or less send you to death by exposure, I really am. But you can chew me out later; we have more pressing things to worry about right now.”

Blueblood’s eye twitched. “I KNEW IT!!!” he screamed as his fireball flared with his rage. “I KNEW AUNTY WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING SO POINTLESSLY CRUEL!!!”

Just before Facet could knock Blueblood out, the wind went silent, the pervasive darkness getting worse somehow as tendrils of cold, black smoke mysteriously filtered from the ground, coiling around everyone’s legs and chilling them even beyond the blizzard had managed and snuffing out Blueblood’s fireball with a quiet hiss of wind that managed to sound more like an unearthly howl than anything else.

“GET DOWN!” a voice called, just as a bright streak of light cut through the smoke and drove it back, the streak resolving into a whirling, glowing hammer that arced back into the hand of a green haired man with an oddly crystalline complexion to his skin. “Everyone! Follow me!”

“It’s Nail!” Pinkie cheered. “Let’s follow Nail!” A shrill scream cut her off. A certain show woman’s melodramatic scream. “That shadow got Trixie!”

“HELP!!!” Trixie screamed as she tried desperately to fight the shadow off with her magic and rapier.

“Fuck! We have to go back for her!” Twilight cried, letting loose with a bolt of energy, setting it on wide beam to disperse the smoke.

“On it!” Rainbow replied, taking to the air and spinning around, using her momentum to unfold the Blue Rose and swing it around, using her aerial magic to charge it with enough lightning that it visibly crackled in the low light. She sprung forward, the trail of each swing splitting the smoke away while her wings beat furiously, sending snow everywhere in an attempt to drive away the shadowy thing going after Trixie.

Applejack ran in after Rainbow using her kicks to displace enough air to clear a path while Vinyl rushed forward, her hands creating a shrieking tornado, vibrating the air and knocking the shadow away from Trixie, who immediately disengaged and ran back as Blueblood ran forward, standing back to back with Vinyl and releasing his flames into the air, setting the tornado alight and revealing the form inside the smoke.

“Oh gods too many eyes too many eyes gross gross gross gross gross!” Rainbow screamed, firing wildly into the cloud and bursting many of the malevolent green eyes into clouds of purple mist which shrieked out a howling song of madness.

“TEKELI-LI! TEKELI-LI!”

Immediately everyone clamped their hands over their ears as best as they could, trying to drown out the horror that was the shadowy beast before them, bearing down with too many mouths filled with too many fangs making too many horrid, maddening noises.

Trixie succumbed, lacking the hands necessary to block out the madness and falling to the ground, shrieking and flailing as eldritch tongue assaulted her mind, violating it with visions of horrors beyond mortal comprehension.

The cloud struck out then, blasting forward and slamming down around Trixie in a screaming, whirling cloud of black and poisonous green and vile purple, the effect dizzying and maddening to watch until at last, the cloud dissipated, leaving no trace of Trixie save for her battered rapier… and a few drops of blood.

“TRIXIE!!!” Mac screamed, his voice sounding through the empty air.

Darkness.

Vast, skittering darkness.

Vast, skittering, squirming, slimy, horrifying, maddening, eldritch darkness. Tentacles of shadow slid over each other, occasionally revealing patches of mismatched, oversized eyes that bulged with mismatched pupils and disappeared just as quickly as they were revealed.

Poisonous green light lit up the frigid chamber Trixie found herself in, the shadows flickering eerily in a manner that was either her imagination… or the work of something truly monstrous.

She shook herself, using what little magic she had to sheathe herself in a protective barrier, her entire body framed in gold for a brief second.

The darkness stilled and went silent, the squirming and skittering fading away, only to be replaced by faint whispers that clawed at Trixie’s mind like shadowy picks of ice. She trembled, her gorge rising with every passing second as she fell to her knees once more.

She vomited spiders.

Trixie shrieked in terror, clawing at her throat in an attempt to dislodge the spiders from her body as vile fluid spewed from the darkness, coating her and dissolving away her clothes and cloying her mind with eldritch fog, causing her to fall into a limp stupor, twitching faintly as the shadows closed upon her, singing their terrible song and violating mind, soul and body.

“P̔H̲̭͓͚͚̠̖ͪ̉'̠̟̟̞ͯ̓̑͋̊N͍͕̖̳͕͗͝ͅG̡͙̘̟L̙̦̆ͣ͡U̩̣̜͐̆͑̒̈̃̿̕I͚̎ͨ̿͆͘ ̨̣̼̹̼̆̆̓͆͐M̐̆̽͑̚҉̗̱̳͙G̹̜̮̤̃̍̓̊̅L̥̜̉͆̇̉͊̄ͤW̋͋̿̋́ͣͭ͢'̸ͦͬN̠͖ͯ͘A̦͔̖͔̥̺ͣF̮͇͙̥̳̭̟̌Ĥͭ̉͐̇̚͡ ͯ̓ͅCͭͫ̎T̶͍͕̱̯̠ͭ͐ͭ̔̓ͦḦ̘̻́̉͌́͋̐ͧU̵̼̫̮͓͌L͖̟̲ͣH͕ͩ̃͠U͂̀̔͂̋ ̸̞̦̬̰̘ͩ̒̊ͨ̆ͦR͓̲̼̲͆̿'̹͈̈́ͦͤ̏L̝Y̖̿͌ͭͮͬ̎ͤE̥͚͖̣̰̝͂͊̿ͥ͊H͚̼̝̘̤̟̦ ͔̩̦̣ͪ̑͐͆͑̾͂W͖͊̊͂͛̎ͭ͒G̯̋ͯẢ̰̳̺Ĥ̸̞̪'̛͎̺̈ͧ̎̄̿̿͑ŃA̸̯̤͚̬̓ͣ̿͑G̟̰̰͇͐̍ͤͤL̖̤͉͔̲̮ͮ̇ͫ ̮͎̯̏̂ͩ̉͋ͨͩ͘ͅF̄ͯ̈́͛͒̈H̺͉̫̮ͯ̍̄T͕̲̤̠̥͓͑͛A̙͖̤̘̱̲̎ͨ̇ͨ͑ͅG̨̼̩͔͈̺ͨͪͯͅN̲̙̝̍̄͌ͫ̄”

Squirming, violating shadows oozed throughout Trixie’s form, squelching grotesquely as they shuddered through the motions of claiming a woman for the first time in a thousand years. Trixie shook and cried and screamed to no avail, feeling the violating tendrils writhing within her womb, attacking her unborn, still developing child.

With a shrieking, keening wail of despair, Trixie felt her abdomen swell as dark, evil magic flooded her womb, tainting the zygote within and teasing its growth into something not of this world. Her belly expanded and expanded, all while her body was violated and desecrated by innumerable shadowy tendrils that crammed into every nook and cranny, flailing about and rubbing against every surface she had available.

Shrieking wails in eldritch tongue shattered her mind just as thoroughly as the shadows penetrating into her brain, a ring of mouths forming by Trixie’s ears to break her fully as the egg inside her body hatched and dissolved, the newly formed baby shoggoth oozing from Trixie’s abused nethers with a squelching rush of blood and amniotic fluid, leaving jagged pieces of eggshell behind to dissolve in the fluids it was born into.

The shoggoth squealed and whistled, observing its surroundings with newly formed eyes, a mixture of pinks and bright greens that broke Trixie’s heart just as much as her mind, making her sob in despair as she was driven ever further into madness.

More tendrils scooped up the amorphous ball of flesh and crushed it, pulping the body into a fine paste and dropping it into an awaiting maw, little more than a ring of teeth set into a hungry hole in the wall.

“N-no… no… can’t… you… you ca- ia ia cthulhu fhtagn! …. stop, please… no more….” Trixie shrieked and sobbed and wailed and blubbered as her mind slipped away, incoherent babbles interspersing her words.

“͈̮̿͆Ḯ̝̓̀̉̆̿͟ ̙̺͈̗͔̞̙ͤ̈́͂̊ͣ̏̾W̟̘̮̌̽ͪͬ͟I̬͓̜ͫ͠Ḽ̼́̃ͩ͛̅̍̇ͅĹ̪͉̳̞͓̟̑̕ N̤̺̹̖͒ͯ̂ͬ́Ô̊̓̊͑̏͟ͅT̯̺̞̣͐͆̄̾̂͜ ̠̄̉̓̍̓͒S̙̟̭̟ͪ̂̐́T̗̱͖̩̲̐ͬO̫̼̻͖͇P̔̕.͉̙̠̞͗ͅ ̬͔̬̻̤͈Ǐ̠̮͙͚͍̒̋ ̘͙̮̇C̯̮̰̞̜̄̓̓Ȃ͚̳̱̖̈̈́͑ͫN͎̮̬̝͍ͥ͑͌̏͆͗̀N̷̜̳̯̰̙̙̒̃͆̄̄͐̔Ò̻̯̋͡T̛̳͉̘̭̲͓̑ͨͪ̉́ͯ ̛̅ͧͯ̆S̖͇̟̠̼̱͑̉̐̂T̷̈̋͂O̲P̩̙͇͖͚͑ͅ.̢͕̑͂̄̾̚ ̷̲̮̠̙̿͆͋̅̍̍Y̸͖̠̪̖̝̺̞Oͫ̔̇Ü̘͓̍̎͊͛͒̄ ̰̌̃̒ͨ̎̉B̴̺Ĕ̘͉̤̾̄͑L̠̜͈͇̑ͩ̃̔̃́O̗ͭ͋̉ͥͨ̈ͭ͢Nͤ̈́͒ͩ̔ͯ̏̀G̖̬̹͔̲ ͮͩ͑ͧ͡T̞̗͙̫̠̲̀ͣ̃ͭͣ̃̓͢O̧͖̲̜̼̯̙ ̶̦͖̣̊̌̌̔ͮM͖͙ͨ͂̓ͮ́ͧE̠͙̤̞͍̭ ̸͍̫̙͙͋̐Ň̶̜͚̜̬̣̹̅̔ͮ͒O̘̽̏̓̏̀W̲̻̱̐ͭ͐͗ͨ̿͗.̛̠̬̍̆ ̴̭̭̫̣͔͈̻ͮ̅ͬ̈Ǐ͇͎̋̚͢ͅͅ ̢͇̦̤̩̝̊ͮ́̓ͧ̇Å̏ͥM̹̪̖̰͔̫ͪͬͤͮ͛͒͝ͅ ̧̻Ÿ̹̬̲̪́ͤȌ͇̩̭͍̠͓̯͞U͙͔̖̻̬ͬͮ̃̽́̌R̭͔̼̼̿ ̗͇̜͙̙̖͔͞M̥̭̪̬ͥ̿̃ͅA̧̱̗͖̮̓S̝̣̄͆Ṭ̶̿̆̓̑ͯẼ̞̥̯̗̣̤̾̑́̔̅R̒͑̌̿.͂́̈́̽͗̌̃͏̟͓̣͎”̵̹̣̘̥̖̍̎̐͂ͣ
̴͓̹̺͗͑ͬ
̍̑̃ͤ
The shadows spoke with a guttural, growling noise echoing with the shrieks of the damned and the wails of the mad. All of the mouths around her twisted into demented grins, just as her surroundings went completely pitch black.

“C̵͖̠̱̲̽R̥͚̦̣͗ͮͩ̑Y̳͇̲̪ͨ̇ͪ͑͠Y͓̞̾ͪ̉ͪ͐Y̴͚̽̌̿̈́̿̐̿Y̖̋̋̊͊̐̎Y̝̏̇̓ͮ͌S̍͋̀҉ͅS̶̩͆̈́̚S̟̙̬̬̞ͯ̅ͣ͋ͦ͝S̼ͥS͕͕̍ͨ̽ͨS̛̆̿ͩ̈ͨ̚S͕̦̪̱͛ͤͦ̉ͭ̌̀S͕ͣͣͩͤͫ͋̋ST͚͍̗̠̺̹̪̂̃̚A̴̫L̰͔L͌̈́́̅̎҉̳̜̫̞̳̹L̤̈́͆̑Ş͎͉͖͒̽ͦ̂S̹͉̞̀͋̽͐̾͟S̖̝͉̿ͮ͋ͮͧ̀ͅS̗̠ͭ͌̓̑͜S̮̞̘͆ͮ̿̏ͪ͌͝ͅS͎̳̙͇͔ͩ̄ͤ̄ͦ͆̓S̞͙̪͉͈͆ͥ̏̏̒S̖͙̓͟S̥̬̤̰̹̾́̿̈́̅͜Ș͍̦̤͊̏S̴̮̦”

“We hafta find her!” Mac roared, picking up Twilight and shaking her like a ragdoll. “Ah can’t lose her!”

“Calm down!” Twilight snapped after teleporting out of his grip. “We can’t just go charging off without thinking! That’ll just get us killed! You saw what Sombra can do! If we’re not careful, we’ll do nobody any good!”

“You’re letting your anger get the better of you,” Facet said as he calmly inspected Suigetsu’s blade. “You need to stay calm. If not for your own sake, then for Ms. Lulamoon. We all want to rescue her.”

“How th’hell am Ah s’posed ta stay calm when mah fiancee could be dead or dyin’ at the hands of some kinda smoke monster!?” Mac paced back and forth in the snow, looking between where Trixie had disappeared from and the shining, bubble covered city barely half a mile away.

“And what’ll we tell her if you run off and get killed before we rescue her?!” Rainbow asked, hovering in his face as she stared right into his eyes. “I’m Loyalty, remember, Big Mac?! One of my friends is out there, and I want to go after her just as much as you do! But I’m not because I don’t want to get myself, my friends, or my unborn children killed!”

Mac slumped over, sighing in defeat, “...Yer right…. I just…. I don’ wanna leave her in this kinda situation…”

“Mac, we don’t have any choice here,” Vinyl said. “We were caught off guard and need to prepare. He’s definitely gonna come after us again. And we need to get to the city before he comes back for round two.”

“Then let’s go…” Mac moved towards the city, striding forth with a renewed sense of purpose.

Guru perked a bit as the door opened. “Nail… Nail!”

Hammer sighed in exasperation, “What is it this time, Guru?”

“Are you back from kicking Sombra’s ass, Nail?” Guru asked.

“.... I didn’t exactly kick his ass since he doesn’t have an ass, but yes, Guru. I’m back.” Hammer looked like he would rather be anywhere else than in the presence of Guru.

“Did you beat him before Sunbutt’s minions got to town?” Guru asked.

“They’re on their way to Popo’s gate, so yes, yes I did.” Hammer stared insistently out the window, trying not to look at Guru’s blubber.

“Oh God, please tell me you didn’t let them inside!” Guru exclaimed.

At the gate just inside the barrier protecting the Crystal Empire stood a short, rotund man with dark black skin, and a very Zebrican like outfit. He was waiting for the new blood to arrive.

“Hello?” Twilight asked, coming up to the man hesitantly, “I’m Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia sent me and my friends up here to deal with your problem with the undead King Sombra?”

“You’re Sunbutt’s newest lackey?” the man asked. “Well before I let you into the city proper, let me take some time to explain the pecking order. It goes like this: you, the dirt, the worms in the dirt, Popo’s stool, Celestia, and Popo.” He leaned closer. “And I’m Popo.”

“What about that Guru guy?” Rainbow asked, hovering in midair with Blue Rose unfolded across her shoulders.

“Oh just name drop me if he gives you any trouble,” Popo said. “He knows the pecking order.”

“Rrriiiiiiight… so… Mr. Popo… sir…. may we enter? The storm is getting worse and King Sombra might come back at any moment…” Twilight coughed, slightly perturbed by Popo.

“Sure,” Popo said. “But Sombra can’t get through the barrier. And besides… He knows the pecking order. If he’s forgotten, I’ll remind him of it.” Popo started slowly laughing a very scary laugh that would make Tirek himself cringe in discomfort.

Everyone shivered as they went through the barrier and tried to put as much distance between them and Popo as possible, Rarity groaning out a, “What an…. interesting character….”

“Claiming he’s better than Auntie Celestia… The nerve of him,” Blueblood muttered in slight anger.

“Leave it be, Blueblood,” Twilight muttered, fingers twitching and sparking as she fought down her urge to smite Popo where he stood– she knew at least seventy spells capable of frying, burning, killing, maiming, shredding, etc a man where he stood, leaving nothing left.

“Says the one thinking of various ways to kill him,” Blueblood quipped. “You’re even angrier than me, and you seem somewhat moody.”

“One of my friends was kidnapped by an eldritch shadow monster, I just walked through a blizzard, I’m fucking cold, some asshole just said he was better than Princess Celestia herself, and also I learned that I'm pregnant three days ago and have barely slept since!” Twilight snapped, lashing out at the suspiciously empty streets and carving a deep gouge into its surface, “So forgive me if I’m a little snappish right now.”

“Forgive me,” Blueblood muttered as they kept walking toward the palace. “Princess Cadance. Is this city familiar to you?” He kept glancing around at the streets. “Where is everybody?”

Cadance looked around, taking in the sights, “.... It’s… vaguely familiar…. And… I don’t know where anyone is… it’s odd…”

“Perhaps they’re hiding,” Facet suggested, his gaze darting around for any sign of movement.

Vinyl sniffed, “If they were hiding, my sensors would be able to pick up some body heat at the very least… I’m not getting anything here. All the houses are empty for at least a hundred feet. Weird…” She snapped her fingers and tapped a rune tattoo, a line of blue symbols swirling down her arm until she slammed it into the street with a visible pulse of bass, throwing up a cloud of dust and letting DeadMau5 stretch out and shake the kinks from his joints.

“It’s too cold in here…” he muttered, lightly flicking on his heating coils. “So what do you need me for, Vinyl?”

“DeadMau5, we need you to scout around, try and find any life signs.” Vinyl tapped her visor, linking her HUD to DeadMau5’s sensor array.

DeadMau5’s ear flaps slid forward into an AR visor. “Understood. I will report anything noteworthy.” With that, the wolf UG raced off at high speed, jumping across rooftops.

“What was that thing?” Blueblood asked, glancing at Vinyl. “Some kind of pet?”

“That, Blueblood, was DeadMau5. An autonomous UG with high level onboard artificial intelligence. A prototype interface makes him capable of speaking, and his AI is modeled after the human brain. He can learn, reason, even feel emotions,” Vinyl said. “First of his kind, given to me by Princess Luna. And yes, he’s my pet. One of many.” She fixed him with a glare. “Pray that you never meet MEGADETH.”

“... How the hell did you manage to say the name in all caps…?” Octavia muttered, “I swear, I have never figured out how you managed it…”

“Because I’m awesome like that, sweetcheeks,” Vinyl answered, grinning at her wife.

“Vinyl, I have noticed something odd about these buildings,” DeadMau5 said over the Codec.

What’s up, DeadMau5?” Vinyl asked, flicking through vision modes and checking through DeadMau5’s video feeds. “What do we have?”

“Notice how these crystals inside the buildings are placed. In chairs, behind desks, on beds. I suspect they were once the inhabitants of the city.” DeadMau5’s gaze panned over multiple crystals.

Vinyl frowned from behind her visor, “Damn that’s weird… the hell could have done this…? Wait, obvious answer. It’s Sombra’s work.” She looked out over the assembled group and retracted her visor, “Alright, we found something. DeadMau5 found a bunch of weird crystals all over the place. They’re probably the inhabitants of the city. So don’t touch them.”

Rarity immediately kicked one of the crystals by her feet away gently, looking shiftily side to side as she used her telekinesis to stealthily replace all the crystals she had picked up earlier.

Facet stared at Rarity. “How you received the Element of Generosity is beyond me, Ms. Rarity.”

Maud bopped Facet on the head, “Just because she picked the crystals off the ground doesn’t make her unworthy of the Element. After all, she was chosen for a reason.”

“I wasn’t implying she’s unworthy,” Facet said, rubbing his head. “I simply find the dichotomy of greed and generosity interesting.”

“Hmph!” Rarity pouted, “I’ll have you know that I am not greedy. I simply use whatever I must in order to make my dresses.”

“Like your fire ruby necklace?” Twilight asked, glancing back at Rarity with a raised eyebrow.

“That was a gift from Spikey-Wikey,” Rarity huffed, “and it goes excellently with my purse.” She flashed the necklace proudly, strutting forward and heading towards the palace at the center of the city.

Twilight lifted her hand to her mouth. “You made a very poor attempt to hide how badly you wanted that ruby, Rarity!”

“.....” Rarity pointedly did not answer Twilight.

Guru’s ears perked up. “Nail!”

Hammer sighed for the six millionth, eight hundred sixty five thousandth, three hundred thirty fourth time, “What is it this time Guru?”

“I hear voices outside,” Guru said. “Go see who it is.”

“.....” Hammer walked outside, internally sighing in contempt and exasperation.

“You okay, Nail?” Pinkie asked with a tilt of her head as she got in his face.

“Gwah!” Hammer jerked back, stumbling and falling on his butt, “Where the hell did you come from!?”

“From Ponyville!” Pinkie chirped with a giggled.

“Nail!” Guru called. “Who is it?”

“It’s the Elements of Harmony and a few others, Guru!” Hammer called back, huffing and wishing his fat fuck of a boss would get off his ass for once and lose some pounds.

“Nail! Take their coats!” Guru ordered.

Hammer groaned and looked towards the group of, as Popo had called them, lackeys, “Can I take your coats?”

“At least there’s one gentleman to be found around this city,” Rarity said as she allowed Hammer to take her coat, followed by the others giving their coats.

Hammer sighed under the pile of coats, wandering away to put them in the appropriate closet.

“Wow… so… shiny….” Rainbow looked around at the scenery, attention drawn in every direction by the immense amount of glittering surfaces.

“Aye. It’s a very beautiful city,” Anderson agreed, taking in the sight.

“.... I shouldn’t use magic here,” Vinyl muttered, “I might accidentally break… everything…. again.”

Octavia patted her back. “We’ll be okay, Vinyl. You’re still a very talented swordswoman.”

Applejack blinked, “What in tarnation is that?” She pointed at Guru, wondering why a weird green slug thing was sitting on the throne.

“I am Super Kami Guru!” Guru answered. “Who are you people?!”

“Princess Celestia sent us to take care of King Sombra,” Twilight answered. “I’m pretty sure you sent a hologram of some sort to us three days ago asking about that, too.”

“Oh. It’s you people,” Guru muttered. “Did you kick Sombra’s ass yet?”

“No, we just got here,” Twilight explained, looking strangely at Guru.

“Then why are you here and not out there?” Guru asked.

“.... Well we need a plan first,” Twilight muttered.

Guru looked at Big Mac. “You there. What is your name?”

Big Mac pointed to himself questioningly, “Me, sir?”

“Yes, you,” Guru said. “Tell me your name.”

“I’m Big Macintosh, sir,” Mac stated, hooking his thumbs into his pockets and standing casually.

“Come closer, Big Macintosh,” Guru instructed.

Mac stepped closer, trying not to show his nervousness. “Yes sir?”

Guru reached out and laid his hand upon Mac’s head. “I sense something within you.”

“Oh god is this going to be another ‘hidden potential awakening’?” Hammer mumbled under his breath, slowly scooting towards the door.

“Yes. There is something there,” Guru said. “Strength yet untapped. Power yet unleashed. Now hold still, as I unleash the valley of strength hidden deep within!”

Immediately, Mac went rigid as his eyes rolled up into his head and a green aura of power burst into existence around him. The palace floor cracked and shattered, apple trees growing through the openings between the crystals and blooming within seconds and filling the air with the fresh scent of apple cider. As the aura faded away a few seconds later, so too did the apple trees, lacking the ability to sustain themselves for long in the crystal foundations of the palace.

“There,” Guru said as he let go of Mac’s head. “I have unlocked your potential.”

Mac stumbled back, nearly tripping over a raised chunk of floor as he regained his bearings. “The… the hell was that!?” he cried, shaking his head and staring at the damage.

“You are now much stronger physically and magically. More in tune with your Terran magic,” Guru explained.

Mac clenched a fist, feeling the way his muscles seemed so much more responsive and flexible now. He even felt his natural “green thumb” act up, lending him a slight green tinge to his skin and carrying the scent of apples around him. “W-wow…. thank ya, sir. This is… amazin’...”

“Yeah. Sure. Just get rid of Sombra,” Guru said dismissively. “Nail! Show them the armory.”

Hammer sighed and opened a door near the back of the throne room, ushering everyone else through and casting a nasty glare over his shoulder at Guru.

“Right this way, everyone…”

“Whoa…. this is even bigger than the Night Shift armory…” Vinyl muttered, glancing around at all the strange and interesting weapons available, “Not as high tech, but… damn.”

“Just how many were designed by Sombra, I wonder?” Facet pondered as he looked around.

Twilight pointed at the wall covered in black, crystalline weapons and the walls covered in exceptionally vicious and eldritch weapons, “.... I’d say… all of those.”

“Well he was certainly a prolific weaponsmith, wasn’t he?” Facet asked as he looked over the weapons.

Hammer nodded, “My hammer was actually made by Sombra… it’s one of his better pieces.” He hefted a hammer, showing off its sleek black lines and inlaid golden runes.

Facet looked it over closely. “Interesting piece. What do the runes do for you?”

Hammer chuckled, “Strangely enough, they burn away darkness. Also it turns the hammer into a really destructive boomerang. That’s about it, though, other than standard durability and recharge runes.”

“Fascinating,” Facet said, turning back to the weapon rack and setting his eyes on a long sword with a curved blade. A scimitar if he remembered correctly. It was ornate and had what appeared be dragonhide on its hilt, with a ring in the middle for keeping the hands separated when wielding it with both hands. There was a series of four backwards facing ridges that formed a guard leading to the blade itself, which was clearly forged of an alloy of mithril and orichalcum. It was inlaid with runes all down the blade that shined in the light. “What can you tell me of this sword?”

Hammer looked over, eyes widening, “.... Oh so that’s where the Zantetsuken went. Well, the runes make it as light as a katana, and there’s two other sets of runes. One lets the blade steal life energy from living creatures that it cuts and using that energy to heal the wielder, and the other set heats the blade with powerful fire magic to increase cutting power.”

Facet summoned the sword with his telekinesis, swinging it several times. “This sword is mine now. Where is its sheath?”

Hammer wordlessly pointed at the sheath hanging on the wall, not three feet from where the sword had been displayed.

“Thank you,” Facet said, calling the sheath over and onto the sword before storing it in his pocket dimension.

Twilight, meanwhile, had wandered off until she found a door marked with a gem sigil. “Hey, what’s this room for?”

Hammer looked over and blinked, “Oh that’s just the old gem-tech lab. Nobody really uses that anymore. Be careful though, there might be some old traps.”

Twilight nodded and opened the door, slipping inside with a barely audible squee of pure scientific joy.

“Wonder what’s got her in such a happy mood,” Rainbow mumbled, checking over a pair of boots with what looked like rockets attached to them.

“Not sure I want to know what the insane one is planning,” Facet commented.

“Well, she’s probably going to be researching something or another for the rest of the time we’re here,” Shining Armor murmured, then turned on Facet, “Don’t you dare call my little sister insane! She may be psychotically inclined, extremely violent, and engaged to a Vampire Lord but you do not call her insane… even if she kinda already is….” He coughed and went back to his browsing, brushing off his rant as if it never happened.

“You’re right,” Facet said. “She’s not insane. She’s a sociopath.”

“.... Well she was never diagnosed with sociopathy,” Shining Armor muttered. “And she definitely doesn’t fit the traits of one… mostly. Nor is she a psychopath. As I recall, the castle psychologist diagnosed her as, and I quote, ‘fucking weird, possible neurotic’.”

“Say what you want. That woman is a sociopath,” Facet said, stepping into the gem lab against his better judgment in search of things to send back to R&D. “So what have you found, Ms. Sparkle?”

Twilight giggled almost insanely, tinkering with a brilliant crimson sphere the size of her fist. “Oh the gems here are perfect! They’re so perfect and flawless that they make even the best of Canterlot’s gems are practically worthless compared to these! And they’re so responsive to magic that I can actually reshape their structures without needing to carve them apart!” She demonstrated her point, picking up a large hunk of ruby and flaring her magic, molding it around the sphere she held in her hands and compressing it down into another sphere, this one inlaid with hundreds of thousands of near microscopic runes.

Facet stared at the giggling mage. “Just what are you planning to do with those gems?” He made a mental note to send a large number of the gems to Night Shift. No doubt they could be used for some very nice advances in tech. “Also, I was right. You are insane, sociopathic, and a little psychotic.” He brushed his bangs back after they fell loose. “To think there was actually a time when I wanted to date you.”

Twilight blinked, “.... When the hell did you ever want to date me!? I don’t ever recall meeting you before I came to Shiny’s wedding… Did you find out about me through the news or something? Gods that would be creepy…” She turned back to her gems, now carving runes in large, angular blocks of sapphire and completely ignoring Facet.

“Actually, I had rather admired you from afar but was too shy to introduce myself,” Facet said. “Then I noticed the subtle signs that you’re not all there in the head and decided against it. Plus Maud had come into my life by then and she and I just clicked, so a relationship with you was no longer considered.” He glanced at the gems. “So I cannot help but notice that you failed to answer my question. What are you doing with those gems?”

Twilight giggled again, this time more unhinged and disturbing than before, “Attack drones~”

“Attack drones?” Facet asked, inching away from her as she giggled. “Like UGs?”

Twilight blinked, “What’s a UG? Is it like DeadMau5?” She shook her head, still carving runes at a near blinding pace. “No, these are much more… destructive… and I’ve got a few for defense as well….” She placed down several crimson orbs on the workbench, each one a flawless ruby the size of a golf ball.

“DeadMau5 is a UG yes,” Facet answered. “Night Shift uses autonomous machines that have high level onboard artificial intelligence. Though DeadMau5 is the first capable of speaking. They can learn, adapt, and even think creatively. Though I admit the raptors are closer to beasts than men in intellect.”

Twilight nodded and slid a few sapphire plates together, dabbing a spark of magic into one of the spheres and letting the plates rise around it as it took to the air, a visible shimmer of orange dotted with rainbow sparks flickering around it as it orbited around Twilight, almost jellyfish-like in its motion. “Success!” She cried, throwing her hands in the air. She then picked up her sword and swung it at the drone, letting it impact across a rippling field of orange octagons that extended a foot from the core’s surface.

“What… is that thing?” Facet asked, staring at the drone in morbid curiosity. And just what was in those rubies making up its core?

“First Generation RS Hopper Shield Drone~” Twilight sang, “I call it my 01~” She activated three other drones, all of them orbiting around her in a ring.

“What does RS stand for?” Facet asked. “And how do they fight?”

Twilight sat back, “RS stands for Repurposed Soul. And they don’t fight. They’re shield drones. They’re defense only. Now, my RS Angel Ramiel Base Attack Drones… hehe…” She activated another core, this one about the size of a softball, and letting its sapphire body melt into position around it, forming a reflective, blue octahedron the size of a beach ball. It seemed to hum softly with contained energy, an echoing effect almost like a chorus of angels.

“You used souls to make those?” Facet asked before facepalming. “Necromancer. Right. Who did those souls come from?”

“Death row inmates. Harvested souls from the monsters of the Everfree Forest. The plague of rats that tried to invade my library three months ago. Nothing too terrible,” Twilight shrugged and activated four more Ramiel drones, bringing her count up to five attack drones and four shield drones.

She still had a few soul cores left.

“What are you going to do with the rest of those cores?” Facet asked, almost afraid to know the answer.

Twilight smiled and levitated the cores around her, five in total. A flash of magenta heralded the opening of her subspace pocket as various chunks of preserved flesh and bone tumbled onto the workbench. More crystal shards came into play, along with spools of wire and a few rolls of what looked almost like metallic…. toilet paper?

“What is all that going to become?” Facet asked, eyeing the human remains and other strange materials.

“Hehehe… you’ll see….” Twilight giggled creepily as she worked her magic, casting waves upon waves of magenta tinted light upon the assembled components, the flesh liquefying and contracting around the soul cores while the crystals formed into rudimentary skeletons and the wires and rolls of “paper” condensed themselves alongside the flesh, forming a skull tipped mass of black tentacles with orange undersides… and a mottled, almost corpselike rendition of an almost sexless female body attached underneath the head, with the core protected by what seemed like an exposed rib cage.

The new creations stooped forward in an animalistic crouch, scuttling around Twilight and deconstructing their arms into black cylinders and then reforming them into arms.

“Type 4 RS Angel Zeruel Base Attack/Defense Drones. Razor wire based arms, the same energy torus that allows my Ramiel units their positron cannons, though lesser, and the same energy field that my RS Hoppers use.” Twilight hopped in place, squeeing internally and externally.

“You are not right,” Facet said as he looked at the mockeries of the human form and the floating sapphires. “You are not right in the head. You have taken this lab and decided to play mad scientist.”

Twilight cackled insanely in response, sealing all her new drones into specially marked areas- two RS Hoppers in each shoulder, her Ramiel drones in her right arm, and her Zeruel drones in her left.

“Maybe we should see how the others are doing,” Facet suggested, visibly unnerved by Twilight’s behavior.

Twilight waved Facet off, “You go on ahead, I’m going to see what I can do with what I have left.”

Facet straight up teleported out of the lab, eager to get away from Twilight, and found himself right in front of Maud.

Maud blinked slowly, and held up a boxful of crystals, “I take it that you couldn’t handle Twilight’s enthusiasm…. Also, I found a box of explosive crystals.”

“Going to put them to use?” Facet asked, smirking at his girlfriend as Twilight’s insanity slipped from his thoughts.

“Of course.” Maud nodded.

Applejack blinked, “Hey Facet, how come when y’teleport, it’s all quiet like? Twilight’s teleport is all loud n’ flashy n’ stuff, so why ain’t yours?”

“Because Ms. Sparkle is merely proficient at teleportation because she’s spread herself so thin as a sorceress,” Facet explained in a tone that was somewhere between smug and condescending. “I on the other hand, chose to specialize in a small set of spells and take them to their nth degree. Teleportation among them. The first in fact.”

Twilight teleported in behind Facet and leaned against a table, rolling her eyes, “Actually, it’s because of the fact that I choose to use a little bit of extra mana to provide a flashbang effect to my teleports. There are a lot of teleportation styles, ranging from the quick and quiet, like Facet’s, to loud and flashy, like Princess Celestia’s. And by the way, her teleport is a flash of golden light and a small explosion of illusory flames and you wouldn’t dare say that she’s merely proficient at any magic, would you?” She smirked at Facet, as if daring him to say that Princess Celestia could stoop so low as to be near either of their levels.

“Just because she’s a goddess doesn’t mean she’s a master of every school of magic, Ms. Sparkle,” Facet pointed out. “For example, I sincerely doubt she has much knowledge in the ways of necromancy, unlike you.”

Twilight frowned, “I learned most of my necromancy from spellbooks found in her archive, so I’d say that she’s still a fair bit better than me at it, even if she never uses it.”

“Perhaps she collected all those books to keep them out of the wrong hands,” Facet suggested. “It’s a common tactic for that purpose.”

“Some of them have annotations scribbled into the margins in her handwriting,” Twilight pointed out, holding up her personal favorite, “The Moste Potente and Powerful Artes of Yon Necromancy”, and flipping to a random page, showing off the annotations within, “See? Page 394. ‘When preparing this ritual circle, don’t use blood ink- blood with chalk shavings and powdered silver works better’.”

Facet inspected the annotation. “Okay. That might be Princess Celestia’s handwriting.”

“NERDS!!!” Guru yelled from the throne room. “ESPECIALLY YOU, SUNBUTT ASSKISSER!!!”

“FUCK OFF YOU FAT FUCKING GREEN CUCUMBER SLUG FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT YOU JUST HAVE NO FUCKING APPRECIATION FOR GOOD RESEARCH!” Twilight shouted back, angrily shaking her fist.

Silence reigned for several seconds before Guru spoke again. “NAIL!!! Bitch slap her!”

Hammer looked at Twilight, then at the door to the armory, then back at Twilight. He repeated the process a few more times and shrugged, “Nah.”

“Did you just say no to me, Nail?!” Guru demanded. “Fine! I’ll discipline her myself!” An invisible force began constricting Twilight’s throat.

Twilight immediately infused her throat with magic, making it rigid and keeping it from compressing as she teleported wildly around the room, trying desperately to shake off Guru’s grip,which instead only tightened until he overwhelmed her resistance and her throat was clamped shut by his might, leaving Twilight on her knees and struggling to breathe.

Alucard reacted immediately, phasing up through the ceiling of the armory and whispering “Popo” in Guru’s ear.

The grip on Twilight’s throat lifted immediately. “Oh God! He’s coming here?!” Guru asked in alarm.

Down in the armory, Twilight was sucking in air and coughing. “Fuck! That guy’s stronger than he looks!”

Alucard phased back down into the armory, dusting off his hands, “I would say that pissing off someone that is radically more powerful than you is a stupid idea, but I’m pretty sure you’ve learned that lesson already, my countess.”

Twilight looked up at Alucard. “I didn’t hear gunshots, my count. So what did you do up there?”

“Well, remember that odd fellow over by the gate? The one you wanted to eviscerate for comparing himself to Sunbutt?” Alucard grinned, helping Twilight stand.

“That Popo guy?” Twilight asked, leaning on Alucard for support and wrapping her arms around him.

“Yup. Well, he told us to namedrop him if that fat fuck upstairs got uppity, so I did. And it worked.” Alucard’s grin turned into a look of concern, “Though, are you alright, my countess?”

“I’ll be fine,” Twilight quietly assured him. “I’ll be fine.” She finally released her hold on him. “So… Has everybody found something of use?”

A ringing chorus of affirmatives answered her as almost everyone raised up some form of useful weapon or armor. Mac stepped forward wearing a suit of armor and holding a mace on his shoulder, “We ready t’go get my fiancee back?”

Hammer stared at Mac. “Is that the Tenkai you’re wearing? And is that the Agmar you’re holding?”

“That’s what th’labels said,” Mac shrugged and gave his mace a few swings, fingering the rune on the handle and wreathing the head in flames.

“I’m a little worried about the armor,” Hammer said. “It’s kinda got a mind of its own. It’s an evolving suit, ever changing to suit its wearer’s needs. Or killing them if it finds them no longer worthy. I’m honestly amazed you’re still alive.”

Mac shrugged again, “Well, it ain’t had no problems so far.” He began walking up the stairs, a resolute look on his face.

Alucard looked at Twilight. “Let’s call Spike in and give him a growth spurt, my countess. He’s sure to be of help, and he’ll probably love the chance to get out of the library.”

“Right, right…” Twilight scribbled out a quick note and sent it off with a flash of pink light, heading out of the doors of the palace and waiting.

Waiting….

Wai-

Spike appeared in a colossal flare of magenta flames, Flim and Flam tumbling out with him in fireproof clothing along with a truly colossal amount of weaponry.

“Did you three raid Night Shift’s armory?” Facet asked, looking over some of the weapons and recognizing that they were indeed from R&D. “Yes. You did.”

Flim and Flam groaned simultaneously and shook their heads, “Also the dregs that the Royal Guard got… and a few things we built by ourselves.”

“You two thought about joining Night Shift’s R&D department?” Vinyl asked as she looked over their inventions. “Some of this stuff looks super sick.”

“We thought about it-” Flim started, twirling an odd looking pistol.

“-but we have a contract to fill in Ponyville first.” Flam shrugged and picked up a rocket launcher, leaning on it. “Though, after that, we might join up, depending on how things go.”

Facet’s telekinesis stopped Flim’s twirling pistol. “Don’t do that. It’s incredibly stupid and dangerous.” Of course he was saying this while doing twirling tricks with one of his revolvers.

“The energy cell is out, my good man,” Flim rolled his eyes, holding up a small, glowing tube and slotting it into the pistol’s grip. “Now it’s dangerous… you hypocrite.”

“Hammer is down and this is a single action weapon,” Facet responded. “The hammer has to be manually pulled back, unlike double action weapons which can pull it back and release it with a trigger pull.” He did a final set of tricks and holstered the gun. “Besides. I can pull it off and make it look good.”

“.... Good point,” Flim muttered, setting the pistol aside and sitting down, panting. “Whew, okay, fire travel sucks. Ow, my legs...”

Spike snorted, “That’s what you get for riding a dragon through a magical fireball of teleportation.”

“So Spike,” Alucard began. “We’ve got a surprise for you.” He looked at Twilight. “Tell him, my countess.”

“I’m pregnant~!” Twilight sang, latching onto Alucard and squeezing.

Spike’s eyes widened in shock, looking between the two and muttering a quick, “Well holy shit… how the hell is that even possible?”

“We’re not sure ourselves,” Alucard said as he held Twilight close. “We’ve got another surprise for you too. One with more immediate ramifications.”

Twilight nodded, “King Sombra, you know, the mythical evil king from a thousand years ago? Well, he’s not a myth. And he’s still alive. And apparently sold his soul to elder gods. Right now I have no idea where he is, but he took Trixie when he first attacked us and now we have to get her back. I suspect that he’s going to attack the city itself sometime soon, and the blizzard surrounding the city is only getting worse, so we can’t leave until it subsides either.”

“.... Well, that’s… terrifying,” Spike muttered. He looked out to the edges of the city, “So what the hell am I supposed to do here?”

Twilight grinned and slapped her suddenly glowing hands on Spike’s glowing soul core, pumping in magic. “Congratulations, Spike, time for you to hit puberty with a fucking hammer.”

“Wha- whoa! That tickles!” Spike shouted, his core expanding, and with it, his body, maturing and changing, filling out with crackling snaps of bone and scales, Twilight pulling mana from the surrounding environment and the leyline beneath the city, engraving more and more runes into Spike’s body for extra effect.

Five minutes of growth and horrifying noises later, Spike reared his head up, coming eye level with the very top of the palace and blinking in surprise, “... Holy shit I got big.” His voice thundered through the empty city like a small earthquake, now deep and powerful.

“Damn! You look badass now, Spike!” Vinyl called up to him with a wide grin. “I approve!”

“You are quite imposing,” Facet agreed, smirking at the now fully grown dracolich.

Spike stood over three hundred feet tall, with a wingspan nearly twice that. A smooth, serpentine example of pure, draconic power with large, imposing muscles transitioning into an aerodynamic build. His neck sailed high into the sky in a graceful curve. Adorning his brow were large, backwards pointing spines, and jutting from the back of his skull came a pair of gracefully curving horns, both reaching out and around until they formed an omega symbol just barely beyond the tip of his snout. A brilliant ruby was embedded into his forehead, gleaming with an inner flame. And from the top of his head came a row of spikes, forming into an almost crown-like formation and tapering off into smooth fins down his back.

His tail lashed, a deadly instrument wreathed in a layer of spikes such that it resembled a morningstar flail. Whenever he breathed out unconsciously, the orb in his chest flared with magenta flame and an ethereal mist of mana expelled from his nostrils.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Spike 2.0!” Twilight puffed her chest out proudly and patted Spike’s foot, the only place she could actually reach on him.

Spike preened and posed, flexing his new muscles. “Not bad, eh? Badass, right?” He gave Rarity a grin. “What do you think, Rarity?”

Rarity fanned herself and winked at Spike, “Why you look simply magnificent, my dear! Such grandeur and might… it’s almost breathtaking!”

Spike chuckled and leaned down to let Rarity touch his muscles. “What do you think?”

“Very nice,” Rarity mumbled, rubbing her hands along the smooth, glossy scales, each one so reflective it was as though it were a chunk of obsidian.

Alucard leaned to whisper in Twilight’s ear. “Why am I not surprised he starts flirting with Rarity?”

“Well I did just force him through dragon puberty….” Twilight whispered back.

“So, mom,” Spike started as he looked at Twilight. “Why did you age me into an adult form?”

“Because dragonfire is abnormally useful against eldritch abominations,” Twilight explained, waving around her parasol as a pointer. “Case in point, the legendary dragon Mirmulniir, who drove off the elder god Dagon four thousand years ago with nothing but his own lightning based breath weapon. And as an adult form, your breath weapons, that is: fire, lightning, ice, wind blades, and a positron cannon, well, they would all be exponentially more powerful than they would have been in your adolescent form.”

“Positron cannon?” Spike asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“Yeah. What’s a positron cannon?” Vinyl asked for everyone else that was not a magical and scientific genius.

Twilight’s grin turned absolutely vicious, “A positron cannon is, when you take a bit of matter, change it into antimatter, and then contain it in a magnetic field and a sheath of plasma. When you launch that field, it bursts open upon contact with anything and annihilates it completely!”

“So Spike…” Flim began.

“Is basically…” Flam continued.

“A huge, walking…” Flim added.

“Particle collider?” Flam finished.

“Yuuuup,” Twilight nodded, patting Spike again. “Particle collisions make for the best deterrents against other dragons, usually. I might give Spike a few more options later on, but for now it’s just positrons.”

Facet stepped in front of Shining Armor and looked him in the eye. “Say it with me. Your. Sister. Is. A. Fucking. Lunatic. She just casually turned an average dracolich into a sapient weapon of mass destruction.”

Shining nodded and slowly backed away from Twilight, watching her pat and pet an increasingly disturbed Spike while giggling about how he would ‘raze her enemies into their component subatomic particles’.

“So what exactly is our game plan?” Octavia inquired, still looking at Spike in awe.

“So far, the only thing I’ve come up with is ‘Spike uses his positron cannon to annihilate Sombra down to his component particles’,” Twilight muttered, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head.

“Except that Sombra is likely to be using Ms. Lulamoon as a shield,” Facet pointed out. “So we need to find this empire’s famed Crystal Heart.”

“Right…” Twilight sighed, “I wonder where the Heart even is… that asshole Guru probably knows, but I’m not asking him.”

‘We kinda have to, Twilight,” Rainbow pointed out. “Much as I hate the guy, he’s our only lead.”

“Yeah, but he’s an asshole,” Twilight protested, “and he tried to choke the shit out of me.”

“Well you did insult him rather harshly,” Octavia reminded.

“The Crystal Heart is on the roof, but we can’t access it from the exterior,” Facet said after teleporting back to Maud’s side. He’d had plenty of time to get the information himself while the argument was being held.

“.... Well that was… simple.” Twilight shook her head, “Anyway, do we know how to get up to the Crystal Heart?”

“The useless geezer doesn’t know how access the Heart,” Facet said. “So I’d say the best option is to split into two teams. Team Alpha will hold the line and try to rescue Ms. Lulamoon. At the same time, Team Bravo while find a way to reach the Crystal Heart.”

Twilight nodded, “Right, Spike will stay here and hold the line. I’ll stay here too, since I have, most likely, some of the best ranged firepower.

“I’ll hold the line as well,” Blueblood said as he stepped up. “I can make some very hot flames, and dark creatures absolutely hate fire.”

“Great, that’s useful,” Twilight snapped into her ‘tactical thinking’ mode, figuring out who would go where and how. “Alright, here’s how it’s going to go: Vinyl, Octavia, Facet, and Maud. You stay here with me, Spike, Alucard, and Blueblood. Everyone else, go get the Crystal Heart. Schrodinger and Anderson, you two provide security for them. Seras… you go with Anderson, actually.”

“Is everything hashed out?” Maud asked as she peered through the barrier. “Because I believe Sombra is mounting an attack.”

“N͍̪̤̞͜Y̧̹A͠҉̗̞̖̩̠̻R̥̮͓̝͎̲̬̯̲L̛̖͖̜͖̬͔̺A͍͙͢ͅT̶͎̤̺͇̼̫̤͎̜H̶͎̙̱͞O̡̭̫͜T̴̩͇̫͓̹͕̲́͝E̼̠͚̲̭͈̠P͈͔.̛͖̘͇ ̺̝̠͖͉̥C̛̗̺̠̫̻T̩̦͚̗̝͢͝H̡̨͎Ú̲͚͍͚̙̤̤͟L̵̴̨͙͖̘̻̪͔͈Ḩ̶̝͇͘ͅU̴͎͖̗̗͖̭͜.̫̪̥͔̙̟ ̹̤̲Y͔̖Ò̢̗̠̫̰̪̞̼̗̲͝G̴̮͔̩̀̀ͅ ̸̳̦̪̖̻͙͎̙͝S̸̪̭O̷̩͎̮̹̺T̟̭̟͕̳̣̀H̢҉̱̤̥̱͇̮͎̰O̺̞͖͔̱̙͎͞ͅT̖̮̱̖͎͚͟͞H̶͔̮̫̙͎̺̝̞͠.̡̯ ̶̬͎̞̩́A̴̡̺̬͕̫̕Z͚A̪̱̖͢ͅT̠H̤͍̣̤̦͚̤̠O̶̟̪̞̲T̴̛̗̳́H͏̲̪͈̭͔͙̜.̴̠̺̺̟͙̦̳̗́͠ ͖̘̯̣͙͎͕̗D̦̘͓ͅA̩̠̠͈Ǵ̷̮̞O҉̙̲̞͇̻̜̻̘N̤̬̟̰͓̭̞̗̖.̴̧͚̬ͅ ̯̱͍͈̥̙͘͡H̡̝͇͡͝E̢͓̻̘̮̘̳͢͝R̯̘̯̥̗͇͘͠͞M̷̩̙͖̱̫̖A͈̱̫̭͎͠E҉̨͖͠U̡͎̫̞̦̰͈̮͟͢S͏̟̦͉̥͠͠ ҉͍̤Ḿ̵̞̯̜͙̭͎̣̝Ó̱̖̱R̹̬̲̫̹͎͔͠Á̧̪̣̜͙̩.̸̠̫̹ ̴̢̳̲̲̜̙̳M̡͏̢̭E̴͢͏̹H̼͓R̶̞̳U͕͕͉̞̼̦͖̕͘Ǹ̝̞̫̭͎͔̤̬͖Ḙ̷͔͎̰S̹̖̦̗͓̫ ̨̨̳̲̯̹̖̭̰̯̗͘D̺̖̞͡A̧̠̪̻̼͕̦͔Ǵ̹͢͞O̪͕͙̟̟̮͟͜͜N͏͞҉͉̰͉͙͓͕̜͚̟.͍̹̼̠̩̪ ̶͔̖̮̘͝C̯̲̥̀L҉͓͙͘Á̛͓̼͎͖̹V͏̠̝̟̗̥I̶̟͙̩͍̭͍̟̻̲͞Ç̳̞̗̲͈̘͢U҉̠͘͠S͈̭͚͢ ̟̤̝̟͎V̨̩̥̭̹̰͜I̩̙̮͘L͔͔͖̩̙͉̗͘E̴̼͓̩. B̤͚̮̥͚̼͕͖̗O̴̧̝͚E̛̝͖͖͙T̡͈͚̫̲͔͚H̶̵̪̟̠̱̹̞͞ͅḬ̡̕Ą̶̜̯̯̭̻̺͔̦H̙̘͕̮͉͇́̀.̼̟̙̗̭̞͍͍͜ ̨̛͕̰̤̹͇̭̟̘̺Ṣ̶͖̺̤̘̤̜̬͔H̨̞͇͚̖̰̻̯͍͘͜E͏͈͓͎̫̫̹͜Ơ̦G̦̱Ò̠̩͈̫̳͖͙͝ͅR̷̬͔À̴̙̮T̷͖̲͟H̴̝̻͎̗͘.̷͚̞̯ͅ ̰̖̳͈͙M̙̟͍͎͘Ǫ̻̖̭͕̮̹ͅḶ̴͓̝͍̰̙̥A̷͖̻͉͟G̰͎̩̥̀̕ͅ ̲̤̲̞̝͖B̨̝̮͔̮͉͉Á̙̼͎̱̤͔̪̘͝͞Ļ̛̥͝.̲̫̥̠͠ ̴̮̰̱̭̦͉͇̯͘N̸͝҉̩̹̪̱A͎̼̙̣͎̥͔͡M̴̞͓I͏̛̲̺͈͝R͇̺̪̙̣̲A͏̢͇͓͉͖͔̠.̤͎͉͞ ͏̴͚͇V̡̰͈͎̤͉͝A̛̲̜͖̞̫͕͖̮E҉̦̟R̨̟̜͖̀͡M̴̜̹̤̩̰̺͔Í͎̤̘͞N̛̩̫̞̝̭̫̤A͉.̼̗̰̱͞ ͎̜͇̗̻̜͜͡P̧̖̯̦͉͖͙E̠͓̫̰͎͓̘͜R҉̮̼͇̻͔͎̼̭̕Y͈͚̠̪͈̟̫͍I̼͍̜̼͚͢T̡̞͢͢E̘̻.̵͇̜͇̝̹͘.̡̡̰̰̗̜͚̩ ͏̡҉͔̖̺S̨̯͕͖̮͓͠Ḩ̸̢̭̺̣̺̜̟͚͕U̩̟͖͎̯̬̤̲B̷҉̙̮̫̮̥̤̣́ͅ ́͏҉͉̱͖̲N͕̯̥̗̱̥͕͢I̡̮͍̮͇̤̭̙̕G̴̛̲͘G̸̣̝͍̖͜U̴̷͔̮̬Ṟ̞̝̤̜͝A̴͏̲̰T̻̳̗̰͔͓̯ͅH҉̰̪͎̱̗.̮ ͏̷̷̦̞̗̻X̢͉͚̹̹̩̟͟͢E҉̖͓͍͔̬X͔̝̥͖̻͔̯̘͟A͇̼N͍͟O̼̭̫̲̯͔̟͔͍͘T̼̦̹͍́͜H̗̮̙͖͈̤.̮̱̖͈͙̜̼̠̮͠͠ ̵̪̗̻̭͖͚Ŕ̗̩͕̟̼̹͔Ą̡̣͚̭̹͜M̴̬̳̼̺͞A͚̫̖̥̲̲̦̘̼S̸̸̺͉͎͇K̶̡̙̮̣̳̗̪̲͈͘E̶̸̝̩͍̦̖̰̞͙͞V̸̨͕͔̙̹̥̬̭͍ͅA̶̟̮͔̣̠̻̻͠ͅ.͏͉̣̫͈͍̥̱ ̰̺̠͔̺A͕̩͖̳̪̙͘H̵̬͕̤̳̜̪̹S͚͕Ú̙̰̫̭M̷͙̖̱̺͈͘ͅH̡̘͙Ǫ̴͇̗̱̣̟͟Ţ̴̵̯Ę͔͉̼̺͕̪̻̕Ṕ̲̤͈͡.̵̶̬̻͇͉͕͕̻̺̫ ҉͚̝ͅH҉̢̥̕A̷͇̹̪͇͇Ģ̡̟̱̙͓͔̥̩̻͇Ą̸̲͉R͉̘̟G̵͇̲͓̭͇ ̴̢͕̬̭R̢̨̼̮̤̠͔͉͘Y͖͠͠O̠̲̰͈̥͘ͅN͖̩̳̯̯̜͟I͎̩͔̺͟S̴̰͍̩͎̠ͅ.̖̗͖̮͉͝ ̸̝̥̠͍̺͎̕K̴͉͈͖͔͎A̷̩͍͓̕R̢͔̼̝͓̜͓̫̜A̹͢K͏̟͔̳Á͈̺̤͘L̷̯͖͎̞͘͝.̰̖ ̴͎̪̖͚̥͈͚̫̣̕L̶̮͎̖͟͠O̧͜҉̹̠B̨̥͚̪́͜O̵̖͙̫͇ͅN̡̛̟̱͟.̴̡̭̟̖̜͕̳̤̣͟ ̫͓̬͔̟͝N̳̰͈ͅA̷̵̸͎͍͍̦T͎̦͉̪͎͖̗͖͠͝H̶̺̩̭̻̲̰͞-̷͈̯̥͎̟H̶̻͓͙̱̭̹́O̶̵̳͙͓͇̰͇͘R̝̲͎̘̺̣̕͟͡ͅN̡͖̥͙͖͓̟͙͝A̷͉̣͔͔̮T̩̱̭͍͟H̦͔̪̪́.̨̠͖̬͍͙ ̷̙̼͙͉̰Z̞͙͍̮Ơ̶͇͚͇̝͞-̬̗̲K̨̲̯̯̤̯̕ͅĄ̷̵̯̜̰̼͓L̷̫Á̧̳̰͖̳̖̺̟͞R̙̻͚͞.͇̮͈̼̺̞̲̝ ̴̨̰̪̭̘͘ͅͅͅH̘̜̱̗͉̘̰̣E̗͍͙̲̳͔̪̟͢A̢͖̩̼̻͇̭̣͠R͏҉̜̜̹͠ ̸̴̩̖̺̳̜M͚̱̳̰͓̫͖È̬͓̺̯̻̳͎ ̵̴̕ͅA̶̬̫̲̜N̶̪͙̗̹̬Ḑ̵͈͇ ̨͓̱̘͚̱̘̮͖͢͝C҉̫͖̯̳̙̯̻Ó̠̠͖N̡͈͍̮T̢̮̭̙̤͖̮͙̼É͎͙̼̱̠̥̩M̢̤͉̪͔̣̹̟̗͚͘P̷̙̙̫̫̪̺̮̻L͇̮̘͉̜͉̰A̛͕͡T̛̛̪̗̪̪̦͕͉̹͟E̵̳͖̫̺̳̠̥͠͝ ̹̹̞̫̦̤̖̲͞͝M͈͕͟Y̡̛͕̪͙͜ ̰͍̝͈͓͖O͇͓͓͓̠̙̜F̶̢̻̩̟͖F̴̢͈̮E̴̮͍͇̟̙̺͖R̸̷̘̬̰̖.̧͟҉̬͈̭̬̯ ̗̗̘̳̀͠͞I̢̯̞ ̴̣̞̕ͅG͠͏͔̦͔̬̬̞̫̻I̷̴̪͓̘̗̺̪̟̰V̧͚̻̭̰͇Ȩ̘̞̺͍̯̜̣̯̗ ̖̼̖͘͢ͅT̨̰͈͓͔͔̻Ó̶̬̻͙͢ ̶́͏͖̣͕̺̠̺Y͏͞͏̟̗̮ͅO̗͓̻̖̯U̸͉ ̩̝͍T̠̜̺H̳̲̥̺̬͇͕̺̲͘E͉̪̫̰͟ ̹̟̕͝S̖̘̣̪̝̫O̡̦͈̬̳͖Ṳ̩̻̳͘L̡̥ ̸̫͝O̺̭͈̺̲͕̠̕F̝̦̼͢ ̙̺̱̪͈̫̬͜͝T̵̛̯̠͉̠͚̫͜H҉̗̦͢I̧͏̲̗́ͅS̥̘ ̤̯͢M̸͓͔̜͝Ò̜̫̱̩̬͈̳͟R̡͓̟̘̹̦̪͠T̴̰͔̬̤̞͙͢A̡̞̱̫̤L҉̞̟,͎̜̝̟̣͔ ̛̤̪Ạ̤̹̮̩̮͕̯S͝҉͓̲̪͉̯̬͎͈ ̘̫̼͖̼̀W̟̫̯̰̙̫̤͇͉E̜̣͘̕L͓͇͙͞͝͝L̸̡͕͍͍͙̤͉̘̬ ̮̰A̘̥̙͕͘S̘͚͕̟ ̧͎̻̀T̵̲͚͔͓̺͎́H̨͈̟̤̫͝E͡͞҉̟̰͉̖ ̖͔̣H̴̗͚̭̠̳̱͕͙E̛̩̦A̜̰͎̻͝R̜͓͟Ţ̶̮̜̫̯ ̻̼͍͟͞O̹̯̤̥̘̣̙͟͡F̤͚͈̣̠̳̰̭͡ ̛̣̯T͏̠͕͖͍͓͢ͅH̨͕̦͇̟͎̕͜Í͙̣̖͘͜S̸̨̰̼̖̤̺̯͓͇͔ ̱̪̯C̥̳̹͚͔̯̜ͅI͖͎͙͔͎̘͉͘T̵̜̖̭̝̬͚̪Y̼̼ ̻̬̗̕O̵̖̜̥̹͇̹̯F̘͕͙̰̹̳̲͡ͅ ̗̭͚̗̠C̶̢̧̳̩̹R̨̖̭̻͈̬̠̘͢͟Y͏̯̬̱̳̗̱S̻͖͎̬͎̀͢T̲͚̲͈̙A̤̖̭͉̖̻̮͕͉L͎̬͜S̴̝̹̣̘͔̙ͅ ̷͏̱̦͓͎̘̥Ì̶̘̯̖̘̗͓̩̬̀N͓̠̺̝̦͜ ̻͎͙͈ͅR̡͎̮͜͝E͏̝̞͓̪̤̯͜ͅT͔̖̝U̲̰̳̕Ṟ̳̮N̤̤̫̬͉͙ ̛͓̙̳̤̲̪̕͞F̵̛͉̺͚̗O̜͇͎̱̤̟̹̬R͈͚̹͎̗̺̤̀ ̸̡̰̠P̸̢̫͚̩͍̦̟̯̟͈͘O̬͕̞͍W̯̣̲̺E̛̛̟̰̪̠ͅR̩̮̻̥̘̭̕͟͜.̞̬̲̱͖ ͕̼͜ͅP̖̹̞̣͟͡O̬͖̺ͅW̙̺̹̣͈ͅE̡͇͙̯̫̲͟͢Ŕ̶̶͉̦̭̟ ̻̜̟͓̝͡Ḙ̸̲̤̯̗̘̮͢͠ͅǸ̘̞͓̖͙̘͘O̟̺̲̙͕͜U̺͕̘̗͜G̵҉̘̬͎͓̺H̱̼̤̗̭̤ ̷̛͙̲̹̪͔̟̟͍̀ͅŢ̖̙͚͇͘O̢͏̬̻̭͎ ̴̢̤̺͢Ḏ̟͇̖͓O̵̭͙͉̩̫͉͉̬͡M̨̰͖̲̠̹̣͕͚̬I̧̡͔̦̜̗̗̞̜͜N̪̰͙̞͞A̴̛̞̦͓͓̪̤͖̘̙͘T͙̻̖̳̯Ȩ͎͝ ̧͕̯̙͙̯̝̪͈͘͘T̬̥͝H̴̡̪͕͇̼̲̻͈̤I̷̸̘̭̰̞̖S̨̠͎ͅ ̶̝̣̠̣̩̣̝̞ͅL̻̪͇͍A̵̡̠̮̱̤̬̼͕̹͢Ǹ̬̗D̢҉̝̤͙̥̪̤̟ ҉̷̵̬̼̫͖̥̭͇̯A̴̧̫͖͈͈̻͙̖̝͝N̺͕͚̗̟̮̳̬̫͘D̜̘͈ ̵̲͎̼͖̥̥́́D̶̡̪͔̬̹͚̼̖̥E̸̴̴̪͔͎̣S̶̢̻̟̩̣͇̭͢E̡̜͕͠Ć̴̭̫̳̺̀R̝̯̲̱Á̶̦̜̟͕̙̰͍T̻̭̗͈̻͖͈̪͢͠Ȩ͓̫ ̭̝͚͇͟I̴̺̗̫̫̺̯͚͞͝T҉̳̻S̝͈͇̣͘ ͙̯̣̳̰̳ͅM̷̤̝̟̻̖̥͢O͍̖̜R̠̥̟̻̞͉̫͔̦̀T̸̰͖̭̥̻Ą͈̞͘͜L͠҉͍̤̖͔̝I̸̙̤͓͚͎T̠̱͜͝Y̧̟̞̻̕ ̨̲̤̜I̠͔̲͟N̶̵̖̺͚̼̰͕͉͟ ̨̛̣͈͕͘E̸̲͉̱̞̱͟L̷͏̴̜̳̙͕͎͉͙ͅD̛͎͔R̹̠͓͚͡I͎̪̺̝̼̱̕͟T҉̵̮͇C̶̭̦͝ͅḨ̵̬̝̘̘̯̘ ̣͔̬̫̪͉E̛͏̙͇T̡̩̦͔̣̬E̢̮̤̗̫̩͕̯͝R̶̨͖N̸̤̬̩͈͝I͘͏̷̖͕̗͍̙͔T̛͕̺̪́Y̡͉̜͓͔̪̤̻̰̝.̤̺͔̺̠̹̕ ͕̯̳͎̟͇͖G̨̼͇͈̭͚͢͡I̻̝̙͚͖̦̭̖F̮̻͓̬̤̞͚T̠̻͎̫̪́ ̢̺̣͔̳̩̰M͏̖̙̥̰͖͍É̡̢̥̤̫̠̹͉ͅ ͔͚̦̦Y̧̡̖̙̫͢Ó̶͚̪͇̟̝̦U̖̝͚Ŗ̘ͅ ̙̙͝P̴̠̘̜͎̦͚O̥͈̹̘̭͇͘ͅW̷̵̥̤͚̬̲͓͕͠E̘̯͇̳͔͜Ṟ̶͓̖̙͎͎͘͢ ̷̢͚̥̣̣̝̩A̧̦̬̤͘N̬̻̲͙̥ͅD̘͇̠̞͝ ̵͓̹̗̝̪̀ͅI͔͔̺̜̣̫̥̺̳ ̹̘͚͓̜͕̫͞ͅS҉̸̼͚̳̻̪H͎͎̟͎̤͔́͜A̷̯͙͔̭̗͟͞L̼͓̭͠L̨̛͈̙͔͕͖̺͎̗͡ ̼̮̥̠̖̹͍̼́R҉̞̭̼͞E̴̳͉͞ͅM̴̛͇̫̲̣̘͎A͔͓ḴE҉̺̦͚ ̧͚̫̥T͙͓͠͠H͏̩̲I̴̗̪͘S͎̱̘̞ ̶̶̦̣W͔̖̻̺͈̦ͅO̢̢̼̱̣͖͎̣͎ͅR̨͏̗͉͍L̟̻D̸̡̲̯̯̬͉͡ ̹̖̭T̵̜̩͙O͙̥̥͔̳̟̞̹͞ ̷̶̘͈̥̻̗̯̥Y҉̶̨̲̠͍̮̱͖̲͖O̬͕͝U̷̮͚͖̣̰R̵͙͕͖̜̗̫͔͠ ̠̜̻̬̥̤̜͘͢ͅW̻͔͔̻͍̻̫̪Í̴̫͓͙Ṣ̶̨̹̝̯̱H͎̙͔̳̲Ę͈̻̹͚̫͘S̼͈̱͚̙̞̬ͅ.̶̭͍̤́
̢̫͚̠͔̼͉̺ͅ
̶̵̮͙̙̙̫̪̤̜ͅP̸̘̲̮̜͓H̪͍̙̙͔̦̝ͅ'͈̣̭N̜̲͙͔̘͝G͏̫̦͓͙̝͞ͅL̰̭̳̞͇͍͕͜U̧̺͝Ì̺̟̝̣̗̺͘ ̩͙̯͔M̰̪̤͇̭̣G͏͏̥̞͉L̹̰̤̕͞͡W̧̡̼̥̦̩̖̰͉͉'̛͚͕̀ͅN̡̘̙̫̬͙À̰̩̳̱͓͉̣͎̱F̮̗̩̩̣̘͘H̢̘͔̥͟ ͚C̴̙̫̼̩͟͟ͅT̷͖͎͎̩̘H҉̢͎̯̮̠̠̠̝͠U̡̝̖̝̣̯͍̫̠͢L̡͙͇̬̀H̴̘͓̦͎̺̦̀U̢͏̬̥̜͎̞͠ͅ ̺͇͕̯̟͇̗͡R̸̜̻̩̹͖ͅ'̟͙͎̟L҉̭͚̝̪͞Y͙̟̹Ę͖̳͓͕͔͙̼̳́Ḩ̸̩̼̙̣̠͍͟ ̷͈͕͎͘ͅW̸̶̦̙̳̪͉͓̻G̮͖̫̕͝À͎͍ͅH̛͜͏̙͇̫̰'̛͔͙Ņ͏̳̝̦͕̜̖̦A͈͔̞̠̮͓̦̙G̠̜̟̙̫̭̫̖L̸̜̙̪̳͘ ̨͙̪̲F̵͏̤͔̠͙͖̙̖̟H̛̞͍̦͚͓̣͓ͅT͙̞̟̺̙̺̘͈A̷̡͍̦̺̘̲͍̟Ǵ̸̭̮͝N͈̟͕͝.”

Sombra’s twisted, eldritch voice echoed across the city, the mere sound of it crackling across Popo’s barrier and visibly warping reality before a massive tear in space opened, a single beam of unclean, filthy, maddening light striking down upon the central mass of Sombra’s smoky form and filling it with enumerable eyes and mouths and gnashing teeth and claws and tentacles and, most importantly, clearing out a space where the naked and defiled form of Trixie Lulamoon hung, unconscious.

“TRIXIE!!!” Mac screamed at the sight of her, distraught at seeing the condition she was in.

Facet looked at Maud. “Maud?”

“Yes Facet?” Maud asked, already prepping her exploding crystals.

Facet gripped Suigetsu tighter as he pulled Maud down enough to briefly kiss her. “If we make it through this, then injuries and/or lack of rings be damned, we’re going to the Crystal Palace and getting married.”

“Then we had better make it through this,” Maud replied, a resolute stare replacing her normal deadpan.

Facet nodded and couldn’t help letting out a chuckle. “This’ll make a good story for our child.” He drew Suigetsu. “The day his parents battled the Prince of Darkness.”

Maud shook her head, “The day his parents kicked the Prince of Darkness’ ass back to the eldritch hell he came from.”

A Darkness That Casts a Shadow on Darkness Itself Part II

“I’m not doing it!” Schrodinger insisted, his eyes alight and wide with terror at what had just been proposed. “No vay in zhe nine circles of hell am I doing it!”

“C’mon Schro! You can be anywhere you want! Why the heck can’t you just go in there and get the Heart?” Rainbow whined, leaning against her scythe.

“I tried zhat vith Discord!” Schrodinger answered. “He turned me into an imaginary number for mein trouble!”

Rainbow blinked, “..... I have no idea what the hell that means.”

“Mein ability to be everyvhere and novhere is governed by how I perceive myself, fraulein!” Schrodinger said. “I sink, zherefore I am. Discord made me unable to recognize myself. I vas not alive, dead, or even undead. I vas abstraction. An imaginary number!” He grabbed Rainbow by her shirt. “I saw vhat he did, Fraulein! He thought of everysing. Literally every possibility. Including zhat somevone like me vould come along!”

“Alright alright!” Rainbow cried, backing up, “Alright… new plan… uh… crap, what are we gonna do?”

“That Sombra bloke’s a total arse,” Seras muttered from her spot beside Anderson.

Anderson shrugged, “Aye, but what can we do about it? Nothing to do but to keep going up the stairs and hope our legs don’t give out.”

“Very true, hubby,” Seras purred as she leaned on him and hugged his arm.

Cadance sighed and rubbed her abdomen, leaning against the railing, “I just hope we manage to get the Heart before Sombra breaks the barrier…”

“He’s breaking through the fucking barrier!?” Twilight exclaimed, watching in shock as Sombra’s shadows solidified and warped the barrier far from its original shape, even cracking through the flickering shield in some places.

“Let’s hope it holds long enough,” Facet muttered, his stance tensing a bit.

“Let me out…” a familiar voice in Vinyl’s mind whispered.

Vinyl stepped back, clutching her head tightly as she clenched her eyes shut, forcing the voice back as best as she could. “Fuck fuck fuck not now…” she whispered.

“Let me out, weakling,” Duet whispered. “Let me fight. Let me kill.”

“Fuck off…. I’m not letting you out! Not again!” Vinyl stumbled back, ignoring the concerned looks she received, and continued to pound at her head, a desperate, writhing panic welling up in her chest.

“You can’t ignore me, weakling,” Duet taunted. “You need me. Without me, you’re nothing. You can’t even use my fighting style to its fullest.”

Vinyl dropped to her knees and whimpered, biting her lip hard enough to draw blood as Octavia rushed over to comfort her wife, patting her back and whispering comforting nothings in her ear.

“What’s gotten into her?” Blueblood asked, glancing at Vinyl in concern while inching away from her as he remembered her warning to introduce him to the most feared mass murderer in recent memory.

Octavia looked up and motioned for everyone to step back, “It’s the Ripper part of her personality; it’s trying to force its way through her mental blocks.”

“Of course the Ripper picks now to try and escape,” Facet muttered.

“Let me out, fake!” Duet yelled. “You’re not real! I’m the real one! I’m the original! You’re just some wannabe!”

“SHUT UP!” Vinyl screeched, throwing her head back in a wordless howl, “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP STOP TALKING DAMMIT!” She slammed her head against the crystal ground, almost cracking it from the sheer force.

“You know you need me,” Duet purred. “I’m your key to victory, fake. Let me out so I can win your battle for you.”

“I don’t need you! I don’t need you now! I won’t need you ever again!” Vinyl writhed, letting out a piercing scream just as Sombra cracked through the barrier around the city, smashing through and engulfing Popo, stifling the strange man’s scream of agony as black, shadowy, impure, filthy, defiling, corrupting, violating smoke flooded into the city, dissolving buildings into blackened spires of obsidian and onyx and slowly, inexorably heading towards the palace.

“ZHE BARRIER IS BROKEN!!!” Schrodinger screamed, grabbing Pinkie in his arms. “VE’RE ALL FUCKED!!!”

“WE’RE FUCKED HARDER THAN YOU FUCKED ME BEFORE WE LEFT!” Pinkie screamed back, latching onto Schrodinger tightly and wailing pitifully.

“We didn’t really need to know that, you two,” Rainbow muttered while shaking her head. “So what now? We have to speed up!”

“Aye!” Anderson nodded, already several steps up, “Come on then! Time’s a wastin’!” He sprinted forward, letting the rest of the group follow behind while Seras leapt over him and took the lead with her vampiric speed.

Seras stopped before an ominous looking door that she stared at. “So… What sort of trap could be on this door?”

Rainbow shrugged, “Well, there ain’t no time to try and figure it out! There’s only one thing to do and that’s this!” She rushed forward and pulled the door as hard as she could, wrenching it open and freezing solid, staring off into space, tears leaking from her eyes.

Slow.

Weak.

Useless.

Flightless.

Fat.

Worthless.

“No! No! Come back!” Rainbow cried, struggling after her friends on wilted, knobby legs, pregnant stomach weighing her down until she couldn’t even stand, “Don’t leave me!”

“Why wouldn’t we leave you?” Fluttershy sneered, stretching languidly and showing off her unblemished, womanly curves, “After all, you can’t fly, you can barely move, you can’t even have an elegant pregnancy!”

Rarity cut in, huffing and leaning provocatively against Soarin, “You even had to resort to Twilight’s magic to make your little mosquito bites grow! How pathetic!”

“No… no! Soarin! Aren’t you gonna help me!?” Rainbow sobbed against the dirt, staring hopefully up at Soarin.

Soarin sniffed and looked away, reaching over to cup Rarity’s breast, “Why would I want you when I got a real woman over here? Besides, you can’t even fly right anymore, you fat pig.”

“G-gilda…?”

A cruel smirk and a shove backwards from a heavy boot to the face, “Sorry, babe, but pregnant bitches don’t cut it for this bird. You either fly high or you go cry. So go cry, fatwings.”

“A-anyone…?”

Silence. Cruel, torturous s͙̲͉̲͎͕̥ͅi̳̳̰͇ḽ̤͙͉̬̭͚̯ȩ͝҉̬̯̬̳̬̻͖̗n̵̝c̳̫͉̥̖͜ȩ̞͜ met Rainbow’s ears.

And then, laughter. The horrible, evil laughter of those that took pride in making others suffer.

“N-no! No! Please no! Don’t leave me! PLEASE! DON’T GO!”

Cold and alone, the rainbow doth fade from ș̮̦̪̥i̺̜g̨̰̫͟͝h̢̛̦̪̥̙̳t̞͈̬͡͝ͅ ̷̶̺̤̘̳̝̰a̗̰̖͞ͅn̙̘̭̫͢d̸̶҉̠͙͎ ̫̬̻̪̦̞̥̮m̢͍͙̣͎̣͇͉̳e͏̱̱͍͖̦̗̖ṃ̸̼͠o̧͎̳̹͚̞̫̣̘̳͘r͖̭͖̩y̗̦͞…

“Rainbow! RAINBOW!!!” Seras’ palm impacted the stunned Aerial’s cheek hard enough to make her stumble a bit.

“What did you see, Rainbow?” Anderson gently asked as he gripped Rainbow’s shoulder.

“G-get away from me!” Rainbow shrieked, sobbing and curling up into a ball, “You’re better off without me! I’m worthless!”

“What’s gotten into you, RD?” Applejack asked, kneeling beside her friend. “Just what in tarnation did that door show ya?”

“I-I was pregnant! And I couldn’t fly! A-and I could barely stand!” Rainbow kept sobbing, a puddle of tears soaking through her shirt, “A-and all of you l-left me b-behi-ind!”

Applejack wrapped her arms around Rainbow. “Now listen ta me, sugarcube. We ain’t gonna abandon you. Not ever. You wouldn’t abandon us, so why would we do it to you?”

“Y-you m-mean it…?” Rainbow looked up, still hiccuping and crying.

“Of course, sugarcube,” Applejack answered, smiling at her. “You know ya can count on us jus’ like we can count on you.”

“T-thanks… thanks AJ…” Rainbow hiccuped a few more times and stood shakily, panting a few times and grinning halfheartedly, “W-well what are we waiting for!? We got the door open, didn’t we? Let’s go!”

“Hold on,” Anderson said. “The spell is still in place. Let me get rid of it first.” He pulled out his bible and stood before the door, glowing pages fluttering around him as he started quietly chanting. “The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He maketh me lie down in green pastures, He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul for His name’s sake. Yay, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For thou art with me!” He unleashed the built up holy energy against the door, obliterating the dark enchantment. “Now we may pass through safely.”

“The hell was that, man? Never heard that kinda prayer before,” Rainbow sniffled a few times to clear out her sinuses, tilting her head curiously as she stared at Anderson’s bible.

“My religion is not of this world, Rainbow,” Anderson said. “And though the god I worship does not exist in this world, my faith still holds power.”

“Riiiiight….” Rainbow rolled her eyes and led the way through the open doorway, mostly recovered by now only to find, “.... Oh you’ve gotta be shitting me. More stairs!? We just went up like three thousand and then down like fifty thousand! What kind of fucking asshole made this stupid tower!?” She threw up her hands as nearly everyone in the group groaned in frustration.

Back in the throne room, Guru was quietly laughing as he felt their frustration.

“The kind whose throat I want to rip out,” Seras growled as she started up the staircase. “Let’s just go.”

Sighing in pain and more than a little frustration and desperate urgency, the rest of the Bravo team followed, their legs twinging in pain as they made their hasty ascent.

Spike let loose a desperate torrent of flame, driving back the encroaching shadow for barely a moment before it regrouped and sprouted more eyes, the obliterated ocular growths splattering the ground with smoky, acidic green blood.

“Dammit! How the hell are we supposed to stop a cloud of smoke!?” he bellowed, switching out for ice and wind.

“If I knew that, I’d be doing it right now!” Facet answered as he slashed at offending tendrils with Zantetsuken, its blade glowing red as he worked in attacks with water, courtesy of the abundant snow and ice.

“Less talking and more blasting!” Twilight shouted, using her own mastery of magics to create flaming tornadoes of annihilation while her drones flittered about, blocking off Sombra’s path with massive plates of shimmering, violet, octagonal ripples, her attack drones shrieking and wailing as they tore through the smoke with beams of antimatter and plasma.

“Your golem creatures are rather disconcerting, Ms. Sparkle!” Blueblood yelled as his flames added to Twilight’s tornadoes, his eyes flitting about trying to locate Trixie. “Not sure how much longer we can hold out here!”

Sombra’s smoke, suddenly and much too unexpectedly, withdrew in a great, swirling column, collapsing into a great, towering form, almost ten feet tall. Sombra grinned, eldritch shadows still stretching out from him as he indicated the bound and battered form of Trixie attached to his back. “F̤͍͉͙͡o̧̻̱̺͖͓͇͍͜ͅͅo͖͖̬̮̰l̛̬͚̝̻͔̝̫͡i͏̷̳̭́s̫̩̘̩̙̩̹̠͟͡h̦̻̙̼͎,̖͙̳̲̼͉͘͢͡ ̣̠͖f͕̘͇̜͎̬̰͢͢o͍̖̯o͎͕̱͢ͅl҉̢̺̮͕̪̜̠į̼̺̮͓͈͞ş̨̖͘ḩ̴͕̙͕̠ ͉̥͝m̸̩͕̠̳̞̫̮͈̀͠o̷̷̗r̷̤t̵͚̭͓̤̹̼̘͓a̠̜̤͇̬̙̱̺l̴̦̯̀ͅs͚̜͕̤̺̩̟̯.̷̞͈̙̘͚͓͟.̸̛͚̣̩̞̪.̧̫̻̀͝ͅ ̢̨͓̹̲͇̥̯̠͞T̮̜̫̬̝͜͠h͕̖o̡̟͜ư̢҉̯͓̜ ̢̛̮͇̹h̴̪̤̝̠͔̩̙͞a̪̣͢͞s̲̺̩̭̞̬ͅṱ̡̟̝͞ ̦̦͈͍̦̳ç͈͍̖̘̣̣͠͞h҉̹̮a̠̱̫l̻̳̘̬̹l̷͓͔̭͔̞̜̰͘e̵̵͙͓̦̝ǹ̛͓̼͉͘g͙͍͞͝e̥͙̤͎̼͎ͅd̨̩̲̩̼̜̭̼͈͞ ̵̡̫̰͔̖̼͍̗ḿ̴͎̲̭͕̼̠͡i̷͇̭͈̫̗͢ń̴͉̼e̪̘͎̟͉̫̯̕ ̱̲̣̗̖̦r̘u͏̰̳͇̘̼l͚ȩ͚̳͈̮̲ͅ ͈̖͙̰f̷̬͕́o̸̟̬̬̜̕ŗ̝͙̩̰̹͟ ̨͏̷̬͙͓̮̪͇̮f͖͇̣̖͔͇̰̬a͏̲r̬̥͝ ̘̞̼͈̳̪̲̩͘ͅt̷̸̘̬o̟̩͠o̻̲̙͔̪̳͞ ̧̺̭͙͡ļ̧҉͇̱̺̺̣̫ͅo͈͍̙̠͎͎̥̲͇ṉ̗̞̞̮̝̰̞͘g̷͇̺̀͞ ̨̝̯́n̶̡̩̠̤̳̲͈̟̬o̸̝̯̼̖͚̼̩͎͜ẃ̫̬.͔̹̫̜͕̯̣͠ ̸͓̞̥̞͔͓̪̺͓͡H̴̠̣͚͜o̦̖̞͓̖͖̗̫w҉̭̥̳͖͎e͏̢̝͚̗͕̣̫̰̞͘v͍͖͔͍̯͖͘e̪͍̳̥̟̘̥͈r̩̝̤̦̦͈̣͖̻,̵̺̖̞͘ ̷̟̮̫̗͟a͈̥̰͚͔̱̥̪͡s̴̼̤̣͎͎̫͜ ͖̰̮y̴̞̕ͅo͏͏̴͍͙̯ų̢̬̺͎̦͖̠̦ ̸̸̬͕͚̥͕̫͜a͖̭r̦̘̲̘̣̩͟e҉͕̺̯̳̩͓ ̵̫̹̜̬͇̖̙a̦͉͘̕n͕͝t͎̖s̢̺̥͈̙̞͓ͅ ̰̮͚͔̪̪f̬̪̩ạ̶̲̼͎̯r͇͈̬̯̠̳͚͇͘ ҉̯͈̖͍͈̕b̛̩̠͡e͓͙̖̪̤l̶̢͎͙̬̼ơ҉̺͎̰͝w̢̢͏͚̮ ̵̲̝̖̻̹̙m̛̙̯͍͜͡e͕͙͍͕̟͝,̛͏͏̣̘̺ ҉̧̱̗̼̤̼̞I̜̙͖͎̗̤ ̳̠̼͘ͅs҉̷̣̳̥̻̦̱u̸̵͈͉͇̯̠͚̝p̧̲̤̫̀p̫o͝҉͏̙͇̞̱̟͔̖̖s̛͓̀e̶͍͔͙̬͚ ̨̬͓I̶̜̣̱͉ͅͅ ̸̗̺ḿ̶͓̦̗̭̥̙i̢̳̬̲͕g̶̻h̷̼̦̘̯̯̟̩̼̕͜t̛̹̬̩̥͉ ̨̙̹͡t҉̧̻͍̭̬a̙̪̰͕̗̟͔ͅͅk̮̥͇̯͎e̠͜ ̴̹̪̮̜̹̹̕ͅa̳͍̬͔̹̠̗ ̟̲̲͟͡t̩̜̝̳o҉̘̱͍̜̭̜ú͚̦͓͖̱̦̺͜r̨̢͉̜ ̲̠̫̥͚̰̠̀͞o̪̻̥͉͕̫f̶̨͓̱͎͍̭̪ ̶͇͈̜͍̠̘̯̙͡t̟̹h͕̮̤͎͖̭̰̤e̷͚̮͘ ̹̞̤͓K̸̦̹̬̰͕̯̼̝i̢̙̳̠̱͔̙͝n̨̫͉͈̱͔̤̰̘̹g͉d̨̯̹̱̱̭͞o̵̼̥͝m̴̳̹ ̶̥̠̥͚͢͟b͍̝͙̀̕e̛̤̼̥̗̕f͈͖̜͘ǫ̪̹̳̯̤̼̳̦͢r̢̪̬͎̦͓̮̩ͅḛ͓̠̟͖̬͈̝̰ ͙͚̦͔̥̹͕͎̞Ḭ̴̀̕ ̰̣̯̟̦͚̪͉̯s̵̵͓e̦͇͡c̵̛͙͈̠u͏̞̞r̝̺̯̕͢e̶̘̠̺̹̳̳̕ ̛̣͈̗͉m̡̡͇͔̳̺̗̜͔͡y̶̧̜̯͞ ͏͎̖͓̹f̷̧̱̞̰͔̥ḭ̵̩̗̥̘͠n̶̷̠̗̟̯̣͕a̙̩̮̩̺̩̺̩l̪̖͕̯͎ ̬͉̟͖̹̺̩͕͈̕͞v҉̺̭͈̙̦͍i̛̠̯̬̺̠̺̹̭͓c̱͙̬t̨͍̦̟͍̀o̸͏̭͖̤̠̳r̞͉̰͠y̢̖̹̪͖̗̯̯͢.̴̣̹͓͔̣̲͚̲̀̕”

Vinyl fell to her knees gripping her head as Sombra’s voice made it harder to focus, and thus easier for Duet to tear at her, trying to escape. “Shut up! Shut up! I don’t need you, dammit!”

Octavia clung to Vinyl, trying to haul her up and away from the slowly advancing dark king, “Dammit love, this is so not the time! Come on, come on!”

Twilight growled, withholding from attacking for fear of accidentally striking Trixie. “Bastard…”

Sombra smirked and snapped his fingers while turning away, a forest of black crystal spires erupting from the ground and bursting into twisted, monstrous forms, all of them glowing with a horrid green light. "̨͍́̀I̧̭̹͓̥̘̹̜̥ ͚̦̯̫̦͟͝s͏͖͚͙h̷̫̙͍͖͔̣̥ḁ̻l̶̠͍͇̺̗͚̝̘͝ļ̻͙̙̫̠̣͇̠́͡ ҉̶̜̺͙̬̬t̸̴͈̼̮̻͢á͈̝̻͇̘̣͍́͢k͏҉̹͙̝̣͙͇͓̱͕ȩ͎͉̖͖̲̠͈͖ ̧̙̝̜̞͜m̤̰͈̙y͞҉̸̖ ̺͎̺̻ͅl̤̬͙̘͔͉e̯̞͍a͘͏̵͚̠͓v̶̯̺̘̻̼͟ͅe͏͉ ̱̠̱̼o҉͈̥͖̣f̶̡̼͓̮͖̞̕ͅ ̧͉̺͜y̴̸̱̘͖o̢̤̜̱̳̗͍̮̕͟u҉̛̩̬͚̬̜̮͠ ̬͕͚̬̟p̧̬̣̠͔̼̞̝͍e̴̬͖̦̳͚ś̛̖͎̖̪̤͕̤̦t̺̖̤̬̪̳̙͠ś̰͉̮̮̝̭̱̙͚͜.̺̲̼̣̼͖̙͞ ̝̙͜G͓ǫ̸̝͎͍̭ḷ̴e͖̪̭͔m̗̪̞̠͍̀s͉̰̤͚̠̮͚͝.̢͓̣͈͚͜.͙͙͓̫̺͚̩.̩͍ͅ.͇̮̮͓͡ ̷͈̻̼͈̣̩͘ͅK̶͙̥i̙̻͇͍̲̣̣̬͢l̗̲͝ĺ͎̥̞̦̟̟̗͝.͏̻̳̕"̠̰͎̹̭̮͍̜́

“Eldritch golems?” Facet muttered as he looked at Vinyl. “Vinyl. We really need you and your magic to take down these golems.”

“Dammit!” Vinyl muttered, shakily climbing to her feet and clutching her head, “I don’t need this shit RIGHT NOW!” With a magically enhanced scream and a stomp, a blue shockwave burst forth from Vinyl’s body, audibly humming with a pure tone so powerful that it splintered all the crystals around for a hundred meters, meeting the golems and… fizzling out as the eldritch magic warped space around the golems and reduced the damage to almost zero. “... You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

“Let me out, fake,” Duet whispered. “I can kill them. I can kill them all.”

“.... You’d better not kill any of my friends….” Vinyl whispered, desperately staring at the slowly creeping golems, her eyes bleeding into a fierce, glowing violet.

“You worry too much, fake,” Duet mocked. “That’s why you’re so weak. But I guess I can hold off on killing the others.” She pushed harder, one of Vinyl’s eyes beginning to fade to blue. “Let me fight!”

“.... Fine….” Vinyl muttered, pushing Octavia away and stepping forward, releasing her hold on Duet and visibly changing as she cracked her joints.

“Alright you ugly motherfuckers,” Duet sneered, “who wants to die first?”

“And now the Ripper is loose. Perfect…” Facet grumbled as he looked over at Duet.

“That’s Duet the Ripper?” Blueblood asked, a nervous tinge to his tone.

“The one and only,” Duet purred as she drew Benihime and dragged her tongue along the blade.

"̷̤͚̺̱Ś͚̹̣͢͝ͅò͙͉̫̠̀ͅ ̷̯̯̗͢ǫ̥̖͕̟̠̙̩̟́n̷͇̞̬̰͘e̛͕̺̣̖͡ ͖̭̘͎̱͇̻͘ǫ͝҉̰̠͙̥̙͕̗f̧̪̺ ̫̦̭̹̣̯͕̘͜t̵̨͚̥̙̙̼̕h̗͔͓e̴̢͓̪̞̺͔͉͚ ̗͝ì͍̮̭͍̰̮̪̕n͉̫͚̝͓͍s̵̨̘̼è̪̙͇͇̘͕̬̬͡c̪͎͖̝̟͜t̷͕͇̼͉͔̮s̢̬̞͟ ̸̦̜̼̳̤h̶̩͙̞̯̞͚̘̠͠͞á̵̪̼̱͈̰͕͔͈͙s̡̯̺͢ ̡̨̹͎ć̸҉͈͕h̡̘̞̼͜͡ͅa̷̼͍̹͘n̳̹̺͎̩̯͔ǵ̴͇̫̺̘̲e̞̯͠d̵͕͔̤͙̠̗̠ ̨̤i̺̪̳̟͈̭͝t̸̙̝͙̤͍̲͚̥͢ṣ̳͟ ̢̤̞̖̭s͏̫͖̖͈̯h̛̲̮̕ḙ̬̻̝̟l̠̝̟̮l҉̷̬̠̕.̴̳̙͉̰̝͕̗͜.̞̭̻͔.̝ ̡̻̙ͅi̺̫̤̗̘͢ͅn̫̪͢t̡͚̪̭͓͖̪̻͜e͔r̶͖̜̜̩̬̺̗̙̜̀e̵͉̖̙̦̖̕͢s̡̟̫̗̹̖̤ͅt̴̸͓͇̣͖̹͇̳ì̵̮̹͓̗n̖̞͓͡ģ̬̻͘,̦͡͠͞ ̥̹̦̟̩́b̧̧͖̰̳͇u̷͙͓̳̟̜̭̬̮̲t͡҉͉̙̘ ̞̬̗̟͈͍̙d̞͉̮o̖̠̪͔̫̮̻̳̕ ̢͍͖̙͘y̛̤͈̫̰͖o̪̮͘͘u̶͚͕͍̬͔͓͎̦ ̴̰͇̝̱̠̙̪͖͝r̴̢̪͉̦̺̭̀e͏̖̜̠̟̠͟ͅa͍̮͎̮̣̗̲ͅl̯̙̹͞l̢͔͍̭̹̘̼̪͝y͈̟͓̺̪̠͙̜͔͠ ̶̰̺̝͓͔̳̪̳t̳̠̹̪̭͎̪͡h̵͎͖̞̳̰͉͉í̱̱ņ͇͈̺̮̭͍͡k̶̝̻̘̙̳̜͟ ̴̠͘t̻͖̬͇̤̩̳̀͞͠h̗̜̘̠̭͓ͅa̛͓͎͎̳͖̹̱̘͡t̲̝̲̥̮̜̀̕ ̗̮͇̰͞͠w̷͉̘̙͚̕͞i̵̞̗̤͙̺͖̗̤̪l͏͎̪̻̱̩̘l̢̻͎̻̤̗̦̭͡ ̳̰͞ḥ͍͓̳͝e͏͏̻̫͘l҉̪͙̱̼̙̙̺p̧͔͈̘̟̦͘ ̷̞͈̲̞̭͡ỳ͇͔̣̹͢͜o̘̲̝̲̳̩͝͝u̸͓ ̲̀͟͞ş̗͞u̧̟͎͙̰r̲͚̀v̢̤̘̺̟̺͚̖i̹͇̝͚͢ͅv͏̤̻̜̜̦͙̠̘e̢̛̥̜?̛̣"̙̻́ Sombra chuckled darkly and sat back on a throne of obsidian, letting his golems rush forward, claws and crystal tentacles extended and ready to rend the soft flesh of the mortals arrayed before them.

Duet vanished in a burst of speed, reappearing in front of Sombra as the golems between her and her starting position crumbled. She gave the dark king an absolutely lascivious look. “Has anyone ever told you that your voice is sexy?” She moaned as she licked her lips. “I’m so fucking wet from hearing it.”

“.... She’s kinkier than I am,” Twilight shuddered, sealing away her drones and activating her normal runes, allowing her personal golems to manifest around her.

Blueblood shivered, “She’s worse than I thought she’d be…”

Sombra’s grin turned deadly as he patted Trixie’s hair, Trixie being chained to the foot of his throne."̨̳̖̘̦̤̤Ḭ̶̷̝̮̞̫͞f̪̠̲̼̘͚͘͝ ̸͔̮̟͖̰̦̩͝m̵̡͕̥̘̝̫̟͢y̶͔͍̣̳̻̗͇̞͓͜͢ ̗̹̯͠v͏̩̗̣̤̼o͔̖͇͖͢i̶͙͇̩̠̫̳̹c̹̤̮͇̖͕̖e҉͓̺̪̰̲̟̻̞ ̵̡̠̲d̨͏̫̻͔o̶͍̫̫͈͈ṭ̡̹̱͞h̷̬̱̥̥̗͟͞ ̼͉̠͝b̶̧̬͙̘̹̟e̞̬̲̫̣͉͎͢͝ ̢̡̻̻̞̀a̹̫̣̦t̡̗̣͚̩̝̞̩̫͎t̡̝̬ͅr͔͓͞a̶͏̜̻̗c̛̝͙̱̰ͅt̴͕̖͉͔͢i̜͚̻͍̲v̶̢̰͍̭̠͈͙̙̘e͈̖̱͎͕ ̪̠̼̲̱̘͡͞ì͔̩̳͙̺͓̩n̨͕̦̟͓̩̼̬̗̝͜͟ ̘̺̻̪͉͔͙͢t͏̣h̢̭̜̠͠i̤̙̩̫̳͍͘n̛͔͎̳̮̭̝̟͔e̡̫̹̰̯̱͡ ̸̢̰͘e̟̼̘̞̬̹y̪̠͉͎̹͚̠͔̫è̡̟̦̜ͅs̮̰̼̫̻̗͚,҉̫̺͓ ̛̛̖͎̫͓̬t̰̮̻̥̠͕̕͢͟ḩ̷̯͉̮͈͎͉̗͍͠e̶̛̯̞̦̩͈̖̩n͈̝̠̰ ̗̦͎̥̕ẃ̸̞̤̭͇͔͟ḩ͇̭͍̣͡y̪̘͘ ̷҉҉̲̬̪͉̥͚͈ǹ̝̝̜͙͞o҉̷̝͙̯̀t͚̱͔͍́ ̭̩̪͚͓̲͟͞j̨͉͖̗͙̻͈̥͡o̧͈̬̦͓͎̱̖i̷̹͈̹̜͎̣͕͡n͚̖͎͞ ̴̸͙̣̖̥̳̤͓̯́ͅm̗̫ę̯̟͠͡ ͏͏̘͇͙̬a͏̝̦͉̳̭͜n̯̭͎̖̲̮͓d̢̛̺̤ ̴͕̟̹͉͘͟b̩̰̫͚͘e̵̟͙̫̙̭͟c̶̱̟̣͡ͅo͏͍͚̣̀m̧̧͍̭͎͙̮̜͝e̠͎̱̞̙̤ ̡̥̼̗̼̬̘̩͠a̷̦̘̪̲̟͕ͅ ̨̳̼͈͓R͚͉̪̱̪͍̰o̙͙̯̥̝̘͇͟͟y̛̛̱͙̲̝̮̻̜a̷͓͙̤̥̹͕l̸̢̤̱̩̲̥̗͇͘ ͍͖̮̠̀C̷̳̮̫̥͕͝ǫ̴͚̬͚͡ń͍̖̥̖̹̭͠c̷̡̬̗͖͉͈u͘͡͏̮b҉̛̝̙̲̭͜i̦ͅn̙̰̩̮̙̩̙ͅe̤̤̯͉͓̳̗͎̲̕?̸̷̪͎͉͘"̧̙̜͉̮̰

Duet shuddered and briefly hugged herself. “I just came!” She let out a mad cackle. “Tempted as I am to let you fuck me…” her eyes went wide and her lips parted in an absolutely insane slasher smile as she stared into his eyes. “I’d rather hear you scream! Nothing gets me more excited than screams of agony from the people I’m chopping into hamburger!” She jumped at Sombra, poised to run him through.

Sombra frowned, "̸̧͖̩̤̠͇͕P̢̛͎̜̘̯̪͘i̛̯͍̺̬͓̼͡͠t͔̲̀y̛̬̹̞̜.̵̛͚͚ ̤̮͍̫̕A̝̪̬̠͚̼ǹ̸͙̦̖̪̘͈͕̖d̸͉̼͔̗ ̱͍́͡Į̝̝̪̭͈̭̳͓̣͠ ͇̠̳̼̰́t̰̟̬̪̫̪h̴̢͓̰̘o̹͈̺u̪̮̜͕̭̹̮̬̲͡g̸̝̰h̷̡͈̘̱̮̥̺͈͓͢t͈̣͔̲͟ ̶̨̺̫̗y̜̤͟͟͠o͏̟̻̮̬͇̠͕̀͡u̪͇̫̮̺͢ ̳̯̰͘w̮͙͍̣̳͝o̻̱̙̰̙̞͘͞ų̩͙͝l̵̠͓̺̘d̸͕̩͓͉ ̘̺̦h̻͓̯͙̙a̼̤̞̱͔͖̫̝͞v̗͔͎̲͈̻̬͡͞e͕̥̻̻̥̥̩͜ ̸͖͍̳̮̭͚̘m̫͟ͅa̷̵̪̭̠̦̻̩̦d̶̯̘̤͢͡e̷̳̱̫͜ ̸̪̘͇̩̪͉̬̭͜ͅf̢҉̟͉̬̙̬̥͍ò̱r͕͚ ̡͍̻̹̬̞̦͜ş̵̶̝̜t̶̹̙͈̝̹͚̦͍̕̕r͏̼̺͍͜o̹̗̼̰̞̲͔̜͘͞ņ̯͙͚g̴̢̞̻͍͍̖̙̦ ̨̡̫̫͖͍͉̯͔̣c̺̹̗̕͜͠h̢̖̩̙̕i̤̮͢l̲̥͎̹͖̞͉͡d҉̸̭̰̙̣̖͚̼́ŕ̶̹̱e͙̗̪͔n̵̠̬̺͙̟̞̪̕.̴̙͚̲̀͢ ̦̹̩̻͚͢͡D̖̭̲̻i̥̗̮̳̤ͅe̡̪.͉̟̮̰̳͟"̡̰̼̖̦̥̩̫̞͘ He waved his hand idly and a massive pulse of eldritch magic blasted Duet back, sending her crashing into and through an entire crystal house with barely any effort on Sombra’s part. "̻̫́͡W̵̛̼̮̩e̠͍͔͕ͅḻ̬̲̮̝l̵̡̦̖?̜͕̦͕͕ ̞̦̩̣̝ͅH̢̜̻̤͍ọ̢͢w̖͉̫̝̙͡͞ ̰̲̫̗͚̕s̖̞̭̟͖̲͡͡h̘̗̟̥͎̰͎̳̯͘͜a̲̝͔̲l̛͏҉̰̺̭͔̲͈ͅt̮̙̥̹͞ ̪̜͈̪ț̛h͓̝͜e̹̯̩̰͕ ̢͖̙̖̼̤͘r̛̲͚̣̕e͏̱͖̤̱̪͡s̭͍̗͟t̷͇͙͉̳͢ ͟͏̘ó̠͡f̡̭̼̯͡ͅ ̖̠͙̣̖͜ͅy̛҉̱͚o̢̫ú̲̣̘͈̲̱̞̯̕ ͞͏҉̹̝̼e͜͏͓̫͕̥̠̞̙n̡̳͔̤͈̰͇͎t̢̧̜̺ḛ̹̝̟̰͖̘͎̖́r͜͏̵̦̩͇̖̦̟̖̱t̡̰̗̕a͚̦͓͝ͅi̬͚̭̖̙n̸̪̳̤͙͈̣͡ ҉̲̙̼͈͚̀͡m̙̜̭̀e̶̮̫͚̳̖͈͜?̘͕̼̙̪̗̼́͢͜"̡̻̼͎̫͙̜̘̘̘

A loud moan echoed from the wrecked house as Duet got her feet, clad in her exosuit completely. “Oh fuck the hell yes!” she moaned. “I haven’t met an opponent that can make me bleed in years!” She licked some of her blood from her hand as she stumbled from the rubble.

Twilight frowned, “How the hell are we supposed to beat this guy, dammit!? With the Ripper right there, we can’t close into melee, and with all the space warping those golems are doing, none of us can do ranged attacks!” She whipped her wires out and snagged a golem, shredding it and throwing its remains into the golem behind her, signalling for her army to surge forth and attack.

Magenta met eldritch green as both tides of crystalline monsters struck each other, the overall quantity of Twilight’s golems providing a small but noticeable edge over Sombra’s relatively few creations.

Sombra merely rolled his eyes and extended a shroud of tentacles, "̸̻̤̙͉̗̕B̢̹̯̻͞o҉̝͉̮̳̳͖͙͡r͚̺͓̥͜ḭ͍̥̫̀͜n̹g̵̷̼̳̠̩̬ͅ.̴̙͚ ̵̫̱̩̙̞̠P̰͎̹͓̬̯͓̗̕e̪ŕ̶̢̩̤̞̦h̗͟a̢͓͚̬̺͍̤̳͡p̻̮s̪̹͎͔͎̣̮̞͠ͅ ͓͈̹̫̣̖I̪͚̫̭̭̪ ̡̯͉̪͔̼s҉̴̳h҉͚̥͇̭͟ḁ̧̥͓̞̯̟̝͎́l̻̜̬̰͓̬l̷͇̥̪͔ͅ ̧̻̲̥̻̳̹̠͓̫͞f͚͓̹̣̪͉̕i̦̝͎̰̻͘ń̛̼̮̰̞͎͙̠̖̦d̺͖ ̤̀͟s̷̞̪̳̮̘͘o͓̘̦m҉̴͇͓̹̟é̡̺̩͕̘̣̦̺͢ ̩̠̣̘̣͡o̗̤͙͓͎̻͓̣f͏̜̲̩̳͖ ̵̢̤̹̫̜̩̗̕t̜͖͇̠͍͘h͏̳͖̝̞͍̮̟͇͢e͉͇̠ ̞̗͓͍̜͝c͇̪̘i̡͎t̺͓̳̞͈̩͜i̯̺̬̦̭͝͝z̴̜͜e͟͏͖͓̖n͕͡͝s̶̨̼̹͎͞ ̵̧͇I̧͉͓ ̱̀h̷̨̞͎̻̰͈͍̭a͏̡̞d͔̥̠͞ ̛͎̲͕̲͈͚̟̝̭s̯̮̘̖͢e͎̦̞̲͇̪̺̖͖͢a̖̺̦̟̼̺͝͠l̳̥̣̘e̜̞͎̱̻d̵̙̯̱̤̟̮̲͔͘ ̘͕̱͎̙̯̪͚͟a̴̟͇̮͙w̨҉̠a̧̩̣̣̦̮̲̖̕͡y҉̧̪̘ ͏̸̼̣͔̲̠̲à̯̼͙͕̫̼n̴̵͔͝d͉͉͕͈͔̬͙̼͓͠ ҉̞̼̮̹̗c̦̼̝̞̞̱̳r͈̀͢͡ų̡̲͉͔͖̱̤̤̯ś̴̶̹̙h̡̙͉̱̦̞̤̱͙ ̷̼̬͘͞ḁ̻͖̠̹͖̰͠ ̥̤͚̀f̴̲̠̹̮̲e̡͚̲̝͔͘͘w̧͚̣̗̟͚̝͉̙ ҉̙̘̟̞̖͕͠o҉̴҉̖͕͔̳̲̟͕ͅf̡̢̞̰̪̫͇͠ͅ ̯͙̞̺͓̱̱̼̝͘t͍̟h̰̻̥̠ḛ̴̛͈m̨̳͕̹̬͉͍ ҉̸̪̼͠ͅt̖͕͕͔͓̙̙́͟͡ǫ̞̻̪̕ ̕ͅm̗̼̭̝y̙̳̞͖̖̣͠ ̶͕̦w̠̙̲͈̼̕ị̛̣̠̖̪̩̮l̴̡̢͎̪͙̝̬̣l̛̳̙̻̺͞ ̵͙͈́͟ǫ̧̢̦͚ͅn̶̸̶͉̯̭̬̦c̵̯̗͚̘̞͈e͏͏̠͚̺̠̣ ̨̡̥͘m̷̩̫̣̣̮͉͇o̸̭̜̜̲̳r̺̲͘ḛ̸̜̞͓͇̟͉͙.̵̙"̡̞̥͕͖̫̙̭́ He stood and began walking away, dragging Trixie’s insensate form behind him without a single care.

“Damn, things are going to shit out there!” Shining Armor exclaimed, peering through one of the few windows dotting the spire their group was climbing. “Oh man, how are we gonna get to the Heart in time!?”

“Well we’re not gonna get there any faster if you just keep whining about it!” Rainbow snorted, taking a hold of Shining’s arm and helping Cadance drag him further up the stairs.

“There’s gotta be a faster way up!” Seras yelled, roaring in frustration.

“I concur,” Rarity muttered, humming thoughtfully and groaning, “Oh if Twilight were here she’d have some spell that would bring us to the top without any problem whatsoever!”

Flim blinked, “Well, my brother and I have learned a gravity reversal spell… and the ceiling above our heads is just more stairs with a smooth underside so…”

“Oh you can’t be thinking what I think you’re thinking,” Flam muttered.

“Use the ceiling as a makeshift slide up to the top of the tower?” Seras asked, grinning very darkly at the twin inventors, all her pointy teeth on display.

“Yup!” Flim stated cheerily while Flam groaned.

“Brother of mine, you do remember what happened the last time we tried the spell, right?” Flam asked, shuddering.

“Oh please! That only happened because there was a random beehive hanging in the branches of the library!” Flim waved Flam off, holding his hands out and indicating for his brother to help him cast.

“..... If you’re sure….” Flam mumbled, taking his brother’s hands and lighting the stairwell in a blaze of green magic, the entire group suddenly lifting off the stairs and landing upon the underside of the stairs above them, quickly spiralling up the tower from the slick surface.

Seras screamed in indescribable joy as she took advantage of the rush of defying gravity and quickly ascending the tower. “Now that’s more like it!”

“Damn you Flim! I hate slides! How could you do this to me!?” Flam cried, beating Flim over the head with his gauntlet covered hand while Flim merely cackled at his twin’s misfortune.

Thanks to the reversal of gravity, the group reached the top of the spire in mere minutes. “Bloody hell that was fun!” Seras yelled. “We gotta do that again sometime! Oh hey look! The Crystal Heart!” Said crystal was floating in the center of the open air room.

“Zhere’s our macguffin!” S̯̹̫͔͎̯̗c̶͖h̞̟͎͚͙̣̀r̲o̱̥̘̼̳͡d͝i̢͓̳̤n͚̝g͓͔̱͓e̪͎͇̼̞̕r̮͕̭̤ cheered while hugging Pinkie.

“What the hell’s a macguffin?” Rainbow asked, staring at him with a raised eyebrow.

Pinkie hugged Schrodinger back, “It’s a thing that writers use to advance the plot of a story without seeming like there’s just a blatant skip to some random end result!”

“Zhe technical term is ‘trope’,” Schrodinger added, nuzzling Pinkie with a smile before he and Pinkie glanced at what appeared to be open air. “Und certain people are razher fond of using zhem.”

Stop talking to the readers, Schrodinger! Pinkie! Even if the authors are avid tropers.

“Fiiiine,” Pinkie smiled and waved, turning back to the crystal floating at the center of the room.

Flim cleared his throat, “Ahem, well-”

“-that crystal’s probably booby trapped with something,” Flam stepped forward, activating his chronal displacement drive, “so the two of us will go first, scope things out.”

“How noble of you two to sacrifice yourselves for zhe rest of us!” Schrodinger commended with a thumbs up.

“....” Flim stared at Schrodinger, “.... on second thought….” He picked Schrodinger up by the scruff of his shirt and tossed the catman at the Heart, casually rolling his eyes, “I forgot we had an immortal teleporter thing with us. My bad.”

Schrodinger screamed as he reflexively wrapped his arms around the Heart as he collided with it and continued on over the edge of the spire, reappearing behind the brothers with the Heart still in his arms and kicking both in the nads, one with a third leg he imagined onto himself for the sole purpose of nut checking them before getting rid of it. “You two are bastards! I take back vhat I said about you being noble!”

Flim and Flam collapsed, wheezing with pain and laughter as they high-fived with their non-covered hands. “Totally worth it!” Flam chuckled, still gripping his crotch.

With an audible snap and crackle of mana settling into place, black crystal erupted from where the Heart had previously been, forming into a cage of obsidian and onyx and zapping Schrodinger into it with a crackle of similarly colored lightning, taking the Heart with him.

Schrodinger reappeared beside Pinkie and handed the Heart to her. “Vell zhat isn't ominous at all. Shall ve go put zhe Heart where it belongs?”

A crackle of b̪͚͍͈̰l̦̠̜ạ͚͞ck͉̺̹̩͓̮̰ ̨̟̲̬l͍͖i͚͔̤͍̤̯͈g͓͠h̖̝t̴n͇̭̹̼͖i̪̻̞͙̟̞n̖g̹̝̘̭ zapped Schrodinger back into the cage, this time scoring a few burns across Schrodinger’s back, before Pinkie could react.

“Schrody!” Pinkie screamed, beating on the cage with her free hand. “Are you okay!?”

“I’m fine. Just a little singed is all,” Schrodinger said from beside her, ears twitching.

Another zap, this time drawing a deep gash down his leg, sending him once more back into the cage.

“Okay… I don’t sink I’m going anyvhere right now,” Schrodinger said from within the cage, focusing his power on removing the wound in his leg. “Nutcheck zhose brozhers for me, Pinkie!”

Pinkie nodded worriedly, “R-right! We’ll come back for you as soon as that meanie Sombra is gone! Come on guys! Let’s do this!” She steeled herself and, in a fit of complete insanity, jumped out of the open window with her hammer fully deployed, using it to propel her faster down the spire in a trail of explosions.

“What the fuck!?” Rainbow cried, diving after Pinkie, trying to catch her apparently i̻̣͖͇̦̦̤n͕̝̗̦̗̪͔s͇a͏͈͖̥̻̺̺͚n̹̪͉̖è̪̜̠̼̩ friend. “Pinkie what the hell are you doing!?”

“Fastest way down the tower is falling!” Pinkie yelled back, still propelling herself.

“Yeah but what the fuck was the window thing!?” Rainbow dashed ahead of Pinkie, arms spread to catch her.

Pinkie shrugged, “It seemed like a good idea at the time!”

“You’re insane, Pinkie!” Rainbow facepalmed and grabbed Pinkie barely feet before she splattered on the ground, curving their flightpath at a ridiculous angle and bursting back into the palace in a tangle of limbs.

“Nail!” Guru called after his ears perked at the sound of Pinkie and Rainbow’s landing.

Hammer sighed and put down the pie he was ordered to make five minutes ago, “What is it Guru?”

“Something landed outside. Go see what it is,” Guru ordered.

“Yes, Guru,” Hammer sighed, stepping outside and seeing the pink and rainbow tangle of human limbs on the ground, “..... What the hell happened to you two?”

“We jumped out a window…~” Pinkie mumbled blearily, lifting a finger and spinning it in circles.

“We got the Crystal Heart though,” Rainbow said as she slowly got herself and Pinkie to their feet.

“Right….” Hammer looked back to the throne room, “Well, I’m not too sure, but there is a weird pedestal in the room just behind the throne room. You should probably put it… oh crap.”

Hammer paled, seeing the ơ̤n̢̫̲̬ͅc̲̖̖e҉̣̮̗̩̞̙̲ ̠̥̰m̶̘̤͍̯̰o̯̟͈͙̪̞r̲͝e̜̲̠̲͖͡ͅ ṃo̴͈͓̭̯̠n͖̥s̲̺̻ṭ̵̘̰ṛ̘o̸̘̖ͅu̙̺̗̳s̜̜͖̤ form of Sombra turn towards the three of them and surge forward in a tide of eldritch smoke.

“Well that ain’t fair at all,” Rainbow muttered.

Pinkie shivered, “I don’t think he gives a fuck.”

Twilight teleported in suddenly, a flash of pink announcing her presence as she smirked, “Dumbass… he dropped Trixie.” The next instant, a veritable tsunami of highly destructive spells tore out from the twining mandala of her wire web and her hands, destroying everything in front of Twilight in such a massive cone of destruction that it carved a ten mile long trench down the main street of the city, slagging it and blasting away most of Sombra’s screeching form even as her drones took pot shots at the eldritch king’s many eyes. Twilight herself collapsed backwards, a goofy grin on her face as she blearily looked out at Sombra. “Fuck you, ya bastard….” she whispered, passing out at Hammer’s feet.

“... Holy shit….” Hammer muttered, echoing the sentiments of just about everyone on the battlefield.

Pinkie stared at the destruction and shook herself, running for the palace’s interior with the Heart raised high and screaming at the top of her lungs, “SOMBRA’S COMING MOVE MOVE MOVE! GET OUT OF MY WAY!”

Everyone cleared out of her way, the available fighters doing all in their power to at least slow Sombra down as he came charging back toward the palace.

Sombra roared out in shrieking defiance, turning himself into a twister of blackness and drilling through the opposition, flinging them aside as he chased after the suddenly very, very scared Pinkie.

“No no no no no!” Pinkie cried, slamming her hammer down and launching herself forward, smashing through the doors of the pedestal room and rolling to a halt even as Maud erupted from the ground behind her and slammed a crystal slab over the broken doorway, sealing it shut and allowing Pinkie a precious few seconds to finally shove the Crystal Heart into its rightful place with an anticlimactic clink.

A beat.

And then a glorious pulse of energy swept from the leylines underneath the city, throbbing with the intensity of the planet and the accumulated love and lives of the citizens within. It washed over the city in an expanding bubble, activating the gem forms of each of the Crystal Empire’s citizens and awakening them in bursts of light, destroying the eldritch golems outside of the palace and, most importantly, searing away at Sombra’s own blackened and eldritch soul.

With a hiss of pure agony, Sombra fled before the might of the wave of light, jumping into the only mind weak enough for him to possess: Trixie’s.

"̞̹̙̪͉̜ͅG̶̬̘͖̱̙͈I̫̜̠͈̗͕̝̻V̟̝̘͍̟̙͟͢Ȩ̪̬̮ͅ ̶̦͇͇̟̤͇̫M̷̜̥̥͘̕E̜̝͡͞ ͏̫̺̬͍̘Y̢̫̱̖̰͖̫͎O̫̖͚̭͉̻͡Ù̴̲̥̲͚͠R̻̳̭̼̗͚͞ ̖̗̘̤͔͜B̢́҉̯Ǫ̹̦͙͈̝͔͟D̫̮͚Y̛͉̳̙̘͖̹̱͔,̢̦̭̼̞̻͇͢͞ ̘͚̻̜̹̦̻͘W͖̕̕̕Ę̰̪̝̮͍͖̘N̸̙̥̘̘̘͓C̝̪͉̕͝H͇͍̞̦̹͎̗̀ͅ.͎̪̪̜"̧̹̲̗̲

His answer was a glowing hand slamming into his face. “You can go to Tartarus, you fucking monster!” Trixie snarled as she gripped his face, tears streaming down her glaring face. “You really think I’m letting you live after all you’ve done?! Least of which being mutating and eating my unborn child?!”

Trixie let loose a sound that could only be described as an inhuman roar, a sound full of anguish and rage and hatred that split the suddenly silent atmosphere as she slammed Sombra’s incorporeal form into the ground, splintering it from the force as her glowing mana construction unfolded into a shifting array of runic circles, pinning him down and grinding away at his form, heedless of his cries of agony.

With a mighty heave, she gripped Sombra once again, this time with both hands and blasted the smoky beast across the city, runes flaring out beneath her in a rippling wall of octagonal matrices and launching her after him. Her arm unfolded and reformed once again, now a blade of words and symbols, as it swung forth like the hammer of the gods, piercing through Sombra with contemptuous ease even as he attempted to solidify and fight back.

“YOU! WILL! DIE!” Trixie screamed, slamming Sombra into the ground again with a shockwave visible from the palace and beating down on the mad king’s form. Magic poured out of her reserves and from her soul in great waves, making a stifling atmosphere and generating six, massive wings of rage fueled, unholy light. Her eyes glowed red, more runes flashing into existence around her and accelerating the necessary particles until a beam of white hot plasma lanced forth and carved a furious trench deep into Sombra’s body.

He wailed and screamed, fury melting away into agony and panic as he realized that the deities he had called too had abandoned him when he failed to make good on his deal.

“No! NO! I refuse to die! I WILL NOT LET YOU END M-” His shout of defiance was cut short by Trixie’s boot slamming into his throat with a sickening crunch, snapping cartilage and piercing flesh in a spray of black ichor.

“You will die. I will end you. And I know just how to do it!” She grinned, wide and mad and vicious as she uncoiled her arm once more and drove it deep into Sombra’s body, past his physical barriers and grasping upon his tainted soul.

“Dinner time.”

And with a great, heaving wrench, Trixie tore Sombra’s soul free from his now desiccated and ruined corpse and shoved it in her mouth, biting down with a spray of necromantic energies and absorbing it. She shuddered, feeling the tainted magics flow through her and settle, purified by the wrath of her soul and sliding forth in a tide of tar-like liquid, encasing the arm of mana she had manifested and weaving through it, solidifying and regenerating, leaving her with an arm of purest black with lines of brilliant blue streaked throughout.

“I’d say rot in Tartarus, but it seems like my stomach will have to do,” Trixie muttered, spitting on Sombra’s corpse and turning away, taking two steps and collapsing on her face, completely drained of energy.

As her consciousness faded away into blessed sleep, she faintly heard the sounds of her friends calling out to her, asking her to hold on just a bit longer.

While everybody else was focused on Trixie, Facet had a more pressing concern to attend to. Heading over to one of the trenches carved into the ground by Sombra’s last desperate assault, he found Duet getting to her feet. “Now that the danger has passed, it’s time to deal with you, Duet.” He clenched Suigetsu in his left hand, ready to draw his blade and attack at a moment’s notice.

“Deal with me?” Duet giggled, running her tongue along her blade, “I’m afraid, my dear Facet, that you are going to die today.” An audible humming cut through the air as she activated her magic, sheathing her blade in blue and swirling a light cyclone into existence at her feet.

“You’ve never managed to kill me before,” Facet said, flicking Suigetsu out of its sheath a bit with his thumb. “And unlike you, I can train regularly. You’re stuck in the back of Vinyl’s mind most of the time.”

Duet shrugged, “And I have Vinyl’s body right now. I have her instincts. I have her reaction time. I know every bit of magic she does and more…. and I have none of that pesky morality that she has.” She rushed forward, sweeping her sword in an arc and blasting a wave of vibrating light at Facet.

Facet, to his credit, dodged immediately, flowing smoothly from stance to stance as he sidestepped Duet’s wind blades. He frowned, switching Suigetsu out for his revolvers and firing a few quick shots, re-holstering them in the same movement he used to pull out the Zantetsuken and rushing forward to meet Duet’s rush in a clash of blades, immediately sliding away from the blade lock and sweeping Duet’s feet from under her.

Duet smirked, blasting Facet away and flinging herself into the air with a graceful somersault and another arc of wind, gathering the air around her into an intense circle and riding the inside edge of it as she literally ran rings around Facet’s guarded form, whipping up a small cyclone from sheer speed.

Facet guarded his face against the wind, slamming his foot into the ground and breaking the hidden capsule in his boot. He whipped his arms out, a circle of highly pressurized water erupting from his boot and freezing outwards in an expanding wave of ice, granting him a temporary reprieve from the cutting winds.

“Dammit,” he grunted, switching once more to Suigetsu. Just as he pulled out his sword, he turned and blocked Duet’s slash, a massive shockwave erupting from her blade and nearly grinding through his defense as he teleported behind Duet and hooked his leg behind hers, dragging her down and allowing him to grasp her sword arm and fling her into the air.

“Bad move, Facet!” Duet chuckled, spinning around and swirling her arms in a continuous spiral, blasting Facet with a violent, compressed cyclone. She dropped back to the ground, dashing forward in a shrinking spiral and peppering Facet with wind blasts, trying to knock him off balance.

For his part, Facet bobbed and weaved through the assault, breaking through the blasts with spears of ice as he went through his calm, fluid stances. “No matter,” he mumbled, “this will be over quickly.”

A small rumble shook the ground beneath the two combatants, cracking through the crystal streets as a flood of meltwater surged through and blasted Duet high into the air, freezing her into a column of solid ice almost twenty feet thick.

Facet chuckled, “Bad move fighting a water user in the arctic, Duet. Plenty of ice and snow to go around.” He sheathed Suigetsu and slipped a concussion bullet into his revolver, taking aim. “Now go back to sleep, Duet.”

“I’m not tired, though daddy!” Duet called out, shattering the ice without any effort, her naturally vibrating magic grinding through and resonating until the entire column collapsed. She drew her sword and posed seductively, “That is, unless you want to come here and put me to sleep with your own two hands?”

Facet growled, sweeping out Suigetsu and arcing out a whip of water tipped with a deadly flail of ice, following it up with a blast of steam to blind Duet. Benihime cut through both whip and steam, another cyclone screeching out its existence against the battered crystal floor.

“Tsk tsk, sloppy slo-gah!” Duet’s head rocketed forward as a chunk of crystal shattered against her skull, the vibrational field around her body disintegrating it before it could do any real damage. “Oh so mommy is here too? Fun.”

Maud frowned, “I don’t like you.” She slammed her foot into the ground, launching up a slab of crystal and propelling it forward in a glittering wall. As it bore down on Duet, she smirked, simply slicing through it like it wasn’t even there.

“Sorry, mother, but that’s not much of a spanking now is it?” Duet teased, goading Maud and waving her behind at her.

Maud’s frown deepened, her normally stoic expression falling into a stern glare. Her arms and legs burst open in a shower of dirt and gravel, revealing shining gold beneath their surface as she took up her stance.

Duet giggled rushing at Maud with a shout of, “Oh mama, don’t do that! Haha! You’re making me feel funny!” She spun and slashed at Maud, who blocked it with a single stomp and an erupting pillar of crystal, knocking Duet’s arm off course and allowing the resulting blast of wind to soar harmlessly overhead.

“I’m not your mother, bitch,” Maud spat, smashing an unyielding fist into Duet’s face and quickly grasping said face, slamming Duet’s head into the ground. A shockwave burst from the impact point, cracking the ground and throwing up dust while Facet, swirling water in his hands, casually strolled forward.

Duet struggled against Maud’s grip, alternating between clawing at Maud’s arm and scrabbling around for Benihime, not realizing what Facet had planned until she was already frozen from feet to neck in a block of ice again.

“You fucker! You think this is gonna hold me!?” she thrashed wildly, already breaking through the ice with her vibrations. As she wriggled, she didn’t notice Maud looming over her, fist cocked.

Ice shattered into the air as Maud drove a golden punch straight into Duet’s gut, slamming her into the ground hard enough to drive her into the air, stunned completely and almost unconscious.

Maud clenched her fist, a stalagmite shooting from the ground and rushing at Duet’s form…

Only to shatter from an intense vibration running straight through the rock and smashing the entire thing with the force of an earthquake.

Octavia bounced back, landing feet first on Facet and driving his head into and cratering the crystal ground and launching off of his face to punch Maud, another vibration blasting through Maud’s skull and rattling her brain just enough to knock her out.

“That’s enough, you two. I’ll be taking my wife back, now,” Octavia sniffed and stood straight, holding out her arms casually as Duet dropped, dead to the world, into them. Taking Duet’s chin in her hand and delicately cupping her cheek, Octavia leaned down and gently kissed her, whispering, “Vinyl, love, it’s morning. Time to wake up.”

Vinyl lightly groaned as her hair faded to electric blue, kissing Octavia back even as she mumbled, “It’s too early for morning, Tavi…”

“Octavia…” Facet growled as he got to his feet, his face a mass of water that moved and writhed with his annoyance before solidifying back into flesh. “Was it necessary to drop kick me in the face?”

Octavia coughed awkwardly, “Ah, ahem, sorry about that…. I um… wasn’t quite looking where I was going…. I was aiming for Maud first and forgot that you were there….” She set Vinyl back down on her feet, sighing in relief… and swatting Vinyl upside the head, “Now how could you be so stupid as to let that bitch free!? I can’t believe you Vinyl! How many times have I told you that your Duet personality is a remorseless killer who would sooner kill everyone on the planet than even think about sparing a single person!”

“Ow!” Vinyl whined as she rubbed the spot Octavia had swatted. “I had to, Tavi! I couldn’t focus with Sombra’s mindfucking screwing up my concentration, and she was getting more and more worked up. I knew you’d be able to stop her, and she’s so fucked up that Sombra’s tricks didn’t work on her.”

Octavia sighed and hugged Vinyl, “Well, as long as there’s no real harm done…” She groaned, staring at the wreckage that Sombra’s defeat and Duet’s almost rampage had accrued, “Oh dear, we’re going to have to clean all this up, aren’t we?”

Facet shook his head and noticed the unconscious Maud. “Maud!” He teleported over to her and cradled her. “Maud! Are you alright?”

Maud groaned awake, “I think I almost gained a concussion. My ears are still ringing. That punch was rather uncalled for.”

“Are you alright?” Facet asked, running his fingers through Maud’s hair as he looked at her in worry.

“Of course.” Maud rolled her eyes and stood, brushing herself off. “... It has occurred to me, though. We survived Sombra. And the Crystal Palace is right there.”

Facet smiled and slipped behind Maud, wrapping his arms around her and resting his hands over her womb. “Vinyl. Octavia. Leave us alone for a few minutes.”

Octavia shrugged and tripped up Vinyl, lifting her into a bridal carry before she could react, “Of course, Facet, Maud. We’ll leave you be. Come along, love, let’s have our own bit of alone time, hmm?”

Once the musicians were gone, Facet closed his eyes and rested his head against Maud’s back. “I know I said lack of rings be damned, but let’s make some before the wedding. A little magic mingling. My artistic mind guiding your power over the earth.”

“Of course, Facet.” Maud leaned against Facet, simply content to just feel him against her back. She held his hands, gently channeling her magic through the both of them.

Facet softly sighed as he felt their magic mingling, a very intimate experience for such a loving couple as them. Without even opening his eyes, he directed her magic to pull up and shape a pair of simple bands from tungsten, before calling up more tungsten and several gems, shaping an ornate engagement ring inlaid with gold and silver with a trio of diamonds. Once the rings were complete, he slowly, reluctantly, separated his magic from Maud’s and had the rings land in his hand. Stepping in front of her, he took a knee and held up the ornate engagement ring. “Maud Pie, will you marry me?”

Maud shook her head and snorted, “As if you ever needed to ask. Of course I will. I would have married you months ago.” She knelt down and took the ring, slipping it on her finger and kissing Facet gently, “We should have that ceremony now.”

Facet smiled as he kissed her back. “Yes we should. Let’s find Mr. Anderson, shall we?” He stood with Maud and kissed her again, his hand resting over her womb. “I felt it while we were mingled. Our child growing inside you.”

Maud smiled faintly, “Yes. Let’s go find him.” She began walking towards the palace, a tiny spring in her step.

Facet’s fingers were twined with Maud’s as they reached the rest of their group. “Mr. Anderson. Maud and I need a favor from you.”

Anderson grinned and tucked his hands into his pockets, “If’n you’re in need of a wedding, I’d be happy to oblige, mister Facet.” He drew out his bible, already flipping through the pages.

Facet stepped to his spot and looked into Maud’s eyes as Anderson got ready.

Anderson cleared his throat, “Sparse though the gathering may be, dearly beloved, but we are gathered here today to witness the union of two souls in holy matrimony. As this ceremony is intended to be quiet, I shall keep this brief. Facet Oleum Acrylic, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” Facet answered, not looking away from Maud’s eyes as he smiled at her.

“And do you, Maud Granite Pie, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Anderson smiled, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

“I do,” Maud said, a smile forming on her face as she put her hands on Facet’s shoulders.

Anderson’s smile turned into a full grin, “Then by the authority vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife!”

Facet and Maud’s lips slammed together right as the words left his mouth, the newlywed couple holding each other close.

Pinkie gasped, bouncing up and down in excitement until she almost literally burst, launching herself into the air on a trail of pink and glitter as she cheered and shouted her praise. “Ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh! Maudie got married! Maudie got married! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Facet and Maud broke apart, smiling as they each slid one of the tungsten bands onto each others ring fingers.

Anderson clasped his hand over his heart, “Ah, such a sweet sight… almost has to be the sweetest thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing…”

“Any sweeter sight than that, hun?” Seras asked while nudging Anderson with her elbow, a grin on her face.

Anderson blushed, “Well, when it comes to other couples, that is. Ah, the sweetest vision I have ever seen is always you, dear Seras. You know that, don’t you?”

“I know,” Seras said while fluttering her lashes at him. “I just like to tease you.”

“Putting aside the momentous occasion of me and Maud getting married for now, how is Ms. Lulamoon doing?” Facet asked.

Anderson’s face fell, “Ah, that’s a bit of a loaded question…” He shook his head, “For the most part, with the support she’s getting, she seems to be recovering, but the trauma she went through…. it could leave scars that simply never heal…”

“What sort of trauma aside from the obvious mental assault?” Facet inquired, looking Anderson in the eye.

“Well, her unborn child was mutated and forcibly grown into a shoggoth, which was then eaten by Sombra. And then she pulled his soul from his writhing body and ate it, which gave her that strange arm that seems more like barely solid tar than anything else.” Anderson shrugged, “I’ll be honest, I’m out of my depth. I don’t know how to help her.”

“Shall ve check on her?” Schrodinger asked, lightly squeezing Pinkie’s hand.

Pinkie nodded solemnly, hair deflating slightly, “Yeah, we should… I hope she’ll be okay…”

Twilight rubbed comforting circles along Trixie’s back as she tried to parse through Trixie’s incoherent sobbing, an expression of sympathy etched on her face, “Oh Trixie… I’m so, so sorry this happened to you…”

The door opened and Big Mac cautiously entered, tears in his eyes at the sight of Trixie’s state. “Gods above…” he whispered, gently reaching out and placing a hand on Trixie’s shoulder.

Trixie flinched away, blindly lashing out with her newly restored right arm and nearly striking Mac, hitting and shattering a crystal table on the tail end of her swing.

Mac frowned, grabbing Trixie’s arm and holding it close. He sat down next to Trixie and sighed, levelling a telling look at Twilight, who nodded and shuffled away, letting him hold Trixie close and whisper gentle reassurances into her ear. “It’s alright, Trixie… it’s gonna be okay. Sombra’s gone now, you made sure’a that… he can’t hurt you no more, Trixie… shhh, it’s gonna be alright. You gotta be strong, Trixie…” Even through his supportive words, he seemed to be not even a single hair’s breadth from his own breakdown- already he was shaking from repressed sobs and tears were visibly gathering at the corners of his eyes.

While Trixie was in the beginnings of getting much needed therapy, Blueblood was on a balcony overlooking the city with Rarity. He took a breath and finally broke the awkward silence. “Well… This is the first time we’ve been alone together in quite some time.”

“Quite.” Rarity muttered disdainfully, “As I recall, the last time we were alone together, you hypnotized and raped me. Though, at least it seems that my son inherited most of his traits from me.” She indicated Elusive, held securely in her arms.

The look on Blueblood’s face at being reminded of his sins could be easily described as pained. “Yes. And words can’t express the remorse I feel for that.” He looked at Elusive. “He does seem to take after you more than me. Karma probably. Or perhaps my… less savory traits weren’t genetic.”

“One can only hope,” Rarity murmured, gently running a hand through Elusive’s hair. “Still, while I may dislike you with an intensity that can only be described as being hotter than twelve of Princess Celestia’s suns, I still want to know: what exactly brought on this change of heart? In my experience, many of the hypothetical people that go through your experience would either simply die or vow revenge. It’s a bit of a confusing prospect, I must admit.”

Blueblood looked out into the distance. “Well… I was full of rage at first. I was a prince, and then stripped of everything. Truth be told, at first I did want revenge. But that was before the harsh dose of reality.”

Blueblood panted and reached for his canteen, removing the cap and tilting the canteen back, his eyes widening in shock as he realized he had run out of water. Putting it away, he kept moving, feeling the heat of his aunt’s sun cruelly beating down on him, his skin reddened and cracked by the sun’s beating. Finally, his strength faltered and he fell, sliding down a dune and coming to a stop, looking up at the cloudless sky. “Is this how I die?” he muttered, closing his eyes and slipping toward blissful darkness.

“Oi! Wait! There’s something down there!” a heavily accented voice cut through Blueblood’s fall, bringing him back into harsh reality just long enough to see a robe covered form slide down the same dune he had and rush to him, dropping to its knees and cradling his head, “He’s alive! If only just barely! We have to help him!”

More robe covered forms slid down the dunes, bringing along a caravan of camels and horses, clanking and clopping down the scorching sands. A rush of foreign words filled the air as Blueblood dazedly noted that he had been lifted into a tent-like structure supported by four camels, one at each corner of the platform that he now lay on. “W-who are you…?” he mumbled, delirious from the heat and the impact of rolling down the dunes.

“A humble band of travelling glassblowers, friend,” one of the figures gently patted him down with a wet cloth, wiping away the filth covering him and soothing his burned skin.

Blueblood lightly sighed at the soothing sensation. “Glass… blowers?” He felt how parched his throat was, which made speaking uncomfortable. “Water…”

A waterskin was raised to his lips, a comforting trickle of cool, refreshing water splashing into his mouth and allowing him to drink- slowly though, to keep from drowning on dry land. “Quite a nasty burn you have, friend, how long have you been wandering for such a thing to happen, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Three days…” Blueblood murmured once he felt his throat was moist enough to allow speech again. “Where are you taking me?”

“Waha Madina, or in your tongue, Oasis Town.” The man spoke genially as he rubbed strangely fragrant ointments and oils into Blueblood’s skin, healing it little by little and soothing the burn away. “To be honest, foreigner, I am surprised that you survived the nights. They are known as the Windigos’ Hours for a reason.”

Blueblood thought back to the nights. He hadn’t really noticed the cold as he rested during those hours. “I didn’t really notice the cold. Actually, cold weather has never really bothered me.”

“Ah, I see you have much the same heart as our own little clan,” the man spoke, leaning back and wiping off his hands. “We are never bothered by the cold either.”

“What do you mean, sir?” Blueblood asked, curious about what this man meant by having the same heart. “I’ve always been told I have a cold heart. And looking back, my detractors have a point.”

The man chuckled, “Ah, it is not about the personality of the heart, it is about the spirit. Tell me, have you ever noticed that your breathing, whenever you are at rest, always matches a particular cadence? Mine follows the exact same pattern, no matter what I do. This is the power gifted by the sun to us lowly humans: the gift of life, of breath, of fire.”

Blueblood looked at his savior with a renewed curiosity. This was no mere artisan, now that he recalled what glassblowing was. “Who are you? Really? You seem far too sage like to be a simple artisan.”

“An astute observation, friend,” the man chuckled, undoing his turban and exposing the long braids flowing from his scalp, each one tied off with a set of glass beads. “We are a rather secretive sect of warrior monks that live to train our techniques and improve them as much as possible. That much, at least, is public knowledge in any of the larger mudun- cities- in this country.” He scratched at his head, the motion jostling the beads and causing them to catch the light in such a way that his hair seemed to have caught fire.

Blueblood was in silent awe of this man. Three days he had wandered the desert. Three days he thought only of revenge. But now, after being aided by this man, who clearly wanted nothing in return, had made the disgraced prince realize something. Even though she had coldly dismissed him and exiled him from Equestria’s borders to the most inhospitable place on the planet, his aunt still cared about him. Perhaps she had arranged for his discovery by the monks. Perhaps not. He found himself thinking back to all the people he’d wronged over the years. All out of his sense of entitlement. His thoughts then turned to the woman who’d caused his downfall. The woman that he’d doubtlessly left carrying his child. He really had been akin to a spoiled child.

He made a decision in that moment. He had been given a second chance, by design or not, he didn’t know. But he knew that he wouldn’t waste it. He would do better. Be better. And work the rest of his days to right the wrongs he had committed. His will steeled, he looked at the monk. “When I have recovered, could you teach me your ways?”

The man’s face fell into a solemn mask, “I sense that a great change has come upon you, friend. But, I shall not pry. I must warn you, though… the training that we undergo to even become mere adepts is immense and torturous… it takes great strength of will to simply survive. Are you sure you wish to join the ranks of the Rahib Alzzajaj?”

Blueblood nodded, a resolute expression set upon his face. “I’m sure.”

“I can’t believe you actually went through with that, even with the results right here,” Rarity murmured. “I suppose it’s just leftover bias from… well.”

Blueblood nodded. “The training was just as torturous as he said it would be. But I persevered, driven as I was by the desire to right the wrongs I’ve committed.” He looked at Rarity. “Chief among them being to ensure that your son is well cared for.” His face fell as he looked out over the city. “Do you plan to tell him the circumstances of his conception?”

Rarity shook her head, “If he ever asks, I suppose I must just tell him a bit of a foible. No use in having him hate his father forever, even if you were rather despicable.”

Blueblood shook his head. “No. Don’t refer to me like that. I do not deserve to be called his father.”

“I suppose not,” Rarity conceded, “but on another note, what was your training like? I know it was torturous, but what exactly did you do?”

Blueblood coughed and winced, “Well….”

“FASTER!” Blueblood’s personal trainer roared, splashing a bucket of filthy water into the pit where Blueblood and half a dozen other trainees worked.

In the pit, they were forced to use their bare hands to collect only the finest of sand and minerals, with a quota of at least seventeen bucketfuls before sundown, or else they would not eat and would be made to endure the desert night with nothing but the clothes on their back and their breathing cadence.

Blueblood looked around, quietly cursing under his breath. Even with another coach gently teaching him which material was best and how best to collect, he still felt a bit of wounding to his pride at the sight of mere children doing better than him.

“Calm, friend,” the man who nursed him back to health- Raava Alzzajaj- spoke, pointing out the various mineral deposits that he would need to collect. “As you can see, it is not just the children, but also returning members who have been gone for years.” He indicated the various older men working just as hard as Blueblood, in some cases even harder, carrying not seventeen empty buckets, but a whopping thirty five.

“Sundown is in three hours! Keep up the pace or you do not eat!” the cry from above echoed out over the pit, prompting everyone both young and old to return to their digging.

Blueblood stared at Raava, “Is he serious about the not eating part...?”

“Oh yes,” Raava chuckled, “Vaatu is quite adamant that those who fail to make quota during their training must skip their evening meal, even if he allows those who fail to snack both before and after the meal.”

Blueblood nodded and continued digging under his mentor’s guidance. “I’m curious, Sifu. While I’m sure that these minerals are used for glassblowing and only the finest are accepted, what purpose does this serve for my training?”

“Well, friend, this is an exercise in finding the correct materials. When you finally have enough practice, you will develop over time a sense of the exact composition of any sort of mixed material you touch, whether it be sand or rock or even those lovely salads in Ras Almal.” Raava chuckled, “Truly delicious they are. But that’s not the point. The point is to train not only your eyes and fingers, but also your sense of the innate earth magic found within each different material, and at higher levels, the very differences in mana that make up all things.” He poked at the wall of sand that Blueblood was digging in, causing it to immediately crumble and drop a large wad of high quality silica and other starting materials. “At the very highest levels, the innate earth magic found in all things can be used to mimic that of the earth elementals, though not quite to such a degree as that one famous fighter, what was she called again…? Ah yes, in your tongue she is called The Boulder.”

Blueblood lightly chuckled. “I’ve heard the stories. And some of those stories say she’s a force of nature when working with The Maelstrom, whoever that one really is. All I know is that he’s a water elemental.” He pulled a lump of smaller, but equally high grade silica as what Raava had pulled. “A lesson in patience as well. Though I believe I may be starting to get the hang of this.”

Raava shook his head in approval, “That’s the spirit!” He laughed boisterously, clapping Blueblood on the shoulder as the bell rang for lunch. “Let’s take a break, friend. You’ve been working all morning, and I’ve been standing here next to you working up an appetite as well!”

Blueblood stood and dusted his hands off, nodding as his stomach made its displeasure at being empty known. “Yes. Food sounds good.”

“Who would have thought that your impressive mastery of fire came from first digging in a sand pit,” Rarity mused, tapping her chin thoughtfully.

“Indeed,” Blueblood agreed. “If someone had told me several years ago that I would end up in that position, I would have laughed at them.”

Rarity chortled, “I think anyone would have done the same, to be honest. It seems like such a fantastical way to survive the desert. But, how did you end up learning your fire magic? It seems like that sand pit was geared entirely towards earth magic.”

Blueblood chuckled. “That came later. After we had learned how to identify materials by touch alone and had also learned discipline.” He conjured a fireball in his palm. “The Boulder and Maelstrom are masters of earth and water, and Ms. Scratch is a master of wind. Those elements can be commanded. But fire can only be contained and aimed. It consumes everything if left unattended. So before lessons in actual fire spells began, we first had to learn discipline. Of both mind and body.”

Blueblood sat, precariously balanced on a slab of rock perched atop a tall spire, meditating quietly. Of course, that is, he would be meditating if Raava and some other instructor weren’t constantly blasting the base of the pillar with sand and fire, causing him to continually readjust his position in order to not fall off.

“Come on!” Raava shouted, “Keep meditating up there! You’re putting far too much effort into keeping balance!” Nevermind the constant barrage of flame and sand that whittled away at the pillar and shook it almost to pieces.

Blueblood’s eyebrow twitched in irritation as he tried to meditate despite the constant shaking. Meditate he says. How exactly was Blueblood supposed to do that while those two kept messing with his balance? Then he got an idea. The slab was encased in a light glow of blue light, held steady by telekinesis and allowing Blueblood to meditate. Sure he was having to partially divide his attention to maintain the spell, but perhaps that was the point? Using telekinesis as second nature to help him balance while he meditated?

“WRONG!” Raava shouted, working in tandem to utterly dissolve the pillar into sand, letting Blueblood fall into a heap on the softened pile. “You’re supposed to use not telekinesis, but your natural earth magic.” He poked Blueblood’s forehead, directly in the center. “Maybe I need to unlock the chakras in your body for this. They seem rather… clogged.”

Vaatu snorted, “Only clogged, brother? They’re about as stuck up as Harq Alghaz was when you fed her chocolate that one time.”

“She wound up fine!” Raava protested, stomping his foot at the mention of his favorite camel.

Blueblood winced at the choice of words from Vaatu. ‘Stuck up’. Two words that once described him quite perfectly. And now he was being unknowingly reminded of that time by one of his mentors. “Sifus? What is this about my chakras? I do not know how they might be blocked. I’ve never had problems with the use of magic before.”

“That’s because your chakras are not on the flows of your normal mana coils,” Raava explained. “The chakras are, in fact, gates that connect your body to the world around you, spiritually, mentally, and physically. For you see, the chakras are-”

“Oh get on with it,” Vaatu muttered, idly inspecting his robes for tears.

Raava shot a pointed look at Vaatu, “I was getting to that, brother. Ahem. The chakras deal with ki, or chi, depending on how you wish to spell it. This is physical energy, that which is produced by life itself. On a different note, do not confuse ki with Ripple, that is, the energy of the sun which is produced by a certain breathing pattern not unlike the one used to stay warm during cold nights.”

“Raava, Raava!” Vaatu bopped Raava on the head, “Get back to the point!”

“Ack!” Raava whined, pushing Vaatu away, “Alright alright already! Ahem. The ki produced by your body flows through your chakras and, at certain points, mingles with your inner mana coils, those that deal not in the flow of mana, but the production of it. At these points, the ki filters your mana, adding in certain ‘flavors’, such as an affinity for the elements, or perhaps certain effects for Aetherials. I notice that whenever you use magic, the haze around your hands always points north; that is a byproduct of the ki filtering through your system. Along with filtering ki into your mana to give it a distinctness all its own, the chakras also take in the natural energy of the world and purify it into ki as well. The amount absorbed varies depending on mental state, physical health, spiritual leanings, and the dilation of the chakra points.” He took a deep breath and allowed Blueblood to speak while Raava took a swig of water for his parched throat.

“So ki and mana are distinct from each other?” Blueblood asked as he stood up and dusted himself off a bit. “Ki handling the physical and mana the ethereal. Is that about it in a nutshell?”

“Quite,” Raava nodded, setting aside his water skin and dusting himself off. “This is why mana can so easily break the all the laws of accepted physics- it is quite literally powered by willpower and imagination. This also explains why that girl up in Canterlot, I believe her name is… Twilight Sparkle… yes, Twilight Sparkle is so powerful. She is completely and totally insane and incapable of recognizing that some things shouldn’t work the way that she makes them work. That being said, the fact that she has actually discovered three laws of physics is an interesting thing to no- why are you on the ground like that?” Raava blinked, staring down at Blueblood who had fallen into a shivering fetal position with a look of abject terror on his face.

“Wait wait wait- you mean to tell me that just the mere mention of Twilight’s name used to send you into the fetal position out of abject terror?” Rarity asked, barely holding in a snort of completely undignified hysterical laughter.

“You’ve never been the one she’s giving her undivided attention to when she’s feeling completely and utterly murderous,” Blueblood muttered with a blush. “It’s a very traumatic experience. Realizing that you are dealing with someone to whom you are an insect in comparison, and they would love nothing more than to kill you in the most painful ways imaginable.”

Rarity blinked, “... Suddenly your previous, erm… reaction seems all the more justified. Just being around dear Twilight when she’s murderous is terrifying enough, to be honest.” She shook her head, wiping the memories from her mind. “But what about the physical training? How did that go?”

Blueblood shook his head. “Right. Back to the story, away from insane, murderous vampire queens with a penchant for playing god…”

“Breathe in…. breathe out. Breathe in….. breathe out….” Raava’s warm and soothing voice filled the candle lit chamber. Within its cavernous depths sat a total of almost one hundred eager students, all of them sitting perfectly still and breathing together in perfect cadence.

The flames of each candle flickered in time with Raava’s instruction, flaring when the students breathed out and dimming when they breathed in. The swaying, rippling sea of flames lended the scene an even more mystical quality than it already had.

“... Rise, pupils,” Vaatu intoned, hands clasped behind his back as Raava finished his meditation instruction. “Today we start what you have all been waiting for: Combat training. It will be torturous. It will not be kind. In fact, expect to go home covered in blood and bruises. However, do so knowing that each day you come back is a step forward in carrying on the traditions of the Rahib Alzzajaj!” He almost roared his last sentence, the flames flaring into a mighty inferno and providing an absolutely dazzling amount of dramatic lighting to Vaatu’s speech.

Blueblood didn’t bat an eye at the suddenly flaring flames. He had changed a great deal since coming to the Rahib Alzzajaj. He had discovered early on that he had a natural affinity for their arts, which made him a fast learner, and he had quickly caught up with more experienced peers. At one time, he would have been filled with pride at that knowledge. Well, he felt pride in his achievement. But he had learned the hard way that allowing pride to run unchecked would lead only to a downfall. As it had to his own fall from grace.

Out in the the flat expanse of packed sand that served as a courtyard, Vaatu breathed deeply and began his lecture, “Breath and control. The two most important facets of the Rahib Alzzajaj style. Without Breath, we have no flame. Without Control, we have too much flame. Thus, we moderate and bring the two together.” He took up a stance, allowing everyone to watch his form and copy it as best as they could. “This is our beginning stance: the Crane. With it, we take Control with continuous motion, like the flapping wings of the crane.”

Blueblood held the stance, familiarizing himself with how it felt as he listened to Vaatu’s words attentively, not wanting to miss a single detail.

After holding the stance for a few minutes, Vaatu smoothly shifted into another stance, this time much more solid and aggressive looking. “Behold the Tiger stance. The second of the beginner stances, this is where we draw Breath from. Note the solidity of the stance and replicate it. Feel the way your Breath flows through the form with unparalleled ease.”

Blueblood did indeed feel his breathing flow far more easily than it ever had. He could tell immediately that the Tiger stance was meant for offense. To strike before struck, and overwhelm the opponent. Like fire consumed its fuel.

Vaatu strode among the students, correcting posture and offering tips to better adjust for each individual student’s body type. As he completed his rounds, he finished with Blueblood. “Impressive, foreigner,” Vaatu observed Blueblood’s stance. “It’s almost perfect.”

Blueblood nodded in acknowledgement of the praise, but noted the ‘almost’. “What is my error, Sifu?”

“Your left arm is slightly too low. It’s compressing your lungs just a bit.” Vaatu raised Blueblood’s arm three inches and half an inch back, relieving the minor strain on his lungs. “See? Even if slightly, is it not better?”

Blueblood inhaled and exhaled. “It is better, Sifu.” He took great care to memorize the position for his practice later.

Vaatu strode back up to the front platform and cleared his throat, “Alright, students, eyes forward. Now, for your first lesson using the Crane stance, we will learn control through the Feather Fall kata.” He shifted into a ready stance, one that seemed almost too delicate to match Vaatu’s admittedly impressive form. “The Feather Fall Kata emphasizes lightness on the feet. Note how that I am standing on my toes and shifting my weight around.” He swept into a simple array of kicks and sweeps, each movement as light as the impact of a feather on snow.

Blueblood followed the moves closely, not even blinking as he watched Vaatu in motion. Each strike was solid despite the fluidity of the kata. Barely thirty seconds later, the kata finished, and Vaatu stood straight to the sound of applause, “Thank you. However, to truly emphasize the nature of Feather Fall, I shall need a volunteer.” Vaatu scanned the room, waiting for someone, anyone to raise their hand.

Blueblood stepped forward without hesitation. “I volunteer, Sifu.” He stood across from Vaatu, awaiting his instructions.

“You’ll soon wish you hadn’t,” Vaatu murmured, taking up the ready stance for Feather Fall once more. “Try to land a hit upon me and allow the class to see the true ability of Feather Fall.”

Blueblood nodded and assumed the Tiger stance, taking a couple of breaths before lunging at Vaatu with a highly telegraphed punch.

Vaatu merely stepped back daintily, snapping into the first move of the kata and kicking upwards, knocking Blueblood’s arm off course as Vaatu struck forward with move five, a single double palm strike to the solar plexus.

Blueblood stumbled back, coughing and wheezing. He slowly stood, catching his breath and watching Vaatu warily. “Shall I still come after you?” he asked.

“If you dare,” Vaatu answered, holding his position and waiting for Blueblood to make another move.

Undaunted, Blueblood attacked with a combo of punches and kicks, this time trying to avoid telegraphing his moves.

Vaatu avoided every single attack, using the defensive stance to idly flitter around the platform while counter attacking with light taps and blows to redirect Blueblood’s fists and feet just barely past him.

As he attacked, Blueblood paid attention to the way Vaatu moved, filing it all away for later practice on his own time. No detail went unscrutinized. This was why he volunteered. To get the best possible look at the techniques.

“Good, good!” Vaatu praised Blueblood, already noting the way he had unconsciously begun shifting to mimic some of Vaatu’s movements. Vaatu knew that, though a foreigner, this one would be an excellent student in all he had to teach. With that, Vaatu finished the kata, one last almost too-delicate kick snapping out in a drifting, featherlike motion, and catching Blueblood in the chest, sweeping around and over to drag Blueblood into an undignified flop to the ground.

Blueblood grunted as he broke his fall, looking up at Vaatu with a look of determination. He knew this was just the beginning, but he was going to persevere. Getting his breath back, he got to his feet.

“That sounded rather… intense,” Rarity murmured, placing a hand on her cheek in surprise. “And all this under the hot desert sun…? Simply dreadful.”

Blueblood laughed and grinned. “You think that’s hot? That was before the actual pyromancy training began. Now that? That was hot.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow, “What, was your trainer female?” She chuckled lightly at her own joke.

Blueblood chuckled with her. “No. Raava and Vaatu were my teachers throughout. An odd pair of brothers. Sometimes they seemed ready to kill each other, and other times they were joking as if the previous near killing hadn’t happened.”

“Interesting….” Rarity muttered.

“Feel the energies of the sun,” Raava intoned, breathing deeply. “To learn the way of fire, one must first take the power of the sun and make it theirs.”

Blueblood breathed slowly and deeply, taking in the rays of the sun and making the energy his own through his ki. Where before the heat had been unbearable, now he was unaffected by it. Not even a hint of sunburn on his skin.

“Breathe, students, breathe. Breath is the energy of life. And like those trained in Ripple- stupid glowing lightning-y bastards- the way one Breathes is absolutely crucial. With smooth, careful breaths, one creates the fire within. With strong, quick breaths, one releases that fire. Still with strong and controlled breathing, one retains control over the flames that are so crucial to our way of life.” Raava breathed steadily, the circle of flame that he sat in flaring in time with his breath, creating a hypnotic effect that only grew over time as the circle expanded along carefully etched lines in the ground.

Blueblood continued to breathe, his eyes closed as he focused on all his other senses. Feeling the heat of the sun and the flames, hearing the flames crackle, smelling the sand in the lines melt and turn to glass, tasting the burning vapors in the air.

“Smooth breaths… that’s it… feel the fire inside you grow, feed it with the sun and your breathing. Let it grow, but control it. Do not let it control you. Have no fear of your flame, for your flame is naught but the instrument of your will.” Raava chanted quietly, melting glass and creating a thick cloud of superheated fumes at the very top of the room and banishing it into the smokestacks.

Blueblood immersed himself in the sensations, feeling as though he was leaving his body behind. He felt as though he and the flame around him were as one. Without the flame so much as flickering up or down, it stayed contained, melting the sand it burned on into pure, liquid glass that was diverted out of the lines and into a bucket before him. The fumes were redirected into the smokestacks and out of the room. All the while, Blueblood’s breathing never faltered from its slow, steady, smooth rhythm.

The crackling of fire and the slow, steady breathing of the adepts filled the room along with the trickle of liquid glass flowing into buckets set into the ground. As the day wore on, wills were tested and minds were pressured, the strain of keeping up a constant flame wearing down on even the most advanced of the adepts. Still, Raava mediated, producing his own steady supply of glass and directing the much larger flow into a metal trough set at the base of his platform.

Blueblood kept pace with Raava, never faltering in his control, even as several others near him did throughout the day, unable to keep up with their current skill level. Blueblood shut out all distractions and focused on the flames, more and more losing himself in the feelings. He was beginning to have difficulty telling where he ended and the flames began. They were as one to his perception.

Finally, just as the sun set and the energy provided by the glorious star vanished, Raava opened his eyes and breathed sharply out, instantly dispelling his flame and the flames of those too weakened by the day’s exertion to continue, finally allowing them to simply collapse unconscious and sleep. Raava smiled a mysterious smile, taking in the few students whose flames still stood strong. “Good work everyone. You all managed to make it through the day and managed to create a good amount of glass as well. However, do not rejoice just yet. Your efforts will be graded on a scale of both quality and quantity. Now, if those of you still standing would help your fellows back awake and over to their bedrolls…?” he raised a teasing eyebrow, eyes glinting in the dusky twilight.

Blueblood did not move from his spot. So caught up in his deep trance was he that Raava’s words and the movements of those around him didn’t even register in his mind. There was only him and his flame, his breathing ever steady. Not even the setting sun had disturbed him.

“Ah, to be young and strong again,” Raava murmured, walking around Blueblood and admiring his dedication. “For a foreigner to be such a prodigy…. almost unthinkable, at times…” Still, the evening meal beckoned, and Raava wasn’t one to let anyone skip a meal if they could help it otherwise. So, with a quick motion and a jab of the feet, Raava exhaled and pushed his hands lightly forward and out, extinguishing Blueblood’s flame and startling him awake.

Blueblood looked around and up at the night sky. “Seems I lost track of time in my focus.” He got to his feet and stretched some kinks out after having sat still so long. Various joints audibly popped as they were loosened and made limber again.

Raava chuckled, “Quite a way to lose track, eh? I was much the same at your age, do not worry, friend. Now come, the evening meal beckons and my stomach is already ensnared by its siren call.”

Blueblood nodded as his own stomach growled loudly. “Yes. Dinner would be lovely, Sifu.”

“A whole entire day?” Rarity asked incredulously, “You meditated with fire burning around you for an entire day without once stopping for a rest?”

“Without even noticing the passage of time until Raava roused me,” Blueblood said, grinning at the memory. “Imagine my surprise that Aunty had set the sun and I didn’t even notice.”

“Mmm, that must have been a tremendous force of will.” Rarity nodded in respect, recognizing that Blueblood perhaps really had changed for the better… even if he was probably still a slimy git in some capacity.

“Maybe to some people, but honestly I felt like it was easy,” Blueblood said. “The flame and I were one. I couldn’t tell where I ended and it began.”

Rarity blinked, “That must have been an interesting experience.”

“Words can’t describe it, really,” Blueblood said. “It’s something you’d have to experience for yourself.”

“Hmm,” Rarity murmured, “well, I’m not much for elemental magic. Though, I must say that when I activate my speed boost…. it’s intoxicating…”

“I imagine it was especially so when you humiliated me at the gala,” Blueblood said. “Not that I didn’t thoroughly deserve it.”

“Ahem, well…” Rarity coughed awkwardly, “We’re both adults… and er… I think enough time has passed that we can reasonably move on from… er… that incident.”

“Of course,” Blueblood agreed, looking at Elusive, staring in wonder at the city lights from his mother’s arms. “After I go to Canterlot and speak with Aunty, I’m considering moving into Ponyville. Put my new skills to use.”

“If what I’ve seen out of the Rahib Clan’s glasswork is any indicator of what you’ve learned, then I’m sure you’ll be a millionaire again in no time,” Rarity smirked, twirling a string of beads in her hand. A string of beads that seemed to glow and almost catch fire in the light.

Blueblood looked at the beads. “May I see those beads, Rarity?”

“Hmm? Oh, these. Of course.” Rarity handed the beads over, letting them slip through her hands. “You know, I bought these a few years ago when on business to Saddle Arabia. They said that the particular pattern would bring good fortune in my love life.”

“Just a confidence booster to make a self-fulfilling prophesy,” Blueblood said as he examined the beads. “They’re just ordinary beads with a particular creation process.” He looked very closely at the beads. “Oh yes. This is definitely Raava’s work. You got some of the highest quality beads the clan has made.”

“Well that certainly explains why they cost me half my entire spending budget for the trip even after almost an hour of haggling,” Rarity muttered.

Blueblood chuckled as he handed them back. “Why do I get the feeling that you were haggling with Raava himself?”

Rarity shrugged, “Is Raava a surprisingly jolly man with fiery beads in his hair and looks a bit pudgy with his outfit?”

Blueblood laughed loudly at the description. “Oh yeah! That was definitely Raava!” He grinned at her. “You’d have had to pay even more for Vaatu’s work. He’s a lot more difficult to haggle with than his brother.”

“I shudder to imagine just how my poor wallet would fare against him if he’s worse than that Raava fellow,” Rarity shuddered and clutched her hip unconsciously, grasping the area where her wallet normally hung from.

Blueblood chuckled. “You’d probably be fine. Vaatu may be a harsh taskmaster but he’s a sucker for a pretty face. You’d have no problems charming him.”

“Hmm, well in that case…” Rarity’s gaze turned teasingly thoughtful, “Ah well, no matter. Tell me, Blueblood, what are your plans for the future?”

“Aside from making amends with Aunty and setting up a shop in Ponyville?” Blueblood asked. “Well… I’d like to settle down with a nice woman.”

“Stay faithful too, I hope,” Rarity teased.

“Of course,” Blueblood said, nodding. “I’m a different man now. I just want to atone for my sins. Especially the ones against you.”

Rarity smiled gently and patted Blueblood on the back, “And I’m sure you will.”

“So you’ve finally decided to forgive him?” Seras asked disbelievingly, leaning against a wall in Rarity’s room.

“Well yes, I thought it was high time that I let it go, since it seems that he’s become a better person,” Rarity replied, idly brushing her hair while breastfeeding Elusive. “I mean, he’s honestly sorry for what he’s done, and to be fair, while it was a horrible thing to do, well… I could hardly be the bearer of Generosity without handing out a few second chances every now and then, now could I?”

“I suppose not,” Seras agreed. “I’m not sure I’d be as forgiving if I were in your position. I’d have probably snapped his neck on sight. And that’s if I was feeling merciful. Otherwise I might have drank his blood.”

Rarity grimaced, “Yes, well, I’m fairly certain that I couldn’t do that, seeing as I’m not a sanguinarian.” She chose not to mention the neck snapping part. “Anyway, enough about me… what about your love life? How are things going with Anderson?”

“Oh things are absolutely wonderful between me and my dear hubby,” Seras said, swooning and falling back onto the bed. “Such a wonderful man. He’s handsome, sweet, strong, chivalrous, and an absolute beast in bed.”

“Oh my~” Rarity tittered, “You simply must tell me everything!”

“Everything, Rarity?” Seras asked, grinning at her. “Well aren’t you a naughty little gossip?”

“Well of course, darling!” Rarity smirked, “After all, we’re both grown women here.” She set down her brush and put Elusive in his cradle, covering it with a soundproofing spell.

Blueblood sighed as he looked out over the city, brooding a tad even as he idly juggled a flame between his fingers.

“Well, ain’t this but a sorry sight to see?” Anderson joked, patting Blueblood on the shoulders. “What brings you up to this tower, eh?”

“Just thinking about things,” Blueblood said, extinguishing the flame in his hand. “I want to apologize for how I behaved toward you at the gala.”

Anderson waved him off, “As a good, practicing Christian, it would be blasphemous of me if I didn’t turn the other cheek. And since you’ve proven yourself to be a good man this time around, there aren’t any hard feelings… Okay, there might be a few.” He chuckled and looked out over the city as well, simply content to just watch it gleam in the light.

“The stories don’t do the Crystal Empire justice,” Blueblood said. “Its beauty has to be seen in person to be believed.” He looked at Anderson. “Do you think Aunty will speak to me again?”

Anderson nodded, “Aye, I believe so. Your aunt is a kind hearted woman, no matter what. If you show her that you’ve truly changed your ways, I have no doubt that she’ll welcome you back with open arms.”

“I doubt the general public will be so welcoming,” Blueblood said. “Then again, they never really liked me to begin with. I was always hated.”

“When you hit rock bottom….” Anderson mused idly, tapping his fingers against the railing, “... There’s nowhere to go but up.”

“Easier to hit rock bottom than to climb back up,” Blueblood replied. “So how did you end up with that Seras lady?”

“Well….” Anderson blushed, “It started with a beach trip to Princess Celestia’s private island, and afterwards she moved over to Ponyville. And then, well, Princess Cadance’s wedding happened.”

“Let me guess. She spiked the wine with her fertility and love magic,” Blueblood said.

Anderson said nothing, merely coughing uncomfortably and nodding in agreement.

Blueblood facepalmed as he chuckled. “That cousin of mine. Always the matchmaker.”

“She is the Goddess of Love, more or less,” Anderson hummed, shaking his head ruefully. “I suppose it comes with the territory. Thankfully, at least it only works on pre-existing feelings.”

“Of course,” Blueblood said. “Love cannot be created out of nothing. It’s why the best of a love potion can do in that area is make a deep infatuation. No. The most effective love potions are mere amplifiers. Enhancing what’s already there and bringing it to the surface.”

“Mmm, interesting,” Anderson shook his head. “Still on the topic of love, do you think you’ll ever find the right woman for you?”

“I certainly intend to try,” Blueblood said. “Question is, will any woman be willing to look past who I used to be and see me as I am now?”

“There’s always someone,” Anderson shrugged and ran his hand through his hair. “Perhaps all it takes is just finding someone who doesn’t know your reputation.”

Blueblood let out a bitter laugh. “I sincerely doubt there’s anyone who doesn’t know.”

“You’d be surprised,” Anderson retorted mirthfully. “As the saying goes, ‘There are more things on Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamed of in your philosophy’.”

Blueblood chuckled. “Perhaps you’re right, Mr. Anderson. Perhaps you’re right.”

Author's Note

This is why Twilight is the main character. Not because she’s the strongest or the fastest or even the most skilled, but because she has the absolute highest damage per second out of everyone shown so far barring the Princesses.

On another note. Will Blueblood ever find true love? Will Rarity ever date again? Will Trixie ever get better? Find out in the next chapter of "I Have Vacation Days?!".

It Didn't Work. It Did Not Work.

Glares.

Glares. More glares and oh look! Not gla- nope. Still glaring.

Canterlot station was filled with the glares of indignant men and women as they beheld Blueblood’s form, swathed in robes and almost unrecognizable as it was.

Emphasis on almost. Even with his change in appearance and the way he carried himself, the people of Canterlot still knew the disgraced prince on sight. He ignored the glares and walked in silence toward the palace. Though he had a sneaking suspicion that the Royal Guard would be less than pleased to see him. Though he knew he wouldn’t be attacked. After all, Princess Celestia had specified that he couldn’t return for six months, and he’d been gone for a year. Some doubt was cast on that notion as he found himself staring at a line of spears at the palace gate. “Noble soldiers of the Royal Guard, I ask that you let me speak to my aunt.” His tone was calm and carried no trace of the haughty and entited tone he would have once used.

“So sorry sir, but you’re going to have to make an appointment before you’re allowed to see her,” the lead guard drawled haughtily, not even sparing Blueblood the decency of any sort of proper attention. “And I’m afraid that Princess Celestia’s schedule is booked solid for the next two months. So whatever it is, it will have to wait.”

“I realize that I no longer hold any political or social clout, but the fact remains that Princess Celestia and I are family, and she always makes time for family no matter busy she might be,” Blueblood pointed out.

“That remains to be seen, sir,” the guard kept drawling, even going so far as to casually buff his armor. “While you do bear some resemblance to the former Prince Blueblood, there still remains no evidence as to the veracity of the claim. So please, turn back lest we need to make you turn back.” He smirked, drawing his sword threateningly.

“I advise you to reconsider this course of action, good sir,” Blueblood said, unfazed by the threatening gesture, not a trace of fear in his eyes. “I have just come from the Crystal Empire and aided in its defense. I stared down an eldritch creature and its creations without fear. Do you honestly think that compared to that, I’m going to fear the blade of a military grunt at the bottom of the chain of command?”

“Grrr…. that’s it! You asked for it! Men, attack!” the guard sprung forward, backed by his peers in a glimmering wall of steel that would have been intimidating… if, you know, the Royal Guards were actually intimidating.

“Ooh, sick burn,” Schrodinger commented from the sidelines, clicking play on a speaker system and giving the ensuing fight some much needed fight music.

“Well, what an absolutely heartwarming welcome,” Blueblood snarked, falling into a ready stance and relaxing.

“Aunty! I’m home!” Blueblood called as he pushed open the doors to the throne room with one hand, carelessly dragging the current Captain of the Guard behind him. Said “Captain” was groaning pathetically and covered in bruises and dents in his armor. “I’m sorry I made you wait so long, but there were some very nice people in the desert that were absolutely instrumental to my… hmmm…. let’s call it a recovery. And also, your current captain of the guard is… rather lacking when compared to either his current highness Prince Captain Shining Armor (Royal Consort of the Throne of the Crystal Empire) and his sister… and her group of friends… and her adoptive dracolich of a son…. actually ignore that last part– the dracolich has a particle accelerator beam and that’s quite a lot more impressive than it sounds.”

Celestia smiled at her long lost nephew. “Hello, Blueblood. I trust your time with Raava and Vaatu was well spent?” She glanced at the groaning and beaten up guards. “You didn’t even need fire magic to beat them, did you?”

“You know Raava and Va- of course you do, their entire way of life more or less involves worshipping your sun,” Blueblood sighed and dropped his face into his hands. “And I know that you wouldn’t have just left me to die, even with what Twilight Sparkle- may she suffer the indignity of a thousand papercuts to the fingertips- wanted. And no, I really didn’t. Despite the fact that I still haven’t reached my mastery of the Rahib Alzzajaj combat style, I still didn’t even need to use more than the Praying Mantis stance on them.”

“A thousand papercuts to the fingertips? That’s oddly specific,” Celestia noted. “So how far have you progressed in mastery of that style?”

“Papercuts are rather painful, aunty,” Blueblood explained, “and the fact that Twilight uses her hands for much of everything would add insult to injury. And there’s also the delicious irony of her slicing open her own fingers with something almost as thin as her own combat wires.” He coughed, “Anyway, I’ve made it up to the Salamander Stance in the Breath school and am working towards my Phoenix mastery in the Control school.”

“So you’re not far off from being considered a master,” Celestia said. “You really are suited for that style. I knew your energy just needed the right outlets. So what will you do now?”

“Go back to Ponyville and set up a shop as an official representative of the Rahib Alzzajaj, I suppose,” Blueblood shrugged, heedless of the smatterings of protests that were beginning to rise up around him from the assembled court.

“Excuse me! There’s a line, sir!” one of the random nobles called out, angrily moving from his place and grabbing Blueblood’s shoulder.

Blueblood reflexively grabbed that noble’s forearm, pulling him forward as his leg struck out and knocked the man’s feet out from under him and sending him in a sprawl controlled by Blueblood, who put a knee to the man’s back and put his arm in a joint lock. “And now I see just how irritating I used to be. Very enlightening sight, to be honest.”

“Did you really need to do that?” Celestia asked, just barely hiding a bit of a smirk at the sight of one of the more unruly nobles getting his due.

“It was mainly a reflex, Aunty,” Blueblood answered. “Raava and Vaatu are brutal teachers. Part of the training was to be aware of my surroundings and react without conscious thought.”

“Unhand me you cur! Do you not know who I am you disgusting disgrace!?” the noble continued protesting against better sense, even going so far as to spit at Blueblood’s general direction.

Blueblood applied a slight amount of pressure to the lock he had on the noble’s wrist and elbow in response, which elicited a scream of pain from the noble.

“Gyah! Agh! Please no more! Stop! I beg of you!” Perhaps it was a bit more of begging than screaming, though screaming certainly was involved.

“You’ll need to tap out if you want to be released,” Blueblood said in a taunting tone.

“W-wha-!?” the noble whined, not understanding the terminology, “What do you mean!? Please just let me go!?”

“It means that you either need to clearly tap the floor or tap your opponent- in this case, my nephew- to indicate your defeat,” Celestia explained, taking pity on the poor man.

Said man groaned and extended his free hand, tapping it twice on the polished floor of the throne room and muttering dejectedly, “I submit.”

At once, Blueblood released him and dragged him to his feet by the scruff of his shirt. “Now please be patient while I speak with my aunt.”

Celestia chuckled and stood, “I suppose that court is adjourned for today. I apologize, but there are pressing matters to be attended to. You are all dismissed.” As the disgruntled nobles and petitioners filed from the room, Celestia turned to Blueblood and engulfed him in a warm, motherly hug. “Oh I missed you so much Bluey! I’m so sorry that I did that to you!”

Blueblood hugged her back, closing his eyes and enjoying his aunt’s warmth and love. “I missed you too, Aunty.” He reluctantly pulled out of her grip. “I… I met my son.”

Celestia pulled back slightly and looked at Blueblood, “.... And….? What did you do?”

“He takes after his mother more than me,” Blueblood said. “I still feel like I don’t deserve to be called his father.”

“I’m sure it will come in time,” Celestia murmured, drawing Blueblood close once more. “Besides, it will be an excellent opportunity for you to show just how much better you’ve become.”

“You’re right,” Blueblood agreed. “Would be nice to settle down with a nice woman too.” He then noticed something in Celestia’s posture. “You seem far more relaxed than I’ve ever seen you. You’re not rigid anymore.” He couldn’t help chuckling. “Aunty… Did you get laid while I was gone?”

“Mmm, yes, and quite thoroughly too,” Celestia sighed happily, her posture relaxing further as she thought back. “Ah, Schrodinger and Miss Pie do make for an extremely gifted pair of lovers.”

“Did this happen on my cousin’s wedding day, by any chance?” Blueblood asked with a knowing grin.

“Why yes, how did you know?” Celestia asked, slightly nonplussed. “Did Pinkie Pie tell you? Actually, Schrodinger would be more likely. Was it him?”

“Once I found out that dear Cadance had worked her magic on the wine, it was easy to guess,” Blueblood explained.

“.... Of course,” Celestia muttered, coughing in embarrassment.

“Mm, the weather team sure has outdone themselves today,” Celestia mused, stretching languidly in the warm afternoon. “It truly is a shame that I normally don’t get to enjoy weather like this.”

“The nobles don’t appreciate you at all, Aunty,” Blueblood said as he looked at the nice weather before noticing something missing. “Where is that miserably ugly statue of that snake creature?”

Celestia started, shaking her head as she recovered from the near trip, “O-oh, that was… ahem, that was Discord, the King of Chaos. He was re-sealed by the Elements of Harmony a few months ago… into the small golf ball over there.” She pointed out said gray ball of compressed ash, the ball itself seeming to gleam even in the shadow of the tree it sat under.

“Strangely creepy rock,” Blueblood muttered, looking away and finding himself looking into a pair of green eyes belonging to a beautiful, ebony skinned woman. He jumped back in surprise, falling into a stance on reflex as he looked the woman over. “Is… Is that a… A…”

“Changeling, yes,” Chrysalis smirked, stretching out and leaning back against a random statue. “You must be the ever so infamous former Prince Blueblood. I sincerely hope that this meeting will be more of a pleasure than your reputation would have me believe.”

Blueblood looked away as he relaxed, sighing in defeat. “As expected… My reputation precedes me… It’s going to be so hard burning the image of the old me away.”

“Well, even with my marriage to Cadance and Shining Armor, I’m still in an open relationship. Perhaps you and I could do a little ‘burning’ tonight? Just… the… two… of…. us~” Chrysalis breathed the last word directly into Blueblood’s ear, slowly ramping up her teasing until she had pressed her breasts directly against his back.

Blueblood’s face lit up with a massive blush as he stumbled for words at the feeling of that soft chest against him and Chrysalis’ seductive charming. “U-Uh… Well… That is…” Thinking was becoming incredibly difficult with how much blood was being rerouted down south.

Did it suddenly feel warmer? And… were those sparkles filling the air? Chrysalis giggled and sashayed around Blueblood, skin growing paler with each step until she matched his skin tone. “Oh come now, surely I’m not that hideous? Hmmm, perhaps a bit more of a standard look?” She spun quickly, abandoning her wings and flinging her hair back, causing it to flash into a beautifully elegant platinum blonde while her eyes changed to a bewitching silver. “Better~?”

Blueblood gulped as his groin throbbed with desire the likes of which he hadn’t felt in months. “Your beauty cannot be denied.” Her beauty was so radiant that he couldn’t stop his gaze from wandering about her figure.

“Then… what say we…” Chrysalis leaned in almost too close to Blueblood and stared deep into his eyes, her lips just barely a hair’s breadth from touching his, “Go out and get some drinks? I’ll buy.” And with that, the spell broke and Blueblood was left standing alone while Celestia and Chrysalis supported each other though their raucous laughter. “Oh that’s perfect! Ha! It works every time!” Chrysalis guffawed, nearly falling over from hysterics.

Blueblood’s blush darkened into one of embarrassment as he glowered at Chrysalis. “That wasn’t very nice, you know.” He looked at the ground. “Though I suppose that being on the receiving end of my former tactics is enlightening.”

“Oh get over it,” Chrysalis clapped Blueblood on the shoulders and dragged him along down the street, just slow enough so that Celestia wouldn’t have to overtly rush to keep up. “With me in the family now, cousin, you’d better expect a whole lot more teasing.”

Blueblood actually started sweating. “What does Cadance see in you? And I do hope you don’t plan on the sort of teasing you just demonstrated. Or I’ll have serious blue balls that no doctor’s ever seen so severe…”

Chrysalis snorted, “At least they’ll match up to your name. Now come on, Celestia says your train is at five and I want to at least work up a good buzz by then.”

“Wait. You were serious about getting drinks?” Blueblood asked, staring up at the resident changeling queen.

“Of course I was!” Chrysalis crowed joyfully, “I spent most of my life in a wasteland, so finally having alcohol is too good of an opportunity to waste!”

Schrodinger grinned from where he watched and looked out into empty air. “Remember, readers. Drink responsibly. Und never if you’re underage.” He closed his eyes as he grinned wider. “Ciao!” He gripped the edge of the screen and pulled the next scene into place.

Blueblood sighed as he sat down in his seat on the train, waiting for its departure toward Ponyville. Chrysalis was certainly… interesting when she’d had something to drink. Now he could just relax and rest a little before reaching his destination. He leaned back and closed his eyes.

A pressure suddenly dropped into his lap, with a pair of warm, squishy objects pressing into his torso and thin, cool limbs circling around his head while a flirtatious voice cooed out, “Well, fancy seeing you here, huh~?”

Blueblood’s eyes shot open at the voice, and found himself staring into the eyes of a tipsy Chrysalis. “W-Why are you on the train? Don’t you have responsibilities in Canterlot?” He put all his acquired discipline to use to not only keep his breathing steady but also trying valiantly to keep his blood from rerouting itself to his groin, which the extremely buxom and beautiful changeling was happily straddling.

“Welllll~ I could just smell the tension rolling off of you,” Chrysalis sing-songed, trailing her finger down the side of his cheek and down his chest, rubbing circles against it. “And I thought, well, I have a hive that needs replenishing, and you are quite the catch~”

Blueblood was very thankful for his newfound self control. The old him would have jumped Chrysalis without hesitation the way she was putting out. “T-Tension? Whatever do you mean?”

A throat clearing drew his attention to the frowning conductor. The conductor accepted his ticket and looked expectantly at Chrysalis. “Don’t care if you’re royalty. You still gotta have a ticket, ma’am.”

Chrysalis turned to the conductor with a sultry smirk, smoothly standing and sashaying around the hapless man with a seductive strut, “Oh Mister Conductor~ Surely you can make an exception just… this… once…?” Her gaze turned smoky, flashing green momentarily as she weaved her spell upon the conductor.

The poor man never knew what hit him. “Y-Yes. Of course, madam,” he said with a bright blush. “Welcome aboard.” He moved on to the next compartment, shutting the door of Blueblood and Chrysalis’ behind him.

Chrysalis posed haughtily, hip jutted out, one hand on her waist and the other fanned out by her face, “And that is how you weaponize raw sex appeal!” She sashayed back into Blueblood’s lap, flopping down and all but shoving his face into her almost inappropriately exposed cleavage.

Blueblood sucked in a breath as he felt her soft flesh on his face, still trying to keep his southern friend from being roused as he attempted to slide Chrysalis into the empty seat beside him. “Queen Chrysalis, please. This is rather inappropriate.”

Chrysalis giggled and pressed against him, sliding off and all but jamming his arm into her chest. “But it’s inappropriate in all the right ways~” she purred, grinning widely and blushing faintly.

Blueblood was surprised by how much strength she was concealing in that curvaceous body, and found getting his arm from her grip easier said than done. Hoping to gain some leverage, he reached out with his free hand, aiming to grip her shoulder.

Unfortunately, Chrysalis twitched backwards at that exact moment, her motion shifting Blueblood’s arm from her cleavage… and moving her left breast directly into his free hand. “Ooops~” she smiled angelically, leaning close with half lidded eyes, “Looks like someone’s rather eager~”

“T-That wasn’t on purpose!” Blueblood defended, trying to pull away but finding that she was holding his hand firmly where it was, and his attempts to free himself were only causing him to squeeze the very soft mound.

“Mmmm, it was on my end~” Chrysalis smirked. “So why don’t you be a gentleman and… hmmm… help a lady out?” With a green flash of illusory fire, the doors locked and soundproofed themselves as Chrysalis’ dress melted away, revealing her naked body.

Blueblood gulped as his gaze traveled unbidden over her body. He finally fully grasped the truth of his situation. He was a disciplined gentleman now, but that amounted to basically nil when confronted by the raw sex appeal of the queen of all changelings. Chrysalis was practically a goddess in her own right. The shadowy lust to Cadance’s radiant love.

Chrysalis’ smirk turned triumphant. She knew she had him and she had him good. With a slow, languid descent, she kissed Blueblood on the lips, a tiny spark of magic flittering between them and, as their lips connected, sent a pleasurable jolt through both of their spines.

That jolt shattered Blueblood’s self control. All his discipline amounted to nothing. A gentle breeze against the roaring hurricane that was this single tendril of the changeling queen’s seductive wiles. He kissed her back as he more eagerly fondled the breast he held, his pants tightening as his blood flowed south.

“Oh my,” Chrysalis murmured, feeling Blueblood’s growing bulge. “Someone’s been pent up…. how about I take care of that?” With a smooth motion, she undid Blueblood’s pants and-

“ALRIGHT ZHAT’S ENOUGH!” Schrodinger coughed and pulled the next scene into view, muting Chrysalis and Blueblood in the background. “Let’s leave zhem to zheir privacy, ja?”

Blueblood stumbled off the train onto the station in Ponyville, looking a tad disheveled as he noticed Chrysalis step off behind him, looking as seductive and charming as ever. “You… You are…”

“The absolute most wonderful and fulfilling sex that you’ve ever had? Why yes, yes I am,” Chrysalis tittered and walked along, her state of dress- rather, almost un-dress drawing stares of lust and/or hostility from just about every male and female in the vicinity.

Surprisingly enough, many of the lustful stares were from the females.

Blueblood blushed and started walking into Ponyville, noting that Chrysalis was following him. He started wondering if she was causing a few men to endanger their marriages in ogling her. “Now where is it?” he muttered, looking around for a particular boutique.

“LOOK OUT BELOW!” a young girl’s voice came from above, along with a pair of screams as a trio of teenage girls strapped into a shoddy hang glider slammed headfirst into Blueblood’s position with a loud screech of shearing metal and shredding fabric.

Blueblood had managed to slow them with a reflexive application of telekinesis before they collided with him, the hang glider being tossed to an empty spot on the ground by his magic as he cushioned their landing as best he could.

When the dust cleared, a rather… awkward scene presented itself. Straddling Blueblood’s face was Applebloom, while Scootaloo had landed with her face on his crotch and Sweetie Belle… Sweetie Belle had actually landed face first in Chrysalis’ cleavage with the rest of her being held securely in Chrysalis’ unyielding grip.

“Are you girls alright?” Blueblood asked before blushing darkly as he discovered Apple Bloom’s tight jeans covered ass in his face.

“T-thanks mister! Ah thought we were goners for a secon’ there!” Applebloom grinned nervously as she backed off of Blueblood. She panted, the sheen of fear-sweat she had worked up staining through her yellow work shirt and revealing the startling lack of a bra underneath. An unfortunate event, considering that she had the largest bust size in her age group.

Scootaloo groaned into Blueblood’s lap as she pushed away dizzily, “See? I told ya we shoulda waited out that wind! Now we’re down a hang glider and we still don’t have our cutie marks!” Said process of getting up accidentally pressed her rather large- though still smaller than Apple Bloom’s- breasts against Blueblood’s crotch in lieu of her face.

Sweetie Belle moaned contentedly, snuggling into a giggling Chrysalis’ bosom. Thankfully for Sweetie Belle’s sanity, she was still dazed and rather woozy from the crash.

“Well well, it seems like a solution to your woes came from the sky too!” Chrysalis chortled, “Or at least it would have been a solution if I hadn’t solved the problem first~”

Blueblood helped Scootaloo to her feet and popped some joints. “What were you girls doing exactly?” He looked them over more closely. “Why do you three look so familiar despite this being our first meeting?”

The three lined up, Sweetie Belle still shaky despite her softer landing, and struck a dramatic pose, “We’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders!” Applebloom stepped forward, “Ah’m Applebloom and this is Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle! What’s your name, mister?”

“Blueblood,” Blueblood introduced. “Former prince, recently returning from abroad to settle down here in Ponyville.” He looked away, awaiting the inevitable wave of hate.

“Whoa! A prince?” Applebloom looked up at Blueblood in wonder, though Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle remained indifferent.

“Hey wait a minute… didn’t Rarity say Elusive is the son of a prince…?” Sweetie Belle murmured, nudging Scootaloo.

Scootaloo shrugged, “Eh, no way it’s this guy. He’s too hobo-looking for your sis to touch him.”

“.... Okay, true,” Sweetie Belle replied.

“Technically I’m more of a monk now,” Blueblood muttered. He then registered what Sweetie Belle had said. “Wait. You’re Rarity’s sister?”

Sweetie Belle nodded, “Yup! Her one and only!” She curtsied lightly, elegant even through the dirt marred her once pristine white dress.

“I’m trying to find your sister’s boutique. Would you girls be kind enough to show me the way?” Blueblood requested.

“Yeah sure! It’s right down this way, Mister Blueblood!” Sweetie pointed down the road and dragged Blueblood along, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo skipping alongside her.

Chrysalis, meanwhile, found herself content to simply walk- that is, sashay- down the road behind Blueblood, taking in the sights and the ambient love energy.

“This really is a charming town,” Blueblood said as he looked around. “A nice place to live.”

Chrysalis nodded, waving her hand in a seemingly useless motion. “It rather is. It’s rustic. Very pretty. Could do with more sex, though. Some of these women lead lonely lives. How sad. Or at least, that’s what Cadance would say.”

“Why am I not surprised that you think that?” Blueblood asked, staring at his cousin-in-law.

Chrysalis shrugged, “Is it really that surprising that the Pink Half would start matchmaking left and right?”

“It’s her nature,” Blueblood said. “She’s been responsible for a large number of baby booms.”

“Speakin’a babies…” Apple Bloom stared at Blueblood out of the corner of her eye, a devious grin coming to her face. Scootaloo caught her gaze and sidled up to Blueblood.

“Hey Mister Blueblood,” she started, “we never really thanked you for saving us just now, y’know?”

“Hey, that’s right!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed, turning to Blueblood, “We should change that right now!”

Blueblood couldn’t help noticing that the girls had come into his personal space. “Girls… What are you doing?”

“Well….” Scootaloo drew circles around Blueblood’s arm, “We’re thanking you…. but I bet we could thank you better somewhere… private?”

“Yeah!” Apple Bloom chimed in, squishing her breasts against his arm. “We’d have lots of fun with it too!”

Sweetie Belle simply nodded, going for the direct approach and just rubbing her breasts against his torso, working down in a line towards his crotch.

Blueblood’s eyes widened as he realized what was going on. “That won’t be necessary, girls,” he insisted, pushing them out of his personal space.

“Awww….” all three girls protested, backing down reluctantly.

“But we wanted to thank you!” Scootaloo pouted.

“We’re even of age!” Sweetie Belle cut in, stamping her foot adorably.

“Be that as it may, your sisters probably still hold some level of ill will toward me, except for Rarity, and I don’t want to give them an excuse to kill me,” Blueblood said. “Besides, you should look for men your own age.”

“Why would they wanna kill you?” Apple Bloom asked, tilting her head. “I mean, it’s not like ya did anythin’ wrong, right?”

Blueblood thought back to the night in question. “It’s…. complicated. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?” Though their reactions were proving that perhaps his reputation wasn’t as widespread beyond Canterlot as he had thought.

“Riiiiight….” All three girls looked at Blueblood dubiously before shrugging in unison and continuing to drag him to Rarity’s boutique.

“Come on! We’re almost there!” Sweetie Belle cried, giggling wildly as she ran.

Blueblood noticed from the way the girls carried themselves that they were still trying to get him to notice their physiques. He got the distinct feeling that Chrysalis had something to do with that.

Chrysalis kept smirking like a cat who ate the canary, drank the milk, destroyed the couch… and managed to pin it all on the dog. One might consider that level of smugness to be absurd, but Chrysalis managed to pull the look off while still remaining gorgeous enough to turn heads for miles.

Just then, a pair of obnoxious voices broke into the scene with a loud, “Oh look, it’s Bimbo-Tits, Flightless, and Tone Deaf!”

Diamond Tiara strutted forward as if she owned the place, flipping her immaculate hair over her shoulder and letting her Cutie Mark emblazoned jacket catch the light.

“Who is this, girls?” Blueblood asked, staring at Diamond Tiara with a tilted head.

Apple Bloom sighed and muttered, “It’s two of the school bullies…. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. They been making our lives miserable fer almos’ two years now!”

Diamond Tiara sneered and flipped her hair derisively, “Well it’s not our fault you can’t get your cutie marks, Bimbo Tits!”

“Y-yeah!” Silver Spoon chimed in, glaring at the Crusaders over the rim of her glasses.

“They seem full of themselves,” Chrysalis said from behind the two bullies. “And one seems jealous of Apple Bloom’s physique.” She grinned and snickered at Diamond Tiara’s flat chest.

“W-what did you just say to me!?” Diamond Tiara all but roared, covering her chest protectively. “I-I’m not jealous of her stupid tits!”

“Y-yeah! She’s not jealous at all!” Silver Spoon backed her friend up, shaking her fist in emphasis.

“Then why are you covering your chest?” Chrysalis asked, grinning as she stepped in front of the two. “Well?” She jiggled her own assets for emphasis. “You’re jealous.”

“A-as if!” Diamond Tiara blushed furiously, turning away haughtily. “C-come on, Silver, let’s go before these three losers and their loser friends stink up our air even more!”

“Right, DT!” with that, the pair of teenage bullies fled the scene with whatever remained of their dignity.

Chrysalis giggled and looked at Apple Bloom. “Oh she’s definitely jealous of your rack.” She looked at a staring man and gave him a seductive wink.

Apple Bloom flushed bright red, “Y’really think so? She’s really jealous a’... a’ these…?” She hefted her breasts, letting them bounce under her shirt.

“Oh yes. She’s very jealous,” Chrysalis said, grinning at her. “She wishes her breasts were as big as yours.”

“Pardon me, ladies. Is this our destination?” Blueblood asked as he pointed out the Carousel Boutique.

“Yup!” Sweetie Belle chirped, dragging Blueblood along once again. “Big Sis is still working today, so she’ll definitely be there!”

“That’s good. Thank you for your help, ladies,” Blueblood said as he opened the door and stepped in. “Rarity? Do you have some time to spare?”

Rarity looked over and waved Blueblood off, her clothing slightly disheveled as she worked on a seemingly endless array of dresses, each one different from the last. “I’m sorry, dear, but I’m rather busy at the moment. Could you wait outside for a bit? I’m almost done here. It should just take but a few minutes.”

“Of course, Rarity,” Blueblood said, looking around at the dresses on display before feeling a pair of arms wrap around him from behind.

“Heyyy~ That didn’t take long~” Sweetie Belle purred, smirking flirtatiously up at Blueblood. “What did you even need to see her for? It can’t be that important if you were in and out so quickly~”

Blueblood gulped. “She uh… needs me to let her finish up an order first. Shouldn’t be long.” He blushed as he felt a certain pair of soft mounds on his back.

“Well I suppose we could make your wait more… worthwhile,” Sweetie Belle murmured, prompting both Apple Bloom and Scootaloo to latch onto his arms and coo seductively.

“We’ll take real good care’a ya, promise!” Apple Bloom asserted, all but forcing Blueblood’s right arm into her cleavage while Scootaloo did the same with his left.

“Girls, this really isn’t the most appropriate place. We could be seen, you know.” Blueblood struggled to keep his breathing steady even as he felt blood slowly working its way down south. He was sure Chrysalis had something to do with how amorous the girls were being. Damn changeling pheromones…

“Well, there is the open space behind the Boutique,” Scootaloo muttered, casually rubbing herself against Blueblood’s arm. “Nobody ever goes back there unless they have a reason to. Cuz we’re on the edge of town, really.”

“Still exposed,” Blueblood pointed out, trying to dissuade the surprisingly sultry trio from their course. He really didn’t want to earn their sisters’ ire after all the progress he’d made in being accepted by them.

“Aww….” Sweetie Belle grumbled. “Can we at least give you thank you kisses?”

“Yeah!” Scootaloo and Apple Bloom cheered.

Blueblood gulped as he looked at them. “I… I suppose that wouldn’t hurt anything.”

“Then pucker up!” Sweetie Belle announced, leaning up and kissing Blueblood square on the lips with a quiet moan of delight.

Blueblood kissed her back, noting that she certainly had wonderful lips. She rivaled her sister, if he were to be honest.

With a single shift of her body, Sweetie Belle at once deepened the kiss far beyond anything appropriate and also rumpled her dress, letting its thin straps slide from her shoulders and allowing the hem to ride up, exposing her frilly purple panties and her matching bra. She tugged at his hands, sliding them along her thighs and up her waist until they stopped just short of cupping her breasts.

Blueblood’s eyes widened as he found himself guided into the fitting room Rarity kept for customers trying clothes on. “W-What are you…” He had to mutter between kisses since Sweetie Belle was being persistent and he needed Rarity not to hear them.

Sweetie Belle grinned and slipped her bra off with practiced ease, all but shoving it deep into Blueblood’s robes as she rubbed her swiftly hardening nipples against his chest. “Come on, Mister Blueblood~ let me thank you… properly…”

Blueblood lightly panted as he felt his trousers throbbing with his arousal, and that Sweetie Belle was near straddling him. His gaze drifted unbidden down to her exposed chest, her nipples erect and inviting.

“What’re you waiting for, Mister? Are-”

“Sweetie Belle! Are you in there? I thought I heard your voice!” Rarity called out, knocking on the door of the changing room.

Sweetie Belle swiftly jerked back, yanking her clothing back into place save for her bra and motioned for Blueblood to hide somewhere, anywhere, while she called out, “Y-yeah! J-just trying on a different dress!”

“Well, as long as it’s not one of my products,” Rarity called back, her footsteps moving away slowly as she turned her attention back to her work.

Blueblood slowly allowed the mirage around himself to fade, becoming visible once again. Bending light to make mirages was a very useful trick. He tried to get his breathing back under control from that little fright.

“So… since Sis has gone back to work…” Sweetie Belle purred seductively, “Wanna keep going?” She slipped off her dress, letting it fall to the floor as she began removing her undergarments.

“Aaanyvay,” Schrodinger began pulling the scene back down to something else.

Wait man, this chapter’s supposed to play out like a comedy harem hentai!

“Vait vhat?” Schrodinger let go of the other scene, nonplussed.

Yeah.

“Whelp!” Pinkie chirped from her spot beside Schrodinger. “Can’t argue with decisions from on high, now can we?” She put a finger to her chin in a thoughtful expression. “Plus Bluey’s a nice guy now. So I guess I can agree with throwing him a bone or three.” She giggled. “Bones… Like boners!” She burst out laughing as she hugged Schrodinger.

“Vell…. If you say so, I suppose,” Schrodinger muttered, dropping back out of the scene and taking Pinkie with him.

Blueblood could swear his blush was on the verge of engulfing his entire face as Sweetie Belle’s panties finally slipped off her lifted right ankle, delicately hanging from her finger as she fixed him with a lascivious look.

“Come on, Mister Blueblood, Rarity always says that a lady has to repay her debts~” Sweetie Belle leaned over and placed her hand on Blueblood’s crotch, gently massaging it as she cast her own contraceptive spell.

Blueblood leaned his head back and closed his eyes as he felt himself throbbing in her grip, a quiet sigh of pleasure escaping him. “That… That feels amazing.” More out of a desire to not get caught and subsequently skinned alive by Rarity than anything, Blueblood applied a quick soundproofing spell to the changing room.

“It’s my own spell,” Sweetie Belle smiled angelically, undoing the cord holding up Blueblood’s pants and slipping her hand inside. She continued speaking as she gingerly stroked his member, a faint note of awe entering her voice, “Miss Twilight helped me perfect it, you know. It’s a pleasurable spermicide- she said that it kills the sperm and keeps the testicles from making more for the next twelve hours!”

Blueblood lightly moaned as he felt Sweetie Belle’s soft fingers wrap around his shaft. “I would expect no less from Twilight, insane as she may be.” He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Sweetie Belle. “You seem quite skilled. This isn’t your first time, is it?”

Sweetie Belle blushed, “A-actually…. it is….” She coughed and looked away, still stroking him unconsciously.

Blueblood felt his blush return at that revelation. “Are you sure about this, Sweetie Belle? You can still stop, you know.” Speaking rationally was getting harder and harder with his every instinct screaming at him to just accept Sweetie Belle’s advances. If she wanted him, then why deny her, they reasoned.

“Why would I wanna stop?” she asked, leaning in closer and flicking her tongue across the tip of his penis, closing her eyes contemplatively at the taste.

Blueblood twitched as he felt her warm tongue contact his tip, sending a jolt of pleasure up his spine as he lightly gasped. “H-How is it?” He looked down at her as he asked, his gaze drifting over her body again. She was very beautiful, and rivaled her sister in fact.

Sweetie Belle hummed quietly, tapping her chin, “It’s…. interesting? I don’t know…. it’s kinda… I wanna say salty? It’s pretty nice, though…”

Blueblood found himself blushing at the compliment. Where the old him would have shamelessly preened at the praise, now he found himself slightly embarrassed by it, tempered as he was by his experiences that past year. “Glad you like it, or this would have turned rather awkward.” He lightly chuckled at his attempt at humor.

Sweetie Belle giggled and leaned in again, this time taking a long, slow lick up the length of Blueblood’s shaft, stopping at his tip and swirling her tongue around it. She pressed her breasts up against the shaft and gently shifted them up and down, applying a smooth, even pressure.

Blueblood’s eyes rolled back as he let out a moan, finding himself greatly enjoying Sweetie Belle’s masterful technique. She must have been more open to experimentation than Rarity ever would be. And whoever she learned from was a very good teacher.

“D-do you feel good, Mister Blueblood?” Sweetie Belle asked, grinning up at Blueblood and winking flirtatiously.

“Yes I do, Sweetie Belle,” Blueblood said through another moan. “You have very soft breasts. They feel amazing, rubbing against be like that.”

“T-thanks, Mister Blueblood,” Sweetie Belle continued her ministrations, focusing more on working her breasts against Blueblood’s cock than using her tongue.

Blueblood leaned on the wall of the fitting room and started lightly thrusting between Sweetie Belle’s breasts in time with her own movements.

Sweetie Belle giggled as she put a bit more pressure on his shaft. “Glad you’re getting into it, Mister Blueblood.” She stuck her tongue out and flicked it across his tip every time it came near her mouth.

Blueblood started moaning a bit louder as pleasure worked its way up and down his spine, punching holes in the dam that was his inhibitions and slowly drowning him in a sea of pleasure. He sucked in a breath when he felt his tip engulfed in Sweetie Belle’s mouth. The pleasure quickly came to a head and sent him over the edge.

Sweetie Belle’s eyes widened as he erupted in her mouth. It was huge, she realized as she she swallowed it in several gulps, keeping some in her mouth as she pulled his tip from her oral cavity, sampling the taste. She opened wide to show Blueblood her semen covered tongue before closing her mouth and swallowing. “It tastes really good, Mister Blueblood,” she purred as she slowly stood and pressed against him in a hug.

“Glad you enjoyed it,” Blueblood said, blushing as he hugged her back, his currently flaccid cock twitching at the erotic sight that was her showing off her cum filled mouth.

“Let’s go to my bedroom,” Sweetie Belle purred in his ear. “If we’re really quiet, Rarity won’t notice. “She slowly wrapped her fingers around his cock and started stroking it again. “I’m sure you’d rather play with my body on a bed.”

Blueblood’s moan was muffled as she tenderly kissed him, smiling as she opened the door, dispelling his soundproofing as she started leading him by his shaft toward the stairwell. If she weren’t stroking him back to full mast he’d have been able to concentrate enough for an invisibility mirage.

Sweetie Belle stopped him as they reached a point where they’d have to sneak past Rarity, who was talking to Chrysalis while she worked. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were in there too, being seductive lookouts.

Apple Bloom caught Sweetie Belle’s eyes and winked, covering it with a quick sneeze and hiding her thumbs up behind her other hand. Scootaloo motioned for the both of them to keep moving, waiting as Chrysalis distracted Rarity with an inquiry of fashion tips.

As they passed by the distracted Rarity, Blueblood caught Apple Bloom and Scootaloo’s eyes as he blushed from being seen being led around by his junk.

Apple Bloom’s and Scootaloo’s eyes widened at the sight as they slowly grinned simultaneously. With a quick glance to make sure that Rarity still wasn’t looking and was still torturing Chrysalis with fashion, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo raised their shirts, flashing Apple Bloom’s bare breasts and Scootaloo’s simple white bra.

Blueblood’s blush darkened as he was led out of sight and up the stairs, his gaze drawn to Sweetie Belle’s alluring hips and derriere, which swayed with her every step. And he swore he could see her inner thighs glistening a bit.

Sweetie Belle turned her head and winked at him as they reached the top of the stairs. “You know you can touch me, right?” she asked in a low purr as she shook her ass for him. “Go ahead, Mister Blueblood. Touch me.”

‘’Uhh….Well I….’’ He said looking at her plump ass as she began teasing him with it. He knew this was a bad idea since she was Rarity’s own sister, but for some reason, another part of him wanted to do this with her. After thinking for a moment, he slowly began to bring his hand over and gently grasp on her shapely derriere as he gave in to the temptation.

Sweetie Belle let out a small moan and rubbed her rear against his palm. “Mmm… You like that, Mister Blueblood?” She led him into her bedroom and locked the door behind them with a burst of telekinesis. “How about you put up that soundproofing spell for us?”

Blueblood felt like he should back away right now, but his urges were keeping him from leaving and wanted to go all the way with this. ‘’Sure…’’ He said before he slowly raised his hand, which glowed with his mana as a soundproof barrier around Sweetie Belle’s bedroom was erected. ‘’Done.’’

Sweetie Belle smiled and released her hold on his shaft before slipping her arms around his neck. “Perfect,” she purred as she pulled him into a deep kiss, pressing herself against him and rubbing her hard nipples against his bare chest.

He was taken aback a bit by the kiss, but slowly gave into the sweet sensation as he kissed her back and put his arms around her body. He moaned into her mouth and held her close as he slowly felt his inhibitions and his resistance slipping away.

Sweetie Belle moaned and pulled him onto the bed with her, moving up to the pillows and laying back with her arms spread out. “Do whatever you want, Mister Blueblood. My body is yours to play with, handsome.”

“As you wish…” He said as he went back to kissing her deeply on the lips while moving one of his hands to feel her breasts as they made out. His body was lusting more and more for her by the second with his urges increasing.

“Oh Mister Blueblood,” Sweetie Belle moaned, all but grinding against him as she pressed her breasts further into his hands. Her hands, however, moved south, reaching into Blueblood’s pants and pushing them down to access his shaft and testicles. While one hand stroked him gently and smoothly, her other cupped and massaged his testicles, rolling them around and applying a gentle, even pressure.

Blueblood moaned into her lips and kicked his pants off, letting them hit the floor as he broke the kiss and started trailing gentle butterfly kisses down her jawline to her neck, slowly moving to the valley between her breasts and trailing his tongue up her right breast. He started slowly dragging his tongue on her areola, teasing her nipple while his right hand gently pinched and twisted her left nipple.

“A-ah~!” Sweetie Belle whimpered, shuddering in absolute bliss. “R-right there!” She stroked his member more intensely, the shock of her nipples being pinched filling her mind with a pleasurable haze.

Blueblood latched his mouth onto her nipple and started gently sucking it while his right hand pinched her nipple a bit harder to keep up with her stroking. He moaned against her breast as his free left hand reached down between then and started gently rubbing her core, his thumb rubbing her clit as his index and middle fingers slowly sank inside her.

Sweetie Belle let out a wordless cry of ecstasy, bucking her hips against Blueblood’s hand and tightening up muscles she didn’t even know she had. Slick juices splattered over Blueblood’s hand as she came almost instantly, the rough, tickling sensation of Blueblood’s fingers inside her proving too much for her to bear.

Blueblood kept slowly fingering her and rubbing her clit as he released her nipple and kissed her on the lips again, his rough, calloused fingers stroking her slick cavern with a caring touch as his right hand did the same to her breast.

Sweetie Belle slumped down onto the bed, panting heavily and moaning out incoherent sentences. “A-ah! W-wha-! What was… what was tha-AAT!?” She shrieked out another orgasm when Blueblood flicked her clitoris and pressed down on her G-spot, soaking the sheets once more, a vivid flush coming to her face.

Blueblood chuckled at knowing he could still make a woman writhe and scream. “That, my dear girl, is fingers covered in calluses.” He pushed his fingers in a bit deeper as he kissed her again, bringing his right hand up to cup her cheek as he deepened the kiss.

Sweetie Belle murmured an inaudible response into the kiss, finally working up the mental clarity to resume her ministrations upon Blueblood’s penis, gently brushing the pad of her thumb along its underside and drumming her fingers across its length.

Blueblood slowly broke the kiss and started working his way down again, slowly trailing kisses on her belly and gently twisting his fingers in a circle inside her as he started planting kisses on her inner thighs, making his way toward her core.

Sweetie Belle moaned and cried out, the heat of her core feeling like an endless, mind numbing itch that absolutely needed to be scratched and scratched immediately. She writhed against Blueblood’s hand, trying to force his fingers to move faster and move further inside her. As she approached her third orgasm in almost as many minutes, she clamped her thighs around Blueblood’s head, using her hands to pull him face first into her crotch just as she lost control once again and squirted all over Blueblood’s face and the bed below.

Blueblood lapped up her juices and pulled his fingers out of her, licking them clean before diving back in, pushing his tongue past her outer lips and into her cavern as his hands reached up and started massaging her breasts again, paying special attention to her nipples.

At this point, Sweetie Belle was nearly insensate, a mere ball of roiling pleasure and sweet, sweet bliss. As she panted and tried to recover, her will finally made itself known as she grabbed a hold of Blueblood’s shoulders and pulled him up to meet her suddenly intense gaze. “Put… put it in me…. put it in me now!”

Blueblood nodded and pushed her thighs further open as he slowly rubbed his tip against her clit. “Ready for this? It might hurt a little at first.” After receiving a nod, he started slowly pushing into her virgin cavern. First his tip, and then slowly sliding further in.

“O-oh gods! It’s… it’s so big!” Sweetie Belle gasped, her mouth hanging open from the intensely pleasurable pain rushing from her vagina and through the rest of her body. “D-don’t s-stop!”

Blueblood moaned, enjoying the feel of how tight she was. Honoring her wishes, he gripped her hips as he hilted in her and started slowly pulling out until only his tip was still inside her. he then slammed back into her, settling into a pattern as he thrusted.

Sweetie Belle screamed in pleasure, absolutely drunk on the intense sensation of Blueblood thrusting in and out of her. She didn’t even notice that she orgasmed again, such was the extent that she had lost herself to the feelings racing through her body from her core.

Blueblood leaned down and captured her lips in another kiss as he tilted her hips up so he could keep pounding into her as they made out. “You’re so tight, Sweetie Belle!” He dragged his tongue along her neck and kissed it several times before returning to her lips as he felt her legs wrap around him.

“Yes! Yes!” Sweetie Belle cried out, locking her legs behind Blueblood’s back and bracing herself against his chest as he pounded into her. She couldn't believe how good it felt just to have her most private parts have something so warm and large and strong inside of them. She threw her head back, her eyes wide and her mouth screaming once more as she echoed out her most powerful orgasm yet, this one strong enough to make her eyes roll back into her head.

That same orgasm squeezed Blueblood so hard that he only lasted a few more thrusts before burying himself inside Sweetie Belle and cumming hard with a yell, his eyes rolling back as well while he pumped her full of his forcibly impotent semen.

Sweetie Belle panted heavily, barely able to come down from the orgasmic high that she’d risen to. “T-that… haaa… that was amazing….” She grinned goofily, brushing her hair out of her eyes and flopping back unceremoniously.

Blueblood was panting just as heavily as he slowly pulled out of her and flopped down beside her, supporting her head with his arm as he gave her a lopsided grin. “So… How was your first time?”

“Better than I could have ever imagined,” Sweetie Belle sighed, stretching languidly and letting the mess inside her spill out from her movements.

Blueblood chuckled. “That’s what happens when you seduce a master as a virgin. But you’re very good at seduction, Sweetie Belle.” He leaned over and tenderly kissed her.

Sweetie Belle moaned gently, leaning into the kiss. After a few seconds, though, she pushed him away and stretched again, slipping away to the bathroom to clean up, wiggling her bottom teasingly at Blueblood as she walked.

Blueblood got up and stretched himself before following after Sweetie Belle, wrapping his arms around her. “You’re just a little temptress, aren’t you?” he asked in a husky whisper as he kissed her neck.

Sweetie Belle winked and giggled, “I learned from one of the best~”

Blueblood watched Sweetie Belle as he fixed his robes. She seemed to be deliberately dressing slowly to further tease him. Reaching into his robe, he noticed something and pulled out her bra. “Sweetie Belle? Your bra.” He held the garment out to her.

Sweetie Belle waved him off, “No thanks. It wouldn’t go with the dress. Besides, it’s a gift.” She giggled and put on a new dress, this one with an elegant blue trim.

“A gift?” Blueblood asked before noting the numbers written in one of the cups. “What are these numbers?”

Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes, “What, never been given a girl’s Scroll number before?”

Blueblood blushed at the question. “No. I haven’t.” He stowed the bra away in his robes, making sure it was out of sight before offering his arm. “Shall we join the girls downstairs?”

“We shall~” Sweetie Belle all but sang, pulling Blueblood along as she skipped down the stairs.

Blueblood met Rarity’s gaze as he and Sweetie Belle entered the kitchen. “Sorry if you were kept waiting, Rarity. Sweetie Belle insisted on showing me around. Your sister is a very charming woman.”

Rarity’s eyes sparkled with mirth, “I trust that you didn’t do anything untoward to her?” Her tone was teasing, and she smiled good naturedly as she offered Blueblood a cup of tea. “And how did you like your tour of my… humble abode?”

Blueblood chuckled as he sat down at the table after pulling out a chair for Sweetie Belle, seated across from Rarity. “Your abode is quite cozy, Rarity. I especially enjoy your ‘organized chaos’. It adds a certain extra charm.”

Rarity tittered even as Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes and downed her tea, running off to join her friends. “Yes, it’s quite something, isn’t it?” she asked rhetorically, subtly sliding her stocking clad feet out of her heels and running them up and down Blueblood’s thighs.

Blueblood fought down a blush as he sipped his tea. “Yes, of course. I’ve heard during my travels that you’ve got some high profile clients.” He took notice of the broach at her throat. “That’s a lovely broach. Is it an heirloom?”

“Hmm? Oh this old thing?” Rarity held up her necklace, letting the diamond shaped chunk of sapphire glint in the light. “Oh no, it’s merely something that I picked up during one of my travels. It is rather fetching, though. I obtained it on a trip to Zebrica in return for a bolt of silk, interestingly enough.” Rarity’s feet continued their ministrations, a subtle flick of telekinesis undoing Blueblood’s pants and baring his member to the gentle touch of Rarity’s oh so teasingly skillful feet.

Blueblood sipped his tea to avoid moaning as he quickly hardened under Rarity’s gentle tendings, glad that the tablecloth hid his erection from sight. “What is Zebrica like? I’ve only heard stories, but never actually been there.”

Rarity smirked, rubbing slow circles around the tip of Blueblood’s cock, “Oh it’s wonderfully different, though it’s dreadfully hot there. It has such an interesting culture- rather, an interesting mix of cultures.” She motioned with her free hand, summoning forth a pad and paper and sketching out some traditional Zebrican outfits. “In fact, there’s a woman who lives in the Everfree- Zecora, her name is- from Zebrica. We share quite a few tips on spa treatments every now and then.”

Blueblood worked to keep his breathing steady even as Rarity’s feet sent waves of pleasure up his spine. “Their ensembles are certainly very practical,” he commented as he looked over the sketches. “Similar to the robes favored by the Rahib Alzzajaj. Though deserts are far hotter than the savannah.”

“Mmmm, true, though the robes for them are simply ceremonial. Their day to day clothing is actually far more, shall we say… breezy.” Rarity chuckled and sipped her tea, leaving a flawless violet imprint upon her cup from her lipstick. Beneath the table, she had captured Blueblood’s member between her toes and was now mercilessly running her feet across and over it, using the smooth silk of her black stockings to gain just an ever so wonderful friction across his skin.

Blueblood looked at the imprint on her teacup and then up at her lips, lightly biting his lip behind his teacup to hold back a moan as she kept upping the ante with her ministrations. “Desert dwellers cover up head to toe to prevent sunburn. Zebricans go extra exposed to the elements?”

Rarity nodded, “It’s rather interesting. Their skin is naturally unable to burn due to its coloration, and they’ve adapted to the circumstances. Plus, they have such a wonderful amount of natural herbal remedies that usually fix whatever problems they might have. Of course, in the more industrialized and modern areas, there’s a good amount of styles- mostly derived from Equestrian styles, but also a curious amount of Saddle Arabian styles as well as traditional tribal garments.”

“How fascinating,” Blueblood commented as he passed the drawings back to Rarity, his gaze coming back to her broach and noticing that it hung in the little bit of cleavage that she allowed her ensemble to expose.

Rarity caught his gaze and smirked, speeding up her motions under the table, “See something you like, Mister Blueblood?”

Blueblood sipped his tea as he held in another moan. “Just admiring your broach, Rarity.” He idly compared the Belle sisters’ bust sizes in his head, and found Rarity to be the larger of the two.

“It’s rather pretty, yes, but come now,” Rarity flicked the few strands of hair that hung in her face to the side, shaking out her neat bun and lowering her glasses to peek over their rims. “I know you’re staring at my breasts, Blueblood. And you could have just asked.” She shrugged off her blouse, undoing the buttons and letting it fall to the floor as she unclasped her lacy, violet bra and dropped it to the side as well. “Like so.”

Blueblood took a couple of deep breaths as he looked at her bare breasts, taking in every detail. From her erect and inviting nipples to the fact that they appeared to be larger than the night he’d met her. “They… They’ve grown a bit.”

Rarity met Blueblood’s gaze and tugged sharply on his cock, smirking a bit, “Pregnancy does tend to do that, yes.” She resumed her footjob, now slipping one foot deeper into Blueblood’s pants and rolling his balls with it.

Blueblood downed his tea as his shaft twitched between her feet. “Is there anymore tea, Rarity?” He managed to take his eyes off her chest and look her in the eye. “And this is a delicious blend, by the way.”

“Mmm, yes, it is rather nice, isn’t it? It’s Prench, I believe. I forgot where I got it from, actually, but it’s been in my cupboard for a few days now and I thought I’d just give it a try.” Rarity shrugged, “I’ll admit, I’m not much of a tea connoisseur- ask Twilight or Fluttershy for that.”

“Could you make another pot? It’s a very good blend,” Blueblood said, smiling at her. “And perhaps you could part with some of it so I can enjoy it in my own home?”

Rarity waved her hand, “By all means, you’re certainly wel-cum.” With that last word, she flicked her feet against Blueblood’s cock in an altogether incredibly complex maneuver punctuated by a swift tap of magic to his testicles and a very subtle prod of magic to his prostate.

Blueblood bit back a gasp as he came hard from Rarity’s magical prod and the movements of her feet. He barely managed to keep his cool as he coated the underside of the table in his spunk, his shaft slowly softening under Rarity’s feet.

“Oh my~” Rarity purred, rubbing the bit of semen that had splattered on her stockings between her feet, absorbing it into the material. “Someone certainly enjoys my tea~ Or perhaps it’s something else?”

Blueblood blushed and used some subtle telekinesis to put his shaft back in his pants. “Your tea is very delectable, Rarity. A refill would be wonderful.” He glanced down at her chest again, finding himself curious about the taste of her milk. He imagined Elusive loved it though.

Rarity tittered and poured Blueblood another cup, pulling on her clothes again. “To be honest, I’m actually rather surprised you like it. There’s a reason why I’m usually never called upon to make the tea for picnics… though that’s usually because Fluttershy and Twilight always bring their own…”

“Well I consider myself something of a tea aficionado,” Blueblood said after taking a sip. “Especially after spending a year with Raava and Vaatu.”

“Oh? Your masters? Really?” Rarity looked interested, leaning forward and raising an eyebrow. “Ah, but that will have to wait. Nature calls, you see.” She stood abruptly and stepped out of the kitchen, humming a light tune.

Blueblood watched her swaying hips as she left the room, amazed once again at just how seductive she was. She made Sweetie Belle look like an amateur when it came to seduction. Watching her had the side effect of making him harden again, tightening his pants for at least the fifth time.

Meanwhile, out in the foyer- with the windows thankfully closed- Rarity stumbled across the scene of Apple Bloom and Scootaloo half naked and wrist deep in each others’ pants while Sweetie Belle looked on, semi dazed. Chrysalis, meanwhile, had left about half an hour ago, fortunately.

Blueblood closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, slowly sipping his tea as he started to slowly get his raging boner under control. If he wasn’t careful, these women were going to be the death of him.

Rarity sighed and gestured to the Crusaders, “Did you really have to start doing that all over my nice, clean couch?”

Apple Bloom blushed brightly. “S-Sorry, Rarity. Watchin’ you tease Mister Blueblood got us all worked up.” She pulled her soaking hand from Scootaloo’s shorts as her blush darkened.

“Y-Yeah,” Scootaloo agreed, pulling her own hand from Apple Bloom’s jeans. “We couldn’t help it once you started working your charms on him.”

“You were watching!?” Rarity all but shrieked, a mortified blush covering her face. She dropped her face into her hands and continued on to the bathroom, moaning and groaning over how she would never live the incident down.

Rarity’s noise drew Blueblood’s attention, even as he kept trying to control his libido. “Rarity? Are you alright?” He looked toward the doorway between the kitchen and the living room in curiosity.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo waved at him, not with their hands, but by wiggling their respective chests at him and winking flirtatiously with their legs spread wide open.

Blueblood’s eyes widened as his face was engulfed by a blush and his boner reasserted itself with a vengeance, his pants bulging and throbbing visibly as he took in the sight of their proudly displayed busts.

Apple Bloom beckoned Blueblood over with a teasing motion, Scootaloo pressing heavily against Apple Bloom and licking a slow, erotic line down the more endowed girl’s chest and abdomen, stopping to pull down both of their respective pairs of pants and expose their clean shaven vaginas to Blueblood.

Blueblood gulped and slowly stood, walking toward them with his erection pitching a tent in his pants that throbbed with his every heartbeat, eager to be lavished with attention by the busty beauties before him. Before he knew it, Blueblood was within arm’s reach of them.

“W-well, since ya darn near did Sweetie Belle in’na a gooey mess,” Apple Bloom tried to keep the blush off her face, but failed horribly. “A-ah figured that y’should do us too. It’s only fair~”

Scootaloo nodded, grinning widely, even with her face buried in Apple Bloom’s crotch. She held up her thumb and wiggled her bottom in Blueblood’s direction, preferring instead to focus on working Apple Bloom’s sweet flower.

Blueblood reached out with his left hand and squeezed Scootaloo’s toned rear while his right hand moved further upward to cup one of Apple Bloom’s soft, squishy breasts as he leaned in and locked lips with the farm girl, sliding his tongue past her lips and exploring her mouth.

Both Scootaloo and Apple Bloom moaned, the vibrations caused by Scootaloo’s moaning causing Apple Bloom to shudder and spasm a quiet orgasm into Scootaloo’s mouth.

Blueblood smiled into his kiss with Apple Bloom and slid his hand down Scootaloo’s ass, slipping a couple of his calloused fingers into her soaking snatch while getting a little rougher with Apple Bloom’s breast. His telekinesis guided Apple Bloom’s hand to his throbbing bulge.

“R-right there!” Apple Bloom whimpered, pressing Blueblood’s head against her breast and massaging his bulge as her hips bucked against Scootaloo’s face. Scootaloo, meanwhile, was moaning and humming along, eagerly shaking her bum against Blueblood’s hand.

Blueblood moaned against Apple Bloom’s nipple as he sucked on it, moving his hips to grind his bulge in time with her hand. “That feels really good, Apple Bloom.” His magic guided her to reach down his pants and wrap her fingers around his cock directly. He pushed a third finger inside of Scootaloo and gently pulled on Apple Bloom’s nipple with his teeth.

“Eek!” Apple Bloom yelped, spasming lightly and spraying another burst of juices down into Scootaloo’s eagerly awaiting mouth. She started stroking Blueblood on reflex, panting heavily. Scootaloo, meanwhile, kept up her suckling and licking, moving her hips in time with Blueblood’s fingers.

Blueblood moaned and pushed his pants down as he slid behind Scootaloo, still playing with Apple Bloom’s breasts as he pulled his fingers out of Scootaloo and rubbed his tip on her snatch. “Ready, Scootaloo?”

“As I’ll ever be,” she muttered, turning away from Apple Bloom’s soaking pussy for the barest of moments before returning her attention to it with a vengeance, barely paying any mind to Blueblood… until, that is, he entered her, causing her to yelp and moan into the depths of Apple Bloom’s pussy.

Blueblood gripped Scootaloo’s hips with his left hand and started thrusting into her with the same rhythm he’d used on Sweetie Belle as he deeply kissed Apple Bloom and kept exploring her body. “So tight, Scootaloo. And Apple Bloom, your body is a perfect mixture of muscular and curvaceous.”

“T-thank ya, Mister Blueblood,” Apple Bloom blushed at the praise, moaning and whimpering while Scootaloo worked her magic upon Apple Bloom’s gushing vagina. It was quite a wonder as to how Apple Bloom hadn’t lost all the energy to her legs yet.

Blueblood thrusted harder into Scootaloo and sucked both of Apple Bloom’s nipples into his mouth at the same time, sucking on them rather roughly while squeezing her breasts. He groaned and sent vibrations through them as he enjoyed the tight grip that Scootaloo had on him.

Scootaloo gasped as Blueblood pounded into her, stars dancing before her eyes as he seemed to hit just about every sweet spot she didn’t know she had. “Ah! Right there! Right there!” she cried, muffling her words as she shoved her tongue deeper inside Apple Bloom.

Blueblood panted and started licking Apple Bloom’s nipples as he gripped Scootaloo’s ass, pounding faster into her as he felt his balls start contracting. “Scootaloo, I’m about to cum!” He started trading speed for power in his thrusts as he got closer and closer to the edge.

Scootaloo gasped and leaned heavily into Apple Bloom, causing Apple Bloom to double over and clutch Scootaloo’s head further into her depths. “A-ah’m about t’cum too!” Apple Bloom moaned, Scootaloo responding likewise.

Blueblood pulled Apple Bloom into a deep kiss with his telekinesis, since his hands were occupied with gripped Scootaloo’s hips. With one last, powerful thrust, he erupted deep inside Scootaloo, painting her cavern white as he groaned into Apple Bloom’s lips.

Scootaloo screamed into Apple Bloom’s crotch, Apple Bloom’s own orgasm splattering messily over her face as she squirt all over the Boutique’s flooring. Both of them shuddered in ecstasy, collapsing and flopping limply to the couch, panting heavily.

Blueblood collapsed between them after pulling out of Scootaloo, his arms draped around them as he panted, coming down from his orgasm. “How was it, Scootaloo? Was I an adequate first?”

“Friggin’ amazing,” Scootaloo mumbled, watching the semen leak out of her with a dazed look upon her face.

“Amen t’that,” Apple Bloom agreed, gingerly high-fiving Scootaloo as they both panted.

Blueblood chuckled as he held them a bit closer, particularly Apple Bloom. “You haven’t even had me inside you yet, Apple Bloom.” He idly fondled one of her breasts as he waited for his cock to recover and harden again.

Apple Bloom sighed, “Ah dunno, if it’s any better n’what Scoots gave me, Ah might jus’ go crazy from that!” She giggled and hummed, enjoying the feel of Blueblood’s hands on her breasts.

Blueblood gently pulled Apple Bloom into his lap and kept fondling her breasts as his slowly hardening shaft rubbed against her soaking wet cunt.

Apple Bloom squirmed a bit, shuddering at the pleasurable contact, “A-ah, hey… be gentle, alright?” She looked up to Blueblood nervously, a shaky grin on her face.

“Of course,” Blueblood said with a grin of his own as he gently slid her down and impaled her on his shaft with a moan of pleasure at yet another tight cavern.

‘’A-A-Ahhh! O-Oh S-sweet C-Celestia!’’ Apple Bloom moaned softly to the sweet feeling of her precious core being impaled by the former prince. She began thrusting her hips along with his as rode that his mighty steed that ground against her inner walls in all the best ways.

Blueblood held her closer against him as he planted a trail of kisses on her neck and dragged his tongue along it. His hands started pinching and pulling on her nipples as he thrusted faster into her, letting her weight as she fell back down provide all the force.

Apple Bloom moaned softly from feeling the former prince do as he pleased to her body. She slowly moved her arms behind his neck and ran her fingers through his hair as she kept bouncing her hips against his strong hips and hard rod.

Blueblood turned Apple Bloom’s head and deeply kissed her, pushing his tongue into her mouth and entwining it with her own as he reached down and started rubbing her clit, his rough fingers sending jolts of pleasure up and down her spine.

Apple Bloom kissed Blueblood back just as deeply and slipped her own tongue into his mouth. Their tongues sensually danced with one another while their hip movement never ceased below. Her hands firmly grasped BlueBlood’s head and felt through his rugged locks as she enjoyed being held in his grasp.

Blueblood groaned into the kiss and started going for power over speed in his thrusts. The consecutive orgasm were taking their toll on his stamina. He was getting close to bursting again. “I’m gonna cum, Apple Bloom!” He thrusted as hard as he could, getting closer with every thrust.

“Cum in me!” Apple Bloom cried out, too lost in her own enjoyment to care about what she was saying. She bounced and thrust with every motion Blueblood made, a series of ecstasy filled whimpers issuing from her throat as she approached her own climax.

Blueblood finally gripped Apple Bloom’s hips and shoved her down onto his cock as he burst inside her with a loud groan, flooding her with his load in several bursts. He turned her head and kissed her as he felt her clench him tightly.

Apple Bloom all but screamed into the kiss, tightening her hold on Blueblood as she came with him, splattering his pelvic area with hot, sticky juices. She shuddered and twitched, her skin feeling over-sensitive just from how powerful the orgasm was.

Blueblood panted and slowly pulled Apple Bloom off him and set her beside him so he could slowly stand up. “That was amazing. But I need to go freshen up a bit.” He pulled his pants back on and walked somewhat shakily down the hall toward the bathroom, not even thinking to known as he opened the door and stepped inside.

“EEEEEEEK!” Rarity shrieked, covering herself frantically with her towel as Blueblood opened the door. “GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!” She then proceeded to telekinetically throw as many bottles, brushes, and other such bathroom implements as she could at Blueblood’s face, screaming incoherently all the while.

Blueblood’s reflexes allowed him to stop the barrage in the air as he slammed the door. “SORRY!” He leaned against the door breathing heavily as his heart raced.

Five minutes later, Rarity knocked on the door to the bathroom and rattled the handle, “Blueblood, darling, could you move? I need to get out of the bathroom so I can get dressed, you know.”

Blueblood moved out of the way and faced away from the door. “Sorry. It’s clear.” He heard the door open. “Really sorry about not knocking.”

“No, I’m sorry for reacting like that,” Rarity apologized, patting Blueblood on the shoulder. “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No. I was able to block it all before shutting the door,” Blueblood answered, still not daring to look in her direction. “I’m okay.”

“Are you absolutely sure?” Rarity asked, picking up the various items strewn on the floor with her magic and putting them back in place. “I feel awful for doing that to you, though. I suppose I’ll have to make it up to you, then. How about we go on a date?”

The unexpected shock of her asking him out overrode any fear Blueblood had of being attacked for seeing her naked as he whirled around to look her in the eye. “A-Are you serious? Our particular history, and you’re still willing to go on a date with me?”

“Well, you’ve changed quite a bit and I’ve forgiven you, have I not?” Rarity smiled softly, holding her bathrobe shut. “Besides, you still haven’t exactly seen all that Ponyville has to offer. I’d say a tour would be a wonderful way to start off our new relationship, even if we decide to stay friends. It helps that you are, in fact, still quite the impressive specimen.”

Blueblood blushed at the compliment and gave her a smile. “That would be lovely then. When should I pick you up?” He resolutely kept his gaze locked with Rarity’s, not wanting her to think him a shameless pervert.

“Just give me your scroll number, if you have one,” Rarity chuckled, “I’d imagine that your plans today were to simply set up shop, so I figured that I would do the picking up.” She held out her hand, waiting patiently.

Blueblood nodded and wrote down his number, setting the paper in Rarity’s waiting hand. “There. So when should I expect you?”

Rarity shrugged and checked her own scroll, “Oh, I don’t know… perhaps around seven?”

“That works,” Blueblood said. “I should be set up by then.” He gave Rarity a smile. “Well, I planned on visiting the rest of my new friends as well today. So I should be going then.”

“Then I bid you au revoir,” Rarity winked at Blueblood and gently pushed him towards the front door, paying no mind to the sloppy attempts of the Crusaders to hide the evidence of their activities.

Blueblood walked into the Golden Oak Library, looking around for Twilight or any of her housemates. Though he secretly dreaded the possibility of being alone in the same room with her husband.

A shadow slowly moved along the floor behind the door and crept toward Blueblood from behind, slowly rising into the familiar red trenchcoat loving vampire king as he opened his mouth, slowly leaning toward Blueblood and poised to take a chomp out of him.

“Don’t think I don’t know you’re there, No-Life King,” Blueblood murmured, holding up a hand wreathed in flames. “It was simply too good of an opportunity to resist, I would imagine. Quite predictable, really.” He sniffed dismissively and stepped forward, sighing quietly. “I’d appreciate if you could fetch Miss Sparkle for me, though, Alucard. I’d like to talk to her.”

Alucard chuckled as he closed his mouth. “Well well. You’ve certainly rid yourself of any trace of that snivelling lump of meat that my wife grew up dealing with and that I threatened to eat multiple times.” He went down into the basement laboratory. “My countess. Blueblood is here, and wants to talk to you.”

Twilight looked up from whatever creature she had been dissecting and looked at him. “I’ll be right up, my count.” She set aside her tools and stepped away from the table before teleporting herself and Alucard upstairs. “Yes, Blueblood? I was kinda dissecting a creature from the Everfree that Zecora gave me.”

Blueblood blinked, “.... Well, that’s certainly not something that I needed to hear. But anyway, as I assume you are still the incredible font of knowledge that you have been since the day you met my auntie, I ask you this: How exactly would one open up a shop of some sort here in Ponyville?”

“Well you’d need to buy a free plot of land and provide a copy of the deed to be stored in the archives. Then assuming there isn’t already a building in place that suits your needs, you build whatever you need, making sure it’s line with current building codes. If there’s already a building that suits your needs, you’ll need to get it inspected to make sure it matches current building codes, then you’re free to get settled in.” Twilight explained with a grin at her knowledge. “If you go through the right people, it can all be sorted out in about two hours. Ever since I tore down the system and rebuilt it from scratch for maximum efficiency.”

“I… see….” Blueblood coughed and muttered into his hand, “Of course she tears down bureaucracy and reshapes it into a more efficient system…. why did I ever doubt?” He shook his head and straightened, “Thank you, Twilight. Ah, if you’re not too busy… would you mind guiding me through the process later on? I’d like the expertise by my side so as to not cause any unfortunate… tangles… in the process.”

Twilight arched an eyebrow as she grinned at him. “Got big plans tonight?” She sidled over to him and lightly elbowed his side. “Going on a hot date?”

“He smells like sex and shame,” Fluttershy purred from a balcony that connected to the photo studio, where she had just finished a photoshoot for Photo Finish. And she didn’t bother putting on a robe to cover the skimpy bikini she had been modeling.

Blueblood gulped and blushed, coughing uncomfortably into his hand, “Ah- er, that is, well… I, ah, I am going on a date with Rarity later today, yes… That’s why I’d like to get my shop set up as quickly as possible. Twilight, do you know if there are any free plots of land closer to the edge of town?”

Twilight gave him a knowing smirk before giggling. “I think there’s one right next to Rarity’s boutique, if you’re interested. And it’s got a pre-existing building on it.”

Fluttershy jumped down and struck a pose. “You like it, Blueblood? I might keep it, personally.” Her every movement poured out her raw, vampiric sex appeal.

Blueblood, ever the gentleman he had become, stoically looked away from Fluttershy and kept focus on Twilight, “It’s rather fetching on you, Fluttershy. Anyway, Twilight, what sort of building is it? I’d rather not have to repurpose a furniture shop into a glass blowing studio, as it were.”

“Used to be a brickhouse,” Twilight said. “Should have all the space you need for your art.” She wrapped her arms around Fluttershy and leaned on her wife.

“Hmmm, yes, that should do…” Blueblood nodded, going over the various figures in his head and planning out just how much space he would need. “So, I don’t suppose I could count on your guidance through the process, Twilight?”

“Sure thing, Blueblood,” Twilight said with a smile that screamed of plans to commit murder. “Anything for a friend.” Especially when said friend was still technically under a restraining order.

“.... I feel like I may have made a mistake,” Blueblood mumbled, not liking Twilight’s smile in the least. “Please don’t kill me… or attempt to, at least, for the second time in about a year.”

Twilight slung her arm around Blueblood’s shoulders. “Now what do ya say we go get your place inspected and what not?” Her smile only widened slightly as her eyes shut and add to its creepiness factor.

“.... Sincerely regretting my life choices now,” Blueblood muttered, tensely walking out the library door with Twilight still holding onto his shoulders.

Rainbow laughed hard as she leaned on Gilda, who was laughing just as hard once Blueblood had finished recounting his time spent with Twilight. “You may be badass now, but Twilight still scares the shit out of you?!”

“Twilight’s one crazy bitch, Dash! Can ya blame him?!” Gilda asked through her laughter, holding Rainbow closer for more support.

“Please, you two, could you not?” Blueblood sighed, pinching his brow in a gesture of pure exasperation. “I get enough of it from Fluttershy as it is….”

“Get what from Fluttershy?” Rainbow asked with a grin.

“Yeah. Just what do you get from the vampire bombshell with the biggest tits on the planet?” Gilda asked, a grin gracing her features as well.

Blueblood facepalmed and sighed again, “As I was saying, would you two like to help me set up my shop? There’s an awful lot of things I need moving and I’d really rather not go back to ask Twilight to help.”

“Have ya asked Pinkie and Applejack too?” Gilda asked, arching an eyebrow. “You know Pinkie’s gonna throw you a party, and Applejack’s strength should be a huge help.”

Blueblood shook his head, “I was going to go get them right after I talked to you two.” He shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets casually. “I would have asked them first, but you two were, well, right here.”

“Yeah! Watching you get your ass handed to you by a woman barely into her pregnancy,” Gilda quipped.

“Sure. We’ll help you out,” Rainbow said, giving Blueblood a more friendly grin. “So… How’s my sister?”

“Your sister?” Blueblood asked, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t recall meeting any- oh, right, Scootaloo is your sister then?”

“Yup. She sure is,” Rainbow said. “Heard you saved her and her friends from a nasty fall. Thanks for that.”

Blueblood shook his head, “It’s not a big deal. Anyone would have done that, I’m sure. I… and Chrysalis’ bust… simply happened to be in the right place at the right time.”

“Still. Thanks for saving her,” Rainbow said, smiling. “Scootaloo means a lot to me.”

“I can tell,” Blueblood smiled. “She gushes quite a bit about you, you know. Did you really manage to pull off a sonic rainboom?”

“Sure did,” Rainbow said with a proud grin. “Took Soarin through one at the gala last year.”

Blueblood chuckled, “I can’t imagine he took that all too well.”

Rainbow chuckled. “He loved it. Fucked me on the mountaintop afterward.” She sidled over to Blueblood and elbowed his side in a friendly way. “So… How did my kid sis thank you for your valiant rescue?”

Blueblood coughed nervously, “Well, she insisted on a kiss and became very…. flirtatious. It was rather awkward, as you can imagine.” He grimaced internally, wisely deciding to leave out everything else.

“So did she get that kiss?” Rainbow asked, grinning a grin that demanded details. “Don’t hold out on us, Blueblood.”

“.... Well, after a bit of prodding I gave in,” Blueblood admitted, sighing in exasperation. “It seemed only fair, awkward as it was.”

“She offer anything else?” Gilda asked. “She is a budding young woman that’s of age, probably looking for a good guy.”

“A-ah, why would you even ask that!?” Blueblood sputtered indignantly, desperately hoping that the two women wouldn’t catch on to what he did.

“Oh don’t play dumb with us,” Gilda said. “We know Scootaloo’s an attractive young woman, and you’re a decent man now. Besides, it’s not like you slept with her or anything.”

“Thank goodness for that,” Blueblood grumbled, tugging at his collar. “Anyway, will you assist me?”

“Sure!” Rainbow answered, putting an arm around his shoulders. “You go get Pinks and AJ. We’ll get what you need started going. Kay?”

“Thank you,” Blueblood shook off Rainbow’s arm and started walking away, throwing a salute over his shoulder and humming a tune he had learned from Raava.

Schrodinger’s ears twitched as he heard the bell over the door ring. “Velcome to Sugarcube Corner!” he announced as he appeared seated on the counter with a grin and closed eyes. “How may ve help you today?”

“Hello Schrodinger. Is Pinkie here?” Blueblood asked, counting out a few bits and placing them on the counter. “Also, can I get a strawberry cupcake?”

Schrodinger took the bits and passed Blueblood a cupcake before looking toward the kitchen. “Pinkie! Blueblood vants to talk to you!”

Pinkie bounced into the room, apron stained with splatters of various foodstuffs and a wide grin affixed to her face. “Hiiiii Bluey~!” she sang, taking care to remove her apron as she tackle-hugged Blueblood.

Schrodinger laughed as he watched Blueblood be subjected to Pinkie’s famous hug. “So how can we help you, Blueblood?” He grinned as Pinkie tightening her hold on Blueblood. She seemed to have become even more of a cuddlebug since getting pregnant.

Blueblood gasped for breath, “A-air…..” He weakly flailed in Pinkie’s grip, trying to pry her off as gently as possible.

Pinkie giggled and let go, allowing Blueblood to breathe once again. “Oops! My bad!” she giggled and helped Blueblood stand, patting him down and asking, “So whaddaya need, Bluey?”

“Have you come for help setting up your shop, Blueblood?” Schrodinger asked before appearing behind Blueblood and leaning to whisper to him so that only he could hear. “How vere zhe Cutie Mark Crusaders?” His grin was from ear to ear as his ears twitched.

Blueblood froze and twitched, barely hiding his expression of shock. “A-ah, yes. I do need help. Setting up my shop, that is. Yes.” He coughed nervously and looked at the clock, “Oh would you just look at the time, I’d better go find Applejack!” With that, he took his cupcake, bade Pinkie and Schrodinger farewell, and headed down the road to Sweet Apple Acres.

“I only asked him how zhe Cutie Mark Crusaders vere,” Schrodinger muttered while tilting his head.

“Yeah, but do you really think he wanted to hear that after he did you-know-what to them in Rarity’s place?” Pinkie chuckled, putting on a pair of work gloves.

“I suppose not,” Schrodinger conceded before pecking Pinkie on the lips.

Applejack kicked one of the apple trees and grinned as its apples fell into baskets. “Still got it, boys!” she said, grinning at Flim and Flam, watching them harvest apples telekinetically. “You two are gettin’ pretty sturdy built. Twilight still workin’ you two hard?”

“Quite so-”

“-our dearest Applejack!” Flim and Flam called out, hoisting baskets manually and loading them onto a cart.

Flim wiped his brow, “We really don’t have much of a choice, as you can imagine.”

“She’s a slave driver,” Flam chuckled.

Applejack laughed a bit as she slung her arms around them, pulling them closer and pecking them both on the lips in turn. “It just makes ya better at what ya do, sugarcubes. An’ ya want ta’ set a good example fer the kids, don’cha?” She smiled and lightly rubbed her belly.

“Indeed we do, m’dear!” Flim agreed, arm slung over Flam’s shoulders.

Flam rolled his eyes, “A good example is good and all, Flim, but could you please not rub your disgusting sweaty shirt all over my slightly cleaner one?” He shucked Flim off, huffing in displeasure.

Applejack hugged them closer. “Now now, boys. You ain’t fussing over my sweaty body. Be good, and ah’ll let ya shower with me tonight.”

“....” Flim and Flam looked at each other and nodded, speaking in perfect unison, “Yes ma’am!”

Applejack laughed and hugged them tighter before noticing they had company. “Howdy there, Blueblood! How ya doin’?!”

“Quite well, quite well,” Blueblood smiled genially, treading up the path with a bit of a spring in his step.

“What’s got ya so cheerful, sugarcube?” Applejack asked, still holding her husbands close as she grinned at Blueblood, releasing the brothers to give him a friendly hug. “Thanks fer savin’ Apple Bloom.”

Blueblood waved her off, “It was nothing, really. I just did what anyone would have done.” He shrugged, looking at Flim and Flam as well as Applejack, “I have a favor to ask, though.”

“Wha’cha need, sugarcube?” Applejack asked as she let Blueblood go and stood between Flim and Flam again. “We just got finished with our work for today, so we’re free.”

“Could you help me set up my shop?” Blueblood asked, “It’s still kind of a mess, and though I have the rest of the girl sans Twilight helping, I figure I might still need your help for the truly heavy lifting.”

“Why ain’t Twilight helping out?” Applejack asked in curiosity as she arched an eyebrow. “Wait. Yer scared she’ll kill ya, right?”

Blueblood stayed silent for a few telling moments, then muttered, “.... Well, that and I’m also piss afraid of Alucard.”

Applejack laughed. “Aw Alucard’s a big softy once ya get ta know him. You’ll be fine. Anyways, let’s get goin’!”

“.... I doubt that he truly is, but let’s put that aside for now. Allons-y, as the saying goes!” Blueblood started back down the path, hands in his pockets and the spring still in his step.

Blueblood breathed a sigh of relief as everything was set up and his friends had said their goodbyes. All that remained was getting changed into something for his date. With that goal in mind, Blueblood headed upstairs to his bedroom and opened the door.

“Hey~” Apple Bloom cooed, lying stark naked on his bed. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were there as well, though they were rather engrossed in each other's’ lips rather than Blueblood himself. “Ah was beginnin’ t’think you’d never show up~”

Blueblood blushed and felt his pants tighten at the sight of her. “W-When did you come in, girls?” He groaned in discomfort as his pants bulged uncomfortably, slowly walking toward the alluring Apple Bloom.

Apple Bloom smirked, patting Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle to get their attention, “Oh, y’know, y’left th’window unlocked.” Scootaloo waved jauntily and went back to ravishing Sweetie Belle’s lips, that is, her lower lips, while Sweetie Belle stuttered out a hello, a bright blush covering her face.

“So it seems,” Blueblood said as he crawled onto the bed and tenderly kissed Apple Bloom, his hands finding their way to her breasts and squeezing them in between pinching her nipples.

“Aah~ That feels so good~” Apple Bloom moaned, throwing her head back and bringing her arms up so she could bring her lips to Sweetie Belle’s.

Blueblood licked and kissed Apple Bloom’s nipples as he reached down and rubbed her clit with his rough fingers, trailing kisses down her body to her core. Pulling his hand away, he leaned in and dragged his tongue slowly up her sweet tasting cunt.

Apple Bloom’s thighs clenched around Blueblood’s head as she moaned into the kiss she held with Sweetie Belle, running her fists through both his and Sweetie Belle’s hair. Scootaloo grumbled quietly, finding it disagreeable that she was the only one of the girls not receiving anything.

Blueblood reached over and pushed a couple of fingers inside Scootaloo’s sopping wet pussy as he pushed his pants down with a burst of telekinesis and moved between Apple Bloom’s legs, slowly starting to push his tip into her.

And then Applejack burst into the room, kicking open the door with a yell of, “HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MISTER!” Rainbow Dash and Rarity followed both of them looking absolutely furious. Outside the room, the rest of the girls stood, along with their respective significant others.

After the yelled shocked him into falling off the bed, Blueblood frantically fixed his pants, prepared to fight for his life. He got to his feet and fell into his best stance. He couldn’t help gulping as he waited for the attacks to come. And waited.... And waited… Something was wrong, they weren’t attacking. Then the giggling started. And then it turned into laughter from everyone. “W-Wha?”

At that, the entire room erupted into raucous laughter, Rainbow sputtering out a, “Y-you shoulda seen the l-look on your face ahaha oh my gods!”

Pinkie stumbled over, clutching her gut and giggling hysterically, “W-we knew all along, silly~”

“Ve vere hazing you!” Schrodinger said through his laughter as he leaned on Pinkie for support.

“H-Hazing me?” Blueblood asked in confusion.

“Jus’ enough t’know that y’weren’t, y’know, still a huge varmint n’all,” Applejack wiped a tear from her eye as she chuckled, breath sporadic from the force of her laughter.

“Sorry that we had to barge in on you like that, by the way,” Rainbow slung her arm over Blueblood’s shoulders, casually leaning on him without a single care, “But, y’know, had to stop you from boning my sister and her friends for the second time today. Can’t believe Chrysalis did that by the way- that weird phere-shit she put out was only supposed to make the girls a little more horny, y’know?”

Blueblood chuckled a bit. “So you were testing me,” he locked eyes with Rarity. “I suppose I can understand that. So I passed?” He stepped away from Rainbow as he noticed how well dressed Rarity was. “You’re rather well dressed. For our date, I presume?”

“Of course you passed,” Rarity smirked, then frowned and tapped her chin. “... Though I suppose Chrysalis did make it that much more difficult. And yes, for your date. In half an hour.” She raised an eyebrow at him, an expression that clearly meant ‘go clean up and get ready or I will force you to’.

“Please excuse me,” Blueblood said quickly before heading out of the room and into the bathroom, the sound of the shower soon starting.

Rarity leaned on Blueblood with a smile as they walked through the deserted streets toward her boutique. “I do hope you had as good a time as I did, Blueblood.” She winked up at him and teasingly pressed his arm against her chest.

Blueblood grinned lightly, “With the company I had, how could I not?” He leaned in closer to Rarity, simply content to enjoy her company.

Rarity blushed and giggled before she felt a drop of water hit her head. “Hm?” Another drop hit her. “Oh dear. Looks like we’re running!” she said as she grabbed his hand and started running through the rain toward the boutique, not stopping until they were under the awning. “Well well… How unexpected.” Her soaked clothes were hugging her curves very closely.

Blueblood studiously looked away from Rarity, a light blush dusting his face as he tugged uncomfortably on his dripping robes. “I do have to wonder about the scheduling of this storm,” he muttered, searching the clouds for any signs of a certain rainbow haired Aerial.

Rarity giggled as she opened the door and let them in. “At any rate, we should get out of these clothes before we catch cold. I’ve got a spare bathrobe you can borrow.” She locked the door as she turned the lights on with a flick of telekinesis.

“Thank you, Rarity, but there’s really no need,” Blueblood sighed and took a few breaths, evaporating the water soaking through his clothing with a quiet hiss.

Rarity giggled at the mundane utility of his fire magic. “Well then I’ll be right back. Make yourself comfortable.” She walked upstairs to her bathroom and peeled off her soaking dress, hanging it up to dry along with her undergarments before grabbing a towel and quickly drying off. Then she carefully removed her makeup and pulled on her bathrobe, tying it as she returned to the living room. “I’m back.”

Blueblood nodded, “Glad to have you back.” He smiled charmingly and laced his hands behind his head, “Well, now what shall we do?”

“Perhaps you’d like some tea?” Rarity offered. “That special blend you like maybe?” she asked while fluttering her lashes.

“A bit of tea to warm up again after being in the rain is always good,” Blueblood nodded, casually moving over to the kitchen. “Even if one has fire at their beck and call, a good cup of tea has always been a much better conversation holder.”

Rarity giggled and followed him, setting a kettle full of water on the stove and preparing some of the tea blend she and Blueblood had shared earlier in the day. “That it is, I very much agree.”

Blueblood chuckled and sat at the table, twiddling his fingers, “Raava taught me that phrase, you know…. he was always there to dispense a good bit of wisdom or to lighten up the day. I should take you all to visit him one of these days, actually. I’m sure he’d be thrilled.”

“Really? I unknowingly quoted your master?” Rarity asked as she sat down beside him. “He certainly sounds like a nice fellow. Especially if he had such an impact on you, darling.” She leaned on him a bit. “You know. Sweetie Belle is staying the night with her friends, and Pinkie Pie was kind enough to babysit Elusive. We have the whole place to ourselves,” she purred.

Blueblood blinked in surprise, but grinned, “Indeed we do, Miss Rarity. Whatever shall we do, then?” He sipped his tea primly, the manners drilled into his head since he was a child and then re-drilled into his head by Raava coming out in full force.

“Well we can bond more, Blueblood,” Rarity said as she sipped her own tea. “Are you still apprehensive about our son?” She ran her free hand on his shoulder. “You still feel strange calling yourself his father it seems.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to call myself his father without feeling guilty for what I’ve done,” Blueblood sighed, shifting uncomfortably. “Everytime I look at him, it just reminds me of how I used to be.”

Rarity smiled at him and drank the rest of her tea. “What if I told you I’ve thought of a way to put your guilt to rest, darling?” She put her hand on his. “The way I see it, the Blueblood that raped me died in the desert, leaving only the handsome gentleman sitting beside me.”

Blueblood shook his head, “A pretty sentiment, but one not so easily transferred to real life, I’m afraid.” He clenched his hands together, trying to push aside the guilt he felt for all that he had done in the past.

Rarity stood and pulled him to his feet. “I have an idea. Come with me, darling.” She took his hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom and stepped behind a changing curtain. “Give me just a moment, darling. And close your eyes please.”

Blueblood waited, eyes closed. He wondered just what Rarity was about to show him. A new dress? Perhaps something a little more risque? He dared not wonder as to what she’d show him, so as to keep his expectations (and blood pressure) low.

Rarity soon stepped from behind the curtain, clad in the dress she had worn for the gala. “Okay. You can open your eyes now,” she purred after quietly stepping right in front of him with a smile on her face.

Blueblood opened his eyes and immediately flinched back from the memories that Rarity’s dress brought on. “W-what are you doing in that dress…? I-it brings back… unpleasant memories…”

Rarity giggled and stepped over to another curtain. “You’ll understand just as soon as you put this on.” She pulled the curtain aside to reveal a manikin decked in an exact recreation of the suit that Blueblood had worn that night. “Go on. Put it on, darling. All will be clear momentarily.”

“... I’m not sure I want to…” Blueblood muttered, “All that comes to mind is you slashing off the suit again and making me run back to my shop stark naked…”

Rarity giggled and smiled at him. “I’ll do nothing of the sort. Would it help if I explain before you put it on? And my knife collection is locked up tonight.”

“It would do wonders for my peace of mind, yes,” Blueblood agreed, still not moving towards the suit.

“Well, my idea is to in a way bury the old Blueblood and replace him with the new Blueblood by recreating that night,” Rarity explained as she wrapped her arms around Blueblood’s neck. “Only this time, it’s the handsome gentleman you are now, instead of that despicable creature. Thus, instead of me being hypnotized and raped, I’m properly seduced and you make love to me.” She pressed her chest against him. “And since you’re still under my sister’s little spell, you can cum inside me even though it’s a dangerous day.”

“I… well… uh,” Blueblood stammered, trying very hard to not look down the neckline of Rarity’s dress. “I-if you’re sure about that… then…. I suppose we could…?”

Rarity smiled and pecked him on the cheek before stepping away from him. “Your ensemble awaits,” she said, gesturing dramatically to the suit.

Blueblood sighed, but complied anyway, stepping behind the dressing screen and putting on the suit, noting that it was already specifically tailored for his new physique. “... When did you get my measurements…?”

“That, darling, is my little secret,” Rarity said with a giggle. “Do you like the fit?”

“It certainly is every bit as comfortable as the… other one…” Blueblood mentioned, carefully testing his range of motion.

“Come come. Let me see, darling,” Rarity said as she pulled the curtain aside, smiling widely. “Well don’t you just look dashing?” she asked with half lidded eyes.

Blueblood coughed, “I certainly don’t feel dashing… This suit reminds me far too much of my past behaviors.” Still, he stepped forward and did a quick turn for Rarity, allowing her to see him from every angle.

“Remember what I said, darling,” Rarity said while cupping his cheek in her hand. “We’re burying the old you and bringing in the new. So… shall we make that night the way it should have been, my handsome prince?” She stepped back and curtsied with a smile and wink. “Good evening, Prince Blueblood. My name is Rarity.”

Blueblood grumbled internally a bit, though went along. “Greetings fair Rarity. What brings you here on this most auspicious of nights?” He bowed, smiling genially as he did so.

“I’m attending with my friends,” Rarity said as she smiled back. “Enjoying the atmosphere, the company, and hoping to meet that special someone. I’m sure you can say the same.”

Blueblood chuckled slightly, “I’m afraid not. While the atmosphere and company are rather nice, I’m not attending with any friends. Though, I believe almost all of us still single hope to find that special someone, eh?”

“Surely you have ladies clamoring for your attention, my prince,” Rarity said as she slipped her arms around his left arm, gently pressing it between her breasts. “Especially with that rugged complexion, and that charming trimmed beard.”

“Yes, well, none of them have been quite so charming as yourself, Miss Rarity,” Blueblood took Rarity’s free hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently.

“Oh you flatter me, darling,” Rarity said with a giggle. “There must be some woman more charming or as charming as me.” She leaned up and planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. “But I would certainly enjoy getting to know you better.”

“We have all night, milady,” Blueblood pointed out, a small smirk coming to his face. “That seems like plenty of time to get to know each other quite well.”

“Do you have something in mind, my handsome prince?” Rarity asked with half lidded eyes and a seductive smile.

Blueblood leaned in close and whispered huskily in Rarity’s ear, “I think you and I both know just what I have in mind, milady~”

Rarity shivered in anticipation as she started unbuttoning his suit jacket. “I have the same thing in mind, darling.” She slid his jacket off and started on his tie as she momentarily kissed him. “Though I think we’re a tad overdressed for that sort of knowing.”

“Indeed we are”, Blueblood murmured, sliding down the straps of Rarity’s dress and kissing her back. He let Rarity take the lead, allowing her to undress him while he merely admired her beauty. “Truly you do live up to your name, Miss Rarity.”

Rarity blushed and giggled as she let her dress pool around her feet before pushing his vest and shirt off, taking a moment to admire his musculature. “My my. You’re quite the specimen aren’t you?” She ran her hands over his chest, worked to perfection by his training.

Blueblood chuckled and gently flexed, letting his muscles- lean and perfectly defined- ripple with the motion. “Well, I don’t like to brag,” he spoke in a mock-pretentious tone, “but I like to think that I’m rather handsome. You certainly are very beautiful to look at yourself, my dear.”

Rarity gave him a smile with half lidded eyes as she stuck her chest out ever so slightly. “You know, you can do more than look, darling. Why not have yourself a feel of what I’ve got? Hardly seems fair for me to run my hands on your chest and not offer my own.” While she spoke, her hands slid down and started undoing Blueblood’s belt.

“If the lady insists,” Blueblood teased, slowly running his hands up Rarity’s waist and to her chest, gently kneading her generous bosom. He squeezed and massaged Rarity’s breasts, sliding his hands underneath her bra and lifting it so he could roll her nipples between his fingers.

Rarity let out a small moan as her nipples hardened under Blueblood’s ministrations, her hands pulling his belt open and pushing his pants down while her telekinesis flickered long enough to unhook her bra and slide it off. “How are they, darling? Are they to your liking?”

“Very much so, my dear,” Blueblood praised, lowering his lips to Rarity’s breasts and softly clutching one of her nipples in his teeth, gently tugging on it and letting his teeth scrape across its surface.

Rarity lightly gasped as pleasure shot through her from her nipple. Gripping his arms, she pulled him onto the bed with her, laying with him hovering slightly over her with the soft sheets against her back. Her left hand snaked between them and gripped the bulge that had formed in his boxers, slowly rubbing it and using the fabric to get more friction with her movements.

Blueblood gasped softly in return, smirking as he teased Rarity’s breasts ever more. He worked them in circles, in small movements best designed for maximum pleasure.

Rarity moaned a little louder as her right hand tilted his face enough for her to kiss him, her other hand stroking his bulge a little harder and gently squeezing it in a rhythm that sent shivers up and down Blueblood’s spine.

With a drawn out groan of pleasure, Blueblood kissed a trail from Rarity’s breasts, down her abdomen, and finally stopped at her thong. After a brief pause to grin wickedly and push the garment out of the way, he darted forward and lightly flicked her clitoris with his tongue, capturing it between his lips and sucking on it.

Rarity let out a cry of pleasure as she arched her back and gripped the sheets tightly. “Oh darling, that feels wonderful! Let me return the favor!” She started pulling at his waist with her magic, coaxing him to bring it around over her face so she could continue pleasuring him.

Blueblood flipped around, still sucking heavily on Rarity’s clitoris and fingering at her folds. He hummed in delight, probing against Rarity’s vagina and tugging at it with his fingers.

Rarity spread her legs further to give him more room as she reached into the gap of his boxers and pulled out his member, purring as she wrapped her fingers around it. “Such a big boy, aren’t you, darling?” she asked before sticking out her tongue and dragging it over his tip.

Blueblood moaned, bucking his hips forward and driving himself part of the way into Rarity’s mouth. He continued suckling on Rarity’s vagina, kissing it and fingering her. Just for a bit of a surprise, he began channeling his magic to his fingers, letting them almost burn with an intensity just barely tolerable by humans.

Rarity’s eyes widened in surprise at him thrusting into her mouth, but moaned against him and closed her eyes as she started gently sucking on his shaft, her arms slowly wrapping around his waist as she relaxed and moaned under the heat in his fingers stimulating her core. Her moans sent pleasurable vibrations up his cock as her tongue and lips massaged it.

“O-oh my,” Blueblood gasped, pausing just long enough to let his words slip out before returning to his ministrations. He skillfully fingered Rarity’s dripping pussy, fingers still dancing with heat. With barely a pause for breath, his tongue and lips heated up as well, bringing a pleasurable burn to Rarity’s outer folds and clitoris.

Rarity moaned louder against Blueblood’s cock and sucked harder, slowly taking him further into her mouth, reaching into his boxers and rubbing his balls between her fingers as she kept slowly taking him further and further into her mouth. She kept moaning and sending vibrations up his shaft, her pussy getting wetter and wetter as her thighs lifted and gripped Blueblood’s head.

Blueblood grunted in surprise, barely able to gasp out a warning before he all but slammed his hips forward and came in Rarity’s mouth, teeth clenching down slightly upon Rarity’s clitoris in his pleasure.

Rarity swallowed his entire load in several gulps as she came from him biting her clit. Her juices soaked his face and hands since her thighs held him in place. She released his head only after coming down from her orgasm. Slowly, she pulled his cock from her mouth while gently squeezing it with her luscious lips. “Someone’s pent up, darling. That was a rather large release, don’t you think?” she asked with a seductive giggle.

Blueblood coughed and blushed, gently pulling himself off of her and turning around. “Well, perhaps, though it speaks wonders of your skill that you were the one to draw forth such a response,” he praised, lifting one of her hands and kissing the back of it.

Rarity blushed. “Oh you flatter me, darling,” she purred as she pushed him onto his back and deeply kissed him, her right hand snaking between them to grip his flaccid length and start stroking it back to attention. “But we both know you want more than to taste me and play with my breasts.” She leaned in and put her mouth beside his ear, her voice dropping to a sultry purr. “You want to have this big hard cock enveloped in my warm wet pussy.”

“My oh my, Miss Rarity,” Blueblood smirked, hands snaking around to cup Rarity’s ass. “Such filthy language is most unbecoming of you. I daresay that you’ll need to be punished for your indiscretions.” With barely any warning, Blueblood lifted Rarity up and slammed himself inside her, burying himself to the hilt in a single smooth motion.

Rarity arched her back as she let out a loud moan, her walls squeezing and massaging his length as she started lifting her hips. “Oh yes! That feels so wonderful inside me, darling!” Once only his tip was still in her, Rarity slammed back down with a gasp, repeating the pattern in a rhythm as she propped her hands on his chest.

“It’s not much of a punishment then, is it?” Blueblood asked rhetorically, guiding Rarity’s hips down as he pushed the both of them forward and lifted Rarity’s legs over his shoulders. “Ah well, c’est la vie.” He began thrusting harder, all but slamming Rarity into the bed and making the springs squeal with every motion.

Rarity squealed in surprise and excitement as the tables were turned. She loved the role reversal, being taken by a strong, handsome prince. “Oh you’re hitting me so deep! It’s exquisite, darling!” She started fondling her breasts as she panted, staring into his eyes with an equal mixture of lust and affection.

“No, you’re the exquisite one, my dear!” Blueblood panted, barely able to stay in control over the onslaught of sensations rippling through his cock. “Your pussy is simply divine!” He slammed into her harder and harder, trading out speed for power as he hit every one of Rarity’s deepest crevasses.

“Whose language is unbecoming now, darling?” Rarity asked through her moaning as she cupped his cheek in her hand. “Such powerful thrusts! You’re going to make me cum!” She shifted her legs off Blueblood’s shoulders and wrapped them around his waist. “Are you going to cum, darling?! Is my divine pussy about to drive you over the edge?!”

“Oh yes! Yes it is, milady!” Blueblood began thrusting faster and faster, the feeling of Rarity’s pussy driving him over the edge until he hilted inside her and sprayed spurt after spurt of hot semen into her.

Rarity arched her back as she came with him, soaking his shaft in her juices as she felt her womb being filled by his warmth. “Feels like a fire in me has been doused, darling.” She pulled him down and kissed him as he finished cumming. “But it’s not enough. I need some more.” She pushed him off of her and rolled onto her hands and knees, reaching underneath herself to hold her outer lips open with a couple of fingers. “Take me again, darling,” she purred as some of his cum leaked out of her.

Twilight gasped as Alucard came inside her for the fifth time that night, blissfully moaning even as she carefully wrote down a list of calculations and spell matrices on a sheaf of notes. “Ah! Right there!” she moaned, grinding against Alucard lustfully and pulling him forward with her telekinesis.

Alucard grinned and licked her neck all the way up to her ear, sucking the pointed tip into his mouth as he thrusted deeper into Twilight, hitting her sweet spots over and over again. “You’ve gotten even hornier since you got pregnant, my countess.” He reached up and squeezed her breasts as he spoke. “So find anything interesting, darling?” he asked while pinching her nipples.

Twilight hummed in response, still listing calculations even though most of her conscious mind lay in a pleasured daze. “Mmmm, nothing of note, love,” she murmured, “though I suppose it’s interesting to note that… oh shit…” Twilight immediately snapped back into focus and snatched a stack of papers from a nearby desk, reading through them quickly. “Double shit.”

Alucard stopped thrusting at that utterance. “The last time you said ‘double shit’ was when sunbutt nearly caught you drinking blood from one of my meals. What’s gone wrong?” He looked over her shoulder with a small frown. “Aren’t those the calculations for Sweetie Belle’s contraceptive spell? The twelve hour spermicide?”

Twilight groaned in frustration, “Oh gods, I was wrong! That spell isn’t a twelve hour spermicide! It’s an eight hour spermicide! And knowing Sweetie Belle, she applied it to Blueblood…. eight and a half hours ago.” She dropped her face into her hands, “I sincerely hope that Blueblood and Rarity aren’t fucking right now.”

“My vampire hearing has to dash that hope, Twilight,” Alucard muttered. “They’re having sex at this very moment, and if I heard correctly, he has been cumming inside her.” He couldn’t resist chuckling. “Guess Elusive is going to be a big brother. At least Blueblood is someone that I don’t feel the constant urge to kill now, so things might work out between them.”

“Boy is Rarity going to be pissed when she hears the news,” Twilight frowned, then shrugged and went back to her calculations. “At least Blueblood’s a decent enough person now. Not at all like the asshole he was before, is he.”

“Very true,” Alucard agreed as he started thrusting up into Twilight again, going harder to make up for his pause in movement. “So… How are we gonna break the news to her?”

“Well… I have an idea….”

“I… I’m what?!” Rarity asked with a shocked expression on her face as she stared at the stone faced Maud.

“You’re pregnant,” Maud said in the same deadpan tone as always. “I can sense the life aura inside you.”

Rarity slowly breathed before sucking in a deep breath. Seconds later, she let loose one of her famous melodramatic screams.

Blueblood rushed down to the door, clad in barely more than his pants and a bathrobe, a worried expression on his face. “Rarity!? Are you alright!? I heard screaming!”

Rarity rounded on Blueblood the moment she heard his voice. “You!” She snarled as she slammed him into the wall, her hands locked around his throat as she choked him. “You got me pregnant again!”

Blueblood gasped for breath, clawing at Rarity’s hands even as his mind processed her statement. As soon as it fully registered, a look of inarticulate horror spread across his face and he went limp, his body mass dragging him to the ground. His face paled dramatically, “Oh gods above, what have I done…”

“Twilight says that the duration of the spermicide spell was miscalculated by four hours,” Maud explained as she pried Rarity off of Blueblood. “So really it was an accident.”

Blueblood sputtered both indignantly and for breath, rubbing at his throat as he climbed to his feet. “H-how do you miscalculate the duration of a contraceptive spell by four hours!?” he shouted, throwing his hands in the air.

“I don’t know. I’m not an expert on Aetherial magic. Just my own earth magic,” Maud said. “If you want a detailed explanation, I suggest asking Twilight. I’m just a geologist.” She looked between the two of them. “You were giving a relationship another chance. Maybe this is a good omen?”

“W-well, I suppose that it could be a fresh start for the both of us,” Rarity murmured pensively, tapping her chin in thought. She looked over Blueblood with a critical eye, mentally going over her choices. “Oh what the hell, it’s not like he’s a terrible person anymore.”

Blueblood looked at Rarity when she said that, eyes filled mostly with surprise. “Rarity, do you mean what I think you mean?” Was she really suggesting it?

Rarity sighed and rolled her eyes, “Yes, Blueblood, I mean what you think you mean. I’m willing to try a relationship between the two of us.” She patted him on the shoulder, sashaying back inside. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to prepare for the day. I suggest you do so as well.”

Blueblood smiled as he watched her go before standing up and dusting himself off. “Well then. I guess we just have to worry about breaking the news to… a walking undead weapon of mass destruction that sometimes has the maturity level of the six year old that he is…” His face suddenly filled with dread.

“Wait wait wait, back up a minute…” Spike sputtered, shrunk down to his usual size in order to still be able to sleep indoors. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, strange dreams having plagued his mind last night. “What exactly did you just say? I didn’t quite hear that.”

Rarity awkwardly cleared her throat. “Blueblood and I are giving a relationship a serious shot, and…” She hesitated in that moment but steeled herself. This needed to be done. “I’m once again pregnant by him, Spike. Elusive is going to be a big brother.”

“.... I thought that was what you said…” Spike muttered, wiping a claw down his face and sighing. “Hold on, just… just gimme a minute here…” He turned away, plodding down the road towards the edge of town, head hung low.

Alucard watched Spike walk off in silence and looked at Twilight. “Think he’s going to be okay, my countess? I mean, he’s just found out that the woman he’s been crushing on for so long is now out of his reach.”

Twilight frowned, shrugging her shoulders, “I don’t know, to be honest. Although he has the intelligence and mind of an adult most of the time, there are moments when his nature as a barely six year old dracolich shows through. It’s rather hit and miss and shows up at the most random mo-”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Spike’s adult form roared at the sky, wings flared dramatically and fists held high. The despairing roar echoed from the woods outside of Ponyville all the way to Canterlot.

Schrodinger gave Spike a sympathetic look even as he covered his ears and looked into empty air. “Vell… He’s certainly a dramatic fellow, isn’t he? Oh vell. He von’t be despairing for many chapters. Hopefully.” He looked to his right. “Pinkie. Perhaps it vould be a good idea to make him zhose heartbreak cupcakes your grandmozher had a recipe for, nein?”

“Yup!” Pinkie cheered, then blinked, “Aww, but making those is always a sad time…”

“Ve can balance it vith Rarity’s baby shower,” Schrodinger pointed out before looking at the camera and closing his eyes as he smiled. “See you next time, dear readers.” He raised his hand in a wave. “Auf wiedersehen!”

“Bye bye~!”

Be a Sport and Grab Daddy Another Beer!

“Spike, it’s been five months. When are you gonna stop moping over Rarity?” Twilight asked, arms crossed and expression flat. “Seriously, it stopped being funny three months ago. It’s just pathetic and unbecoming of you at this point.”

“SHE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED!!!” Spike snapped from the burrow he’d dug out near the library, refusing to leave except for a bite to eat, and only after nightfall, so that he wouldn’t have to chance encountering Rarity or Blueblood.

“Psshhh, fine. ‘She who must not be named’.” Twilight patted her belly, giggling slightly at the percussive tones it gave off. “Seriously though, it’s pathetic as all Tartarus. And the mayor is giving me shit about you ruining the foundation of the library.”

“I don’t care!” Spike answered. “The mayor can fuck off! What’s she gonna do? You’re a would be vampire queen, your husband’s a vampire king, and I’m A FUCKING DRACOLICH!” The sound of Spike curling up more could be heard coming from the burrow.

“Well, she can legally evict us, and if we refuse to move out we’ll be wanted criminals after a while. Princess Celestia might actually get called down to deal with the scandal, even.” Twilight shook her head and looked up, blinking in surprise, “... Wait what.”

High above, a seemingly never ending fuckton class flight of dragons winged across the sky, heading east towards their annual migration destination.

“... Well there’s something you don’t see every day,” Twilight muttered, slapping herself over the fact that she forgot that today was the start of the Dragon Migration.

Spike stuck his head out of his burrow, seeing daylight for the first time in months, wincing as his eyes adjusted. Once they did, he looked up in awe as he watched his brethren pass overhead. “Yeah… That’s just what I need…” Fully emerging from his burrow, he shifted to a medium size about the size of a house and took to the air, starting to head upward to join the flight.

“Fuck!” Twilight jumped back, shouting up to Spike, “Hey! Where do you think you’re going young man!?” She shook her fist angrily, pointing at Spike’s burrow, “You’d better come back here and fill this back up before you leave!”

“I’m joining the Migration!” Spike yelled back, making no change to his current course. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back! But I’m definitely gonna be gone for a few months at least!”

“They grow up so fast, don’t they, Twilight?” Alucard asked as he stepped out of the library and stood beside Twilight. “Our little bird has left the nest to find his own way.”’

“He’s neither little nor a bird, but I appreciate the metaphor,” Twilight muttered, turning back towards the burrow and pulling out her scroll. “Great, time to make some calls.” She dialed and put the scroll to her ear.

Vinyl’s scroll blasted out her usual bass filled ringtone, startling her into slipping in the shower. “Gah motherfucker!” she cried, managing to catch herself before she did something really stupid. After getting her footing back, she reached out and grabbed her scroll, putting it on speaker phone. “Sup? You’ve reached the one and only Vinyl Scratch. AKA DJ Pon3. You got some need for my kickass beats and mixes, whoever you are ‘cause I didn’t look at the caller ID?”

“Vinyl, I need you to tail Spike. I know you put a tracker on him back at the Empire, so I know you can follow him. He’s joined the Dragon Migration this year, since, y’know, he’s been pathetically moping over Rarity. I want you to make sure he doesn’t accidentally murder every other dragon there.” Twilight cut straight to the point, her voice commanding and firm, but belying the faintest hint of worry underneath her words.

“Little Spike’s all grown up!” Vinyl cheered as she finished rinsing and cut the water off. “You know, you almost made me slip in the shower, Twi,” she said as she got out and grabbed a towel, running it through her hair as she used her magic to vibrate the water off her body. “And you want me to make sure he doesn’t kill all the other dragons? By the way! How’s the baby? You like mine and Tavi’s shower gift?”

“It was great, thanks! But uh… what exactly am I supposed to do with a mix table and a cello…?” Twilight asked, audibly confused.

“Make music of course!” Vinyl said cheerfully as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Anyways. I’ll keep an eye on Spike. Later.” She hung up as she walked out of the bathroom stark naked. “Tavi! DeadMau5! We’re goin’ on a roadtrip!”

“Vinyl put some clothes on before the neighbors see you!” Octavia cried, throwing one of Vinyl’s spare hoodie’s at her spouse’s face, completely ignoring the fact that she herself was wearing a lacy camisole… and nothing else.

“Says my sexy wife who’s wearing nothing but seethrough lingerie,” Vinyl pointed out as she grabbed a pair of panties from her drawer and pulled them on along with the hoodie. “Don’t be a hypocrite, sweetcheeks.” She went looking in her closet for some pants. “So anyways… Roadtrip!”

Octavia leaned forward, intrigued, “Roadtrip? Where to, love? And on such short notice?”

“Well you know how Spike’s been all depressed about Rarity and Blueblood getting together and having their little family?” Vinyl asked. “Well, he’s finally outside that burrow in broad daylight, and he joined the Dragon Migration!”

“The fuckton class flight is passing over Ponyville as we speak,” DeadMau5 pointed out from the window, watching the dragons with interest.

Octavia looked out the window, inadvertently making many of the passerby on the street feel rather inadequate, and stared out the window. “Huh, well what do you know, that is a rather large flight of dragons. Although, is ‘fuckton’ really the best word you could come up with for it?”

“It is the official label for a flight that size,” DeadMau5 answered as he kept watching the dragons. “Also, you are making men and women alike on the street feel inadequate, Octavia.”

“Eep!” Octavia flipped back from the window, drawing it closed and blushing heavily in mortification. “Let us never speak of that ever again.”

Vinyl laughed from where she sat on the couch. “You tell me to get dressed before people see me, and then you go and put your goods on display!”

“Perhaps we should move on to the relevance of Spike joining the Migration to our proposed roadtrip,” DeadMau5 suggested, looking up at Octavia before rubbing his head against her palm.

Octavia sighed, patting DeadMau5’s head. “Yes, let’s. I’m going to get dressed first, though.” She walked over to her closet and dug through it, throwing on a simple button up shirt and a skirt without even bothering with her normal boxers underneath. “Now, back to business.”

“Well, Twilight’s worried Spike might kill all the other dragons, so she wants us to tail him while he’s traveling,” VInyl said. “She liked our shower gift, by the way.” She got a soda from her minifridge and popped it open. “We bringing Facet and Maud with us?” she asked after taking a drink.

“Maud is six months pregnant. She is no condition to travel the distances required for this sort of task,” DeadMau5 reminded.

“Facet is, however, calling me right now,” Octavia mentioned, lifting her scroll to her ear. “Hello, Facet. I assume Twilight called you earlier, or some other important matter has come up. How are you?”

“A little irritated at Twilight for waking me up at this hour,” Facet answered in a groggy tone. “I was having a wonderful dream. Maud and I were enjoying a romantic trip to a tropical island on top of the fact that she and I were cuddling in the waking world.”

“I see, well, are you up for tailing Spike or would you rather stay home with Maud?” Octavia asked, then grinned, “Actually, bad question. We know the answer to that. The question is… what will you do?”

“As much as I’d love to stay with Maud and go back to sleep, I noticed the undertone of worry in Twilight’s voice. In a way, Spike is her son, and she wants to make sure he’s alright. But her pregnancy keeps her from tending to it personally. So I suppose I’ll be joining you and Vinyl on this little trip. Must be my budding instincts as a father causing me to imagine my own child in Spike’s situation or similar,” Facet said. “Shall I meet you at your house in half an hour?”

“Of course, Facet. Thank you for your sacrifice,” Octavia smiled and hung up, sliding her scroll closed and moving to the back of the closet. “Well, we have half an hour before Facet gets here. Shall we suit up?”

“We goin’ dragon slaying?” Vinyl asked with a grin as she started packing for the trip. “Haven’t slain a dragon since Nightmare Night!” She paused in her packing. “Hey where were you that night anyway?”

“I was out covering your tracks, love. After all, you did leave the house… through the second story front window,” Octavia leveled a deadpan stare at Vinyl, packing her own clothing, as well as camping supplies and her combat gear.

“What excuse did you use for me?” Vinyl asked with a bashful grin as she kept packing her own supplies. “By the way. You ever consider getting your sneaking suit connected to your neural implants?”

Octavia scoffed, “I used the same excuse I always use- that it must have been a figment of their imagination. And no, not really. Sneaking suits are different from exosuits, afterall.”

“I guess,” Vinyl said. “So… Noticed you’re going commando today,” she noted with a grin at her wife. “A little risque for you, huh sweetcheeks? One wrong breeze or too high a kick and your goods are on display for all to see.”

“Unfortunately for you, my dear, I shall be wearing something quite a bit more sensible when Facet shows up,” Octavia teased, still searching through her closet. “Although, my sneaking suit does have a zipper that goes from one ankle to my neck~ And it’s a double zipper, meaning that I can leave any part of the zipper open at a time with the rest closed.”

Vinyl grinned wider and came up behind Octavia, teasingly groping her. “Oh you know just how to grab my attention. If you’re not careful, I’ll be too busy riding you to pack for the trip, then Facet’ll show up and it’ll be a little awkward for you and him.”

Octavia hummed, smirking and pulling away, “Well, as an incentive to pack faster, why don’t you think about all the sex we’ll have when we get back from the Migration, hmm?”

Vinyl laughed and packed with her telekinesis while hugging Octavia. “You’re not thinking of kids now are you? What with the recent baby boom that Princess Cadance caused? All our friends having kids. You feeling jealous of Facet and Maud?”

“Mmm, perhaps not, but I do know we’ll both be in need of blowing of quite a lot of steam by the time the dragon migration is over~” Octavia giggled and shut the closet door behind her, pulling on her sneaking suit and making sure her weapons were all in working order.

Spike breathed deeply of the air as he flew alongside his fellow dragons. In merely two hours since leaving Ponyville they were now passing over Appleloosa. He glanced down and grinned at the townsfolk and natives going about their business when not watching the dragons in awe.

“Hey! Newbie!” A raspy, pubescent voice called out, one of the smaller dragons approaching Spike and flying a lazy arc around him. “What’s up with your chest, dude?”

“Had that all my life,” Spike said. “ Or rather, unlife. Probably the only dracolich in the flight. Not that I really care. Just had to get away from Ponyville for a while. Get my head together, you know?”

“What in the name of Tiamat were you doing in a human settlement!?” the pubescent dragon asked, a bit shocked and curious. “... And what the Tartarus is a dracolich?”

“I was in Ponyville because I live there,” Spike said. “And a dracolich is what Alucard so bluntly calls a zombie dragon. I’m undead. Not quite living, not quite dead. Somewhere in between. I was reanimated using a wiped human soul and my bones by a necromancer.”

“.... Dude…. respect, bro…” the pubescent dragon flapped backwards in front of Spike and held out his claws, “Bump it, wyrm! Name’s Garble. What about you?”

Spike grinned and met the clawbump. “I’m Spike. First time in the Migration actually. Reason for joining was kinda petty now that I think about it. Girl troubles.”

“Ahh, I feel, bro,” Garble patted Spike’s shoulder in sympathy, “my wyrm Crusher here just got outta a bad matin’ situation with this chick. She was toxic for him, yo.” He shook his head, indicating the violet dragon a few wingspans over, with a mohawk shaped row of spines on his head and a pronounced underbite. Crusher waved idly, a small grin on his face as he flew.

“Rough,” Spike said with a nod. “I got friendzoned by this girl I’ve had a thing for for a while. I was not happy when I found out she was taken. By this guy that used to be a complete asshole no less!”

“Harsh, bro,” Crusher nodded, coming up on Spike’s other side to pat his other shoulder. “Man, girls are nothin’ but trouble, y’know? Us dudes, we gotta stick together!”

Spike laughed and clapped Crusher and Garble on the shoulders. “Yeah! We gotta stick together. It’s us against the world!” He grinned at his newfound buddies. “Ya know… I can do stuff that other dragons can’t. The necromancer that reanimated me is kinda, how do I say it? Oh yeah. She’s insane. Like, batshit insane.”

Crusher chuckled, “No shit, bro. Necromancers are all crazy in the head. Ain’t a damn one of them that ain’t and there never will be. But hey, least you’re still… uh… sorta alive.”

“I’m used to it,” Spike said. “Best part is not having to shit!” he said with a wide grin as he laughed at his own joke.

“You lucky son of a lizard!” Garble roared, doubling over in his flight and dropping down a few feet before he gained control of himself. “That means you ain’t gotta chance of any fucking diarrhea! Lucky motherfucker…”

Spike noticed they were passing over uninhabited mountains now and grinned. “Hey! Check this out!” He inhaled and shot out his positron cannon at the mountainside, blasting a huge hole into it.

“Whoa who the- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?” Crusher gasped, flailing about in midair from the sheer force of the detonation. “How the hell’d you learn to do that and can you teach me that!?”

Spike roared in laughter. “That my friend is called a positron cannon! And no, I can’t teach it to you. It’s one of the tricks the necromancer that made me put in. I can breathe anti-matter! And it is awesome! And that’s not all I got!” He shot out a lightning bolt and shattered more of the mountain. “Got lightning too!”

A sleek dragoness, noticeably older and larger than the boys, though still young, winged over to Spike and flew a tight barrel roll around him, examining Spike from all angles with an appreciative glint in her eye. “Well hello there,” her voice rumbled, smooth and seductive with a deadly edge to it. “I’ve never seen any dragon quite like you before. What’s your name, whelp?”

“Spike,” he answered, blushing a bit under her scrutiny and obvious power. “Nice to meet you. What’s your name?” His gaze wandered over her sleek form. Definitely an older dragon. What was it with him and cougars? “And I imagine you haven’t. I’m a dracolich. I’m undead.”

The dragoness frowned thoughtfully, winging under Spike and examining the hole in his chest with a critical eye. “Selten, whelp. What an interesting affliction you have upon yourself….”

Garble and Crusher started forward, intending to push the dragoness back into the rest of the cloud. “Hey lady! That’s our bro you’re talkin’ to!” Crusher snorted, a bit of fire leaking from his nostrils. “Y’ain’t got no right to look at him like he’s a fresh kill, y’hear me!?”

Selten threw her head back and laughed, her brilliant white scales gleaming in the sun and her amethyst spines rattling from the movement. “Boys, boys, don’t you know not to talk to your elders like that?” She waggled a claw at Garble, noting the way his eyes followed her every movement and smirked.

“Guys, guys, it’s fine,” Spike said, trying to play peacekeeper. “She’s just curious about the hole like you two were.” He looked at Selten. “That’s not an affliction. That light is the soul that was used to reanimate me and there wasn’t enough biomass to form a complete body. The necromancer left it there so she could have easy access to the soul if she needed to do something.”

“Is that so, whelp? Color me impressed,” Selten mused, huffing teasingly and winging away with nary another word while Garble and Crusher stared at her retreat.

“Friggin’ girls, man...” Garble muttered, shaking his head.

Crusher nodded, “Who gets them, dude? Not me.”

Spike stared at Selten for a few seconds. “I think she likes me.”

“I think she likes him,” Octavia muttered, lowering her binoculars and retreating back into the stealth jet that the three of them had commandeered for this mission. “Or at least, she’s somewhat interested.”

“I caught her name,” Facet said from the pilot seat. “Selten. Old draconic word. Get this. Its loose translation to Equestrian is Rarity.”

Vinyl laughed from her spot in the co pilot seat. “What is it with him and girls named Rarity?!”

“It’s just the two of them,” Octavia frowned, batting Vinyl upside the head. “And besides, it’s not that fu- oh I can’t finish that sentence with a straight face.” She giggled as she sat back, taking the time to snack on a protein bar. “Well, at least he seems to be doing better.”

“Indeed,” Facet agreed as he ran a routine check on the instruments. “He’s doing well for this being his first meaningful interaction with his own kind. And maybe he’ll have luck with that dragoness. Could be just what he needs to get over Rarity.”

“Maybe they’ll bring a clutch of eggs back to Ponyville,” Vinyl said with a grin. “Ya know. I’ve never seen dragons have sex. Can we stick around to watch if they do get down and dirty? Ya know… for science?”

Octavia sighed, “No Vinyl. That would be an egregious disregard for dear Spike’s privacy. And also, why do you need to even know these things?”

“Because your wife is a shameless pervert?” Facet offered. “Still don’t know how you two ended up a couple.”

“I am rather curious myself about the nature of dragon procreation,” DeadMau5 said, speaking up for the first time in several hours.

“Yes! DeadMau5’s on my side!” Vinyl cheered as she threw her arms up above her head. Somehow managing not to hit any switches.

“Ugh. Fine. If you absolutely must,” Octavia groaned, finishing her protein bar and throwing the wadded up wrapper at Vinyl’s head.

Vinyl caught the wrapper and stowed it in a trash bag for later disposal. “Thank you, Tavi! And maybe this’ll give us ideas for the bedroom.”

“We’ve got movement from Spike,” Facet said. “Looks like he’s moving to chat with Selten again.”

“Hello again, whelp. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Selten asked, languidly flapping and bursting through a cloud. “Did we not last speak but mere minutes ago?”

Spike nervously chuckled as he blushed a bit. “Yeah well… You seem interesting, and I uh…” He cleared his throat. “Was kinda hoping to get to know you better.”

Selten smirked, blue eyes narrowing in mirth. “Oh? You would presume to initiate a courtship ritual even without knowing the proper motions?” She skimmed along Spike’s underbelly, her scales rasping smoothly against his. “Such an interesting whelp indeed. Perhaps your home with the humans has made you more interesting of a prospect…”

Spike blushed at the close brush of scales and implications of Selten’s words. “C-Courtship? N-No. Just wanting to talk is all. Really.” He chuckled in nervous embarrassment, completely at the older dragon’s mercy.

Selten snorted, “Talk is cheap, as the humans say. To know a fellow dragon properly, one must initiate a rite of combat. What more can talking do than to muddle the mind with fanciful words and lies?”

Spike chuckled a bit at that point. “I guess that makes sense. Looks like I’ve got a lot to learn about my own kind. Humans don’t know a lot about us or our culture.”

“Of course they do not,” Selten stated imperiously, flaring her wings and gaining a bit of altitude. “How could they? So wrapped up in their petty words and politics… we are dragons! We have no need for such frivolities! Now come, whelp, let us truly, as you say, ‘get to know each other’.” She grinned ferally, fangs and claws bared as she hovered in front of Spike.

“Oh shit! I think they’re about to throw down!” Vinyl exclaimed, her shades lowering as she stared at the two dragons. “What did he say to piss her off?!”

“I suspect we’re about to get a firsthand look at dragon cultural norms,” Facet said. “Better take notes. Gods know Twilight will kill us if we don’t.”

Octavia lifted her binoculars again and tapped her collar, activating her speech-to-text function and connecting to a data tablet. “Data entry one, date: June twelfth, 1003 ANM. Today’s topic: Dragon Culture. It appears as though dragon culture revolves heavily around combat. From what the instruments detected, the dragoness that Spike attempted to initiate conversation with is rather more experienced in dragon culture, stating that dragons prefer physical altercation rather than conversation when getting to know each other. Further updates when observed. End log.”

DeadMau5 nodded, also connected to the data tablet and streaming its contents live to Twilight’s scroll as text documents. “Twilight is going to be so pissed that she isn’t here when she gets these files…” he chuckled and laid down, content to just let his subroutines take over the heavy lifting.

Selten roared as she crashed bodily into Spike, clawing at his scales for a grip even as she aimed to tear out his throat with her fangs. Spike reeled from the blow, beating his wings futilely as the pair of dragons toppled from the sky in a tangle of flailing limbs.

Spike roared in return, using his stronger limbs to pry Selten away and throw her off to the side as he righted himself in midair, darting forward in a tight arc and pulling up at the last second to slam his claws into her back.

Selten folded backwards, screeching and flailing. She swung her tail around, the leaf shaped spines on its end catching Spike in the face and gouging deep furrows into his scales. With a draconic smirk, Selten swung her neck around and unleashed a blast of brilliant blue fire into Spike’s unprotected abdomen, launching herself off with the recoil and sending Spike hurtling towards the ground with a trail of smoke.

“Dammit….” Spike muttered, just barely pulling out of his dive before he hit the ground. He hovered in place for a moment to get his bearings and rushed forward again, this time using his back claws to gain a stranglehold around Selten’s neck and dig his claws into the scales around her face. With barely a moment’s thought, he blasted a line of fire down her back, scorching her white scales black and blistering the skin beneath.

Blood flew through the air, black and red droplets shimmering in the sun as Selten and Spike clashed again and again, their fierce roars ringing out over the landscape even as they continued to follow the Migration.

Spike huffed, rumbling in frustration as he felt himself lose ground once again, Selten bodily flinging him into the side of a mountain and slamming into his belly. She pinned him down, her maw glowing as she lowered it to his throat.

“I believe that’s my win, whelp,” Selten murmured, sending a wash of gentle flame over his scales and backing away, preening in victory. “You put up a marvelous fight though, Spike of Ponyville, one far greater than a whelp your age should have done. Congratulations.” She rolled in the dirt, cleaning the soot from her scales as she atomized the dirt away with cleansing flame. As she cleaned herself, she posed flirtatiously, winking at Spike, elegant even with her minor wounds.

Spike felt a blush come further onto his face as she pulled himself from the mountain and landed in the dirt, mimicking the elegant dragoness’ cleaning of soot from his scales and burning it off. His body moved on its own however. He was more preoccupied with his gaze traveling over her alluring form that screamed of beauty. It was a different sort of beauty than Rarity’s, though. Rarity was refined, proper. Selten’s beauty was of a more primal sort. One that spoke to him on an instinctual level.

“Shall we go, Spike?” Selten asked, smirking at Spike and stretching lazily, showing off her curves and scales in the best possible angles. “Or shall you just continue staring like a newborn wyrmling hungry for a meal?”

Heeding the prodding of long dormant instincts, Spike let out a playful growl as he approached the reclining Selten. “Careful with that teasing. I just might go for your generously offered throat.” He let out a chuckle at his joke as he lowered his open mouth over her throat and breathed the same sort of gentle flame over it that she had done to him.

Selten snorted and looked away, hiding the blush that shone faintly through her scales. “Initiating a courtship ritual right after a greeting ritual, how forward,” she muttered, twining her neck around Spike’s and rubbing it just so.

Spike froze at the sensation that traveled up and down his spine, blushing heavily as he suppressed a groan of pleasure. “W-Well uh… the necromancer’s husband was always a bad influence. So she said.” He was once again at Selten’s mercy. He could act suave, but he wasn’t quite there yet.

Selten smirked and pulled away, patting Spike’s chin with her tail. “Come. The Migration continues without us.” She took to the air, spiraling in her flight and blatantly showing off to Spike.

Spike quickly shook his head free of the stupor and flew up after Selten, soon finding himself between Garble and Crusher again. “Well… That was… Intense…”

“Holy shit, bro…” Crusher muttered, staring after Selten’s passing, “I think you got a chance with her…. and lucky you, she’s a fine piece of tail!” He snorted in laughter and slapped Spike’s shoulder, prompting Garble to cheer Spike on loudly, much to the exasperated amusement of the older dragons nearby.

Vinyl stared at Spike in wide eyed silence. “Shit… Dragon flirting is fucking intense!” She laughed a bit. “Can only imagine how much rougher the sex must be!”

“Indeed,” Octavia muttered, jotting down another data log, “Data entry two, date: June twelfth, 1003 ANM. Today’s topic: Dragon Courtship. Though it’s barely been ten minutes, it appears as though Spike has a legitimate chance of wooing the dragoness he met earlier today. Dragon flirting appears to contain a mix of violence as well as a multitude of physical cues gained through physical contact. Fire is involved as well, though to what extent cannot be ascertained without further research. Rubbing necks in a certain spot seems to arouse male dragons, though. Further updates when observed. End log.”

Facet tuned in to the document stream himself. “Addendum to data entry two. Dragons appear to place the luster, coloration, and overall body shape as high priority criteria of physical attractiveness. Instruments picked up a description of the dragoness in question as, and I quote, ‘a fine piece of tail’. Said dragoness is, at best guess, approximately five years older than the describing dragon, is of sleek body shape, in excellent health, and possesses pure white scales with dark purple spines. Physical cues seem to have observable analogues in human interaction. The aforementioned rubbing of necks appears analogous to a woman hugging a man while rubbing her leg against his groin, based on Spike’s exact reaction. The gentle flames exhaled onto the throat seem equivalent of affectionate kisses. And males appear to have a similar wingman type of interaction among themselves, which seems to make their elders nostalgic.”

Octavia blinked, “How did you pick up all those details, Facet? Our instruments can barely pick up what they’re saying at this distance.”

“I’m an artist, Octavia. A keen eye for details is an absolute necessity,” Facet answered, not looking up from what he was doing.

“... Good point,” Octavia muttered, turning back to her binoculars.

Selten landed on the rim of a volcano and sighed, breathing deeply of the sulfuric fumes and basking in the warmth of the lava. All around, dragons of all ages wrestled, flirted, bathed, relaxed, a good few of them even got an early start on mating season in the more hidden alcoves. “Now, where has the whelp landed, I wonder…” she murmured, easily maneuvering through the crowd while searching for Spike’s distinctive coloration.

“Right behind you…” Spike’s voice whispered to Selten before he tackled her into a lava pool, moving to get a good grip on her. He was determined to have the win this time around, and the lava felt amazing on his body too.

“Oho~!” Selten cooed, easily turning the tables on Spike and dunking him into the lava beneath her. “Very forward indeed, Spike of Ponyville! I’ll have you know, though, I am a dragoness with very high standards.” She smirked and nipped at his ear fins, sensually sliding against his body as she stepped out of the lava pool and shook herself clean, raising her tail just a tad as she strutted away, come hither eyes at full blaze.

Spike climbed out of the lava after taking a moment to appreciate the sensations of her nipping and close rubbing and followed after Selten. He wasn’t giving up yet. Not by a long shot. “You’re quite the tease, Selten,” he said in a low growl as he tackled her again, wrapping his tail around her hind legs and pulling them out from under her while trying to pin her to the ground.

Selten, fully expecting the move, rolled with it and sprung up behind Spike, latching onto his back with a harsh bite to the nape of his neck. “Tsk tsk, whelp. Such an obvious move just begs for retaliation,” Selten smirked and lowered her head, tongue lolled out as she dragged it upwards along the curve of Spike’s neck.

Spike arched his neck as he let out a groan of pleasure, unable to hold it back this time. Following his instincts on making openings, he lifted his tail and dragged its side along Selten’s belly, right above her hind legs.

Selten’s eyes went wide, a massive blush streaking across her face as she let go of Spike and snorted heavily. “My my, so your instincts prove true indeed,” she purred, wrapping her wings around Spike’s neck and pulling him forward until their chests touched. “Perhaps you truly are worthy of a proper courtship, whelp,” she murmured, arching her neck up and back, meeting Spike’s forehead as he mirrored her movements.

Spike stared into Selten’s eyes as he moved with her, following his instincts in what to do. He had many different thoughts going through his head. How beautiful Selten was, how charming her teasing and seizing of control were, and that he was on his way through the dragon version of getting married. If Alucard were here, he’d comment on how fast I work…

Selten flicked Spike’s nose with her own, grinning teasingly and nuzzling his neck. “Fly with me!” she commanded, stepping back and flaring her wings. She looked at Spike expectantly while Garble and Crusher cheered him on in the background.

Spike grinned and flared his wings, following Selten into the sky, keeping his eyes on her and her every movement. “A dance in the sky! I like!” He tuned out his wingmen and focused solely on Selten.

Selten spiraled gracefully around Spike, bursting through the few clouds in the sky and creating a contrail behind her. She looped around and glided, leading Spike through a complicated series of maneuvers and acrobatics.

Spike kept up with Selten throughout the flight. He couldn’t help wondering in the back of his head what Rainbow would think of these tricks, but he pushed that back down and looked into Selten’s eyes more deeply as they flew.

Selten abruptly changed course and began ascending, taking a spiraling path up as she passed the clouds and burst into the orange sky above, watching the sun set from the very heavens as she waited for Spike.

Spike was quick to join Selten above the clouds, watching the setting sun beside her. “A beautiful sight, isn’t it? Though nothing compared to your own beauty, Selten.” He grinned at her as they hovered.

Selten tossed her head pridefully, shaking out her spines and letting them catch the dying light. “Hmph. Flattery will get you everywhere, Spike of Ponyville.” She turned back to the sunset and sighed wistfully, almost lost in nostalgia.

Spike moved in front of Selten and set his forehead against hers as he twined their tails together, staring into her eyes and seeing his magenta irises reflected in them. “Guess I’ll just have to keep flattering you.”

Selten smirked and breathed a gentle jet of flame over Spike’s neck and up to his jaw, rubbing her head against the heated scales. When she pulled away, she nipped the nape of his neck and breathed more fire into the tiny puncture, turning a portion of Spike’s scales a deep navy blue. “Come, the night is yet young and I wish to see what lies in store back in the caldera.”

Spike groaned in pleasure at her flames and returned the favor, turning the mirroring portion of her scales a dark green. “Of course, my radiant jewel.” He rubbed his blue glowing scales against Selten’s green glowing ones and nipped her ear fins.

Selten’s eyes widened as she jerked away slightly, “What did you call me…?” She shook her head and huffed, blushing brightly even as she gave Spike a fond smile. “Well, I did say that flattery will get you everywhere.”

“I called you my radiant jewel,” Spike said, smiling back at Selten. “Do you not like it? It suits you perfectly. You’re so beautiful that you might as well be a flawless gem that has taken on a dragon’s form.”

“....” Selten froze, a dumbstruck look on her face as she just barely managed to keep a steady hover. “I-ahem. Your words are greatly appreciated, whelp,” Selten managed to keep her dignity, smirking haughtily as she pulled back and began descending. “Tonight’s activities were most enjoyable. Perhaps I shall call upon you again, Spike of Ponyville.” With that, she pulled into a dive, spinning back down to the caldera and splashing deep into the biggest lava pool with barely a splash.

Vinyl let out an impressed whistle. “Damn. Rarity doesn’t know what she missed out on. That drake sure knows how to charm a woman.” She bit into a protein bar and chewed slowly as Spike disappeared back below the clouds.

“Data log 15. Date: June twenty seventh, 1003 ANM. Today’s topic is once again Dragon Courtship. It appears that dragon courtship involves romantic flights together as well as hovering together in a large heart shape,” Octavia smirked and chuckled a little, attaching a picture of the scene to the data log and continuing. “Courtship also apparently uses the equivalent of hickeys, wherein one partner pierces through the neck scales of the other and ‘kisses’ it until it glows with the color of the partner’s flame.”

Facet chuckled at the picture. “I could turn that into a lovely portrait,” he said as he connected to the data stream. “Addendum to data log 15. Female dragons appear fond of putting on a show of haughty confidence and superiority, as though the male courting her is lucky to be given even a few minutes of her time. But they appear just as susceptible to poetry as any other species’ females. I suppose some things are universal.”

Octavia shot Facet a flat look, “You do realize that I hate poetry, right?” She raised an eyebrow at him and sniffed, “It’s all about dropping the bass just so for me.”

“I don’t understand how a classy woman like you can hate poetry, Octavia,” Facet muttered. “Though with that revelation I can understand how you were drawn to Vinyl.”

“Words are cheap. It takes real skill to drop the bass for maximum euphoria, now doesn’t it, love?” Octavia grinned at Vinyl and sat back, watching Spike wrestle with his new bros.

“Got that right,” Vinyl said with a grin. “It’s all in the body and its subtle vibrations. Tavi can’t get enough of my magic fingers.” She grinned at her wife and looked at the wrestling match. “So… Any idea what he’ll do next?”

“Hmmm… I don’t know, love… I don’t know…” Octavia murmured.

Spike laughed and threw Garble from the top of the treasure horde they were using for King of the Hill. “All mine!” He grinned and looked at his bros, daring them to challenge his rule again.

“Aww man, bro! That ain’t even fair!” Garble grumbled good naturedly, crawling up the pile and punching Spike’s shoulder. “Your muscles are way bigger than ours!” He shook his head and plopped down below Spike, grabbing a gemstone and casually chewing on it. “Man, the crazy bitch who made you really must have wanted a scary lookin’ bodyguard.”

Spike laughed and popped a ruby into his mouth, crunching it and swallowing it. “Oh Twilight already had a scary bodyguard when she made me. I was made to be an aide/son. And that bodyguard I mentioned? She’s married to him now, and she’s more than capable of slaughtering armies by herself.” He shuddered a bit. “You didn’t hear this from me, but she helped kill a dragon that lived in the Everfree, and before that, she killed an Ursa Major by herself.”

“Holy shit…” Crusher muttered, “You gotta be shitting me, dude! Ain’t no way a puny human coulda taken down one’a those monsters! Not even my dad coulda taken one down!”

Garble snorted, “Wyrm, if half the shit you just spewed is true, I gotta say that your entire family’s badass, even if it’s full’a tiny little humans.” He chewed another gem and savored the taste, still shuddering with laughter.

“Well, Twilight’s said by many to be the most powerful sorceress on the planet, second only to Princess Celestia. Alucard’s the king of all vampires, Shining Armor and Cadance rule the Crystal Empire, and since Shining Armor is Twilight’s brother and he married Cadance, that basically means I’m part of Equestria’s royal family by his marriage, so add Princesses Celestia and Luna to the family tree.” He crunched an emerald with a grin. “Yup. My family is 100% badass, and partly vampires.”

“Duuuuude! Wicked!” Garble and Crusher chorused in unison, just as another violet dragon landed nearby, with a fringe of yellow mane covering his eyes in lieu of a crown of spines.

“Yooo, bros! Wassup!?” the dragon called out, stopping in front of Spike with a confused expression. “Ay yo, didja guys get a new bro while I was flyin’ here? Who’s this swole punk?” He poked Spike’s shoulder to indicate that he was, in fact, talking about Spike.

“Aww man, Grunge! The hell have you been, wyrm!?” Garble roared, slapping Grunge’s back and sending him face first into a lava pool. Grunge sputtered as he surfaced, flicking his claws at Garble in an obscene gesture as he fixed his lava soaked fringe.

“Who’s this guy?” Spike asked as he regarded Grunge from his perch, popping another gem in his mouth. “Based on that mane, he seems kinda prissy for a dragon, doesn’t he?”

“Tch, as if, brah!” Grunge flipped his mane and made a rude gesture. “Just got too lazy t’style this thing, y’know? Let it hang loose n’free and all’a that good shit.”

Spike grinned. “Let’s test that.” He flapped his wings and took to the air before tackling Grunge, aiming to pin him down at the base of the treasure pile.

Grunge flinched back and rolled with the motion, “Yo dude! Watch it, bruh!” He rolled down the pile and launched backwards, using his wings and tail to slide across the rocky ground with an expression of utmost casualness. “Gonna hurt yourself like that if ya ain’t careful, brah.”

Garble chuckled, “This is Grunge. He’s a cool sunuvabitch. Ain’t much of a fighter, but he’s pretty fuckin’ good at finding the best shit.”

“That so?” Spike asked as he looked at Grunge. “So… What’s the best thing I can give to a girl I’m courting?”

Grunge shrugged, “Gotta follow your heart and your dick on that one, brah. Hey, maybe I can help, though. What’s this chicky like, yo?” He leaned forward, brushing his fringe up and staring at Spike intently.

Spike gestured toward Selten with his thumb. “Her. Got any tips? She’s amazing, honestly.” He looked at Selten with a longing look as she lounged beside a lava pool.

Grunge took one look at Selten… and flopped on his back, gasping for breath. “Holy hell, brah! You’re seriously courting that fine piece of tail!? Tiamat’s tail, bro, you gotta go for the best with a chick like that!” He shook his head, gathering his thoughts. “Gems and gold won’t do for this shit, nah… you gotta go for something big. An Ursa carcass, maybe, if you can find one. Ah, y’gotta be kiddin’ me with this shit, brah…” He tapped his forehead and thought deeply, sitting almost unnaturally still.

Spike stared at Grunge. “Uh… What do you suggest then? I don’t know if any Ursa Majors live around here, so what have ya got for me?” He waited while chowing down on a sapphire.

Garble patted Spike on the shoulder, “You’re gonna have to wait a bit, bro. Grunge takes his sweet-ass time when he’s thinkin’. In the meantime, sit back, relax, and enjoy life, yeah?” Garble sat back, idly rolling Crusher out of the way and halfway burying himself in the pile of gems.

“I guess,” Spike said with a shrug as he returned to the top of the pile and popped several rubies into his mouth, chewing them slowly as he watched the reclining Selten, a smile gracing his face.

Selten looked over and smirked, winking and flicking her tail flirtatiously at Spike before turning away to chat with the other dragonesses.

Grunge, meanwhile, continued thinking.

Spike chowed down on more gems as he waited for Grunge to speak again. “Sure thinks a lot, doesn’t he?” he asked of Garble in a whisper.

“Naahhh,” Garble shook his head, fishing around for something deep in the gem pile. “Only when he’s tryna think of somethin’ real good.” He pulled out a massive diamond from the pile and started gnawing on it.

Just then Grunge shot to his feet with a loud cry of, “Got it!” He flapped enthusiastically, hovering around the pile. “I got it bruh! I know exactly what you gotta give her!”

“And that would be?” Spike asked, not wanting to prolong the suspense of the moment. “What should I give Selten?”

“Ya gotta give her a phoenix egg, wyrm!” Grunge enthused, bobbing up and down in his flight. “Ah dude, I know exactly where we can find one too, brah!”

“Then lead the way, bro!” Spike exclaimed in excitement as he took to the air again. “Where are these eggs?!” He was bristling with glee at the thought of finding the perfect gift for Selten.

“It’s a couple hours out, brah, so chill.” Grunge began drawing in the ash covering nearly every surface, “If we’re here, then we gotta go west-ish for a while, turn south, n’then we gotta go low and slow from there. S’not gonna be easy t’find that egg, but I think we can do it.”

“If it means getting the perfect gift for Selten, then I’ll do whatever it takes,” Spike said with a determined tone. “So let’s find some phoenix eggs!”

“Oh dear….” Octavia murmured, setting her binoculars to the side. “I get the feeling that Spike just did something very stupid. Does anyone else think that way? Anyone?” She looked around the ship, at least expecting Facet to back her up.

“That depends on how aggressive phoenixes are in defense of their eggs, but it does seem like Spike has decided on something monumentally stupid,” Facet said in agreement. “But if the firebirds are anything like normal birds, then he’s likely in for some trouble securing a phoenix egg.”

“I just checked as many resources as I could,” DeadMau5 muttered, laying his head down in Octavia’s lap. “The kid’s doomed. Phoenixes have been recorded to chase people to the ends of the planet for their eggs.”

Octavia blinked, “.... Oh dear, that’s not good at all…” She sighed and jotted down some quick notes on a separate data pad. “Facet, could you follow Spike for this? I get a feeling we’re going to need to step in at some point.”

“Shiiiit,” Vinyl interjected, looking at the readout that DeadMau5 had provided. “Yeah, kid’s boned. We’re gonna need to save him.”

“Maybe. Maybe not,” Facet said as he followed Spike and his friends. “They might find a nest that’s unguarded for the moment and manage to swipe an egg from it. Why do phoenixes reproduce anyway? They’re immortal.”

Octavia shrugged, “How should we know? We never studied this kind of thing.” She sat back and sighed, idly watching Spike follow his group of new draconic friends across the night sky.

“I dunno, maybe they’re like… resurrected souls of dead phoenixes or something?” Vinyl mused, boredly scrolling through radio stations in hopes of finding something good.

“What in the name of Celestia’s sun could kill a phoenix?” DeadMau5 deadpanned.

“.... Good point…” Vinyl muttered.

Spike looked around as Grunge led the quartet through the forest on the ground. “We got much further to go?” he asked in a whisper as he leaned closer to Grunge.

“Nah bro, not much farther than this,” Grunge pointed down at a rocky outcropping nearby, diving towards it and circling around slowly to bleed off momentum as he landed on it. “Lesse…. gotta be here somewhere… Aha!” Grunge pointed off into a single patch of trees, where two shimmering, reddish gold things could be seen in the branches of a tree.

Spike looked closely at the creatures, a pair of phoenixes in a nest. “Oh yeah. Definitely a phoenix nest. They look just like Philomena.”

“The hell is a Philomena?” Garble asked, scratching his head in confusion. “That some kinda food or somethin’?”

“Princess Celestia’s familiar,” Spike clarified. “A phoenix named Philomena. She’s a bit of a prankster like the princess. So… What’s the plan?”

“Wait wait wait,” Crusher spoke up quickly, shaking his head quickly. “You know a phoenix? What the fuck, wyrm!?” He looked at Spike incredulously, as if Spike had secretly been a celebrity the whole time.

“Yeah. Why? Is that a big deal for dragons?” Spike asked, arching one of his eye ridges as he looked at Crusher. “I never thought it was a big deal.”

“Phoenixes are hella scary, yo! They got fire that burns through dragon scales! Dragon scales!” Garble waved his arms enthusiastically as he explained, a note of terror entering his voice, “Shit man, you ain’t seen what happens when phoenixes get mad, bro…. my sire told me it ain’t pretty.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Spike said as he looked at Grunge. “So what’s the plan then? We gonna distract them or charge in and snatch an egg?”

“Little bit a’both, wyrm. Little bit a’both.” Grunge pointed at Garble and Crusher, “Bros, you’re with me. We’re gonna do a bit’a bird hunting.” He shifted his attention to Spike, “When we give the signal, you’re gonna snatch that egg as soon as you can, got it?”

Spike nodded and got ready. “Got it.” He grinned at them. “Try not to get yourselves killed, boys. I still need my wingmen after all.”

“You got it, wyrm!” Garble saluted mockingly and dove off of the outcropping, pulling into a sharp curve with Crusher and Grunge following close behind. “Yeehaw!” he cried out, blasting flames into the air and startling both phoenix parents from the nest and into a furious aerial chase.

Once the two phoenixes were chasing his friends, Spike quickly closed in on the nest and snatched one of the eggs before flying off, trying to avoid being seen by the phoenixes as he headed up into the clouds. “Okay. Got the egg. Now why would Selten value it so highly?”

The egg twitched in Spike’s claws pulsing warmth and the abject feeling of life into and between Spike’s reanimated cells. It even seemed to glow from within, as if whatever was inside the shell was asking him to keep it alive, even if just for a bit longer.

Spike’s eyes widened as he landed in a clearing, staring at the egg. “Wow. This thing is coursing with life energy. Almost makes me feel like I’m actually alive and not just undead.”

Garble was the first of the distractors to make it back to the clearing, huffing and puffing as he rested his hands on his knees and took deep breaths. “Alright, you got the egg! You the wyrm, wyrm!” Garble flopped back, his knees giving out underneath him. “Ah crap, I’m tired.”

Spike looked between Garble and the egg. “Tell me something, Garble. Why would a phoenix egg be the best thing I could offer Selten?” He was having second thoughts, and needed to know what he could end up doing without all the facts.

Garble panted silently for a few moments, raising a single claw in the universal gesture for ‘give me one minute’. After a few seconds, he took a deep breath and sighed, “Phoenix eggs are basically like, shit wyrm, like saying you want your partner t’live basically forever, bro. Like, the eggs make dragons… and uh, I guess just about everything…. more alive, y’know?”

“I certainly feel alive just by holding this egg,” Spike said with a nod. “And to a being that was never really alive to begin with, it’s jarring. I was hatched as a magical construct, but only survived moments without a soul. Nine years later, I’m reanimated with a blanked human soul and given a form of existence as a dracolich. Now that I actually feel the warmth of true life, even if only second hand, it gives me pause.” He frowned. “What will Selten do with this egg if I offer it to her?”

“.... Dude, it’s a fucking egg.” Garble palmed his face and looked away from Spike, “Save that philosophy shit for the Elders and just give it to her, wyrm. Even the puny humans know to eat their eggs, not care for them!”

That got Spike’s attention. “So let me get this straight. We stole an egg from expecting parents so that I can offer it as a meal to Selten, as an engagement gift?! He started slowly growing larger as he held the egg protectively. “You want me to snuff out an innocent life before it even starts just to get a mate?” His shadow covered Garble, Crusher and Grunge as the latter two arrived. “How would you feel if someone stole one of your eggs as a present for someone to eat?!”

“.... It’d pretty fucking suck,” Grunge muttered under his breath, just as Garble rolled his eyes and tossed his wings out angrily.

“Come on, wyrm! You aren’t thinking straight! It’s like taking a fucking chicken egg, you moron!” Garble roared, even going so far as to spit a wad of flame over Spike’s snout.

Spike roared and spread his wings as he fully reached his adult form, dwarfing the three dragons in front of him. “One thing I didn’t tell you about what I can do! I can change my size and power output at will! Right now, not only do I have the size of one, but I’m just as powerful as an Elder Dragon right now! And you! Just! Pissed! Me! Off!” He lifted his left claw and curled it into a fist before bringing it down and smashing the three into the ground. He then started beating them into a crater, each blow sending a quake through the ground for miles as his other claw carefully cradled the egg.

Miles away, Selten perked up from the vibrations in the earth and peeked over the lip of the crater at the source. Her lips curled into a grin when she saw Spike beating down at something. “My my, but that whelp does have such wonderful secrets…” she mused, taking wing and flying in Spike’s direction.

Spike didn’t stop beating his former wingmen until the crater was twenty feet deep and they were groaning in agony. With a grin, Spike loosed a triumphant roar that shook the air around him. Once he was done with that, he looked down at the tiny phoenix egg in his claw, now just a pebble compared to him.

“My my my,” Selten’s voice rang out, the dragoness herself winging down and startling Spike into all but tossing the egg into the air. “You never cease to impress, do you, whelp?”

Spike rapidly shrunk back down frantically trying to catch the egg without breaking it, only to fumble it and allow it to fall into his open chest cavity, starting to interact with his core. “Okay this is gonna be new territory.”

The egg started pulsing, absorbing the raw necromantic life energy swirling and cascading through Spike’s soul orb and exuding it as pure, golden life energy in massive quantities. The new energy surged through Spike’s form, invigorating him and infusing him with unfiltered, unrestrained life. The magenta glow in his eyes and core faded out slightly as the process drained out all the necromancy holding him together and stitched his soul back into the metaphysical aether, replacing it with functioning organs and, in lieu of a heart, a pulsing golden orb of light. As the egg was fully subsumed into the mass of life energy it emitted, it hatched and shot forth a brilliantly glowing baby phoenix, its plumage not the vivid reds and golds of its parents, but rather a startling mix of magenta, black, and highlights of gold.

The newly hatched firebird shrieked with joy, its loud trills and whistles interacting with its former egg once again and drawing out the fragments, melding them together with Spike’s form and sealing his chest shut, leaving Spike whole and untarnished, the same jet black as always, with a patch of gold in the shape of a phoenix over the former hole in his chest. When all was said and done, the bird landed on Spike’s back and nuzzled him twice, before ignoring him in favor of preening.

Spike stared at his chest in wonder. “Wow… I feel… alive…” He deeply sniffed the air. “I’m not undead anymore. I’m a living, flesh and blood dragon!”

Vinyl stared at the scene in shocked silence. “Uh… What the fuck just happened? Does Twilight know anything about what just happened?!”

“WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED TO MY DRACONIC SON!?” Twilight screeched, forcibly hacking her way into Vinyl’s public scroll and belting out the phrase out of sheer confusion.

“If I were to venture a guess,” Facet offered. “And mind you, I’m no expert on the magics of life and death, but I suspect that the phoenix’s inborn life magic that provides their resurrective immortality interacted with the necromantic energies of Spike’s core and supplanted them using all the mana coursing through his body to not only hatch the phoenix, but also turn Spike from an undead dracolich into an actual, living dragon. But, I’m just guessing.”

“Your guess is as good as mine at this point, until I can run some tests and confirm the results for myself. Well, at least I get to tease Spike about his new ‘birthmark’...” Twilight sighed and hung up, most likely to go to bed since it was already almost two in the morning.

Octavia sighed, “Why can’t anything normal ever happen in our lives? Is it because we’re secret agents that operate outside the law? Is that why things keep going to shit around us?”

“You could always retire and start a family like Facet and Maud,” DeadMau5 suggested.

“Maud and I haven’t retired. We’re just on paternity leave,” Facet clarified.

Spike looked at Selten with an awkward chuckle. “Well… Things have not gone like I thought they would. I’m guessing you think I’m just weird now, huh?”

“Weird does not even begin to cover it, Spike of Ponyville,” Selten smirked, strutting around Spike and taking in his new, much more vibrant and healthy seeming, form, her tail flicking side to side in appreciation. “But, normality is so boring…. I think I like weird.”

Spike blushed at her attention and praise. “So… We’re still courting then, Selten?” he asked, unable to keep a nervous tone out of his voice. He could hardly believe this was happening to him.

Selten shook her head and turned towards Spike, nuzzling against him, “No. What has been proven tonight…” She crooned and breathed deeply of his scent, enjoying the new crackling smell of magic and flame over the muted smell of decay he had before, “.... you’ve proven yourself a good sire. Strong, protective, and very handsome. We consummate now, if you wish.”

Spike blushed darkly at that word. “C-Consummate? You mean…?” He felt a stirring in his now very much alive loins as the scent of arousal reached both their noses from the thoughts going through his mind.

“No,” Selten murmured, nipping at his ear fins. “Consummation is not as the humans call it. Consummation is as what humans refer to as marriage. We must be bound together body and soul during consummation, and thus, we remain together for life.” She hummed a nameless tune as she nuzzled him, simply content to rub herself against his body in every way she could, provoking wonderful responses between the both of them.

Spike smiled and rubbed against Selten in time with her movements in a sort of dance. “Then let’s consummate, my radiant jewel.” Spike affectionately breathed a low green flame on her neck.

Selten smiled and breathed out her own blue flame, the flames washing over both of their forms in a soothing warmth. Selten locked her neck around Spike’s and, faces pressed side to side, both dragons blew a stream of fire into the air, the combined magicks in the flames melding together and twisting it into an ornate heart shape wrought entirely out of flame.

Selten then guided Spike into laying on the ground, with herself laying on top of him and scorching a mark into his scales, the mark itself visibly glowing bright blue and in the shape of a five petaled rose. She bade Spike do the same, allowing him to unleash a green flame and scorch her own scales with a bright green skull mark.

One final burst of flame lit up the night sky, both Selten and Spike roaring into the air and tinting the dark sky turquoise with the force of their flame combined. When the ceremony finished, Selten cooed and snuggled against Spike, whispering, “As surely as the mountain crumbles with time, so too shall our love stand strong against it. Forever and ever.”

“No matter the obstacles we face, our love will never fade,” Spike whispered back, nuzzling his new mate’s cheek.

Octavia lowered her binoculars, a put upon expression on her face, “.... How come their wedding vows are so much better than our wedding vows!? They literally state that their love will last forever!”

Facet dabbed at his eye with a handkerchief. “If dragons weren’t so secretive about how they mate, the bards would have countless songs of their courtships.”

“.... Are you crying, man?” Vinyl asked, staring incredulously at Facet. She studiously ignored the half empty tissue box and the nearly full wastebin next to her.

“It was a rather touching scene,” DeadMau5 noted, surreptitiously dabbing at his own visor before realising that he had neither eyes nor tears. He quietly hoped that no one would notice his behavior.

“So… We recorded that right?” Facet asked. “If Twilight doesn’t even get a wedding video… She’s going to be pissed that she can’t see anything of her son’s wedding.”

“Recorded with all the best instruments we have,” DeadMau5 nodded, increasing the level of protection around the video until it was more secure than almost all of the heavily encrypted files sent out to Night Shift members. “And made extra secure to prevent corruption of any kind.”

“Good,” Facet replied. “So… What now? Do we go down and meet his wife formally?”

“I think… I think it would be better if we greeted them normally when Spike decides to come home,” Octavia mused, tapping her chin and frowning. “No need to reveal that we’ve been stalking him, after all… even though he’ll find out once Twilight watches the recording.”

“And he brings his mate home,” Vinyl pointed out. “Can we still watch them have sex? For science?”

“....” Octavia sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Must you always ask those kinds of questions?” The faint bulge in her suit belied her true feelings, however.

“I agree with Octavia,” Facet said. “You kinda killed the mood just now, Vinyl.”

Vinyl grinned, “That’s not what Tavi’s boner is saying~”

Octavia yelped and crossed her legs, blushing darkly. “Vinyl! Did you have to point that out!?”

“Yuuup!” Vinyl chuckled, moving over to Octavia and kissing her, sneaking in a quick grope as she did.

“Get a room,” Facet muttered as he rolled his eyes despite the small smirk on his face at their antics.

Spike smiled at Selten as they came into view of Ponyville. “This is our town. Our home. It’s small, but cozy. And there’s a cave over on that mountain we can settle down in. It’s got a great view of Ponyville.” He pointed to a nearby mountain that, while far smaller than the Canterhorn, was still tall and had a large cave carved into its peak.

Selten took in the quaint town and sniffed, preferring instead to focus on the mountain peak. “Such a wonderful location it is… but is it large enough for the both of us?” Selten asked, quirking an eyebrow and slowly changing direction to head towards the cave.

“It’s bigger than the entrance looks,” Spike said as he followed her change in direction. “More than enough room for us, the hoard, and the kids when they hatch.” He reached over with his tail and ran it over Selten’s lower abdomen in a loving caress.

Selten chuckled and nuzzled Spike’s neck, coming to a graceful landing at the lip of the cave and peering inside, sniffing it out and blowing streamers of flame in certain spots to mark it. “It certainly is impressive…” She scorched out a patch of dirt and laid in the embers, wiggling around to feel for the cave’s comfort level. “And certainly rather comfortable… Very nice, Spike.”

Spike smiled and nuzzled Selten. “Now we just need to put in the hoard. This seems like a good spot for it, don’t you think?” Opening his dimensional pocket in front of his chest, their treasure hoard started spilling out and piling up in the spot Selten had moved from.

Selten nodded, letting her own pocket spill open and empty the rest of their hoard. “It certainly does brighten the view…” She smirked and turned to Spike, “Even while I am currently with child… we haven’t mated in the traditional way, my love.”

Spike grinned and nuzzled Selten before pushing her onto her back on their hoard, his gentle flames licking her sweet spots. “One of the perks of being alive, my radiant jewel.”

Selten squirmed against the hoard, licking at Spike’s neck and brushing her own flame along his throat, “Mmm, and what a perk it is, my handsome-”

Alucard chose that moment to jump into the cave and onto Spike’s head. “My son is all grown up! Ya brought home a wife, Spike!”

Spike’s eyes narrowed at the shattered mood. “Alucard!” He swung his head and threw the vampire king onto the cave floor, glaring at him as a bolt of lightning began forming in his throat.

Selten reacted faster, a brilliant bolt of blue flame lancing out of her maw and slamming into Alucard, melting a hole into the floor with its intensity. “How dare you interrupt me and my mate!”

“She’s a real spitfire, Spike!” Alucard said, grinning as he regenerated and gave two thumbs up. “You inherited my taste in women.”

Selten blinked and glared, blasting another bolt of flame at Alucard. “Stand still and die you insolent worm!”

Spike sighed. “Save your breath, dear. He’s survived worse than immolation. Still don’t know what mom sees in him.”

Selten huffed and flopped back into the hoard, chewing on a diamond. “Perhaps it is because he wore her down with his infuriating refusal to die?”

“Actually he wore me down with loving care, blood that’s the best tasting I’ve ever had, and by being an absolute beast in bed,” Twilight said as she walked into the cave and strode toward Selten. “So you’re my daughter-in-law?”

Selten blinked in confusion, her tail swishing back and forth to denote her feelings. “What is this… ‘daughter-in-law’ of which you speak?” she asked, huffing quietly.

“Since you’re my mate, what humans call a wife, then that’s the human parental term for you,” Spike explained. “In-laws are the respective spouses’ parents. So mom is your mother-in-law, Alucard your father-in-law, and you’re their daughter-in-law.”

“Hmph, such pointless terms…” Selten muttered, idly flicking her wings and sending up little showers of gems. “When dragons mate, there is no need for such terms. All is under the terms of whelp and sires.”

Spike chuckled. “Well humans may be complicated, but they grow on you.” He lovingly nuzzled Selten before smiling at Twilight. “Hi, mom.”

“You had me worried, young man!” Twilight said with a frown. “And you missed your little sister’s birth!” She smiled at Selten. “Hello. I’m Twilight Sparkle. What’s your name?”

Selten stretched imperiously and leaned against Spike, a cool expression of disinterest upon her face, “I am Selten, sired by Mulstrunyol and the dame Qoiizven. It is a pleasure to meet the ones who have raised my beloved mate.” She smiled and extended a claw, holding it forward in a clear indication to shake it.

Twilight grasped one of Selten’s clawtips and shook as much as her greatly enhanced strength would allow, which was quite a lot. “Nice to meet you, Selten.” She shifted into researcher mode as she pulled out her tablet sized scroll. “Now please indulge your dear mother-in-law and tell me about dragon culture. Facet, Octavia, and Vinyl only got a few details.” She smiled widely. “I’m so happy that one of them was a wedding video!”

“You were spying on us?” Selten growled, her eyes narrowing and flames snorting from her nostrils. She began spilling flame from her throat, letting it flare up at the corners of her mouth.

Twilight’s smile didn’t waver even in the face of Selten’s hostility. “Technically I sent some friends to keep tabs on my son to make sure he didn’t slaughter all the other dragons. They took the initiative to study dragon culture from Spike’s interactions with you. Which reminds me. Where’s that phoenix that did something to my son?”

“You mean Kaagyollaas?” Selten smirked, just as said phoenix burst into existence behind her and trilled a greeting, perching atop Selten’s back and preening.

Twilight squeed at the sight of the firebird. “Oh he’s so adorable!” She jumped up onto Selten’s back and knelt near Kaagyollaas. “Who’s a cute phoenix? You are! You are!” she cooed.

Kaagyollaas chirped arrogantly, relishing in the attention and flaring out his wings, as if telling the world to bask in his radiant glory.

Selten, meanwhile, grunted disdainfully and flicked a wing to remove Twilight from her back, “I would appreciate if you did not get your dirty footprints all over my pristine scales.”

“You can scorch the dirt off and your scales will shine like new, Selten,” Spike said, chuckling at Twilight going fangirl over a phoenix chick.

“It is not the ease in which I may clean myself,” Selten muttered, swatting Spike’s rear with her tail, “it is about the principle of the matter. The only ones allowed to climb me are my children.”

Twilight let out a gasp that would be more at home coming from Pinkie Pie. “You’re pregnant?! When can I expect my grandchildren?!”

Selten smirked and waggled her tail, chuckling as she murmured, “Eighteen months.”

“What?!” Twilight gasped. “A year and a half?! Why?!” She clenched her scroll to her chest as she stared wide eyed at Selten.

“Dragon pregnancy lasts a long time,” Selten deadpanned, idly swatting a few gems into the air and snatching them in her jaws. “Hatching the eggs takes a long time as well.”

“About ten more months for the pregnancy, then eight for them to hatch,” Spike said. “Word of warning, the week spent laying the eggs will be one that you’ll want some really good soundproofing and earplugs for.”

“Why is that?” Twilight asked, taking notes on her scroll as she listened.

Selten smirked and stretched languidly, “There is a reason as to why your ancestors thought that the mountains they lived near were erupting volcanoes even when they clearly weren’t.” She shook her head, wincing slightly in sympathetic pain, “Birthing the eggs will be… painful.”

Twilight stared at Selten. “I’ve seen a dragon egg, Selten. How can it be painful for a reptile your size to lay them?”

“Imagine passing one of your… volley balls… through a length of pipe the size of a… Hmm, what is a good sized object, Spike?” Selten asked, idly holding up a single claw to illustrate the diameter of said birth canal.

Spike winced at the size. “Garden hose, Selten. Definitely the size of a garden hose.”

“... Yes, a garden hose.” Selten crinkled her snout and grimaced, “Now imagine it without lubrication. And the volleyball is covered in miniscule bumps and nodules.” She shivered, clearly not looking forward to the act of birthing.

Twilight shivered in sympathy. “Wow. Seems painful childbirth is universal. So that’s why it’ll take a week? How big is the clutch?”

“Seven eggs. One per day. Twenty four hours,” Selten muttered, holding her hind legs tightly together.

“Why is it that the number of eggs is a magically significant number? As is the number of days needed to lay them all?” Twilight asked. “How far along are you?”

“Three months,” Spike answered before tossing some gems into his mouth.

“Seven eggs in a clutch and a thirteen month pregnancy?” Twilight asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Dragons are tied to the leylines even further than the star bears are,” Selten primly explained, poring over the knowledge told to her by her sire and dame. “Leylines, as the olden tales proclaim, are the veins of the oldest and most powerful dragons, so deeply entwined with the earth that they have become it. It is no surprise that the magically significant numbers would become a part of our biology.”

Twilight noted that down. “Note to self: ask Ouroboros about the first dragons after him if I ever meet him.”

“Speaking of meetings…” Selten muttered, nudging Spike with a claw and pointing out towards Ponyville.

Spike flew over Ponyville’s market with Selten, sniffing around for that familiar scent. Finding it, he followed it over to Applejack’s stall, where Rarity and Blueblood were on some grocery shopping. Taking a breath, he angled down and landed with a gentle thud that shook the ground in the square. “Rarity?” He walked toward her slowly as Selten landed by his side.

“S-Spike?” Rarity asked faintly, leaning against a nearby stall. “I-is that really you? I’m sorry that we left on such a poor note, but… well… it was a bit of a surprise to all of us, I’m sure you understand?”

Spike looked away with a bashful smile before noticing a glint on Rarity’s left hand. “I see you and Blueblood got married while I was gone. Well… I did too.” He put his wing over Selten’s back. “This is Selten. My life-mate.”

Rarity gasped, putting her hands to her mouth and tearing up, “O-oh my word…. I’m so happy for you Spike! You found that special someone!” She leapt forward and hugged Spike around the neck, taking care to not jostle her belly.

Spike smiled and leaned into Rarity’s hug. “We’re expecting kids too. Seven actually.” He smiled and glanced at Rarity’s belly. “Boy or girl this time?”

“It’s a girl,” Rarity smiled, patting Spike’s jaw. “You seem different, Spike. And not just because you’re larger than before. Wherever did you get that strange patch over your chest?”

Spike chuckled. “That’s the spot where that gaping hole used to be. A phoenix egg fell in and the life magic somehow gave me true life. I’m not a dracolich anymore. I’m a living, breathing dragon.”

“Amazing….” Rarity breathed, then shook her head, “As amazing as that is, Spike, I’m afraid you’ll have to tell me the details another time. I have something very important to ask of you.”

“What is it, Rarity?” Spike asked. “I’ll still do anything for a dear friend. Selten too. Right, dear?” He looked at his mate with a grin.

“.... If that is what you wish,” Selten muttered, preoccupied with taking in the sights.

“Well then…” Rarity murmured, raising an eyebrow at Selten. “Anyway, Spike, dear, would you and your mate do us the immense honor of being the godparents of my children?”

Spike’s eyes widened as he stared at Rarity in shock. “Are… Are you serious, Rarity?”

“... What is a godparent?” Selten asked, tilting her head in confusion.

Rarity patted her belly and smiled a bit sadly, “It’s in case of, if both Blueblood and I are both unfit to be parents anymore- either through death or other circumstances- then you and Spike would be the children’s legal guardians until they were of legal age.”

Spike smiled at Selten. “Godparents are always someone the parents trust with their lives, and it’s considered an immense honor to be given that title.”

“Well, if it be such an honor…” Selten murmured, nuzzling Spike briefly, “then would you, Rarity of Ponyville, do the unimaginable honor of being the… godparent… of my children, should anything otherwise happen to me and my mate?”

Blueblood shared a smile with Rarity. “We would be honored, Selten.” He put his arm around Rarity’s shoulders. “We’re expecting Barb in a month.”

“Barb?” Spike asked, tilting his head. “Isn’t that another word for… my name?”

“Welllll… yes…” Rarity mumbled, blushing slightly, “I thought it was a fitting tribute to all that you’ve done these past few years and, well… it just felt right, you know?”

Spike laughed. “Are all your kids going to have versions of someone else’s name?”

You Obviously Haven't Seen What I Did to the Statue of Big J!

Spike slowly woke from his slumber and smiled at Selten as she slept beside him. Leaning down, he tenderly nuzzled her before slowly moving from their hoard to avoid waking her. Stepping outside their cave, he stretched and groaned as some joints popped and stretched his wings out.

“Mmm, love… where are you going?” Selten moaned, half buried under a pile of gems, her belly swollen with the weight of her quickly developing eggs. “It is far too early to be awake, my mate.”

Spike chuckled. “When you live with Twilight Sparkle all your life, you get used to waking up early. Sorry I woke you. I’m just doing some stretching.” He joined her on the hoard and brushed some of the treasure off her belly before nuzzling it. “Just four more months.” He breathed some small flames onto her belly.

Selten sighed and grumbled, blowing her own flames across Spike’s shoulders. “Four months indeed,” she murmured, idly poking at the bulge in her stomach.

Spike breathed some flame onto Selten’s throat and nuzzled it. “It’ll be worth the pain, my radiant jewel. No doubting that.”

“It had better be,” Selten groused, flicking her head into the air and frowning haughtily. She held the pose for as long as she could before breaking down into light giggles as she ate a few sapphires.

Spike chuckled with her and crunched several rubies before burping, a small wisp of smoke and flame forming into a sealed scroll that dropped into his claw. “I actually forgot about that little spell…”

“What spell?” Selten asked curiously, examining the scroll in Spike’s claw. “And what exactly is that scroll for?”

“Mom put a spell on my flame sacks that lets her send mail to Princess Celestia and receive mail from her.” He got to his feet and trudged toward the cave entrance. “Better take this to mom and get her to take the spell off. I’m not her secretary anymore.”

Spike landed outside the Golden Oak Library and stuck his head near the door to Twilight’s balcony. “Mom. Are you awake?”

Twilight grumbled and threw her alarm clock at Spike as hard as she could with her telekinesis. “Go ‘way,” she mumbled, still half asleep and trying futilely to block out the sun. “Too tired…”

Spike didn’t even twitch as the clock impacted against his snout and broke into pieces that fell to the balcony. “You’ve got a letter from the princess. FYI, since I moved out, I’m not your secretary anymore. So please take that spell off my flame sacks and put on your own aura or something.”

“Fuggoff… I’ll do it t’morrow….” Twilight dug back into the covers, snuggling against Alucard’s side and flipping Spike the bird. “Go ‘way y’ungrateful reptile….”

Spike stared and sucked in a breath before breathing a small lightning bolt at Twilight. Not enough to hurt her. Just enough to give her an unpleasant shock the moment it touched her bed sheets.

It bounced off of the subconsciously cast shield spell Twilight reflexively raised and returned the bolt with three times more power while alerting Twilight to the attack and waking her up enough to lob her own lightning bolt at Spike.

Spike flinched back at the impact of the bolts, growling as he reached into the bedroom and tore the sheets off Twilight. “Wake up!” he snapped, his voice booming for several blocks and causing a distressed wailing to start up from the crib at the foot of Twilight’s bed.

Twilight’s eyes immediately snapped open as she punched Spike in the face and activated a gravitational pulse generator spell, launching him out the window and allowing her to spin around and rush to the crib, gently shushing her daughter and shooting nasty glares at Spike. “Spike, I don’t give a damn if you’re my son too. You don’t wake up Integra when I’m sleeping!”

Spike looked sheepish as he recovered from the reel of the gravity pulse. “Sorry mom…” He put his head back to the door and found himself being glared at by Alucard. “I’m not apologizing to you too, Alucard. Ow!” He reeled back and gripped his snout in his claw. Alucard hit far harder than Twilight.

Alucard turned and started helping Twilight calm their daughter. “There, there, Integra. Everything’s fine. Mommy and daddy will protect you from the big, bad dragon.”

“Big, bad dragon?!” Spike asked in a protesting tone. “I’m her big brother!”

Integra slowly calmed down, quickly falling back asleep under the careful murmurs and ministrations of Alucard and Twilight. Twilight, once Integra fell back asleep, sighed in relief and turned to Spike, “Now, what’s so important that you had to barge in on my beauty sleep and wake up your baby sister like the bumbling oaf that Blueblood once was?”

“Did you really have to compare me to how he used to be?” Spike asked while suppressing a groan. He held out the letter from Celestia in his claw. “Like I said. Mail from the princess. FYI, I’m not your secretary.”

Twilight rolled her eyes, “You never were, considering that all you did was send and receive mail until we came here. And study too, but that’s beside the point. Now what’s in the letter?” She held out her hand, gently placing Integra back in her crib.

Spike tossed the scroll into Twilight’s hand and shrank down so that he could land on the balcony and enter the library, approaching the crib and taking a better look at his sister. “Alucard’s hair with your purple highlights?”

“Look again, there’s some weird blonde hairs in there too,” Twilight muttered, reading over the scroll’s contents. “.... What the f- ahem. What is Princess Celestia thinking…?” she exclaimed quietly, tossing the scroll away in shock.

Spike and Alucard looked over the fallen scroll and read until their eyes widened.

“Is she honestly…” Alucard muttered.

“And I thought mom was the insane one,” Spike added. “Guess gods are the craziest after all.”

“Oi!” Twilight spat, shaking her fist at Spike.

“Celestia vants to do vhat?!” Schrodinger asked in alarm from his spot beside Pinkie, one of their twin daughters in his lap and trying to climb up his shoulders to play with his ears.

Rainbow dug into her ears with a single finger, reclining in an equally alarmed Soarin’s lap, “It sounded like… Princess Celestia wanted to…. free Discord and…. reform him!?”

“Has she lost her mind?!” Applejack asked from between Flim and Flam, unconsciously holding them closer along with her sons.

“I certainly hope she doesn’t intend for us to do the reforming,” Rarity muttered, holding Elusive and Barb against her. “I’d just be more inclined to kill him and dump his corpse in the Everfree.”

“We’d have to figure out how to kill a god though,” Fluttershy pointed out while watching her son crawl around and play with some toys.

“Well it shouldn’t be that hard,” Gilda muttered sarcastically, tearing into a breakfast sandwich and leaning against both Rainbow and Soarin.

“What makes you say that, Gilda?” Alucard asked in curiosity as he held the sleeping Integra in his arms beside Twilight. “If killing gods were easy, there wouldn’t be any left.”

“It’s called sarcasm, Alucard,” Gilda replied, not even bothering to look up. “Look it up.” She finished her sandwich and yawned. “Damn, I did not wanna be woken up for this shit…”

“Mind your language around the children please, Gilda,” Blueblood said, giving Gilda a frown before a bright flaming aura flashed in the air, heralding the arrival of Princess Celestia. “Hello, Aunty.”

Celestia touched down serenely, a familiar, slightly eldritch looking, golf ball held in one hand, with the Elements of Harmony, hovering behind her in her telekinesis. “Hello, nephew, Twilight, and everyone. I wish I could have come at a better time, but this needs to be done. Twilight, you know what to do.”

Twilight took a moment to cast a soundproofing spell around the children’s ears before standing and walking toward Celestia. “Princess. With all due respect…” She grabbed the front of Celestia’s dress and started shaking her. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?!”

Celestia calmly removed Twilight’s hands from her dress and sighed, “There are signs of great conflict on the horizon- conflict that cannot be resolved even with the combined strength of all of Equestria’s current assets. It is my hope that, should Discord be reformed, that he may be the tipping point that allows for the continued survival of Equestria.”

“Need ve remind you vhat Discord did zhe last time he vas loose, Tia?” Schrodinger asked with a frown.

“I agree with Schrodinger, Celestia,” Alucard said. “Discord is a wild card that we have no hope of putting on a leash.”

“Discord is wonderfully predictable once you learn his cues,” Celestia rebutted, pulling out a scroll and handing it to Twilight. “Plus, he only does things that he perceives as fun. These days, as opposed to thousands of years ago, he is more of a juvenile prankster than anything, though he does occasionally have flashes of his… older cruelty.”

“Like how he raped us in one way or another last time he was free?” Pinkie asked bitterly as she thought of that cruel doppelganger of her love.

“... W-well, yes…” Celestia coughed awkwardly, looking side to side with a mortified blush on her face. “B-but still, I’m sure you’ll be able to reform him. If not, we’ll just seal him away again and I can throw him into the sun.”

Twilight looked at the assembled group. “Thoughts? I still think this is a horrible idea that should never have been considered, but if the princess is so sure…”

Rarity snorted, “As if I’d ever even let that disgusting being anywhere near my children.” She tossed her hair in contempt, gazing balefully at the golf ball in Celestia’s grip.

“Got that right, Rarity!” Rainbow spat, holding Soarin and Gilda close. “No way in Tartarus that I’m sticking around that jerk!”

Blueblood looked at Celestia with a contemplative look. “Perhaps it’s possible. Aunty may have her moments of strange behavior, but I’ve always trusted her to have sound judgment.”

“Wait what!?” Rarity nearly screeched, looking at Blueblood with a scandalized expression, mirrored by almost everyone else in the group. “Why would you ever agree to letting that… that monster free!?”

“My time with Raava and Vaatu taught me a lot more than martial arts and discipline,” Blueblood said. “I also gained an appreciation for philosophy, and Discord being evil is just a matter of perspective.” He sighed at the intensified stares. “It’s like this. There are deities whose purpose is to create life. To watch over and protect it. Like Aunty. But there are also those whose purpose is to destroy.”

Rarity deadpanned at Blueblood, “Still not a very good reason to unseal him.” She sighed and toyed with Barb’s hair, letting Elusive run free to chase butterflies.

“Order and Chaos. Creation and Destruction,” Blueblood replied. “Both forces are necessary to check each other. Without one, the universe would go out of balance. It’s why the Elements only imprisoned Discord. Without him, the world would be far worse off.”

“Blueblood, dear,” Rarity sighed, bringing a hand to her temple, “I know you’re eager to explain your philosophy but I seriously do not see a good reason to unseal and even attempt to reform what may or may not be an unrepentant…” she covered Barb’s ears and cast a quick soundproofing spell, “...asshole.”

“My soundproofing spell is still active, Rarity,” Twilight deadpanned. “And I can kinda see Blueblood’s point. Princess Celestia makes sure things are in order, but Discord, for better or for worse, brings change and keeps things from stagnating. So maybe he could be convinced to make sure his chaos brings change for the better.”

Rarity sighed and turned to Fluttershy, “Fluttershy, darling, you were afflicted the worst by Discord. Don’t you have anything to say on the matter?” She raised an eyebrow expectantly at Fluttershy,

Fluttershy looked up from watching her son play. “What Discord did was absolutely despicable, and I doubt I’ll ever forgive him for what he did to me. But maybe he can change. Alucard used to be a monster too, and Twilight changed him. Who’s to say Discord can’t change too? If Twilight and Alucard are willing to chance it, then I will too.”

“I won’t deny that being around you humans profoundly changed me,” Alucard admitted. “When I first met Twilight, I was rather annoyed at being bound to her as her servant, but that anger eroded into nothing as I spent time with her over the years.”

Pinkie nodded and, after ducking behind Schrodinger, checked the scri- Oi get out of here!

“But I wanna knoooww~!”

No! Get back inside the story!

“Fiiiine…”

Ahem.

“Anozher time perhaps, meine leibe,” Schrodinger whispered with twitching ears as he dragged Pinkie from the editing room and back into the set. “Ve’re back! So vhat’s zhe decision?”

“Did y’all go somewhere…?” Applejack mumbled in confusion, scratching her head while raising a questioning eyebrow at the both of them. “Whatever. We decided ta let the snake go free fer now. If’n he acts like a right jerk again, we’re blastin’ him into a pile a’ ash.”

Twilight’s telekinesis took the Elements from Celestia and distributed them among their bearers. “Alright. Let’s let him out then.” Using the Elements as a focus, Twilight focused the spell to free Discord and unleashed it on the golf ball, which had been set on the ground.

With a bright flash of chaotic rainbow color, the ball dissolved into the ash from whence it came. Said ash immediately swirled around and reformed into a very garishly designed creature. “Tada~!” Discord cheered, spinning in place as if he were the star of a fashion show.

A shadow passed over the group before Spike carefully landed next to Rarity and Blueblood. “Hey, Rarity. Could you help me find some sapphires for Selten? She’s craving them and we’ve run ou-” He stopped speaking as he saw Discord. “Discord!!!” He deeply inhaled and spit a lightning bolt at the Lord of Chaos.

“Whoa there!” Discord yelped, teleporting behind a tree and cowering. “Watch where you spit those things you ugly lizard!” He stepped out and threw a pie at Spike’s face, pouting indignantly.

Spike grew large enough to shield the entire group as he snarled at Discord. “You hurt my family and friends, Discord! I’m not letting you near them again!” He spat a more powerful lightning bolt at Discord.

“Gah! Would you stop that! I’m trying to make a dramatic entrance here!” Discord spat, flicking Spike away from him and summarily turning to Celestia, “So you want to reform me, eh? Well you should know by now it’s an impossible task, Tia.”

Celestia scowled at Discord and crossed her arms. “Just because we had a thing 2000 years ago doesn’t mean you’re still allowed to call me that, Discord.”

“Wait you WHAT!?” Twilight shouted, jumping to her feet in utter shock, pointing dramatically at both Celestia and Discord. “How the hell did the two of you even get together!? You’re human and he’s obviously, well…. something… else…”

“Says the woman that married a vampire lord,” Celestia said with a smirk. “You should know better than anyone that love cares not for gender or species. It blooms where it wills. And at the time, Discord and I were very much in love.”

“That’s right~” Discord sang, snapping his talons and causing a fanciful tuxedo and a bouquet of roses to appear on him. “Tia and I go way back! As a matter of fact, so far back that Equestria was barely even a thing at the time!”

“It was during the warring tribes era that Discord and I first met,” Celestia said as she swatted the roses from Discord’s hand. “We continued dating after Luna and I began ruling Equestria. He may not act it now, but he was quite the charmer in those days.” She scowled at Discord again. “And I told you not to call me that!”

Discord elected to ignore the last sentence and focused on an entirely different one. “What do you mean ‘was’!? I’ll have you know that I can charm the pants off of any woman I want!” he exclaimed, his tuxedo disappearing as he crossed his arms.

“Please. You’re nothing like the Prince of Madness that I fell in love with,” Celestia said with a roll of her eyes. “Our relationship is over and buried, Discord. But I’m sure that Twilight and her friends can make you more agreeable to using your power for the good of Equestria.” She pointedly turned her back to him and smiled at Twilight. “I await word of your success, Twilight.” With that, she rose off the ground and teleported back to Canterlot.

“Tartarus hath no fury indeed, Discord,” Schrodinger said, smugly grinning at Discord getting the cold shoulder from Celestia.

“Oh shut up before I turn you back into an imaginary number,” Discord groused, arms crossed and a heavy pout resting on his face.

Schrodinger hid behind Pinkie reflexively, shivering at the memory as Spike glared at Discord while moving between him and his friends.

“Well… I think I see a means to reform Discord after all,” Alucard said with a small smirk.

“Oh?” Discord teased, raising an eyebrow in clear disbelief. “And just how do you plan on doing that, oh great vampire king?”

“Is it not obvious?” Alucard asked, his smirk widening. “Even after all these centuries, you still love Celestia.”

Discord’s eyes went wide, going so far as to pop out of his head as he bowed backwards in helpless, gut shaking laughter. “Pffffahahahahahahaha! You think I’m still in love with that old bag? What a joke! And not the good kind either!”

“I’m quite serious, Discord,” Alucard said. “If you want, I can call up Cadance. A love goddess always knows when someone is in love.” He put a hand to his chin. “Actually… She could be very helpful here. Twilight. How long would it take to summon Shining Armor, Cadance, and Chrysalis?”

“About maybe a few days if they take the normal routes down here,” Twilight tapped her chin, calculating figures rapidly in her mind and snapping her fingers. “If they have the appropriate teleport pad, then it’d take about an hour at most.”

“Well then we’d better prepare teleportation,” Alucard said. “We have need of our favorite love goddess, and I’m sure she’s just dying to meet Integra.”

“And that reminds me why I came in the first place,” Spike said as he carefully stepped around the kids that were wandering while approached Rarity. “I need your help finding sapphires for Selten. She’s craving them and we’ve run out.”

Rarity blinked, “Well that just simply will not do!” She sprung to her feet and dug through her bag, handing Spike a map, “I’m sorry I can’t help you more, but there’s markings on that map that will help you find gems of all kinds. For a dragon of your stature, the only danger there I suppose is your own stomach.”

Spike chuckled as he accepted the map. “I already ate. Selten insisted on it so I don’t eat her sapphires on the way back. Thanks for the help.” He paused to smile at his godchildren and gently nuzzle them before taking to the air and heading for the area marked on the map.

“Dragon no take our gems!” the diamond dog pack leader roared, clad in plate armor and brandishing a sword as he charged towards Spike with murder in his eyes. The rest of the dogs cheered their leader on, charging in behind him and hoping to overwhelm Spike with sheer numbers.

“Und zhis year’s Darvin Avard goes to…. Zhe Diamond Dog pack located just outside Ponyville!” Schrodinger held up a gold painted plastic bust of Darwin and bowed to the raucous applause of Pinkie.

Spike rolled his eyes and let the dogs break their weapons against his scales. “Not the brightest bunch, are you?” He inhaled and exhaled a huge wall of green fire that cooked the majority of the dogs alive in their armor. Once he had finished blowing fire, he grabbed the pack leader in his jaws and tossed him up to catch him in his mouth completely, chewing him thoughtfully before swallowing. “Not bad. I know Selten is craving sapphires, but protein from the meat and the iron in the armor will be good for the eggs.”

The few surviving diamond dogs whimpered weakly as they retreated back into their burrows and fetched as many sapphires as they could.

Spike grinned and collected the sapphires into his pocket dimension and stored the roasted carcasses in a separate one. “Thank you for your cooperation. Hopefully you’ve learned not to attack a fully grown dragon head on with your puny iron weapons. Next time I come by, you treat me with the same respect that you show to the purple haired woman that really likes knives. Got it?”

“Y-yes, M-master…” the whimpering dog bowed and retreated back into the tunnels, taking the rest of the dogs with her.

Spike couldn’t help pumping his claw in victory. “I am fucking awesome.” With a couple of flaps, he took to the air and headed back toward his and Selten’s den with the food she was craving.

Spike entered the den with a grin. “I’m home!” He opened his pocket dimensions and spilled out the sapphires and roast diamond dog. “One order of sapphires and a side of roast diamond dog with iron armor seasoning on the house. Bon appetit, my radiant jewel.”

Selten crinkled her nose, “While I appreciate the iron supplement, my handsome mate, I rather dislike the smell of charred dog.” She tossed her head imperiously and indicated a dug out area over to the side, “You may place the iron over there. I feel that one of our children would do well to be able to spit globs of molten metal at opponents, do you not think?”

“That sounds badass,” Spike said as he started picking the armor off the carcasses and tossed it over to where Selten indicated. “So what about the carcasses? Protein supplement for the eggs you know.”

“Hmph, only if they taste better than they smell,” Selten muttered, stroking her belly idly and rolling onto her side. “Eugh, I cannot help but feel disgustingly bloated. I feel much like a beach ball, but scalier and much more pleasing to the eye.”

Spike smiled and nuzzled her belly, breathing gentle flames onto it. “And you’re also mine. Mine alone.” He gently lay his head against her belly and closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of his mate’s scales on his cheek as he rubbed against the swell of her belly.

“You flatter me,” Selten murmured, arching her back and stretching lightly. “And of course, flattery takes you everywhere, my love.” She leaned down and nuzzled Spike gently, blowing her own flame over his neck.

Spike let out a groan of pleasure at the flame’s touches. “You know just the right spots, my radiant jewel.” He shifted and curled up beside Selten, his tail twining with hers. “Celestia got a crazy idea. Probably her craziest yet. She wants to reform Discord of all people.”

“Discord?” Selten asked, raising a brow curiously, “Who is this…. Discord? The name sounds familiar, but nothing comes to mind.”

“He’s one of the gods,” Spike explained. “Specifically the god of chaos and madness. He was imprisoned for centuries, but got loose a year or two ago and hurt my friends and family pretty badly. When I saw him free I spit a couple of lightning bolts at him on instinct. Last time he was free he turned Equestria into the chaos capital of the world.”

“Ah, him,” Selten groused, flicking her tail in agitation. “Legends often told of a strange being who crowned himself the god of chaos and madness. Hmph, and the humans’ princess wants him running loose? What an idiotic notion.”

“Well Celestia’s judgment is usually good. If Discord can’t be reformed, they’ll just turn him back into stone. But they seem to have a plan that involves my aunts and uncle.”

“Aunts? Uncle?” Selten asked, tilting her head in confusion. “Are those more familial terms?”

“Yeah. My mom’s older brother and his wives,” Spike confirmed. “Shining Armor can be badass when he wants, but he’s kind of a pussy where mom is concerned. She’s knocked him into a wall hundreds of times. Chrysalis is a changeling, but since getting an infinite supply of love to feed on alongside her hive, she’s a lot nicer. If an unrepentant tease… And Cadance is the resident goddess of love. She’s fond of causing baby booms.”

“Ahh, I see. Aunts and Uncles are like Dame and Sire clutch-mates.” Selten nodded and then blinked again, “.... What are baby booms…?”

“Baby booms are basically a lot of couples having kids relatively close to each other in time frame. Usually intended to increase a potentially dwindling population,” Spike explained.

Selten nodded, “Mating frenzies, then. When ovulation cycles occur every two weeks and pregnancies last for five months. Now, what exactly were we talking about previously? This… Discord… character?”

“Apparently he dated Celestia a couple thousand years ago and Alucard thinks they still love each other, so he plans to get Cadance and Chrysalis to help get them to admit it,” Spike said.

“..... That reeks of a horribly laid plan,” Selten muttered, rolling back into her treasure pile and dropping her head under a wing. “Wake me when the idiocy is over, my love. And also find some place to store those fetid carcasses.”

“So you’re not getting completely naked for the camera?” Discord asked, floating on his back on Fluttershy’s left as she headed to her photoshoot. “Laaaaaame. What’s the point of having that sexy bod if you’re not baring all, eh?” He winked salaciously and popped into a bright flash, a camera appearing in his hands while Fluttershy’s clothes disappeared for a moment. “Work it baby!”

Fluttershy reflexively applied an illusion to hide her nudity as she gave Discord her Stare. “Give me back my clothes right now, Discord! Only Alucard and Twilight are allowed to see me naked! And no, I’m not doing nude modeling. I model lingerie and bikinis.”

“Hrk!” Discord reflexively choked up under the stare before he snapped his fingers and returned Fluttershy’s outfit. “F-fine, fine, w-whatever… just… stop Staring at me!”

Fluttershy giggled. “I can stare the chaos god into submission now. How about that?” A roar rent the air before a massive spiky blue wolf creature bolted into the square, roaring at the sky as its spines glowed blue and sparked with electricity from hundreds of glowing insects gathering on its back.

“What the fuck is that!?” Discord yelped, falling out of the air and landing on the ground while his jaws and eyes literally fell to the ground. “I didn’t make that! I don’t remember making one of those!”

Fluttershy squeed loudly at the creature. “A zinogre! They’re so majestic aren’t they?!” She giggled and started strolling toward the snarling monster. “Looks like a wolf even though it’s a fanged wyvern. And has a symbiotic relationship with thunderbugs. They give it electrical power, and it protects them from their main predator which also happens to be the zinogre’s favorite prey!” She didn’t stop drawing closer even as she spoke. “Oh you’re so precious!”

The zinogre snarled and swiped at Fluttershy, roaring out a challenge while sparks flew through the air.

A brick plonked into being from behind Discord’s hind legs. He surreptitiously kicked it back out of existence and shuffled over to Fluttershy, “Not that I care, but… uh…. shouldn’t you be running by now?”

“Oh you’re thinking of cowardly human me, Discord,” Fluttershy said with a giggle. “New vampire me just loves big vicious monsters!” She grinned at the zinogre. “Come give mama a hug, big boy!”

The zinogre roared again and charged, head lowered and maw open so as to bite Fluttershy in half. Each footstep thundered through the air and shook the ground, all the while making sparks fly through the air from the thunderbugs upon its back.

“Yeah, nope. Fuck this!” Discord shook his head, put on a pair of sunglasses, snapped his fingers, and disappeared in a flash of light.

Fluttershy giggled and leapt back, dodging the swipes with casual ease and lightly bopping the zinogre on the nose. The creature roared in return, swiping the air and crashing through buildings as its rage powered an unhealthily intense desire to maul the vampire teasing it.

As the zinogre began tossing itself through buildings, Fluttershy frowned and rolled her eyes, gently (for her, at least) pushing it out of Quills and Sofas and towards the edge of town. “Bad zinogre. You don’t destroy the town.”

The zinogre slid to a halt and stood shakily, dirt falling from it in clumps along with the shattered exoskeletons of a few unlucky thunderbugs. As it crawled from the trench Fluttershy had launched it into, she landed in front of it and patted its snout once again, a cheery smile on her face.

Rage kindled anew, the zinogre swiped again, charging after Fluttershy even as she led it on a merry chase out of town and finally slid to a halt right at the edge of the Everfree Forest. She slowly turned around… and Stared.

“Sit!” she commanded, hand held outstretched with her palm facing the zinogre.

Unable to argue, the zinogre helplessly complied, sitting on its haunches and shaking in utter terror.

“Shake,” Fluttershy ordered as she turned her palm up, still Staring into the zinogre’s eyes.

A single massive paw came forward and dropped into a gentle rest in Fluttershy’s hand. At this point, the zinogre had stopped shaking and began panting, much like a dog.

“.... What the fuck. Seriously, what the fuck,” Discord muttered, shaking his head. “Even for me that’s crazy!”

“When I was human, my talent was working with animals,” Fluttershy explained as she started scratching the zinogre’s chin. “And now that I’m a vampire, I can do the same with monsters.” She giggled as the zinogre lay on its back under her ministrations. “Aw you’re just a big softie, aren’t you, Volgin?” she cooed.

Volgin panted happily, arching his belly towards Fluttershy and whining for belly rubs.

“I’ll say it again, that’s fucking crazy,” Discord muttered, slightly unnerved by how Fluttershy was treating an animal he literally had no experience with in any capacity.

“The god of madness is calling something crazy?” Fluttershy asked, giggling at the irony as she gave Volgin a belly rub.

“When it comes to that!?” Discord waved his paw at Volgin, “Yes.” With that, he vanished, hopefully to find something more sane to mess with.

“RULES OF NATURE!” the sounds of absolutely epic metal echoed through the Ghastly Gorge as Vinyl absolutely tore through the hordes of quarray eels attempting to eat her.

“And they run when the sun comes up,
With their lives on the line!
(Alive!)
For a while,
(No choice!)
Gotta follow the laws of the wild!”

“C’mon! Give me a challenge!” she teased, effortlessly grasping the fin on one eel and using it as a leverage point to rip it from the gorge wall and fling it to the other side, killing it on impact.

“(Alive!)
With their lives on the line!
(No choice!)
Out here only the strong survive!”

The remaining eels shrieked in fear, slamming their jaws forward as Vinyl flipped and spun through the air, just barely dodging between their snapping maws and even landing inside one eel’s mouth to decapitate it from within.

“The time has come to an end!
Yeah this is what nature planned!”

Vinyl sprinted across the walls of the gorge, blade dragging behind her as she leapt from eel to eel, using their heads as stepping stones and killing the ones that got too close for comfort. Below, DeadMau5 casually loped along behind the destruction, blaring out Vinyl’s preferred workout music.

“Being tracked by a starving beast,
Looking for its daily feast.
A predator on the verge of death,
Close to its last breath.
Getting close to its last breath!”

Finally, when the gorge finally widened out into a proper basin, Vinyl slid to a halt in the dust, smirking up at a very reluctant MEGADETH.

“Do we have to do this?” the gargantuan UG muttered, already knowing the answer.

Vinyl’s sword sang as she swiped it through the air, “Sorry pal, but don’t worry; I’ll make sure to oil you nice and neat after the R&D boys put you back together!”

“.... Fine….” MEGADETH roared and struck forth, gun ports opening alongside the cockpit masquerading as a head and firing at Vinyl.

“RULES OF NATURE!”

With a chuckle of exhilaration, Vinyl dodged to the side, effortlessly sprinting out of the path of the bullets and rushing at MEGADETH. Another roar echoed through the basin as MEGADETH unleashed his missiles, dozens of them arcing through the air from every port on his body.

“And they run when the sun comes up,
With their lives on their line!
(Alive!)
For a while,
(No choice!)
Gotta follow the laws of the wild!”

DeadMau5 muttered a quick, “Here we go again…” as he scrambled away, just barely dodging the wild spray of explosions while Vinyl took to the air, leaping from missile to missile while cutting them in half to prematurely detonate them and propel her even faster.

“(Alive!)
With their lives on the line!
(No choice!)
Out here only the strong survive!”

MEGADETH’s head swiveled around, opening and simultaneously firing his plasma cannon. A brilliant arc of orange fire lit up the sky, tracking Vinyl even as she dodged in midair with sonic pulses.

“The time has come to an end!
Yeah this is what nature planned!

“Being tracked by a starving beast,
Looking for its daily feast.
A predator on the verge of death,
Close to its last breath.
Getting close to its last breath!”

When Vinyl landed, MEGADETH immediately spun around and slammed his right wing down, a massive blade sliding free and impacting Vinyl’s blade with crushing force.

“Oh, right, yes…. RULES OF NATURE!” DeadMau5’s speakers blared once more, providing Vinyl the cue she needed to slide free from the block and throw MEGADETH into the air. A quick hop and a sprint later, and she was running up the length of MEGADETH’s blade, slicing it to pieces behind her.

“And they run when the sun comes up,
With their lives on their line!
(Alive!)
For a while,
(No choice!)
Gotta follow the laws of the wild!”

MEGADETH spun in the air, his tail whipping forward to catch Vinyl’s airborne form in the side, though instead of sending her flying, she stabbed the tail and dragged downwards, slicing off the tip and allowing her to fall, once again slicing the tail to bits on the way down.

“(Alive!)
With their lives on the line!
(No choice!)
Out here only the strong survive!”

The impact of MEGADETH’s frame hitting the ground threw up a massive cloud of dust and instantly dispersed it with a shock wave, the force of it almost managing to push Vinyl back while MEGADETH stood and used the remaining projectiles in his left wing to create covering fire while his head swung back around and unleashed the plasma cannon once more.

“What’s done is done,
Survived to see another day.
The game of life,
The hunter and the agile prey.
No guarantee,
Which of them will succeed,
Strong or weak!”

Vinyl smirked, “Now we’re talking!” She leapt once more, flipping on top of a missile and immediately kicking it down, sending it crashing into yet another missile while she repeated the process, spinning and twisting in midair to dodge the searing heat of MEGADETH’s plasma cannon.

“Rules of nature!”

Landing lightly on MEGADETH’s left wing, she sprinted across its length and shredded it like its counterpart, leaping into the air once again when she reached MEGADETH’s torso and slamming her blade down into and through his head, driving the massive UG to the ground and into an instant deactivation.

“Rules of nature!”

A few hundred yards away, Discord stealthily pushed a pile of gold bricks out of sight behind a tree.

“Excellent training session, Vinyl. Again.” DeadMau5 walked over to Vinyl and rubbed against her leg. “You treat MEGADETH so poorly.”

Vinyl chuckles and patted DeadMau5’s head, “Ah, he can take it. Besides, he’s getting a lot better every time he fights. And the R&D guys always add more crap to him every time… and never tell me until he uses it, but still.” She turned to Discord, “Hey! Did you just shit bricks!?”

“No!” Discord denied, kicking the still visible pile out of existence and teleporting away once again.

“.... Weird-ass snake thing,” Vinyl muttered.

“Discord is an odd one indeed,” DeadMau5 agreed. “Now about my oiling? I feel dust in some of my joints.”

“Fiiiiine,” Vinyl groused, smacking DeadMau5’s head. “The hell are you complaining about dust for anyway? Aren’t most of your joints hermetically sealed and dust protected?”

“Oh gods… oh gods… I’m gonna…!” A flash of light and a feminine shriek came just as Shining Armor did, blinding him and his wives for a brief moment while they wound down from their love making.

“Dear fucking gods! Alucard get me the brain bleach!” Twilight screamed, covering her eyes and scrambling for the door to her laboratory, stumbling from both mortification and trauma. “Why can’t I unsee it!? WHY CAN’T I UNSEE IT!?”

“What can’t you unsee, Twilight?” Alucard asked as he came out of the shooting range and stopped dead in his tracks. “Um… Twilight? You’ve uh… got something on your face.”

Twilight paused, took a deep breath, gingerly touched the substance on her face, and sniffed it. “Alucard?” she asked calmly, her shaking shoulders belying her true emotions.

“Yes, Twilight?” Alucard asked, looking at her in concern once he noticed her trembling. “What is it?”

“I need you to shoot me in the face. Thirteen times,” she answered, turning green with nausea over the fact that she had her own brother’s semen splattered over her face. “Because gods know that I will never get over the mortification of having Shining Armor’s semen splattered all over my face.”

“I’m not shooting you, Twilight,” Alucard said point blank. “As awkward as that must be for you, I’m sure you’ll eventually get over it. You summoned them while they were having sex, didn’t you?”

“..... Apparently it was right as they finished,” Twilight admitted, blindly holding out her hand. “If you’re not going to shoot me, then get me a towel, please.”

Alucard handed Twilight a towel as a seductive voice could be heard from the lab.

“You shoot such big loads, Shiny,” Twilight’s voice purred. Chrysalis was in her sister-in-law’s form, clearly. “And still so hard and raring to go, you naughty boy. Does plowing your sister turn you on that much, BBBFF?”

Twilight sighed as she toweled off her face and scrubbed it down with a handful of conveniently placed hand sanitizer, “Can you shoot me now? I did not need to hear that.”

Cadance’s giggle came from the lab. “Come on, Chrysalis. Cut her a little slack. At least wait until she recovers from seeing her brother’s huge... hard... throbbing cock.”

“Nope. Not dealing with this anymore. Nope. I’m out. Goodbye Alucard, please shoot all three of them for me, but don’t drink the blood- it’ll infect you with disgusting love goddess mentality.” With that said, Twilight teleported away to drown her disgust in milkshakes and sugary pastries.

Alucard laughed and grinned. “Would you three get dressed? There’s a reason we called you here, and it’s not just to finally meet your niece.”

“Wait, niece!?” Shining Armor gasped, gently extricating himself from the grips of Cadance and Chrysalis and rushing to Alucard, “I have a niece!?”

“Yes. And you can meet her once you get dressed,” Alucard said, smiling at Cadance and Chrysalis as they emerged from the lab fully clothed.

“... Oh. Right.” Shining Armor blushed and ran back to the lab to search for something to wear.

“So what’s this I hear about a niece?” Cadance asked, grinning angelically.

“Twilight gave birth to a healthy dhampire girl about seven months ago,” Alucard said. “My daughter is a darling little thing.” He glanced at the lab. “At least put some pants on, Shining Armor.”

“Where the tartarus am I supposed to find pants in here!?” Shining Armor called back, clad in nothing more than one of Twilight’s spare lab coats. “This is a research lab down here, not a fucking wardrobe!”

Alucard rolled his eyes and sent some shadows down into the lab that wrapped around the screaming Shining Armor. “Oh don’t be such a baby!” The shadows formed into a copy of Alucard’s signature suit, minus the gloves and badass red coat.

“..... I feel so violated…. and not in the good way,” Shining Armor muttered, finally rejoining the rest of the group. “So why are we here again, and where is my niece?”

Alucard led the trio up to the master bedroom and gently pulled the sleeping Integra from her crib, showing her to them. “Shining Armor, Cadance, Chrysalis. Meet Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing.”

“Oh she’s so cute~!” Shining Armor squealed rather unexpectedly, cooing over his niece in an entirely unmanly fashion. “How old is she?”

“About seven months old,” Alucard said as Integra stirred and opened her eyes, looking in curiosity at her uncle and aunts.

“She’s so precious…” Cadance whispered, dangling her finger in front of Integra’s face while Shining Armor went to pick her up. “.... I have to ask, though… why is she blonde? Neither you nor Twilight have any blond at all.”

“Your guess is as good as mine or Twilight’s,” Alucard said as he allowed Shining Armor to take Integra from his arms, Integra giggling as she gripped and squeezed Cadance’s fingers.

Shining Armor all but melted, cooing and giggling over Integra even more than Cadance. Chrysalis, on the other hand, scoffed and muttered, “Eh, I guess she’s cute enough.”

Integra fixed her gaze on Chrysalis and laughed as she reached out to her, wanting her to hold her. Chrysalis merely stared in return, raising an eyebrow. “I’m not holding you,” she stated casually, booping Integra’s nose with an outstretched finger.

Integra’s answer to that was an absolutely adorable display of puppy dog eyes, complete with quivering lower lip. “Even I can’t resist that face,” Alucard said, waiting for Chrysalis to crack.

“No…. no… no…. no…..” Chrysalis turned away and shuddered mightily, repeating her mantra to herself even as her formidable defenses began to crack, “No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no……...fffffffffffffffff okay fine!” With that, she spun and snatched Integra from Shining Armor’s grasp and cuddled her. “Damn brat is too cute for her own good.”

Alucard chuckled as Integra played with Chrysalis’ hair with a smile on her face. “And now that you’ve met your niece, shall we get to why you were summoned?”

“So zhat’s zhe gist!” Schrodinger said with a cheerful smile as he leaned on the wall beside the playpen that had been installed in response to the baby boom. “Celestia vants Discord reformed, und zhe plan is to get zhem to admit zhey are still in love. You can help vith zhat, yes?”

“Cadance would be more help than me,” Chrysalis muttered, idly watching Cadance as she cooed over the children in the playpen. “She is the love goddess. I, on the other hand, would be perfectly capable of just getting them to make like rabbits for a few hours or days… or weeks, depending on how regularly they go for meals and sleep.”

“Um, Twilight? A thought occurs,” Blueblood said in a nervous tone. “If we’re all here, having this meeting… Who’s keeping an eye on Discord?” The silence became deafening and near palpable as the realization sank in and was reflected on the faces of all present as looks of horror.

“Oh s-” Twilight hastily applied a soundproofing spell over the playpen, then continued, “Oh SHIT. Everyone out! Now! Find Discord and if he’s up to something, beat the shit out of him if you can! Go go go!” She teleported out immediately, the air crackling violet in her wake.

Alucard looked around at the momentarily stunned group. “Well go on! You heard her!” He ran out of the shop after kicking the door off its hinges and into someone’s roof in his haste.

“Always something fun to do, isn’t there?” Vinyl grinned as she raced out, runes flaring and assembling her suit around her and dropping her immediately into invisibility as the new tech implemented whirred to life.

Octavia sighed, “No subtlety in that one, is there?” Still she smirked in response and followed Vinyl at a more sedate pace, using her own senses to look out for anything suspicious.

Sweetie Belle stared at the scattered stampede of people with a tilted head and arched eyebrow. “Did my sister, brother-in-law, and all their friends just barge out of Sugarcube Corner as though they were being chased by Tirek? And didn’t Alucard kick the door into Diamond Tiara’s place?”

“...... Your family is kinda weird, Sweetie,” Button Mash answered, rather more focused on Sweetie Belle herself than everyone around her. His eyes traced over her form, naturally following the lines of her slightly-shorter-than-normal dress and coming to a rest on her partially exposed cleavage. Immediately, his eyes flicked back to her face as he blushed mightily, “A-ah, so y’wanna go to the arcade after this?”

“Sure!” Sweetie Belle answered with a smile and pretending not to notice he’d been staring at her chest. “Let’s go, Button,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his right arm, gently resting his upper arm in her cleavage.

Button Mash’s blush increased threefold as he stammered and led Sweetie Belle to the door, awkwardly trying to shift his pants to a more comfortable position, “Y-yeah! I heard they just put in this new game, Road Brawler, and I’ve been itching to try it out for the last week!”

Sweetie Belle giggled as she grinned. “Me too! I’ve heard a lot of good things about it.” She sat down in one of the out of the way booths and patted the spot beside her on the inside of the semicircle bench.

Button Mash sat down quickly, thankful for the table blocking Sweetie Belle’s view and allowing him to surreptitiously shift his pants. “So…. what’re you gonna get?” he asked casually, running through the various options in his mind.

“I’m thinking a vanilla milkshake,” Sweetie Belle said as she leaned affectionately on her boyfriend. “What about you?” she asked as she started trailing her right hand’s index finger over his thigh.

“Eep! E-er, I’ll take… I’ll take a chocolate milkshake, I think… yeah, that sounds good,” Button Mash blushed, coughing lightly into his fist and looking around for something to distract him from Sweetie Belle’s teasing.

“Why do you seem so nervous, Button?” Sweetie Belle asked with a teasing smile as she gently squeezed the inside of his thigh. “There’s no need to be nervous around your girlfriend.” She leaned up and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“B-buh…” came Button Mash’s reply of verbal excellence. He had frozen as soon as Sweetie Belle’s lips touched his cheek, and his blush had reached a brightness almost visible from space. Thankfully, he was saved by the timely arrival of the milkshakes and quickly began sucking his down, mindless of the fact that- “GAH THAT WAS A BAD IDEA!” he cried, toppling over and spasming from brain freeze.

…. mindless of the fact that milkshakes are cold.

Sweetie Belle giggled and pulled him back into a sitting position and kissed him, sticking her tongue in his mouth and rubbing it against the roof to help get rid of the brain freeze. After about ten seconds, she pulled away and smiled. “Feel better?” she asked while tapping his nose with her finger. “You can be so silly sometimes.”

Button Mash didn’t reply, so lost was he in his pleasant daze. His blush, on the other hand, belied his true emotions… as did the slight tent in his pants and his goofy grin. “Uhuh….” he mumbled, eyes unfocused and staring at the ceiling.

“Dazed just from me kissing you, darling?” Sweetie Belle asked while rolling her eyes with a smile. “You’re such a dork.” She leaned on him again and trailed her hand down to squeeze his tent. “We’ve been dating for six months, and you’re still so nervous about taking our relationship further.”

“W-well, ah I- Gah!” Button Mash jumped in his seat, almost hyperventilating. “Sweetie! We’re in public!” he hissed, shiftily looking around the rest of Sugarcube Corner and attempting to pry Sweetie Belle’s hand from his crotch.

“Just act natural, darling,” Sweetie Belle whispered as her telekinesis redirected his hand to her inner thigh. “No need to be nervous,” she breathed as she gently stroked him. “You can touch me too, Button. Just relax.”

“Ah-uhhhhhh….” Button Mash’s brain went into a feedback loop, almost visibly overheating from Sweetie Belle’s touch. “I-uh… ah… I…..”

Sweetie Belle smiled at her boyfriend’s stutter. “Don’t be nervous, Button. You know I love you, and would never hit you for checking me out. I’m not one of those tsundere video game chicks after all.”

“A-alright…?” Button Mash hesitantly reached out and put his hand on Sweetie Belle’s…. thigh. Satisfied with what little progress he had made, he grinned nervously at Sweetie Belle and chuckled, “I-I guess I’m still not used to the girlfriend thing yet, huh?”

“You’ll get better, darling,” Sweetie Belle purred as she pecked him on the lips before whispering in his ear. “Now rub my thigh. And feel free to explore up my skirt.”

Steam all but blasted out of Button Mash’s ears as he froze up once again, thus halting his progress for the moment. Appropriately, his milkshake had begun to melt.

“H-hey dad…. I-I know I haven’t visited a lot lately, but school has kept me busy….”

A light breeze blew through the brightly lit grounds of Ponyville’s cemetery, carrying with it a few leaves and flower petals.

“Mom’s been… mom’s been getting worse, you know? She wants me to… she wants m-me to be more like-like her…. says that-” Diamond Tiara broke down sobbing, kneeling in the soft dirt of Filthy Rich’s grave and hugging the tombstone as if it were her lifeline. “She says that maybe you wouldn’t have died if I were less like you!”

Tears rolled freely down Diamond Tiara’s cheeks, plopping against the dirt and the tombstone with quiet patters. “I’m sorry dad! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to let you die!”

Only silence answered her, a silence broken only by the sound of her own despair.

And then… clapping.

“Bravo! Bravo! Truly a performance worthy of the finest theater in all of Equestria!” Discord applauded, laying across Filthy Rich’s tombstone as if it were a fanciful couch. “Such emotion! Such palpable despair! Why it brings a tear to my eye!” Discord wiped his eyes with a tissue, pulling them away and grinning at Diamond Tiara.

“Ah!” Diamond Tiara finally reacted, stumbling back and falling to the ground in shock. “W-who are you!? What do you want from me!?” She quivered in fear and rage, hating the creature who so mocked her heartfelt words, but unable to do anything about it.

“Moi? Why I simply want to give you your heart’s desire!” Discord slunk forward, slithering around Diamond Tiara and tapping her nose with his claw, “Dear old dad may be six feet under, but I can bring him back…. for a price…”

“Y-you’re lying!” Diamond Tiara snapped, appalled by the fact that this thing had the gall to talk about bringing her father back to life as if it were nothing. “You can’t bring people back from the dead! Everyone knows that!”

“Oh come now, my dear, does this look like the face of a liar?” Discord asked, grinning smugly in Diamond Tiara’s face and changing his own around to appear more cutesy and sparkly.

An armored boot caught Discord’s face from behind and slammed him across the cemetery and into a tree as Vinyl landed in a crouch beside Diamond Tiara. “Found you, Discord!” Her voice was distorted by her voice filter.

“I-it’s you!” Diamond Tiara exclaimed, her look of surprise quickly morphing into one of disgust and hatred. “You’re the one who killed my dad!” Without even thinking, she reared back and slammed her fist into Vinyl’s armor, uncaring of the pain shooting up her hand. “You’ll pay for what you did!”

The force of the blow knocked Vinyl back since she’d been caught off guard. “Kid. This really isn’t the best time.” She was having a little trouble recalling a specific face at the moment anyway. She could have sworn she’d seen this girl before, but was drawing a blank on where. Same regarding her father’s face and identity.

“I don’t care! You killed my dad and you’re not even sorry about it!?” Diamond Tiara screamed, beating on Vinyl’s armor to no avail while Discord laughed and ate popcorn in the background.

“I don’t even know who you’re accusing me of killing!” Vinyl retorted, grabbing Diamond Tiara’s arms to stop her from hurting herself punching her exosuit.

“Shut up shut up shut up!” Diamond Tiara flailed, tears falling freely from her eyes once more. “You don’t even remember killing him at that godsdamned wedding!? You monster!”

Vinyl’s eyes widened under her helmet. This girl… She noticed her from the corner of her eye in her nightmares. Duet’s rampage while chasing Pain. Cutting down a civilian in her path. “You’re wrong! It wasn’t me! It was Duet the Ripper that killed your father!”

Diamond Tiara stilled and began taking deep breaths. “First you kill my father…. then you lie and tell me that a long dead terrorist did it!? How stupid do you think I am you fucking bastard!?” she exploded in rage, kicking at Vinyl and trying to do something, anything that would just hurt the person who so carelessly murdered her father.

Vinyl grunted as she put Diamond Tiara in a grapple to hold her still from behind, keeping her arms pinned against her back. “I didn’t kill your father! Duet is alive, and she was in Canterlot that day.”

“I don’t believe you! Murderer! Help! Help!” Diamond screamed, thrashing against Vinyl’s hold and calling for someone’s attention. Discord, meanwhile, took that as his cue to leave, chuckling madly as he faded out of view.

“Dammit!” Vinyl released Diamond and pushed her enough to off balance her before running out of the cemetery. “Get back here, Discord!”

Facet burst into the Ponyville post office. “Ditzy! Where are you?!” He looked around for the town’s top mailwoman and pushed past customers into the employees only area. “Ditzy where are you, you perpetually drunken woman?”

“Incoming!” Ditzy called out, smashing through the window upside down and flopping to a halt in her office chair, derriere pointed firmly at Facet. “How can I help ya, Facey-Wacey?”

Facet’s telekinesis inverted Ditzy to a sitting position so that he could look at her without an eyeful of her, admittedly toned, posterior. “We have a situation. Discord is loose as per Princess Celestia’s thus far foolhardy desire to reform him, and we’ve lost track of him.”

“What!?” Ditzy yelped, leaping to her feet and taking a swig from a partially hidden whiskey bottle. “That snakey bastard is loose!? I’m gonna kill ‘im!” She took another swig and her eyes unfocused once more as she looked around wildly, “MUCKLE DAMRED WERK’RS! 'AIR EH NAMBLIES BE KEEPIN' ME WEE SWORD!?!?”

Facet stared at his inebriated colleague. He remained convinced that her being an elite Night Shift agent and in all likelihood stronger than him, Maud, Octavia, and Vinyl put together was literally the only reason she could get away with being sloshed most hours of the day.

Ditzy, meanwhile, had torn through her exasperated coworkers’ collective office spaces until she finally came back, punched through the drywall behind her desk (ruining the large painting of herself and her family) and yanked out a massive, slightly collapsed sword amidst the sound of shrieking steel. Clearly visible behind the portrait was the punched through door of one of the best wall safe brands that civilians could buy. “Ah! Here it is!”

Facet stared at Ditzy, his left eye twitching as he used all of his not inconsiderable willpower to refrain from draining one of her whiskey bottles in frustration. Unlike her, he was not the sort of person who fought better drunk. “Alright. You found your sword. Now can you please join the search for Discord?”

Ditzy snorted, grabbed Facet by his face and flung him through the wall of the post office, shouting, “And tell the devil I’m comin’ for him next!” She leapt through the hole, took to the air… and immediately crashed face first into the ground hard enough to drag a twenty foot long trench. Through pavement. “Graaahhh! Damned wings!”

Facet scowled as he emerged from his puddle form and solidified into flesh and blood again. “Why did I have to be the one to track you down, Ditzy?”

Ditzy scoffed as she stormed past Facet, swigging from one of her many flasks and muttering, “Cuz yer a great bloomin’ idjit. Now come on, we gotta snakey fucker to find!” Sword fully extended and whistling through the air, Ditzy cut a frightful figure to the citizens of Ponyville, all of whom dived out of Ditzy’s path as soon as they saw her. Literally in most cases.

“You!” Trixie called from behind Ditzy. “The Great and Powerful Trrrrixie has words for you, Ms. drunken postwoman!” She dramatically gestured with her left arm, her right hidden beneath her half cape.

Ditzy turned, looked at Trixie, and turned away with a scoff. “I ain’t got time fer ye, Trixie. If’n ye be wantin’ yer lingerie delivered, it be slated fer t’morrow!” She went back to scanning for Discord, her split lines of vision not even registering him appearing off to a side alley and taking a seat with a bucket of popcorn.

Trixie darkly blushed at the very public exposure of her ordering lingerie, snarling as she drew her saber, an upgraded replacement for the rapier she’d lost when Sombra abducted her. “Turn and face Trixie, you damned alcoholic!”

Slowly, menacingly, Ditzy turned, eyes flashing swirly and rainbow for the briefest of instants as she drew her sword and began giggling madly. “Ye think ye c’n take me!? Come and get it ya wee lass!”

In the forming ring of onlookers, Apple Bloom watched in concern as Dinky came up to her.

“What’s going on?” Dinky asked, looking at her friend in curiosity.

“Ma sister-in-law’s about ta get into a brawl!” Apple Bloom said in worry.

“Who’s she fighting?” Dinky asked before seeing Ditzy. “That’s my mom! Kick her ass, mom!” she cheered.

Apple Bloom frowned and looked at Trixie. “Put her in ‘er place, Trixie!”

“Look’s like we’ve go’ a bit’ve a crowd, eh Lulumoonie?” Ditzy smirked, hiking her sword up behind her and letting its gears spin.

Trixie glared, rushing forward in a burst of speed and halting just before Ditzy, sword poised for a stab to the throat…. that Ditzy neatly swayed out of the way from. The follow up jabs were dodged just as easily, with Ditzy leaning just barely out of the way, her mocking smirk never leaving her face while Trixie’s glare only grew in intensity.

“Stay still and let me stab you!” Trixie growled, finally swinging down in an overhead chop. Ditzy bowed deeply, her own massive blade coming up from behind and catching the blade on its flat edge.

“Now why’n the blazes would I wan’ do that?” Ditzy slurred, swinging her sword back around and hopping back, settling into a loose stance and lightly tapping her blade against Trixie’s, the both of them switching between forms for a few seconds until Ditzy struck forth, her blade slamming into the pavement with enough force to create a ten foot wide crater.

Trixie hopped across a series of rune circles, stopping in midair and lashing out, sending a crescent wave of pressure at Ditzy, who flipped backwards easily then launched forward, swinging at Trixie and nearly bisecting her.

Trixie fell back, just barely below the edge of Ditzy’s blade and altered gravity for a brief moment, allowing her to stand on the underside of Ditzy’s sword and then flip herself to the top, kicking Ditzy in the face in the process.

“Gah!” Ditzy stumbled back, smirking as she rubbed her jaw, “Well how about that…” Trixie landed primly a few meters away, her own smug smirk plastered across her face.

“Looks like the hype wasn’t really all that,” Trixie taunted, chortling and closing her eyes just long enough for Ditzy to all but teleport behind Trixie, the lightning fast movement throwing up a massive wave of debris that caught Trixie just as she opened her eyes, launching both Ditzy and Trixie into the air.

Ditzy’s wings flared open while Trixie stepped onto a neat rune circle, both of the circling around each other and waiting for their next move.

And then the blade of Ditzy’s sword swung down as she pressed a hidden trigger, bullets erupting from the twin barrels along the blade and heading straight for Trixie. To her credit, Trixie threw up a shield with time to spare, allowing her to absorb the shots’ kinetic energy and feed it back to her rune systems.

Trixie tapped a single rune, showing that her own absorption runes had filled to four hundred percent capacity. “Well how about that…” she murmured, immediately unleashing the power in a brilliant beam of blue light, cutting a swathe across the sky while Ditzy easily dodged and flipped over it while using clouds and her own aerial magic to redirect parts of the beam.

“Alright then,” Ditzy huffed, sheathing her sword behind her back and smirking wildly. “My turn.” With that, the cloud she sat behind immediately burst into shimmering bubbles which, impossibly, spun into razor sharp disks that fired in a barrage of shimmering, rainbow blades.

“Bubbles?” Trixie sniffed, surrounding herself in a forcefield, “How pathe-argh!” The bubbles had cut through the forcefield as if it weren’t even there, slicing through it and cutting into Trixie’s skin, leaving behind hair thin lines of blood.

“Ye did nae think tha’ I’d jus’ throw a few wee bubbles at ye as a distraction, did ye?” Ditzy gloated, rushing forward and slamming her blade into the side of Trixie’s head, the flat side of it cracking against Trixie’s skull and launching her back into the ground, cratering it on impact and rendering the show-woman unconscious in a single hit.

“Flawless victory!” Ditzy cheered, planting her sword in the ground and pirouetting into a victory dance.

Forgoing telekinesis in favor of gripping the water in Ditzy’s body with his more powerful water magic, Facet yanked Ditzy away from her sword. “What the hell was that all about, Ditzy?!” he demanded while glaring into her eyes. “You’re supposed to be looking for Discord, not beating the shit out of an obviously inferior opponent!”

“She be wantin’ a fight, I be drunk off me arse!” Ditzy spat back, bopping Facet over the head with careless ease and flaring her naturally chaotic weather magic out to disrupt Facet’s control. “Now if’n ye be so kind as t’ pick up our new dead weight, I be gonna slicin’ up a snakey bastard until they gonna hafta glue him back t’gether…. in Tartarus!” She stormed off once more, vanishing in a swirl of bubbles.

Facet sighed and turned his attention to Trixie, kneeling beside her and pulling heavily purified water from the ground in a sphere. Carefully turning her head, he applied the water to her injured temple, using the water as a conduit for a healing spell. Under his care, the side of her skull mended its cracks and her flesh stitched itself back together. “She’s lucky to not have a concussion…”

“Uuuugh…. I feel like I have concussion….” Trixie whimpered, slowly forcing herself to sit up, her hand coming up to cradle her head. “Did anyone get the number of the bitch that hit me….?”

“Why did you antagonize Ditzy?” Facet asked as he let the water he used drop to the ground. “She may be an alcoholic, but she’s stronger than me, Maud, Vinyl, and Octavia combined.”

“I… don’t know….” Trixie admitted. “I was looking for Discord, but then there was a tap on my shoulder, so I turned around and saw Ditzy and then everything was all red…” She paused and blinked, then scowled. “We got played for fools.”

“So it would seem,” Facet agreed, pulling Trixie to her feet as he stood up. “I say we find Twilight and have her get the Elements ready. Discord is going back into stone.”

“Oh they’re going ta hafta glue you back together…. in TARTARUS!” Ditzy’s voice rang out as pieces of Discord rained from the sky, plopping to the ground while the woman in question all but flopped from the sky and buried herself head first into the pavement until most of her upper torso was stuck. “..... Shit,” came her muffled cursing.

Facet facepalmed and sighed as the drunken thrashing of Ditzy’s legs pulled at the frayed parts and forming holes in her shorts, exposing patches of her panties to those who looked close.

“So what do you suppose we should do to get Discord and Aunty to admit they’re still in love?” Cadance asked as she and Chrysalis walked around another area of Ponyville together.

Chrysalis tapped her chin and opened her mouth, “How about-”

“-you don’t do anything,” Discord cut in appearing in front of both love and lust goddess and frowning petulantly. “I’m not in love with her! It was a passing fling a few thousand years ago and that’s all it was!”

“Denial isn’t just a river in Maregypt,” Chrysalis muttered, rolling her eyes and snorting.

Cadance giggled and smiled at Discord. “You know there’s no point in lying about your feelings to a love goddess, right Discord? It’s all over your heart. You still love Aunty so much.”

Discord spluttered, made some truly disconcerting noises in his throat, grumbled angrily at both Cadance and Chrysalis, shook his fists a few times, flipped Rainbow Dash’s gravity until she was stuck head-first in a cloud, and vanished without so much as a “by your leave”. All this in the space of five seconds, too.

“This is going to be harder than I thought,” Cadance muttered before getting an idea. “Chrysalis. How’s your impression of Aunty?”

Chrysalis smirked and transformed into an exact perfect copy of Celestia, winking at Cadance and speaking in the Princess’ own voice, “What do you think, Cadenza?”

Cadance giggled. “Aunty always calls me Cadance, you know. Now go find Discord and work your magic.”

Chrysalis groaned, “Do I absolutely have to do this?” She shook her head and grabbed Cadance’s arm. “If I’m going to do this, you had better get your aunt and give me back up.”

Cadance giggled and reached through the aether for the connection she shared with her aunt to summon her. “Hi, Aunty!” she greeted cheerfully. “We have a plan to reform Discord.”

Celestia sighed, teleported away her teacup, elegantly finished her slice of cake, wiped her mouth, and swapped out her smiley-sun-print pajamas for a dress and her bunny slippers for a pair of flats. “What exactly is this plan?” she asked, smiling gently as if she hadn’t been pulled away from her down time.

Cadance clapped her hands together as her smile widened. “To have you two fall back in love!” The sun seemed to frame her like a halo as she held that look.

That is, until Celestia rolled her eyes and shifted the sun slightly to the left. “No. I’m not in love with him. It was nothing more than a passing fling a few thousand years ago that ended in a bad breakup. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Why do you lie to the love goddess on matters of the heart?” Cadance asked, tilting her head in curiosity. “I am Love itself, Aunty. I know when others are in love. It’s the focus of my Intellectus after all.”

“.......” Celestia’s face immediately went red as she spun around and charged a teleport spell, “Really sorry Cadance, but I just remembered I have to go do… uh…. I need to go wash my hair!”

“Wait.” Chrysalis stepped in front of Celestia and placed her hand on Celestia’s shoulder, neatly cancelling the teleport under an almost cripplingly blinding wave of pleasure surged through Celestia’s form for the briefest instant and shocked her into complete stillness. “Hear us out.”

“I know you and Discord still love each other,” Cadance said, resting her hand on Celestia’s other shoulder. “Just give us a chance to prove it to you, Aunty.”

“..... There’s no way you’re going to drop this, is there?” Celestia hung her head in defeat, knowing that the alternative was Discord being sent after her.

“Nope!” Cadance answered cheerfully as she and Chrysalis pulled Celestia to her feet. “Now come with me and your sexy doppelganger.”

“Did you really have to wear that dress, though?” Celestia muttered, shooting pointed glares at Chrysalis’ choice of covering. Or rather, lack of covering. “I think you might expose you-my-er… yourself if you jump too hard…”

Said dress was actually more appropriately called a long skirt with some extra above the waist. Even then, the slits up its sides ran almost the entire way to the sash holding it up, while what was there above the waist was barely more than a few strips of fabric that barely covered Chrysalis’ nipples and crossed around the back. “What, jealous of the fact that you never thought to wear something sexy and black?” Chrysalis purred, stretching and showing off just how endowed Celestia’s form really was.

Cadance giggled. “You’re so sexy, Aunty. You should dress like that more often,” she teased while looking at Celestia. “I wonder…” She grabbed Celestia’s breast in one hand, and Chrysalis’ in the other, comparing their sizes. “You need to go a size higher, Chrysalis.”

“Gah!” Celestia yelped, pulling away from Cadance, “That’s highly inappropriate, Cadance!” She blushed furiously, the blush itself intensifying when Chrysalis smirked and inflated her breasts a size to properly match Celestia’s own.

Cadance giggled and arched an eyebrow. “Love goddess, Aunty. I have absolutely no sexual boundaries at all when it comes to the pursuit of love. Be it my own, or someone else’s.”

Celestia made a sound that could only be described as “Ffffphtphtpht”, lips flapping as she grumbled.

“And just what do you want? Come to put me back in that boringly ashy golf ball?” Discord frowned, crossing his arms as he stared at Celestia, ignoring the twinge in his chest at the sight of her. He idly plucked a bit of cotton candy from the wall next to him and chewed on it, gulping down the chocolate milk that it produced.

“Just getting away from Canterlot for a while, Discord,” Chrysalis answered with a smile as she reclined on the room’s sofa, bringing attention to all of her exposed skin. “How are you enjoying the time to stretch your legs?”

Discord snorted and turned away, idly sipping off the glass of a glass of orange juice. “Hmph. Don’t pretend to be friends, Tia. We haven’t been anything like that since I gained my title after our little breakup.”

“Are you really still bitter over that, Discy?” Chrysalis asked as she slid off the sofa and sidled over to Discord, wrapping her arms around him and pressing his serpentine body between her breasts. “And here I was hoping to reconnect with you, mend bridges.”

Discord flashed out of existence, angrily storming away from Chrysalis, “Bah! What few bridges we had left after we broke up I burned. Literally too in some cases!” He began pacing in a circle, “I mean what is this? Some few thousand years after I become the God of Chaos you finally decide to come back to me with friendship!?”

“More than friendship, Discy,” Chrysalis said in a tender tone as she approached Discord again and took his claw in her hands. “No matter how I tried to deny it, I couldn’t escape my own feelings. It took a talking to from Cadance to realize that I’m still in love with you. Even if you’re the God of Chaos, you’re still my handsome Prince of Madness too.”

“Bah! Sheogorath took that title from me almost two thousand years ago!” Discord appeared by Chrysalis and jammed his face against hers, “So there’s really no way for me to go back to being your prince now is there?”

Chrysalis cupped Discord’s face in her hands as she stared warmly into his eyes. “Just because Sheogorath is the official Prince of Madness, doesn’t mean you aren’t still my Prince of Madness.”

Discord looked side to side, blushing nervously, “You’re just saying that to make me cooperate! I-It won’t work anyway, even if I wanted to be back with you -which I don’t- it wouldn’t work!”

“Then why the blush and stutter, Discy?” Chrysalis asked while fluttering her eyes at him. “And I got all dressed up for you too.” She drew him closer and pressed her chest against him.

“I… I…. gah! Fine! I still love you! Always have, always will! Is that what you wanted to hear you over-sensual she-devil!?” Discord cried, throwing his hands in the air and flopping backwards burying his face in his hands out of mortification.

In the moments his back was turned, Chrysalis’ subtle magic switched her with Celestia, allowing the sun princess, now decked in that revealing dress herself, to approach Discord and hug him close. “Yes, Discy.” She turned his face to look him in the eyes. “I never stopped loving you. The bitterness I treated you with was just my pain talking.”

“Oh Tia…. I… okay, I took over just to be a dick to you. I wasn’t in a good place at the time,” Discord entwined his body around Celestia’s, embracing her close and sighing. “Maybe it was because I saw you as a force of overwhelming order when I first transcended… Maybe it was something else. Who knows?”

“And I was blinded by my nature causing me to see you as overwhelming chaos,” Celestia admitted as she hugged him closer. “But my nephew said something interesting before you were released. He said that just as my purpose is to create life, so too is your purpose to destroy. You and I are both needed in order to check each other and maintain a balance.”

Discord grinned crookedly, “Aww, what happened to the Tia that said that chaos was evil and had no place in harmony? As I recall that’s the first reason why you rejected me.” His words, though chiding, had no real heat to them, as evidenced by the tiny peck he placed upon Celestia’s forehead as he spoke.

Celestia giggled and held him closer. “I was a fool and blinded by my very nature as the Lady of Order and Sunlight.” She planted a kiss on Discord’s neck and then on his lips. “So… We’re alone in this cloud house. So what do you say we get… reacquainted?” She slowly slid her dress off her breasts and pressed them against his body.

“I’d say that I’m naked and you’re not and as such you are far too overdressed for the occasion,” Discord remarked, grinning crookedly and teleporting Celestia’s dress into a quickly appearing laundry basket. “Now, my dearest sun in the sky, shall we have a repeat performance of our first time together? …. Ah, except with less premature ejaculation and crying on my part.”

Celestia giggled and teleported them to the nearby bedroom and falling onto the bed with him. “And then after I reassured you we got so loud that my sister nearly dropped the moon on our heads. Remember that?” She laughed at the memory of her sister bursting in on them practically foaming at the mouth in rage.

Discord chuckled, “Oh I can’t believe we ever broke up!” With that, he finally dropped his chimeral form and revealed his former human body, the exact same as it had been thousands of years ago. “I’m going to enjoy this…. and I sincerely hope you do as well, Tia.”

“Just make love to me, Discy,” Celestia purred before pulling Discord into a deep kiss and rolled on top of him.

The group met up in the market. “Any luck?” Alucard inquired, looking around at the assembled group. “Any at all?”

Cadance smirked and held up three fingers, then counted down. “Three… two…. o-”

An echoing scream of pleasure echoed through the town -nay, all of Equestria- at that moment, almost shattering every glass item in every city and sending birds screeching into the air from its passing.

“I’d say so, yes,” Cadance grinned, looking absolutely angelic.

“Oh gods! Is this what Alucard and I put Ponyville through every single night?!” Twilight screamed as she tried to purge her brain of the images caused by Celestia’s pleasured screaming.

Rarity deadpanned at Twilight, raising her eyebrow and frowning in an expression that clearly said, “Do you even really need to ask?”. “Nooooo, why would you ever think that, darling?” she asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes in jest.

Twilight couldn’t stop her eye from twitching as she nursed a cup of coffee with some headache meds at her kitchen table. Sitting across from her were Discord and Celestia. “You two couldn’t soundproof that cloud fort?” She scowled at the two as she lit a cigar and took a puff.

Celestia frowned, “I really wish you wouldn’t do that in front of me, Twilight. It makes me feel like a bad teacher for letting you smoke.” Still, she blushed a little and twiddled with her hair. “And… um… I suppose we forgot….”

Discord smirked and rolled his eyes, “Well we could have, but where’s the fun in- Gah! Hey!” He rubbed his arm where Celestia had slugged him, “What was that for!?”

“Don’t be rude, Discy. And did you have to put on that abhorrent chimeral form again?” Celestia asked, calmly sipping her own cup of tea.

“Smoking is wonderful for the nerves, Princess,” Twilight after exhaling some smoke. “And now that you mention it, I’m curious to see Discord’s human form. Also, Discord, if you want to make headway in being accepted, you may wish to use your human form.”

Discord grumbled, “Fiiine…. Well, at least being in my puny human form makes me look more devastatingly handsome.” With that, he flashed purple for a moment and changed, going from draconequus to human in the blink of an eye. He wore a suit patterned after his chimeral form, with wings and a tail still, but otherwise looked normal, if a bit pale and with odd eyes and a single fang. “Well? How do I look?”

“Lose the fang,” Twilight said, tapping some ash from her cigar into her ashtray. “So what are you gonna do now that you’re reformed, Discord?”

Disord popped the fang back into a normal canine and snorted, “Reformed? As if. I’m still the God of Chaos and all that. Now, what I’m going to do…. ah, screw planning, I’ll just see where chaos takes me!”

Celestia dropped her face into her palm, “Same old chaotic Discord… never making a solid plan for anything.”

“And you might want to stay away from Spike and Selten’s cave,” Twilight said. “You saw how Spike reacted to you, and Selten might have a worse reaction. She’s pregnant after all. Might think you’re a threat to her eggs.”

“Selten?” Celestia raised an eyebrow, frowning in thought. “From what you said…. Is… Is there a pregnant dragoness nearby?” Her eyes widened, mind flashing back to the last time she had been anywhere near a pregnant dragoness. “..... Well, I hope everyone has some sort of soundproofing.”

“I still have to wait a year for my grandchildren!” Twilight lamented. “Four more months before she lays the eggs, and then eight months waiting for them to hatch!” She noticed the look on Celestia’s face through her cigar smoke. “And I’ll of course provide soundproofing for Ponyville so my daughter-in-law’s roars of agony don’t deafen anyone.”

“Mmm, that’s good,” Celestia murmured, sipping her tea and simply enjoying the day. “I suppose you do have four months to prepare, so you might as well get it done now, I think. No sense in procrastinating and having terrible things happen.”

“Canterlot’s your problem though,” Twilight said after blowing some smoke into the air. “I don’t live there anymore, and it has gods living there. So why bother myself over it?”

Celestia frowned, “Since when did you become so cynical? And plus, you may not live there, but your parents do. When was the last time you actually visited them, anyway?” She swirled the dregs of her tea around, looking supremely disappointed without even changing her expression.

Twilight looked away from Celestia, finding her cigar’s smoldering cherry more interesting. “My wedding. Come to think of it, I don’t think they’ve met Integra yet.”

Celestia deadpanned at Twilight, “Did you even inform them of her birth? Because, from what I remember of Night Light and Twilight Velvet, they would have been by your side the exact moment you told them that you were in labor no matter how far away you were.”

Twilight couldn’t stop an embarrassed blush. “It… might have slipped my mind. I really have lost touch with my parents, haven’t I?” She fell silent as she puffed her cigar, some ash falling and being redirected by her telekinesis into the ashtray.

Celestia sighed, “Twilight, how many times have you even called your parents in the last… what was it, year and a half? I know you have a top of the line Scroll. I mailed it to you.” She even pulled out her own Scroll and sent an emoticon of her unimpressed stare to Twilight’s.

Twilight pulled out her scroll and gave Celestia a small frown. “I get the hint, Princess.” She dialed a number she hadn’t dialed in quite some time and put her scroll to her ear, listening to the ring as she waited for her parents to answer.

“Hello, this is the residence of Night Light and Twilight Velvet, Twilight Velvet speaking,” came the sound of her mother’s voice, cheerily greeting Twilight. “May I ask who’s calling?”

Twilight smiled as she pulled her cigar from her mouth to speak more clearly. “Hi, mom. It’s been a while since we talked, hasn’t it? Is dad home?”

“........” Silence for a moment, then a deep breath that visibly chilled the air on Twilight’s side of the call.

“Uh, mom? Are you still there?” Twilight had a bad feeling all of a sudden as she waited for her mother’s response.

“TWILIGHT NEBULA SPARKLE! YOU HAVE THE GALL TO FINALLY CALL AFTER NEARLY A YEAR AND A HALF AND A SINGLE VISIT!? WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU YOUNG LADY YOU’RE GOING TO BE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR NATURAL LIFE EVEN IF I DIE BEFORE YOU! YOU’RE NOT SO OLD THAT I CAN’T PUT YOU OVER MY KNEE AND SLAP THE SENSE BACK INTO YOUR LITTLE BEHIND! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED WE WERE FOR YOU!? A YEAR AND A HALF AWAY FROM HOME WITH ALUCARD AND SPIKE AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN THINK TO SEND US ANY MESSAGES THAT YOU WERE OKAY! I THOUGHT YOU WERE RAISED AS THE GENIUS PRODIGY OF THE FAMILY, NOT THE FORGETFUL IDIOT THAT FORGETS HER OWN PARENTS! DON’T YOU EVEN TELL ME THAT YOU WERE SO BUSY THAT YOU COULDN’T CALL! I KNOW HOW MUCH FREE TIME YOU HAVE! NIGHT LIGHT’S TAPPED INTO THE PRINCESS’ SCROLL ENOUGH TIMES TO KNOW THAT YOU CALL HER MORE THAN YOU CALL US! DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE? HUH? I SWEAR TO EVERY GOD AND GODDESS ABOVE AND BY CELESTIA’S, LUNA’S, AND MY OWN DAUGHTER IN LAW’S WINGS THAT I WILL SPANK YOU INTO NEXT MONTH WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! THE ABSOLUTE SHEER NERVE OF THIS! CASUALLY CALLING ME LIKE IT’S NO BI- Mmf!” A short scuffle overtook all other sounds until finally, Twilight’s father’s voice rang through, slightly frantic.

“H-heeey kiddo! Your mother’s pretty mad right now, y’know! I mean, I’m a little disappointed myself but- agh! Honey, stop biting! Argh! I liked that finger! A-anyway, I’d ask how you’ve been, but your mother’s not done ye- WHOA!”

A loud crash echoed through the background, along with a muffled, “I’m okay!” from her father, while Twilight Velvet resumed her tirade, the air around Twilight heated up even more from the sheer force of Twilight Velvet’s motherly rage. At this point, Discord and Celestia had wisely retreated.

“-OTHER THING: HOW DID YOU END UP WITH ALUCARD ANYWAY!? WAS IT THE FACT THAT HE WAS THE ONLY MAN YOU’VE BEEN AROUND IN YEARS!? I CAN’T BELIEVE SUCH A LOW LIFE DEGENERATE WAS YOUR FIRST CHOICE! DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW MANY PASSES HE’S MADE AT EVERY WOMAN THAT CATCHES HIS EYES!?”

A vein in Twilight’s forehead bulge as she gritted her teeth and snapped her cigar in half. “HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT ALUCARD LIKE THAT?! YOU CAN SCREAM AT ME ALL YOU WANT, MOTHER! BUT YOU DO NOT, I REPEAT, YOU DO NOT, INSULT! MY! HUSBAND! I’M TEMPTED TO BAR YOU FROM MEETING YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER NOW!”

“TWILIGHT NEBULA SPARKLE HOW DARE YOU TALK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT! DON’T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE AND BEAT YOU UNTIL YOUR NAME IS TWILIGHT BLUE SPARKLE!”

Twilight’s wires lashed out in anticipation as her eyes glowed red and her fangs extended. “I FUCKING DARE YOU TO TRY!!!”

“OH THAT IS IT! I’M COMING DOWN THERE RIGH- GAH! NIGHT LIGHT LET GO OF ME! I NEED TO SPANK THE SENSE BACK INTO TWILIGHT!” Abruptly the line went dead with a loud crash and the sound of shattering glass.

Twilight shut her scroll and very darkly grinned as she grabbed her parasol and headed outside to wait for her mother, lighting a new cigar as she waited.

A brief wind flittered through the area, picking up a few sheafs of loose debris and most curiously….

Causing the mysterious disappearance of Twilight’s cigar.

Something that did not go unnoticed by Twilight. “Give me back my cigar, and I might go easy on you, mother,” she offered in a snarl.

Twilight Velvet flickered into view in front of Twilight, visibly sparking and glowing with her own lilac mana and frowning like only a disappointed mother could. “Tut tut, Twilight. Smoking at your age? I thought I raised you better than that.”

“Don’t you talk to me like I’m a fucking five year old!” Twilight snapped as she lashed out at her mother with her wires, her mana flowing through them with a scream of power as they closed in on their target.

Twilight Velvet huffed from behind Twilight, the wires slicing harmlessly through her afterimage. “Swearing, impulsiveness, and a lack of spatial awareness? I could have sworn I taught you better than that, sweetie. You disappoint your old mother.”

Twilight ground her teeth together and whipped around with a vicious punch aimed to punch a hole through her mother’s chest. “Get off your pedestal, old bag!”

Twilight Velvet gasped, catching Twilight’s punch with casual ease, “How dare you! I raised you, put a roof over your head, made sure your tuition was paid through your schooling, sent you home cooked meals and visited you six times a week and this is how you repay me!?” Her eyes narrowed, “So be it. As the saying goes…. Spare the rod, spoil the child.” She twisted her arm and sent Twilight into the air with a flick of her wrist, her rune systems lighting into a bright lilac and blasting the area around her with mana induced lightning.

With a jump that shattered the ground around her, Twilight Velvet disappeared from sight, massive shockwaves suddenly erupting into view around Twilight’s airborne form and sending her streaking all over the Ponyville skyline in a blur of motion while Twilight Velvet seemed to simply flicker back into view on the ground, her body translucent and seeming to glitch out as she grabbed an apple from a nearby stand, payed for it, thanked the owner, finished the apple and then threw away the core.

And then the ground exploded once more, without a single scratch of damage to Applejack’s stand, strangely enough. Meanwhile, in the air, Twilight Velvet sat down on Twilight’s insensate back and tapped her daughter’s bum twice in chastisement. “Bad girl. You’re… grounded.”

The delayed shockwaves from the tapping immediately caught up, launching Twilight into the dirt filled crater outside her home and creating an impact shockwave that threw up a cloud of dust almost sixty feet into the air.

Twilight Velvet flickered into view beside Twilight’s groaning form and kneeled down, runes deactivating as she picked up Twilight’s head by her hair. “Now what have we learned about yelling at mother, young lady?”

“D-Don’t yell at mother,” Twilight groaned through the pain and somewhat blurry vision. “I’m sorry…” Her eyes widened and her vision cleared as she heard a distressed wailing from inside her home. “Integra!” She struggled to her feet. “Mommy’s coming, sweetie. Mommy’s coming.”

Twilight Velvet’s eyes went wide as she helped Twilight to her feet, dragging her bodily inside until they came to a stop by Integra’s crib a single second later, the wake of their passage throwing up a delayed breeze a few seconds later. “You really do have a daughter,” she mused, tears misting into her eyes as she sniffled. “I can’t believe I missed the birth of my own granddaughter…”

“Sorry about that, mom,” Twilight said as she gently picked up her wailing daughter and started gently rocking her. “It’s okay. Don’t cry, sweetie. Don’t cry. Mommy’s here now. It’s okay.” She gently kissed Integra’s forehead and started singing her a lullaby. The same one that her own mother would sing to her when she was little.

Twilight Velvet couldn’t help the grin on her face as she cried tears of joy. “I’m so proud of you…” she whispered, laying her hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “You’ve done well, Twilight. Very, very well…”

Twilight smiled at her mother with tears on the edges of her eyes as she finished lulling Integra back to sleep. “Meet your granddaughter.” She held Integra out to Velvet. “Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing.”

Twilight Velvet gently took ahold of Integra, cooing softly before something stuck out to her, “.... You mean she’s not named Twilight? …. How…. odd...”

Twilight giggled. “Alucard named her. And I like it too much to change it. I love my little girl exactly how she is.”

“Ah, that makes sense then,” Twilight Velvet nodded, gently rocking Integra. “By the way, your father should be here in a few minutes. He said he’d be taking the scenic route this time.”

Twilight’s eyes widened as she suppressed a yelp when her father’s powerful arms wrapped around her from behind. “Daddy… You know I don’t like when you do that.”

Night Light chuckled, disconnecting himself from his daughter’s shadow and ruffling Twilight’s hair. “Sorry I’m late, kiddo, but I didn’t want to get in the way of your mother. Now what’s this I hear about a granddaughter?”

Twilight smiled and hugged Night Light before showing Integra to him. “Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, my darling little daughter. Isn’t she precious, daddy?”

“Oh… my…. gods she’s so cute and tiny and blond!” Night Light immediately fell into gooey, masculine pieces as he took in the sight of his sleeping granddaughter, cooing and giggling quietly while whispering baby-talk at Integra, thoroughly clashing with his build and overall appearance.

Twilight giggled at the sight. “Like father like son. Shining Armor had the exact same reaction to her. Not even Chrysalis could resist her.”

“Where did that bastard go…?” Diamond Tiara asked herself as she ran, trying to follow whatever leads she had on the armored person who had so carelessly murdered her father. “When I find him I’m gonna kill him!”

Diamond impacted someone and fell to the ground. “You okay, kid? What’s got you in such a rush?” Vinyl asked as she offered Diamond a hand up. “You seem pretty mad too.”

“I-I’m okay, Miss Scratch. Just…. looking for a jerk. Have you seen anyone about yay big-” here she motioned to around Vinyl’s height- “with armor on and a weird sword?” She looked up at Vinyl, clearly not expecting much out of her.

“Can’t say that I have,” Vinyl answered. “Sorry I can’t help you. But from the look of things, Twilight got in a huge scrap with her mom and got her ass handed to her!”

“Wait what!?” Diamond Tiara gaped, looking at the shattered ground in front of Golden Oaks and the marketplace further down the road. “W- wow…. Miss Twilight’s mom sure is powerful...”

“And I bet she was seriously holding back,” Vinyl said, looking at the crater in amazement. She shuddered to imagine what would happen if Duet ever attacked Twilight Velvet.

“Wow….. Hey, Miss Scratch?” Diamond Tiara asked, frowning contemplatively, “Do you know anyone who could help me train in weapons?”

Vinyl stared at Diamond Tiara. “Aren’t you taking lessons from Maud? I wouldn’t want to step on her toes.”

“Yeah, but she only does unarmed,” Diamond Tiara explained, “and I wanna learn how to do both. Just in case, you know? So will you teach me?”

Vinyl pulled her shades off and looked at Diamond Tiara. “Kid, my fighting style isn’t something I’m too keen on teaching. Honestly I’d rather take it to my grave. It’s not just designed to kill. It’s designed to torture. My teacher was a complete sadist, and there’s a certain mindset needed for my sword style. It’s really easy to lose yourself in battle and bloodlust using it. Trying to channel your inner darkness into a tool for good.”

Diamond Tiara faltered for a moment, shuddering at the thought of such training. After a some deliberation, she nodded to herself and stared resolutely at Vinyl. “I can do it. I will do it. I have to make my father proud of me after failing him for so long.” She took a deep breath, steeled her nerves… and bowed to Vinyl, “Please, teach me… Master.”

Vinyl looked at the bowing Diamond Tiara and clenched her fist in indecision. She really did want to take her sword style to the grave with her. But maybe she could pass on her variation of it and make sure no one else ever learned the original version. Duet the Ripper’s version. Taking a deep breath, she had Diamond Tiara straighten up and look at her. “You’re hellbent on this, aren’t you? But tell me why you want to learn how to fight so badly? Sure, most people do to stay in shape. But you’re asking to learn a style designed for actual warfare. Why that instead of something more conservative? What spurs you?”

“I… My father… he was killed during the Changeling Invasion… and… and the killer was right there in front of me today at the graveyard. I couldn’t do anything about it…. And so I have to avenge him. It won’t bring him back but… I can’t just sit around and let his murderer go free!” Diamond Tiara began tearing up, sniffling, though her words showed exactly how committed she was.

Vinyl fixed Diamond Tiara with a serious look. “Kid, revenge is a dangerous, slippery path. You’ve gotta be real careful going down it. If you’re not, you’ll slip and become a monster yourself. If I think you’re starting to slip toward that, I’ll stop teaching you completely. Understand?”

“U-understood,” Diamond Tiara nodded again, taking a deep breath and calming down. “So when do we begin?”

Author's Note

Twilight's Owned Count: 3

Where You See One Man, I See Four

Author's Note

Merry Christmas!

Where You See One Man, I See Four

The sound of Selten’s muffled roars echoed through the distance, still deafeningly loud even though the dragoness in question was miles away. Scootaloo sighed, popping in her ear buds and activating her scroll, loud rock music blaring out as she bobbed her head to the beat.

Sweetie Belle grimaced and sent a text through her scroll to Scootaloo.

“Scoots, trn that shit down. Ur makin me def.”

Scootaloo blinked and shrugged, turning down her music and turning to Sweetie Belle in the seat next to her. “Sorry Sweetie Belle. Trying to block out Selten. Gods, she’s loud…. can’t imagine how much it sucks for her right now…”

“Well… at least it’s her last day of this…?” Sweetie Belle half asked, shrugging herself and turning back to her rhythm game. “Gah! Stupid Button, getting me hooked on these stupid games!”

Apple Bloom laughed good naturedly at her friend’s frustration. “And you got him hooked on karaoke. He sucks at singing though. What’s up with that?” Another roar from Selten reached them. “Wonder what Spike and Selten’s kids’ll be like.”

Sweetie Belle blushed, “I think he just wants to impress me… Sheesh, she’s really going at it… woulda thought her vocal chords woulda given out by now.” She looked over to Apple Bloom, “... AB, why are you video chatting with your sister even though we’ve only been on the train for half an hour?”

“Close knit family, Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom explained. “AJ gets kinda twitchy if Ah ain’t nearby. Or at least, not where anyone in Ponyville can keep an eye on me.”

“Ah don’ get twitchy! I just worry about’cha! Yer still doin’ alright, right Apple Bloom?” Applejack’s voice rang through the mostly empty carriage, carrying the weight of an indignant older sister.

“Of course, AJ,” Apple Bloom answered, grinning as she rolled her eyes. “Definitely twitchy, sis.” As she laughed with her friends, she looked out the window and saw something very strange. “Hey. Is that a changeling flyin’ beside the train?”

Sweetie Belle looked up and squinted out the window, “... Why is there a changeling outside the- Why are those bugs glowi- DUCK!” Sweetie Belle pulled Scootaloo down with her as Apple Bloom ducked on her own, the entire other wall of the train exploding immediately after with enough force to topple it from the rails… and directly over the bridge it was crossing.

“SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!” Scootaloo screamed, clinging tightly to Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle screamed back in response, using what meager telekinesis she had to grab Scootaloo’s hoverboard out of the overhead compartments and activate it, taking a hold of Applebloom and pushing all three of them out of the ruined window.

“SCOOTALOO START PILOTING THIS DAMN THING!” Sweetie Belle cried, all but jamming Scootaloo’s feet onto the magnetic clamps.

Scootaloo, thankfully, took her cue and began guiding the board down for a softer landing, miserably noting the forest below. “Aw… this is gonna suck…” she muttered, clinging tightly to Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom as her board’s rune matrices whined to life and emitted the strongest gravity field they could.

Apple Bloom screamed as they started falling through the canopy of the forest and rolled to a rough landing on the ground. Groaning, she got to her feet and cracked her neck. “You two alright?”

“Euuughhh…..” Scootaloo muttered, hanging upside down from a tree branch, “Hey AB?”

“Yeah, Scoot?” Apple Bloom asked as she looked up at Scootaloo, who was using one hand to prevent her shirt from falling down. “Oh. Ya need help?”

“No, it’s just that… next time we go anywhere… we’re bringing Spike with us so we don’t have to get blown the fuck up.” Scootaloo flipped down from her branch and pulled a weakly flailing Sweetie Belle out of a bush.

A few hundred yards away in the distance, the wreck of the train finally hit the ground with an earth shattering thud.

Apple Bloom flinched at the sound of the impact. “Should we go check for survivors?”

Sweetie Belle made as if to speak, then suddenly threw herself to the side on reflex as a sniper round whistled through the space where her head had been not an instant earlier. “Gah! Run!” she cried, springing to her feet and activating the one shield spell she knew, sprinting into the forest with Scootaloo and Applebloom hot on her heels.

The End cursed, reloading his rifle and muttering in his native Zebrican as he dropped from his perch.

“Did you just miss, old man?” Pain cackled, idly directing her insects to search out any survivors and kill them.

“The brat was too quick for my bullet. That is the long and short of it. Be quiet now and let me think, lest I gut you like a fish and dump you in the drink.” End snorted and leaned against a tree, meditating and thinking on ways to proceed.

“Let me go after them,” Fear hissed as he brandished his hand crossbows loaded with bolts coated in assorted venoms. “Let me strike the fear deep into their hearts.” His tongue flicked out as his pants bulged in anticipation of the fun he would have.

Fury growled and smacked Fear upside the head, the machinery embedded all over his frame whining and hissing as it moved. Flame flickered around the mentally broken man’s mouth, dripping to the ground like saliva.

“I agree with Fury, Fear. Your urges are not right for here. Save the raping for worthy targets, not little girls who haven’t killed yet,” End muttered, flicking a broken off twig at Fear and embedding it just below the crotch of his pants, barely missing Fear’s genitals.

“Hold your urges in just a while longer, Fear,” Sorrow said as he stepped past Fear, dragging his tongue along the blade of his crotch knife. “Things will be more fun if we take our time with them. Kill the young ones, and we cause their loved ones such exquisite sorrow. Besides. This is our new recruit’s first mission.” He smirked at Fury. “Go, Fury. The first leg of the hunt begins with you, friend.”

Fury growled and bared his teeth, bursting into flame as he tore off in a random direction, bursting through every obstacle in his path as he tracked the Crusaders’ scents. A bestial roar tore from his throat, promising pain and destruction to the unlucky targets of his wrath.

Apple Bloom looked back as the roar reached her and the girls. Her eyes widened at what she saw. “Someone set the forest on fire! Run faster!” She pulled out her scroll and desperately dialed Applejack’s number, only to hear static instead of a ring. “Dammit! Ah can’t get a signal!”

Sweetie Belle cursed and shook her scroll, “Dammit me neither!” She huffed and panted, reluctantly activating the runes embroidered into her shoes and gloves to give her a second wind, even as she whined to herself, “I knew I should have worn my running shoes today!”

“Save your breath, Sweetie Belle!” Scootaloo shouted back, pushing her hoverboard as fast as she could, using the attached blades on its outer edges to slice through any foliage in her path and clear the area for Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

A shadow passed over them before Pain swooped down and grabbed Sweetie Belle by hooking her arms under her shoulders and carried her into the air. “Welcome to Air Pain. Sorry for the lack of in flight snacks and flicks,” she purred menacingly in Sweetie Belle’s ear before slowly dragging her long tongue over the poor girl’s neck.

“Eep! Let me go let me go let me go! Help! Apple Bloom! Scootaloo! Heeellllppp!” Sweetie Belle thrashed and kicked, trying to dislodge Pain’s grip.

“Oh don’t worry, beautiful,” Pain purred as she kept a tight grip. “I’m not going to kill you. Not just yet.” She bit down on Sweetie Belle’s ear just hard enough to draw some blood. “I’m gonna take my time killing you. I love to see the faces of beautiful young women twisted in agony as they die. It makes me feel so alive to torture weaklings to death. I’m getting so wet just thinking about everything that I’m going to do to you.”

Sweetie Belle shuddered, “You’re a freak! Now let me go! I’d rather die than go anywhere with you!” She continued thrashing, going so far as to activate her one true combat magic and generate three clones of herself to weigh Pain down.

On the ground, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo stared off after Sweetie Belle, tears in their eyes as they tried futilely to catch up with Pain. “Give her back you buggy freak!” Scootaloo shouted, splitting her hoverboard into a pair of laser pistols and taking aim.

Pain lost some altitude in surprise at the unexpected weight and grunted as she felt a laser shot graze her carapace. “Got some fight in you huh, you little shits?” She shook Sweetie Belle’s clones off with a sudden barrel roll and strengthened her muscles for some extra power before throwing Sweetie Belle at Scootaloo.

Sweetie Belle yelped loudly, spinning in midair as she pulled her primary weapon out of her runes aiming the magitech trumpet at Pain, blowing into it as hard as possible and firing off a massive sonic burst, propelling her backwards and throwing Pain wildly off course.

Pain screamed in pain before correcting her flight path and coming to a landing in front of the girls with a grin. “This might actually be fun.” She grew sharp, nasty looking blades from her forearms, dark purple liquid dripping from them. “Welcome to the big leagues, kids. Let’s see how long you survive.”

Sweetie Belle scooted backwards rapidly, eyes wide with fear as Scootaloo and Apple Bloom came running in, weapons blazing and battle cries echoing through the clearing. Laser shots and bullets flew through the air as they fired, buying time for Sweetie Belle to climb to her feet and join in her barrage with sonic bursts from her trumpet.

Pain easily dodged every single shot they took, a swarm of insects floating around her and buzzing ominously the whole while. She closed in while she dodged, acrobatically flipping through the air and lashing out with her blades.

Poison flew through the air while the Crusaders scattered, splashing against the ground with dark splatters of purple. Sweetie Belle rolled back and split again into four, each one of them sprinting off in a different direction while she yelled out, “Scatter!”

Suppressing fire flew in from Apple Bloom’s and Scootaloo’s directions, the both of them fleeing as well. Apple Bloom unfolded her revolvers, detaching the sickle blades and using them as grappling hooks to drag her through the canopy faster than she could sprint while Scootaloo slammed a fresh mana crystal into her board and cracked it open for a nitro boost.

Pain gave chase, cackling wildly as she sent entire swarms of insects flying after the other clones and girls while she gave chase to a random Sweetie Belle, buzzing through the air with a mad grin on her face.

“Oh goddammit why did it have to be bugs!?” Scootaloo screeched, nimbly dodging over and under various tree branches as she fought to lose the swarm behind her, wincing at every crunch that signaled the shredding of yet another obstacle at the jaws of the bugs.

“Oh fuck this shit!” Scootaloo cursed, slapping her hands on her lower back and drawing out a pair of nunchucks, twirling them around and cracking them open until they emitted a bright, icy glow.

Scootaloo spun around on her hoverboard and slapped in another mana crystal, this one blue and cold. “Alright you fucking disgusting pieces of shit, let’s see how you handle the cold!”

A blast of frozen mana struck out at the bug swarm as Scootaloo slammed her hoverboard to the ground, icing over everything within a one hundred foot radius and completely destroying almost the entire bug swarm.

“Suck it you flying pests!” Scootaloo crowed, easily dispatching the rest of the swarm with her nunchucks’ frozen blasts.

Apple Bloom cursed as she swung through the forest canopy, swinging lower and lower with each arc until she finally gave up and began sprinting away from the horde of insects trailing her.

“Ah may not be as scared’a bugs as Sweetie Belle is, but this is damned ridiculous!” she muttered, firing wildly behind her and wishing for once that she had more than a pair of revolvers and a giant chainsword.

The swarm continued chasing, chewing through everything in its path and even going so far as to split into two swarms to flank Apple Bloom and force her into a corner. Apple Bloom continued sprinting along, nimbly dodging around trees and firing off specialized shots of ice to trap small portions of the swarm and slowing them down with wildly fired incendiary bullets.

Still, the swarm continued inexorably onward, grinding away the ice and flowing around the explosions, buzzing ever louder as it began catching up with Apple Bloom’s tiring form.

“No no no no no no no no no!” Apple Bloom screeched, finally breaking through the foliage and leaping into the conveniently placed river cutting through the trees, submerging herself and denying the swarm its target.

Sweetie Belle swiftly sprinted through the trees, turning back every few seconds to blast away the swarm chasing her until the swarm had shrunk far too much to be a real threat. She sprinted anyway, wind whipping through her lilac and straw colored hair as she cursed her luck and her creator. Her legs screamed at her to stop, and stop she did, sliding to a halt and ducking into the hollow of a nearby tree as she panted in exhaustion.

The crunch of feet landing on dirt drew her attention to Fear as he grinned at her, blocking her escape from the tree. He flashed her a sinister grin and flicked his tongue out in anticipation. “Your fear is so delicious, girly.” He shoved her against the tree’s interior and slowly dragged his tongue from her collarbone up her neck.

Sweetie Belle shuddered and flinched away from Fear, futilely trying to push him away and struggling to find any sort of leverage she could use to get away from him. “L-let go of me you freak!” she screamed, finally lashing out at Fear’s crotch with a snap kick.

Fear only groaned in pleasure against her skin before grinning as he gripped her face. “You’re a feisty one.” He smashed his lips against hers and shoved his tongue into her mouth as he roughly squeezed her left breast, enjoying her softness and size before ripping the front of her dress away along with her bra. He got rougher in his treatment of her as he explored her mouth.

Squirming and thrashing, Sweetie Belle flailed ineffectively as her panic overrode her training, throwing her into a perpetual cycle of fear that culminated in a horrifying moment of clarity and a trickle of humiliating warmth hissing down the side of her leg.

Fear only broke the forced kiss when he picked up that scent. “Ah… The lovely scent of a woman pissing herself in terror. I love that sort of reaction.” He gripped her wrist and forced her to touch his bulge. “Feel what you’ve done to me, girly. I’m going to have so much fun with you.” He started sucking hard on her neck as he made her stroke him.

“S-stop… d-don’t do this….” Sweetie Belle whimpered, tears running freely from her eyes as she shuddered through a few sobs. “P-please j-just let me go….” She tried to pull her hand back from Fear’s crotch, shivering just from the feeling of it in her hand.

Fear only grinned as he left a hickey on Sweetie Belle’s neck and dropped his pants, pressing her palm against his throbbing shaft. “Stroke it, girly.” He made her keep stroking him as he tore her panties off with his free hand and started pinching her clit while shoving a couple of fingers inside her.

“Gah!” Sweetie Belle’s hips bucked unconsciously, a trickle of urine slipping out once more, mixed with something quite different. Shivering and not wanting to deal with the alternative, she began stroking Fear’s member while plotting out ways to escape before things got too terrible.

Fear licked Sweetie Belle’s earlobe as he moaned from her stroking. Her soft hand felt wonderful on his experienced flesh. “That’s not so hard to do, is it?” he asked as he pulled his fingers out of her and suddenly lifted her legs off the ground, pinning her in place as he shoved his length inside of her with a single thrust.

Sweetie Belle shrieked in surprise and pain, Fear’s cock having been pushed inside her without any lubricant, natural or otherwise. As she screamed, a fresh wave of sobs wracked her form, tearing through her and leaving her devoid of the energy to fight back.

Fear grinned at her sobbing as he thrusted in and out of her with groans of pleasure. She may not have been a virgin, but Sweetie Belle still felt fantastically tight, and that was always a plus in Fear’s book. “And we’re just getting started, girly.”

“Oh gods oh gods oh gods why did this have to happen now!?” Sweetie Belle muttered, springing through the tree branches with little effort, eyes flickering wildly around the area as she fought to get a bead on Pain. She hissed in pain, even the feeling of wind flowing across the shallow cuts and scrapes she had gained so far feeling as if they were lit on fire.

Pain’s laughter carried across the air from all around Sweetie Belle. “Stings, doesn’t it? I’ll say this for you. You’ve got quite the high pain threshold. Most people I use that poison on and nick start writhing in agony. But then again, this makes it more fun. Let’s see how far you can go before you scream!” A poison tipped dart flew from behind Sweetie Belle toward her calf.

Sweetie Belle dropped out of the way, flinging herself to the side and screeching quietly, sending out a pulse of sound to try and find Pain. As she swung herself to another tree branch and hissed from the pain, she listened intently, still sending out pulses, and closed her eyes.

Pain threw a volley of poison coated senbon at Sweetie Belle as she buzzed about the area around her, aiming for nonlethal points that would still hurt like hell. She licked her lips as she moved. Playing with her prey was such fun. This was why she was a lone changeling. Even among her emotion eating people, she was a black sheep. Other changelings secretly fed on love. Pain preferred to overtly feed on terror, pain, and hatred. Hatred was poison to most of her kind, but to her it was a drug that she had no desire to kick.

Sweetie Belle suddenly snapped to attention, screaming loudly and unleashing an omnidirectional wave of pure sound that knocked away the senbon. The shriek died down quickly though, Sweetie Belle’s larynx unable to handle the sheer force of her own scream. Faced with the rest of the senbon, Sweetie Belle chose once again to drop, this time to the forest floor and sprinting as fast as she could, hoping that the density of the trees would slow Pain down.

Pain’s smile widened further, her fangs on display and her eyes wide with manic sadism as she closed in and tackled Sweetie Belle to the ground. “Good try, but now it’s time for my fun.” She slowly dragged her tongue along Sweetie Belle’s neck before kissing her and shoving her tongue into her mouth, the long, probing thing giving off fast acting paralytic saliva.

Sweetie Belle froze up with a quiet whimper, muscles stiff and unresponsive. She quivered slightly, breathing shallowly and rapidly. Unconsciously, tears welled up in her eyes as she began crying, sobbing softly while Pain went to work.

Pain grinned as she slowly withdrew her tongue from Sweetie Belle’s mouth. “Best thing about that paralytic? You can still feel pain, and you won’t bleed out quite as fast.” She drew a wicked looking dagger from her belt pouch and dragged her tongue along it before ripping Sweetie Belle’s clothes off. “I like a clean canvas. No clothes to get in the way.” She moved her victim’s arms so that they were pointed away from her body, and slowly lowered the knife to the middle of her right upper arm. “I saw this one in a third world country.” She broke skin and started slowly tracing the blade around Sweetie Belle’s arm, never going lower than the dermis.

Sweetie Belle whimpered in pain and fear, twitching sporadically as her nerves screamed their protests against Pain’s ministrations. Against the effects of the paralytics, Sweetie Belle’s bladder released, the sheer amount of adrenaline rushing through her veins flushing out just enough of Pain’s saliva to allow her that humiliation.

Pain grinned, holding Sweetie Belle still to avoid getting her cuts messed up by twitches. She switched to the other upper arm, cutting it the same way. “I love the smell of piss released in terror.” She moved down Sweetie Belle’s body and began a cut around her waist, right above her hips.

Sweetie Belle continued crying, longing to scream out her agony to the world, but unable to. She begged and pleaded internally for some kind of salvation, even to the point that she wished she could kill herself and be done with it.

Pain’s smile widened as she finished the cut on Sweetie Belle’s waist. “Now here’s where it gets interesting.” She took a moment to squeeze and fondle Sweetie Belle’s breasts. “Such a well endowed chest. Seems almost wasteful to mangle it.” She started making a cut from the waist cut going up between Sweetie Belle’s breasts.

While Sweetie Belle continued her quiet whimpering, Pain smirked and finished up her cuts, creating a gentle line around the slope of Sweetie Belle’s collar bones and finishing off the bloody parody of a shirt. “Hmm… not bad if I do say so myself,” she murmured sultrily, just barely stopping herself from touching the wet spot in her pants.

“But… we can make it better, you know?” Pain’s grin turned feral as she began slicing cuts into Sweetie Belle’s arms and legs, forming crude swirls and lines almost reminiscent of a mix between runes and End’s tribal tattoos.

Sweetie Belle whimpered louder as she felt the shooting pain from the carvings in her limbs, tears flowing more heavily down her cheeks. She felt Pain make cuts to connect the ones on her upper arms to the one around her collar. Her eyes widened and she managed a small scream as Pain gripped the skin beside the cut between her breasts and started pulling in a sick parody of removing a T-shirt. Her torso was awash with agony, especially as she felt the extra resistance from the flesh over her nipples.

“Oh yes! Scream for me little bitch! I love your agony!” Pain threw her head back and cackled, the sheer weight of Sweetie Belle’s suffering kicking her into a most wonderful high. She stared down at the mass of skin in her hands and the exposed, bloody flesh of Sweetie Belle’s torso. “Pretty… very pretty… but something’s missing…” she tapped her chin and then suddenly grinned maniacally, manually spreading out Sweetie Belle’s limbs and staking them to the ground with a knife through each palm and one through each foot.

Sweetie Belle screamed louder as her hands and feet were pierced. “No more! Please stop!” She just wanted the agony to end. After the wedding, she wanted to believe changelings weren’t bad, but this one was pure evil. She looked human, but was really a monster. “Stop it please!”

“Ooh~! You’re making me soooo~ wet right now you have no idea!” Pain chuckled, sitting down on Sweetie Belle’s leg and grinding the crotch of her pants into the lacerations and bringing fresh spines of pain shooting through Sweetie Belle’s nerves. “Now… on to the next treat…” With a flamboyant twirl, Pain drew out another knife, wicked and curved with serrated teeth and the appearance of a metal file. “This little piggy went to the market…” she nicked Sweetie Belle’s big toe. “This little piggy stayed home…” Another nick, this time to the second toe. “This little piggy had roast beef…” Third toe. “This little piggy had none…” Fourth. “And this little piggy went wee… wee… wee… All the way home!” With a violent slash, Pain sliced off Sweetie Belle’s pinkie toe in a spray of blood, ripping the blade from the side of her foot and stabbing it up through the bottom, piercing entirely through and then tugging up and to the side. The blade sliced through the flesh of Sweetie Belle’s foot easily, coming free and almost bisecting Sweetie Belle’s foot in a spray of gore.

Sweetie Belle screamed her loudest yet as she felt blood dripping from her mangled foot. “Stop it! Please have mercy!” She sobbed into the dirt as she felt more blood leaking from her body and pooling around her. “Please… It hurts so much…”

“Mercy? I’m afraid that word isn’t in my vocabulary,” Pain smirked sadistically, heating up the blade of her knife with its runes and cauterizing Sweetie Belle’s foot. The stench of searing flesh filled the clearing as Pain stabbed the burning hot knife deeper into Sweetie Belle’s foot, then dragged it up and out through her calf, then finally slammed it home… right into Sweetie Belle’s vagina.

Sweetie Belle shivered, having lost the swarm after jumping in a lake and swimming to the other side. Her soaking clothes clung to her frame and slowed her down, chafing her skin and preventing her from running. “Oh gods oh gods oh gods,” she muttered, rubbing her arms to regain feeling in them while she stumbled towards a tree hollow.

Before she could reach it, Sorrow swooped down and grabbed her from behind. “You may have evaded Pain’s swarm, but I am not so easily eluded,” he breathed in Sweetie Belle’s ear with a dark chuckle before licking her ear. “You truly are blessed with a desirable body, Sweetie Belle.” His right hand trailed up her body to cup one of her breasts and squeeze it.

Sweetie Belle reacted immediately, violently thrashing in Sorrow’s grip and slamming her head into his, then using the temporary distraction to scream as loudly as she could. Her magic infused her voice, amplifying it and resonating it until the sound created a reverberating mess of frequencies that began shaking apart literally everything within a ten foot radius.

Sorrow held her tight even as she screamed, the vibrations causing massive damage to his body and causing his blood to trickle from his mouth, nose, eyes, and ears. Once Sweetie Belle had screamed her lungs and throat sore, he chuckled and gripped her chin, turning her head so that he could gaze deep into her eyes, his blood red eyes seeming to glow. “A powerful ability, but for naught against me.” He squeezed her breast harder and bit down on her ear enough to draw drops of blood.

Sweetie Belle whimpered, unable to protest. She began hyperventilating, both to calm down her burning lungs and to try and alleviate the fear coursing through her veins. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks, drawing tracks that blended with the rest of the water soaking her form. “P-please…” she croaked, “j-just let me go…”

“Now why would I let my prey go, Sweetie Belle?” Sorrow asked, purring the question in her ear. “I always enjoy young women like you. Especially the sound of your heartbeat. As I approach, I can almost dance to the beat.” He looked back into her eyes. “Your lover is a lucky one, having a lovely girl such as you in his life. Especially with your body.” He ran his fingers through Sweetie Belle’s hair and roughly gripped it in his fist before kissing her, exploring her mouth at a slow pace.

Sweetie Belle began flailing again, biting down on Sorrow’s tongue with force enough to completely sever it. As soon as she felt the tongue tear free, she reared back and headbutted Sorrow in the face again, using her barely recovered vocal chords to scream loudly in Sorrow’s face, concentrating the burst of noise into a sonic blast capable of punching through brick walls.

Sorrow felt his skull largely vacated of his brain, the back of his skull, and his face as he fell back, letting Sweetie Belle loose as he held off on regenerating for the moment. “Such interesting prey. She may be more fun than I expected.”

“Oh gods… oh gods oh gods oh gods!” Sweetie Belle sprinted off, hyperventilating and panicking over the fact that she had seemingly just killed a man in cold blood. After a few hundred feet, she fell to her knees, shaking violently and dry heaving into the grass.

“And here I thought you would have a stronger stomach,” Sorrow’s voice noted from behind Sweetie Belle, as calmly smug and superior acting as before. “You can kill, but have never taken a life. Still so pure.”

“Gah!” Sweetie Belle stumbled back, slipping in her own vomit and tumbling to the ground, wide eyed and shivering, “H-how!? I-I killed you! I saw y-your b-brains….” She quivered violently and scooted back, “W-what are you!?”

Sorrow chuckled as he slowly stalked toward Sweetie Belle. “I never get tired of that reaction to me playing dead. I’ve done it to so many people over the centuries.” He licked his lips. “A pity you’re not a virgin. You would have made such a lovely vampire.”

“V-vampire….? L-like Alucard!?” Sweetie Belle yelped, scooting back faster and leaping to her feet. “T-then…..” she steeled her nerves and stood her ground, taking a deep breath….

And unleashing a scream powerful enough to actually uproot several trees and send them flying away.

Sorrow was thrown back several meters before flaring his wings and bracing his feet against the ground. “Such spirit. You are destined for great things, child.” He flew at her, brute forcing his way through the soundwaves and clamping his hand over her mouth.

Sweetie Belle choked and gagged from the sudden blockage of her mouth. She coughed out a heavy amount of nasal spray, stumbling backwards and leaking blood out of her mouth from her freshly abraded and overworked larynx.

“Your ultrasonic screams are an effective weapon indeed,” Sorrow noted with a smirk. “But you haven’t trained your body to be able to handle the backlash from all that vibration, so using it is just as dangerous to you yourself.” He kept walking toward Sweetie Belle at that slow pace. “So utterly filled with potential, so wholly lacking in training.”

Sweetie Belle continued coughing, utterly helpless to keep Sorrow away from her. Blood dribbled freely between her fingers, each spasming choking motion throwing up a fresh wave of blood.

Sorrow finally trapped Sweetie Belle against a cliff wall and gripped her chin with his right hand, leaning in and licking up some of her blood. “Your blood is quite tasty, Sweetie Belle.” His eyes glowed brighter red as he kept licking up her blood, his left hand rising up to her right breast and pressing down on her nipple with his index finger.

Sweetie Belle’s vision swam as soon as she stared into his eyes, everything but those two crimson orbs fading out into a psychedelic blur of lights and sounds until everything went dark. The eyes were the last things to wink out of view, carrying with them the dark tones of Sorrow’s laughter.

“Hi! I’m Sweetie Belle! Nice to meet you!” Sweetie Belle smiled and held her hands out, shaking Apple Bloom’s and Scootaloo’s hands.

Truly nothing could go wrong now.

“Why would we want to hang out with you anymore?” Scootaloo asked, spitting in the dirt at Sweetie Belle’s feet. “You’re just a lousy markless bitch!”

“Don’t leave me!” Sweetie Belle cried, reaching pathetically out towards Scootaloo and Apple Bloom.

Apple Bloom sneered and kicked Sweetie Belle away from her, “Why don’t you just go back ta crawlin’ in the dirt, ya pathetic waste of space?”

“Please! No! Don’t do this to me! No!”

Why are you leaving?

The slick sounds of flesh slapping against flesh as strained grunts filled the darkened room. A thick cord of rope stifling the screams of protest.

Sweetie Belle sobbed silently into her pillow, bound and gagged, as her father had his way with her. Her mother stood idly by, naked and masturbating, squirting all over Button Mash’s similarly bound and gagged form.

‘Why are you doing this to me…?’ she screamed internally, hot tears falling from her eyes and staining her pillow with their salty wetness.

“You’re such a good girl!” her father praised, brutally reaming her anus without a single drop of lubricant other than the fresh, hot blood that dribbled out of the many tears lining the orifice. “Such a good little slut for letting dear old dad work your slutty little ass!”

Her father came in her ass, prompting a muffled scream of agony as hot, sticky semen splattered all over the inside of her raw, torn anus.

“Hi! I’m Sweetie Belle! Nice to meet you!” Sweetie Belle smiled and held her hands out, shaking Apple Bloom’s and Scootaloo’s hands.

Maybe she’d make friends this time around?

“H-hey… what are you doing with that knife….?” Sweetie Belle stuttered, fearfully backing up as a dead eyed Scootaloo advanced on her. She peered through the doorway and almost vomited upon seeing the desecrated and shredded corpse of Apple Bloom.

“O-oh gods…” she muttered, staring at the suspicious splatters dotting the area around the corpse’s nethers and then looking down at the bloody bulge in Scootaloo’s partially opened jeans. “Y-you didn’t…. oh no…. Scootaloo no! Don’t!”

She screamed as she felt the knife pierce her heart, and Scootaloo’s throbbing cock pierce her lower lips.

Sweetie Belle stared helplessly as her boyfriend eagerly pounded her mother’s vagina, the both of them screaming in the throes of ecstasy.

“Hey!” her father’s voice sounded out, just in time for a harsh slap to strike true across her face. “Don’t focus on your stupid boyfriend when I’m reaming out your little cunt!”

Her father’s strong, calloused hands clamped around her throat, choking her even as her father came inside her for the nth time. Semen had caked her body, coating it entirely in a slimy layer of white.

Outside her room, a line of men stood naked and ready.

“Hi! I’m Sweetie Belle! Nice to meet you!” Sweetie Belle smiled and held her hands out, shaking Apple Bloom’s and Scootaloo’s hands.

Just what about these two makes them so trustworthy?

Memories.

Countless, unending memories.

Each and everyone one of them dark and twisted. Every forgotten nightmare, every half repressed memory of fear, every single dark thought that had surged through her mind.

All of them brought to light.

The pure memories. Happy, carefree. Full of laughter and the joys of youth. Memories corrupted and soiled and dragged through the muck until all that remained was a pale, desolate shadow.

Fear.

Anguish.

Loathing.

Hatred.

Sorrow.

Pain.

Fury.

Paranoia.

Death.

A swirling, dizzying cycle of experiences pounded through her mind over and over and over and over and over and over and OVER.

Never ceasing never stopping never letting go never resting never giving a single inch never never never never NEVER NEVER NEVER!

No light no escape no warmth no joy no life no safety no happiness no laughter no fun no breath no no no no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO.

Screaming ripping tearing roaring surging hunting killing murdering eating gorging clawing skittering shrieking gasping moaning groaning aching hurting burning drowning stabbing pulsing beating!

…..

“... Please….”

“....”

“Save me….”

Sorrow smirked as he watched the tears stream down Sweetie Belle’s cheeks, his finger buried within her breast as blood dripped out and stained her dress. It had been fun exploring her memories and turning them against her, but now it was time to end it. He slowly leaned in and opened his mouth, revealing his sharp teeth and exhaling on Sweetie Belle’s throat before biting down into it.

Sweetie Belle’s breath hitched unconsciously, so lost was she in the depths of her twisted and shattered mind. She shuddered quietly, mouthing silent nothings of fear and despair as fat tears dripped down her face. Without so much as a single sound of protest, she began shriveling from blood loss, her skin becoming ashen gray and her face becoming gaunt and lifeless. Her hair slowly dwindled from lilac and periwinkle to a subdued, aged white.

Sorrow finally released his hold on her when she had been fully exsanguinated, allowing her to fall, lifeless, to the ground, her eyes staring blankly at the sky as rain began to fall.

And thus did her corpse fade away into a swirl of pale blue smoke, washing away in the rain and leaving not a trace behind.

Pain arched her back with a pleased sigh as she felt the rain fall on her, soaking the gothic lolita dress she so adored along with the blood that stained it. She lightly panted as she hugged Sweetie Belle to her chest, her breath quickening in pace as she took in the textures and scents, the raw emotion. She deeply kissed the dying Sweetie Belle as fluid flowed down her thighs in rivers. She broke the kiss and hugged her victim’s head, her breathing reaching a crescendo and giving way to a scream of ecstasy as she hit her climax, snapping Sweetie Belle’s neck in one swift, orgasmic motion and letting the mutilated body fall limp.

The lilac and salmon haired corpse faded away with the rain, the swirl of red smoke left behind barely visible.

Fear groaned out his orgasm, one of the countless others he’d gone through but just as sweet, spraying the utterly mutilated form of Sweetie Belle with another jet of semen. At this point, Sweetie Belle had been reduced to a limbless, disemboweled lump of quivering, bloodied flesh. Both of her eyes were gone, pulped and ruined by the forceful introduction of Fear’s throbbing erection. Her ears had clogged with semen, as had her torn open nostrils and throat.

Fear had violated every single hole available on her young, nubile body, and then proceeded to make more, tearing holes open in her breasts, her stomach, her limbs, even going so far as to tear out her uterus and use it as a condom while he fucked her in the ass.

Still hard, he advanced upon Sweetie Belle and tore open a long, gaping gouge in her throat, shoving his cock through immediately and causing the very tip of it to erupt from her gagging and choking mouth.

With another spray of blood tinged semen, Sweetie Belle died, the lilac and flaxen haired girl’s corpse immediately dissolving into pale yellow smoke and vanishing in the rain.

Sweetie Belle rushed up to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, relieved to see them safe and sound. “Hey gu-urk!” Tripping to the ground and writhing in pain, Sweetie Belle let out an ear piercing shriek of pure, unending, agony.

Memories raced through her head; memories of desecration, pain, corruption, fear, rape, death, blood, insanity.

Three lives snuffed out in brutal manners, all at once, causing all three sets of memories to etch themselves into a psyche far too delicate to handle even one of them.

Overwhelmed, Sweetie Belle went still and catatonic, her eyes unfocused and glassy.

“Sweetie Belle?” Apple Bloom asked, shaking the poor girl’s shoulder. “Sweetie Belle?! Come on, wake up!” She pulled Sweetie Belle into her lap and tried to shake her awake. “Come on. We gotta get outta here!”

Pain’s giggle rang out over the air as she sat down on a branch, looking at the trio with a grin. “Wow. Looks like all three of her clones died at roughly the same time and her mind couldn’t take it, so she slipped into a coma to protect herself!” She tilted back and laughed manically as she slipped and began hanging from the branch by her knees. “It’s almost as intoxicating a sight as the clone I killed. She made it all the way to my orgasm. And I had skinned her torso early on. It’s so rare that they make it all the way through to getting their faces skinned.” She hugged herself as she recalled some really good kills. “So. Fucking. Great!” She gripped the branch and swung back up onto it. “And now I’m going to paralyze you two and take my dear, sweet ti-”

Pain was interrupted by a pair of heavy black boots slamming into her face and then exploding with great force, driving a pair of high impact concussion rounds into her skull and launching their owner backwards and to a halt in front of Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle.

“Alright, y’all, y’did good makin’ it this far. Now scram!” Applejack commanded, just as the dropship that had carried her let down a ladder and unleashed its other payload. That is, the rest of the Elements of Harmony, plus Alucard, Schrodinger, Anderson, Blueblood, Seras, Trixie, Gilda, Soarin, Big Mac, Facet, Maud, Ditzy, Vinyl, Octavia, and Discord.

Spike slammed down behind the assembled group a mere second later.

Pain lighted back on the branch, a swarm of hornets surrounding her. “Well well. The cavalry is here. How sweet. Too bad you’re too late to save the girl. I imagine she’s damaged beyond repair.” Her gaze fell on Vinyl and Octavia. “Hello, Fake and Interloper. I think I’ll kill Interloper next and make Fake watch.”

Vinyl growled, “You’re not getting to Octy! If you wanna kill her you’ll have to go through me first!” She held her sword out to the side and dropped into a ready stance, just aching for the signal to go and wreck Pain’s day.

“And if you want to get to her, you’ll have to go through me first,” Octavia muttered, standing back to back with Vinyl and taking up her own stance.

“Can we just shoot her already?” Rarity asked, hefting her minigun and aiming it at Pain.

Blueblood snorted, “Shoot, stab, slice, burn, shred. I fear that none of them would be quite enough punishment for her.”

Pain giggled even in the face of their hostility. “Oh… It burns you two doesn’t it? Knowing that Sorrow, Fear, and I worked our magic on your little sister and you weren’t there to save her?” She licked the air with her long tongue. “Your hatred is so intoxicating.”

“Hey wait a minute, isn’t hate supposed to hurt changelings?” Rainbow Dash asked, scythe unfolded and planted blade first into the ground. “The hell is up with this bitch?” She began aiming for Pain, lining up a shot with the semi-disguised barrel of the rifle built into the scythe.

Pain laughed and grinned widely. “While that may be true for the rest of my kind, I’m what the rest call a… genetic defect. Changelings like me have a taste for negative emotions. Anger, sadness, and especially hatred. Most of us choose to stay confined and away from others. But me? No. I decided to sever myself from the Hivemind and strike out on my own. Hatred is even tastier than love. A drug that I would never dream of kicking.”

“Alright, that tears it, time to shoot this bitch up,” Rainbow shook her head and immediately opened fire, prompting almost everyone else to do the same while Ditzy carefully lifted Sweetie Belle back up to the dropship.

The sounds of gun and spellfire rang through the air as the combined force of 20 combat trained individuals, a god of chaos, and an adult sized dragon blasted the general area where Pain had stood into nothing more than a smoking, glassed trench approximately three miles long.

Pain’s laughter echoed around the group as the trench smoked. “So violent. So hateful. Your hatred is so very delicious, my snacks. Which one of you wants to kill me the most?” A swarm of bugs formed into a clone of Pain and landed beside Octavia. “Is it Interloper, to protect her wife?” The clone moved over to Vinyl. “Is it Fake, to keep lovely Duet under wraps and away from the world?” To Rarity. “Is it Mrs. Generosity, for what I did to her sister?” She finally moved behind Blueblood. “Or maybe the disgraced prince?” She licked Blueblood’s cheek. “The hatred that the people of Canterlot had for you made you a wonderful buffet.”

“Hands off my husband!” Rarity screeched, immediately slashing the clone apart, such that each and every insect in the swarm was neatly bisected from the sudden appearance of Rarity’s signature flash of reflected light.

“So violent, Mrs. Generosity,” Pain’s voice echoed. “And how strange of you to end up married to a man who once raped you. Most in your position would sooner kill him. I personally would have brainwashed him and made him my little fuck toy. See how long he could keep me entertained before I decided to skin him alive one limb at a time. Wonder how long he’d last. I love the ones that can make it to their faces being skinned. Your sister certainly did. Her screams were so lovely. Want a full play by play of the gritty details?”

Rarity stilled, to the point where she even seemed to have stopped breathing. “Twilight?” she murmured, a wicked gleam coming to her eyes.

“Don’t let her get to you, Rarity. She’s pissing you off on purpose,” Twilight answered, silently flicking over a spark of magenta and washing it over all of Rarity’s runes.

Shaking her head, Rarity smirked, “Thank you, Twilight. That will be all.” And with that, she vanished from sight, a gust of wind announcing her departure.

Twilight sighed and pulled out her Scroll, dialing a single number and waiting a moment, before speaking, “Hey mom? I know you’re already tracing my Scroll. Would you and dad mind coming in for a bit? We have a Cobra that desperately needs a mongoose set on its ass.”

Pain giggled as she sat waiting for Rarity on a boulder, grinning when she appeared. “Ooh… You look absolutely pissed off. I can see it in your eyes and taste it in your aura. It tastes delicious. Especially mixed with your hatred for me.”

“Shut up and die!” Rarity screamed, her supercharged runes allowing her to instantly dash to Pain’s position and slice Pain in half… scattering her into a much diminished swarm of insects while the air pressure of the slash disintegrated the rest.

Rarity paused and growled, dashing away from the insects and tapping her scroll, sending a silent message to Twilight Velvet.

“Trace Message. Lock Coordinates. Arrive ASAP”

A storm of senbon flew from the surrounding trees at Rarity. “You sure you don’t want the details of your sister’s torture at my hands? Fear raped the clone he found to death. Sorrow mind raped his and sucked her dry. I took my time though. She’s such a pretty thing. It’s a shame that her mind is so wholly broken. I would have loved to play with her some more.”

“Shut…. UP!” Rarity roared, vanishing in a blur of motion, striking down the senbon before they even came close to her previous position. Trees fell from the wind pressure, the ground cratering in certain areas where Rarity had pushed off from in her mad search to find and eviscerate Pain.

Pain’s giggle echoed tauntingly in Rarity’s ears. “First I paralyzed her. Then I stripped her naked and skinned her torso like a T-shirt. Her nipples gave some extra resistance. Love when that happens.” A swarm of hornets flew at Rarity while she was airborne. “That first scream… Oh I still can’t believe how wet it got me. And that screech she loosed when I shoved my serrated dagger up her pussy and tore up her womb? I had a mini-orgasm from it. And she couldn’t do a thing since I had staked her feet and hands to the ground.”

Slicing apart the swarm in midair and impossibly using their shredded corpses as a platform, Rarity lost herself in a sea of rage, opening her absorption runes fully and supercharging her speed far beyond what Twilight had gifted her, tearing up the landscape in a howling tornado of sheer, undying hatred.

“I love the emotional ones,” Pain purred. “They’re so easily manipulated…” A black blur flew through the air and punched Rarity hard in the gut, Pain’s lips pulled back in twisted smile that showed off her fangs as her wide, manic eyes glowed green. “Hatred is my food. And yours is supercharging me.” She started knocking Rarity around like a ragdoll at high speeds, playing air tennis with herself before double kicking Rarity in the gut and sending her into the ground and making a crater.

When the dust cleared, Rarity was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a rather plainly dressed woman with violet and silver hair stood slowly, cracking out her joints and rolling her neck. “Such a pain you are, little bug. I suppose now I’ll have to squash you.” Twilight Velvet smirked and cracked her knuckles, slipping on a pair of leather gloves and bursting out of view in another eruption of dust and debris.

Pain giggled as she blocked a punch from Twilight Velvet, staring into her eyes. “And who are you? Some retired old bag? I can see crow’s feet and so much gray hair. Does your husband still find you attractive? Maybe he’s secretly ditched you for some younger, sexier slut?”

Twilight Velvet smirked, “I may be old, but I’m not over the hill yet. And, little girl, you just really ticked me off.” With that, Twilight Velvet vanished in a burst of speed once more, a nigh endless barrage of punches slamming into Pain from all sides. Twilight Velvet’s voice echoed across the clearing, loud and almost manic, “Your pathetic attempts to rile me up may have worked but even with the boost your abilities are useless! Trying to escape is useless! Everything you do is useless useless useless useless useless useless!”

Just as quickly as it started, the barrage ceased for the barest fraction of a second… until Twilight Velvet flickered into view right above Pain and slammed a steamroller into Pain’s still writhing form, carrying it to the ground and continuing her barrage on the roller itself. “Die die die die die die die die die die die die die! I’ll squash you like a pancake!” With one final blow, the steamroller exploded into a fiery conflagration, sending blazing hot shrapnel everywhere and setting much of the surrounding area ablaze.

Pain choked out a giggle despite her broken body. “Beauty. Pure beauty. Your quiet rage is more delicious than any of the finest wines in the world. Can’t wait to taste it again…” She went limp before dissolving into a swarm of hornets.

“Bitch.” Twilight Velvet spat into the dirt and picked Rarity’s unconscious body out from behind a conveniently formed barrier of fallen trees. “Come, child. Let’s get you back to safety.”

Pain’s taunting laughter echoed around Rainbow and Applejack as they stood back to back. “How does it feel? Knowing you couldn’t protect your sisters? If you had gotten here even a little later, I’d have gotten to work on them just like I worked on dear, precious Sweetie Belle.”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash both glared at Pain, not saying a word in favor of simply taking the bitch out. With a silent, shared nod, Rainbow Dash took to the air and began firing pot shots at Pain. With covering fire established, Applejack began spinning on her hands, legs flying out and firing an absolutely impossible tornado of glowing white bullets.

Pain’s laughter continued to echo even as the forest was perforated by the pair’s bullets. “What’s wrong? Cat got your tongues? I had such fun planned for those two.” She giggled. “First I was gonna tie up the Aerial and prop her eyes open, then strap the Terran to a table. I’d start small. Slowly popping out the Terran’s eyes after injecting her with a pain enhancer.”

“Oh shut up!” Rainbow finally spat, no longer firing wildly but instead dashing forth into a blazing whirlwind of blade and bullets, while Applejack pushed off out of her spin to fire a pair of guiding shots at Pain, drawing the tornado in, sandwiching the terrorist between a whirling dervish of steel and a spinning drill of bullets.

The clone was reduced to a swarm of hornets that didn’t last against the onslaught. “After the Terran was blinded, I was gonna carve patterns in her legs. You Apples are known for nice legs. Then I was gonna use her breasts as a nest for a new swarm of hornets.”

“Dammit! Where in the name of Tartarus did that sneaky bitch go!?” Rainbow raged, slamming her scythe into the ground and looking around for any sign of Pain. Applejack frowned and looked around as well, slowly moving until both she and Rainbow Dash were standing back to back.

“And while the larvae were slowly feasting on the Terran’s tits, I’d hook her up to the Aerial so that every bit of pain the Terran felt, the Aerial would too. Then I’d skin the Terran’s arms strip by strip. The screams were sure to have been utter music!” Pain let off an erotic moan at the thought. “Oh what could have been…”

“Alright, that tears it! If she ain’t gon’ come out n’ fight us, then we’re gon’ have ta make her,” Applejack growled, once more going into a hand spin, this time allowing her shots to run free and slam into just about everything within a few hundred yards.

Rainbow grunted in agreement, swinging into an aerial spin above Applejack and using her scythe to both propel Applejack’s bullets faster with wind, but also fire off her own shots, the recoil serving only to kick up even more wind until Rainbow finally dropped out of her spin with Applejack and allow the tornado that formed to explode outwards in a destructive wave of high pressure wind.

Still charged from the hatred she had gotten from Rarity, Twilight Velvet, and now Applejack and Rainbow, Pain weaved among the shots as though dancing, dodged over Blue Rose’s blade and clotheslined Rainbow before quickly kicking her down into Applejack. Grinning at the sprawl and tangle of body parts, she moved in for the kill on Applejack, deciding to make Rainbow her next torture victim.

That is, until a pair of strong, muscular hands grabbed her neck from behind and impossibly chokeslammed her into a dark void of nothingness.

Back on the surface, Night Light cancelled the magic that held open the realm of shadows as a tunnel system, grinning wickedly as he thought of just how ironic it would be that Pain would have to suffer through an eternity of deathless pain. As he dusted off his hands, he nudged Applejack and Rainbow Dash with his shoe, “Hey, you kids okay?”

Rainbow knocked his foot away with a groan as she got to her feet, gripping her neck. “Fuck, that bitch hits hard!” she rasped while helping Applejack up. “Thanks for the save, dude.”

Night Light chuckled, “Well, I couldn’t let my only daughter’s friends die when I’m in the area now could I? Still, what were you two girls doing fighting an internationally wanted criminal? …. Then again, you are my daughter’s friends…” He tapped his chin and shrugged, “Now, let’s go find my wife and see just how everyone else is doing, hmm?”

“Sure thing,” Rainbow said, groaning as she collected her scythe. “Can’t wait to kill these monsters.”

“Me neither, RD,” Applejack said darkly as she cracked her knuckles. “Let’s go!”

“Get back here so I can incinerate your insectoid ass, you fucking bitch!” Twilight roared, launching herself after Pain with runes glowing almost like individual suns. Every single combat spell she knew raced through her mind, along with calculations for the exact amount of force that she’d need to reduce Pain into a puddle of molten slag.

“Has anyone ever told you that you have breathtaking anger management problems?” Pain asked, her voice echoing in Twilight’s ears. “I mean, there’s having a short temper, and then there’s being on a hair trigger. You flip your shit for the pettiest of reasons, sweetcheeks.”

“DON’T FUCKING CALL ME SWEETCHEEKS YOU INSOLENT WORM!” Twilight’s anger briefly manifested in spontaneous combustion, setting everything around her alight as her hair spontaneously burst into a column of flame. Said column of flame proceeded to propel her even faster, as if it were a miniature rocket engine.

“That’s a cute fireworks display, sweetcheeks,” Pain taunted. “So what does your husband see in you? Your tits are the smallest in your little group, your ass is kinda fat, there’s way too much meat on your legs, and that belly? Are those stretch marks and leftover baby weight?”

Twilight suddenly halted and grinned, “Say, did you notice the scenery~?” Twilight spread her arms, indicating the mountainous gorge they were in, miles from anything important. Twilight giggled madly, eyes visibly glowing magenta with emitted mana, “There’s a reason why Canterlot never lets me go all out near populated areas~”

“Really? Why’s that?” Pain asked. “Is it because the people might see the princess’ student for what she really is? A trigger happy, psychotic, destructive, vampire whore?”

“No~” And then Twilight snapped her fingers.

Everything for a ten mile radius spontaneously erupted into a physics raping bubble of pure death and transformed the mountain gorge into a glassed over crater twenty miles wide and ten miles deep.

Celestia looked up from her tea and the utterly boring nobleman standing before her that was trying to convince her that it was logical and productive for all of Canterlot that he be given a private airship, noticing the glowing magenta light over the horizon. Sighing, she set her tea down. “Looks like the maps will have to be redrawn. Again.”

Luna facepalmed from behind Celestia, “In my own name, that area is going to be on fire for the next ten years, isn’t it?”

“Most likely,” Celestia agreed. “Twilight really needs to learn that not all of her problems can be solved by glassing the surrounding twenty miles.” She looked at the ceiling. “Someone get me a drink. Something strong, preferably.”

Twilight panted and stumbled out of the sea of fire that she had created, clothing burnt to a crisp and hair in severe need of brushing. “Well… at least the bitch’s clone is dead. Maybe the backlash burnt her too.” She stretched and yawned, walking back to the drop area without even caring about her own nudity.

“... I need to find an easier way to glass an area…” she muttered.

Pain sat on a stump beside Fear and wrinkled her nose. “Just how many holes did you tear into that clone to fuck?”

Fear grinned and shrugged, “I lost count after thirty four or so. Good thing all of them were tight and ready to fuck, though. Splattered that little cunt good before she blue balled me with that stupid disappearing corpse trick.”

“You’re such a disgusting pig,” Pain jabbed. “I prefer the living, thank you. Like that cute little boy from that one town we passed through on the way here. I had such a good time with him. Especially getting him hard, tying off his dick, and riding him until he came so hard his dick’s blood vessels burst. That scream was what really made me cum.” She sighed fondly at the memory. “It’s such a shame that he died of shock when I was halfway through skinning his face. Oh well. His parents being forced to watch made it better. Especially when I did the same to his older brother.”

She giggled maliciously. “I turned into his girlfriend and hypnotized him. Then I started torturing him. Poor guy died thinking his girlfriend had murdered him. Then I turned into him and raped his girlfriend while skinning her one patch of skin at a time!”

“Oh that’s brilliant!” Fear cackled, slapping his knee in hysteria. “The only thing that would have been better would have been if you’d have given their corpses to me!”

“You know I consider my every torture session a work of art, Fear,” Pain cooed teasingly. “Letting you at them would mean defiling my hard work. Besides, you shouldn’t need charity from me to find dead people to fuck. Especially not the prepubescent kids that I absolutely adore…” She purred in longing for one. “They’re so innocent and easy to lure. Especially the little boys just on the cusp of puberty and becoming interested in seeing naked girls. Just have to flash my tits and they’re wrapped around my finger.”

“Calling Fear a monster is like a shit calling a turd disgusting. Utter hypocrisy,” Octavia called out, dropping out of the air and slamming into the ground in front of both Fear and Pain, the shockwaves created by her impact resonating with her own magic and blasting outwards as a category 6 localized earthquake and releasing enough energy to equal a small atomic bomb.

Pain took to the air and managed to resist the shockwave with some effort, while Fear was sent flying through a number of trees to another clearing. Pain grinned at Octavia with her tongue lolling out a bit. “Hello, Interloper. Decided to give my precious Duet some space to stretch her legs?”

Octavia smirked and activated her battle suit, “Oh no no no, I’m only here so I can rip your spine and strangle you with it.” She dropped into a ready stance, still smirking insufferably as she activated the four extendable arms hidden within the suit’s backpack. “Say hello to my little friends.”

Pain whistled as she watched the arms lift Octavia off the ground. “Nice. You even have a pair that holds up your breasts for you.” She drew her serrated knife and started twirling it. “Wonder how hard it’ll be to make you scream.”

“You won’t be able to do more than make me smile as I beat you until your bones are nothing but shards and chunky salsa,” Octavia shot back, lashing her gauntlet clad arms forward and back, extending a pair of bladed whips that hung in the air around her like a deadly metallic halo.

“Fancy,” Pain quipped with a smirk. “You know… I may be mad at Duet for now, but she’ll come back. She always has. Sweet, beautiful Duet the Ripper can’t stay away from the battlefield. Watching her work excites my blood even more than a seven course meal of hatred or torturing someone to death!”

“You’ll not get her back this lifetime!” Octavia roared, launching herself at Pain with a cry of fury and bringing her bladed whips forward in a deadly dance of metal and edges, sparks clanging through the air just from how fast the blades moved.

Pain dodged backwards, taking to the sky and cackling madly, “Oh you don’t know a damn thing, Interloper!” She sent down a pair of swarms, both clouds of flying insects swirling around the other until both of them had built up the momentum to drill through concrete.

Octavia huffed and activated her whips’ second function and launched them forward, spinning them around and turning them into oversized blenders that chopped the bugs into fine paste. “It seems like you’re the one that knows nothing, Pain,” she muttered, pulling out a few grenades from the inside of her battle suit.

As the buzzing swarms closed in on Octavia, she flung her arms outwards, flinging the grenades in an outward arc and sending them into the midst of the swarms. The grenades detonated immediately, erupting into swirling orbs of flame that detonated once again and sent the charred remains of the insects fluttering through the air, trailing thin streamers of smoke.

Octavia took that chance to rush forward, her metallic arms springing forward and lashing out at Pain, who twisted in midair and dodged with barely any effort. Octavia growled and the claws at the end of each arm opened, spinning rapidly and unleashing a salvo of energy bullets at Pain.

Pain cackled as she twisted in midair, evading the bullets neatly while advancing steadily on Octavia, flitting back and forth on the power of her absorbed hatred until she flickered down into view below Octavia and slammed her fist directly into Octavia’s gut, the battle suit’s armor insufficient to block even half of the force.

Octavia doubled over, halting her attack and nearly vomiting as she shakily pushed herself back away from Pain. “Y-you bitch,” she muttered, wiping the blood from her lips and unleashing her whips once more, this time extending each bladed section outwards with a hiss of ionizing air as the pulse blades on each blade activated and carved burning trails of blue heat through the quiet forest air.

“So close!” Pain laughed, carelessly flickering around the now burning clearing while Octavia’s whips slashed nothing but air and foliage. Octavia growled and charged forward, changing tactics and instead using her robotic arms to their fullest and extending the hidden blades within each one, effectively tripling her striking speed.

Six bladed whips tore through the air about Pain, each one barely doing more than nicking at Pain’s disguised chitin and creating hissing wisps of steam. “Stand still so I can wring your disgusting chitin covered neck!” Octavia roared, slashing furiously and carving the surrounding forest into burning pieces.

“Now why exactly would I do that?” Pain teased, vanishing in a burst of speed and reappearing right below Octavia once again, leg scything directly at Octavia’s seemingly unprotected abdomen once again.

“Nice try!” Octavia gloated, the two arms supporting her breasts lashing out and catching Pain’s leg with lightning speed. “But you’ll have to do better than that to trick me twice with the same move!” With a swift twist and a sickening crack, Octavia snapped Pain’s leg like a twig.

“Gah! You damn Interloper!” Pain snarled, jamming her hand through her thigh and ripping her leg off in a spray of green ichor and zipping away, trailing droplets of her own blood as she escaped.

“You’re not going to escape so easily!” Octavia gave chase, retracting all her robotic arms for mobility as she sprinted after Pain’s retreating form.

“Oh come on, Duet!” Fear cackled, his erection plainly showing through his pants, “How ‘bout a quick lay, huh? Show you what a real man’s like?” He unzipped his pants and let his cock hang free, its tip already glistening with precum as he openly fantasized about Vinyl pinned under him and begging for mercy.

Vinyl grimaced at the sight of his junk. “Put that filthy fucking dick away!” She fell into a stance as she glared at him. “Octavia’s bigger than you, monster! And don’t call me Duet! My name is Vinyl Scratch!” Her visor closed over her face before her helmet enclosed her head. “It’s my duty to personally put an end to the Cobras.”

“Ooh, feisty!” Fear grinned, advancing slowly on Vinyl, darts gripped firmly in hand. “Always a pleasure to break the feisty ones… they always scream the loudest, remember, Duet?” His erection throbbed as he walked, the flow of his precum quickening in response to his heightened arousal.

“You don’t put that dick away, I’ll cut it off!” Vinyl snarled, her muscles tensing as she got ready to attack, lightning beginning to crackle over her suit. “Always wanted you dead the most, fucking necrophiliac.”

“Oh like you didn’t get off on some of the things I did,” Fear retorted, sheathing the poisoned darts he held and pressing a button on his wrist. “Now, let’s see that oh so lovely fear, my dear former boss.”

With a quick pulse of violent black magic, Vinyl’s armor stripped itself free of her body, returning back to subspace, locked away and unreachable despite Vinyl’s best efforts. Along with her armor, so too did her weapons lock themselves away, leaving her standing in nothing but her civilian clothes. “What the!?” she exclaimed, looking down at herself in total shock, “What the hell did you do!?”

“Just made things a little more fair,” Fear smirked, whipping out his dual crossbows and firing a pair of bolts at Vinyl, their poisoned tips gleaming a faint purple in the light. Vinyl scrambled back, just barely dodging the bolts and backing against a tree, eyes wide and feeling helpless without her armor.

Vinyl began hyperventilating as Fear casually reloaded his crossbows and took aim again, leaping back and sprinting away from Fear as fast as she could, heart jackhammering away in her chest and cold sweat flying from her pores.

Fear cackled as he gave chase, flitting from shadow to shadow in a twisted parody of motion that allowed him to easily keep pace with Vinyl even as he took deliberately mis-aimed potshots at her.

“That’s it! That’s it! Show me your fear, Duet! Show me the fear you never showed anyone!” Fear’s maniacal laughter echoed through the forest as he tracked down Vinyl. Hyperventilating and pupils dilated with fear, Vinyl slowly caught her breath in the hollow of a tree trunk, crinkling her nose at the scent of blood and tears filling the tiny area.

As she tried in vain to relax and calm down, Fear slowly descended down the trunk of the tree itself, slipping into an almost absurdly tiny hole halfway up and continuing down the interior of the trunk, chuckling quietly to himself.

Vinyl stiffened upon hearing Fear’s chuckles, “Come on you bastard… quit the assassin bullshit… show yourself…”

“...Boo.” Fear’s voice whispered from behind her, just as reflex kicked in and allowed Vinyl to barely escape being impaled on the poisoned blade of Fear’s knife. As Fear stepped from the hollow of the tree and faced Vinyl once again, Vinyl focused her normally almost unused magic and sighed quietly, sinking into its oscillating depths and losing her fear to the peaceful vibrations of her mana well.

“.... Alright…” Vinyl muttered, body blazing with swirls and eddies of blue mana. “Let’s see how much worse you’ve gotten over the years…” She held up her fists and allowed the mana to build up, charging the air with a high pitched vibration and blurring her fists in a cloak of vibration.

With a quick dash forward and a vibration enhanced leap, Vinyl took to the air and bounded off of a tree trunk, redirecting her momentum at Fear and slamming into his position in a cloud of dirt and dust. Fear had already moved by then, and fired his crossbows, both poisoned bolts soaring inexorably towards Vinyl.

As Vinyl flipped backwards, she kicked some of the thrown clumps of dirt back into the air and blocked Fear’s projectiles with them, sending both bolts back at Fear along with an extra dose of rocky shrapnel and dirt.

“Almost, but not quite!” Fear cackled, loosing more bolts and moving positions once again, taking to the shadows and all but vanishing from sight. Vinyl cursed and glanced wildly about the clearing, dodging more poisoned bolts and even the odd poisoned knife as she tried to get a hold of Fear’s true position.

And then she smacked her forehead, launched into the air to avoid another salvo of projectiles, and slammed back down with the force of a 9.0 earthquake, toppling every tree within half a mile and tearing up the ground into jagged clumps and spikes.

Fear stumbled and coughed, limping out from under a fallen tree, smirking insufferably. Across from him, Vinyl panted harshly, breath coming in ragged pants as blood dripped slowly from the scratches she had sustained during both her jump and her earthquake, some bleeding a dull green where Fear’s toxins had slipped into her.

“Y-you… you’re going down right now!” Vinyl roared, rushing at Fear with her fist cocked back and eyes full of wild abandon. Without even flinching, Fear waited until Vinyl was nearly upon him, then fired a pair of poisoned bolts directly into her chest, both of them glancing off her ribs and embedding into her lungs.

Fear’s victory was short lived, however, as in his haste to move away from Vinyl’s fist, he slipped on a loose piece of rubble and tumbled to the ground. Flipping back to a crouch a mere second later, he turned towards Vinyl’s previous position only to find her expected corpse unexpectedly missing.

A shadow fell over him from behind as a vibrating fist struck him in the spine and all Fear knew was the blackness of oblivion, organs pulverised and melted from the force of Vinyl’s blow and chest exploding outwards from the aftershock.

“Got ya, you fucking necrophiliac rapist…” Vinyl muttered, sinking to her knees and flopping to her back, breathing shallow and choked with blood. “Damn… that… wasn’t a good idea…”

“Vinyl!” Octavia cried, sliding to a halt painfully by Vinyl and fussing over her, “Oh gods what happened to you!? Wha- are these crossbow bolts!? How did this even happen!? Where are your clothes!? What happened to your armor!?” Tears leaked from her eyes as she checked Vinyl over and tore strips from her outfit to patch up the few lesser wounds Vinyl had sustained, “We need to get you a medic right now! Just… just hold on, I’ll call one in!”

“Facet…” Vinyl muttered. “Get Facet…” She pointed to Fear’s smoldering remains, the aftermath of his body’s immolation runes doing their work. “Killed Fear… You okay, Tavi?” She smiled up at Octavia despite her serious injuries and blood leaking from the corner of her mouth.

“Don’t worry about me, love,” Octavia soothed, cupping Vinyl’s face and brushing the hair from her eyes. “I’ll be fine as long as you are… Facet’s en route, darling, he’ll be here in a few minutes.”

Vinyl nodded. “He’d better hurry… Fear got me in the lungs…” She lifted her left hand slowly and placed it over the hand Octavia was using to cup her cheek. “Glad you’re… okay…”

“Shhh… it’s alright, love… just focus on my voice. You’ve lost a lot of blood, so don’t speak.” Octavia leaned in close and planted a shallow kiss on Vinyl’s lips, her other hand coming up to gently stroke Vinyl’s side and legs.

Vinyl kissed her back, closing her eyes and focusing on Octavia’s voice, her touch, and her scent. She felt her pain dulling under her wife’s loving care. Her right arm slowly lifted and lightly draped itself around Octavia’s waist.

Octavia smiled softly and gently, barely caressed Vinyl’s bare vagina, breathing deeply of Vinyl’s scent and smirking, “It’s alright love, you’ll be fine…. eyes on me and only me…”

Vinyl gasped and lightly moaned at Octavia’s touches, looking into her eyes as her nethers responded to Octavia’s fingers and began moistening. “Tavi…”

“Shh… what did I tell you, love? Don’t speak… just… stay with me,” Octavia whispered, gently pressing her breast to Vinyl’s mouth and letting her suckle from it, her fingers swiftly gliding across Vinyl’s bare sex.

Vinyl closed her eyes as she moaned against Octavia’s nipple, her core leaking more and more fluid as she gently suckled from her wife, feeling a sweet tasting liquid flow across her tongue and down her throat.

“That’s it… just like that, love…” Octavia smirked, repositioning herself above Vinyl and pressing against her, idly slicing the protruding shafts of the bolts out of the way. As her cock slipped free from her bodysuit, she gently kissed Vinyl once more, using her fingers to spread Vinyl’s dripping lower lips wide open.

“Get away from my wife, you bitch!” the real Octavia screamed as she punted Pain away from Vinyl, standing over her wife protectively as she glared at the mutant changeling. “Filthy creature! Using my form to try seducing my wife!” She couldn’t help smirking. “It’s Vinyl that always seduces me.”

“Tch,” Pain spat, wiping a trickle of blood from her mouth, “Should have known you’d crash my party, Interloper…” She cracked her neck and dropped her disguise, revealing her true, chitinous form for the first time in years, leg still dripping ichor from the slowly regenerating stump.

Facet stood across from Sorrow with a stoic glare on his face, the sheathed Suigetsu clenched in his left hand as he stood beside Maud, ready to attack with her at a moment’s notice. “I knew the Cobras were depraved, but now you kill at random for fun instead of money, Sorrow?”

“The economy is slow for our business,” Sorrow admitted, adjusting a few of his knives and shrugging casually. “One must do what one can to sate the baser urges, after all. Money need not factor in.”

“You’re a sick, heartless monster, Sorrow,” Maud said with a glare despite her usual stoic tone. “You and the rest of the Cobras. Killing you will do the entire world a great service.” Her flesh transmuted into diamond hard carbon as she spoke.

“You are certainly welcome to try,” Sorrow smirked, taking up a casual defensive stance. “Far better than you have tried and failed to match me.” He rolled his shoulders, not even bothering to keep an eye on either Facet or Maud.

Facet shared a look with Maud for a brief second before teleporting behind Sorrow in the same instant that the bedrock erupted up to encase Sorrow’s body from the waist down, Facet drawing Suigetsu in a slashing motion with his slash aimed to decapitate the vampire.

Blood flew through the air, followed shortly by Sorrow’s still grinning head. As his body slumped over and his head thumped to the ground, the flow of blood strangely reversed, carrying Sorrow’s head along with it until he burst from the stone prison, smashing shrapnel in every direction as he cackled.

“Like I said,” Sorrow scoffed, “far better than you have tried and failed. Their blood was delicious. I wonder if yours will taste the same?” He flexed and cracked his neck, then faded from sight.

Facet and Maud immediately sprang to cover each others’ backs, both looking around wildly for Sorrow. Echoing laughter filled the area as shadows darted and leaves rustled, but Sorrow was nowhere to be found.

“Tch, hiding like a coward, I see,” Facet muttered, tapping Maud’s back in a distinct pattern.

Three short taps, a long press, and a swipe upwards.

Wait three seconds, then create a sensory earthquake while Facet took to the air.

Maud nodded, repeated the pattern and then summarily grabbed Facet by the back of the collar and threw him upwards, stomping down at the same time and- in a mirror of what Vinyl had done some miles away- smashed the entire area with a pulse of earth magic and sheer physical force, throwing up massive spikes and slabs of bedrock and even tapping into the groundwater in the soil itself, spraying the air with drops of dirty water and mud.

In the center of the maelstrom stood Maud, form transmuted into solid diamond while Facet simply hopped from slab to slab, spreading the water and mud into a thin brown mist and jetting it outwards to detect Sorrow.

There.

Facet smirked when he felt the mist rush around a suspiciously male figure, pushing off from his position in midair and jetting towards said figure while Maud herself took off in the same direction, both of their arms outstretched and poised to deliver a pincer deathblow.

And then a horrible, tearing, jerking sensation and Facet found himself slamming into a tree while Maud suddenly found herself thrown high into the air, covered in slashes and diamond form crumbling in multiple areas.

Facet coughed, a wet, gurgling noise punctuated by a splatter of blood from his lips and a sharp pain in his chest. “W-what happened?” he murmured, eyes hazily taking in every detail of the now torn and jagged field. When he looked up, his eyes widened at the sight of Maud’s battered form being thrown through the air by a black blur of falling feathers.

“No…” Facet struggled to a stand, pulling the mist from the air and using it to heal his bruised ribs. He snatched a feather from the air and crushed it in his grip, snarling silently and activating the rune schema he had long neglected:

Dispel Illusion.

With an audible shattering of time and space, reality reasserted itself to Facet’s perception, revealing himself standing over Maud’s unconscious body, a broken Suigetsu dangling from limp fingers and numerous gashes and fractures dotting his own form.

Maud had fared seemingly better, with her body still diamond, though noticeably chipped and cracked in areas. Most telling was the chipped and warped remains of Suigetsu’s blade clutched in her fist, along with the signs of pressure damage around Maud’s chest and neck.

“Bastard…” Facet growled, turning to face the now revealed Sorrow, who was simply standing upon a vertical slab and grinning insufferably.

“Bravo, bravo,” Sorrow mocked, clapping slowly. “Even if there was no blood, there certainly was enough violence to make up for it! Are you sure that yo-GACK!”

A flaming projectile interrupted Sorrow, the screaming and raging form of Fury slamming into Sorrow’s back and sending them both into a tumbling heap of burning clothing and infuriated shouting.

“Get off of me you flaming sand zebra!” Sorrow grunted, trapped under and around Fury’s flailing and chained form, fingers and legs twisted into the innumerable white hot links while his hair- his precious, precious hair- caught aflame and filled the air with the horrible stench of burning hair.

After a few seconds of incredulous staring, Facet shook his head, gathered up Maud in his arms, and raced off, following the distress signal that Octavia had sent mere minutes ago.

“I regret not tracking you down and putting a grenade down your throat,” Octavia panted, glaring at Pain’s monstrous chitin. She held tightly to her left arm, which had been rendered nearly useless by a lucky swipe on Pain’s part.

Pain was, as a testament to Octavia’s skill, faring far worse, what with both legs and an arm now torn off and laying in a discarded heap. Still, the real danger came from Pain’s insect swarms; Octavia being a hand-to-hand specialist had no direct solution to their numbers beyond a now empty can of industrial strength bug spray, also discarded in a nearby pile of rubble.

Still, Pain fought on, sending swarm after swarm at Octavia, each one of them filling the air with wave after wave of cascading explosions while their mistress hung back and cackled.

Octavia leapt and dodged, tucked and rolled, deftly avoiding the explosions with barely a scratch. That is, until a stray rock came loose under her foot and she stumbled, regaining her footing a second later but losing enough ground such that the next wave of exploding insects instead flung her into a cursing pile of tangled limbs and blood.

“S-shit…” she coughed, hacking ash and dust from her lungs while her nerves all but screamed at her not to get up. Still, she had to move, get away from the incoming swarm before it encircled her and blasted her into a crispy char of burnt flesh.

Limping and knees giving out under her, Octavia barely made it a few feet before she fell again, this time tearfully looking towards Vinyl, hoping that the two of them would meet again on the other side.

A sudden splash of cool water roused her from her fatalistic thoughts, startling her into a sitting position and letting her see the high pressure stream of water whip around and slice off Pain’s other arm, carrying hundreds of insect corpses within its depths.

Pain swerved wildly and dashed away, dripping green ichor until another blast of water caught her in the back and shredded her into yet another sopping pile of dead bugs.

“Damn,” Facet muttered, shaking his head and setting Maud down by Vinyl. “Another clone.”

Octavia groaned and sat up, half dragging herself over to Facet and flopping down on Vinyl’s other side. “At least I tore her fucking leg off…”

Facet sent ultra purified water into all three of his patients, assessing their conditions in order to triage them properly. “Vinyl first.” Water seeped into Vinyl’s chest wounds and carefully extracted the heads of Fear’s crossbow bolts. “Her lungs are punctured, and these bolts are poisoned.” While he carefully mended Vinyl’s lungs, he sent more water into her bloodstream to collect and purge the poison. As the water flowed from a wound, discolored with poison, Facet finished mending Vinyl’s lungs, allowing her to breathe properly. “She’s stable.”

“That’s good,” Octavia muttered, finally allowing herself to breathe a sigh of relief and let the adrenaline fade, slowly slipping off into unconsciousness. “I’ll be alright… just tend to Maud…. and keep Vinyl safe…”

Facet nodded and began tending to his wife as he telekinetically shifted Vinyl a bit closer to Octavia. Once he got them stabilized, he’d call in the dropship to pick them up and get them to an actual hospital for a follow up examination.

Sorrow cursed and silently bemoaned the loss of his prized hairdo as he shot through the forest canopy, wings flared open and flapping silently. “Hurry up you two! We must regroup before those heroes find us!” His eyes scanned the environment for anything that might be useful as a shelter, noting that the three terrorists were coming upon the foothills before a mountain range.

Fury growled and kept up as best as he could, augmentations whining as the various bits of technology and runes embedded in his flesh suppressed his fire in favor of speed.

Pain giggled to herself even as she kept pace with Sorrow. “Even if we didn’t get to kill those girls, I still got to torture that one and help send her into a coma. I doubt she’ll ever wake up.” She sighed in disappointment. “Such a shame my clone was interrupted before I could have some fun with my precious Duet. I’ll give Fake credit though. She’s sexy, and skilled. She killed Fear without her armor or even a weapon. She’s still got it after all these years. I was worried she’d gone soft in that cushy tech.”

“Soft? Ha!” Sorrow scoffed, not even entertaining the notion. “Our precious Duet would never let any armor or augmentation let her go soft! It is entirely against her nature!” He chuckled and idly stroked his erection through his pants, “Though, I wouldn’t mind making her go against her nature just so I could see her begging beneath me…”

Pain moaned and squeezed one of her breasts. “I was so close too. She thought I was that interloper she married. When we finally get the drop on Interloper, she’s mine. I’ll take my time with her and make Fake watch.” She snarled. “I’ll show Interloper how things are. Duet is mine!”

“Mine, you mean,” Sorrow glared at Pain, daring her to challenge his claim over Duet. “She was mine before you had ever entertained the notion of her being more than our boss. My claim takes precedence, you insectoid cripple.”

“I’ll plant my new foot up your ass first thing once it finishes growing, bloodsucker!” Pain snapped. “I can make any of Duet’s fantasies real. Physical. All you can do is make her think they’re real.”

“Mind over matter, bug. Just because you can take a paltry image doesn’t mean you can bring with it the emotion and the true feelings.” Sorrow snorted and flew forward, clearly ignoring Pain in favor of entertaining the fantasies of what he would do to Duet when he finally got her back.

Meanwhile, back at the Cobras’ original campsite in a cave under the destroyed train tracks, End checked his watch for the fiftieth time and rolled his eyes, taking the cooking pot off the fire and putting away the plates for the others. “Fine. If they do not want their food, then I shall let them brood.”

He chuckled to himself and rifled through their left behind packs, smirk growing wider with each packet of sneaked in comfort food found. “Pocky from Fury, such a delight. Pork rinds from Pain, such a strange sight. And what’s this? Sorrow prefers peppermint sticks? And Fear… that bag I’m not even going near.”

The old man chuckled uproariously to himself, thinking of the absolute rage the others would react with when they found their food all gone.

“Sucks for those fools blind, leaving their only sniper behind.”

Pain looked around the cave that they had found in curiosity. “A cave full of treasure. Someone’s stash, I bet. Rich fuckers.” She looked around through the treasure, helping herself to whatever looked nice, before her eyes widened in glee at the sight of eggs. “Ooh! Come take a look at these eggs!” She picked up one of the beach ball sized eggs and examined it. “This would make such a tasty omelette.”

“... Pain. We need to leave. Right now.” Sorrow began backing out of the cave, dropping the jewels and gold he had picked up and bodily dragging Fury with him, desperately trying not to make a single extraneous sound. “Pain, listen to me for once you stupid bugbrain, and let’s go! Those are dragon eggs!”

Pain looked at him with her head tilted. “Dragon eggs?” Her eyes widened. “Massive piles of treasure, clutch of eggs…” She felt a warm breeze down her back. “The mother is right behind me, isn’t it?”

“She is…” Selten growled, pupils contracted to angry slits and a harsh, blue glow already building up in her throat. With a deafening roar and the impression of unrelenting force, Selten unleashed a massive bolt of pure magic, throwing Pain, Sorrow, and Fury from her cave, all three screaming on the way down the mountain.

The bottom of the mountain provided no safety for them from draconic wrath. Though Selten would not leave the clutch unguarded, her roar had drawn even more dangerous attention. Standing over the trio was her equally enraged mate.

“So you three upset my mate and probably threatened our eggs,” Spike said ominously as the back of his throat glowed. “Any last words?”

“DIE!” Fury roared, climbing to his feet and unleashing a torrent of white hot flames at Spike, his rage addled mind unable to comprehend the mind numbingly obvious fact that dragons are fireproof.

Spike waited for Fury to tire himself out, staring at him with an arched eyeridge. “You done? Okay then.” He roared and lunged at Fury, snapping him up and swallowing him whole, content to let the killing be handled by his stomach acids.

Pain and Sorrow had wisely decided to run while Spike was distracted, the both of them taking wing and fleeing as far and as fast from Spike’s general direction as they could.

Spike let them go and flew up to his and Selten’s den, entering quickly. “Are the eggs okay, Selten?!”

Selten nodded, crooning over the eggs and gently bathing them in flame. “They are fine, Spike. The interlopers have done no damage to our beloved brood.” She smiled tiredly and gathered the eggs into a divot in the stone floor, curling above it and letting her body incubate the eggs.

Spike smiled and curled up with her, looking over the eggs. “I told you the pain would be well worth it, didn’t I?” he asked as he nuzzled Selten lovingly, their tails twining together.

Selten grumbled good naturedly, “Though the pain was worth it, I still wish that I did not need to go through it. A week with no sleep is only barely worth the birth of our brood.”

“Humans have developed ways to dull the pain of giving birth,” Spike said. “Maybe next time we have a clutch, we’ll look into that?”

“Definitely,” Selten nodded, leaning gently against Spike and drifting off, tiny snores emanating from her form.

Octavia sighed as she plopped down in her armchair, sighing deeply and groaning at the aching soreness that not even Facet could fully heal. “What a day…” she muttered, rolling her neck and wincing at the multitude of cracks that burst forth.

“At least Fear is dead and Alucard was able to help Sweetie Belle,” Vinyl pointed out as she collapsed into her own recliner and stretched out. “But yeah. What a fucked up day.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Octavia stood and stretched, peeling off her battlesuit and letting it flop to the floor. “I still can’t believe that Alucard was able to just erase all the trauma just like that. Seems like a bit of a deus ex machina to me.” She stretched her spine, rolling it just so and revelling in the deep cracks and loosened joints that resulted.

Vinyl’s eyes followed every movement that Octavia’s body made as she listened to the chorus of popping joints. “Well you heard the psychiatrists. Other than Alucard erasing the memories, Sweetie Belle was mentally damaged beyond repair.”

“Good point, love,” Octavia conceded the point and went back to stretching, throwing off her remaining articles of clothing and shutting the blinds so she could work out her tension in the nude like she normally did.

“I love watching you do naked yoga, Tavi,” Vinyl said, grinning at her wife as the scent of arousal began filling the air near her. “So sexy…” She reached into her shorts and pushed a couple of fingers into her core, moaning as she felt how soaked she already was.

Octavia smirked and laid down on her yoga mat, erection bobbing in the air as she shifted languidly into the scorpion position and resting her feet upon the back of her head. “Come now, love, I can’t do naked oil yoga without my oil~”

Vinyl grinned and stripped naked before crawling over to Octavia and slowly dragging her tongue from the base of her throbbing shaft to the tip, slowly licking her up and down to make sure she was completely lubed up.

“Mmnh~” Octavia moaned, eyes shut and mouth hanging open in delight. “Nice try, but you can’t skip foreplay so easily now, darling~” She smirked and winked at Vinyl, “Now be a dear and actually oil the both of us up, will you?”

Vinyl chuckled and pulled the bottles of massage oil over with her telekinesis and squirted generous amounts onto her arms and legs along with Octavia’s chest and belly. “Sure thing, Tavi,” she purred before deeply kissing Octavia and throwing her arms around her, rubbing their bodies together as they made out.

Octavia writhed against Vinyl, smearing the oil over and deeper into their bodies. Snatching the bottles from Vinyl’s grip, she smirked wickedly and pressed the nozzles of both bottles against Vinyl’s vagina and anus, squeezing both of them and sending twin jets of warm, slippery oil deep into Vinyl.

Vinyl moaned as her holes were lubed up, rubbing her hard nipples against Octavia’s and rubbing her even slicker pussy lips against the top of Octavia’s shaft. “So fucking good, Tavi.” She kissed her again. “Make love to me, baby!”

“As you wish, darling,” Octavia purred, taking a careful hold of Vinyl’s hips and lining her member up with Vinyl’s entrance. With barely a moment of hesitation, Octavia slammed her hips forward with a loud cry of pleasure, driving herself deep into Vinyl’s hot, slick depths.

Vinyl arched her back as she felt Octavia bury herself inside her, crying out with her. “You fit me like a fucking glove, Tavi!” She grabbed Octavia’s breasts as she started riding her, spreading the oil more and more on her wife’s chest.

Octavia revelled in Vinyl’s ministrations, groaning aloud and gasping every time Vinyl’s fingers caressed her almost painfully hard nipples. Her cock throbbed inside Vinyl as she thrust quickly and roughly, the wet slapping of flesh ringing out in time with both of their heartbeats.

Vinyl put her vibration based magic to work and sent vibrations into Octavia’s breasts, especially her nipples, while her walls vibrated Octavia’s cock and massaged it at the same time. “I love you, Tavi!” She leaned down and deeply kissed her, reveling in how they felt more like one being than ever.

Octavia leaned deeply into the kiss, flipping the both of them over and slipping Vinyl’s legs over her shoulders. She gripped Vinyl’s legs as she pounded deeper and harder, unable to contain her cries of ecstasy.

Vinyl’s eyes rolled back as she was reduced to panting as she kept squeezing Octavia’s breasts. “Tavi I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna cum!” She gripped Octavia’s nipples and pulled on them as she let her tongue hang out, feeling her orgasm fast approaching.

“Cum with me, darling!” Octavia panted, increasing her speed and flipping the both of them over once more so that Octavia was now pounding Vinyl in doggystyle. Octavia flopped over onto Vinyl’s back, leaning heavily on Vinyl as she came in great shuddering spurts, with a seemingly never ending blast of semen splashing and oozing all over the inside of Vinyl’s vagina.

Vinyl panted as she came down from the high. “Oh yeah. That felt so fucking good, Tavi…” She slid off of Octavia’s now flaccid shaft and lay on the floor, uncaring of the excess seed slowly dripping out of her.

Vinyl sat in her recliner nervously. “Uh, Tavi?” She reached out and stroked DeadMau5’s head for moral support. “I uh…”

“Yes, darling?” Octavia asked, casually lounging in the nude whilst paging through her latest music sheets for her next performance. “What’s up?”

“So… You know how I hate seeing doctors?” Vinyl asked. “Well, DeadMau5 convinced me to see one for what I thought was a stomach virus since I keep hurling. Turns out…” She gulped and took a deep breath. “TaviI’mpregnant!”

“.....” Octavia took a deep breath, set down her music sheets, and walked over to Vinyl. She placed her hands on Vinyl’s shoulders and looked deeply into Vinyl’s eyes, “Love…. did you just say that you’re pregnant?”

Vinyl slowly nodded, unable to look away from Octavia’s eyes. “Yeah. I’m pregnant. We finally slipped up with the birth control.” Her hands came to rest on her stomach as she kept looking at her wife.

Octavia straightened up, and coughed, shoulders shaking as she turned away from Vinyl, “I… I…..” With a final shake of her head, Octavia decided to let Vinyl know exactly how she felt.

In the form of a tackle-hug and a scream of joy so loud that it could be heard clear across town, were it not for the soundproofing on each house.

I Could Use a Drink Right Now

Schrodinger hummed merrily as he worked around Pinkie, the both of them cooking up a storm in Sugarcube Corner’s bakery. While Pinkie created all manner of delicious pastries, Schrodinger instead worked on main courses. The savory aroma of cooking food mingled with the sweet scent of fresh baked pastries to produce a mouthwatering explosion of pure culinary delight.

Smirking to herself as she bustled around the kitchen, Pinkie Pie began swaying her hips while she worked, bobbing to an unheard beat as she baked and brushing ever so gently against Schrodinger whenever they crossed paths.

Only by virtue of being everywhere and nowhere could Schrodinger cook and still have the spare attention to ogle his wife’s perfect Ass. He glanced at the camera and smirked. “Ja. Zhat Ass is so perfect it deserves no less zhan a capital A.” He looked back at Pinkie’s rear and took a moment to appear behind her, giving her a loving smack on the Ass before appearing back before his current culinary project.

“Ooh!” Pinkie squealed, her smirk turning from mischievous to flirty. Eyes half-lidded and hips swaying even wider now, she sashayed behind Schrodinger on her way to a row of ovens and sneaked her hand out for a quick fondle, squeezing his crotch ever so quickly and then gently hip-checking Schrodinger’s rear.

Schrodinger’s grin became just as mischievous as he looked at a measuring cup with water in it, waiting until Pinkie turned with free arms before “accidentally” spilling that water on her shirt, the cold water making her nipples harden and press out against her shirt. “Oop! Mein bad, meine liebe,” he said with a cheeky grin.

“Eep!” Pinkie cried, mock glaring at Schrodinger. “You cheeky little-!” With a growl and a cute pout, Pinkie reached up and jammed Schrodinger’s face into her cleavage then twisted back and forth vigorously, effectively slapping him upside the head with her tits.

Schrodinger let the “punishment” go on for a few seconds before appearing behind Pinkie and pulling her against his chest. “Meine liebe, so kinky…” he purred while giving her wet mounds a squeeze.

“Only for you, Schrody~” Pinkie giggled, pressing her breasts further into Schrodinger’s hands. “Mmm, but bedtime will have to wait, silly billy, we still need to finish everything for the party later!”

Schrodinger laughed as he released Pinkie and kissed her. “You started it, liebe,” he pointed out with twitching ears. “So… Vhich of us is going to check on zhe girls?”

“Hmm,” Pinkie tapped her chin, accidentally smearing a bit of frosting on her lip, and shrugged, “Well, I guess I’ll do it. There’s not much more baking to be done, really.” With that she turned to skip away, cheerfully humming a quiet tune.

Schrodinger appeared in front of her and kissed her, only pulling away once he licked away the frosting. “You had some frosting on your lips, liebe.” He vanished back to what he had been cooking with a smile.

“Oh that charmer…” Pinkie sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and continuing on to the playpen where her daughters were crawling around. “Lebbie! Spritzie! How are my little darlings doing?” She smiled down at both gurgling babies, both Lebkuchen and Spritzkuchen looking back and waving their arms.

“Mama!” Lebkuchen cried, slowly standing up with the aid of the playpen bars. Spritzkuchen followed her sister soon after, her favorite teddy bear clutched in her hand.

Trixie sighed, staring listlessly up at the ceiling as she lay in bed, contemplating recent events. Even though she had been recovering from Sombra’s attack, the sheer terror of what Discord did to her before his “reformation” set her back even further. She still bore the scabs of the few times she had nearly slit her own wrists out of sheer panic.

Applejack knocked on the door. “Trixie? You feeling okay, sugarcube?” Her voice was full of concern. “Can Ah come in, sis?”

Trixie didn’t respond, instead choosing to move her hand and let it flop onto her belly, a quiet shudder running through her as a flash of memory from when Sombra defiled her jetted through her mind.

“Trixie?” Applejack called in worry. “Ah’m comin’ in.” She quietly opened the door and stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her and sitting on Trixie and Big Mac’s bed. “How ya feelin’ sis?”

“.....” came Trixie’s non-answer, her verbal ellipsis filling the air in a manner most telling. A grumble escaped her throat, along a quiet sigh. “.... Just…. tired…” she muttered, barely even mustering the energy to turn away from the door and draw the covers up to her chin.

Applejack pulled the covers back and pulled her sister-in-law into a warm hug. “It’ll be okay, sugarcube. You’ll get through this.” She noticed Trixie was still opting for conservative pajamas rather than what she knew Trixie would favor in her right mind.

“How could I….?” Trixie whispered, the weight of her depression settling in once more and drowning her in an ocean of helpless despair. She took a shuddering breath, squeezing her eyes shut and curling into a ball. “I couldn’t save my child….” she hiccuped, tears flowing freely and frame shaking with each sob. “I couldn’t save my child, I couldn’t save myself, and I can’t have another child…” Trixie began sobbing in earnest, quiet cries of sheer sorrow echoing through the room.

Applejack just held Trixie and rubbed comforting circles on her back. “None of us knew what that monster could do, sis. Don’t think any of us could have done better if we were where ya were. And you don’t know that ya can’t have another one.” She pulled back enough to take her shadowy right hand in hers. “Sombra’s gone. He’ll never hurt anyone ever again. You stopped him. Not Twilight, not Alucard. You.”

Trixie went quiet, trapped in a cycle of circular logic that led her to completely ignore Applejack. “I may have stopped him… but I still couldn’t save my own child…. I wasn’t even smart enough to just run…” she shut her eyes again and squeezed her own shoulders, feeling the restrained strength of her new right arm as well as all the memories that the arm itself brought back.

“You couldn’t save it, but ya sure as Tartarus avenged it, sis,” Applejack pointed out.

Trixie shook her head slowly, wishing that Applejack would leave her to stew in her own mind, “What good is avenging something that’s gone…? It only makes you feel empty in the end… all you do is realize what you’ve lost….”

“But you’ve still got yer family,” Applejack asserted. “You’ve got me, and Big Mac, Apple Bloom, Granny Smith, Flim and Flam, your nephews. Yer not alone anymore, sis. You’ve got a family that loves you. And we’re worried about you.”

Trixie’s tears began falling again as she managed to turn a despair filled glare at Applejack, “Why…? Why are you so worried…? I’m not worth it… just go on and live your lives…. there’s better things you can do than worry about a barren idiot who got her own child killed because of her own stupidity…”

“We’re worried because we love you, Trixie!” Applejack answered, tears stinging her eyes. “It hurts us to see you so depressed.” She wiped Trixie’s tears away. “When’s the last time you left the house, sis? Come with us to Spike and Selten’s party. Get some fresh air, some sun. It always helped me when I was depressed after Ma and Pa died.”

“....” Trixie sniffled, but nodded, sitting up slowly and brushing a few strand of hair from her face. “.... If you think it will help….” She looked down at herself and sighed, “.... I’m a mess….”

Applejack took her hand and helped her out of bed and into her slippers. “One step at a time, sis. One step at a time.”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright, dear?” Anderson asked, fussing over Seras and making sure that she was comfortable in every way he could make her. “I don’t want you to overstress yourself, especially for a party.”

Seras sighed in irritation. “I’m fine, honey. All this fussing is for human women. I’m a bloody vampire, we’re made of tougher stuff. Besides, this is my second pregnancy. I know my limits, lofty as they are.” She lovingly rubbed the swell in her belly, cooing at her coming second born.

Anderson chuckled in embarrassment, “Y-yeah, but still… I worry about you. I don’t want you or our child getting hurt, and, well…” He trailed off and shook his head, sighing and picking up their firstborn son, Daniel, who cooed and giggled delightedly. “Up we go, Daniel! That’s a good boy!”

Seras giggled and lightly smacked her husband on the back of his head. “How is it that you can be the super Paladin one minute and yet be reduced to a stuttering mess when your wife heckles you for mother henning?”

“Ack!” Anderson feigned injury, laughing the whole time even as he set Daniel into the baby carrier across his chest. “Ha ha, it’s just one of those odd things, I suppose, isn’t it? Are you sure you’re alright to travel, though? We are going up a mountain. A small one, granted, but a mountain nonetheless.”

“Again, you’re talking to a vampire,” Seras reminded him for the umpteenth time before cooing over Daniel. “Isn’t daddy such a scatterbrain, sweetie?” she asked while nuzzling his cheek.

Daniel gurgled happily, not really understanding what was going on due to his age, but enjoying his mother’s attention. Anderson rolled his eyes good naturedly and poked Seras’ cheek. “If we don’t leave now, we might be late to the party, you know.”

“Keep up then, slowpoke,” Seras taunted as she walked out the door at her normal, non-pregnant stride despite her passenger.

“C’moooooonnnnnn!” Rainbow groaned, already at the door with both her children gathered in her arms. Roman Candle and Flare Blitz whined in agreement, both children already showing the signs of being speedsters and adrenaline junkies just like their parents.

Gilda rolled her eyes and awkwardly flapped over to the door, rubbing her back with one hand and supporting her belly with the other. “You try getting any decent speed with a bowling ball stuck in your gut…” she grumbled, “Even a power flier like me has trouble with pregnancy, you know?”

Rainbow deadpanned at Gilda, then held up both Roman Candle and Flare Blitz for emphasis.

“.... Oh. Right,” Gilda shook her head and sighed, “Now where the hell is Soarin?”

“Old habits die hard, G,” Rainbow said. “The man was a Wonderbolt for years, and had to look good for any cameras.” She looked at Gilda’s belly. “So… Hoping for a boy or a girl?”

Gilda shrugged, “I dunno, RD. Never really put a whole lot of thought into it, really. I guess I’m fine with anything at this point.” She tapped her foot and checked her scroll, “Gods above, is he posing for a photoshoot or something? The last time I saw a guy take this long to get ready, it was some ponce-y jerkwad down in Manehattan three years ago!”

Rainbow sighed and walked over to the stairs. “Soarin you have exactly thirty seconds before I come up there and sic the boys on you until you get to the front door!”

A muffled yelp and a crash rang down from upstairs, just as the impeccably dressed and perfectly groomed form of Soarin appeared by the front door in a trail of quickly dispersing storm clouds. “Okay, okay, I’m here!” he panted, idly rubbing his shin where he had accidentally slammed it into the door frame while sprinting down the stairs.

Rainbow and Gilda shared a small laugh at his expense. “Let’s go, Soarin. We got a party to get to.” Rainbow looked him over. “Selten might mistake you for a snack, sharp dressed as you are.”

“Oh ha ha, very funny, Dash,” Soarin snarked, gently patting Gilda’s belly and tickling both Flare Blitz’s and Roman Candle’s chins on his way out the door.

Vinyl paced nervously around the living room, which was very much out of character for her. “Why am I so fucking nervous?!” she demanded as she rested a hand on her belly, seeking comfort in the child she carried.

Octavia sighed and patted Vinyl on the shoulder, “Come now, love, it’s only natural to be worried about your first child. Just relax, Vinyl, everything will be fine. Besides… the two of us are still naked and the party is in less than half an hour.” She indicated both of their bodies, then the wall clock, raising an eyebrow to make a point.

Vinyl took deep breaths to calm herself. “Okay. I’m calm. Why can’t I dress like I normally do? Godsdamn maternity clothes!” A stray vibration put a crack in one of their windows.

“Considering that your normal clothing consists mostly of skin tight jeans and/or short shorts combined with almost criminally undersized tank tops?” Octavia snarked, patting Vinyl’s bum and nudging her towards her wardrobe, “Can’t imagine why you can’t dress normally at all, really.”

“So what? Just go to the party naked?” Vinyl asked in a huff as she looked at her belly. “Why couldn’t you be the one popping the kid out, Tavi?”

“Because you lack male genitalia, Vinyl,” DeadMau5 pointed out as he rubbed against his master comfortingly.

Octavia nodded, “Well, at least we’ll be able to leave a lasting legacy that isn’t copious amounts of murdered warlords and the like. And plus, I think you look even more beautiful in your maternity wear so please hurry up and get dressed before we miss the party.”

“Alright alright,” Vinyl said with a resigned pout as she telekinetically got dressed. “Still think I look stupid in this stuff.” She took a moment to mess with her breasts. “If one good thing is coming from all this besides the kid, it’s that my breasts are bigger.”

“Mmm, always a plus,” Octavia smirked, flicking one of Vinyl’s nipples through her shirt. “So much more to hold and love now.”

Vinyl lightly gasped from the increased sensitivity of her nipples. “Hey! I’m not used to the extra sensitivity yet, Tavi.”

Octavia shrugged, “Then you might as well get used to it, love. I’m not going to stop loving you just because we have a baby on the way, after all.” She quickly pulled on her own outfit, primping and preening until her hair and makeup was absolutely perfect.

“And you look so fucking gorgeous right now, Tavi,” Vinyl said, planting a kiss on Octavia’s lips and flicking her nipple in return. “Let’s get up to that party, huh?”

“Of course, dear,” Octavia smiled.

Twilight bustled around the library, flipping through books while getting dressed and overall providing a starkly humorous sight as she stumbled over the piles of books she had yet to completely finish organizing.

Integra giggled at the sight of her mother landing in a pile of books near her, several stacks serving as a sort of book fort around the young girl. Clearly she had her mother’s love of books even if she couldn’t read yet.

“Perhaps you should do one thing at a time, Twilight…?” Fluttershy suggested, hiding a giggle behind her hand. “You’d trip over fewer things that way, I imagine.” Fluttershy was already dressed and waiting by the door.

Integra laughed as Alucard picked her up, happily hugging her father as his other arm scooped up Angelus, the half siblings staring each other down in silence.

“What are you so fervently researching Twilight?” Alucard asked as he stood beside Fluttershy and wordlessly kept his kids getting along.

Twilight shook her head and put her book down, hiding a radiant blush behind another book’s pages, “Oh, nothing, nothing… just… well… child care. I want to be prepared for everything, you know?”

“Twilight.” Alucard spoke her name in that tone that said, ‘I’ve known you far too long for that bluff to work.’ “Is there something on your mind, my countess?”

Twilight shook her head and silently thanked the fact that all the books she had read through so far had blank covers. “N-not at all! Anyway, the party is starting soon, so we should head out, right?”

Alucard handed the children to Fluttershy and phased behind Twilight, looking over her shoulder at the book she had been reading. “Oh? What’s this?”

Twilight hurriedly slammed the book closed, her blush going from radiant to positively nuclear. “N-nothing at all! L-let’s just go!” She tossed the book away, and sprinted up the stairs, slamming the bathroom door closed behind her.

Alucard followed her and hugged her against him with a grin. “Self bondage, Twilight? Whenever did you develop a kink like that, my countess?” He dragged his tongue along her neck and nibbled her earlobe. “I’m very curious now.”

“S-shut up!” Twilight squeaked, almost smearing her makeup as she whirled around and pushed Alucard out of the bathroom. “It’s none of your business, Alucard!”

“You know I’ll find out one way or another, my countess,” Alucard pointed out in a teasing tone before going downstairs to wait for her.

Twilight growled and resumed applying her makeup, blushing once again as she thought of just what she was planning to do for the next Hearts and Harmony Day.

Maud tapped her foot while she waited for Facet to finish getting dressed, her child, Terracotta, held gently in her arms. Terracotta silently observed the world around him, taking in details that most children twice his age would have missed. “Facet? Are you ready yet?” she asked, raising an eyebrow slowly and levelling a cool stare at her and Facet’s bedroom.

“Almost,” Facet answered, looking over his outfit with a fine toothed comb for flaws. “But you can’t… rush… art, honey.” He finally decided that his suit and coat were free of flaws and stepped out of the bedroom. “We ready to go?”

“Terracotta and I were ready to leave half an hour ago, dear,” Maud deadpanned, her expression falling flat again. “Nevertheless, we should get going. We’ll be late if you take any longer to primp and preen.”

Facet winced at the jab. “You knew about my preening when you married me, Maud.” He felt a stare from Terracotta and looked down at his son. “Don’t you start too.”

Terracotta simply burbled silently and went back to observing the world around him. Maud snorted quietly, “It appears that you’ve already taught your son about your bad habit. Now, shall we go, or are you going to spend another three hours in front of the mirror?”

“Alright, alright. We’ll go,” Facet relented, leaning over and pecking Maud on the lips.

“Selten, are you sure you don’t want to have the party in the den?” Spike asked. “Or at least come outside and socialize with our friends and family?” He had underestimated the level of stubbornness Selten would demonstrate on leaving the eggs where their loved ones could see and/or interact with them.

Selten snorted and shook her head, “I may have laid the eggs, but they are not my family. They are your family. I just happen to be loosely connected to them by way of you. I have not met them, thus I have no trust in them. I am not letting them into the den. And I am not leaving my eggs unguarded.”

“Well you could stick your head out of the den,” Spike suggested. “That way you can stay near the eggs, and socialize with the family, work on building trust.” He nuzzled Selten and leaned his head down to breathe some flames on the eggs. “So… Three more months until they hatch.”

“Three long months,” Selten murmured, watching the eggs carefully. “It’s hard to believe that we’re over halfway there…”

“Yeah. Won’t be much longer now,” Spike said as he pushed her onto her back on the hoard while nuzzling her neck and breathing flames on it. “We’re gonna make Ponyville famous,” he murmured before tenderly kissing Selten right on the lips. The difficulty of it for them compared to humans made it all the more special.

“Is it not already famous for various reasons?” Selten snarked, pulling away from the kiss just long enough to comment before she dove eagerly back in. “Though I suppose this will only add fuel to the flames.”

“That it will, honey. That it will,” Spike muttered as he dragged his tail across Selten’s belly, slowly tracing the tip right above her hindlegs. “So… We’ve got a little time before they get here,” he whispered in a husky tone, rolling Selten further onto the hoard and dragging his heated tongue from the base of her neck to her jawline. “And if my nose doesn’t lie, you’re ovulating.”

Selten chuckled lowly, rubbing her body against his in long, sinuous motions, flicking against all of his sensitive spots and eagerly inviting him to do the same to her. “Come now, already so eager to breed me again?”

“What can I say? You’re just so sexy when you’re pregnant,” Spike breathed, his tail rubbing against her nethers as he nipped a sensitive spot behind her ear. “But even if you don’t get pregnant, it feels really good to make love.”

“Indeed it does, Spike. Indeed it does,” Selten crooned and breathed deeply, spreading her legs in a clear invitation for Spike. “Then, take me, my mate!”

Spike dragged his tongue all over Selten’s body, paying particular attention to her sensitive spots as he slowly made his way down between her legs to her nethers. Where most dragons would just plunge in, he had other ideas, and exhaled some heated air onto Selten’s dripping hole before slowly dragging his tongue over the slit.

“S-ah!” Selten cried, throwing her head back in unexpected ecstasy as soon as Spike’s prehensile tongue touched her most sensitive of parts. A veritable flood of sticky fluid gushed from her depths from the single touch of Spike’s tongue, the gentle motion contrasting so much from the normal roughness of dragon mating that it was entirely alien to Selten.

Spike grinned as he drank up his mate’s juices. “This is a little something humans call foreplay, love.” He dove back in, his tongue dexterously assaulting Selten’s core from all angles and sending waves of pleasure up and down her spine. He kept it up even as his shaft twitched in longing and his half dozen testicles churned with seed, ready to pour it into his mate.

Selten moaned and squirmed beneath the movements of Spike’s tongue, her entire body numb with pleasure. “Oh~! Don’t stop!” she panted, bucking her hips forward as she orgasmed explosively, splattering the ground with massive puddles of ejaculate. As she shuddered, she stared sultrily at Spike, shifting slowly down his side and to his still-stiff shaft. “Now…” she purred, wrapping her tail around Spike’s length and stroking it slowly, “I believe I shall return the favor, o’ beloved Spike.”

Spike arched his back and let out a moan of pleasure. “Oh Selten…” He lay his head back against the treasure pile and felt his eyes roll back as he enjoyed the new sensation of her scales on his hypersensitive flesh. “Is this what my tongue felt like on you, love?”

“Oh you have seen nothing yet, my love!” Selten crowed, arching her neck around and using her tongue to the fullest, swirling it around the base of Spike’s cock as her tail flicked and rubbed along the tip and shaft.

Spike moaned louder and limply twitched in his mate’s grasp, his body awash with pleasure as he felt her tongue transition lower and begin playing with his balls. “Selten! Don’t stop, Selten! That feels so fucking good!” Under Selten’s loving care, Spike’s balls contracted and he felt a powerful orgasm rushing at him. “Selten! I’m about to…” He loosed a groan/roar of pleasure as he felt his cock erupt like a volcano, his seed splattering the ground near the entrance to the den.

Twilight twitched irritably, eyebrow and eyelid oscillating at a frankly unhealthy looking pace. White slime dripped off of her frame, staining her clothes and soaking into her body. “......” Twilight cleared the nearly scalding hot semen from her face, took a shallow breath, nearly gagged on the smell, and unleashed a scream of pure, unadulterated rage.

“SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!”

Spike’s eyes widened as the sound of his mother’s enraged voice tore through the haze of his orgasm. Looking up, he saw Twilight standing there, drenched in his semen, and looking ready to kill him. “Uh… Sorry, mom,” he muttered as his shaft and balls almost sheepishly retreated back into their sheath, seeking shelter from the coming storm.

“It isn’t enough that I get shot in the face with my brother’s cum, oh no… I just had to get a shower of my own son’s semen too!?” Twilight muttered, slowly advancing upon Spike. “Spike… if I weren’t about to throw up right now, I would spank you so hard that your ass literally flies into next week. Be thankful for small mercies…” With that, she stalked out of the cave, fell to her knees, and vomited profusely.

Spike shared a look with Selten. “Well… That did a fine job of killing the mood.”

“I said I was sorry! What do you want from me?!” Spike asked as he lay outside the den with Twilight, Alucard, Fluttershy, Integra, and Angelus. He stared at the glaring Twilight as he allowed his brother and sister to use him as a living jungle gym.

“Keep being a good big brother and stay still,” Twilight grinned. It was not a pretty grin. It was a grin that spoke of untold revelry in the suffering of others. “Now say cheese~”

Spike sighed and tried to look regal. Or rather, as regal as a dragon could look while a pair of toddlers climbed all over him. “Cheese…”

Twilight snapped a quick photo and held up her Scroll for all to see. “He looks ridiculous!” she chuckled, pointing at Spike’s attempted stern face while Integra and Angelus tugged and twisted at his facial spines.

“You’re enjoying this too much,” Spike muttered before lifting his head further and sniffing the air, his tongue flicking out and tasting it for a moment before he sniffed again. “Rarity and Blueblood are coming.”

“Oh good, maybe I can get them to join in the torment,” Twilight snarked, spritzing herself with a tad more perfume to clear out the last of the smell of Spike’s semen. “And please, try to not ejaculate all over Rarity like you did with me.”

“It’s not my fault you walked in on me and Selten!” Spike protested. “You should have knocked or something!” He carefully stood with his siblings riding him and walked to meet Rarity and Blueblood as they arrived at the cliff by the den entrance. “Hey you two,” he greeted cheerfully before leaning down to nuzzle his godchildren.

“Hello Spike,” Rarity greeted cheerfully, arm looped around Blueblood’s and trailing Elusive and Barb behind her. “How have you been lately, hmm? Are your eggs doing alright? And how is Selten?”

“The eggs are doing great, and Selten is still not a people dragoness,” Spike said with a chuckle. “Most you’ll see of her today is her sticking her head out of the den. She won’t let anyone near the eggs.” He leaned closer to Rarity and started sniffing her, flicking his tongue out to taste the air near her body.

Rarity looked at Spike quizzically, “Spike, dear, what are you doing?” She let go of Elusive’s hand, allowing him and his sister to go join Angelus and Integra on Spike’s back.

Spike finished sniffing her and pulled his head back with a grin. “You smell pregnant, Rarity. Already got number three on the way?”

Rarity blinked, “... Come again? I swear I just heard you say I was pregnant for a third time.” Behind her, Blueblood gulped and quietly wrote a note to buy condoms and birth control for next time.

“Yup!” Spike answered cheerfully. “What is it with you two? Blueblood can you really not keep it in your pants?”

“.... I’ll be completely honest, it’s usually me that drags him to the bedroom,” Rarity murmured, covering up her embarrassed blush with a tiny cough. “Mmm, the things he does with his tongue… and his hands…. and his di-”

Spike’s claw covered Rarity’s mouth before she could say more. “There are little kids on my back, Rarity. Two of them are yours, remember?” Though he found himself wondering if she was exaggerating or not for some reason.

Rarity smirked behind Spike’s claw and winked, quickly extricating herself and looping her arm back around Blueblood’s. “I knew you would stop me,” she teased, “So there wasn’t any harm in starting my own little story.”

Spike chuckled and grinned at her. “I’m starting to wonder if you’re getting addicted to being with him while you’re pregnant, Rarity. I’ve actually got similar thoughts about Selten.”

“Well, there’s just something that makes him simply irresistible, you know,” Rarity hummed, taking Blueblood’s arm and drawing idle circles upon his bicep.

Blueblood huffed good naturedly, “I hope you both realize that I can speak too. And that I’m right here.” He smirked and poked Rarity’s side, prompting her to giggle.

“Just make sure you keep treating her right, Blueblood,” Spike jokingly warned while flashing his teeth and exhaling some warm air onto Blueblood’s face.

“Always,” Blueblood rolled his eyes and pushed Spike’s face away, “Anyway, I heard there was a party going on. It’d be a shame if we missed it by standing here until it’s over.” With that, he led Rarity over to Twilight, Fluttershy, and Alucard, idly offering a quick wave to Selten, who simply huffed back and went to check her eggs.

“... I see what you mean by her not being much of a people dragon,” Rarity murmured.

Twilight hugged Rarity with a smile, an as of yet unlit cigar between her teeth. “So glad you could make it!” She leaned to whisper to Rarity. “Sorry about any strange odor. Spike came all over me when I walked in on him and Selten.”

Rarity pulled a face, “Darling, I could have gone my entire life without ever hearing that phrase and been completely fine. Why did you need to tell me?” She shook her head, backing away slightly from Twilight. “That being said, where is everyone else?” A sudden thought struck her, “.... How did we get here before Pinkie and Schrodinger?”

“Because ve vere taking zhe scenic route!” Schrodinger called from behind her as he and Pinkie came toward them. “Hello!”

“Hey, Schro, Pinkie!” Twilight greeted before looking at Blueblood with a gleam in her eyes.

Blueblood began backing away from Twilight, “.... Why do I not like that gleam in your eye? Please don’t do anything rash, Twilight…. I don’t think I could handle it…”

As Blueblood backed away, Twilight followed and cornered him against the wall by the entrance to the den. “Light me.”

“.... Oh,” Blueblood muttered, snapping his fingers and allowing Twilight to light her cigar with the flame on his thumb. “For a moment, I was worried you were about to humiliate and/or injure me.” Blueblood shuddered, “Not a very fun line of thought, that.”

“Aw don’t be stupid, dumbass. I’d never do that to you,” Twilight said before her friendly grin turned dark. “Not in front of the kids anyway.”

Blueblood gulped, “R-right… S-so, Pinkie, I notice that… wow that is a lot of food. How did you even make that much so fast?” He stared at the fully set up buffet table in front of the den, goggling at the sheer amount of dishes present.

“Zhat is our little secret,” Schrodinger said with a grin and twitching ears.

Spike laughed and went into the den after depositing the kids on the ground. “Selten. How about you go out and socialize? I’ll watch the eggs.”

Selten huffed, “I’d rather not, Spike. I do trust you, with my life even, but I shall not leave my eggs under the watch of anyone but my own.” She turned from the mouth of the cave, taking the opportunity to bathe her eggs in flame once more.

“Selten, I won’t let anything happen to them,” Spike promised. “I know you’re used to being solitary with just you and our brood. But humans are big on family and friendship, and I was raised by them. Just a few minutes? If you don’t like it, come back and I’ll go out again. Try it? For me?”

“Only for you,” Selten muttered, uncurling and nuzzling Spike on her way out of the cave. As she took in the assembled humans around the mouth of her cave, she studiously ignored Twilight, still slightly embarrassed over what had happened earlier.

“Selten decided to join us!” Schrodinger cheered with Pinkie before appearing before her. “Have ve met yet, Selten?” he asked with twitching ears.

Selten shook her head, staring down at Schrodinger imperiously, “Not that I recall, no.” She held out her claw awkwardly, “Spike tells me that traditional human greetings involve a… handshake...? Is that the correct word?”

“Ja. It is,” Schrodinger said as he shook Selten’s claw in both hands. “Zough many close friends prefer hugs.” He appeared on the back of Selten’s neck hugging her. “Like so.”

Selten flinched back from the sudden contact, turning her head to stare down at Schrodinger once more, “I’d rather you didn’t… contact me…. like that so soon after we just met.” She gently nudged Schrodinger off, rolling her shoulders to get rid of the lingering phantom tingling.

“Have you never been hugged before?” Schrodinger asked from atop Selten’s head, looking into her eye with a wide smile. And she had literally just seen him at her feet. He chuckled as his ears twitched while watching her process it.

Selten shook her head, uncaring that Schrodinger had been knocked off with the motion, “No. I have not. Not by humans. Dragons tend to be more… physical.” She snorted down at Schrodinger once again, “So please, refrain from touching me like that.”

Schrodinger laughed from where he sat on her shoulder. “Loosen up, Selten. Ve are all friends here!” He vanished and reappeared before her with his daughters. “Zhese are mein children. Say hi, sveeties!”

“....” Selten stared at Lebkuchen and Spritzkuchen, then turned to Schrodinger, “.... How exactly are you… doing that?”

Schrodinger laughed. “It’s quite simple. I am everyvere and novere.” His ears twitched as he grinned. “I sink, zherefore I am.”

“.... That makes no sense whatsoever,” Selten muttered, lowering herself to the ground and basking in the bright sun. “So… are there any others that shall arrive, or am I to believe that what we have here is the sum total of this gathering?”

“We’re finally here!” Rainbow called as she, Soarin, and Gilda arrived and landed. She looked at the grinning Roman Candle and Flare Blitz. “These two were looking forward to meeting a dragon.” She scowled at Soarin. “Of course their dad had to spend so much time preening.”

Soarin harrumphed and crossed his arms, an expression of mock arrogance making its way to his face, “Hmph! I’ll have you know that appearance is everything, especially when meeting new people.”

“Didn’t Spike mention dragons introduce themselves by brawling?” Rainbow pointed out before flying over to Selten and hovering in front of her. “Out and about, are ya?”

Selten nodded, half heartedly glaring at the cave opening, “Unfortunately, my mate is far too persuasive for his own good.” She shook her head and held out her claw again, a little less awkward this time.

Rainbow laughed and shook the offered claw with her feet since her hands were holding her sons. “These are my kids. Roman Candle and Flare Blitz. You won’t believe what a relief it was to finally pop them out. Hated being grounded.”

Selten nodded, “I understand entirely. I did not enjoy the sensation of being too heavy to fly either. Still, it was worth the wait.”

“No arguments there,” Rainbow said, pecking each of her sons on the forehead. “Wouldn’t trade ‘em for the world. So… How fast are you, Selten?”

Selten quirked an eyebrow, “Fast enough, I suppose. Are you challenging me to a race?”

Rainbow grinned wide. “You game, slowpoke?” she asked before passing her kids off to Soarin. “I can hit mach 10.”

“Hmph, there is no point in racing you,” Selten snorted, tossing her head. “I may be fast, but I am not so prideful as to say that I am that fast.”

“That sounds like you’re scared you’ll lose to the little human,” Rainbow taunted with a grin and crossed arms. “I really can go that fast. Complete with sonic rainboom!”

Selten stared at Rainbow, palpable levels of disinterest filtering into the air, “Again, I am fast, but not that fast. Dragons are prideful, not stupid… unlike some humans that I care not to name, who seem to be both.”

“Oh she burned you, Dash!” Gilda called with a laugh. “You want some ice for that, babe?”

“Shut up,” Rainbow groused, landing softly and patting Selten on the shoulder, “I swear, I’m gonna get a race out of you somehow.”

Selten chuckled, “Perhaps once you stop being more prideful than the Elder Dragons.”

“I see Rainbow has been taken down a peg or two,” Facet said as he and Maud arrived, Terracotta held securely in Maud’s arms. “Nice to see you out and socializing, Selten.”

“I will admit, it is more fun than I had thought it would be,” Selten murmured, idly flicking her tail through the air. “Though I cannot help but feel the urge to retreat back to my eggs.”

“I’ve got the eggs covered, Selten,” Spike assured. “At least meet everyone.”

“Jitters over the first kids probably,” Facet commented as he stepped closer to Selten.

“Most likely,” Selten admitted, looking over Facet curiously, “Still, I do feel that socializing is not quite my niche.”

“I believe Twilight would have once argued the same,” Alucard said. “She used to prefer books over friends.”

Twilight called over, “At times I think I still prefer books over you!” She smirked to herself, quietly giggling since she knew Alucard would realize that it was mere jest.

“My but she is so very direct,” Selten mused, raising her brow and curling her lip in amusement.

“She’s also completely and utterly insane,” Facet said. “Don’t let the mask she wears fool you.”

“Insane?” Selten asked, staring over at Twilight, “She does not appear to be mentally infirm… though perhaps she seems a tad too…. accepting…. of strange circumstances.”

Facet shook his head. “I have seen beneath that mask.” Stepping closer to Selten, he set his hand against her forearm, casting the memory spell that Night Shift agents could use to covertly share orders and information. Only this time, he was showing Selten what he had seen of Twilight in the laboratory in the Crystal Empire.

Selten blinked, “.... My but she does seem to be quite…. odd…” Selten dazedly looked over to Twilight then subtly edged away from her, a healthy respect for Twilight’s madness forming within her subconscious.

Twilight noticed Selten’s movement away from her. “Something on your mind, Selten?” she asked as she took a step toward her daughter-in-law.

Selten shook her head, “Not particularly. I was just informed about some of your more interesting traits by… hrm… I actually never learned your name.” She stared down at Facet curiously, “What is your name, by the way?”

“My name is Facet,” Facet introduced as he gestured to his family. “This is my wife Maud Pie, and my son Terracotta.” He wrapped his arm around Maud’s waist and drew her and Terracotta closer to him.

Selten inclined her head respectfully, “A pleasure to meet all three of you.”

“Likewise,” Maud stated blandly, shifting her grip to allow Terracotta to wave up at Selten.

“.... What interesting traits?” Twilight asked, staring at Facet suspiciously. “.... You didn’t tell her that I’m crazy, did you?”

“No,” Facet answered with a straight face. “I told her you’re insane.”

“.....” Twilight’s stare turned into squinting, as if trying to tell whether or not Facet was lying. After a moment, she shook her head, “I’m crazy, not insane. I’m not seriously mentally ill, Facet, no matter how much people say I am.”

“All that maniacal laughter in the laboratory in the Crystal Palace says otherwise, Twilight,” Facet countered. “You’re a lunatic. Plain and simple.”

Selten watched Twilight and Facet banter, a wash of confusion settling over her features. “.... I cannot tell if the two of you hate each other or are best friends,” Selten rumbled, lowering her head down to examine both Twilight and Facet better.

“Well do my eyes deceive me brother?” Flam’s voice called out suddenly, breaking the awkward silence.

Flim’s voice rang out immediately after, closer than Flam’s, “Well if they do, then my eyes deceive me too!”

“I can’t believe it-”

“-the dragoness,-”

“-Spike’s mate-for-life-”

“-is actually out of her cave!” Flim crowed, finally making his appearance in a flash of blue-green light, Flam coming in next to him and the both of them carrying a basket each of, what else, apples of all kinds.

“You two are such show offs!” Applejack chided as she hugged them from between, her sons held securely in baby carriers on her back and front.. “Nice to see ya, Selten!”

“It is… good to see you as well, I suppose,” Selten greeted, holding her claws out for Applejack to shake. “I see that you have brought your children as well.”

Applejack shook the offered claws. “Yup. Wasn’t gonna leave ‘em at home. Lookin’ forward to bein’ a mom?”

“Naturally,” Selten replied, turning her head just in time to catch Big Mac come up the path with Trixie held close by. “... Hmm… is there something wrong with that woman…? She seems rather… distraught.”

“Post-traumatic stress from her experiences in the Crystal Empire,” Facet muttered to Selten. “She lost her unborn child and was physically and psychologically brutalized.”

“Ah… my condolences,” Selten murmured lowly, unconsciously rumbling a quiet note of sympathy.

Trixie made no effort to greet the others as she and Big Mac came up the path, instead simply letting herself slump down onto the picnic blanket that Pinkie had placed down at some point. She sighed tiredly, leaning her whole weight against Big Mac as he quietly rubbed her back to comfort her.

“Trixie?” Twilight muttered as she tentatively laid her hand on the broken woman’s shoulder. She was wary after what happened the last time she’d tried to touch Trixie without her seeing her coming.

Trixie made no reply, simply sighing and looking up at Twilight with tired, almost dead eyes. Big Mac continued rubbing her back, offering his quiet support.

Twilight sat on Trixie’s other side. “Trixie. This is Selten, my daughter-in-law.” She looked at Selten with a look that asked for a little help.

“Greetings Trixie,” Selten bent her head down and met Trixie’s eyes. Without another word, Selten butted her head forward, knocking Trixie back across Big Mac’s lap as she laid her neck across Trixie’s abdomen, using her neck’s heated surface as a therapeutic water bottle.

Twilight stared at Selten. “Uh… What are you doing, Selten?” She could only imagine that Trixie was about to freak out from having a dragon’s neck pinning her down and prepared for the worst.

Trixie’s eyes immediately snapped open as she scrabbled at Selten’s neck, the panic of confinement causing her to forget her training and simply flail around until Selten huffed and nudged Trixie’s head with her own. “Settle down,” Selten muttered. “Is it not considered therapeutic by humans to simply be near warm objects?”

“Maybe for dragons, but humans have a lot of different things that they consider therapeutic,” Twilight said as she poked Selten’s neck, nudging her to move her head away from Trixie. “Come on. Let her up.”

Selten rolled her eyes and lifted her neck, the sudden temperature difference causing Trixie’s clothes to steam even though they were only pleasantly warm. Unconsciously, Trixie made a quick purring noise from the heat, even as she glared up at Selten.

Twilight arched an eyebrow. “What was that, Trixie?” She couldn’t help grinning a bit. “So you one of those people that likes being near warm stuff?”

“S-shut up!” Trixie yelped, managing to hold onto a fierce blush and pout even as she fixed her clothes and attempted to regather what was left of her dignity.

“Ah, so it is therapeutic,” Selten noted, nodding sagely as if she had realized some solemn truth about the Universe.

“That was dumb luck and you know it, Mrs. high and mighty dragoness,” Rainbow snarked from where she was hovering, arms crossed as she smirked at Selten.

Selten’s face immediately dropped into a flat deadpan, complete with imaginary sweatdrop, “I have no idea of what you speak, rainbow colored one.”

“And we’re here despite my husband’s nonstop mother-henning!” Seras declared with a grin as she strode up to the assembled group. “Selten? Out and about at last are ya?!”

“Indeed I am, miss…?” Selten held out her claw once more, no trace of any potential embarrassment left on her face.

Seras smiled and shook the claw. “Seras Anderson. Maiden name Seras Victoria. So you finally let your mate watch the eggs. How are they doing, anyway?”

“Wonderfully,” Selten smiled to herself, then sent a suspicious glare over to the cave entrance. “At least, they had better be, lest my mate need to seek other lodgings.”

“Oh that hurts, honey!” Spike called in mock pain. “The eggs are fine. Completely safe and sound just like you left them. I love our kids just as much as you do.”

“Hmph!” Selten snorted, padding her way over to the cave and peeking in, “Then you’d best prove it, beloved.”

“Of course, my love,” Spike answered with a smirk in his tone. “Both now and later tonight…” His voice shifted into a purr of sorts as he mentioned the coming evening.

“Oh I so did not need to hear that!” Twilight muttered, pulling a face and looking away so she could hide her disgust in a cup of hopefully spiked punch.

“He certainly takes after me,” Alucard said with pride as he grinned.

Rarity sniffed haughtily, “At least he has the decency to layer it in much less obscene innuendo… though it is unfortunately quite obvious and… dare I say it… unwelcome.”

“Says the woman that was about to regale him with her own bedroom escapades before a claw blocked your mouth, dear?” Blueblood chided as he hugged Rarity to him with his left arm.

“.... You can stop talking now,” Rarity muttered, looking away in embarrassment.

As Blueblood chuckled at his wife’s embarrassment, Anderson approached Selten. “Hello, Selten. Nice to see you decided to soak up some sun after being cooped up in your den for so long.”

“I will admit, the feeling of sun on my scales again is rather pleasant… though I do have to wonder how I managed to pale even further in my time stuck in a cave…” Selten checked her scales, grimacing at how the thinner scales seemed almost translucent now.

“Maybe they need polishing?” Facet suggested. “If I were to compare dragon scales to gems, I’d say that a good polish will have them shining like new. Unless you’re molting. Do dragons molt?”

“... Well, not most of us, but there are those strange ones down near the equator,” Selten muttered. “And, no, I have been polishing my scales rather regularly… perhaps I shall just stay in the sun for some time, see if that fixes things. It might be similar to the process you call ‘tanning’.”

Twilight’s ears twitched and she moved closer to Selten. “Oh I simply must observe this process, dear daughter-in-law.” Her grin spread ear to ear in a very unsettling way.

“.... How about no,” Selten rejected, quickly shuffling away from Twilight.

“Yo! We’re here!” Vinyl called as she and Octavia finally arrived, DeadMau5 in tow as Vinyl cradled her belly somewhat. “Are we the last ones here?”

“It appears so,” Octavia observed, casually looking around as she helped Vinyl up the path with a hand gently pressed to Vinyl’s back. “Perhaps we should have left a tad earlier.”

“Could have been faster if I could run and jump around,” Vinyl muttered while sulking, patting DeadMau5’s head when he rubbed against her.

“Or if you would have just let me carry you,” Octavia chided. “Or even DeadMau5.”

DeadMau5 nodded, “It would have been faster.”

“Oh shut up,” Vinyl muttered as she sat down on the picnic blanket with a groan and rubbed her belly. “Hey guys, hey Selten.” She did a quick double take. “Selten?! You’re outside? In the sun?”

“It seems that everyone is surprised at this,” Selten groused, rolling her eyes as she strode over and held her claw out, “And who might you be?”

Vinyl shook the claw. “I’m Vinyl Scratch, local DJ and musician. This here is my lovely wife Octavia, and my dog/turntable/best friend DeadMau5.”

“Charmed,” Octavia bowed shortly.

DeadMau5 waved, “Hello.”

“My, what an interesting bunch we have here,” Selten mused.

As the party wore on, the sun set in the west and colored the sky a brilliant golden orange. Still, the good times rolled on, with lights set up to keep things well lit and more food retrieved from town.

As the party wore on, one more guest flashed into the scene in a burst of golden radiance.

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight gasped, half bowing on reflex, “What are you doing here?”

“Greetings everyone. Don’t let me interrupt, I just need to speak with Twilight for a bit.” Celestia smiled peacefully, beckoning Twilight to follow along as she turned and began walking towards the base of the mountain.

Twilight stood after handing Integra to Alucard, following Celestia while lighting a new cigar. “Downside to spending quality time with my daughter? Being unable to smoke when holding her. Helps that she’s a daddy’s girl.”

Celestia shook her head, “Must you do that? I know I didn’t teach you to smoke so much…”

“Blame my husband,” Twilight quipped after exhaling some smoke. “I started because of him, now I just love the taste of these things. I spend quite a bit of money on high quality cigars.”

“I know. I see the results of your spending every month, remember?” Celestia quipped, pausing as they entered the patch of woodland at the base of the mountain. “Regardless, I wanted to speak with you about a few things.”

“Oh dear gods. You want to talk about my husband,” Twilight muttered as she put her hands in her pockets.

“.... Well, that’s a related topic, but no,” Celestia frowned and sighed, “It’s more about the necromancy. I know you do it for a good cause and you never intentionally hurt anyone innocent with it… but the nobles are, well… nobles.”

“Do I look like I give a single lonely, mountain dwelling fuck about what those inbred, self-important fucks think of me?” Twilight asked, exhaling some smoke and fixing Celestia with a deadpan look and an arched eyebrow.

“Not particularly, but unfortunately my hands are legally tied at the moment. So, I- hold on….” Celestia peered around the area. “Did you hear that….?”

“Hear what?” Twilight asked, her ears twitching. “I thought you were gonna bitch about my private army of golems.”

“Now is not the time, Twilight… something’s wrong. Listen,” Celestia peered around suspiciously.

“I don’t hear anything,” Twilight said as she took a deeper drag on her cigar. “Can we please get your bitching out of the way and back to the party?”

Celestia glared at Twilight, “That’s exactly the problem, Twilight. What happened to the natural sounds? Have you forgotten all the training you bullied off of your brother and the Guard?”

Twilight’s hands came out of her pockets as her wires flashed into the air. “Bullied is such a harsh word, Princess. I prefer to say that I persuaded them. Now then, let’s find out what-” A light flashed right in front of her before she could react, half of her cigar falling to the ground severed from what she held between her teeth. “The fuck was that?”

“Hello there, Princess and… scum. My name is J. Star, vampire hunter and practitioner of the Ripple martial art known as Sendo. I travel the world, I end threats to humanity, and I also end halfbreed scum on the path to darkness,” the blue haired gentleman came out of the forest with nary a sound, coming just barely within ten feet of Twilight and Celestia before stopping.

“Well aren’t you just the textbook fucking definition of a self entitled twat,” Twilight snarked, pulling her cigar from her teeth and smirking cockily.

Celestia on the other hand, was more reasonably worried. “Twilight, run,” she cautioned, taking a step in front of Twilight. “I’ll hold him off.”

Twilight snorted and pushed Celestia out of her way, wires springing free with a bare snap of the fingers. “You stay out of this, Princess. I’ll handle this fucker in no time.”

J. Star smirked, “I knew you would say that. They all do. They all die.” J. Star’s stance shifted, and the ground around Twilight and Celestia exploded into a cacophony of deafening sound and blinding light.

Twilight screamed and covered her eyes with an arm. “Ow! What the fuck was that?! Princess where are you?!”

Immediately following the ring of flashbang detonations, a curious hissing rang out as the entire path filled with a thick cloud of cloying, irritating smoke, covering all escape routes and plunging the area into total darkness.

“Twilight!? Hold on!” Celestia called out, faring better than Twilight, that is, until a bola fired from seemingly nowhere wrapped tight around her and dropped her to the ground. “Twilight! Run! You can’t fight them off, they’ll kill you!”

“That we will!” J. Star’s voice crowed, just as a chain wrapped around Twilight’s arm and dragged her off, deep into the forest amidst a chorus of both women’s screams- Celestia’s of fury, Twilight’s of horrible agony as the chain bit into and burned her nearly vampiric flesh.

Twilight came to snarling and kicking, the wires held coiled around her arms exploding outwards and shredding her bonds. Enraged shouting broke out immediately after, along with the sound of pounding feet and unsheathing weapons. As her vision cleared, two things were immediately apparent: One, Twilight was surrounded. Two: Celestia was nowhere to be seen.

“Alright you fuckers, I don’t know who you are, but you pissed off the wrong- Son of a bitch!” Twilight’s attempt at intimidating dialogue was ruthlessly cut off as one of the men behind her rushed forward and swept her legs out from beneath her, prompting a shriek of pain as the man’s golden glowing leg burned her flesh.

“Poor, poor part vampire,” J. Star smirked, towering over Twilight with his body sheathed in a crackling golden aura, flamelike in its intensity with streaks of brighter lightning rushing through. “Never faced the Ripple before have you?”

“The Ripple? The hell kinda lameass name is that!?” Twilight sniped back, whipping her wires forward, each razor edge gleaming in the light…. until J. Star caught every single one of the wires in his hands.

“Bad move,” he chided, kicking Twilight in the chest and allowing his aura to flow down the wires, lightning crackling along their lengths until Twilight’s gloves exploded into golden sunrays that seared her flesh like nothing ever had before.

“AAAAAGH!” Twilight screamed, tears of pain rolling down her face as she cradled her ruined hands.

“Hurts, doesn’t it? Normally, vampires only experience mild discomfort from the sun’s rays, but when you take that light, condense it, and mix it with potent magic? Oh, you’re just in for a world of pain.” J. Star slowly stalked up to Twilight, clutching her by the throat in a burning grip that left her choking and wheezing for breaths that would not come.

“Now die, little halfling. Die like the rest of your kind shall when we purge the world in righteous sunfire!” As the aura around J. Star grew brighter and brighter, it became hotter, scalding Twilight’s throat and charring the skin and flesh to ash. Blood poured freely from her wounds, incinerating on contact until J. Star tossed her away in a broken heap, throat burned open and blood filling her lungs.

Twilight gurgled as she struggled for breath, mustering what little telekinesis she could to get a cigar and her lighter, lighting the cigar and puffing it as she let the lighter float above her. Might as well have one last smoke before dying. She found herself thinking of her friends, Alucard, Fluttershy, and felt a tear slide down her cheek as she thought of Integra. “My precious daughter will have to grow up without me…”

“Twilight!”

Without warning, Celestia burst into the clearing, eyes and hands ablaze with sunfire and a vengeful expression set deep into her face. “You…. you monsters…. You HURT MY STUDENT!”

An explosion of power was all the warning that the Ripple Users received before massive tendrils of superheated plasma lanced down from the sun and struck each person in the chest, instantaneously incinerating them until not even ashes remained.

As soon as the flames died down, Celestia’s eyes widened in panic as she raced over to Twilight and slid to a halt. “Twilight? Twilight! Stay with me! Come on, don’t leave me!”

Twilight struggled to keep her eyes open as she looked up at Celestia, her cigar falling from her lips and rolling a bit before stopping, its cherry still smoldering as her life continued to slowly ebb away.

“No… no! I won’t let you die like this! I can’t let you die like this!” Celestia, with tears falling from her eyes, slit her own wrist in a fit of desperation and held it over Twilight’s mouth. Hot, magically charged blood splattered across Twilight’s face and lips, steaming on contact with the air and trickling ever so faintly down into Twilight’s throat.

More and more blood trickled into Twilight’s mouth, slowly reversing the damage that had been done. Celestia smiled weakly, feeling her veins empty themselves as the amount of steam increased from the temperature of her blood.

Wait.

Celestia’s eyes snapped open immediately, going wide in horror as she beheld the form of her student catch flame and burn, immediately collapsing into a pile of ashes covered in peculiar, violet fire.

“Twilight… no….”

“FUCK!!!” Twilight looked around the black void she found herself in, no longer bleeding out. “What is this place? Am I dead? If this is the afterlife, I am going to have words with whoever’s in charge!” She reached into her pockets and found them empty. “GODSDAMMIT!!! Where’s a cigar when I need one?!”

“My my, such language, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna’s voice rang out, clearing the empty, black void from around Twilight and turning it into a night sky of midnight blues and stars, with rolling clouds of fog surrounding the area. The Princess of the Night herself strode through the fog banks imperiously, vampirism on full display as she stood over Twilight. “Congratulations upon your full ascension into unlife, I suppose. With, I see, some few extras.”

“Huh?” Twilight asked before feeling something on her back. Two somethings in fact. Looking back, she saw a pair of leathery bat wings spread out. “Wow. I have wings now.” She did a double take. “HOLY SHIT! I HAVE WINGS!”

“Indeed you do.” Luna rolled her eyes and folded her arms, “Come. We have much to discuss before your resurrection, and I have no desire to leave you uneducated in your new abilities…. though Alucard might be able to help after he finishes ravaging your new self.” She turned and beckoned Twilight to follow her through the fog.

Twilight walked with Luna after briefly giggling at what her husband would do to her. “You got any cigars, Luna? I really need a smoke.”

Luna shook her head, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. As she took a drag and released her breath, a disproportionately large cloud of minty smoke issued forth from her lips and added to the fog. “Unfortunately, no. I do, however, have menthols if you wish to branch out.”

Twilight grimaced. “Menthols? Disgusting! Inferior! Working class tobacco! You know how much I shell out for my cigars, Luna?!” She crossed her arms and frowned at the lack of good cigars.

“Yes, and both Celestia and I were appalled. A luxury they may be, but one should never spend quite so much on something that matters so little. Now, listen,” Luna waved her hand, clearing the fog and revealing a crystalline citadel made of blackest obsidian and onyx. “This is, rather appropriately named, your soul citadel. It is where the souls of those you consume go when you drink all their blood. It allows you to, instead of dying yourself, send off some poor, unlucky soul to do so in your stead. Given the abundance of the fanatical Ripple Warriors still, you will find a very pressing need to fill it as soon as possible, I wager. As a side note, never drink of a Ripple Warrior. You cannot absorb their souls and their blood is to new vampires as what napalm is to unguarded flesh. But worse. Understand?”

“Got it,” Twilight said with a nod. “So… How many of Canterlot’s criminals are on death row as of today?” She smirked and rubbed her chin at the thought of quickly filling her little citadel.

“I’m sure my sister shall send over the relevant, ah, meals. Continuing on,” Luna turned away from the citadel, clearing the fog in another area and revealing a path of shifting images. “The memory path. Do not get lost on it. You can imagine why it would be a bad thing, considering that this contains not just yours, but also the memories of the souls you consume. Too much time spent here has left many vampires without a sense of self, lost to their instincts as a conscious mind struggles to form a coherent self.”

“Is that why Alucard spent 30 years on a bloody rampage when he first appeared in Equestria?” Twilight asked. “Then I guess the 1500 years in stone allowed him enough time to regain his sense of self.”

“Quite. Though his circumstances are slightly different, there are many parallels. As it is, be thankful that you are building from the ground up, rather than being dropped into your vampirism with a pre-fabricated citadel full of souls. ‘Tis worth a mercy kill, the second one is.” Luna frowned and shrouded the path again, turning away and revealing a fountain, fed by bloody red liquid that was and was not blood coming from the citadel itself.

“The mana font. While your previous font was drawn from your body itself, and gained through the mana in the air, your new font is also supplemented by the power contained within the souls of the consumed. Take care not to drain the souls too quickly, for you can only do so once per soul and taking too much at once will mean that you have no extra lives.” Luna dipped a hand in the fountain, drawing out a handful of crimson liquid and releasing it, watching impassively as it sparkled in brilliant rainbows as it dripped back down into the well and resumed its not-blood nature. “That being said, there is a tremendous amount of power in even the weakest soul, and you may find the rush of power intoxicating. Take care to temper yourself, lest ye find yourself even weaker than before.”

“Yeah. Good to keep in mind…” Twilight muttered, thinking back to her near death. Something that happened purely because she had allowed herself to be consumed by her hubris.

“Next on the list,” Luna muttered, whirling the fog around and spreading it once more to reveal a large kennel, made of similar material as the citadel, with every face lined in impossibly intricate rune circles, layers and layers inside each one. “The kennel, as I like to call it. Note the rune circles. While not actually there, if you form a contract with any sort of familiar, demonic or not, and tie it to your soul, then a representation of such a familiar will appear here, waiting for you to release it. I surmise that the runes already present are the result of your…. golems. If so, I find myself impressed by the sheer number of souls you must have rended down to make such an army.”

“Actually one soul can be split into several golems, so there are more golems than souls, Luna,” Twilight explained with a grin. “So… This is the sort of place that Alucard keeps his dog, huh?”

“Indeed. In my own, I keep a host of shoggoths and bats. Now,” Luna cleared the fog once more, revealing a wall etched with numerous creatures and forms. “Ah, the shape wall. A recording of the forms you may take for yourself beyond those of the souls you consume. And, it seems you lucked out.” She drew a finger across the etchings, each contact with a new animal bringing forth a momentary tingle in what Twilight knew to be different parts of her soul. “Raven, bat, wolf, shadow form. The basic four. Ah, and the monstrous wolf, the many eyed darkness, the eldritch in human skin, the eyeless horror, the many toothed creature with black eyes, bleeding eyed horror of ink and darkness- a personal favorite of mine, truly. Ooh, and you even managed to start off with a killer rabbit form. Cute, but horrifically deadly.... and…. oh dear… the ‘asshole cat’ form.”

Twilight arched an eyebrow. “What’s the difference between a normal cat and an asshole cat? And fuck the rabbit form, I’m using the cat form as my unassuming form.”

“The asshole cat is a normal cat,” Luna frowned, eyebrow twitching madly as she crossed her arms and fumed.

“Oh I get it,” Twilight said. “You’re a lycan, so you hate cats on principle, don’t you?”

Luna nodded and looked away, “Let’s go with that.” Under her breath, she muttered, “Stupid furball… always knocking everything over…. Can’t see why Celly thought it was so cute….”

“I heard that, Lulu,” Twilight teased, enjoying her new vampire hearing.

“Not a single word, Twilight Sparkle, or I will end you,” Luna hissed in embarrassment, a luminescent blush flaring across her face. She coughed and shook her head, “Anyway, that is everything you need to know for now. The rest is simple trial and error. Now, before I send you off, this is a picture of your soul. Do not be surprised- all of them are somewhat like this.”

The fog cleared, revealing the both of them standing within the citadel’s courtyard, the fountain at the center, with the kennels directly opposite the wall. Before the both of them, a screen lit up, revealing the shape of Twilight’s cutie mark made into an intricate rune system of rainbow lines, with the citadel’s distinct shape marked out in the center.

“And before you ask, yes, the rune circle is made of the path of memories. There is a reason why the caution to not get lost exists.” Luna exposited.

“Right,” Twilight answered as she stared at it. “Wow… So now I go back to the land of the living?”

“Simple.” Luna smirked, and, without warning or quarter given, bitchslapped Twilight across both cheeks, whiting out her vision amidst a background haze of light, stinging pain.

“What…?”

Celestia stared as the flaming pile of ash before her suddenly died down, the violet flames dissipating and the ash blowing away in the wind. Before she could react, a massive burst of black flames erupted from where the ash once stood, streaming up into the air and splitting into a flock of screeching bats that, as they converged, formed into a glowing, six pointed star painted in blood red and emitting a black mist as it descended to the ground.

Once it reached the ground, it split apart, shattering into dissipating fragments of mana and letting the nude, somehow even paler form of Twilight Sparkle to flop unceremoniously to the ground with an anticlimactic thud.

“Ugh…” Twilight got to her feet, wings spreading a bit behind her. “I really, really need a cigar…”

“Twilight….? Is that you….?” Celestia’s voice came out faint, weakened by grief and almost silenced by hesitant hope.

“You know any other woman that makes pale skin look this sexy?” Twilight asked while posing and grinning, showing off her shiny new chompers.

“Y-you…” Celestia stood, one arm reaching up as if to cup Twilight’s face but stopping well before she made contact, “... you ascended to full vampirism… didn’t you?”

“Mhmm,” Twilight confirmed. “Full creature of the night now. I need a cigar and some blood.”

Celestia sighed in relief and irritation, “Of course you demand that as soon as you resurrect….” Her further train of thought was cut off by an explosion in the distance. “.... Wasn’t that…?”

Twilight gasped in horror. “The party! We have to get over there!” A pair of roars rent the air as she spoke as though to punctuate it.

“Already ahead of you! Let’s go!” Celestia grabbed Twilight and teleported the both away in a golden flash, both hoping desperately that they wouldn’t be too late.

Spike roared at the Ripple Warriors that were trying to get past him, Integra and Angelus cowering in fear under his protective stance. “You’re not getting near my brother and sister!” Inside the den, the rest of the kids cowered beneath Selten’s crouched form along with her eggs as she hissed at the ones trying to get at them.

The Ripple Warriors that had attacked the party were numerous, a far larger group than the ones that had nearly ended Twilight. As they ran amok, lightning and fire filled the air as each and every man and woman of their war party lit up their sun-derived battle aura, scorching the ground beneath their feet and increasing their attack power exponentially.

“Brothers! Sisters! Destroy the vampires and their thralls!” the lead warrior shouted, rushing into the fray with fists blazing.

The tides of the battle shifted left and right, the defenders giving as good as they got.

Applejack slammed her boots into one warrior’s stomach and blew out his spine, taking a burning strike to her shoulder in retaliation.

Pinkie shattered several warriors’ legs with her hammer and exploded several more with grenades, but was knocked out with a fist to the face.

Rainbow Dash strafed across the sky, firing precise shots into the skulls of twelve warriors, but was stricken down by a lucky shot to her wing.

Vinyl scowled at her belly as she sat beneath Selten with Seras, Gilda, and the children. “If I wasn’t pregnant I could fight!” She clenched her fists in frustration. “Wish I could do something to help out here!”

Seras shook her head, “I do too, but we can’t right now without risking our children. The best we can do is hope that we won’t be needed…. which, considering my husband, Alucard, and… oh look, there’s Schrodinger.”

“Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf….” Schrodinger scowled as he deposited Pinkie back behind Selten and Spike, then resumed snapping necks and stabbing throats outside the cave. “Sechs, sieben, acht, neun, zehn….”

Yet, despite the casualties, there seemed a nigh endless amount of glowing, flaming warriors.

“Dammit! Where are they all coming from!?” Octavia growled, garroting one unfortunate man and using him as a flail to smash several of his compatriots into the dirt.

“Hell if I know!” Facet muttered, blocking and dodging each strike from the tide of warriors around him, then retaliating with a razor whip of water that sliced each one in half at the waist.

Maud frowned, idly stomping the ground to impale the warriors foolish enough to come near her with spikes of earth. “I know where they’re coming from.” She pointed towards the east, “Just past the ridge. Mass teleport spell, I think.”

Alucard grinned, cut down the last of the warriors around him with an idle backhand, then waded through the corpses during a momentary lull in the battle. “So, they think if they can throw enough cannon fodder at us they’ll win?”

“They think they can come here and threaten my wife, children, and friends without punishment?!” Anderson demanded as he cut another one down and threw several bayonets into one behind him. “I think not!”

“Alright everyvone~ Alucard, Anderson und I vill check out and slaughter the dummkopfs beyond zhe ridge. You all stay here und try not to die~” Schrodinger all but sang, blinking away with both Alucard and Anderson and leaving the rest of the defenders to deal with the marauding warriors of the sun.

Big Mac grunted, rubbing the soreness out of his arms while the next wave of warriors rushed to the scene. Trixie looked on, huddling behind Selten’s legs while Big Mac defended the cave entrance.

As much as she wanted to do something, fear held her back. The trauma she faced at the hands of Sombra flitted through her mind as she held still, barely breathing.

And then Big Mac was struck down from behind, a quiet explosion of golden power throwing him towards Trixie, battered and bruised.

And something snapped.

Slowly, she stood.

Slowly, the fog in her mind cleared.

Slowly, quietly, returned the pulsing fire in her veins.

And as she stood, her hand flexed, dispelling the illusion carefully laid over it and revealing the sinewy, alien flesh and veins of her artificial, eldritch arm to the light of day once again.

Memories long forgotten raced through her mind- half remembered lessons and passages.

Magical Combat Lesson One: Precision.

Rune circles flared to life with a half conscious thought, launching Trixie’s saber from a portal and embedding it into the throat of an unlucky Ripple Warrior as Trixie rushed forward, flipping over the man’s collapsing body and wrenching her weapon free in a spray of blood.

A wicked, cruel smirk crossed her face as she raised her normal hand into the air, spinning it once and flicking her wrist, spawning dozens of rune circles that each filled the world with light and noise, drawing all eyes to Trixie.

“Tut tut,” Trixie chided, spinning her saber around as her outfit melted into her old show-woman’s outfit, complete with cape billowing in the sudden breeze. “I may have taken my sweet time to respond, but you can’t just ignore the return of the star of the show.”

Her eyes scanned over the incredulous expressions of the assembled warriors. “Sloppy, the lot of you. How sloppy, you ask?”

Magical Combat Lesson Two: Area of Effect

Immediately, hundreds of rune circles spawned from the ground as Trixie stabbed into the dirt with her saber, spearing every single Ripple Warrior around in a massive forest of splintering, branching ice spikes.

“That sloppy.”

With a casual toss of her head, the spikes dispelled and dumped the corpses into growing piles. “Honestly,” Trixie murmured, turning back and kneeling over Big Mac’s unconscious form. “You didn’t have to protect me at all… You should have just stayed with me in the cave, you big lug. But, what’s done is done. And now…. rest, love.”

Rainbow let out a grin even through the pain in her wing. “She’s back!”

“So it appears,” Facet agreed as he slung the blood off Suigetsu’s blade and sheathed it in a single motion.

A sudden explosion shook the ground, its source being the site just over the ridge to the east. A pillar of smoke rose from behind the ridge just as Schrodinger, Alucard, and Anderson blinked back into existence.

“Ve’re back too!” Schrodinger chuckled, “Und zhe vones who attacked us are no more.”

“Turns out it was just like four dudes making clones or some shit,” Alucard sneered, “Barely even worth the effort of killing them.”

“Aye, kind of a mood killer, really,” Anderson groused, sheathing his bayonets and ambling over to what was left of the food tables to see if there was anything left to drink. “Ach, nothing to drink. Pity.”

“Good sing ve finished vhen ve did,” Schrodinger said. “I sink you vere almost out of bayonets, Anderson.”

Anderson stared at Schrodinger, an unamused look on his face, “Care to correct yourself, Schrodinger?”

Schrodinger stiffened as a sweatdrop formed on his head. “Uh… You’ve got bayonets for days!”

“Bayonets for days,” Anderson nodded sagely.

A golden flash of sunfire erupted off to the side, Celestia and Twilight rushing forth from it.

“What happened? Is everyone alright?” Twilight asked, looking around at the wreckage.

“Some bruises and burns here and there,” Facet said as he started healing the injury to Rainbow’s wing. “Nothing I can’t mend.”

Octavia looked more closely at Twilight. “There’s something different about you. Besides you being naked.”

“Well, she’s got wings now,” Rainbow observed idly from behind Twilight. “Friggin’ bat wings too.”

“Ahem, yes…” Twilight coughed, “I had a run in with some vampire hunters and, well, ended up ascending to full vampirehood after Princess Celestia saved my ass. Speaking of which, Alucard, do you have my extra cigars? I desperately need a light right now.”

Alucard went over to Twilight with a tender smile and handed her a cigar and her spare lighter. “You’ve finally become a vampire, my countess.”

“Of course, my count,” Twilight murmured, lighting up and taking a relieved breath. “Just as you’ve wanted for the past several years now.”

“And now my patience is rewarded,” Alucard, leaning in and planting a kiss on Twilight’s lips while her cigar was away from her mouth. “You may wish to get dressed for the sake of all the kids.”

Twilight closed her eyes and focused on her form, the shadows forming around her and giving way to a more provocative version of the white suit that Alucard favored in his Girlycard form. She turned to Celestia and put her cigar between her teeth. “You wanted to talk about the nobles, Princess?”

“Eugh, unfortunately,” Celestia muttered, then sighed tiredly. “Twilight, I’m sorry, but you’ll need to undergo a trial concerning your use of necromancy. Considering it’s been illegal for the better part of several hundred years, well… I’ll try to help you anyway I can, but it won’t be an easy trial. I’m sorry Twilight, I truly am, but my hands are tied on this matter.”

“What?!” Twilight stared at Celestia in shock as she pulled her cigar from her mouth. “Stand trial?! My golems helped save Canterlot and saved Ponyville’s population from being turned into ghouls! Are they really so self-important that they’ll ignore all the good I’ve done?!”

“Benevolent you may be, Twilight…” Facet said as he continued healing Rainbow. “But I suspect they have a solid case against you. And I can’t help but agree in some regards. You have a known history of using violence and intimidation to get your way. The Buffalo tribesmen are but one example of those who could legitimately testify against you. I’m well aware that you killed one of them for the undeniably petty reason of being called a whore.” He finished healing Rainbow and turned to look at Twilight. “Deny it all you want. Outside of Ponyville. No… Outside of your inner circle, people are scared of you. And they should be. At best, you’re a ticking time bomb. And it’s from my own experience that I make that judgment. On top of that, your general attitude makes it seem to them that you think yourself above the law. Am I correct in what I’ve said, Princess Celestia?”

Celestia shook her head, “Unfortunately more than I had ever hoped to be true.” She looked at Twilight, an unreadable emotion in her eyes, “Twilight…. your trial is in three days. Until the date of your trial… you’ll be under house arrest in Canterlot.”

Twilight’s cigar fell from her limp fingers as she leaned on Alucard in shock. “P...Princess…” Her eyes conveyed a feeling of denial and desperation.

“I’m sorry Twilight. I’m so, so sorry.”

Author's Note

We've heard the complaints about Twilight being a karma houdini, so now reality ensues.

Are, Are You Really Doing This Right Now? In Front of Everyone?

Author's Note

We're back.

Are, Are You Really Doing This Right Now? In Front of Everyone?

Twilight idly twirled a cigar between her fingers as she was led into Celestia’s throne room, the sun goddess seated on her throne, Luna seated on her own throne to her right. As she stopped in the middle of the room standing facing the sisters, she put the cigar between her teeth and pulled out her lighter, quickly lighting her cigar before pocketing her lighter. “Well then. Let’s get this over with,” she said with a smug smirk.

Celestia sighed and rubbed her temples, muttering to herself, “Oh this is going to be fun.” She stood and raised her arms, quelling the quiet susurrus of voices near the back of the throne room. “Nobles of Canterlot, you are here today to witness the trial of Twilight Sparkle PhD, MD, daughter of Night Light and Twilight Velvet, Element of Magic, National Hero, and my personal student. Twilight Sparkle, you stand here accused today of performing the long illegal art of Necromancy, and of being tainted with dark magics. How do you plead?”

“Not guilty on tainted with dark magics, and I’ll cop to Necromancy,” Twilight answered. “I put a lot of work into those golems. I’m proud of them and their hard work.” She pulled her cigar from her mouth and exhaled some smoke. “Also I created a dracolich that has since become a living, flesh and blood dragon. A dragon that I have always considered to be my son.”

Celestia nodded and crossed off a line from a sheet of paper by her side. “Both sides shall now present their arguments and evidence. Sir Gold Standard, as you petitioned this trial, you may present first,” Celestia nodded towards the stands, prompting a large Aetherial dressed in gold jewelery and opulent clothing to step out and pull a scroll from his pocket.

“Ahem!” He announced, voice deep and loud as he read off his gathered evidence, “The defendant has, provably, unleashed an army of necromantic golems upon the town of Ponyville during the one thousandth Summer Sun Celebration five years ago. Also among the evidence is written testimonials on the amount of property damage that she has caused wherever she goes!” In one shaking fist, the man held up a stack of paper nearly bigger than his grip could hold, each of the hundreds of written statements dealing in how much was lost in terms of property, housing, and in lives. “Furthermore, Miss Twilight Sparkle has also been responsible for the deaths of at least twenty of the illustrious Ripple Clan Vampire Hunters, of which the clan had only seventy five members previously!”

Stack after stack of paper slammed into a hastily conjured table, the red faced noble announcing each one in turn: “The sheer wreckage caused to the Whitetail Woods- a registered wildlife preservation- upon Nightmare Night three years hence! The amount of lives lost upon the 4:35 train from Ponyville to Manehattan approximately six months ago- of which it was lost to a terrorist attack that had previously done combat with the Elements of Harmony themselves! The noise complaints during the labor of the dragon in the mountains just outside of Ponyville- the dragon mated to her own ‘son’, might I note! The amount of blood ordered from the Ponyville General Hospital! The sheer amount of death row inmates she’s pulled from prisons and brought to Ponyville! The utter lack of regard that she treats her fellow citizens! An insurance claim nearly five years old from one Trixie Lulamoon on the loss of an arm incurred during an Ursa attack that, might I note, ended in nearly a quarter of Ponyville destroyed! And then there is the fact that she willingly consorts with vampires- all of them noted to have extreme kill counts and one that my sources have confirmed to be THE ORIGINAL vampire himself, ALUCARD! And then! AND THEN! THERE IS HER MARRIAGE TO SAID CRIMSON FFFFFFFUCKER!” With a final slam of his meaty palm against the table, Gold Standard adjusted his wireframe glasses and took a few deep breaths, muttering hoarsely, “I rest my case. This woman is obviously tainted by the dark magic she so carelessly wields.”

“Are you done talking?” Twilight asked. “Now then. In the order he presented his charges: The golems were not unleashed on Ponyville itself, but on the ghouls that were created by Nightmare Moon and were attacking the people of Ponyville. My golems protected the people while the Elements were recovered. Property damage was covered out of my own royal stipend. The Ripple Clan was trying to kill me and my friends and loved ones. Also, my title is Mrs. The damage to the Whitetail Woods was caused by the dragon that Luna and I were fighting. The train fatalities were caused solely by the Cobras, I gave fair warning that Selten would be roaring in agony as she laid her eggs, the blood feeds my wife, husband, and myself. The death row inmates were going to die anyway so I saw no harm in feeding them to my husband and using their souls for my necromancy, other citizens are treated with the proper level of regard, I paid Trixie Apple’s medical bills, Alucard is bound to me as my servant and has been since I inadvertently released him when I was six years old, and Alucard and I are very happily married with a daughter.”

She took a moment to blow out some smoke before continuing. “Everything I do, I do to protect the people I love. I am in no way tainted by dark magic.” She put her cigar between her fangs and grinned. “Also, the Ripple Warriors were killed by Celestia, Anderson, Alucard, and Schrodinger.”

Gold Standard sputtered for a moment as Celestia slammed her gavel against her throne’s armrest. “On the charge of being tainted by dark magic- as facilitated by a scan I myself performed on everyone entering the room and by the evidence given…. Not Guilty. Now, as you have plead guilty to the charge of Necromancy, your sentence has been reduced by the appropriate two weeks. However, due to the severity of the actual usage- that being hundreds of souls torn apart and repurposed as necromantic golems and as fuel for you and your husband… a fact to which I can personally attest….” Celestia sighed and looked to Luna for strength before turning back to Twilight. “Twilight Sparkle, I hereby find you guilty of practicing the art of Necromancy. Your sentence will be two years exile from Equestria, shortened by two weeks as per your plea.” With one more slam of her gavel, Celestia ended the trial.

Twilight fell silent in shock as her cigar fell from her mouth and bounced across the floor. “E… Exile?! But, Princess…”

“I’m sorry, Twilight, but the law is the law. Even you are not above it. Guards, escort Mrs. Sparkle to the border. Heaviest magic restraints you can apply. Do not remove them until she is well into the next country,” Celestia stood, face impassive as she marched out the throne room doors and towards her private chambers. The only one to see the tears streaming down her face was Luna, who shot Twilight an apologetic look as she chased after her sister.

Twilight didn’t even put up token resistance as she was led from the throne room. Not until she came to Alucard and Integra. Stopping, she tightly hugged her daughter. “Mommy has to go away for a while, Integra. Be good for daddy, okay?”

Integra looked at Twilight in sad confusion as she was handed back to Alucard before watching her mother be led away. “No. No!” She yelled as she struggled and reached for Twilight, tears streaming down her cheeks. “No! MOMMY!!!”

Twilight choked back a sob as she kept walking, making no attempt to stop her own bloody tears.

“Here we are, Mrs. Sparkle.” The guard spoke blandly as he removed Twilight’s restraints, leaving only the collar around her neck. “Do not attempt to remove the collar or it will transport you into a stasis field on the surface of the sun for three weeks each time you attempt to remove it. The collar will prevent you from crossing the established border to Equestria until such a time as your exile is over. Your activities will be monitored during this time to ensure that you are not taking action against the nation of Equestria. Your assets have been frozen until such a time as your sentence is carried out. Do you understand these terms?”

Twilight’s hand shot out and tightly gripped the guard’s throat. “Crystal clear. You made my daughter cry. I hope you realize your days are numbered. Once I’m back in Equestria, I am going to hunt you down and drink all of your blood. Then your soul will join my familiars. Do you understand me?”

“U-understood!” The guard choked out, face turning blue from Twilight’s grip as he clawed futilely at Twilight’s hand, “I-I’m just doing my job, sir! Ma’am! S-sir!”

Twilight nodded and starting spinning around with him in her grip before hurling him back across the border with a scream of impotent rage. “I WILL CLEAN HOUSE IN CANTERLOT WHEN I GET BACK!!!”

Unfortunately for her, none were around to hear her screams besides the quickly fleeing guardsmen. Spitting in disgust, Twilight trudged off into the wasted desert stretching out before her, the dark of night falling soon after and bringing with it both cold and wind.

As the night wore on, the sounds of chanting filled the air as a peculiar violet glow overtook the gloom of night- a glow recognizable as the exact same glow that all necromantic rituals carried if not in color, than in arcane signature.

Curious, Twilight started running toward the glow’s source to investigate, ready to fight if she had to. Even exiled, she wanted to protect Equestria from potential harm.

Arcane chanting filled the air as seven necromancers- all of them clothed in black, form concealing robes and hoods- stood in a circle around a crackling pentagram. The presumably one in charge- he with the fanciest robes and a long, black beard- raised his arms and shouted the last few words of the arcane ritual as the sacrifice in the center threw her head back and screamed, her body transmuting into a massive, demonic insectoid being with far too many of just about everything and the woman’s face contorted in agony atop its misshapen, disgusting head.

Twilight’s eyes glowed red as she growled. Moving with demonic speed, she was behind the ringleader before he even realized she was there and took off his head with a swipe of her open hand.

“Hello boys and girls! The spirit of Hearth’s Warming is here early and I’m here to tell you you’ve all been very naughty!” Twilight cackled maniacally as the six remaining necromancers stumbled back in fear.

The misshapen beast, on the other hand, spotted Twilight and roared its challenge- a shrieking, discordant wail more akin to a scream of agony than a roar of defiance.

“Oh come now!” Twilight near-sang, eyes blazing crimson and her fangs glinting in the light of the moon, “How about you all dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?” With a challenging cackle of defiance, Twilight shot forward, chaining teleports until the sky was awash in magenta light.

Her fingers shot forward as claws, each swipe tearing strips of shell and flesh from the daemon insect in front of her as it flailed ineffectively against her strikes. Shrieking and wailing filled the air as the thrashing monstrosity threw up waves of sand with each movement, knocking the fleeing necromancers down long enough that they witnessed Twilight standing atop their hellbeast with a mad grin, speckled in green-black blood and utterly unharmed.

“Hello… and goodbye,” she purred, stepping off of the hellbeast and strolling towards the closest necromancer without even leaving a single footprint in the sand. Behind her, the hellbeast gave one final gurgle as it simply fell apart into long, torn strips of savaged flesh and gore.

“N-no! No! Stay back! Stay away from me!” The necromancer shrieked, skittering back as fast as she could with an expression of abject terror on her face.

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to say NO to that!” Twilight stomped down on the necromancer’s chest for emphasis, crunching through ribs and reaching the heart in a single swift motion. “See, if I let any of you go… I’d be wasting so much lovely, lovely blood…” She sighed in bliss as the dead necromancer’s blood flowed up her leg and was absorbed into her skin, leaving nothing behind but a soulless pile of ashes. “Mm, tangy… now, for the rest of you…. See, I’m a little distraught tonight- I was just kicked into exile you know,” Twilight monologued as she cast a simple paralysis spell over the area, striding carelessly towards her next victim and and picking him up by the scruff of his collar, “For practicing necromancy too! Isn’t that ironic? But you know what, being all sad and mopey isn’t my thing. Instead, I’m just going to drink my sorrows away…. With your blood, in case you didn’t catch my meaning.” With that, she sank her fangs into the neck of the necromancer in her hand and drained him as well, repeating the process another four times until she simply dipped her finger in the puddle of blood the head necromancer had left when she decapitated him and sucked away his blood as well.

“Mm, not a bad first for a night of drowning my sorrows… but it needs a little more… no more small fries… maybe… ooh, maybe I could… mmm, yeah….” Twilight smirked as she plotted, eyes glowing as she headed deeper into the desert.

Luna sighed as she watched Twilight through her connection to the moon, her son Sirius cradled in her arms. “Oh Twilight…”

A knock came at her door as Celestia stepped through, eyes puffy with tears and her breath smelling faintly of alcohol. “Sister… are you watching her…? Like I asked you to…?” Celestia muttered as she quietly closed the door behind her and leaned against it.

“I am, Tia,” Luna answered. “You’ve been drinking. Well, Twilight is drowning her sorrows as well. From the veins of necromancers and other dark mages.”

Celestia sighed and dropped to the floor, all trace of decorum lost as she tossed away her golden articles of office and pulled a small flask inscribed with a golden sun from the flowing depths of her dress. “I suspected as much,” she muttered as she took a swig and grimaced at both the taste and the bitter truth of reality, “I only hope… I only hope that she does not end up hating me for this…”

Sirius phased over to his aunt and hugged her, sensing her distress.

Luna smiled at her son’s instincts. “Twilight loves you like a second mother. She would never hate you, Tia.”

“I hope you’re right…” Celestia muttered, patting Sirius’ head gently as she took another swig of whiskey. “For both of our sakes.”

Luna took the flask from her sister’s hands. “Sister, drowning your sorrows is unbecoming. Especially since you’ll end up dealing with the nobles while hungover.”

“.... You’re right. That would be a torture beyond even the worst of Tartarus’ punishments…” Celestia chuckled, slowly standing up and rolling her neck as she cast a mild sobering charm. “Now… could you… could you show me how Twilight’s doing right now?”

Luna nodded as she took Sirius into her arms. “Of course. Just let me put Sirius down for his nap.” She walked over to her son’s crib and lay him in it, tucking him in and planting a kiss on his forehead. Once the boy fell asleep, she went over to Celestia and led her to her scrying pool, calling the view of Twilight back up.

“I can’t believe she’s really gone….” Rainbow muttered, staring at the empty bed where Twilight would normally have been. “I mean…. Sheesh, when did she… when did Twilight get so tangled up in our lives that we’d do basically everything as a group?”

“Girl’s crazy, but that craziness really grows on ya, don’t it?” Applejack asked forlornly as she pulled her stetson over her eyes. “Seems like just yesterday she was marchin’ into town all pale and hittin’ Alucard for bein’ a pervert.”

“Mmm…. I hope she doesn’t get hurt…” Fluttershy sighed, sitting on the bed and taking a photo of Twilight, Alucard, and herself in her hands.

“It’s not Ponyville without Twilight…” Pinkie muttered, near tears as her hair lay flat and her colors muted somewhat while she munched on comfort cupcakes.

“Everything certainly seems more… quiet… without her around,” Octavia spoke quietly, sitting near Vinyl as the two of them simply reminisced about the interesting times that Twilight brought.

“Yeah… Twilight always knows how to liven things up,” Vinyl muttered while rubbing her belly. “We kinda took that for granted, didn’t we? Hey by the way, where’s Spike?”

“Off sulking, I think,” Trixie sighed, “I don’t blame him. He did just lose the closest thing he has to a mother today. I think it’s best if we leave him alone for a few days until… well, until we all recover.”

“E’yup,” Big Mac muttered in agreement as he held Trixie close to him.

“I think that we all need some sleep,” Maud spoke in her usual bland tone, stretching idly as she leaned against Facet. “Maybe we’ll feel better in the morning.”

“Actually,” Anderson said as he stood. “I think I’ll go check on Alucard. He’s probably taking this the hardest after all.”

“Good idea Anderson, Do you zhink zhe big guy vill be alright?” Schrodinger asked as he walked out from behind Anderson and handed Pinkie another batch of cupcakes, “On zhat note… vhat about little Integra? She’s probably taking zhis vorse zhan Alucard is.”

“The poor girl finally cried herself to sleep,” Fluttershy noted. “Breaks my heart, the way she was screaming as Twilight was led out of the throne room.”

“I think I speak for everyone when I say that it broke all of our hearts,” Rarity murmured as she took a sip of tea to calm her nerves.

“Just want to go to Canterlot and snap the necks of every noble that helped make that poor little girl cry,” Seras snarled with clenched fists.

“Aye, indeed I think all of us do, right ladies? Gentlemen?” Anderson asked, raising an eyebrow at the assembled group and nodding solemnly when he heard their chorus of affirmatives. “As I thought.”

Deep inside the Everfree Forest, chaos reigned as Alucard rampaged in his Level One release. He roared in rage as he tore a path through the forest, uprooting and hurling trees and ripping to shreds any beast he encountered.

Anderson looked around at the carnage as he followed Alucard from a safe distance. “He truly is depressed,” he murmured, taking note of the marks in one tree, “Usually he’s much stronger than this.”

Alucard suddenly stopped, breathing heavily. “Anderson. There’s something I need you to do.”

“Yes?” Anderson asked curiously, “What is it, Alucard?”

Alucard turned to face Anderson, tears of blood trailing down his face. “Fight me. Fight me so that I don’t charge into Canterlot and slaughter the worthless nobles that made my daughter cry!”

Anderson sighed and drew his bayonets, “If it will make ye feel better…. Come at me, ya damned vampire!”

With a scream of pure fury, Alucard rushed forward, abandoning his favored guns in exchange for pure ferocity. Hands lashed out as claws as a shadowy cloak enveloped his movements and lent them more power.

Anderson immediately fell back on the defensive, bayonets lashing out and deflecting each and every one of Alucard’s attacks as he gave more ground than he got. Grimacing, Anderson locked Alucard’s hands down with a pair of bayonets, pinning them to a tree for the briefest of moments before kicking Alucard in the head with such force that both vampire and tree were sent flying back and into the air.

Alucard screamed his displeasure as he was crushed beneath the tree, shredding it in an explosion of dark power and rushing forth at Anderson once more, only to receive a bayonet to the face that stalled him just long enough for Anderson to grab one of Alucard’s outstretched arms and tear it off in a spray of blood, then club Alucard in the face with his own arm to drive the bayonet even deeper into Alucard’s skull.

“Come on Alucard! Where’s your spirit!? Has losin’ yer woman made ya soft!?” Anderson cried, grabbing Alucard by the throat and chokeslamming him into the ground, “You are better than this! Now get up and fight me like a proper vampire or I’ll gut you like a fish and leave you to hang for the next two years!”

Alucard growled and pushed off of the ground, standing up easily despite Anderson’s grip. “You want a fight, Irishman?” Alucard grinned, baring his fangs and pulling Jackal from his inner coat pocket, “You’ve got a fight!”

Anderson grinned despite himself and booted Alucard away with a shout of, “Now that’s more like it ya filthy heathen! Come at me like a real man!” Anderson drew his bayonets as his grin grew from ear to ear, “Show me just how strong you really are!”

“.... You know, when Anderson said he was going to go check on Alucard, I thought he was going to give him a pep talk and take him to a bar or something,” Rarity muttered, irritatedly rubbing her eyes as she listened to the explosions in the distance.

Rainbow snorted and rolled her eyes, “Oh come on, they’re fighters and plus, one of them’s a vampire and the other one is a bayonet wielding psychotic preacher. Of course they’re gonna blow shit up to feel better.”

“They are men,” Fluttershy put her own two cents in, “All of them favor some form of destruction to feel better, either self or otherwise.”

“.... That’s pretty harsh, Flutters,” Rainbow muttered, “Not denying it though. Does look like a pattern…”

“Quite. Now could you close the window so the soundproofing will come back? I’d like to at least get some semblance of a good night’s sleep so I don’t have to feel all icky about Twilight being gone tomorrow,” Rarity sighed and flopped back down in her sleeping bag, sleeping mask firmly back in place.

“Sheesh, what a diva,” Rainbow muttered as she idly flicked the window closed and went back to sleep herself.

Anderson panted as he stared across the burned out clearing at Alucard, both men grinning despite the carnage around them, “So, ye heathen, are ya done having a tantrum like a wee little baby?”

“Oh shut up you fake Catholic,” Alucard replied, “I’m busy waiting for my wife to get home so I can wreck her like the Titanic.”

Anderson snorted, “Just don’t end up like DiCaprio.”

“Blueballed at the bottom of the ocean?” Alucard chuckled.

Anderson rolled his eyes, “I meant dead in the water, but that works too. Now come on, I have a wife to get back to and you have a wife to wait for.” With that, Anderson turned and began walking away, whistling a jaunty tune with his hands in his pockets.

Alucard holstered his guns and walked toward Ponyville as well. “Well, I’ve got a wife waiting for me too. And together we have a shared wife to wait for. And I suppose we both have children waiting for us.”

Anderson nodded, “See? Getting better already. Now come on and let’s get some sleep before the crushing reality of tomorrow sets in.”

“I don’t sleep, remember?” Alucard asked with a smirk. “Probably going to be up with Fluttershy all night.”

“.... Ye do realize that there are other people in the library right now, yes?” Anderson raised an eyebrow, “So unless ye know how to put up a soundproofing spell, I suggest ye don’t.”

“Twilight recently put one on the master bedroom,” Alucard explained as they walked. “As in, right before she was taken to Canterlot for her trial.”

“Well in that case, make sure it doesn’t fall before morning,” Anderson shrugged and continued walking. “And make sure ye keep little Integra from hearin’ ye.”

“Obviously,” Alucard answered with a punch to the back of Anderson’s head.

Selten stirred from her slumber and jolted to her feet, immediately racing over to Spike’s side and prodding him with her nose, “Spike! My love! The eggs, they’re hatching! Wake up!”

Spike was groggy and slow to wake before the eggs were mentioned. At which point he fully woke and grinned. “They are?!” He got to his feet and looked at the divot in the ground that the eggs were kept in. Sure enough, they were jostling and slowly beginning to crack.

Selten circled closely around the divot and kept careful watch, cooing and nudging the eggs here and there to encourage them further. “Come, my darlings,” Selten murmured, “Come and face the world….”

Spike moved closer to the eggs with wide eyes as he too nudged them. “The moment’s finally here. My kids hatching. If only mom could be here to see.”

With a final burst of shell and amniotic fluid, all seven baby dragons crawled out into the open air, squealing and shrieking their delight as they shook themselves clean. Selten crooned as the babies hatched, prompting them, one by one, to look up and make direct eye contact.

Gurgling again, all seven dragonlings immediately swarmed Selten, imprinting upon her as their mother and crowding around her for their first meal. Selten was happy to oblige, gently pushing her way over to the divot, then blasting it clean with a burst of fire before vomiting up a slurry of metal, blood, and half digested meat into the freshly cleansed bowl in the rock.

As the dragonlings descended upon their first meal, Selten sidled up to Spike and whispered in his ear, “After their meal, you know they’re going to want to imprint on their father, my love.”

Spike smiled and nodded. “I know, sweetie. They’re so adorable.” He looked at them closer as they ate. “Looks like four males and three females.” He looked at Selten. “I name the males and you name the females?”

Selten nodded and rounded up the females, sensing the sparks within that would grow to their breath weapons, and counted them off in turn, “Dromoka… Kolaghan… and you, my little firebreather, are Atarka.”

Dromoka and Kolaghan excitedly let off small bursts of searing light and lightning respectively while Atarka expelled a greenish red flame.

Spike went over to Selten’s side and cooed at his daughters. “Hi there. I’m your daddy.”

All three little dragonlings squealed and rolled around, butting up against Spike’s claws as they lightly nibbled the tips.

Spike chuckled and nuzzled his daughters before looking at his sons. “And my sons. The ice breather is Ojutai, the poison breather Silumgar, the metal spitter Smaug, and the darkness breather is Ancalagon.” The four brothers gathered around their father as they let off spurts of their respective breath weapons, nibbling his claw tips with their sisters. “Aren’t they adorable, Selten?”

Selten nodded and curled around all seven children, “Adorable and yet, when they grow older, they will be the fiercest dragons alive, I think.”

“I think you’re right, my sweet,” Spike said right before he and Selten began glowing. “Uh… Why are we glowing, honey?”

Selten growled and lashed her tail side to side, “The Dragonlord calls. How… annoying.”

“You mean Ouroboros?” Spike asked, assuming that Selten referred to the dragon progenitor.

“Nothing so grand,” Selten snorted as she stood and placed the children upon her back. “No, I refer to Torch, the current wielder of the Bloodstone Scepter and -eugh- the ruler of all dragons.”

“So there’s a single dragon besides our representing god that the rest of our kind is beholden to, and he’s summoning us. That sum it up?” Spike asked with a tilt of his head as Kaagyollaas landed on his head.

Selten nodded, making her way to the mouth of the cave while unfurling her wings. “Unfortunately so. Come. The longer we wait the worse this will get.” With that, she took to the air and headed vaguely west.

Spike sighed and took to the air as well, following after his family.

Rarity stared up at the most unusual sight in the sky, and that was saying something. “Are Spike and Selten glowing? Or are my eyes playing tricks?”

Blueblood nodded and shielded his eyes from the sun as he looked up, “Indeed they are. Quite a strange shade of red as well. You think it’s important?”

“Perhaps it’s some facet of their culture that we don’t yet know about,” Octavia pondered as she tapped her chin. “Oh well. I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

Vinyl shrugged, “Y’know, should we follow them like we did during the Migration? Might be funny… or cute. Or both.”

Facet sighed and pulled out his scroll, placing a call to Night Shift to scramble a stealth jet. “Here we go again.”

Spike looked around at the assembled dragons as he landed with Selten, his gaze coming to rest on the truly massive elder dragon that sat perched on a massive rock formation, and then his gaze panned over to the teal dragoness that hovered beside the elder, her own body glowing. “Selten. Who is that dragoness beside Torch?”

Selten crinkled her snout and sneered, “Ember. The princess.” Clearly, she did not appreciate any female younger than her also being technically in charge of her.

Spike continued to look at Ember, taking her measure until she looked down and met his gaze, looking straight into his eyes.

Selten took that moment to slap Spike upside the head with an annoyed hiss, “Don’t stare at her. You’re mine.”

Spike rubbed the back of his head and looked at his mate. “I was taking her measure in case I have to fight her for some reason.”

Selten rolled her eyes testily, “And perhaps for somethi-”

“Dude! It’s him! Spike, how ya been, wyrm!?” came a very loud, almost shrill interruption as Garble and Crusher landed in the empty space before Selten and Spike, a wide, toothy grin on both of their faces.

“See, told ya it was him. Ain’t no other black dragons, remember?” Crusher smugly stated as he crossed his arms.

Spike smirked as he looked at his onetime wingdragons. “I see you two recovered from that beatdown I handed you the last time we saw each other.” Kaagyollaas landed on his head as he glanced at his kids on Selten’s back. “Though there is one other black dragon now.” He looked at Ancalagon as he said that.

Garble blinked and looked over at Ancalagon, then up at Selten’s face, then back to Spike. “Wait… you mean….”

Crusher coughed in surprise, “You have kids now!?”

Garble blinked, “.... Well would ya look at that. Our good buddy here is no longer a free dragon!” Melodramatically, he mimed fainting into Crusher’s arms, “Oh woe is he, Crusher, bud! Quick, we must make his bachelorhood’s funeral arrangements! I’m going to need a lot of iron pyrite and a lava pit!”

Crusher snorted and dropped Garble, “Congratulations, big guy.”

Spike chuckled at his friends’ antics. “Thanks, guys. The worst part was when the eggs were laid. That was a long week.”

“SILENCE!!!” Torch’s voice boomed across the wastes, silencing the assembled dragons immediately. “I HAVE CALLED YOU ALL HERE BECAUSE MY REIGN AS DRAGONLORD HAS REACHED ITS END, AND SO BY THE LAW OF OUROBOROS, I MUST PASS THE MANTLE TO THE NEXT GENERATION!!!” He held up a scepter with a single blood red stone set into its claw like tip. A scepter that was tiny in his claw. “THE BLOODSTONE SCEPTER!!! ALL OF YOU SHALL TAKE PART IN THE GAUNTLET OF FIRE TO FIGHT FOR THIS, THE SYMBOL OF THE DRAGONLORD’S POWER, GRANTED BY OUROBOROS HIMSELF!!!”

“......” Selten sighed and began calming down the children on her back as they began squealing in distress at the sound of Torch’s shouting. “Wonderful. And they had just fallen asleep too.”

Garble rubbed his ear fins and grumbled, “Y’think they heard the boss back in that Equestria place?”

Crusher shrugged, “Maybe he should shout louder. I don’t think they heard him in the serpent waters.”

“YOU THREE WITH THE BLACK DRAGON!!! I DID NOT GIVE YOU LEAVE TO SPEAK!!!” Torch snapped at the trio of dragons, which only further distressed Spike and Selten’s children.

Spike growled and started growing to match Torch’s size. “Hey, you’re scaring my kids. Can you take the shouting down to normal talking levels?”

“YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT, YOU INSOLENT WHELP?!” Torch snapped as the Bloodstone Scepter flared to life, its power coursing through him and blasting into Spike, paralyzing him with the Dragonlord’s divine authority and bringing him to his knees while groaning in agony.

Selten immediately cried out in distress and bowed low to the ground, “Please forgive him, o’ great dragonlord! He was raised by the humans and does not know of the customs!”

“Y-yeah! Please let him go, your highness! He just wants to keep his kids happy n’ all!” Garble shouted, prostrating himself low to the ground.

Crusher merely nodded his assent and bowed low as well, silently communicating his deference with his posture.

Torch regarded the three for several seconds as he looked at the distressed hatchlings. “Those whelps hatched mere days ago, didn’t they?” he inquired as he looked at Selten, not yet letting up Spike’s torture.

Selten shook her head, “They are yet but newborns, my lord. The call came barely after they were named.”

Torch considered this and let up his torture of Spike, who gasped for breath as he shrank back down. “I don’t know how you are able to change size at will, whelp. But I forbid you to do it during the Gauntlet. Is that clear?”

Spike looked up at Torch and slowly nodded. “Clear.” Another lance of pain shot through him. “Clear, Dragonlord.”

Selten breathed a sigh of relief and herded her children off of her back, scorching a pit into the ground to keep them warm as she nuzzled Spike, “Please, my mate, never do something so foolish ever again.”

Spike got to his feet as he gave Selten a sheepish grin. “I’ll try not to, sweetie.” He looked up as the ground slightly shook from a landing. Standing before him was Princess Ember. “Princess,” he greeted in a more respectful tone than he’d initially used with her father.

Ember tossed her head and smirked haughtily, “So I see the human raised bumpkin does have some manners after all. Good thing too, it’d be a waste to see such good looks wasted by a lack of a brain.”

Selten growled under her breath as she pressed closer against Spike to serve as a warning to both Ember and Spike.

“Oh I’ve got more brains than most dragons. Comes with being raised by a scholar,” Spike quipped as he took note of the tension occurring between Ember and Selten. Hoping to defuse it, he subtly brought his mark from Selten into Ember’s view.

Ember raised a brow, then smirked. A lustful glint came to her eye as she plotted, but outwardly she spoke, “Ah, of course you’re mated already. Alas, why must all the good ones be taken or gay?”

Selten snorted as Ember strutted away with her tail swishing. “Disgusting strumpet of a princess,” she muttered, “I’d like to see her strung up in the Hotlands for a week. See if that keeps her from preying on another dragoness’ mate.”

Up in the stealth jet, Facet looked down at the scene in curiosity. “Well this is certainly interesting. Looks like jealousies and flirting with married men happens among dragonesses as well. Still, for what amounts to royalty to take interest in Spike, he must be quite extraordinary by the standards of his kind.”

Rarity tittered behind her hand, “Indeed he must. Still though, have you noticed that, among every single dragon assembled, there’s literally only two dragons with black scales? Why is that, I wonder…”

“Black may not be a natural scale color among dragons,” Facet pondered. “Either that, or it’s exceptionally rare.” He looked up at Rarity as she lit her pipe. “Should you really be smoking, Rarity? You’re pregnant after all.”

“Oh please, Facet. I do know the spells for filtering the gunk out of the smoke,” Rarity snorted in a most unladylike manner, “And besides, this is the first time I’ve lit up in months. Let me have my moment.”

“Alright. I won’t trouble you about it,” Facet relented as he put a cigarette between his lips and lit it, exhaling some smoke as he watched the proceedings on the ground. “I wonder if we’ll have to go down there at any point.”

“Hey wait a minute, how come you get to smoke when you just called me out on it?” Rarity questioned, crossing her arms indignantly.

“Because you’re the one carrying a child,” Facet answered. “Anything going into your body will also affect the child in some form or another. I’m a water elemental, so I can filter out toxins with ease.” He gave her a small smirk as he finished answering her question.

“Hmph!” Rarity pouted and looked away, then turned back to watch the screen. “Hm…”

Torch threw the Bloodstone Scepter into an island volcano several miles away, a beam of red colored mana erupting in a wave from the island. “The Bloodstone Scepter, and the title of Dragonlord with it, is now up for grabs. The first to take hold of it will declared Dragonlord. The Gauntlet of Fire will now begin!”

Spike stared out at the island and raised an eyebrow, “.... Why do I get the feeling that this is going to suck?”

Selten shrugged and dug out a proper pit, blasting the rock around her into lava as she laid down within the dip with the children snugly ensconced between her wings. “I have no idea. What matters to me is that you either retrieve that scepter or give it to someone trustworthy.”

“Not going to take part are you?” Spike asked. “Alright then. Take good care of the kids.” Giving Selten a quick kiss, Spike took to the air and flew toward the island along with the other dragons, none of them noticing the following stealth jet.

As the dragons neared the island, one bright dragon in particular sidled up to Spike’s flight path, their golden armor gleaming in the sun.

“Well hello there, handsome,” Ember purred, wisps of blue flame crackling from between her jaws as she openly all but flirted with him.

Around the pair, numerous dragons went splashing down into the ocean as they were knocked out of the air by other, bigger dragons.

Spike blasted one out of the sky with a lightning bolt before sparing a glance for Ember. “Did you already forget that I’m married? And what’s with the armor? Our scales are stronger than any armor that smiths can make.”

Ember chuckled and twisted around, spraying necrotizing blue fire in a wide arc around herself, shearing wings, armor, and flesh apart in spurts of black, dead cells and causing more dragons to either die, run, or simply give Spike and Ember a wider berth. “Oh come now, just because you’ve got a mate doesn’t mean I can’t simply…. Observe~”

Ember’s fire had absolutely no effect on Spike, who simply grinned. “Necrotizing fire that causes anything it touches to rot and decay. Not a bad breath weapon. Unfortunately for you, I’m completely immune to such effects.”

Ember’s eyes widened as her ever-present smirk grew, “My my, but you do keep providing so many reasons to try and poach you away.”

Spike snarled and rammed Ember into the side of the volcano’s slopes, pinning her in place. “I’m not some dick ruled bastard that you can just charm. I love my mate, and I’m not going to betray her trust.”

Ember choked and struggled against Spike’s hold, grinning widely the whole time, “You may love your mate, but…” A quick twist of her head and neck dislodged her largely useless armor just enough for Ember to blast a molten hole straight through the thin rock layer and into the lava, “If I get the scepter, you’re all mine, handsome!” As Ember disappeared into the new spray of lava, she saluted Spike teasingly and swam deep into the volcano’s depths.

Spike tried to follow her but found he couldn’t fit through the hole that had allowed the slimmer and more streamlined Ember passage. Pulling back, he roared in anger. A roar that transitioned into a sort of high pitched scream as light gathered in his mouth. Pointing his mouth at the hole, he unleashed a blast of antimatter that obliterated a large chunk of the area around the hole, allowing him to pursue Ember through the depths of the volcano.

The energy wave that blasted forth in Spike’s wake had, unfortunately for about half of the remaining competitors, knocked every single one of them out of the sky and left most of them with deep burns and scars from the sheer amount of heat released.

Facet stared at the destruction with wide eyes as he checked the instruments to make sure the blast wave hadn’t compromised the jet’s vital systems or its stealth tech. Once sure they were alright, he looked at what Spike had done. “Triton’s beard…” he muttered. “With that one blast, he atomized a chunk of a mountain and incapacitated most of the other dragons.”

“... Well, that was…. Something,” Rarity mumbled under her breath, unable to express properly the sheer amount of shock she felt when she saw Spike’s attack.

“Through Spike we witness even more of Twilight’s madness. It’s almost like she hasn’t left,” Facet said as he lit another cigarette. “So… Let’s see if this jet can get into the volcano’s innards.” Hitting a switch, the jet began diving toward the side of the volcano as it drew in its wings and slimmed down, a lightdrill coming to life at the nose as rune barriers came up to protect the craft and its crew from the heat and pressure.

“Wait what!?” Rarity screeched as she gripped her seat’s armrests and shrank back as far as she could. “No no no no no no no no! Do not go in there!”

Facet couldn’t help chuckling as the jet plunged into the mountain like a knife into butter, easily burrowing through. “This is the newest model. Capable of both aerial and subterranean reconnaissance.”

“You could have told me that earlier!” Rarity mumbled, a heavy blush coming to her cheeks as she slowly relaxed.

“But then I wouldn’t have had your melodrama to amuse me,” Facet said with a smirk as the radar guided them toward Spike, following the GPS chip in his scales.

Ember screeched a warcry as she burst into an open chamber, flames blasting down at the unfortunate dragons in her path and causing them to rot away. Some flailed in abject, rage filled defiance, but none even came close to even touching her with their last attacks.

“Come on you lily livered lizards!” she roared, “Where are your breath weapons!? Where is your strength!? Come! Fight me!”

Her answer came in the form of a high pitched scream below her before Spike unleashed his antimatter breath at Ember.

“Whoa!” Ember jumped back, barely able to keep from being engulfed by the blast wave, though she was thrown and ragdolled across the rocks of the cavern, and the tip of her tail had been sheared clean off and cauterized.

Spike pulled himself out of the ground, molten rock streaming off of his body and casting a hellish light to his appearance. “What’s wrong, Princess? I thought you wanted someone to fight you!” he mocked, stomping over amidst Ember’s hisses of pain.

“Oh I’ll fight alright… I’m going to rot you from the inside out for burning off my tail!” Ember shrieked, unleashing a blue hot wave of plasma from her mouth and ringing the entire floor of the cavern with lines and arcs of blue flame. “Burn! Burn and rot in Tartarus!”

Spike stood calmly at the center of the inferno, towering over Ember by a single head length. “.... You do remember that I said that I’m immune to your fire, right?” he asked, raising a single brow.

Ember smirked and charged at Spike, curling up into a ball in midleap and catching fire, turning her into a flaming disk of destruction.

Spike’s eyes went wide as he just barely ducked out of the way, yelping as Ember’s flames scorched a thin line across his back. “Hmph! So you got a neat trick!” he taunted, “but a single little trick won’t beat me!”

Ember skidded to a halt and let her flame coating dissipate, “Oh that wasn’t a trick. That was just a distraction.”

Spike tilted his head in confusion, then took a detailed look at the flames surrounding the cavern. “Oh you sly little bitch.”

Carved and melted into the rock of the cavern floor was a massive runic array written in draconic script.

Ember smirked, “You were, perhaps, very handsome and intelligent, but alas, I’m not letting anyone get between me and that scepter!” With a resolute stomp, the circle activated and immediately turned the floor into a web of grasping lava chains that dragged Spike deep beneath the surface and down into the depths of the planet’s mantle.

“Damn you!” Spike roared ineffectually as he was dragged under. “Damn you to the depths of Tartarus you bitch!”

Ember shrugged and pranced away, ignoring the dissolving corpses of the dragons too slow to run. “Sorry, handsome. Nothing personal. It’s just good business.”

“N-no… I… he’s…. Gone…?” Rarity watched in horror as Spike was dragged beneath the surface and the rock re-sealed above him. “I- we have to help him, Facet!”

“This isn’t our fight, Rarity,” Facet pointed out. “Besides, he’s not dead. From what I can tell, all she did was immobilize him.”

Rarity frowned, “Still, if that awful dragoness gets to the scepter, who knows what she’ll do with all that power! Spike’s the only contender left- other than those two idiot dragons who have been circling the island for the last hour, that is. Wait…. What’s that odd blotch there?” She pointed one perfectly manicured nail at the image on the screen, flicking through the views until she hit thermal, revealing a slightly cooler bubble surrounding the intense heat source that was Spike. “What could be making that strange… bubble?”

Facet looked at it closely and smirked. “It’s an air pocket. Probably created by Ember’s spell. She never intended to kill him. Most dragons would be stuck until released. But for Spike…” He let out a small chuckle. “I’m sure it’s childsplay to escape from.”

“.... Oh dear, I do believe that dragoness is… to put it crassly… boned.” Rarity smirked and sat back. “.... This ship needs a popcorn machine.”

Just barely inches before Ember could grab the Bloodstone Scepter and claim her place as Dragonlord, she had to throw herself backwards as a massive, glowing beam of positrons tore through the rock at her previous position and allowed Spike to pull himself free, inadvertently causing him to grab the scepter as it fell beneath one of his claws.

“You…” Spike growled, “you weren’t even trying to kill me, were you? You were just trying to get me out of the way. Why?”

Ember gulped and took a hasty bow, “B-because I couldn’t bear the thought of not having the chance to at least get to know you, Dragonlord!”

Spike stopped at that and realized what he held in his claw. “Well… How about that.” He looked back at Ember. “So you want to get to know me even though I have a mate and brood, and my mate is rather attached as you’ve noticed. Why?”

“Because you… you are powerful. Any dragon with any training in magic can sense it rolling off of you like an endless wave of hellfire. And… you are, if I say so myself… rather fetching,” Ember looked away, hiding the blush that shone through her scales behind what was left of her armor.

“I wasn’t hatched from an egg,” Spike said. “I was created by a powerful necromancer as a dracolich, and I got a major power boost during my time in the Crystal Empire. And when I met Selten, I ended up being given true life by the magic of a phoenix egg. An egg that also hatched into my pet. I am in no way a normal dragon, Ember.”

Ember snorted, “Normal? Normal is boring. I like things that go against the norm!” She stopped suddenly and bowed again, remembering that despite his youth, Spike was still capable of commanding her to do whatever he wished.

Spike chuckled at that. “You know. Selten said the exact same thing right before we consummated. But like I said before. I’m devoted to Selten. I’m a one girl dragon, you know? But being the Dragonlord, though it seems like a sweet gig, I’m really only interested in getting back to my small town home and raising my kids. So…” He tossed the scepter at Ember’s feet. “Take it.”

Ember blinked and looked up at Spike, “R-really? Y-you’re just… giving it to me?”

“What, did you hit your head?” Spike snarked. “Yes. I’m giving it to you. Long as we have an understanding. I’m flattered that you’re interested, but I’m taken already. We clear on that?”

As she picked up the scepter, Ember grinned. “Thank you, thank you so much for this… Um, I don’t actually recall you ever telling me your name?” she looked up at Spike curiously, suppressing a wince as a twinge of pain went through her severed tail.

Spike looked at her from where he was about to take off. “My name is Spykoranuvellitar Sparkle. But everyone calls me Spike.”

“Spike, eh? A fitting name,” Ember grinned and raised the Bloodstone Scepter, calling upon its magics to enforce her words, “then, Spike, as my first decree as Dragonlord, I hereby demand that you must share me with your mate Selten! So mote it be!”

Spike’s jaw dropped as he stared at Ember incredulously. “I… I thought we had an understanding! Give me that scepter back!”

Ember smirked and purred, “Too late, dear Spike~ Now, why don’t you and I consummate our little mating right here… right now…?”

Spike gulped and backed away from Ember as she advanced on him at a seductive gait, her beauty only slightly tarnished by her tussles with him. “I’m already mated for life! Selten will never share with you!”

Ember shook her head and held the scepter up, “Oh Spike, I thought you were smart. When the Dragonlord tells a dragon to do something…” a crushing weight slammed down on Spike as Ember’s eyes glowed bright crimson, “they do it.”

Spike fell to his knees groaning in pain. “Alright. I get it,” he grunted as he struggled back to his feet. “But I’m telling Selten that you tricked me.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way~” Ember all but sang, letting up on the pressure so that she could nuzzle up against Spike’s side.

Spike shuddered as she slid against some of his personal erogenous zones. “What have I gotten myself into?”

Facet struggled to hold back his laughter at the sight he and Rarity were being treated to. “Well this is certainly unexpected.”

“Indeed. It appears that Spike made quite the foolish decision this time around,” Rarity noted as she filed her nails, “One must take care to never give any stalker-ish kind of admirer any power over their daily routine. Otherwise, things go straight to Tartarus.”

“Speaking from personal experience?” Facet asked as he lit a cigarette, grinning as he watched the dragons.

Rarity shuddered, “Let’s not speak of the follies of youth unless they’re coming as a source of entertainment on a screen, shall we?”

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Facet said as he exhaled some smoke. “Speaking of mysterious things, there are rumors floating around Night Shift. About some new mystery agent doing long range, low key field work.”

Rarity raised a perfect eyebrow, “Oh? Is that so? What do you mean, ‘long range, low key field work’?”

“As in, so low key that standard procedure in case of failure is belayed,” Facet said, puffing his cigarette. “In normal field work circumstances, failure to complete the objective or reach the extraction point afterward within the allotted time leads to deployment of weapons of mass destruction to glass the mission location, erasing all trace of our activity. But this agent is different. Apparently so skilled and low key that glassing is not an option. All we know about this agent is their codename: Zamiel. And whoever he or she is, their identity is known to only one person on the entire planet: Princess Luna.”

“Well that’s… certainly mysterious,” Rarity murmured, “Do you think it might be someone we know?”

“Possibly,” Facet pondered. “Or maybe it’s someone we’ve never met before. Anyway. Let’s focus on the dragons now.”

Ember purred contentedly as she landed upon the beach and held the Bloodstone Scepter aloft, “Dragons! I am Ember! Your new Dragonlord!”

All around, those dragons left surviving and those that had not partaken bowed, a rippling wave of scales and color marred only by Selten’s unamused raise of her eyebrow as she just barely inclined her head enough to be somewhat respectful.

Spike gulped as he slowly approached his mate. “Uh… Selten? There’s uh, something you should know.”

Selten looked up from her pit, having just finished setting the last of her brood to sleep, “Yes, my mate? What is it?”

“Well… I got the scepter first, but then thought I had an understanding with Ember, and gave it to her,” Spike hesitantly admitted. “And… her first decree is that… that you have to… share me with her…”

Selten stared for a moment, then silently stood, walked over to the nearest large, burly, and thoroughly intimidating dragon, then proceeded to, without any warning nor quarter given, dismember and incinerate the poor, unprepared dragon into a pile of ash within three seconds. “Spike?” she asked, her voice completely level.

“Y-Yes, Dear?” Spike asked, trembling in blood chilling terror as he watched the brutal killing, fearful that he was next, and feeling thoroughly emasculated.

“The next time the Bloodstone Scepter is in your grasp, you will keep it. And if Ember is still alive by then, you will dismember her for it.” Selten’s eyes glowed with unholy fury as she just barely fought down the urge to incinerate everything within sight. “And no matter what she says, you are mine and mine alone. Understood?”

Spike rapidly nodded. “Crystal clear, Selten. Crystal clear.” He froze as he felt Ember slide her side against his and twine her neck with his. “H-Hello, Dragonlord.”

“Hello yourself, my newly chosen mate,” Ember sighed happily and nipped at Spike’s neck, blissfully ignoring Selten’s mounting fury despite the violet corona slowly building up behind Selten’s eyes.

Spike trembled in fear despite Ember’s affections, convinced that one of two things was going to happen. Either A) He was going to die in the near future, or B) Ember and Selten would come to blows, and one or both of them would die.

Selten trembled in abject rage as she padded up to Ember and curled almost seductively around the smaller dragon, “Oh, Dragonlord, I would discuss with you~” A quiet, dangerous purr worked from Selten’s throat, carrying with it a thin mist of violet, near invisible plasma that all but melted the ground in a five foot radius.

Ember froze and smirked, meeting Selten’s challenge with her own mist of flames. “Oh, and what would that be, worm?”

“This!” Selten roared, catching Ember by the throat and lifting her into the air, the two of them jetting off and landing in the very caldera of the volcanic island where the Bloodstone Scepter had lain not half an hour prior.

Spike turned and looked at where the two had gone, sighing in dread as Garble and Crusher landed beside him. “Guys. What should I do? Get in the way or just let them kill each other?” As he asked, he gently collected his sleeping brood onto his back.

Crusher snorted and curled up in the warm sand of the beach, “And get caught in the middle of that? Good luck.”

“Yeah, two dragonesses fighting is… well, as the sire always said, never have two dames fight over you because you will regret it,” Garble added as he plopped down next to Crusher, “I’m starting to think he might have had experience in that, by the way.”

“So just watch?” Spike asked as he set into a low hover, his brood not even stirring. “I’m not interested in becoming a single parent.”

“Oh please, either your mate will win or the dragonlord will win. Best case scenario is-” Garble cut himself off as his ear fins twitched, “Actually, I don’t think you have to worry.”

Spike stared at Garble in confusion. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Facet lit a cigarette as his cheeks turned a cheery red at the sight below him and Rarity. “You know. The last thing I expected to see on this trip was draconic hate fucking.”

Rarity stoically kept herself from facing the screen as she telekinetically turned the volume to its minimum. “Indeed. Lesbian hate sex was lower on the list, though. It seems like we are, unfortunately, cursed to have the worst of both worlds.”

“And yet we both know that Vinyl would enjoy this sight,” Facet noted, glad that the DJ’s responsibilities had prevented her from accompanying him and Rarity. “So… Should we go home then?”

“Most definitely, unless you’d rather stick around for the… show,” Rarity muttered.

“There are many things I would love to immortalize on canvas,” Facet said as he turned the jet on a heading for Canterlot. “This is not one of them.” Once they were out of draconic earshot, he punched it and made the jet go supersonic.

Spike’s ear fins perked in another direction besides the caldera. “Hey Garble? Crusher? Did you two hear that?”

“Hear what?” Garble asked curiously, “I was too busy listening to the angry lesbian hate sex on that island over there.”

“Guess it was nothing,” Spike muttered as he looked at his kids, gently nuzzling Atarka as she shifted in her sleep. “At least my kids don’t have to worry about losing their mother.”

Spike sighed and settled down to wait for his mate while watching his children sleep. Watching his kids made him lose track of time, which made him flinch a tad when a pair of weights landed near him. Looking up, he saw Selten and Ember had returned.

Ember dropped to the ground, panting and looking very much worse for the wear, while Selten stood proud and, though scratched and bruised, looking very much pristine despite her injuries.

“We have resolved our dispute,” Selten stated simply as she plopped down next to Spike and began cleaning her wounds.

Ember nodded weakly and pulled herself over with her staff, then sighed, “Perhaps we should go a few more rounds to make sure that there’s no lingering resentment…?”

“How about you just not fight and agree to play nice with each other?” Spike suggested from between them, not sure if he wanted them to be in the same vicinity.

Selten deadpanned, “That remains to be seen.”

“I think I’d rather drown,” Ember muttered spitefully.

“Cadance would laugh if she saw me now…” Spike muttered as he rested his face in his claws, feeling a migraine coming on.

And a Very Personal and Heartfelt Shout Out to the Queen Bitch Herself!

“The fuck do you mean, ‘you don’t carry that brand of cigarettes here’!?” Twilight screeched indignantly at the rather unamused griffon vendor on the other side of the counter. “They’re the most popular fucking brand on the market!”

“The Equestrian market,” the vendor replied shortly, already turning away to go through his porn and robots magazine. “Here in Griffonstone, they’re about as liked as dog shit on a carpet. Try something else, tourist.”

“.....” Twilight’s eye twitched. “I’ll ask you one more time, and I want you to be very clear on this: Get me my cigarettes or I will burn this convenience store and every building for three miles around to ash.” As she spoke, she reached out and pulled the suddenly pale griffon man to her face and stared into his eyes with all the rage she could muster- which, obviously, was quite a whole lot.

“And this is why you should always threaten to burn down a three mile radius of city when threatening convenience store workers,” Twilight finished airily as she lit another cheap cigarette and took a disgusted drag. “Still hate these cheap pieces of shit, though. I really, really want my cigars back…”

“Twilight, perhaps you should enroll in some anger management, fraulein,” Schrodinger raised an eyebrow as he gently spun his glass of scotch in his hand, “I zhink zhis exile is affecting you for zhe worse.”

“..... Shut up before I burn this bar to the ground and consume every soul inside it, Schrodinger,” Twilight shot back, draining her fifteenth shot glass of cheap gin and grimacing. “Eugh… can’t wait to go back home and go back to the good stuff…”

“Mein point exactly, Twilight,” Schrodinger said, Twilight’s reaction proving his point. “So aside from threatening helpless shopkeepers, vhat have you been getting up to zhese past months? Did you know zhat you have a new daughter in law now?”

“I have a what!?” Twilight sprung to her feet and knocked her chair over, spilling her remaining fifteen glasses of shit gin and almost flipping the table onto its side, “What the hell happened!? Did Integra get into the growth potions and turn into a raging lesbian!?”

Schrodinger’s ears twitched in perplexion at that oddly specific scenario. “No. Spike und Selten vere summoned by zhe Dragonlord to compete for zhe mantle und Spike accidentally made zhe dragoness he gave it to fall in love vith him. Ember’s first decree according to Facet und Rarity vas zhat Selten has to share him vith her. Also, your grandchildren hatched.” He grinned wide. “Congratulations, fraulein! You have four grandsons und three granddaughters!”

“I have grandkids too!?” Twilight screamed, drawing the attention of nearabouts every patron of the cheap, shitty, ghetto dive bar she had crashed, “I need to see them! Now!” With a flash, she teleported away as far as she could and began chaining teleport hops until she slammed face first into the barrier keeping her outside of the Equestrian border.

“......”

Twitch.

“FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

Schrodinger waited patiently for Twilight to finish her atomic F-bomb, which took a surprisingly long time. Before he could speak though, she had sucked in a breath and let loose an even more powerful, infinitely more primal, scream of pure, undiluted, unholy, wrathful rage. “I feel zhat.”

In the Crystal Empire’s throne room, Shining Armor and Cadance were having a rather awkward dinner with Super Kami Guru and Popo, with Hammer standing off to the side as a guard.

“So I said…” Guru was cut off by a scream reaching them. “Nail! What is that noise?!”

“... I believe that was the purple one screaming, sir,” Hammer replied with the same dour expression on his face as always. “Don’t know why she’s annoying us all, though.”

In another dimension, a certain bacon haired girl looked up from her plotting of her latest scheme for power as a scream reached her ears. “Why does that scream fill me with dread?”

A thousand years in the past, Celestia had just imprisoned her corrupted sister in the moon, and sat on her knees weeping at what she’d had to do, a scream of fury from a woman she’d never met reaching her ears.

“... Why exactly does that scream sound like it should be important…?”

In the far distant past, even beyond the time of Nightmare Moon, but after the reign of Discord, a woman smirked and bared her fangs as she stared up at the full moon, the silver rays making her violet hair gleam. “Sounds like that time again… What was it this time, I wonder?”

In the modern age, in Canterlot, Celestia was having a dinner party with Twilight’s family and friends when the scream reached them. “It’s that scream again.”

Integra looked up in curiosity. “Mommy?”

Celestia shook her head, “Somehow my former student can make a scream echo across the entire space time continuum out of nothing but sheer rage… I suppose I should have Schrodinger send her some pictures soon, once she calms down.”

“Yeah! Because wowie zowie is Twilight mad!” Pinkie chipped in, clutching her daughters closer.

Ojutai was curious about the scream, while it was riling Kolaghan up and sending her flitting about the room screeching.

Smaug and Ancalagon, however, were taking the screaming in stri- actually they were just setting the floor on fire and using the sound of the flames to block out the screaming as best as they could.

Atarka, Dromoka, and Silumgar had opted for setting fire to the tapestries to make more fiery white noise.

“.... I think perhaps we should have done this outside… or perhaps somewhere where the floor isn’t flammable,” Celestia muttered as she idly waved her hand and snuffed out the flames while repairing the floor and tapestries. “Maybe a nice field. We could have had a picnic.”

“Still the chance of a forest fire,” Facet pointed out as he eyed the whelps with some concern. “Why is it that only Ojutai didn’t start setting things on fire or flying about in a panic?” He looked up at Selten expectantly.

Selten shrugged and laid down near Ojutai, “Perhaps he takes more after me than his father in that regard. I was never exactly the most excitable.”

Ojutai looked up at his mother and nuzzled against her with an affectionate crooning.

“So… if that was Twilight….” Rarity spoke up, tapping one manicured nail against her chin, “that begs the question… what if we wanted to go visit her? I mean, it’s not like we’re stuck here.”

“That is a possibility,” Blueblood admitted. “Though we all have responsibilities of our own. Schrodinger’s the only one that can freely go to and from where Twilight is whenever he wants.” He gently wrapped an arm around Rarity and rested his hand against her stomach.

“Yeah! You know that we’d all be with Twilight all the time if we could!” Pinkie sprung up from her spot, fist pumped and crumbs of food dusting around her mouth, “The only reason we aren’t is because… well… uh…. Jobs. And well, we have families too.” Pinkie shrugged and sat back down, a very put out expression upon her face.

Kolaghan attempted to cheer Pinkie up by landing on her head, crooning as she looked at her face from her perch, head tilted in curiosity.

“Our kids are empaths, Selten,” Spike said as he smiled at his daughter.

“And adorable!” Pinkie squealed, pulling Kolaghan off of her head and cuddling the little dragon to her chest. “There’s something just so adorable about baby dragons!”

Kolaghan crooned more as she let Pinkie cuddle her, nuzzling her as her tail wriggled.

Ojutai approached Rarity with a tilt to his head as he sniffed at her, looking at Blueblood with a small hiss. Like father, like son it seemed.

Blueblood raised an eyebrow and flicked Ojutai’s nose. “Please, Spike,” he muttered in amusement, “teach your kids that they shouldn’t shoot out of their league.”

Ojutai yelped as he pulled his head back, hissing at Blueblood again before crawling into Rarity’s lap and curling up, crooning up at her affectionately.

Spike couldn’t help chuckling. “Like father, like son. He inherited my good taste in women, and he’s still so young. He’s going to break hearts when he’s older, don’t you think, Selten?”

Selten snorted and rolled her eyes, “He will most likely have to break limbs more often than hearts, beloved.”

“Getting back on topic,” Facet said. “Since we have access to advanced aircraft able to move about undetected, we can likely work out a schedule of rotation for visiting Twilight during her exile.”

“Ooh! Ooh! I wanna see her first!” Pinkie sprung up from behind Facet, bearing a large cake in her hands, “I wanna give her a cake!”

Facet only blinked as he teleported away from Pinkie enough to regain his personal space. “Any opposed to my sister in law going first?”

“What about her family?” Fluttershy spoke up, arms crossed, with Integra held firmly in her lap and inadvertently trapping the poor child’s head between her breasts.

“She raises a fair point, Pinkie,” Facet agreed as Integra struggled to free herself from her stepmother’s massive chest. “It’s only fair that Twilight be visited by her family and introduced to the new additions.”

Alucard smirked and twirled Jackal around his finger, then replaced it in his jacket, “And I think that the two of us have the perfect surprise for her.”

Fluttershy giggled. “Indeed we do, my sweet.” She smiled up at Alucard as she hugged Integra and Angelus.

“Okay, level with me here,” Twilight sighed as she pinched her brow in abject frustration. “Why the fuck did you ask me to meet you in this stupid fucking cave in the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING FROZEN NORTH!?” As she screamed, she gesticulated wildly at the open mouth of the cave, specifically the blizzard outside of it, then nearly throttled the cloaked woman in front of her.

“Whoa whoa, hold on there!” the woman spoke quickly, hands up to ward off the incoming violence as she cast a ball of light towards the end of the cave, “There’s something down this cave that I thought you’d like to see.”

Twilight leveled a skeptical glare at the woman before turning to face down the cave, her fists and forearms lighting up in demonic, flaming claws as she slowly walked deeper into the cave, ready to kill anything hostile that might be waiting in this very suspicious setting.

“You see,” the woman began, already touching the walls of the caves and causing them to light up in hundreds of elementary runes, “When I saw the mark at the end of the cave and heard of an aetherial with a suspiciously similar mark on her clothes, I was intrigued. So… Twilight Sparkle… just what exactly is your connection…” The runes lit up to the back of the cave, a large, open area bearing a stone pedestal with a very familiar mark upon it. “.... to the ancient vampire queen known only as ‘The Dragon’?”

Twilight stared at the pedestal, eyes wide at the sight of a cutie mark- her cutie mark- emblazoned across its surface, the only difference being the twin dragons weaving around each outer star, then spiraling outwards to consume the center star. “.... What… the fuck,” came the ever so elaborate response as Twilight ever so slightly, gently touched the runic markings that obviously represented the more practical version of the Dragon’s symbol- a six point star with the rune for dragon in the center.

“Wait!” the woman cried, only to be blinded as a flash of light lit up the entire chamber and the pedestal opened, revealing….

“.... cigars. The Dragon left a fucking case of cigars in the Frozen North,” Twilight muttered, both awestruck and highly confounded. “.... I don’t even remember if there were cigar manufacturers back when she was undead…”

“They look high quality too…” the strange woman muttered, briefly brushing aside a shock of blue hair as she nearly revealed her face, showing just a hint of pale skin and an aristocratic nose. “.... Dragovian…? The company records indicate only coming into being a year after the Dragon disappeared… maybe the history books were wrong…?”

“RIght now, I cannot spare even half a fuck about that,” Twilight said as she snatched up a cigar and lit it, taking a deep puff and sighing in practically orgasmic bliss as she exhaled the smoke. “Oh my favorite blend. I missed it so much.” She took another puff and savored the flavor.

“.... We just discovered a case of thousands of years old cigars and your first instinct is to waste one on ending your withdrawal. Truly, you are the epitome of an archaeologist,” the woman deadpanned as she carefully placed most of the cigars into a carrying case, then activated the rune matrix inside to teleport it to the nearest research lab. “Couldn’t you have at least waited to see if they were safe?”

“Fuck you, I’m smoking,” came the elegant reply.

The woman sighed and removed her hood, pushing down her scarf and revealing a very thin, aristocratic face, with a shock of electric blue hair over one eye and brilliant crimson eyes. Her lips were curled into a faint frown, dusted with a coat of violet lipstick. “I can see that, Twilight Sparkle. I suppose I should introduce myself. I am Remi Arel, named after the Dragon’s handmaiden of old. I’m an archaeologist, really, though for some reason I only ever seem to find things related to the Dragon.”

“That’s called obsession, Remi,” Twilight muttered as she looked around while still enjoying her cigar. “I’ll be getting those cigars back, by the way. Just so you know. By the way, how do you know of me?”

Remi deadpanned and held up a news article, dated nearly six years prior, with Twilight’s younger, mortified face plastered upon it in full color, with a headline reading, ‘Celestia’s Prized Student Explodes Castle Wing’.

“The whole world knows who you are, at least in part,” Remi added, tucking the article away inside her heavy cloak.

“... Touché…” Twilight muttered as she tucked the remaining cigars into her jacket.

“No… no…. No… hell no…. No… no… no NO NO!” Twilight groaned in sheer frustration as she slammed another book back onto its shelf, just barely gently enough to avoid permanently damaging the ancient tome. “For all that we’re in the biggest non-Equestrian archive of ancient literature ever, there sure as shit isn’t anything useful!”

Remi rolled her eyes and held a finger to her mouth, “Shhh, just because you can demolish anything that tries to interrupt us, doesn’t mean I want you to burn down the damn archive. Now keep looking, I know there’s a reference to another of the Dragon’s caches somewhere in these shelves.”

Twilight snarled in annoyance, her eyes glowing brighter as she slammed her fist against an empty wall, which triggered and broke an activation panel that caused red runes to light up along the walls, converging on one spot in the floor that opened up and allowed a pedestal to rise up. Twilight stared and then smirked. “Look at that. Breaking shit works.”

“.... And works against us too,” Remi snarked, just as the alarms came to life and flooded the room with red light, while the sound of distant boots began clamoring towards the archive. “So unless you’d rather be wanted across the fucking planet for mass murder, we’ve got about… a minute and a half to grab everything in this pedestal and get the hell out of dodge.”

Twilight licked her lips at the thought of a huge meal of blood and souls. “If they don’t know it was me… Then no problem.” Her wires flashed through the air around her as she collected the materials from the pedestal, her form starting to shift somewhat in a manner very similar to her husband as she flashed a smile that showed all her fangs.

“Or, we could be good scientists instead of mass murdering psychopaths… or would you rather have wasted your PhD?” Remi quirked a brow as she stuffed scrolls and tomes into her bag of holding without breaking her stride. “And honestly, you’re being far less of a respectable doctor than I’d have imagined, what with you idiotically breaking a fucking wall- a load bearing one, no less- and destroying several priceless tomes, some of which might have been full of darker magics, by the way.” She huffed disdainfully, and headed for the open window through which the pair had entered through. “Food for thought, doctor.”

Twilight considered those words and shrugged them off before collecting the destroyed priceless tomes, storing them in a pocket dimension so that she could have Flim and Flam restore them at a later date. That done, she followed Remi out the window, lamenting not taking the time to have a meal of the guards.

Miles away, after having used a pre-made teleport beacon, Remi sat down on one of the chairs formed of rock in hers and Twilight’s impromptu campsite and sighed, “Now, what the hell did we grab off of that pedestal? I was a little distracted by the idiotic alarms that you set off.”

“Let’s have a look,” Twilight said as she lit a cigar and took a puff. “Looks like a bunch of tomes that were penned by The Dragon. Hm… That’s weird.”

“What’s weird?” Remi asked, leaning forward curiously. “Can’t decipher it? Totally inane? Mindshatteringly complex?”

“No,” Twilight said. “This is my handwriting.” To demonstrate, she wrote a passage from one of the tomes and levitated the two for Remi to compare. “See? Identical.”

“Interesting, but considering the infinite possibilities present in the Universes at large, two people having the same handwriting isn’t exactly that relevant,” Remi shrugged, then read over the tome itself. “Fascinating… I didn’t even think it was possible for some of these necromantic rituals to even work, let alone work on the scale the Dragon describes… I wonder how much of it is exaggeration and how much of it is actual spellwork?”

Twilight looked over the tome herself, carefully scrutinizing the details of the rituals. “Oh they’re actual spellwork. I should know. These are rituals that I pioneered and designed. What the fuck is going on here?!”

“Seems like either weird shenanigans…. Or maybe you’re just not as smart as you thought,” Remi snarked, shedding her navy blue sneaking outfit for a looser, more comfortable, and brighter colored mage robe. “Probably weird shenanigans, considering who you are.”

“I don’t care how hot you are,” Twilight growled. “I will bite your throat out if you question my genius again.” She puffed her cigar in silence as she kept perusing the tome.

Remi rolled her eyes and muttered something particularly unflattering as she slumped into her personal tent and shut the flap behind her.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!” Twilight’s excited yell echoed through her and Remi’s camp in the early sunrise.

Remi poked her head out of her tent and glared at Twilight, “It’s six in the fucking morning can you please have a nerdgasm later?”

“Fuck you! I found out a way to end my exile early from my perspective!” Twilight shot back. “The Dragon extensively researched time travel!” She turned the tome and showed it to Remi. “I can use this to travel forward in time to the day after my exile’s end and get home, clean house in Canterlot, then go hug my precious daughter and shower her with motherly affection!”

“Okay, and?” Remi asked, eyebrow raised and voice at a perfect deadpan. “If that’s the case, why haven’t you started it already?”

Twilight was silent for several seconds before she started drawing a complex ritual circle after clearing away all the snow, tearing some strips from Remi’s tent to use as spell components. “I’m going home! I’m going home! I’m going home~”

“O-oi! What the fuck are you doing to my tent you crazed idiot!?” Remi stuttered indignantly, frantically casting repair spells and rune spells to keep both tent and tent enchantments intact. “That’s my tent! If you need enchanted fabric that bad why don’t you just use your own gods damned tent!?”

Twilight ignored her protests as she prepared her spell and soon finished the array, standing in the center and beginning to focus her power, preparing to send herself forward in time. Just a few more seconds. Until…

“My lady! My queen!” A high pitched voice called as a foot tall creature clad in a ragged outfit teleported in front of Twilight excitedly.

“What the fu-!?” Twilight screamed, losing control of the spell in a massive, rune powered explosion that sent a column of greenish, kaleidoscopic light hundreds of miles into the atmosphere.

“Holy shit!” Remi cried out, ducking back into her tent to shield herself from the explosion.

“Yay! I found you, my lady!” the dwarf cheered from his spot at Twilight’s feet as the glow cleared and revealed their surroundings. Which were decidedly not modern. “What can this humble servant do for you, my lady?”

“.... Oh fuck a duck, this…. Oh FUCK!” Twilight groaned and sank to her knees, taking in the surroundings and feeling the despair in her heart grow. “I didn’t send myself forward… YOU FUCKING MADE ME SEND MYSELF BACK IN TIME YOU FUCKING IDIOT!”

The dwarf had the decency to look penitent. “I beg your forgiveness, Majesty. But I was merely following instructions that you gave to me.”

“.... What.” Twilight blinked curiously, “Wait, who is this ‘majesty’ you think I am, and what orders? I’ve never even met you before.”

The dwarf pulled out a medallion that fit into his palm. “Your emblem.” He tossed the medallion at Twilight, knowing she would catch it. “The Dragon returns.”

Twilight stared down at the emblem, then twitched, “.... Oh… so that’s why I thought the Dragon’s symbol was so similar to mine… I am the Dra- WHAT THE SHIT!?” Twilight promptly freaked the fuck out and fell to the ground, muttering incoherently under her breath as a dark cloud almost visibly formed above her head like one of Fluttershy’s Neighponese cartoons.

“Are you alright, Majesty?” the dwarf inquired as he stepped closer to Twilight. “Do you require anything? A meal perhaps? I can direct you to a nearby village. Or perhaps you’d like to retire to your castle?”

“I have a ca- no of course I have a castle because apparently I’m the most notorious and feared vampire queen of all of gods damned history!” Twilight groused, then turned away from the dwarf and screamed, “SCHRODINGER! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! GET YOUR SKINNY ASS OVER HERE NOW!”

“Hallo~” Schrodinger greeted from behind her, a cupcake in hand that he munched on while grinning his obnoxious cat grin. “How may I help you, fraulein?”

“You knew, didn’t you?” Twilight seethed, hands sparking with energy as she glared at Schrodinger’s grin. “You knew this whole time that I was- am- the Dragon.”

“Vhy of course I did, fraulein,” Schrodinger admitted. “Don’t act so surprised. As I say. I am everyvere and novhere. Zhat includes everyvhen as vell. Yes. You are indeed zhe Dragon. A vampire of equal infamy to your husband.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me this… why?” Twilight asked, arching an eyebrow as she crossed her arms.

“I’m a cat. It’s vhat ve do,” Schrodinger said. “Besides. Telling you could have done irreparable damage to zhe timeline. I am made of paradox, but I cannot go around causing paradoxes.”

Twilight sighed, “Okay, fair point. Now…” She turned back to the dwarf with a critical eye, “Who the fuck are you.”

“I am your humble servant,” the dwarf introduced. “I am called Karn, but you typically call me dwarf.”

“.... I can see why,” Twilight deadpanned, mentally comparing his height to hers. “Well… since I’m apparently the most notorious vampire queen in all of existence, the question now is… do I do everything recorded in the history books to keep the timeline stable or do I make a recursive time loop by just doing whatever the hell I want and letting the small, meaningless changes pile up into maybe a slightly different location for the experiment that sent me here in the first place? Schrodinger, what do you think?”

“I find zhat vhen you try to influence zhe flow of history, you just end up making a stable loop anyvhay. No matter vhat you do, zhe history books are unlikely to change,” Schrodinger said, eating a hot dog.

Twilight nodded, as if conclusively proving a theory to herself. “Fucking around and doing whatever the fuck I want it is,” she stated resolutely, arms crossed and pose haughty. “Now… first things first… time to go re-learn how to make a cigar. Schrodinger, could you fetch me everything about cigar making in my library from the future? It’s vitally important to Equestria’s continued state of not being a collection of glassed out, sterilized craters.”

Schrodinger’s ears twitched several times before he vanished and reappeared behind Twilight with a stack of books. “Vhy are you making me your errand cat, fraulein?”

“Because if you don’t get me my things, I’m going to go insane, possibly go on a bloodthirsty vampiric rampage, and end up destroying Equestria under a flood of familiars, necromantic constructs, and physics raping fire,” Twilight spoke simply, as if she were reading off items from a grocery list. At this point she also took the time to quickly cast a spell at the ground and raise a simple stone shack to serve as shelter for the night.

“Majesty, why not retire to your castle?” Karn inquired after teleporting in front of Twilight, a curious look on his face. “You’ll surely find it cozier in the throne room.”

“.... I have a castle? No, of course I do, the Dragon always had a castle in the history books…” Twilight muttered to herself, “.... Problem is, no one in the history books ever knew how to find it. So… I have absolutely no fucking clue where it might be.”

Schrodinger appeared on her shoulder with a grin and twitching ears. “Everyvere and novere, fraulein,” he teased.

“Just shut up and get me to my castle… and a map showing where the fuck it is,” Twilight groused, idly flicking Schrodinger off of her shoulder while picking Karn up by the scruff of his neck. “And you, when we get to the castle, I expect that you will tell me everything I may want to know?”

Karn nodded with a smile. “Of course, my lady. Of course.”

Schrodinger reappeared on Twilight’s head with a grin. “Ve’re here~” he sang as he revealed Twilight’s mountain castle, several of its spires reaching above the clouds. “Presenting, Castle Dracul.”

“.... I hate the fact that at some point previous, my past-future self must have built this thing. Gods, it’s stereotypical… at least it’s not a giant gaudy piece of shit, though…” Twilight sighed, pinching her brow between her fingers.

“Is the castle not to your liking, Majesty?” Karn asked as he walked into Twilight’s view. “Is there anything you desire to change? Such change can be implemented.” He snapped his fingers as he remembered something. “With your permission, Majesty, I would like to open a shop here in the castle. For your own personal needs of course. You can expect a most generous discount on all articles for sale!”

“.... Well one, I’d like it to be less eerie and stereotypical and more… Hmm…. Eh, I’ll figure out what I want later. Second…” Twilight turned to Karn with a deadpan stare, “if you’re my servant, why would I buy anything you had that I would need?”

“Supply and demand, ma’am,” Karn answered with a smile, only to wither under a glare from his liege. “Of course, I suppose I could provide whatever you need free of charge, my queen.”

“Much better. Open a shop for magic supplies, sell to those who find their way here for four times the market price at three times the quality. That way people will think they’re getting the better deal.” Twilight smirked, “Poor fools won’t even realize that three times the quality is usually only twice that of normal quality in price. In the meanwhile, I’m going to do some reading.” With that, she lifted the stack of books that Schrodinger had brought and strode into the castle, already mapping out potential changes in layout and appearance in her mind.

Karn teleported into the castle to prepare his shop while Schrodinger followed Twilight, seated on her head in his travel size. “So vhat are you going to change about your home, fraulein?” He munched on a hot dog as he lounged in Twilight’s hair.

“If you get crumbs in my hair I’m going to tell Pinkie that you signed up to test every single- actually, she already makes you do that, doesn’t she. Damn. If you get crumbs in my hair I’m going to make Pinkie keep crumbs in your hair. A month for every single crumb,” groused Twilight as she quickly located the throne room and replaced the one there with one much more befitting her image- a plush, comfortable recliner perfect for reading. “And, well, I’m going to decorate it to look like the inside of my soul. There’s a castle there, too, strangely enough.”

“Recliners aren’t very intimidating thrones, fraulein,” Schrodinger pointed out from the arm of said recliner, holding a slice of pizza he was enjoying. “Not regal at all. Try for intimidating yet comfortable.”

“Throne later, cigar factory first before I snap and incinerate the planet by tapping into the magma flows,” Twilight waved Schrodinger off and wrapped the pizza in a magical bubble. “Don’t drip grease on my new recliner.”

“You are so obsessed vith cigars, fraulein,” Schrodinger said, pulling a case of Twilight’s favorites from his pocket and handing them out to her. “Vhy are you so obsessed vith nicotine? Vone can only imagine zhe trouble zhe vorld vould be in if you devoted such energy to killing.”

“You should be thankful that I don’t, because if I did I’d run out of food sources,” Twilight replied archly. Slamming one book closed, she set it to the side and opened another, eyes flicking over the pages at ridiculous speeds. “Cigars and sex with my husband and wife are basically the only things keeping me from devoting my research to murdering and destroying.”

“Vhat about all your friends? Equestria? Tia und Lulu?” Schrodinger asked in slight nervousness. “Your daughter?”

“Icing on the cake, really,” Twilight shrugged, “nice, good to have, but ultimately… even my daughter, much as I love her…. It’s hard to feel like a human when you’re not, you know? You should know better than anyone how hard it is to feel attached to anything knowing that one day it’s all going to be gone, even the most powerful of us all.”

Schrodinger nodded and leaned on Twilight in uncharacteristic sullenness. “Yeah. I dread the day that I lose Pinkie and my daughters to the march of time. I am everywhere and nowhere, but I cannot give that same presence to the ones I love most. I will never lose my sister, but my wife and children… They’ll eventually…”

“Exactly. And that’s why I play human. That’s why all of us, you, Alucard, Fluttershy, Seras, all of us. We play human and pretend like we’re no different from normal people even though all of us could use them as nothing more than a steak dinner. It keeps us sane…. And that’s why I have my obsession with cigars. The more I tie myself down to objects, the safer everyone I love is,” Twilight murmured sullenly, throwing away her fifth and sixth books, which she had continued reading even while speaking. “It’s going to be a strange few centuries until I finally reach the point where I seal myself away and sleep to the present.”

“You tie yourself to things,” Schrodinger said. “I tie myself to my character. Alucard entered this world 1500 years before Luna returned. Seras around 30 or so. I arrived 65 million years prior, and just walked through the centuries without a care. Fully drawing into the character of the being I have been transformed into.”

“As I recall, Pinkie showed me a video of you literally skipping between points in time, which basically means that you showed up fifteen minutes prior to wherever in the present you decided to go to, on a technical point.”

“Yeah. I tried to just not make friends and keep to myself as an observer,” Schrodinger said. “But then Pinkie came into my life. And the rest is history. I couldn’t keep my heart away from her.”

“And then there’s me,” Twilight muttered as she tossed away another book, “who just needs a good fuck to calm down. Fuck that, enough of this depressing talk. Let’s talk about how we’re going to fuck with history until I get too bored.”

“Vhat vill you do vhen you get bored, Twilight?” Schrodinger asked before biting into a hot dog. Ears twitching as he looked at her. “Maybe ve should prank zhe Sisters. Or maybe you can find Alucard und tease him vith your body.”

“Hmm… the second one, yes. The first one… maybe. If I get really bored. Maybe I’ll just go kill the shit out of monsters and make a name for myself?” Twilight mused. “Ooooorrrr…. I could just do what Alucard did around this time and slaughter a bunch of people.”

Schrodinger chuckled and appeared on Twilight’s head. “As I recall, zhe Dragon had a legion of vampires that answered to her and vas highly feared by neighboring towns und villages, who gave her virgin boys and girls as tribute every month.”

Twilight deadpanned at Schrodinger, “What the hell would I do with virgin boys and girls? I mean the boys could be the legion, but the girls would just turn into ghouls no matter what, which seems kinda like a waste… well, unless I gave them to the boys.” She blinked, “And for that matter, what the fuck would I do with a legion of vampires anyway?”

“Be vorshipped like a vampire goddess?” Schrodinger suggested with a mischievous grin.

“.... You have a point.” Twilight began considering the offer in earnest, tapping her chin and grinning in a way that was far too predatory to be considered innocent. “.... Oh yeah…. I could definitely go for that… Dwarf! Present thyself!”

Karn appeared before Twilight in a teleport accompanied by a puff of black smoke. “How may I serve you, my queen?” he asked as he prostrated himself and kissed Twilight’s foot.

“Find me vampires. As many as you can, and bring them here. I wish to be worshipped by a vampire legion,” Twilight spoke imperiously, flicking her wrist and changing her armchair back into a throne, now made of jagged obsidian backing with blood red cushions. “And if they do not submit, kill them. Preferably in a very messy, entertaining manner.”

“Of course, my queen,” Karn said, still bowing. “Before I depart, would you like to see my shop, Majesty?” he asked as he stood up, smiling at his liege.

“Later. I have remodeling to do.” Twilight waved Karn off dismissively, her hands already occupied with a scale blueprint of her planned changes. “And be quick about it. I don’t have forever.”

Karn bowed again. “Whatever you say, Majesty.” With another puff of smoke, he teleported away and arrived in the den of a group of vampires a few mountains away from the border of Twilight’s territory. “Vampires! You are commanded to attend to the Dragon! You will come to her castle at once! Where you shall worship her like a god!”

The assorted vampires, male and female, looked at each other in abject confusion. All of them wondered just who exactly this tiny person was and what drivel he was spouting. The lead vampire stepped up from his makeshift throne and cast his meal aside, the carcass falling with a wet thump.

“Who are you to command the coven of Sir Divine Brand the Second?” the blond man questioned, his muscular frame rippling with every movement. “I should crush you like a bug for this insult!” Around him, the various members of his coven muttered their agreement, all of them shifting into attack positions.

Karn stilled, then tapped his temple, “Ah, Mistress commanded me kill those who do not comply, so… which one is entertaining…? Ah! That one is always fun!” With a snap of his fingers and a brief flash of magic, Divine Brand was sent staggering backwards half a step… and nothing else.

“That was it!? That was all the force you cou- hurk!” Divine Brand’s taunts were prematurely cut short as his body messily flipped inside out and compressed into a marble sized chunk of red material, not even giving him time to scream.

“Execution completed,” Karn murmured to himself, then looked at the rest of the vampires. “Will you now attend my Mistress, the Dragon?”

The vampires nodded quickly and scurried away to pack their belongings, not wanting to die in the same manner that their former leader had.

In the present day, Vinyl was reveling in being able to dance again after her pregnancy. Leaning back over the back of Octavia’s chair, she pecked her wife on the cheek. “Tavi. I’m getting my tubes tied.”

Octavia blinked, not sure how to react other than a strangled, “W-what?”

“I spent most of my pregnancy unable to run, jump, fight, or even dance,” Vinyl said. “Then I had to go through the act of childbirth. Which, if you ask me, is far more painful than any sword or crossbow wound I’ve ever received. I am not going through that again. So I’m going to get my tubes tied.”

“What, not even to give little Flaming Strings a younger sibling?” Octavia hid her disappointment well, but consoled her fact that if Vinyl went through with the act, she’d be able to fuck Vinyl to her heart’s content without risk of accidental pregnancy.

“Not even for that,” Vinyl said with a shake of her head. “Our boy’s gonna be an only child.” She flipped over the chair and plopped down in Octavia’s lap. “Speaking of kids. I noticed something about Spitfire when she came into town. Know how she kicked Soarin out of the Wonderbolts after he got Dash pregnant and married her?”

“Yes, what about it?” Octavia asked, setting aside her book and her momentary troubles with it.

“She was giving Soarin some very longing looks,” Vinyl said with a conspiratorial grin. “I think she kicked him out in a fit of jealousy.”

“It would appear that way,” Octavia nodded sagely, “she seemed rather unforthcoming when interviewed just the other week.”

“She and Soarin are gonna hang out tonight at the club I’m gonna be DJing at,” Vinyl said. “I could watch them and eavesdrop from my spot. Being the master of vibrations that I am, I can tune in and out of different sounds. I can mute all but one sound. So I can listen to them while I work. See what’s up.”

Octavia shook her head, “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, love. Perhaps it’s best if we leave them to their privacy. I know I certainly wouldn’t want anyone spying on us during a date.”

“Is there really such a thing as privacy in our line of work?” Vinyl asked with a grin before she heard wailing from the nursery. “Flame is hungry again. I’ll go feed him.” Getting up, she went to deal with her son. “Of course I’ve gotta go to work afterward.”

Vinyl walked out onto the club stage with DeadMau5 in tow. “Good evening, Ponyville! DJ Pon3 back from hiatus!” she cheered with her arms spread.

The crowd roared appreciatively, a scream of excitement and adrenalin so powerful it blew Vinyl’s hair back and almost shook the building’s foundations. Immediately, a chant began, slow, but picking up in volume and intensity each second.

“PON3! PON3! PON3! PON3! PON3! PON3! PON3! PON3! PON3! PON3! PON3! PON3! PON3! PON3!”

Vinyl grinned and patted DeadMau5. “Vacation’s over, buddy! Turntable mode! Let’s give ‘em what they missed!”

Over at a table in the back area that was pretty well ignored by most every other patron sat Spitfire and Soarin. Spitfire had ditched her dress blues for an infinitely more casual tank top and short shorts. “She sure is popular, Soar,” she noted as she took a swig from her drink. “Been a while since we got to relax and hang out, just you and me.”

Soarin nodded, bobbing his head to the beat for a few moments, “Mhmm. Say, why’d you call me anyway? I thought you kinda hated me for running off with Dash.”

“I’ll admit, when I kicked you out of the Wonderbolts, I was pretty mad at you,” Spitfire said after draining her drink and setting the glass down with six others. “I guess I just… just wanted to reconnect with you.” She leaned on Soarin with a drunken blush. “I missed you, Soar.”

“W-well hey, I guess I missed you too, Fire,” Soarin grinned awkwardly as he patted Spitfire’s shoulder. “Couldn’t just leave one of my best friends behind without feelin’ bad, y’know?”

“Oh I know,” Spitfire said as she looked up at him with half lidded eyes. “You ever think about what could have been, Soar?” She turned and pressed her chest against him. “You ever think about how close we Bolts are? Team bonding over everything, even a joined shower and locker room. I just know you were always sneaking peaks at these puppies.”

Soarin blushed and looked away, “I-in my defense, they’re very nice- uhm, puppies… a-and uh, is this really appropriate? I mean, you’re my former boss and well, I’m married and- uh…”

“I’m not on duty, Soar. I can relax and cut loose,” Spitfire purred before leaning up and exhaling warm breath on his ear. “Touch me, Soar. Touch me like I know you want to,” she breathed as her left hand gripped his crotch and started rubbing, while her right took his left hand and slid it up her top to her breast. “You like that? No bra.”

“H-hey!” Soarin yelped, immediately backing away and leaping to his feet, “Stop that, you’re drunk!”

Spitfire flapped her wings and stumbled to her feet before hugging herself to him. “I love you, Soar. I’ve been in love with you for years.” She smiled up at him. “Let’s ditch the party and go to my hotel room. We can go at it all night. I know you’ve got the stamina. I love you so much it burns!” she moaned before leaning in for a passionate kiss.

Soarin blocked Spitfire’s attempt with a raised palm and swiftly hooked Spitfire’s free arm around his shoulders as he started for the door, half dragging her while fending off her amorous actions. “Nuh-uh, Fire. Ain’t gonna do anything with a drunk girl no matter how much she says she wants it.”

“But I do want it,” Spitfire moaned as she tried to kiss him again. “It’s not like you haven’t fucked me before, Soarin. Remember that morning after Rapidfire’s birthday bash? I found you sleeping on my couch and woke you up with a kiss? Then I took you to Elysium and back right there on my couch.”

“Th-that was-!” Soarin flushed bright red and looked away, “Th-that w-wasn’t the same!”

“It had a lot of meaning for me,” Spitfire said as she managed to plant a kiss on his cheek. “That was when I really started falling for you.”

“Look, boss, you’re way too drunk to do anything right now,” Soarin continued to protest, “I can’t in good conscience even think about doing anything with you right now.”

Spitfire pouted at him as he said that. “I am not too drunk to make love, thank you very much!” She slightly stumbled as they entered her hotel room. Grabbing the ‘do not disturb’ sign, she hung it from the door and closed it. “We’re all alone now, baby,” she purred as she leaned up to kiss him.

“And I’m married, Fire!” Soarin all but squealed, pushing Spitfire away and backing towards the door. “That one time is just that- one time!”

“WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON’T?!” Spitfire screamed as her face morphed into a glare. “WHAT’S SO FUCKING SPECIAL ABOUT RAINBOW DASH THAT I WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, SOARIN?! IS IT HER TITS?! HER SPEED?! WHAT?! TELL ME WHY YOU LOVE HER AND NOT ME!!!” Spitfire collapsed into Soarin’s arms, hugging him tightly as the floodgates opened and tears long held back flowed down her cheeks to the tune of her heartbroken sobbing.

Schrodinger appeared in front of the camera with his usual smile in place. “Let’s give zhem some privacy, ya? Work your imaginations zhis time, dear readers. Ve have ozher places to be.” Gripping the frame, he pulled it to the side and revealed the redesigned throne room of Twilight’s castle. The walls were more ostentatious, being lined with platinum and gold. The stone pillars had been replaced by black crystal, and the throne was now a chunk of violet crystal carved into a chair, couch hybrid with enchanted silk cushions stuffed with goose down magically fused to the throne. Slouching in it with a cigar between her teeth as she read was the Dragon herself.

Schrodinger stood in front of the camera again. “Unfortunately, zhere are changes being made in zhe writing of zhis vorld. You see, vith zhe stresses of college life, Jsyrin has opted to back out of zhe project, and Lobo Argost considers his writing lesser vithout somebody to bounce ideas off of. Und so, he extends to you zhe readers a chance to become ascended fanboys or fangirls and become his new cowriter! All applications vill be accepted through private message. Qualities sought in a cowriter are an affinity for madness equal to his own und zhat of Jsyrin.” He hugged his tail in despair. “Oh zhis must be vhat zhe people at RoosterTeeth felt after zhe tragic death of Monty Oum vhen zhey realized zhey vould have to go on vithout him on RWBY! Und poor Dead Fantasy! Doomed never to be finished! Monty you vere taken too soon!” He realized his vanishing tail and brightened up immediately, flashing a smile at the camera. “So hop to it, potential cowriters! Lobo Argost avaits your answer to his call. Auf Wiedersehen!”

Announcement

sighs I really wish it hadn't come to this. I truly wish it hadn't come to this. This story is one of my most successful to date, but wasn't done alone. Looking back, this story has fully derailed and lost its focus. And so, with heavy heart, I have chosen to cancel this story.

But fear not. I'm going to reboot it. Make it better, more streamlined, more refined. I don't know when that will be, but it will happen.