Broken Vinyl, A Sorrow Filled Melody

Dear Diary,

Tomorrow is my trip to Fillydelphia. I'm really nervous about it. I thought I was prepared to go, but I'm starting to have second thoughts about it. I'm not sure what it is that's bothering me the most about leaving. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm not sure if it'll actually work, or if it's the thought of being away from Tavi.

Ever since she and I met, we've hardly been apart from each other. She's always been there for me as I have been for her. I love her with all my heart and soul, and the thought of leaving her really has me on edge. I know it's silly to be afraid of that kind of thing. Hell, our careers sometimes require us to be gone for a while and I've never been bothered by it. Yet, for some reason, this all just seems so different to me.

I don't know why I feel the way I do about it. I'm not sure where these thoughts spawn from. But it's been a burden to me since the day we went to see Redheart. I've been repeatedly asking myself if I'm prepared to face my fears and just get it over with, but I'm finding the answer really difficult to find. I'm not even sure if I'm making any sense to myself anymore. I feel as though the black clouds that loom over my head will never disappear.

Maybe there's a lot more to all of this that I'm just not seeing. Maybe there's a deeper answer as to why this all started. Was it really my own curiosity, or was it the devil on my shoulder driving me to my own self destruction. Sometimes I wish I had never gone to Rarity's house that day. None of this would've happened if it wasn't for her. No...I can't blame her for something that I chose to do. But she's the one that told me to try it. But, I was the idiot who didn't say no.

There's just way too much going on in my mind right now. I'm not sure if it'll ever get better for me. I just hope I can find an answer as to whether I can truly get over all of this or not. I can't promise anything, the only thing I can do is wait and see what'll happen. I just hope that for my sake...and more importantly...hers, I can overcome these demons that pleagu my mind and become a better pony.

Until next time,
Vinyl Scratch.